AUTISM20.COM

BY FABRIZIO CATALFAMO (F.GUZZARDI)

This seems to be the tragic fate of the narcissist, who has a somewhat naive thought, is convinced that he does not need anyone to lean on in order to move forward, believes he is a power, his armor envelops him, his is a hard and refractory narcissistic shell, which hinders any kind of affective contact or emotional participation with the other.

The victim of the narcissist, at some point, perceives that his partner does not want to be hugged as he is not available, because he is wrapped in a sort of barbed wire that prevents access to his soul. Thus, the narcissist risks becoming more isolated, depriving himself of the best aspects of existence and emotions.

The hug is therefore regenerating when it offers the illusion of being able to realize the dream of total Union; in fact, in the arms of the beloved, we finally feel happy as if nothing was missing anymore, as if we had obtained what we have always wanted. The hug is a powerful means of communication, through this gesture, we can communicate to the person we love those emotions that we would not have been able to express through words alone and at the same time, when we are hugged, we hear the words of the other, which are words full of meanings, which in that silent instant describe inexpressible feelings of satisfaction.

The hug can express the intensity of a feeling or the depth of an emotion, so it is a difficult experience for the narcissist, who is more used to using words rather than physical contact. With words the narcissist can easily lie while when we find ourselves tight in the arms of the other person it is no longer possible to lie, our truth emerges with arrogance, waiting for a reaction from the other. The narcissist’s embrace is mechanical, a bit false, rather muscular, like his sexuality on the other hand, his embrace is tragic, as it leaves a sense of despair, paradoxically appears grotesque and caricatured, if it were a prelude to separation.

We could define it in a certain sense, a poignant embrace but devoid of emotion. There is a lot of technique in the narcissist’s embrace, the movement is studied, calculated, is adjusted to create the maximum effect but it is an embrace that is empty, dull , lifeless, it does not communicate love.

The narcissist is a person who loves to look at himself and is pleased with his physical appearance, he feels satisfied by the admiration of others and therefore is a vain type, the vain bets everything on the outward appearance, the vain act moved by a single need, that of being admired and desired by others, therefore, they are unwilling to give, they prefer to draw attention to them. The narcissist has a morbid love for his own image, focuses all his interest, all his energy on himself, is obsessed with appearing and this on a psychological level and a sterile withdrawal on himself, having himself as unique landmark. Who loves his own image, leaves no room for others and has nothing to offer to the people around him, in practice, the narcissist transforms the philosophy of appearing into a faith and is in love with his own image, so he believes he is the center of the universe and forgets that others exist around him but his belief that he can be happy only because he is admired for his physical appearance is an unreal illusion; therefore the narcissist is self-centered and cannot be available for relationships with others; he has no interest or energy to devote to anyone who is exiled from his small world but beware, this is not a conscious behavior but a dynamic that takes note independently of the will; it is a need that arises from fragility, he must protect himself from involvement affective because it could shatter his easy self, therefore he raises barricades around him, which prevent others from accessing his inner world, here is because the narcissist’s embrace is fake. The narcissist is alone and is enveloped in his emptiness.

Jung says: There are people who have neither the courage nor the inner drive to live the overcoming of the past and the insecurity that derives from it, the lack of reference points, which means destroying all the securities that allow you to live in a reassuring way but, to live in uncertainty it is a task of maturity so what?

Strong are those people who never stop questioning themselves, who never retreat from the risk and accept the greatest of all challenges, that of unconditional adherence to their own inner values from which life is born as a form of redemption. In this vision, the obstacle exists as an incentive to move forward not to stop. The resolution of our most intimate problems always passes through the conquest of awareness and therefore of the capacity for action and through the desire for change, which essentially means, be aware of the importance of others and therefore of the humanity present around us.