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dear 5F I still think about you.

MISSED CONNEC-

TION We made eye contact while I ordered my Vodka Cran at Fens last Thursday night. You were super cute and I’d love to see you again (I am not one of the 3 blonde girls you were talking to) dear ResLife, dear public service, The new self service sucks. I got locked out of registration and by the time I got back in literally every single engineering class was filled up. Now I’m forced to pick up a minor in elementary education. Sincerely, confused. sorority girl now taking application for fraternity boy seeking date for formal Must be 6’1, brown hair, blue eyes, business majors only, born in the NY area, CANNOT be Italian-American or Irish. Must hold a senior position in fraternity!! CANNOT be a gym bro. If interested please come to the quad at 12PM on friday, I’ll be wearing a red tube top and rose. dear Kelly Commons

Please give me new roommates <3 I’d like to stop walking into a reality TV show every time I come back from class. “Talking it out” is not as magical as you may think.

Sushi Chef

While I appreciate the work you put into my poke bowl each Thursday, I request that you put less of whatever the white sauce is on my bowl as it causes extreme diarrhea an hour after I eat.

Dear JDeli, to the cockroach in the OV elevators and stairs, R.I.P to the cucumber farmers, I’m so sorry. Especially, to the cucumber farmers that specialize in mini gherkin pickles. I just feel bad for the male farmers that grows cucumbers to an inch and is like “yea that seems about right,” So that women can put it on their charcuterie boards. Love, An eggplant farmer the quad while jumping rope with the local raccoons.

I am very upset that you have raised your iced coffee prices. It is very inconvenient to have to bring more than 3 dollars. dear management majors, How’s daycare going?

Dear DJ Rory, I don’t care about your teenage dream, give up on Katy Perry.