Out of the Shadows
A poignant poetry book that treads the tangled pathway between mental health and recovery.
Written and produced by the members of the Live it Well centre to celebrate its 5 year anniversary. mental health and wellbeing services www.mcch.org.uk/wellbeing
Disclaimer All of the poems written in this book are the copyrighted and personal property of the writers themselves and must not be used in any way, other than in this book, without the writers express permission.
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Stigma Useless
my best isn’t enough
JUST SNAP OUT OF IT!
they don’t care
STOP the thoughts
can’t anyone HEAR me?
pathetic
All alone
It’s all my fault
Why am I like this?
Depressed
Help me I never wanted to be like this
Someone help me
just cheer up I’m a freak I don’t deserve friends
GROW UP
DOUBT
Useless
get over it
I’m tired
so scared
so scared
life is cruel
STOP
JUDGING ME
Why?
foolish Pretend
it’s not normal
PAIN
Noone cares
So what’s
normal
really?
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Stigma by Shaun Drake Cut, Cut, Cut, Slash, Slash, Slash, Now I’m feeling the backlash of my past, And feeling the pain once again. No one seems to want to know me, No one seems to care, Why doesn’t anyone understand me? Life seems to be so cruel. Wish I could get a job to make my life feel full, But no one wants to employ me, as I’m just a fool, Tried to get life insurance but no one wants to know me, As I Cut, Cut, Cut, Slash, Slash, Slash, In my distant past. All I want is people to accept me, For whom I am, and not my past, Treat me as an equal, To see me as their friend.
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Stigma by Joe Russ We suffer every day, A depressive state makes the days feel grey, It’s good to be different, an individual, People’s words can be so cruel. Judged by our illness every day, Not as individuals so we hide away, It’s good being unique having your own characteristics, You’re not alone so don’t be sad, Everyone is a bit mad.
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Stigma by Wendy I’m strange I am, I’m strange indeed, For every moment, every need, Every decision I concede, The stigma of an illness. I do odd things; I’m at a loss, And others may not give a toss, And voices speak cause they’re the boss, The stigma of an illness. I’m in the church and people see, Behaviour of the iller me, And thinking existentially, The stigma of an illness. And now I’m known and understood, I try behaving as I should, I’m fitting in as best I could, The stigma of an illness.
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Stigma by Sari Beastall Get up out your wheelchair, Paraplegia isn’t real! You’re being awfully lazy Don’t pretend you’re really ill! How dare you claim for ESA Because you cannot breathe?! Those cruel and clumsy nasal tubes Are too unsubtle to believe! What do you need help for, You’ve only lost an arm! You still have one that works just fine There’s no cause for alarm If everybody thought these things Society would shatter But for the mentally disabled It doesn’t seem to matter We need to just get over it; We needn’t be so blue; We’re clearly far too self-absorbed: We should be more like you But we can no more hide our pain Than a crippled man can walk, So try a little empathy And think before you talk.
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Stigma by Michael Evans Mental Health has changed me, Depression ruins normality, Medication blurs reality, But stigma ruins lives. Mental Health has made me fear, Depression makes me scared to hear, Medication helps me stem the tears, But stigma can break ties. Mental Health, judge us not, Depression, please give us a shot, Medication can help a lot, But stigma needs to die. Mental Health is very real, Friends and family help us feel, Community is how we deal, So give empathy a try.
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Friends and Family
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Family and Friends by Michael Evans It took a long time to speak my mind, My friends would ask me but I would hide, Eventually I got the courage to say, “I’m sorry; this was what was wrong with me.” The ones that listened they listened well, They understood why I fell, But for some they couldn’t understand or know, Why I still didn’t have this under control. One stuck with me, through thick and thin, No matter what, she accepts my sins, She realises what is wrong with me, And helps me with recovery.
Peer support group by Hilary Froude Just when you feel at your lowest ebb, There’s someone to talk to, in the peer support group, I often need help with my hallucinations, I often feel like taking poison, shopping worries me.
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Friends and Family by Wendy I have a network all around, Of friends that keep me safe and sound, They know of my reality, The voices, those that hassle me. I have a network, special friends, Of those who help me make amends, They know of my Reality, It’s panic stations count to three. I have a network, three or four, Of those I can knock on the door, They know of my reality, We sit and have a cup of tea. I have a network in my life, I am a mother and a wife, They know of my reality, And I am coping, I will be.
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Friends and Emotions by Wendy I’m bad, I’m mad it’s good to see, The nature of reality, And in my madness count to three, The negative emotion. I’m crazy and it’s not my fault, I don’t do things, the things I aught, And negative is every thought, The negative emotion. I’m upset and I think a lot, Emotions that the time forgot, To give to life a better shot, The negative emotion. The craziness is in my head, And madness causes so much dread, I think for now, I think ahead, The negative emotion. My madness has a better side, I let it out, I do not hide, And in my friends I will confide, The negative emotion.
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Father by David Froude If I could write my life story, And fill up a folder, I should be positive, I wish I’d relax more, Slip them in, As one is finished, They go in like a list, I think my friends understood me more, Than my family, It should have been the other way around.
The Rock by Gill My family is my rock, Covered in seaweed, The sea relentlessly Crashing over me like hundreds of demands on My time, my health and my loyalties. The tide Overwhelming my senses, as I struggle to rise to the Surface – Suddenly, the light of the sun on my face. I am treading water again, furiously peddling under The surf, as my serenity and peace perform a delicate balancing Act above the horizon. Ripples within the rock pool of emotion that Connect and disconnect are my family, friends and strangers That I have yet to meet. The Rock is still here, and I am strong again.
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Understanding
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Depression by David Froude Depression is all but darkness, Truly I’ve been there, It may not seem it, All I need was a little love and understanding. All is chaos the world goes too fast, Some I can stand, some I can’t, It’s a job we don’t all fall off, But gravity keeps us all there.
Mental Health by Hilary Froude A lot of people suffer from mental health, Depression, and anxiety states, There are sad people hearing voices, I suffer from hearing voices, Just when I feel worry, I hear a cruel voice.
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Sometimes by David Froude Sometimes I feel stretched to the limit, Sometimes the positive out-weigh, The negative emotions, Who can tell? Sometimes I feel lonely, Sometimes I feel I should smile more, But why should I?! Sometimes I could cry. Sometimes my emotions go awry, Do we help ourselves? Or do we let someone else in, But that’s life!
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Misunderstood by Wendy I am misunderstood, yes this I know, And deep within the shadows of despair, I don’t know where I am or where I go, And it’s a bonus if someone might care, For I am on this journey of the mind, A spirit left alone and far behind. I am despondent and depression calls, Psychosis manifests itself for free, And voices join the rabble of the time, They punish and they hassle you and me, For I am on this journey of the mind, And seeking out the people who are kind. So who will come and rescue me and thus, Contribute to the wellness that I feel, The understanding of the folk around, The sealing of the comprehensive deal, For I am on this journey of the mind, And I am but a sparkle that has shined. I am misguided for reality, Is constantly a knocking on my door, Hallucinations overwhelm each sense, And then I pray there won’t be any more, For I am on this journey of the mind, And my identity I hope to find.
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Understanding by Michael Evans I know you can see right through my lies, My thoughts I can no longer hide, It’s time to tell you how I feel, To show you the thoughts that to me are real, I hurt, I cry, and I try to get through, And then each day I speak to you, It’s tough to word this in a way, That you’ll understand the words I say, But know that what this feels like inside, Is similar to a theme park ride, I go up and come down in massive dips, And each one is a painful trip, It makes no sense to even me, So how could you ever see? But you listen to me ramble on, As I explain to you what’s wrong, You listen to my every word, And I know that you have heard, You try to help in any way you can, And I’m so happy that you understand.
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POSITIVELY NEGATIVE
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Positive Ways of Looking at Negative Emotions by Sheryl Dawson Mental Health, makes you feel down, makes you feel sad, It gives you an overwhelming feeling that you are unworthy and bad, Everything screams negativity, I’m a failure, I’m no good, I will amount to nothing, don’t think I ever could, We need to hit rock bottom, before our life can really start, Working through every negative emotion, again and again until it becomes a thing of the past, Our past is what defines us, makes us who we are today, All those negative thoughts and emotions, can be worked upon and understood, Giving us a better insight into the true emotional stability that us as individuals have, Us as people need to bring together the light and the dark, The negative and positive combining together to make a beautiful light, which is ourselves in all its imperfections
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Anger by Sari Beastall I am happy to be angry! I am joyous to be mad! Being crabby makes me cheerful! Being grumpy makes me glad! Because I know that when I’m angry, I am getting it all out, And airing all my problems, That make me want to shout. And afterwards I’m calmer, My mind feels fresh and clear, And I have space to work out what to do, And where to go from here.
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Sins by Michael Evans Sin isn’t such a bad thing; it brings out our hidden side, It is made up of seven emotions that most people try to hide, But I don’t want to, I shouldn’t have to, Sin is part of life, Each one is a part of me, and makes me feel quite nice, Gluttony, Envy, Lust, Wrath, Pride, Sloth, even Greed, Every single one of those is a thing our psyche needs. Lust is within everyone, it’s a desire for something more, But desire isn’t something bad; it makes us want for more, The Lust for Power, Knowledge and even Sex is needed in us all, For with Lust comes Drive, and that keeps us moving after falls, Toward something happier, grander, right before your eyes, It’s needed, pushes us on, that Desire within our lives. Gluttony makes you want to eat, but that’s not always bad, When you’re growing you need to eat, if you didn’t that’d be sad, Sure it can go too far; you can eat too much and get full, But tasting lots of different things is bad? That’s a load of bull, You need Gluttony to help you try out all the different food, So get out there and try it all, it’ll change your mood. Greed might sound like an evil thing, but when you think it out, If you didn’t save your money, you would surely pout, You need to be greedy in other things too, be selfish once in a while, Look after number one; be different from the rank and file, Greed can help you out, to empower you , so now, Why not go and treat yourself, don’t worry about the how.
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Sloth is one we all know well, being lazy’s always nice, Sure it can be bad to stay in bed all day, ignoring the outside life, But sometimes it’s needed, I’m sure we know, to help us out sometimes, I’m sure you’ve all felt down and out, and needed some “Me” time, So don’t think of Sloth as bad, in fact it’s quite helpful, Use that time spent in bed to realise that you’re special. Wrath can be quite tricky, but think of it this way, If you were always picked on each and every day, Would you be able to sit there, taking all of that? Or would you eventually lash out, at what made you feel like crap? Now when you think of Wrath, of Anger and such things, Can you see it as so bad, or a way to deal with things? Envy is one that I’m sure that most of you know well, You look at someone in those clothes, and want them for yourself, But Envy, or jealousy, can be good; it pushes you more and more, The want for something someone has can get you off the floor, You work for it and push yourself to get that thing you need, And when you have it, good for you, what is the next thing that you need. Pride is my big sin; it can sometimes get quite bad, But I sit here thinking of what I’ve done, the accomplishments I’ve had, I remember getting compliments on some small things I’ve done, And that one little thing can make even fear be gone, Just thinking of the work you do, can cause your chest to swell, That is Pride in what you’ve done, I’m sure you know it well.
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Do you see what I mean, Sin isn’t so bad, You can look at it in any way but remember to be glad, Pride, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and Lust, All are a single part of you, so don’t make such a fuss, Make the most of all the emotions you have, Don’t see them all as pain, Think positively about each of them, and you’ll feel right as rain.
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Thank you for reading
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mcch Pathways to Wellbeing Live it Well centre Canterbury Road Ashford Kent TN24 8QF t. 01233 625371 www.mcch.org.uk twitter.com/mcchcharity facebook.com/mcchcharity mcch is a registered charity number 1156486 and a company limited by guarantee (registered in England and Wales number 8971493).