Manhattan College Awarded Best Butts in the Nation

Ike Bigbutts And I Cannot Lie

Walking uphill both ways to and from campus, it is no wonder Manhattan College students have been awarded the best butts in the nation. With eight-flight stairs separated them from the subway and hills that put student athletes to shame, students truly have earned this title.

The award was given by The Big Butts Society of America where stars like Beyonce and Kim Kardashian scour the nation for the most rumptacular behinds of them all.

The school that wins this award will receive a $50,000 grant for a student of their choice to receive a Brazilian Butt Lift or BBL, to enhance the already existing beauty. All MC students are fiending for this opportunity of a lifetime.

President O’Dooble met with Kim Kardashian to receive the award and the grant.

“I do not like what this stands for nor do I like how crude the language used on plague,” O’Dooble said. “However, I am happy for our school to receive any kind of attention and money.”

O’Dooble went on to explain that he tried to ignore The Big Butts Society of America’s emails, but they ultimately showed up to his office, where he was forced to accept the award.

“I never said I tried to ignore their emails,” O’Dooblel said. “I just didn’t want people getting the wrong idea about our school.”

The award has been a great opportunity for students and faculty who have gained high levels of attention following the announcement of the award and Kardashian’s tweet of the school using the hashtag #mcbigbutts on her post.

“I know how like important recognition of like a big butt can be for young girls,” Kardashian said. “It was like life changing for me and I only hope that like the young girls of this college can have the same experiences I have.”

She went on to say that no girl should ever have to work, instead they should utilize their best asset, their ass.

“If girls these days would just get up and work their butts then they wouldn’t be so poor,” Kardashian said. “That’s a real fact.”

In the wake of the announcement The Riverdale Historical Conservation Society has decreed the 238th Stairway, referred to by locals as ‘The Stairway to Hell,’ a historic site. There will be a plague at the base of the stairs.

The Riverdale Historical Conservation Society chairperson Riverdale McChairperson explains that the award has not just been good for the college but for the surrounding community. “Tourists are flocking to this peaceful neighborhood just to work out,” McChairperson said. “Gold’s Gym and Planet Fitness keep reaching out to sponsor different hills and trademark other staircases in the area.”

With #mcbigbutts still the number one trending hashtag on twitter for a week running, there is no certainly what the future will hold for the college.

“I am hoping we will see an increase in student registration and enrollment for the 2023 semester,” O’Dooble said. “For now, we are doing our best to foster a better environment for the students and their butts with better padded seats and mandatory walks every 15 minutes of class time.”