The McGill Tribune Vol. 24 Issue 1 by The Tribune

McGill Tribune

OP/ED: Clash the cymbals, folks. It's collision time.

A&E: Art farts drown themselves in festival fun.

C u rio sity delivers. V o l. 2 4 Issue 1

SPORTS: Ambition turns golden in this Olympic recap.

PUBLI SHED BY THE S TUDENTS' S O C I E T Y OF M C G I L L U N I V E R S I T Y

8 16

Wednesday, September 1, 2 0 0 4

Sam e old Frosh, fresh new faces SSMU begins the year Survivorstyle while QPIRG takes on a less likely approach ROBERT CHURCH The Students' Society began anoth er acad em ic year introducing new stu dents to university life through the tried and true rituals of beer, bars and banter. The event's theme, "Reality Paradise M ontreal," incorporated the immense success of unscripted television into inno vative Frosh activities. Daytime events included a scav enger hunt modeled on The Am azing Race and a carnival based on Survivor, while the after-hours schedule played on raunchier themes derived from A re You H ot? and Temptation Island. "W hat w e were going for w as a little break from the normal takeoff of a movie title," said SSM U Vice-President

insi W ouldn't it be swell if someone w ere to map out the journey from d a y one to the end of fourth year? Your Features editors (and a bot tle of Jager, to dull the more painful memories) put their backs into making that happen. A preview for some, retrospective for others, if you play your cards right,

Com m unications and Events M ark Sw ard. "But using the entertainment theme is kind of cool. W e didn't want to do just one show, but wanted to go for the general theme, since [reality TV] is ridiculously popular right now." Sw ard w a s confident that despite the rain persisting over two out of the three frosh days, the participants had a positive experience overall. "The froshies are having a good time, and things are running as w e'd like, them to," he said. "Turnout w a s exactly as w e expected. W e budgeted for 1 ,7 0 0 participants; and ended up with somewhere around 1 ,6 5 0 on the morning of the first day. It w as an absolute success." During registration, SSM U froshies w ere given p a ckag e s containing

F E A T U R E S

YASEM IN EMORY

Follow effective action with quiet reflection," advise the drunken silhouettes on lower campus. How frosh. bracelets and environmentally-friendly mugs entitling them, as alw ays, to unlim ited beer from designated areas on lower campus. Most Frosh participants took full advantage of the freedom SSM U pro vided, and many freshmen confirmed the atmosphere w a s a good w a y to get to know new students. "I had a really good time; SSM U Frosh w as crazy," said Kerin Witter, U 0 M usic. "Music Frosh w a s much smaller and intimate. In SSM U Frosh, I got to meet people from other [programs]." Judy Murphy, U 0 Arts, felt the events geared heavily towards drinking w ere a bit much. "I'm actually not a heavy drinker," said Murphy. “I could have gone for a ' little less flat beer."

A focus on radicalism you'll have as much fun at M cG ill as w e had charting out our sordid scholastic scrap book.

Radical Frosh, the alternative to the beer-soaked revelry of SSM U froshing, hosted its ninth year of activities geared towards raising social and political awareness on campus. O rganized by M cG ill's Q uebec Public Interest

Research Group [Q PIRG], it included events that educated participants on top ics not covered in traditional frosh activ ities. A "Discover Activism at M cG ill" tour, a Q ueer Village pub-crawl, and a panel discussion on "Solidarity Across Borders" w ere some of the items on the Radical Frosh agenda. "There are a few really essential and basic differences between us and regular frosh that w e offer to the partici pants," said Aaron Lakoff, 2 0 0 4 Radical Frosh Coordinator. "O ne is the political and education level that regular Frosh doesn't deal with or go near; top ics like anti-racism, feminism, globaliza tion, and antiw ar. The other is trying to create a sp ace for those who aren't into excessive drinking or the very high-ener gy things that regular frosh covers." Lakoff expressed alarm about the atmosphere created by traditional frosh activities. "O ne thing that concerns me is that it seems there are environments that are very conducive to sexual abuse or homophobia," he explained. "I'd never say that that's what they're going for, but

Nick, Suzie and staff welcome back new and returning students! The reigning champion of convenient delicious dinner-style breakfasts. The food is great and reasonable, and the BUY-TWELVE-GET-ONE-FREE breakfast deal adds a nice touch.

D on't f o r g e t y o u r h a m b u rg e r a n d b r e a k fa s t c a rd s.*

when you have an event of that scale, bad things can happen. W e need to make a space where not only is it not tol erated, but where w e actively try to combat things like sexism and homopho bia." Lakoff did, however, commend SSM U for holding sensitivity training prior to the start of this year's activities.

Not just for freshmen A less voiced benefit of frosh active ities is the opportunity older students are given to get involved. They can volun teer as coordinators, organizational staff and leaders, helping new students make the transition to university life. "I volunteered because I wanted not only to have fun myself, but hopeful ly help some firstyear students become accustomed to life here," said SSM U OStaff volunteer Lauren Hurst, U1 Science. "Frosh is a great w a y to become comfortable with the school and the city in general." And so melted the notorious last w eek of August into the first w eek of classes. Until next year, then. ■

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Hours: Weekdays, 7am-4:30pm Weekends, 8am-4:30pm Holidays, 8am-3pm

BREAKFAST

news NEWS

SPECIAL

The new student's guide to McGill politics Sure, university politics can be petty, but at their heart decisions are being m ade that affect students' lives. Below, the Tribune lays eut the current issues, the arguments and what's a t stake for you. Board of Governors restructuring The issue: M cG ills Board of Governors, the university's highest decision-making body, v ill dra matically reduce its membership this January There are currently 4 5 governors, but only 2 5 will "emain after restructuring, according to the proposal the Board adopted over the summer. This change is the first phase in a review of the Board's structures and procedures that began last year. O n one hand: By creating a smaller Board, M cG ill is following a nationwide university trend. The Governance Review Group, compri ed of Principal Heather Munroe-Blum, Board C hair Robert Rabinovitch and SecretaryGeneral Robin Geller, argues that having fewer governors will stre amline the decision-making process. O n the other hand: The university's vice-princi pals, who hold observer status, were excluded from cuts to Board membership. The ratio of senior administrators to students is therefore set to ir crease on a smaller Board. By contrast, downtown under graduates will continue to have one voting reoresentative on the Board, but the voice-only :eat of Students' Society president has been elimincred.

Chartwells/CAFS: The issue: Last spring, students, faculty c id staff formed the Coalition for Action on Food Services in response to the fight the university's plan Id offer management contracts for 16 campus cafeterias to a single bidder. After a CAFS-organized bcycott of food services m anaged by private com pany Chartwells, the university extended the management contracts of current cafeteria operators for a period of one year. A Dining at M cG ill Advisory Committee w as also established to look into food-related issues on campus.

FROSH

ni Stay tuned to the Tribune for updates on the myriad misadventues in the McGill political world!

O n one hand: Cafeterias such as the formerly Engineering Undergraduate Society-fun Good-Bytes C a fé , whose management w as taken over by Chartwells over a year ago, have already seen price hikes. C A FS argues that if a single corporation ran all 16 of the cafeterias whose contracts w ere to be tendered the reduced competition might result in higher prices and lower-quality foods and services. O n the other hand: University administrators argue that centralized food services would eliminate repetitive food options across cafeterias. A long-term goal is to create a swipe-card system that would allow students to purchase meals electronically.

Letter of agreement The issue: Every five years the Students' Society re-negotiates its letter of agreement with the university; the current one expires M a y 1. The letter of agreement is the official document that defines the relationship between the administration and the undergraduate student body. Both SSM U and the administration are already forming separate drafts as starting points for negotiation. Up for discussion: The letter of agreement cov ers everything from the cost of renting the University Centre (currently about $ 1 0 0 ,0 0 0 a year] to the extent of student representation on administrative committees, as well as the collection and distribution of student fees. N o w that SSM U is an accredited organization, it is legally entitled to the fees the uni versity collects on SSM U s behalf, whereas previous ly it w as the administration's choice whether or not to hand over the funds.

called Turnitin.com. At least two students initially received failing grades after refusing to submit their work to the W e b site, which compares the assign ment to others in its database and then provides an originality report for the professor to evaluate. Student protests last spring led the university Senate to postpone its final decision on whether to imple ment Turnitin.com on a universitywide basis. O n one hand: Plagiarism is on the rise, and the service makes it easier for professors and teach ing assistants to detect it. Some students say they are

At least two students initially received failing grades after refusing to submit their work to Turnitin.com, which compares the assignment to others in its database and then provides an originality report for the professor to evaluate. not concerned whether their classmates cheat, but Associate Dean of Science Morton Mendelson said last year that any plagiarism lessens the value of a M cG ill degree. Additionally, Turnitin.com may help students protect their own work from being plagia rized by others. O n the other hand: Students object to being presumed to be guilty before proven innocent, and claim the service violates their intellectual-property rights by retaining their work in its database for future use. Additionally, students who submit plagia rized work in French are at an advantage, former SSM U Vice-President University Affairs Vivian Choy said last year, as the mostly English-language site has less French content for comparison.

Tumitin.com The issue: Students were upset last year by the trial use of an on-line plagiarism-detection service

equal access to education were surprised when their request to hold a rally on campus last fall w as rejected due to a supposed M cG ill University ban on political rallies. Students' Society representatives contended that no such ban existed. M cGill's Senate then struck an ad hoc committee to establish guidelines for the use of university property for events. The committee proposed a temporary approval policy that allocates sites according to the number of attendees expected. The university's secu rity department is responsible for assessing the secu

rity risk of each event, providing the necessary per sonnel, and relocating it should the number of atten dees exceed capacity. W hether students or admin istrators foot the security bill, however, is up in the air. The committee will establish a more permanent policy, including guidelines on security funding, by the end of the academ ic year. O n one hand: A definitive policy means that students and administrators alike will have their responsibilities officially outlined and be able to plan events according to established guidelines. O n the other hand: There are concerns that the policy might discriminate against student groups who are unable to pay for the amount of security required for an event or need more security because of an issue's volatile nature.

Protests on Campus The issue: Students demonstrating in support of

—Jennifer Jett, Laura S a b a and Lisa Varano

NEWS

Inside the beer perimeter

W h a t would make someone give up their final summer weekend in Montreal to don a bright yellow shirt, stand under the hot sun all d a y and serve drunken freshmen? Students' Society Operations-Staffers did exactly that from Saturday through Monday. "They're staff for the events, behind-the-scenes people," said SSM U Frosh coordinator Jenne C arey, explaining that they serve food, direct Frosh groups to events, and answer questions. "They're there when [the Frosh coordinators] are not around. Without them, Frosh would not run smoothly at all." In other words, the O-Staff is responsible for executing the events that the Frosh coordinators plan, while the Frosh leaders who guide groups of Froshies constitute another layer of leadership. C a re y trained the O-Staff to serve alcohol last w eek. Rumours of pop and p izza notwithstanding,

W h a t is the funniest thing y o u 'v e heard from a n e w M c G ill student in the first w eek o f sch o o l? ‘"W h e re can I get some good Southern fried chicken?' And Kentucky Fried Chicken wasn't what he w a s looking for."

The O-Staff experience SEPANDTEHRANI

QUOTABLES

—M elanie Lane of the First-Year O ffice

beer w as the Frosh order of the day, but that didn't mean O-Staffers could indulge while on the job. "Please don't drink while you're serving beer," C a re y instructed the O-Staffers, w ho would serve frosh corralled in a roped-off "beer perimeter" on Lower Field. C a re y told O-Staffers to encourage drinking in moderation by gauging a student's level of inebria tion prior to serving him or her beer. Other tips included trying to limit an individual to one drink per hour, filling no more than two Frosh mugs at a time for one person, and refusing to give alcohol if necessary. This reporter pegged two young gentlemen urinating on the landing below -the McLennan library, just before they w ere carted off by M cG ill Security, as prime candidates for being cut off. "I don't think [the O-Staff is] really responsible for the mass confusion that prevails. It's really hard to deal with this many people," said Frosh leader

Ian Ratzer. For the most part, however, this year's events seem to have gone off relatively w ell. "It's been a lot of work, but fun nonetheless. Nothing out of control's happened, not yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed ," said O-Staffer Rebecca Stewart. That an O-Staffer's job consists of a significant amount of work seemed to be the consensus, but most appeared to genuinely enjoy it. Andrew Gillin chimed in that it w as a lot of work having to "keep the barbarians at bay, as they come at you from all sides demanding beer." Upon a moment's reflection, Gillin added with a smile, "I should have done this years ag o ." A varied group, ranging from U1 to graduate students, participated in Frosh as O-Staffers. Firstyear graduate student Ilian Kramer decided to vol unteer his time. "Although it's mostly just a lot of drunken idiots,

it actually manages to be a lot of fun here," he said, referring to his previous less than stellar expe rience as an O-Staff equivalent at the University of W aterloo. Most froshies seemed to be none the worse for wear, meaning that they w ere happily intoxicat ed, a few more so than the others. "The experience of Frosh is [a] marathon," said U1 froshie Ben Travers. First-year student Lindsay G rant agreed. "I have to get it out of my system during Frosh w eek," she said. Not all freshmen were impressed by the atten tion given to alcohol. "I think it's very strange [to have] unlimited beer, but limited water and food, especially on a hot day," said Patrick Lulin, a U1 Science student from Montreal. "H o w can the guys in the tent have leadership? They just serve beer." — W ith files from Lisa Varano

the mcgill tribune 11.9.04 | news 3

C A M P U S NE WS

S S MU BRI EF

Still g o i n g . . .

Subsidy lowers S S M U daycare rates

Nothing outlasts the Shatner renovations

A g o v e rn m e n t s u b s id y h a s a llo w e d th e S tu d e n ts' S o c ie ty d a y c a re to re d u c e th e a m o u n t it c h a rg e s p a re n ts to $ 7 a d a y p e r c h ild . P rio r to its o ffic ia l re c o g n itio n b y th e Q u e b e c g o v e rn m e n t in m id-July, th e S S M U d a y c a r e w a s a p riv a te ly run s e rv ic e . U n d e rg ra d u a te p a re n ts p a id m o re th a n d o u b le th e s u b s id iz e d p ric e , w h ile p o s tg ra d u a te p a re n ts p a id th re e tim e s th e n e w a m o u n t. R u n n in g a g o v e rn m e n t-s u b s i d iz e d d a y c a r e h a s b e e n S S M U 's g o a l "fro m d a y o n e ," s a id S S M U V ic e -P re s id e n t O p e ra tio n s A n th o n y D i

C a rlo . A lth o u g h th e Q u e b e c g o v e rn m e n t a lr e a d y h a s s e v e ra l d a y c a re s d o w n to w n , th e fin a n c ia l n e e d s o f u n i v e rs ity stu d e n ts p ro m p te d it to g ra n t th e S S M U d a y c a r e 's re q u e st. In o rd e r to fu lfill g o v e rn m e n t re g u la tio n s , th e d a y c a r e h a s to m e e t s ta n d a rd s in a re a s such a s s ta ffin g a n d fo o d s e rv ic e . T h e d a y c a r e is o p e ra tin g a t full c a p a c ity w ith 3 2 c h ild re n e n ro lle d . T h re e a re th e c h ild re n o f in te rn a tio n a l stu d e n ts, w h o a re c u rre n tly in e lig ib le fo r th e s u b s id iz e d ra te . —M iriam M a rtz

a ....•........................................................... È

Shatner improvements are progressing at a painfully slow pace.

HEATHER HAQ LAWRENCE S tu d e n ts re tu rn in g to c a m p u s w ill n o tic e re n o v a tio n s to th e U n iv e rs ity C e n tre a re still in c o m p le te a n d a y e a r o v e rd u e . In 2 0 0 3 th e S tu d e n ts' S o c ie ty in tro d u c e d a m a n d a to ry s e v e n -y e a r fe e o f $ 1 1 . 8 4 p e r se m e ste r to fin a n c e th e $ 1 . 8-m illio n re n o v a tio n s , w h ic h w e re o rig in a lly s c h e d u le d fo r c o m p le tio n b y th e e n d o f la s t sum m er. "T h e y fu lly sh a t o n th e S h a tn e r p ro j e c t," s a id S usan H o u g h , U 2 P o litic a l S c ie n c e . H o w e v e r, S S M U V ic e -P re s id e n t C lu b s a n d S e rv ic e s S a m e e n S h a h id s a id th a t s ig n ific a n t p ro g re s s h a s b e e n m a d e a n d th e b u ild in g is n o w e n te rin g th e fin a l s ta g e s o f re n o v a tio n s . "S h a tn e r is a n o ld b u ild in g ," she s a id , " a n d b e c a u s e o f th a t, re n o v a tio n s in v o lv e a lo t o f su rp rise s o v e r tim e ." O n e o f th e se su rp rise s h a s b e e n th a t m a n y re n o v a tio n p ro je c ts h a v e n o t o n ly ta k e n lo n g e r b u t h a v e a ls o co s t m o re to c o m p le te th a n o rig in a lly a n tic i

p a te d . T h is is o n e re a s o n , S h a h id s a id , th a t a n e w s o u n d system in th e b a llro o m w ill. n o lo n g e r b e p u rc h a s e d . B e s id e s, sh e a d d e d , "[th e s o u n d sy ste m ] w o u ld b e c o m e o u td a te d to o s o o n fo r th e a m o u n t o f m o n e y w e w o u ld in v e st in its p u rc h a s e ." A n o th e r re a s o n fo r th e re n o v a tio n d e la y s is th a t a lo t o f tim e a n d m o n e y h a v e b e e n s p e n t o n b rin g in g th e b u ild in g u p to th e city's s a fe ty a n d a c c e s s ib il ity c o d e s . "T h is has m e a n t a w h o le lo t o f m o n e y [h a s b e e n ] s p e n t o n th in g s th a t stu d e n ts m a y n o t b e a s a p p re c ia tiv e o f b e c a u s e th e y d o n 't n e c e s s a rily m a k e th e b u ild in g lo o k 're n o v a te d ,'" S h a h id s a id . A s re n o v a tio n s c o n tin u e d , o th e r a re a s o f th e b u ild in g w e r e d is c o v e re d to fa ll s h o rt o f th e c ity c o d e , in c lu d in g th e k itch e n h o o d s in th e s e c o n d -flo o r c a fe te ria . A te m p o ra ry s o lu tio n h a s b e e n a g re e d u p o n so th a t stu d e n ts w ill b e a b le to use th e c a fe te ria d u rin g th e s c h o o l y e a r a n d a m o re p e rm a n e n t so lu tio n s h o u ld b e fo u n d b y June.

ELISE N EW M A N

W it h th e s e c o n d -flo o r c a fe te ria a n d re sta u ra n ts re -o p e n in g in tim e fo r th e first d a y o f cla ss e s , w h a t re m a in s to b e d o n e a re s o m e fin is h in g to u c h e s in th e b a llro o m a n d m in o r re n o v a tio n s to b o th G e rt's P ub a n d th e su b -b a s e m e n t g a ra g e . S h a h id s a id th a t in o rd e r to m in im iz e d is ru p tio n s to e ve n ts s c h e d u le d to ta k e p la c e in the. b a llro o m , w h ic h is s la te d to re c e iv e n e w w a lls a n d lig h tin g , a ll w o r k th e re w ill b e h a lt e d u ntil M a r c h . A lth o u g h stu d e n ts w ill fin d th a t S h a tn e r is still a w o r k in p ro g re s s , S h a h id d o e s n o t a n tic ip a te m u ch d is a p p o in tm e n t. "It is re a lly o n ly a m a tte r o f h a v in g th e b e a u tifu l w a lls a n d lig h ts in th e b a ll ro o m ," sh e s a id . "T h e m ost im p o rta n t p a rt is to h a v e th e b a llro o m a n d S h a tn e r in g e n e ra l, a v a ila b le fo r th e stu d e n t n e e d s ." S o m e stu d e n ts w o n 't e v e n n o tic e . "I d id n 't e ve n k n o w th e re w e r e su p p o s e d to b e re n o v a tio n s ," s a id H e a th e r P arso n s, U 2 P s y c h o lo g y . "I h a v e n 't re a lly n o tic e d a n y c h a n g e s ." ■

RUN B Y S T U D E N T S , FO R S T U D E N T S • • • • • •

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M A K IN G Y O U R L IF E M O R E C O N V E N IE N T

S A V E EN O U G H M O N EY T O

ANGLES

When nationalism distracts from athletes in skimpy clothes

BUYTH AT rebecca graber

TEH RA N : Iran s official sporting b o d y has a w a rd e d 12 0 ,0 0 0 dollars to its w orld judo champion Arash M iresm aeili for refusing to fight an Israeli during the Athens O lym pics, a n ew sp a p er report sa id on

IS LA N D * YO U A LW A YS W A N TED ! *note: island may have to be pretty small.

Saturday, (w w w .n e w in d p r e s s .c o m , S u n d a y A u g u s t 2 9 2 0 0 4 ] he 2 0 0 4 O ly m p ic G a m e s in A thens h a ve b e e n p la g u e d b y m ultip le sc a n d a ls, in c lu d in g the ingestion o f p e rfo rm a n c e -e n h a n c in g d ru g s b y a th le te s. C o rru p tio n fro m a sin g le in d iv id u a l intent u p o n v ic to ry is o n e th in g , b u t w h a t a b o u t w h e n n a tio n s in v o lv e their p o li tics in the co m p e titio n s? It is both in s p ira tio n a l a n d tortuous to w a tc h the O ly m p ic s . A ll these h a rd b o d ie s (in S pe e d o s), p u sh in g them selves to the lim it (in S peedos), se e kin g the b o u n d a rie s o f h um an e n d u ra n c e (w h ile w e a rin g S p e e d o s], O n e asks oneself, d o I h a ve th a t kind o f d e d ic a tio n , th a t p a ssion? A n d m ore im portantly, w h y d o n 't I lo o k th a t g o o d in

a S peedo? But the sp irit o f the O ly m p ic s is to tra n sce nd o u r b o r ders, to unite in a h u g e, sw e a ty, P G -1 3 mess o f b o d ie s, to re a liz e that even a s w e a re fa llib le , w e c a n push e ve r for w a rd . That the b e a u ty o f life is in the journey, a n d w h ile e v e ry o n e e ve n tu a lly finishes the ra ce , y o u w a n t to d o yo u r best a lo n g the w a y. W h ic h is w h y it is a lw a y s so d is a p p o in tin g w h e n p o l itics d e c id e s to p o k e its g n a rle d little h e a d in to the fun. A fe w w e e k s a g o , the ju d o c o m p e tito r from Iran a p p e a re d a t his w e ig h -in lo o k in g a little p u d g y , a n d w a s d is q u a lifie d . A fte r ye a rs o f tra in in g , d id he th ro w it a ll a w a y b y

su c cu m b in g to the te m p tin g a ro m a o f n loussaka o n the e v e n in g o f the event? H a rd ly. A ra sh M ire s m a e ili, d is q u a li fie d him self rather than ta n g le w ith his Israeli com petitor, Ehud Vaks. Ira n ia n p o lic y is n o t to c o m p e te a g a in s t Israelis, b e ca u se to d o so w o u ld re c o g n iz e Israel's le g itim a c y as a country. The O ly m p ic s has a lw a y s b e e n p o litic a l, in the w a y th a t a n y o rg a n iz a tio n b rin g in g p e o p le to g e th e r in e v ita b ly b e co m e s p o litic iz e d . O n e g ro u p counts as a n a tio n , w h ile a n o th e r d o e s not. V icto ry b e co m e s a m atter o f n a tio n a l sta tus. ■ D espite a ll the w h im s y a n d o p tim ism , the G a m e s a re just a s m uch a p o litic a l eve n t a s a n e le c tio n — w h ic h unfor tu n ate ly d etracts fro m the v e ry b re a th ta k in g a th le tic feats b e in g p e rfo rm e d . It is e a sy to fo rg e t th a t there is b e a u ty eve n in fa ilu re , w h ic h is, a la s , a lesson th a t the C a n a d ia n te a m has le a rn e d . S o if even a n a th le tic co m p e titio n ca n b e so u re d b y the intrusion o f p o litic s, is there a n y h o p e fo r th e w o rld ? The o n ly so lution, really, is to c re a te a united m atria rc h a l d ic ta to rs h ip - le d , naturally, b y yo u rs truly. The first la w I'd pass w o u ld p ro h ib it the d e v e lo p m e n t o f a b e e r g u t d u rin g the sc h o o l year. S igh - tim e to hit the g y m a g a in . ■

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NE WS A N A L Y S I S

The give-and-take government Will education be lost in the shuffle?

Who's w h o in Martin's n ew ca b in et W h a t d o a fo rm e r s e p a ra tis t le a d e r, a n N H L h a ll-o f-fa m e g o a lte n d e r, a n d fo rm e r N D P p re m ie r a ll h a v e in c o m m o n ? T h e y 're a ll m em b e rs o f th e n e w fe d e ra l L ib e ra l C a b in e t. H e re 's a q u ic k lo o k a t se v e ra l k e y p la y e rs o n the P M 's n e w te a m :

MAX SHAPIRO

NATIONAL ELECTION RESULTS SEATS PARTY

SEATS

PO PU LAR V O T E

L ib e ra l

135

3 6 .7 %

C o n s e rv a tiv e

2 9 .6 %

B lo c Q u é b é c o is

1 2 .4 %

N e w D e m o c ra ts

1 5 .7 %

G re e n

4 .3 %

In d e p e n d e n t

0 .5 %

SEAT TO T A L

est a n d re la x a tio n w e re n o t o n the sum m er a g e n d a o f C a n a d ia n p o litic ia n s , a s the p e a c e fu l d a y s o f e a rly sum m er w e re in te rru p te d b y a n e le c tio n c a m p a ig n . A fte r a m e re six m on th s o n the jo b , Prim e M in is te r Paul M a r tin d e fie d m a n y p u n d its a n d p o litic o s b y c a llin g "th e m ost im p o rta n t e le c tio n o f o u r live s" fo r June 2 8 . A s e x a m s w r a p p e d last s p rin g , M a r tin m a in ta in e d a c o m fo rt a b le m a jo rity in th e H o u s e o f C o m m o n s , w h ile m e m b e rs o f th e n e w ly m in te d C o n s e rv a tiv e P arty h a d .o n ly re c e n tly c h o s e n S te p h e n H a rp e r a s th e ir first le a d e r. A lth o u g h the L iberals h a n d ily w o n th e p re vio u s th re e fe d e ra l e le c tio n s , s u p p o rt fo r th e p a rty h a s e ro d e d . A n d fo r th e first tim e in a g e n e ra tio n , C a n a d ia n s h a v e e le c te d a m in o rity g o v e rn m e n t. O u t o f a to ta l 3 0 8 seats in th e H o u s e o f C o m m o n s , th e g o v e rn in g p a rty o n ly m a n a g e d to e k e o u t 1 3 5 seats — 2 0 fe w e r th a n the 1 5 5 n e e d e d to m a in ta in m a jo rity status. S till, it w a s m o re th a n m a n y p o litic a l o b s e rv e rs h a d e x p e c te d , a s th e re h a d b e e n s p e c u la tio n a b o u t a p o s s ib le C o n s e rv a tiv e victo ry . In the e n d , H a rp e rs Tories w o n 9 9 seats, th e p ro -s o v e re ig n ty B lo c Q u é b é c o is p ic k e d u p 5 4 , a n d th e le ft-le a n in g N e w D e m o c ra ts g a rn e re d 1 9 . O n e n o n -a ffilia te d M P w a s a ls o e le c te d . A s co u n te r-in tu itiv e a s it m a y s o u n d , th e L ib e ra ls w o n b y a lm o s t lo s in g . M a n y d is s a tis fie d vo te rs s tra te g ic a lly v o te d fo r th e G rits a n yw a y a fte r se a t p ro je c tio n s su g g e s te d th e p o s s ib ility o f a C o n s e rv a tiv e g o v e rn m e n t. The so -c a lle d "s p o n s o rs h ip " s c a n d a l in w h ic h m illio n s o f d o lla rs in g o v e rn m e n t a d v e rtis in g co n tra c ts w e re a w a r d e d to L ib e ra l-frie n d ly firm s w a s a k e y fa c to r in the s lid e to w a rd s m in o rity te rritory. M in o rity g o ve rn m e n ts , th e last o f w h ic h w a s le d b y J o e C la rk in 1 9 7 9 , h a v e a n a v e ra g e life s p a n o f 1 8 m onths. T h e y a re p ro n e to c o lla p s e b e c a u s e o p p o s itio n s u p p o rt is n e c e s s a ry fo r th e g o v e rn m e n t to p a ss a n y le g is la tio n . M a n y y o u n g C a n a d ia n s a re n o w c o n c e rn e d th a t h ig h -p ro file p ro b le m s in v o lv in g h e a lth c a re a n d fu n d in g fo r citie s w ill o v e rs h a d o w stu d e n t issues in e a c h p a rty's s tru g g le to in c re a s e its o w n su p p o rt. S in c e m in o rity g o v e rn m e n ts a re s o d e p e n d e n t o n b a rg a in in g a n d c o m p ro m is e a m o n g a ll p a rtie s in th e H o u se , it is u n c le a r a s to h o w th e p e w c o n fig u ra tio n o f g o v e rn m e n t w ill d ire c tly a ffe c t students. E ven th o u g h e d u c a tio n d id n o t to p th e e le c tio n p rio rity list, " it is a n issue th a t the p a rtie s k n o w th e y h a v e to d e a l w ith , a n d in m a n y ca s e s c a n b e b e n e fic ia l to them p o litic a lly ," s a id D a n ie l F rie d la e n d e r, S tu d e n ts' S o c ie ty v ic e -p re s id e n t c o m m u n ity a n d g o v e rn m e n t. H e is h o p e fu l th a t th e fe d e ra l g o v e rn m e n t w ill n o w b e fo rc e d to ta k e stu d e n t c o n c e rn s m o re s e rio u sly in a n e ffo rt to s h o re u p its le g iti m a c y w ith a p o te n tia lly p o w e rfu l v o tin g b lo c . M a r tin c o m m itte d $ 6 - to $ 7 -b illio n o v e r fiv e y e a rs to e d u c a tio n d u rin g a y o u th fo ru m k n o w n a s th e G r e a t C a n a d ia n J o b In te rvie w . "T h a t is the k in d o f p ro m is e w e in te n d to h o ld him to ," F rie d la e n d e r s a id . S u z a n n e M o rto n , a p ro fe ss o r o f C a n a d ia n h is to ry a t M c G ill, p o in te d o u t th a t m in o rity g o v e rn m e n ts h a v e p ro d u c e d p o s itiv e results fo r students in th e pa st. "T h e m ost o b v io u s e x a m p le w o u ld b e [Lester] P e a rs o n s in tro d u c tio n o f the C a n a d a S tu d e n t Loans P ro g ra m u n d e r a L ib e ra l m in o rity g o v e rn m e n t, w ith th e b a la n c e o f p o w e r h e ld b y th e N D P ." M o r to n a ls o n o te d th a t m in o rity situ a tio n s c a n p ro v o k e a g re a t d e a l o f c re a tiv ity in th e c o rrid o rs o f p o w e r. N u m e ro u s "re m a rk a b le " p ro g ra m s , in c lu d in g th e C a n a d a P en sio n Plan a n d u n iv e rsa l M e d ic a re , w e re im p le m e n te d u n d e r the a u s p ic e s o f m in o rity rule in th e 1 9 6 0 s . A s h le y R eid, U 3 C a n a d ia n S tu d ie s, is e q u a lly o p tim is tic . " W ith th e N D P a n d th e o n e n o n -p a rty s e a t p o s itio n e d a s th e b a l a n c e o f p o w e r, I th in k th e L iberals w ill s u p p o rt N D P in itia tiv e s in o rd e r to m a in ta in th e ir p o w e r. H o p e fu lly , fo r th e rest o f th e ir m a n d a te w e w ill se e th e N D P p re ssu rin g th e Liberals to ta k e a s ta n d o n issues such a s tu itio n fe e s a n d u n iv e rsity fu n d in g ." T h ro u g h o u t his c a m p a ig n , N D P le a d e r a n d M c G ill a lu m n u s J a c k Layton p le d g e d to h e lp students fig h t risin g tu itio n fe e s a n d d e b t lo a d s . M a r tin has n o w b e e n le ft w ith th e d e lic a te task o f n a v ig a tin g w h a t he c a lls his his "s ta b le m in o rity " th ro u g h the p o te n tia lly p e rilo u s w a te rs o f a P a rlia m e n t in w h ic h o p p o s itio n p a rtie s to g e th e r h o ld a g re a te r n u m b e r o f seats th a n his o w n g o v e rn m e n t. A to p th e list o f g o v e rn m e n t p rio ritie s sits the h e a lth c a re q u e stio n . T h e re v ita liz a tio n o f th e M e d ic a r e system w a s the c e n tra l L ib e ra l e le c tio n p la n k . In w h a t w ill n o d o u b t test th e p rim e m in is te rs le a d e rs h ip a b ility , a te le v ise d First M in is te rs c o n fe re n c e , w h ic h A lb e rta Prem ier R alph K le in e xp e cts to b e a " g o n g s h o w ," h a s b e e n s c h e d u le d fo r m id -S e p te m b e r to s p e c ific a lly ta c k le th e issue. W h e th e r Paul M a r tin e n d s u p b e in g re m e m b e re d a s a v is io n a ry p o litic ia n o r a fo o tn o te in th e h is to ry b o o k s w ill d e p e n d o n his a b ility to d e liv e r o n his p ro m ise s in th e c o m in g m onths. A m id such a v o la tile p o litic a l c lim a te , it seem s th e o n ly c e rta in ty is th a t the n e xt e le c tio n c a m p a ig n , th o u g h u n o ffic ia l, h a s a lre a d y begun. P a rlia m e n t w ill resum e O c to b e r 4 . ■

308

FUN-FILLED ELECTION FACTS • A re c o rd n u m b e r o f C a n a d ia n s c h o s e n o t to v o te in th e p a s t e le c tio n . 2 0 0 4 s a w th e lo w e s t v o te r tu rn o u t s in c e C o n fe d e ra tio n , w ith o n ly 6 0 . 5 p e r c e n t o f re g is te re d vo te rs c a s tin g b a llo ts . • O n ly in th e 1 8 9 8 re fe re n d u m o n liq u o r p ro h ib itio n d id a s m a lle r p ro p o rtio n o f C a n a d ia n v o te rs ( 4 4 . 6 p e r c e n t] p a rtic ip a te in a n a tio n w id e p o ll. • M c G ill U n iv e rs ity sits in th e c o n s titu e n c y o f W e s tm o u n t-V ille M a r ie a n d is c u rre n tly re p re s e n te d b y th e H o n . L u cie n n e R o b illa rd , m in is te r o f in te rg o v e rn m e n ta l a ffa irs .

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5$ McGill Faculties of Arts and of Science

Jean L ap ierre— Transport "C o m ic a l A li" C x x u p a t i o n : Law yer EDUCATION: L a w (O tta w a ] e x p e r i e n c e : E lected a s a Liberal from 1 9 7 9 - 1 9 9 0 ; co -fo u n d e d the B lo c Q u é b é c o is w ith Lucien B ou ch ard in 1 9 9 0 ; re jo in e d the Liberals in 2 0 0 3 U jja l D o s a n jh — H ealth "The B ig U " OCCUPATION: Lawyer, a ctivist e d u c a t i o n : H o n o u rs BA, Law (S im on Fraser) EXPERIENCE: Form er N D P p re m ie r a n d a tto rn ey-g e n era l o f British C o lu m b ia Ken D ry d e n — Social D evelopm ent "S a n ta " OCCUPATION: H o c k e y g o a lte n d e r EDUCATION: Law (M c G ill) EXPERIENCE: Form er Toronto M a p le Leafs p re sid e n t (h o cke y is p o litic a l, isn't it?) Ralph G o o d a le — Finance "P ra irie B an d it" OCCUPATION: Law yer EDUCATION: LL.B (S askatchew an) EXPERIENCE: First e le c te d a s a n M P in 1 9 7 4 ; re-elected in 1 9 9 3 , 1 9 9 7 , 2 0 0 0 , a n d 2 0 0 4 ; has h e ld num erous p o rtfo lio s , in c lu d in g A g ric u ltu re , N a tu ra l Resources, H o u se Leader a n d Public W o rk s J D J I A n n e M cL e lla n — P ublic S afe ty "L an d slide A n n ie " ■ n i' I o c c u p a t io n : L a w y e r/p ro fe s s o r ■ T ■ EDUCATION: LL.B (D alhousie), LL.M H

(K ings) EXPERIENCE: First e le c te d in 1 9 9 3 a n d re-elected in 1 9 9 7 , 2 0 0 0 , a n d 2 0 0 4 ; has h e ld num erous p o rtfo lio s , in c lu d in g H e a lth , Justice, a n d N a tu ra l Resources j

Pierre P ettigrew — Foreign A ffa irs "S h a m p o o P ettigrew " OCCUPATION: Business co nsultant - L j e d u c a t io n : M P h il (O xfo rd )

EXPERIENCE: First e le c te d in 1 9 9 6 a n d re e le c te d in 1 9 9 7 , 2 0 0 0 , a n d 2 0 0 4 ; has se rve d as m inister o f H ea lth , H u m a n Resources, In te rn atio n al C o o p e ra tio n a n d In tergovernm ental A ffa irs n p M || § * M i t l

■

Bill G r a h a m — D efence OCCUPATION: L a w y e r/p ro fe s s o r e d u c a t i o n : PhD (Paris)

h J f e t a f l l EXPERIEIS|CE: First e le c te d in 1 9 9 3 a n d re e le c te d in 1 9 9 7 , 2 0 0 0 , a n d 2 0 0 4 ; p re vio u sly h e ld the Foreign A ffa irs p o rtfo lio

Tony V aleri — House Leader "C o u n t D ra cu la "

OCCUPATION: S m all business EDUCATION: B A (M cM a ste r) e x p e r i e n c e : First e le c te d in 1 9 9 3 a n d re e le c te d in 1 9 9 7 , 2 0 0 0 , a n d 2 0 0 4 ; p re vio u sly h e ld the p o rtfo lio o f Transport

Irw in C o tie — J ustice/A ttorn.G en. OCCUPATION: M c G ill professor EDUCATION: LL.M (Yale)

Scott Brison— Public W orks EXPERIENCE: First e le c te d in 1 9 9 9 a"Snco d tty re eTurncoat" le c te d in 20 0 0 a n d ■ ■ M l B o c c u p a t io n : Businessm an 2 0 0 4 ; first a p p o in te d to C a b in e t in 2 0 0 3 EDUCATION: B C o m (D alhousie) EXPERIENCE: First e le cte d as a C o n se rva tive in 1 9 9 7 ; jo in e d the Liberals in 2 0 0 3

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T h e P rin c e to n R e vie w 's Best 3 5 7 C o lle g e s— th e a n n u a l c o lle g e -s e a rc h b ib le fo r h ig h -s tru n g stu d e n ts a n d th e ir p a re n ts — p ro n o u n c e d th e M c G ill c a m p u s n u m b e r o n e fo r p o s itiv e ra c e a n d c la ss re la tio n s . M o n tre a l n a b b e d I . tu is ir th e n u m b e r-th re e s p o t o n th e list o f " G r e a t C o lle g e T o w n s ,” K.. ft . V, .< p4*Sf>f w h ile M c G ill w a s ra n k e d se ve nth fo r d iv e rs ity a m o n g th e stu its* { « « « p . ' d e n t b o d y . • C a ro ly n P arrish , th e M P w h o o n c e s a id , "D a m n \ i ita » ® A m e ric a n s , I h a te th o s e b a s ta rd s ," re ite ra te d h e r p o in t last c m *(k p c W ê è k, c a llin g b a c k e rs o f th e U S m is sile d e fe n c e system "th e " ïfe 's r a * c o a litio n o f th e id io ts ." • P iaster o r a s m ile fo r th a t 8 : 3 0 a m .!■ • A cla ss : S e p t. 1 - 7 is In te rn a tio n a l E nthusiasm W e e k . L ife lo n g le a rn I <ll « V ers s im u lta n e o u s ly c e le b ra te S e lf-U n iv e rsity W e e k . D o n 't b e lie v e $ 0W n.tJBSf us? T h e re a re e -c a rd s fo r e v e ry th in g th e se d a y s . • C a n a d ia n ath ta-lwviCT fetes w o n a to ta l o f 1 2 m e d a ls a t th e O ly m p ic s in A th e n s , less Tbs « if f t th a n th e 1 4 e a rn e d a t th e S u m m e r G a m e s in S y d n e y fo u r y e a rs $ x L ’ ftfe»: W ((rt4 W i f 1 a g o . • "P e a c e fu l p ro te ste rs " w h o h a v e d e s c e n d e d u p o n N e w 4 *n u « te « te Y o rk C ity fo r th e R e p u b lic a n N a t io n a l C o n v e n tio n a re e lig ib le

NEWS

BRI EF S U S presidential w inner revealed

A fte r m o n th s o f u n c e rta in ty , A s h a P atel w a s n a m e d S c ie n c e U n d e rg ra d u a te S o c ie ty p re s id e n t in e a rly July w h e n th e J u d ic ia l B o a rd ru le d th a t n e ith e r sh e n o r h e r o p p o n e n t s h o u ld h a v e b e e n d is q u a lifie d fro m th e M a r c h ra c e , a llo w in g th e c a n d id a te w h o re c e iv e d m o re vo te s to ta k e o ffic e . B oth P atel a n d th e o th e r p re s id e n tia l c a n d id a te , R ic h a rd F rie d la n d e r, h a d b e e n d is q u a lifie d b y C h ie f R e tu rn in g O ffic e r B la ir B irk e tt fo r p o s te r v io la tio n s a n d c a m p a ig n in g a fte r th e e n d o f th e d e s ig n a te d p e rio d . B e c a u s e P atel a n d F rie d la n d e r w e r e th e o n ly tw o c a n d id a te s , th e p o s itio n o f S U S p re s id e n t w a s le ft v a c a n t p e n d in g th e J-

B o a rd 's d e c is io n . S U S V ic e -P re s id e n t A c a d e m ic C h ris Lee a c te d a s p re s id e n t fro m th e b e g in n in g o f th e te rm o n M a y 1 u ntil P atel w a s d e c la r e d th e w in n e r. A lth o u g h th e J -B o a rd s tip u la te d th a t P atel's v io la tio n s w e r e m o re s e v e re th a n F rie d la n d e r's , th e y w e r e n o t c o n s id e re d s u ffic ie n t g ro u n d s fo r d is q u a lific a tio n . "E v e n if [th e o ffe n c e s ] w e r e e x tre m e e n o u g h to h a v e e a rn e d h e r m a n y v o te s , sh e w b n b y su ch a m a rg in th a t e v e n w ith o u t th e v io la tio n s it is lik e ly th a t sh e w o u ld h a v e w o n a n y w a y ," F rie d la n d e r s a id . P atel w a s n o t a v a ila b le fo r c o m m e n t. —Emily Harris \

f f if r i m r ’r f fo r d 'sc o u n ts a t p a r tic ip a tin g h o te ls, e a te rie s , s h o p s a n d ÏL j ' . to u ris t a ttra c tio n s . • A C h ile a n c o u rt h a s s trip p e d fo rm e r i J «' d ic ta to r A u g u s to P in o c h e t o f im m u n ity tro m p ro s e c u tio n . • a te m y re v C o n tro v e rs ia l Q u e b e c C ity r a d io s ta tio n C H O I F M h a s It- k : it»*,. b e e n a llo w e d to s ta y o n the a ir u n til a s p rin g a p p e a l i ,■>» »>:.- k i A t u r n t o f th e fe d e ra l b ro a d c a s t re g u la to r's d e c is io n to shut .. -:ihi <ic '» » i hit j| d o w n , i A lt a t t u i vU tli the

STUDENT

NEWS

With few er bursaries, students all a-loan DAVID M. NATAF A $ 1 0 3 -m illio n c u t in Q u e b e c stu d e n t b u rs a rie s , e ffe c tiv e to d a y , m e a n s stu d e n ts w ill h a v e to ta k e o n m o re lo a n s to p a y fo r th e ir e d u c a tio n . In a d d itio n to th is c h a n g e in th e fin a n c ia l a id syste m , b e tw e e n 1 5 , 0 0 0 a n d 2 0 , 0 0 0 Q u e b e c u n iv e rs ity stu d e n ts re c e iv in g a s s is ta n c e a re fa c in g d e la y s in re c e iv in g th e ir lo a n s a n d b u rs a rie s this fa ll d u e to a c o m p u te r error. S tu d e n ts w h o d o n o t h a v e th e ir a id c a lc u la te d b y th e b e g in n in g o f th e s c h o o l y e a r w ill re c e iv e a p ro v is io n a l a m o u n t e q u iv a le n t to h a lf th e a id th e y re c e iv e d o v e r th e s a m e p e rio d la s t y e a r. If th e g o v e rn m e n t's in itia l fin a n c ia l a id c a lc u la tio n s

W E ’R E L O O K I N G F O R P A S S IO N A T E P E O P L E

re in s ta te d a s o f to d a y . T h e lo a n w ill n o w to ta l $ 2 ,0 0 0 fo r th e p u rc h a s e o f a n e w d e s k to p P C , o r $ 3 , 0 0 0 fo r stu d e n ts e n ro lle d in a m a n d a to ry la p to p p ro g ra m . S tu d e n ts w ill n o w a ls o b e a b le to b u y th e ir c o m p u te rs fro m th e s to re o f th e ir c h o ic e , a s th e lo a n w ill b e d e p o s ite d d ir e c tly in to s tu d e n ts' b a n k a c c o u n ts . P re viou sly, th e lo a n lim ite d stu d e n ts to s o m e 3 0 sto re s. S tu d e n t g ro u p s a re p ro te s tin g th e in c re a s e d e m p h a s is o n lo a n s . La F é d é ra tio n é tu d ia n te u n iv e r s ita ire d u Q u é b e c , a p ro v in c ia l lo b b y g ro u p o f w h ic h th e S tu d e n ts' S o c ie ty is a m e m b e r, p la n s to d r a w a tte n tio n to th e re d u c tio n in b u rs a rie s th ro u g h stu d e n t m o b iliz a tio n , p ro te sts a n d p re ss c o n fe re n c e s , s a id SSM U V ic e -P re s id e n t O p e r a t io n s

M cGill students who have applied for government assis tance will not be charged interest for late tuition payments.

a re in a c c u ra te , s u b s e q u e n t m o n th ly p a y m e n ts w ill b e a d ju s te d . U n iv e rs ity stu d e n ts re q u e s tin g fin a n c ia l a s s is ta n c e fo r th e first tim e w ill re c e iv e p ro v is io n a l a id o f $ 1 , 5 0 0 . M c G ill stu d e n ts a ffe c te d b y th e d e la y s s h o u ld n o t fin d it m o re d iffic u lt to p a y fo r tu itio n th a n la s t y e a r, h o w e v e r. J u d y S tym est, d ire c to r o f S tu d e n t A id a n d In te rn a tio n a l S tu d e n t S e rv ic e s , h a s n o t s e e n m a n y w o r r ie d stu d e n ts. "If a n y stu d e n t h a s n 't [re c e iv e d his o r h e r a id o n tim e ] a n d is stu ck, th e n th e y c a n c o m e to us a n d w e w ill g iv e th e m a n a d v a n c e o f M c G ill fu n d s ," sh e s a id . S tym est h a s re c e iv e d a list o f th e stu d e n ts w h o h a v e a p p lie d fo r g o v e rn m e n t a s s is ta n c e a n d a ssu re s th o s e stu d e n ts th a t th e y w ill n o t b e c h a rg e d in te re s t fo r la te tu itio n p a y m e n ts . U n d e r th e p ro v in c e 's n e w fin a n c ia l a id syste m , stu d e n ts w ill re c e iv e a lo a n to c o v e r tu itio n e x p e n s e s a t th e b e g in n in g o f e a c h te rm , fo llo w e d b y m o n th ly lo a n s d e p o s ite d d ir e c t ly in to th e ir b a n k a c c o u n ts . S h o u ld n e e d e x c e e d th e m o n th ly lo a n c e ilin g o f ro u g h ly $ 3 0 0 , th e stu d e n t w ill re c e iv e a b u rs a ry . This w ill re p la c e th e a n n u a l lo a n c e ilin g o f $ 2 ,4 6 0 . T h e s tu d e n t lo a n fo r th e p u rc h a s e o f a c o m p u te r, w h ic h w a s a b o lis h e d b y the p ro v in c ia l g o v e rn m e n t in 2 0 0 3 , is a ls o

A n th o n y D i C a r lo . La F E U Q is c u rre n tly p re p a rin g its s tra te g y a n d h e ld a p re ss c o n fe re n c e M o n d a y a t th e U n iv e rs ité d e M o n tré a l. S tu d e n t a c tiv is ts a re a ls o p re p a rin g fo r a p o s s ib le in c re a s e in in te rn a tio n a l tu itio n . T h e C h a re s t g o v e rn m e n t is c o n s id e rin g liftin g th e fre e z e o n in te rn a tio n a l stu d e n t fe e s, w h ic h c u rre n tly sits a t a ro u n d $ 1 0 , 0 0 0 , c o m p a re d to $ 4 , 0 0 0 fo r ou to f-p ro v in c e s tu d e n ts a n d $ 1 , 6 0 0 fo r Q u e b e c re sid e n ts . S S M U p o litic a l a tta c h é B a ija y a n ta M u k h o p a d h a y p o in te d o u t th a t in e x p lo r in g th e m atter, Q u e b e c e d u c a tio n m in is te r P ierre R e id is " g o in g a g a in s t [th e ] a d v ic e o f tw o b o d ie s o n in te rn a tio n a l tu itio n ." O n e such b o d y , th e C o m ité c o n s u lta tiv e sur l'a c c e s s ib ilité fin a n c iè re d e s é tu d e s , s a id th e p re s e n t fin a n c ia l structu re fo r in te rn a tio n a l stu d e n ts " a p p e a rs re a s o n a b le ." A d d in g th a t th e p ro p o s e d c h a n g e to in te rn a tio n a l tu itio n is " n o t d e fin ite ," M u k h o p a d h a y s a id stu d e n t c a m p a ig n in g w o u ld b e fo c u s e d o n a s k in g th e g o v e rn m e n t to m a in ta in c u rre n t tu itio n le ve ls. S u c ce s s, h e a d d e d , " d e p e n d s o n h o w m uch p re ssu re b u ild s u p ." ■ For more information, contact the Student A id office at 3 9 8 - 6 0 1 3 or at stu dent. aid@mcgill. ca

Are you fascinated by the biomedical sciences? We are. The IRCM is pleased to offer talented students the opportunity to work towards their m asters or doctoral degree or to complete a postdoctoral internship in a stimulating and challenging environment. Our researchers have earned distinction in a number of disciplines, such as molecular medicine and genomic sciences. We offer excellent financial assistance programs. Several scholarships are available, including some sponsored by a Canadian Institutes of Health Research (C lH R ) training grant in cancer research. The IRCM , one of the country’s most prestigious institutions, is experiencing substantial growth as we are doubling our research activities in the coming years. If you wish to join our dynamic team, find out more about our multidisciplinary training programs at www.ircm.qc.ca

^ IR C M

ür-sStetde mà-mïmcfe&pesde Morséa;

www.ircm.qc.ca/en/ admission@irem.qc.ca (514)987-5527

CAMPUS RECREATION

INTRAMURAL SPORTS DIVISIONS

COST

BALL HOCKEY

MEN A & B WOMEN A & B

$95.00 per team

Sept. 1,09:00 to Sept. 16,17:00

Mon., Tues. & Sun.

Fieldhouse A & B

BASKETBALL

MEN A, B, C WOMEN A & B

$95.00 per team

Sept. 1,09:00 to Sept. 16,17:00

Tues - Fri. Weekends

Gymnasium 1 & 2

MEN WOMEN

$95.00 per team

Sept. 1,09:00 to Sept. 9,17:00

Tues., Thurs. Weekends

Forbes Field

ICE HOCKEY

MEN A, B, C & D WOMEN A & B

$525.00 per team

Sept. 1,09:00 to Sept. 9,17:00

Mon. to Fri. & Sun.

McConnell Arena

OUTDOOR SOCCER

MEN A, B & C WOMEN A & B

$125.00 per team

Sept 1,09:00 to Sept. 9,17:00

Mon. to Thurs Weekends

Molson Stadium Forbes Field

TENNIS (Tournament)

MEN A & B WOMEN A & B

$15.00 per player

Sept. 1,09:00 to Sept. 9,17:00

N/A

Sat. & Sun. Sept. 18 & 19

Fieldhouse Courts

ULTIMATE DISC

CO-REC A & B

$95.00 per team

Sept. 1,09:00 to Sept. 9,17:00

4 Men & 4 Women

Mon., Wed., Fri., Weekends

Forbes Field

VOLLEYBALL

MEN A & B WOMEN A & B CO-REC A & B

$95.00 per team

Sept. 1,09:00 to Sept. 16,17:00

8 4 Men 4 Women

Mon., Wed. & Thurs.

Gymnasium 1 & 2 ieldhouse A & B

VOLLEYBALL (4 on 4) (Tournament)

CO-REC

$30.00 per team

T.B.A.

2 Men & 2 Women

T.B.A.

Gymnasium 1 &2

TOUCH FOOTBALL

NUMBER 0IF PLAYERS To Register Maximum

GAME DAYS

LOCATION

PLEASE NOTE THAT REGISTRATION DEADLINES ARE STRICTLY ENFORCED SPACE IN MOST SPORTS IS LIMITED - REGISTER EA RLY

IN T R A M U R A L S p o rts O ffic ia tin g Students interested in sports officiating should complete an application form at the Campus Recreation office (G35).

INTRAMURAL SPORTS BALL HOCKEY BASKETBALL BASKETBALL

ICE HOCKEY TOUCH FOOTBALL FLAG FOOTBALL ULTIMATE

SOCCER VOLLEYBALL VOLLEYBALL

Experience is an asset, but not a necessity! F R E E Are you looking for AGENTS 3 team to join? Attend the Free Agents Meeting and come prepare to pay your portion of the team entry fee. OUTDOOR SPORTS & ICE HOCKEY: Tuesday September 7 INDOOR SPORTS: Tuesday September 14 The Free Agents Meetings begin @ 17:30 in the Tomlinson Hall Atrium (2nd Floor Fieldhouse) f * s iw i

M cG ill ATH L E T I C S

SAVE 20%

R e c A c t iv it ie s C a rd For convenience, the Athletics Department is introducing a new R E C A C T IV IT IE S C A R D . Rather than carrying pockets full of change to your favorite pass-time, simply present the card to the attendant upon entering #0000 the activity. The card R E C A CTIVITIES 1 *1 . provides users with $25 CARD M cGill worth of recreational Squash Eye Guard Rental Racquet Rentals Friday Round Robin Shinny Hockey Tennis services and activities for Pay-As-You-Go Skating Golf ntramural Hockey Equipment $20 and may be purchased in the Client w w w . a th le tic s , m cg ill. c a R ec Activities C ards are transferable. U nused portions Services Office (G-20C). are not redeem able for cash refund. Although exact change www.athletics.mcgill.ca 25* 2 5 * 254 25* $1 $1 $1 $1 will continue to be 254 254 254 254 $1 $1 $1 $1 accepted, taking 2 5 * 254 254 264 $1 $1 $1 $1 25* 254 25* 254 $1 $1 $1 $1 advantage of the card can $1 254 25* 25* 254 $1 $1 $1 save you up to 20 %.

■N F O R M A T I O N I: 3 9 8 -7 0 1 1 11

■

FALL 2 0 0 4

FITNESS A N D RECREATION CO U R SES DAY & TIME

COURSE K ID S ' CORNER O ly m p ic W a y - W h ite (3 -1 4 yrs) W h ite A d v (3 -1 4 y r s )___________ G re e n (3 - 1 4 yrs) B lue (3 - 1 4 yrs) B ro n ze ( 3 - 1 4 yrs) S ilv e r (3 - 1 4 yrs) G o ld (3 - 1 4 yrs)

Saturday

10:30-11:15

Saturday

11:15-12:00

DAN C E B a lle t B elly D a n c in g C o n te m p o ra ry D an c e (Students ONLY Audition Required) F la m e n c o H ip H o p Iris h D a n c e Jazz In tr o 1 & II Jazz In te r II & III L a tin D an c e Social D an c e S w in g D an c e - L in d y H o p 1 S w in g D a n c e - L in d y H o p II

■

T ae B ox S te p & P u m p S te p & S w e a t S pin

■

M onday Saturday W ednesday Saturday by app ointm ent bv app ointm ent Tues & Thurs

18:30-19:25 11:15-12:10 18:30-19:25 11:15-12:10

W ednesday Sunday

22.69/39.99 260.78/286.86

8 12

Friday Tuesday W ednesday Friday

16:30-18:30 17:00-17:55 17:00-17:55 19:40-22:00

.. 71.28/93.01 31.30/53.03 31.30/53.03 31.3

W ednesday Tuesday (beqinner) Friday (advanced) Thursday Tues & Thurs Tues & Thurs M onday Tuesday Tuesday Thursday Thursday

19:00-20:25 18:00-18:55 18:00-18:55 20:00-21:30 17:00-18:25 18:30-19:55 19:00-20:25 19:00-20:25 20:30-21:55 18:00-18:55 19:00-19:55

45.21/66.94 31.30/53.03 31.30/53.03 39.99/61.72 62.59/106.05 62.59/106.05 31.30/48.68

10 10 10 10 10 10 8

31.30/48.68 31.30/53.03 31.30/53.03

8 10 10

M onday & Thursday M onday & W ednesday Saturday M onday & W ednesday M onday, W ednesday and Friday Tues & Thurs M onday, W ednesday and Friday Tuesday & Thursday Tuesday & Thursday Tuesday & Thursday Tuesday & Thursday M onday & W ednesday Tuesday & Thursday M onday & W ednesday M on, W ed & Fri

17:00-17:55 12:00-12:55 12:00-12:55 18:00-18:55 18:00-18:55 18:30-19:25 16:00-16:55 17:30-18:25 17:30-18:25 13:30-14:25 08:00-08:55 08:00-08:45 18:10-18:55 18:00-19:25 19:10-19:55 16:30-17:25 18:30-19:25

31.30/74.76 31.30/74.76 15.65/37.38 31.30/74.76

10 10 10 10

59.98/125.18 39.99/83.45 59.98/125.18 59.98/125.18 39.99/83.45 39.99/83.45 62.59/106.05

17:00-17:55 11:00-11:55 17:00-17:55 12:00-12:55 16:15-17:10

by app ointm ent M onday W ednesday Saturday, Sept. 25th Sunday, Sept, 26th Sunday, Sept. 26th M on & W ed

P ilâ te s P ilâ te s P ilâ te s 1 & Il P ow er Yoga P ow er Yoga T ai Chi A ik id o C a p o e ira Judo K a ra te d o K endo K ic k b o x in g K ic k b o x in g - S a v a te 1 K ic k b o x in g - S a v a te II

19:00-22:00 19:00-22:00 09:00-19:00

78.25/123.44 62.59/106.05 39.99/83.45 59.98/125.18

M o o K w an g Tae K w o n D o 1 (W hite & Yellow ) M o o K w a n g T a e K w o n D o II (Oranqe +) S h a o lin T ae K w o n D o Olympic Sparring

___

F en cin g 1

______________ 1 10 10

F en cin g II H ockey 1 H o ck ey II S k a tin g

S k a tin g (Private) S k a tin g (Semi-Private) S q u ash In tr o

___

S q u ash In te r

10 .

10 10 10 10 10 10 10

___ ---------

S q u ash (Private) T en n is In tr o

____

T e n n is In te r

$2.17/$1.34 $2.17/$1.74 Î2 .1 7 /Î1 .7 4 $2.17/$1.74 39.99/44.34 178.20/208.62 178.20/208.62 97.35/110.40

DAY & TIME

M A R T IA L ARTS

18:30-19:25 12:30-16:00

T en n is A d v a n c e d ________________ 1 1 14 14 1 ____

M on & W ed Tues & Thurs Tuesday Thursday Friday Tues & Thurs M on & W ed Thursday

09:00-17:00 08:00-08:55 12:00-12:55 18:15-19:25 19:30-20:40 08:00-08:55 16:00-17:10 17:15-18:25 18:30-19:40 17:00-18:10 18:30-19:40 13:00-14:15 13:00-14:15 14:30-15:45 17:00-17:55 13:00-13:55 20:00-21:25

56.51/69.55 29.56/64.33 29.56/64.33 46.94/90.41 37.38/72.15 29.56/64.33 37.38/72.15 37.38/72.15 37.38772.15 37.38/72.15 46.94/68.67 46.94/68.67 46.94/68.67 37.38772.15 37.38772.15 39.99774.76

10 10 10 10 10 8

Tuesday & Friday M on\W ed\Fri M onday & W ednesday M onday, W ednesday Tuesday & Saturday M on, W ed, Fri Tuesday, Thursday & Friday Tuesday, Thursday & Friday

18:00-19:55 17:00-19:55 16:30-17:55 17:30:19:25 19:30-21:25 20:00-21:55 09:00-10:55 15:30-16:25 21:30-22:25 19:30-20:25 20:00-21:25 18:00-19:25

77.37/120,86

68.67/133,87 62.59/106.05 62.59/106.05 62.59/106.55

10 10 10 10

47.81/113.00 47.81/113.00

10 10

69.54/134.74

Tues & Thurs

H a th a Y o g a II

35.64/53.03

18:30-19:25

FITNESS & W ELLNESS

CPR R e-C ert H a th a Y o g a 1

35.64/53.03

1/2 hr 172 hr 8

S p in & T rim S p in - R ace & Pace S te p E x tre m e C a rd io Jam FITNESS & W ELLNESS (P A Y -A S -Y OU-GO) M onday & W ednesday STEP Saturday Tues & Thurs TAE BOX Sunday AEROBICS Friday YO G A F itn e ss A p p ra is a l F itn e ss In s tru c to r T ra in in g P e rs o n a l T ra in e r D e v e lo p m e n t C PR IFirst A id

WKS

15.65/20.00 11.30/15,65 31.30/48.68

FITNESS & WELLNESS A e ro b ic s - C lassic C a rd io B o d y W o rk s B o d y D es ig n M id C utz Boot Cam p

R e g is te r in t h e C lie n t Services O ffic e in t h e S p orts C e n tre - M o n d a y th r o u g h F rid a y 0 8 h 3 0 -1 9 h 4 5 . R e g is tra tio n has b e g u n a n d c o n tin u e s th r o u g h F rid ay, S e p te m b e r 2 4 , 2 0 0 4 . N o n -m e m b e rs re g is te re d in courses m a y use th e fa c ility o n ly d u rin g th e ir d e s ig n a te d class tim e s . M o s t classes b e g in t h e w e e k o f S e p te m b e r 13, 2 0 0 4 . Classes w ill n o t b e h e ld O c to b e r 9 -1 1 , 2 0 0 4 , d u e t o T h a n k s g iv in g . F u ll-tim e M c G ill s tu d e n ts m a y re g is te r a t t h e m e m b e r's ra te . Prices d o n o t in c lu d e taxes.

COURSE

AQU A TICS A d u lts L ea rn To S w im (Level 1 Beginner) A d u lts L e a rn To S w im (Level 2 & 3 Interm ediate) S w im (Private) S w im (Semi-Private) S w im F it (Cardio-Respiratorv Endurance) S tro k e Im p ro v e m e n t SCUBA

COST

R EG ISTR A TIO N IN FO RM A TIO N

T en n is (Private) T en n is (Semi-Private)

_____ 1-------------8

Rock C lim b in g K a y a k in g H ik in g

19:30-20:25

31.30774.76

M onday & W ednesday

20:30-21:25

31.30/74.76

M onday & W ednesday Tuesday& Thursday

20:30-21:55 18:00-19:25

47.81/91.28 47.81/91.20

10 10

Tuesday & Thursday M onday & W ednesday M onday & W ednesday Friday Friday W ednesday Saturday

08:00-08:55 19:00-19:55 20:00-20:55 13:30-14:45 14:45-16:15 15:00-16:15 10:30-11:20 11:30-12:20

39.99/74.76

39.99/74.76 45.20/62.59 53.90/71.29 47.81/65.20 32.17/49.55

8 8

15.65/20.00 11.30/15.65 21.73/34.78

1/2 hr 1/2 hr 6

21.73/34.78

16.52/20.87 28.68/41.73

45 min 6

19.13/23.47

28.68/41.73

19.13/23.47 28.68/41.73

2 6

18.26/22.60 13.04/17.39

2 1 1

by app ointm ent by app ointm ent M onday M onday Tuesday Tuesday W ednesday W ednesday Thursday Thursday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Saturday Sunday M onday Thursday Saturday Sunday by app ointm ent M onday Tuesday W ednesday Thursday Saturday Sunday M onday Tuesday W ednesday Thursday Saturday M onday W ednesday Thursday Sunday by ap p o in tm en t by app ointm ent

16:00-16:45 17:30-18:15 16:45-17:30 17:30-18:15 12:15-13:00 13:00-13:45 16:00-16:45 16:45-17:30 08:30-09:15 09:15-10:00 14:30-15:15 15:15-16:00 16:00-16:45 10:45-11:30 11:30-12:15 16:45-17:30 17:30-18:15 11:30-12:15 12:15-13:00 19:00-19:55 16:30-17:25 15:00-15:55 19:00-19:55 09:30-11:25 09:30-11:25 20:00-20:55 17:30-18:25 14:00-14:55 18:00-18:55 11:30-13:25 21:00-21:55 16:00-16:55 17:00-17:55 11:30-13:25

8 8

Saturday Sunday Saturday Septem ber 25 W ednesday Friday Saturday Septem ber 18 Saturday Septem ber 25 Saturday October 2 Saturday O ctober 16 Saturday O ctober 30 Saturday Novem ber 6 Saturday Novem ber 13 Saturday Novem ber 20

13:00-15:25 13:00-15:25 All Day 21:00-22:30 14:30-15:55 Alt Day All Day All Day All Day All Day All Day All Day All Day

126.05/134.74 126.05/134.74 65.20/69.54 85,19/102.58

6 6 1 8

39.11/43.47

M onday & W ednesday M onday & W ednesday W ednesday & Friday Tuesday & Friday Tuesday & Thursday Tuesday & Thursday Tuesday & Thursday M onday & W ednesday M onday & W ednesday Tuesday & Thursday Tuesday & Thursday M onday & W ednesday M onday, W ed,, Friday M onday & W ednesday M onday & W ednesday

12:15-13:00 12:30-13:15 11:30-12:15 12:00-12:45 12:30-13:15 13:00-13:45 12:30-13:15 13:00-13:45 13:00-13:45 12:00-12:45 12:15-13:00 12:00-12:45 12:30-13:15 13:00-13:45 13:00-13:45

$13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04 $13.04

13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13

STAFF FITNESS A q u a Fitness B a d m in to n B all H o ck ey B e lly D a n c in g B o d y D e s ig n Easy R id e r L a tin A e ro b ic s R iders o n th e S to rm H a th a Y o q a Ï H a th a Y o q a II P ilâ te s P o w e r Y o q a L ite Recess T en n is Tai Chi

WKS

M onday & W ednesday

O UTDOOR PURSUITS E q u e s tria n

COST

o r w w w .a t h le t ic s .m c g ill.c a

M cG ill ATHLETICS

opinion

HI STORY L E S S O N S

A myriad of tribulations

Head first

n d s o th e s to ry g o e s th a t w e h a v e b e e n p u b lis h in g fo r th e b e tte r p a r t o f tw o u n in te re s tin g e ra s , c o m p le te ly b y p a s s in g th e 6 0 s a n d 7 0 s a n d p re fe rrin g to w a it until th e u n c o n tro v e rs ia l c lo s in g o f th e 2 0 th c e n tu ry to e s ta b lis h o u rs e lv e s . H e re 's w h a t

w e 'v e jo s tle d w ith in just o v e r 2 0 y e a rs ... O u r in itia l g o a l m ust h a v e b e e n to lo o k lik e s o m e fa n c y D e p re s s io n e r a , s m a ll-to w n e s q u e le a fle t w ith a n e v e n m o re a n c ie n t-lo o k in g m a s th e a d ... A n d w h a t w e r e w e th in k in g try in g to fit th re e s to rie s (a h e m , a m a te u r h o u r) o n th e c o v e r? ... T h e R e d m e n fo o tb a ll

"Each d a y is a little life." -Arthur Schopenhauer

te a m e n jo y e d th e e a rly 8 0 s b y p a r a d in g a ro u n d w ith w h a t w o u ld n o w b e c o n s id e re d a n o ffe n s iv e lo g o , a s if th e n a m e w a s n 't e n o u g h ... T h e fa m o u s fla g -s te a lin g c a p e r a to p th e A rts b u ild in g w a s s o m e th in g th a t w e just c a n 't se e m to liv e u p to th e se d a y s , c a n w e , M c G illia n s ? . . . Yes, w e s tru g g le d th ro u g h th e g o o d o ld o n e -e d ito r-p e r-s e c tio n d a y s in a

NATALIE FLETCHER

b o m b shelter o f a n o ffic e . H o w g r e a t it is to n o w ta k e a d v a n ta g e o f flic k e rin g flu o re s cents, o c c a s io n a l s u n lig h t a n d to ta l d e p e n d e n c y o n o u r c o -e d ito r s ... Later o n w e e x p e r

re e tin g s fro m th e c o llis io n

sam osas p a st S S M U

c o u rs e — it's th e p rim e tim e

hunger a n d

to visit. S tu d e n ts p lu c k e d

w h e n o rig in a l th o u g h t b e c o m e s h o p e le s s .

o u t o f th e ir n a tu ra l h a b ita ts

s p e w in g

E nthusiasm

is a

im e n te d in v a in w ith th e fu ll-o n m a g a z in e lo o k ; e v id e n tly , it d id n o t a p p e a s e th o s e th a t

s e c u rity to s a tia te S e in fe ld ia n fu n n y

m a tte r... Those h a ir m e ta l b a n d s w e p ro file d w e r e p re tty c o o l; b rin g o n th e r e v iv a l... A h ,

q u ip s

c re a tu re .

p ro te ste rs o n th e fro n t p a g e ; life h a s n 't c h a n g e d m u c h h e re a t M e — w e n e v e r sh u t u p — G ill. . . W e h a d o u r o w n hotline? W h a t new s is b r e a k in g so u rg e n tly ? " U n in s p ire d M c G ill

a re re lo c a te d to a h u b b u b

a w a k e n s fo rg o tte n d e p o s its o f d riv e w h e n

o f u n re a lity w h e re r a p id shifts o f m o m e n tu m

students don't steal fla g o n A rts b u ild in g ." C a tc h y ... Q u ite th e fo re s ig h t w e h a d , c irc a

e v e ry th in g se e m s to b e a t o d d s . N e v e r

1 9 8 7 — ” [ N ] o o n e c a re s . B a s e b a ll a n d M o n tr e a l a re a n u n h a p p y m a r r ia g e .” . . . O u r a n i

a n d e x c h a n g e s o f e n e rg y c a u s e th e m to

a g a in w ill life a llo w us to b e s o g re e n ; o n ly

m o s ity to w a rd s th e U S w a s just a little m o re p re v a le n t b a c k in th e d a y , m ost n o ta b ly w ith

k n o c k h e a d s to g e th e r. Roll o u t th e re d c a r p e t, th e c lic h é s a re p a r a d in g : th e su rre a l a n d th e e v e ry d a y ru b n o se s, p e o p le a re

n o w c a n w e b e a m a te u rs w ith o u r h e a d s h e ld h ig h , g le a n in g skills h e re a n d th e re

e v e ry w h e re , in y o u r w a y , o n th e ir w a y . Th e

w e k n o w , re a lly , s a v e th a t w e lo v e w h a t

“ th o s e w e r e th e d a y s ” ; uh, e x c u s e us, b a c k to b u s in e s s ... M u lr o n e y vs. Tu rn e r a n d Bush

h e a t, th e n o is e s , th e n o b le a tte m p ts to

w e d o a n d w a n t to k e e p d o in g it. W e

vs. D u k a k is . W h a t is this fetish fo r c o v e rin g fa rc ic a l elections? S ta y tu n e d . . W e s ta rte d

a b r id g e e n tire su m m ers in to th re e -s e c o n d c o n v e rs a tio n s . R eally, th o u g h , is th e re a n y

e a c h h a v e o u r th in g ; w e e a c h h a v e o u r re a s o n s . I b la m e th e Tintin c o lle c tio n

to m a k e in ro a d s b e fo re th e c a le n d a r tu rn e d 1 9 9 0 w ith o u r e x p e rim e n t in F re n c h -la n g u a g e

th in g m o re fa n ta s tic a lly c h a o tic th a n th e first w e e k o f s c h o o l?

b e s to w e d o n m e b y a fa v o u rite u n c le ; p a r e n ts d is c ip lin in g m e w ith d ic ta tio n s ; a n d

c h ic k en m a s c o t... T h e in fa m o u s s m o k in g b a n c a u s e d m a n y a p u ffe r to fle e c a m p u s a n d

A n d it's n o t lik e th e c o m m o tio n is c o n

th e u rg e n t n e e d to s e e k p ro fe s s io n a l h e lp

s ta rte d to sw itch to L a b a tfs — y e a h , that's a n a p o s tro p h e th e r e ... B o y d o w e lo v e o u r

fin e d to th e c a m p u s o u tb a c k . Z o o m in to

w h e n e v e r I c a tc h

m yse lf, h u n g o v e r a n d

C a p ta in K irk. A fte r n a m in g o u r b u ild in g a fte r h im , to th e d is m a y o f th e a d m in is tra tio n , w e

th e

b r e e d in g

e x h a u s te d , e d itin g c e re a l b o x e s fo r p e a c e

fla u n tily p re v ie w e d a s h o w a b o u t Star Trek a t P la y e rs ' T h e a tre ... T h e In te rn e t is h e re ! The

g ro u n d o f m in i h e a d -o n c o llis io n s . W h ile

o f m in d w h ils t n u rsin g a b o w l o f S h re d d ie s .

In te rn e t is h e re ! T h a n k G o d fo r te c h n o lo g y a n d its b en efits to th e n e w s p a p e r in d u s try a n d

But it's n o t lik e w e c a n h e lp it. W e a re w h a t w e th in k a n d w h a t w e th in k , w e becom e.

its la z y s ta ffe rs ... A t so m e p o in t in 1 9 9 4 , th e p in n a c le o f a g r e a t m usic e r a , w e h ig h

s tu d e n t

b u ild in g — it's

the q u e s tio n a b le disgust w e e x h ib ite d o v e r th e inclusion o f A m e ric a n h o lid a y s in h a b it u a lly unused d a te b o o k s d is trib u te d b y th e u n iversity; a t le a st w e h a d o u r p rio ritie s s tra ig h t... A n a rtic le o n th e lo n g -a w a ite d S o lin H a ll p u rc h a s e , h m m , h e re 's to a n o s ta lg ic

u ntil re a lity s h o w s its u g ly fa c e . W h a t d o

We want to learn it all, see it all, do it all... and we want to now. And why not?

r e p o rtin g ..

flo o d lo c a l b a rs w ith e v e n m o re Q u é b é c o is t o b a c c o . . . S a y it a in 't so: M c G ill resid en ces

lig h te d g r e a t a lb u m s fro m th e "re a l ro c k e r a ," th e 7 0 s . W ill w e g e t a n o th e r o p p o rtu n ity lik e th a t d u rin g w h a t is n o w a d e re lic t e r a in s o n g ? ... Let th e s e p a ra tis t ta lk b e g in : Q u e b e c g o v e rn m e n t p ro h ib its o u t-o f-p ro v in c e stu d e n ts fro m g o in g to its m e d s c h o o ls ...

A n d s o , it's tru e . E ach

O u r in s ig h t o n S w in g e rs , th e q u in tes s e n tia l film fo r th e ins e c u re s in g le m a le , hits th e n a il.

d a y is a little life . S o m e

But w e 'r e still firm b e lie v e rs th a t M c G ill la d ie s w ill a lw a y s lo v e th e b a d b o y s ... T h e h o r

h e fty d e - c o n te x tu a liz in g m a y b e in o rd e r (Sir A rth u r

ro r o f th e ic e sto rm o f 1 9 9 8 le ft s o m e stu d e n ts h o m e le s s , m a n y p o w e rle s s , a n d e v e ry o n e h e lp le s s . W h y d o w e lo v e th is city, a g a in ? . . . B rin g o n th e CFL: w e b a s k e d in th e g lo r y

w o u ld n e v e r a llu d e to a n y c lu b s a n d s e rv ic e s s e t u p h o u se , a s p a n k

th in g

in g n e w e d b o a r d c h a rg e s in to S h a tn e r w ith a fre sh se n s e o f p u rp o s e th a t k n o w s n o

s o m e d e c e n t la d y lo v in '), b u t it a p p e a rs th e h e c tic e n th u s ia s m o f to d a y c a n b e c o m e a

c a r d in a l p o in ts . W e w a n t to le a rn it a ll, se e

life s e n te n c e if h e w e d in to s h a p e . In u n iv e r

if a ll, d o it a ll. . . a n d w e w a n t to n o w . A n d

sity, w h im s a n d a s p ira tio n s h a v e p rim a c y

w h y n o t? W e ll, th e re is th a t th in g c a lle d s le e p . T h e n th e re 's th a t th in g c a lle d te c h n o l o g y th a t insists o n w a g in g w a rs a g a in s t o u r

o v e r a le v e l-h e a d e d te m p e r. W e c a n b u ild c a s tle s iri th e a ir .. . o r w ith fla t b e e r a n d

sa n ity.

g o t.

(Font m a n a g e rs

a re

in d e e d

the

p o s itiv e

w ith o u t a

first,

b ra in

w ake

Frosh b ra c e le ts , th ro w a w a y o u r h o u se ke y s a n d w a tc h a s w e s c u rry a ro u n d in a g lo r ifie d b u m p e r c a r c irc u it, s m u g g lin g

c h a n c e s a re , y o u 'll b e w a y to o re v v e d u p

How to read your darling newspaper.... Watering at the mouth over another year of reading relish, eh? Aren't we all...

S h o w p re m ie re d , it w a s a re fu g e fo r m a n y stu d e n ts, w h a t w ith th e m a r iju a n a u s a g e a n d c o n s ta n t n e e d fo r le th a rg y , b u t a p p a r e n tly o u r re v ie w e r h a te d it a t first. M o r e p re te n tio u s w e c o u ld n o t b e ..

u p w ith

a s p littin g

m ig ra in e ,

o n s la u g h t o f N a p s te r r e a lly h a d us d r o o lin g ... S o it b e g in s — M c G ill e lim in a te s first 7 e a r re z g u a ra n te e s . T h a n k g o o d n e s s fo r b a n k ru p t a n d d e s p e ra te h o te l g r o u p s ... It h a d to b e business a s usual a fte r th e 9 / 1 1 disasters. Th in g s w e r e d iffe re n t b u t w e m o b iliz e d ... O h th o s e A p r il F o o ls ' e d itio n s a re just s o frig g in h ila rio u s ; h o w d o w e k e e p g e n e r a tin g su ch A m a te ria l fo r o v e r 2 0 y e a rs ? ... P le a s e , o h p le a s e , d e a r T rib u n e , p rin t a n o th e r story

but

a b o u t T u rn itin .c o m fo r e v e ry o n e 's re a d in g p le a s u re . A n d s o it g o e s ... ■

to n o tic e . W e k n o w w e w ill. S o h a p p y c o l lid in g . ■

This is y o u r first tim e rin g u p a Tribune. (Try to la in y o u r e xc ite m e n t, yo u lie z e a lo t.)

YES

You fin d o u r C a le n d a r lis tin g s a n d w o n d e r w h e th e r w e 'll a g re e to a d v e rtis e y o u r c lu b 's first s h in d ig (O f co u rs e w e ll s u p p o rt the A s s o c ia tio n o f Students w ith F oot Fetishes' fa ll s o ire e ... a n y th in g fo r a to o n ie , b a b y ).

Y ou sta re in ra p tu re a t e xc lu sive in te rv ie w s a n d re v ie w s in A & E (H e a v e n b e p ra is e d , so m e o n e else o n this fin e p la n e t a ls o e n jo y s q u a lity B -g ra d e h o rro r flicks!)

YES

The in v e s tig a tiv e stories in N e w s — a n d the lesser lo a d o f S S M U u p d a te s — m a k e yo u r fin g e rs tin g le (W e k n o w , c a m p u s re p o rtin g w a rm s th e c o c k le s o f o u r h e a rts, to o .)

✓

♦ YES

YES

You start d ro o lin g o v e r o u r n e w a rm y o f O p / E d co lu m n ists a n d w is h y o u w e re so n im b le -w itte d (If y o u a re , b e w a r e — o u r e d ito rs d o u b le a s guestco lu m n ist b o d y snatchers, y o u c o u ld b e next.)

You w rite fo r us o r a re a p a re n t o f a n e d ito r (S ig h .)

Loads o f a rtic le s o n B uy N o th in g D a y ? A r e w e leftists? U h h ... D o n 't

w o r r y C N N , w e 'v e g o t th e s to ry o n S h a tn e r s n e w e le c tro n ic s ig n a ll c o v e r e d ... The

later. S ure y o u 'll

d e v ils w a lk in g sticks.) But h e c k , ta tto o us in

TRIBBIE TUTORI AL

o f th e A ls m a k in g M o ls o n S ta d iu m th e ir n e w a n d p e rm a n e n t h o m e ... W h e n That 7 0 s

lo b o to m y a n d

p re tz e ls . T a ke a c ra s h d iv e ; to d a y 's a ll y o u H ead

A n d u n d e r th e c a te g o r y o f S S M U p u rc h a s es g o n e a w r y : th e M a r tle t re d

YES

You q u ic k ly lo o k to see if N e w s h a s m e n tio n e d y o u r Rez (Listen, p re c io u s , y o u re a lly n e e d to re visit y o u r p rio ritie s .)

YES

S po rts' e x p a n s io n in to non-Jock te rrito ry m akes y o u w a n n a jo in the fe n c in g te a m (En g a rd e , fe n c in g fo e ... lest m y fo ib le fo in y o u r flesh!)

NO T h e e x p a n d e d p h o to e ss a ys m a k e y o u th in k b a c k to th e d a y s w h e n y o u d re a m e d o f b e in g a n 'a rtis te ' (It's a w o n d e r w h a t y o u c a n m uster w ith C ra y o la s th e se d a y s ...)

NO YES

W e ll, a t le a st th e p a p e r is soft a n d m ake s a g o o d p illo w (Forty w in k s in a lecture h a ll d o e s a h a p p y s c h o o l d a y m a k e !|

Y ou th in k m o n k e ys c o u ld d o better, s o y o u d e c id e to sto p b y the o ffic e to g e t a w ritin g a ss ig n m e n t (W e ll a re n 't w e the c o c k o f the w a lk ...)

You e a g e rly a w a it n e xt w e e k 's e d itio n (Flattery g e ts y o u e v e ry w h e re .)

You m a k e a c o lla g e o f y o u r fa v o u rite stories a n d p ic tures fo r y o u r frid g e (Yikes.)

M cG ill Tribune

the megill tribune 11.9.04 | opinion 9 Deconstructing the facade

Fear and loathing in O ceania BRETT SCH R EW E

C u r io s ity d e live rs .

Editor-in-C hief Natalie Fletcher e d ito r@ trib u n e .m c g ill.c a

Managing Editors Katherine Fugler James Scarfone s e n io re d @ trib u n e .m c g ill.c a

News Editors Jennifer Jett Laura Saba Lisa Varano trib n e w s @ trib u n e .m c g ill.c a

Features Editors Liz Allemang Brody Brown fe a tu re s @ trib u n e .m c g ill.c a

A&E Editors Daniel Chodos Liz Treutler

brett.schrewe@mail.mcgill.ca n th e o p e n in g p a g e s o f G e o r g e O r w e ll's / 9 8 4 , th e s m o u ld e rin g ra g e o f th e c itiz e n s o f O c e a n ia is s to k e d to a ro a rin g b la z e b y th e fa c e o f p u b lic e n e m y E m m a n u e l G o ld s te in , o ffe re d u p a s a s a c rific ia l la m b d u rin g th e T w o M in u te s ' H a te . A s th e y h a v e a n o u tle t u p o n w h ic h to v e n t a ll o f th e ir fru stra tio n s a b o u t th e ir b le a k e x is te n c e , th e fin e p e o p le o f A irs trip O n e n o t o n ly n o lo n g e r q u e s tio n B ig B ro the r, b u t lo o k to h im a n d th e P a rty to d e liv e r th e m fro m th e u n h a p p in e s s o f th e ir s h a c k le d lives. A c y c le is c re a te d ; a rise to p o w e r o n d is s a t is fa c tio n o f th e m asses, c o n s ta n t d is tra c tio n s p ro v id e d to o c c u p y th e ir a tte n tio n , a n d s a lv a tio n fro m th e se d iv e rs io n s p re s e n te d in th e m y ria d o f fo rm s o f th e p o w e r structu re . Thus, p o w e r is re ta in e d b y b re a k in g th e c o n n e c tio n b e tw e e n d is s a tis fa c tio n o f th o s e d o in g th e e m p o w e rin g w ith th e a c tio n s o f th o s e th e y e m p o w e r. T h e syste m su rv iv e s o n a ) a n a c t io n — re d e fin in g a n d p re s e n tin g th in g s a s p ro b le m s it a lo n e c a n s o lv e , a n d b ) a m y th o lo g y — a s lo n g a s p e o p le b e lie v e th e p re s e n c e o f th e system to b e n e c e s s a ry to th e ir w e ll-b e in g , th e re is n o im p e tu s to q u e s tio n

it. W e lc o m e to life a t th e d a w n o f th e th ird m il le n n iu m , w h e re y e t a g a in u to p ia is s u p p o s e d ly rig h t a ro u n d th e c o rn e r, th is tim e to b e b ro u g h t to us b y th e U S o f A a n d its in te rp re ta tio n o f th e id e a o f

a rts @ trib u n e .m c g ill.c a

Sports Editors M oh it Arora A ndrew Segal s p o rts @ trib u n e .m c g ill.c a

g lo b a liz a tio n , th e b a n n e r u n d e r w h ic h a ll o f th e E arth's p e o p le w ill a t lo n g la st b e u n ite d . It is th e la t e st in c a rn a tio n o f th e e te rn a l p o w e r structu re ; a n e w p h o e n ix ris in g fro m th e ru b b le o f th e B erlin W a ll a n d th e s h a rp ly d e m a rc a te d (a n d d e c id e d ly u n n a tu ra l) b a ttle lin e s o f C o ld W a r id e o lo g y . O n c e a g a in , h is to ry re p e a ts itse lf; e x te rn a l structu re s a n d p e o p le o p p o s e d to th e system a re th e re a s o n s fo r its im p e rfe c tio n s a n d m ust b e v a n q u is h e d o r c o -o p te d . In ste a d o f th e S o v ie t b o g e y m a n a n d h is frie n d s c o n s ta n tly lu rk in g w ith im m in e n t n u c le a r w e a p o n s a n d s u p p o s e d ly th re a te n in g to re a liz e N ik ita K h ru s h ch e v's u n fo rg e tta b le s h o e b a n g in g in te rp re ta tio n o f " W e W i ll R o ck Y o u ," C N N , C B C , th e B B C , a n d o th e r m e m b e rs o f th e n e w s m e d ia 's v e rs io n o f th e " c o a litio n o f th e w ill in g " a re a c o m p lic ity s e rv in g u p n e w fa c e s fo r to d a y 's v e rs io n o f th e T w o M in u te s ' H a te . T h e g re a t d a n g e rs s u p p o s e d ly p re s e n te d b y C h in a h a v e b e e n re d u c e d n o w th a t a c c e s s to a m a rk e t o f o v e r a b illio n p e o p le is b lo w in g o p e n . If th e P o litb u ro o f th e w o rld 's m o s t p o p u lo u s c o u n try crush e s th e h u m a n b o d y w ith ta n ks a n d th e h u m a n s p irit w ith re p re s s io n in T ia n a n m e n S q u a re , d o e s a n y o n e c a re a s lo n g a s C h in a is w illin g to c o m e in to th e W T O ? Thus, th e re is a re a d y -m a d e a p o lo g y b u ilt in to th e syste m , s c a p e g o a ts u p o n w h ic h to v e n t fru stra

tio n s a n d d o n k e y s u p o n w h ic h to p in b la m e fo r th e fa ilu re o f th e system to b rin g in to th e re a l th e id e a ls it c la im s to c h a m p io n a n d d e fe n d . T h ro u g h o u t W e s te rn h isto ry, th e p o w e r struc tures h a v e o fte n lo o k e d e x te rn a lly fo r p ro b le m s , b e lie v in g th a t to d e s tro y th e O th e r w a s to d e s tro y th e p ro b le m . H itle r w e n t a fte r J e w s , h o m o s e x u a ls , R o m a n ys, th e m e n ta lly ill, co m m u n is ts , a n d m a n y o th e rs to p u rg e G e rm a n y o f its s h o rtc o m in g s . C o n te m p o ra ry s o c ie ty h a s d e m o n iz e d in n e r-c ity A m e ric a a s w a r z o n e s to b e fe a re d a n d e ra d ic a t e d , s trik in g a p a rtn e rs h ip b e tw e e n th o s e w illin g to liv e in c iv il lib e rty s e rfd o m in e x c h a n g e fo r th e p ro te c tio n fro m th e se b a r b a r ic la n d s b y th e p o w e rw ie ld in g lo rd s o f th e W e s te rn m a n o r. H o w e v e r, w e c a n g a in n o th in g b y m u rd e rin g th e h a te r b e c a u s e th e h a te lie s w ith in o u rse lve s. N o m a tte r h o w m a n y fo rm s o f th e system w e c re a te , a s lo n g a s th e p rin c ip le s u n d e rly in g it d o n 't c h a n g e , w e w ill a lw a y s b e ru le d b y a n g e r a n d s u ffe rin g . It is n e c e s s a ry to b e g in to lo o k in te rn a lly , to b e g in to re a liz e th a t o n e o f th e keys to ju s tic e is a n in te rn a l sh ift in p e rc e p tio n , to b e g in to d is c o v e r th a t S e lf a n d O th e r a re tw o a s p e c ts o f th e s a m e . W h e n w e a re a b le to se e o u rse ive s in th e fa c e o f E m m a n u e l G o ld s te in a n d his m a n y d iffe re n t in c a rn a tio n s , the c u rre n t d ic h o to m o u s system a n d thus o u r im p ris o n m e n t b y it w ill s o u n d its d e a th k n e ll. ■

Radically respectable

Is respectability at death's door?

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Ad Typesetter Shawn Lazare Publisher Chad Ronald C ontributors Robert Church Kim D'Souza Rebecca Graber Emily Harris Dany Horovitz Heather Haq Lawrence Cristina Markham Miriam Martz David M . Nataf Spencer Ross Brett Schrewe M ax Shapiro Elisha Siegel Sepand Tehrani Tribune O ffices Editorial. Shatner University Centre, Room I 10, 3480 McTavish, Montreal, Q C Tel: 5 14.398.6789 Fax: 5 14.398.1750 W eb: www.mcgilltribune.com Advertising. Brown Student Building, Suite 1200 3600 McTavish, Montreal, Q C H3A IY2 Tel: 5 14.398.6806 Fax: 5 14.398.7490

e s p e c t, re s p e c ta b ility , re s p e c ta b le n e s s — n o w a d a y s , the w o rd s a re th ro w n a ro u n d a t ra n d o m to th e p o in t o f in a n ity. Yet, a s E n g lis h ^ w rite r G .K . C h e s te rto n c o n firm e d in his a u to b io g ra phy, th e term s c a rry a s o c ia l lo a d th a t c a n n o t b e

o v e rlo o k e d . "I w a s b o rn o f re s p e c ta b le b u t h o n est pa re n ts, th a t is, in a w o r ld w h e re the w o rd 're s p e c ta b ility ' w a s n o t y e t e x c lu s iv e ly a term o f a b u s e , b u t re ta in e d so m e d im p h ilo lo g ic a l c o n n e c tio n w ith th e id e a o f b e in g re s p e c te d ," C h e ste rto n w ro te , re c a llin g a c o n ve rs a tio n b e tw e e n his m o th e r a n d father. " M y father, w h o w a s se re n e , h u m o ro u s a n d full o f h o b b ie s , re m a rk e d c a s u a lly th a t he h a d b e e n a s k e d to g o o n w h a t w a s then c a lle d The Vestry. A t this m y m other, w h o w a s m o re sw ift, restless a n d g e n e ra lly ra d ic a l in h er instincts, uttered 'O h , E d w a rd , d o n 't! Y ou w ill b e s o re s p e c ta b le ! W e n e ve r h a v e b e e n re s p e c ta b le ye t; d o n 't let's b e g in n o w .' A n d I re m e m b e r m y fa th e r m ild ly re p ly in g , 'M y d e a r, y o u p re se n t a ra th e r a la rm in g p ic tu re o f o u r lives, if y o u s a y th a t w e h a ve n e ve r fo r o n e s in g le in sta nt b e e n re s p e c ta b le .'"

A d m itte d ly , C h e ste rto n 's c o m m e n ts a re n o t q u ite c o n te m p o ra ry , b u t the te n d e n c y to v ie w "re s p e c ta b ility " a s a term o f a b u s e is still o n the m ark. A n d fo r a co lu m n a im in g to sift th ro u g h s o c ia l a n d cu ltu ra l p h e n o m e n a in a n e ffo rt to p in p o in t h o w c o n te m p o ra ry p e o p le a rtic u la te intuitions a b o u t w h a t d e se rv e s re sp e ct, a d is cu ss io n o f the w o rd seem s like a g o o d sta rtin g p o in t. T w o q u ite d iffe re n t fra m e w o rk s c o n trib u te to the cu rre n t d is p a ra g e m e n t o f re sp e c ta b ility. C h e ste rto n 's m other's instin ctive h o rro r to w a rd s h e r h u sb a n d 's p o s itio n o n th e ve s try e xp re sse s th e first. In m y v ie w , this kin d o f a ttitu d e has e v e ry th in g to d o w ith th e a ffir m a tio n o f a n o rd in a ry life o f p ro d u c tio n a n d re p ro d u c tio n that, a s p h ilo s o p h e r C h a rle s T a ylo r n o te d , is so c h a ra c te ris tic o f m o d e rn id e n tity. This kin d o f "ra d ic a l" ch e rish e s th e m id d le -c la s s life o f th e h o u se h o ld e r a n d th e "b usin e ss m a n [w h o is] still p e rm itte d to m in d his o w n b u sin e ss," a s C h e ste rto n puts it. The fra m e w o rk sta rkly o p p o s e s b o th tra d itio n a l h o n o u r e th ic s th a t p riz e th e d ig n ity o f th e fre e -citiz e n a n d A ris to le 's id e a l o f p o litic a l p a rtic ip a tio n .

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D e a r peruser o f this paper, W e k n o w yo u ha ve m an y a thought fro lickin g in that pretty little h e a d o f yours. S om e a re intellectually in clin ed , others h a lf-baked, m ost rather ra n d o m ... but w h ic h e v e r w a y y o u 're le a n ing , yo u h a ve o p in io n s a n d w e 're hu n gry to h ear 'em . Love d is a g re e in g a n d ca llin g o u r bluff? W h ip us u p a letter. M a y b e your overw helm in g -ra g e -s la s h -in ca p a cita tin g -e n th u s ia sm sp ills o u t b e yo n d the a ve ra g e letter length. O h d o w e h a ve a forum fo r yo u . B ehold the D ispatch Box, m axim um c a p a c ity 5 0 0 w o rd s. S hould yo u r letter h a tch in g sp a w n a full-out b ra w l w ith yo u r room m ate, a ir yo u r d irty laun d ry ( 4 0 0 w e lfw a s h e d w o rd s , please) in Parry & Thrust. O r m a y b e y o u 're a n instant m essenger w h o re a n d o n ly s w a p b ite s iz e m usings w ith a select fe w . H o w n ice fo r yo u . There's room in o u r inn fo r yo u also. C h e c k into the Reaction Engine, o n ly 3 0 0 w o rd s p e r visit. H a ve noth in g to think a b o u t after y o u finish re vie w in g o ur p u b lica tion? S igh. Excuse us, su icid e a w a its. (Ah the sw eet sound o f o u r nascent careers g e ttin g a b o rte d .) Peace, love, happiness, unity a n d ca n d y. A m en.

Th e s e c o n d fra m e w o rk a ss o c ia te s "re s p e c ta b il ity ” w ith b o u rg e o is m o ra l m e d io crity. Those o f this v ie w a re p ro n e to d e riv e , in Taylor's w o rd s , “ a n a r ro w a n d sm u g sa tisfa ctio n a t a p itia b le co m fo rt, o b liv io u s to the g re a t issues o f life, o r th e su ffe rin g o f th e m asses, o r th e s w e e p o f h is to ry." Iro n ic a lly, as T a ylo r p o in te d o u t, th e c h ild re n o f m id d le -c la s s p riv i le g e a re m ost lik e ly to b e c o m e the activists w h o re je c t th e p rim a c y th e ir p a re n ts a ttrib u te d to the v a l ues o f o rd in a ry life. Yet a re e ith e r the b lu n t re je c tio n o f re s p e c ta b ili ty o r the c o u n te ra c tin g e m b ra c in g o f its m erits c o n structive to c o n te m p o ra ry eth ics? If y o u a re n 't e n tire ly c o m fo rta b le w ith e ith e r o f these slants, o r se e a b it o f hu m a n n e ss in b o th , jo in the c lu b . O u r d e s ire to firm ly d e te rm in e w h a t kin d o f life is w o rth liv in g m ake s b o th fra m e w o rk s se e m less th a n lacklustre. P erha p s o u r g e n e ra tio n w ill s u c c e e d in d ire c tin g its life a c c o rd in g to a m o re c o m p re h e n s iv e m o ra l out lo o k . I g uess o n ly tim e , a n d th e g ra d u a l re th in k in g o f h a c k n e y e d "re s p e c t”-b a s e d la n g u a g e , w ill a llo w fo r it. ■

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o f the a u tho r a n d d o not necessarily reflect the o p in io n s o f the M cG ill Tribune, its editors o r its staff. Please recycle this new spaper. Subscriptions a re a v a ila b le fo r $ 3 0 .0 0 p e r year.

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opinion 11.9.04 | the mcgill tribune The Dose

Take my bloody ad vice ELISHA SIEGEL elisha.siegal@mail.mcgill.ca

Winter or summer? Where should our Olym pic funding g o 9 MOHIT ARORA & ANDREW SEGAL

This dude says... It is a C a n a d ia n re a lity th a t w e h a v e lim ite d fu n d in g a v a ila b le fo r a th le tic s. S o , in s te a d o f d is trib u tin g this sm a ll a m o u n t e q u a lly b e tw e e n o u r b ie n n ia l O ly m p ic p a rtic ip a n ts , th e C a n a d ia n O ly m p ic C o m m itte e sh o u ld e m p h a s iz e th e c o m p e tito rs a t the W in te r O ly m p ic s . This m a k e s sense b e c a u s e C a n a d a is, a t h e a rt, a c o u n try fo u n d e d o n w in te r sp o rts, w ith a fa r g re a te r a ffin ity fo r e ve n ts lik e h o c k e y a n d s k iin g th a n fo r b a s k e tb a ll o r tra ck. Further, the in a b ility o f y e a r-ro u n d p re p a ra tio n fo r m a n y g a m e s o n s n o w a n d ic e — as o p p o s e d to su m m er sports fo r w h ic h a th le te s w h o re s id e in w a rm e r co u n trie s a n d a re a b le to p ra c tic e y e a r-ro u n d , so m e th in g C a n a d ia n s c a n n o t d o w ith o u t g o in g a b r o a d — h e lp s p u t C a n a d a o n e q u a | fo o tin g , a k e y ste p to success. A n d a fin a l a d v a n ta g e to w h ic h C a n a d a la y s c la im is the u n iq u e w in te r tra in in g fa c ilitie s lo c a te d in C a lg a r y a n d so o n V an co uve r, lik e a b o b s le d / lu g e co u rse . F e w o th e r c o u n trie s h a v e these v a lu a b le resources, a n d w e sh o u ld use them to th e ir fullest.

This other dude says... W h ile w e d o g e n e ra lly fa re b e tte r a t the W in te r O ly m p ic s th a n in the S um m e r G a m e s , it w o u ld b e w ro n g to fa v o u r o u r w in te r a th le te s a t the e x p e n s e o f o u r su m m er c o m p e tito rs . If w e d id , w e m ig h t a s w e ll just te ll th e w o r ld th a t w e a re a ll just a b u n c h o f h o c k e y -lo v in g b e e r d rin k e fs w h o liv e in ig lo o s . C a n a d a a lw a y s seem s to b ristle a t the fa c t th a t the rest o f th e w o rld thinks o f us a s ra th e r sim p le , a n d if w e re a lly d o w a n t to c h a n g e that then w e sh o u ld b e try in g to s h o w o u r ta le n t a n d d iv e rs i ty a t the S um m e r G a m e s , w h ic h is a m uch b ig g e r p la tfo rm th a n its w in te r c o u n te rp a rt. W e h a v e g re a t a th le te s in sp o rts o th e r th a n h o c k e y a n d s p e e d sk a tin g , a n d th e c lim a te o u t w e s t is s u ita b le fo r tra in in g y e a r-ro u n d . G iv e n the c h a n c e , o u r sum m er a th le te s c o u ld d o just a s w e ll a s o u r c o ld w e a th e r co m p e tito rs . It is v e ry im p o r ta n t th a t w e g iv e them that c h a n c e , so w e c a n s h o w th e w o fld w h o w e re a lly a re

fe e l lik e a fro s h ie a g a in . E ve ry m o rn in g this w e e k I'v e w o k e n u p w ith a p a rc h e d th ro a t, a p o u n d in g h e a d a c h e , a n d a c lo u d e d m in d full o f a m b ig u o u s m e m o rie s . I w o n d e r, d id I d o a n y th in g e m b a rra s s in g la s t n ig h t? H o w c o m e I k e e p w a k in g u p a lo n e ? A n d w h y a re th e re p o o ls o f b lo o d o n m y p illo w ? It's a s th o u g h I'm re liv in g m y first w e e k s a t M c G ill a ll o v e r a g a in . E x c e p t I'm h u n d re d s o f m ile s fro m M o n tr e a l a n d n o w h e re n e a r a p a rty. A s I w rite , I'm stu ck in m y p a re n ts ' h o u s e in B o sto n n u rs in g m y w o u n d s fro m a s a v a g e o p e r a tio n d e c e iv in g ly c a lle d "s u rg e ry ." Last w e e k , a " d o c to r" k n o c k e d m e u n c o n s c io u s a n d p ro c e e d e d to rip o u t m y fo u r w is d o m te e th w h ile I la y h e lp le s s ly o n th e " o p e r a tin g " ta b le . I w a s sent h o m e in a d ru g -in d u c e d d a z e w ith b lo o d d rip p in g fro m m y lip s. I c u rle d u p in b e d w ith c o n ta in e r o f p u d d in g , a h a n d fu l o f p a in k ille rs a n d a b o ttle o f s c o tc h , w o n d e r in g w h a t I'd d o n e to p iss G o d o f f s o b a d ly .

I s p e n t th e n e x t 4 8 h o u rs in a h a z e . I s lip p e d in a n d o u t o f c o n s c io u s n e s s , fa llin g a s le e p in th e p re s e n c e o f e v e ry v is ito r w h o c a m e to se e m e . M y fa c e s w e lle d u p lik e a p u m p k in a n d m y p o re s sta n k o f fro z e n p e a s . I d ra n k s o u p fro m a c u p a n d a te p a in k ille rs like c a n d y , a ll th e w h ile e x p e rie n c in g h o t fla s h e s a n d h a llu c in a tio n s . U n fo rtu n a te ly , I'm s ta rtin g to fe e l better. Just a s I'v e s ta rtin g to e n jo y th is little v a c a tio n fro m th e w o r ld o f s o lid fo o d a n d c o n s c io u s th o u g h t, I h a v e to ta k e th e lo n g rid e n o rth a c ro s s th e b o r d e r a n d b a c k to s c h o o l. M y c h e e k s w ill still b e p u ffy a n d I'll still h a v e stitch e s in m y m o u th , b u t th e w o r ld w o n 't s to p fo r m e . It's th a t te rrib le les so n w e a ll le a rn e d in k in d e rg a rte n : e v e ry d a y c a n 't b e a s n o w -d a y . S o , if y o u 'r e a fro s h ie a n d y o u 'r e re a d in g th is, c o n s id e r th e se s o m e w o rd s o f w is d o m (a n d a ro u n d o f m u c h -n e e d e d s e lf-p ity fo r y o u rs truly). I k n o w w h a t y o u 'r e g o in g th ro u g h , h o w h a rd it

is to s w itc h g e a rs a n d g e t se rio u s w h e n y o u 're h a v in g s o m u ch fu n . I k n o w h o w to u g h it is tra n s itio n in g fro m w ild p a rtie s a t D ô m e to th e s ta le a n o n y m ity o f a L e a c o c k le c tu re , fro m frie n d ly h a n d s h a k e s in W in n ie s to ic y q la re s in D a w s o n H a ll. E or a w h ile , M c G ill m a y se e m lik e a n e v il o ra l s u rg e o n w h o tric k e d y o u in to s ig n in g a w a y y o u r life o n th e d o tte d lin e . A ll y o u w a n te d w a s a B .A . a n d a g o o d tim e . A m e re to o th a c h e in m e d ic a l term s. In ste a d y o u a re b e in g u n fa irly g o u g e d a n d to rtu re d . B ut d o n 't b e a fr a id , frie n d s . Y ou r sc a rs w ill h e a l a n d y o u r G P A s w ill rise . S ure, y o u 'll b e a b lo o d y m ess a fte r y o u r first se t o f m id te rm s , b u t th e e x p e rie n c e w ill p re p a re y o u fo r w h a t's to c o m e . Y ou w o n 't b e b lin d -s id e d a g a in , n o m a t te r h o w m uch fu n y o u 're h a v in g . A n d if th e w e e k e n d ro lls a ro u n d a n d y o u 're still fe e lin g d o w n , I re c o m m e n d y o u g o se e Dr. L a u re nt d o w n th e stree t. H e 's a sa in t. ■

Neurotica

Diagnosing your writing personality

Affliction fixation cristina. markham@mail. mcgill. ca a s t ye a r, d u rin g o n e o f o u r m a n y trip s to Pita Pit, m y first y e a r ro o m m a te a n d I w e r e g o in g o v e r a ll

lint, a n d n o t a ra re fa ta l d is e a s e . Y our irra tio n a l v o ic e , h o w e v e r, w ill y e ll a n d s c re a m , a n d c o n v in c e y o u th a t

th e re a so n s th a t sh e a n d I w e r e such a w e s o m e

th is c o u ld b e th e first tim e th a t y o u a c tu a lly are sick,

ro o m ie s . S e v e ra l fa c to rs w e r e liste d - w e h a d s im ila r

a n d y o u 're w ritin g it o ff a s a p ro d u c t o f y o u r o v e ra c

tastes in c lo th e s a n d m a k e u p , w h ic h d o u b le d b o th o f

tiv e im a g in a tio n . It w o u ld se e m o b v io u s th a t th e b e st w a y to rid y o u rs e lf o f th is n a g g in g fe a r is to lo o k u p

o u r w a rd ro b e s , a n d c o m p le te o p p o s ite tastes in b o y s , w h ic h re m o v e d a lm o s t a ll o p p o rtu n itie s fo r b itc h fig h ts .

y o u r sy m p to m s o n th e In te rn e t o r in a m e d ic a l te x tb o o k

M o s t in te re s tin g ly , h o w e v e r, D a n a a n d I a g re e d th a t

to p ro v e to y o u rs e lf th a t y o u a re a d e lu s io n a l fo o l.

m y e x c e s s iv e h y p o c h o n d ria w a s a n in e x p e n s iv e a n d

F a c e d w ith a va s t a rra y o f d is e a s e s th a t a ll list

in e x h a u s tib le so u rc e o f e n te rta in m e n t fo r th e b o th o f us.

y o u r tin y re d d o t a s a s y m p to m , y o u w ill b e g in to

W h y w a s te m o n e y o n b e e r a n d c a b fa re ? Just c o n

b e lie v e th a t y o u n o t o n ly h a v e le p ro s y a n d s ic k le c e ll

v in c e C ris tin a sh e h a s a p p e n d ic itis , a n d the re 's y o u r e v e n in g e n te rta in m e n t.

a n e m ia , b u t th a t y o u a re s lo w ly g o in g in to a n a p h y la c

H y p o c h o n d ria - a d is o rd e r th a t c a u s e s y o u to im a g in e th a t y o u a re s u ffe rin g fro m v a rio u s rid ic u lo u s d is e a s e s - is a n in te re s tin g d ile m m a . Y ou m ig h t a ssu m e

The doctors have spoken.

CRISTINA MARKHAM

R e g a rd le ss o f th e n u m e ro u s trip s I'v e ta k e n to the B la c k P la g u e , I d o n 't th in k I c o u ld e v e r g iv e u p m y

d o e s n 't q u ite w o r k th a t w a y . In fa c t, k n o w le d g e o f y o u r o w n h y p o c h o n d ria s o m e h o w m a n a g e s to w o rs e n th e s itu a tio n . F o r e x a m p le , th e re a s o n a b le p a rt o f y o u r

h y p o c h o n d ria . W h e n th e p o s s ib ility o f d e a th lurks b e h in d e v e ry b a th ro o m d o o r h a n d le a n d in s id e e v e ry fa st fo o d h a m b u rg e r, th e re is n e v e r a d u ll m o m e n t! N o w if y o u 'll e x c u s e m e , I m ust g o se e m y d o c to r

b ra in w ill re a ssu re y o u th a t th e re d s p o t o n y o u r to e is

a b o u t this p e rsiste n t a n g in a . ■

Dark Humour

D id y o u k n o w th a t "iro n y " c o m e s from the G re e k term fo r fe ig n e d ig n o ra n c e ? This w o u ld m a k e the arc h ite c ts in c h a rg e o f the S h a tn e r re n o v a tio n s iro n ic a l p a r e x c e lle n c e . O h , y o u m ean y o u n e e d to in c lu d e p lu m b in g in the b lu e p rin ts fo r a d a rk ro o m ? O h , y o u m e a n a "d a rk ro o m " isn't m e re ly a ro o m w ith n o lig h t fixtures, w h ic h is w h a t w e ig n o ra n t ly b e s to w e d on the p o o r T rib b ie s instead o f the p h o to -fin is h in g stu d io th e y w e re d u ty p ro m ised? O h h h . So, in a ctu a lity, d ra m a tic iro n y refers to the b e lly a c h e s e x p e rie n c e d b y a h a n d fu l o f e d ito rs as th e y w a tc h e d a ca s t o f in c o m p e te n t "co n s tru c tio n g e n iu s e s " a d d c o m p le te ly superfluous w a lls to their o th e rw is e d a n d y h e a d q u a rte rs ? A n d S o c ra tic iro n y is the a ttitu d e p a s t S S M U execs trie d o n fo r s ize u p o n re a liz in g th e y a re in d e e d b u n g lin g id io ts fo r a p p ro v in g this w h o le c o ck-u p ? O h h h . (Bitter, nous? M a is pa s d u tout. W e like o u r n e w sig n th a t lights up fo r n o rhym e o r reason w h e n p h o to s a re n o t b e in g d e v e lo p e d w ith in . A t le a st w e ha ve o u r s u b s id ie s — h e m !— a n d a ro c k in ' sense o f hum our.)

I j

The features writer. N e w s is too h a rd , o p -e d is to o soft, this little G o ld ilo c k s know s features is just right. O p in io n a te d but not closem in d e d , this crea tive creature reco g n ize s h is /h e r o w n strengths, w h ile still re a lizin g the fabulous*1

ness o f a c o lla b o ra tio n . The fea tures d e vo te e supports a m arria g e o f things visual a n d textual, refus ing to rely solely on w o rd s a n d ye t u n a ble to let im ages fly solo U n a fra id to d irty one's p a w s a n d ruffle som e feathers, this a n im a l interview s a ll species o f p e o p le a n d p ro u d ly supports bohos, h o b o s a n d mofos. features@tribune. mcgill. ca

The final retorts... First dude argues... D o e s th e w o rld th in k that N o r w a y a n d A u s tria a re "s im p le " co u n trie s? It's d o u b tfu l, g iv e n the in te rn a tio n a l a th le tic p re s tig e that d o m in a tin g th e W in te r G a m e s — w h ile la rg e ly fo ts a k in g th e su m m er o n e s — h a s b ro u g h t th o se n a tio n s. A n d w h ile the S um m er G a m e s a re u n d o u b t e d ly larger, th e b ig g e r s p e c ta c le w o rk s a g a in s t a c o u n try lik e C a n a d a , w h o s e sm a ll p o p u la tio n h in d e rs the a v a ila b ility o f to p a th le te s U ltim ately, C a n a d a s resources o n ly a llo w it to b e e ith e r a m id d lin g c o u n try in botFi O ly m p ic s , o r a m o n g th e b e st a t o n e . The s e c o n d o p tio n is c le a rly p re fe ra b le . Second dude insists... But sin ce th e 1 9 8 8 G a m e s in C a lg a ry , o u r w in te r m e d a l c o u n t has risen in e v e ry O ly m p ia d O u r w in te r a th le te s a re still b e n e fitin g fro m m o n e y sp e n t o n them 2 0 y e a rs a g o , a n d the w in d fa ll fro m V an c o u v e r in 2 0 1 0 m ea n s w e c a n s le e p s o u n d ly k n o w in g o u r w in te r p ro g ra m is sa fe . But d e c id in g to n e g le c t o u r sum m er a th le te s, a n d thus the G a m e s them selves, w o u ld se n d a h o r rib le m e s sa g e to the rest o f the w o rld a b o u t the im p o rta n c e o f a m a te u r a th le te s in C a n a d a .

1 :J:

The guest columnist. It sees, it reacts, it stays a m om ent then w a n d e rs a w a y . Like a donkey, e xc e p t sexier. oped@tribune. mcgill. ca

M c G ill c lin ic c o n v in c e d th a t I h a v e SARS, p o lio o r th e

fro m b e lie v in g y o u r o w n p a r a n o ia ... u n fo rtu n a te ly , it

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j§ Bounty on a p o o l o f K o o la id . It secretly infiltrates B oa rd o f G o vern ors m eetings just for shits a n d g ig g le s a n d is rarely deterred b y va g u e responses a n d misin form ed sources. U n a d o rn e d w o rd s a n d a straig h tfo rw a rd style take p re ce d e n ce over flo w e ry superlafives. This type is a lw a y s o n ... except, o f course, w h e n o ff the record. tribnews@tribune. mcgill.c a

tic s h o c k fro m a s u d d e n a lle rg y y o u h a v e d e v e lo p e d to y o u r to o th p a s te .

th a t k n o w in g y o u 're a h y p o c h o n d ria c w o u ld k e e p y o u

The news writer. Kind o f like a

1 sp o n g e , but not e a sily w ru n g out, 1 this typ e a b so rb s inform ation like

The A & E writer. O b s e rve , w itness, spot, a p p re c ia te , devour, value, g ra sp , picture, visualize, interpret, relish, sw a llo w , a d m ire , venerate, hear, listen, view , revere, w a tch , eat, enjoy. Turn over, scratch your b e lly a n d start a g a in . This type c a n 't g e t en o ug h of, w e ll, a n y thing. C lassic, retro, ava n t-g a rd e a n d risq u é — b rin g it on, it'll g o b b le it u p w ith glee. arts@tribune. mcgill. ca

/ The sports writer. The outcast o f I the g ro u p , since it's so h ard for 1 sports to g e t love o n this cam pus. 1 Also, p ro b a b ly the smartest j because o f a ll that se em ingly use1 less yet in c re d ib ly la rg e b o o n d o g I g le o f k n o w le d g e on athletics a n d

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CHATTERBOX

campus

He'll learn you g o o d — Pizza Pills and Gil American history favourite Gil Troy unveils hidden secrets

SILHOUETTE

Resident evil

M c G ill < T r ib u n e F

Think your sum m er gig w as tough? The Student Housing staff b e g to differ

This is what happens when features kids play with Photoshop for the first time!

BENIAMIN FELDMAN

Ah, rez life. (What you can't see in this picture is the giant mountain of Care Bears, framing his pillows.)

LIZ ALLEM ANG

h ile I w a s w a llo w in g in s e lf-p ity th is sum m er, a tte n d in g to th e skin c a re a n d m a k e u p n e e d s o f T o ro n to 's e lite , b o to x e d je t set, th e s ta ff a t S tu d e n t H o u s in g h a d it e q u a lly ro u g h . E v e ry Ju n e , th e p ro s p e c tiv e h a b ita ts o f th o u s a n d s o f fre s h -fa c e d stu d e n ts h a n g in th e b a la n c e — a n d it is u p to th e se p o o r fo lk s to d e te rm in e th e ir ro o m in g d e s tin y . T h e y h a v e a s a y in w h a t y o u e a t, h o w m uch y o u r re n t co sts a n d m o s t im p o rta n tly , w h e re y o u 'll b e s le e p in g fo r e ig h t m o n th s . A n d n o , d e s p ite h o w m u c h y o u b e g , cry, p le a d a n d th re a te n to su e , th e y p r o b a b ly w o n 't b e a b le to s c o re y o u a s in g le ro o m in N e w R ez. Th e m o s t d iffic u lt p a rt o f th e ir w o rk in g y e a r, g e ttin g stu d e n ts p la c e d a n d m o v e d in to re s id e n c e , is d o n e . But a s S tu d e n t H o u s in g O f f ic e M a n a g e r J a n ic e M . Jo h n so n c o n firm s , th e c h a o s is fa r fro m over. "T h e firs t fo u r to s ix w e e k s o f th e y e a r a re c r itic a l," sh e s a y s. " W e a re th ro u g h w ith R ez a d m is s io n s b u t n o w w e h a v e to ta k e c a re o f R ez life ."

I won! I won! Th e lo tte ry system is c u rre n tly w h a t d e te rm in e s h o u s in g p rio rity . T h o u g h s o m e m a y s c o ff a n d p o in t fin g e rs u p o n re c e iv in g th e ir 2 3 r d res id e n c e p ic k , in re a lity th e s e le c tio n p ro c e s s is fa ir a n d re la tiv e ly fle x ib le . " W e w a n t stu d e n ts to s tic k to th e ir ro o m s , just to try th e m o u t," e x p la in s C la ir e S m ith , a U 3 P s y c h o lo g y s tu d e n t a n d A s s is ta n t to th e R e s id e n c e A d m is s io n s C o o rd in a to r. " O fte n th e y a rriv e , th in k th e y 'll h a te it a n d e n d u p b e in g p le a s a n tly s u rp ris e d ." C o n tr a ry to e x p e c ta tio n , in m ost in s ta n c e s, d is s a tis fie d stu d e n ts a re a b le to m o v e to a d iffe re n t lo c a tio n . "If th e y a re still u n h a p p y w ith th e ir p la c e m e n t, stu d e n ts c a n d r o p b y th e o ffic e , fill o u t a c h a n g e o f re s id e n c e re q u e s t fo rm a n d , a s s o o n a s w h a t th e y w a n t b e c o m e s a v a ila b le , w e l l m o v e th e m ," s a y s J o h n s o n .

c h a n g e u n til S e p te m b e r 1 5 . A n d th is is n 't o n e o f th o s e s itu a tio n s w h e re w e te ll y o u n o t to d o s o m e th in g a n d th e n y o u d o it a n d s o m e h o w y o u a re a b le to m a n e u v e r a result. N o t g o n n a h a p p e n , b u d d y b o y , so d o n 't e v e n try ! S tu d e n t H o u s in g p la c e d 2 , 2 0 1 u n d e rg ra d u a te s this ye a r. T h e re a re o n ly 9 0 o f th e p o p u la r s in g le sp o ts a t N e w Rez. T h e s ta ff w ill d o e v e ry th in g in th e ir p o w e r to m a k e y o u h a p p y . T h e y a re n o t o u t to s e e k r e v e n g e / d o e v il d e e d s / m a k e y o u r life a liv in g h e ll w h e n th e y p la c e y o u a t S o lin H a ll in s te a d o f G re e n b ria r. T h e s e c re t to g e ttin g w h a t y o u w a n t is b e in g n ic e a b o u t it. " If s o m e o n e is p o lite to m e o n th e p h o n e , I w ill try e x tra h a rd to m a k e th e m h a p p y ," S m ith a d m its . "B u t s o m e tim e s p e o p le a re d is re s p e c tfu l a n d it d o e s n 't m o tiv a te y o u to p u ll s trin g s ."

Like father, not like son B oth J o h n so n a n d S m ith a c k n o w le d g e th a t o n e o f th e m ost c h a l le n g in g a s p e c ts o f m a n n in g th e o ffic e is d e a lin g w ith a n g r y p a re n ts . T h o u g h m a n y a g u llib le o p tim is t insist th e re is n o such th in g a s a s tu p id q u e s tio n , th e m um s a n d d a d s o f fre sh m e n se e m to o u td o th e m s e lve s in id io c y a n n u a lly . " W h ile stu d e n ts a re , fo r th e m o s t p a rt, q u ite p o lite a n d e a g e r, p a r e n ts w ill m a k e s o m e rid ic u lo u s re q u e s ts ," e x p la in e d S m ith . " O c c a s io n a lly th e y w ill b e u n h a p p y w ith th e ir c h ild s p la c e m e n t o fte n w h e n th e ir d a u g h te rs a re p u t in to c o - e d — a n d g o b e h in d th e ir b a c k s to try a n d h a v e th e m s w itc h e d . T h e y a re u s u a lly q u ite d is a p p o in te d to fin d o u t th a t w e re q u ire th e stu d e n ts to re q u e s t th e c h a n g e th e m s e lv e s ." H e a rin g th e ir s to rie s (o ff th e re c o rd , s o rry b a b e s !) m a k e s m y m a u d lin s u m m e r ta le s se e m s e lf-in d u lg e n t. W h a t's a h a n d fu l o f d o w a g e rs c o m p a re d to a n a n g r y m o b o f p a re n ts ? • " I'v e g o tte n a c o u p le o f p h o n e c a lls in q u irin g a b o u t o u r m a id s e rv ic e ," S m ith c o n fe ss e s. "T h e y se e m to b e p re tty s h o c k e d th a t th e ir kid s

I w a s a n ... o v e rw o rk e d , w o n k y stu d e n t in university. B e c a u s e ... a s a m id d le -c la s s kid fro m Q u e e n s — n o , n o t th a t Q u e e n s , th e re a l Q u e e n s , Q u e e n s , N Y — I fe lt I h a d to w o rk h a rd e r to ju stify m y e xiste n ce , a n d p ro v e th a t I c o u ld c o m p e te w ith th e p re p p ie s w h o s e e m e d to flo a t th ro u g h life w ith n a ry a w o rry . (" W o n k " is " k n o w " s p e lle d b a c k : w a r d s — H a rv a rd -s p e a k fo r a keener.) If I w e re n 't a professor I'd b e ... o n e v e ry ta lk a tiv e c a b d rive r, o r the b a ld e s t, n e rd ie st, b e st-re a d first b a s e m a n the N e w Y ork Y an ke es e ve r h a d . M y p e t p e e v e in the classroom is ... g ra d in g . W o u ld n 't it b e g re a t if w e d id n 't h a v e to h a v e th e studentfa c u lty in te ra c tio n b u rd e n e d b y th a t... a n d students w o rk e d e q u a lly h a rd w ith o u t the g r a d in g th in g a s th e g re a t b ig in c e n tiv e a n d a n x ie y p ro v o k e r. M y best q u a lity as a professor is ... m y lo v e fo r the su b je c t. If y o u d o n 't lo v e w h a t y o u 're d o in g , y o u d o n 't b e lo n g in a c la s s ro o m . S h a rin g th a t lo v e is th e o n ly real c o m p e n s a tio n , e s p e c ia lly c o n s id e rin g th e d e p re s s in g M c G ill s a la ry structure. Students w o u ld m ost likely fa u lt m e fo r b e in g ... a to u g h g ra d e r. I p re fe r to c a ll it d is c e rn in g , a n d it's just n o t tru e th a t I c a rry a ro u n d a n e p i-p e n w ith m e b e c a u s e o f a life -th re a te n in g a lle rg y to th e letter A . (I just u se d m o re th a n a d o z e n o f th o se lo v e ly little letters in this sentence). If Teresa H e in z K e rry a n d H ila ry R o d h a m C linton w e r e to d u k e it o u t... L aura Bush w o u ld w in , a s R e p u b lic a n s a lw a y s d o w h e n D e m o c ra ts in d u lg e in th e ir fa v o rite p a s tim e o f in tra m u ra l fig h tin g (a lth o u g h this c a m p a ig n , th e D e m s h a v e b e e n re m a rk a b ly d is c ip lin e d ). I a m m ost likely to retire to ... a p la c e w h e re the sum m ers a re lo n g e r th a n th e M o n tre a l w in te rs . C a n a d ia n e lite s' a n ti-A m e ric a n is m ... is w ildly unfair, e s p e c ia lly c o n s id e rin g h o w m uch C a n a d ia n s b e n e fit fro m th e A m e ric a n d e fe n s iv e u m b re lla w h ile b e in g fre e to c a rp . Bill C lin to n ... is w ildly overrated. U n lik e e v e ry o n e o f m y fe m a le frie n d s , I s im p ly n e ve r h a d a crush o n th e g u y. L e g a lizin g , o r d e c rim in a liz in g in som e cases, (ex. g a y m a rria g e , prostitution, som e drugs) is ... s o m e d ru g s is a g re a t id e a . I th in k 2 2 2 s la c e d w ith C o d e in e s h o u ld b e a v a ila b le o v e r the c o u n te r in th e U S a s w e ll a s C a n a d a , s o A m e ric a n frie n d s s to p v is itin g m e u p h e re just so th e y

h a v e to p ic k u p a fte r th e m s e lv e s ." S u d d e n ly d e a lin g w ith o rn e ry , p o p s ta r-w a n n a b e s lo o k in g to return th e ir crusty, u se d lip g lo s s d o e s n 't se e m s o b a d . ■

Keep your voice down N o te to w h in y stu d e n ts e v e ry w h e re : unless it's d ire c irc u m s ta n c e (a n d ic k y c a f fo o d d o e s n 't q u a lify ), d o n 't h a ra s s S tu d e n t H o u s in g fo r a

WHAT... National A rts & Youth Demonstration Project Super Bazar Bra, Panty, Jockstrap Burning Event *

a E u

CONTACT...

WHO...

WHEN...

WHERE...

The NAYDP and McGill profs

September 20, 9pm

Delta Centre-Ville, 777 University

398.2747, naydp.symposium@mcgill.ca 933.9608

Mission of the Great Shepard

September 4 ,9 am-9pm

2510 Centre (Charlevoix metro)

Free Living Club

September 4, 8pm

A rts steps

unfettereddandfree@yahoo.ca

Lucy and Lisa's

September 3 ,7pm

2416345 Aylmer

steaknhands@aol.com

Screw Renewable Power Night *

Oil Luvers Cotillion

September 8 ,9pm

Blow out bash at Jet Club

solarpowersux@yahoo.com

B **r and P*om *

Proud 2 Be Pigs Crew

September 5, 11pm

Lucifer

booyah@whynot.org

Crazy Needles General Club Meeting*

Speed Knitting Association

September 6 ,7pm .

Shatner, 201

quiltmasterquiH@hotmail.com

Shatner 221

albinosarepeopletoo@aol:com

Meat Sandwiches and Manicures *

The Student Housing office is located at 36 41 University or can be reached at 3 9 8-6 36 8.

c a n b u y them . If I w a n t to retre a t to think som e p la c e o n ca m p u s , I'd g o to ... th e n e a re st c a b sta n d a n d rush h o m e . I've y e t to fin d a n id e a l re fu g e o n the c a m p u s itself! The last b o o k I re a d w a s ... Bill C lin to n s m em o irs. It n e a rly kille d m e — I c a n 't re c a ll fa llin g a s le e p so o fte n w h ile s lo g g in g th ro u g h a n y o th e r b o o k ever. M y favorite p a rt o f this city is ... m y o ffic e a t h o m e , e s p e c ia lly if I c a n s ta y te th e re d to m y d e s k a ll d a y a n d the p h o n e d o e s n 't rin g a n d n o e -m a ils a rrive . The junkfood I can't live without is... p iz z a , m y fa v o rite m e a l o n th e g o , a n d it sh o w s! ■ —com piled b y Brody Brown

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up nonsense. Use the listings for a higher purpose. G o on. G o . Good job. N o tic e h o w the listings w ith the asterisks seem fa ke ? That's b e ca u se th e y a re . K e e po us us from from making mi

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RESTAURANTS

B iscuiterie Treats (5 1 4 ) 8 4 5 -2 4 8 6 Boccacinos (5 1 4 ) 2 8 8 -4 3 3 7 C o a s te r’s Grill & B ar (5 1 4 ) 8 4 3 -3 8 2 5 H en ry’s Deli (5 1 4 ) 8 4 4 -1 8 7 9 La C roissanterie (5 1 4 ) 8 4 9 -4 8 9 0 Pita Pit (5 1 4 ) 2 8 6 -0 3 7 7 P izza Donini (5 1 4 ) 2 8 9 -1 1 8 8 R estaura nt Farrouj (5 1 4 ) 2 8 5 -8 7 2 9 S u bw ay (5 1 4 ) 8 4 8 -0 8 8 8 Van H outte (5 1 4 ) 8 4 2 -3 7 7 4

S E R V IC E S A rèn e Jeux (5 1 4 ) 2 8 7 -7 7 0 0 B ronzage Pro Soleil (5 1 4 ) 2 8 8 -8 6 6 6 C in ém a du Parc (5 1 4 ) 2 8 1 -1 9 0 0 Coiffeurs La C ité (5 1 4 ) 8 4 4 -9 4 3 4 C ordonnerie La C ité (5 1 4 ) 8 4 9 -1 8 7 1 D ollaram a (5 1 4 ) 8 4 3 -6 2 6 5 D re a m N e t (5 1 4 ) 2 8 4 -1 1 2 2 E -m ed ia copy (5 1 4 ) 2 8 8 -0 0 7 4 Fruiterie du P a rc (5 1 4 ) 8 4 3 -4 4 4 3 Jardin de R oses (5 1 4 ) 2 8 5 -1 9 5 4 Librairie B ertrand (5 1 4 ) 8 4 9 -4 5 3 3 M étro R ichelieu 2 0 0 0 (5 1 4 ) 8 4 3 -3 5 3 0 M ovieland (5 1 4 ) 8 4 3 -5 2 0 6 N ettoyeur La C ité (5 1 4 ) 8 4 3 -7 2 2 3 P h arm acie Uniprix (5 1 4 ) 8 4 9 -6 1 7 6 Postes C a n a d a (5 1 4 ) 4 9 9 -8 5 2 4 R adio S h ack (5 1 4 ) 2 8 2 -1 5 2 9 R ina E sthétique (5 1 4 ) 8 4 4 -9 7 0 9 S A Q E xpress (5 1 4 ) 2 8 8 -3 4 9 3 S u p er D é p a n n e u r (5 1 4 ) 2 8 8 -4 0 0 0 Tabagie La C ité (5 1 4 ) 8 4 4 -5 4 7 9 V enus Photo (5 1 4 ) 2 8 6 -0 1 0 8 V o yag es P enta-Tours (5 1 4 ) 2 8 8 -0 8 3 0

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Y ou h a d s o m u ch fu n o n y o u r:< A n th ro p o lo g y se m e ste r a b r o a d th a t y o u ;<& | d e c id e to se t u p a re p lic a im p o v e ris h e d * M o n g o lia n v illa g e o n th e re se rvo ir. P art m e m b e rs -o n ly c lu b , p a rt s o c ia l-h u b fo r th o s e in te re s te d in trib a l h ie ra rc h y , y o u r s p re a d is e ve n m o re h o p p in g th a n the R o d d ic k G a te s o n fre e K ris p y K re m e d a y . T h o se in te re s te d in g a in in g a c c e s s to the fa c ilitie s m ust h a v e in th e tr p o ss e s sio n a p a ir o f B irk e n s to cks a n d p a tc h o u li-s c e n te d in c e n s e . A bushy, u n k e m p t b e a rd is o p tio n a l. B .Y .O G r a n o la .

Rat Race L IZ A L L E M A N G & B R O D Y B R O W N

ram p, m arch, skip, strut, skip, 'troll: H o w e v e r you m ake y o u r w a y across cam pus, you are bo u n d to encounter p e o p le an d places unique to your years a t M c G ill. Be it a M o le M a n o f the underground w a lk w a y , your peers getting to kn o w each other a little to o intim ately a t M c C le n n a n or the STD spe cialists a t M c G ill H ealth Services, you w ill fin d that a random encounter is a lw a y s close a t hand. Sure, learning com es first, but exp e rie n ce is character b u ild in g a n d if nothing else, provides you w ith am using anecdotes to d iv u lg e at singles mixers a n d b o x socials. These paths a c t as a p re v ie w fo r w hat's to com e or, in m any cases, as a nostalgic blast from the past. Pick a shoe that fits and trace yo u r path on this a c a d e m ic landscape.

A h , th e F a c u lty C lu b ! A n im p e n e tra b le fo rtre ss o f s e x y a c a d e m ic s d rin k in g m a rtin is a t a m a h o g a n y -p a n e le d b a r a n d lis te n in g to th e sm o o th ja z z y s o u n d s o f S a ra h V a u g h a n . It's a ls o th e o n e p la c e o n c a m p u s w h e re th e fo o d m ee ts h e a lth re g u la tio n s a n d th e w in e d o e s n 't c o m e o u t o f a b o x o r b e e r ta p . T h o u g h d iffic u lt to g a in a c c e s s , th e re a re w a y s . P re te n d to b e g p ro fe s s o r (m ig h t re q u ire a b u sine ss suit a n d e lo q u e n t te a c h e r ja rg o n su ch a s "In th e te x tb o o k I c o - e d ite d ...''; " M y stu d e n ts a re a b u n c h o f id io ts this y e a r," o r "I le ft m y s e c re t p ro fe s s o r s o c ie ty rin g o n m y b u re a u "]. O n c e in th e fa c ilitie s , n e v e r le a v e or, a lte r n a te ly, g e t c h u m m y w ith a c lu b m e m b e r a n d th re a te n a s c a n d a l if th e y d o n o t b rin g y o u o n th e ir g u e s t p a ss.

THE LEGEND

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It d o e s n 't lo o k lik e y o u 'r e in h ig h s c h o o l a n y m o re , T oto. W i ll y o u e v e n re m e m b e r this y e a r? It's a g o o d th in g y o u c a n 't g e t a D U I fro m r id in g th e m e tro . S tru g g lin g w ith h o m e s ic k n e s s , c o n fr o n te d w it h h u n d re d s o f u n k n o w n fa c e s a n d s h o c k e d b y d e a lin g w ith p ro fs w h o a re d e v o id o f c o m p a s s io n , y o u 're n o t n e c e s s a rily o ff to th e sm o o th e s t sta rt. But th a t d o e s n ’t m e a n it's n o t fun.

This is n 't th e c a k e w a lk th a t first y e a r w a s . S o n o m o re w a k in g u p fa c e d o w n in y o u r o w n p u k e . U n le ss o f c o u rs e it's S u n d a y m o rn in g . Y o u 're o u t o f R ez (o r a t le a s t y o u 'v e c r a w le d o u t o f y o u r p a re n ts ' h o m e in Laval] a n d h a v e e s ta b lis h e d a g r o u p o f frie n d s (or a t le a s t c re a te d a n a rm y o f s o c k p u p p e ts w h o c a ll y o u M o m m y ). A n d n o w w ith th is c ity fe e lin g lik e h o m e , y o u a re n 't c r e e p e d o u t b y th e M o n tre a lis m s th a t c o n c e rn e d y o u last y e a r (b ilin g u a l h o b o s , s trip c lu b s w ith b re a k fa s t b u ffe ts , e tc .)

N o w th a t y o u 're in h o n o rs , it's a ll a b o u t m a in ta in in g th a t d e lic io u s 3 . 9 . It's s u rv iv a l o f th e fittest a n d y o u b e st b e lie v e th a t y o u 're a sta r b a b y . Just d o n 't le t a n y o n e g e t a g lim p s e o f y o u r ta in te d tra n s c rip t - h e llo , th e b le m is h th a t is first y e a r. V e ry fe w o f y o u r c la ss m a te s w ill b e s y m p a th e tic to y o u r re c o rd o f le w d a n d s h re w d b e h a v io u r o n c a m p u s . T h e y just d o n 't u n d e rs ta n d th e n e e d to m iss p re m id te rm s tu d y to w a tc h th e n e w e s t General Hospital. B ut th a t w a s th e n a n d th is is n o w , y o u h a v e p ro v e n y o u r in te lle c tu a l d é te r m in a tio n a n d s u p p re s s e d y o u r lo v e o f s o a p s .

T h o u g h y o u 'r e n o t a n e a g e r y o u n g p u p a n y m o re , y o u h a v e to a v o id b e in g to ta lly b la s é . S o o n it'll b e tim e to b u st o u tta h e re a n d d iv e in to th e w o r k fo rc e , a n d y o u d o n 't w a n t to g e t y o u r h a n d s d ir ty w ith o u t h a v in g fu lly e x p e rie n c e d M o n tre a l. A ls o k n o w n a s the b itc h in -is t c ity to w re a k h a v o c in . T h e re is o n ly so m u c h tim e to s o w y o u r w ild o a ts (m e a n in g h a v e m a d o rg ie s , s n o rt y o u r d a ily m u ltiv ita m in , g e t k n o c k e d u p b y y o u r lit. t.a . a n d s p a g h e tti w re s tle fo r n icke ls). A n d p .s ., w h a t's w ith th e sh o e s?

T h ird y e a r English I Torm ented m o re th a n e ve r B ro o d in g w o r b fo r m e O h w h a t d o e s she k n o w N e w p ro f, such a n a m a te u r C a ll o n m e, d a m n it L eonard C o h e n is A g o d , o h g o d , he's g o d , yes! H e's so m y so u lm a te Y e llo w d o o r, to n ig h t A b e a tn ik p o e try slam W e a r y o u r b la c k b e re t

H o ld u p , s te p a w a y fro m th e m o u s e tra p . Y o u 're n o t a c tu a lly c o n s id e rin g e n te rin g th e M c G ill B o o k s to re just s o y o u c a n fo rk o v e r h a rd -e a rn e d c a s h fo r a fr ig g in ' c o u rs e p a c k y o u c o u ld h a v e p h o to c o p ie d fo r a tenth o f th e p ric e ? W h y b u y th e b o o k s w h e n y o u k n o w y o u 'll p r o b a b ly o n ly lo o k a t th e m o n c e (the n ig h t b e fo re the e x a m , if y o u 're re a l s lic k ] a n d n e v e r c ra c k th e m o p e n a g a in . F ig h t th e m a n ! W a it, w h o is th e m a n e x a c tly ? Y ou c a n 't g e t a ll "u n iv e rs ity a c tiv is t" o n a n y o n e 's a ss if y o u c a n 't e ve n lo c a te th e S h a tn e r b u ild in g . Firsty e a r c o n fu s io n , in a p p ro p ria te ly lo n g lin e s a n d a fa s h io n se n se y o u s h o u ld h a v e le ft in K in g s to n m a k e fo r a h a z a rd o u s s ta rt to y o u r u n iv e rs ity c a re e r.

This lit. is the shit A n d cultural studies kids C a n kiss m y w h ite ass

W a s th a t h o t g u y o n the sixth flo o r o f the lib ra ry c h e c k in g y o u out? W h a t w a s th a t d u d e d o in g a t the u rin a l fo r so lo n g in S hatner? A n d w a s th a t g u y in the Arts b u ild in g b a se m e n t the a c tu a l a u tho r o f the w a ll s c ra w l w h ic h p ro m is e d a 4 pm b lo w jo b o n Thursdays? R a n do m ca m pus se x c o u ld g e t y o u kick e d o u t o f this p la c e , m isterl But, b e c a u s e y o u r b ra v e ry is a d m ira b le , y o u stud horse, w e g iv e y o u d is cre te n o d s o f a p p ro v a l.

the mcgill tribune 11.9.04 | features 1 5 To m a k e a little q u ic k c a s h a n d to le a rn m o re a b o u t y o ü r in n e rm o s t su p p re s s e d th o u g h ts a n d d e s ire s , y o u d e c id e to p a rtic ip a te in a p s y c h stu d y b e in g done at S te w a r t B io lo g y . U n fo rtu n a te ly , a fte r 1 0 m in u te s ta lk in g to th e g r a d u a te s tu d e n t in c h a rg e , th e flo o d g a te s o p e n u p . S u d d e n ly y o u a re s p e w in g d e ta ils o f y o u r m is e ra b le c h ild h o o d , tro u b le d re la tio n s h ip s a n d te rrify in g fe a r o f c lip o n b o w tie s . E m b a rra s s e d , y o u ta k e y o u r $ 1 0 , a n d d e c id e th a t fro m n o w o n , y o u 'll m a k e m o n e y lik e a ll n o rm a l M c G illia n s b y p o s in g n u d e fo r th e a rt stu d e n ts.

B in g e b o o z in g a n d la te -n ig h t d rin k in g g a m e s o n y o u r flo o r in Rez. Lots o f v io le n t p u k in g a s y o u c r a w l o v e r c o m m u n a l b a th ro o m flo o r w h ile e q u a lly d ru n k flo o r fe llo w s c ra m b le s a fte r y o u . Lu ckily h e s th e re to h o ld y o u r h a ir a n d stro k e y o u r b a c k in a n a tte m p t to m a k e y o u fe e l b e tte r a n d .. . g e t in y o u r p a n ts . W i ld u p c h u c k in g le a d s to m essy m a k in g o u t le a d s to a m essier, illic it ro m p in a R ez b e d . H o t h ip p ie flo o r fe llo w + s te a d y se x + b e in g a b le to k e e p re la tio n s h ip u n d e r w r a p s u n til s e c o n d y e a r w h e n y o u g u y s m o v e in to g e th e r = g o o d tim e s. Y o u 're g e ttin g y o u r g ro o v e o n a n d g e ttin g a w a y w ith

Y ou r h e a d is p o u n d in g , y o u r m ou th tastes o f fu z z y n a v e l a n d y o u sm e ll lik e d e a th . Isn’t it n ic e th a t y o u c a n g o th ro u g h a ll o f th e e x p e rie n c e s a n d g ro w th o f fo u r y e a rs a t M c G ill a n d still e n d u p b a c k w h e re y o u b e g a n in s o m e m yste rio u s s tra n g e rs R ez ro o m ? It h a s g o t to fe e l g re a t to k n o w th a t o n e n ig h t o f b in g e d rin k in g a n d e x p e rim e n tin g w ith d ru g s h a s th e s a m e e ffe c t it d id w h e n y o u w e r e 1 8 . N o t to fe a r, 'tis just p a r t o f th e fu n o f b e in g a p e rv y U 3 ! T a ke p rid e in it— y o u n g p e o p le still fin d y o u d e s ira b le , a n d is n 't th a t w h a t w e a ll w a n t o u t o f life ?

M c G illy m p ic s e ve n t n u m b e r tw o ! For th o se w h o c o m p e te d in th e d o w n h ill, p re p a re fo r a s p o rt th a t tests b o th ath le ticism a n d cu n n in g . A cross b e tw e e n a c o m p e titiv e sca \c e n g e r hunt a n d c lim b in g a g a in s t the c lo c k , conte sta n ts w ill b e c h a lle n g e d to J fin d a p a ir o f b o o ty shorts, ra c e to th e Æ to p o f A rts a n d ra ise the u n d ie s u p the ■ fla g p o le . O u ts m a rt y o u r c o m p e tito rs b y using y o u r o w n b o x e rs a n d c u t p re cio u s se c o n d s o ff o f y o u r tim e . Th e w in n e r w ill b e re w a rd e d w ith a H e a th e r M u n ro e -B lu m m ee t a n d - g re e t. P le a se n o te : T h e M c G illy m p ic s O r g a n iz a tio n co m m itte e is n o t re s p o n sib le fo r p a rtic ip a tio n resulting in e xp u ls io n .

W h i le ru n n in g fa s h io n a b ly la te fo r cla s s , y o u d e c id e to ta k e a sh o rtc u t v ia the u n d e rg ro u n d w a lk w a y , e n te rin g th ro u g h the d o o rs b e n e a th th e sta irs to n o w h e re . W h a t y o u d is c o v e r is a n a lte rn a te u n iv e rse . U n a b le to fin d a ro u te o u t o f th e la b y rin th , y o u set u p s h o p , ro o m in g in a p u p te n t w ith a g re m lin , s o m e tro lls a n d a p a sty, c o m p u te c h stu d e n t n a m e d G u n n a r. But th e w iz a r d in th e a d jo in in g c a m p e r k e e p s lo o k in g at- y o u funny, th re a te n in g 'to c a s t sp e lls, so y o u m uster u p m o tiv a tio n a n d fin d y o u r w a y o u t.

Y e e h a w l It's th e M c G illy m p ic s , b a b y l First e ve n t, b o b sle d d in c d o w n rue U niversity. If c o m p e tin g o n a b u d g e t, c re a te sled o u t of stolen g a rb a g e c a n , sans lid , a n d p la s te r o n e m p ty tw o -fo urs fo r re in fo rce m e n t. B onus p o in ts if a c a r d o e s n 't h it y o u . Extra bo n us p o in ts if y o u g e t h it b y a bus a n d m a n a g e to a v o id a c o m a . It is im p e ra tiv e th a t y o u m aster this skill e a rly so a s to b e re a d y fo r the w in te r ro u n d o f c o m p e titio n .’ H ig h b a ro m e tric pressure w ill m a k e the rid e th a t m uch m o re fun. R e m e m b e r O ly m p ic s p irit— th o se athletes d o n 't tra in a n d tra in just to g iv e u p . D o y o u w a n t to b e a fa ilu re a n d a d is a p p o in tm e n t to y o u r c o a c h ? W e ll? D o y o u ?

First y e a r o f c h e m m a y n o t h a v e b e e n a s e a s y a s m e m o riz in g th e p e r io d ic ta b le in h ig h s c h o o l b u t it sure w a s n 't a s h a rd a s s e c o n d y e a r. Y ou fa il o n e , th e n a n o th e r, a n d th e n , o h , th re e c la ss e s . Pull y o u r s e lf to g e th e r, b a rte r w ith y o u r a c a d e m ic a d v is o r, c a ll M o m m a a n d b e g fo r m ercy. S h e 'll b e m o re a n g r y w h e n y o u te ll h e r y o u s p e n t tu itio n o n S p a c e FB's fa ll c o lle c tio n .

" O h m y g o d ! Y ou lo o k s o o o o o o g o o d ! H o w w a s y o u r su m m er? T h a t's so g re a t. R eally, it's s o g o o d to s e e y o u !" O h p le a s e . D o e s a n y o n e re a lly c a re ? F ra n tic s o c ia liz in g a t O A P to " re c o n n e c t" w ith "h i-b y e " frie n d s m a y h e lp y o u to re g a in y o u r stre e t c re d b u t a little to o m u ch c h e a p b e e r c a u s e s y o u to stu m b le in to the first d a y o f c la s s s m e llin g lik e Peel P ub. C o m e o n , it's y o u r la st y e a r! Y ou d e s e rv e to g o o u t w ith a b a n g . B ut d ir ty lo o k s fro m te a c h e rs a n d d ip lo m a -h u n g ry stu d e n ts re m in d s y o u s c h o o l is still e ig h t m o n th s a w a y fro m o ff ic ia lly b e in g o u t.

For th re e y e a rs y o u 'v e ig n o re d a lm o s t a ll o f th e M ilto n G a te s lu rke rs w h o h a v e trie d to pu sh th e ir fly e rs a n d p im p 'n 'h o e ve n ts o n y o u . N o w th a t M u m s y a n d D a d s y h a v e c u t y o u o ff to p re p a re y o u fo r to ta l in d e p e n d e n c e fro m th e b ro o d b a c k in S c a rb o ro u g h , y o u 'r e fo rc e d to jo in th e ra n ks o f th e u n a m u s e d p ro m o te rs . T h e re 's th a t g u y y o u h a v e a frie n d crush o n . A n d th e re 's y o u r tra m p y e x -g irlfrie n d a g a in . L ook, th e re 's th e p ro f fro m th e c la s s y o u s k ip p e d th is a fte rn o o n . It's a s h a m e e v e ry o n e a n d th e ir m o th e r h a s to se e y o u a s th e y stro ll th ro u g h th is h ig h -tra ffic a rte ry . E s p e c ia lly a fte r y o u 'v e b r a g g e d a b o u t th e w a y y o u r p a re n ts h a v e a lw a y s g iv e n y o u e v e ry th in g y o u 'v e e v e r a s k e d for. But th in k o f h o w n ic e " S p e c ia l E vents fre e la n c e w o rk " w ill lo o k o n y o u r C V !

H a v in g lo s t y o u r re n t in a n ille g itim a te b u sine ss tra n s a c tio n (a h e m , c o c k fig h t in a n a lle y ), y o u a g re e to p a rtic ip a te in a " G irls G o n e W i ld : C a m p u s T ra m p s" v id e o . T h e m u d w re s tlin g s c e n e s h o t o n L o w e r F ie ld turns o u t w e ll d e s p ite th e fre a k c o ld s p e ll. P ro b le m s a ris e , h o w e v e r, w h e n y o u r to n g u e g e ts stu ck in a c o m p ro m is in g p o s itio n w h ile y o u a re film in g a t th e n a k e d m a n fo u n ta in . F o rtu n a te ly, th e s e c u rity g u a rd c a lle d to th e s c e n e is a b ig fa n o f th e " G . G . W . " se rie s a n d o ffe rs to le t y o u o ff if y o u s e n d h im a c o m p lim e n ta ry c o p y o f th e fin is h e d p ro d u c t.

S U M M E R

F E S T I V A L S

R E V I E W

Montreal's already booming energy level was upped a few octaves this summer. For those who don't know, between M ay and August, our fair city serves up more cultural choices than an international luncheon. Fringe Festival, in June, gives us a taste of all kinds of performance. O ur eyes are then tantalized for two weeks by the eclectic mix of funky jazz genres during early Julv. Then, you can bust a gut and slap a knee when Just for Laughs arrives. And all throughout the summer, we are privy to beer tents, reggae concerts and other festivities beyond our wildest dreams. Here's the Tribune's Montreal Summer Festival review. A aa ah , the memories...

^ u s ic

The Bad Plus rocks jazz Piano trio definitely not a minus at festival SPENCER ROSS ne o f ja z z 's p re m ie r b re a k o u t acts d u r in g the p a st d e c a d e , The B a d Plus returned to the M o n tre a l sce n e fo r a p a c k e d M o n d a y n ig h t S pectrum p e rfo rm a n c e a t Le Festival In te rn a tio n a l d e J a z z d e M o n tré a l. The B a d Plus, a p o w e r-ja z z p ia n o trio fro m N e w Y ork, g a in e d c ritic a l a tte n tio n e a rly in 2 0 0 3 w ith th e ir d e b u t a lb u m , These Are the Vistas. Vistas, a d iv e rse m ix o f o rig in a l c o m p o s i tions a n d co v e rs o f ja z z s ta n d a rd s, w a s further a u g m e n te d w ith ja z z re n d itio n s o f ro ck songs ra n g in g fro m N ir v a n a s "S m ells Like Teen S p irit," to B lo n d ie 's "H e a rt o f G la s s ." O n th e ir latest C o lu m b ia R ecords release, G ive, The B ad Plus co n tin u e th e ir tra d itio n o f stron g a v a n t-g a rd e s o n g w ritin g th a t e n shrouds itself in the fre e ja z z styles o f O rn e tte C o le m a n (w h o se so n g "S treet W o m a n " w a s p e rfo rm e d

liv e a n d in stu d io) a n d the cla ssicism o f c o m p o s e r John C a g e . In a d d itio n , G iv e presents fresh co ve rs o f B la ck S a b b a th s "Iro n M a n " a n d the re ce n tly re u n ite d Pixies' "V e lo u ria ." In c o n c e rt, The B a d Plus' p e rfo rm a n c e is no less e c le c tic . B a n d m em bers D a v id K in g (drums), R eid A n d e rs o n (bass), a n d Ethan Iverson (p ia n o ) to o k the sta g e , im m e d ia te ly la u n c h in g in to th e ir first tra c k from Vistas, "B ig E ater." B rin g in g u n c o n v e n tio n a l styles in to th e ir m usic, the tra ck re lie d h e a v ily o n th e d ru m s' rid e , w h ile sh iftin g s y n c o p a te d b e a ts b e tw e e n th e p ia n o a n d the bass. T o w a rd s the m id d le o f the 9 0 -m in u te set, A n d e rs o n to o k the m ic ro p h o n e to a d d re ss the p o litic a l p h ilo s o p h ie s o f the b a n d . "M illio n s o f A m e ric a n s a re a sh a m e d o f w h a t's g o in g o n ... The w o rld kn o w s w h a t's rig h t a n d th in g s a re g o in g to c h a n g e ... This is "w h a t w e ca n d o a b o u t it," A n d e rs o n s a id b e fo re the

b a n d la u n c h e d in to a n e w tune, "The E m pire Strikes B a c k w a rd s ." W h ile th e b a n d c u lle d fro m m a te ria l th ro u g h o u t th e ir re p e rto ire , o n e o f the h ig h lig h ts o f the s h o w w a s th e so n g "P reh e n sile D re a m ," p e n n e d b y A n d e rs o n in 2 0 0 J, b e fo re The B ad Plus' in c e p tio n . "P rehensile D re a m " sounds like a C h o p in so n a ta b a c k e d b y K ing's p e rfo rm a n c e a rt style o f d ru m m in g . In fa c t, K in g s o lic ite d the a u d ie n c e 's d e lig h t o n n u m e ro u s o c c a s io n s , re se m b lin g a c h ild p la y in g w ith p o ts a n d pa n s m ore th a n a ja z z drum m er. A fte r e v e ry so n g , the b a n d lo o k e d to w a rd s th e a u d ie n c e w ith a q u iz z ic a l lo o k o f sa tisfa c tio n , but th e ir e n c o re c o v e r sum m ed u p th e ir fe e l in g s to w a rd M o n tre a l's re c e p tio n . W ith a re n d i tio n o f Q u e e n 's " W e A re the C h a m p io n s ,” The B a d Plus e a s ily p ro v e d to b e a ro c k b a n d that p la y s ja z z m usic, y e t true ja z z c h a m p io n s in d e e d . ■

Not just Fringe benefits Mastering the unusual across the arts DANIEL C H O D O S n life, so m a n y o f us a re tryin g to re a ch the ce n tre o f society. It represents a ll the m on e y a n d p o w e r one's eyes c a n g le a m . H o w eve r, there is the o d d g ro u p that retreats from this oft-tried notio n . The "Festival F ringe" is o n e o f these groups. K icked to the cu rb b y m ainstream society, it fo u n d its niche a lo n g the pe rip h e ry, th e re b y offe r in g m an y a d v a n ta g e s o v e rlo o k e d b y the m a jo rity striving to b e a t the e p icen tre . In 1 9 4 7 , m a n y artists felt e xc lu d e d from the E dinburgh In ternational Festival in S co tla n d . These ta le n te d but unusual entertainers fo rm e d their o w n troupe, a n d o u t o f this fe llo w s h ip g re w w h a t b e c a m e kn o w n as the Fringe Festival. S ince then, it runs a ll o ve r N o rth A m e rica in 3 0 d iffe re n t cities. M o n tre a l's version, sp o n so re d fo r its 14th e d itio n b y St. A m b ro ise , is e n jo y in g im m ense s u e cess. The tra ve lin g circus that is Fringe show cases in d e p e n d e n t talent in theatre, d a n c e a n d music. It ran this sum m er from June 1 0 -2 0 . In d o o r p e rfo rm an ces ta ke p la c e a t n in e ve n ues a ro u n d d o w n to w n M o n tre a l. There a re a lso fiv e open-air, site-specific lo c a tio n s a ro u n d the a re a w h e re a u d ie n ce s ca n ta ke in free show s, from concerts to so lo p la ys. Parc d e s A m ériques, o n B oulevard St-Laurent a n d Rue Rachel, serves as the h e a dq u a rte rs fo r the solo plays.

Performers score the loot There a re tw o b a sic rules fo r the festival,

w h ic h m ake it u n ique, as c o m p a re d to most largesca le events o f its kin d . First, e v e ry p e n n y th a t is a cc ru e d from ticke t sales fo r a n in d iv id u a l s h o w g o e s d ire c tly to the perform er. S e co n d , e v e ry s h o w is c o m p le te ly uncen so re d . For this reason, show s such as Puelo Deir's "Y o u 've G o t to Be K id d in g : A Raw, U n in h ib ite d C o m e d y ... o f sorts" c a n run w ith o u t b e in g b le e p e d o r e d ite d b y the censors. There a re no h u g e fin a n c ia l b a ckers that m a y b e o ffe n d e d b y p o litic a lly c h a rg e d o r o th e rw ise "in a p p ro p ria te " m aterial. Further im p lica tio n s from Fringe Festival's p e rip h e ry status m ake it a ttra ctive to the a v e ra g e Joe M c G illia n w h o resides in M o n tre a l fo r the summer. For o n e , a rro g a n c e is sim p ly not in the v o c a b u la ry o f the o rg a n iz e rs o r the perform ers. The m ain o ffic e is set up in a v e ry h u m ble a b o d e in the Portuguese v illa g e o n Rue S FD om inique. O u ts id e m a n y o f the venues, artists often c o n g re g a te to discuss their sh o w s a n d those o f their c o lle a g u e s w ith throngs o f supporters. I w a s a b le to sh o o t the b re e ze w ith h e a d lin e r Leigha H o rto n (The Unbearable Lightness o f Being American) w h ile w a itin g fo r tickets o u tside the MIRROR S tage. M o re o v e r, Fringe Festival is not o ve rly reliant o n m oney. Its g h e tto im a g e is p e rh a p s best exem p lifie d b y the fa c t that the m e d ia kit is held togeth e r b y B and-aids. But, b e in g a n on-profit o rg a n iz a tio n , this im a g e is p a rt o f the a llu re o f Fringe Festival. W h ile so m a n y events a re b e in g co m m e rc ia liz e d m ore than ever b e fo re , this w e e k-lo ng

sh o w ca s e o f a rtistic ta le n t is h e ld in check. The sh o w s a re v e ry a ffo rd a b le ; a ll tickets cost b e tw e e n $ 5 a n d $ 9 . C o m p a n ie s th a t per form a t the festival p a y a sm all a p p lic a tio n fe e to the o rg a n iz a tio n , w h ic h is usually e a s ily re co u p e d through ticke t sales.

Winning the lottery In fa ct, the to u rin g troupe's p o p u la rity has skyrocketed o ve r the p a st d e c a d e o r so w ith atten d a n c e m ore than q u a d ru p lin g in th a t tim e. U nfortunately, o n e o f th e c o ro lla rie s o f this upsurge in c ro w d turnout is that the o rg a n iz e rs c a n n o t a c c e p t e ve ry c o m p a n y th a t a p p lie s to per form ; th e y a re sele cte d b y a lo tte ry system. Fringe's b lo w -u p in a tte n d a n ce is c e rta in ly not e xp e cte d to level o u t a n ytim e so o n . It is attracF in g show s these d a ys th a t d e se rve a b ig g e r stage than it ca n muster. For Father's D ay, a so lo a c t b y ra p p e r/d a n c e r/fa c e -c o n to rtio n is t K halil A shanti th a t is set to hit B ro a d w a y next August, h a d p e o p le lin e d up fo r m ore than fo u r hours e a rly in ho p es o f seeing the m a g ic. D iversity is the n u m ber o n e p rio rity fo r Fringe Festival. To ensure this o b je c tiv e , a system o f q u o tas is set in p la c e to assure th a t sh o w s c a n b e seen from both C a n a d a a n d the US. W ith in C a n a d a , tw o thirds c o m e from Q u e b e c , w ith French ta le n t m a kin g up h a lf o f its contributors. If yo u d id not g e t o u t to o n e o f th e off-thew a ll, often laugh-out-loud fu n ny c o m p a n ie s that m ake u p F ringe Festival, b e sure to co rre ct that m istake next summer. ■

the mcgill tribune 11.9,04 | a& e17

C o m e d y

G ooglew hacks, blow jobs, Pythons—oh my! Just for Laughs dawns again D A N IE L C H O D O S his sum m er, th e Tribune w a s sent o n a c o m e d y a d v e n tu re . A s is th e ir custom e v e ry July, th e g o o d p e o p le a t Just fo r Laughs h e ld th e ir a n n u a l c o m e d y fe s tiv a l in M o n tre a l a n d w e w e re in v ite d to p a rtic ip a te in a w h irlw in d o f c o m e d y in its m a n y v a rie d fo rm s. L o ca te d a t d o z e n s o f ve n u e s a ro u n d th e d o w n to w n c o re , th e fe stiva l ra n fro m Ju ly 1 3 -2 5 . It in c lu d e d a w id e a rra y o f a ttra c tio n s , fro m sa tir ic a l m u s ic a ls to s p e llb in d in g ta le s, a lw a y s w ith a n e y e o n la u g h te r. S h o w s a re o fte n u n c e n s o re d , a n d so m e a re d o w n r ig h t ra u n ch y. But m ost im p o rta n tly , e v e ry th in g shouts q u a lity .

A different variety show W id e v a rie ty is p a rt o f w h a t m ake s Just fo r Laughs th e g re a te s t e n s e m b le o f c o m e d ic ta le n t in the w o rld . T h e ty p e s o f a c ts w e re a s d iv e rs e as th e ir c o n te n t. " O v e r 2 0 0 o f th e g re a te s t c o m ic s in the w o rld a re h e re th is y e a r," R e la tio n s h ip S h o w host, S im o n C o tter, p ro u d ly in fo rm e d the c r o w d a t C lu b S o d a . For in s ta n c e , the h ig h lig h t o f the e n tire fe sti v a l w a s T o ro n to d ire c to r C h ris to p h e r B o n d 's h ila r ious, p u n -rid d e n m u s ic a l a d a p ta tio n o f th e c u lt h o rro r cla ss ic s Evil D ead I & 2 , th u sly e n title d (see a rtic le a t to p rig h t). Yes, it is a h o rro r-c o m e d y tu rn e d in to a b lo o d y m u s ic a l. Th e n e xt p e rfo rm a n c e w a s p e c u lia r, b u t in trig u in g . W e d id n 't k n o w w h a t to m a k e o f it: "D a v e G o rm a n 's G o o g le w h a c k ." W h a t o n Earth is a g o o g le w h a c k ? In a ll o f tw o hours, he e x p la in e d in so m e d e ta il. S ee , a g o o g le w h a c k o cc u rs w h e n o n e p e rfo rm s a se a rc h o n G o o g le in v o lv in g tw o d ic tio n a ry w o rd s a n d o n ly o n e hit co m e s u p . Try it a t h o m e . M r. G o rm a n b e c a m e fa m ilia r w ith this g a m e a n d p ro c e e d e d to fin d oth ers w h o h a d p e rfo rm e d successful g o o g le w h a c k s . T h e re b y, he u n d e rto o k a h a rro w in g 9 5 , 0 0 0 m ile a d v e n tu re th a t to o k him e v e ry w h e re fro m A u s tra lia to S an D ie g o , a ll fo r th e s a k e o f w in n in g a b e t. A n d y o u th o u g h t Pete Rose lik e d to g a m b le . Th e a fte r-h o u rs p re s e n ta tio n o f "C o n fe s s in g It" g a v e e a g e r sp e c ta to rs a ta ste o f th e s e a m y u n d e rb e lly o f c o m e d ia n s ' live s. This la te -n ig h t e x tra v a g a n z a in v o lv e s c o m e d ia n s s w e a rin g a ffi d a v its o f th e ir m ost s e c re tiv e a n d / o r e m b a rra s s in g stories. H e n c e , a s o n e m ig h t im a g in e , this s h o w fa lls u n d e r th e ra u n c h y c a te g o ry . If y o u w a n te d to k n o w c o m e d ie n n e C o lle tte H a y le y 's B-list star b lo w jo b re c ip ie n ts , this m a y b e th e s h o w fo r y o u . W e w e re a ls o re g a le d w ith stories fro m M a r d i G ra s o f o n e c o m ic a c c id e n ta l

ly French-kissing a n A s ia n tra n ss e xu a l. H e w a s then h a u le d o ff, n a k e d , to p ris o n in a n u n re la te d in c id e n t. Th e fin a le fe a tu re d o p e n ly g a y Kids in the Hall a lu m n u s S co tt T h o m p s o n 's s to ry o f his first a n d la st b lo w jo b fro m a w o m a n . N e x t o n th e c o m e d y cru ise w a s c le v e rly title d "L a u g h -ro d is ia c s : th e R e la tio n s h ip S h o w ." O fte n a sta le e le m e n t o f a n y h u m o ro u s e n d e a r our, Just For Laughs e s c a p e d th e p o te n tia l p itfa lls o f c o m m e n ta ry o n lo v e a n d m a rria g e . B y assem b lin g a g ro u p o f c o m ic s th a t b ro u g h t o u t o rig in a l ity a n d e d g e to a s u b je c t th a t’s b e e n d o n e to d e a th , L a u g h -ro d isia cs liv e d u p to its n a m e . "B u b b lin g w ith L a u gh te r," a n o th e r a c t o n Just For Laughs's C lu b S eries, w a s o u r n e xt sto p . F e a tu rin g so m e o f th e b ig g e s t n a m e s a t the festi v a l, th is in tim a te se ttin g o ffe re d a u n iq u e o p p o r tu n ity to g e t u p c lo s e a n d p e rs o n a l w ith so m e o f th e w o rld 's to p c o m e d ia n s . A m o n g th e c o m e d y v e te ra n s w a s fo rm e r C e n ta u r T h e a tre re c e p tio n is t, C a ro lin e R hea, b e st k n o w n fo r g u e st-h o sting The Rosie O 'Donnell Show . N o t n e a rly w a s h e d -u p c o m ic S in b a d a d v o c a te d a m u s in g m a le re sp o n s es fo r w o m e n 's d a y -to -d a y c o m p la in ts a b o u t the o p p o s ite sex. Th e s h o w c lo s e d w ith The Daily Show's Lew is B la ck , a n d his c y n ic a l b u t h ila rio u s p o litic a l c o m m e n ta ry . Further h ila rio u s in s ta lm e n ts a t Just For Laughs in c lu d e w o rld -re n o w n e d a n d c o m p le te ly u n c e n s o re d The N asty Show ; a p e a k a t the crè m e -d e -la -crè m e o f N o rth A m e ric a n c o m e d ia n s a t H e a d lin e rs , in c lu d in g Tim A lle n , W a y n e B ra d y a n d Tom A rn o ld ; b ra n d -s p a n k in ' n e w m a te ria l fro m th e o n e -a n d -o n ly J a c k ie M a s o n ; a n d a live ta p in g o f th e h it a n im a te d sitco m Family Guy.

These smiles are free D u rin g th e fe s tiv a l, fre e o u td o o r p ro d u c tio n s a lig n b o th Rue S te -C a th e rin e a n d Rue St-D enis. A ll o v e r th e city, th e re w a s a h u m o ro u s v ib e — e v e ry b o d y a t Just fo r Laughs h a s a sm ile o n his o r h e r fa c e . A n d n o m a tte r h o w little s le e p th e sta ff m a y g e t, th e y a re n e ve r to o tire d o r b u sy to let y o u k n o w h o w m u ch th e y a re e n jo y in g th e c r a z i ness o f th e fe stiva l. In a d d itio n , Just fo r L a u g h s-sp o n so re d sh o w s ta k e p la c e s p o ra d ic a lly th ro u g h o u t th e ye a r, in c lu d in g J e rry S e in fe ld in V a n c o u v e r la s t m onth, a n d M o n ty P ython's E ric Id le in M o n tre a l O c to b e r 1 3 , a m o n g o th ers. N o w , a s s c h o o l b e g in s , th e la u g h te r must b e g in to d ie d o w n . H o w e v e r, Just For Laughs re m a in s a n in te g ra l p a rt o f a M o n tre a l sum m er, a n d sh o u ld re m a in so fo r y e a rs to c o m e . If it ta k e s m o re m uscles to fro w n th a n to sm ile , then w e a t th e Tribune h a d a v e ry e ffic ie n t c o u p le o f w eeks. ■

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Laughter so loud it's evil... Bloody fun to be had by all LIS E T R E U T L E R lo o d ! C h a in s a w s l S in g in g !" The a d s fo r Evil Dead 1&2: The Musical p rom ised a ll o f the a b o v e a n d never o n ce fa ile d to deliver. From the m om ent the c ro w d s g a the red outside to share b lo o d y m akeup tips a n d b u y b o o tle g souvenir Tshirts straight through to the g ra n d fin a le , e ve ry sin g le soul in the b u ild in g , w h e th e r g o o d , b a d , o r just the g u y w ith the g u n , h a d a s id e sp littin g night o f g o o d , g o ry fun. M a n y o f the D e adites in a tte n d a n ce — yes, folks, there's a n a m e fo r this cu lt— h a d a lre a d y seen the sh o w several tim es. They drank, they sang a n d they fell o ve r la u g h in g . W ith song titles like "A ll the M e n in M y Life K ee p G e ttin g K illed b y C a n d a ria n D em ons," a n d the inclusion o f everyone's favourite one-liners, like "B a b y, yo u just g o t real ugly,” h o w c o u ld this s h o w not b e a success? Evil D e a d ran as p a rt o f the fa m e d Just fo r Laughs festival a t the C a b a re t d u Plateau, a perfect setting fo r a n ig h t o f h o rrific cult co m e d y. Fans a t tables on the flo o r ran (and h o p e d for) the constant risk o f g e ttin g co ve re d in b lo o d , w h ile fans in the b a lc o n y h a d the a d v a n ta g e d v ie w o f O o n a g h Beharrell a n d D a ve Kynaston's b rillia n t d e m o n c h o re o g ra p h y across the ever-surprising set, d e sign e d

b y Peter H ig g in s a n d M a tt O lm s te a d . Hey, a n y set that includes a ta lkin g m oose h e a d is w o rth y o f attention. The s h o w o p e n s w ith the o p tim istic "C a b in in the W o o d s ," intro d u cin g the fiv e c o lle g e c o e d s w h o a re a b o u t to fin d the N e cro n o m ic o n a n d unleash the evil inside. Shelly, C h e ryl, Scotty, Linda, a n d o u r h ero Ash, w e re bursting w ith e n e rg y from the start. This cast w o rk e d to g eth e r w e ll, o b viou sly h a ving the tim e o f their lives. The vo ca ls w e re strong, the slapstick c o m e d y stunts stronger a n d out rageous a ctin g b ang-on. The most p raise go e s to Ryan W a rd , a lso pa rt o f the o rig in a l cast in 2 0 0 3 , fo r his p o rtra ya l o f Ash. N o t m an y ca n d o it like Bruce C a m p b e ll, but W a rd com es pretty close. W ith a c h a in s a w fo r a n arm , he fought, he sa n g , a n d he d a m n w e ll o u tw itte d e ve ry C a n d a ria n d e m o n w ith e ve ry line he sa id . G im m e som e sugar, Ash. But Evil Dead in its m usical in ca rn a tio n just w o u ld n 't h a ve been Evil Dead w e re it not fo r the tal ents o f G e o rg e Reinblatt, the w rite r o f the hilarious b o o k a n d lyrics. H is w o rk is a true tribute to Sam Raim i; it m a d e Evil Dead I& 2 : The Musical a m ajor h ig h lig h t o f the summer. A s Ash w o u ld say, "H a il to the king, b a b y ! ■

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Sunburned smiles filled with Pride Colourful crowds unite at Divers/Cité LIS E T R E U T L E R unny d a ys a n d hot nights fille d w ith c o lo u r— that is the a n n ua l D iv e rs /C ité festival in

M o n tre a l. It is the h o lid a y w e e k o f the y e a r fo r a ll gay, lesbian, bisexual a n d transgendered folk, a s w e ll a s their supporters a n d just a b o u t a n yo n e w h o w a n ts a g o o d tim e. A d a ytim e itin e ra ry m ight have in clu d e d a visit to the vendors a n d g ro u p s o n the C o m m u n ity D ay, fo llo w e d b y a q u ic k costum e ch a n g e a n d a w ild nig h t a t o n e o f the festivals m an y parties. For most, the h ig h lig h t is the Pride P arade, w h ic h w a s held o n A ugust 1. The sunny sid e w a lks o f B oulevard René-Lévesque w e re fille d w ith p e o p le

yo u n g a n d o ld , p a in te d a n d feathered o r just alla ro u n d d e c k e d o u t in the colours o f the Pride rain bow. The n a m e o f the festival a p tly de scrib e s the p a ra d e itself. There w e re h ig h -b u d g et floats w ith extrem e stereo systems, line d a n ce rs w h o so m e h ow m a n a g e d to ke e p u p their e n e rg y to entertain the c ro w d s fo r the full tw o hours, a n d o f course, repre sentation b y Q u e e r M c G ill, co m p le te w ith the Students' Society's PT C ruiser fo llo w in g the enor m ous n e w fla g a n d its 20 -o d d carriers. It w a s hot a n d it w a s colourful, but most o f all, the d a y w a s beautiful. S eeing e ve ryo ne so united, in d ivid u a l pride s b e ca m e a co lle ctive . C e le b ra te diversity, in d e e d . M on tre a le rs k n o w h o w to co m e together to d o just that. ■

a&e 11.9.04 | the mcgill tribune S U M M E R

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Let's bang on the drum all day LISE T R E U T L E R aste d e a rly S u n d a y m orn in g ? W e ll, g e t o u t o f b e d a n d h e a d o u t the d o o r a n y w a y , b e ca u se fa ll w ill soon b e u p o n us, a n d w ith the b e g in n in g o f c o ld com es the e n d o f Tam-Tams. If yo u spent yo u r sum m er e lse w h e re , then y o u 'd better step o n it! N o sum m er is co m p le te w ith o u t a t least o n e S u n d a y spent a t Tam-Tams, the b e lo ve d w e e k ly festival a t the fo o t o f M o n t Royal.

Tam-Tams b e g a n d u rin g the 1 9 8 0 s . S om e h o w , a m id st all the h a ir m etal, M o n tre a le rs fo u n d themselves revivin g the sp irit o f the 6 0 s , a n d a c c o rd in g to those w h o ha ve b e e n a ro u n d fo r lo n g e r than their four-year d e g re e a llo w s them , the e ve n ts g ro w n a n d gotten better o ve r tim e. N o w it's co n s id e re d a n essential for e v e ry o n e — d re a d lo c k e d o r not, y o u 're w e lc o m e a t the Tams. W h e th e r yo u r p leasure is s h o p p in g fo r a n yth in g from h a n d m a d e je w e lry to h a ck y sacks, d a n c in g o r sim ply c h illin g w ith

Ohlord, What Were They Thinking?

yo u r friends o ve r a p ic n ic a n d p e rh a p s a little g re e n „ yo u a re g u a ra n te e d to ha ve a g o o d tim e. N e o p h y te s ha ve n o fe a r— yo u d o n 't ha ve to ca st o ff yo u r in h ib itio n s a n d d a n c e to the d ru m m in g circle s rig ht a w a y . But it's alm ost g u a ra n te e d that so m e d a y so o n , the m usic w ill g e t under y o u r skin a n d yo u w ill fin d yo u rse lf m ovin g , a n d fin d it h a rd to stop. S hould y o u w is h to jo in the drum m ers themselves, h o p right in. There's a lw a y s a le a d e r surrounded b y a c ro w d o f a ll a g e s w ith a ll d iffe re n t shapes a n d sizes o f drum s. O n c e y o u 're up there, it is e a sy to fin d yo u r o w n g ro o v e to co m p le m e n t e ve ryo n e else. Tam-Tams o ffic ia lly runs until the e n d o f Septem ber, so yo u ve g o t a m onth o f fun a h e a d o f yo u . B ring yo u r b o o ks a n d study. O r d o n 't, a n d h a ve a w e e k ly v a c a tio n , b e ca u se w e a re a ll g o in g to need o n e soon e n o ug h a n d there is no belter p la c e in the c ity to fin d it ■

^ u s ic "Who's Moses Mayes?" SPEN CER RO SS ife on the ro a d is tough. The long drives, sleepless nights in hotels, a n d w a rm B udw eiser m ake fo r som e interesting ro a d trips. Just a sk M o s e s M a y e s . Fresh o u t o f the studio to p rom ote its so p h o m o re album , Needle to the Groove, M o s e s M a y e s bring s p ra irie p rid e w h e r ever it g o e s — from its hom e to w n o f W in n ip e g to the shores o f St. John's. But w h o , really, is "M o s e s M a y e s ? " "P e o p le ask us a ll the tim e, w h ic h o n e o f us is 'M ose s M a y e s ,"' answ ers A ntin M u z y k a , drum m er fo r the M a n ito b a n septet. "'M o s e s M a y e s ' isn't the nam e o f a n y g u y in the b a n d , but the colle ctive nam e fo r a ll o f us."

C a p p in g o ff the fin a l S a tu rd a y n ig h t o f Le Festival International d e Ja zz d e M o n tré a l, M o s e s M a y e s b ro u g h t its fusion g ro o ve s b a c k to M o n tre a l fo r the first tim e in alm ost tw o years. D uring that p e rio d , the b a n d d a sh e d fans' hopes fo r m ore tours w ith the new s o f a b a n d breakup. "There w a s a lot o f g ro w th that h a p p e n e d in d ivid u a lly dur ing the b re a ku p ," says bassist Paul Farley. " N o w , how ever, w e 're

co m in g b a c k together after a b u ild u p o f tension. W e 're co m in g b a c k from m ore o f a calm a n d w e 'v e been a b le to e xp lo re that elem ent further in o ur basem ent stu d io." S tarting w ith a c id ja z z beats a n d thick bass lines, the b a n d w o rks q u ic k ly into its co m p le x im p ro visa tio na l arrangem ents. The texture is further e n h a n c e d b y effects-laden synthesizers a n d funk g u ita r riffs. R ounding out the g roup's nuts a n d bolts a re the vibes o f trum peter C h u ck C o p a n a c e a n d sa xo ph o n ist C h u ck M c C le la n . The e n e rg y a n d d yn a m ics com es to a h e a d w ith the group's em cee, G ra n t Paley, w h o s e turntable style set the b a n d a p a rt from other g ro o v e ba n ds. M o s e s M a ye s's m atured sound is re a d ily e vid e n t on Needle. Tunes such as the riff-heavy "M o s e s P.l." a n d the spacefunk atm osphere o f "B ran d N e w S ou n d " s h o w crea tive g ro w th from their self-titled 20 00 d e b u t album . "In w ritin g songs se p a ra te ly a n d together, e ve ryo n e has a b it o f the p u zzle , crea tin g a 'Frankenstein e ffe c t,'" M u z y k a says. But w h ile their s o n g w ritin g process m a y co m p rise o f snip pets from previous jam s, the e n d p ro d u ct is w h a t makes their sound d ra w the size o f c ro w d s such as the o n e a t FIJM. O f no

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c o in c id e n c e to M o s e s M a ye s's touring strate g y w a s the tim ing o f N eedles release. G e ttin g the a lb u m out in tim e fo r the various ja z z fests across C a n a d a w a s a b ig concern fo r the g ro u p . "B y d o in g so, w e h o p e that rather than h a vin g to c o a x p e o p le into the clu b s,, they w ill rem em ber o ur ja z z fest perform ances a n d w ill co m e b a c k to our clu b g ig s ," M u z y k a e xp la in e d . " W e g ro w b y w o rd o f m outh, existing b y m ore o f a cult fo llo w in g rather than p ro m o tio n ." "The first tim e w e p la y e d o u t o f the p ro vin ce w a s in Saskatoon. There w e re four p e o p le ," reflects Farley. "I clo se d m y eyes a n d started p la y in g , a n d there w e re 15 0 . I b lin ke d a n d e v e ry o n e c a m e — like a fractal im a g e ." A s the b a n d p repares fo r its fa ll tour o f clubs a n d universities, M u z y k a is q u ic k to a c k n o w le d g e the su p p o rt that M a n ito b a has g ive n the b a n d , sa yin g the p ro vin ce provides m ore fu n din g fo r the arts than a n y other pro vin ce . W ith a strong hom e fan b a se a n d ste a d ily g ro w in g c ro w d s across C a n a d a a n d the northeast US, e xp e ct to see b ig g e r a n d better things from M oses M a y e s. "A n y o n e w h o sees us, likes us," says M u z y k a . "The hardest p a rt is g etting our sound o u t th e re ." *

the mcgill tribune 119.9.04 | a&e 1Ç

Montreal Jazz Festival celebrates its silver anniversary D A N IE L C H O D O S

o u td o o r stage. Later that night, he e n thralled the c ro w d a t C lu b S o d a a lo n g w ith A n d y W illia m s , a

d o n 't k n o w e xa c tly w h y, but there is a v e ry g o o d v ib e this ye a r," o b se rve d Laurent Fournier, v ic e pres id e n t o f p ro g ra m m in g fo r the M o n tre a l International Ja zz Festival. The fa c t that this y e a r m arked the 2 5 th anniver sa ry o f the enorm ous festival in M o n tre a l m ay have h e lp e d to crea te a n unusually strong buzz. "It seems like p e o p le w a n t to b e p a rt o f it, like p e o p le a re really h a p p y h e re ," con tinu e d Fournier. In fa ct, several b a n d s a c k n o w le d g e d the alm ost u to pia n atm osphere o f both the festival a n d the city. This should h a rd ly co m e as a surprise to the o rg a n iz ers o f the event, w h o w o rk year-round to ensure that the p e rfo rm an ces m akin g up the festival m eet the high est standards o f q u a lity a n d diversity, ye t still m aintain a lle g ia n c e to the ja z z genre. "I c a n 't see the d a y w h e re S layer w ill b e p la y in g ," jo k e d Fournier. Yet, the m yria d o f m usic styles that is sh o w ca se d throughout the w e e ks is h ig h ly e cle ctic. A s such, it seems im p o ssib le to e xc lu d e a n yb o d y's m usical tastes. For instance, cro o n e r Jacksoul p la y e d a live ly e ve n in g s h o w w ith the le g e n d a ry Funk Brothers on the m ain

blues quintet. The festival offers both in d o o r a n d o u td o o r co n certs. O th e r festivals, such as the O tta w a Ja z z Fest, c h a rg e a n entrance fe e fo r alm ost a ll o f its o u td o o r show s. But festival co o rd in a to r A la in S im ard a n d co m p a n y ke e p c o m p lim e n ta ry o p e n -a ir concerts a staple here in Q u e b e c 's p a rty ca p ita l. The first tw o w e e ks o f July s a w Rue Ste-Catherine a n d B oulevard d e M a iso n n e u ve b e co m e co m p le te ly overrun w ith ja z z revelers o f a ll kinds, from countless countries a n d b a ckgrou n d s. A lo n g w ith S im ard a n d a rt d ire c to r A n d ré M e n a rd , Fournier travels a ll o ve r the w o rld , research ing po ten tia l acts fo r the l 2 -d a y e xtra v a g a n za . They a re not the o n ly ones w o rk in g h ard fo r this cause. The M o n tre a l Ja z z Festival e m p lo ys over 2,0 0 0 p e o p le , in e ve ry a re a from b e ve ra g e distribu tion to prom otions. It is strict c o m p a n y p o lic y to remu nerate e v e ry b o d y in the o rg a n iz a tio n . In o rd e r to increase fu n d in g this year, both TD C a n a d a Trust a n d Loto-Q uebec w e re sig n ed o n to h e lp fin a n ce the event. H ow ever, even tw o n e w m a jo r sponsors could not re p la c e the revenue lost d u e to the a b se n ce o f du

jo y e d to b e a p a rt o f the festivities. For a g ra n d fin a le, an e la b o ra te sp ectacle w a s sp re a d o ve r 14 stages to co m b in e the rhythm ic spirits o f ja z z a n d gym nastics. The a c ro b a tic , flam e-throw ing circus perform ers o f C irq u e d u Soleil jo in e d forces w ith m ore than 6 0 m usicians to form M id n ig h t Sun. This a w e -in spiring tw o-hour co m m em o ra tio n o f both the silver a n n ive rsa ry o f the International Ja zz Festival a n d the 2 0 th y e a r o f C irq u e d u Soleil w a s so im m ense that 1 0 huge screens w e re scattered a round Place des Arts to p ro v id e an a d e q u a te v ie w fo r the h o rd e s o f sp e c ta to rs , w h o n u m b e re d n e a rly 3 0 0 ,0 0 0 . To ke e p u p w ith a ll the co m m otio n , the hard w o rk in g staff o p e ra tes the press room 2 4 hours a d a y d u rin g the festival. It is not just fans a n d tourists w h o e n jo y this annu al July treat. The artists ha ve a g re a t tim e a t the festi va l, a n d m a n y o f the b a n d s w h o p la y ask to b e b ro u g ht b a c k in future years. That its so aring p o p u la r ity e xce ed s even the exp e cta tion s o f its o rg a n izers is a testam ent to the h a rd w o rk put in to it. S im ard p roud ly calls the Ja z z Festival a "w orld -cla ss success story." Truly, M on tre a le rs a re s p o ile d m ore a n d m ore ea ch sum m er b y this trem endous success. ■

M a u rie r s h e a vy fin a n cia l support. A s such, the festival m ay not b re a k even this year. N evertheless, Fournier rem ains positive. "The m on e y is not w h a t is m ost im p o rta n t," he sa id . "To see the smiles o n the p e o ple 's faces, that is w ha t's im p o rta n t to m e." To co m m em o ra te its silver anniversary, the festi va l w a s p e p p e re d w ith sp e c ia l acts, cerem onies a n d a w a rd s . The fe stivitie s in c lu d e d a re u n io n o f C a n a d ia n s O s c a r Peterson a n d O liv e r Jones, a s w e ll as a m usical tribute c e le b ra tin g the 10 th a n n ive rsa ry o f the e n d o f A p a rth e id in South A fric a . O n July 8 , Ibrahim Ferrer, the long-tim e icon o f the Buena Vista S o cia l C lu b , w a s h o noured w ith the in a ugural A n to n io C a rlo s Jobim a w a rd . This p rize is g ive n to a n artist w h o best dem onstrates w o rld musi c a l culture w ith in the ja z z tra d itio n. It is the fourth instal m ent in a festival tra d itio n o f intro d u cin g a n e w a w a rd e ve ry five years. "For us, [ch o o sin g Ferrer] w a s just o b viou s," e m phasizes Fournier. "There w a s no discussion o f oth ers. W e w e re sitting to g eth e r in a n o ffic e o n e morn in g , a n d w e said 'th a t'll b e the g u y !'" A t a press co n fe re n ce , the 7 6 y e a r o ld ja z z le g e n d from S a n tia g o , C u b a , seem ed a b so lu te ly over

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McGill athletes reflect Canadian results Some nice surprises but a number of disappointments characterize university's Olympians A N D R E W SEGAL A t a p p ro x im a te ly 1 1 : 3 5 o n th e m o rn in g o f A u g u s t 1 8 , M c G ill stu d e n ts J a n a S a la t a n d M a rie -L u c A rp in w e re , fig u ra tiv e ly s p e a k in g , h a v in g a b a ll. lite ra lly , h o w e v e r, th e y w e re th ro w in g M ik a s a 's b rig h t y e llo w , 6 5 cm , 4 0 0 g ra m w o m e n s w a te r p o lo b a ll, p la y in g k e e p -a w a y a s th e fin a l s e c o n d s tic k e d o ff th e . c lo c k o f th e C a n a d ia n s ' a m a z in g 6 -5 u p se t v ic to ry o v e r th e to p ra n k e d U S te a m a t th e A th e n s G a m e s . For th o s e tw o a n d th e rest o f th e te a m — w h ic h in c lu d e d fo u r o th e r w o m e n w ith M c G ill c o n n e c tio n s , p lus M c G i ll a lu m n u s a n d h e a d c o a c h P a trick O a t e n — th e s u rp ris e triu m p h th a t s a w th e te a m c o m e b a c k fro m d e fic its o f 4 - 0 a n d 5 -1 h a d th o u g h ts o f m e d a ls d a n c in g in th e ir h e a d s . A fte r a ll, th e C a n a d ia n s w e r e ra n k e d fo u rth in th e w o r ld a n d n e e d e d o n ly to d is p a tc h fifthra n k e d H u n g a ry in th e ir n e x t g a m e to a d v a n c e to th e m e d a l ro u n d . But, a s w a s th e g e n e ra l tre n d fo r C a n a d ia n a th le te s d u rin g th e g a m e s o f th e 2 8 th O ly m p ia d , b ig e x p e c ta tio n s a n d im p re s s iv e w o r ld s ta n d in g s fa ile d to a d d u p to a h ig h e r p o s itio n o n th e

THE

RED

m e d a l ta b le (C a n a d a fin is h e d just 19 th o v e ra ll in th e m e d a l c o u n t, a n d o f 3 4 a th le te s o r c re w s ra n k e d in th e to p fiv e in th e w o r ld h e a d in g in to th e G a m e s , o n ly n in e re a c h e d th e p o d iu m ). L ik e w is e , th e w a te r p o lo te a m suf fe re d a h e a rtb re a k in g 5 - 4 loss to th e H u n g a ria n s tw o d a y s later, e n d in g th e ir m e d a l c h a n c e s a fte r just th re e p re lim i n a ry m a tc h u p s . A lth o u g h th e w o m e n b o u n c e d b a c k to e a rn s e v e n th p la c e b y d e fe a t in g K a z a k h s ta n 1 0 - 4 — a g a m e in w h ic h A rp in re c o rd e d tw o g o a ls — O a te n re m a in e d b itte r a b o u t th e h a n d th e s q u a d w a s d e a lt a t th e G a m e s , a s its p o o l o f fo u r in th e e ig h t-n a tio n c o m p e titio n in c lu d e d th e te a m s ra n k e d n u m b e rs o n e , th re e a n d fiv e in th e w o rld . "T h is is th e le a s t s a tis fy in g w in e v e r in m y c a re e r," O a te n to ld th e C B C a fte r b e a tin g th e K a z a k h s . "It's such a jo k e , th is to u rn a m e n t fo rm a t. I fe e l fo r th e a th letes. T h e y p la y e d th e b e s t w a te r p o lo th e y p la y e d in y e a rs ." For m a n y o f th e m e m b e rs o f th e M o n tr e a l- b a s e d n a tio n a l w o m e n 's w a te r p o lo te a m , it's b a c k to re a l life a n d re a l jo b s a fte r th e ir s h o rt s ta y in A th e n s . H o w e v e r, fo r fiv e o f th e te a m 's

C B C .C A

Goalie Whynter Lamarre was one of six current or former McGill students on the Canadian women's waterpolo team.

s ix M c G ill-re la te d m e m b e rs , a return to s c h o o l is in th e w o rk s in s te a d , a s o n ly u tility p la y e r A n d re a D e w a r, a 2 0 0 1 g ra d u a te , h a s m o v e d o n . A rp in is c o m p le tin g h e r u n d e r g r a d u a te d e g re e in M e c h a n ic a l E n g in e e rin g , w h ile S a la t is w o rk in g o n a g ra d u a te d ip lo m a in M a n a g e m e n t. M o n tre a l n a tiv e M e lis s a C o llin s is in th e p ro c e s s o f g e ttin g h e r M a s te r's d e g re e in N u tritio n , w h ile g o a lie W h y n te r L a m a rre a n d c e n tre fo r w a r d C h ris tin e R o b in s o n a re m o v in g to w a r d s u n d e r g r a d u a te d e g re e s . U ltim a te ly , o n ly tim e w ill te ll if th e se w o m e n w ill h a v e th e o p p o rtu n ity to im p a rt a M c G ill fla v o u r to C a n a d a 's w a te r p o lo te a m in 2 0 0 8 , a n d if a g o ld m e d a l is in th e o ffin g .

No podium finishes elsewhere M c G ill's o th e r O ly m p ia n s w e re n o t im m u n e fro m th e g e n e r a lly s u b -p a r o u tc o m e s o f th e C a n a d ia n c o n tin g e n t. A s a w h o le , it s e e m e d th a t M c G ill's re p re se n ta tiv e s w e r e s u b je c te d th e s a m e fa te a s th e w a te r p o lo te a m : a fe w u n e x p e c te d a c c o m p lis h m e n ts , b u t o v e r a ll d is a p p o in tm e n t w ith th e ir results. J u d o k a K eith M o r g a n o f M o n tre a l,

w h o g r a d u a te d in 1 9 9 9 w ith a d e g re e in A n a to m y a n d C e ll B io lo g y , fe ll just s h o rt o f th e m e d a l p o d iu m , lo s in g in th e q u a rte rfin a ls a n d th e n a g a in in th e re p e c h a g e . T h e 3 1 -y e a r-o ld fin is h e d fifth a t th e 2 0 0 3 w o r ld c h a m p io n s h ip s a n d w o n a s ilv e r m e d a l a t th e 2 0 0 3 P an A m G a m e s , a n d w a s e x p e c te d to c h a lle n g e fo r a m e d a l in A th e n s . H o w e v e r, in ju ry h e ld h im b a c k a b it. "T h is la s t y e a r's b e e n a re a lly to u g h y e a r," M o r g a n to ld th e C B C . "I w a s in ju re d c o n s iste n tly, a n d I n e v e r re a lly g o t to th a t p o in t w h e re I w a s fe e l in g lik e I fe lt b e fo re [th e ] S y d n e y [G a m e s ]." C o n v e rs e ly , d iv e r C h r is to p h e r K a le c w e n t in k n o w in g h e w a s n 't a m e d a l th re a t, h o p in g to im p ro v e o n his 17 th p la c e fin is h in S y d n e y in s te a d . H e d id s o b y p la c in g 1 4 th o v e ra ll, just m is s in g o u t o n th e fin a ls , fo r w h ic h he n e e d e d to b e in th e to p 1 2 . K a le c n o w returns to M c G ill to c o m p le te h is u n d e r g ra d u a te d e g re e in C o m m e rc e . A n o th e r p o s itiv e w a s S a m a n th a M c G lo n e o f M o n tre a l, w h o fin is h e d in a d is ta n t 5 2 n d p la c e in th e w o m e n s tria th lo n a t th e 2 0 0 4 w o r ld c h a m p i o n s h ip s , b u t m a n a g e d to m o v e u p to

2 7 th p la c e a t th e O ly m p ic s . M c G lo n e , w h o c o m p le te d a K in e s io lo g y d e g re e in 2 0 0 2 , s u rp ris e d m a n y b y b e in g the to p C a n a d ia n , a h e a d o f re n o w n e d tria th le te s J ill S a v e g e a n d C a r o l M o n tg o m e r y . H o w e v e r, a s w ith th e rest o f th e C a n a d ia n c re w s , th e re w a s a le td o w n fo r M c G ill's r o w in g e n trie s . S a ra h P a p e (B .A . 1 9 9 5 ] w a s th e c o x s w a in fo r the w o m e n 's e ig h t th a t fin is h e d la s t in its h e a ts a n d fa ile d to m a k e th e fin a ls , w h ile M a r a J o n e s (B .S c . 1 9 9 7 ) , w h o Sports Illustrated p re d ic te d w o u ld w in a s ilv e r m e d a l in th e w o m e n 's lig h tw e ig h t d o u b le scu lls, a ls o fe ll s h o rt o f th e fin a ls a n d le ft A th e n s w ith just a n e ig h th p la c e fin is h . C o m p le tin g th e M c G ill c o n tin g e n t w e r e tw o m o re p a rtic ip a n ts o n a n d in th e w a te r, b o th o f w h o e s s e n tia lly m et e x p e c ta tio n s . K ayaker A n d re w W illo w s , c u rre n tly in th e p ro c e s s o f c o m p le tin g a n u n d e rg ra d u a te d e g re e , m a d e it to th e fin a ls o f th e m en's K 4 10 0 0 a n d fin is h e d n in th o v e ra ll, w h ile M a rie -P ie rre G a g n é , w h o b e g in s h e r fre s h m a n y e a r th is fa ll, p la c e d fifth w ith th e s y n c h ro s w im m in g te a m . ■

ZO N E

Let the prodigal fans return This e d itio n o f the Red Z o n e c o m e s w ith a c a v e a t, so k e e p this in m in d w h ile y o u 're re a d in g . U n like w h a t y o u w ill n o rm a lly g e t fro m this c o lu m n , this a rtic le c o n ta in s n o co n tro versy. It lacks d isp u te s, it's short o n pot-stirring, a n d w o n 't rile y o u u p . Unless, o f co u rse , y o u d is a g re e w ith th e a sse rtio n th a t rig h t n o w is a g re a t tim e to b e a C a n a d ia n sp o rts fa n . That's p re tty d iffic u lt to a rg u e w ith , g iv e n th a t m e m o ra b le events a re h a p p e n in g e v e ry d a y . Th e C a lg a r y Flam es e n e rg iz e d the c o u n try w ith th e ir su rprise trip to the S ta n le y C u p fin a l. O ly m p ic athletes ro u se d p rid e fro m V ic to ria to St. John's, eve n if th e y fe ll short o f the g o ld . A n d , a s y o u 're re a d in g this, a n a tio n is w a itin g w ith b a te d b re a th to see if its b e lo v e d h e ro e s c a n c la im th e W o r ld C u p o f H o ck e y . Y ea h , y o u think, b u t the E xpos w ill b e g o n e so o n , a n d the C a n a d ie n s a re m e d io c r e — n o th in g g o o d s h a p p e n in g in M o n tre a l. But lo o k d e e p e r. M o n tre a l is p a rtic ip a tin g in so m e th in g e ve n m o re s ig n ific a n t— the rebirth o f C a n a d ia n Interuniversity S p o rt. Long b e fo re e ve n the H a b s c a lle d this is la n d h o m e , the R edm en w e re p la y in g fo o tb a ll here, a n d th e roots o f C IS w e re ta k in g h o ld . A s it a p p ro a c h e s its 10 0 th a n n ive rsa ry, here's a n o th e r c la im y o u 'll b e h a rd -p re sse d to refute. It's n e ve r b e e n a b e tte r tim e to b e a fa n o f C IS . M o r e to p C a n a d ia n a th le te s a re a tte n d in g universi ty a t h o m e ra th e r th a n in the US, a n d m o re sc h o o ls a re fie ld in g te a m s in a n e v e r-g ro w in g a rra y o f sports. A s a result, th e c a lib re o f p la y in th e C IS is a t its p e a k . U n iversity a th le te s a re n o w re p rese n ting C a n a d a in te rn a tio n a lly a n d g e ttin g d ra fte d in to the

N H L , CFL, a n d e ve n th e NFL. Better ye t, M c G ill is a t the h e a rt o f C IS ' m e te o ric rise. The R edm en fo o tb a ll te a m fin ish e d th ird in C a n a d a tw o y e a rs a g o , a n d h a s sent R a n d y C h e v rie r a n d J.P. D a rc h e south o f th e bo rd e r. M e a n w h ile , th e M a rtle ts ' h o c k e y te a m — le d b y g o ld m e d a l-w in n in g g o a lie a n d 2 0 0 2 - 0 3 C IS fe m a le a th le te o f th e y e a r K im StP ie rre — w o n b a c k -to -b a c k b ro n z e m e d a ls a t th e n a tio n a l c h a m p i o n sh ip .

A N D R E W SEGAL w o n the last g a m e , w h e n the next o n e w ill b e p la y e d , a n d w h a t y o u c a n d o d u rin g the d a y s in b e tw e e n W e 'r e p re p a re d fo r this o n g o in g c h a lle n g e w ith g re a t n e w fe a tures a n d ste lla r re tu rn in g on e s. This co lu m n w ill a p p e a r e ve ry w e e k , re p le te w ith h a rd -h ittin g o p in io n s o n the sports issues o f the d a y . O u r O ff Th e B ea te n Path se g m e n t w ill h e lp y o u g e t a han d le o n so m e in trig u in g w a y s to "k e e p fit a n d h a v e fu n " a ro u n d M c G ill, w h ile the T w o -p o in t C o n v e rs io n co lu m n w ill p ro v id e a lig h th e a rte d lo o k a t the w o rld s o f sp o rts a n d p o p culture. M a k e

Pretty g o o d , n o ? A n d ye t, fo r so m e re a so n , M c G ill students a lw a y s seem to miss o u t o n these a m a z in g o p p o rtu n itie s . M o r e F rid a y n ig h ts a re More Friday nights are spent in McConnell residence than in s p e n t in M c C o n n e ll re s id e n c e th a n McConnell Arena, trips to Molson stadium aren't on tap, M c C o n n e ll A re n a , trip s to M o ls o n S ta d iu m a re n 't o n ta p , a n d Love and Love Competition Hall gets less affection than a shy girl C o m p e titio n H a ll g e ts less a ffe c tio n than on prom night. a sh y g irl o n p ro m nig h t. W e ll, excuses m a y fly w ith y o u r p ro fs, b u t n o t here. Just b e c a u s e y o u 're n o t in the States d o e s n 't sure to visit the a ll-n e w fourth p a g e o f th e s e c tio n e v e ry w e e k fo r m e a n y o u c a n fo rg e t a n y s e m b la n c e o f sc h o o l p rid e . A n d sin ce y o u r q u ic k g u id e to th e w e e k th a t w a s a n d w h a t's c o m in g up. a m a z in g events like the m en's s o c c e r a n d w o m e n 's h o c k e y C IS A n d , o f co u rse , w e 'll h a ve p le n ty o f g a m e reports, se a son p re n a tio n a l c h a m p io n s h ip s w ill b e h e ld a t M c G ill this ye a r, there's v ie w s a n d p la y e r p ro file s. n o t a sin g le g o o d re a so n w h y y o u s h o u ld n 't c h e c k o u t y o u r Essentially, o u r g o a l fo r the y e a r is to e n g a g e y o u , so both M c G ill sports team s. th e c a s u a l a n d h a rd c o re fa n s a m o n g y o u w ill k n o w w h a t's g o in g A n d , a ls o u n like w ith y o u r p ro fs, y o u c a n n o lo n g e r fe ig n o n a n d w h y y o u sh o u ld c a re . O n c e w e 'v e d o n e th a t, th e rest is ig n o ra n c e . Your S ports e d ito rs fo r the ye a r, M o h it A ro ra a n d u p to y o u . H o w e v e r, w e 're p re tty c o n fid e n t y o u 'll m a k e th e rig ht m yself, A n d re w S e g a l, w ill m a k e th e sp o rts se ctio n y o u r so u rce c h o ic e . A fte r a ll, a s G .l. Jo e s a id , " N o w y o u k n o w ... a n d k n o w fo r a ll the c a m p u s a th le tic s n e w s. S o y o u 'll a lw a y s k n o w w h o in g is h a lf the b a ttle ." ■

the mcgill tribune 11.9.04 | sports

OFF THE

McGill brings in top recruits

BEATEN

PATH

One man's battle with the pavem ent An all too familiar tale for the workout-challenged

h ro u g h o u t th e sum m er, s o m e b ig n a m e s w e r e a d d e d to th e list o f a th le te s w h o w ill b e in fo r M c G ill in in te ru n iv e rs i ty a th le tic s th is fa ll. T h e first re c ru it to s ig n o n is o n e o f th e o n ly A m e ric a n b a s k e tb a ll p ro s p e c ts M c G ill h a s la n d e d in tw o d e c a d e s , p o in t g u a rd J.P. B e g ly fro m G e n e v a , N e w Y o rk. B e g ly , w h o le d G e n e v a H ig h to th e c o n fe re n c e fin a ls w h ile a v e ra g in g 1 3 p o in ts a n d s ix assists p e r g a m e , w ill b e jo in e d o n th e c o u rt b y tw o to p B ritish C o lu m b ia re cru its, s m a ll fo r w a r d S e a n A n th o n y a n d s h o o tin g g u a rd R a ja n N ir w a n , b o th all-stars in th e ir re s p e c tiv e le a g u e s S ig n in g s h o rtly a fte r B e g ly w a s A m e ric a n fo o tb a ll re c ru it A la n K e llo g g ; a 6 '5 " , 2 7 7 - p o u n d ta c k le fro m P e b b le B e a c h C a lifo r n ia , w h o w ill b e v y in g fo r a s ta rtin g s p o t o n th e o ffe n s iv e lin e . A ls o ta g g e d w e r e tra c k a n d fie ld re cru its D e b o ra h L ig h tm a n o f T o r o n t o - w h o w ill b e a tte n d in g o n th e u n iv e rsity's m o s t p re s tig io u s a c a d e m ic s c h o la r s h ip - a n d

D A N Y H O R O V IT Z

A a r o n W h it e o f S tirlin g , O n ta r io , w h o p la c e d th ird in th e p ro v in c e in th e 4 0 0 m h u rd le s.

Swimmer on top of the league M c G ill s w im te a m m e m b e r C a ro ly n M c C a b e w a s v o te d a s th e to p stu d e n t-a th le te in th e Q u e b e c S tu d e n t S p o rt F e d e ra tio n fo r th e 2 0 0 3 - 0 4 s e a s o n in M a y , a trib u te th a t re c o g n iz e s h e r c o m m itm e n t to b o th a c a d e m ic s a n d a th le tic s . T h e 2 3 Y e a r-o ld e le m e n ta ry e d u c a tio n stu d e n t e a rn e d a G P A o f 3 . 7 8 to g o a lo n g w ith fo u r g o ld m e d a ls a t th e Q u e b e c s w im c h a m p io n s h ip s . M c C a b e a ls o e x c e lle d o n th e n a tio n a l le v e l, w in n in g tw o s ilv e r m e d a ls a lo n g w ith a b ro n z e a t th e C a n a d ia n In te ru n iv e rs ity S p o rt c h a m p io n s h ip s , a result th a t e a rn e d h e r a s p o t o n th e A ll-C a n a d ia n s e c o n d te a m . F in a lly , M c C a b e w a s th e re c ip ie n t o f th e E n te rp rise A w a r d , p re s e n te d a n n u a lly to th e to p fe m a le a th le te a t M c G ill.

Redmen cagers have new bench boss In June, C r a ig N o r m a n , th e C IS m en 's b a s k e tb a ll c o a c h o f th e y e a r la st s e a s o n , tra v e le d u p th e 4 0 1 fro m R o ya l M ilit a r y C o lle g e in K in g s to n to ta k e th e p o s itio n o f h e a d c o a c h w ith th e R e d m e n . T h e n a tiv e o f G r e e n fie ld P ark to o k th e P a la d in s , w h o fin is h e d 1-2 1 in 2 0 0 1 - 0 2 , a n d tu rn e d th e m in to c o n te n d e rs in th e O U A E ast d iv is io n , w h e re th e y fin is h e d w ith a 1 4 -8 re c o rd la s t y e a r. T h e 4 2 Y e a r - o ld a ls o h a s ro o ts in M o n tre a l b a s k e tb a ll, h a v in g p la y e d fiv e se a s o n s a t C o n c o r d ia , w h e re h e w a s n a m e d A ll-C a n a d ia n . H e re p la c e s N e v io M a r z in o tto , w h o h a d le d th e R e d m e n fo r th e p re v io u s fiv e y e a rs . T h e re a s o n c ite d fo r th e c o a c h in g

INTERNATIONAL

c h a n g e w a s th e a th le tic d e p a rtm e n t's n e e d to h ire a fu ll-tim e head coach.

Darche back in the big leagues F o rm e r R e d m e n h o c k e y c a p ta in M a th ie u D a rc h e s ig n e d a c o n tra c t w ith th e C o lo r a d o A v a la n c h e in Ju ly fo r th e 2 0 0 4 0 5 s e a s o n , h o p in g to re su rre ct his m a jo r le a g u e c a re e r. W h ile a t M c G ill, D a rc h e ra c k e d u p 1 7 0 p o in ts in 1 3 3 c a re e r g a m e s , w h ic h e a rn e d h im a n N H L c o n tra c t w ith th e C o lu m b u s B lu e J a c k e ts in 2 0 0 1 . D a rc h e 's tim e w ith C o lu m b u s a n d la te r vyith N a s h v ille d id n 't q u ite p a n o u t, a s h e h a s re c o rd e d o n ly th re e p o in ts in 2 6 c a re e r g a m e s , b u t h e h a s e x c e lle d in th e m in o r le a g u e s . T h e 2 7 -y e a r-o ld n a tiv e o f V ille St-Laurent le d th e C o ld e r C u p A v in n in g M ilw a u k e e A d m ira ls in re g u la r se a s o n s c o rin g w ith 2 8 g o a ls , a n d a d d e d 1 4 p o in ts in th e p la y o ffs .

L in e b a c k e r a n d lo n g s n a p p e r M ik e M a h o n e y is h e a d in g b a c k w e s t, h a v in g s ig n e d a c o n tra c t w ith th e CFL's C a lg a r y S ta m p e d e rs in A u g u s t. O r ig in a lly fro m R e g in a , the 2 3 -y e a r-o ld is re tu rn in g to th e P ra irie s a fte r a n o u ts ta n d in g c a re e r a t M c G ill, d u rin g w h ic h h e w a s n a m e d a s e c o n d te a m A ll-C a n a d ia n a n d w o n th e Q u e b e c c o n fe re n c e n o m i n a tio n fo r th e P re side n t's T ro p h y a s th e n a tio n 's o u ts ta n d in g d e fe n s iv e p la y e r. T h e 6 '3 " , 2 3 0 - p o u n d M a h o n e y w a s o rig in a lly d ra fte d in th e fifth ro u n d b y th e T o ro n to A rg o n a u ts . ■

Euro Cupr How the Hellas did G reece win? Suprising championship run includes bookend defeats of host Portugal T h o se o f us w h o fo llo w e d th e 2 0 0 4 E u ro p e a n fo o tb a ll (as in "s o c c e r") c h a m p io n s h ip th is s u m m e r w e re in fo r q u ite th e su rp rise . N o b o d y in th e ir rig h t m in d c o u ld h a v e e v e r im a g in e d th a t th e e v e n tu a l c h a m p io n s o f th e to u rn a m e n t w o u ld b e th e u n h e ra ld e d G r e e k s q u a d . This w a s a te a m m a k in g its first a p p e a r a n c e in a m a jo r to u rn a m e n t s in c e th e 1 9 9 4 W o r ld C u p , w h e n it w a s b o u n c e d fro m th e g ro u p p h a s e w ith o u t c a u s in g m a n y rip p le s . O p tim is tic G r e e k fa n s w o u ld h a v e b e e n h a p p y if G r e e c e h a d w o n a s in g le g a m e . R e a listic G r e e k fa n s w o u ld h a v e b e e n h a p p y if G r e e c e h a d s im p ly p u t u p a fig h t a n d p ro v e d to b e m o re th a n just a p u sh o ve r. W e ll, s h a m e o n a ll o f us w h o to o k th e G r e e k te a m 's p re s e n c e in th e to u rn a m e n t to o lig h tly . T h e H e lla s strun g to g e th e r a to u rn a m e n t th a t c o n tin u e d to sur p ris e a n d c o n v e rt n o n -b e lie v e rs until the

With school starting up again, it's back to work for part-time fitness enthusiasts.

Mahoney inks deal with Stamps

SOCCER

M O H IT A R O R A

YASEMIN EMORY

v e ry e n d . But a s w e ll a s th e G re e k s p la y e d , th e q u e s tio n still re m a in s : H o w d id G r e e c e p u t to g e th e r a n e ffo rt th a t w ill d o n in th e p a n th e o n o f g re a te s t sp o rts upsets? T h e G re e k s d id w h a t e v e ry u n d e r d o g d o e s w h e n th e y a re p la y in g a b e t te r te a m — th e y s h o rte n th e g a m e b y m a k in g it a s u g ly a n d w ith o u t f lo w a s p o s s ib le . T h e G re e k s w e re s o successful a t th is th a t th e y tu rn e d u g ly fo o tb a ll in to a n a rt fo rm . T h e fa v o u rite -u n d e rd o g d y n a m ic in sp o rts is s im ila r to th a t o f th e c a s in o -g a m b le r re la tio n s h ip . In th e lo n g run, the h o u se w ill a lw a y s w in , b u t th e g a m b le r c a n g e t o n sm a ll h o t strea ks a n d m a k e s o m e g o o d c o in . If G r e e c e h a d s p e n t a ll g a m e , e v e ry g a m e , try in g to o u tp la y th e P o rtug u e se , F re n ch , S p a n is h , a n d C z e c h s o n ta le n t a lo n e , th e y w o u ld h a v e lo s t e v e ry g a m e , a n d h a n d ily to o . S o th e G re e k s p la y e d " u g ly ," a n d m in im iz e d th e o th e r te a m 's ta le n t ra th e r th a n m a x im iz e th e ir o w n . Th e G re e k s

w e re a b le to m u c k u p e a c h m a tc h so b a d ly th a t th e ir o p p o n e n ts w o u ld sud d e n ly lo o k u p a n d re a liz e th e y w e re a t th e 6 0 -m in u te m a rk o f a 0 - 0 m a tc h . A t th a t p o in t, o n e m is ta k e w ill lo se y o u the g a m e , a n d th e G re e k s w e r e s im p ly the te a m th a t c a s h e d in o n th o se m istakes. E ve ry G r e e k o p p o n e n t m a d e a c o lo s s a l e rro r in u n d e r e s tim a tin g G r e e c e , e ve n a s th e w in s p ile d u p . D o y o u th in k F re n ch s u p e rs ta r Z in e d in e Z id a n e w o u ld h a v e b e e n su rp ris e d b y th e relen tle ss G r e e k m id fie ld h a d h e b o th e re d to p o p in a v id e o ta p e just once? S o G r e e c e w a s g iv e n a n o p p o rtu n ity to su rp rise e v e ry o n e , a n d su rp rise it d id . T h e G re e k s ta u g h t us a ll a v e ry g o o d lesson this p a s t July. T h e g a m e s h a v e to b e p la y e d o n th e fie ld . F a vo u rite s a n d u n d e rd o g s , p re d ic tio n s a n d p ro g n o s tic a tio n s , y a d a y a d a y a d a , th e G re e k s w e re th e b e s t te a m o n th e fie ld in P o rtu g a l. T hat's w h y th e E uro C u p n o w re sid e s in A th e n s. ■

t’s o n e o f th e la s t d a y s o f th e su m m er h o lid a y s , a n d fo r th e first tim e s in c e A p r il, D o u g h B o y g o e s o u t fo r a m o rn in g jo g . A fte r fo u r m on th s o f 1 2 -h o u r w o rk d a y s a n d d rin k -till-d a w n n ig h ts, it w a s a h a rd re m in d e r o f just h o w m u ch c a n c h a n g e b e tw e e n sem esters. H is lu n g s c o lla p s e , his c a lv e s b u rn , a n d his n o se c a tc h e s fire w ith e v e ry b re a th . H e c a n te ll h e is s lo w ly lo s in g co n s c io u s n e s s . But p a in is just w e a k n e s s le a v in g th e b o d y , h e re m in d s h im se lf. A s m uch a s he h a te s th e a c tu a l a c t o f ru n n in g , th e re 's n o th in g m o re re fre s h in g th a n

h a v in g just fin is h e d a q u a lity jo g . To b e p e rfe c tly fra n k , D o u g h B o y d id n 't sta rt w o rk in g o u t a ll th o se y e a rs a g o fo r h is h e a lth . H e h a d a m o re s in is te r m o tiv e : first y o u g e t th e m uscle s, th e n y o u g e t th e p o w e r, th e n y o u g e t th e w o m e n ! (G e n iu s .) B ut a s it turns o u t, a c c o rd in g to th e w o m e n 's s tu d ie s c la s s he to o k fre s h m a n y e a r, w o m e n a re n 't a ttra c te d to m uscle s, th e y re a ttra c t e d to c o n fid e n c e . (This g u y h a s a ll th e se cre ts.) S o h o w is it th a t a ll the fit p e o p le se e m to b e th e m o s t a ttra c tiv e ? S im p le . T h e y 're th e o n e s w ith th e m o s t .c o n fid e n c e , D o u g h B o y re a liz e s w ith a g rin . R ig h t fro m th e g e t-g o , h e c a n fe e l a s u rg e o f a d re n a lin e a n d c o n fid e n c e f lo w in g th ro u g h his v e in s . T h e rie w ly risen sun m a k e s it a w a rm m o rn in g , a n d th e b re e z e le ft o v e r fro m , th e n ig h t is c o o l a g a in s t his skin . T h irsty a s h e is, th is se ttin g is lik e a c o o l g la s s o f w a te r. Yum . A b o u t 1 0 m in u te s in to th e run h is b o d y starts b u rn in g s u g a r ra p id ly . H e s ta rts .s w e a tin g . P rofusely. H e 's b e e n to ld th a t a fte r 2 0 m in u te s o f c a rd io v a s c u la r e x e rc is e , th e h u m a n b o d y sto p s b u rn in g s u g a r a n d b e g in s b u rn in g fa t. T h a t's w h e re th e re a l fu n b e g in s . B urn, b a b y , b u rn . H e tries n o t to m a k e th e ro o k ie m is ta k e o f in h a lin g th ro u g h his m o u th , b u t it is h a rd n o t to w ith his h e a rt b e a tin g lik e th e d ru m s o lo fro m " W ip e O u t . " It's a ls o d iffic u lt to run w ith o u t fe e lin g a b it se lf-co n s c io u s a b o u t th e p e o p le w h o w a tc h y o u g o b y. B ut th a t's a n o th e r g re a t th in g a b o u t fitn e ss, th in ks D o u g h B o y to h im s e lf a s h e sa u n te rs a lo n g . It re q u ire s y o u to te a r d o w n y o u r in s e c u rity a n d re p la c e it w ith c o n fi d e n c e . A n d th a t c o n fid e n c e h a s tra n s la te d to o th e r a re a s o f his life e v e ry th in g fro m m e e tin g g irls to g e ttin g jo b s . N o w h e 'll e ve n s a y hi to s o m e p e o p le a s h e p a ss e s th e m , o r g e t in to s m a ll c o n v e rs a tio n s w ith th e s lo w e r b ik e rs. A s h e a p p ro a c h e s th e fin a l 2 0 0 o r s o m etres, he puts a ll th a t p a in a s id e , a n d h e h a s o n e s in g le th o u g h t. Run. S o m e h o w , a m a z in g ly , e v e ry th in g b e g in s to b lu r p a s t a s h is fe e t o b e y h is c o m m a n d . Run. Faster. Run. B y th e tim e h e h e a d s d o w n th e h o m e stre tc h , a fte r a g o o d h a lf h o u r— s lo w a n d s te a d y w in s th e r a c e — h e c a n 't e v e n fe e l h is le g s a s th e y stra in to c a r r y h is fle s h y fra m e b a c k h o m e . W h e n h e b re a th e s , it so u n d s lik e he's o n a re s p ira to r, a n d h e just h o p e s th a t h is lu n g s h a v e n t shut d o w n , b e c a u s e h e th in k s h e m a y n e e d th e m a t s o m e p o in t la te r in life . (Just a th o u g h t.) W h e n h e e n te rs his h o u se , h e s ile n tly curses h is la n d lo r d fo r n o t p ro v id in g h im w ith a n a ir c o n d itio n e r. H e d rin k s a b o u t a litre o f w a te r b e fo re h o p p in g in th e s h o w e r, in te n d in g to g o s tra ig h t to s le e p a fte r w a rd s . But b y th e tim e h e fin is h e s s h o w e rin g a n d h is b re a th h a s re tu rn e d , he's fe e lin g a s c o n fid e n t a s e v e r a n d re a d y to start the d a y . Yes, he's flu s h e d a n d e x h a u s te d b u t n o w h e k n o w s th e tru e m erits o f b e in g a ru n n in g m a n . B ic e p s , b a b e s a n d a b o o s t fo r th e o ld e g o . ■

22 sports 11.9 .0 4

| the mcgill tribune

OLYMPIC RECAP T W O -P O IN T

C O N V ER SIO N

Olympic ideals for the non-athlete A N D R E W SEGAL h e re 's a fa m o u s c o m m e rc ia l th a t s h o w s p e o p le g o in g to e x tre m e le n g th s fo r s o m e ic e c re a m , b e fo re u ltim a te ly p o s in g th e q u e s tio n to its v ie w ers, " W h a t w o u ld y o u d o fo r a K lo n d ik e b a r? " N o w , let's s a y th a t y o u p re fe r th e w o rld 's la rg e s t s p o rtin g e v e n t to a fro z e n d a ir y p ro d u c t. S o, h o w fa r w o u ld y o u g o fo r th e O ly m p ic s ? If y o u lo o k e d u p th e le tte rs o f th e G r e e k a lp h a b e t s o y o u w o u ld k n o w w h e re C a n a d a w o u ld e n te r in th e o p e n in g c e re m o n y 's p a r a d e o f n a tio n s ; if y o u s e a rc h e d fo r th e results o f a rc h e ry p re lim in a rie s — h e ld a d a y b e fo re th e a c tu a l G a m e s g o t u n d e r w a y — to fin d o u t h o w th e fie ld w o u ld b e s e e d e d ; a n d if fo r tw o w e e k s y o u s le p t o n ly b e tw e e n the h o u rs o f 5 : 0 0 p m a n d 1 :00 a m so th a t y o u w o u ld n 't m iss a n y o f th e a c tio n , th e n y o u 'v e c le a rly g o n e th e d is ta n c e . If y o u w a tc h e d e ve n a s in g le m in u te o f fie ld h o c k e y — p e rh a p s a t th a t p o in t y o u 'v e g o n e a b it to o far.

I d id th o s e th in g s a n d m u c h m o re — d e s p ite b e in g e n tire ly u n ilin g u a l a n d k n o w in g n o th in g a b o u t m a rtia l a rts, I w a tc h e d RDS fo r liv e ju d o a c tio n w h e n C B C a n d T S N w e r e n 't s h o w in g a n y th in g . Yes, I k n o w , th a t's p re tty sick. B ut I h a v e a n e x c u s e , in th e fo rm o f a s e lf-d ia g n o s e d m e d ic a l c o n d itio n . I su ffe r fro m O lym pus captivatus-isispsis. In la y te rm s, I'm a n O ly m p ic ju n k ie . B ut h e re 's th e th in g : I c o u ld sta rt a s u p p o rt g ro u p , a n d th o u s a n d s o f C a n a d ia n s w o u ld s ig n u p . In o th e r w o rd s , I'm n o t th e o n ly o n e w ith th is p ro b le m . S o w h y a r e w e s o e n th r a lle d w ith th e O ly m p ic s ? O n th e s u rfa c e , it's a n o d d fa s c in a tio n . It is n o t lik e m a jo r p ro sp o rts , w h e re y o u fo llo w y o u r te a m th ro u g h o u t a d is tin c t s e a s o n a n d b e c o m e a tta c h e d to p la y e rs w h o a re u s u a lly b a c k th e n e xt ye a r. P e o p le d o n 't fo rm a b o n d w ith th e O ly m p ic s ; n o o n e w e a rs je rse ys w ith 'S i t[ V V f t.lT o n th e b a c k o r runs O ly m p ic fa n ta s y le a g u e s . But y e t, e v e ry tw o y e a rs , w e a ll p a y a tte n tio n . T h e re 's g o t to b e a g o o d re a s o n , rig h t? I th in k it's a ll a b o u t th e sto rie s. P e o p le n e e d to te ll sto rie s a n d re la te to o th e rs w h a t w e k n o w , a n d if y o u fo llo w th e G a m e s lo n g e n o u g h , y o u 'll h a v e p le n ty to re c o u n t. Y o u 'll te a m th e a rc a n e d e ta ils o f

C A N A D IA N PRESS

A distraught Felicien is one of the Games' enduring memories. h o w a th le te s a re c o n n e c te d (d id y o u k n o w Iv o ry C o a s t s w im m e r G r e g A rk h u rs t is d a tin g C a n a d ia n w a te r p o lo p la y e r J a n a S a la t? ), ra n d o m fa cts fP e rd ita F e lic ie n s m o th e r n a m e d h e r a fte r a co n te s t a n t sh e s a w o n The Price is Right}, a n d th a t th e O ffi c ia l G a m e s W e b site c o n ta in s a s e c tio n s o le ly d e s ig n e d to list th e h o rse s in th e e q u e s tria n c o m p e titio n (the Irish, fo r e x a m p le , ro d e th e a p tly n a m e d D ru n ke n D is o rd e rly ), O f c o u rs e , w h e th e r o r n o t a n y o n e y o u k n o w w a n ts to h e a r th e se n a rra tiv e s is a n o th e r m a tte r e n tire ly. But it is n o t just th e O ly m p ic s ' a b ility , to e n g a g e o u r in n e r triv ia b u ffs. It's a ls o th e sto rie s th a t e m e rg e

fro m th e g a m e s , th e m a k in g o f le g e n d s th ro u g h g ra n d d is p la y s o f p e rs e v e ra n c e , s p o rts m a n s h ip a n d h u m a n ity o n th e w o rld 's g ra n d e s t s ta g e . It's th e ta le o f a b a d ly in ju r e d T a n z a n ia n ru n n e r w h o h o b b le d in to O ly m p ic S ta d iu m in 1 9 6 8 , a n h o u r a fte r th e o th e r c o m p e tito rs h a d fin is h e d th e m a ra th o n , la te r fe llin g re p o rte rs th a t h is c o u n try d id n 't s e n d h im to sta rt th e ra c e , b u t to fin is h it. A n d it's th e a c c o u n t o f C a n a d ia n s a ilo r L a w re n c e Le m ie u x, o n c o u rs e fo r a m e d a l in 1 9 8 8 , g iv in g u p h is c h a n c e s to re sc u e a n o th e r c o m p e tito r w h o s e b o a t h a d c a p s iz e d . E ven d u rin g th is q u a d r e n n ia l, s u p p o s e d ly d e e p in th e e ra o f O ly m p ic s h o w o ffs a n d m e-first a th le te s — lik e th o s e w h o re fu se d to p ta y fo r a c e rta in w o r ld s u p e r p o w e r 's b a s k e tb a ll t e a m — m a g ic a l m o m e n ts e m e rg e d . S u c h a s w h e n s e c o n d -p la c e fin is h e r M a rk u s R o g a n s a id h e w o u ld n 't b e c o m fo rt a b le s ta n d in g o n to p o f th e p o d iu m a fte r fe llo w b a c k s tro k e r A a r o n P ie rsol w a s te m p o ra rily d is q u a li fie d a n d s trip p e d o f h is g o ld m e d a l, h o p in g in s te a d th a t P ie rsol w o u ld g e t to k e e p h is title . O r w h e n fo r m e r m a jo r le a g u e m a n a g e r D a v e y J o h n s o n ju m p e d a t th e c h a n c e to le a d th e e q u iv a le n t o f a m in o r le a g u e s q u a d , th e D u tch n a tio n a l b a s e b a ll te a m , w h e n th e ir m a n a g e r's sort p a s s e d a w a y . O r w h e n F e lic ie n , h e r g o ld -m e d a l h o p e s h a v in g just fa lle n to e a rth a lo n g w ith th a t first h u rd le , te a rfu lly a p o lo g iz e d to C a n a d ia n s , b e c a u s e sh e fe lt she le t us dow n. S o w h e n In te rn a tio n a l O ly m p ic C o m m itte e P re s id e n t J a c q u e s R o g g e e n d e d th e A th e n s O ly m p ic s b y s a y in g th e se w e r e "d re a m g a m e s ," h e w a s b a n g o n (d e s p ite th e tim e z o n e d iffe re n c e n o t a llo w in g m uch tim e fo r d re a m in g ). G r a n te d , this y e a r's v e rs io n — m a rre d b y d o p in g a n d ju d g in g s c a n d a ls — w a s fa r fro m p e rfe c t, b u t th e O ly m p ic id e a ls c le a rly a re n 't d e a d in th e w a te r, either. In d e e d , th e 2 0 0 4 S u m m e r G a m e s p ro v id e d e n o u g h te rrific m e m o rie s to g iv e us ju n k ie s a fix until F e b ru a ry 2 0 0 6 . A n d e v e n if y o u a re n o t th e ty p e w h o ju m p s o n to th e O ly m p ic b a n d w a g o n , y o u h a v e to a d m it th a t th e G a m e s p ro v id e 1 6 d a y s o f s o lid TV v ie w in g , e s p e c ia lly d u rin g th e d a y tim e h o u rs usu a lly p o p u la te d w ith fla t s o a p o p e ra s . S o w h ile sittin g o n a c o u c h w a tc h in g sp o rts a ll d a y m a y n o t b e a n O ly m p ic fe a t, it's d e fin ite ly m y id e a l. ■

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1. The W orld Cup of Hockey replaced which now defunct international tournament, the last of which was held in 1991 ? 2. W hich goalie's acrobatic play led the USA to victory in the inaugural W orld Cup in 1996? 3. In which country was Germ an starting goaltender O laf Kolzig bom? 4. W hich American defenceman is, at 42, the oldest player in the W orld Cup? 5. W hich veteran N H L great is Canada's captain for this year's tournament? xneiuje 7 o /jo y y ç ‘so\isyp) s u i0 j, ‘DO\Jjy ifinog g a y/y y Z 'd nJ D p o u o j • ; : sjSM suy

S S M U m in i- C o u r s e s In v ite s you to re g iste r O nline:

www.ssmu.mcgill.ca/mini >Over IS n o ivcre d it co u rse s >f un In e x p e n s iv e , C o n v in ie n t >AH to r Ju st a m ini p rice

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the mcgill tribune 11.9.04 | sports

Subdued Olympic ads fail to make a splash n th e o rig in a l O ly m p ic s , c o m p e tito rs to o k th e ir m a rks a n d p e rfo rm e d u n d e r the e ye s o f the g o d s . In a n c ie n t O ly m p ia , n o th in g w a s d o n e th a t d id n 't h o n o u r Z e u s, A th e n a , a n d P o s e id o n . In to d a y s O ly m p ic G a m e s , th e g o d s a re still h o n o u re d , su c h a s N ik e , g o d d e s s o f v ic to ry . In to d a y ’s O ly m p ic s , w e se e th e fa m e d O ly m p ic rin g s , a n d the G o ld e n A rc h e s . W e h o p e to se e th e re d a n d w h ite o f th e C a n a d ia n fla g b e in g ra is e d h ig h o v e r th e s ta d iu m , b u t w e k n o w fo r sure th a t w e w ill see th e re d a n d w h ite o f th e C o c a -C o la lo g o p re tty m u ch e v e ry w h e re w e lo o k . T o d a y s O ly m p ic s a re a m a rk e te rs d re a m , w ith a b o u t 3 , 5 b illio n p e o p le

M o r itz , S w itz e rla n d in 1 9 4 8 , w h e re o u r b o y s skat e d to g o ld . A n o th e r a d fe a tu re s C a n a d a 's to p a th letes in A th e n s p ra c tic in g , a n d b ra n d is h in g a re la y b a to n . T h e a th le te s p a ss th e b a to n a lo n g fro m th e d iv in g p la tfo rm , th ro u g h th e s w im m in g p o o l, a n d e v e n tu a lly b a c k to th e tra c k , w h e re w e se e a n a p p e a ra n c e b y fo rm e r g o ld m e d a lis t B ru ny S urin. T h e a d s a re n ic e e n o u g h , s in c e w e te n d to lik e a n y th in g th a t in v o lv e s C a n a d ia n s w in n in g h o c k e y g a m e s , a n d S urin h a s b e e n o n e o f th e m o re lik e a b le C a n a d ia n a th le te s w e h a v e h a d in o u r life tim e s, so h is p re s e n c e is a n ic e to u c h . R BC c e rta in ly c o m e s o u t lo o k in g lik e the b ig s w e e th e a rt,

M O H IT A R O R A is re a lly, re a lly c re e p y , b u t th e C o w e d g e s the C lo w n a t th e fin is h fin e . N e v e rth e le s s , th e a d s a re p re tty w e a k , m uch lik e th e d e c a th lo n e v e n t itself. To b e a b le to c o m p e te in 1 0 e ve n ts th e se g u y s h a v e to b e re a lly g o o d a lh e le ts , b u t th e y a re n o w h e re n e a r w o tld cla ss . O ly m p ia n s a re th e b e s t in th e w o r ld a t th e ir s p e c ific d is c ip lin e s . D e c a th le te s a re g lo rifie d g y m rats, a n d th e y 're n o d iffe re n t th a n th e b ig k id in s c h o o l w h o w a s p re tty g o o d a t e v e ry s p o rt in g y m class.

The "I can't believe you have the nerve to say that" gold medal A ir C a n a d a ra n a d s w h o s e m e s s a g e w a s a lo n g th e lin e s o f “ It's a m a z in g w h a t y o u c a n a c c o m p lis h w ith a little im a g in a t io n / c r e a t iv it y / c h a n g e . ” A ir C a n a d a is te llin g us a b o u t th e m erits o f im a g in a tio n , c re a tiv i ty, a n d c h a n g e . T a ke a s e c o n d to le t it re g is te r th a t y o u r in te llig e n c e is b e in g in s u lte d b y o u r n a tio n a l

Although this little cow is losing his sprint, his creator triumphed in the advertising race.

tu n in g in to w a tc h . S o o n e o f th e p o in ts o f interest a t e v e ry O ly m p ia d is th e q u a lity o f th e te le v is io n c o m m e r c ia ls th a t a re s h o w n d u rin g th e 16 -d a y m e e t. This y e a r's a d s ra n g e d fro m c le v e r to la m e to d o w n r ig h t o ffe n s iv e . But ra th e r th a n s im p ly d is cu ss th e a d s , let's h o n o u r th e O ly m p ic s in o u r o w n w a y b y h a n d in g o u t m e d a ls to th e a d ve rtise m e n ts .

The gold-is-now-tradingat-US-$407 medal Th e R o ya l B a n k o f C a n a d a th re w its h a t in the O ly m p ic rin g s w ith a n a d te llin g th e s to ry o f h o w th e y se n t Team C a n a d a 's h o c k e y te a m to St.

QUICK HITS

s in ce w e a re a lw a y s flip p in g o u t a b o u t n o t fu n d in g o u r a th le te s.

The cheesy mascot decathlon gold medal Th e C a n a d ia n D a iry C o u n c il h a s b e e n run n in g a d s w ith th e ir m a s c o t, th e Little B lue C o w , c o m p e tin g in O ly m p ic e ve n ts lik e b e a c h v o lle y b a ll, w e ig h tliftin g , a n d s y n c h ro n iz e d s w im m in g . S im ila rly , a d v e rtis in g m a c h in e M c D o n a ld 's h a s c re a te d a d s w ith th e ir m a s c o t, R o n a ld M c D o n a ld , a ls o c o m p e tin g , in sp o rts like ru n n in g , h a m m e r th ro w , a n d ye s, s y n c h ro n iz e d s w im m in g . M a y b e it's th e s tra n g e ly a m u s in g a n im a tio n o f th e Little B lu e C o w , o r m a y b e it's th e fa c t th a t R o n a ld M c D o n a ld

T H IS W EEK FOOTBALL Redmen @ U de Montreal

a irlin e . Th e a d s in c lu d e a rh yth m ic g y m n a s t b re a k d a n c in g , a d iv e r e n te rin g the w a te r in th e m id d le o f a s y n c h ro ro u tin e , a n d a c y c lis t p o u rin g d iv e o il o n his g e a rs . F ine e n o u g h a d s , b u t is A ir C a n a d a a c tu a lly try in g to s u g g e s t th a t th e y a re c re a tiv e , im a g in a tiv e , a n d w e lc o m in g o f c h a n g e ? This is a n a irlin e th a t h a s b e e n b a ttlin g in s o lv e n c y fo r y e a rs n o w , a n d th e y re s p o n d to this cris is b y o ffe rin g ter rib le s e rv ic e to its (d w in d lin g ) c lie n te le . If a u d a c ity w a s a s p o rt, A ir C a n a d a w o u ld h a v e set a n e w w o r ld re c o rd w ith e a c h c o m m e rc ia l th e y ra n .

And the loser is... This O ly m p ia d 's c r o p o f a d s w a s a b it o f a n o v e ra ll d is a p p o in tm e n t. In p a s t O ly m p ic s , o r to u r n a m e n ts su ch a s th e W o r ld C u p o f so cce r, superstar a th le te s a re s h o w n o ff b y th e ir v a rio u s sh o e a n d d rin k e n d o rs e m e n ts in a se rie s o f c le v e r a n d v is u a lly a ttra c tiv e a d s . But w ith th is y e a r's a th le te s u n d e r a c lo u d o f s te ro id s u s p ic io n s , N ik e a n d frie n d s w e re h e s ita n t to p a r a d e th e ir a th le te s to o m uch this tim e a ro u n d . A n d s o , lik e a n y o th e r sp o rt in g co n tro v e rsy, th e fa n s a re th e o n e s w h o suffer. ■

SEC U R ITY

PERSO N N EL N EEDED

T h u rs d a y , S e p te m b e r 2 , 7 pm CEPSUM Scotty Mao Regina, Sask. ♦ U3 Kinesiology Running back—Redmen football Q : Y o u 're in y o u r fo u rth tra in in g c a m p . H o w is c a m p d iffe re n t n o w th a n in y o u r first y e a r? A : It's e a s ie r n o w b e c a u s e I k n o w w h a t I'm g e ttin g in to . A n d b e in g a v e te ra n , I h a v e to ta k e o n m o re o f a le a d e rs h ip ro le , so I'm try in g to h e lp ro o k ie s fit in to o u r syste m . I d e f in ite ly e n jo y th a t w id e -e y e d lo o k o n th e ro o k ie s ' fa c e s th o u g h . Q : It m ust b e to u g h g o in g s tra ig h t into tw o -a -d a y p ractices rig h t a w a y . D o y o u n e e d som e tim e to g e t used to it, o r is it like a switch y o u c a n flip a n d b e in tra in in g c a m p m o d e rig h t a w a y ?

A : W e ll, c a m p is p re tly in te n se , so w e d o n 't h a v e tim e to w a s te g e ttin g u se d to it. W e d o w h a t w e c a n to b e in th a t m in d s e t rig h t a w a y , b u t it still d o e s ta k e a d a y o r tw o fo r it to fe e l a u to m a tic a g a in . Q : in a ll honesty, a r e y o u m o re e x c ite d fo r the s ta rt o f the s easo n , o r just the e n d o f tw o -a -d a y s ? A : (la u g h s ) M a y b e ro o k ie s lo o k fo r w a r d to th e e n d o f tw o -a -d a y s . B ut vets h a v e n o c h o ic e b u t to fo c u s o n th e s e a s o n , b e c a u s e th e c o a c h e s stress th e im p o rta n c e o f b e in g s h a rp a n d g e ttin g e v e ry th in g d o w n in tim e fo r th e first g a m e o f th e s e a s o n . ■

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