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M cGILL T R IB U N E

Tuesday, Jan u ar y 8, 2 0 0 2 Issue 15

Published by the S t u d e n t s ’ Society o f M cG ill University since 1981

Classical music for your plugged in ears Panthea Lee These days it seems like every­ one’s computer is more of a stereo system than a word processor. The average university student has probably downloaded 500 MP3s off the Internet that blare constant­ ly on random and repeat. But the latest trend in music technology over the Internet brings live con­ certs to be heard in the privacy of your own home, and McGill’s Faculty of Music has joined the vir­ tual bandwagon.

In the spring of last year the Faculty of Music, in a joint project with the Music Technology and Sound Recording graduate pro­ grams, began pursuing a new ini­

tiative — the broadcasting of facul­ ty concerts over the Internet.

The brainchild of Associate Dean of Information Systems and Technology Bruce Minorgan, the project has evolved into a labour of love for four graduate students— Jason Corey, Ian Knopke, Rebekah Pym and Brian Richards who are all responsible for different aspects of the webcasts.

The big pitch for publicity has been this year, with roughly a dozen concerts being streamed per semester. The concerts focus on major faculty ensembles, with a small number of chamber concerts and performances by graduate stu­ dents and staff also being show­ cased.

Minorgan and Gordon Foote,

chair of the performance depart­ ment, determine the roster and Geoff Martin, coordinator of the project, emphasizes, "there is an attempt to have as broad a range of musical styles and ensembles repre­ sented to appeal to the widest lis­ tening audience."

By concentrating on larger ensembles, the program maximizes its potential to serve the largest amount of people, as the listening audience comprises primarily of family and friends of performers who are unable to physically attend the concerts due to geographical restrictions.

Although it was not technical­ ly difficult to begin webcasting (the faculty already possessed most of the equipment and software neces­

sary), Minorgan admits the project has not been without technical glitches. The bumps have mostly been recognized through listener feedback and are promptly ironed out.

“This year, our streaming serv­ er and software have been quite reliable,” Martin elaborates.

“Technical difficulties are typically on the receive end, rather than the send end — the signal is going out, but the users cannot hear it for one reason or another."

To listen to the concerts, users need Apple’s Quicktime, used "both for its broad compatibility with multiple formats as well as its high quality and reliability — plus, it is free for the listeners,” exclaimed Martin.

Get Involved! Come to Shatner for...

A C T IV IT IE S N IG H T January 10, 2002

4 - 9 pm

The faculty recognizes that while this program serves as a con­ venience for distant listeners, it also serves as a forum for recruit­ ment.

“It provides our students in Music Technology and Sound Recording with practical experi­ ence in a medium which will only grow in importance,” Minorgan explains. “ [It] provides members of the Department of Performance a new and exciting venue for their many performance activities.

Webcasting also presents the Faculty of Music to an internation­ al public with obvious benefits to our recruitment initiatives and to development."

The entire coricert schedule is Please see CLASSICAL, page 2

2 News

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, January 8, 2002

D e - ic in g

Andrea Grant

Hfealth Canada and Environment Canada have just finished a comprehensive five year study on the environmental impact o f road salts on the envi­ ronment. It is the same crusty street salt that wears away shoes, leaves white residue on long pants, and rusts your car.

The report, compiled by the Minister o f the Environment’s Expert Advisory panel, cited evi­ dence of "adverse local environ­ mental effects to groundwater and to plant and animal life following exposure. Algae and benthic fauna have been shown to be particularly sensitive to changes in chloride ion concentrations, resulting in a reduction of fish populations."

The report also notes that the release of road salts into the environment is especially a prob­ lem in Ontario, Quebec, and the Atlantic provinces.

The strong environmental concerns have led the Canadian government to recommend that road salts be added to the List of Toxic Substances under the Canadian Environmental Protection Act, 1999 (CEPA).

According to Burkhard Mausberg, the executive director o f the Canadian Environmental Defense Fund, this decision will not threat­ en public safety on the road but rather serves to "entrench the toxic designation of road salts in [the] legislation [to] ensure that its use is controlled and regulated."

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Each winter, approximately five million tons of road salts are used in Canada. Last winter at Pearson International Airport, "the salt concentration in a storm

continued from PAGE 1

"Salt costs $50 to $65 per ton, the alternatives cost $600 to $2,000 per ton," claimed the Canadian Safety Council (CSC), a national, non-government charita­

rent fiscal restraints at the munici­ pal level, road salts are the only realistic way to assure safety on our roads in winter," according to the CSC. Environment Canada claimed to have recognized the gravity of the s i t u a t i o n .

This is what ruins your expensive swanky jeans

sewer was equivalent to sea water," Mausberg remarked.

Before road salts are officially added to CEPA’s list of toxic sub­ stances, the government is seeking input from Canadians. A 60-day public consultation period is cur­ rently underway.

What will be done if road salts are officially declared toxic? The government cannot ban their use, as there are few feasible alterna­ tives.

Classical music on webcast accessible through their website (http://www.mcgill.ca/ music/event s/internet/). A link to listen appears on the site approximately half an hour before the concert is due to begin, complete with vol­ ume control and a program for the concert.

With this project under its belt, the faculty is now contem­ plating adding a higher quality stream, which would offer an improved listening experience for users with cable modem or ADSL connections.

And for some at McGill live streaming classical beats the latest illegal Ja Rule downloads.

"I think it’s a really good idea, as it uses the technology we have to showcase our music program and make it accessible to those outside Montreal," commented Colin Power, a U0 Music student from Winnipeg studying Jazz Performance.

"Although I suppose the music lovers that are fat and lazy will just sit at home now and listen

e n t e r C a n a d a 's t o x ic s u b s t a n c e s lis t

to our concerts, contributing to their fatness and laziness," he jok­ ingly added when prompted for any downsides he could anticipate.

Jordan Poole, a prospective Sound Engineering student from Vancouver contemplating enrolling in Music at McGill also praises the project.

"It shows McGill is at the top of their game and reinforces my respect for them. It’s nice to see an established program with a solid reputation continually strive to remain dynamic and in sync with the changing technology."

And for those of us who are tone deaf and rhythmically retard­ ed, we can live a musical career vic­ ariously through those music stu­ dents with the aid of modern tech­ nology.

The next concert being streamed takes place on February 5 out of Pollack Hall. It will feature the McGill Classical Symphony Orchestra and Chamber Singers, conducted by Julian Wachner.

ble organization dedicated to [environmental] safety.

"Gravel and sand, with their residues that clog drainage sys­ tems, cannot be seriously consid­ ered as a substitute. Given the cur­

According to their website, "under CEPA, the govern­ ment has two years to develop man­ agement measures to reduce the impact of road salts on the envi­ ronment."

The options that will be considered will include better techniques for storage and han­ dling, as well as new application technologies.

Tanya Mayer of the National Water Research Institute outlines some of these new developments.

"In order to maintain public safety levels on the nation's highways, Environment Canada is already working with Transport Canada and the provinces on road weather information systems— automatic weather stations that use special­

ized sensors embedded in the road to measure surface temperature, wetness and residual chemicals.

"Meteorologists use these data to produce pavement temperature forecasts which, in turn, enable road crews to better plan their winter maintenance operations.

These techniques have been shown to increase the safety and efficien­ cy of the road network, while at the same time reducing the use of de-icing chemicals," said Mayer.

The 60-day public consulta­ tion period continues until the end of January.

For details on how to make for­ mal or general comments on whether road salts should be added to the list o f toxic substances under CEPA, visit www. ec.gc. ca/issues/roadsalt_e. htm.

Questions or comments? email themobiusstrip @hotmail. com.

M cG ill T h e D e p a rtm e n t o f J e w is h S t u d ie s

Call for Submissions:

BLACHER AND GLASROT FAMILIES MEMORIAL AWARD FOR HOLOCAUST RESEARCH Established by Mr. and Mrs. Josef Glasrot, survivors of the Holocaust and residents of Montreal. Open to any McGill student, the award will be presented for excellence in research in Holocaust and related studies, and particularly on the history of the Ghettos in Warsaw and Kovno [Kaunas]. The award is administered by the Department of Jewish Studies in cooperation with the Jewish Community Foundation.

Presentation of the Blacher and Glasrot Families Memorial Award will take place at the Closing Exercises of the Department of Jewish Studies, in June 2002. The value of the Blacher and Glasrot Families Memorial Award is $1000.

• The competition is open to undergraduate and graduate students at McGill University.

• Students must submit 2 typed copies of their essays.

• E ssa y s can be based on primary or secondary materials.

• E ssa y submissions must reach the Department of Jewish Studies Office, 3438 McTavish Street, by April 29, 2002.

• E ssa y s must be accompanied by full contact information.

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, January 8, 2002

Federal budget fails to

Suspect enters guilty plea in Zantop case Charles Gardner The Dartmouth (Dartmouth College) (U-WIRE) HANOVER, N.H. - The end of 2001 saw a number of major developments in the Jan. 27, 2001 murders of Dartmouth professors Half and Susanne Zantop, including the announcement of an insanity defense for one defendant, the guilty plea of the other and the first official theory of motive.

State prosecutors are now alleging that attempted robbery was the motive behind the homi­ cide case.

A grand jury brought new charges alleging Robert Tulloch — who announced his intention to plead insanity in November — murdered the Zantops in the course of a burglary. His alleged partner, James Parker, pled guilty on Dec. 7 to one count of accom­ plice to second-degree murder in the death of Susanne Zantop.

The new indictments against Tulloch represent the first motive formally offered by prosecutors in the stabbing deaths of the two Dartmouth professors.

Parker, who pled guilty after losing a battle to be tried as a juve­ nile, now faces a prison sentence of 25 years to life, according to Senior Assistant Attorney General Kelly Ayotte, and will assist the state in the Tulloch's prosecution.

Though Parker pled guilty

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only to the killing of Suzanne Zantop, Ayotte said that he had also "taken responsibility for his actions" in the murder of Half Zantop. She noted that an objec­ tive analysis of "trial risk" played into the decision to offer Parker a deal.

At the hearing where he changed his plea, Parker was ques­ tioned to ensure he understood the plea bargain and entered into it "knowingly, intelligently and vol­ untarily."

Asked if he entered the guilty plea because he was in fact guilty, Parker answered, "Yes, sir."

The new indictments against Tulloch, which allege that he and Parker were intent on robbing the Zantops, carry the same mandato­ ry sentence of life without parole as the original charge that Tulloch's "conscious object" was to murder the couple.

The new charges may be easi­ er to prove before a jury, however.

"A jury usually likes to hear that the defendant had the mur­ ders thought out over a period of time, which may be hard to prove," John Kacavas, a former New Hampshire chief homicide prose­ cutor, told the Boston Globe.

"These indictments get around that problem."

Tulloch will use an insanity defense in his trial, which is set to begin April 8. His attorney, Richard Guerriero, announced his intention to argue that Tulloch suf­ fers from a "mental defect or dis­ ease" in a court filing on Nov. 30.

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address student debt

Guerriero told the Associated Press that the new robbery charge will not change his strategy in the trial.

"It doesn't change the facts of the case. We're going to proceed to court on the facts we've stated," he said.

Lawyers from both sides of the case have filed motions requesting hearings over the past few weeks, with prosecutors seeking evidence related to Tulloch's mental state and defense attorneys challenging the admissibility of the state's forensic evidence.

Defense attorneys have also asked a judge to rule that the pros­ ecution not be permitted to intro­ duce opinion testimony unless it is proved reliable by the state.

Evidence that prosecutors claim links Tulloch to the murders includes fingerprints on a knife sheath found in the Zantops' study and boot footprints left at the crime scene.

Additionally, two knives of the same model that Parker allegedly purchased online in early January 2001 were found hidden in Tulloch's bedroom. The militarystyle knives were stained with blood that later proved to contain the DNA of the two victims.

The state has said it still knows of no connection between the Tulloch and Parker and the two professors prior to the killings.

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News 5

problem John Sciascia Disappointment was the main reaction by student groups in response to the new federal budget released by the Canadian govern­ ment last month.

Despite the government finance committee’s recommenda­ tion to improve the repayment sys­ tem of debt reduction, there was no indication of a change to the existing structure when the budget was announced on December 11th.

Student lobby groups such as the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations (CASA) had lobbied for the revision of the debt repay­ ment system, believing it to be an important issue concerning acces­ sibility to post-secondary educa­ tion.

Students’ Society of McGill University Vice-President of Community and Government Danielle Lanteigne discussed how CASA had suggested the institu­ tion of an income contingent loan remission program that would have eased the burden of student debt for low-income debtors, but was disappointed that the program was not instituted.

“The remission plan was left out, which is unfortunate,” com­ mented Lanteigne, though she expressed optimism for the future.

Lanteigne was encouraged by the positive stances of Finance Minister Paul Martin and MP Maurizio Bevilaqua on the lobby­ ing concerns of students, and felt that it would only be matter of time before the federal government acts more satisfactorily on the lob­

bying demands of students.

“I believe things will improve with announcement of the next federal budget. I think there should be some improvement by then.”

CASA had also called for an increase of 40 percent funding towards the indirect costs of research in addition to the funding

Lanteigne remains optimistic

of the direct costs of research.

“The research done in our universities needs this funding,” said CASA National Director Liam Arbuckle before the announce­ ment of the budget.

The budget does include a $200 million grant towards indi­ rect costs of research, but Lanteigne maintained that the research sector would need contin­ ued support in the future.

“The money is appreciated, but research is a long-term com­ mitment that will need more than just a one-time grant,” Lanteigne stressed.

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The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, January 8, 2002 ■ Tg j

Editoria

Letters

ED IT O R IA L "To bepreparedfor war is one o f the most effectual means o f preserving peace" — George W ashington

Sensitivity is overrated

Christmas with a Christ

Response to a letter

Funny that in an opinion piece lamenting the loss of the true meaning of Christmas, the author neglected to mention Christ.

Tom Milway U3 History

Neil Schnurbach Over the Christmas holidays I spent a week visiting my brother in sunny Florida. Being someone who is scared of flying, the prospect of boarding a plane this year was not one I was looking forward to.

Surprisingly though, I was more comfortable flying the friendly skies this year than in years past. The reason? Heightened security and racial profiling.

Yes, racial profiling. For years, many minority groups have been argu­ ing that this practice of discrimination is proof of their mistreatment in society. Truth be told, it is hard to argue with that.

Several African-Americans that I know have been pulled over because they were driving "nice" cars (including "luxury" autos like the Toyota Canary and the Honda Civic). Is this act by overzealous police officers jus­ tified? Hardly. But in my opinion, there is a big difference between stop­ ping potential car thieves and stopping potential airline hijackers. We can­ not be too safe in the air.

I am Semitic, and have been told that I look Middle Eastern. I am also 22 years old. My Canadian passport has been expired since 1999.

When I arrived at Fort Lauderdale airport, I also had not shaved in three days. In a way, I was almost hoping that security would give me a rough time. I was not disappointed. Security officials pulled me aside three times to check my bags. I was put through the metal detector several times, and my girlfriend was even reprimanded for the heinous act of trying to bypass security with a plastic spork.

Several other young gentlemen like me who were obviously of Middle Eastern origin were also checked just as thoroughly as I was. They, how­ ever, were not as supportive of the racial profiling. I overheard them talk­ ing about how this was the reason that American society was deteriorating.

I could not disagree with them more.

I, of course, am walking a fine line here. It is widely accepted that one of the worst acts in American history was the internment of JapaneseAmericans in World War II. I don’t think that anyone would say that America was justified in putting innocent people in concentration camps.

The same arguments for racial profiling presently were made to justi­ fy Japanese-American internment in the early 1940s when the United States was fighting Japan. "We cannot be too careful" and "they did bomb us" were common opinions held by average Americans.

But there are two major differences between now and 70 years ago.

First of all, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was an act of war and not an act of terror. It was an action by a country that wanted to fight and not hide. Secondly, and more importantly, no one is asking for the internment of Arab-Americans. We are just asking that specific people at airports check Arab-Americans more closely. It is more of an inconvenience for Arab-Americans than an overt act of racism.

North America for the most part is a place of political correctness and racial sensitivity. It should definitely stay that way.

But at the same time we must not forget all of the lives that were lost on September 11. Let us do everything necessary to make sure that a trag­ ic act of terror does not happen again.

If that means dropping sensitivity and political correctness for the time being, so be it.

Polzer unprofessional This letter is with regard to your front page article about Natalie Polzer, "fighting for her job."

If what she said to your reporter is any indication, then it seems quite clear that Dr. Levy was quite mad not to dismiss her much sooner. Even in that short article she displayed such immense poor judgment and unprofessionalism that I cannot imagine her being a part of any mature department.

Her assertions of Dr. Levy considering her a threat are not only libelous but sound so narcissistically out of touch that they verge on psychopathic. I am cer­ tain that Dr. Levy is regretting now all that he did to allow Ms. Polzer to get as far as she did.

This letter is in response to Sarah Zia's of December 4. In it she defends Dr. Finkelstein's book by saying that it does not deny the Holocaust, saying only that Jews use its memory for their own personal gain. It is not sur­ prising that this thinly veiled antiSemitic letter's main point was that the Jews are using the memo­ ry o f the Holocaust to make money.

It is important to remember our history, especially atrocities such as the Holocaust, so that his­ tory cannot repeat itself. Many Jews in North America have rela­

tives who perished at the hands of the Nazis. Their wish to honour these victims has nothing to do with their own personal gain.

Ms. Zia is very quick to point out that she, and all o f her friends have university degrees. I myself have two from McGill. I appreci­ ate Ms. Zia's proving once and for all that a university education is by no means a cure for ignorance, especially if one has the will to hate.

John Good Year 4 PhD program Political Science

The Tribune is looking for a layout/production assistant.

John Good Year 4 PhD program Political Science Submit CV and letter to: tribune@ssmu.mcgill.ca 398-6789 Shatner 110 Deadline: January 15, 2002

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T h e M c G ill T rib u n e , Tuesday, January 8, 2 0 0 2 v

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Op/Ed 5

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Reminiscence of a year that sucked

"In these ominous times, our only hope for reviving The First Amendment, is to makefull use ofit. " -Normon Soloman, in Z magazine "Well, this year has really, real­ ly sucked," broke in the host of a party I recently attended in New York. I imagine that many a New Year’s Eve Toast began in that fash­ ion this time around. My resilient friend went on to offer insight into why the coming year may not suck so much, but the overlying message shone through: "This year has real­ ly, really sucked."

Earlier, I’d spent the day in front of the TV, clicking between a summation of the year’s top news stories, and the top music videos of 2001. Determining which program was worse became a more heated competition each time I picked up the remote. When I finally escaped this fate, I ached with the desire to create my own (politically motivat­

ed, of course) year in review, com­ plete with awards ceremony. Drum roll, please.

1) The David Copperfield Award, for magical prowess in mak­ ing things disappear, goes to The Patriot Act, for erasing at least six amendments from the Bill of Rights section of The US Constitution.

Really, there’s nothing more mysti­ fying than allowing authorities to search without warrants, while infringing on citizens’ rights to peaceable assembly and fair trial, all in the name of freedom.

2) The Most Likely To Succeed In Causing Nuclear Winter Award, is for Washington Times columnist Thomas Woodrow, for writing: "At bare minimum, tactical nuclear capabilities should be used against the bin Laden camps...to do less would be rightly seen...as cow­ ardice."

3) The Snuggly Bunny Award, for best imitation of a humanitari­ an, goes to the New York Times edi­ torialist who described the US "food drops" in Afghanistan to be "heartfelt". In doing so, he ignored condemnations by The World Food Program and The Red Cross, who described the food drops as useless

public relations stunts that may have created more harm than they remedied.

4) The Slapstick Award, for the single current event that made me laugh for the longest consecutive period of time, goes out to a recent piece on Alberta Premier Ralph Klein. I’m referring to the night he was out "drinking with friends,” and then somehow ended up in a disturbance at a homeless shelter, which reportedly ensued when he asked the residents why they didn’t have jobs.

5) The Orwell Award, for most strategic use of doublespeak, goes to the original code name for the US mission in Afghanistan: Operation Infinite Justice. (This also won the Way To Smoke Those Evildoers Award, and the Mr. Bush Probably Thought o f This Title Himself Award). Meanwhile, the Most Orwellian Headline Award goes to a Detroit Times issue from May, which states: "Bush Decides Discarding (disarmament) Treaties Aids Peace."

6) The Three Blind Mice Triple.

Crown, for blind reverence of state authority by journalists, goes to CBS anchor Dan Rather for stating

on the Late Show with David Letterman, "Wherever (President Bush) wants me to line up, just tell me where. And he’ll make the call," ABC News’ Cokie Roberts, for admitting to be "a total sucker for the guys who stand up with all the ribbons and stuff...so when they say stuff, I tend to believe it," and Rupert Murdoch, who spoke for Fox News when he proclaimed: "We’ll do whatever is our patriotic duty."

7) The Scrooge McDuck Award, for most time spent swimming in pools of money, goes to the appointed Bush cabinet. O f the 19 members, 18 are millionaires, and seven of them swim in more than ten million.

8) The Just Kidding Award, for most inflammatory statement that needed to be retracted, will be split between televangelist Jerry Falwell for "pointing the finger in the face" of pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays and others who had angered God to cause the fall of the WTC, and columnist Ann Coulter who wrote of terrorists that: "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."

9) The History Eraser Button Award, goes to Time Magazine, for proclaiming NYC (former) mayor Rudolph Guiliani "Man of the Year". But...what about his trying to establish a "decency committee" at the Brooklyn Museum of Art, while gossip of his extramarital affair swept headlines. And did NYC have a teachers’ union? So, who was Amidou Diallo, anyway?

10) The Tm-Seeing-So-MuchRed-White-and-Blue-I’m-Going-ToGet-Dizzy-and-Die Award, goes to Toys-R-Us, for equating con­ sumerism with patriotism by encouraging parents to bring their children into the store to colour a flag. A runner-up is Topps baseball cards, for issuing "Enduring Freedom" trading cards, for kids to learn interactively about the war effort.

Okay, I’ll stop now. One thing I’ve learned through the course of this ceremony is that poking fun at politicians and current events these days is pretty easy. Actually, it’s too easy. Here’s to a year of getting beyond all this, and choosing more challenging methods to affect meaningful change.

Yuletide fun in Montreal and Beamsville the holidays. By the end of exams, I was practically bouncing off the walls of my ghetto apartment at the thought of my triumphant return home. While article after article in newspapers and magazines detailed the stresses and worries that accom­ pany the holiday season, I dreamed I decided not to write a of turkey dinners, baked goodies Christmas column. A holiday col­ and time with friends and family. umn is the easy way out and a way While the articles gave tips to sur­ of milking the holiday theme dry. vive family occasions and holiday Most people are probably sick and gatherings, visions of sugarplums tired of being bombarded with sea­ danced in my head. son’s greetings, Christmas carols, When did Christmas become a and festive decorations. The time characterized by tension and Christmas spirit fades away quickly struggle? Is this a big city thing? and quietly once Boxing Day comes Does materialism taint the holiday to a close and it completely disap­ season of city dwellers more than pears come New Year’s Day. People that of small towners? Is the seem to like it this way. The Christmas spirit stomped on and Christmas Spirit gets wrapped up destroyed by the overcrowded nicely with a sense of release and stores, indecisive shoppers, poorly relief, stored in the closet with the costumed Santas, and attacks of wrapping paper and gift bags, wait­ scripted Christmas cheer that per­ ing to be uncovered once December meate the city as soon as December 2002 rolls around. comes along?

In spite of this, I opposed my While these aspects of the sea­ original decision and opted to write son of giving may be more common a Christmas column for two rea­ in the city than in a small town, sons. Firstly, the Christmas break country dwellers are not immune to marks one of my few annual visits the barrage of commercialism that to beautiful Beamsville, Ontario. I is associated with December festivi­ find it most appropriate to compose ties. In fact, finding that perfect gift enlightening thoughts about for that special someone plagues a Beamsville while seated at the com­ small town resident more than an puter of my parents’ home. urbanite. Not only does the village Secondly, my deadline was rapidly person have to suffer the overflow­ approaching and I found myself ing stores and overpriced items with strapped for column ideas. The everyone else, she must also travel combination of these factors culmi­ long distances to get to the places nates in this column as I attempt to that hold these treasures. For any illuminate some of the more inter­ Beamsvillian, the closest substantial esting differences and similarities shopping district is half an hour between city and country holiday away. Thus, an extra hour is added experiences. to each dreaded Christmas shop­ In the tradition of many, I ping trip. gready anticipate going home for

Holiday decorations grace both Beamsville and Montreal.

Every Beamsvillian residence twin­ kles with Christmas lights and Christmas trees are visible through living room windows. There are cel­ ebrated houses that everyone drives past at least once to witness the beauty of the exterior lights as well as notorious homes that everyone avoids because of the tacky, over­ done, National Lampoon-like adornments. Montreal is also graced with decorations, both taste­ ful and hideous, and also sports the inspirational, yet somewhat manip­

ulative, Christmas carols playing in stores. The homogeneity of Beamsvillian cultural backgrounds renders the wishing of "Merry Christmas" an innocuous greeting.

It is a rare occasion to hear the more politically correct salutation of "sea­ son’s greetings" or "happy holi­ days". Thus, while Christmas songs can potentially alienate and offend the city dweller strolling through stores, it is relatively safe offering for a Beamsville business.

My romanticized version of the holidays in Beamsville is partially fueled by my physical absence for

most of the year. The feeling of warmth that saturates my soul as soon as I drive past the "Welcome to Beamsville" sign is like a big, fuzzy hug. But this hug is recipro­ cated by the gleaming city of Montreal, which I romanticize to my friends and family while visiting Beamsville, as soon as my train crosses the bridge onto the island.

The moral of my holiday col­ umn is this: although the snow is whiter in the country, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

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T h e M c G ill T rib u n e , Tuesday, January 8, 20 02

Do you have the guts to run the show?

In the risky business of student entrepreneurship, it's no guts, no glory Chryssi Tsoupanarias If you’ve ever worked for some­ body else, it’s almost definite that at some point you wished that you didn’t have a supervisor hovering around you like a bad hangover.

Wouldn’t it be great if you were your own boss?

For some, this dream is a reali­ ty. Some students make the decision to run their own business, but in order to achieve success, one needs the necessary confidence, courage and initiative.

Larry Nevsky is the President of ACE McGill, a club that pro­ vides students with the hands-on experience necessary to learn about starting and running businesses.

ACE McGill also gives workshops and invites guest speakers such as clothing designer Harry Rosen.

"If you have the entrepreneur­ ial spirit you can’t control your need to start a business,” says Nevsky. “[ACE] provides a risk free environment for students to experi­ ment with entrepreneurship.”

“Entrepreneurs find it hard to work under other people. Starting your own business does not take up less time or necessarily pay better but it gives the owner the creative and operational control they love."

However Etienne Lecompte, U2 in Marketing and International Business, decided to bypass the learning environment and head straight to experimentation in the real world. Lecompte ran a student painting franchise called CollegePro. The people who own the franchise trained him in areas such as painting, hiring employees and controlling finances.

"They take on a coaching role rather than taking you by the hand,” Lecompte clarifies. "I [always] made my own decisions but was able to gain help from the ‘mothership,’ as I call it. Overall, it was a very interesting experience."

As a student entrepreneur, Lecompte faced less risks in operat­ ing his business because the owners of the franchise were available as a resource in running his venture.

However, starting a new business

fk .

questions?

m

we have the answers

from scratch with a completely new idea is anything but easy.

"Students face many risks when starting their own business," Nevsky explains. "Inexperience, lack of capital and insufficient busi­ ness contacts are a few [of these risks]. Plus they face the same risks that all entrepreneurs deal with.

Obviously no start up is a sure thing."

Emma Trayhern knows that starting her own business is not something that she is willing to try.

She is presently in her second year studying Accounting, a field in which someone could easily branch out as an independent.

"To be an entrepreneur you have to be willing to commit your entire life to the enterprise. I don’t want the responsibility of a business consuming my every waking moment. I’d rather not be in com­ plete control."

Lecompte takes an opposing view.

"I like being in control. Being in control means that there is no problem of authority because you are the authority. You rock the boat the way you want. Everything that goes well or bad is your fault."

Lecompte had to take his responsibilities seriously this sum­ mer. On the first day of work, his painter decided not to show up and

W e 'r e

o

Arts and Science P ^ P Advisory

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a n d w e 'r e h e r e t o h e l p y o u w ith a d ju stin g to M cOUl, c o u r s e a n d p r o g r a m s e le c tio n a n d o th e r c o n c e r n s y o u m a y h a v e .

n

• V isit u s in R o o m 1 0 7 , D a w s o n h a ll

O

to d a y !

Room 107 is open from 10:00 to 15:00 Tuesday, Thursday and Friday From January 14 to March 29,2002

a

nity to learn and fix their errors. " An entrepreneur is more than someone who makes his or her own hours. Being an entrepreneur is all about dedication, fearlessness and, as Lecompte points out, the ability to grin and bear it.

"I had a lot of problems with employees, but you really have to keep in there and work hard. You’re the one who’s going to make things happen, no one else will," he asserts. "It’s basically no guts, no glory."

Cheating: unavoidable?

C

i

Lecompte ended up doing the painting himself for the first two months.

"Unfortunately, recruiting good peo­ ple is a lot of work.

In some respect, maybe it was my fault for not doing an appropriate screen­ ing."

Nothing is secure when you’re running the whole show.

"Job security is extremely important to me and is something that entre­ preneurship can’t offer," Trayhern says.

Nevsky agrees with the lack of job security, but does not see the negative consequences as obstacles.

"Entrepreneurs are required to be dedicated to their business and be able to accept failure,” he says.

“Most people aren't successful in starting a business on their first try.

“In the context of entrepre­ neurship,” he continues, “failure is not a bad thing. People starting and running their own business have to understand that failure does not mean a certain idea is necessar­ ily a bad one. Determined individ­ uals can take failure as an opportu­

M c G ill \^ /

Faculties of Arts and of Science

I need a resolution for 2002.

Two years ago I resolved to begin smoking, last year I deter­ mined to get into shape and launched myself into the arms of an eating disorder, but this year, I am trying not to dabble in insanity.

No longer starving my brain cells, I concluded that the fault I can most easily correct is the lack of respect I show for others. This is not overall respect but respecting a relationship and recognizing boundaries. It is probably no sur­ prise that by December I‘d had oodles of extra-relationship’ rela­ tions, varying in severity, from a few over-friendly smooching sessions to repeated rendezvous.

But to solve my problem, I ask you what makes gay guys so insa­ tiable? So insensitive? So untrust­ worthy? Riding the cheating train can be fun for a while until the

tracks come to an end; and if you’ve survived the drama, you might find yourself alone, with nothing but an STD to show for it.

Let us take for example those straight married folk out there.

Statistics for cheating are all over the charts. Peggy Vaughn, author of The Monogamy Myth claims about 60 percent of married men and 40 percent of women will have an affair, ending up with about 80 per­ cent of marriages tainted by infi­ delity.

If this is just for male-female couples, imagine the statistics for a male-male relationship — there’s double the trouble. And not having to deal with marriage becomes a double-edged sword; there exist few of the benefits of marriage but also no rigid societal rules for the game.

Let us also not forget the fact that evidence of the act is nil.

Cheating with a female can lead to pregnancy and the spread of STDs, while cheating with another male involves only the latter.

Assumed monogamy is dan­ gerous when two people go into the relationship with separate precon­ ceived notions on fooling around with others. Some establish that it is

fine for their boyfriend/lover to masturbate with other men but refrain from ‘riskier’ activities.

However, it is important to stay safe and/or keep the significant other informed in regards to outside sex, a little instrumental manipula­ tion with someone else can spread gonorrhea, genital warts, syphilis and herpes.

Communication is vital in remaining healthy and sane.

Perhaps instead of cheating, threeways can be arranged or limits can be set as to where and when sex with others can occur, (although things, if not received well, could become awkward). As long as the original couple stays in love, sleep­ ing with others solely at the sexual level might be a possibility for some couples looking to keep horizons broad.

In my own pursuit of monogamy, a subject I know little about, I met with a 76 year-old stud (Rolodex) that has been with his lover since 1968. He told me that to remain interested while monoga­ mous, one has to basically be horny, and the sex drive must remain Please see LOOKING, page 7

pr ?

Features 7

T h e M c G ill T rib u n e , Tuesday, Janu ary 8, 2 0 0 2

Looking for a good partner continued from PAGE 6

throughout your whole life togeth­ er.

It helps when one’s partner is nice and good in some way, and not everything is about the sex, but sex is an important part of the relation­ ship.

"To set up a house and have a regularity in life may not be as exciting as meeting new people but it ends up bringing you more com­ fort and pleasure. Yes, it could be about the sex for a' while but you really have to like em...It means sacrificing that five minutes of ecstasy for something more long

lasting and important," he informed me.

When I asked him what he felt to be the most successful type of relationship he told me that he had known some couples that had been together 20 years and then brought in a third, or that had been togeth­ er 15 years and frequently had orgies to keep their sex life interest­ ing.

However, as a generality, the longest relationships tend to be monogamous. Even when a couple agrees to sleep around it can lead to jealousy and distrust.

Two people tend "to have a

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different level of tolerance of things and may say the same thing, but feel differently. Also, it depends on age; when you are young, you can’t help but want to experience other things."

Perhaps we search for that ini­ tial intensity in passion or find our needs not being met in the current situation. Whatever the situation, most would agree that reconciling or even splitting up would be better than infidelity.

I am a boy of excess. I drink too quickly and probably too much. I don’t have one cigarette at a time; I have two. I don’t dance to a few songs; I dance for a few hours. I’ve already been caught cheating in these past few months.

It wasn’t pretty then and has only gotten uglier. Now we don’t even speak. And when my friend’s boyfriend massaged me on his bed while we all played Diva Charades a few days after New Year’s, I thought, “Jesus Christ, here we go again.” But now it is a new year, a new me.... well, let us hope so.

Here’s to 2002, without the excess in boyfriend borrowing.

D ate o f Ph o to g raph U n k n o w n

Aliases: Usama Bin Muhammad Bin Ladin. Shaykh Usama Bin Ladm, the Prince, tire Emir, Abu Abdallah, Mujahid Shaykh, Hajy, the Director D E S C R IP T IO N D ate of Birth:

1957

Hair:

Brown

Place of Birth:

Saudi Arabia

E yes:

Brown

Height:

6' 4 “ to 6' 6"

Complexion: Olive

Weight:

Sex:

Approximately 160 pounds

Male

Nationality:

Saudi Arabian

Build:

Thin

Occupation:

Unknown

R em arks:

Bin Laden is the leader of a terrorist organization known as Al-Qaeda, “The Base”. He is left-handed and walks with a cane.

Sc ars and Mariks:

None

taken from F B I files

The Tribune is offering a $5,000,000 reward for information that leads to the arrest of this man.

When Iggy went Pop t-shirtfor her encore. The bandper­ form ed many favourites that Raquel Kirsch____________________ spanned from the earlier self-titles The following article was orig­ debut to the recent Get Close inally published in the Tribune on album, including ‘Adultress, ’ ‘Brass March 24, 1987, and was written in Pocket,’ ‘Chain Gang and ‘Don’t

by Nicole Lewis and Leigh Get Me Wrong. ’ Hynde also played tribute toformer and deceased band Gravenor. members James Honeymoon Scott Iggy and Chrissie bring real and Pete Farandon, by playing one o f their original songs, ‘Kid. ’ The rock to the Forum Pretenders gave a powerfulperform­ Infamous bad boy Iggy Pop ance that demonstrated their wide provided a riotous start to The range i f capabilities, and hopefully Pretenders show last Tuesday at the is indicative i f music to come.

Forum. Pop, revised and energized, Dear citizens of 1987, was in great form: a lesson to all aspiring performers. With an excep­ tional touring band in tow, Iggy playedfor fifty minutes to an appre­ ciative and energetic crowd o f 5 ,000.

He concentrated almost solely on his new album Blah-Blah-Blah, his first LP since the 1982 Zombie Birdhouse, playing the tracks ‘Cry for Love, ’ ‘Real Wild Child, ’ ‘Winners and Losers, ’ and ‘Baby It Can’t Fall. ’ Pop came back for a phenomenal encore running past the hypersensitive security into the crowd singing ‘Raw Power. ’ H ad he been wearing a shirt, it would have certainly been ripped off Pop could have easily stolen the show, had the Pretenders not put in an equally sensationalperformance.

Chrissie Hynde, who has paid her dues, more than lived up to the crowd’s expectations. The only orig­ inal member o f the Pretenders, Hynde was successfully complement­ ed by the band members. Hynde paid her respects to Iggy Pop by kiss­ ing the part o f the stage he had walked on, and by wearing an Iggy

I hope every one of you attended this smash of a concert. If my acid-wash jeans hadn’t ripped in an inappropriate place, I would have been there too. You can bet your Slinkie on it.

The saddest thing in this arti­ cle, more the fact that Pop and Hynde played together in front of 5,000 compliant beings, is the venue. A part of Montreal’s her­ itage since 1924, the Forum has had the misfortune of being turned into one of the many eyesores of our times: the multi-screen theatre.

Where hockey greats from Maurice Richard and Bobby Orr to Wayne Gretzky and Jaromir Jagr once

graced the ice, you can now see All for 8 bucks. Popcorn will cost you an additional gazillion dollars.

Sure, they have a cheesy hock­ ey display in the lobby where you can pretend you’re at a hockey game (?), but is there anything sad­ der than hallowing a legend?

It has been several years since they closed the Forum and opened its downtown heir, The Molson Centre. Sure, they play hockey there too, but the hot dogs just don’t taste right and the air doesn’t smell as sweet. When the organ stopped playing, dear citizens, the city’s hockey heart stopped too.

Futuristically yours, Raquel

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Je ffr e y S im p so n

R ex M urphy

Ja n u a ry 24, 2002

M a rch 13, 20 02

A s the G lo b e a n d M a il’s N ational A ffairs co lu m n ist, Jeffrey is a sought after presenter in Canada, the U K and US. He has w on all three o f Canada’s leading literary prizes and has published five books, the most recent o f w hich is the #1 best seller, The Friendly D ictatorship.

A quickwitted and accomplished w riter, broadcaster and teacher, Rex shares w ith a nation, his acerbic political commentary on C B C ’s The N ation al, Cross Country C heckup, and D efinitely

N ot the O pera

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W illiam W ein trau b

(aka Terry Mosher) A p r il IS , 2002 Considered Canada’s "nastiest cartoonist," Terry has freelanced and travelled extensively for The G azette. He has produced over 30 books, his latest, In Your F ace, is a com pilation o f h is 200 w ittiest cartoons over the past two years.

A p r il I S , 20 02 A

freelance

w riter,

William

Information or Reservation (5 1 4 ) 482-4685 w w w .lcc.ca/speakers Lecture will begin at 7 :3 0 p.m.

Weintraub woriced for The G azette and W eekend M agazine before collaborating w ith the National Film Boaid of Canada for more than 20

years.

H is

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Getting Started-A M em oir o f the 1950s, has received critical acclaim.

L ow er C a nada C o lleg e Cham andy Auditorium 4099 Royal Avenue M ontreal, Q uebec

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T u e s d a y , J a n u a r y 8, 2 0 0 2

The Lord o f the

Rings:tripping all over

Eric Warwaruk___________________

lectures into personal narratives at and it was then that I first laid eyes when I heard the news that a movie special effects that made the movie the slightest inclination with a on J.R.R. Tolkien’s illustrious work: version of it was finally going to be realizable in the first place were I was first introduced to the smooth and lugubrious voice, have The Hobbit. A simple tale of the made, I dropped my sister’s new­ used to smooth over any narrative world of J.R.R. Tolkien through my money? I do not know. We didn’t hobbit Bilbo Baggins, who starts off born baby and leapt to my feet in breaks that were bound to occur in bother Mr. Powers too much, grade eight teacher, Mr. Powers. the translation from the grandiose A recently re-shuffled teacher however. With the astute logic novel to the cinematic screen—an continuously unavoidable result, but guarantee (that is, bad, alcoholic or burnt-out eighth-graders ing that movie-goers who were teachers are not fired — they are demonstrate in thousands of class­ unfamiliar with the books would merely “re-assigned”), the forty- rooms all over North America, we not get the full spell-binding year-old-yet-still-boyish-looking labeled him as obviously queer, Tolkien effect the books offer.

Mr. Powers was presented to us resumed our normal delinquent However, the actors were rowdy and vicious eighth-graders behavior, and thereafter didn’t superbly cast, and their rendering dressed in a seventies bell-bottom really pay too much attention to was to the letter: Frodo, Sam, baby-blue suit with a humongous Mr. Powers. He became merely Bilbo and all the other hobbits collar, no necktie, and a variety of known as a teacher under whom looking delightfully hairy, yet pastel or white dress shirts. In addi­ one can pretty much get away quintessentially quasi-Edwardian tion to his rather timeless appear­ with anything without getting English; Gandalf, wise-old and ance and apparel, whenever Mr. punished. Consequently, while he powerfully menacing; Aragorn and Powers took off his Jackson 5 suit- did not become a favoured that Gondor guy, sullen and jacket, the class was treated to a teacher, Mr. Powers was, at best, brooding men-princes full of quite complex design of anti-perspi- tolerable.

However, one particular day, heavy honor; Gimli and the rant under-arm stains. How com­ dwarves wonderfully gruff and plex? A kaleidoscope could not do after he finished his usual digres­ sion from the normal day’s lecture Ha ha... five second rule...five second rule itchy for a good fight. One has to these stains justice. remember that Tolkien essentially But none of us smart-assed — an actually quite table-gripping devil children ever posed the obvi­ description of the time he was on an impossible-to-conceive joy — it was about time! I counted created our conceptions of these ous question to Mr. Powers: why caught in a violent rainstorm while adventure, finds an invisible ring, the days to when it would be characters. Tolkien is to the render­ didn’t he just buy another shirt? piloting his small propeller airplane encounters a dragon, and becomes released, and pledged to myself that ing of an elf as Coca-Cola was to Did he not have the money? Why — Mr. Powers announced he was caught up in an epic war, yearning I would be, if not the first in line or Santa Claus.

Oh, and about the elves: an wouldn’t a single, obviously tipsy going to give us a new book to read all the while for his simple hobbit- even the third, at least the threeteacher with a penchant of singing for the next day’s English class. He hole. I found it an irresistible story, hundred-thousand-and-forty-sec- especially astonishing surprise of Simon and Garfunkel tunes and walked around the room, handing and indeed it was after reading that ond person to get a ticket. And so I the film was Liv Tyler, who was was. Well, not exactly the three- finally able to cast away any acting digressing from normal classroom out copies of the book from a box, book that my writing bug bit.

Although my love affair with hundred-thousand-and-forty-sec- pretensions and simply appear as science fiction and fantasy books ond person to get a ticket, but in herself—an elf-princess! Finally, the was a rather short-lived one, as the actuality, the four-hundred-thou- mystery that is Liv explained. In an possible future of standing in lines sand-and-sixty-fourth person. Aye. aside, any male member of the waiting to catch a glimpse of the And see it, I did. “The audience who hears and sees those character actress who died in Fellowship of the Ring,” the first flush Tyler lips forming the sibilant episode 32 of Star Trek at a conven­ installment in the classic trilogy, is a sounds of the elven tongue and does tion frightened me towards greener long, beautifully shot film, rightful­ not experience that unbearable pastures, the memory of reading ly majestic in scope, sluggishly lightness of being, is not male. Did The Hobbit and its climatic sequel, sweeping and dark in style, jam- Tolkien envisage this result when he [TUBSaxtial Assatft Centraof M e» Students Society] The Lord o f the Rings, lingered fond­ packed with digitally-enhanced thunk up that elven language? ly in my mind. So much so that action. Unfortunately, those same Although I didn’t get the expe­ -W O M E N N E E D E D rience like I thought I would in watching the first installment of The Lord o f the Rings on the big screen, I have to admit that this We are looking for dedicated, caring volunteers for: adaptation is probably the best that can be done, without a minute-byminute faithful following of the * CRISIS INTERVENTION-anonymous telephone book. What it lacks, and perhaps any film adaptation will always help-line (women volunteers only) lack, is the voice and style of the powerful author, impressing the A , / yî story in the fruitful mold of the reading mind, and making it a per­ sonal, private, and ultimately fulfill­ No sp ecific ex perience necessary- we provide training. W e are ing experience: an experience looking fo r com m itted volunteers to join our support system fo r impossible to translate onto the survivors o f sexual assault and sexual harassm ent. You do not need .........iscreen. to be a M c fiill student to volunteer.

- ffÿ Having said that, the cinemat­ ic thrill of finally seeing the charac­ I f you are open-minded, a good listen er, and fe e l strongly about ters you have experienced in your dealing w ith th e issue of sexual assault a t M cG ill and beyond, please mind and memory brought to life is WANT TO WORK ABROAD THIS SUMMER? OUR call S A C O M S S a t 398-8500 (please leave a message specifying an adequate substitute, although I’d th a t you want to volunteer) or atten d one o f our drop-in inform ation draw the line at fictional characters: sessions.

I don’t particularly harbour the (SWAP) desire to see what Mr. Powers is up to nowadays, though I suspect he’d be strumming his guitar and INF8RMATI0N SESSIONS: singing Simon and Garfunkel tunes on some nude beach in L.A. Thurs Jan 10th, 1 l:30am -3:30pm 3465 Peel St. Enough about Lord o f the Rings: Thurs Jan 10th, 4-9pm Activities Night at Shatner when is J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher The only agency for student travel Fri Jan 11th, ll:30am -5:30pm 3465 Peel St. in the Rye gonna make it to the big Mon Jan 14th, 1 l:30am -5:30pm 3465 Peel St. 3480 McTavish 398-0647 2085 Union 284-1368 www.voyagecampus.com

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The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, January 8, 2002

A&E 9

Screwballs: a celebration of Canadian film Occasionally, a cultural phenom­ enon comes along far too significant and far-reaching to be ignored by we o f the A&E section. The teen sex film craze that captured the early ‘80s film market, and more specifically Canada’s flagship release in the genre, 1983’s Screwballs, is one of the rare land­ mark events thatfully merit our collec­ tive commentary. It is a film that truly explores our world’s subconscious unlike any other. We have thus assem­ bled the ultimate A&E team to guide you, the reader, through this cinematic masterpiece: A&E editor Peter Koven, senior editor and A&E layout master Mike Bargav, Features editor and lover o f the arts Raquel Kirsch, Harvard undergrad and critic Nicole Cliffe, and a man who needs no intro­ duction, A&E living legend David Schanzle. Enjoy, and do please hunt down copies o f Screwballs to show your support for the CRTC and Canada’s thrivingfilm industry.

DS: Screwballs is the type of teen sex comedy made in a more innocent time when tying up a teacher to impersonate a doctor so you can administer breast exams to high school girls would only land you in detention, and most of your classmates looked like washed up porn actresses. Or were, as the case may be.

The year is 1965 and the movie follows four or five teenaged boys (the film isn’t really clear on this issue) at Taft & Adams (T&A) high school in their quest to see the breasts of the school’s only virgin, Purity Bush, and no, this is not a plot summary - this is the plot. This motley crew includes: the rich prep­ py, the cool guy, the foreign exchange student, the wacky nerd, and Jerkovski, whose name implies everything you need to know about his character.

After the deep character devel­ opment of Porky’s (in relative terms), Screwballs plays more like an anthol­ ogy of Benny Hill jokes for the teenage set with a sparse connecting plot. Included are the boys trip to the strip show, the sex store and, and the famous “Strip Bowling” sequence, which can’t exactly be described but you’ll know it when you see it. The director repeatedly relies on the good old “when we run out of ideas add more titty” school of filmmaking that has created so many memorable movie moments.

PK: What really fascinates me is fhe role of Jerkovski in the film.

Jerkovski functions as a visual repre­ sentation of the id of the film-—he represents its true primitive instincts, its central core. The psy­

chological impulses of the other characters— the cool guy, for instance—are not reliable. In one scene, he’s pretending to be a doctor to touch female breasts—in another, he’s tying his teacher in a wheelchair and locking her in the closet to touch female breasts—hardly what one would call pre­ dictable behaviour.

Jerkovski’s reaction to every event is entirely consistent, however— he jerks off Such con­ sistency of character represents a true artis­ tic triumph for screen­ writers Linda Shayne and Jim Wynorski.

NC: Screwballs has long been herald­ ed by the mainstream feminist movement, both for its over­ whelming message of female empowerment, and its womyn-centred approach to bit­ ing social commen­ tary.

Perhaps the watershed moment of this Kafkaesque mas­ terpiece arrives with the infamous “pool scene,” or, as it has been reclaimed by social revisionists, the “aquatic neu­ tering of the Other.” As the young girls (clearly avatars of the Amazonian Ideal) disrobe, torment­ ing the blinded Nerd-Figure, (the patriarchal Christ?) they simultane­ ously celebrate their womynhood, and symbolically destroy the phallic presence in their midst, represented by the aforementioned Nerd, and also the large sausage which was to be used against our heroines in a cel­ ebration of the ancient rite of Phalos.

MB: Oh... true and unfettered glory it is to chance upon the rarest of the rare jems. Apotheoses of indie-arthouse perfection playing to the dignified flow of some great old world ballet than the humdrum of the plebian fare served up like so many cheap cheeseburgers by Hollywood.

The exchange student, dogged­ ly chased by an incensed red-hatin’ husband for accidental coitus with his canine fetished wife—all shot through first person perspective.

Did I detect a touch of a young Bergman perhaps? The elegant con­ fusion of Hour o f the Wolf captured with more heaving bosoms? The final scene of a dangerous breast

From left: preppy guy, assorted sluts, exchange student guy, cool guy, Mrs. Hide the Salami, and the great Melvin Jerkovski

moronic sluts (minus Purity, of course), and the males desire no more than to see female breasts. A truly refreshing viewpoint in a genre so depressingly generic.

viewing gambit played to perfection under the beauty of the 1812 over­ ture... Tchaikovsky himself could not dreamed up a better translation.

PK: Not to be ignored either is

NC: One particularly gripping moment occurs at the climax of the film, as the egalitarian “cool guy” draws attention to the plight of that sadly ignored minority, the PseudoHandicapped Home Economics Teacher (too often left underrepre­ sented in modern male “able” manipulated cinema.) As the scene progresses, the bound and gagged archetype (witness the sado­ masochistic undertones) frees herself in a powerful gesture of female power, casting off the shackles of male sexual oppression. This film is a must-see for all womyn, and a clar­ ion call for those who have sought representation unsuccessfully in the so-called “modern” film industry.

MB: And the imagery... oh the fucking imagery. And pathos — always good. Harmartia, hubris, nemesis, catharsis—perhaps not standard fare of the teen sex romp, but standard romp Screwballs is not.

The single minded pursuit of onanism by Melvin Jerkovski forms a narrative of Shakesperean dimen­ tion; the tragedy of one brought to error by a single and unrelenting flaw. The plot oftentimes takes upon a Chandelerian complexity and depth, each quagmire stickier (pun intended) than it predecessors fomenting a thourough and flawless narrative—Marlowe would be pleased.

The crux however is perhaps best captured by DeLillo’s postmod­ ern reinterpretation of the term “White Noise.” The idea of a second rate zen experience within a sea of masturbatory background noise and useless confusion. The group,

the sheer juvenility of the film, which definitely brings its enjoy­ ment and reality factor to a new plateau in the genre. Too often, teen sex movies deal strictly with young teenage boys desperate for sex and empowered females that are intellec­ tually superior (see American Pie).

Thankfully, Screwballs presents a far more accurate, juvenile approach to its subjects—the females are all

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despite the continual assail by the winds of misfortune, is continually bound by a single and simple objec­ tive: the depurification of Purity Bush. What is seen here is not so much juvenility but a very profound statement on a general uselessness of coerced action—affirming an uncontrollable Huckleberry Finnlike flow through the rivers of con­ fusion and white noise.

DS: Truthfully, it’s hard to imagine a movie with this content being made today. The filmmakers find funny the type of kidnapping and drugging behaviour that would send any guy straight to prison.

What makes these sequences funny in a morbid way is the fact that they exist in the first place, somebody came up with these jokes and con­ vinced Telefilm Canada to give him money to film them, an act that might be the biggest joke in the entire movie.

RK: When a movie is reported to be the “greatest of our time” by those 40-something film critics with no hair and a blatant disregard for the laws of fashion, they are obvi­ ously using the ubiquitous footnote “with the exception of Screwballs.” I have no formal feminist education and do not derive any particular pleasure from seeing women’s breasts, but I can honestly say that this movie is worth minimum three viewings. As someone who enjoyed the sexual tomfoolery of American Pie but doesn’t care for the character development’ of a Toni Morrison novel, this cinematic splendour pro­ vides just the right ratio of juvenile shenanigans to complex Hemingway characters—6,568,546:0.

Serve with beer.

MB: Serve with Mescaline.

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The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, January 8, 2002

If loving you's so wrong, why does it feel so right?

Luther Wright and the Wrongs discuss the countrification of Pink Floyd's The W all Well, it looks like alt.-country wasn’tjust a trend after all. Wilco may be without a label, Ryan Adams may have sold his soul to cross over, but alt. Country is still gaining new disciples.

One of the most innovative releases of 2001 was Luther Wright and the Wrongs Rebuild the Wall, which, complete withfiddles, peddle-steelgui­ tars and southern drawl, gave the country treatment to Pink Floyd’s mas­ terpiece, managing to convert a flock of prog-rock fans to the genre in the process. In whatfollows, Kingston res­ ident Luther Wright explains the appeal o f country, the recording process, and demonstrates his market­ ing savvy.

The country twang My parents liked Duke Ellington, A1 Jolson and Louis Armstrong, so I don’t really know where my love of country comes from. I listened to Johnny Cash and Hank Williams on the radio, and the very first song I wrote was a country song that we still play from time to time.

Country works well when you’re sitting around with people playing acoustic instruments, where­ as if you’re playing pop or rock songs you have to fake the drum bit and play aggressively. When we were in Weeping Tile we’d always play coun­

try in our dressing rooms because there are so many songs to choose from and cover. The themes are always good: if you can come up with another way to say “I’ve got a broken heart,” it’s a clever little cliche that you can put into a coun­ try song. And overall, country seems less cliche than rock. Sappy rock songs are just sappy, but sappy coun­ try songs are beautiful.

When I started to recognize that country existed, the new coun­ try movement was happening, which was pretty awful. I remember hating it. We like to call our style “newer country” because new coun­ try is now twenty years old. I guess in legitimate terminology we’re probably alt.-country. They call Lucinda Williams “alt.-country,” although she just sounds like a plain old country singer. People like Steve Earl, Wilco and Son-Volt have led the way and introduced a lot of peo­ ple to that kind of music. The coun­ try we play is more related to punk rock than to new country.

Okay, but... The WalP.l People ask “Why The Wall” Why not? It’s a country record.

Songs in G, C, and D; songs about being heartbroken, which is a great country kind of thing. It occurred to us one day, in the sleep-deprived, pot-smoking haze of touring. So we

talked about it for a long time, tossed the idea around with some other musicians and one day we finally said “it’s time to make it hap­ pen”.

I guess everybody goes through a Pink Floyd stage. I was a fan more of the old stuff, the first couple of records. The Wall was one of those monstrously popular records, but it had been years since I’d listened to the original. We did a couple of songs and decided “Oh, we’ll do the whole Wall’ and started listening to the original album and watched the movie a hundred times, trying to make sure we got all the references that we could subvert and divert towards our own means. We thought we could do it in a month but it snowballed into this huge project and it took six. Just starting was the hardest thing, because it took a year and a half of talking until finally I went out and spent our last bit of money on a tape machine.

Once you start recording, it’s easy. This is our third record; we had made two original CD ’s before {Roger’s Waltz and Hurtin For Certain) so we’re pretty good at making albums now. The more you make, the easier it gets because everyone’s much more professional.

The chord progressions on The Wall are all real country chords. I was mostly in the dark on a lot of material compared to the other fel­ las. They gave me the words and the tablature and I just played them. I figured out my own melodies. We changed some melodic ideas but really stuck to the original.

Rebuild the Wall speaks for itself. We made the whole record so it would appeal as a piece of music to people who have never heard The Wall, like my Mum and Dad, and it seems to fly on its own, which was our plan. But if you do know The Wall really well, like some people

who might not have listened to it for twenty years but know it inside out, there are all kinds of things in our record that (you) would appreciate.

We changed some words, not a lot, only on three or four songs, but it was enough to have to get approval. We just wanted to “country-fy” it a little bit. The Wall also has a fascist element to it, and Pink Floyd were leftie English guys, so they were obviously showing how stupid fascism was, but it just sounded like fascist crap when we did it, especially since we come across as these redneck hillbilly boys.

We changed some lyrics to get rid of the fascist stuff and replace it with barnyard stuff.

Is there anybody out there?

We finished the album and we shopped it around to some labels and Universal were the most enthu­ siastic. We got a three-year deal out of it. It’s a real struggle to decide whether to stay independent or sign with a major. We were independent

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Newman Centre M cGill University 3484 Peel Street Montreal, Qc. H3A 1W8 Tel: (514) 398-4106 for information

for a couple of albums and Sean Kelley, the bass player, and I did all the work, all, the publicity and it takes up so much time away from being a songwriter and a musician.

Now we’re busier than ever but we’re being musicians while the label takes care of all the publicity and organi­ zational matters. There are a lot of trade-offs, but it’s been great. We’re being somewhat obscure, playing old rootsy kind of music with no hope in hell of getting played on commercial radio, so you have to find another way to bring yourself out. We didn’t have any plans for The Wall but it’s turned out to be a great vehicle to expose us.

We definitely have a lot more people coming out than we did before this album. The Wall came out in 1979. If you were in your mid-thirties then, you’d be in your mid-fifties now... so we get folks who are getting on a little bit but are totally watching and singing along and getting all the subtleties. Other folks are there because they just like to dance to boogie-woogie music and they’re having fun, or others like peddle-steel solos. It works out on a lot of different levels.

In the show we mix it up pretty evenly with our own material. The Wall in itself, from beginning to end, isn’t the greatest live show.

We’ve done it a couple of times but to put on a night of music we blend it all together.

Feedback has been positive, but it’s funny to see how angry some (Pink Floyd fanatics) get. We got approval from the guy who wrote the songs, you’d think that’d be enough, but these people are defending the faith or something...this' is a time of over­ zealousness.

Outside the Wall I don’t know what else I’ll do after this year, where performance ties in or just making records, which is just easier and easier these days.

We’re going to do more covers, not cover albums but covers of friends’ songs because it seems you can do that with country. Maybe some Roger Miller songs that appeal to us.

We don’t want to wait around for me to write songs or it’ll be two years between records. We’d rather make a record a year or throw some EP’s in there, be productive.

We’re proud of the album, so we don’t mind people knowing us as “the band who did The Wall." At least they know us! Before it was more like “Who are you guys?”

-as told to Marie-Hélène Savard

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, January 8, 2002

A&E 11

Floats like a butterfly over his life

A series of impressive scenes can't save a movie without a focus David Schanzle Michael Mann’s biopic Ali is a collection of performances in search of a story. The entire cast gives it their all, but the writers can’t figure out if they’re making a film about Ali the boxer, Ali the motormouth rebel, or Ali the important civil rights figure.

The result is a movie that has elements of all three but no focus and no special insight that hasn’t already been covered in documen­ tary footage. It seems like the mak­ ers looked over the events of Ali’s life and found so much good, filmable material that it confused them as to what point of view to take on the champ’s life. The result is a movie that has a wide scope but no in-depth character study.

Entire movies could be made about the young Cassius Clay’s first match against the feared Sonny Liston, his relationship with the “yes” men, trainers and mascots that formed his entourage, his wars with Joe Frazier, his fight with the U.S. government. A feature-length documentary (When We Were Kings) was even made about his famous ‘Rumble in the Jungle’ bout with George Foreman. Mann’s movie should have taken this route of showing Ali in a specific moment in history rather than try­ ing to tell many of them. Early

scenes, for example, show that he was under surveillance by Hoover’s FBI, but nothing is ever made of these events. Mann simply shows them and then forgets about it.

punching of Foreman. You can almost feel the punches and the exhaustion in these sequences that stand well above any other boxing movie in terms of continuous

Mann tries to bring in ele­ ments of Ali’s religion and politics but his film only comes alive dur­ ing his verbal sparring against everyone and the five expertly staged boxing matches. Using reallife boxers who are dead ringers for their real life counterparts, Mann recreates the fighting styles of Ali’s famous opponents; The heavy jab­ bing of Liston, the close in-slug­ ging of Frazier and the power

movement and presentation of dif­ ferent styles.

Though these scenes are enter­ taining in their own right, they dis­ tract from the real story of Ali, one of the first black men to achieve success in the United States on his own terms without compromise or deferment to the white establish­ ment that so feared him as a rebel­ lious black athlete. If Mann wanted to make a boxing movie, he should

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have included Ali’s famous ‘Thrilla in Manilla’ fight that probably caused permanent brain damage.

Mann shows Ali letting out his famous trash-talking, but he does­ n’t show that this verbal sparring was the boxer’s method for playing with his opponent’s heads, convincing, himself that he could win.

These mind games are better handled in Rocky III. Though he beat many great boxers, his greatest victory was over the divided con­ sciousness of 1960’s America when he had his heavyweight title revoked for refusal to take part in the draft. We don’t see Ali making speeches at campuses, or working with the civil rights movement dur­ ing this time when he was very active outside of the ring.

Mann spends some time on his life during these events, but we’re left figuring out the details on the basis of circumstantial evi­ dence. If there was ever a movie that needed subtitled name cards or a voice over narration to explain

everything, this is the one.

Even though Will Smith suc­ cessfully inhabits Ali’s skin, it’s hard to forget that he’s being played by Will Smith because both men have such ubiquitous popularity.

Watching Ali talk trash about George Foreman in Zaire you can only remark that he does a dead-on impersonation of the boxer making up the same lines. Just as good are the supporting actors who play Ali’s entourage who disappear into their roles, forming fully developed char­ acters without much help from the script.

In the end, the main problem with this movie is that Michael Mann is simply the wrong director for this project. Mann’s other pic­ tures, including Heat and The Insider, benefit from his contem­ plative style but Muhammad Ali is a much more in-your-face figure than anybody else in his film reper­ toire. A better choice would be Oliver Stone, whose hyperkinetic style would match the charisma of the champ, or Spike Lee, who could accurately place Ali in con­ text to the racial tension in America during his accession. Ali has several good scenes and amazing boxing footage, but as a whole it fails to gel.

à It de Janvier L u n //\e r /V /W /J e u

erme a t$h erne a

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Aikido - Adv Capoeira Judo Kali Karatedo Kendo

08:00-08:55 12:00-12:55 18:15-19:25 19:30-20:40 08:00-08:55 16:00-17:10 17:15-18:25 17:00-18:10 18:30-19:40 13:00-14:15 13:00-14:15 13:00-13:55 17:00-17:55 19:15-20:10

Kickboxing - Savate 1 Moo Kw ang Tae Kwon Do - Intro Moo Kw ang Tae Kwon Do - Adv Traditional Shaolin SPORTS Fencing 1

$2.50/$2.00 * 25/30 40/45 56/70 33/73

Golf (Private) Hockey 1 Hockey II Skating

Skating (Private) Skating (Semi-Private) Squash Intro

•

Squash Inter

Squash (Private) Squash (Semi Private) Tennis Intro

Tennis Inter

1 Tennis Advanced

14

$2.50 / $2.00 * * Booklets of 10 tickets for $20.00 can be purchased in advance in the Business Office G-20C $5.00 or 2 tickets

2

Cross Country Skiing Equestrian

Ice Climbing Kayaking - Get Started

1 8

52/97 42/82 33/73 42/82

10 8

45/85

10

Kayaking II - Get Better Kayaking III - Feed Your Addiction Snowshoeing

Aquacises Body Design Easy Rider Hatha Yoga Pilâtes

42/82 45/85

8

2

DAY & TIME

COURSE

Fencing II Golf

45/90 60/105 70/115 35/55

0

• Register in the Client Services Office of the S ports Centre - Monday through Friday 08:30 - 19:45 hrs. ■ Registration continues through Friday, February 1, 2002. • Non-mem bers registered in courses m ay use the facility only during their designated class tim es. • Most classes begin the week of January 14, 2002 1 Full time McGill Students m ay register at the m ember's fee. All prices include G.S.T. and Q.S.T.

Kickboxing - Savate II

40/85 135/155

0

R E G IS T R A T IO N IN F O R M A T IO N

M A R TIA L A RTS Aikido

Tues & Thurs

Hatha Yoga il

2

Recess Tai Chi Walking Club

Tuesday & Friday Thursday Mon\Wed\Fri Mon & Wed Tues & Thurs Mon & Wed Tuesday & Saturday Tues, Thurs & Friday Tues\Thurs\Fri Mon & Wed Mon & Wed Mon & Wed

18:00-19:55 17:00-19:55 17:30-19:25 16:30-17:55 17:30-19:30 15:30-16:55 19:30-21:25 20:15-22:10 09:00-10:55 20:00-21:10 13:00-14:25 21:15-22:25 19:30-20:30 20:30-21:30 20:30-21:55

Mon & Wed Tues & Thurs Tue & Thur Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday by appointment Friday Friday Wednesday Saturday Saturday by appointment by appointment Monday Monday Tuesday Tuesday Wednesday Wednesday Thursday Thursday Friday Friday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Thursday Saturday Sunday by appointment by appointment Monday Tuesday Tuesday W ednesday Friday Tues & Thurs Monday W ednesday W ednesday Thursday Friday Tues & Thurs Thursday Friday by appointment

08:00-08:55 20:00-20:55 21:00-21:55 17:00-17:55 18:00-18:55 17:00-17:55 12:00-12:55

Saturday Sunday Saturday Sunday Sunday Sat, February 9 Monday Wednesday Thursday Saturday Saturday Thursday Wednesday Sat, February 2

13:00-15:00

Mon & Wed Tues & Thurs Tues & Thurs Mon & Wed Mon & Wed Mon & Wed Tue & Thurs Mon, Wed, Fri Tues & Thurs Mon & Wed

12:15-13:00 12:30-13:15 13:00-13:45 12:30-13:15 13:00-13:45 13:45-14:30 12:00-12:45 12:30-13:15 13:00-13:45

COST

WKS

87/132

10

35/60 78/123 70/115 53/78 70/115

65/110/123

35/80

14:00-15:20 15:30-16:50 15:15-16:30 10:30-11:20 11:30-12:20

48/93

9

45/85

8

30/45

6

20/25 50/70

1 8

45/65 36/56

16:00-16:45 17:30-18:15 16:45-17:30 17:30-18:15 12:15-13:00 13:00-13:45 16:00-16:45 16:45-17:30 14:30-15:15 15:15-16:00 16:00-16:45 10:45-11:30 11:30-12:15 16:45-17:30 17:30-18:15 11:30-12:15 12:15-13:00

15:00-15:55 15:00-15:55 16:00-16:55 15:00-15:55 11:00-11:55 16:00-16:55 15:00-15:55 13:00-13:55 14:00-14:55 16:00-16:55 10:00-10:55 16:00-16:55 15:00-15:55 09:00-09:55

17/22 24/30 25/40

1/2 hr 1/2 hr 6

18/21 25/32 32/47

1 1 6

64/94 32/47

64/94 32/47 ^ 2 0 / 2 ^ ^

25/30

10:00-12:00 100/105

14:00-15:00 13:00-14:00 14:00-15:00 All day 20:30-22:00 20:30-22:00 21:30-23:00 12:30-14:00 12:30-14:00 20:30-22:00 21:30-23:00 All day

11.50 11.50 11.50 11.50 11.50 11.50 11.50 11.50 11.50

73/78 90/110

44/49

13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13

Currie Pool Aerobics Room Activity Room Diocesan Seminary Presbyterian College Diocesan Seminary Presbyterian College Aerobics Room Presbyterian College

12:00-1

o r w w w .a t h le t ic s .m c g ill.e a

McGill

Don't call him Bobby Redmen forward Doug Orr is his own hockey player Andrew Raven Some hockey players toil in the shadows of famous relatives, but for Redmen forward Doug Orr, it’s more like a lunar eclipse.

As the nephew of arguably the best player to ever lace up his skates, the 20-year old rookie from Newmarket has learned to live with the expectations that go along with the family name. “[Bobby Orr] was such a great player that there was no way I could compete with that,” said Orr. “The only thing that you can do is set goals that are appropriate to your level.”

Besides the family name, Orr shares little resemblance to his famous uncle. He plays centre/left wing and at 5’ 10” and 165 pounds, he isn’t as physically imposing. But he does have some of his uncle’s vision on the ice and is one of the Redmen’s premier playmàkers.

"We play different positions but my uncle helped me out by offering advice on some of the finer points o f the game," said Orr, who is fortunate that he isn’t a defenseman. "I haven't really found that coaches or teammates have higher expectations of me.

They realize that I'm my own player and treat me accordingly."

Orr was born in Scarborough,

Ontario and played Tier II junior win a championship at McGill,” hockey with the Stoufville Spirits. said Orr. “We’ve played really well When he first arrived at McGill, against the top teams in the coun­ he noticed a distinct difference try and we have the talent to con­ between the level of play in Tier II and university.

“Everything is a step faster and the players are bigger,” said Orr who has scored two goals so far this year. “I need to work on exploding off my starts and getting a bit stronger.

The level of competition is quite high.”

So far this season, Orr has been in and out of the lineup on a surprising Redmen squad that boasts a 6-3-2 record not to men­ tion eight newcomers.

“Coach Raymond has been rotating the rookies for most of the season,” said Orr. “O f course you want to be out there every Doug Orr: a chip off the old block? night, but as a rookie you are going to sit a few times.

The key is being ready to play tend. On top of that, we’re really when you’re called on.” young and we’ll only be losing two With wins over the Guelph players at the end of the season.”

Away from the rink, Orr is and # 4 York Yeomen along with a one goal loss to the top ranked pretty much your average universi­ Western Mustangs, there is talk in ty student. the Redmen dressing room of con­ "To relax I do things like go to tending for a national title, if not the movies, hang around in rez or this season then in the very near go out with other players on the team," he said. "When we get future.

“My number one goal is to together we talk about school, not

The SSMU is seeking students from April 30th until June 30th to sell advertising space for the student handbook and other publications. These positions are proven money-makers for talented, dynamic, articulate individuals who can close sales.

Protected Territories

Only serious candidates need apply

TH ESE ARE NOT TELEM A RKETIN G PO SITIO N S To g e t t h e l o w d o w n , c o n t a c t

PAUL S L A C H T A

398-6806

exactly what you'd expect from a group of hockey players."

Orr also noted that this year's version of the Redmen is a partic­

As far as his hockey career is concerned, Orr plans to stay at McGill for the next four or five seasons and then possibly pursue a career overseas, but he hasn’t ruled out a shot at the NHL. “The guys in the room talk about Greg Davis and Mathieu Darche,” said Orr of the two McGill grads who went on to sign contracts with the NHL’s St. Louis Blues and Columbus Blue Jackets respectively.

“In his first [university] sea­ son Darche scored one goal and now he’s playing regularly in the NHL. It gives you hope that anything can happen.”

If a professional hockey career isn’t in the offing, Orr — who has yet to declare a major but is leaning towards Economics-— wouldn’t mind going into the business world, perhaps with his player-agent uncle. _ “I would love to be involved in the business aspect of sports, ularly close knit group. whether it be as an agent or an "We spend a lot time together executive” said Orr. Who knows? Maybe he can off the ice. A lot of us are in the same position [as rookies away create a shadow of his own. from home] so we have a lot in common."

and broke the team record for mos1 wins in a season, established tw< , years ago.

The Martlets now focus thei At the Concordia Theresa sights on the regular season race fo Humes Tournament this weekend, first place. McGill sits atop tht the Martlets were robbed by both Quebec conference with a 6-1-0 Cornell and Ottawa in tough 6-5 record, three points ahead o losses but were able to finish on a Concordia and Ottawa. Tht good note with a 2-0 shutout over Martlets will play a crucial game a UQTR. Concordia on Friday at 7 p.m.

Cornell outshot the Martlets by a 43-28 margin, giving netminMcGill Athletes of the Week der, Amey Doyle plenty of oppor­ tunities to show why she was able Basketball players Cheekt to break former Martlet Kim St. Mitchell and Frederic Bernard Pierre’s record for most wins in a named McGill athletes of the week season last month.

Mitchell, a 5-foot-8 guard, was The loss to Ottawa was suf­ named Tournament MVP at tht fered in overtime after three com­ Brock University Holiday Classk petitive periods. McGill outshot in St. Catherines, over the week the Gee-Gees 43-38 but couldn’t end. In three McGill victories, tht stop the game winner at 9:25 in the physical education junior racked up overtime period.

44 points, 18 rebounds, ten steak On Sunday, the Martlets and seven assists as the Martlet: rebounded from their two bitter captured their first tournament in losses with a 2-0 victory over six seasons. In the opening gamt UQTR. The result improved last Friday, a 70-64 win over Brock McGill's record to 17-4-0 overall Uncharacteristic losses posted

by Martlet Hockey team

Please see B R IEFS page 15

The McGill Tribune, Tuesday, January 8, 2002

Briefs Continued Mitchell put 17 points on the score board with six rebounds. She added ten points and four rebounds in Saturdays 57-54 upset win over Western and had 17 points with eight rebounds in Sunday’s 75-54 decision over Guelph.

Bernard, a 6-foot-4, 213pound guard, was named a tourna­ ment all-star at Ryerson’s Ed DeArmon Memorial tournament in Toronto last weekend. Overall, he shot an impressive 77 percent from the foul-line (17-of-22) and 57 per­ cent from the field (13-of-23). In

three games, the 22 year-old indus­ trial relations junior amassed 44 points, 29 rebounds, seven steals and four assists as the Redmen improved to 11-2 record after win­ ning the consolation final 76-71 over Wilfred Laurier.

Q ueb ec and A tlantic football alliance

The Quebec and Atlantic foot­ ball conferences in Canadian Interuniversity Sport (CIS) have agreed upon an interlocking sched­ ule effective next year.

Each of the five teams in the Quebec Intercollegiate Football Conference (QIFC), composed of

Laval, McGill, Concordia, Bishop’s and the new Université de Montreal program will play two interlocking games versus different opponents from the four team Atlantic University Football Conference composed of St. Mary's, Acadia, St. Francis Xavier and Mt. Allison.

In 2002, match-ups have been scheduled based on the final 2001 regular season standings in each conference.

This means that McGill will travel to play St. Francis Xavier on the weekend of September 14-15 and will host Mount Allison on October 19.

In year two of this agreement, the schedule will be adjusted to ensure match-ups against different

opponents.

The new alliance is regarded by many to be a by-product of the decisions made by Queens and Ottawa University prior to the 2001 season to depart the QIFC and enter the Ontario conference.

St. Pierre breaks R heaum e's national record

While it is now old news, the Tribune sports section doesn't hesi­ tate in recognizing the feats of Kim St. Pierre, albeit a couple weeks late.

The McGill goaltender became the all-time winningest goaltender in a Team Canada uniform on December 18. St. Pierre registered

Sports 15

13 saves for the shutout as Canada's national women's team blanked Russia 6-0 in a pre-Olympic hock­ ey game.

St. Pierre was credited with her 23rd career victory in 32 games for Canada, snapping the team record mark of 22 set by Manon Rheaume over 31 games between 1991 and 1998.

St. Pierre was also recognized by both Ron Maclean and Don Cherry on the CBC's Hockey Day in Canada program last Saturday afternoon. Not too shabby, not too shabby.

The top ten sleaziest moments in sports history!

Peter Koven

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading a year-old issue of Spin with a large feature on the “ 100 Sl ea zi e s t

Moments in Rock” (which is hilari­ ous and highly recommended read­ ing, by the way). But then I got to thinking: what individuals are sleazier than rock stars? And the only demographic in the entire world that may meet this prerequi­ site is, of course, pro athletes. And out of sheer disgust endured from seeing so many “top ten World Series games” and “top ten sacks”type articles in Sports Illustrated and whatever, I thought I’d finally be the one to do athletes justice by docu­ menting their finest moments in the following piece. Note that I ranked them as much in terms of how funny they were as I did based on how criminal their activities were (if it was based on sheer criminality, you can bet the list would be con­ siderably different). So without fur­ ther ado, enjoy. #10: Dave Meggett gives hookers a good name Heh, this is a good one. Besides having four children with four dif­ ferent women, Meggett (that guy who followed Bill Parcells around and played on all his teams) liked to have his kicks on the side with the finest of North America’s prosti­ tutes. On one classic night, he took one to the Royal York Hotel in Toronto. After doing her, she went to take a shower, and Meggett took the opportunity to steal her money and run away. I guess when the cops caught him, he could have told them it was dirty money to begin with. #9: Wilt Chamberlain does ’em all We know athletes like to shag groupies in their spare time, but Wilt Chamberlain took it to a whole new level. In his 1991 book A View from Above, Chamberlain claimed to have had sex with over 20,000

women over the course of his National Basketball Association career, which works out to about 3.91 women per day. Nice, and without Viagra even. He then goes on to insult today’s NBA, saying it was so much better in his day. Well, if he’s referring to STD transmission I’m sure he’s right. #8: Michael Irvin lives up to his name Always a classic. A few years ago, Irvin got caught with some hookers and coke, nothing new for him. When going to court to defend himself, however, he set a new stan­ dard in depravity, arriving dressed in a lime green leisure suit, complete with cane and top hat, living up his pimp image as much as possible.

And he wonders why Philadelphia fans cheered madly when he sus­ tained a career-ending injury in their park. #7: Latrell Sprewell assaults coach, human decency.

This one was unforgivable.

Latrell Sprewell shared a habit pos­ sessed by many NBA stars — he hated his coach. It seems that he might have taken it a bit too far, however. After getting a bit too angry at Golden State Warriors’ coach PJ Carlesimo during a prac­ tice in ’97, Sprewell attempted to choke Carlesimo on the court, before the other players broke it up.

Spree hadn’t had quite enough, however, and thus visited Carlesimo’s office after practice and attacked him again. You know, Latrell, asking for a trade is more traditional... #6: Tonya Harding’s hired goons This one needs no introduc­ tion. Leading up to the 1994 Olympics in Lillehammer, Harding and Nancy Kerrigan were vying for the gold medal, and Harding decid­ ed to enlist the assistance of some hired goons, one of whom was her ex-husband.

They attacked Kerrigan, clubbing her in the knee during the Olympic trials and set­

ting up a media field day. It didn’t end up helping much though, as Kerrigan won the silver medal and Harding finished a paltry eighth.

Both disappeared off the radar soon after, with Harding popping up in an online sex tape a few years later, and as a Weakest Link contestant a few weeks ago. Good for her. #5: Land of the Rising Venis I know Pro Wrestling isn’t sports exactly, but this deserves mentioning. In April 1998, wrestling porno star Val Venis made his first appearance in the WWF, and immediately took a liking to the wife of manager Mr. Yamaguchi. In fact, he liked her so much that he shot a porno movie with her, appro­ priately titled Land of the Rising Venis. Mr. Yamaguchi was none too pleased, and thus reverted to evil World War Il-era Japanese man mode, yelling T choppy choppy your pee-pee, HAH-HAH-HAH.” He attempted the surgery himself, but John Bobbit of all people came through the crowd to rescue Val. And yes, this aired on prime time cable television. #4: The Gold Club: where strippers pay to work This year’s Gold Club trial made huge news worldwide, and for good reason: the Gold Club is a strip joint in Atlanta where strippers were paid for having sex with pro athletes, who visited it regularly.

Profits from the Club were then transferred over to the Gambino Crime family. The dirty tales all came out in court, however, where numerous athletes told their tales of the club. The highlight had to be when Braves outfielder Andruw Jones testified about how two of the strippers visited his room. When asked what they were doing there, Jones explained that they were, in his words, “doing lesbian action.”

When asked what he did, he looked insulted that the lawyer even asked, saying “both of them.” Other patrons included Dennis Rodman, Patrick Ewing, Terrell Davis, and (surprise surprise) the New York Knicks’ entire roster.

#3: CJ Hunter loves his vita­ min supplements There are enough classic steroid stories out there to fill a top 10,000 list, but this one takes the cake.

Olympic shot-put gold medallist CJ Hunter (ex-husband of famed Ameircan sprinter Marion Jones) was busted shortly after winning at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. He evi­ dently had 1,000 times the maxi­ mum amount of legal nandrolone in his system. Claiming innocence, he tried to say that this was due to some “vitamin supplements” he had been taking. Uh, right. Then, in the greatest admission of guilt I’ve ever seen, he hired JOHNNY COCHRANE of all people as his lawyer. Which, of course, leads us to.... #2: OJ Kills Wife and Lover; Kato appears on Weakest Link The greatest media event of alltime bar none, making legends out of Larry King, Judge Ito, Kato Kaelin and Johnny Cochrane, spawning a horrible Pauly Shore movie (Jury Duty), and forever showing that there’s quite a dispari­ ty in the American legal system between “innocent” and “not guilty”—several million dollars worth, in fact. It brought unbeliev­ able amounts of shame to the legal system and everyone involved, and has to be seen as the defining cultur­ al event of our generation. On the plus side, it put an end to the Naked Gun franchise.

And, finally... #1: Mike Tyson bites off oppo­ nent’s ear I guess this one will never be topped. After returning from a long suspension, Mike Tyson was far from the fighter he had once been.

But he still had major name recog­ nition, and thus promoter Don King tried to book him in as many big title fights as possible. This led to his most infamous moment. He was booked into the WBA title match against Evander Holyfield,

who was at that point quite clearly his superior. In an attempt to com­ pensate for this, Tyson tried to bite Holyfield on the ear repeatedly, even after receiving a warning. Finally, he physically bit off Holyfield’s ear, spitting out the blood with a wide grin on his face in front of a shocked Holyfield and sheer pandemonium at the arena. If you ever needed proof that man descended from the apes, there you go.

Whew, that does it. Hope you all enjoyed the list. Send feedback and other classic moments that I might have missed to pkoven@pobox.mcgill.ca and maybe I’ll do a revised list at the end of this semes­ ter.

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SSMU Mini-Courses: Fun, inexpensive, non-credit courses held in the Shatner and Brown Buildings.

Check the website at www.ssmu.mcgill.ca/mini or contact us at 398-3001 ext 09244, or by e-mail at mini@ssmu.mcgill.ca for the finalized prices, dates and tim es of courses

CONVERSATIONAL FRENCH: Beginner

YOGA

ACUPRESSURE - NEW!!

Bonjour. Comment ca va? Do you know how to answer this question and enter into an important conversation with your freaky french landlord? if living in Montreal has left you with less of a grasp of French than you thought was possible, this is the course for you. The lessons focus on being able to com m unicate effectively with strangers, do understandable presentations and comprehend the language in a casual conversational setting.

Yoga is a science which explores ways to reduce stress, improve concentration, tone m uscles, and increase flex­ ibility. Sessio ns include physical postures, breath awareness, deep relaxation and guidance on better nutrition. The benefits of Yoga are far reaching. Control of appetite and increased alertness are only two exam­ ples of how yoga can help you.

Wear loose comfortable clothing and bring a towel or mat.

For those of us who want to relieve stress, this is the cla ss to take. With a history over 5 0 0 0 years old, this form of accupuncture stim ulates the sam e healing points using finger pressure instead. Learn how, with just the power of your hands you can increase circu la­ tion, reduce pain, and develop vibrant health.

CONVERSATIONAL ITALIAN: Beginner

BALLROOM DANCING

Planning to travel to Italy in the near future? Or always dreamed of learning the language of love?

Our experienced teacher will not only guide you through the basics but will also enlighten you with her first-hand knowledge of the people, the culture, history and, of course, the food!

No prior knowledge of the Italian language required.

Have you always wanted to dance like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, but never had the time to take lessons?

Now is your chance! Join the ballroom dancing course and learn the waltz, foxtrot and more. Your session with instructor Linda Chou will be filled with fun, exercise and great m usic. Leather soled shoes are recommend­ ed.

Due to its overwhelming su cce ss year after year, we con­ tinue to bring you this fantastic massage course.

Shiatsu is one of the most complete massage tech­ niques in the world. It is an incredibly effective relax­ ation technique, based on concepts of physical and spiritual balance. Pressure is applied to accupoints to unlock stagnant energy in order to lessen or rid the body of aches and pains. Shiatsu can be done through the clothes so there is no need to get undressed. A partner is recommended. Bring a towel. Mats will be provided.

CONVERSATIONAL SPANISH: Beginner and Intermediate

BREAKDANCING

SELF-DEFEN SE C U S S E S

If you've always been interested in learning Spanish just in case you meet that sexy latin lover you know is wait­ ing for you on your spring break trip to Cancun, th is is definitely the course for you. Back due to popular demand, this course instructs you on the basics of con­ versing in Spanish, making yourself understood and understanding those rolling r's easily. And maybe if you ask, they'll teach you how to say "That's'the spot, right there!" while breathing heavily.

Modern breakdancing is a combination of the old East Coast breakdancing, Brooklyn Up-Rock and down-rock and West Coast Locking, Bougoulou and Popping. As well as teaching you modern breakdance moves, our instructor will teach you of the history of breakdance.

M usic includes the old-school styles of DJ C lue and Ghettoriginal Productions. Note that although the moves taught in this course are chosen with respect to safety, they can be physically demanding.

Taught by m asters at Senshid o, th is prorgam is designed to enhance your survivability. You will learn to heighten your awareness and accurately read your intu­ ition in order to avoid violence, aggression and con­ frontation. You will learn to de-escalate and defuse a potential aggressive or violent situation using psycho­ logical strategy. You will also learn to physically defend yourself if avoidance and de-escalation failed.

SHIATSU MASSAGE

INTRO TO BARTENDING

SPEED READING SA LSA AND MERINGUE DANCING Run by the Harris Institute, this extremely popular speed reading course is once again being offered at M cGill. T h is 1-day cla ss always gets rave reviews and regularly has students improve 5 0 -1 5 0 % in reading speed. As well, comprehension and retention are main­ tained and som etim es improved. Don’t m iss your chance to improve your reading sk ills for life!

Are you out to seduce your latin lover? Well you're never going to get anywhere if you don’t learn how to dance, Salsa dance that is, and Meringue too. Bring a partner and where slippery shoes and a good time will be had by all.

SWING DANCE KICKgPXING : NEW!!

T h is course will combine basic martial art techniques with modern aerobic movements to deliver an intense workout that improves strength, m uscle tone, and endurance. By the end of this eight class session you will experience improved cardio fitness, stress reduc­ tion, and self-defense tactics.

Whether you are in shape, out of shape, beginner or advanced, this cla ss is for you. Tought by an accom plished and experienced instructor, you will receive the best method of instruc­ tion possible!

Now is your opportunity to (earn to" dance to the'great’ rock ‘n ’ roll and big band m usic of the 4 0 ’s and 5 0 ’s, as well as the modern swing revival! Swing, jive, rock 'n' roll steps, and individual choreography geared towards you will all be part of the sessions taught by profession­ al instructors from the Montreal reknowned M iss Woolf's Jiving School.

Tired of drinking the sam e drinks? Want to be a better host? Trying to find employment? Here’s the course that solves all of your problems! Intro to bartending will teach you the basics of being a bartender. You will learn the appropriate usage of glassware, different techniques of social preparation, as well as the mixing and tasting of tons of great drinks! What better way to start your Sunday? Instruction and equipment provided by the Masters School of Bartending.

Students must be on time.

Check our website at www.ssmu.mcgill.ca/mini or con­ tact us at 3 9 8 -3 0 0 1 ext 0 9 2 4 4 , or by email at m ini@ ssm u.m cgill.ca for the finalized prices, dates and tim es of courses.

Registration in the Shatner Building, Room B09, January 10 & 15 from 6:00-10:00pm