Family Mediation Quarterly
INSPIRING SETTLEMENTS SINCE 1982
MASSACHUSETTS COUNCIL ON FAMILY MEDIATION 23 Parker Road Needham Heights, MA 02494-2001
MCFM
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MCFM
FAMILY MEDIATION QUARTERLY Vol. 4 No. 1
Winter 2005
NONPROFIT ORG. U.S. POSTAGE PAID NEEDHAM, MA PERMIT NO. 53289
MCFM
The Massachusetts Council On Family Mediation is a nonprofit corporation established in 1982 by family mediators interested in sharing knowledge and setting guidelines for mediation. MCFM is the oldest professional organization in Massachusetts devoted exclusively to family mediation.
From The President: Laurie S. Udell
Contents
I wasn’t asked, but if I had been, I would not have cast my vote for President Bush to be Time Magazine’s Man of the Year. My vote probably would have been for Margaret Marshall, SJC Chief Justice to be the Woman of the Year. She authored the momentous Goodridge decision, and all acknowledge that the decision changed many things, some going as far as suggesting it was the linchpin of the reelection of President Bush.
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Uniting Families Through Immigration By Monique H. Kornfeld
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Negotiating Space with Clients in Public A Practice Tip By Linda Arkow Karp
Now that many months have gone by since Goodridge, I’m sure we all agree that changes abound, at least in the Commonwealth. Now, marriage is not limited to heterosexual couples, nor is formal divorce. A columnist wrote this fall in the Boston Globe that a handful of the couples who married soon after Goodridge became law have gone to various probate courts to be divorced. The forms for divorce may not have been amended, but the judges and registers are doing their best to make up for the fact that for a 1A divorce there is not a Husband and Wife, and similar linguistic-related challenges.
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The Need for Full Disclosure in Separation Agreements By Mark I. Zarrow
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Elder Mediation By Blaire Trippe
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A Tax Change to the 'Qualifying Child' Definition By James McCusker
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Power: Vested & Nonvested A Mediation Vignette By John A. Fiske
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An Important Resource for Families The Parental Stress Line By Katie Britton
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Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind: Recounting a Challenge to Mediation Confidentiality By Shuneet Thomson
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ADR in the Courts By Christine W. Yurgelun
The important message, though, is that it is not easy for any couple to stay married, and, of course, not easy to get divorced, though using mediation generally makes the situation more bearable. Would anyone have been foolish enough to predict that all the gay couples who waited hours on line at Cambridge City Hall or anywhere else, would remain married forever? On another more disturbing front, the Boston Globe reported in a page one story this December that backward steps have been taken with respect to gay couples. Many companies who used to offer health benefits for unmarried couples no longer do so, apparently because all couples who wish to marry can now do so. Also, some companies that have self-insured health plans say they do not need to offer a gay married couple health insurance because such plans are not governed by Massachusetts law. Instead, they cite the federal Defense of Marriage Act as justification for limiting health insurance to a traditional married couple. Certainly, some of our law or mediation practices may be directly affected, whether by writing prenuptial agreements or simply mediating the divorce for gay couples. We must be able to recognize the pitfalls that might arise.
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Winter 2005 • Vol. 4 No. 1
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UNITING FAMILIES THROUGH IMMIGRATION By Monique H. Kornfeld One of the most popular ways for foreigners1 to obtain legal permanent residency, known colloquially as having the “green card,” in the United States is for close family members to sponsor them. Legal permanent residency allows an alien to travel abroad and live and work permanently in the United States so long as he does not abandon his legal permanent residency or become subject to deportation by engaging in certain activities or committing various crimes. However, only certain family members qualify as sponsors and the waiting time to obtain legal permanent residency varies depending on the alien’s relationship to the sponsoring relative. This article will discuss the different categories of relatives who may qualify as sponsors and the procedures for obtaining legal permanent residency. It should be emphasized that the marriage of an alien to a US citizen does not confer automatic legal permanent residency or US citizenship upon the alien, regardless of where the marriage occurred or where the alien is currently physically present. Rather, the US citizen spouse must still file an immigrant visa petition for the spouse and prove to the US Citizenship and Immigration Service (US CIS) that their marriage is bona fide. Sponsors United States citizens (USCs) can sponsor their spouses, married and unmarried children, brothers and sisters and parents.2 The spouse, unmarried children under 21 years of age and the
parents of USCs are known as “immediate relatives” and immigrant visa numbers are immediately available for these relatives once the immigrant visa petition is approved. There are different preference categories for the married children (third preference), children over 21 years old (first preference) and brothers and sisters (fourth preference) of USCs, and these alien relatives must wait for a visa number to become available after a visa petition is approved. The wait can be approximately 15 years for a sibling of a US citizen. Legal permanent residents (LPRs) can also sponsor their spouses and unmarried children (second preference). These sponsored relatives must also wait for a visa number to become available after a visa petition is approved. The current approximate waiting time for a visa number for a spouse of a legal permanent resident is four to five years. Affidavit of Support All family-sponsored applications for legal permanent residency must be accompanied by an Affidavit of Support filed by the sponsor. Under this Affidavit, the sponsor must support the sponsored immigrant at 125 percent of the federal poverty level for his household size based on the federal poverty guideline.3 Should the sponsor not demonstrate sufficient income or assets to support the alien beneficiary, then a joint or co-sponsor must also file the Affidavit of Support. If the sponsor and the alien beneficiary have been residing together for at least six
Family Mediation Quarterly
months, then the alien’s income may be counted toward satisfying the statutory minimum income requirement and a joint or co-sponsor may not be necessary. The sponsor’s obligation continues until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work, departs the U.S. permanently, or dies. Divorce does not terminate his obligation. Also, the sponsor, or his estate, remains liable for repayment of benefits that arose before the support obligation ended. In addition, the sponsor must reimburse any government agency or private entity that provides the sponsored immigrant with federal, state, or local means-tested public benefits should such government or private entity undertake certain action to recoup the costs of the benefits granted.
legal permanent residency by consular processing abroad or filing for adjustment of status in the United States. If filing for an alien abroad, then after the visa petition is approved and a visa number becomes available, the National Visa Center will send a packet of forms and instructions for consular processing (known as the “Packet 3”).4 Once the initial processing is completed, the petition is sent to the consulate designated on the petition.5 The U.S. consulate then sends another packet of forms (known as the “packet 4”) to the sponsor with additional forms and instructions along with a notice of the date of the interview. The alien relative must appear for the interview and bring the necessary forms and documentation, such as medical exam results obtained from abroad, police records and records of birth marriage and
The marriage of an alien to a US citizen does not confer automatic legal permanent residency or US citizenship upon the alien, regardless of where the marriage occurred or where the alien is currently physically present. Procedures In order to begin the process of obtaining legal permanent residency for the alien relative, the qualifying sponsor must file the Form I-130 immigrant visa petition with the US CIS. The filing of the Form I130 sets the priority date — the alien’s place in line for a visa number. Once the priority date becomes current (meaning that the date in the U.S. Department of State Visa Bulletin is later than the beneficiary’s priority date), then the nonimmediate relative alien may apply for
death. If the immigrant visa is granted, then the alien must enter the United States within six months of that issuance, since the visa is only valid for six months. The alien registration card (“green card”) is sent to the alien after the interview. The USC sponsor of his immediate relatives who are abroad must file the I-130 with the US CIS in the United States. Once this petition is approved, then these family
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center. Instead, the sponsor and the applicants can file the Form I-130 and the Form I-485 Application to Adjust Status concurrently with the The sponsor’s obligation continues US CIS and the alien until the sponsored immigrant becomes applicants can obtain and travel a U.S. citizen, can be credited with 40 EAD permission usually qualifying quarters of work, departs the within 90 days. members may begin the consular processing as described above. However, the Form I-130 can take quite some time to
U.S. permanently, or dies. Divorce does not terminate his obligation. be adjudicated, sometimes more than one year. In order to bring the spouse and children here earlier, the USC sponsor may file a K-3 visa petition on behalf of the spouse with the US CIS in the United States.6 This should be approved in approximately four months.
It should be emphasized that many aliens will not be eligible for adjustment of status because of immigration violations, such as overstaying a nonimmigrant visa in the United States, entering the United States without inspection or working without authorization. The general rule is that aliens cannot adjust status if they are currently (or previously have been) out of status or otherwise violated the terms of a nonimmigrant visa.8 However, if an immigrant visa petition or labor certification application9 was filed before April 30, 2001, then they may be eligible for adjustment of status despite these immigration violations. Under the section of law known as INA §245(i), they must
If the non-immediate relative alien is in the United States, then once his priority date becomes current and a visa number becomes available, he may be eligible to apply to adjust his status to legal permanent residency in the United States with the US CIS, thereby avoiding having to depart the United States. The alien can obtain an employment authorization document (EAD) and travel permission while the application to adjust Many aliens will not be eligible for status is pending.7 The alien adjustment of status because of will be fingerprinted and the immigration violations, such as alien and the sponsor will have overstaying a nonimmigrant visa an interview at a local US CIS office. in the United States, entering the
United States without inspection Immediate relatives in the United States can apply for or working without authorization. adjustment of status and need not wait for a Form I-130 to be filed and pay a penalty fee of $1,000. Also, for approved with a regional US CIS service those aliens on whose behalf an immigrant Family Mediation Quarterly
visa petition or labor certification was filed after January 14, 1998, they must demonstrate they were physically present in the United States on December 21, 2000. Monique H. Kornfeld, is an attorney in Newton whose private practice specializes in immigration law. She has represented clients with employment-based and family-based immigrant visa petitions, applications for legal permanent residency, nonimmigrant visa petitions, asylum applications and relief from deportation. Monique welcomes your questions or comments about her article, and can be contacted at (617) 323-5049, or by email at mkornfeld@mhkimmigration.com Endnotes 1. Foreigners are referred to as aliens in this article. 2. To sponsor a parent, the USC must be 21 years of age or older. 3. One hundred and twenty five percent of the poverty level for a family of two in the contiguous United States is $15,612.50 (add $3,975 for each additional household member). 4. Depending on the U.S. Embassy
designated, procedures may vary slightly. 5. It should be noted that the designated consulate may refuse to process the case and the immigrant visa must be processed at another consulate. 6. The unmarried children under 21 may accompany the K-3 visa holder. The K-3 is not available for parents of USCs. 7. If the alien has overstayed his nonimmigrant visa status, then the alien should not travel until the application is approved, since his departure may trigger a three or ten-year bar to reentry into the United States. 8. If the alien applicant is an immediate relative, then the alien may adjust despite these violations, except for entering the United States without inspection. In that case, INA §245(i) discussed below would apply. 9. A labor certification application is one in which an employer files on behalf of an alien employee to sponsor him for legal permanent residency based on employment. It requires advertising the position and if any qualified, able, willing and available US workers respond, then the labor certification fails.
"Nothing human is alien to me." Pablo Casals Winter 2005 • Vol. 4 No. 1
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NEGOTIATING SPACE WITH CLIENTS IN PUBLIC A Practice Tip By Linda Arkow Karp I am a therapist with a private practice in a small town southwest of Boston, who treats many adolescents referred by a local school. I routinely ask them how they would feel if they met someone from their school in my waiting room, and how they would like me to greet them if I see them in public.
broadcast “therapist.” On the other hand, an adolescent client recently shared this story. Apparently a boy did “something wrong” in the school cafeteria. In response someone at their lunch table said “be careful or you’ll have to see Linda.” Then two students revealed “I see Linda” prompting another to add “I used to see her.” My client then confided “I see Linda now.”
I never greet clients first — I always let them take the lead Responses vary from “I don’t mind, they’re here to get help too” to “I don’t want anyone from my school to see me.” Unsurprisingly, some clients have asked me to meet their friends around school while other pretend they don’t know me. As a rule, greeting clients in public with a nod or a smile is usually OK, but I never greet clients first — I always let them take the lead. A therapist friend once saw a client in an ice cream parlor. He dropped his ice cream when he saw her enter, as if she had a neon sign on her forehead that
Since clients have a wide range of reactions to being acknowledged in public, it is important to talk this over in an initial meeting. The object is to avoid putting the client in a potentially embarrassing, social situation. I also initiate this conversation with my adult clients, and believe a discussion along these lines would benefit clients in mediation as well.
THE NEED FOR FULL DISCLOSURE IN SEPARATION AGREEMENTS By Mark I. Zarrow As mediators we are careful to advise our clients to make a full and complete disclosure of all of their assets, liabilities, incomes and expenses. We point out that the agreement they are in the process of negotiating recites that they have done so. We tell them that each must file a financial statement with the court that sets forth those disclosures under oath. Some of us even tell them that the only thing that can cause the provision in their agreement regarding the division of assets to be reopened is a failure to disclose. But how serious must a failure to disclose be before the court will actually reopen an agreed upon asset division? We know that the failure to disclose must be more than trivial but where will a court draw the line?
involved were the husband’s pension, a defined benefit plan, and two parcels of real estate. After two days of testimony the hearing judge, who had earlier approved the separation agreement, entered an order denying the motion. Sappett appealed. The Appeals Court upheld the trial judge’s ruling. With regard to the pension the court ruled that it was not newly discovered evidence. Although the husband failed to disclose his defined benefit plan pension in answers to interrogatories, he did include two pension statements together with his 401K plan statements from the same employer. The court held that the inclusion of those statements was sufficient to have put the wife on notice of the pension’s existence. The lesson for mediators, perhaps, is that clients are often confused
Kahlil Gibran
The recent Appeals Court decision, Gaw v. Sappett, 62 Mass.App.Ct. 405 (2004) provides some We know that the failure to disclose answer to this question. must be more than trivial but where After several years of will a court draw the line? litigation Eddy Gaw and Maureen Sappett decided to settle their as to the difference between defined differences by a separation agreement that contribution plans and defined benefit was approved by the court. Each was plans. It is important for mediators to have represented by counsel. Precisely one year their clients review all the statements they following the entry of judgment in the receive regarding their pensions as well as divorce, Sappett filed a motion for relief to make inquiry of their benefits from judgment under rule 60(b) alleging administrator. Neither the mediator nor the that Gaw had committed fraud by failing to parties should take anything for granted. disclose certain of his assets at the time of settlement. She asked to have the judgment Gaw’s failure to disclose his interest in two set aside and the case reopened on the issue parcels of real estate was held to be neither of the property division. The assets
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Linda Arkow Karp, LICSW, is in general practice in Holliston, MA. She can be contacted at (508) 429-7501, or at lindagail_9@juno.com
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness."
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ELDER MEDIATION fraudulent nor “other misconduct” under Rule 60. One parcel was his father’s home. The father had conveyed the property by deed to Gaw and his two siblings in 1990 as a kind of rough and ready estate planning to render himself eligible for Medicaid should he enter a nursing home. In 1997, while the divorce was pending, the siblings conveyed the property back to the father. The judge held that Gaw did not believe he had any real interest in the property because his father, at all times, intended to use and hold the house exclusively as his
would not have affected the outcome of the case.
Despite the fact that the Appeals Court upheld the trial judge’s determination that the wife had failed in her heavy burden to have the divorce settlement reopened, mediators should not feel that the importance of full disclosure has been diminished. To the contrary, the husband’s failure to put all his cards on the table, even if unintentional, resulted in the time and expense of a two day trial and an appeal. Nor would another The husband’s failure to put all his judge, presented cards on the table, even if unintentional, with similar facts, necessarily err or resulted in the time and expense of a abuse her discretion two day trial and an appeal. if she allowed a own. The court upheld the judge’s finding motion for relief from judgment. The case and added that Gaw held the property, at reinforces the need for a complete most, pursuant to a resulting trust for the disclosure of all assets, even ones a party benefit of his father. might argue are not really his. The mediator must explore the question of asset The other piece of real estate was the ownership, as well as income, expenses father’s lakeside camp. The judge held that and liabilities, thoroughly in order to his conveyance to his son of a one-half ensure that the parties’ negotiated interest, was in the nature of a premarital agreement is fair and will stand judicial gift. The judge would not have subjected scrutiny. The more work done before the that property to the division of assets had agreement is signed the less chance it will the matter been tried because the wife had be reopened at a later date. not contributed to its acquisition, preservation or appreciation. In addition, Mark Zarrow is an attorney the wife failed to prove the property had a mediator who practices in significant value. As to both parcels of Worcester, and currently serves as property as well as the pension, the Appeals Secretary of MCFM. He Court held that the judge properly exercised her discretion in finding there represented the plaintiff, Maureen Sappett. was no fraud or intentional misconduct, as Mark can be contacted at (508) 799-4461, well as in finding that their disclosure or by email at mzarrow@lzes.com.
Family Mediation Quarterly
By Blair Trippe Mediation for family conflict is by no means a new idea. At Elder Decisions based in Lexington, MA, our family mediators specialize in issues affecting elders. While these issues affect the entire family, we often find that they are only the presenting issues and that underlying, systemic conflicts within the family unit also need to be addressed. There are several clear differences between elder mediation and divorce or general family mediation. Aging involves decision making on multiple, linked issues. These generally include health issues, changes in primary residence, difficult conversations about finances and potential loss of independence. Accordingly, it is a period of intense decision making where multiple parties may be involved in identifying and addressing key questions. Also, since there is no specific time frame or end goal as in divorce mediation, action is often put off and these delays can decrease options, increase costs and may put health and safety at risk. Delays can lead to crises and can exacerbate pre-existing family conflict. Further complicating matters, there often is a question of dependence vs. independence due to an elder’s physical, cognitive, or financial situation. As a result, disruptive conflict within the family can ensue due to misunderstandings, entrenched behavior patterns, disagreement over what is needed and lack of information about what services are available. One would think, based on all these potential difficulties that families would
flock to mediation as a means of easing these transitions. Unfortunately this is not generally the case. There often is inertia, simple digging in of the heels, or resistance to coming to the table either by the elder(s) in question or by one or more siblings. What we have found is that having what we termed a “family champion” can make all the difference. This person, who can be an elder or an adult child, is the one who has identified a potential problem and the family’s inability to face and discuss it. This person, who finds us either through his legal or financial advisor, a geriatric care manager, or by searching on the web, is the one who first becomes aware of our services. He then distributes our information to his siblings and parents. He advocates strongly for mediation and that is what gets everyone mobilized. We do very little in this process besides providing whatever supporting information is needed. The typical family we find who uses mediation successfully is one where the majority of family members have a comfortable sense of their place in the world. They acknowledge the passage of time and the inevitability of old age and death. These families also tend to have a history of communicating well with each other and can adequately handle issues such as depression or alcoholism. They are realistic about who should be at the table — sometimes professionals attend, sometimes the elders do not attend. While we prefer the elder’s attendance, we
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recognize that sometimes that’s not practical or helpful to the process.
medicine retiring surgeon. Home health aides have been hired for 12 hour/day and siblings 3 and 4 have provided extensive While there is no “typical” family, the extra care, taking turns living in the house following case is representative: with the parents for extended periods of time. Caregiver burnout and Aging involves decision making on resentment is multiple, linked issues. These beginning to show. generally include health issues, Siblings 2 and 6 are changes in primary residence, difficult promising to commit significant time to conversations about finances and parental care.
and it was not the parents’ money but “family” money and should be saved. There was no imminent decision making necessary but all siblings recognized that decisions would have to be made in the near future. Nobody wanted to take responsibility for doing/changing anything but all felt a need for some rational plan. Whenever any one sibling suggested a course of action, be it related to care or financial plans, at least two others were adamantly against that.
potential loss of independence. Father: mid 80’s, reasonably good health, early stage Alzheimers, increasingly forgetful and confused, lives in own home in Boston suburbs with wife. Mother: early 80’s, very passive, severe dementia, needs extensive care, lives own home in Boston suburbs with husband. Sibling 1: son, early 60’s, married, with young children, lives overseas, little regular contact with family. Sibling 2: son, late 50’s, married with college aged children, lives in southern US. Sibling 3: daughter, mid 50’s, divorced with 2 teenaged children, lives in midwestern US. Sibling 4: daughter, early 50’s, single, lives in New England. Sibling 5: daughter, late 40’s, married, 3 middle/high school children, lives in Boston suburbs. Sibling 6: son, mid 40’s, divorced, no children, lives in NY area. The family as a whole is relatively affluent but there is significant disparity in the siblings’ financial situations, which range from unemployment, to acting the arts, to
Sources of conflict: Payment of children as caregivers, including paying expenses. Financial gifts from parents vs. loans. Unequal amounts of money given to grandchildren for education. Future care/living situation of parents, including potential sale of parents’ home. This family, like many others, had a history of complicated relationships, animosities, and jealousies as well as strained relationships with spouses and significant others which made it difficult to communicate, let alone reach consensus, on many issues. This was compounded by geographical distance and differences in financial situations. It was generally believed that at the current rate of spending, the parent’s money would run out in 3-5 years. The big house was a major drain (taxes, upkeep, etc.). The parents’ past generosity (they had gifted the children several valuable properties) made some feel they should pay “whatever it takes” to keep them at home even if that required selling some (which?) properties. Others believed that would be wasteful-
Family Mediation Quarterly
The case came to Elder Decisions when Sibling #2 found us on the internet. He spoke with me and another of our partners, was sent information to distribute to his siblings and ultimately called back to get started. The process that followed was very simple. I spoke with each sibling individually at length, either in person or over the telephone. It was agreed that the parents should not be involved at this stage as the mother was not capable of participating and it would be too upsetting for the father to see the siblings discussing and disagreeing on financial matters and issues of his care. It was clear to us, however, that the children all cared deeply for their parents and had, for the most part, their best interests at heart.
pressing issues and difficult topics. All were pleased that their particular concerns were listed but not attributed to them. After lengthy discussions, it was agreed that what they really wanted at this stage was a decision making process and rules of engagement. We began discussing their situation as a “family business” and identified the skills and roles of each sibling and how that contributed to the overall functioning of the “business.” This downplayed the emotional tensions between some of them and the resentments about some not sharing in certain tasks. They decided on which types of issues should be discussed via telephone, email or regular mail and the associated reasonable time frames to respond. They decided which types of issues would need unanimous vs. majority votes to be implemented. While we gave them no advice, we did give them information on ways to set up conference calls and private email “chat rooms.” They resolved to try to meet in person once or twice annually but to be in contact regularly in one of the “public” forums, reducing sidebar conversations so that none felt left out or ganged-up on. Although none of the presenting issues were “solved,” all were discussed, allowing
What we have found is that having Once all intake/private sessions were complete, what we termed a “family champion” we scheduled a joint can make all the difference. session with all parties at the table (except for one who participated for sometimes cathartic releases of emotion by speakerphone). I briefed one of my and healing. We believe the process was partners with whom I would co-mediate. beneficial to them and ultimately to the We opened up the joint meeting with a Continued on page 14 summary of what we understood to be the Winter 2005 • Vol. 4 No. 1
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A TAX CHANGE TO THE ‘QUALIFYING CHILD’ DEFINITION
POWER: VESTED & NONVESTED
By James McCusker
By John A. Fiske
Congress passed and the President signed the second piece of tax legislation to hit the books in 2004 (it must have been an election year): “The Working Families Tax Relief Act of 2004.” I recently reviewed a summary report of the Act and found little that specifically affects divorcing families. However, one item that does warrant note is a change in the definition of a “qualifying child” as it pertains to the dependency exemption. For divorce taxation, the change in definition will have its biggest impact on the content of the custodial waiver rules.
a custodial parent wished to waive his or her right to a dependency exemption a Form 8332 needed to be filed. The custodial parent signed the form waiving the right to the exemption for a specific time period and the form was then filed with the non-custodial parent’s tax return, allowing the deduction on that return.
“residency requirement.” In other words, when trying to determine who owns the dependency exemption, the new law looks to where the child lives the majority of the time rather than to who provides more than half the support for that child.
giving up the right to call that child your “qualifying child.” And therefore, you are giving up not only the dependency exemption but also the child tax credit, which is linked to the new definition.
Under the new rules the required paperwork remains the same. However, instead of just releasing the claim to the dependency exemption, you are now
The new definition of a “qualifying The new definition of a child” replaces the “support test” “qualifying child” replaces the with a “residency requirement.” “support test” with a
This is very similar to old law for divorced parents: the presumption was that the custodial parent was entitled to the dependency exemption unless he or she specifically relinquished it. We now have a uniform definition of a “qualifying child” that applies to all situations including divorce. And in essence, the dependency exemption test remains the same for divorced parents - if the child lives in your house for more than half the year you are entitled to the exemption. So what’s new? Under the old rules, when
Previously, the dependency exemption and the child tax credit were not necessarily coupled. The child tax credit is worth an additional $1,000 per qualifying child and was extended through the year 2010 under the new Act. So consider the increased stakes before signing those waivers. The waiver does not apply to the earned income credit, the dependent care credit and the head of household status. James McCusker, CPA, is a certified financial planner. He can be contacted at (978) 256-1323, or by email at James@McCuskerAssociates.com.
Family Mediation Quarterly
Prologue I find myself encouraging colleagues to write Mediation Vignettes for the FMQ: like an Aesop Fable, quite short and conveying a lesson. Today I decided to write one and send it with the hope that it would inform our colleagues and also inspire them to write vignettes of their own. Every mediator has stories to tell, with rich lessons for us all. The new mediator, fresh from training, who sits down with his first couple and wonders what to do and then says to himself, “I will give them who I am.” The experienced mediator, asked for her favorite mediation technique, says she asks couples at the right time, “Do you want to know what I think?” The exhausted mediator, unable to listen to the fourth couple that week argue about what to do over Christmas, who just says, “Look, here’s what three other couples just like you decided to do.” My wife is fond of the saying, “Don’t hide your light under a bushel.” Please write a vignette for the FMQ, and shine.
there was a wealthy couple getting divorced, much to the chagrin of the loving wife and to the sadness of the fated husband. Over several meetings a pattern of negotiation developed in which the wife would ask for something, the husband would immediately agree and the wife would burst into tears. Puzzled, I asked them to explain this dynamic and she replied, “He makes me so mad. I love him. I want to stay married to him. But he will get what he wants because he will agree with whatever I want and that way he will get an agreement and his stupid divorce.” His answer, of course was quite different. He was more sad about the divorce and said he felt driven, or almost buffeted, by his own family history and forces over which he had no control. He certainly conveyed a sense of heavy grief, as if the divorce were a burden for him, and he always treated his wife with great respect in my office.
Now, back to Power: Vested & Unvested. In Diane Neumann’s article on power At the third meeting he proposed a imbalance (9 Mediation Quarterly #3, p. settlement in which he transferred about 3 227, 1992) and in countless mediation million dollars of assets to her. She went trainings and discussions since then, she home to think about it, talked to her legal describes knowing that you have power as one of the Every mediator has stories to tell, features of being a powerful with rich lessons for us all. person. This vignette addresses the converse, when one person thinks the advisor and returned to ask for 4 million, to other is powerful when s/he is not. which he readily agreed. The tearful cycle A Mediation Vignette Once upon a time
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AN IMPORTANT RESOURCE FOR FAMILIES: The Parental Stress Line: 1-800-632-8188 By Katie Britton “Thanks for listening.” At the end of the call, that’s most often what parents and caregivers say on the Parental Stress Line. Not “thanks for talking,” “thanks for the new idea,” or “thanks for the good advice.” The difference in words is small, but the difference in the conversation is huge. The Parental Stress Line, a program of The Home for Little Wanderers, is a 24-hour, toll-free, anonymous, confidential support hotline for parents and caregivers in Massachusetts. Over the past 25 years, the hotline has taken over a quarter million calls from parents under stress, families in crisis, and caregivers without anyone else to talk to. The trained volunteers that staff the hotline offer what callers need more than anything else when they reach out for help: a supportive, empathetic person who is there to listen.
not have his homework done for school — a common problem. While discipline is strict at his dad’s house, there’s little oversight to make sure that Tyrone is doing homework and going to bed on time. When Tyrone’s mom called the hotline, she was able to vent her frustrations and problem solve with a counselor. Getting her anger out at her ex-husband made her less likely to take it out on her son. Deciding to talk to her ex-husband about checking in with Tyrone concerning his homework and bedtime gave her an opportunity to improve the situation. Parents without a partner often need someone there to listen to their frustrations and fears. Being the only caretaker in a household takes a toll on a parent. Reaching out for help through more traditional means is more difficult for single parents who fear being seen as
Forty-five percent of Parental Over the past 25 years, the hotline has Stress Line callers identify taken over a quarter million calls .... themselves as divorced or separated parents, making up a large unable to handle family issues on their portion of the 62% of callers who identify own. As one divorced caller said recently, as parenting without a partner. More often “My mom tells me what I did wrong. My than other groups, divorced and separated friends tell me what I should do. You just callers are frustrated by the differences in listen — that’s what I really need.” parenting styles and conflicts with their partners that affect the family as a whole. The Parental Stress Line’s model of working with callers is based on the belief A good example is a recent call from a that individuals have a right and ability to divorced mother in South Boston with a determine what is best for their own lives. nine year-old son. After spending the Offering a supportive, non-judgmental weekend with his dad, Tyrone returned to environment gives parents a space to his mom’s house tired and cranky. He did openly share their emotions. By pointing
Family Mediation Quarterly
formal services — such as The Parental Stress Line’s model of working with callers is based on the belief counseling, child care, or parent support groups. that individuals have a right and ability to determine what is best for their own lives. out strengths, asking open ended questions, and helping caller’s problem solve, volunteers on the hotline assist callers in determining what is the best next step for their situation. “Giving advice is an easy fix. We want our callers to use their strengths and develop skills for handling difficult situations,” says Claudia Euler, Supervisor. Volunteers are also able to provide referrals for callers in need of more
Katie Britton is the Outreach Coordinator for The Home for Little Wanderers. If you are interested in learning more about the Parental Stress Line or would like to receive brochures and/or magnets to distribute to parents in your practice, please contact Katie at 617-927-0624, or by email at kbritton@thehome.org. All materials are supplied free of charge.
"Learn calm to face what's pressing." Horace 65 - 8 BC
Elder Mediation...continued from page 10
parents. With their new ability to communicate, they can constructively develop sound decisions and achieve the necessary levels of consensus to move forward in their lives. Blair Trippe, MBA, is partner at Elder Decisions, a Lexington based consortium of mediators dedicated to helping facilitate elder transitions with seniors and their families through mediation. Elder Decisions invites you to visit their web site at www.ElderDecisions.org. Blair can be contacted at (617) 621-1588, or by email at blair@ElderDecisions.com.
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CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FOURTH KIND Recounting a Challenge to Mediation Confidentiality By Shuneet Thomson It started with a voice message three days before Christmas, upon my return from vacation. Attorney Y said “Dr. Thomson, your deposition today at 4:00 PM has been canceled because attorney X is unable to attend.” “Huh?” The time was 3:40 PM and I knew nothing of a deposition. I thought it must be a mistake. All I could do is call immediately and leave a message: “Seems you have reached the wrong person, I am a mediator with Interpeople Inc., I hope you can reach the other Dr. Thomson in time.” Well.... Reality came knocking the next day in the form of two formal written multi-page subpoenas from attorney Y scheduling a deposition for the previous day: “In the case of my former Ms. Client v. Mr. Client, You are hereby commanded in the name of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.... You are further COMMANDED to bring with you all documents and records described in Schedule A.... Thereof fail not... under the pain of penalties in the law....”
situation. Two years ago. Emotional resolution was partial at best at the end of the mediation. Good finances would have eased them into a post-marital life, but he lost his job right after the end of mediation, and I recall how much she wanted to keep that expensive house. So things have not gone well for them. I was saddened. The thing about legal messages is they make you feel under attack, even if you are not the target of litigation at all. So, I took a deep breath: First, keep calm. Think. What was under attack here was confidentiality in mediation, something greater than me. I started by phoning attorney Y’s office. I spoke with an attorney and told her I could not attend, because of confidentiality, and FYI, there is a law in Massachusetts that backed my refusal. I wondered is Attorney Y aware of this law? She said she would convey it to him, and took my fax number. The response came a few hours later in the form of a long fax, repeating the initial document, with a new date set for the deposition. No reference to my communication. Second, marshal your resources.
Ugh. A letter from a war zone, the legal war zone, written in an alien tongue. I racked my brain to try and figure who these former clients were. Finally, recollection dawned - oh, yes, that painful
I turned to my two knights in shining armor–John Fiske and David Hoffman, both of whom gave generously of their precious time and vast experience. John bemoaned this disregard for mediator
Family Mediation Quarterly
confidentiality and suggested I send attorney Y a copy of the Mass General Law that applied to mediation confidentiality, and tell him I am forbidden (strong Ugh. A letter word!) by law to war zone, disclose anything that has to do with a mediation. He also faxed me a copy of the law, c. 233 § 23C. David added I might want to also fax a copy of the Agreement to Mediate, executed by my former clients, which I did. I commented in my cover letter to attorney Y that I could not see how his client would be well served by paying for his time and the time of a stenographer, only to have me sitting there and refusing to talk. Attorney Y’s response by fax informed me that he had asked opposing counsel to obtain ex-husband’s permission for me to disclose information about the mediation. My former Mr. Client was being asked to help his ex-wife to hurt him. Logic in the war zone was beyond my comprehension.
the court. Could my Ms. Client have forgotten? I said I would gladly refer them to another mediator. Also, in the
from a war zone, the legal written in an alien tongue. Agreement to Mediate they had agreed not to involve me or my company in such procedures. Lastly, not being an attorney myself, I did not feel constrained from contacting my former client. And so I looked up her new address and let the attorney know that a copy of the letter to him was being mailed to her. I wished him a day of peace on Christmas. I felt he needed it. He would be getting a pincer attack from both his client and her ex once Monday came along. My fax machine got more use in those three days than it has in a whole year. I do not give out my fax number, except upon request, so the fax does not get much use. I like it that way. Too many strangers reach out and touch someone who does not want to be touched - by email, phone, fax. If we placed forms of communication on a continuum of from intimate to impersonal, faxes would be the most impersonal, after email, phone, and direct face to face
David Hoffman advised me to let the attorney know that even if such permission was granted, I would not cooperate with the deposition, Moreover, I should advise attorney Y that if the subpoena is not The thing about legal messages is they withdrawn I would make you feel under attack, even if you seek a protective are not the target of litigation at all. order from the court, and in such a circumstance I will also ask conversation. The fax has this distant the court to award me attorney fees. machine that makes something physical appear on your end, grinding out slowly, I did as advised and added a reminder that slowly, slowly.... in the Parties’ divorce settlement they had Continued on next page agreed to try mediation before turning to Winter 2005 • Vol. 4 No. 1
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Attorney Y called me late Monday afternoon. He expressed respect for my professional stand, he said my name was removed from the depositions. I asked him “Is the deposition canceled?” After a brief silence I opened a face saving back door “or postponed?” He immediately said “It’s postponed” and as the conversation ended, I imagined hearing the back door close behind him .
I think this particular challenge is over. Whew. Shuneet Thomson, Ph.D., is the founder and director of Interpeople, Inc., a private practice devoted to non-adversarial conflict resolution with offices in Arlington and Littleton. Shuneet can be contacted at 800-336-0956 or by email at DrThomson@interpeople-inc.com.
"Get your facts straight, and then you can distort them as much as you please." Mark Twain
Power: Vested & Nonvested...continued from page 12
repeated itself, and they left after agreeing to one more meeting in the middle of February in my home office. They arrived separately for the next meeting and he was wearing a business suit. During the next hour it became apparent they had a consensus for their Separation Agreement and she was becoming more agitated. Finally she exploded at him and said, “You’re such a businessman. This is just a business deal for you, and you have all this power. Today you are wearing a vest. You only put on
your vest when you want to make a big business deal.” He looked hurt, and exclaimed, “I put on my vest this morning because I was freezing!”
John A. Fiske is a founding member, past president and director emeritus of MCFM. He is also a partner at Healy, Fiske, Woodbury & Richmond, a Cambridge firm concentrating in family law and mediation. John can be contacted at (617) 354-7133, or by email at jadamsfiske@yahoo.com
Family Mediation Quarterly
ADR COURT NEWS By Christine W. Yurgelun
New Set of Approved Programs Pursuant to Supreme Judicial Court Rule 1:18, Chief Justice Dunphy has approved a new set of ADR programs to receive referrals from the Probate and Family Court. The list of approved programs for each division may be obtained by contacting the Local Dispute Resolution Coordinator at each division. The programs have been approved for two years, effective January 1, 2005. This date coincides with the effective date of new qualification requirements (Rule 8) of the Uniform Rules on Dispute Resolution. Pilot On-Site Screening And Mediation In November, Chief Justice for Administration and Management Robert Mulligan announced approval of funding for implementation of a pilot on-site screening and mediation program in the Probate and Family Court. On December 10, 2004, the AOTC issued a Request for Proposals (RFP) to all programs seeking approval by the Probate and Family Court, effective Jan. 1, 2005. After a review of the proposals submitted in response to the RFP, the Probate and Family Court selected the Community Dispute Settlement Center to provide the on-site screening and mediation services. Attorney Cynthia Bauman, who has experience with on-site screening programs at various courts, will serve as Project Director for the Community Dispute Settlement Center. The pilot program will be implemented in the Suffolk Division due to multiple factors including case load and the availability of space. The Community Dispute Settlement Center will provide the on-site services under a contract with the AOTC which will run through June 30, 2005. Monthly meetings will be held to review progress, identify possible impediments, and revise as necessary. Concord Probate & Family Court Changes According to scheduling assignments soon to be published in Lawyer's Weekly, beginning in February, contested trials and contempts will not be scheduled at the Concord courthouse. However, any judge sitting in Concord may hear uncontested divorces, or modifications provided prior arrangements are made.
Christine W. Yurgelun is an attorney who coordinates court-connected dispute resolution services for the Massachusetts Probate and Family Court. She can be contacted at (617) 788-6600.
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WHAT'S NEWS?
EDITORIAL: Space Matters
Compiled By Les Wallerstein Texas “Health” Books Change Marrige Definition The Texas Board of Education approved new health books for the state’s high schools and middle schools after the publishers agreed to change the wording in the texts to depict marriage strictly as the union of a man and a woman. The decision involves two of the biggest text book publishers: Holt, Rinehart and Winston; and Glenco/McGraw-Hill. Texas is the second largest buyer of textbooks in the nation. (Associated Press, NY Times: 11/6/2004) To Avoid Divorce, Move To Massachusetts The areas of the country where the divorce rates are highest are frequently the areas where many conservative Christians live. In November, 2004, Kentucky, Mississippi and Arkansas voted overwhelmingly for constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage, but they had the three highest divorce rates in 2003, based on data from the National Center for Health Statistics. The lowest divorce rates are in the Northeast and upper midwest, and the state with the lowest divorce rate was Massachusetts. In 2003, the divorce rate in Massachusetts was 5.7 per 1,000 married people, compared with 10.8 in Kentucky, 11.1 in Mississippi, and 12.7 in Arkansas. (Pam Belluck, NY Times: 11/14/2004) Chile: El Divorcio A 48 year old woman in Santiage became the first person in Chilean history to file for divorce, as a new law went into effect. Chile was the last South American country without a divorce law. (World Briefing, NY Times: 11/19/2004) Blow To French Patriarchs New Year's Day ushered in a change in France's law on last names, abolishing the centuries-old obligation that parents give the name of the father to their children. A couple will now be able to give its newborn baby the last name of either parent-or both names, in the order the parents choose.... The reform is primarily because of France's changing demographics, as 45% of children in France are born out of wedlock. (Elaine Sciolino, NY Times: 1/20/2005)
"Parentage is a very great profession; but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of children."
When preparing to open my law office “good” advice was plentiful: Get a six foot desk with an overhang in front so your clients can come up close without banging their knees... a judges chair for you and straight-back client’s chairs... and hang-up official looking documents behind the desk, so when your clients look at you they can see your credentials... but far enough away so they can’t see the dates.* Fortunately, I had had or shared a half-dozen offices as a psychologist for 17 years before becoming a lawyer. Back then I was introduced to the concept of a “therapeutic envelope,” the space in which therapeutic Consider how to make your interventions took place. It served to emphasize the mediation space as comforting and comfortable as possible. importance of the physical environment in which we practiced our craft. Operating on the assumption that clients in therapy were already anxious, offices were designed to put them at ease. Credential displays were minimized. Comfortable chairs of equal proportions in face-to-face arrangements were common. Wall coverings tended towards artwork, and signs of life predominated—like plants and flowers. My mediation office is also my law office. While every mediator has different tastes in furnishings and different budgets to work with, every mediation office should be seen through the insecure and disbelieving mind’s eyes of our clients. Imagine that the person with whom you planned to spend the rest of your life insists on a divorce. Regardless of what you do, the end of your marriage is inevitable. Where and how you (and the kids) are going to live is entirely uncertain, along with the rest of your future. Now all this is about to be scrutinized by a complete stranger—a mediator. Examine everything from the waiting room to the bathroom. Look for details as fine as: Can your chairs accommodate obese clients? Are Kleenex in easy reach? Consider how to make your mediation space as comforting and comfortable as possible. Why? Because the space in which we mediate matters to our clients.
The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of Les Wallerstein. He can be contacted at (781) 862-1099, or at wallerstein@socialaw.com.
George Bernard Shaw
* How to Start and Build a Law Practice, by Jay G. Foonberg, published by the American Bar Association, Section of Law Practice Management (Three editions: 1976, 1984 & 1991.)
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NEXT EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE & BOARD OF DIRECTORS MEETINGS
MCFM NEWS NEXT MEMBERS MEETINGS HOW SHOULD MEDIATORS DEAL WITH FINANCIAL STATEMENTS? An interactive discussion with John Fiske, Diane Neumann & Les Wallerstein February 16, 2005 4-6 PM Wellesley Community Center 219 Washington Street Wellesley, Massachusetts Should mediators help clients with their financial statements? Give out the forms? Walk them through it? Correct it? Coach them? Fill it out? What responsibility do mediators have to accurate and full financial disclosure? How do mediators tread the line between the shadow and the practice of law? Come add your voice to an exploration of philosophies and techniques for working with clients’ financial statements. MINDFUL COMMUNICATION IN AN AGE OF DISTRACTION Presented by Rebecca Z. Shafir April 14th @ 2-4 PM Concord District Court Listening is an essential component of every mediation. Come learn about listening to "difficult" people, listening to criticism, attention deficit traits related to listening (physiological aspects), and how to get others to listen to you. Rebecca Z. Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication in an Age of Distraction, is a fifteen year student of Zen. Rebecca is a certified speech/language pathologist who also teaches communication workshops nationwide. For more information about her work before her presentation please visit www. mindfulcommunication.com.
MEMBERS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO BRING GUESTS
All 51 MCFM NEWSLETTERS & NEWS ON LINE The FMQ is only the most recent publication of the MCFM. Eight years after its founding, MCFM began to publish a Newsletter that soon evolved into the MCFM News. Now all 51 editions (1990-2002) are available at www.mcfm.org. Each edition is in PDF (Portable Document Format), which can be downloaded and reprinted with Adobe Acrobat Reader— free software linked through the MCFM web site. For archival and research purposes, there is a chronological, Cumulative Table of Contents. Examine the roots of mediation. Introduce yourself to our predecessors, whose vision helped establish the profession of mediation in Massachusetts. Family Mediation Quarterly
March 21, 2005 5 PM: Executive Committee – 6 PM: Directors In the Office of Debra L. Smith 134 Main Street Watertown, MA 02472 Phone: (617) 924-6728 Email: lawdeb@aol.com Directions to Deb’s office are available online at www.mcfm.org May 16, 2005 5 PM: Executive Committee – 6 PM: Directors In the Office of Mark I. Zarrow Lian, Zarrow, Eynon & Shea 34 Mechanic Street Worcester, MA 01608 Phone: (508) 799-4461 Email: mzarrow@lzes.com Directions to Mark’s office are available online at www.mcfm.org PLEASE EMAIL ANY AGENDA ITEMS FOR CONSIDERATION TO: President Laurie Udell at lsudellesq@aol.com, or to any officer, all of whom are listed in the DIRECTORATE on page 27.
MEDIATION PEER GROUP MEETINGS Merrimack Valley Area We are a group of family law mediators who have been meeting (almost) monthly for about three years. The criterion for membership is a desire to learn and share. Meetings are held at 8:15 AM on the last Tuesday of the month (April 27th, May 25th & June 29th) at the office of Lynda Robbins, 11 Summer Street, Chelmsford. Please call Lynda at (978) 256-8178 or Karen Levitt at (978) 458-5550 for information and directions. Metro-West Area The Metro-West group (usually) meets on the second Friday of the month at the home of S. Tracy Fischer, located at 120 Cynthia Road, in Newton. Monthly meetings begin at 9:15 AM and are open to all MCFM members. Please call (617) 9644742 or email tracyfischer@rcn.com for confirmed dates and directions. Continued on next page Winter 2005 • Vol. 4 No. 1
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NEW BROCHURES! MCFM has completely redesigned its brochure! Copies are available from Dee Fraylick. Call (781) 449-4430, or email: masscouncil@mcfm.org
FMQs The cost of additional, printed FMQs is $5.00 per issue for members, and $7.50 for nonmembers. Supplies are limited. Please mail requests for additional copies to DeLaurice Fraylick, 23 Parker Road, Needham Heights MA 02494-2001, and enclose a check made payable to MCFM. An archive of all but the most recent edition of the FMQ is free online in PDF on the MCFM web site at www.mcfm.org. This resource offers an expanding trove of meditation materials which is easily accessed by a cumulative index.
ANNOUNCEMENTS ONE-DAY INTRODUCTION TO MEDIATION SKILLS March 8, 2005 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM Boston Law Collaborative, LLC 99 Summer Street – Suite 1600 Boston, MA 02110 This 8-hour, introductory course will provide you with an overview of mediation and hands-on experience to help you decide whether to pursue further mediation training. This program will also be useful for people who do not wish to become mediators but would like to incorporate mediation skills into their life and work. Space is limited to 20 participants. Registration received 30 days or more prior to the program date: $200, thereafter: $250. For more information, please contact Israela Brill-Cass at 617-439-4700 or IBC@BostonLawCollaborative.com
Subject: The Poignant Part Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004
Email Subject: MCFM Newsletters & News Date: Sat, 23 Oct 2004 Les, What a wonderful resource! Thank you for compiling these newsletters online and for drawing our attention to them. I’ve just perused some of the issues and found some great reading! I’ll look forward to reading more.... Thanks to all at MCFM who worked on this project. Crystal Thorpe crystal@AgreementResources.com
PUT YOUR THOUGHTS
WRITE ON!
email the editor: wallerstein@socialaw.com
INTO PRINT
FMQ
Dear Les: Every mediation has its poignant part, sometimes stated and other times subterranean. This year’s holiday mail included a bill for $360 from a couple who last saw me in March of 2002, together with a check for the full amount from the husband and a handwritten note on the bill, here quoted in full: “Sorry for the delay. I was officially divorced last month. It took us 3 years since we met, approximately $100,000 in legal fees and a toll on my health that I can’t calculate. Wish we could have done it through mediation. Best wishes for the Holidays!!!” John Fiske jadamsfiske@yahoo.com
Family Mediation Quarterly
BASIC TRAINING IN MEDIATION AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION March 19 – April 9, 2005 Offered by Framingham Court Mediation Services A 36 hour basic Training in Mediation and Conflict Resolution. Upon successful completion of training an apprenticeship may be available. The cost is $650. Framingham Court Mediation Services is a court approved program. Social workers may inquire about CEUs. For more information, please call 508-872-9495, or visit our web site, www.framinghammediation.org.
MEDIATION TRAINING June 7 – June 18, 2005 Offered by Metropolitan Mediation Services Metropolitan Mediation Services provides a 36 hour program for attorneys, social workers, human resources staffs, educators, business people, local police and others. This program conforms with SJC Uniform Rules and Guidelines, and costs $725. Group rates are available. For more information, please call 617-734-3443 ext. 165, or visit our web site, www.metromediation.com. Winter 2005 • Vol. 4 No. 1
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JOIN US COMMUNITY DISPUTE SETTLEMENT CENTER 60 Gore Street Cambridge, MA 02141 Building Bridges • People to People • Face to Face Established in 1979, the CDSC is a private, not-for-profit mediation service dedicated to providing an alternative and affordable forum for resolving conflict. CDSC also provides training programs in mediation and conflict management to individuals and organizations. For more information please contact us by phone: 617-876-5376, by email: cdscinfo@communitydispute.org, or visit our web site: www.communitydispute.org.
MASSACHUSETTS COLLABORATIVE LAW COUNCIL, INC. The MCLC offers legal representation to people in conflicts who share a commitment to resolving disputes without litigation. To find out more, or to locate a collaborative lawyer near you, visit MCLC on-line at www.massclc.org.
MCFM membership is open to all practitioners and friends of family mediation. MCFM invites guest speakers to present topics of interest at four, free, member education meetings annually. Educational meetings often satisfy certification requirements. Members are encouraged to bring guests at no cost. MCFM members also receive the Family Mediation Quarterly and are welcome to participate on any MCFM Committee. All members are listed on-line at MCFM’s web site, and all listings may be “linked” to a member’s email and web site. Annual membership dues are $90. Please direct all membership inquiries to DeLaurice Fraylick at masscouncil@mcfm.org. REFFERAL DIRECTORY: Every MCFM member is eligible to be listed in the MCFM Referral Directory. Each listing in the Referral Directory allows a member to share detailed information explaining her/his mediation practice and philosophy with prospective clients. The Referral Directory is printed and mailed to all Massachusetts judges, and to each listed member. The referral directory is also available on-line at the MCFM web site. MCFM was the first organization to issue Practice Standards for mediators in Massachusetts. To be listed in the MCFM Referral Directory each member must agree to uphold the MCFM Standards of Practice. Copies of the MCFM Standards of Practice are available on-line at the MCFM web site. The annual Referral Directory fee is $60. Please direct all referral directory inquiries to Jerry Weinstein at JWeinsteinDivorce@comcast.net.
"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. Voltaire
CERTIFICATION: MCFM was the first organization to certify family mediators in Massachusetts. Certification is reserved for mediators with significant mediation experience, advanced training and education. Extensive mediation experience may be substituted for an advanced academic degree. A copy of the MCFM certification requirements is available on-line at the MCFM web site. Every MCFM certified mediator is designated as such in both the electronic and the printed Referral Directory. Only certified mediators are eligible to provide mediation services to the Massachusetts Probate & Family Court through MCFM. Certification must be renewed every two years. Certification applications cost $100, and re-certification applications cost $50. Certification and re-certification applications are available on request from Lynn Cooper at lynnkcooper@aol.com. MCFM’s web site: www.mcfm.org
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EDITOR’S NOTICE
DIRECTORATE MASSACHUSETTS COUNCIL ON FAMILY MEDIATION, INC. 23 Parker Road, Needham Heights, MA 02494-2001 Local Telephone & Fax: (781) 449-4430 masscouncil@mcfm.org www.mcfm.org
TOLL FREE: 1-877-777-4430
MCFM
Family Mediation Quarterly Les Wallerstein, Editor 1620 Massachusetts Avenue Lexington, MA 02420-3802 (781) 862-1099
wallerstein@socialaw.com OFFICERS President
Laurie S. Udell, 399 Chestnut Street, Needham, MA 02492-2426, (781) 449-3355, lsudellesq@aol.com
The FMQ is dedicated to family mediators working with traditional and non-traditional families. All family mediators share common interests and concerns. The FMQ will provide a forum to explore that common ground.
Vice-President
Kathleen A. Townsend, Divorce Mediation Group, Inc., 1441 Main Street, Springfield, MA 01103, (413) 733-4444, kathleen@divmedgroup.com
The FMQ intends to be a journal of practical use to family mediators. As mediation is designed to resolve conflicts, the FMQ will not shy away from controversy. The FMQ welcomes the broadest spectrum of diverse opinions that effect the practice of family mediation.
Vice-President
Marion Lee Wasserman, 199 Wells Avenue, Suite 201, Newton, MA 02459(781) 449-4815, mlw@reachaccord.com
The contents of the FMQ are published at the discretion of the editor, in consultation with the MCFM Board of Directors. The FMQ does not necessarily express the views of the MCFM unless specifically stated.
Secretary
Mark I. Zarrow, Lian, Zarrow, Eynon & Shea, 34 Mechanic Street, Worcester, MA 01608, (508) 799-4461, mzarrow@lzes.com
Treasurer
Debra L. Smith, 134 Main Street, Watertown, MA 02472 (617) 924-6728, lawdeb@aol.com
DIRECTORS
Lynn K. Cooper, Robert V. Deiana, Jonathan E. Fields, Rachel B. Goldman, Howard I. Goldstein, Mary T. Johnston, Michael L. Leshin, Karen J. Levitt, Harry E. Manasewich, Steven Nisenbaum, David River, Lynda J. Robbins, Patricia A. Shea, Barry L. Shelton & Les Wallerstein
DIRECTORS EMERITUS
John A. Fiske, Janet B. Weinberger, Jerome Weinstein & Barbara N. White
ADMINISTRATOR DeLaurice Fraylick, 23 Parker Road, Needham Heights, MA 02494-2001, (781) 449-4430, masscouncil@mcfm.org
Family Mediation Quarterly
The FMQ is mailed to all MCFM members. Copies are provided to all Probate & Family Court Judges, all local Dispute Resolution Coordinators, all Family Service Officers and all law school libraries in Massachusetts. An archive of all previous editions of the FMQ are available on-line in PDF at <www.mcfm.org>, accompanied by a cumulative index of articles to facilitate data retrieval. MCFM members may submit notices of mediation-related events for free publication. Complimentary publication of notices from mediation-related organizations is available on a reciprocal basis. Commercial advertising is also available. Please submit all contributions for the FMQ to the editor, either by email or computer disk. Submissions may be edited for clarity and length, and must scrupulously safeguard client confidentiality. The following deadlines for all submissions will be observed: Summer- July 15th Fall- October 15th Winter-January 15th Spring- April 15th All MCFM members and friends of family mediation are encouraged to contribute to the FMQ. Every mediator has stories to tell and skills to teach. Please share yours.
Winter 2005 â&#x20AC;˘ Vol. 4 No. 1