The Advice Doctor

Dear Advice Doctor,

This is going to be a very delicate and tricky subject for you to give advice about. Yesterday my partner admitted to having an afffair. Naturally, my first thought was, “With who?” The answer: “I really don’t think you want to know. Give it 48 hours, and if you still want to know, I’ll tell you.” Any advice? — Unsure Now

Dear Unsure,

This is indeed a thorny question, and it’s surprising how many people struggle with the very issues you have raised. Unfortunately, many make the wrong choices, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to assist.

I completely understand the immediate reaction to ask “With who?” but fight that urge. Instead, ask “With whom?” Always use proper grammar, even in trying circumstances. After all, Ernest Hemingway didn’t write Who the Bell Tolls For, now did he? Whom may be mostly dead — and in most informal conversational settings you can nearly always use who — but for more formal usage (such as the written word) whom may be the proper choice. The easiest way to remember whether to use who or whom is to keep in mind that who does something (in sentence construction it’s a subject), while whom has something done to it (grammatically it would an object). To help decide which one to use, ask: who is doing what to whom

Now that that’s crystal clear, let’s move on to a few other poor choices people often make.

Contractions are especially perilous. To avoid the trap of improper use, simply uncontract them. If you’re about to tweet, “My dog has been chasing it’s tail for an hour! LOL!” stop and uncontract “it’s,” which is short for it is (or it has). Did you mean to say that your dog has been chasing it is tail? No. So you should tweet (or retweet) “...chasing its tail...” No apostrophe necessary.

People constantly run afoul of the triplets there, their, and they’re. They all sound alike. Let’s tackle the easiest: they’re If you uncontract it and the full “they are” still makes sense, you chose the right triplet. Use there for “in that place,” or “not here.” Their is possessive, as in “Their cat videos right there, they’re the best.”

I hope this answers your question. Thanks for writing!

Do you have a question for The Advice Doctor about life, love, personal relationships, career, raising children, or any other important topic? Send it to News@AugustaRx.com. Replies will be provided only in the Examiner.

Why read the Medical Examiner: Reason #516