Discussing Differences: Talking about the “what ifs?” before camp begins

BY DOUG SUTHERLAND

Hey, parents – it’s almost camp season!

Bug Spray? Check. Sunblock? Check. Awareness that everyone at camp is not like you? Wait, what?

Through pictures and videos, camps show smiling faces, fun activities and beautiful views, all meant to entice new campers to experience the joy of camp. The packing list guides you in identifying the material items needed for your camper’s basic comforts.

There is one missing item from the packing list that can’t be put in a duffle bag, suitcase or even hidden in a stuffed animal: an open conversation about what it might be like living and playing with people you don’t know. Other people are coming to camp with different life experiences, hopes, fears and expectations. Differences at camp are real, should be expected and are a great opportunity for campers to grow and learn.

Let’s be clear: At most camps, campers are not engaging in camp-organized conversations on race, gender identity, religion or politics. If your camper is looking to focus on such topics, those focused camps exist, and please seek them out. The goal of most camps is to form a fun, supportive and open community built on shared traditions and activities regardless of who the campers are and where they came from. It’s true that at some point comments may be made. Conversations happen. Viewpoints are expressed. Disagreements occur. Feelings are hurt. This is where trained staff and administration of camp should step in. Navigating these moments is important.

We all have different life experiences, upbringing and identities. Your camper can try to hide what they think, feel, or even who they are and not share it with others. But — truly — I would not recommend this. Encourage your camper to be themself. It is so much easier to be yourself all the time as opposed to trying to be someone else some of the time. At camp, your camper should feel safe and supported to be themself around others who are also being themselves. All the excitement and challenges of living and playing with others is what being a part of a community is all about at camp. Each year is new — this year is not last year, just as next summer won’t be the same as this summer.

So, before they go, remember to pack in a conversation. If parents and guardians talk to their campers about some of the “what ifs” of camp, it might help prepare them for the experience. What if someone brings up Black Lives Matter? What if someone brings up politics? What if someone questions whether you belong at camp? Think about it and talk about it before camp. These things may never come up for your camper. After all, campers are busy singing songs, eating s’mores and having dance parties — until they’re not.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Have an open and honest conversation — model what should happen at camp and how to ask for help.

2. Remind your camper that they don’t have to agree with everyone, but everyone likes to be heard.

3. Remind them, no matter what their intention, if a comment hurts someone else, own the impact of your statement that caused harm and apologize.

4. Encourage them to talk to counselors and camp directors not only in a time of crisis but also for the fun of getting to know new people.

Camps want every camper and staff member to have the best experience possible. The baggage we bring to camp makes us who we are. Sometimes the baggage you come with is not the same stuff you carry home. �

Doug Sutherland has extensive experience working for New England summer camps and recreation programs. A well-known speaker and group facilitator, he is a consultant on the topics of diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging.