July 2009 SW Parenting Magazine

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Published by New Hope Publishing, LLC Office 404-629-0446 bjdavie@bellsouth.net www.swparenting.com

a nhp publication

publisher / Editor in chief

Linda Davie

Managing editor

Marketing / Sales Director

Art Director

Benjamin Davie

Malcolm Davie

Justin Davie

Articles by: Shnell Swain Sojourner Marable Grimmett Adrienne Starkey Tom McBeth Lola Jones-Robinson Daniel & Gwendolyn Pambi Deena M. Jones Sharon Simpson Joseph distribution / Readership Print Distribution: 6,000 Quarterly Print Magazines Digital Magazine Distribution: 1,500 Quarterly Total Estimated Readership: Approximately 15,000 people. Serving communities in South Metro Atlanta. Print magazine distributed through 200 local storefront locations where people mix and shop.

Submittals Readers are invited to submit articles, news, and information that they would like to share with the community. Include photos when applicable. Submitted articles for publication are not paid. The publishers/editors reserve the right to edit any submittal for style or length, and to determine, at their sole discretion, when, or whether, any submittal is published. Comments are welcomed.

Disclaimer The purpose of this magazine is to provide articles and tips about numerous topics relating to childcare and parenting, as well as sell space for the display of commercial advertising. The publishers/editors do not assume responsibility for the opinions of the authors of articles, nor recommend or endorse or imply recommendation or endorsement for any product or service advertised herein.

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JULY - AugUST - September 2009

Table of Contents

volume 1, issue 2

Parenting Styles: New School vs. Old School pg. 8

Features

4 Keeping Our Babies Safe by Shnell Swain In a world where child molestation is an epidemic.

7 Car Thieves Terrorize Southwest Day-care by Sojourner Marble Grimmett How could someone steal from a day-care? 8 Parenting Styles: New School vs. Old School by Tom McBeth Parents today tend to have a very different philosophy about raising children. Which is best? 9 The Eyes of a Mother A Poem by: Lola Jones Robinson 10 20 Ways to Know if You Have an Old School Black Mama! Can you relate to any of these things? 11 Curls to Cuts Salon Celebrates One Year Anniversary! Read about how Curls to Cuts Salon has become Atlanta’s premier location for kids of all ages. 12 11 Ways to Cope With the Loss of a Child by Daniel & Gwendolyn Pambi The healing process will come one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time. 13 Seize the Day! by Deena M. Jones Now is the best time for parents to examine their lives and the beliefs that direct all their decisions. 13 The Parenting Adventure Bag by Life Coach Sharon Simpson Joseph I look forward to sharing various helpful essentials to pack for your parenting journey!the adventu 14 Bringing Sexy Back After Your Baby by Sojourner Marble Grimmett Exercise and eating healthy goes hand and hand to shed those unwanted pounds. 15 Advertiser’s Directory Southwest Parenting Magazine

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Child Safety

Keeping Our Babies Safe In a world where child molestation is an epidemic By Shnell Swain

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he mere mention of child molestation strikes many of us with fear. Often times this fear becomes a gag that prevents us from speaking out against this very ugly reality. It is estimated that at least 2 out of every 10 girls and 1 out of 10 boys are sexually abused by the time they are 14. Children and adolescents who have been abused can suffer a range of psychological and behavioral problems, from mild to severe, in both long and short term. These problems typically include depression, anxiety, guilt, fear, sexual dysfunction, withdrawal and acting out. Studies for the National Institute of health show that more than 80% of all prostitutes are victims of childhood sexual abuse. The results also suggest that sexual abuse increases the victims’ likelihood of running away from home, involvement in alcohol and drug abuse, and other deviant activities. In order to adequately protect our children we must learn the facts about child sexual abuse and take a stance to prevent and end it. While educating ourselves is indeed very important, it is simply not enough. In addition, we must be brave enough to put our own fear produced discomfort aside and properly educate children and other adults. Since 90% of all sexual assaults against children are committed by someone the child knows, we can no longer limit our safety talk to “stranger danger”. In most cases it is not the creepy looking guy with the candy (although he does exist). Typically the abuser is extremely likable, unassuming and kind. This behavior usually gains the trust of the parent or caregiver and ultimately the child.

Southwest Parenting Magazine

As a result, abusers are granted direct access to our precious babies. Please help put an end to this life changing violation. It is time to end child molestation! HOW DO WE PREVENT & END CHILD MOLESTATION? • Begin having open and consistent conversations with your child about appropriate and inappropriate touch. • Teach children that respecting adults does not mean blind obedience. (then explain) • Listen to your child! Never disregard an allegation of sexual abuse. Please investigate the matter immediately. 404-629-0446

Do not instruct children to give relatives or other adults hugs and kisses. • Let them express affection on their own terms. Shnell Swain is the author of “My Child Safety Coloring & Activity 2-Book Set.” The book set strives to create safer school and home environments, promoting age appropriate discussions between adults and children to prevent and end the serious problem of sexual abuse in our communities — while offering kids a fun way to learn about good and bad touching. Contact Shnell Swain at: talk2shnell@endchildmolestation.com.

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Managing the Challenges of Daily Living Counseling/Coaching • • •

Life Changes Relationship Issues Pre-Marital/Marital

Accepting Health Plans Employee Assistance Programs (EPA) Dr. Ruth J. Beard LCSW

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Child Safety

Car Thieves Terrorize Southwest Daycare

5 Day Care Drop Off Safety Tips!

By Sojourner Marable Grimmett

I

was glued to the daycare surveillance video motionless, as I watched the unidentified man open my car door and snatch my purse. “He got you!� a woman yelled, while watching the video over my shoulder. My mouth fell to the floor, along with my tears. Speechless, I looked to the day care director for help, but her words were no comfort. I sighed and my body slouched in disbelief. How could someone steal from a day care? The white car had been parked in the day care parking lot for awhile, before pulling up along side my car. The criminal had been examining his prey, my son and me. Routinely, I lock my car doors. However, that morning I forgot to lock the doors.

www.lcstewart.com

Southwest Parenting Magazine

It’s been over a month, since my purse was stolen. I do not want to instill fear or paranoia, but encourage parents to be more aware of their surroundings. Theft is on the rise with the crippling state of the economy. I wasn’t the first victim to have her purse stolen at my child’s day care, and sadly may not be the last.

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1. Notice your surroundings before taking your child out of the car. 2. Lock your car doors. 3. Never leave valuables in plain view in your car. 4. Keep all valuables in your trunk. 5. Never leave your car running. Always take your keys out of the ignition. Believe it or not, groups of criminals are stalking day care facilities. I refer to them as “day care terrorists.� Next time you are dropping your child off at day care or school, please consider these safety tips.

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Family Life

Parenting Styles: NEW School VS OLD School Techniques By Tom McBeth

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uring the past 40 years from the 1969 – 2009, parenting has made some revolutionary changes in parenting styles. Traditional methods have been rejected in lieu of more conventional free thinking styles. Old school parents were not given a book on “How to Raise Children” that guaranteed success. Their knowledge was obtained from Grandmamma and relatives that passed on words of wisdom for raising children.

Grandmamma’s words of wisdom included teaching basic skills on how to your raise children with pride, respect and good manners. These basic characteristics were a reflection of the parents training they provided their children. It was a compliment for parents to hear people say “Mrs. Jones son sure has good manners” and “Her daughter is so respectful”. By contrast, today’s New School parents have a very different philosophy about raising children. They encourage open debatable conversations with their

Southwest Parenting Magazine

children that reflect free thinking and if necessary will administer soft disciplinary tactics. Parents of the 21st century can delegate chores to their kids on cell phones while texting on their Blackberry and answer e-mails on laptops. Children of New School parents have advantages of instant information at their fingertips.

Speak Positive Words – yes, its true words have power. Teach children to always speak positive words to others. Say something good about others. Negative word can hurt and offended others. Negative talk should not be allowed in family discussions. Parents have an awesome responsibility to teach positive communication skills that Parenting is a complex task that will motivate and encourage chilrequires a huge amount of patience, dren to succeed at home, in school love, and financial commitment. and in the workplace. What impact has new school The success of old school parents methods had on old school values? using the methods of “It takes How has parenting evolved? What a Village can we do to add more of Old to Raise a School techniques back into the Child” is process? still exhibConsider these old school techniques with new school twist:

Good Manners – goes a long

way in life. They start at home with Mom and Dad. It’s not OK to talk with your mouth full, or belch at the table or roll your eyes and pout. Teach your children to exhibit good manner at school, church and at home.

A Sincere Love for Others – children that

ited today in our baby boomers. New School parents can learn a lot from these old fashioned techniques.

Tom E. McBeth is the

love themselves and love Executive Director of others will not disrespect REAL Parents, Inc. other youth or adults. Old 2600 Century Parkway, school parents believed that Suite 100, Atlanta, the greatest commandment Georgia 30345. was to love others and your www.realparents.net neighbor. Who is my neigh- Office: 404-327-5118 or 404-216-7795 bor? Everyone! 404-629-0446

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The Eyes of a Mother The Eyes of a Mother holds you close to her heart without giving a physical touch. Can scold you from across the room and never lay a hand. Can guide you through a crowd and never call your name. Can teach you words of wisdom without ever using a book Can fill your heart with joy when experiencing times of sadness Can give you peace in the midst of your madness Can give you strength when you are feeling weak Can make you feel protected without feeling meek The Eyes of a Mother shows a love that is so powerful you can tell from her eyes when all is well. So close your eyes and smell her subtle scent, feel her warm looks and see the Eyes of Your Mother! Poem by: Lola Jones Robinson E-mail: J9robins@yahoo.com Little Rock, Ark Southwest Parenting Magazine

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Family Life

20 Ways to Know If You Have An

OLD SCHOOL BLACK MaMA Author Anonymous

T

here used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them. Old school black mama’s got something for them! Time out my foot!!!. 1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs or the back of the house, or from the front of the house to get the remote, change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?. 2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?. 3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and she sent you back because the one you picked was too little?. 4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?. 5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?. 6. Have you ever been told to “Shut up or I’ll give you something to cry about” while she beats you with a belt pronouncing every syllable, “Didn’t-I-tell-you-notto-do-That-no-more?!.” 7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, you got those little bumps around your scalp 8. The people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc) were afraid of her?. 9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?. 10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items

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11. 12. 13.

14.

15. 16.

in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door? You were never “on punishment” - just got whooping right out of the shower. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday school, Junior Usher Board, Easter play, Christmas play, etc.)?. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from The School Dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her coat? When you ask her for something, her response was. “You got a job?.” Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?.

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17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it. 18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it’s storming outside because the Lord was doing His work?. 19. Friends, family and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is? 20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren’t allowed to use the phone without her permission)? If you can relate to any of these things, then pass this on to ALL of your friends and see if they can relate to “KNOWING THAT THEY HAD

A BEAUTIFUL BLACK MOTHER, WHO DIDN’T TAKE NO MESS WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP!.” GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS.....God Bless you and have a

great day!

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Curls to Cuts Salon Celebrates One Year Anniversary! By Adrienne Starkey Remember your son’s first haircut? Or the first time your daughter sat in the “big girls” chair to get her hair pressed? The tears, the shrieking, the wailing. If you’ve ever had to hold down a screaming kid while subjecting yourself to an eye-rolling aggravated hairstylist, there is an answer to your prayers. Only one year after opening its doors, Curls to Cuts Children’s Salon has become Atlanta’s premier location for kids of all ages to get their hair washed, cut, and styled. The owners of this energetic and vibrant hair salon are a group of friends, all mothers, who saw that the market was ripe for a hair care salon that would cater to children. They answered the call and created a space that is warm, safe, and fun, and staffed it with experienced stylists who actually enjoy working with kids.

With a loyal client base of over 300 customers, Curls to Cuts provides haircuts to boys and easily maintainable and age appropriate hairstyles to girls, with an emphasis on healthy hair care. Specialty packages offered include the First Haircut Package for baby boys

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Tips, Advice & Support

11 Ways to Cope With the Loss of A Child...Our Son By Daniel & Gwendolyn Pambi (Parents)

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anuary 17, 2009, our son, Makoye S. Pambi departed Atlanta at 3:33 P.M. to visit a former classmate and his family members in Tallahassee, Florida. We recall it being the weekend of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday and the upcoming inauguration of President Barrack Obama the following Tuesday. While en route to Tallahassee our son had a flat tire near Forsyth, Georgia. He got out of the vehicle to change the rear passenger side tire. While standing behind his vehicle Makoye was physically struck by an oncoming out of control car which had been clipped by another car in the middle lane at approximately 4:45 P.M. The driver of the moving car that struck Makoye was thrown from her vehicle and killed instantly. Our son transitioned one hour and 33 minutes later (6:18 P.M.) at Mid Georgia Medical Center, Macon, Georgia due to severe internal injuries to the left leg, torso, and head.

Makoye’s death occurred so suddenly that our family members, co-workers, friends, neighbors, and schoolmates were all in shock. Since our loss, the grief has been tremendous. In order to survive this traumatic experience we, as a family, have tried to keep our sanity by thinking and doing positive things. They include:

1. Praying for inner strength daily. 2. Crying when we must cry. 3. Discussing our son’s life with

4.

5. 6.

7. 8.

9.

family, his friends, others who knew him, those who did not know him, but know his parents. Completed a photo album depicting childhood through adulthood, school activities, college culinary arts college, family, and friends. Completed portfolio of writings, drawings, cards, notes, resumes, etc. Displayed photos, medallions, awards, certificates, trophies, and banners received during school tenure. Celebrating our son’s life on special days and holidays. Keeping busy by writing to others, dancing, and singing, calling family and friends, traveling, outings, reading, holding hands. Conversing with others who have suffered the loss of a child for advice.

Makoye Shimbe Pambi

10. Embracing the advice of professionals (social worker, psychologist, family physician). 11. Visiting our son’s grave sight when the need is evident. In addition, it has been the moral support of the village that surrounded us for the past seven months that has enabled us to carry on. The healing process will come one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time. Our sincere gratitude is extended to those who are walking with us in this time of difficulty, loss, and grief. We sincerely THANK YOU! __________________

If I don’t see him...is he not there? The death of someone close to us leave us shocked with grief. We cannot understand how one minute this person was here and the next they are gone. The truth is that those we love are never truly gone. The body may have run its course, but the soul lives forever. Human beings have been cognizant of eternal life since the beginning of time. Every culture has its own traditions about death and reincarnation. The anxiety commonly felt about death in our culture is a result of a scientific schema which says that “if I don’t see it, it’s not there”. © Death Poems from Family Friend Poems

September 15, 1977 – January 17, 2009

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Tips, Advice & Support

Seize the Day

W

The Parenting Adventure Bag by Life Coach Sharon Simpson Joseph

By Deena M. Jones

hether you are a single parent or have a two parent household we are all experiencing changes in our financial status. During these times of economic uncertainty there is no better moment to examine your life and the beliefs that direct all your decisions. If it is true that all things have a purpose and that nothing is without a lesson, then this time of economic strife, which so many are experiencing, is no exception to this truth. Parents understand and know the meaning of money. They know that money is not dependable, wealth is an illusion and can disappear in a second and financial stability can’t withstand a strong wind. With the disappearance of billions of dollars, with some of the most wealthiest only a couple years ago losing everything and with the closure of stores, companies and major corporations there is no better opportunity to look and learn. If you are a parent that is experiencing the lost a job this is a perfect opportunity to look at your life, take some time off to think and look within to find the passion that is burning inside of you. It is the perfect time to do what you have always dreamed.

The fear that usually stops one from participating in pursuing his/her dream is no longer feasible. That which has been holding you back has been shown to be a fraud, not real and not dependable. So the time to move forward is now. This occasion that is before you has either come subtly in your life or has disturbed your world where you feel hopeless. Yet, the depth that it is affecting you right now bears no difference. The opportunity remains the same, to stand back, release false beliefs about money and wealth and align with your innate gifts, passion and purpose. To begin this process of alignment, I invite you to read an ponder the new release book Unlocking Your Riches. Deena Jones is the Executive Director of The Center for Self-Actualization, Inc. She’s also the author of a book called Unlocking Your Riches. This book can be purchased on Amazon.com or by logging onto www.selfactualized.org Office: 770-623-4133

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If you have a baby or toddler, you’re probably carrying a baby bag everywhere you go. And if you are parent to a little one, the memory is still fresh in your mind, recently replaced by a camp bag or backpack, no less lovingly and carefully outfitted. My little guys are five in-a-half and seven, so I’m right there with you. Here’s my tip: picture yourself with a Parenting Adventure Bag For Life, where you can place into your “bag” lessons, pearls of wisdom, and insights, and keep them with you, always. Each issue in this column, I’ll look forward to sharing various helpful essentials to pack for the adventure. Tips that I’ve learned can make a powerful difference in the quality of our journey as parents . . . and the funny, painful or joyful stories that accompany the insights. Keep the mental picture of your Parenting Adventure Bag with you; when exploring a challenge or discovery, processing which tools best equip you to go forward can be a tremendous support. This technique inspires discernment, cherishes growth, keys into the positive of an experience, and maintains those wonderful revelations for the future. Looking forward to adventuring with you. Love and grace, Sharon Sharon Simpson Joseph, Esq. is a Life Coach and Writing Coach through her company Spirit Soars, Inc. (www.spiritsoars.com) and is the author of And How My Spirit Soars: Learning to Pack for an Extraordinary Journey.

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Tips, Advice & Support

Bringing Sexy After Back Your Baby By Sojourner Marable

S

taring in the mirror at my brown, naked body after having my son frightened the heck out of me! I was so appalled that my once somewhat shapely, high school sprinter and college homecoming sorority queen figure had gone kaput. This image staring back at me in the mirror looked like Shrek, a “cute” monster. I tried to style my hair differently, wear make-up and show some newly developed cleavage, but nothing could help my 211-pound

nutritional foods to eat, and sending magazines ads and literature on “Ways to Tone Your Abs” and “How to Get J Lo’s Buns.” The materials started collecting dust on my shelf. One day, I woke up and decided that I was going to beautify these new stretch marks, flabby middle, and discolored neck. I created a schedule for myself with a daily routine to bring sexy back and unleash my inner “hot mama.” Maintaining my enthusiasm, I also decided to do the following: post a calendar in my bathroom to keep track of my weight daily, create a motivational board, post positive quotes in my office, and seek advice from a professional trainer.

My son turned two years old in June. I’m now weighing in at 145 lbs. I’m a lot happier now with my weight than I was after I had my child. My best advice is to do your best and stay the course. It will take some time to get into a routine. After a couple of weeks, you will start working out unconsciously and will be looking finer than fine in no time!

figure. Bottom line, I needed to lose weight. Before I had my son, I weighed in with my shoes off at 163 lbs. A twentyeight-year-old, 5’5 ½” tall woman, is a pretty huggable size. My husband liked my new post baby figure, but he wasn’t toting around the extra weight. A trainer at a nearby gym checked my Body Mass Index (BMI) and said that I was borderline obese. I cried and continued to eat. My mom tried to console me by recommending

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goes hand and hand to shed those unwanted pounds. Eating healthy lends itself to some very tasty options and there are several ways to substitute bad ingredients for good ones to whip up a very tasty dish. You should commit to at least two-three days of resistance training and cardio per week and clean up those cabinets for healthy food and snacks, but always remember to read the labels and stay away from the processed items, high sugar, and sodium foods. Drink plenty of water, and you are well on your way to bringing sexy back!”

Kimberly Isom, a certified International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA) personal trainer, advises mothers to be consistent with their workout regiment. She said, “Exercise and eating healthy 404-629-0446

Sojourner Marable Grimmett has a BA in Communications from Clark Atlanta University and an MA in Media Studies from Pennsylvania State University. She is a stay-at-work mom and serves as the Assistant Director of Recruitment at a Southeastern university of art and design. Sojourner is an active change agent in her community. She lives in Southwest Atlanta with her husband, Roland and young son, Roland Jay. They are expecting their second child in mid-winter. www.downsouthmama.blogspot.com

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Volume 3 – Issue 6

June 2004

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Homegoing Programs New Hope Publishing, LLC Contact: Linda Davie / Benjamin Davie Email: nhpub@bellsouth.net (404) 629-0446

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#FB 8JMTPO 0XOFS

Staff

Physicians

New Hope Publishing, LLC

2380 Benjamin E. Mays Drive, Suite 1 (404) 758-1055

y Moisture Barriers

30 Years Experience amdorabass@bellsouth.net (678) 628-3397

Dentists

Plus One Dental Service

y Foam Board Removal

Home Repair & Painting

Printing / Copying

2440 Fairburn Rd. SW, Suite 301 (404) 349-7777

y Construction Pretreats

Home Improvement

www.ruthjb.com (404) 771-1950

Family & Children’s Dentistry

WITH EVER-REDI YOU’RE EVER SURE

y Pest Control

Unique Nails

Camp Creek Marketplace Next to Lowe’s in the plaza with Verizon Wireless and American Deli

1st Annual 5K Blue Ribbon Walk (Let’s End Child Molestation)

Saturday, August 8th Piedmont Park (12th Street Entrance)

8:30am / Check-in Time 8:45am / Enjoy A Brisk Warm Up! 9:00am / Walk It Out!

Registration

$25.00 Before July 31, 2009 ($30.00 – After) Children 13 and Under Walk for FREE!

Southside Two Academy 1981 County Line Road, SW Atlanta, GA 30331 (404) 629-9600

Termite & Pest Control Ever-Redi Exterminating www.everredi.com Contact: Warren Jones (770) 909-7000

Southwest Parenting Magazine

There Will Be NO On-Site Registration! All Walkers Must Register at www.endchildmolestation.com For More Information — Call 404-492-0244 Please Help Keep Us Safe!

404-629-0446

www.swparenting.com JULY–Aug–Sep (Quarterly)

15


Dr. Kaneta R. Lott

Dr. Kimberly E. Beal

FAMILY & CHILDREN’S DENTISTRY

2440 FAIRBURN ROAD, S.W. • SUITE 301 • ATLANTA, GEORGIA 30331

CALL TODAY 404.349.7777 PAYMENT PLANS AVAILABLE* (ASK

FOR DETAILS)


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