Emotional Intelligence

BY DANIEL BOBINSKI

EQ IS LEARNABLE –HERE’S THE FRAMEWORK

The research is clear. The main difference that separates top performers from average performers is emotional intelligence (EQ). In technical and middle management positions, two-thirds of top performers were found to have strong EQ and one-third didn’t. It’s even more important in positions of senior management and leadership, where four-fifths of top performers in these roles had strong EQ, whereas only one-fifth didn’t. This metric alone tells us that EQ is a valuable skill, and what’s great is it’s learnable.

THE DEFINITION

Emotional intelligence can best be described as the ability to perceive and assess one’s own and other people’s emotions, desires, and tendencies, and then make the best decision – in the moment – to bring about the best win-win for everyone concerned.

To break that down, two skills are required up front; being able to perceive and assess. Perceiving is the ability to notice. It is what we see and sense. We need to be able to see and sense what’s going on inside of us as well as see and sense what’s going on in others.

The second skill is being able to assess. Synonyms could be process, or to make sense of, or to understand. In other words, once we’ve noticed something, we need to be able to make sense of it.

The second part of the EQ definition identifies what we are to perceive and assess, and that is emotions, desires, and tendencies. Let’s break those down, but let’s do it in reverse order.

Our individual tendencies are what we “tend” to do. When speaking of tendencies, it means one’s preferred cognitive approaches, preferred behavioral approaches, and preferred “drivers,” or motivators. We shouldn’t put people in a box, because people adapt situation by situation depending on what they perceive will be the best thing to do in a given situation. However, people do have preferred tendencies in each of these areas, and this is what we should perceive and assess in our interactions with others.

TENDENCIES TO CONSIDER

Let’s do a flyover of the three areas of tendencies that deserve the attention of good EQ practitioners. Keep in mind that each area described is a “spectrum,” meaning it’s not either/or. The descriptors are provided simply to help you understand how the tendencies can play out.

Cognitive Approaches: • Energy/Interactions – a tendency to prefer being alone or with other people • Information Input – a tendency to notice mainly the here and now versus noticing the future implications of what’s going on now • Processing – a tendency to process information rather stoically and objectively or to process it in a way that emotions are visible • Decision-Making – a tendency to make decisions right away or a to put off decisions until more data is collected Behavioral Approaches.: • Problems – a tendency to solve problems right way or to let them solve themselves • People – a tendency to verbally influence others to a particular point of view or a tendency to keep quiet and let people arrive to conclusions on their own • Pace – a tendency to juggle multiple projects and appear somewhat hectic or a tendency to be steady and methodical and appear focused • Procedures – a tendency to know and follow the rules or a tendency to shrug off or blatantly ignore rules if they don’t seem to make sense Preferred Drivers/Motivators.: • Knowledge – a tendency to either acquire as much truth and information as possible or a tendency to rely on past experiences and learn new things only when necessary • Utility – a tendency to maximize the return on investment or a tendency to perform work with little expectation of personal return

• Surroundings – a tendency toward living and working in balanced and harmonious environments or a tendency towards having environments focused on objectivity and functionality • Community – a tendency to be altruistic and generous in all circumstances or a tendency to be helpful and supportive only for specific situations • Power – a tendency toward status, control, and personal freedom or tendencies toward being more supportive and collaborative without a need for personal recognition • Life Systems – tendencies toward having a defined system for living versus a tendency to be more flexible and carefree

Allow me to reiterate that we need to perceive and assess our own tendencies as well the tendencies of the people with whom we’re interacting.

The next thing to perceive and assess are desires. This is the short way of saying we should notice and understand what we want and what other people want. Said another way, when working with others, those practicing good EQ must be consciously aware of what he or she is trying to achieve as well as what other people are trying to achieve. Is it the same? Is it different? Good emotional intelligence means perceiving and understanding everyone’s desires because what everyone wants needs to be factored into the decision-making process.

The final thing to perceive and assess are emotions – our own emotional state, and also the emotional state of others. I say it this way because our emotions can change. We might have tendencies, but again, they can easily change.

To be effective with emotional intelligence, we need to understand that emotions can significantly impact how someone responds in a situation. For example, fear is a powerful emotion. If we consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, physiological and safety needs are the foundation. Therefore, if people fear for their safety – their health, their property or the safety of their family – the are likely to be quite self-protective in their decisions. This can be a good thing or it can be a bad thing, but that is something for the person practicing EQ to decide and factor into the decision-making process. Emotions can powerfully impact a situation, so being aware of everyone’s emotional state aids greatly in making wise, emotionally intelligence choices.

Those with strong emotional intelligence also practice win-win thinking, but that’s a topic for a different column. •

Daniel Bobinski, who has a doctorate in theology, is a best-selling author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. For more than 30 years he’s been working with teams and individuals (1:1 coaching) to help them achieve excellence. He was also teaching Emotional Intelligence since before it was a thing. Reach him by email at DanielBobinski@ protonmail.com or 208-375-7606.

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