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AUGUSTAMEDICALEXAMiNER ha... ha... THEBESTMEDICINE Moe: You told me you bought a guitar. Joe: Yeah, I bought one all right. Online. It doesn’t work though. I should have suspected something when the seller said no strings attached.

Moe: What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? Joe: A chicken tender.

oe: How was your heart check-up? Joe: I’m not sure how to answer that. The doctor gave me a diagnosis - in writing - but then admitted it was a lie. Moe: What??? Joe: He wrote that it was a fib! Literally! “Wow,” said the teenager. “That was the worst time I’ve ever had in my entire life.” “How do you mean?” asked his friend. “Well, first I had atherosclerosis, then angina pectoris. After that I got psoriasis, tonsillitis, and finally they gave me appendectomy.”

“All that at your age? Your health is terrible!” “What are you talking about? My health is perfect. I’m talking about the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had.” Moe: How’s your new zookeeper job? Joe: I got fired. Moe: Already? What happened? Joe: All the animals either died or got sick. In my defense, every sign in the whole place said “Don’t feed the animals.” Moe: Aren’t you taking guitar lessons? Joe: No, not yet. Moe: Why did the tofu cross the road? Joe: To prove it wasn’t chicken. Moe: I just watched Jurassic park for the first time. Joe: What did you think? Moe: First, that he should go to driver’s ed. And also that we picked a really stupid name for our son.

A woman is sitting at her husband’s funeral when the minister invites any in the chapel who would like to say a word to come forward. A man sitting next to the grieving widow leans over to her and whispers, “Do you mind if I say a word?” “Please, go right ahead” she replies. When the man’s turn comes, he stands at the lectern, clears his throat and says, “Plethora,” and sits back down next to the woman.

“Thank you,” the woman says, “that means a lot.” Moe: Help! I lost all my numbers. Can you message or text me? Joe: Here you go: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0. M

Because try as they might, no one can stare at their phone all day. Why subscribe to the MEDICALEXAMINER? + What do you mean? Staring at my phone all day has had no Effect on ME!

The Advice Doctor ©

+ Dear Advice Doctor,

There is a lady on our street who is always trying to get some save the world project started. One time it’s like a disease awareness thing, the next time it’s collecting money to send to some Third World disaster area, and then she’ll show up with flyers about people in foreign prisons or something. I know her heart is in the right place, but just once I wish it was something local. How can I help her focus on our area once in a while? — Do Right Right Here Dear Do Right,

We had to reach deep into the old research files to answer this question! You say her heart is in the right place like there’s no other possibility; like everybody’s heart is in the right place. Well, Virginia, there are no guarantees. In fact, about 0.01 percent of the population has their heart in the wrong place. That might not sound like a lot — 1 person out of every 10,000 — but there are billions of people in the world! That makes it surprisingly common.

Please understand, I’m not saying that someone’s heart might be in their left leg. It’s always pretty close to where it should be. In fact, the heart is the least of someone’s worries when they have this problem.

Officially the condition is known as situs inversus, or situs transversus. When someone is born this way, the organs normally on their left side are on their right, and vice versa. It can be missed in newborn examinations, so people with situs inversus are sometimes completely unaware of the problem until something comes up later.

It can be quite puzzling for doctors. A child is brought in to a pediatrician’s office, for example, with pain in his lower left abdomen and a high white blood cell count. It can’t be appendicitis. It’s on the wrong side. Eventually situs inversus is discovered.

The condition can present complications, but more often than not, life is normal and no treatment is needed. Enrique Iglesias and Donny Osmond are among the people you may have heard of who have situs inversus. They seem to have done fairly well. I hope this answers your question. Thanks for writing!

Do you have a question for The Advice Doctor about health, life, love, personal relationships, career, raising children, or any other important topic? Send it to News@AugustaRx.com. Replies will be provided only in the Examiner.

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