The McGill Tribune Vol. 14 Issue 19

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P u b lis h e d

IMcGILL February 14th, 1995

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S tu d e n ts ’ S o c ie ty

o f M c G ill U n iv e r s ity

Volume 14 Issue 19

In Domino Confido

First-ever track meet at the new fieldhouse a success

By A ndrew Bo o n

News

Snow, ice, slush, and track and field. Three o f these words belong together, one of these terms is just not the same. Contrary to Sesame Street teachings however, and thanks to M cG ill’ s new m ulti-m illion dollar state-of-the-art indoor track facilities, these words can all go together for the first time at the university.

Last weekend, McGill hosted its first invitational track meet within the new facilities. The fieldhouse can be adapted to almost any event, except for maybe the Hammer Throw if one was ever introduced. M cG ill was com peting against team s from Concordia, Bishop’s, Queen’s, Laval, Plattsburgh and Dartmouth College.

With over 100 athletes participating, fans got a chance to witness some fierce competition, while this sports writer got a first-hand look at what is known as “track superstitions”. Be it listening to the rom antic funk o f BarryWhite or repeatedly spitting in garbage cans prior to start, the track world is steeped in mysticism.

M cG ill’s team fared quite well Runners test out the new facilities.

See Track Page 20

Where is the Canadian student movement head­ ed? The Tribune takes a look at two rival associa­ tions looking to lead the way.

See Page 2

Read your valentines as you enjoy the T rib’s rec­ ommended wines.

See Page 9

Editorial Republican empire strikes back?

See Page 6

ENTERTAINMENT Dinner is ruined, bring your date.

See Page 15

A x w o rth y revisited: Q u eb ec students hold distin ct protest

By A dam Sennett___________

SPORTS New fieldhouse hosts first-ever track meet.

See Page 20

“Jamais” was the rallying call of students at the Palais des Congrès last Tuesday at the Fédération Etudiante Universitaire du Québec’s assembly to protest tuition hikes.

Approximately 2,000 students gathered in opposition to the Axworthy reforms and expected changes in the upcoming federal budget. However, organisers had anticipated a much larger turnout of up to 10,000 students.

The planned march to the Palais des Congrès had been cancelled on account of the cold weather, making it difficult to estimate the number of M cGill students who attended the rally. SSMU Vice-president External N ick B en ed ict estim ated that approximately 200 McGill students participated.

Jean L ev e lielle, one o f the assem bly organisers, expressed regret that the march had to be can­ celled, and hoped that it would not adversely affect the turnout at the rally.

“With the temperature, we had to cancel the march from the campus

C o lu m n is ts P. Darvasi.............. Page 19 T. Frankel......................Page7 B. Van D ijk ...............Page 7

D e p a rtm e n ts Crossword.....................Page8 Observer........................ Page8 W hat’s O n ............. Page 23 Sexual Assault Centre of McGill Student’s Society 3 9 8 -2 7 0 0 Centre Contre l’Agression de l’Association des Etudiants de L’Université McGill

up to P alais de C on g rès,” said Levelielle. “It was a factor which affected the organisation.”

At 5:45, the lights in the Palais des Congrès went out and the offi­ cial assembly began. Students were treated to pictures of participants in the January 25 national day of strike and action organised by the Canadian Federation o f Students, and to Pink Floyd’s “One Of These Days.”

The Mistress of Ceremonies for the night was popular French come­ dian Sylvie Legault. After a brief and solemn speech, Legault was fol­ lowed by a host o f speakers from diverse organisations including the Fédération des Trav ailleu rs de Q uébec, philanthropist and founder/director o f the Canadian C entre for A rch itectu re Phylis Lambert, and SSM U’s Benedict.

“M cG ill University students have joined themselves with the con­ sensus in Quebec against the cuts to higher education,” said Benedict.

“We say No to Paul Martin, No to Jean Chrétien and No to Axworthy.”

The assembly differed from the January 25 protest in many ways

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other than the size of the turnout.

The Palais des Congrès had been rented on FEU Q funds, video screens had been set up in the room o f the protest, and the assembly included a diversity of speakers.

U3 student and m ember of Students for Social Justice Melissa Redman was cynical about the style of the rally.

“Wow, they’re doing quite a good job...music, light, really catchy pictu res,” said Redman. “W e’re dealing with the MTV generation.”

B enedict defended the mod­ ernised style of the rally.

“I think it was professional,” he said. “Unfortunately we live in the last decade of the 20th century where if you want to get media attention, you have to be professional.”

A significant change to the con­ tent o f the speeches during the protest from that of January 25 was that most speakers included Jean Chrétien and Paul Martin in their attack on A xw orthy’ s proposed reforms. Benedict stated that this was intentional.

“Axworthy isn’t a player right now. Right now the players are Paul

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Martin and Chrétien,” he said.

Overall, there was a general sat­ isfaction with the rally. F E U Q ’ s Gino T rifiro com m ented on the amount of media attention given to the rally.

“We had lots of fun. There was great media coverage in both English and French, radio and television,” said Trifiro.

SSMU Clubs Rep Chris Carter was also satisfied with the rally, despite certain reservations.

“The major positive point o f this is the fact that FEUQ is showing solidarity with the rest of the student movem ent in opposing the Axworthy reforms,” Carter said.

One concern was that the focus against tuition hikes would be dilut­ ed by the many non-student political organisations present at the rally. For example, a flyer announcing a rally on Sunday was handed out on which the tuition hikes were not even men­ tioned.

“It’s all in the same plan,” said Benedict. “The focus of the SSMU isn’t working on UI... but where we can help each other out, I don’t see why not.”

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Page 2 N e W S

February 14th, 199:

Choosing a national student voice

By D a w n W

affect post-secondary education and students in Canada. It would be im possible if we In the midst o f the furor over Lloyd stood by a very narrow mandate,” Stated Axworthy’s proposed social reforms, stu­ Caron. dent associations across the country are re­ The mandate has permitted the federal evaluating their representation on the nation­ body to draft resolutions and adopt official al le v e l. T he C anadian F ed eratio n o f positions on issues across the political and Students and the recen tly organised geographical spectrum, including concerns Canadian Alliance o f Student Associations from those o f gay and lesbian students to are jockeying for the position o f national denouncing apartheid in South Africa. voice for students across the country.

The broad focus is attributable to a series o f com m issions set up by C FS to I t b e g a n w ith C F S address interests of particular groups of stu­ dents, including students of colour, gay, les­ CFS became the national lobby repre­ bian and bi-sexual students, native students, senting students’ interests across Canada in women, and international students. The pur­ 1981. Today the organisation represents pose o f these groups is to research and 440,000 students from 65 schools across the attempt to ascertain how a single issue on country. the CFS agenda will affect specific groups Though no national student organisa­ of students. tion has existed as long as CFS, the group “These commissions are established in may lose this badge because several univer­ an effort to help us establish a comprehen­ sities are preparing to withdraw from the sive understanding o f the consequences a organisation. One o f the factors initiating particular decision or piece o f legislation. this exodus is the ideological commitments They also are capable of tabling concerns of CFS. specific to their given group and bringing The founding principle of CFS, accord­ them to the agenda,” said Caron. ing to Guy Caron, its national chairman, Richard Casanova, co-commissioner for consists of “Fighting to attain and ensure the the students o f colour commission, believes maintenance of quality post-secondary edu­ that the commission plays a necessary role cation”. The mandate was designed to be and is working toward important national vague, allowing for a broad interpretation. goals.

“We are trying to address all issues that “Our goal as a commission for a nation­ estley

al organisation is to eliminate certain preju­ said Caron. dices that cause racism on campuses across the country. We want to ensure that affirma­ A n d th e n th e re w a s C A S A tive action policy is implemented so as to improve accessibility for students of colour C A SA , in contrast to C FS, is a ver; to p o st-seco n d ary e d u ca tio n ,” said young organisation. Although initiatives fo Casanova. a new national student lobby began as earl; CFS is funded by the 65 student associ­ as seven years ago, its constitution was onl; ations that constitute its general assembly. set down at the end o f last month.

Each pays 7 dollars per student the associa­ During the Fredericton “Building thi tion represents. Those funds, combined with Foundations” conference o f January 28-30 the income from its campus services (e.g.

15 founding member student association Travel Cuts) give CFS an annual budget of drafted the “B ylaw s o f the C anadiai over 2 million dollars. The money pays for Alliance of Student Associations.” The doc the organisation’s permanent staff, lawyers, ument outlines the mandate, process anc funding of commissions and annual general parameters the organisation will follow. meetings as well as paying for special dele­ The members o f CASA intend for thi gations to attend conferences. Recently CFS organisation to remain committed to a nar has been funnelling its resources into bat­ row focus on “student issues.” tling the proposed social reforms.

“The mandate o f CASA is to provide “We are presently working with the way for students to get involved in the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives to n atio n al ed u cation sy ste m ,” said Pau develop an alternative budget to reduce the See Student Voice Page 3 deficit without cutting social programs. We have been ________________________ working on this docum ent in co a litio n with many other interest groups.

It w ill be released on

by Lizzie Saunderson ity can be attributed to its Statement February 1 6 ,” of Principles.

A sm all group o f students “We feel their emphasis on the opposed to the McGill Daily have ideological compatibility of theif proposed a referendum question staff members has left an emphasis that may result in the newspaper’s on writing ability and merit poorly dissolution. neglected,” stated Hay. The proposed question asks In response, Newton noted that whether students agree that the the policies and editorial content ol Daily Publications Society and its the Daily are determined by staffaffiliate newspaper, the Daily, cease w riters and the student-elected to exist on April 1, 1995.

Board of Directors. DPS grants stu In order for the referendum to dents the right to speak at all staff be successful, 15 percent o f all meetings. members o f the DPS (all McGill Newton responded to sugges students, excep t Continuing tions that the petition’s sponsors Education and Macdonald Campus represent many who are unable to students) must vote. A sim ple participate in the Daily due to its majority is required for ratification presumed ideological homogeneity of the proposal.

“I ’ve never seen any of them at The petition circulated across a staff meeting,” she said. “They campus last week was not the first have never addressed the staff other that students have directed against than in a personal letter.” the Daily . Last semester’s proposal D aily news editor Aubrey to force the Daily to donate half of Cohen said that the opposition’s its student-levy funds to the McGill grounds were unfounded. student aid office was ruled invalid “Every paper in the world has

by SSMU Chief Returning Officers. their editorial stance. We have our The Daily collects $6.70 per full­ Statement of Principles,” remarked time student in the DPS each year.

Cohen.

The organisers of the petition The statem ent defines the believe that the Daily does not ade­ D aily ’ s function as providing a quately represent the views of the “critical and constructive forum” McGill community. for the community. It identifies all Spokespersons R o lf Stromissues and events as inherently Olsen and Ian Hay question the political and recognises a social and responsiveness of the Daily’s edito­ economic imbalance of power. rial board to students. In a letter to “The Statement o f Principles Melanie Newton, the D aily’s co­ does not outline a particular ideolo­ ordinating editor, Strom-Olsen and gy for the McGill Daily, it merely Hay asked the Daily to abandon its re flects a certain view o f and Statement of Principles, eliminate approach to student journalism ,” M c G I L L U N I V E R S I T Y B O O K S T O R E * 3 4 2 0 M cT A V I S H * 3 9 8 -7 4 4 4 the alleged political and ideological stated Newton in a letter to Stromconditions governing staff voting Olsen and Hay. rights, and extend staff grievance Strom-Olsen and Hay will pre­ The McGill Tribune is published by the Students’ Society o f McGill University processes. sent their petition for the proposed Editorial Office: William Shatner University Centre, Rm B01 A, 3480 rue McTavish Strom-Olsen stated that a stu­ referendum to the Chief Returning Montréal, Québec,. CANADA H3A 1X9 dent referendum was the only Officer.

Advertising Office; (514)398-6806 Editorial Office: (514)398-6789/3666 Fax: (514)398-7490 instrument with which to address “Once our question is on the the students’ concerns. ballot we can retract it at any time Letters must include author’s name, signature, identification (e.g. U2 Biology, SSMU President) and telephone “The Daily sees itself as a fair, and are more than willing to work number and be typed double-spaced or submitted on disk in Macintosh or IBM word processor format. Letters democratic and open organisation,” with the Daily to satisfy our con­ more than 300 words, pieces for ‘Stop The Press’ more than 500 words, or submissions judged by the Editorhe said. “We feel that’s a lie and cerns,” stated Strom-Olsen. in-Chief to be libellous, sexist, racist or homophobic will not be published. The Tribune reserves the right to have no confidence that working The proposed question must be edit letters for length. Place submissions in the Tribune mail box, across from the SSMU front desk or FAX to with them would affect any kind of submitted by February 14. If it is 398-7490. Columns appearing under ‘Editorial’ heading are decided upon by the editorial board and written by meaningful change.” deemed constitutional, students will a member o f the editorial board. All other opinions are strictly those o f the author and do not necessarily reflect Hay added that the D a ily ’s vote during SSM U elections in the opinions o f the McGill Tribune, its editors or its staff. Please recycle this newspaper. political and ideological homogene­ March.

Referendum proposal threatens D aily

N e w s Page 3

February 14th, 1995

Student voice — Continued From Page 2 Estabrooks, interim national d irector o f CASA. “We want to provide students with the means to take a very proactive role in defining education in Canada. However we want to stick strictly to federal and provin­ cial issues that affect undergraduate stu­ dents.”

The question o f how to respond to Lloyd Axworthy’s Green Book proposals presently “We, heads the CASA agenda.

“W e are in support o f finding feasible ways o f altering government funding o f p o s t-s e c ­ ondary ed u cation.

P rese n tly , docum ents regarding income contin­ — gent repayment loans are b ein g w orked out to lobby government with,” stated Taz Pir Mohamed, the Ontario direc­ tor for CASA. “Funding is a persistent problem that is not going to go away quickly. But along with this issue are the possible effects that the changes may have on education. For example we are trying to deal with what these changes will do to national standards of education,” said Andrew McElheran, VP E x tern a l o f the student a sso cia tio n at University o f Calgary.

“What the government is proposing is to ultimately leave education in the hands of the provinces. Postsecondary education is a national resource and should be managed by national standards,” he added.

Whether CASA can currently tackle the financial obstacles facing postsecondary education is questionable, as the organisa­ tion is still in its infancy.

“CFS has become obsessed with a vari­ ety of social issues and is motivated by left­ ist ideological fixation that consumes its general meetings and retards any effective response on its part,” stated Kelly Lamrock, tw o -tim e n atio n al chairm an o f C F S .

L am ro ck is now p resid en t o f the New Brunswick Student Alliance.

“Ontario and the western schools had

as students of color, face different obstacles after university than the majority of university students. Our national representative has to incorporate that or else we are not beingrepre­ sented at all.”

Richard Cassanova, co-commissioner CFS students of colour commision

T h e d e b a te A great deal o f controversy has been caused by the arrival o f CASA. Several uni­ versities represented by CASA recently held referendums to withdraw from CFS. These members claim that the inefficiency o f CFS, which they say is accountable to its ideolog­ ical proclivity, was part of the catalyst that initiated the formation o f CASA.

been interested in forming a new national body but we knew we could not make a legitimate claim to national representation until we had the membership from eastern Canada,” said Pir Mohamed. “It was the inadequate reaction o f the CFS to Axworthy and the Green Report itself that initiated the response from out east.”

Other criticisms for­ warded by form er C FS m em bers in clu d e expense issues, the lack o f say that m em bergroups have in the allo­ cation o f funds and the obstacles associated with w ithdraw ing from the organisation. The latter problem has discredited the organisation on sev­ eral campuses.

In order to withdraw from CFS a student asso­ ciation must hold a stu­ dent referen d u m , and inform C FS six months in advance. These condi­ tions make it difficult to withdraw and in cases where they have not been strictly followed the CFS

D a i l y ’s request for

less approved

By Sylvie Babarik On February 10, the Board of Governors approved the M cG ill Daily’s request to reduce the num­ ber of issues from four per week to three.

The request was made by the Daily Publication Society who sug­ gested that the quality of the paper could be improved if the number of issues were reduced.

Debate within the Board cen­ tred around concerns that the Daily had not consulted their readers for approval.

SSM U President Sevag Yeghoyan asked the Board to post­ pone their decision until the publi­ cation issued a notice to readers warning them of the paper’s inten­ tion, and inviting student responses.

Yeghoyan went on to say that the number of calls he had received from concerned students pointed to a need for more consultation about the reduction in issues. He even

suggested that a referendum ques­ tion on the decrease might be war­ ranted.

Student G overnor W ill Phillipson agreed with Yeghoyan on the basis that the service to stu­ dents would be reduced.

“They are an incorporated body, and therefore do not need approval, yet they should have some accountability [to students],” added Phillipson.

P rin cip le B ernard Shapiro defended the D a ily ’s request.

Shapiro emphasised the publica­ tion’s independence and the fact the Board should not be addressing the question in terms o f its sub­ stance.

“This Board is not in a posi­ tion to approve whether the Daily is doing this the right w ay,” said Shapiro.

As there is no request for a fee increase, Shapiro also pointed out that a referendum on the reduction of issues is not required.

the has taken legal action.

In 1993 Dalhousie’s student association was sued by CFS because the student associ­ ation failed to give CFS appropriate notice.

A sim ilar case was recen tly concluded against Ottawa’s student association.

As o f last Friday, however, memberschools o f C FS demanded that the banks freeze CFS accounts because the organisa­ tion had used $30,000 of their budget for the Ottawa case. The amount allotted for legal claims is $12,000 per year according to the 1994/95 budget.

In light o f these activities and general dissatisfaction with the C F S, C A SA has been modelled to avoid similar pitfalls.

“We have made a serious effort to dif­ ferentiate from CFS and to learn from the m istakes o f that o rganisation ,” said Pir Mohamed.

There is also a strict focus on national and inter-provincial student issues in order to avoid the broader social concerns that some say have burdened CFS. “Those things need to be dealt with on a campus or regional basis. It is too much to ask that a student organisation deal with all the social ills from across the entire coun­ try ,” said B eth O w en, a d eleg ate from Dalhousie for the CASA conferences.

sao f C F S a n d CAS “We are not modelling ourselves to be the antithesis o f the C FS but we want to remain smaller, more basic and grassroots,” said Estabrooks. “We plan to run our opera­ tion on a much smaller budget so that it doesn’t burden the student associations.”

CASA has come under attack from cer­ tain CFS members who have defended the CFS approach.

“We, as students of colour, face differ­ ent obstacles after university than the major­ ity of university students will have to face.

Our national representative has to incorpo­ rate that or else we are not being represented at all,” claimed Casanova.

“W e attempt to understand and deal with the ways in which a given policy will affect the specific groups such as women or students with disabilities,” explained Caron.

Despite the formative role that criticism o f C F S has played for C A SA , the new national lobby claims to be concerned pri­ marily with being a potent force in future student life.

“CA SA is about being that effective lobby for the national student voice. There is nothing particularly anti-CFS about CASA. It [CFS] has marginalised itself, it doesn’t need us to do that,” stated Nick Benedict, CASA’s Quebec regional director.

N e w s Page 5

February 14th, 1995

r n n F T ïïn T IN -C H IE F

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Editor-in-Chief needed for Imprint, University of Waterloo's student newspaper, for the 1995-96 year. As editor-in-chief you would be responsible for seeing that the paper is printed and distributed on time. You would have to be able to co­ ordinate and sustain a large volunteer base and write for all sections of the newspaper: news, sports, arts, forum and fea­ tures. You would also require intimate familiarity with IBMcompatible computers, Windows, WordPerfect 5.1, and Pagemaker 5.0 and be available to begin training on March 20, 1995. This full time salaried position is a one year con­ tract from April 1, 1995 to March 31, 1996. The job requires an average of 37.5 hours per week, but will be much more during peak times of the year. Also most of the hours are concentrated between Monday morning and Thursday at noon. Preference will be given to condidates within UW. Submit a letter of application, resume and sam­ ples of writing to: Imprint, Campus Centre, Room 140, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3G1 attention Vivian Tambeau by noon February 17, 1995

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The constitutionality of the “illegitimate protest” resolution passed at the January 12 SSM U council meeting is currently being challenged by Clubs Rep Chris Carter.

The resolution, passed by a 11/10 vote, condemns all forms of protest that are considered to be outside the bounds o f “legitim ate protest” as defined by the SSMU. The resolution was brought to council as SSMU members debated whether or not they would endorse the national student strike day which took place on January 25. Many councillors were opposed to the strike in light of “egg-throwing” which had taken place in an earlier protest on Parliament Hill in Ottawa.

Carter feels that the resolution is unconstitutional as it violates sections 2.1 and 2.3 of the SSMU consti­ tution which guarantees students such fundamental rights as free speech and assembly.

“This very seriously limits students rights,” said Carter. “The main thing is that the SSMU should pro­

vide activities that enhance the political and social con­ ditions of its members. But how can it defend these when it condemns non-legitimate protest, which could be anything?”

VP External Nick Benedict described the resolu­ tion as necessary.

“The motion is there to send a point out so that the government and the media know that students aren’t whiners and we’re capable of defending ourselves in an intelligent manner. We shouldn’t have to resort to van­ dalism.”

Carter maintained that his opposition to the resolu­ tion is constitutional and that it does not mean that he sees vandalism as an acceptable form of protest.

“The way I see it is that law does exist,” said Carter. “We have laws against those kinds of acts. It gets weird when the SSM U starts making it’s own laws. The SSMU should not be deciding what is just and what is lawful.”

The challenge of the January 12 council motion will go before a SSM U Judicial Board hearing on February 15.

Students recommend McGill create racial harassment policy

By Kathryn Folliott

Tuesday, February 21st, 7:00 pm Room 26, Leacock Building 855 Sherbrooke West Info: 281-7607 ^

Contesting protest restrictions

and professors are currently processed by M cG ill’s grievance committee, comprised mainly of acad em ics appointed by the Senate. The workgroup fears that professors with a vested interest in academic freedom may be biased in th eir rulings in harassm ent cases.

To ensure the protection of the complainant, the workgroup pro­ poses the implementation of a for­ mal racial harassment policy.

“The creatio n o f a racial harassment policy at McGill would resu lt in o b je ctiv e procedures untainted by con flict o f interest and would therefore be more fair to the com plainant,” stated the report.

Janet Oh, SSM U representa­ tive on the Senate subcommittee, was impressed by the effort and concern shown by the workgroup’s report.

“The subcommittee learned a lot,” she said. “W e’re anxious to hear what students have to say, and the meeting provided a good forum for discussions o f racial harass­ ment issues.”

Flo Tracy, director of McGill residences, also attended the meet­ ing. She maintained a similarly optimistic view.

“I saw a lot of people commit-

Last Friday a self-initiated stu­ dent w orkgroup presented the Senate sub-committee on race rela­ tions with a report calling for a for­ mal racial harassment policy at McGill.

The report detailed what the workgroup views as failings with­ in M cG ill’s grievance and disci­ plinary procedures in dealing with ra cia l h arassm en t. C u rren tly , complainants are referred to the om bud sp erson. Form al co m ­ p lain ts must be made through M cG ill’ s com m ittee on student discipline or grievance commit­ tee.

The workgroup’s report states that these procedures are inade­ quate for dealing with racial harassm ent. The powers o f the om budsperson are lim ited , it asserts, and her recommendations are not binding. As a result, the ombudsperson is encouraged to reso lv e c o n flic ts by in form al means and her ability to address issues of racial harassment is con­ tingent on the good will of the par­ ties involved.

The report also questions the competency of formal administra­ tive committees to process com­ plaints o f racial harassment.

“Nothing in the cu rrent procedure guarantees that com­ mittee members have the necessary training or ex p erien ce to effectively deal with ra cia l harassm ent issues,” said SSM U Arts Rep and work­ group m ember Konrad Ng. A second poten­ tial problem cited by the report is the abili­ ty of formal adminis­ trative bodies to han­ dle cases o f ra cia l harassm ent without conflicts of authority.

C om plaints in volvin g students Seeking a fo rm a l a n d objective policy

ted to addressing the problem of ra cia l h arassm en t,” she said.

“Everyone seemed to be moving in the same direction.”

Tracy asserted that Dean of Students Irwin Gopnik plans to ask the committee on the co-ordination of student services to create a com­ mittee to deal with diversity issues.

The workgroup plans to circu­ late a survey to confirm their belief that students, particularly visible minorities, support their demand for a racial harassment policy. The group also hopes to establish a race relations centre that would provide counselling, education and infor­ mation to students with racial con­ cerns. Soraya Hassanali, a member o f the workgroup, was pleased with the reaction to the 17-page report.

“The sub-committee seemed open and supportive of our initia­ tive,” she said. “The atmosphere of the meeting was very positive.”

Hassanali stressed the need for McGill to take swift and positive action on the issue of racial harass­ ment.

“I feel it’ s a very important issue,” she said. “It’s time for the administration to realise that stu­ dents won’t wait any longer. We have rights and we want them recognised.”

Page 6

February 14, 1995

E d ito ria l T

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Published by the Students’ Society of McGill University

M c G IL L T R IB U N E

Americanise McGill already

“To be wise, and love, exceeds man’s might.”

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Assistant E d itor-in -ch ief

Editorial

Star Wars - The Return of the Hawks

By Sylvie Babarik________ Were it merely a movie.

This financial nightmare, alas, has been concocted in the waking minds of the re-empowered Republican Party. Apparently the $36 bil­ lion that the American people saw “invested” in the project in the 1980s has not quenched the Saharan thirst of the military industrial complex-still alive despite the end of the Cold War. Star Wars was the common name given to the Reagan-age dream o f building the perfect defence umbrella. Set up in outer space, the sys­ tem was intended to destroy incoming missiles.

Besides the lack o f domestic support for the Star Wars project, the inability of its proponents to guarantee that such a system would be able to counter all types of missiles, weakened both the financial justi­ fication and the very logic behind the creation of the Strategic Defence Initiative. Following the debates between the Reagan and Bush admin­ istrations and Congress, the SDI system was shelved.

As the USSR has been dissolved, who is the enemy now?

Why, Iraq and the other “rogue nations”, of course.

For those who remember the movie War Games, the notion of technical malfunctions may also prove to be a persuasive argument in favour of the Star Wars system. Apparently the Republicans believe in the “oop, I pressed the wrong button” theory.

Where are the doves?

“One day, mathematically, something bad can happen and you ought to have a minimum screen on a continent-wide basis, and that’s do-able,” said Speaker Newt Gingrich.

Bad things happen every day. Mr. Gingrich need only look to the urban ghettos of the US. Apparently $36 billion on poverty is not the type of “bad” that offers sufficient returns.

The international game has changed since the Cold War years.

The damage that would ensue from a single nuclear explosion is unquestionably great. However, it seems doubtful that the rebel states who so covertly play with nuclear materials (save occasional media coverage and IAEA inquiries) have any vested interest in the destruc­ tion of the world.

For the time being, nuclear neophytes appear to be using nuclear intimidation to obtain more comfortable ends. North Korea, for exam­ ple, has promised to cooperate with the IAEA if two conditions are met. First, it asks that the US withdraw from its backyard. Second, it wants the wealthy countries to fund the exchange its current reactors for a model which produces nuclear energy more efficiently.

Noteworthy: the waste of their choice-model cannot be converted for nuclear weapons production.

Breathe easy i f you ’re not an American tax-payer.

As Canadians await the effects of the fiscal knife of a government forced to reduce spending, our neighbours may see an invigorating bunch-of-billions flow into the industrial and academic circles that would benefit from Star Wars revival. Moreover, the military industri­ al complex’s income infusion has monetarists promising a tricklingdown o f funds. Yet where does the debt-ridden US get such money?

Outer space perhaps?

Sylvie Babarik,M onique Shebbeare..................................... News Editors Lizzie Saunderson,Paromita Sh a h ............................... Features Editors Joyce Lau ,H arris N e w m a n ..................................Entertainment Editors A llana H enderson.................................................................... Sports Editor Liz Lau ,Em m a Rhodes ......................................................... Photo Editors M icol Zarb .............................................................................Network Editor Ram Randhawa ,N icholas Ro y ...........................Production M anagers Sanchari C hakravarty..................................... Promotions Coordinator Paul Slachta................................................................ Marketing M anager A nne-Marie Racine,Panciotis Panagoloupolos .................... A d sales Barbara M ac D ougall,D on M cG o w a n ................................ Typesetters A my H utchison..................................................... W hat’s On Coordinator

It is apparent that pressure to Am ericanise M cG ill exists on a number o f levels. First, proposed reform of the funding of secondary institutions by the federal govern­ ment has transformed the Canadian vision o f education to a more American one.

Further, M cG ill administra­ tion’s lower entrance requirements for international students (mainly Americans) can be seen to serve two purposes. This policy increases the money collected in tuition and allows American riff-raff (sic. co­ author of this letter) to pollute the in tellectual waters o f this fine Canadian institution.

SSM U too has made thinlyveiled attempts to bring us closer to our southern neighbours. Pizza Hut in the Alley is one such manifesta­ tion o f this phenomenon. The Tribune, an SSM U publication, includes an American crossword (in case you haven’t noticed, Canada has no Democrats, Republicans, or one dollar b ills) [Ed — the Crossword is supplied by the Toronto Star Syndicate.]

Though we greatly appreciate the intent of such tactics, we abhor the weakness of the policy-makers in making a firm commitment in this respect. Stronger, more definitive measures are clearly required. The following is a list of proposals which

L e tte r s ... ...to the editor Usher needs a Gray’s Anatomy Concerning Alex Usher’s last “Faculty o f Ephemera” column, I believe some facts may have been misrepresented.

Usher mentioned a lobotomy procedure, perform ed by Dr. Freeman. Usher wrote that this tech­ nique involved inserting a knife “between the eyeball and eyelid... and then jerking the knife around lib erally ”. The only connection between the orbit of the eye and the interior of the cranuim large enough to support a blade is the superior orbital fissure. By “jerking” a knife around in this area, one would only introduce lesions to the occulomotor and abducens nerves (resulting in a paralysed eye, among other things), and in puncturing the venous

would both speed and facilitate our ultimate goal o f becoming good, Christian, red-blooded Americans, one and all: (1) Pay present tuition in U.S. cur­ rency.

(2) Invoke mandatory fraternity membership.

(3) Use threat o f expulsion to enforce drinking age in resi­ dences (aided by R.A.’s — rat­ ting assholes).

(4) Issue guns and Sherman tanks to Burns Security instead of walkie-talkies and those embar­ rassing Geo Trackers.

(5) Sell James M cG ill’ s bones to Michael Jackson.

(6) Sell hazing paddles at the book­ store.

(7) Marks? Who needs ‘em? We got written evaluations!

(8) Replace Outing Club with Gun Club (ya damn pussies!).

(9) Get Sally Struthers to host McGill “infomercial”.

(10) Hold student strike to get the “u” out of “colour”.

(11) Build time machine to go back and lose the War of 1812.

(12) Forcibly prevent the giant, fuzzy penis from handing out condoms at O.A.P. (13) No more damn special interest clubs — shut up and assimilate! ( 14) No more Gowan concerts — we drainage from the eye (causing a severe subdural haematoma).

It should be noted that most of the frontal lobe is directly above the orbits, so the only structures one could hope to hit would be the uncus (superior ventro-medial part of the temporal lobe), or part of the senso­ ry cortex, both of which would pro­ duce only slight changes in behav­ iour if lesioned.

Eric Hoffstein U3 Psychology

Editor’s Note: I f you would like to see a copy o f Alex’s source fo r the information, please contact him by E-mail at alex@ stusoc. lan.mcgill. ca.

W o lfb o y in s h e e p ’s clothing I am writing you about your paper’ s review o f W olfboy, (“Wolfboy lacks bite”). This will not be a letter praising the reviewers for wonderful insight into theatre. I

want THE BOSS! (15) Render the geographer travel mug/backpack look a fashion crime.

(16) Another fashion crime — shorts in January.

(17) Perot for Principal, Limbaugh for CKUT director.

(18) Rename Shatner Building “Harrison Ford Campus Center” (Star Wars kicks Star Trek any­ way!)

(19) Move Canadian Lit to 6:30 AM. (20) Establish African Studies pro­ gram, and fund it too!

(21) Buy Ferraris and weekends in Cancun for Redmen basketball players (while keeners do their homework).

(22) Schedule Spring Break for spring.

(23) Get Marriott to “flame broil” the veggie pate.

(24) Replace smoked meat with pas­ trami.

(25) Engineering Pubnite every nite!

(26) Add a side to the Bronfman Building and call it the Pentagon.

We firmly believe that prompt and strict implementation o f the above measures would create an agreeable environment to all Americans and American sympa­ thizers at McGill. In the immortal words of the Borg, “You will be assimilated - resistance is futile...”

Karen Tercho U3 Arts (American) Matt Roy U3 Engineering (American sympathiser) doubt you will receive any of those.

I thoroughly enjoyed Wolfboy. I found it an exceptional look into teen suicide and low self-esteem from a rare point of view... the male perspective. Due to the acting abili­ ties of the cast, and the direction of Roberto Aguirre, we were given a glimpse into a seldom seen, yet wonderous and complex place: the teenage male psyche.

Basically, what I ’m trying to say is for audience members who saw the almost completely sold-out ran, they had every reason to enjoy

Wolfboy.

I did not find your review com­ pletely without merit. I also felt the language used by the main charac­ ters was forced, and unbelievable at times. Otherwise, it was, a f * * * (sic) good play, and I wish it stayed around longer for more to see.

François LaForge U2 Electrical Engineering See Letters Page 7

S ta ff Tyla Berchtold, Andrew Boon, Jo y ce Boro, B renda Chow, P au l Coleman, Josh u a Colle, M ark Davies, Jo a n n e Davis, Lori Fireman, Kathryn Folliot, Erika Fuchs, Haim Gomdzinsky, Sue Glover, Anne-M arie Labbé, Scott Lanaway, Reuben Levy, M ark Luz, Scott Mahaffy, P au l McKeown, J a n e Rigby, Shannon Ross, A dam Sennet, Pete Smith, J a c k Sullivan, D an a Toering, Witold Tymowski, DawnWestley, J o e Wong

Page 7

February 14, 1995

O p in io n The definitive love test, no fluids required N o m a d ’s L a n d Ted Frankel fp ?^

Shot through the heart, and you’re too vain, you give love a bad name.

— Bon Jovi You’re in a panic. It’s February 14 and your tongue is numb from sucking down so many of those cin­ namon things and you can’t find flow ers you can afford without going on one of those income-con­ tingent loan plans and you realise, just months before graduating with your B. Comm., that you hate capi­ talism. And if your Valentine’s Day wasn’t shitty enough already, your pseudo-intellectual friend trips you up with this whopper: “How worth­ while is your love life?” She asks as if you hadn’t spent the last decade agonising over that very question — well, that and how anyone ever found Shannen Doherty attractive.

Before you grab Miss Pretentious

by her nose ring (which so resem­ bles golden snot on cold days like these) and give her a flurry to the solar plexus, take out a pencil and take this test. There’s no better time than today to find out if you’re a hapless dud in the sw eetheart department. I guarantee that no other exercise in self-reflective con­ templation, with the possible excep­ tion of a Phish concert, will ever match the telling power of the fol­ lowing.

1. It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re offered an opportunity for exclu­ sive reign of Olympic Stadium.

Do you: (a) do it on the spot where Gary Carter used to squat. (b) have a picnic with your mate in centrefield, then roll around nude in the dirt infield. (c) bring a bunch of your buddies and hit fly balls to them, then

wrestle for who gets to steal the backstop.

2. In casual conversation, do you refer to your partner as your: (a) love slave (b) teaching assistant (c) cousin 3. Fill in the blank with the most appropriate answer. “I’d take my mate over an offer o f _____ .” (a) one million American dollars (b) a 4.0 (c) a can of New Coke (d) a shot to the head 4. Which of the following adjectives best describes your loving com­ panion: (a) dyn-o-mite! (b) amphibious (c) imaginary 5. In the tim e since last y ear’ s Valentine’s day, the most valu­ able thing you’ve learned about love is that: (a) partaking in an emotional covenant with another transcends all material pleasures that life has to offer (b) doing it on a waterbed is fun (c) Pharmaprix has a sale on vase­ line approximately once every two weeks

Don’t get smart, get angry

Firehoses and firebombs, bit­ ing dogs, lynchings, clubs and cat­ tle prods, rubber tubing wrapped in barbed wire, tear gas, bullets and bullwhips — American govern­ ment agents unleashed these on blacks and civil rights workers only thirty years ago. T hose who cheered for the whip-wielders are mostly still alive, but that period’s safely in their past. It’s history.

Or is it? The rage and frustra­ tion that remains from past injus­ tice and is perpetrated by poverty is not history for the black communi­ ty. The rage that any decent human feels when reading the history of injustice is not and should not be simply part of history.

R age is and has been an important political motivator for many groups, and it is probably especially important for blacks.

Anger can be a destructive and fu tile feelin g . H ow ever, when channelled into political action it energizes and motivates — rage can mean power. The power o f anger was apparent when Martin Luther King, Jr’s daughter spoke of the arrest of Malcolm X ’s daugh­ ter. (X ’s daughter was arrested for plotting to murder one of the men suspected o f killing her father.

However, many believe that she was set up. Knowing about the F B I’s past treatment of black lead­ ers, King included, I wouldn’t be surprised.) Anyway, King’s daugh­ ter supported her “sister” with an

elegant controlled eloquence rare in the euphemism-dominated bab­ ble of media politics. You could tell that a generation’s anger was being channelled into her speech and gave it strength.

We in our academ ic abode have a tendency to view rage as an illegitimate point o f departure for political argument. W e’re supposed to prove everything with footnotes and statistics and quotations from other people equally obsessed with footnotes and statistics. This leads to a careful rationality which isn’t bad in itself, but which is only half o f what is im portant to a good argument. Emotional conviction is the other half, and it is sadly miss­ ing from much of the insipid ja r­ gonised writing that passes as acad­ emically important.

In my post-colonial studies class one young man criticized a Nigerian writer for the disorganiza­ tion of her arguments, and praised an academic American woman of colour’ s work for its lo gic. The academic had tamed her political emotions, whereas the African had given vent to her anger. B oth works are important in different ways, but the young man trained at McGill could only appreciate one.

The one least obviously angry, and the one least easily translated into practical political change.

This tendency of the academi­ cally-trained to disregard angry politics is in danger o f rendering

academia irrelevant. Now, I would be the first to argue that those who won’t listen to arguments made by professors because “they don’t live in the real world” work for Ralph Klein and are clearly idiots — pro­ fessors pay bills, have plumbing problems, and drive Toyotas same as m ost everybody e lse . T h eir world is as real as the world o f som eone who w orks in a bank tower. However, to be relevant in a democracy academics must actual­ ly make arguments that press for some sort of change. They must be prepared to get angry and show their anger over an issue. Writing that is devoid of emotion is devoid of a strong argument and is there­ fore devoid o f relev a n ce.

Complacent statistical description is w orth less u nless it m akes a point.

What does all this about acad­ emic complacency have to do with the race issues I discussed earlier?

W ell, M cG ill has “Studies” pro­ grams all over the map, but the sta­ tus of its African Studies program is in question. A whole continent som ehow on shaky acad em ic ground. The African story of injus­ tice and legacy o f anger may be m arginalized and made part o f M cGill’s “history”.

The anger expressed by those frustrated at this state o f things should not be ignored. They are trying to keep academia relevant to that part o f the world trod on — and bullwhipped — more than any other. Their rage is a legitimate political motivator and has a place in intellectual discussion — statis­ tical and footnoted or not.

Beatrice van Dijk is studying how to avoid anger.

6. Two years down the line, you and your current mate will be: (a) married (b) each dating a different mem­ ber of the royal family (c) separated by a restraining order (d) campaigning for Dan Quayle’s presidential nomination in 2000 7. If a wild animal was a metaphor for your love life, it would be: (a) a tiger (b) a greased pig (c) Chia pet Scoring: Award yourself three points for each time you answered (a), two for each (b), one for each (c) and zero for each (d). If your

score was 5-11, you should spend more time watching paid program­ ming, learn to enjoy doing the dish­ es and strongly consider shock ther­ apy. If you scored 11-16, consider honing your dating skills to perfec­ tion by closely observing the charac­ ters on “Friends” . If you were between 16-20, you’re either very fortunate or a blatant liar. If you scored a perfect 21, give me a call.

I’d be interested in co-writing your first book.

Letters continued from Page 6

the reality of several hundred-thou­ sand women who are members of co-ed professional fraternities across North America. They also belittle the efforts of pioneers (such as Joan Rogala) who devoted their entire careers toward guiding the 175year-old professional fraternity sys­ tem into an era of social awareness.

Broadhurst’s comments dismiss my daily experience, and that of dozens o f fem ale students who embody professional fratemalism, despite the fact that w e’ re not “male” or “skirt chaser[s]”.

By placing im portance on male-only fraternities while disre­ garding the female presence in oth­ ers, Broadhurst’s comments stink of male chauvinism.

While the editorial’s goal was justifiable, the chauvinistic assump-

Hey, what about co-ed frats?

In his editorial (“Fraternal dis­ play o ffen siv e”, January 31) Michael Broadhurst makes two dec­ larations that must be exposed for the lies they are. He w rites, “Officially, if you’re male you can gain entrance to one of the venera­ ble societies [ie. fraternities]. If you’re female, forget it. And viceversa for sororities.” He then contin­ ues, “If you’re a white, heterosexu­ al, upper-middle class, beer-drink­ ing, party-loving skirt chaser you can get in. If you’re not, forget it.”

I am proof that these assertions are false, and I question why he decided to print statem ents he knows are dishonest.

Those editorial comments deny

Ted Frankel legally changed his name to Dr. Love. The Collège des Médecins du Quebec is investi­ gating.

See Letters Page 19

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Page 8

February 14, 1995

man, TV commercials can just ruin a good classic love song.

H o ro s c o p e s J o jo Newman

f AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Prospects for love and happi­ ness will be overshadowed by your own self-destructive tendencies. This year, try a nerve gas free Valentine’s Day and keep the faith. Those who cannot walk will never run from you, and holding onto a loved one’s heart need not just be a figurative term.

PISC ES (Feb 1 9 -M ar 20) Like the slender salmon, you continue to dash upstream, against the odds, in search of your past and future. Like the quivering squirrel, you dash and hide at prospects of a new opportunity, a new beginning.

Like the spring chicken, you make a damn fine shish-taouk. Your desire to bring satisfaction and bliss to the yin of your yang need go no further.

Everyone loves shish taouk.

ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19) I mean, you deserve a special day today ju st for continuing to

bother. Most people with your sad story would’ ve quit years ago.

Perhaps its your persevering person­ ality, your genteel stubbornness, your flair for misunderstanding the obvious, or your utter ignorance to the fact that you piss off just about everyone, even those nice 976 peo­ ple that say otherwise. Use this Valentine’s Day for introspection and reflection.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22) Whoo, I wonder why you even got of bed this morning. Come on, with a zodiac symbol like CANCER, I mean, how much hope does that instil in you about your fate?

Besides, you were probably bom out of wedlock to some ditzy coed who got a little too tipsy on a cool autumn night, and ba-doom, here you go, doomed to life under the shadow of one of mankind’s most feared and loathed diseases. Happy Valentine’s Day.

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) Congratulations on finding unhampered joy, guilt-free living and inner nirvana. Why do you both­ er with horoscopes, hmm? Living such a complete life can’t possibly allow for trivialities like this, or reading the newspaper, or having an idle conversation, or getting a life.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22) You know where your heart’s desire lies, and you should be pre­ pared to throw aside any obstacle.

Cast aside that self-pity and doubt.

Ignore your conservative edge, your logic skills, your basic common sense. Toss aside your hesitations, your court injunctions, your parole obligations, and go after what mat­ ters most in life to you.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) Oh lord won’ t you by a Mercedes Benz, my friends all drive Porsche’s, I must make amends...

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22) Love is in the air, so breathe deep and wallow in the many memo­

woman he loved in 1936, thereby spar­ ing Great Britain the embarrasment of having a Nazi sympathiser on the T h e F a c u lty o f E p h e m e r a throne during World War II. Shah A œx Usher Jahan drove the Mughal treasury into the ground to finance the construction of the Taj Mahal, built solely so he and his wife could have a joint mausoleum Love is such an odd thing. No one has ever really (although few tourist guides answer the question: what been able to define this most subjective of conditions.

Selfless devotion and abandon to another human being? happened to his wife’s corpse during the 22 years between Orgiastic carnal cravings? Of course, certain types of love her death and the Taj’s completion?).

Other rulers have not been quite so successful in their are easier to describe than others. Self-love, for instance, is easily observed among graduate students who have devotion to love. Frederick Augustus, Elector of Saxony and King of Poland, was renowned for his prodigious sex­ received money from federal granting agencies.

(Ordinarily, this parenthetical space is used for vitri­ ual appetite, but curiously he only managed to produce a olic attacks upon the many patently absurd or outrageous single legal heir. However, at least one historian has put aspects o f this fine academy. However, as this is the number of his illegitimate offspring at a staggering Valentine’s Day — the “season of love” — I will refrain 345. Pope John XII is also perhaps deserving of special from such assaults this week. Instead, I would like to take mention. While it is well-known that scores of popes this opportunity to tell my wife that I love her, to tell Eric ignored their vows of chastity, John XII outdid them all.

Hoffstein that I value his friendship in spite of that idiotic Of the 40 popes who were murdered or suspected of hav­ letter, and to tell Dean Gopnik very, very sincerely that I ing been murdered, he is the only one to have been beaten have yet to meet a student who will in any way regret the to death by an enraged husband while having sex with a married woman. end of his tenure.)

One of the most touching tales o f eternal love The origin of St. Valentine’s Day is one of those typi­ cal stories of Catholics co-opting pagan holidays that they occurred just a couple of years ago. An unnamed couple couldn’t supress. Young Roman males had a mid- from Rotterdam, New York, were driving home after their February festival in honour of the god Lupercus. Briefly, wedding when they got into an argument. The groom, the festival consisted of the males drawing names of obviously upset, decided to leave the car and walk back to women out of a box or a hat; the women then becoming the honeymoon suite. The bride, somewhat more upset, their sexual partners until the next year. Needless to say, took the opportunity to gun the engine and run him over. the Lupercian festival ranked fairly high on the Church He died instantly.

When discussing love we must not be afraid to exam­ Fathers’ hit list of proscribed practices, and in the postConstantine era they lost little time in trying to ban it. This ine love’s obverse side; namely, the loneliness that comes was easier said than done; young Roman males — often when one is without love. On the plus side, we know that politically powerful — had not surprisingly grown rather sexual loneliness can be healthy — a recent study at the University of Iowa proved that looking at pornographic fond of the practice and were in no hurry to give it up.

The Catholics, as usual, had a solution. Only a couple pictures stops one from coughing. But even in ancient of centuries previously, they had gained a marytr during times, it was understood that people who are lonely need some help in getting over life’s rough patches. That’s why the reign of the mad Emperor Claudius, who was so bonkers that he banned marriage on grounds of national the ancient Greeks invented sex toys. While dildos were security (married men, in his opinion, made lousy sol­ probably around before the Hellenic era (it is, after all, a diers). Valentine, an amiable bishop from northern Italy, fairly common shape in the natural world), it was only in continued joining people in the sacrament of marriage, for post-Periclean Athens that large-scale production of dildos (Greek: olisbos) really took off. While leather was the which Claudius had him clubbed, stoned, and for good measure, beheaded as well. The Catholic hierarchy, dis­ most common material used, it has recently been discov­ playing the agility of mind that has saved their ludicrously ered that bread was also a favouite substance for Athenian idiosyncratic sect from oblivion and ridicule many a time women. A recently-found Fifth Century A.D. Greek lexi­ over the past two millenia, decided that they could merge con includes the compound word ollisbokoflix, meaning “loaf-of-bread-dildo”. Pictorial evidence from vases has the old holiday with a celebration of the martyr Valentine.

Pope Gelasius I therefore outlawed the sexual slavery bit, now been found to corroborate this. but retained the lottery aspect so that people would “draw” Alex Usher loves these cut-lines, but if you think h e’s each other as “Valentines” and then get married.

Throughout history, rulers of nations have done great going to integrate one with that last paragraph, you’re out things for love. Edward VIII gave up his throne for the o f your mind.

ries of past lives and loves: staying out late, finding an all-nite uphol­ stery cleaner, the sunsets, the sunris­ es, the free clinic anonymous ID numbers, the sweet nothings, the long unbroken gazes, the upper leg cramps, the kisses goodnight, the knee-to-the-kidney accidental good mornings, the good times, the bad times, the times you can’t remember but wish you could, and vice versa.

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22) I mean, Valentine’s Day sucks SO hard, you never have a decent date, or that asshole is finally start­ ing to ignore all your phone mes­ sages, and you never get any cards and only mom phones (just to tell you about her date) and all you do is sit at home with three warm cans of 700 ml ‘Bud’ and try and make your cat sit still for five minutes so you can have some kind of living crea­ ture’s attention and cry yourself into a semi-catatonic trance. What did you expect from a holiday named after a massacre?

SCORPIO (Oct 2 3 -Nov 21) Some helpful hints for this Valentine’s Day. You can have a boyfriend bonfire. You can date a bald woman. You can pick up

C R O S S W

O R D

by THOMAS JOSEPH ACROSS

DOWN

1 B asic 1 The Evil need One 7 F e e d th e 2 Nonsense porkers (s i.)

11 Y g ra in e ’s 3 Heart son chambers 1 2 N autilus 4 Specter cap tain 5 Breathing 1 3 A lb a n ia ’s need cap ital 6 Historic 1 4 D o o r sign time 1 5 M im icking 7 Derisive 1 6 P aris expres­ d ivider sion 1 7 T id y 8 Dictionary 1 8 Bistro call 9 Hinting at 1 9 V a c c in e trouble typ e 10 Packing a 21 U m p ’s call punch 2 2 Succo­ 16 Witching tash half town 2 5 P e a p la c e 18 Congo’s 2 6 P a rt m aker 27 Up 2 9 B e atty film 3 3 M o ss m a te ria ls 3 4 “If it a in ’t broke, d o n ’t — !”

3 5 P o llster R oper 3 6 L a d y on h o rs e b a c k 37 C heck 3 8 P e rs o n at th e e n d of a line 3 9 T rig function 4 0 Long­ horns

women with eggs. You can pick up firemen after boyfriend bonfires.

You can try and sway gay men into the world of heterosexuality. I rec­ ommend staying home and watching TV by yourself.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21 ) Now is the time to come to terms with your little quirks, your fears, your hesitations, your massive physical deformities, your personali­ ty deficits - dwell on the positive instead. The ways you’ve helped others. The lives you’ve touched.

The ways you’ve promoted the bet­ terment of society. At least you haven’t been hit by a bus yet.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Like the icy winds which inhab­ it the sign unto which you were born, you cold, callous exterior makes it easy to forget the few endearing qualities and beneficial social skills you possess. This Valentine’s Day, channel all the energy you can muster into usurping attention and pity from those around you who swept up by the ‘holiday spirit’. You only get two chances a year to pray on people in such an empty, weakened state, and New Year’s is 320 days away.

M A R I E L

A P O L L O

S H A V E R

E U D O R A

R O C K I N G C H A I R S

I s R T K Y

S I D E S H A U N T U N C L E M I T K I N I N S I S O gF E S A N T S A S P I N G T I N A S E C T R E T A U T E X O T T A A R O S E o L C O L A S p Y T E S T Y

T

Last Week’s Answers

neighbor 20 Camptown events 22 Rhine siren 23 Ugandan despot 24 Shorten 25 Official docu­ ments

28 “Platoon” director 30 Banish 31 Cousteau, for one 32 Headlin­ ers 34 Computer type choice 36 Methane, for one

Page 9

February 14 th, 1995

Days of Wines and Held Noses • C o m m is s io n

c o n tr a c te d to ra te lo c a l b o u q u e t

By Scott M ahaffy Everyone knows the dilemma — you are picking up your dinner date in five minutes.

SAQ is closed, and you’ve got to buy Dep wine. While this makes a lousy first impres­ sion, it does not have be a suicide mission.

Although Dep wines are cheap, they are not all of the same low quality; some are actu­ ally mediocre. To assist in the Dep wine selec­ tion process, a panel of judges convened to taste and evaluate six red wines and five white wines purchased at Deps.

The tasting was conducted under extremely scientific conditions. Each bottle of wine was concealed in a brown paper bag and numbered randomly. Judges were asked to rank each sample on a scale of one to ten and were encouraged to write down any com­ ments.

After weeks o f number crunching the results of the first annual Tribune Dep Wine festival are in.

First Place Red: Rossini (750ml, $6.75,

Avg. Score 6.5) This was a controversial win­ ner as it had become quite cold during the transportation process and its taste may have been somewhat dulled. The panel put forth a theory that Dep red wines may be best served chilled.

Second Place Red: Foret Noire (750ml, $6.05, Avg. Score 5.5) McWilliams rated it highly for its smoothness. “It doesn’t need food, I could drink this to get drunk because it has no bite,” she stated.

Third P lace Red: Du Marchand (11, $6.80, Avg. Score 5.25) Judge Kun said that while she liked it, it had quite an aftertaste, “no kissing after sipping this one,” she chuck­ led. Leus noted a secondary advantage of Du Marchand: “My phlegm feels looser,” he com­ mented.

Red wines which did not gamer a medal included El Condor (750ml, $5.60, Avg. Score 4 .2 5 ) which Stuart compared to W elch ’ s Grape Juice. “Don’t let it fool you, though, it doesn’t have half the taste. But it would leave a comparable stain on your carpet,” Stuart

T h e new V alen tin e’s D a y aesth etic

By Scott Lanaway and Steve Smith_____________ Ju st when you thought February couldn’t possibly get any worse, V alen tin e’ s Day looms on the horizon like a shin­ ing vessel from Byzantium. Nay, it is upon us, like the sensitive Ray Pruitt upon another touch­ ing, heartfelt, working-class bal­ lad. The following selection of Valentine’s Day activities have been designed so all can enjoy a day traditionally reserved for the involved. So whether you’re sin­ gle, committed, attached, con­ fused or bored, jo in us for a Valentine’s Day three out of four experts agree will result in per­ manent damage.

DRESSING UP: — As the person of your choice sleeps, take their measurements and then stealthfully sew them leotards reminiscent of the Van Halen Diver Down- era (with extra-crotch space). Add moun­ tain clim bing equipment à la David Lee Roth and white, hightop basketball shoes. Fasten a pulley to the mountain of love and hoist yourselves up to its glo­ rious heights as the gentle wind plays with your new, Iron Maidenesque shag haircuts . The extra crotch space can be used for picnic storage. Dare I say, dirty?

— Dress-up as Santa Claus and hang out at the nearest primary school. Convince a youngster, preferably one aged five or six, that you really are Santa Claus and need a place to stay. Extra points if their parents let you stay.

CARS: — As your neighbour readies him/herself for work, sneak over to their car and pour three litres of your favourite brand of choco­ late milk into their tailpipe. Then, quickly fetch your Valentine and place them behind your neigh­ bour’s car as they start it up for

work. See the shower o f hot, steaming chocolate milk con­ sume your friend and his/her dazed expression of pure ecstasy as it cascades over their nubile, creamy flesh. Hot. Just like Blue Lagoon.

UNDERCOVER: — What’s the frequency, Luba?

Your name is Rio and you dance upon the sands. Hide in your oven, put sand in your underwear and turn the heat up high. Now you are stowed away in the hull o f the Peruvian freighter “Suavé”, headed for an obscure yet steamy tropical paradise where there is only a perogi hut and a PA system which plays only Roxette and Bonnie Tyler tunes. For added exotic flavour, liberally apply olive oil and pars­ ley to your body (or get your partner to do it for you). When game is over, take turns applying ointment and popping each other’s blisters.

FOOD: — Go and purchase Kim M itchell’ s new brand o f ham­ burger patties in the form of your favourite alphabet letters. Head to Lower Campus, where the masses have gathered for a bar­ becue. Challenge the opponent of your choice to an E le ctric Company-style spell-off (“Lep” — “rosy” — Leprosy!). Create meat words to penetrate the dom­ inant hegemony. See the crowd squirm as the soft meat redefines “Lo” - “ve” — Love.

— Rent a seaplane and crash it in a remote region o f northern Quebec. Blindfolded, starving and severely injured, challenge the survivor of your choice to a hide and seek game in which the winner gets to eat the loser. Good luck.

OUTDOORS: — Create a Peach Pit After Dark out of snow. All the CEGEP kids

smirked.

II Florentino (750ml, $5.60, Avg. Score 4) was also panned. Feldman noted that this red may have affected his vision. “Oh Christ! I hope I don’t go blind,” he complained.

The least popular red was El Gaucho (11, $7.10, Avg. Score 3.1) which Stone found “utterly repulsive. I would clean my clogged drains with it,” groaned Stone. Judge Leus agreed with Stone’s assessment. “It looks bloody, you could use this as paint,” observed Leus.

W hite wines suffered slightly lower marks as a whole than the Reds. The runaway winner in this category was a Dep classic: L’Entre Cote (750ml, $6.49, Avg. Score 6.8) It should be noted that this was served last, and most of the panel was less than focused on the task at hand. “I forgot what I was going to say,” admitted Leus.

Second place W hite went to Paul Masson (750ml, 6.05, Avg. Score 5) which stirred some vivid imagery in the panel.

“It makes me want to have a smoke, listen to the Spinners and sit on my kitchen flo o r,” remarked M c­ Williams.

Two wines tied for Third Place, nei­ ther o f which were favourites of any panel member. Cuvee des Patriotes (750m l, $7.19, Avg. Score 4.2) was roundly thought of as too dry. “This is

will flock there with flowers in their hair — who cares if th ey ’re only 16, it beats spending V a len tin e’ s Day alone. Order a cheese­ burger and a frothy shake and start to cry. You might feel alone, but everyone will like you when you tell them you’re Gary Coleman. Keep them in stitches with your best “What’ chew talkin’ ’bout W ILLIS?!!”

— Wearing only a loin cloth and goatskin tied to your feet, stop cars on Sherbrooke Street and tell them you’re related to Principal Shapiro. ALTERNATIVE: Add onions to your armpits and tell them you’re Mitsumi Takahashi’s lover.

BACK TO BASICS: — Invite a participant over to watch taped reruns of 21 Jump Street and attempt to get drunk off Labatt .5. Failing this, chal­ lenge them to a bladder retention contest and watch them sweat as they put back their 40th .5. Bond as you grit your teeth and clench the armrest as waves of pain flow up from your aching bladder.

Achieve mutual nirvana as your wills simultaneously collapse and, holding hands, you urinate.

Safer than sex — and more uplifting. This is the way love was meant to be.

— Want to quit smoking? Break­ up a full pack of cigarettes into a bowl and light on fire. Place your face over the bowl and cover your head with a tow el. For added measure and fun, take turns randomly applying nicotine patches to each other’s bodies.

— Be the talk oüthe Faculty of M edicine. Eat a 24-pack o f Crayola crayons and then head to Health Services for a stool sam­ ple. See how they mn.

— Borrow a locomotive from the CN railyards and take turns tying See Valentines Page 10

T h e

D e b o n n a ir

D ép an n eu r P an el Kirsten McWilliams.. .................. U3 English Karen Kun..................

Jason Leus .................

Beth Stuart.................

Matt Feldman ...........

Jennifer Stone............. most likely the house wine at Peel Pub, need I say more,” grumbled Stuart.

The other Third place white was Si!Si!Si! (11, $6.80, Avg. Score 4.2) which was immedi­ ately recognised by many of the panel members.

Feldman admitted to show­ ing preferential treatment for the Italian crowd pleaser, “Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God, Yes!” he exclaimed.

The last place white wine, Santa C am élia (750ml, $6.55, Avg. Score 3.5), was widely dismissed as having too much bite. “I could make better wine m yself while stepping on grapes at the Dépanneur,” remarked Kun. While the festival was deemed a success by the panel, they noted the next day that the money saved by buying Dep wine should be invested in Tylenol.

The good, the bad, a n d the grim

Mounting popularity

By Iane Rigby

tures a Mountie working in the United States, has yet to be targeted as a licensee. Maclean explained that the RC M P’ s new program was not only intended to make money, but also to monitor the type of products that use the Mountie image. He pointed out that cer­ tain representations could be exploita­ tive. “{Jacques Rougeau], a form er Québécois WWF wrestler who used to dress like a Mountie and assault his opponents with a fake cattle prod is not exactly the image we want to project,” Maclean said.

Although we have yet to worry about the WWF, McGill University is sim ilarly concerned with its image.

Under the Canadian Trademark Act no one can use a crest or emblem of a uni­ versity without perm ission. Horst Bitschofsky, manager o f the M cG ill Bookstore, doesn’t need a license for McGill paraphernalia since the bookstore is run by the university. All proceeds, except those that go to paying off the

Mountie key chains, Mountie shot glasses, even (wince) Mountie sweat­ shirts, but a Mountie Barbie doll? While the last RCMP Barbie may not be spark­ ing fist fights in the aisles of popular toy stores, she does exist. It’s one of numer­ ous commercial items that the RCMP plans to license starting April 1.

Until now much of the merchandise sporting the red jacket, striped pants and broad-rimmed hat of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police has been marketed with­ out permission, even though Section 49 o f the RCM P Act specifies that the Commissioner must approve the use of its image.

In a manner similar to organisations like the NBA and NHL, the RCMP will now send out applications to various companies who then bid for a license in categories like glassware, candy, or pins.

The RCMP then receives a 10% royalty on every Mountie item sold. The money will go towards RCMP public-affairs activities like community policing.

See Mounties Page 10 Ken Maclean, the RCMP Staff Sergeant in Ottawa wasn’t sure what kind of revenue to expect from the new program, but pre­ sumed that it could be substantial, given the popularity o f the M ountie image abroad.

Although the royalties would be considerable, the pop­ ular television show Due South, which fea­ So cute you w anna pu t em in you r pocket

Page 10

Mounties Continued from Page 9 mortgage on the new bookstore, go to SSMU. O ff campus, the McGill crest can only be used by approved stu­ dent organisations and by a clothing company called RSM Inc. which has recently obtained exclusive rights to market and manufacture McGill clothing across Canada. But even with the license, M cG ill’ s Secretary General David Bourke must first approve the design.

Regardless o f licenses, don’t expect the sale of McGill baseball hats to erase this university’s debt anytime soon; so far, the 7% royalty that McGill gets from the sale of its paraphernalia has only added up to a few thousand dollars annually.

Bourke summed it up nicely when he said; “It’s been a rotten few years for non-necessary items like univer­ sity sweatshirts.” Maybe we should consider Ken dolls.

Valentines Continued from Page 9 each other to the tracks while the other speeds towards you, seeming­ ly out o f control, scream ing “You’ve lost that loving feeling.”

February 14th, 1995 and svelte I yank your chain, you come to rumbling life Oh fairest chainsaw, will you be my wife?

Sonnet City Sonnets, as the Tribune (and most English pro­ fessors) understands it, are supposed to have 14 lines (three quatrains and a rhyming couplet at the end), and some form of pentameter. Rhyme schemes may vary. Many o f you took liberty with those guidelines, but the following is the best (and only) that we got...

To the Cowgirl with the Blues There was a time I was in distress Then you surprised my slumber, but I digress If only for a short time you gave me Much fun and laughter, and probably Something akin to happiness A poem, a poem, how funny and quaint You laugh, but really, before you faint I must tell you, honest and true Deep down inside, you bet I’m blue!

How do I say this, well here goes, You’ve rattled me down to my tippy-toes You’re cool and sexy, not to mention well-read, And there’s no doubt you’d be great in bed So give me a call, you know I ’m too shy W e’ll both just chill out, and I’ll bring the wine!

I know full well a sonnet is fourteen lines But I needed seventeen to make you my Valentine!

From the (kinda) New Kid in Town

An Indecent Proposal — By Steve and Tyla

Shiny, pointy teeth of silver, long nose I take you in the forest for a walk Held close to me I long to hear you talk Alas! Sweet John I hear but wind that blows Flower, bloomed so yellow amid the aisles So there you have it; Fluttering, my heart flew, I ran with you Valentine’ s fun for another year.

My pickup sat idling, I lost a shoe Staring into our 99 cent meal deal For you I would go shoeless miles and miles vegetarian pizza, we found it. The j To put a price on you was sin, I felt true meaning of love and romance, j You are my masterpiece, perfection. Wow. A little burnt, cheap and vaguely j I went so long without you. Tell me how? nutritious.

You’re sleek and shiny, beautiful

H o w to h a n g w ith th e H ip then wandered away into the upper reaches of the Forum. In order to let The Change o f Heart/ Odds/ down my guard for a while, I found Tragically Hip concert on February a bathroom and sat in it for half an 5th was a must-see event for many hour to kill some time.

When I emerged, I decided to M cG ill students. The Tribune decided that it might be possible to try and scope out some areas that I take a closer look at the inner work­ had not ventured into before. ings of the event, without a coveted Clasping my clipboard tightly to my backstage pass. An agent was need­ chest, I simply sauntered around ed, and I was chosen. Inspired and like I belonged there. Using this tac­ informed by Stuart H. Smith’s arti­ tic, I ambled by security guards, cle on scamming in the September going so far as to ask one to light 1994 issue of Details, I was ready to my cigarette.

Turning a comer, I stumbled gatecrash.

My preparations began the right into the dining room. There afternoon of the show. I donned a was a line o f people before me being served by white-gloved cater­ business suit, and filled my non­ descript plastic clipboard full of ers, so I grabbed a plate and nonsense spreadsheets as a prop. received my free dinner. No one Upon arriving at the Alexis Nihon doubted my identity as some indus­ try-type. There was a constant flow plaza the entrance prop was readied.

This consisted of a manila envelope of people sitting, eating, and leav­ filled with scrap paper, addressed to ing. I took advantage of this envi­ the Tragically Hip’s road manager, ronment to place m yself a table away from the Tragically Hip’ s Dave Powell.

An hour and a half before the Bobby Baker, who was playing with public was to be admitted to the his red-overall-wearing baby son. venue, I approached the security While I ate, I spoke to Baker’s gui­ entrance to the Forum. Flashing the tar technician and a couple of his envelope to a burly security guard friends about M ontreal’ s under­ behind a pane of bulletproof glass ground mall system. After I had granted easy access to the backstage cleaned my plate, I decided it was time to move on. area. I had penetrated the first layer.

The band’ s dressing rooms As I was about to take my first steps of exploration, a large, longhaired were the same ones used by hockey stage-hand halted my spurious teams, except now they were full of advance and questioned me about junk food, alcohol and guitars. my business. I fed him the story Feeling the need to purge myself of about the envelope. So he took the my secret identity, I followed Craig, package from me, promised to give guitarist of the Odds, as he walked around. After asking him if he had a it to Dave, and then left me alone.

I strolled into the arena proper, minute, I fessed up regarding my watched the bands do their sound unlawful presence backstage. He chédks, 'ch'attfed uptheir friends, and * thought rnybehaviour was a blaut

By H aim G orodzinsky_______

Dear Darling ()., To take delight in every sunrise To embrace the stars in your eyes, That is to hold the World in my arms.

To touch the vast endless blue sky, To taste the wonders of your lips, That is to grasp eternity in my hands.

It is so hard, it is so in vain...

Away from your enchanted smile, All the roses of my heart shall perish and die, Like a lobster lost in the desert.

KaKe

When we once ruled as one.

New skies and oceans may await us, But memories of our Kingdom will always remain, Frozen in time, like a rose, Beautiful, fragile and perfect.

Thank you, J.

To my Pwincess: I hope your day is not so poopy ’Though with midterms I am loopy Our communication — infantile Still brings to me a little smile Before my shot at things poetic Proves to be far too pathetic I say — for school bear no dismay ‘Cause wings and kwooze not far away.

Untitled Sun, my heart hurts, I tore the seed you grew there, And now the moon cries on his own.

My Safe Sex Sonnet — By Don McGowan

Mmmm... threesome!

Ode to silverfish — By Joyce Lau Silverfish, silverfish, gorgeous gold Bards and wisemen so foiled by your namesake.

Silverfish, silverfish thousandfold, Together, like wakes rippling in a lake.

Silverfish silverfish with me e’ermore In my clothes you live, on my food you dine.

Silverfish, silverfish, from walls do you pour, Your omniscience make you so divine.

Silverfish, silverfish where do you go?

The Daily, Pizza Hut and Alley, too?

Silverfish, silverfish my greatest foe, Do you love only us? Of course you do.

and jokingly reminded me not to steal any guitars, because they were needed for the show. He told me he was hungry whereupon I informed him that the food the caterers were serving was quite scrumptious.

Throughout this entire time, I knew that if I didn’t quickly acquire a backstage pass soon, my jig could be called at any moment. When Craig got back from dinner, I asked him for guidance. Unfortunately, he had exhausted his allocated number of “friend” passes. Undeterred, I sat in the stands with the Odd’s drum­ mer and watched the rest o f the band play a game of ball hockey.

They were excited to be playing at the Forum and the game may well have continued until the audience arrived, except someone missed a pass and the little orange ball got stuck underneath the sound-board.

No one wanted to go fish for it, lest they disconnect the sound system, so they retired to the dressing room.

I was crossing the “ice” when I was finally caught. A rather large man who identified himself as the head of security called my bluff and escorted me gently to the door.

Haggling with the scalpers got me a nice seat in the reds for a decent price. The woman I bought my ticket from had just finished doing the underwater filming for the T rag ically H ip’ s new video “Nautical Disaster”.

The day after the show I was told by some students who had worked at the M cG ill L iteracy booth at the concert that the pack­ age had indeed reached Dave Powell. Apparently, Powell was now interested in illTV because one of the scraps of paper in the enve­ lope was an old poster for a general meeting. '

To Tony: the Godfather o f all Cancers Our love has slipped away We must now sail sep­ arate ways, Y et I ca n ’ t seem to behold new horizons W ithout finally unveiling in words The depth of my love

I look upon your wondrous face and I See nothing but the stars in heaven above.

But even in the stars in the sky, I see the message wrote: no glove, no love.

Safe sex is not poetic, so they say.

It’s like taking a bath inside your socks.

I’ve heard this not just from the Tribune Staff But also from the frat boys and the jocks.

A sonnet is not the usual way to write A message of such safe morality To this I’d say that I’m in the right And in the Women’s Union a slight fee Will buy you enough fun for a whole night.

Hey guys! I hope this poem doesn’t make you ill.

But what do you think happens on the Pill?

Ode to the Daily Dearest darling McGill Daily We read you more than Beatle Bailey Seven days in a week You publish thrice (tongue in cheek) Although we’ve taken different paths We try to take our share of baths (together) While you think we’re very straight For the record we think you’re great (kinda) If we had but one wish We’d like to teach our silverfish (to talk) Yes, it’s true that you get paid And it follows we can’t get laid (off) Poems like this are our rewards If all else fails — overlords (we will be) To those who say the Trib is dull We say to them the team is full (thanks for com­ ing out).

DOES YOUR BOSS ACT LIKE A SLAVE DRIVER? The McGill Legal Information Clinic can help you!

CALL 398-6792 or drop by our offices in the Union Building, 3480 McTavish (Rooms B16 and B01B).

We are open from 9:00-5:00 Monday-Friday to help you with problems rangingfromyour leaseto your marriage contract.

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February 14th, 1995

y Luggi, Luggi, you’re the one. You make bathtime so much fun!

y Toni. Toni. TONI!!! y JP, NICNE MEN WARA, NICNE MEN ADDDDEM.

y Beau, Bull & Thon: Hell-o! Long live the R.M., P.P.. and Neuman! Not to mention its inhabitants! By the way, how’s you room, no big deal? 60 days to go! Love, Puhna.

y Jeane dump Tom, Be with me, Be my Valentine. J-P. y For WOODCROFT: To Fathead and the Assless Wonder, Roses are red/ Cod is grey/ Your neighbors are hot/ And you’re OK.

y Steve - the hair is gone and you seem different. You still look like a criminal though, but you play a mean pipe. Blow me, rocker. MB

y Jeanne, will you have my kids? Tom. y Lizzie S.: If it wasn’t for you, I’d never look up. May you always be a woman of extremes. Love, P.S.

y Cat, I want your body! Happy Valentines Day. From the love of your life, Jeff Brown.

Kisses, A.K. y Ram: “Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.” Let’s just say, if it weren’t for you, I would be Tribune fodder.

up to your big camera. May the force be with you.... P.S. y M.- Stop hounding me! Luv ya, R.

y Victor C. Happy Valentine’s Day,

Therefore, you may keep my Sophie for now - Me again.

you Hussy! Love, E.H.

y Oh Kim, I don’t care about Steve or

y Mr Manners, I want to bear your chil­

y To Raj, I love you even though you’re

y Shy Peter, Put down your books and

a goddam Yankee!

dren!! with lust from someone on the inside.

your daughter or your panties, life just isn’t the same without my little kitten ditch the x girl, I’m your man

open your fly!

y Chris, I love you b/c you are a yan-

y Matt Grady — You are my one and

y Kym, After the Rangers, you’re defi­

y To Da Microbes, you’re sooo funny.

kee. y SCARI- thanks for the support- by the way, have I mentioned that I’ve

My agar plates jiggle when you tell a joke. — M. P.S. — Too cold for ya, George? P.S.S. — coming to a theatre near you: The Pine Beach Plague!

y YOU: UCC BOY. ME: BSS GIRL. LET’S GET TOGETHER AND MAKE A LITTLE CHAD AND BIFF.

Dear Sweet Boy.

y Mark & Joe. Anytime you guys want to learn how to write sports, gimme a call....Dickie Dunn.

y Xavier, Are you free or not free. That is the question??????? The woman that want you.

y L&Z — thanks for letting me sleep over. — R. V Hey Crazy-go-nuts. Tatanka loves you. y To everyone at Walksafe: You make my life complete — NOT! — Crème de la crème.

y Tamara, I would forgo any man for an evening with you, sexy one.

y Dear Suj, You are big, tall hairless bundle of love. Ghandi would be jeal­ ous! — M.

y My Ukranian love goddess, Your reflections make me smile and no matter how much of a lickén I get, I’ll keep on tickén... Your Machine.

y Chère Babette, Tu es une belle fleur,/ Je pense à toi toutes les heures./ Ma chérie, tu es brilliante comme le soleil,/ Je t’adore, c’est la vérité. — Pierre y Chris - you are the most deadpan per­ son I’ve ever met. It’s a pleasure “work­ ing” with you. Honcho

y Sylvie: My vegetarian compadre, you can make me french toast anytime.

Love, P.S. y Melissa, valentines aren’t nearly sassy enough to do you justice, but you can have a enlightening valentine’s day any­ how. y Hey Lara! The last 3 years have been the best! Love, Pete.

y Hey, Littlest Hobo. Yeah you. I aint taking no splif halls like you think.

Understand?

V B, R+K: Isn’t it time for ice cream and a hike? Let’s make a date! L.

y RAMONA, Servant of the Play:

y Joyce: To my favourite editor of rawk and all that jazz: You’re never late. I love you for it. Nick.

I miss you! You are brilliant, though! xo, your secret roommate.

y Attention G. Uppe! Mere words can­

y KONRAD (SSMUboy, senator...)-

not describe how much I love you.

Why does everything, everything with you and me have to be so political? I’m glad we get along! SSMU grrrl.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Your little min­ now.

y L- My best friend. Thanks for keeping

y Sneaker - though we differ at times,

y Thanks for the cookies, Shi Shi. — A

got the hots for you? SNISA.

There's grass growing under your bed-

y For a good time, call 398-MUCK. Beautiful Red Herring editors are wait­

of roses and milkshakes, ask me on dates give me sirens, songs, sing, I’ve wanted you all along. — Guy Grandissime. ,

y Dan, you’re darling of a fellow.

y Jack: I have to say that you’ve lived

Love H, xxxooo

y Oogili-Boogili, take me to an infinity,

y O Freaks, the staff of — let love live — from the Queen.

y G.D. “ISE FOVEROS” Hugs and

Valentine. Woman.

How I dream of serving you. Be my Sanro and I’ll be your Ewd. The Cutie.

bake. y SOFI, love-o-my-Iife, you are the rea­ son my face smiles. - Sylvie

y Sylvie - nice neck! You’s is one fuck­ ing good news type editor chyck. May your life be gooder all the time. Love, Honcho

me warm on cold winter nights.

y J-P., let me clean up after you. Oh!

us baby, or instead, maybe we could watch “The Muppet Movie” - E. Squared.

y Borya, No more jokes, no more sar­ casm... You’re the best, the sweetest & you treat me like a KING!! Z IyooBov — Ulya.

y Jean-Paul, you’re all man. Be my

ing to talk to you!

h

y Jen-1 like it too! Lisa. y Sara and Rebecca-1 love you wonderwomen! Let’s do dinner again some­ time...Lisa. y Well Hi There Ashley! Are your beans getting cold? Judy.

and frustrate each other, you are still the coolest person I know. I appreciate your friendship more everyday - let’s do that y To Ziad, your fluorescent-green jeans Fmake my mouth water and my date thing. Honcho.

y To every undergraduate student at McGill University, I LOVE YOU and I hope that you have a VERY HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Love always, Sevag. xoxo y From all undergrads {and one grad student) at McGill University, we’re uncertain about our feelings for you.

knees begin to shake. Be my momma and take me out to your honeywagon. M-Dog.

y to the elamaker: I am waiting for our juicy foursome. No orifice is sacred. ‘Eco.

,

y Red.Herring Editors, you are hotter

y Sarah Right/Write. You are the one. y The Berg: I’ve fondled your bosom in

than Donna, Kelly, and Claire in a three­ some. Milton BirRs.

my sleep. What of the waking hours?

‘Eco

y To EE- a proud Montrealer. All our

y To Thunderbutt Big Al Pace: Locking onto your meat hooks. 'Eco

best- Stephanie and Mutsumi.

y Gemini Dog, Prove that you’re not a Chiefs: but it’s haggis Signed,

y Dr. Tre: ...TwoHmin'timetaker Dirty Little moneymaker Muscle bound cheapskate low down woman hater... but... I need a man!-S. Master X: He’ll come around... Cupid loves you., fire on Babylon!-S.

y To the cute guy in my class -1 think 1

y To Frank: 1 miss you. Penelope. y My beautiful EMC: solosolinesssex-

troll. She goat gruff. ▼ To the Whining Trinity of Features may be hard to edit damn worth it. Better than topped with poutine. We rock.

Jungle Fever.

love you. y To Drew, Listening to you play bass is an experience worth living. You

less can be fun! Happy VD! -S.

da man. too! P.S. Break a tooth!

y Stephen I think of you when there are

y To my Public Enemy Number One, I

forks in the ceiling -erotically.-S

want to share som^m^spccim^ with you. y To Joey, If you ask another question, I’ll kill you!

y Alison: Thanks for having me. ‘Eco y To Nigel (the cellist): A simple ode to

y To Sevag, Roses are Red, Violets are

y Terence: you know I really love...

Green, Cornell and Jen were nasty and mean.

Fuck you!!-S

▼ To Susannah, Kiersten and Alex, without the three of you, God only knows what I would have done. Thanks for getting me into the 90210 scene! You three are the bestest in the world. Marco. y Dear JJNT, Remember who stands by you 100% of the way 100% of the

y SuzQ-. We are women of the moon, let’s howl!! Happy Dav.-S

the one who rosins his musical bow like no other. Luv, Melrose Place Gang

y To N. I find donkeys exceedingly attractive... Be my goat? -S.

y Lisa, my favorite Islander: Roses are red, PEI dirt is red, Potatoes are some­ times red, We love Moosehead!! - one big hug, Erica

y Ali and Kirstin, Dish, girlfriend. You work it. -222

y Mark: Freak. Thanks for knowing what I like in my coffee. P.S.

time (usually), Happy Valentine’s Day! Yours truly, YK. y Jean-Pual, Xavier, Benoit. You’re all my sexy hunks of a man. — Anonymous.

face, I am inspired to roll nude in Rondele Cheese. - E and A, but not M.

y To Maneesha, Happy Birthday and

are red,Violets are blue,We are all sad, Because we really miss you! - Fart-ha

Happy Valentine’s Day all in one.

Long live 90210! From...(fill in the blank).

y To Jennie Stone: When I see your y Sofeya Devilji: ca.k.a. Shatan: Roses y Mr. Endorphin...Oh woe is me/us, Russel, Thou are a love muscle, Flex for

only Beastie Boy. Be my Valentine, hot stuff! Guess who!? y Erica and YJ — This bed (or is it the shower?) is on fire with Passion and love... Anyway. Musy-mushy. Mmm, Yeah. I LOVE YOU! Burger.

nitely #2 in my life. Love, Brian Leetch.

y Julie, these things aren’t my style, but

beautiful you are. Slurp, slurp, I want a milkshake. Wuv, Wuv, Wuv, Wuv, — L.

I’m not rit enough to not send you a pleasant Valentine's day wish. Don’t orgor anything...

y Lyla, you shouldn’t dye your hair anymore. But I love you just the same anyhow. Just don’t do it again. :)

y Stephenie, Oh ye goddess of Sex Therapy, I have only one thing to say: Men are boobs. E.& E.

y S.Gill, The sight of you arouses my ultimate pleasures. Sorry I’ m so shy...Love, A blond with a ponytail.

y Cher Rocco: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Even though we're apart I won’t stop loving you. Forever Yours —•Farah. y To Maya Papaya. My favourite sex kitten. Meow. y Sonya and Naomi. Spring is sprung.

The grass is riz, I wonder where my Valentine is? Hrnmm... Big hugs, EB y To the Men at Parc and Mont Royal: When are you going to make uSdinner?

Happy Valentine's Day! From the women at St. Urbain and Villeneuve. y Michael M: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Don’t worry about the future.

Because DESTINY will guide you.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Farah. y WWU-300D. sweet-laced. red-haired man: unbind your hair, 1 want to see you shiver and blush. Yours, with a bite on the neck r/ Fi m m

y Cornell: The most cuddly guy around.. I want to steal you from your girlfriend! Z.

y hi Joyce, hi. y Stephanie — Ahh.. Countess. How

y Libby: Your name backwards is YBBIL. Plus, you rock. TTOCS.

y Greg, Plaid Flannel Rocks my world... Be my Valentine? Erica.

y Dawn: You’re the bane of my exis­ tence. From a woman of vice to a woman lacking in vice. Be mine. Love, P.S.

y Maya Papaya: Stop stringing all those boys along, you vixen! Don’t Break any hearts today!

y Stefan: I refuse to take responsibility for your pasta pot; but 1 would like to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. E.H. y Y.J. I see new wineglasses in our future... Happy V-Day. Me.

y Burger: I'd walk 500 miles to be your D.J. Happy Valentine’s Day. Hull

y Ru Rau- I have faith triât one day even you will have a normal sleeping cycle. May ail the migraines in >onr life disappear. Love. P.S. y Kirsten: Let’s skinny dip again. Soon!

The Vina!haven Boys.

y Lizzie, oh tall temptress of the Tribune, your klutziness is endearing.

Take care. Honcho. y Piki: You smell funny, but in a good way. The Nose.

y Joyce: You are an inspiration fiSar-- y Belli: You rock sometimes. Flash. those who walk through other dimen­ ¥ S - You put the support in my hose, sions. A fungus as my token of love for: haiku. Con grande affetto, Essam. you. Love, P.S. y Dearest Laura, You are the eternal y Lizzie - Amazing what can happen in softness of my life. Norm. a year... I still care. y Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater, With y Wasserman, Roses are red. Violets your pink hair, you're muoji sweeter. I are blue, 1 didn’t really want to go to think you are just nifty keen, I he nicest Oxford, And neither did you. Happy guy I've ever seen. trails. Burger. y Steve Smith- thanks for your support. ▼ J.C. — Are there enough sparks to I think you’re swell (even if you are reignite an old flame? Pick a snowbank Scottish!) Does that make me crap? Ah to jump in and maybe I’ll give you my well...Happy Valentine’s Day! Lizzie. number for the bus ride. Hmmm. Fleur.

P.S. It’s possible I just wanted to see my y Dear M.B., I’d like to get to know you better. From S.Y.

name in the paper,again!

y Dearest Dreadboy: Fish Bowl

hairy chest is a national monument. Joe

Dweller, 1 love your smile; You’re quite a feller!

y Tanya Tretiak - You're tremendously

y To Sairah?? — I’m in your Arab Politics class (340B). You seem really nice. It’s too bad I’m too shy to talk to you. I really dig your Funky boots!

From 72/02/14.

y Dearest PACO: Because you woke me up for my exam, I’ll forgive you for not having a 20 min. tea with me. Sweet Pea. y Girls of 4665 — Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, The Gals from Melrose have nothing on you. Love LQG. y Devon, You’re still from Heaven.

y Struan and Tami — you make the English office as excellent as a clam

y Skink: You stink...like shit. And your

cute, and very cool. If only I had the nerve... y To Paul Chan: In my dreams you are food and wine, In my dreams we have space and time, In my dreams, Buddy, you are fly, In my dreams you will never die. From ?

y Meredith and Melanie: Get well soon.

Happy V-Day! AK.

y Amanda: Oogadaboogada! I love you! Steph.

y Jillian and Ross: Happy V-Day! A.K. y Michael: I find your dry sarcasm inspiring. How do I model my life after yours? Jack. y Kathryn: Theater! Drama! Beauty!

Page 12

February 14th, 1995

H l0 € § ^ %

% % % Pain! xo S.

y Ag and Em: “OHMIGODGETTHE-

¥ Mark Ju: Your driving ability never ceases to amaze me.

FUCKOUT!” Come from dinner soon.

Bring a change of clothes, xo. SAS.

¥ Jobie: Come TANGO with me, Under the Pale moonlight, Near the T.V., So we can watch 90210. Grad Boy.

y Hey Pacman, you’re the most eligible

¥ Paromita and Lizzie: Happy V-Day! A.K. ¥ Tyla: I get shivers when you speak German. Achtung Baby! Love, Grumpy.

bachelor at McGill, and we’re lining up to date you.

y Paromita: There’s something in your smile that... well, enchanting. By the way, you look great today. Jack.

y Jobie: I just want to tell you, What a

V Sylvie, Monique, Joyce, Dawn: Happy Valentine’s Day! A.K.

wonderful person, You are and that you’re, In my thoughts all of, The time.

Be my Valentine! Gerbeer.

¥ Paulina G. and Tanya K.: Happy Valentine’s Day! A.K.

y Alex: I’m not sure I can ever say it

¥ Mita, Ignore the stuff they say about your size. They’ll never be as grand as you... ever. You are a lovable creature.

SB

enough. Thanks for all your guidance and advice. Jack.

y Ho-Sung and Myra; Jesse and Zahara:

y To the Father and the Son, you boys are the shit...The Holy Spirit

y Hello Stephanie: This is me writing from Germany. Please call me. Love, Dietrich.

y Nick B. We need a big bag of weeds.

Help us: How Hau wan.

y Steve: Want to start that story some­ time soon? Jack.

y Paromita: You are my favourite citi­ y Andrea Breen: I’ve you from afar.

y To Joe and Adrian: Men vs. Nature

rub your head. May we watch G-Force soon. Love, Fiend on Ice. so fine, Won’t you be my Valentine! M.

y Lots of love goes out to all the women

y Dear Attila. “There is no equality in

in Physical and Occupational Therapy.

Your M.C., Joshua.

hierarchy" playwright Sally Clark, but we know you’re trying...it's just - we can’t help ourselves. J.M.P.

y Michael, Merry Christmas. Cry me a

y Rob, my favourite Piano Man: For phone calls that exasperate us and a veg­ gie diet that I know we just love, you’ve become a real Hutchie. Love, P.S.

y Hooray! Hooray! It’s no Valentine’s

y Sarah Eli. The sexiest soprano I know. You can trump me anytime, babe.

Day! I’ ve got no one to love and il sucks! Shit! Piss! Fuck! Dammit!

y To last year’s Molson 5. It’s still all

river.

y Dearest Steve. Your decision to cut your hair had affected the lives of more people on campus than you know.

cream, and physics. Mmmm. I hope this fantasy never ends. Love, P.S.

true! D.F.A. Ahhh... co-ed naked twister anyone?!?! Bye-bye Lolo, bye-bye.

Love and missyou all! Simmy xox.

y To Brandon: forget Kelly — she’s a

y Andy: Your pain is delicious! 1 am

y PS- I appreciate it all, every last 'Tuck

y Joyce: Sorry for spilling wine on you.

Day! A.K. Man.

y Antony: Your alarm clock is going off. Again. Jack. y Pete: Hey. Can you see that crack in the wall? Jack.

you". Love, MB

y Charles: Sebastien.

Salut! Jack

Kwong

y Dear T.C. 1 in 100 people find true love in the classifieds, so my v-gift for you is: Looking for a Keanu Reeves look-alike, call EXT-OPF.R! Luv E.

y Sunshyne: Best of Luck on your quest for a boy in every state!!! Long live crepes, bizarre happenings, Jungle Boy (The Big *K* too, I guess), and other fun. Love, Lookers, xox.

y Mattie: To the only man who dropped

y Rubella: “make a like a statue!” xo.

Steph.

y Mark, You spilled wine all over me,

y Dear Ed board: I suck at these things

sang REM to me drunk, and insulted Ebby. but I still love you. JL.

y PAROMITA - You're kinda cute.

y Hey MY. just butter it!!! y Rachel: What did I write you last

Like a BUNNY.

year? Jack.

y Irene: Congratulations again! Happy

y Lizzie: My husky-voiced gigantor section editor. Don't melt, at least not on my carpets. Jack.

V-Day. A.K.

y Tally: Hail to the woman who can cook, create a magazine, keep plants alive in this tundra, have nice hair, and have a life at the same time. Love, P.S.

you never shut up but I love you any­ way. P.S.

y Jenn Crosby and Claire McMahon,

y To the vultures at the Trib: you are all

my neighbors: Happy Valentine’s Day! A.K.

really annoying. Joe.

y Chris Sheridan: Get a mirror so you

y Tom the Link: You talk too much and

y Darling Kristen Peterson — You are the pineapple of my fishy eye.

can see my love for you. Ow, get the cheese out of my eye. A devoted reader.

Day. You deserve it the most. Jack.

y Monique: It’s amazing that we’re still

y Liz, Great Party, great section. I’m

y Emma: Smile. Happy Valentine’s

sane. To fantasy lands that will someday be. Love, P.S.

seeing double now and will sit back down. Jack.

y Alex and Liza; Stephen and Andrea:

y Steve: For you I would walk shoeless

Happy Valentine’s Day, old buddies!

A.K.

cross country. Tyla.

▼To the Dean: Your ephemeral abilities make us blush. To phantom organs.

M.P.

here. Missed the good old days of comp, class strip teases. Always, Curly.

y To the girl from lightly row: Happy

just want to put you in my pocket and take you home. Joe.

Valentine’s ! xo your secret admirer from down below.

y Jimbo, I’ve got a story to tell. It was back in 88, no., maybe ‘89. Jack.

psycho now!

Mark.

his beer making scheme to help a friend.

Long live Saskatchewan! Love, P.S.

but I really have enjoyed working with you.

y Ram: Can you pay the rent this

y To Glen: Glennard, Glennard you’re

— our odds are the same as the San Diego Chargers.

y Vanya: You're swell1 xo. The Food

room-mate. Just remember: I’ve known you longer than he has. N.

tor. Cheer up, mate. You should be smiling while you’re compiling all those friends. Love Honcho

Geek. Loser. Weirdo. Freak. Keep smil­ ing Rob! Love, Sarah, xo.

y Cherie and Melanie and the rest of you at the Daily : Happy Valentine’s

will wash them. Your namesake.

y Maeve M. Happy V Day to my 3rd

y Ram - You are destined to be a doc­

y What can you do when live in a shoe?

Zeina, Andrea: Good Luck in your cam­ paigns! Happy Valentine’s Day! A.K.

y Nie. If you leave dishes by the sink, I

y Mickey D.: Never fear, I will always

for your thoughtfulness, wit, love for Clinton, and cooking talent; Stéphanie,

y Helena. Lisa, Jen, Tracy, Cheryl,

self to 90210. You’ll never be the same.

Mark.

y The Bowl will be Sprayed in the play­

You rock my world and I know I could rock yours. Will you be my Valentine?

Your Dreamboat.

angstful. We must go back to Deutschland.S.

y To Sylvie my library pal, open your­

month? I would have asked in person, but I never see you. Nick.

zen. Mark.

y Alanah Banna.: Warm waterbeds, ice

¥ To Michael and Faye at Harry’s cof­ fee shop: I would starve without you!

Love, Mark.

secret admirer.

y

y Armita: Happy St. V-Day ! 1 love you

y My dearest Erin: You are sooooooo CUTE. Joe Wong.

writers like you. Get some sunshine and avoid the silverfish lest you die before next year. Thanks for the application help. Love and candies, JL.

y Beam me up Scotty! Love from your

offs.

Happy

y Sylvie and Monique: Thanks for keeping my life action-packed and investigative. Jack.

y D’Arcy. I orgasm over thoughts of

Happy Valentine’s Day, roommates!

A.K.

¥ Tyla: I always enjoy your “warm per­ sonality.” Hope that’s not enough to make you barf all over the office. Jack.

Onil B. (Biochem.)

Valentine’s Day — a friend.

and M. You rock my Mondays. Love Honcho

y Moe: Piggie Big-toe. Glad you’re

y Danielle: You are so small and cute I

y Allana - to the cutest off guard I’ve ever seen, and a damn fine colleague, my sympathy for having to work with J

y Tyla: I’m telling you: Naked with a leather jacket will get you in. Mark.

y Happy Valentine’s Day to everybody at the Welcome Centre. Just kick back and stop answering the phones for a while. Jack. y Ted Frankel: I used to read Ethan’s column, but I like your’s MUCH more.

Faye King. ¥To

y DEVBO: What exactly *IS* a titani­ um fire alarm bug??

WHAAAAAAAA AAT? ! ? ! Be my dancin’ fool? Keep smilin! Simmy. y To Brian: You’ve brought a new dimension of happiness to my life that compares with the contentment that streaming sunlight mingled with a bub­ bling brook of fresh sparkling water meandering its way through a meadow brings. Happy day, Valentine. With love, Keilani (8915930)

y Maria, Guy & Kathy: To the most wonderful trio of people around. Thanks for all the support in the last few years.

Joe.

y Chris Rigney: We have no idea why we don’t like you but it all started with you taking the Queen’s story. We’ve never been the same since. Joe & Mark.

y Steve, Steve, Steve. For the love of God.... Joyce. y Mmmmmm.... Ram ‘n Nick - Filled with the sunlight of Godliness, you reign as Studs of the Tribune. Especially Ram, but just cuz you’re single. Love, JL y Summer YB people, esp B&T, you are a to-be-Italian and chicken respec­ tively. Love, JL. y #306-456. My great roomates - Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I hope that none of you are home tonight.

Instead you should be out lovin’ some­ one. S.N. y Dear Arvin: Roses are Red, Violets are Purple, You look like Grover, And you walk like Steve Urkel. M.

y Red Herring, You shouldn’t take things so seriously. Joe Wong. y My Dearest Ali: No one washes win­ dows quite the way you do. Love, T. Rococo. y To the grooviest floor in Res. 2nd West Solin - You Rock My World!

Love Burger.

y Liz, if we got married, you’re name could be Liz Luz Lau. ¥ To the Vinyl Ritchies, Wow, what a team! ¥ Joe and Mark, Haven’t seen you at Home lately. Your friends at the Madhatter. ¥ To all the staff at the Red Herring, Thanks for a funny term. Fight the power and remember to vote early and vote often. Jack “no controversial nick­ name” Sullivan. ¥ D'Arcy: You know we’re grooming you. Be ours. L.and P.S. ¥ MAUD!! Surprised you made the paper? We all still love you and I beg for forgiveness. Welcome home, baby.

Love, JL. ¥ Horseshoe Hugo, Five Kisses ¥ Amy: so, let’s go for a lime, U & meI got the veins- all the right sizes and in all the right places! A non-Trini. ¥ George, $20 a month?? What’s up with the tags?!? Love from the one you love the mostest. XOX. ¥ Tamara: You almost converted me.

Well, kinda, not really. I can only follow in your sarcastic footsteps. P.S. ¥ To Seren and Razan, my two only loves... I thought I was drunk when I first saw, but I guess it wasn’t double vision! Let’s get together and double spearmint gun.. I mean double our fun!

Love (x2), a certain Turk. ¥ To the dawghaus boyz, in our eyes, you are legends, HOT SEXY legends!

Love, Sim and Sar. ¥ Nick - I think I have a book you might want to borrow. It’s called Leadership secrets of Attila the Hun. Heard of it? I love your voice, mostly because of its reason. Love, Honcho ¥ Miguel: who do you think you're fool­ ing? Why do I feel like Honorius, watching the Visigoths come storming into Rome, when you're around? N

/

shoes and ...that shirt! Take it all off!

Love, us. XOX.

¥ Dearest Shibani, words cannot express what I feel for you, expecially since I’ve been cheating on my girl­ friend lately. How about you and I get together — maybe we can achieve equi­ librium without externalities! Gaurav.

¥ The crazy girls of 3565 live on! Get the broom and watch out for flying shoes. Happy Valentine’s Day Courts!

Love Same. XOX. ¥ Tony: I love you. I want you. OK, maybe not. What would she say?? Love, Sim and Sar.

¥ Smel: chocolate cake session in the near future?? Kamikazes too. S & M. Always, Sim. ¥ Edda: Please come and see me during office hours. P.D. ¥ Georgie-Porgie pudding and pie — Quit kissin’ the girls and makin ‘em cry!

Guy logic makes no sense. I still wanna see Saigon and where’s dinner?? Sim. ¥ Dear Val, you are insensitive to poor lolely people who spend their nights in really crappy fast-food joints. But I love you just the same. M. ¥ Inder — I miss our pool playing d, i\\!

I wonder: “Can you still wield the big stick like you used to?” Love, Risqué in Red. ¥ Harris N.: Keep looking for me. Or give me your CD’s. Love, P.S. ¥ Benoit V. How I love thee... Hélène. ¥ Oh! J-P, we love thee. “Les Mignonnes.” ¥ Amrish: Merci beaucoup for all the help — you’re such a good “colleague”!

I never realized computers could be so sexy, or that Bronfman could be such a turn on! From the tall, dark, handsome girl of your dreams. ¥ Janine, you’re the greatest. Love. Joe. ¥ Jean-Paul. How 1 have lasted this long without attacking you. I'll never. Please be my Valentine!!!! All your fantasies would come true. La Mignonne. ¥ To my favorite Hutchie: I’m asking you in print: will you marry me? Love, the messenger of peace. ¥ Jean-Paul, you’re cute. Vasken. ¥ J-P, you’re so hairy and virile; you're just such a Man. I need you. Janine ¥ Janine, don't marry Joe, be with me.

Jean-Paul. ¥ Ram and Nick (or is that Nam and Rick?) You are the same person, at least around here. I can’t say enough about how much you mean to me, your sooth­ ing voices calming me as I reach euphoric climax. I want to lay with you again and again... let’s continue this ménage sometime later. Can we ha\e dinner? ¥ MM: I’m tall, Pm sort of stoopid (I don’t know how I get into McGill), and I don’t wear shooz. Unfortunately, I don’t squeak either. But I’m interested, and I hope the feeling is mutoo-all — drop me a line and we'll go get some chocolate, if you’re over your overdoze!

I think u kno hoo I am. Luv, ?. ¥ To Steve, You da man! M. ¥ To the Grecian Goddess Daria, my heart pumps faster 3x a week because of you and your beautiful smile. ¥ Black - The young shall inherit the earth ( or at least nuke it). Love, Seeing Red. ¥ To the cute guy at the gym — I think I love you.

¥ B.J.B. is the man! Long live ice­ cream, cookies and slinkies! You wil never win at Solitaire. Love S & S. XOX.

¥ Oooh MacPoulet! I wanna get inside that costume. The Chicken Lady.

¥ Bobo, you’ve got a sexy bod but we can’t see it with those bright red Ronnie

¥ Bad Harris/Good Harris — ferment­ ing bouillabaise of lust. There are

Page 13

February 14th, 1995

happy-freaky toys and creatures in your apartment, but I love most the room with the lava lamp. Visit soon? JL. ¥ Melanie, Daily reader, I’d love to much your fig Newton! A devoted read­ er.

y K — Just remember, l was right — RB. y Steve Smith: You’re the only man I know who can pipe “Sweet Child of Mine” and enjoy eating haggis. I can only stare in awe and give you loonies.

P.S. y Uncle Wiggily’s friend says “hi there.” — Hi There Erin.

y To the lovely women of 1652. May we never see Dimitri or Harry again.

Happy Valentine’ s Day. Love and thanks, Joyceybear.

y Inder: You better have sent me a Valentine, or else — you punk! Love, I’hc Jerky OirlS; y Emma - I Idle you. Lean on me any­ time you need. I’ll always be there For you. Love, hujjs, kisses, and some jus­ tice. Michael

y Dear Val, you showed the Planets prof all the c& exams and probably! caused half the class to fail. But 1 love lyou just the sante. M. y Allaita, your decision to let Dickie Dunn cover theHietVs hockey team, was a move that s fc ld have been made a long time ago. You see, sports writing is a craft, one that Mr, Dunn possesses, rather than something which should Iv made a mockefe oF

y I tear Sweet Pea. thanks for putting up with my courtroom type arguments and my extreme , ''independency". But remember, it’s tJJâking you mote alert!

Love Always, w a ,

y Dear Kytn: As April Wine says ’You’re my girl. Seriously, 1 love you dearly. You rule. Love, Slayer.

y Mita — I fofertd another dimension in your room. Big, warm v aterhetl, indeed.

Sorry I’m such a noisy n .« - u r ’ Love. JL. y Yellow — m a t am I supposed to do?

I’m in my underwent Mad Hatter, any­ one? Love, The Red Tide. P.S. Stay out of the Middle Bast. y S B ' ."I toy more secrets you want to tell? 1 promise I won't throw my pen again. Tis’ good. M. y Allana: The greatest most liberal sports editor in the history ot an other­ wise anal newspaper. Joe and Mark. y 1 read all of these you know...

Michael V Jay darling, Blessed be the trips sans luggage. Die not of scurvy and remem­ ber that twofantasticly gorgeous women adore you. Love, JL.

y To “Farroula”, You light up my Swiss mornings, Italian afternoons and Mexican nights. Please, can I call you?

Love always “R”. y Dearest Eliza — the warmth of our joy will warm the northern tundra.

y GEORGE — I just want to hug you and kiss you and make you my own.

Too bad you lost your thing.to leprosy — Most affectionately, JL.

y Hutchison, thanks for the food. Love, JL. y Liz — thanks for everything. I think you’re OK, kid. Honcho y Bintgerung. You won’t see this, but I still love you lots. Love, Platypus.

y Shut it! You’re a vig vink rip!!!

Welcome to adulthood, Monkey! Love, Mary. y Tyla. Thanks for liberating the news section. Want to give a workshop on headline writing?

V To the purple demons, the past 3 years were great! I love you lots! Love, Dan. y Propeller Head! Alex! You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to turn your curly head and push it between my thights. Stop twirling your thumbs! It hurts. Love, your secret valentine.

you feel? What a romanticValentine album! — EB. y Nige: I live to nibble on your man­ hood! Please cum see me soon! — YHR. y Bunny: I wanna f—k your a—. — You know who.

y M.B. I like to think I call it like it is

everyday and I dream of when we can pump together. — Your Iron Maiden

but it’s probably more like____. Wanna dayte? We can watch a movie and talk in an empty bar. Maybe one day we can collaborate on a project we’re both paid for, as long as I’m the boss (not that I need power or anything). M.

y To the princess who brought back love to me. You are my valentine. KP.

y Mel, Hez, Krane: Hope you break away from your veggan diet for

y To Victor G: I see you in the gym

y Rrrrich: Whose definition of eleven o’clock are we using here?!? Hockey games are___; walks on the mountain are___. Wanna escape? Just as soon as I get rid of these sniffles. You know. M.

y Elana: Forget the loser and cum enjoy some gentile pleasures! — Hot WASP of your dreams!

j you wonderful frittd. j j y To the Wareh, Asia la Warch? Asta la warm throughts this pesky Warch! 1 want to get into your Kisses Ponz.

Valentine’s day from a tall weirdo. y Ange: You’re the apple in my eye. ▼ Alasdatr Gillis — you’re a sweet, and my mouth and on my polenta finger dear guy: I’d like to smooch you on the and on my polenta finger and my mexieye. Ret Fie! TisYnot a lie. Darling Ai can tongue. ‘Eco. — will you be mine? y MICHAEL: You’re too tali and you y Guy, Maria & Kathy. We never quite go away...I hope that’s a gbod thing. drink like a sissy. P.S. Always take care. M. ghost-writing for y To everybody — I love you.

S. and J. . ¥ Adorable curly blond-boy in 20th y Brenda - 1 am sarcastic. You know Century Prose: I stare at you every class it’s true. Anytime you heed me. HI be because you are so cute. I’d give any­ there for you, unless of course it thing to talk to you but I am shy. im olvés Dan’s dishes... Love, MB Perhaps some day I'll let you know who y M.C. Ball, Your market;value contin­ I am ... — À backrow admirer. ues to skyrocket.,I’d love to invest in y Happy day Lee B.I Kiss Kev for me! your shares’ Luv a NUT. ..- luv S. y VALERIE. Your beauty entrance. . y Yunna— Sky sans you = disappointed me.,t can say no more. A girl. me. — E. y To Victor G: You left so abruptly that y To Elena (the Greek Goddess) . You morning- I vould have liked to shower wanna go out wit-me-or-whatt? — Love with you and have breakfast in bed. Call Rico. me (you have my #). Claire. y Phat MC: No, you CANT sleep with y To the 1iovemor’s son. being bald at me!! — QS. 2 1 aim that big a deal. cfLGuy - I d really like to teach you y Lawrence of Arabia (aka Lcnnivilie): another stick sport. My net is wide open You've been looking a little for your goal. And when you get time in PHKID...Maybe you should get your die box. trust me, it is not a penalty. — cholesterol checked. Love your some­ The Ret times friend.

WTo the long-haired fox at the circula­ y Freaky Freak: Roses are red. violets tion desk: Lay me down gently, spine are blue, 222 is mine, so tough for you!!

Pnrst.

Love- Q’s (haha). j y Aki: We miss your Florida philoso­ y Marco V. The black cat runs at mid­ phizing. — A&E from PCB. night. Bewarerihe rising sun. Your y P.S. Your home is so comfy. I still Eternal Valentine. owe you dinner. You are articulate y To the handsome eligible bachelors of already. Angst is overrated. 1 could put 167 West Brookline: Happy Valentine’s together many disconnected tidbits but Day Boys! Thanks for putting up with seriously, just thanks. M. my rambunctious behavior. I’ll see you y Mike M: My backpocket is lonely in March. Little Jamil. without you. Tee-hee. y To Mr. Bun: I want to rock your y Elana B.: En slow dance...Hug! world! Goodnight my sleeping beauty!

Dave.

Where have you been?? — 281 (celeste) y Amir: Our anatomy orgy sessions y The one and only J.V. Quest baby seemed to have ceased ... I cant go on Quest. And if not, stay home and drink tea. E.B. this way. — Love GA and GERL. y Micol - you’re cute. It was better y Jacquie Jordan, You make the best when you sat next to me on Saturdays, cappucino- it must be all that training but I guess I’ll just have to get a mas­ you had in France! Happy Valentine’s sage some other time. Maybe when Day! E. “Bob” isn’t looking... Love, Honcho y Bernie Spermie: You and Johnnyy Julius: You are the sweet, sweet nec­ Three-Hump have a lot in common, tar of the Gods (somewhat like coffee) Eh!! Happy belated Birthday, you cir­ cumcised stud!

— Mr.B. y Carolyn the “heal”-er: You rock my y Dear Emma Mac: Phone monkey­ racetrack - keep on runnin’ — Love spanking is rude, but swimming in the nude at Weston Pool is a classic! Dont Ali-Cat. call me, I ’ll call you! — The Alta y Mike C: We’ve always wanted to see Connection. you vogue. T bet you d be really y Hey Swede!! I liked you in Wolf Boy, good at it. — 2 hot mamas. even if Bryant and David did not. y Sexy Alain: OOh! but you dont Those boys are clowns, anyway. understand what goes through my mind y To Sarah E.: Guns and swords and when I see you. — An acquaintance. dinosaurs, but Aussie chains excite me.

y Margot

y Alison T: Say, Dr. Pre has an album called the Chronic - how does that make

— Love, M.

y Dominik Hartman, We miss you.

You spend too much time in the Robotics Lab. Come back to the real world. We have wine... — The women of 3648. y Dear Nigel, Smegma tastes good!!!

— Lethbridge licks ring!

y Anisa, Happy Valentine’s Day ‘sis.

— Farah. y To Mattias Lj, OOOh...those luscious lips! — A great many female fans

y Yo’ Jammer! We have to keep you quarantined so you don’t break too many heart. Sont spend too much tome in form of the mirror,beautiful.— Always, your little sister, Chicken. y Tall, sinewy rower at the gym, My heart rate monitor trembles at your sight. Stoke me with your oar! rhea — Joe

y Lana, Stop boasting about all the pricks in your life! —- Ms. Concerned.

y Prof. Lindeman, Your anecdotes have won you some fans. Happy Valentines.

y Cher Monsieur Luz, peu import les remarked de tes “admirateurs”, il y aura toujours ceux qui apprecitent tes char­ mantes follies.

y

Lau to another Lau. Joyce/Liz/Joyce/Liz - we are one per­ son. 1,.1.,1’m sorry. y Charles - Calice! Hostile! C’est super­ cool, Taberouette! LL&MB

y Lester, chaos/order/chaos/order, you like, you like? We’ve fucked! Alright.

Lausy. y Tal. Le Freak, e’est Greek. McCain, what have you done to my toes. You’ve curled them up.

y Todd, see you at the Black and Blue Bash. LL

y Susie-Q. Thanks f«aturday Night! ’With your charnringfhanncrs. you should fmd plenty of Valentines. Love, Us-.BB andER.

y To my one and lonely, don’t you fret or frown or cry. Things will right them­ selves soon plough. With love and car­ ing kisses: Bob y Thomas L, live the law of Ezekiel ¥ Michelangelo Buonarroti Present this 25:17. Bite me! — C, Coupon to claim a freejfeer from your y Vic G.. So, you big pussy, when’s the devoted photo editor, tabourettc. next whopping on the court! -c_ Weeeeee!

Mickeydees next door. ¥ Andrea, Welcome to the land of the y LH, “...her legs spread out before living. Love, Robyn. me.," See you tonight.— Mr. Honey. ¥ Hugo, yoB.go.,to hell. Speaking on ▼ Satan-child of the night - let me lick behalf of every one you know. Love, your wounds when you fall victim to the LizLau. hounds of heaven — Prince of ¥ Aileen, you’ll always be the Queen to Darkness.

US'S! Congratulations and happy y Dear Pamela, Your smile, warm Valentine’s Day! love, your fans from embrace and spirit stir happiness within Table 8. ,Jif sty heart. Thanks for being sincere, — y vtaik. thanks for the great weekend!

Love, Joshua.

The hot tub rocked Otsr world! Love teh y Pheonix Willy Krshna, You keep my sisters of Alpha Omicron Pi. life an adventure, just stop poohing on ¥ Pomo-man, you’re so cool, I want to my friends! — Love Sarrie, XOX. BE you. I want to be in your Club y To Mike and Kevin — leave us alone!

Monaco shirts.LizLau The Editors. ¥ Mr. I Helmutt Cameron, is that cacne y Tyla - don’t ever leave us alone. Your on your.,?Wow.LizLau presence is always welcome, and ¥ Dear Grenouille, aka little miss frog­ desired. Love Honcho. gy, was the Saturday night walk home y To the Trib: Thanks for showing cer­ part of my secret pledge? I’ll walk you tain silly people who shall go nameless home anytime. Miss Giggles. that we don’t have to agree to support each other. Viva la student press. Just ¥ Alex U.: You drink scotch like a across the hall if you ever need us since hardened criminal. And for the record, you’re the bozo. Your favourite scepti­ 1911. cal separatist. P.S. y We are red and you are blue, as Rolfs left the Tribune and Lawrence has too. ¥ Dawn, smoke gets in k'our eyes, and you want to smoke. Your introverted XXOO, a secret admirer. t "’■fronese friend, TwitrSr" y Melanie N.: I am here and you are there. I love you anyway. Or at least ¥ To the hot football player from Oakville. I dig your v ib e.. Happy respect your mind. P.S. Valentine’s Day. y To Bart Simpson- HAHA! ¥ Jack, you GWAI-LOW. You don’t y Hugo: A brother of mine you do not look so Irish! Thanks for everything this appear. You’re the toughest piper I year. LL know. Love always, P.S. ¥ Monique and Sylvie, you ar the V Amy H.: For those winey days. You sweetest ed. team ever. Now everyone always know what’s going on.P.S. else will beat me up. Love, JL. y Fellow photo editor. Nobody knows ¥ Michaelditor.Ewen in my Waluntinth of our conspiracy., yet. Emma, you i dalk like dith. Betht Witheth.LizLau drink! Love always, Liz. ¥ Grace. You make really good Greek y To the sisters with attitude, we rule: salad. LizLau. Love Betty and Robyn (Yes, we mean AOn, you fools!!) Happy Valentine’s ¥ Tyla, your name rhymes with NOTHING. Damn you. LizLau Day!

y Ali-Cat, Havn’t heard the Melissa

Etheridge lately! Things must be going well! — Luv, your sexy neighbors.

y Tanya B. Your roomates are idiots.

You’re not. Love MB

y Little, I might live in again next year.

Happy Valentine’ s Day! Love, Mad Dog. y Riz Rau to Pyromania. Beam me up, Gargoyle. Hey, you look taller through the bottom of a glass. y Mike, don’t tell me you’ve never looked to see if you smoke after sex — Mr. Manners.

¥ GEEK BOY!!! - Bet you thought I’d forgotten about you.,MB ¥ To the new members of AOFl! The best is yet to come,. Happy Valentine’s Day. Love, your future sisters. ¥ To Justin Gauvin, Shut up already! ¥ Joanne. No big deal, just the girl who lived right above you last year. Yeah, that would be,.David I? Love, LizLau ¥ To Lawrence Wilk, thanks for the cogent argument. 500 words was appar­

Page 14

February 14th, 1995

ently not enough... Love, Honcho.

those teeth! Love, EL

y Patrick, you took out life insurance...

y Sara-Jean. Yeh, Trib Geeks. LizLau y To Whitney Houston and Boyz II

thanks for everything. I even enjoy some of your stories. MB

y Lynsey. Come and knock on our door, we’ve been: waiting for you...Sing for me, baby. LizLau y Melanie - six more weeks, and then it ends. Looking forward to it are we.

Let’s have coffee. MB

y Ski team boy — Love that smile. Will you tast my wine for the Trib? Love, the Kiosk Girl. P.S. You’re not grumpy. y Noah G. Smile, you freak. By the way, thanks for inviting me to your party. Clean yes, germ no. LizLau

y To Jennifer Lamberto. You light up my life. Will you be my density? DJP

y Eliza G. Can I see your card please?

Right, we have the best job in the world.

LizLau. ▼Lisa, school ties never die. MB

y Raj, I have fallen for you, your leather jacket, those Rico looks. Be mine. Love Sarah One (and Sarah Two) XOX

y Joe: You are the cherry on my linguini. But I love you anyways. You can always bum my butts. Sylvie.

y Joanne, welcome to the Trib. To the pictures you’ll take in the future. Love, Emma & Liz.

y Marco and Guid, PARTY!! Joe. y Chère Anne Marie, even though there is another man in your life now I will always love. Normand.

Men. Thanks for becoming regulars at the Alley.

I needed it...

y To OOTHC, may your joints always be fine. I heard your name was Pig — Ruined Pig. Love Honcho.

y Michael B: I know you’re not as

y Caroline Beth, have a good day and

y Be Bop Be Boo. Marina and Tanya. I

prickly as you seem. Your secret is safe with me... and all those who read the Tribune. S.B.

much much more. LizLau.

really love you.

y Joe, being colonised was the best

y Tyla - I scream, you scream, we all

y Jen - thanks for dragging me off when

y Chris R: You have my undying edito­

thing that ever happened to you, and you know it! Mark

scream. Our trips to the Subway were like a metaphor. Wow. — Mr. Manners.

rial love for the time you’ve spent on our section. P.S.

▼ Charles - you’ll make a great dad.

MB

y Jack - you have matured beyond your years.

y Tanis and Tracey - May your beds always vibrate to the same tune, love and smooches, T. Rococo

y Justin Gareau, we’ll see a movie soon.

y Jeff, De-Ne-Tika-Tika-Dc-Ne-Tika-

y Cher Paul Samuel, although I am nog Liz, Mel, Ann, nor Claire, I slill you in a special way. Your D.A.D., N.F.C.

y Mikee, you're locod, Love Advice,

y Michael B.: So what’s a little hell and

brownies and calc help is a must! Love SarfieXOX

y Lester, are you still reading? I love

highwater? I think we’ve both learned how to swim. It’s simple — you can count on me. Love always, Paromita.

you; will you be my valentine? Lausy.

y Tanya, the most beautiful roomate in

y To Tina from “M’s, D & KD." One Love from all the anarchists out there!

We love you, so we shouldn’t need another. ▼Ramsey, thanks for all the photos. But we don’t remember your face anymore* Drop by. Love, Emma & Lia.,.

y Jihadgio, ménage a trois? Oh la la!

1promise. Liz Lau.

the world, We love you, Joe and Mark.

about the most random collection of things (mostly indie music) of anyone I’ve ever met. May Howard continue to walk in the same direction - upward and onward. Love, Michael

y Ditto, except for the roomate bit.

y Empress Sara Elisabeth, would you

Your loving res monkiev XOX

please be my Valentine. Prince Norman of Austria.

y Cameron, you defector. Thanks for

y Emma, the best to you, always’. With

the last semester. Love. Emma & Liz.

love, LizLau.

y Alex: here’s to replacement players

y Tanim, good luck in campaign. Love,

y Fifi Monster — missing you, but feel­

and parenthetical statements. MB

LizLau.

ing better. Jean-ee Fifi.

y Alison & Laura & Rob. Thanks for being there, especially every Thursday night. Love you lots, Stephanie.

y Allana - I’m looking for enthusiatic

y Luis - still waiting for my next Zeleni­

y Shannon, thanks to a job well done.

Tika.

y Harris - you undoubtedly know more

▼ Alex T. MUMrrrrraaaaaaaa. Voltron as in volt, doltron as in dolt. Love, LizLau.

na makeover, felicidad.

you love every day and not just on Valentine’s.

individuals who wish to participate in the conquering of small, defenceless islands in the South Pacific. Adventure, sun and empire await! — Mr Manners

y Kym. Thank god you made the move.

Jay the elevator guy was right. At least I didn’t have to lie.I love you, Perky Peetie.

the Big Bald Daddy, S,

y Darling ZaOk - will you be my schnadeifüdel?

y Dear Paco - It’s been fun. especially the weekends! I’ll stop being sarcastic for a moment and say that I’m truly happy and everyday I still grow fonder of you! My little one (time’s up)! 3 lyoobov Sweet Pea

y Ram, I don’t really exist. Only these

you are legends, Hot Sexy legends!

Love, Sim and Sar.

y Khusro, or are you Gary? Stop con­ fusing me, damn it. Love, LizLau.

y Rich - you are in personality. But the

you on? Happy Valentine’s Day! Love from S &S.

My darling Cuth: I dream itbouf you too.

Love Roseanne.

y Susan: sweet home Alabama, yom

y Laina, thanks for coming out every

y Nick, a toast to well-scanned pictures.

Drink-no... Smoke-no...urn... um... hm.

Best wishes, LL. y Fiona: I repeat - how do you put up with him?

y Harris, wink. Wink, now. Yes, Howard on 4 5 ...it sounds really fast...Love, LL.

y Alison, May this Valentine’s Day be the last of the bad ones. I’m sure you’ll find love in Prague. If not you always have me. Kidding!

y Cherie - you never visit. Please come by more often. MB y Chris C - may you soar higher than your opponents. MB y Monique, Hanging out in Paro’s house is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Smile. LL

y Doug - what exactly is cracne? y Simon, I miss your seductive dancing.

De-Ne-Tika-Tika

y Sylvie, randomness will strike you like a cement block falling on your head. Ugh. LL.

y Chris, I’m watching you. And that was definitely a pick, not a scratch —Mr. Manners.

y Lizzie. Shall Jordan Catalano live for­ ever. LL y Jimmy & Gule. Pot lucks are fun. Joe. y Chris. To all those deep conversations and heartfelt discussions...wait, that wasn’t you. Um, Happy Valentine’s Day. Right. LL

y Alex Usher. You will talk to a dog and gain insight into another realm.

Trivia will never be the same again. LL

y Qutie! What does V-day & chocolates have in common? You’ve got to love

S I AI k MASTERS! Missing you .,11 week. Luck with photography in the : ery much I future. Love, Emma & Liz. y Alison - You are Cool, any WAY you y Stairmasters: Moscow, Montreal, look at it, J. Toronto and Vimperk: HJQRST take on y Helen - Coffee and deep thoughts. the world! Here’s to our next Zen Let’s keep the tradition going - J. Reunion. Until then, have fun storming y Sylvie • My Mom warned me about the castle! Miss you, love, Reena.

Montreal girls. King of the Silverfish ; y Joyce B., thanks for all the photos. y Cornell: please see attachment,., it Happy Valentine’s Day. Emma & Liz. will explain everything. y To the Madhatter: 1 love you, Mark. y Rich - Thanks for being there, again y Witold, we appreciate your flexibility. and again. J. {. vLove, Emma & Liz. y I isa looking forward to ont D-A-J y To Joyce: I’m sorry that I’m leaving E !-J. and won’t get to work with you next y Amin anil Eric - What can I say? It’s year. Love, Honcho. true. You are both slaves to the ???? - J y Hey, Honcho - in case you haven’t figured it out, you’re also Michelangelo y Joe Happy Valentine - I I 1,, Buonarroti. Count on me for more than should make up for any notes later on. j. a beer. Love, LizLau. y Michael - I love you in crayon. J. y Aubrey - you shouldn’t have hugged i Polly Anna) Steve like that. Now I'm jealous. An y To mv hi’ pookernoonies. Love ya adversary. forever W1SHH. Elvis is the man, he y Monique, mmmmmmmmmmmmm- lives in two places. McGill beats Duke mmm... I bet you never thought News t o B W I T O r o Same XOX could taste so good — Mr.Manners. y To Donna: I hate your face, those stu­ y Daniel, O, our photographer with the pid barrettes in your hair and your boobfowing hair. Where art thou? Thanks for job doesn’t help your stupid personality.

However, what Ray did was wrong and everything. Love, Emma & Liz. I feel awful for you. Mark y Superclub, you ski like a God and dance like a new kid. Love ya, y Mara, I love how much you sweat when you row. Can I be your T-shirt?

Superglue.

sun, sand and surf. Just make sure you pack the feather boa! You never know when it may come in handy. SN

y To the head ode: François Léveillée is

drink. 1 like you. Love, LizLau.

The Freak.

y Laura C. Happy V-Day. Enjoy the

y Geoff: your column is, well, interest­ ing. Confusedly... MB

y To the dawghaus boyz, in our eyes,

y H.J.Q.R.S.T - what does it spell ’

y MacPoulet — we love you. Don and Michael.

Without you, I am photographless.

Love. P S,

y Bjorn, stop hurting yourself when you

y Nipsy - Lotsa hot love and cream.

y Joyce - For someone with her head in the clouds, you’re pretty short — Mr. Manners.

y Emma: You are the queen of paz/az.

Love, Michael

y To Jeffy-K, Yo-yo-yo!

We really appreciate it. Love, Emma & Liz.

Senators will never win. Let’s rock in New York.

y Don, you are an angel. I bet the other celestial beings are rather jealous of your heavenly slippers. Keep spreading your gory-glory, you winged-thing.

y To Wren & Stimpy - Ode to the Batcave: Thump Bang Crash Aahh!

Squeak Squeak Squeak BRRR! Greek dancers in the night. Home sweet Home.

Can’t get me out! I’ll miss you you guys, XO J.

y Allana. Men’s hockey Friday at 7, Women’s Basketball Saturday at 8 ...Photos, what photos? Ohhh, I thought you were taking in code. LL words do. But these words love you and wish you the best on Valentines and any other day. Love, LL

y To reindeer slipper man, when would MacPoulet ever get bored? Honcho.

y Snoopy, I love you, and I won t let Brandy get in the way. ’‘cream’’

y Gonzo, Can 1 lick your ears and turn

eyes are so blue. Lynyrd.

V Sara Jean u hat can I sav, but that are a star at this place. You’ve left Meaford behind you. Michael

y I) krey - you ire really keen. Keep up the good Work, Michael

y Jennifer Stone, you are a mooch. But we love you, P,S, & D

y Doug - Wake up. 150 days until Europe and boxed mashed polatos Ecossais! Ecossais! 1 fcc! sick -Stecv.

y Happy Valentine’s Day t-- the

y Michael, you can’t edit my Valentine.

T.

y Harris - May the good Lord take a likin’ to you and blow you up real good.

JoJo’s pissed — Mr. Manners.

y To olive skin, Tony Prito, you’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met. Joe y Hi Blé Will you be my Valentine? I Love you mucho, Blé y Andrea, how could you kiss that medschool pervert? Jesse is the best thing that ever happened to you.

y Dawn, I don’t really know you, but you have really cool jeans. Mark. y Dearest Steve, your beauty and soft­ ness almost make up for the fact that your are male. Love Barik. y Mike, sure I froze the beer and had no idea where anything is in Ottawa, but we were drunk and that’s all that counts.

Mark. y Mark — you are just the knobbiest person I’ve ever met. But that’s OK. Love, Michael

Countess Wild Boar with love from your not-so-secret admirer.

y Lizzy, you are tall, but that’s okay.

y Dan: you’re the coolest roomate ever.

y Nick B. Don’t take things so damn personally. Joe.

Except maybe OOTHC. And Brillo.

Have a great day, MB.

y To Nick O on Hutchison I hear you look freat in Francos. Call me. La la la Lady.

y Joe - you take things too seriously.

Michael

y Ram and Nick - Yonder lurks the fabled Golden Silverfish. An oxymoron, you say? Don’t be fools. Join me in an adventure you won’t soon forget.-— Mr. Manners.

y To BiBi: Keep smiling. I’d be your Valentine any day of the week (but then people might call me a dirty old man...)

Love, MB

y JorM, War, Freaky, Phat, Tré, WaxFly, Shenéné and Bomber - I love you!! Burger.

Mark

y Nick. Don’t take so many pho­ tographs either. Michael and Alex. y To Brian A. Mobbs. Sweetheart, even though we won’t be together on Valentine’s, I want you to know that you will always be on my mind and in my heart. I love you, Annie. y Mitchell: you are a tough man to get a hold of... does someone have a hold of you this VDay? Love, Michael y To Yara, you’re on my A-list.

Michael y Dawn Westley - did you know that rhymes with Nestle? HOT CHOCO­ LATE, BABY! Happy V-Day. Michael. y To Special - thanks for all the memo­ ries. EIC.

y Paromita. Smile, pumpkin. You have a really nice smile. Don’t waste it. Love always, LizLau.

y Helen - a year has passed and what have we learned? LOVE SUCKS! Your friend Clubfoot.

y Tyla. You never barf in the office.

This is a good thing. Honcho.

y Mark Luz - Where’s my fucking type­ writer? PS - 1 can’t hear you.

y Alex L., you’ve done an excellent job

y Sophie: sun, sand, waves and surfers.

y Allana, you are better than Don

y Jo Wong - Your name is Jo and your

in the space of a few weeks. Keep up the good work. Love, Emma & Liz.

LA is the coolest place to be. Happy Valentine’s!

Cherry and Kirk Muller put together.

Love, Mark and Joe.

▼ Cara, I hate EJ, love redheads, the ‘Peg’ rocks! Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, your secret man.

y To Monique, my bio-geek friend,

y Knobby, don’t graduate ami leave me! You put the support in my hose.

Happy Valentine’s, XO the single sis.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

y Danielle, you are beautiful - I wish

last name is Wong. Where’s my type­ writer.

y To Amy in ed. If you read this you'll know it's me. (Well whatever never­ mind). Marc y M— I’ve only got eight words. I’ll be

Page 15

February 14th, 1995

ENTERTAINMENT Soup’s on but Dinner is Ruined

By H arris N ewman Dinner is Ruined is a loose-knit musical entity based out of the Gas Station recording studio in Toronto.

Dale Momingstar operates the stu­ dio and is the mainstay behind all of Dinner is Ruined’s incarnations and releases, including 1994’ s Worm P ick ers B raw l on his own Gas Racket label.

“I guess I conceptualise it, sort o f steer the ship,” M orningstar explained. “Dinner is Ruined, for about two years or so, was more of a rock, heavy guitar noise kind o f thing, with three people and a real core. Then things kind of changed, with the concept of the Gas Station studio and such, people grew and changed, and now it’s more of a col­ lective.”

Having operated the Gas

Station for three years, the intensity and complexity o f D IR ’s albums should not surprise anyone.

Momingstar and company’s exten­ sive talents comes across in both performance and studio prowess.

The multi-layerd, surreal sound of Worm Pickers Brawl hardly sounds duplicable by a conventional rock band. Momingstar stressed the dual­ ity of Dinner is Ruined.

“There’s always been a desire to play live. Dinner o f Ruined is more like a lifestyle. Its incorporat­ ing music and just pursuing creative goals and following impulses.”

Still, Worm Pickers Brawl and

Love Songs from the Lubritorium, an earlier release on Raw Energy records, don’t sound as if they’d lend themselves well to live perfor­ mance. “It’s pretty different in a lot of ways, because I figure the studio

Ja c q u e s et son m aître Par A nne-Marie Labbé M ilan Kundera serait sûre­ ment honoré de savoir que sa pièce Ja cq u es et son m aître est jouée pour la première fois sur une scène montréalaise. Ce n’est pas plus loin qu’à McGill que les comédiens du Théâtre de la Grenouille présen­ teront leur interprétation de cette pièce contemporaine avec Players’ Theatre.

Dans une réflexion sur la vie et l ’ amour, Kundera rend hom­ mage à l ’ oeuvre de D id erot, Jacques le fataliste, en nous racon­ tant à sa façon l ’ h isto ire de Jacques. Le scénario fait appel à de constants retours en arrière alors que Jacques raconte et revit simul­ tanément son histoire devant les spectateurs. Alors que le passé et le présent s’affrontent, nous suivons les aventures de Jacques qui est tom bé am oureux de l ’ am ie de coeur de son ami.

“La pièce est un mélange entre une intrigue amoureuse et un dis­ cours ph ilosop hiq u e” , résum e Fanny Bousquet qui interprète la mère de la prostituée. Beaucoup de

personnages à découvrir, puisqu’une quinzaine de comédi­ ens se retrouveront sur scène dans cette production annuelle du Théâtre de la Grenouille. La troupe affiliée au Players’ Theatre célèbre cette année son cinquième anniver­ saire et sem ble nous réserv er encore beaucoup de surprises.

Le choix de la pièce Jacqu es et son m aître a fait l ’ unanimité auprès des membres de la troupe de théâtre pour la qualité du texte et l’intérêt qu’il suscite. La mise en scène est assurée par Jonathan O ’ B rian, étudiant en littérature française. Originaire de Boston, ce dernier a eu le coup de foudre pour la langue de Molière lors d’un voy­ age en France. C ’est avec fierté qu’il présentera cette semaine sa première mise en scène. Tous sont invités à venir encourager la relève th éâtrale et partager l ’ essen ce philosophique de l’incontournable Kundera.

Présentée du 14-18 fév rier à 20h, 3e étage de l ’édifice William Shatner. B illets: 6$ (étudiants)/ 12$ (réguliers); Réservations: 3986813.

Snow in Montreal

By Liz Lau The latest exhibition at the M usée d’ Art C ontem porain de Montréal features one of Canada’s

M ichael Snow ’s m ultim edia exposition ' r ;-

most prominent artists. With pieces dating from the 1950s, the show serves as a re tro sp ectiv e on Michael Snow’s work over two and a half decades.

The 31 works on loan from the National Gallery o f Canada illus­ trate Snow’s versatility in working with multiple media. The show is sprinkled with drawings, paintings, sculptures, photographs, collages and installations. Arranged in a more-or-less chronological order around the room, the viewer plays w itness to Sn o w ’ s evolution through the years.

His earliest works date from the ‘50s, and consist mostly of drawings. Nearing the end o f that decade, he began producing highly abstract paintings. In the following decade, Snow embarked on his “fam ous W alking Woman

is just one snapshot of a period of time, and once it’s done, that’s it.

But live is just one chance as well — the songs are always different every night, in d ifferent ways, depending on our moods.”

“I think [live and studio work] are completely valid, it’s just differ­ ent mediums, different theatres of expression. The studio provides more time to think and compose, but live playing has spontaneity. The Dinner is Ruined concept is about trying to capture that spontaneity in the studio, while at the same time composing,” he said. “It’s like mak­ ing soup on the stove. You can make it really quick, or else you can let it stay there all day and simmer.”

Worm Pickers Brawl is a truly exceptional record, an atmospheric blend of conventional instruments, samples, and, uh, sounds. It’s hard

The

to decide if the listener is being experimented with or on. ‘Cold Salmon’ weaves like Ween without the pretension, ‘Keith was a Teenager’ throws big, huge power pop to the wind with a Polvo-ish flu tter and a xylophone-packed punch. ‘Vampire Boy’ creeps with a Tom Waits-inspired trash pop rum­ ble, and the closing track ‘Dew Worms’ effervesces with crisp, jangly guitar and Momingstar’s some­ how fitting vocals: “I’ll sell you dew worms a dollar a dozen/I got to know them really well.”

A fter flirtin g with Raw Energy’s worldwide distribution, Momingstar has returned to a more personable approach. “Love Songs From the Lubritorium was on Raw Energy, and I asked to be released from that label so I could put [Worm Pickers ] out on my own little thing

and learn stuff in the process.”

With a Netherlands label ready to put out the album and provide tour support, Momingstar has been well compensated for sticking to his guns.

“As long as we can do what’s true to ourselves, and document that — if someone else wants to help or assist, be that a record company or whatever, that’s cool as long as we can stick to our vision. I ’m very much into independence, I like that a lot. You should be able to build your own house, shelter yourself from the storm if you have to. I think that’s what putting records out and having a studio is all about.”

You can witness the Dinner is Ruined experience live and in p er­ son on February 17 at Rage (5116 Parc) with Blinker the Star.

T ria l: Resistance is futile

By Ioyce Lau________________________ Through the manipulations of playwright Sally Clark, Kafka’s The Trial has mutated into a modem burlesque noir.

Matt Small’s direction of The Trial o f Judith K. succeeds because it forgoes moralising and didactic explanation for a whip-smart humour which carries the audience through the scenarios of a brutal trial via floggings and sex and half-witted antics.

Tuesday Night Café’s production avoids any outright statement of theme by laying forth gutwrenching social issues from a disinterested stand­ point. Because much interpretation is left to the audience, one could extract from this abstract drama any one of many themes: the futility of man’s isolation, his desperate conformity, the mod­ em courtroom as spectacle-filled playground, the corruption of bureaucratic red tape, the bloodiness Waiting f o r im m inent strangulation of modem sexuality.

The audience is left as dazed as Judith Kaye herself (Jennifer Finestone) by the workings of an infor­ told to be.

Not afraid of playing with stereotypes, Small most mation superhighway which seems to dictate the techni­ creatively encourages his actors to go out on a limb and calities of the trial. Stripped naked of her nightgown and dignity one fine morning by two gas station attendants- enjoy themselves on stage. Together, they create colour­ tumed-employees of the State (Joseph Raso and Harry ful and flat caricatures. They’re freaks and you don’t Crane), Judith finds herself arrested and summoned for even want to know why.

The costumes and staging come together nicely to interrogation. Until the bitter end, nobody divulges to Judith the crime of which she is accused, or the standing lend a surreal aura. To tighten things up, sound director of her case. No matter where Judith runs to escape, peo­ Kate McCarthy even has urban angst pumping between ple seem to know more of her trial than she does. No scenes.

To the Beastie Boys, Ministry and Rage Against the matter where Judith goes for help, she bumps into abusers who expect retribution for their services. No Machine, an entire cast sells its soul and body to the matter where Judith goes for help, she inadvertently devil. Too bad the devil does not exist, only a collective returns to the courtroom from which she is trying to of individuals who are smart enough to look after their own collective asses. The devil is an entire generation escape.

Accompanying Finestone is Naomi Buck who plays who have been abused enough to feel justified in being abusive themselves. The play leaves off as it begins — both Judith’s staid boss and her prostitute-tumed-lawyer.

Shawn Steil is a psycho-killer, the State’s appointed with everyone involved in this sado-masochist world liv­ flogger, and Judith’s lover. Rounding off the central cast ing and dying as obsequious dogs. “Resistance is futile”, are Elizabeth Logue and Andrea Rackowski, nun and indeed.

To go fo r fr e e , Small is looking f o r loud and eternal strangulation victim. Judith is left as the only obscene people to sit in the audience and interact with character in the play who tries to maintain some notion the play.

Call TNC at 398-6600 fo r more information. of principle and self-respect. She’s caught in an inverted world where sin is rationalised and corruption reigns. For the rest o f you, tickets are $7/$5 fo r students. The The Law is self-serving and self-perpetrating. Judith and Trial of Judith K. runs February 14-16 at 8 p.m. in the other accused do not become desperate until they are series,where he uses a ‘typically ‘60s female silhouette’ as a repeti­ tive motif throughout his works. At the end of the ‘60s, Snow became involved with photography and three-dimensional disciplines such as filth ahd h'dtOgrâphÿ. ' "” ” ' * ; *

Morris Hall.

To the viewer, the range o f Snow’s oeuvre may at first seem random and lacking in cohesive­ ness. Only upon carefully ‘reading’ the exhibition does the unifying theme become painfully clear. In each piece, the visual experience of

the artist or the viewer (sometimes shared, sometimes interchangeable) is the centre of focus. In his search to identify the distinctive elements and qualities of 20th century mod­ ern art, Snow begins an analysis of See Snow Page 18

Page 16

ENTERTAINMENT

B efo re

February 14th, 1995

S u n rise: 2 4 - h o u r lo v e a ffa ir

By Erika Fuchs

moment, because they have been in the same situation.

You know exactly how that feels.

Linklater attempts to cap­ ture the awkwardness of initial attraction and conversation. He su cceed s, esp ecially in the character of Jesse whose weak­ nesses and insecurities pop up throughout the entire movie. (It doesn’t do much for his ego when Céline tells him that he kisses like an adolescent.)

There is one scene in which Céline and Jesse, the two main characters, are in a booth listening to a record. It is one o f the classic awkward moments to which we can all relate. Each is taking turns at sneaking glimpses at the other, but they manage not to catch each others’ eyes.

There is a strong emphasis on the importance of conversa­ tion and the characters’ getting to know each other. I was sur­ prised that Linklater went into the characters’ minds so much w hile retaining a dialogue which was natural and unre­ hearsed. I had expected there to be a greater focus on sex scenes, as the movie does work towards the act. Remarkably, there are not any explicit phys­ ical scenes and this is to the credit of the movie. It does not exploit sex in order to gain

The doorman at the E gyptien was checking the bags of the girls in front of us for food. At our seats, the popcorn/beverage boy gave us an overly-enthusiastic but annoy­ ing spiel on how we had only to raise our hands to make him come to us with his trolley of goodies. Christy Turlington’s face appeared onscreen in a shampoo advertisem ent.

Popcorn boy repeated his spiel and the audience even applauded him.

Fortunately, the movie, B efore Sunrise, proved to be both visually and verbally pleasing, compensating for the displeasure incurred by the cin­ ema’s attack on my sight and hearing. The backdrop of the 24-hour romance between the French Céline (Julie Delpy) and the American Jesse (Ethan Hawke) was the visually-stun­ ning Vienna. Its parks, bridges, cathedrals, fountains, cafes and bars envelop the movie in the right mixture of romantic and historic ambience.

In the same vein as his film D azed an d C on fu sed, Richard Linklater allows the audience to peer into the lives of his characters in such a way that they immediately respond with complete sympathy to the

S T U D E N T S ' S O C IE T Y

H i - F i ’s lo -b u d g e t film fe s tiv a l

popularity (although it easily could have with two attractive actors), but instead centres on dialogue.

The characters bring up issues that we have had at the back of our minds. Céline has a paranoid fear that she will die in a plane crash — which is the threat of impending death that may be present for many of us.

Jesse has lost his childhood faith that allow ed him to believe in his imagination. At one point Je sse speculates about reincarnation. If souls never die and come back in the body o f another person, how could the souls that occupied the bodies of the first inhabi­ tants o f earth have supplied enough souls for all the bil­ lions o f present inhabitants?

Jesse says that we must each be but one billionth of what the people were long ago. My friend suggested that this is why we are so shallow.

I w ouldn’ t write this movie off as a cliché, though at first glance one may be tempt­ ed to do so. B efo re Sunrise includes some classic awk­ ward, yet charming moments between Céline and Jesse. It makes one think about the tem­ poral quality o f love, or per­ haps of the continuity (perma­ nence) of love, depending on how one interprets the movie.

By M ark D avies Hi-Fi Films, a coop­ erativ e organisation o f independent film makers, are back with a screening o f th eir la test batch o f short film s. B a ck in September, the company was a novel idea, attract­ ing attention on campus and throughout the city with its wildly successful first screening. Now hard­ Hi-Fifilm s, docum enting we, the reckless youth ened veterans o f the film world, Hi-Fi presents six tool in the movie making process. Now new film s made over thé la st four Hansen admits he doesn’t know whether m onths. H i-F i’ s second gen eration to be ashamed or proud at the Hi-Fi’s promises to be bigger, bolder and sexier, equipment deficiency. By simply bor­ definitely with more sauerkraut. rowing equipment, casting their friends, The original purpose o f the co-op and editing on their own VCRs, Hi-Fi was a summer project o f making as many manage to make their movies for next to films as humanly possible. Rob Hansen, nothing. By showing how much you can a M cG ill English student and H i-F i’ s do with so little, Hi-Fi prove that just Godfather, says that since then the com­ about anyone can make movies. pany has expanded both its scope and Hansen’s second film, Veronica Six membership, sponsoring the bi-weekly S hots, exemplifies this minimalist Cinema Zero, and working on several approach, and will be featured this distribution ideas to give their films a Wednesday and Thursday. The film is a wider audience. Hi-Fi hopes that these series of six seemingly unrelated charac­ bigger goals and added experience are ter profiles, centred around the mysteri­ reflected in the quality o f their most ous Veronica. The film juxtaposes the recent works. different textures of film and video, Part of Hi-Fi’s agenda is to demysti­ along with the varying psychologies of fy the film making process. Hi-Fi proves its characters, which include a sociology that to make a quality movie you don’t student who considers pedophilia an art, need lots of people or money. Heck, you a confused idealist who plans to kidnap don’t even need a camera. The company an entire country, and a character who is once boasted that it didn’t own this vital See Hi Fi Page 17

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ENTERTAINMENT Pagei?

February 14th, 1995

’ 60s punk revival in Quebec

By Ioyce Lau “It’s raunchy, trashy, threechord rock ‘n roll,” Phil tells me.

Flipped Out Phil o f C K U T fame doubles as the lead-singer of trash rockers Platon et les Caves.

As part of a Quebec revival of pre­ hippy garage punk, they have brought their unusual stage antics and retro sound to local clubs, lofts, and even to Ste-Hyachinthe, which Phil calls “the centre o f Quebec punk”.

The band began in the fall of ‘92 with ex-Gruesomes guitarist Bobby Beaton. According to Phil, Beaton “found a general lack of bands dressed in togas doing ‘60s punk in French.” As a result, he recruited P hil, drummer Dan Fiocco, Eric Boulanger, and newcome bassist Bruno Martel.

When asked about their trade­

mark Grecian togas over Beatleesque black turtlenecks and boots, Phil responds, “We wear our togas in our everyday life — in the streets, at work, in the liquor store.

W e’ve only been arrested or thrown into the asylum once or twice for it.

It’s our way of paying respect to our so-called spiritual forefathers.”

“We freeze up without them, and not a sound comes out of the speakers,” he lamented.

Famous for his performances of the mashed potato, the monkey and the shake, Phil emphasises the d ifference betw een th eir trash image and today’ s grunge: “Our music comes from the ‘60s, before the hippy idea of looking natural on stage. We wouldn’t be caught dead wearing plaid shirts and ripped jeans.”

The same goes for their out­ look. “True garage rock is so great.

We know we’re not doing this for money, it’s just that this music is wild and has been forgotten. The material is timeless, and we want to bring it back,” says Phil.

Accordingly, Flipped Out Phil calls his C K U T show “the only teenage trash territory on the sta­ tion.” Tuesday nights from 10-11, you can listen to S u bterran ean Jungle’s ’60s and ’70s punk, spyflick soundtracks, old plugs for Coca-Cola and everything from Bo Diddley to the Ramones.

Platon et les C a v es’ “L es Mauvais Garçons” will be featured on a com p ilation produced by Vancouver music guru Nuardwar the Human Serviette, who will also release their 7” this spring.

Catch Platon et les Caves with the Vagabonds and Les Secretaires Volantes Sunday, Feb. 19 at 9 p.m. at Woodstock. Tickets are $6.

around the same time his subject breaks a string. Also, their will be Philippe B lan ch ard ’ s animated short H oles, The B ath by R ose Merrill and Sweat and Sauerkraut, which promises a stir-fry of veg­ etables and soft core pom.

Hi Fi films Continued from Page 16 simply described as “an E lv is”.

T he m ovie is both sharp and funny, and more professional than his ea rlier effo rt. L ook for the soundtrack soon to come.

Other Hi-Fi features include Ian Hanna’ s Fun With Guitar, a documentary o f a truly struggling musician, whose film-maker snaps

H i-Fi’s screenings take place W ednesday F e b 15 a t L o o n ie s (com er o f Rachel) and F eb 16 at the OK th e a tr e (3 4 8 0 StD om inique), starting a t 9 p.m.

Admission is by donation.

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The Canadian Studies Graduate Students' Association is now accepting submissions for a Conference on S a tu r d a y ,

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Cultural Institutions/lnstituting Cultures An Editorial Board will select a few papers to be published by the McGill Institute for the Study of Canada Please send a one nage abstract to: CSGSA Conference, McGill Institute for the Study of Canada 2020 University. Suite 2401. Montreal. Quebec H3A 2A5 (phone 398-8346) D e a d lin e f o r A b s t r a c t s : W e d . M a r c h I , 1 9 9 5

L’ amour avec un grand Y • E n trev u e a v e c L y n d a L em a y

Par A nne-Marie Labbé Difficile à croire que l’on peut se tailler une place dans la foire du monde artistique sans trouver une façon originale de se démarquer.

La chanteuse Lynda Lemay n’a pas cherché outre mesure.

Authentique, elle a forgé son style en choisissant de décrire le quotidien, le vrai et les choses sim­ ples qui peuvent arriver dans la vie de tous et chacun.

Auteure-compositeure-interprète, Lemay s’est dévoilé au pub­ lic en 1989 remportant la première place au Festival de la Chanson de Granby. Depuis, elle a poursuivi son chemin en nous offrant deux albums de chansons originales dont le dernier, Y. Les gens la reconnais­ sent à sa spontanéité et l ’aiment pour sa façon de les rejoindre, au détour de leur vulnérabilité.

“Je n ’ avais ja m a is chanté avant l’âge de 20 ans, et c’est à ce m oment que j ’ ai com m encé à écrire. Mes textes m’ont appris à ch anter. Je me d isais: ‘ Si j ’ in téresse les gens avec mes textes, même si ma voix n’est pas parfaite, ils vont me pardonner’.” A 29 ans, jeune femme de Portneve écrit à un rhtyme effarant et touche une multitude de sujets à l ’intérieur des 400 chansons qui font partie de son répertoire. Que ce soit la visite, l’obsession de la minceur, le viol et bien sûr, l’amour. Tout passe par sa

C O G N IT IV E PSYC H O LO G Y LAB n e e d s n a t i v e E n g lis h s p e a k in g v o lu n te e r s t o p a r t i c i p a t e in s h o rt c o m p u te r e x p e r im e n ts .

•R e m u n e r a t i o n • C a ll S h e l l e y S o l o m o n 3 4 0 -8 2 6 0 e x t. 5 1 2 9

plume.

Il suffit d’entendre “Le plus fort c ’est mon père” à la radio pour com prendre pourquoi Lem ay choisit de commencer son specta­ cle avec cette chanson. La chanteuse le décrit com m e “un moment de frustration dans la vie d’une femme qui se demande s’il y a encore des hommes sur qui l’on peut com p ter” . L a prin cip ale intéressée semble avoir rencontré son âme soeur suite la composition de cette chanson. Elle rappelle à tous les coeurs solitaires qu’il faut garder espoir.

“Je n’ai pas de définition de l ’amour, ça se sent et c ’est tout.

Avant de rencontrer P atrick [Huard], j ’ en ai parlé autant comme autant, j ’en ai écrit des chansons d’amour. Je décrivais des petits côtés de l’amour mais le vrai amour, ce serait beaucoup trop long à définir. Lorsqu’on le ren­ contre, conclu t-elle, c ’est aussi simple que ça: il n’y a pas de ques­ tions à se poser.”

Lem ay ne cach e pas son angoisse quant à la fragilité des certitudes et des imprévus que la vie nous réserve.

“Je n’ai qu’à imaginer qu’un jour mon chum me regarderait avec un regard indifférent et j ’ai le coeur brisé. Je n’ai pas besoin de le vivre, car rien qu’ à y penser, je peux écrire une ‘tune’ là-dessus”, elle avoue.

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La découverte de la chanteuse ce fait d’exellence losqu’elle est sur scène . Accompagnée du gui­ tariste Yves Savard, elle parcoure la province avec les supplémen­ taires de son dernier sp ectacle.

Pour les profanes aussi bien que pour les fans, Lemay réussit un tour de force en accrochant au pas­ sage les coeurs qu’elle prend en otage. Pour notre plus grand plaisir!

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Z he service is b ased on th e early hou se-chu rch m odel, w hich m eans th a t th e E u charist is received each w eek a n d th a t th ere is n o fo rm a l serm on. We rea d from th e E ib le a n d d iscu ss open ly contem porary issu es an d problem s o f in terpretation , t Z here is a tea-tim e a n d /o r sm all pot-lu ck before th e service.

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Snow Continued from Page 15

form that overrides the importance o f content. In the end, form becomes content itself and the two are inextricably bound as one.

One of many works that illus­ trate this point is Plus tard (1977), where Snow utilises a series of 25 photographs to recreate his experi­ ence at a Group of Seven exhibi­ tion. Out of focus and capturing only parts of the original paintings, the artist simulates an element of time and movement as the viewer is faced with a double exhibition.

One becomes distinctly aware of the window-like effect of frames, and their control over what the viewer sees.

Snow, dedicated to the pursuit of this theme, extends his analysis into other media. Clothed Woman (1963), a painting falling under the Walking Woman series, is a multi­ coloured work with the famous motif repeated across its length.

However, the delineation of the figures are incomplete, leaving the viewer to piece together the miss­ ing elements in the mind. Once again, the formal qualities (such as line, form and colour) come into the forefront of the viewer’s expe­ rience.

In an attempt to decipher the abstract codes of our century’s art, Michael Snow has made language the content Depending strongly on the viewer to complete the artistic process; art in its most basic form, is made accessible to the public.

VIA REDEFINES THE WORD

Michael Snow — Works From the Collection of the National Gallery of Canada runs until April 23 at the Musée d ’Art C ontem porain d e M ontréal.

Screenings o f his short and fulllength film s run on the weekends as part o f a retrospective on his work in that medium. Make a note to a ls o ch eck out A ngela Grauerholz’sphoto exhibition.

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ENTERTAINMENT Pagei9

February 14th, 1995

drug addiction, hippy hypocracy and bein’ sat on by The Man. Nothing new but good and solid tunes that give us old punks a shot in the arm and you new ones something to think about.

— Sue Glover

Surrogate Fiction A b o u t 7 0 0 W o rd s Paul Darvasi

She would periodically scan the crowded café, trying to make the impossible determination o f how h er w ork w ould be received. Brenda tried to read the crowd by jum ping from face to face, hoping to find an unspoken assurance that her stu ff would have some effect on this group o f complete strangers. Her name was fou rth on the open m ike schedule, so when the third read­ er sat down sh e to o k a deep breath and waited fo r L ee, the MC, to call her up.

L ee leaned over the m ike, squinting his eyes in an effort to make out the next name on the board.

“Brenda Sufer, is that it?...

Is Brenda here?”

She stood up, walked to the front, removed the microphone from its stand, leaned against the window behind her and began to read.

“T h is p ie c e is c a lle d P e n s e ro s s o ,” she an n o u n ced , cleared her throat and took the plunge. “ F ilm 4 6 5 : N erdy T h ird W ord P o litics stands lecturing th e c la s s . He is m ak in g m e qu easy. They p ro bably found him drooling in a dark corner o f a library. I am surprised when an en co u n ter w ith the re la tiv e ly recent autom atic fold ing chair ‘innovation’ does not phase him.

H is sen ten ces stream into my m ind but are im m e d ia te ly expelled — stray word p ro jec­ tile s b o u n ce ab o u t my b rain .

There is, o f course, the nausea which demands an explanation.

Third world cinem a is ju st not that moving, perhaps the coffee is to b la m e . H avin g b e c o m e sorely aware that too much sugar can m ake th in g s so u r I am repulsed by the th ick and vile dark substance. Em ploying my trademark, faultless logic, I lift the cup to my lips and attempt to take a sip. Immediately the phys­ ical part o f my being makes its presence felt. My stomach seizes and the contraction causes my body to lurch forward. The best words to d escribe the incident would be ‘blowing chunks’ — of what, I do not know.

Lying in a p o o l o f puke.

Body shaking, nerves qu ak­ ing, mind reeling.

“B o n so ir...” the old drunk­ ard slurred at the bus driver as he began his descent, turning back he c o n tin u e d , “ ...tu tra v a il ju s q u ’ à qu elles h eu res?” Each w ord ca m e out as slow as a fiberless shit.

“Answer him ,” she thought to herself, “answer him and he will go away.”

“Trois heures,” she replied, forcing a tight smile.

He was gone finally, merg­

ing with the bitter cold night.

Next came a new string o f pas­ sengers. T he usual St-L au ren t bunch. The 55, which was usual­ ly a colourful route, took on a dull, smoky hue tonight. Closing the doors she continued north­ w ard. T h e ic e , an o p p re ssiv e barometer, causes the bus to skid sideways. Stopped at the corner the reflection o f the red traffic light highlights a shadow o f pain as it crosses her eyes. She could hardly believe that he was leav­ ing her fo r a co -w orker at the Duct Tape factory — 15 years his junior.

C am era turns 180 d eg rees to b a ck seat on the bus.

R ack fo cu s keep s it clear.

He couldn’t help but notice her sitting across from him. She had a bew itching look. Young, dressed elegantly in black, her breath seemed to cast a spell in the air around her. He secretly hoped that they would get o ff at the same stop, to what end he did not know. It was much too late at night to approach her w ithout scaring her. She put away her Dr. Seuss reader at Laurier and they g ot o f f the bus at Fairm ount. He follow ed her to St-U rbain racking his brain for the p e rfe ct o ff-h an d com m ent that would win her love for eter­ nity. She glanced behind her, a forbidding look in her clear blue eyes. She sensed that he was fol­ lo w in g h er and lo o k e d q u ite frightened.

“D on’t be scared... I ju st...” he began to blu rt out d esp ite him self, but she was already in the middle o f the street.

The speeding car swerved to avoid her but skidded on the ice.

It was a hard impact.

Coal black hair fanned about her head, her m otionless body colours the street crimson.

Paralysed, he stood w atch­ ing the c a r ’ s tail lig h t reced e down St-Urbain.

“C A R L A !” came the shriek from the window behind him, confirming his status.

T h is had u n e x p e c te d ly turned into a pretty bad scene and this seemed like a good time to bail. He felt affected, strange­ ly emotional. Living in Montreal allowed him to express his emo­ tions while still maintaining the respect o f his peers. He resolved to use an a rtistic ch a n n el. He w ro te th e ly r ic s on th e way home. The wicked riffs practical­ ly wrote themselves later in his bedroom. He could hardly con­ tain himself, he would run it by the guys tomorrow. He knew he had a hit on his hands.

P au l D arv asi is only P au l D arv asi when h e ’s not B ren da Sufer.

Lazy Some Assembly Required (Roadrunner) Lazy is the perfect name for this band. As in they were too lazy to take their Pavem ent and Sonic Youth CDs off continuous play on the stereo, and were then too lazy to com e up with anything approaching originality. L azy’ s Some Assembly Required is a col­ lection o f cover songs that aren’t co v er son gs. F o r exam ple, “C rush”, which is a weird and rev oltin g attem pt at cu ten ess, sounds like every other song off of Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation.

“I Just Took it From You” could be a tune that L azy found in Pavement’s trash can. “Jacked Up N ova” , w ith the w om an-w hos o u n d s - li k e - a - f o u r - y e a r -o ld singing, made my toes curl with its attempt to reflect the lifestyle of the slacker generation. To put it simply, Lazy offends. In the name of all that is decent, do not support this band.

— Sue Glover

Rich Kids on LSD Riches to Rags (Epitaph) R K L hail from the first days of

suburban punk in the early ‘80s, sharing the road and the communi­ ty centre gigs with the likes o f SNFU, Dagnasty, 7 Seconds and T .S .O .L . T his was fast, barely melodic skater punk with a pound­ ing, driving rhythm that spoke to and for the kids. After a four year hiatus, RKL are back, better musi­ cally and with older and wiser lyrics, but with their basic sound unchanged. Now, if you liked them and this sort o f stuff in the first place, that’s good news. If not, then you may as well ignore the rest of this review. Alrighty, then: my favorite song on this album is “Take Me Home”, which is a tour­ ing song about the van breaking down, being stuck in a boring town and wanting to get the hell out, and missing the significant other back home. R K L ’ s Jason Sears (who has “eat shit” tastefully tattooed on his behind), sings in a sincere, scratchy growl, which lends “Will to Survive”, mourning the death of a friend, a poignancy that reflects the strong bonds formed between kids on the outskirts o f society.

“W e ’ re B a ck , W e ’ re P isse d ” throws down the gauntlet to the new bands on the scene in a sort of silly but touching manner, declar­ ing that RKL “ain’t leaving till we get old.” Other songs tell tales of

Bender Funny Kar (Ringing Ear Recoids/Cargo) When I first saw the packaging for Funny Kar, my first thought was why is someone sending us chil­ dren’s music to review. Don’t let the cover fool you. Though victims of that incredibly annoying Canadian habit of cutesy market­ ing schemes, Barenaked Ladies/Wallons fans in search of a new cheese-kick get out. Funny Kar, despite its stupid name, is no sugar-coated trip down memory lane. Freshly-squeezed from Orangeville. Ontario, Bender’s first full-length CD is nothing new.

What Bender is doing here has been done before by the Sex Pistols and Hüsker DU and recently revived by the likes of Green Day, yet Bender does it well. I f you can’t redefine the power chord, you can still have fun with it — and that’s exactly what Bender does. Lot’s o’ fuzz and songs about bitterness, no motivation and nasty girlfriends. So what if it sounds familiar. It’s bound to hap­ pen when you’re touring with the likes of veteran punkers the Ramones.

— Steve Smith

A masterful comedy

By Lori Fireman________________________

memorable. Unfortunately, the part of the Doctor, normally an imposing, comically self-righteous fig­ ure, is played rather blandly by Lorch.

Nevertheless, the real standout is in the direction of Myma Selkirk. Her creativity stands out in every scene, whether in the attempted suicide of Beatrice and Florindo, Pantalone’ s mock orgasm, the perpetu­ ally kissing couple or the utterly inspired juggling scene with Truffaldino and the waiters. Unlike other plays where the movements can somehow seem unmotivated, these actors move from point A to B with a purpose. Even during set changes, the actors stay in character, their moods reflecting the atmos­ phere of the previous or upcoming scene.

On top of it all, Jill Thompson’s sets are amaz­

M cG ill Drama successfully combines a soapopera plot with T hree’s Company’s slapstick sexual m isun d erstan d in gs in its production o f C arlo Goldoni’s The Servant o f Two Masters.

T he play was insp ired by the com m edia dell’arte, a dramatic form which requires troupes of actors to enact different scenarios. The resulting elab­ orate plot is one which may require you to keep scores cards in order to follow the action. The story cen tres around the h ap less T ru ffa ld in o (M att MacFadzean) who, in order to satisfy his enormous appetite, hires himself out as a servant to not one, but two masters. Master Number One ingly simple, yet versatile, beau­ is B e a tric e R asp on i (A liso n tifully capturing the spirit of the Brooks) who has come to Venice Venetian architecture. Linda Cho posing as her dead brother and Catherine Bradley also Federigo, so that she might find deserve congratulations for their her beloved Florindo (Jeff Roop), costuming; Silvio’s purple suit who is, of course, Master Number and Clarice’s red-flowered dress Two. Naturally, neither o f the two are perfect, not to mention has any knowledge of the other’s Pantalone’ s outlandish ward­ presence. Beatrice’s arrival com­ robe. Just one question: Where plicates things for Clarice (Lori were you guys during Cabaret !

Chodos) who loves Silvio (Jesse However, there are a few F ro n c e k ), but was prev iou sly problems. The dialogue translat­ engaged to Federigo. This, in turn, ed from the Italian is sometimes a ffe cts the friendship between weak; and the every five-minute C la r ic e ’ s m other, P an talon e character asides get old really (Joanie Ellen) and Silvio’s moth­ quick. This is not contemporary er, D octo r Lom bardi (Loriann theatre, and what worked in 18th L o rch ). Throw in a kooky century Italy, though often hilar­ innkeeper who knows more than ious, may not be every student’s she tells (Nicole Piller), two bum­ cup of tea. Still for those who bling waiters (Neil Matthews and An 18th century soap opera appreciate twisted plots, a good Rejean Denoncourt), one horny sight gag and a love to laugh, maid (Shawn Selby) and you’ve got one zany come­ this is the play for you. dy.

The Servant of Two Masters is showing from The acting is generally impressive, most notably Wednesday-Saturday, Feb. 15-18 at 8pm in Moyse

by M acFadzean, who has the audience howling despite the somewhat archaic language. Also enter­ Hall, Arts Building. Tickets are SI0/S6 fo r students. taining is Selby, who takes a small part and makes it Call 398-6070 fo r reservations.

February 14th, 1995

Page 20

Swimmers take first and second place at QSSF finals

By Paul M c Ke o w n and Ioshua C olle_____________ McGill swimmers made a huge splash last weekend at the Hoechst Cup provincial university swim­ ming championships in Quebec City. The host l ’Université Laval

saw the M cG ill M artlets and Redmen invade their home waters and register several outstanding performances.

The Martlets’ performance led them to their first Quebec Student

Sports Federation (Q SSF) league title since 1990, as they tallied an impressive 293 points en route to the victory. Laval placed second with 274 team points followed by the Sherbrooke Vert et Or’s total of 195.

Once again, as it has been the

case for most o f this season, the M artlets were led by the strong individual performance o f Carol Chiang. The second-year anatomy student stroked her way to an unbe­ lievable seven gold medals over the

two days o f competition. Chiang struck gold in the 50m, 100m, and 200m freestyle as well as the 50m and 100m butterfly. Chiang was also a member o f the gold medal 200m and 400m freesty le relay teams.

Not to be outdone by Chiang, Martlet teammate Patti H utchinson showed incredible versatility in rackin g up six gold m edals o f her own.

H utchinson teamed with C hiang, Anna L eo n g , and Dana M cC lym on t to win gold in the 400m relay.

In the 200m freestyle relay, Nathalie Hoitz jo in e d C hiang, M cC lym on t, and Hutchinson in the win.

Hutchinson’s individ­ ual victories came in the 400m individual m edley, 200m backstroke, 800m freestyle, and 200m butterfly.

Follo w in g the lead o f the triumphant M artlets, the Redm en did some impressive swimming of their own.

Continued from Page 1 throughout the events. Pumulo “Sizzles” Sikaneta picked up two first place finishes in the men’s 600m and as part of the men’s 4 X 200m relay. C harles Thom as, Marc Sauvé, and Ravind Grewal filled out the team that set a meet record, clocking 1:32 .3 6 . Surp­ risingly enough, the men’s relay team had some difficulty in the baton exchange that cost them at least two seconds, but they still managed to come back and win.

Charles Thomas was pleased with their perform ance despite some lapses in concentration.

“Each member ran hard,” he said. “Marc Sauve did a good job o f fighting back, but generally we’re headed in the right direction as we approach provincials.”

In other men’ s action, Jean Nicolas Duval captured first place in the 1000m, while Samir Chahine placed second in the shotput, toss­ ing 13.74m. Gerry Zavorsky ran an indoor personal best in the 1500m race. Herve Endongo placed sec­ ond in the 60m sprint and in the long jump.

In women’ s action, M cG ill posted some impressive results in the distance competitions.

Perennial powerhouse Linda Thyer dominated the field in the 1500m, capturing first place in a time of 4:39.84, a full ten seconds ahead o f the second runner.

Despite being hampered by persis­ tent cold, T h y er’ s time w ill be good enough to qualify for the

nationals in Winnipeg on March 11.

In other w om en’ s a ctio n , Alesha Green placed second in the 300m race, while Andrea Taylor also placed second in the 600m clocking 1:38.35. In the women’s triple jump, Ingrid Marchand and Liane Johnson placed second and third re sp ectiv ely . R osalin d Mullins scorched the opposition to take first place in the 1000m com­ petition.

“I was pleased with my pro­ gression, and hopefully I’ll peak by the time I hit nationals,” stated Mullins.

C oach D en n is B a rre tt was pleased with his team’s inaugural competition.

“We had some lapses in con­ centration, but generally we came out and gave a qu ality e ffo rt.

Running before friends and family can be stressful but we showed some composure. We had quite a few qualifiers for nationals so we have to look at the meet as a suc­ cess.” The only existing problems were the delays in start tim es.

B a rre tt fe lt any further delays could have been detrimental.

“Delays always have an effect, especially on those with less expe­ rience. It’s a psychological battle to continually warm up and cool down, but our opposition also faces these challenges.”

The next action that the track team will see is in two weeks when the provincial championships are held in Sherbrooke.

en th u siastic about the team ’ s chances at the upcoming Canadian Championships.

“We have a strong team going into the C IA U ’ s,” he said. “The women were ranked fourth in the country heading into the weekend, and the fiv e women going are excellent in their individual events and they make up very strong relay teams.”

As for the men, youth is the word to describe the make-up of the team competing at the nationals.

“The four men are very strong swimmers,” Laurin said. “Three of them are rookies and Grepin is the elder statesmen in third year — so there is a lot of young blood.”

Laurin, however, was frustrat­ ed at the fact that so many swim­ mers swam excellen t races, yet missed the qualifying standard in some cases by fractions of a sec­ ond.

“It’s disappointing when so many swimmers had th eir best races but can’t go to the CIAU’s,” commented Laurin.

The McGill swim team heads back to l’Université Laval to com­ pete for the Canadian title on March 3 ,4 , and 5.

Martlet basketball gains the inside track

By C hristopher Ricney

Track...

The Redmen had a strong secondplace showing, once again edging out Sherbrooke but falling short to a strong Laval team. The Redmen’s team point total was 2 58, while Laval’s was 362.5.

Redman Leo Grepin capped o ff an excellent Q SSF season by winning six medals. Grepin regis­ tered silvers in the 400m IM, 200m freestyle, 200m butterfly, and a bronze in the 100m butterfly.

Grepin, Luc Paddington, J e f f Lloyd, and Craig Hutchison com­ bined to win the 200m and 400m relay, with the 400m relay team clocking the fastest time in the country this year. Along with his relay medal, Hutchison grabbed a pair of golds in the 50m and 100m freestyle.

Sebastien Paddington had an outstanding meet, breaking two Trinidadian records and qualifying for the upcoming CIAU champi­ onships in the 1500m freestyle. He will be joined at the championships by team m ates Chris M asson, Grepin, and Hutchison. Qualifying for the women were Chiang, Hoitz, H utchinson, L eong, and McClymont.

Head coach François Laurin is

improved the play o f the whole team.”

There have been few certain­ A number o f other Martlets ties th is season in the Q uebec turned in impressive offensive per­ University Basketball League as formance as well. Forward Anne the Martlets, Concordia, Laval and G u i l d e n h u y s Bishop’s have all taken turns blem­ chipped in 14 ishing each others records, while points o f her fouling up the standings and the own, including a national rankings. The M artlets’ string of baskets 66-42 thrashing o f Laval on Friday at the start of the night helped to rein force some second h alf. semblance o f order in the league, V eteran Guard as M cG ill was able to grab the M élanie Gagné inside track to a first place finish seemed to regain scoring with only one week left in the sea­ her son. touch, a w el­ H eading into last Friday com e sigh t for n ig h t’ s game at the S ir Arthur M oore and her Currie Gym, the Martlets trailed squad, as she the Rouge et Or by one full game scored 11 points and a 2 1 -p o in t to tal spread, including three amassed throughout the teams’ pre­ from downtown.

W ith the vious three season encounters.

W ith the 2 4 -p o in t v icto ry , the victo ry , the Martlets pulled even with Laval in M artlets are in their overall records, but took over the enviable pos­ ition o f control­ firs t place by virtue o f having reversed the point differential in ling th eir own their favour. destiny.

If can The M artlets’ offensive stal­ M cG ill wart, V icky Tessier, was in fine knock o ff the form at both ends of the court, a B is h o p ’ s Lady G aiters in Lenw elcom e sign for M cG ill in its preparation for the playoffs. The n o x v ille this Friday night, the Chateauguay, Quebec, native led league regular season title will be both teams with 15 points, while theirs, as well as a first round bye notching five boards, six assists in the playoffs. Given the fact that and three steals. there are only four teams in the “V ick y had a very solid league, a first round bye would g am e,” said head co ach L isen mean that McGill would open the M oore. “In addition to shooting playoffs by hosting a one-game around 60 percent on the night, she sudden death league final, with the also stood up big defensively for winner heading to the CIAU cham­ us. Vicky also distributed the ball pionships at Lakehead University w ell to her team m ates w hich in Thunder Bay, Ontario, during

the first week of March.

Moore admits that the team must respect Bishop’s despite the fact that the Lady Gaiters cannot qualify for the playoffs.

“Next weekend will be a huge weekend for us,” said the rookie coach. “W e have to win at their place, and they’re going to be look­ ing to ruin our chances. We haven’t won first place yet.”

In other Q U B L action , the Stingers travel to Ste. Foy to tip off against the Rouge et Or, in another game which will dictate the playoff matchups, as well as the playoff sites.

Page 21

February 14th, 1995

Laval put into deep freeze by Redmen hoopsters enough to supplement the fouling to spread some court time down the beats Concordia before the end of the season — but I really don’t see bench. fivesom e who were ricocheting McGill has two games remain­ that as being too likely to happen.” between the red and white uniforms Laval’s men’s basketball team “Earlier in the season we lost on the parquet to see the end of the ing before the regular season draws might be wise to tone it down a lit­ to [Concordia] at their place by one to a close.

The Redmen are slated to game. tle at next year’s Winter Carnival meet Bishop’s this Friday night and point, then we beat them in over­ “As soon as they started to sub festivities after being embarrassed in, things really started to fall apart will travel crosstown to encounter time here,” he continued.

Friday night at the Sir Arthur Currie “There’s no doubt in my mind, the Stingers in two weeks. for them,” said Marzinotto.

Gynasium before a crowd o f 150 or anyone’s mind for that matter “It would have been a really Chad ‘The W o o z’ W ozney and a handful o f local media per­ that we have a good shot at a trip to interesting scenario Friday because, was in total control sonalities. the nationals,” said Marzinotto. had we not lost our first game to on the inside, cutting T he M cG ill “It’s simply a case of putting it Bishop’s, this would have been a through traffic in the Redm en downed real battle for first p lace,” said all together and peaking at the right paint like a New the R ouge et Or Marzinotto. “Unless somebody else time.”

York C ity b icy cle 105-57 after taking courier, while higha 54-27 lead to the scoring R icky half.

V arisco was draw­ M c G IL L S P O R T S H O P M T o the casual ing fouls like a pre­ observer, it might (Q U ALITY SPORT LTD.) sch o o ler with an have appeared that Etch-a-Sketch.

Ryan L a v a l’ s R ouge et “Archie” Schoenals Or were out to dis­ took full advantage rupt a Redm en of weekend long dis­ practice session. Or tance rates, draining perhaps, that the jumper after jumper Redmen were hav­ from outside the 514 ing a party with the area code. ball and L aval The Redmen wasn’t invited. showed irrepressible “I think that co n sisten cy at the maybe the lin e, a marked [Redm en] are improvement from beginning to fe e l games past. that the season is By midway about to end, and through the second are realizin g that half, Laval had been they have to bring reduced to throwing up their intensity,” 475 PINE WEST up desperation said A ssistant bricks from outside.

C oach N evio The Todd M c­ M arzinotto, com ­ Dougall and Doug menting on the lop­ M cM ahon Show sided win. took over occasion­ “L aval is not The W ooz rose above the com petition on ce again ally to pick the that bad o f a team.

9 ^ fjjjf l i r i 7o a remaining bones of We met them before this season and Laval’s board game clean.

V o Frustration and despair took an it was an eight-point game.”

2 9 ^ Gam e M V P honours were HAPPY HOUR McGill’s explosive speed neu­ early toll on Laval, which stumbled 1 bestowed upon Varisco, who tallied -*# . * # - * # - ★ * -*# tralised any offensive threat, albeit in and out of foul trouble from the get-go. At times it appeared that the a game-high 26 points before retir­ meagre, that Laval could muster.

EVERY DAY It was a classic case of the men Laval roster would not prove deep ing halfway through the second half

By Paul C oleman

against les garçons.

The Redmen wasted no time in establishing a 20-point cushion that quickly evolved into a sectional, living room sofa-set, replete with a fold-away bed.

“Laval has a few quality play­ ers but they haven’t got too much depth,” said Marinotto.

®*s5L

Currie Gym

Copoeobotuk

Redmen in battle for playoff berth

By M ark Luz a n d |oe W

o n g _______________

These two reporters are quivering like bowls of jello in anticipation o f a playoff berth for the Redmen hockey team. In two crucial games last weekend in scenic southern Ontario against the University o f Toronto Blues and the Guelph Gryphons, M cG ill came away with a draw and now control their post­ season fate.

Due to cutbacks, these reporters were left behind in Montreal, but the news o f the Redmen’s exploits reached the various Tribune news services.

At Varsity Arena last Friday night, the Redmen bombarded University o f Toronto goalie Scott Galt with 49 crushing blows, but the Muskoka, Ontario native allowed only rookie-sensation Pierre Gendron and superstar Kelly Nobes to penetrate Fort York.

G oing into the third period tied at 2 -2 , the Redmen swarmed the hapless Toronto team faster than a gang rolling you for your Doc Martins at the Eaton Centre. Only the Toronto goalie stood in the way o f a badly-needed win for the Redmen as he stymied what must have seemed like thousands of McGill shots.

Richard Boscher was spectacular throughout the game, but at 15:05 o f the third period, the second of Toronto’s meagre three third period-shots was able to burrow its way through Boscher’s burly pads. The dis­ appointing 3-2 loss to Toronto was reminiscent of an earlier season loss to the same team by the same score.

McGill then traversed the cow pastures to Guelph to fa ce the G ryphons. S aliv atin g fo r a w in, the Redmen were all over them like a cow on a salt-lick.

The Redmen powerplay was fully charged Saturday night as Gendron and Luc Latullippe scored McGill’s first two goals with a tangy zest. According to sources at the game, the McGill snipers undressed the Guelph g oalie with two spectacu lar goals that le ft him exposed and seeking mercy.

Tied 2-2 going into the third period, the Redmen were determined not to falter as they had the night before. W hile Boscher rejected everything Guelph sent his way, the M cG ill forwards mounted their offensive. In a three and a half minute flurry of pul­ verising pucks, M cG ill stunned the bucolic crowd with three crushing goals. Our fearless leader Guy Boucher, showing the leadership rivalled only by that o f K irk M u ller, started the h um iliation o f the Gryphons by potting the first volley. Todd Marcellus put on a clinic seconds later with another spectacular goal. Gendron and Boucher slammed home two more goals to leave the horticulturists reeling in a 6-2 deficit.

The Gryphons scored two more of their own late in the third and McGill took home a much needed 6-4 win.

M cGill’s playoff fate will be determined by the next two crucial games as they face off against divi­ sion rivals Concordia and Ottawa. To be guaranteed a playoff spot, the Redmen must beat these two teams.

A win and a tie would give McGill third place and the final playoff spot pending an Ottawa loss. There will be an opportunity to spend Valentine’s Day with these two dateless writers when Concordia hosts the Corey Cup at Loyola Campus at 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday.

2 FOR $5.00 $9.00 2 FOR 2 FOR 2 FOR

DRAFT SMALL PITCHER LARCE PITCHER M I X E D DRINKS SHOOTER BOTTLED BEER

$3.50

$6.00 $3.50 $4.00

POOL TABLE LICHT MEALS ALL THE TIME 3 9 1 0 S T -L A U R E N T

N O T IC E

9 8 2 -0 8 8 0

F O R

A P P L IC A T IO N S

Applications are now being accepted for the position of A th le tic s to

R e p r e s e n ta tiv e t h e

S S M U

T h is p o s itio n e n ta ils p a r tic ip a tin g a t SSM U C ouncil m eetings representing the interests of student athletes, and acting as liason betw een SSM U and the S tu d e n ts’ A thletics C ouncil.

Main Office, Currie Gym Attention: Gayle Noble by 5:00pm, Tuesday, March 7,1995

Page 22

SPORTS

February 14th, 1995

Martlets dig deep for playoffs the four team league while the team.’ This year our goal was to Sunday afternoon.

Martlets had to settle for third slot reach the semi-finals and we did ii Unfortunately McGill looked We will go into Sherbrooke on and felt a little nervous in this one with a 6-6 record.

This Friday’s game is important Friday knowing we achieved our and were swept by the cohesive Sherbrooke unit by scores of 15-7, in more than one way for the goal.”

“We are a young developing 15-6, 15-11. The Martlets appeared Martlets. The obvious motivation is to succumb to the pressure of the sit­ that the Martlets want to play in the team and all we can do is play with a league final following the study positive attitude, have fun and hope­ uation with which they were faced. break, but besides that there is a fully win,” she continued.

Veteran player Maryam Whatever happens this Friday, Maoyeri attested to the fact that the deep-felt pride among many of the Martlets performed well at times in the match, especially when McGill led 7-0 in the first set.

Unfortunately, the pressure of a game which would decide home court advantage in the finals weighed down on the girls and the end result was an upcoming road trip this Friday.

This was the third loss the M artlets have suffered at the hands of the Vert et Or this year while they have won only twice.

According to Maoyeri, McGill had a good ‘heart-to-heart’ after the game and are not at all intim­ idated going into this week’ s semi-final matchup.

W hile Maoyeri conceded that Sherbrooke was a more Martlets in their fin a l season appearance at Currie experienced team, and that per­ haps the Martlets lacked the depth of veteran players who have watched this group o f athletes has certainly the Vert et Or, she is confident that the team grow and who have seen the been representative o f a year o f McGill will show up to play and if team finally reach its goal of a semi­ growth and development in McGill athletics. A victory this weekend and nothing else they will enjoy their first final berth.

“I ’ve seen this team grow and a berth in the league final would playoff meeting.

“After all,” she said, “that’s why come a long way over the last four swell the pride of the sports adminis­ years,” Maoyeri stated. “My first few tration, but also that of much-deserv­ we play the game.” years we’d set small goals like ‘we’re ing veterans like Maoyeri and coach Sherbrooke finished with a 7-5 record and clinched second place in going to score ten points on this Beliveau too.

third set, but McGill rallied to thwart the comeback. The 0-10 Stingers face the perennial powerhouse l ’Uni­ versité Laval Rouge et Or in the first round of the playoffs but, barring only a miracle, Laval should be the team that proceeds into the champi­ onship final.

Conversely, the Martlets will have their hands full in the playoffs when they face off against the second place Université de Sherbrooke Vert et Or in the other semi-final match­ up. The Martlets tested the waters this weekend when they played the Vert et Or at the Currie Gym late

By D ana Toering Last weekend was both a warm­ up and a test for the McGill Martlets volleyball team which will play its first-ever playoff game this Friday night in Sherbrooke.

The warm-up came Wednesday night when the Martlets faced off against the winless Concordia Stingers. In only 61 minutes, the Martlets managed the stave off a late Concordia surge and beat the hapless Stingers 15-9, 15-2 and 15-13 for a three-game sweep in the best-of-five match. Concordia led 11-7 in the

Try the gym for a Valentine !

By A llana H enderson

W ITH A PURCHASE OF ANY SO FT DRINK

As students cross campus and head to the warm confines of the Currie Gym bundled up in parkas, wrapped in wooly scarves and hidden under funky tuques, one chilling thought comes to mind. It must be February.

February. The month when stu­ dents throughout this winter wonder­ land that we call Quebec are wonder­ ing why they decided to attend McGill instead of the University of British Columbia in Vancouver where the temperature has been hovering around 12° C. Warmth is the key to survival, and sanity, as we all head down the stretch to Spring.

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Some lucky M cG ill-ites will undoubtedly head South for a little heat and R&R over the break. Those less fortunate, however, will have to find better ways to stay warm and happy during the short holiday.

Valentine’s Day was designed with the needs of these cold and dis­ heartened students in mind.

Potentially, Cupid’s appearance could be the little spark you need to keep the fires burning and your butt mov­ ing up to the gym to work out.

Cupid aside, the motivations are straightforward and the logic simple for paying Bertha and Pierre (the security guards) a visit. The universi­ ty is closed, but the gym is not. The gym will be filled with energetic activity, the university will not. The gym’s warm, your apartment’s not.

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day though, perhaps there is more reason to mosey on up for a workout than to shed those midterm-accumulated extra pounds. If the Goddess of Love hasn’t been knockin’ on your door lately and you’ve been home popping cinnamon hearts and waiting in vain, Currie might provide a good change of pace.

Most of the student-athletes who frequent the facility are motivated, hard-working and are in somewhat good shape, whether or not they play on varsity teams or are just casual sojourners at the gym. If you’ve gone to see Brad Pitt in Legends o f the Fall more than twice, or if you’re pining over Sharon Stone in The Quick and the Dead on a regular basis, the word ‘lonely’ might apply to you. A few regular visits could have a Valentine’s surprise in store for you

and could possibly cure your symp­ toms of the February blues.

If, by chance Cupid’s arrow does find its way over to you when that good-looking-someone’s veins are popping out on the bench press, take heed. Words of advice are in order if the one whom you’re thinking about full-court pressing is a M cGill Redman or Martlet.

If they are in the off-season, you lucked out. Normalcy has set in until the season starts again, which might be next year if the person in question plays rugby, soccer, football or field hockey to name a few. Beware though, this is only a temporary state and may be misleading. Once the sport resumes play, Tuesday night movies might be reserved for you and your same-sex friends. Timetables will never be the same.

If, on the other hand, you fall for someone who is currently on a team which is in-season, “crunch-time” is approaching and certain formalities should perhaps be observed.

First and foremost, it is essential to understand the concept of “équipé.” This term can mean a myri­ ad of things, but above all, it suggests that nothing is ever 100 percent cer­ tain. Sometimes bonding with the teammates takes precedence over that “quiet movie night” thing and you may hear things like “but it’s playoff time,” or “by the way, something came up at practice tonight.” You start questioning the majority-rules theory unless you’re significant other is a dart player.

Reading the defence is also key.

The distant look? That’s the memory See Valentine’s Page 23

SPORTS

February 14th, 1995 Story-telling at the Yellow Door.

Tuesday. February 14 T h éâtre de la G ren o u ille and Player’s Theatre present Jacques et son maître by Milan Kundera.

Runs until Feb. 18 at the Player’s Theatre, 3480 McTavish, 3rd floor, Shatner Bldg. Students $6, $12 other. Call 398-6813 for reserva­ tions or info.

Walksafe will conduct the first annual W alksafe Valentines Day C harity D rive for the M issing Children’s Network between 6:45 a.m. and 8 p.m. Walksafe volun­ teers will be selling flowers, choco­ lates and candies at the Roddick Gates. Donate, even if you don’t have a date.

Wednesday. February 15 Red Herring pre-m eeting. All brothers and sisters in the struggle report to Shatner 112 @ 4 p.m.

FISH POWER!

The Fluffy Pagan Echoes, “Stories of Urban Proportions” followed by an open stage. Admission is $3.

Doors open at 8 p.m. Show starts at 8:30 p.m.

Thursday. February 16 The Japanese Awareness Club

COIFFURE POUR ELLE ET LUI

S p e c i a t STUDENT PRICES $ 9 (N O G ST )

wilb student ID

6 8 Mont-Royal W est n s Montreal V q q

corner St. Urbain (across from Beauty's) 8 4 4 - 4 1 1 1

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Wednesday. February 22

An evening of traditional Irish Music at the Yellow Door featur­

a ctress-sin g e r, A lcid es Lanza, piano-electronics. Music! Theatre!

Electronics! 8 p.m. Pollack Hall, 555 Sherbrooke St.

ing Keith O’Donahue, followed by an open stage. $2. Doors open at 8 p.m. 3625 Aylmer. 398-6243/2371

presents a benefit concert featuring Arashi Daiko, followed by a work­ shop and reception. 6 :3 0 p.m. in the Shatner Ballroom. Tickets are $8 advance or $10 at the door. For more info call 934-3759/398-9153.

Literature Live! The Yellow Door presents Eugene Abram s and Robert M ajzels, follow ed by an open stage. Admission $2. Doors open at 8 p.m.

Friday. February 17

McGill’s Faculty of Music pre­

Aboriginal Government, Resources, Economy and Environment at McGill University

sents Russell Itani, flute and Olga G ross, piano. 8 p.m. C lara L ich ten stein R e cita l H all, 555 Sherbrooke St.

Continued from Page 7 tion behind his comments was not.

Broadhurst owes us an apology.

Caryn Narvey President, Phi Delta Epsilon Co-ed Medical Fraternity

Editor’s Note: The editorial in question referred to McGill’s InterGreek Letter Council, and was not in ten d ed to in c o r p o ra te your

McGill Faculty of Music and Guests in Concert. Meg Sheppard,

Friday. February 24 Sunday. February 19

presents Paul Wi l ki nson, The Anthropology of Advocacy: envi­ ronmental impact assessment and SA L O N

other development frameworks in the north. 12:30 - 2 :3 0 p.m. For more info, call 398 - 1807

McGill Faculty members and Guests in Concert. Tom Talamantes, clarinet, Peter Punch, violin, Michael Kilburn, cello and Thomas Davidson, piano perform works by Bartok, Beethoven and Mendelssohn. 8 p.m. Redpath Hall.

Tuesday. February 21

Tuesday is cheap movie night. Go

M cG ill C onservatory Piano Recital. Class of Carl Urquart. 7:30 p.m. Clara L ichtenstein R ecital Hall, 555 Sherbrooke St. West.

Ongoing...

T he M cG ill Sou th east Asian Students’ Association (SE A SA ) and the Q uebec Esperanto Association are offering a 6-week introductory Esperanto course for university students starting February 27. R egistration date: Feb. 15, 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the information booth in Leacock or leave a message at 522-9524.

and enjoy a film.

McGill’s Organic Food Co-op

organisation. The author regrets any misunderstanding.

story “Council wants more from long distance plan”.

B abarik w rites “The G rad u ates’ S o ciety has been promised 50 percent of the ACC Plan profits.” This is not true. In return for marketing, managing and adm inistering the plan for the McGill community, the Graduates’ Society receives a salary for an administrator. All proceeds from the program go back to the McGill.

The C om m ittee on Private Funding, a sub-committee of the Budget Planning Group and a com­ mittee that is not affiliated with the Graduates’ Society, w ill decide where revenue are to be allocated.

It is also this com m ittee that is negotiating with SSMU — and not the Graduates’ Society as Babarik writes.

The Graduates’ Society works closely with SSMU to promote the long-distance savings plan to stu­ dents at M cGill, with the goal of providing the entire community (students, alumni and faculty and staff) with an excellent long-dis­ tance savings plan, and raising money for students and McGill.

David Pickwoad Alumni Relations Associate

A C C P la n n o t a s T ribu n e d e s c r ib e d I am writing to clarify several erroneous references made about the Graduates’ Society of McGill U niversity’ s involvement in the M cG ill/A CC Long D istnace Savings Plan in Sylvie Babarik’s

New Turnaround Cream for Dry Skin A gentle, buffered version of Clinique's 'skin makeover marvel', Turnaround Cream. Acts to refine, renew and help restore the moisture barrierto drier, more delicate skin.

Turnaround Cream, 60 mL or Turnaround Cream for Dry Skin, 60 mL. Your choice, $37 Also available: Quick Eyes shadow and pencil in one. $19

R e s i d e n c e is n o t a h o rro r s to ry I am writing to express my concern with your recent advertisment for submissions on “Horror

Page 23

orders organic produce and dry goods every M onday betw een 12:30 and 6:30 p.m. in the QPIRG office (3647 University, just below Pine). Newcomers are always wel­ come! For more info call 398-7432.

F R E E S E X , NO Q U E ST IO N S ASKED!!!

Just kidding. Write for the damn Red H erring. W e ’re too busy fom enting reb ellio n . C all 3 9 8 MUCK or stop by Shatner 112 and watch us play TH E G A M E. Oh yeah, and fight THE MAN too.

Second Annual Recipe Contest is being held by M cG ill Peer Education. Prizes include two hard­ cover vegetarian cookbooks. Please drop-off your easy, nutritious and tasty recipes in the marked boxes in Health Services or at the SSM U kiosk desk. Include your name and phone number. Deadline for entries is March 6.

February 20-24 is Reading Week.

No classes will be held. Everybody please stay at home.

Stories in Residence” (January 31).

Through the dedicated efforts o f s ta ff and student lead ers, R esid en ce has becom e a much more open communi t y. The University Residence Council has instituted a Wo me n ’ s Issu es Committee and have welcomed such groups as the SACOMSS and Group Action. I have noticed a high level of maturity on the part of the students here when dealing with serious issues.

Residence provides a muchneeded milieu that aids the transi­ tion o f first-year students to the demands of university. It is here that many form the friendships which last beyond M cGill. Their experiences teach them the basics of independent living while provid­ ing them with a support network.

I would like to see you cover the spectrum of experiences instead of a completely one-sided account.

Thi s si mply furnishes a fa lse impression and does not tell the real story about Residence. I am sure the majority would have posi­ tive stories to te ll i f given the opportunity.

Helena Myers P resid ent, In ter-R esid en ce Council

Editor’s Note: Given that we have yet to print an article, we find your criticism o f bias premature.

Valentine’s at the gym...

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Continued from Page 22 of a nice dunk in practice or contem­ plation of the coach’s words of wis­ dom after the game. Don’t try to call their attention back to the present, it will come back, all in good time.

Furthermore, if your new partner says that you don’t really have to watch the meet or game if you don’t really want to, be there at all costs\ Lastly, if your student-athlete extraordinaire doesn’t play or perform so extraordi­ narily on that given occasion, a good post-game comment can always include the officiating. “Those offi­

cials weren’t up to par tonight, what’d you think?” might be a good. If there are no officials controlling the event and your Valentine is depressed, keep it short and simple. “Tough one, you’ll get ’em next time.”

So, when you’re at home in your sub-zero apartment over a bowl of raspberry jello , wishing that you saved 800 bucks for a trip to Acapulco and a chance at a postValentine’s romance, remember all this can be yours at the McGill Gym right up the street. It’s open all week: all it will cost is your I.D. card.

SUS PRESENTS

Marçh 3rd

March 9th 7:30 pm $3 admission

Post Mid-Term Bash at

FORREST GUMP

Gcrt's ( $ 2

F O R

Palmer Howard Theatre McIntyre Medical Bids*

cover)

M O R E

IN F O , C A L L

3 9 8 -6 9 7 9

The Arts & Science U ndergraduate Societies presen t T h e

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B a ll

Saturday, March 18 at the Hôtel Radisson des Gouverneurs

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|H |^ h -m m Tickets on sale February 28 - March 3 in Shatner, Leacock, Burnside, and McIntyre Bldgs. h

$50 per person Includes: cocktails, buffet dinner, commemorative memorabilia and dancing F O R M O R E IN F O , C A L L 3 9 8 - 6 9 7 9 O R 3 9 8 - 1 9 9 3