COMING UP FOR AIR
MC
ISSUE 1
A BIG THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE, WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED EITHER THROUGH VIBING WITH ME ON A SPIRITUAL LEVEL OR HAVING PHYSICALLY SHARED EXPERIENCES IN LIFE WITH ME. THIS IS SIMPLY A RECORD AND EXPRESSION OF LOVE, HAPPINESS, HURT, ANGER, CONFUSION, AND PEACE. THIS ZINE, AS AM I, IS A WORK IN PROGRESS, AND CONSTANTLY IS BEING IMPROVED, AND ADDED TO. SOME DAYS I MAY NOT LIKE THE WAY I WORD CERTAIN POEMS OR PIECE OF WRITINGS I PUT IN, OTHER DAYS I FULLY ADORE THEM. WHAT I WILL FOREVER BELIEVE IN, IS THAT- I FELT EVERYTHING I’VE PUT IN HERE AT SOME POINT OF MY LIFE AND THAT IS WHY IT’S IN HERE.
-STAY TUNED FOR MORE.All photography by MC Barnes, and all written work by MC Barnes, unless credited otherwise.
FOREWARD BY MC
THE INSPIRATION OF THIS INSTALLATION, AND ZINE, COMES FROM THE CONCEPT THAT SALT WATER HAS THE ABILITY TO HEAL OR CURE MOST THINGS; WHETHER IT’S THROUGH SWEAT, TEARS, OR SALT WATER. MY FASCINATION WITH SURF HAS GROWN MASSIVELY. THE DEDICATION, AND PASSION THAT ONE MUST HAVE, AND NEEDING TO BE FULLY IMMERSED IN THE MOMENT, HAVE TRANSLATED TO ME IN DAILY LIFE. COMING UP FOR AIR SIGNIFIES THE RELEASE OF STRUGGLE, AND PAIN FROM BEING UNDERWATER FOR TOO LONG, THE CONTENTS OF THIS ZINE REPRESENT THE RELEASE OF STRUGGLE AND PAIN FROM HEARTBREAK, AND LIFE’S HARDSHIPS. WHILST WE ARE UNDERWATER, WE CHOOSE WHEN TO COME UP FOR AIR. WE HAVE THAT CHOICE OUT OF THE WATER TOO.
MC.
Immersing one’s self in salt water can be a really spiritual experience. Salt has healing attributes, which by default bring out the “bad stuff.” Through sweat, tears, or salt water itself, it is an experience that changes an organism. We use salt water to rid bacteria from our throats when we have a sore throat; we cry tears, to rid our body of bad feelings (and to express our happiness from within during good experiences); and by sweating we are expelling our body’s toxins through our pores. Salt is forever around us, and in us. Surfing, paddle boarding, and swimming in the ocean, are all activities that have the possibility to be spiritual experiences. One must focus and be in the moment, and one must have the drive for it. Surfing, to most of the public is seen as a sport, nothing more
nothing less. Yet, there are communities and individuals that argue otherwise and believe surfing and other water sports to be truly spiritual experiences. That’s where the magic comes from, the people who believe in it. Just like any relationship, it isn’t magic unless you believe it is, and put in the effort, have the drive, and want for it to work. That being said, just because it is magic, doesn’t mean it will always work out. The waves will thrash you about, you’ll lose balance, you’ll fall off, and get discouraged. In the end, we may fall off our board so many times that we feel it will never happen how we hope it will. But we can’t presume the end result, we can only ride out the journey.- MC.
A STEADY WAVE DOESN’T MAKE A PALM TREE GROW -A poem by mc.-
No wave approaching the beach is ever the same. Each day I wake up feeling different. Either I’m sad, or happy, or just coasting. Each day I go to sleep feeling different. Either I’m sad, or happy, or just tired. Which is why my writing fluctuates. Some days I really feel the hurt again in my heart and feel more emotional and vocal. Other days, I feel empowered and strong, and keep with my positive writing. It depends which day you come across me, Occasionally, a thrashing wave is what breaks a palm tree. Occasionally, a thrashing wave makes that palm tree grow it’s roots even deeper into the ground. To me; and the people hurting, We are palm trees; forever regenerating. And growing our roots. Only to be thrashed about again, and shed the old roots. Take comfort in knowing, our journeys are not to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. Hard times make us strong, resiliant, and persevere. After all, Steady waves don’t make a palm tree grow. -MC.
I WOKE UP ON A CAPSIZED BOAT -A POEM BY MC.-
I woke up on a capsized boat. I felt as though my skin was on fire. Not a sunburn but as though my insides were flaming and they wanted to burst through my skin. I woke up on a capsized boat. Since I had never woken up before on a capsized boat, I didn’t quite know what to do. Swim? Stay? Yell? I decided for the first 3 months of being stranded, to cry. It wasn’t going to get me anywhere, but at least I wouldn’t be harboring sadness or pent up emotions. I woke up on a capsized boat. It wouldn’t flip the boat over, but when I decided it was time to start rowing, and moving, I wouldn’t be choking and flubbering on tears. Despite being lost, and unsure of what would happen next, I took comfort in knowing, I tried. I really did. I tried to flip the boat, I tried to stay in the boat. I tried to even coerce the boat and convince it not to flip. Every fort night though, as I began to row and feel the strength to find land, the Northern star would blink at me, and remind me “a boat capsized, is still a boat.” I woke up on a boat. -MC.
Surfer: Marcella Wilson
Michael Alderson is a surfer and below speaks on how surfing can be a spiritual sport. Well when you catch a wave, and really are able to surf it...certain things come into play (that can possibly make it a spiritual experience)! -Your surfing nature! -It can be unsafe and completely out of your control. -The feeling of catching a wave is euphoric and exciting. -You constantly keep getting the best wave you have ever caught and you just feel at one with the ocean! -You’re begging to respect the ocean and every thing that lives in it, and start paying attention to things about the ocean that you never normally would e.g. culling of animals, like sharks, for no reason or just general marine conservation. Also [I] feel that the ocean is a healer, whether you’re inside it connecting through sport or just watching.
DECEMBER DAZE AND CLEAR MINDS -AN ENTRY ABOUT SELF-LOVE AND SEEING THE PRESENT FOR WHAT IT IS... BY MC-
I won’t go too deep into detail about my heart break just yet (save that for another issue of the zine), I wanted this article to focus on seeing the present. One day in December, I was preparing to get ready for spin class. Standing next to my bike, I turned on my phone and saw my ex’s photo. Why have I opened this? Why do I keep putting myself through this? After the past few months of anxiety, tears, sadness, and confusion, I barely could see a light at the end of the tunnel. Which is extremely rare for me to ever admit or say out loud. But in this case, I was so in love with him and my heart was just broken. Like most couples do at some point, we nurtured the idea that one day we would get married, and that we couldn’t imagine spending our lives with anyone else, we were/are soulmates (I put the slash because who knows, soulmates meet sometimes, and just aren’t meant to be together forever). When I went home for summer though, things came up to surface level and became conditional, for him. Whilst looking back all I could wish for is more honesty and communication, but I’m not mad.
Back to the day in December, after countless therapy sessions, venting to my friends & family, and self-soothing, I stood there looking at his photo. A face I came to love and wanted in my life forever. But what we were, wasn’t that anymore. And in that moment, I realized, I didn’t want to be in this pain anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not as easy as switching a light on and off, but the realization was the first step to my self-healing and active decision to pick myself up. I realized that the present, was not with him. And that I had done my fighting and felt like I cried and felt so much, and I was ready to take care of ME now. Sure, I look at his photo every now and then, and I still cry every so often, but I am proud of myself for taking the first few steps to feeling better...to be cont.
Exmouth, UK.
THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU, IT WAS REALLY EXCITING. I HAD BEEN SICK FOR A WEEK AND THE FACT THAT YOU WAITED, MADE ME HOME COOKED SOUP, FOR SOMEONE YOU HAD NEVER MET BEFORE, WAS UNBELIEVABLE. AS IF I HAD COME ACROSS AN ANGEL IN DISGUISE, SOMEONE WHO SHOWED ME LOVE AND HOW MUCH I COULD LOVE. BEFORE YOU MET ME, YOU DREW ME, IN A PIECE OF ART. IF ALL THAT WASN’T MAGICAL, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS. WE SHOWED EACH OTHER HOW DEEP AND BEAUTIFUL LOVE COULD BE. AND WHILST IT TURNED CONDITIONAL AT SOME POINT WHEN I WAS AWAY, I STILL AM SO GRATEFUL WE GOT TO EXPERIENCE THAT LOVE. AND NEVER FOR A SECOND WILL I REGRET WHAT WE HAD. I THINK I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
“I THINK WE ALL LIKE TO KNOW IF OUR EXPARTNER IS SAD ABOUT THE BREAK UP, NOT TO BE CRUEL, BUT BECAUSE WE WANT TO KNOW THAT THEY STILL CARE. THAT THEY DIDN’T MOVE ON EASILY, THAT THE LOVE THEY EXPRESSED WAS REAL AND TRUE. WE ALL DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO, TO STAY AFLOAT AND BUOYANT.”
“No matter frayed, or tangled, the invisible red thread will always connect those who are meant to be together.� - Asian legend
YOUR SWEATY PALMS / MY SWEATY PALMS -An entry about inner growth THROUGH DIFFERENT CLIMATE ZONES...BY MC-
The presence of palm trees has become so special to me. When I see palm trees, I feel at home. For 90% of my life I grew up in the sub tropics of South East Asia. Specifically Macau, and Hong Kong, but with a good mixture of Thailand, Indonesia, the Philippines, and Malaysia.
DANANG, VIETNAM
MACAU Throughout my adventures, I have photographed palm trees in the different cities. I have yet to scientifically look into the differences of each plant, but creating a collection has made me happily nostalgic and relaxed. Only recently have I discovered that I am homesick more so now than ever. It’s not a heavy, emotional homesick, but one that just is there and makes me yearn for
the warmth, the beating sun on your back, and the sweat. How strange, I find, that I miss the sweat. I go to spin class a number of times a week, but that’s a different sweat.
KOH SAMUI, THAILAND
LAGUNA, PHILIPPINES.
Seemingly enough staying for a few years in London, has made my body and soul really realize that I do miss the tropics. It’s not to say that I don’t enjoy being in London, I really do enjoy it actually. The opportunities and experiences I’ve had here, have been amazing and people I’ve met are just so special. Just through my personal growth, I’ve discovered that by nature of my personality and outlook on life, I feel more at home in the tropics. I think I will forever try to bring summer around with me. Especially in London, since the weather can be a bit discouraging at times, I try my best to be as much of a positive person and positive influence as I can be. Vibes flow- one person’s mood is so easily transferred to someone else. Surround yourself with positivity, and if there isn’t any, be the positivity. Life is a series of events and journeys happening, that being said, we
do have a say in our decisions and choices. The Universe, will always guide us where we need to go, but you still have the reins. I need to be in London right now, and whilst I can’t have the tropics here too, I’ve bought aritificial palm trees for my room haha. Life works with you when you choose to react positively, and choose to keep on keeping on.
DANANG, VIETNAM
Ultimately wherever you choose to go, the Universe has it’s own agenda for you. So whilst you make your own movements and choices, things will happen that will always steer you to where you need to be, in that very moment.
Surfing is much like a relationship. You walk up towards the beach. The sand looks perfect, The blue water is crystal clear, The lush palm trees are sturdy and green, As you walk towards the water, It’s exciting. The thrill of it all, is so immense, unfamiliar, and new. Once you get into the water and get used to the newness, You become comfortable, Still excited But comfortable. Then When the waves get choppy And the wind picks up, You feel your surfboard leash slip off your ankle, You try your best to hold onto the board After all, It’s just you and the board And the deep, vast, ocean. Then It happens The board gets up, And walks out of the ocean. It’s done, It’s had enough. You are left there, in shock and disbelief, treading water. It told you it would float, and
be there to support you And now, it decided it couldn’t be a bit more courageous and wait it out. You are swimming alone now. The waves are thrashing, but calming a bit. You are scared, hesitant, and distressed, but realize after the cold waters begin to heat up With the sun peaking out of the clouds, You are alive. You are well. You are capable. And even though you can’t surf without your board, You realize you can still swim, And float, And breathe, On your own. -MC.
FIN
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