Just Another Mountain to Climb

Aging gracefully amid life’s transitions

By Doug Teschner

In my leadership workshops, I show a cartoon of a speaker asking a crowd how many of them want change, and everyone raises their hand. But when asked who wants to change, all gaze down at the floor. It is human nature to avoid change but necessary to become a better person. These days, I am getting a good dose of my own medicine!

There is, of course, the kind of change we actively embrace as opposed to change we don’t control (but need to adapt to). As an example of the former, I scored the best job of my life in 2008: Peace Corps country director. I loved the challenge and working with the international staff and American Volunteers. My mantra was, “to inspire myself and others to achieve a higher level of personal and professional performance,” and I embraced it every day!

But in 2014, unexpected changes required adaptation. A revolution in Ukraine and Ebola in Guinea had me evacuating Peace Corps volunteers back to the U.S. I stayed behind with the staff, and we made lemonade out of lemons, including developing a community education initiative that helped end the Ebola epidemic.

In 2016, I was back home in New Hampshire at age 66. Not wanting to retire, I started a consulting business. Research shows that the quality of leadership is the No. 1 factor in employee engagement, yet barely a third of Americans say they are engaged in their work. I try to embrace the words of author Jim Kouzes: “What can I do in this moment to make this other person feel more capable and powerful?”

rope, Africa and North America (including many in our White Mountains). But, starting around age 50, favorite rock climbs were increasingly a struggle (or even out of reach). This past year, I also had knee replacements and, after mountains of physical therapy, I am just now able to climb some little ones.

I also experienced unexpected anxiety, accentuated by post-surgery medication. So I started both counseling and daily meditation which have opened up new ways of thinking. Sometimes life changes create new opportunities!

My therapist suggested talking with male friends about aging and life transitions. On Zoom, climbing buddies from a 1976 trip to Alaska’s Denali share about health and evolving lives. One topic is shifting perspective from sadness about limitations to gratefulness for the past. Another theme is focusing on the future and finding new ways to feel useful and alive.

I am inspired listening to podcasts by Brené Brown, whose research focuses on the link between courage and vulnerability. “I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness,” she observes. “It’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.” Blessed by many friends and family (including my wife, two sons and three grandchildren), I am reminded that the bottom line in life is the quality of relationships and connections with others: how we touch and influence people, and how they touch and influence us.

CHANGES IN OUR COUNTRY have me wondering if this nation can survive if we don’t find better ways to communicate. As a New Hampshire state legislator, I gave a speech in 1998 lamenting declining civility, but the situation is much worse today. So I volunteered to be state coordinator for Braver Angels, a national nonprofit embracing respect for fellow citizens and teaching ways to better listen and understand those with whom we disagree. Hopefully, I can make a difference.

With all these life changes, I wonder where the future will lead and if I can find ways to age gracefully. Can I stay productive and continue contributing through my 70s and beyond? I ponder the haunting lyrics of John Prine (who recently passed away from Covid-19): “You know that old trees just grow stronger, And old rivers grow wilder every day, Old people just grow lonesome, Waiting for someone to say, ‘Hello in there, hello.’”

Brené Brown suggests leaning in when facing uncertainty. My therapist Kristen says I am taking a new trail, forging a new identity, and can manage sadness about future decline by being more playful, curious and self-compassionate. Take care of each moment, she says, and it will lead into the next one.

Douglass P. Teschner is founder of Growing Leadership LLC, based in Pike.