Stepdad needs help dealing with stepson’s drug abuse

Editor’s note: The following column was previously published in 2020.

Dear Annie: I have been married to my wife for 25 years, and I love her so very much. When we first met, she had two young boys, ages 2 and 7, and for the most part I helped raise them with her. In the late ’90s and early 2000s, we traveled around the country with our business. The boys went back to their father’s for a few years. When we sold the business, they came back to live with us. We found them to have changed. They were into drugs and gangster lifestyles. They are now 30 and 35 years old. The older son, “Tim,” has carved out

Annie Lane

Dear Annie

a wonderful life. But the 30-year-old, “Robby,” has continued doing drugs. A few years ago, we agreed to take him in to see if we could help. He’s still here. He has not worked or even looked for a job in five-plus years. He stays in his bedroom and watches TV, stays up until 4 or 5 a.m. every night and gets up at 1 or 2 p.m. I don’t think he is doing drugs anymore, but I’m not sure.

I’ve tried to talk to my wife about setting boundaries: telling him it’s time he gets a job and that he can’t just keep living with us and not even looking for one. But it always ends up in a disagreement.

I offered Robby a list of

Horoscopes

by Holiday Mathis

Today’s birthday

Welcome to your year of play. Oddly enough, you’ll be quite serious about it, investing in your leisure, dedicating yourself to the sport you care about and choosing your playmates very carefully. It all pays off with fun and stories you’ll be telling for years. More highlights include an exciting study, a strong bond with someone you’ll do lucrative business with while having a fantastic time, and a new and revitalizing approach to your health. Cancer and Sagittarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 6, 4, 44, 18 and 13.

ARIES (March 21-April 19). You will bounce from Plan A to Plan B and ultimately land somewhere around G. Good thing you’re amazing at making plans. Prolific and creative, you’ll think of several ways to solve the same problem.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Maybe choices got you where you are. Then again, so much of this was a path you were set on before you even knew how to walk. It matters little whether you’re the leader or are the one being led. Either way, you’ll navigate the current maze like a pro.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). A lively debate is in store. You appreciate the most those whose opinions you can disagree with even as you agree wholly with their being. Diverse ideas and talents make strong relationships.

CANCER (June 22-July 22). The one who finds the gold doesn’t have to start the rush. You’ll discover a version of treasure and be judicious about who to share it with. Keep in mind that everyone you tell will tell at least three other people.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). When you’re doing a new thing, a new day or a new relationship, the most important moments will be the first ones. Your brain will store away the impressions as nuggets of memory, inspiration and solace for years to come.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll get curious about your own motives and be conscious of what you want out of interactions. This makes dealings simultaneously more and less complicated. Though there are many layers to this, there’s still just one right action.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Envy is a teacher. Who are you thinking about, and what can you learn from that person? The conversations you have with yourself are the most illuminating today. Keep your own secrets.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Serious pursuits will inevitably lead to novelty, so why not just pursue novelty? It will be lucky for you to do so today. You’ll chase frivolous fun and have the conversation starters to show for it.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You’ll get where you need to be by instinct. Then, break it down in your head to figure out the particular moves that were most effective. You want to repeat these choices to get to the next place.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). If and when you choose to forgive the past, it won’t be because you want to let the other person slide; it will be because you want to stop harboring the grudge. Grudges take up too much energy, and you’ll need all the energy you can get.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Following a lost person will only get you both lost –but it could also be a lot of fun. As long as you’re in good company, are you ever really lost? You find yourself in the smiles and warmth of others.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You admire people who do not speak ill of others, and you regret the times you’ve said too much. As you don’t say everything that pops to mind today, you’ll feel empowered to focus exclusively on the information that helps.

CELEBRITY PROFILES: Elle Fanning will play actress Ali MacGraw in “Francis and the Godfather,” a drama about the production of the most iconic gangster movie of all time. Fanning is the only actor on the film with the distinction of actually having worked with Francis Ford Coppola. Fanning is a highenergy Aries born when the sun, Mercury, Mars and Saturn were all in the realm of the warrior, and Venus and Jupiter were in artistic Pisces.

Write Holiday Mathis at HolidayMathis.com.

10 ideas of jobs he might like and bought him a book to read called “Your Best Self.” He has never even picked it up.

I don’t know what to do anymore; I have almost left my wife over him. We are in our 60s, and it is getting harder. She defends everything he does, so it’s impossible to have a productive conversation about any of this. Tim has become frustrated as well. I don’t see any end in the future. — Desperate Stepdad

Dear Desperate Stepdad: Addiction is a family disease. Living with your stepson’s drug abuse has warped your wife’s way of thinking. This is true even if he’s not using anymore. This situation has become too much for you to bear alone. I encourage you to attend a Nar-Anon meeting

For Your Health

and ask your wife (and other stepson) to go as well. If your wife says no, go on your own, and try at least a few different meetings before deciding whether or not it’s for you. They’re free and confidential, and they just might offer that light at the end of the tunnel that you so need. Visit the Nar-Anon website for more information.

Dear Annie: In reading your recent columns about alcoholism and help/support for those stuck in that vortex, I would like to point you to another source of help for both alcoholics and their families. It is Celebrate Recovery. CR is a Christian 12-step program. While it won’t appeal to everyone due to its Christian undergirding, it has been a very effective program for many afflicted with the ravages of drugs/alcohol/addictive behavior. I pastored a CR program for many years, and we saw countless people helped through group support. CR is national and has programs in many cities. More information may be found on the CR website.

God bless you as you offer help to others. — Retired Pastor

Dear Retired Pastor: I had not previously heard of Celebrate Recovery, and it sounds like a great resource for Christians looking for fellowship and support in their recovery. Thank you for bringing another recovery resource to my attention. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Sexually Transmitted Infection Awareness Week is celebrated annually. It focuses on the global impacts of STIs and the collective movement to reduce the fear, discrimination and STIrelated stigma.

Solano Public Health joins the California Department of Public Health and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in recognizing April 9-15 as STI Awareness Week with the theme “Talk. Test. Treat,” encouraging all Solano County individuals and health care providers to take simple actions. As the country and state continue to see an increase in STI rates, “Talk. Test. Treat.” is a collective call to provide wellrounded and inclusive sexual health education – including testing, treatment and increased access – so all individuals are protected and have a healthy and safe lifestyle.

In 2021, the CDC reported a national estimate of millions of cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis in the U.S. In Solano County, 3,653 cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were reported during 2021, an 11% increase from 2020. Among these STIs reported during 2021, about 36% occurred among individuals between 15 and 29 years of age. These data support the idea that education and conversations are still needed to address, control and prevent high STI rates. STIs often do not have symptoms. Due to this, most people do not an STI, regardless of one’s relation ship status or sexual orientation. STIs can be transmitted through oral, anal or vaginal intercourse and genital touching. They are preventable and treatable, and most are curable. STIs disproportionately affect communities of color and the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/ questioning, intersex, asexual and more (LGBTIQIA+) population. Racial/ethnic and gender disparities must be recognized to create effective interventions and find solutions to achieve health equity. Numerous factors contribute to the overall increase in STIs, including unprotected sex, drugs and alcohol use, and violence.

Systemic issues continue to create barriers for individuals to access services and exacerbate disparities such as transportation, unstable housing, poverty, lack of access to medical care, and STI screening and treatment services. Also, people with multiple partners are at a higher risk of contracting an STI. It is essential to get tested regularly if you are sexually active. One of the crucial parts of sexual health is open communication with your sexual partner(s) and your health care provider, which demonstrates responsibility for you and your sexual partner’s health.

As part of the campaign to “Talk. Test. Treat.,” Solano Public Health will push out messages through social media posts, collaborative community events and workshops

Public Health’s Emergency Ser vices, Preparedness, Immunization and Communicable Disease (EPIC) Bureau, in partnership with CDPH, will launch a free, at-home confidential STI testing initiative.

Through this initiative, Solano residents between 15-24 years of age can order a free vaginal swab test kit and test for chlamydia and gonorrhea in the comfort of their own home/ space and submit their samples to receive results within three to five days. The EPIC bureau has also partnered with Solano County Behavioral Health and Solano County Family Health Services to provide routine STI testing, free insertive or external condoms, lubricant, dental dams and linkage to care for low-cost medication and treatment. To learn more or find a testing location, visit www.solanocounty.com/std or call 707-784-8001.

The theme of “Talk. Test. Treat.” aims for inclusive and comprehensive sexual health education to reduce health disparities among marginalized communities with the collective effort from communities, the public health workforce, and health care providers to address the rising STI rates and normalize sexual health.

Sofia Cruz is a public health fellow from Solano Public Health, Emergency Services, Preparedness, Immunization & Communicable