INSIGHTS
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BY DANIEL BOBINSKI
LEARNING TO SAY “NO” WHEN YOUR PLATE IS FULL
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esearch shows that anywhere from 35 to 60 percent of people have difficulty saying “no” to others. Some people struggle with saying no because of behavioral style, others struggle because of how they were parented. Whatever the reason, if you’re feeling overloaded, overbooked, and overwhelmed, it might help to know that there are ways of saying “no” without saying the word, “no.” It’s refreshing for many to realize that we don’t have to be at the end of our rope before it’s OK to say no. Nor must we be belligerent or difficult. Learning to say no is a healthy part of managing our activities to maintain – or regain – a sense of sanity. And many of us learn that by saying no to certain things, we can be more productive and effective.
COGNITIVE LOAD THEORY In my masters and doctoral work, I studied cognitive load theory, which is the amount of mental resources we can use for working memory. In computer parlance, think “RAM,” or Random Access Memory. It’s a good analogy, because just like computers, humans have a limited capacity when it comes to working memory. Essentially, internal cognitive load has to do with A) how we think about things, and 58
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B) how we process them within our minds. External cognitive load has to do with how we mentally juggle things vying for our attention. When we get too much of either on our plates, our “RAM” gets full, which limits our productivity. As you might imagine, it’s the external things vying for our attention that overwhelm us the most. And, with today’s multiple communication channels, it’s easy for our cognitive load to get maxed out. For example, a quick phone call or text message asking for something is easy and makes us more productive, right? Maybe yes, maybe no. I know one administrative assistant whose boss thought nothing of calling or texting her at 10 p.m. so he could get a status update about something he forgot to bring up in a meeting. In essence, he expected his assistant to be available 24/7. Those calls and texts made the boss more productive, but left no time for the assistant’s brain to decompress. Rather than talk with her boss about this violation of boundaries, the assistant began leaving her cellphone home when she went out, which angered the boss and strained their relationship. Obviously, this was clearly a work-life boundary violation on the boss’s part, but it was also an example of an employee who didn’t know how to say no.
WHEN TO SAY “NO” Maybe what you’re experiencing isn’t as ADVANCING THE IMAGING PROFESSIONAL
