Health & Family

Plop the Raindrop

IF my brain was big enough to remember everything I’d seen, I’d probably be fatter than the Earth by now.

It’s what happens when you are indestructible and live for millions of years, as water droplets like me do.

Fortunately we’ve developed a system for sharing information between us in a sort of worldwide waterway, a bit like your worldwide web.

So when we are bouncing along in a river or being bashed around in ocean waves, we can link up to share memories, news and other information.

It can even happen in trickles of water sliding down a window pane. Next time you sit by a tumbling stream listen to us having a chat.

A lot of what you hear is rubbish. Do you want to know what everyone had for tea or what elephant poo tastes like? But a few weeks ago I was remembering being stuck in a dark damp cave a few hundred thousand years ago when some of your ancestors turned up. One of them started scratching the cave walls. I was right on the end of a stalactite, so too high up to see clearly what was happening.

As it happened, a friend of mine read my mind and said he’d been stuck in the same cave fairly recently and it was now world famous as the site of some of the world’s earliest cave paintings.

I expect these days they would be called graffiti and someone would go along and wash them off.

The next thing you knew these early human beans were scratching stuff on stones and bark and all over the place and had invented writing.

I must confess that’s something I’ve never mastered. The nearest I’ve ever got to a book is getting stuck in ink.

Of course these days your head would explode if you had to remember all the information that comes your way. Life was so much simpler years ago.

Your ancestors seemed happy simply to find water, food and shelter and then found time to drag huge rocks miles so they could stand them in the ground.

I could never work out why. Early road signs perhaps?

These days you seem to keep everything you need to know on machines rather than in your own minds. I suppose it’s understandable when there’s so much information to take in.

But the real world is so much more interesting.

MENDIP GRANDAD

Back on stage

FOR me, the best indicator that the pandemic is under control is people returning enthusiastically, and without fear, to live music, theatre and comedy events. The joy of last year’s Valley Fest above Chew Valley Lake will take some beating, but this year I’ve already signed up to do two shows at the 2022 Edinburgh Fringe. By DrPHIL HAMMOND The largest open arts festival in the world has had a huge influence on me. I first attended in 1990, as half of an angry, shocking Bristol-based junior doctor double act called Struck Off and Die.

We delighted and offended people in equal measure, winning awards for our Radio 4 series whilst getting record numbers of complaints to the Broadcasting Standards Council. We were successful enough to launch my partner, Tony Gardner, into a stellar acting career (My Parents Are Aliens, Fresh Meat, Lead Balloon, Last Tango in Halifax, The Larkins).

I decided to stick with medicine but combine it with comedy, journalism, broadcasting and campaigning. And as I hang up my stethoscope at 60, I still hope to have a good few years of writing and performing ahead of me. So less of a retirement, more of a renaissance.

My first Edinburgh show this year is called Dr Hammond’s Covid Inquiry. I’ve covered the pandemic in depth, every fortnight, for two years so I’m going to try to put it altogether, welcoming different opinions without hating each other.

The fringe entry says: “Private Eye's MD and best-selling author of Dr Hammond's Covid Casebook dissects the pandemic. The more certain someone is about Covid, the less you should trust them. Do we know what went right and wrong? Could we have prevented it? Why are experts so polarised?

“Can you trust a leader who petrifies the people while partying? Should we have copied Sweden? Or Taiwan? Have vaccines saved us? Will we be kinder to animals and children? Are pandemics here to stay? Can we disagree without hate? Warning. May contain traces of doubt, compassion, humour, nuance and batshit.”

My second show is later and darker, and reflects on how medicine has changed from when I first did a locum shift as a doctor in 1985, even though I was still a medical student, and nearly killed a patient.

It’s a reflection on all the campaigning I’ve done on stage and in print to try to make the NHS safer, and yet waiting times are as long as ever and it’s more stressful and less fun. The show’s called How I Ruined Medicine.

“The outrageous confessions of a retiring NHS whistleblower. Doctoring used to be like Downing Street. Posh unaccountable alcoholics working silly hours, cocking up, covering up and laughing it off. Then I broke ranks and ruined it.

“For 37 years I've worked in the NHS and exposed its darkest secrets. The NHS is still dangerously understaffed and error-strewn but now everybody knows it. I've spawned an army of regulators, lawyers and aggressively informed patients demanding excellent care in a collapsing service. You're even supposed to know what you're doing and prove it. How unfunny is that?”

The good news is that I’m only going for two weeks (August 15-28th, 14 performances of each show), so you can still enjoy Valley Fest the week before and cycle up to Edinburgh. Tickets go on sale on March 3rd (https://tickets.edfringe.com/box-office).

If that sounds beyond you, I’ll be doing some local shows too, with The Art of Living When You Know You’re Going to Die on March 4th at the Merlin Theatre Frome – as part of the Frome Kindness Festival. https://allevents.in/frome/dr-phil-hammond-presents-the-art-of-living-whenyou-know-youre-going-to-die/200022073904521.

Outdoor courses for people with cancer

SIX-week outdoor courses run by the Frome-based cancer charity We Hear You will start a new season in March. WHYoutdoors courses offer people living with and beyond cancer an opportunity to explore a closer connection to nature, with huge benefits for emotional and physical wellbeing.

Up to eight participants meet once a week from 10am to 3pm in beautiful natural settings near Frome and Bath and take part in gentle, non-strenuous activities, guided by two trained facilitators who are also counsellors at We Hear You.

One participant in last year’s courses said: “WHYoutdoors has completely transformed my emotional health. Using nature connectedness is a very simple technique but it really works! I now feel happy again and my anxiety (which was a daily struggle) has pretty much gone.

“I feel like I have learned some powerful techniques which I can apply in future situations. Life is full of ups and downs and I now have the tools to be able to navigate them.”

For details, call 01373 455255 or email info@wehearyou.org.uk to arrange a half-hour telephone conversation with one of the team

Guided walks for wellbeing at the Bishop’s Palace

The wellbeing walk leaflet

ALREADY renowned for being a place of calm, beauty and wellbeing, The Bishop’s Palace’s monthly guided Wellbeing Walks now also offer visitors a chance to take steps to feeling well both physically and mentally.

During the walks, visitors are encouraged to set aside their usual thoughts for a moment and enjoy the mental and physical benefits that the beautiful setting of the

palace gardens provide.

Participants will benefit from focussing on connecting to and being appreciative of nature and the world around them.

The 30-minute guided walks take place from 10am on the first Sunday of every month, but for those who can’t make that time, a Wellbeing Walk leaflet is also available as a selfguided trail. l Admission to the walks is valid with any Bishop’s Palace admission ticket but no need to book.

One-to-one services

BATH & Wells Funeral Directors pride themselves on service, so they don’t demand clients visit their Rod Major (left) with (l:r) Keith Tyrell, Ross Kirk, Steve Green and Barry Tintern offices, unless they want to. They call themselves “old fashioned”, but they prefer to see people in a more relaxed atmosphere; always helpful, in their opinion, as dealing with the loss of a loved one is hard enough. Even if it’s a funeral plan or planning a loved one’s end-of-life care, they want clients to be relaxed and not under any pressure. Bath & Wells Funeral Directors’ own celebrant will always offer a home visit also.

Owner Rod Major said: “At Bath & Wells Funeral Directors, we believe our one-to-one services is second to none.

“You get our funeral director from first visit, to discuss the details of the funeral/celebration of life, all follow ups, to viewing your loved one and phone calls the day before the funeral to reassure you. We offer a very personal service to our clients, no less than I would expect if I were instructing a funeral director.”

Your Local Award-Winning Funeral Director

Rod Major, owner

What our customers say: “From the start, Rod was extremely amiable, caring and attentive and was eager to attend to all our requirements. We were very particular as to what we wanted for my mother's funeral service and burial which veered away from the usual plans. Despite this, Rod was very adaptable, readily communicated with us throughout the process and nothing was ever a problem. The day itself, although tinged with great sadness, was as lovely and intimate as it could be and Rod and his team were infinitely respectful and took time and care over every stage. Myself and my family are very grateful to Rod and his team for making the day so special and such a fitting memorial to a much loved and quite unique lady.” LR

Call Rod on 01761 233 555 or email: fd@bwfd.me.uk www.bathwellsfuneralservices.co.uk

COURT HOUSE

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You can live your life to the full and choice is our favourite word. Rooms now available with full en-suite facilities and total personal care is offered. Rated by the CQC as good in all areas e Manager – Chris Dando • 01934 742131 • chriscourthouse@gmail.com Court House Retirement Home, Church Street, Cheddar, Somerset BS27 3RA www.courthouseretirementhome.co.uk