UK EDITION
February 2012 Issue 32
LAMBO STS
JUKE-R
HPP SUPER BIRD
C63 AMG
M3 GTS
PITSTOP
START YOUR ENGINES!
WINGS!
Few things arrive in our industry under a greater weight of expectation than an all-new Lamborghini. Any fresh product from the stable of the prancing horse will invariably cause a stampede on a motor-show stand, and the interweb to flare brightly... then immediately crash. Pity, then, the poor designer responsible for delivering the dream, because the world will have an opinion. And after months of finessing every detail, battling with engineers and aerodynamicists and wilting under the relentless scrutiny of the Lamborghini board, there will come a point at which he must take a deep breath, pull back the covers and offer his soul to the world’s critical eye. At the Geneva show this year, Lamborghini knew it had a hit with the Gallardo STS. As I walked around the car with Design Director Flavio Manzoni, the man responsible for absorbing all the pressure and passing on the glory, it was obvious he had delivered. “Every Lambo has to be a beautiful sculpture. We suffered to deliver this, but we suffered with pleasure,” says Manzoni, a man whose suffering has clearly been lessened by the appreciative reaction of his critical audience. Lamborghini is in rare form right now, with a model line-up unrivalled in its history. So don’t miss our exclusive up-close-and-personal shoot of the new STS. At the other end of the hall – and the other end of the ideological spectrum – stands the HPP Superbird. Applying distinctive American styling to something with a road footprint in excess of a muscle car was always going to be a challenge, but you can’t argue with the business case. Like it or loathe it, a rebuilt muscle car will likely become the vehicle of choice for the billionaire elite, and if that makes the future of HPP and Detroit a little brighter, then who are we to criticise? Make up your own mind. Rumour has it we’ll see Lambo’s interpretation of taller transport in the next few months, but, until then, the king of the jaw-dropping concept was never going to be upstaged by its cousin. Enter the stunning £1.75-million Juke-R. Conceived, created, homologated and sold in just six weeks to an owner who must rank amongst the luckiest people on the planet, the Juke showcases carbon technology that will see the light of day on future Nissans and is very much a TG kind of car. And if Nissan can do this in six weeks, who knows what they’ll deliver with a supercar that it has spent months developing?
Marc Berenguer Editor-in-chief 02 FEBRUARY 2012
03 FEBRUARY 2012
TABLE OF CONTENTS JUKE-R DRIVEN IN BAKING HOT DUBAI
LAMBO’S NEW GALLARDO STS
A B L E O F C O N T S TNE BMW M3 GTS VS C63 BLACK LET’S FIGHT!
06
CLARKSON
08 MAY
HPP SUPER BIRD
09
HAMMOND
10
HORRE PAUL
M TO 11 FORD
L
JEREMY CLARKSON
“Early ROLLS-ROYCE were like gigantic wedding cakes. Even Caligula would have called them ostentatious.”
06 FEBRUARY 2012
“ With the economy struggling, there
is only one thing we can do to help. Buy British.
“
I studied economics for A-level. And I should say at the outset I scored a U, because I didint turn up for the exam, because there was no point, because I would spent all of my time in lessons either doing the MELODY Maker crossword or looking at a picture of the SR-71, which, for some reason, featured in an advert that ran every week in The Economist.
the early days of motoring when all the controls inside your car were actually outside, the rolls was a tool for reminding the forelock-tugging peasantry that their lives were pointless. And that they should be glad that they would just caught cholera. Early rolls-Royce were like gigantic wedding cakes even caligula would have called them ostentatious.
I also studied English. Not that you would realise this if you have just read the first paragraph. Nut lets not get bogged down here with sentece contruction. The point is, I spent two years sitting in a room where a man who never used to shake his penis properly after urinating used to drone on and on about keynes and smith. Some of it must have lodged in my head, though, and, as a result, I feel qualified to comment on the stat of Britains economy: its very bad.There are, as I see it, two ways out of the problem. You can put your money in the bank, and in return for hald a per cent interest every 16 years, you get a pice of paper with some numbers on it every month and the telephone number of a costumber relations man in india who has never heard of you.There is another drawback to keeping your money in a bank which is this: you will wake up every day terrified that in the night greece has pulled out of the euro, the bank with your money has gone bust as a result and all your savings have eneded up in a big insivible hole just outside Athens.
After the war when cars started tolook like cars and designers hit upon the novel ide of fringing the gearlever and handbrake lavers out of the weather. Rolls continued to be wilfully old-fashioned. It still belived that the engine and the front wheels needed to be shrouded with two separate pices of metalwork and that running boards still had a point. By the sixties, when the labour party was raising taxes on unearnt income to 90 percent and generally making it very dificult and very embarrasing to be hardworking and succesfull the rich had to keep their heads down, which meant you had to be especially pig-headed and thick-skinned to buy a Roller.
So. Keeping your money in a bank doesnt sound like a very good idea. But im afraid it is, because if everyone decided to take their savings out of the banks and the building societies and the pension funds, the financial services industry would desintegrate. And the financial services industry is not belgian or tunisian. Its british. The country needs it.However, if we do take our money out of the bank and spend it, then money is sploshing about in the system again, and thats good for the conomoy. But whose economy? Probably not britains because the only stuff we make is not the sort of stuff you want to buy. The wings for the aribus, for example. Or the little plastic fenders that hold the ht leads straight on a honda civic. What I relaly want to buy at the moment is a rolls royce. And thats odd, because this must surely be one of the most tarnished brands in all of human history. If there was a car called the pol pot it would have more kudos.Back in
Indeed, the only people who bought them at this point were chaps called vince, who had a team of attack dogs and a squead of thickset minders on hand to bite off the noses of those who thought it appropriate to make disapproving hand gestures.Still, over the years, there had always been a sense that despite the wonky brand images, Rolls-royce were engineered to a higher standard than lesser cars, that they cost a lot to buy because they cost a lot to make. In the eighties, though, even that crumb of credibility was taken away, because Nissan and Toyota had demostrated that, for genuine engineeering perfection, production lines and bluk buying and robtos were the tools you needed, not some old man with a brown store coat and a woodbine curling smoke into his eyes. But rolls couldnt afford a production line. And it didint make enough cars to get the mass-produced, machine-built parts it needed for better reliability, quiter running and increased power. It had no clout in the market place. Which meant that, behind the beautifully veneered dashboard and under the thick carpets the cars were essentialy crap.Rolls couldnt afford again to design a new engine. It couldnt afford to design a new gearbox. It
was asking customers to pay five times the prices of a normal saloon for an ostentatious vince-mobile whose roots were in the fifties. Rolls would have gone belly up were it not for the intervention of VW.The mighty german bought rolls, and its sister company bentley, and young men drew up plans for rejuvenating the company whose engines had held their dads at bay 50 years earlier.But then came a discreet “ahem” from BMW whose chairman pointed out to the VW boss-on the golf course, apparently- that while VW had bought rolls royce motor cars, it had no rights to use the rolls royce nam. Because of a tie-up with the jet engine arm, that belonged to BMW. I cant imagine the VW chappie could concetrate much on his game after he realised that he had no choice but to sell on his new acquisition to his rivals from munich. Who built a new underground factory in Goodwood and launched the Phantom. It should have been the worst car in the world. A tarnished british badge made from BMW bits by the bloody Germans. And yet, it wasnt. Because BMW had financial clout to access the global parts bin, and a deep understanding of what luxury car should be like, it was an engineering masterpice. It looked sensational, it drove beautifully and it was built to the sort of standards normally only seen in eye surgery. Simon cowel promptly bought a mayback of course he did. He worked all day with shop assistans and clerks. He couldnt possibly have a rolls. But then, after I urged him to have a look, he changed his mind and now has two.So now we have a brand whose past is steeped in snobbery of the wors kind, and whose main ambassador is Simon Cowell. Along with lieutentatn sir lord sugars and sergant aa gill. On this basis I should want one. But I do. The idea of taking out my savings and putting them all on a black rolls royce consumes every waking moment. On the face ot it this ould do bugger all to help British economoy. But it will help Germany’s. Which, if w are to say in the EU, is what matters most af all these days.The boche must be strong to keep the weaklings afloat. We must buy german. For the good of the world, then, I must buy a Phantom.
07 FEBRUARY 2012
JAMES MAY
“There is a school of thought that says we shouldn’t read instructions because it’s unmanly. But i bet the astronauts read the manual for the Saturn V.”
The directions on the can said: dispense a walnut-sized blob of foam into the palm of the hand. Well, I thought this was ridiculous. If they wanted to quantify the amount of foam needed for a shave, then surely they could come up with something a bit more comprehensive than “walnut-sized”. The humble walnut after all is not subject to British Standars or the Systeme Internacional d Unites. Walnut sizes are variable. But when I thought about it for a bit, I realised I couldnt come up with anything better. A churchwarden’s pipe-bowl sized blob? A blob a bit bigger than a biggie coloured marble? A blob the size of that pointy bit on your elbow, but maybe slightly more? Perhaps the walnut was, in fact, an excellent volumetric datum. However, it still didint seem right. I have quite a large head, and all of the bit below my nose and round to the sides, plus the under my chin, has to be shaved. I havent worked it out properly, but I reckon around 20 per cent of my bonce by surface area needs to be foamed up. A satsuma seemed more like it.So I dispensed a satsuma-seized blob into my palm, but that isnt the end of it, is it? It grows. I didnt know this, because I normally use a stick-type shaving soap. It just wouldnt go away, and ended up scooping it into the bog and attempting to flush it away. That made it grow more. This is really an elaborate preamble to my question for the month, which is: should
08 FEBRUARY 2012
we read the instructions? There is a school of thought that says we shouldnt, because its unmanly. But, hang on: I bet the astronauts read the manuals for the saturn V and the lunar module very extensively, and you wouldnt call them soft. I think the cult of not reading instructions stems form the narrow technological experience most people have. Most of us only have to deal with electronic devices. Satnav, say. I have never read instructions for a satnav. Electronic devices are grindingly logical in the way that only binary things can be. A simple language for programming anything like this, including the apparently baffling alarm radio in a hotel room, has develpoed over several decades.You press a button, press two buttons together, or press a button and hold it. There arent that many permustations, and you can work it out easily, unless you are Clarkson. And anyway, if you do muck it up, the worst that can happen is that you end up somewhere dreadful, like costwolds.Annoying, but not life-threatening. Its tempting to conlude that insturctions suck, big time.But a work of caution is in order here. This genaral contempt for users guides, instilled by cloying familiarity with digital trinketry, should not be allowed into the rest of our lives.For example, last week I took delivery of a screw-cutting metal-working lathe. Machine tools, it transpires, are utterly unforgiving and a
lathe offers the opportunity to bring steels of varying hardness together at high speed and with mechanical bloddy-mindedness, which is catastrophic, especially if the thing has gathered up your clothing or limb on the way. Plus- and you can call me dull-witted if you like – I dont have an instinct for which set of gears in the head will make all the bits rotate in the right ratio to cut, say, an M6 screw. There is a chart for this sort of thing, and I am happy to admit that I have consulted it. Intructions are good, after all. And there is more. Earlier this year, I took delivery of a Triumph motorcycle. Now I already know how to ride a motorcycle, and the various settings available on the dash display and trip computer I managed to work out after five minute of fiddling around in the garage. So I never read the guide. But then this moring, during a tidy-up, something made me look into it. I had absolutely no idea that I wasnt supposed to carry animals on the motorcycle, or drink the coolant.Worst of all, I read, with the chill of pure terror in my heart, that attempting to adjust the brakes while the motorcycle is in motion could lead to loss of control and an accident. Thank God I took the trouble to find that out. I could have been killed. Always read the manual.
RICHARD HAMMOND
“Each vehicle has its time with me recorded in staggering detail: beauty shots profiling the car or bike’s best angles and most tantalising details�
The arribal of the digital camera has done many things for many people. Granted, tis buggered the job up pretty badly for the companies to whom we used to send our films for preocessing, and its has rather killed off the glorious anticipationof waiting for the reurne walled of freshly minted snaps to drop through the letterbox-before turning out to be a load of blurry shots of rainy days in Cornwall.But the digital revoultion means I no longer have to endure long, cramped hours in the airless cupboard under the stairs, sloshing bits of photographic paper around in trays of developer and fixative to coax an image out of my poorly exposed rolls of the ilford fp4 and emerge with the shots that would hopefully make my name as a creative visionary. Anyway, point is, we can now take snaps on our digital cameras or our phones, blazing away without a care in the world, rather than cringing with guilt at the expense every time we hit the button and consume another frame on a roll that holds only 12,24 or -if you were feeling flush- 36 opportunities to nail that award-winning shot.I think is a good thing. Our photos are freer, more innocent, less considered and -whouthout wanting to sound like an art student- perhaps more revealing of our relationship with the subject and the wider world around us. Millions of different, disparate lives will be charted through a limitless
stream of quality images detailing every party, glitch, loss success and moment of joy, pain or boredom.It is these seemingly worthless shots of everyday life that will probably more accurately recall our days in the future. All of this is well-known and certainly not news to the brigade of merry snappers who fill the magazine with finely crafted photographs every month. But I would contend that the greates change effected by digital photography is not the way we take photographs but how we store and look at them. I dont know about you, but my phone has little room left in it to store fripperies like telephone numbers, crammed as it is with photos.These are the photos a chap would, in yeas gone by, carry in his walled. Soldiers would keep a photograph of their loved one in the breast pocket of their tunic. Well, now they can carry a bundle of snaps that would, in old-school printed from , fill uo an entire rucksack. I have thousands on my phone. There are some of my wife and kids, a couple of my home and one, for reseons best examined elsewhere, of james may and heremy clarkson bending over a sofa together while a shouth african nurse bears down on their exposed backsides with a syringe. But the majority of my 2986 photos on my phone are of cars and motorcycles- both currently owned and those long since passed into other hands. And not just one shot of each,
there are dozens. Each vehicle has its time with me recorded in staggering detail: beauty shots profiling the car or bikes best angles and most tantalising details, shots of us on holiday, at home together or engaged in some intimate act of maintenance or repair. I consult these photos ofte, using them to illustrate points in conversation or for reference-much to the delight and fascination, no doubt, of those with whom im talking. Given the impressive storage capacity of digital devices, I think we are missing a trick here. I carry pictures of my car with me, so why dont our cars carry pictures of us? What a fabolous and useful reference it would be if we could, when considering buying a used car, take a look at images of every previous owner stored on a chip, perharps as a part of the dash. That little old lady might be revealed as an altogheter racier creature who cared rahter less about service intervals than the advertisement would have us belive us.What if you recognised someone? Or they looked like you? It would be mega. And it would put the car into context, give it some meaning and give it a past all of its own. I would love to see every one of the people who have owned my old E-tye since 1962, if only to admire the moustaches and flap caps. A car would come to you rich in history, the more the better. It would prop up the used car marked and save jobs. This system must be introduced. It will probably happen this year.
09 FEBRUARY 2012
PAUL HORRELL CAR REVIEW
Somewhere in an Austrian Alpine forest, a gravel track winds upwards. It’s about one-in-five steep, and this afternoon a few inches of fresh snow have fallen. We’re in an Evoque, and every so often there’s a blink from the traction-control light, but our progress up the mountain remains steadfast. So far, so Range Rover.But this is a bit different, because only the front wheels are connected to the engine. This is the new 2WD economy Evoque: simpler, lighter, more economical. But very nearly as good.There are now three versions of this 2.2-litre diesel engine. The eD4 is the 2WD, with manual transmission only, and it makes 150bhp. The TD4 is also 150bhp, for 4WD, and gets a little more midrange torque. Then there’s the 190bhp SD4, which is the one we’ve driven in our previous Evoque diesel stories.
kick shows up. Sadly the eD4 is a bit of a slug in those situations.It’s still a lot of automotive desirability for a small amount of company-car tax. With the efficiencies of a manual gearbox, idle-stop and lighter weight, the three-door Evoque eD4 gets in a 129g/km. Now just look at the design, and cast your eyes around the interior. Even in basic Pure spec (£27,955 for the five-door, another grand for the Coupe), it’s hardly spartan.
At low-to-medium speeds, the eD4 feels pretty well as sprightly as the 190 4WD auto. I’m confident of this judgement by the way, because I jumped straight out of one into the other. After all, the lower-powered car is usefully the lighter. By shedding drive to the rear, it does without a front take-off from the gearbox, a propshaft, a rear diff and rear halfshafts, plus one or two other bits.That takes the weight drop to 75kg. It’s only above 60mph, for motorway hills and main-road overtaking, when power starts to be needed to overcome aero drag, that the SD4’s extra
Ah, well, if you aren’t spending on mechanical goodies, that gives you more in hand for trim and entertainment add-ons. I suspect that given the 2WD looks the same and drives largely the same - in the suburbs at least - as the 4WD one, means it’s very well targeted for most people’s needs 50 weeks of the year. And, as I’ve just found out, if it’s wearing winter tyres, it’ll likely get them up to the ski village for the final two weeks.
10 FEBRUARY 2012
OK, what else do you lose along with the drive to the back wheels? Well, the handling is still mighty impressive and controlled, and the ride still supple. But it denies you the option of MagneRide damping, which means it’s both a little foggier in bends and a little less plush on straights compared with the 4WD with that option.
TOM FORD CAR REVIEW
Let’s cut to the chase; new Boxster is very, very good. We’ve been testing the car across Germany for a couple of days and even on the worst backroads the Black Forest has to offer, and it manages to suck up bumps and deliver it’s power in way that constantly impresses. It’s incredibly grown-up, acting like a big car when it really shouldn’t, flipping modes into a fun little roadster when it gets twistier. The suspension really is a bit of a wonder, and the engine in this S revving steplessly sweetly right up to the 7,800rpm - making for many happy faces in the cockpit. It stops on a short dime, using carbon brakes nicked direct from the new 911. Seriously, it’ll uncrease your face when you really try. And driven properly you can pick up some serious pace. It’s a very, very comforting car to go fast in. Sorry, kind of spoiled the ending there, but you get the idea: new Boxster is better than old Boxster, and old Boxster wasn’t half bad.
up to its eyeballs, so it feel as good as a tin-top on the motorway or pootling around the countryside. The super light magnesium frame that forms the top section now acts as the ‘lid’ when folded, so there’s no separate covering section - saving a 12kgs of weight and visually lengthening the profile in the process; the back of the Boxster now looks a bit less... porky, roof down.The styling is sharper, neater and not at all like a Toyota MR2 MkIII in the metal. There are new headlights, front end, side intakes and clipped rear end with a Carrera GT-ish ridgeline running through the rear lamps and around the bodywork, neatly hiding a pop-up rear spoiler. It’s longer in the wheelbase, but with a shaved front overhang that stops it looking bigger, and there’s a tautness to the design - especially in darker colours - that makes it look solid but deft. Wheels are big: standard Boxster comes with 18s, the S has 19s and there are even optional 20s (huge).
It comes in two guises, straight Boxster with a 2.7, 265bhp and 207lb ft of torque, or as this S with a 3.4, 315bhp and 266lb ft. The basic format is the same; fabric roof, two-seat roadster with a mid-mounted flat-six and rear wheel drive. The standard transmission is a six-speed manual, with the optional PDK weighing in at £1,922. The roof operates in just 9 seconds, is one-touch, good-looking up or down and insulated
Similarly, the new electro-mechanical steering is pin-sharp, accurate and just a little numb. None of this stuff is bad as such, it just feels very mature, much more like you’d expect in a bigger car. So it’s brilliant, the new Boxster. Still best in class and massively satisfyig. But there’s a sneaking feeling that a 2.7 Boxster with the standard.
11 FEBRUARY 2012
JUKE-R
12 FEBRUARY 2012
TOP GEAR is going supercar-baiting in Dubai. In a Nissan Juke-R. WIth 478bhp. And 433lb ft of torque. Hail the JUKE-R
13 FEBRUARY 2012
RUN WHAT “This is what happens when a junior 4x4 and a senior supercar get jiggy...�
My backside is in roughly the spot that you would usually find a rear passenger shoes. Which means that from where I am sitting head burried B-pillar I cant see the ferrari, lamborghini and merc idling rowdily beside me. Cant see anything much at all. Except for skyscrapers. Hope the other drivers realize what they are up against. Angry burst of rev signal their readiness. I hold three fingers out of the window of the nissan diddiest SUV. I fold one in, the other... The juke-r is what heppens when a junior 4x4 and a senior supercar get jiggy. Think of it as in which GM crops and agricultural laboratory have been substituted for non-gm cars and a professional racing outfits, uh, non laboratory. The cut n shut is broadly horizontal, the juke-R top half plonked on the GT-R bottom. That sounds a straight forward operation, but in reality is anything but.A whopping 250mm had to be taked out of the GTR driveshaft so all four wheels sit in the right place within the jukes more restricted wheelsbase, the steering column had to be angled upwards and the suspension adjusted to acounteract the weird new weight distribution. The cabmin is a mishmash of both. GTR screen and switchgear blended to fith within the boundries of the juke dash and console. What you are not going to be able to do is convince anyone that this is nothing more than a standard juke. The mating process clearly hasnt gone entirely smoothly, the frankenstain truth evident in the odd carpet covered lumps and bumps in the floor, and its not like you are going to fail to spot the roll cage, racing seats and harnesses... But enough of that, because what we have here is a 478bhp Nissan Juke. With paintwork that has the same effect on light as a black hole. I mean, just look at it as it sits there radiating the cartoonish evil of a Batman baddy. The two piece rear wing, the carbon composite bumpers and sills, arch extensions that sit as tightly over the 20 inch wheels as a swimming cap. Amusingly malicious thats the Juke-R. And thats how it makes you feel when you are driving it. Amused. Malicious. Dubai has never seen anything like it before. Which is saying something, given the cars as candy culture that permeats the place.Think of dubais automotive structure layer as a cake. The bas is made up of workday japanese models which the white Toyota camry is the linchpin. Above it sits the SUV class: nissan patrol plus european and american alternatives, from porsche cayenne to the lincoln navigator. At the top are the strutting peacocks of the supercar class. Yes you really do see ferraris, porsches and lamborg out here. Or more accurately you hear themvolleys of sound that echo back and forth bouncing off the skyscrapers and making the downtown district sound like gangs of dinasours arguing over territorial rights. The juke bestrides all three layers. It is a small nissan. It is an SUV. It has a twin turbo straight six. No wonder people are curious. Drives on the sheikh Zayed highway that forms the country backbone swerve to get a closer look although they tend to swerve around a lot anyway, so maybe that is not much a good indicator. 14 FEBRUARY 2012
YA BRUNG
DUBAI. Supercars. race track. Perfection. 15 FEBRUARY 2012
16 FEBRUARY 2012
“amused. Malicious. dubai has never seen anything like it . ”
The juke R imprevious to the drving happening around it tonight. This might be because sat deep and low within it I cant see hat is going on. If I put one hand on top of the wheel I feel like someone from a rap video. So the juke-r cruises engine humming busily doble cluther latched onto sixth supsension sending jolts and pitches back trhough every component.Yep, in order to negate the effects of the extra height and shorter wheelbaste, the GTR suspension has been stiffened. Springs dampers even anti roll bar have been torqued up, menaning the juke-r rides like a iron beam.But that is just fine because it drives like a wreacking ball. Dense, heavy swuat unstoppably determined. If you were to compare it to a real car then it is the BMW X6M, of which there are quite a few about out here, but really it is so much better than that. Dont get me wrong it is not as polished and ist as talented around corners as the GTR supercoupe sibiling, but hell can I get places quickly. The rear wheels are so tucked up behind the fronts that all four seem to occupy the same piece of tarmac at the same time. Even the tightest corners, both sets seem to sniff the exit simultanously so you plan the throttle and in second it will merrly spin all four wheels as 433lb ft hits home. It doesnt juggle the power as communicatively as the GTR and if you carry too much lock out of corners it will understeer but judge it right and this stubbly little battering ram rips off into the distance, tyre howling exhaust trumpeting that hollow-throated roar. But how fast it is? What is needed here is some context...what a polite way of prhasing what I have in mind. Which is to search out those prowling packs of supercars and find out where the juke-r sits in the fast car pecking order. You find them in the pockets outside the gliziest towers, the smartest restaurants, the most infamous nightclubs either still with people clustered around in the night-time air or yowling up and down the streets.It doesnt take long for the juke to draw a crowd. Nor does it take long for this knowledgeable audience to work out exactly what they are looking at.They are instigued as I am. Some are more than intrigued.They want to buy it. Right now. I am offered a seven figure sum. Seven. Figures. And the first of them isnt even one. Or a two. I dont have too many doubts that the bloke would be able to front up with the funds either. Thats the sort of place dubai is: the wealthy here arent snobbish...they are pretty open attitudes and love unique things. And there are only two juke-r in existence. I dont want to think about that, given that a trio of young supercar owners has just picked up my gauntlet. Whats more I know somehere er can go. Nissan as keen as I am to find out what the juke-r is capable of has helped sort of a location. Which is why as dawn breaks I find my self following a 458, gallardo and sls into dubai marina. From here on its up to me I feel utterly hallow inside and unable to black out. A course is decided. My spirits perk up. There isnt much space to play with, and what we have is all 90 degrees bends and short second gear straights. The slippery surface will suit the juke-r too. The high is only brief. It suddenly strikes me that, powerful though the nissan is the other three all have in the region of 80bhp more and weigh considerably less. 17 FEBRUARY 2012
SUV ON “As dawn breaks, I find Using the only measurment devices handy I work out the juke-r is also the tallest by three bunched fists, shortest by two size nines.The start ling beckons. I cant belive they all want to run against me at the same time. I have no idea how handy yhey are do I make a fast start and try to outrun them or try to start slow and try to pick them off during the five laps? There is only one approach worthy of the juke-r the no holds barred explosion to the first corner a simultnaous demostration of its attitude and traction.I fold my final digit...Blam. 18 FEBRUARY 2012
N DRUGS myself following a 458, Gallardo and SLS...�
Not even the 4WD gallardo can match the juke-r explosive launch controlled acceleration here. I doubt its brakes as powerful, either. It dives and goes light t the back, but I have done them all into the first corner and barring suicidal lunges, I cant see where or how any of them are going to get back past me now.I sense the lamborghini close behind me, glimpse it occasionaly through the roll cage in the mirror. The ferrari and mercedes are gaining after their slow starts, but gaining on the gallardo, not me. According to our man on the sidelines with a stop watch the juke-r post a lap of 29.2 seconds. The 458 best is 29.5 and it never get past the lambo. The juke wins fair and square. Nissan beats ferrari. Wow. Initialy all I feel is relief that is over and we got away with it. Later it is what nissan has created here that amuses and impresses. Which makes it even more of a shame that no more will ever be made. Unless you have several million pounds spare. In which case, it might be worth asking. 19 FEBRUARY 2012
20 FEBRUARY 2012
The Aerodynamics and styling come from seventies thoroughly racing cars. The rest comes from some modern american muscle. Say hello to the SUPERBIRD
21 FEBRUARY 2012
‘‘LONG NOSE AND SHAKER HOOD ‘‘
22 FEBRUARY 2012
Belive me, you want to stay safe in Detroit. Motown was last year ranked as the most dengerous city in America, with a violent crime rate that makes britains roughest urban areas look like the Costwords. Keep your head down stay under the radar and dont make a scene.. trouble is, it is tricky to stay under the radar when you are driving a bright orange muscle car with a matt black shaker hood and an exhaust with the acoustics of a pneumatic drill piped through a marshall stack and a rear wing the size of an ice hockey goal hopping high into the night sky. What is this lump of orange and noise and wing that is advertising top gear presence like a 60 foot nean sign flashing “GET YOUR FREE CAMERA KIT HERE?” The HPP Superbird, thats what, and chances are you have already formed a strong opinion about it. This will likely be either: hell yeah, give me one of them bad boys and a side order of ribs, boy or goodness what a vulgar machine. Opinions on this car rarely hover in midfield. To understand where this mantelpiece-winged mosnter is coming from, we need to rwind 42 years. In 1970 detroit ruled the automotive world.The muscle car was king, and the big three were ploughing millions into NASCAR to assert their performance superiority: back in them days, the oval track stock cars were far closer to their production conterparts than the modern silouette racers. In 1969 ford NASCAR outfit had introduced the Torino Talledega, the first of the so called aero warriors. Racers that used basic aerodynamic techniques to imporve performance and in 1970 plymouth responded in ebulliment fashion with the hughewinged, pointy noised cartoon decaled superbird, based on the road runner muscle car. Homologation rules required plymouth build 1920 road going superbirds and thus the most unmissable muscel car in history was born Ok so the road going superbid wasnt much cop the added weight and drag of the nose and wing actually slowed the car significantly and unless you were on a track it didint do much for the handling. It wasnt even espcially popular. But it represented detroit, the automotive center
of the unvierse, in its arrogant pomp: within a couple of years, reality in the shape of the OPEC oil crisis hit the muscle car era slap in the face. The HPP sueprbird celebrates the zenith of muscle. It isnt a replica of the 1970 plymouth original, but a modern homage. Enthusiast of Americana will have spotted the basic shape of the current doge challenger beneath the Superbird, between a pointy nose and that rear wing. As interpretatio go, it is not a subtle one.“yeah, it is a bit tongue-in-cheek” says gordon heidacker is a proper car guy. A detroiter with a garage full of old and new muscle, he was on chrisler books for 24 years, working his way to the top echelons of management but astutely stepping ashore before the pentastar sunk in the financial crisis. In 009, he set up hide performance products (HPP) a small frim making intricate specialist parts for the Big Three. When heidacker decided HPP needed, in his words, a moustrap, a rolling shop window for its talents, there was only one choice. A modern Superbird.If you want to showcase your company skills, you dont make a glues and screws bodykit. The superbird is quality a piece of engineering. That long nose is no crudely hewn lump of plastic, but contructed of 57 integrated parts: the headlight covers fold neatly down within the nose as you flip on the beams.The hood scoop is functional equalising under bonnet pressure and the rear wing is adjustable. Proper engineering.And proper craft, too. The seats particulary, are beautiful upholestered in stripy retro leather to echo plymouth trditional muscle car trim. A perfectly moulded pistol-grip shifter, complete with near thumb groove, replaces challenger standar manual gearlaver. It is the sort of gimcrack that major companies would spend months developing, but heidacker insists he knocked it up in a couple of weeks. “ I grew up hot rodding” he grins, “if it didint have a part, I would make a mould for it. You lear the hard way” There are invisible improvements, too. A three stage suspension overhaul- a magnuson supercharger botled to a Dodge 5.7 litre V8 hemi, that bellowing cat back exhaust. The visual might be cartoonish but the superbird is a grown up lump of performance. 23 FEBRUARY 2012
24 FEBRUARY 2012
‘‘ PURE MUSCLE CAR ‘‘ Updating a classic is dengerous: witness the backlash when BMW recived the Mini. People siad I shoul have taken moder charger and removed the rear doors.The old road runner was built on the same bigger plataform as the original charger. The challenger was smaller. I tell them that the carger and challenger are now kn the same platform, but people have their own ideas.You open youself up to criticism doing a car like this. But better to get notied than not, right?Dispute the historical connection but you cant argue the price this is one slice of retro excellence that you wont require you to auction off your sweetbreads to buy. Once yo havnded your donor challenger (30k for the V8 version) HPP charges just 18k for the baic conversion kit: nose rear wing shifter graphic and a few more bits. If you want the full works version suspension mods, shaker hood , personalised seats. You are looking closer to 70.000 total outlay. Still that is a hel of a lot of unmissable muscle for the money. It almost doesnt matter how the superbird drives. Suffice to say its performance is a kick in the teeth as its visuals. That supercharger boost power to a grunting 525bhp but despite this car getting HPP brawniest suspension upgrades and 20in wheels, the superbird is pleasingly soft edged and long legged woofling along with the rooling gait of a buffalo bull. But plant your right cowboy boot through the floormat and the superbird turn into a bwllowing heaaving monster slewing sideways at the slightest provocation and hganging there until you run out of bravery, road or licence points. It aint precise, it aint subtle. It is mightly spectacular. Most of the time it isnt necessary to go quick in the superbird. Better to cruise the big, bovine V8 and absorb the stares whoops and pointy gestures of everyone within 500 yards. If you are sociophobic or carrying out a contract killing this may not be the car for you. The superbirds hey look over here look at me presence jars against the decript of detroit has become easy shorthand for the fall from grace of the American auto indistry, the shift in power to europe and asia. But until you have wandered motowns street you cant imagine just how visceral widespread and utter the effects of that decline really are. Two blocks back from the thirties high rise downtown stand hundreds of block of once grand mansions, the homes of the Big three execs in the sixties. Now every one is unoccupied crumbling succumbed to the creeping finger of rot and ruin.It is the emptiness that gets you. Even at rush hour, even in the heart of Detroit there are no cars, no people, traffice lights flipping red to green to reed in deserted streets. The city that set the world driving, the city indirectly responsible for every traffic ham in the world, is itselfs empty of traffic a commuter paradise. Ironic? Maybe. An excellent place to discover wheter Superbird is capable of big, smoky burnouts? Undobtedly.The superbird is capable of big, smoky burnouts. Scary? A bit, detroit, I mean not the Superbird. Mainly, motown is just sad, a city infected by desolation a fossiled metropolis. As we photograph the superbird under the unused monorail system, those who slip from the shadows do not demand our cash or car keys but want to reminisce on detroit glory days, the muscle cars they owned back when things werent screwed. Chubic inches and V8s cars are the language of Detroit. Hiedacker a lifelong detroiter, feels the decay more than most. Whe thought it was never going to stop he says of detroit postwar pomp. But now hey I still get excited about detroit future.You cant rule detroit out.He continues. With the Superbird we wanted to do everything in Detroit. Designed in Detroit. Engineerd in detroit and made in detroit. It is an resilent town. The people have a lot of talent. Judging by his belligerent bewinged creation it is tough to argue . Ab it less corporatism and a bit more craftsmanship would seve the city well.After three decades of slow decline, of wilful ignorance in the face of a changing aoutomotive world, the us auto indistrt is beginning to charge, too, becoming more streamlined more outward-looking. Detroit will never return to its late sixties heydays, but will with a bit of superbird spirit, it might just survive. A few more giant wings wouldnt hurt, either. Detroit never got anywhere by keeping its head down. 25 FEBRUARY 2012
“ DONT DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO STAY SAFE IN DETROIT... “ 26 FEBRUARY 2012
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28 FEBRUARY 2012
A sunny, deserted italian mountain road and a LAMBORGHINI SUPER TROFEO STRALADE Sounds like heaven? It is. Until you hit ice at 70mph.
29 FEBRUARY 2012
new lambo sts Late mid-morning outside Haller’s Bar in the small Italian town of Geleata and a lamborghini gallardo LP570-4 Super Trofeo Stralade has just eased its way onto the cobbles out front, burping up exhaust gas in a gently menacing manner. You cant miss it: one, its a lamborghini; two, its painted in a deep Rosso Mars-think shiny venous blood and three, its got a carbon fiber composite rear wing the size of a small farmhouse table strapped to the back. As supercars go, this is about as unapologetic and unsubte asit gets. Its also a mighty fish hook in every single eye square. The scene feels like the opening credits of a cappola movie. A knot of gnarled old men, basking like liver spotted lizards in late unexpected sunshine-wrapped warmly mafiosi against the sectre of winter in scarves and black overcoats. Hair slicked in the manner of fifties screen idols, sipping midnight tar from impossible tiny cups. Grumbling sub bas old man speak a light smattering of the F-word. But, here, sueprcar literacy is bread not thought, religiously confirmed rather than learned. And the church of ferrari will inevitably be invoked in conversation when you rock up in something looks like the weekend wheels of the father of lies himself. The wobble of saggy jowls ponder the car, suddenly more vital, and nudge each other with woollen elbows, making small whuffing noises. Its like watching a pack of very old dogs waking up to scent of an arthritic cat.
30 FEBRUARY 2012
31 FEBRUARY 2012
THE ROAD HAS FLIPPED TO SLIPPERY, SLICK AND SHINY.
32 FEBRUARY 2012
he gods are smilin
We have paused to do some frantic map consultation. Lamborghini has given us an exclusive distance-limited drive of the car it calls the most extrem model in the Gallardo line upp. And I have taken a gamble on a couple of hundred kilometers of dullish autostrada in search of interesting kinks in the road. You might think that 600km sound like a lot, but inevitably feels like too little.There is also the added complication that now I cant quite seem to fin the swaggering bit of tarmac that looked so inviting on Google Earth. Extra painful, because every kilometre spent comuting reduces the time I can spend doing fun stuff. Looking up, I remember another important fact: chuck in the minor gravity of a supercar town, and , before too long you will draw a bit of crowd. Explaining the car is difficult with limited technical italian, so there is a dervish omix of arm-waving and pointing to explain why this gallardo is special. Amidst this impomptu edition of interational fgive us a clue, I manage to clarify that this newest version has 563bho 5.2 litre V10 stuffed under a lozenge-themed quickrelease carbon rear deck, four wheel drive a 193 mph top speed and will hit 62mph in 3.4 seconds. That it shaves some 70kg from regular car, meaning a relatively trim 1340kg exactly the same as the current Superleggera. It has a roll cage, impressive but bloody irritating four point harnesses and an adjustable rear wing nicked virtually wholesale from blancpain super trofeo racing cars. All conflated to make this roadgoing version, of which there will be only 150. oddly our car is badged 0 from 150 layering another element of confusion into the italianenglish language tangle. Not bad considering I couldnt for the life of me remember the italian word for light. It would have been simpler to assert that this is, in basic shorthand, a gallardo superleggera with wings and sts badges that cost 195000 pounds. But I couldnt remember the italian for “Superleggera”.There is much appreciative nodding. Small boys appear and stare with unselfconciious graping mouths o f very young, while their fathers rue the ungenerous lotto. The old men have worked themselves into a frenzy- one nearly stood up and a couple of the have learned forward on their knees. One has possible died. But we have grabbed some much needed espressi and orientation, and its time to head back out in search of that confusingly covert road to see if that rear wing has an effect other than as a parsol for the congregation of four black exhaust mortars. Ten minutes later I manage to find the route that im looking for. Its called the SP4/ SS310 and it runs from santa sofia to stia through the parco nazionale delle foreste casentinesi, monte falterona e campigna...and lives up to the expectations, climbing up and out of the lowland all crooked and bulging. And empty. Tree-shoruded drops fenced on one side by tustic looking wooden crash barriers and on the other bare, unyielding cliff. Neither of which look particulay comforting. All the stuff is easy to ignore though. The gods are smiling. Is a perfect day. Cridp and bright, endlessly shiny and newly made. The sunshine is as unsubtle as the STS spoiler. Light slicing its way though the forest like silvery lasers. I am olny half surprised it is not setting fire to the trees. And this is still a rather lovely lamborghini gallardo even if we are being brutaly honest, if it feels pretty much identical to the superleggera- the rear wing sitting so high on its twin posts that it is invisible from the drivers seat. A little sriffer through the body perharps, thanks to the web of half-cage/roll bar behind the one pice carbon seats, but no major revolution. Climbing higher on this wiggly road, second and third gears scourged, fourth in brief hard-won spurts, it is shaping up like one of those lovely dreams where everything just clicks into place. Unfortunately for me, I am one of those people for whome perfection is never quite achieved when awake. I turn hard into a shady corner and relise I have missed the mischief in said deity’s grin. “HOLYMOTHERJESUSGOD”. A bit cocky, and suddenly I find religion.There is an airy moment of discovery that- hello, suddenly thumping hear the wheel is turned, and absolutely nothing is happening. Ice. The road has flipped to slippery, slick and shiny, and this very special edition lambo is ploughing blankly towards the wooden barriers. I sit like imbecile for what seems like an age, wondering idly wheather I am about to lose my job. Time enough to flick through the phone call to the boss: “ it is not going to polish out... 33 FEBRUARY 2012
Pondering the easily blunted cutting edge I withdraw to the nearest hotel to try to keep miles off the car. I am tempted to keep driving but with the temperatures dropping further that mileage limit and the lack of international gearoge recovery service we call it a night. The next morning is skin-puckeringly cold. And I find that I really dont care that the gallardo has become the automotive equivalent of a cougar definively middle aged but still inherent incredibly attractive. Sat in the car park, it still make my stomach do a little fluttery dance more so with that massive wing. Hearing the fuel pumps prime with a whine as you open the door. The percusive crash of the V10 as it fires up in a enclosed space. 34 FEBRUARY 2012
I know it is childish and doesnt make it go any faster but the theatre of lamborghini is always open and apparently I am endlessly ready to applaud. Back out on the road, up to the top of the mountain just as dawn shoves greedy little fingers down the throat of the valley. The drive to this point has been formative most of it spent wondering weather I can actually feel the aeros working or weather it is a form of self fulfilling prohpecy. I have wing therefore I feel downforce.
There is no radio and most of the interior is bare faced carbon so vibration and that yowling v10 have been my only companions, the combination of which mean I can almost taste the noise on my back teeth. And it is still wonderful. But too soon we have to retreat. Back down through the forest and hills, up and out of the A14 autostrada, a blast back to lamborghini HQ. Where the car is returned with 614km added to the odometer. As we drive away, the gallardo is parked up in front of the lamboghini’s gleaming glass fronted edifice dirty and magnificent as a counterpoint. And I start to think. This STS much like lamborghini itself has an odd sort of knack for the unsublte. The outlandish styling, the 4X4 the mechanical trash and yes even that thumping gearchange all make it unique. The gallardo is no longer cutting edge. But is anthemic. And almost definitively supercar. It makes you 10 years old in an instant. The STS is to all interest and rational pupose pointess.You have to be going silly fast to really take advantage of the wing and on the road that would eventually lead to your name being replace with a prison number or a toe-tag. I suspect also that on a big fast scary track the STS might actually though immense fun for a bit eventually feel too soft. So rational thinking would say stick to the regular superleggera a standard LP560-4 or the forthcoming cheapest non sepcial edition and rear wheel drive LP550-2.But buying a supercar for rational reasons is a fatuous demonstration of disposable income. You buy a supercar because you want it, not because it offers serious solutions to transport issues. I know that the STS is basically racy massage to keep the gallardo in the news. But it is also the one with the massive wing. Which makes it, right here, right now, the best car in the world.
ou
like a failing relationship ist hard to trust after that initial bad experience, and mid engined supercars are usually as forgiving as tax inspectors or traffic wardens. But keep ractising, and the gallardo reminds you why this is one of the easiest exotic to drive fast in uncertain conditions. Small, frendly and quick. So the vision isint brilliant and the rear can get a bit squirmy when the 4x4 is under preassure, but every time you stand on the breaks or accelerate hard even when one half of the car is actually sitting on slickness you get what you expect. Which builds confidence.Every now and then I catch a glimpse of the car shadow cast against a rock face and get reminded of that enormous big wing. But it makes very little difference to cornering speed on a road that barerly lets you crest illegality.What it really translates into stablility at speed. On the autostrada going slightly faster the wing manufactures pure unwavering solidity. This car feels utterly unflappable nailed to the road with bolts of titanium almost as if it doesnt want to swap lanes and the wheels have turned expectionallly gyroscopic. Basically this car feels more resolute at 120mph than 70mph. But on regular roads at relatively normal pace, this is still a gallardo. A car first launched in 2003. which means that, despite the limited editioness of the STS and its bewinged brilliance it is starting to feel its age.The creases on the supercar forehead, as yet as unsmoothed by technological botox. The gearbox is probably the biggest giveawat, thumping between chagnes, nodding heads.The ride has also started to feel midly fidgety compared to the unsweaving poise of cars currenlty at the very apex of the game, like the Ferrari 458 and especially the Mclaren MP4-12C. It is not bad in absolute terms fr a car with this potential but the class has moved on and the Gallardo is starting to feel a bit creaky about the knees.
ven
The LP570-4 is as the name suggest an all wheel drive car. But with a real wheel drive bias and 43/57 per cent front-to-rear weight distribution. So a much more amusingand infinitely faster way of attacking a slithery corner is to maintain a steady throttle and try to feed in the 398lb ft of torque when you can see a way out. Feed in a measure of will at the top of the ree, and be rewarded with effort from underneath, learn to trust and allow the 4x4 some autonomy to drag you free from potential embarrasssment...
ny
Or if you think yourself a here with reactions like an SAS mongoose, add more power loop the back round with oversteer and pray that you have enough room to gather up lateral swing before you use the scenery as a massive, crunchy-sounding parking sensor. Which sounds fine during a conversation in a bar, less so when imminently having an accident. Luckily for my, my foot sort of...fell of the accelearator in fear. Instinctively option one. Which worked well for a while, but got a bit...boring.
shi
.because it is two feet shorter than it was this morning. And 100ft down a gorge. On its roof. On fire.� perceptions accelerated during moments of stress, and all that.Now usually the accpeted way to deal with understeer in a mid engined supercar is to back off and reckon on transfering some weight to the front wheels.
us blo od
35 FEBRUARY 2012
power is nothing without control 36 FEBRUARY 2012
THE MERCEDES C63 AMG BLACK AND THE BMW M3GTS HAVE BOTH GAINED BIG WINGS AND A SERIOUSLY HARDCORE BRIEF. BUT WHICH ONE IS BETTER? THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT...
37 FEBRUARY 2012
DEMENTED VS SUBLIME 38 FEBRUARY 2012
What you see here is a bmw m3 gts and a mercedes benz c63 amg black edition. Both are small two door german saloons. Both have been pumped up to a nothc hitherto only usued by spiral tap. Both have stiffened and lowered. Both make a proper racket. Both cost more than 100,000 pounds. Both go like stink. Both have lightining fast seven speed gearboxes. And both are utterly brilliant. You would imagine then that they are both very similar, and they are in the same way that chinese takeaway is exactly the same as an indian takeaway. Both come from asia. Both arrive on a moped. And both can cause a little dicomfort the following morning. But they are completely different. At this point I should declare an interest. I currenlty own a clk black, and it is a tremendous thing. Loud to both the eye and the ear. It is serious and completely stupid in equal measure. I love that. But behind the tremendousness there are some properly annoying flaws. London and back is not possible on one fuel tank. The sound system is woeful. Full throttle is only a theoretical possibility, and the dismal ride is never worth of the benefits you might experience on a track. In fact there are so many flaws that in recent months, I have been thinking quite seriously about changing it for an M3. I therefore have a foot in both these camps. I am interested in the outcome of this test as I hope you are. Lets start with the bm2. Underneath it is not really an M3 at all. The steering set up is different, the suspension is different and the exahaust is different too. The inside is different too. Instead of black seats, there is some scaffolding and instead of glass the windows are made from perspex. And then there is the engine. It is a 4.4 litre V8,
which means more power, torque and speed. Nought to 62, BMW says, it takes 4.4 secs. Flat out you ll be doing 190.And wondering where the mercedes went. The recipe for turning an ordinary AMG c class into a black edition is broadly similar to BMW’s. Less weight. Firmer undersides. Fewer seats and more power. But here is the thing. The standar car starts off with 480bhp nearly 30 more than BM2 eked from the GTS. The Black offers 517. Around ascari track in southern spain, a standar M3 is five second a lap faster than a standard AMG C63. But I suspect that if you were to race these two, it would be the other way around the merc is almost demented. But do not be fooled by the figures or the spectations. Yes, it may have wider track, carbon fiber aero winglets, coilover suspension with adjustable dampers, leightweight pistons a different from the world of heavy engineering, carbon ceramic breaks and a milion other bits of motorsports tinsel, but like its predecessor it is not really serious track day rocketship. Four laps of the topgear track with the traction control off and the rear tyre were not down to the canvas. They were down to the metal underneath the canvas. Four laps.That is not much more than six miles an 600 pounds worth of supposedly race bred tyres had been converted into cloud of smoke and a wall of noise. Thats were the BMW is different. Of course you can hang its arse out and drive like a loon, but the GTS is also able to not do this. It feels much more precise in everthing it does. The way it goes the way it turns. And the way it stops, specially. It brakes as is the way with so many BMW are simply fantastic. 39 FEBRUARY 2012
plastic THEY MIGHT SHARE SOME GENETICS STRANDS, BUT THE REGULAR DIESEL CARS MOST OF US GET TO DRIVE ARE A FEW CHROMOSOMES SHORT OF THEIR MONSTROUS BRETHREN. AND WE ARE NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT BIG V8 MOTORS. TIME FOR A GAME OF SPOT THE DIFFERENCE...
1710 KG
1615 KG
517
8.4 SEC 456 LBFT
170
294 LBFT
BHP
TORQUE
C22 CDI AMG 40 FEBRUARY 2012
186
4.2 SEC
WEIGHT
0/62MPH
144
MPH
C63 AMG BLACK
surgery 1530 KG 1420 KG 7.5 SEC 450
324 LBFT
184
280 LBFT
BHP
TORQUE
320D COUPE M
190
4.4 SEC
WEIGHT
0/62MPH
147
MPH
M3 GTS 41 FEBRUARY 2012
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Even the engine note sounds like you are playing a finely tuned instrument. Where the mercedes barks and shouts and makes smoke. The BMW sounds like it is concentrating on the job in hand. And the blip on downchanges is so beautiful and so technical, you find yourself changing gear not because you want to go faster or to slow down but because you need that aural treat.I havent mentioned the steering yet. Ohh It is good, heavier than the standar car, it has a precision and an accuracy I havent remember experienceing in any other car. Ever. May think of the GTS as a hotted up M3 in the same mold as the CSL. But it is so much more than that. The big draft merc always has the power ace up its sleve, but, in the bends, the GTS is better. It is sublime, that car. Mesmerising. If I were to comprere these two cars to pets, the BMW would be a cat. Utterly, utterly mad, with the tail that whizzes round and round whenever it takes a shit. So if you are choosing between these cars on the basis of how they perform at track days, then it is the BMW everytime. But this is important if you want a track day car why buy a modified saloon that is always going to be heavier and modre cumbersome than, say, a Caterham or a BAC Mono?And this brings me on to the next problem. So that BMW salesmen can tell the 50 M3 GTS customers that it is very serious in the way it goes about it business, all of the road car filmflam has been ditched. Not just the back seats, but also the door pockets the air conditioning, the sat nav and stereo. Sure you can put all this back often at no extra cost but the car I drove was pretty spartan. And with no sat nav it was pretty hard to enjoy myself because I was always under the impression I was on the wrong road heading from the wrong town. This is where the merc scores. Because it is not designed to be desperately serious, you do still get all those toys you would get in a normal car.You even get proper seatbelts rather than the cock serving five point harnesses that BMW provides. Yes the ride in the mercedes is abysmal, the BMW is surprisingly compliant but the other problem
that blight my CLK have been all addressed.You really could use the mercedes every day but if you choose to do this I must give you one word of warning do not ever use full throttle unless it is a bone dry and you are already doing 90mph. If you do, you will have a crash.Think of this car as a very expensive watch. It can operate when you are 3,000 feet under the surface of the sea. But if you were to go there to make sure, you would turn into a small, very heavy walnut. Provided you remember the power and especially the torque is there but not to be used you can rumble about in a black with chris evans on the radio and a lady telling you to wear to go and the cruise control on. And you will be happier than you would be in this GTS. It gets worse for Bee Ems tangerine dream machine because the rear spolier, the carbon rood and those silly seatbelts give other road users the impression that for you driving is a hobby. And people with hobbies, as we know are deeply suspect. Many are murderers.The mercedes with it flared wheelarches looks silly and flamboyant. It is a comedy car, a machine conceived, designed and built just to make you smile.Like I said at the start of this piece, then these cars are very different. The BMW is a bit like the McLaren mp4-12c. It is fantasticlly capable but a bit clinical. It is pure engineering from a company that understands the need for balance. It ever has a clutch of horsepower that can be used. Rather than an extra hundred or so which cannot. It is brilliant. However I would still take the Merc. Mostly because it is better on a day to day basis but mainly because given the choice of what gun I would like to fire this afternoon I would take a big noisy .50 calibre machine gun over a clean and efficient sniper rifle any day of the week. There is another reason too. The standard BMW M3 is already so brilliant it seems a bit silly to spend twice as much on a car that is not, by any strecht of the imagination twice as good. With Mercedes things are different. The standard c63 is not especially noteworthy, which means it is worth paying extra for the black. Which is.
the gts's steering has an accuracy i dont remember experiencing in any other car ever. 43 FEBRUARY 2012
He has a swevilling head and when he blinks you can hear a noise like a camera shutter
This aren’t real globes; his hands really look like this.
One of his knees seems to attract cats AS ALWAYS, SOME OF THE MOST INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT OUR ENIGMATIC TEST DRIVER. ALL WE KNOW IS...HE’S CALLED THE STIG!
44 FEBRUARY 2012
No one knows what the LEDs on his neck mean
You need to squirt this bit with WD40 every six months
45 FEBRUARY 2012
NEXT MONTH!
46 FEBRUARY 2012
FF
FERRARI
47 FEBRUARY 2012
NEXT MONTH!
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