Four ways to Leave a Legacy through mentoring in retirement By Jeff Haanen
M
entoring in retirement sounds like a wonderful idea. “Invest in the next generation. Share your life experience. Feel a renewed sense of purpose.” But, far too often mentoring feels awkward for both mentor and mentee. To the mentee, it can often feel like a mono-directional exchange of information, the older imparting “wisdom” to the younger during weekly or monthly appointments. Interactions are often confined to stiff formality and contrived “coffee chats” in which a mentor is supposed to (halo glowing) grace the young Padawan with Yoda-like insight. To the mentor, the high expectations surrounding mentoring can create a sense of pressure and a feeling of inadequacy that deters people from mentoring in the first place. Doubts creep in. Do I really have something to share with the next generation? Would they want to listen? I’ve found, however, that the entry point into mentoring makes all the difference. Skilled mentors often share four characteristics.
mentees to learn from a mentor’s mistakes, and, hopefully, not repeat them. 4. Skilled mentors ask more questions than they give answers. Jesus himself was master of the penetrating question. Questions like “What do you want me to do for you?” made Jesus’ disciples stare into their own souls and ask what they truly desired. Genuine spiritual formation requires introspection, reflection, and prayer that is often the fruit of the right question at the right time.
2. Skilled mentors bless and affirm a younger generation. Rather than pointing out deficiencies, elders who become effective mentors are first people of wisdom and blessing. Many mentees don’t first need advice. Rather, they need to know they’re valuable and have something unique to offer the world. 1. Skilled mentors find genuine delight They need an elder to affirm their in the next generation and develop identity and point out their unique friendship based on common interests. talents and value. It might be baseball, city government, or philosophy. But rather than 3. Skilled mentors share their stories starting a mentoring relationship and are genuinely vulnerable with with a “you need this” mentality, their mentees. talented mentors often develop the The truth is, young people want relationship because they’re curito hear more about your mistakes ous about the young person, want than your successes. Having done to learn alongside them, and they hundreds of panel presentations for share a common interest. This kind my work, I’ve found that vulnerability of humility cracks open the door for always goes way further than experlearning to be mutual and shared, tise. Advice is fine — when asked rather than one way. for. But hearing honest stories allows 5
Shaping the Next Generation Harvard sociologist Robert Putnam says about the growing social divides in America, “If America’s religious communities were to become seized of the immorality of the opportunity gap, mentoring is one of the ways in which they could make an immediate impact.” What if the 87% of Baby Boomers who believe in God decided that they were going to spend their retirement mentoring young people through their local church? What if America’s retirees traded comfort for purpose, and swapped retirement villages for communities of intergenerational friendship? “It is more blessed to give than to receive,” said Jesus (Acts 20:35). But Jesus also says that it’s not knowledge but action that brings the blessing. “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them” (John 13:17). ◆ This article is an adapted excerpt from Jeff Haanen’s new book An Uncommon Guide to Retirement: Finding God’s Purpose for the Next Season of Life. Jeff is the executive director of Denver Institute for Faith & Work and the founder of Scatter.org, a free learning platform on faith, work, and calling.
The Marketplace September October 2019
