The Advice Doctor

Anew recruit at NASA’s rigorous Astronaut Training Center vomited on his first day of training. He asked the instructor, “Is this normal?”

“Not during the written exam, no,” the instructor replied.

Moe: When I die, I’d like my remains to be scattered over Disney World.

Joe: Aww.

Moe: Also, I don’t want to be cremated.

Moe: Whenever I’m in trouble I always ask myself, what would Jesus do?

Joe: And?

Moe: Usually I play dead and disappear for three days at a time.

Moe: I need to get a really fragrant tomato for a recipe. Any suggestions?

Joe: A roma.

Moe: I really hate being schizophrenic.

Moe: So do I.

Moe: I hate being indecisive. Or do I?

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and yells, “Get out! We don’t serve your type!”

Doctor: Unfortunately, you have only about three minutes to live.

Patient: Three minutes? Doc, is there anything I can do?

Doctor: You could boil an egg.

A man was walking down a certain stretch of Washington Road when a seductively dressed woman approached and said she would do anything he wanted for $200.

“Anything?” the man asked in disbelief.

“Anything, sugar,” she said with a wink.

“That’s great,” the man said, reaching for his wallet. “I need my house painted.”

Moe: What’s the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Joe: Turn out all the lights.

Clerk: What day is your birthday, sir?

Patient: February 29.

Clerk: That’s cool! What year?

Patient: Let’s see...1996, 2000, 2004, 2008...

Dear Advice Doctor,

Back in the day I will admit I was a terror behind the wheel. Speeding, tailgating, you name it. I got a few tickets, but that just made me an angier, more aggressive driver. Over time, though, I began to realize the stupidity of my actions. I’ve toned it down by several notches. Dozens, I would say. What still makes me scratch my head are these smart young kids of today. You would think they would straighten up and fly right. But they’re just as dumb as I was. Is there any hope for them?

— In the Slow Lane Now Dear Slow Lane,

Thank you so much for writing to get an answer to this intriguing issue. I’ve had the same question myself: why am I scratching my head all the time?

It can definitely be annoying, but in most cases it isn’t serious. Even so, anything that doesn’t go away in a few days really should be checked by a doctor. Granted, doctor appointments can be expensive, but is anything more valuable or precious than our health? Imagine if you finally went to see your doctor and were told, “If you had come in sooner this situation wouldn’t be so serious. This is going to be quite a challenge to treat.” Sometimes the old saying “a stitch in time saves nine” applies.

Among the simple reasons for an itchy scalp could be nothing more than dry skin, scalp psoriasis, eczema, dermatitis, a fungal infection, or even a reaction to hair dye or a new shampoo. Several of these possible causes will not go away on their own without medical treatment. Some sources suspect nutritional deficiencies, like a lack of vitamins B6 and B12

Most of us are in the habit of washing our hair every day, but dermatologists and hairdressers alike tell just about anyone who will listen that daily shampooing is unnecessary. The dry skin it can create is certainly a possible cause of that itchy scalp.

Taking showers with super-hot water can likewise exacerbate the dry skin; ditto for blasting hair with a blow dryer.

Once the itching starts, habitually scratching the itch can irritate the skin and make the symptoms even worse.

The best course of action if simple steps don’t provide relief is to visit a dermatologist or your family doctor.

Thanks again for writing. I hope I answered your question.

Do you have a question for The Advice Doctor about health, life, love, personal relationships, career, raising children, or any other important topic? Send it to News@AugustaRx.com. Replies will be provided only in the Examiner.

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