SHORTSTORIES

as quick to end as they are to start.

One other suggestion: adopting a mentor or role model who has already been down the path you wish to travel might help. No doubt most of us have a person in mind. Why not have a conversation with them about their journey?

I would like to thank the many friends and associates who took time to contribute their opinions on this subject. You are appreciated.

FREQUENT FLYER I was an intern working in the ER one night when a guy came in complaining of back pain. He could offer no reasonable history of how he got it, and he refused any workup. He just wanted something for the pain. My orderly motioned me aside and told me that this guy always came in at the beginning of the month when the new interns rotated through, and he would try to talk them into getting some drugs.

The orderly suggested I give the man a few placebos to take home. I gave the patient a mild OTC analgesic and a packet containing four placebo tablets. I told him to not take them until he got home and was safely in bed, then take no more than one every six hours as they were very potent.

He was obviously disappointed, looked at me askance and asked, “What are these?”

I said they were a new medication called “Groncagon.”

He shook his head and said he couldn’t take them. I asked him why not.

He said, “I’m allergic to Groncagon.” +

BY J.B. COLLUM

In our last conversation, I discussed the bad news about my diabetes and how I have fully resolved to fix it the best I can with diet and exercise. We discussed a lot about my new diet, and I thought I was done with that part and planned to discuss here today the second part of my regimen, exercise. But the passing of a couple of weeks has been enough for me to get more bad news about more things I can’t eat anymore. I think my “approved” list now consists of vegetables and fish, without salt. Oh boy.

Here are the details:

I had an eye exam earlier this week that was a follow up to something my annual eye exam had shown, but my primary physician was concerned about what he heard about that, so he referred me to a specialist who took a deeper dive into my eyeballs. After examining them closely he had some good news about glaucoma, which is what he attributed my occasional headaches to, in that though my ocular pressure was a little high, it wasn’t bad, and I would just need to keep an eye on it. Pun intended. As far as the tearing that the other eye doctor had seen, he said it also wasn’t bad and was consistent with my age and I didn’t need to worry about it. Now for the bad news. He showed me that the blood vessels in my eye had a significant amount of blockage from plaque and when I asked if that meant my vision would fail, he proceeded to explain to me the much worse news; namely, that he was concerned that this type of blockage was present elsewhere and because of that I was at high risk for a stroke. Like I needed one more item to add to my health bingo card.

After dropping the bombshell about potential strokes, he then started telling me how to fix it, and I truly believe that the cure might be worse than the disease. He told me to lose at least 50 pounds, and if I could, 100 pounds. I thought losing that much weight was a bit excessive; I think I would resemble a common decoration we are likely to see on or about October 31st, and I expressed that to him. His reply: “that would be fine.” That’s easy for him to say because he already looked skeletal himself. It seems like the doctors who are the most insistent on patients losing the most weight are those that, to me, look like they have gone overboard on the concept in their own life. But that is just my opinion.

Then the real shocker was revealed when he said that I should not eat any beef or pork, and I should stay far away from salt. I explained that I had already given up most carbohydrates, including sugar in most any form, and several other things I liked so much. I told him my diabetes doctor said to eat a low carb, high protein diet that included lots of meat, including beef. Like Shania Twain says, that did not impress him much.

I think it is a violation of the Hippocratic Oath to take away both sweet and savory foods from a patient. But if they do it anyway, they probably should be required by law to refer you to a mental health professional to try to convince you that you still have other things left to live for besides good food.

As I drove home, I contemplated this news for a little while, and then called my wife to tell her what the doctor had said. After filling her in, she was quiet for a few moments as if she didn’t know what to say, but then she started talking about how she would adjust her cooking for my diet, though she didn’t say it with any enthusiasm. I interrupted her to tell her my plan instead. I told her that since I had already made major changes to my diet, and had even joined a gym that I have been going to three times a week to work toward getting healthy, I didn’t think I could adapt to this even stricter regimen, at least not right now. I felt overwhelmed. It’s like when you have a lot to do at work, but feel like you can accomplish it, but then the boss dumps a pile of work on you that you know you can’t complete on time. It doesn’t inspire you. It makes you want to quit. It might even make you want to “rage quit,” because we all have our limits. Change is hard. Changing too much all at once can make you want to give up and quit all the good habits you wanted to form.

So, that is now my plan. I am not saying it is the wisest strategy, and I am not even recommending it, but I think it is the best option for me. It is what I can do. It is probably all that I can do. I will focus on my diabetes, losing weight, and getting in shape with regular exercise. After all, you have to crawl before you can walk, and you have to walk before you can run.

Speaking of walking and running, I really will do my best to fill you in on the exercise portion of my lifestyle change in our next visit, but here is a preview: I got a friend to join the gym with me and he has faithfully met me there every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning. That has helped a lot and I am grateful for that. I’ll save the rest for next time. Until then, do your best to stay healthy, but don’t try to do more than you realistically can.