New Class “Coloring for Business Majors” Mandatory Beginning Fall 2023

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The O’Malley School of Business has announced it will be adding a new mandatory class for all business students beginning in the upcoming fall semester. “BSNS 003: Coloring for Business Majors” will become a core part of the business school’s curriculum.

The recent announcement has already received quite a bit of pushback from students. Rising seniors graduating in fall 2023 and spring 2024 have expressed fears that the new requirement may cause them not to graduate on time.

“I will literally commit tax fraud if I have to take a coloring class senior year,” said junior accounting major Mevin Slickgolderick. “The only thing I need to know how to draw is the dollar sign. Otherwise, this is going to be a complete waste of time.”

The syllabus for this new mandatory class includes chapters such as “Coloring Inside the Lines,” “Colors of the Rainbow,” “How to Sharpen Your Colored Pencil,” “Pink is Not a Girly Color,” “Green is the Color of Money,” and “How to Decorate the Walls of Your Future Cubicle.”

The class will be offered from 11-3pm on Mondays,

Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays every semester going forward. The class involves nightly homework where students will be assigned extensive coloring pages that will account for 50 percent of their overall grade for the class. One guest lecturer for the class will include Digital Media Art professor Jacque Roach, who will give a lecture on Advanced Topics in Modern Coloring.

In addition, MC will be partnering with local preschools to bring in students that will sit in on the course. According to the college’s Chief Financial Planner, preschoolers will receive $1000 towards their college savings accounts for every

Since the announcement of the new mandatory class, more than fifty marketing majors have switched their major to communication. While many claimed the switch was unrelated, junior marketing major turned communication major Maddie Baddington revealed the truth.

“Marketing and comm are basically the same thing anyway so it just made sense to switch and avoid that stupid coloring class,” Baddington said.

Another student mentioned he had turned down a prestigious internship in order to enroll in the class.

“I had to turn down a college-to-career internship opportunity at Morgan Stanley on Wall Street in order to take this class,” said rising senior business student Nick Baldman.

“I was basically guaranteed a high-paying job after graduation. But instead, I have to take a 003 level class four days a week in order to graduate at all.”

Rose Snifalu, a graduating senior in the business school, explained her admiration and optimism for the new course.

“Yeah back when I was sorority president I noticed business majors never showed up to events that involved any- thing art related.” Snifalu said. “We would have fun sister dates where we would make posters or flyers for events or upcoming mixers. When I took attendance, I noticed all the girls that were missing were business majors.”

Yawn Smibson, the dean of the O’Malley School of Business, explained his hopes for the new course.

“I strongly believe this will be extremely beneficial to the personal and professional growth of business students,” Smibson said. “The need for such a course is evident not just in the classroom but all around campus. We’ve got finance students who can calculate the gross market investment growth of Google in seconds. But you ask them ‘What are the three primary colors?’ and their heads explode with stress. And if you’ve seen the posters made by the Marketing club? They’re made by third graders. No literally, actual third graders.”

The mandatory class will end in a six hour coloring final exam. In addition, the best and worst of the class projects from throughout the semester will be chosen to be put on display at the MET. The Quadrangle will continue to follow this story and provide unwanted sarcasm about business majors throughout the semester.