IT by zig mcbain

2007/2008

Computerama Experiencama

atures ChickenTex fe TM

2007-2008

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ntain that it can’t co should know and up on llence. Giddylevels of exce h hig ly ed , rd ts can’ just your reta nts. No more ur galloping wa yo of e rs ho dreams. mount the your deserved h the fields of ug ro th ing er Yes, those sweet cant poor chump. ur glums, my Yo of e or m I’ll take no move, such h your every itehawks watc ach you. beady-eyed sh sy lou can’t re t their bitter jea bu , gs pi l ta life is judgemen n misery. Your sty of their ow e th in w llo it, live it, Your Let them wa e power. Feel of its awesom h nit ze e th rough misted coming to You proudly th You, watches es se er pl re as you stalk way! Crum a!” You decla ogress. “Ha Ha pr ur Yo es ess boldly eyes, prais age, Your Youn ntre of life’s st ce e e th to on ion. This is th masterfully ion of perfect s. A mad pass se ed as bl m m e fu th naked to , furtive and den like a first shamefully hid bracing Your way, nothing Em . or d bathroom do ke y loc a d hin umphilosoph fondle be idities. This Cr ing Your stup ac pl it. re e s, ac itie br eccentric bag it, em r You, take it, umpler, it’s fo is this isn’t just for Cr rr, ey pu “Who ooooohh”, th ’ “O w! no u Yo lk, a scratchin Look at the cluckin’ wa You! Cock of n It’s ca ?” u ts Yo an . swanky-p mp-chicken top hatted pi . A great, big, Take Your and a struttin’ ne an l ‘DO IT’. u tune in to ch Yo ce on g on miracles. do no wr el of whipped ur style to a lev I Yo e liv d an member that chance convert and re nton hipsters, te wa ra u pa yo se all n Come on distance ca umplings, no u, my little Cr ur watch over Yo anket, I feel Yo bl a like covers You all s es er en ov ar aw sh wa us. My well-wishing , now feel my ts en em ov m slightest ove! Your every m x, you et out of that bo

www.crumpler.eu

coloured

chicks

from

outer

space

the Crumpler Chicken Tex story

bagansd r u o e r ble Whbyrill,atough, ligzhtt,hdaut’srathe way

so st on? Co the be freak l! Only o ur o f o git yo , e bar ke em ugh to o we ma m n r e a f d goo n our sack’s l own o ia D r t . s e u am o ind N . fame-n d e k ac uss gone b it all s we’ve , all we got s t u I r . fo arees g n u estates d nd , our ya see roots a s r r u e o h t o a t fe ife of ith the ith a l w w s d t e r r a st ou xury re fav lling lu e d o y fowl a farm e-do -doodl ptuous m u s cock-a ppiest mpler’s the ha y l on Cru n o use ude in s beca pe attit y t t h of frill e our e rig to mak ave th s h r e s h n t e h ea do we their f e. How m e r p Su ight do n Tex You m ? y t, p p Chicke ha ut tha ‘em so rt abo e b l n e A make k to chic talkin’ master r … u r better o e r he’s whispe

It all starts

here

We tell Albert

he’s beginning to spoil them too much but he won’t have it! Right from their start, as fluffy yellow chickballs that some people would just pop in their mouth and munch on with glee, Albert nurtures these fat little Buddha birdies. He gets to know each one by scent (and later by name) and bonds with them by playing hide n’ seek and peekaboo all morning. You should see them follow him around, he’s always ready to give a hug to a fuzzy-lump with a grazed knee. In the afternoon he massages each chicks tiny feet - they’ve had a big morning - and tells them all a story before their nap. At around 2.15 p.m. the chicks’ mums come to pick them up to bring them home to the coop, knowing they’ve been well looked after.

pellets: colourtedxevelopment of During t mistook some Alber for candy and e them up with a blu ended he now works beard. ime as a pirate part ts parties. at kid

magic

pills

hickthse c r u o n e Wh can join lder they

le o are a litt . It’s so the farm n o others hey get to for r them. T they’ll do exciting fo activities h ic h m o w fr choose ing down hang-glid real hit a is the day d e e big sh th f ey o f o the ro n’t fly! Th ickens ca h c s y to sa rm - who of the fa hat part colour… w e decide w n nd their a in t u o hang r. the colou nic, Oh yeah, h an orga it w p u e m o c We’ve ellet that eir lourtex p choose th vegan co ickens to h c a e m th e s allow gives th It really r. u u o y lo o s, c own mselve press the x e . d to o e c ro chan om the b nd out fr know, sta s with a e rovides u Also it p lours in th nge of co ra s n u o lo t u ridic us, excep they give feathers nd k’s day a get St. Patric en all we ’s day wh e n ti n le a St. V and pink of green are tons feathers!

It’s hard to know who’s more of a mother hen here...

Albert often circulates with fancy amuse-bouches or hors d’oeuvres.

Many of the chickens bow to Crumpler emblems in thanksgiving for their privileged lifestyle.

Albert doesn’t let a single precious feather from these chirpy chickies go to waste.

livin

the high life The only pr

oblem that we hav e on the farm is trying to kee p track of al l the wild birds an d birds from other farms that are sneakin g in. First it was just the loca l birds who used to fly down an d stand outside the fence lookin g in, but word spread fast and soon had flukkin we ’ flocks from al l ov er arriving. It’d be cruel to just turn them aw ay so we ta ke in a couple a day , it’s only fa ir. Look at these luck y duckys (s ee if you can spot th e 2nd one!), livin’ the high life. N o more sitt ing soggily in cold pon ds checking the waterproofi ng of their bums, it’s all laugh ing and barn -side soireés for them now.

... chickens...

the Ch icken So ng My flu

ff This is m y wuffy wuffy I’ll sing t y fluffy wuffy wuffy chickens I’ll sing t o you, my fluffychicken song o you all this goodwuffy chickens , sweet d Be happy ay long. m y f e athered No sadne Just cluc ss or frustration friends, yes be h appy To fill yokin, git-ar pluckinis for ye ur little ’ chicken h little ditties eads wit I love yo h glee u m y gorgeo My love u s lit Please co for you, it is so tle dearies m pure and e to m About ho w to righe if you have any strong t any sin gle little queries Jump up wrong And cluc and down flappin Please sink along to this, yg your little win It’s this g to me my litt our chicken song gies I’ve been le waiting f feathered beaut or all alo ies ng.

12 12

13 13

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sweet

Albert ha d never

expecte d the ch ickens to to him, sing bac theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re k n ot exactl birds, so y songwhen th e y blown a did he w way. An as d not ju because st they we re singin songs th g, the emselve s were blo amazing ody . We rec orded a songs a ll their nd over laid the another m on on using a e giant, w shaped alk-in, e recordin gg g conso the mos le, it wo t amazin v e g melod contente y. All th d hen so e ngs cam together e , their jo yous ha combinin r m onies g to ma ke one musical interwo rhapsod ven y. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve the wea modelle ve of ou d r Chicke on our u n Tex fa pliftingly b ric happy c song, th hicken is, and u sing the feathers type of only an absurdly can mak happy b e, is wh ird at keep so tight, s o ur form our fabr u la ic so to lasting a ugh, lon nd light, g and our sweet! karma

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chic e Damn s of th good. l l a ’s ad bag a bit it l g m e o l g fr in ructib t m s o e c d in vin’. If r, all en luv t orde s k e ic h h ig c h a bag, ned fashio it into s d d l d o l u ’ o co life an to you r dear d o a f h p a a y str ntain. ing the a mou clutch n w o , your an d n bottom tobogg e h t er tha g chin le hott t it ne. l fi a On rea e eaky may b be squ ’d g t a bottom eb wen but th e that t usual, he car t r perfec a e y, w usand o h ng t o s Lightl a g heir roducin carry t d , n e into p a l s urab rmonie ong, d d hen ha ys. Str a w ant an l t a ou t resis ir ese d h t with y d have r- an e s t n a e w k , ic soft our ch great eight, oduce r ! p lightw p l gs. Yes s to he ater ba e r g qualitie n e for ev fabric

SMOOTH OPERATORS

female chrome domes There is a new wave of women among us, bold and fiery-hot, these are babes who dare to bare. But it

ainÂ´t the usual, lame exposures; these ladies are liberating their locks and displaying their domes. Partial nudity of the cranium is on the rise and is causing quite a stir. Chicks are sick of being told how to wear their hair and are going it alone, these sisters are doing it for themselves. The usual baldies; lesbians and strung out pop starlets have been reinforced by a fresh batch of recruits. These balding birds are banding together in a scary but weirdly sexy scalped sisterhood. Whose next, ya momma?

21 21

- I LOVE IT, MY NO-HAIR BROUGHT US ALL TOGETHER - The last doc, Docteur Le Gineaux, was a real stuffy, uptight old geezer, a bit smelly, grumpy and arrogant, just the way the villagers liked him. It was a shock when I clip clopped up Rue De Gaulle in my high heels and an outfit that would have pushed the sexy-boat out even in Paris. No one came near me in the first few weeks, I knew if this kept up they’d all die off within a winter or two. I reckon the women hated me and detested the way their husbands were gagging for a good bout of prostrate checking. I had to do something and fast. The first morning I walked down to the boulangerie with my new do, some just stared, some whispered and other bastards laughed and pointed. Within a day or two, though, most of the frosty bitches had thawed out and were actually pretty nice. Not so threatened anymore, they didn’t stop their husbands from coming to the surgery. Funnily enough my haircut seemed to have cured many of them without needing to see me. Still, it’s all good now, I’m just another quirky part of a very weird little hamlet, hardly anything to raise an eyebrow at..….hhhhmmm, eyebrows, I hardly still need those, do I? -

NOW MOST OF THE FROSTY BITCHES HAVE THAWED OUT

- I am kinda like a nature spirit. I mean, on an astral level, I’m really really in tune with Pacha Mama, Mother Earth. I mean, if you can’t whirl naked about the garden, twirling flowers in your hair and howling like a she-wolf, how will you ever get in touch with who you really are? Come on sisters, feel it! Your wombs are, like, the cradle of mankind or something. The feminine energy of the universe courses through your loins. Ooooohh, feel it. I like to lie out on the grass, under the sky and feel it in the sunshine. Sometimes I feel it on the bus or in the bath - come on my fertility goddess sisters, we need to, like, take the power back …… and stuff. I shaved the top of my head to connect with my energy more. It opens up my Crown Chakra to

- IT IS MY BODY, MY HAIR AND MY CHOICE the swirling, cosmic Tao. My husband really loves my hairstyle and finds my lack of inhibition a huge turn on. I sometimes paint flowers and faeries on my head before gardening. You should see it when the butterflies and bees come, drawn to my mother essence. They flutter and buzz around my head, the vibrations of their wings making me really feel it again, then my husband sees me connect, it gets him going and he begins to feel it too. It’s like, this is who I am, and always have been down through the ages, woman, goddess, nymph……. Oh my God here cums a bumblebee, Ooooooohh, mmmmmmff. -

IT OPENS UP MY CROWN CHAKRA TO THE FEMALE ENERGY OF THE UNIVERSE

- My head-show has done so much for my career. Sometimes in a high-pressure business situation I tuck my chin in towards my chest, so the top of my head faces the person I’m trying to dominate, and then I just charge them. People find it really unnerving. When I reach them I stop really fast and raise my face again and make extremely intense eye contact without saying anything for a few seconds. Then I tell them exactly what they can do for me. Usually it gives me an edge but I have to be careful to memorise where the office furniture is

- I USED MY LOOKS TO CLIMB THE CORPORATE LADDER first. It kinda loses its impact when you fall over a filing cabinet, accidentally head-butt a wall or go straight out through a glass door. Once done properly though it’s a super effective move. If I feel the department I lead isn’t working hard enough, I’ll stomp around the hallways in my charge position, breathing heavily and snorting ferociously. People don’t tend to spend as much time chatting around the water cooler anymore and productivity is up. My superiors didn’t know how to deal with my new tactic and called me in for a chat. I stood in the charge position, breathing like a bull for the whole meeting and left the office with a promotion. I’d like to tell other women not to be afraid to use their head at work.

I HAVE BECOME A SYMBOL OF EMBALDENED EMPOWERMENT

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Nature

When you were a kid, did you climb trees and use your thighs to grip the branches as you thrust your pelvis for a better grasp? Would you have delighted in exploring the dark and private recesses of this tree’s orifice? Perhaps adoreabormist longings lurk within all of us...

Back to

hila-arborealism is best described as a love of trees so intense that the person, and the tree in question, allows their emotions to be brought to a full and physical expression of love, (yeah, FULL and PHYSICAL!). There is a growing trend among these ‘tree lovers’ to claim particular parks and ‘patches’ as their own, including other people’s gardens, prompting fearful reactions, people covering their trees with huge latex sheaths, parents no longer allowing their teenagers to hang out in parks, jealous wives chopping trees down, it’s all getting out of hand. (cont.) 30

“I saw him each day as I went through the park. I exposed myself to him from the bushes and made my sexiest faces. He didn’t care and that just made me hotter. My friends say he’s a real bastard, but maybe I can change him?” - Janice, unemployed.

hotter

“just made me ”

We wanted to know what motivates these freaky flora fondling tendencies and spoke to leading sexual health psychologist Dr. Phil T. Thing, who had this to say: “Phila-arborealism or tree screwing isn’t some new menace or perversion, it’s a lifestyle choice - don’t condemn what you haven’t tried. I’d consider myself to be a trysexual, I’ll try anything sexual. (cont.) 32

tears

“I burst into

”

You should open your mind and pants. There are some really great virgin trees left untapped in the People’s Park in the city centre.” Here are some facts to help you get out there: Most female treelovers tend to be mahogonous, opting to go for one large hardwood, whereas the males seem content to work their way steadily through the forest.” (cont.)

“One day I walked into a clearing and saw someone making love to a tree. It was so tender and intimate. I immediately burst into tears and knew myself for what I really was. I like Scott but he may yet get the axe.” - Phil, Forester 35

“I see a lot of them along my route. I just let myself go, running up and taking partner after partner. After spending some time curled up, limp and spent by their roots, I continue my deliveries, sore but satisfied.” - Ben, Postal Worker

satisfied”

“sore but

The Risks: We’ve seen a few cases of aphid infestation, which had to be treated with a pesticidal shampoo, and a lot of fall-related broken bones. Most injuries fall into the category of acute chafing, which can be treated with antiseptic creams. The risk of pregnancy among women with arboreal partners is thought to be very low, with no cases yet confirmed. 36

e and tree tree and me, i love you, i love you can you see?

M e are together hours and hours, no matter if it is sunny no matter if it showers.

ou are all to me that my ex is not, tall, dark and silent tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is why i love u a lot.

Y ords are senseless talk is cheap, the love that we share, tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is deep, deep, deep.

e and tree tree and me, i love you, i love you can you see?

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usy-bee busine

Do it safe, do LAPTOP SLINGS SERIOUS BACKPACKS SLEEVES POUCHES

4-15 16-23 24-35 36-47 48-57

rumpler.

it sexy, do it C

www.crumpler.eu

Colours -001 DULL BLACK / DK. NAVY

-002 FIREBRICK RED / OATMEAL

Slippy

Size

(wxhxd)

FITS 12´´, 13´´ and 14´´ BAG EXTERNAL 28x34x17 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 25x33.5x4.5 cm

Fish

Let them go around with their short, squat laptop bags. You’re a cut above the rest with your tall, slim catwalk beauty. Elegant and evolved, with enough poise to kill, you steal the show making them feel like the plankton they are. Glide

Features

-003 OFF WHITE / LT. OLIVE

-004 SILVER / NAVY

predatorily through the room as they part in deference to your sleek superiority. You are a shark among jellyfish.

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, Prince Charles protective seal, padded laptop pouch with velcro closure, front velcro mesh pocket, inside organiser with 5 slip pockets, 3 pen slots and 1 zip pocket, 3 front inside slip pockets, Love Handles for pouch attachment, integrated back padding, adjustable shoulder strap with adjustable and removable shoulder pad, clip and velcro fastened main flap

1 2 3 4

Fits your laptop and much more. Removable padded shoulder pad & integrated back padding. Love handles for pouch attachment. Front zip pocket for accessories.

FishySlip

Size

Colours

-001 DULL BLACK / COOL DK. GREY

-002 DK. FOREST / DK. OLIVE

-003 BLOOD RED / CHARCOAL

-004 DK. MOUSE GREY / DK. RED

(wxhxd)

FITS 12´´, 13´´ and 14´´

BAG EXTERNAL 38x32x15 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 33x23x3 cm

Suspicions aroused, you know that they’re up to something, with their nods and winks and that secret language they mutter under their breaths. They go quiet when you enter the room, but you’ll catch them. They’ll slip up sooner or later

and you’ll be there to see it happen. You make sure to keep notes of it all on your MacBook. You smell their fear, they know that you’re a relentless hunter and that you’ll be waiting, waiting, interminably waiting.

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, Prince Charles protective seal, padded removable laptop pouch with velcro closure, front velcro mesh pocket, inside organiser with 5 slip pockets, 3 pen slots and 1 zip pocket, 3 front inside slip pockets, Love Handles for pouch attachment, integrated back padding, adjustable shoulder strap with adjustable and removable shoulder pad, Quick Flick buckle, 3rd leg stabiliser, clip and velcro fastened main flap

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Fits your laptop plus documents and accessories. Front zip pocket for small stuff. Inside organiser with velcro and mesh pockets. Removable and padded laptop pouch. Love handles for pouch attachment. Shoulder strap with shoulder pad and 3rd leg stabiliser. Adjustable shoulder strap with Quick Flick buckle.

Colours

CheesyDisco Size

(wxhxd)

FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15’’w BAG EXTERNAL 42.5x30.5x14.5 cm

-007 DEEP BLACK / BLUE BLACK

-008 WARM OATMEAL / ESPRESSO

-009 RED / GREY WHITE

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 35.5x27.5x4 cm

For all you folks who like to frequent those classic establishments, you know,

the ones with the disco balls, carpeted floors and 46-year-old D.J.s who pump

out Hoff hits all night long, this bag is too cool for you. We don’t normally like to exclude anyone from buying our bags but seriously you’re dragging our image down. If you have to use this bag, at least wrap it in brown paper while on the streets. You know who you are.

Features -010 WHITE GREY / DK. RED

-011 WASHED DK. GREY / GREEN YELLOW

-012 SEEDED MUSTARD / NAVY

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, adjustable shoulder strap with Quick Flick™ buckle and adjustable and removable shoulder pad with third leg stabiliser, integrated back padding, Prince Charles protective seal, front zip pocket with built in organizer with 4 slip pockets and 3 pen holders, padded laptop sleeve with 3 expanding velcro pockets, removable padded laptop pouch, 3 inside slip pockets, clip and velcro fastened main flap, Love Handles for pouch and accessory attachment

1 2 3 4 5

Fits your laptop and much more. Love handles for pouch attachment. Removable laptop pouch. Third leg stabiliser & integrated back padding. Front organiser with pockets and penholders.

StickyDate

Size

Colours -007 DULL BLACK / COOL DK. GREY

-008 ESPRESSO / WARM GREY

-009 COLD OATMEAL / DK. NAVY

-011 DULL BLACK / PUMPKIN ORANGE

-012 DK. FOREST / LT. GREY

(wxhxd)

FITS 12’’, 13”, 14’’, 15’’, 15’’w & 17’’w

BAG EXTERNAL 49x32.5x18 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 40.7x28.5x5 cm

What’s a Sticky Date?

It could be a sweet dried fruit, still attached to the twig from

which it grew... it could also mean going out on a dinner-date with a woman - her husband, who likes to watch - sits at the table with you. Or it could be a nubian sex bomb covered in honey for you to lick off... You choose!

Features -010 ROADKILL RED / WASHED NAVY

1 2 3 4 5

Fits your laptop and much more. Front organiser with pockets and penholders. Removable laptop pouch. Love handles for pouch attachment. Third leg stabiliser & integrated back padding.

Colours -001 DULL BLACK

-002 OATMEAL

Cheesy Cheesytina Tina Size

(wxhxd)

FITS 12´´, 13´´ 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w BAG EXTERNAL 42x32x14.5 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 35x27.5x4 cm

She ain’t no hag-bag. This high specs, Chicken Tex glam bag is strictly for the chic chick. How the boys will stare as the strap bisects your bosom´s canyon, really making the most of your quivering mounds of femininity.

Down the street you’ll stride, your chin upraised in that ‘too good for you’ look. Go ahead, you deserve to bask smugly in your unblemished perfection… (stuck up bitch).

Features

-003 WASHED DK. GREY

-004 BORDEAUX RED

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, adjustable shoulder strap with adjustable and romovable shoulder pad, Prince Charles protective seal, padded laptop compartment and removable padded laptop sleeve, front zip pocket with built-in front organiser with pockets and pen holders, super integrated Third Base handle, clip fastened flap

1 2 3 4 5 6

Removable laptop pouch. Takes your laptop and so much more. Much much more. Removable shoulder pad. Front organiser with many pockets & penholders. Super integrated Third Base handle.

SuperBoomer

Size

(wxhxd)

Colours size L

size L FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w BAG EXTERNAL 44x30x13 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 36x25x3.2 cm

size XL FITS 15´´, 15´´ w & 17´´w

BAG EXTERNAL 46.5x32x14.5 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 39.7x26.5x3.5 cm

-001 GREY BLACK / MUSTARD

-002 RED / SILVER

-003 DK. MOUSE GREY / GREEN BROWN

-002 GREY BLACK / SILVER

-003 OATMEAL / GREY BLACK

You may want to reconsider wearing the Super Boomer in front of an

unsuspecting public. It could lead to a total annihilation of their sense of self. The world that they have carefully crafted around themselves could come crashing down. How could their simple minds process this, what

size XL

category could they put an experience like this into? The power to deploy a Super Boomer must never be abused or taken lightly.

Features -001 BLACK OLIVE / SILVER

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, adjustable shoulder strap with shoulder pad, integrated Third Base handle, Prince Charles protective seal, fully padded laptop pouch with velcro closure, 2 zip mesh pockets, 2 zip pockets and 5 slip pockets, dual snap buckles and velcro closed main flap

1 2 3 4

Front zip pocket for easy access. Takes your laptop & a lot of other stuff. Padded laptop pouch with velcro closure. Super integrated Third Base handle.

Serious

Pro bags for serious freaksters, theseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll turn the heads of your soon to be inferiors. Ha!

Colours -001 BLACK / DK. GREY

-002 DK. BROWN / DK. ORANGE

Ugly

Size

(wxhxd)

Divorce

FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15’’w BAG EXTERNAL 40x32x13 cm

It wasn’t pretty, but you got it all! You’ve weathered the storm and came out the

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 36x27x4.5 cm

other side with this leather-clad beauty draped across your shoulder. Ditch your

mortgage and buy yourself a party boat, it’s all smooth sailing from here on. Clear the decks and batten down the hatches for some serious partying. Let those other

Features

-003 DK. RED / WHITE

-004 OFF WHITE / DK. GREEN

suckers show up at the office. With a few lazy clicks on your keyboard you work from your cockpit, surrounded by everything you could possibly desire.

Crumpler’s super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather combined with Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric and flashy inner lining, adjustable shoulder strap and matching shoulder pad, intergrated back padding and handle, Prince Charles protective seal, front zip pocket with built in organizer, padded protective laptop pouch, inside slip pockets, magnet fastened main flap, shiny metal badge on flap, Love Handles for pouch and accessory attachment

1 2 3 4

Space for your laptop, documents, accessories etc. Shiny metal badge on flap. Front organiser with pockets and penholders. Super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather.

Righthand

Colours RIGHTHAND

-001 DULL BLACK / DK. GREY LEATHER

-002 FIREBRICK RED / DK. RED LEATHER

-003 OATMEAL / DK. BROWN LEATHER

Size

(wxhxd)

& Beancounter

RIGHTHAND FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w BAG EXTERNAL 43x30x14.5 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 36x27.5x4 cm

For all the pinstripe, pencil pushing, poindexters who were getting stroppy about our strappies, here are some bags even you can

handle! You can go from geek to freak and have the sexiest sack in the office. Your new cred will make you the boardroom bucko.

BEANCOUNTER

BEANCOUNTER FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w BAG EXTERNAL 46x34.5x14.8 cm LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 40x29x4.5 cm

You’ll be a Jimmy Deanie, big, bad, meanie bullying their fashion sensibilities. The Righthand’ll make ya look so good you’ll be immediately promoted to your boss’ chief monkey. The Beancounter will come in handy for smuggling out all those office supplies which you so regularly steal. Pilfer on, pilfer on.

Features -001 DULL BLACK / LT. BROWN LEATHER

-002 DK. MOUSE GREY / BLACK LEATHER

-003 BLACK OLIVE / DK. ORANGE LEATHER

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric in combination with Holycow Real leather, waterproof Ripstop Lining, padded laptop pouch with velcro closure, front organiser with pockets and pen holders, magazine slip pocket with velcro on backside, internal slip pockets with velcro closure, 3 mesh zip pockets in the flap, padded back, adjustable shoulder strap with Quick Flick™ buckle, adjustable and removable shoulder pad, Holycow Real Leather handle, super strong zip to close flap, Love Handle for pouch attachment, external zip pocket for accessories

1 2 3 4

Super organisation - lots of zip and mesh pockets. Padded laptop compartment with velcro closure. Magazine slip pocket and back padding. Chicken Tex Supreme™ combined with Holycow Real Leather parts.

Dick Casey

Size

(wxhxd)

FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w BAG EXTERNAL 38x53.5x27 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 26.5x40x3 cm

Laptop Trolley

Colours

The Dick Casey Laptop Trolley is one tough nut; capable of

cracking any case that comes his way. If your cover’s blown and you need to get out of town Dick’s the one you need to call. With a little bit of action packing he’ll have everything squared away. Write him off as a business expense and stick him in the overheads.

Features -001 DULL BLACK / SILVER

-002 STEEL GREY / BLACK

-003 FIREBRICK RED / OFF WHITE

-004 SOIL BROWN / ORANGE

1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, external extra strong zip with lock eyelets, high quality skate wheels, scrape resistant tarpaulin protection between the wheels, extra edge protection on high impact corners, soft handle on the side and on the top, aluminum telescopic T-shaped handle, stud and handle combination on the bottom for lifting and standing up straight, 2 large front zip pockets, padded internal laptop compartment with removable laptop pouch with pen holders and pockets, removable organiser flap with zip pockets for travel documents, clothes compression strap, additional removable pouch with zip for small accessories

1 Large front zip pockets for easy access. 2 Aluminium telescopic T-shaped handle. 3 Scrape resistant tarpaulin protection and edge protection on high impact corners. 4 Takes your laptop, clothes, documents, cables, accessories and much more. 5 Push button to release telescopic handle. 6 Removable padded laptop pouch. 7 High quality skate wheels. 8 Soft handle on the side.

Backpacks Paco de Backs designed these exclusive thief proof backhuggers, now you can mind your own savings, forget the bloody banks.

Colours -001 BLACK OLIVE / LT. OLIVE

-002 SILVER OATMEAL / GREY BLACK

DarkSide

Size

(wxhxd)

FITS 12”, 13”, 14”, 15”, 15”w & 17”w

BAG EXTERNAL 34x54x28 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 26x40x4 cm

4 Ways to Reveal Your Dark Side:

• Donate apple-juice bottles that you’ve filled with wee to a local charity. • Confuse old people at a retirement home by pretending to be their child. • Munch candies all the way through a weight-loss group’s meeting.

• Slip your shoulders through the Dark Side’s straps and terrorise your neighbourhood with your wicked looks.

-003 DK. RED / BLOOD RED

-004 DULL BLACK / LT. GREY

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, weasel-proof padded removable laptop pouch, large main compartment with hinge opening for easy access, side pocket with iPod/e-gadget holder, organiser with pen holders, zip mesh pocket and magazine sized slip pocket, 2 internal mesh pockets, super strong shoulder straps

1 2 3 4 5

Weasel-proof laptop compartment. Removable padded laptop pouch with handle. Super strong shoulder straps. Organiser with penholders, zip mesh pocket and A4 slip pocket. Side pocket for mp3 player or mobile phone.

theBelly

Size

(wxhxd)

size L FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´ & 15´´

Colours size L

-001 DEEP BLACK / LT. YELLOW

-002 BLACK OLIVE / CLEAR RED

-003 NAVY / JEANS BLUE

-004 GOLDEN ORANGE / WHITE GREY

-002 GRAVEL GREY / GREEN YELLOW

-003 LT. ARMY GREEN / DK. GREEN YELLOW

-004 FIREBRICK RED / BLOOD RED

BAG EXTERNAL 36x48x25.5 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 27.5x37x4 cm

Cavernous and curvaceous but cuddly, the Belly can take a right good

size XL FITS 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w

filling. Never mind the posh nosh, just stuff it with your indispensables ‘till

BAG EXTERNAL 37x52.5x26 cm

buttons. The way to your hearty is surely through our Belly. So, never mind

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 27.7x40.5x4.5 cm

it bulges obscenely. Forget innies and outies, this Belly is too zippy for

those stick insects and strap an xtra Belly on your back.

Features size XL

-001 DEEP BLACK / LT. GREEN GREY

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, weasel-proof padded laptop compartment with removable pouch, large main compartment with front opening for easy access, 2 side pockets with internal mesh organisers, super strong shoulder straps with 2 loops for pouch attachment and adjustable and removable sliding chest strap for fine adjustment, Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger, organiser in main compartment with zip pockets, document sleeve and pen holders, 2 external side loops for pouch attachment

1 Shoulder pads with adjustable and removable sliding chest strap. 2 Easy access main compartment in front. 3 Side pockets with mesh organisers. 4 Removable laptop pouch. 5 Organiser with pockets, penholders and document sleeve. 6 Love handles for pouch attachment. 7 Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger.

Colours Features -001 WHITE GREY / ORANGE

PrettyBoy

Size

(wxhxd)

FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w LOWER COMPARTMENT

FITS computer hard drives and accessories or 1 SLR with 4 lenses and accessories

-002 BLOOD RED / SILVER

-003 DULL BLACK / ORANGE

-004 BLACK OLIVE / BEIGE

Extra Large

Unlike its lil bruvva, the Pretty Boy Extra Large can now cater for even the biggest egos. Yes, you can now trek through the urban jungle, your parrot Kevin screeching ‘Who’s a pretty boy then?’ raucously on your chipped shoulder. Tease open the zipper, get

BAG EXTERNAL 36x51x23 cm

out your camera and lap-comp and while posing on a park bench

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 27x39.2x3 cm

snap some pictures of your lovely mug. Stick ‘em on your mobile

LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 32x15.5x15 cm

computer. Display your image to passers-by, brightening their dullard lives.

1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, padded lower compartment for IT accessories or photo equipment with internal removable dividers, upper compartment for travel gear, Trapdoor with zip to join both parts, padded laptop pouch, hidden front zip pocket, easy access velcro shut side pocket for mp3 player or mobile phone, side loop for pouch or lenscase attachment, 2 internal organisers, light weight padded back protection, comfy adjustable shoulder straps

1 2 3 4 5 6

Padded lower part for computer and camera accessories. Upper compartment for travel gear and laptop. Easy access velcro pocket for mobile phone, mp3 player etc. Lightweight padded back protection. Love handles on shoulder straps for pouch attachment... ...and on side of the backpack.

Warm Shower Royal Court Opulent Rooster

Features

1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, padded laptop sleeve with Weasel Proof opening, lower part with padded pouch for storage of computer gear and accessories or photo equipment with adjustable and removable dividers, upper part for all other travelling and/or work gear with internal pockets for more organization, Trapdoor with zip to join both parts, Shirt Lifter front organiser, 2 easy access padded wing pockets for mp3 player, compact camera, etc. lined with super soft Slippertex™ microfibre for extra protection, super comfy Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger which makes light work of heavy loads, super strong shoulder straps with 2 loops for pouch attachment and an adjustable and removable sliding chest strap

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Shirt Lifter front organiser. Upper compartment for travel or work gear. Internal pockets and penholders for more organisation. Fully removable padded pouch in lower part. Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger. Padded laptop sleeve with Weasel Proof opening. Shoulder straps with removable sliding chest strap. Easy access padded wing pockets. Optional waist belt with concealed passport pocket and loops for pouch attachment.

Each backpack is ideal for the international smuggler who likes to pose as an IT VIP or a snap-happy voyeur. With so many little covert compartments and secret sections we guarantee that the most zealous, full-body-cavity search inclined customs officer will give up before finding your goods. The Warm Shower is the perfect vessel for small merchandise, perhaps a little illicit ice. Further your smuggling career by networking with the Royal Court or live a life of luxury as Pirate

King of Smugglers’ Cove with the Opulent Rooster.

Size

Warm Shower (wxhxd)

(wxhxd)

Medium size

Size

(wxhxd)

FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´ and most 15´´ & 15´´w LOWER COMPARTMENT

FITS computer hard drives, cables & accessories or 1 camera body plus up to 4 lenses

Colours

BAG EXTERNAL 33.5x48x22 cm LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 26.5x36.5x4 cm LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 31x16.5x17 cm

Royal Court Large size

-001 FIREBRICK RED / WHITE ENAMEL

-002 STONE GREY / SAND

-003 LT. ARMY GREEN / DK. GREEN YELLOW

-004 DEEP BLACK / LT. BLUE

-001 FIREBRICK RED / BLOOD RED

-002 CHARCOAL / DK. MOUSE GREY

-003 DEEP BLACK / LT. ARMY GREEN

-004 BLACK OLIVE / COOL GREY

-001 DEEP BLACK / DK. MOUSE GREY

-002 NAVY / CARROT

-003 CHARCOAL / DK. OLIVE

-004 GRAVEL GREY / ORANGE

FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w LOWER COMPARTMENT

FITS computer hard drives, cables & accessories or 2 camera bodies plus up to 4 lenses BAG EXTERNAL 35x50.5x23 cm LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 27x36.5x4 cm

EXTRA FEATURE

LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 32x17x17 cm

fixture for optional waist belt

EXTRA FEATURES fixture for optional waist belt

Opulent Rooster Extra Large size

FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w LOWER COMPARTMENT

FITS computer hard drives, cables & accessories or 2 camera bodies plus 4 lenses & accessories BAG EXTERNAL 36x54x24 cm LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 28x40.5x4.5 cm

EXTRA FEATURES

LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 34x19x18 cm

fixture for optional waist belt, extra external pocket,

EXTRA FEATURES

2 extra internal mesh pockets, 2 external side loops for

fixture for optional waist belt; extra external pocket;

further pouch attachment

two extra internal mesh pockets; 2 external side loops for

Sleeves

Even though you enjoy keying other people’s cars, you want your life ‘n laptop scratch free so take a sleeve and carry on.

Colours -005 SILVER

Sizes

-006 RED

-007 BROWN

-008 BLACK

(wxhxd)

the GIMP 12´´ FITS 12´´ iBook, Powerbook & standard 12´´

Sex up your lap-friend by slipping it into this neoprene cat-suit. This product comes with instructions on how to sweet-talk

the GIMP 13´´ FITS 13´´ MacBook INTERNAL 32.5x22.7x2.8 cm

INTERNAL 28x23x3 cm

the GIMP 15´´ FITS nearly all standard 15´´

Features

INTERNAL 33.5x28x4 cm

theGimp

the GIMP 14´´ FITS 14´´ iBook & standard 14´´ INTERNAL 31.5x25x3.4 cm

the GIMP 15´´w FITS 15´´ MacBook Pro, PowerBook & standard 15´´w

the GIMP 17´´w FITS 17´´w MacBook Pro, Powerbook

your laptop into wearing it. Tell it that it’s unhealthy to repress your sexual desires, that the Gimp will help you both feel sexy and that if it really loves you it will wear it.

INTERNAL 40.5x28x3 cm

INTERNAL 37x26.5x3 cm

Super soft, super stretchy, super shiny neoprene; strong zip for super strong closing, special zip protection to keep the laptop from scratching; flexible sizing to fit more laptops now and tomorrow; elastic loops for in-pouch working

1 Perfect fitting for many laptop models. 2 Elastic loops for in-pouch use of laptop. 3 Special zip protection.

The

leRoyale Leather

Make those lowly serfs bow down, as You carry this commanding case wherever You wish to go. Symbol of Your aristocratic affluence, the le Royale is gratifying to Your hedonistic, high-living ways. Its luxurious richness dignifies Your majestic airs. Who dares meet Your eyes as You parade through Your kingdom, head held regally in the manner of One born to rule. Resplendent sovereign we only wish to humbly serve You.

Colours -001 DK. BROWN / DK. ORANGE

Size

-002 OFF-WHITE / DK. GREEN

-003 DK. RED / WHITE

-004 BLACK / DK. GREY

(wxhxd)

the le ROYALE 13´´ FITS 13´´ MacBook

the le ROYALE 15´´w FITS 15´´w MacBook Pro

the le ROYALE 17´´w FITS 17´´w MacBook Pro

INTERNAL 32.5x22.7x2.7 cm

INTERNAL 35.7x24.3x2.5 cm

INTERNAL 39.2x26.5x2.5 cm

Features

Crumpler’s super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather combined with waterproof Ripstop Lining, protective internal padding, soft internal leather zip cover for easy and safe opening and closing, shiny metal badge, strong zip closing

1 2 3 4

Perfect fit for your MacBook or MacBook Pro. Shiny metal badge. Leather zip cover for safe and easy opening and closing. Super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather.

Colours

-001 DK. BROWN / CREAM

-002 BLACK / DK. GREY

HardSuit

For those who are likely to take a few hard knocks and want an extra bit of protection, get a Hard Suit on your side. Tough and ruggedly handsome, this strongbox will protect your vitals from even the roughest handling. With this muscular minder watching

Size

-003 DK. DENIM / SILVER GREY

-004 DK. GREY / LT. ORANGE

(wxhxd)

HARD SUIT 13´´ FITS 13´´ MacBook

HARD SUIT 15´´w FITS 15´´w MacBook Pro

HARD SUIT 17´´w FITS 17´´w MacBook Pro

INTERNAL 32.5x22.7x2.7 cm

INTERNAL 35.7x24.3x2.5 cm

INTERNAL 39.2x26.5x2.5 cm

Features

your back you can get into as much trouble as you like. So with your Hard Suit, go throw eggs at the biggest doormen you can find. They will cower like frightened cattle while you laugh maniacally.

Rooster Tex™ hyper performance accessory fabric on Turtleshell Construction with super protection hard shell and additional internal foam shell for extra protection of your laptop, snuggle-soft lining inside, extra big zip with 2 zip pullers, contrasting big logo embroidery

1 Perfect fit and solid protection for your MacBook or MacBook Pro. 2 Extra big zip with 2 zip pullers. 3 Hard shell frame for maximum edge protection of laptop.

Boomer

Size

(wxhxd)

size M FITS 13´´ & A4 documents BAG EXTERNAL 38x29.5x7.7 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 32.5x23x3 cm

Colours

You’ll explode on the scene with this bombastic bag sending shockwaves through the stunned masses. Many will fall casualty to whiplash as they’re heads

-001 GREY BLACK / CHARCOAL

-002 SILVER / GRAVEL GREY

-003 BLACK OLIVE / GOLDEN ORANGE

-004 LIME YELLOW / MUSTARD

are dragged into your vortex of decentness. ‘How did this happen?’ they’ll wail,

size L FITS 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w

‘We thought we were the ones’. Fools! Don’t they know that their flimsy fads can’t stand up against the Boomer. I guess they couldn’t have seen it coming.

BAG EXTERNAL 42.5x30.5x10.5 cm

LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 36x25x3.5 cm

size XL FITS 15´´, 15´´w & Apple 17´´w BAG EXTERNAL 44.5x31x10.5 cm LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 38.8x27x3.5 cm

Features

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, adjustable shoulder strap, super integrated Third Base handle, Prince Charles Protective Seal, large front slip pocket, fully padded laptop pouch, internal mesh pocket, velcro flap closure

1 Padded laptop compartment. 2 Super integrated Third Base handle. 3 Fits your laptop plus documents and accessories.

the Slip

The Slip’s material is sooo sensuous that it would

Sizes

colour of all sizes is SILVER GREY

the 12´´ SLIP 26.8x19.7 cm the 13´´ SLIP 29.5x19.8 cm the 14´´ SLIP 28.7x21.4 cm

be worth buying a hundred or two which you could

stitch together to fashion a pair of silky pyjamas and some bedsheets. Slipping and sliding around your

the 15´´ SLIP 30.6x23 cm

bed in a hazy rapture, you won’t regret your indulgent purchasing. For those of you who find it difficult to

connect with your latent, natural sexuality, just buy

the 15´´w SLIP 33.5x20.8 cm

one and keep it between your keyboard and screen,

Features

stroking it occasionally when nobody’s watching.

the 17´´w SLIP 36.7x22.8 cm

100% Slippertex™ microfibre accessory fabric; cleans your screen, protects your screen form scratches and keyboard marks and serves as a portable mousepad

1 2 3 4

Protects screen from scratches, dirt and keybord marks. Put it on your keyboard when the laptop is not in use. Cleans your screen. Serves as mousepad.

Pouches Look at your precious little gadget babies, cuddle them up in our little pouchies. So cute!

Colours -004 SILVER

Size

-005 RED

-006 BLACK

-007 BROWN

P.P.

the

Oh grow up, it stands for ‘Pocket Pouch’! Stop laughing, I mean it, this is a serious product. Really…. o.k. fine, we’ll see who’s laughing when your new mp3 player is covered in sticky black banana and the screen on your phone is scratched, maybe broken. I hope your keys are in the same pocket and maybe some fire. We’ll see who’s laughing then, jerk.

(wxhxd)

size 40 FITS small mobile phones & digital cameras INTERNAL 6x9.5x2.5 cm

size 45 FITS small mobile phones & digital cameras, iPod nano

size 55 FITS mobile phones & digital cameras INTERNAL 6x11.5x3 cm

INTERNAL 5.1x10.2x2.5 cm

size 70 FITS mobile phones & digital cameras, iPod

Features

INTERNAL 6.2x10x3 cm

size 90 FITS mobile phones, digital cameras, iPod with ear phones INTERNAL 8x11.5x3.5 cm

Super soft, super stretchy, super shiny neoprene; strong zip for super strong seal and long life, special internal zip protection to keep your digi gear from scratching; internal mesh pocket for flash cards, ear phones or other small accessories

1 Space for mobile phone plus small accessories to go into mesh pocket. 2 Fits iPod and stores your earphones nicely in mesh pocket. 3 Internal zip protection to keep your digi gear from scratching.

John

Thursday

Our man John did such a good job designing this pouch one Thursday that the boys upstairs agreed to name it after him. O.K., it’s a great product but John is a real dick. He steals other designers’ ideas, taking all the credit and letches on all the gals in the office. We’re trying to come up with a plan to get him fired, so if you have any ideas that might help e-mail them to Johngone@crumpler.eu. YEAH!

Colours -013 CLEAR RED / SILVER

Size

-014 BLACK / TERRACOTTA

-015 MUSTARD / COOL DK. GREY

-016 BLACK GREY / WARM GREY

-017 DK. KHAKI / BLACK OLIVE

(wxhxd)

size 40 FITS small digital cameras, iPod nano & other e-gadgets

size 45 FITS small digital cameras & other e-gadgets

size 55 FITS small digital cameras, iPod & other e-gadgets

INTERNAL 5.5x10.1x2.5 cm

INTERNAL 7x11.5x3 cm

INTERNAL 6x9.5x2.5 cm

size 70 FITS digital cameras, small digital camcorders & other e-gadgets

size 90 FITS digital cameras, digital camcorders & other e-gadgets

INTERNAL 6.2x11x3.5 cm

INTERNAL 8x11.5x4 cm

Features

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, flexible neoprene body, secret pocket on inside of flap, detachable belt loop, hideable neck strap attachment, neck strap included

1 2 3 4

Fits iPod and other e-gadgets. Secret pocket on inside of flap. Detachable belt loop. Hideable neck strap attachment.

Colours -001 DULL BLACK

Size

-002 OATMEAL

-003 WASHED DK. GREY

-004 BORDEAUX RED

theB.B.

Originally the Belt Bitch, this beauty can carry all your crime-fighting utilities. Swoop down, o Caped Avenger and meat

(wxhxd)

out your own justice on the mean streets. Pack it with all the tools of your vigilant trade; the razor-edged boomerang,

size S FITS money, flash cards, credit cards, mp3 player or small digital camera

Features

POUCH INTERNAL 6.7x11x2 cm

size M FITS money, flash cards, credit cards & passport, mp3 player or medium sized digital camera POUCH INTERNAL 7x9.5x3.4 cm

size L FITS money, flash cards, credit cards, passport & airline ticket, mp3 player or larger digital camera POUCH INTERNAL 10x10.5x4 cm

sleeping-gas pellets etc. When you want to slip into Bruce Wayne mode replace your gear with digi cam, wallet, cards, travel papers and stuff. Nobody will know your secret.

Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supremeâ&#x201E;˘ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, padded protective camera / mp3 player pouch with headphone slot, super strong belt loops, credit card slots, concealed pocket for flash cards, safe pocket for small items

1 2 3 4 5 6

Lots of organisation with padded pouch and pockets. Padded protective pouch for mp3 player, mobile phone, digi cam etc. Super strong belt loops. Concealed pocket for small items. Large zip pocket with card slots and internal zip pocket. Hugs comfortably around your waist.

Biglittle Thing

Sizes

& Littlebig Thing

the BIGLITTLE THING FITS iPod Video the LITTLEBIG THING FITS iPod Nano

Relax for a minute and stop worrying about size. Everyone claims to have a BIGlittle thing but we want you to know that it’s o.k. to have a LITTLEbig thing as well. It really doesn’t matter to everyone.

Colours -001 DK. BROWN / LT. BLUE

-002 OFF WHITE / DK. ORANGE

-003 BLACK / LT. GREEN

-004 RED / OFF WHITE

-005 LT. GREEN / PURPLE

LITTLEbig things combined with the right amount of kissing and cuddling, maybe some earlobe nibbling can often give more pleasure than just having a BIGlittle thing. Whether you’re into a small, neat and skilled ‘nano-package’ or something big enough for those ‘videos’ we’re sure we can fulfill your needs.

Features

-006 CHARCOAL / BLACK

Super fine and super smooth real leather, soft real leather lining in contrasting colour with embossed logo on inside of flap, contrasting stitching, magnetic flap closing, cut outs for click-wheel, head phone cable and charger, detachable belt loop with press stud

1 2 3 4 5 6

Cut-out for charger... ...for earphone cable... ...and for the click-wheel. Belt loop can be used to store earphones. Leather belt loop with press stud - easily detachable. Belt loop can be used to make iPod stand in pouch.

I realized that my Crumpler bag has a Third Leg. Is that normal?

Jean, 36, worried.

Yes, that’s our unique extra strap that keeps your bag right on the spot you need it at. When you want to get really physical and active with your bag, (maybe on your bike) and positioning just doesn’t seem right, get it to use its Third Leg to better satisfy you. No need for any more annoying reacharound. Hey Dr. Thing, My Opulent Rooster is snuggling me so nicely from behind and I’m beginning to like it. Am I gay? Frank, 52 and bi-curious?

I don’t know, but in fact that’s what we call the Dr. Bodenschatz Backhugger. The backside of our backpacks huggs you softly and comfortably and keeps heavy loads stable and comfortable on your back. I’ve got really big ears. Am I precious and beautiful anyhow? Sarah, 30, pleading

Well, I must ask, are your friends able to shelter from dust, dirt, water or Corgis beneath their ears? That’s what Crumpler’s Prince Charles Protective seal can do. And that’s why it’s precious and beautiful. But I guess you’re quite ok, too - so love those lugs. ow can I protect my…. H ammm…. “best friend”?

Anonymous

The best protection is Slippertex. The super soft microfibre lining inside of the pockets on our bags keeps all your digi gear scratch free, nice and happy. P.S. There’s no shame in worrying about your iPod, camera and all the digital e-quipment you’re carrying around – you don’t have to refer to them as your “best friend”. TM

Sometimes I can’t wait and just need to tear into it. How can I always be ready for instant action?

Barbara, 28, insatiable

That’s ok. For this we have the ultimate solution. The Wing Pockets on the sides of our backpacks - you can put small things like mobile phone, digi cam or mp3 player in there and get access to this really fast without taking down the backpack. Is the Quick Flick Buckle really the right tool if you’re into quick, spontaneous position changes?

Bernard, 28, adventurous

There is nothing better. The solid Crumpler Quick Flick Buckle lets you instantly adjust the position of your sack in one hand movement and holds on tight if you want it to. Somebody was lightly brushing against me yesterday on the bus and I did quiver with excitement but I fear that I’ve lost something... Is it safe to use a Crumpler bag?

Donna, 36 and flushed

Crumpler bags are Weaselproof. This means that while waiting for a bus or train you can back it up to any strangers you want, grinding yourself against them the way you know they like it, all the while safe in the knowledge that your bag space remains unviolated and nobody can open your laptop compartment while you’re wearing the backpack. I walked in on my John Thursday on top of my Belly.... Why did you sell me products that would do this?

Trish, 29, betrayed

Our bags like each other...We have extra loops on our bags called “Love Handles” which allow to attach small pouches.

When he is wearing a Crumpler backpack my boyfriend can’t stop fondling his breasts. Is this normal?

ask Dr. Phil

Emma, 17, jealous

It would be more normal if he couldn’t stop fondling YOUR breasts but in this case it’s clearly because of Crumpler’s Sliding Chest Strap. It’s adjustable for all man-breast-sizes from A to Double D and holds the backpack steady. And because the sliding feels so good, you can’t keep your hands off. Tip: Get yourself one and give it a try. My mother says tight things are not good for you… high pitch voices or yeast or something. Is this true? Thomas, 22, doubting

Not at Crumpler. The lightweight shock resistant neoprene fabric wraps tightly around the laptop and digital gear and provides it from scratches, hitches and other trouble. Even your mom can’t have anything against this. I love Crumpler’s leather material. It’s so soft and yet good ‘n tough. The colours are amazing and I can’t stop touching it, to run my hand over it, to smell at it... (Censored - please keep letters publishable, Ed.) Laura, 31, ready

That’s Crumpler’s Holycow Real Leather – super soft, shiny, nice to touch yet durable, long-lasting and high quality - but please… steady on! What’s 3rd Base, I mean I don’t know if I’ve gotten there yet or not, what exactly do I have to touch and in what way? Peter, 27, lost

Our Third-base Handle is the hidden and nicely integrated handle on the back of some bags for quick and smooth grabbing. You don’t need it - you don’t see it.

For all the questions g ba r ple Crum ing to you’re just dy ers to sw an e th ow kn but could not ask your mum, ing Dr. Phil T. Th can help

T. Thing I like it softer! What do I need?

Michael, 57, tender

You need a shoulder pad! Crumpler bags have soft padded shoulder pads that make carrying them sooooo comfortable…. I love pouches with a Detachable Belt Loop. You can have it when you want it and leave it at home when you’re not in the mood. Am I afraid of commitment?

Don, 36, single

No, we all like to have options. That’s why the Detachable Belt Loop’s got a velcro closure to put your pouch on and off the belt or on the loops of larger bags. So you don’t need to take off your belt and drop your pants each time you want to put on or take off your pouch. You know sometimes I have this dream, it’s so nice, but afterwards everything is wet.... I’m scared I’m not normal… Norman, 23, cringing

No, don’t worry, you’re fine, it’s natural and you can relax ‘cause we use waterproof Ripstop Lining which is both goop and H2O proof.

We have separate bedrooms – my partner wants to change this now. But I won’t... or I will.... I mean sometimes... most of the times... but not at all times.... just from time to time.... Josh, 32, in a tizzy

Ok, I think I’ve got it, one word: Trapdoor. With Crumpler’s “connecting door” you can make two backpack compartments out of one, or one compartment out of two, simply by opening or closing the dividing zipped door. So you’ve the best of both worlds. Connecting door! Got the picture? My boyfriend wants everything all at once.But I want to show him only a little and make it as exciting as possible.

Ruth, 26, titillating

Crumpler’s Shirt Lifter Front Organiser hits the spot. You can open it very easily, reaching the inner mesh pockets without opening the whole bag. This organiser has lots of zip pockets, mesh pockets, pen holders etc. So, lift your bag’s shirt and be amazed…

I’m torn between making the usual ‘safe bet choice’ or going for something more risky. I need some adventure, something exciting and great looking, but also something that’ll take care of me. Can I have the best of both worlds? Eve, 31, confused TM

Chicken Tex Supreme is what you need... Crumpler’s own official, great looking, charming and daring super high performance 1000d fabric – water resistant, light weight, durable and resists tearing - it’ll thrill you while treating you right.

Dr. Thing, I like a bit of rough, how can I get it good? Ed, 33, desperate

You sound like you need a good Roostering. Rooster Tex looks smooth and feels good to the touch but it’s no ordinary Crumpler Tex. Poke it with your finger, poke it hard... Oooohh, extra stiff. Oooohh extra strong and always hard. Doesn’t mind those little spills. Oooohh…. Roostertex! TM

the

Nudex

BIGlittle thing

LITTLEbig thing

P.P.

B. B.

John Thursday

Gimp 12”

Gimp 13”

Super Boomer XL Hard Suit 13”

Hard Suit 17”w

Hard Suit 15”w

Boomer M

Boomer L

Boomer XL

Super Boomer L

Gimp 14”

Gimp 15”

Righthand

Gimp 17”w

Gimp 15”w

Beancounter

Cheesytina

le Royale 13”

le Royale 15”w

le Royale 17”w

Slippy Fish

Ugly Divorce

Being tight

as usual we had to settle with Arnold (1.90m tall) as

our Nudex model. He gibbered and whooped from the moment he came in the door and immediately went on a mad rampage. He promptly made love to a coat-stand, took trophy locks of hair from most of the girls in the office and then briefly laid siege to a bathroom where a few people had hidden themselves from him. We lured him away with an ice-cream cone and once we had him stripped down to his pants (he wouldn’t take his helmet off)

he was a natural, dancing to his own crazed beat.

Fishy Slip

Cheesy Disco

Sticky Date

Dark Side

Pretty Boy Backpack XL

Belly L

Belly XL

Who says you can’t get good value for 25 bucks?! Warm Shower

Royal Court

Opulent Rooster

Dick Casey IT