Two New Columns

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AUGUSTAMEDICALEXAMiNER AUGUST 9, 2019

Please don’t be offended by the sight of a dummy in this column’s header. Unfortunately, though, it is a fact that many crashes are caused by driving behaviors that aren’t simply illegal. They’re also incredibly stupid.

Among the many ways aggressive driving can manifest itself, one of the most unsafe (and idiotic) is tailgating.

Let’s paint a realistic scenario that includes a tailgater driving a huge, ladder-worthy pickup truck, one that shines its 1000-watt headlights into the rear view mirror of every car he tailgates.

Having met the tailgater, we should also introduce the tailgatee. Let’s assume the lead car is being driven by a complete stranger to the tailgater. Despite that fact, the tailgater trusts this unknown person to the extent that he is following so closely that he can’t even see the car’s back bumper or most of its trunk. The car is kind of a clunker. It doesn’t go too fast. It’s in the left lane, the fast lane,

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not because it’s going fast, but because the driver will be turning left just ahead.

In fact, the driver of the clunker is currently unemployed, and is returning from the 78th place he has applied to for work in the past month. This one, like the others, did not seem promising. Driving back home he is very discouraged. His situation has been desperate. Now it’s beginning to look hopeless.

Ah, but wait! There is an answer! Help has arrived! His financial problems are soon to be over!

All our unemployed friend needs to do is slam on his brakes to avoid hitting that dog in the road. He definitely saw a dog in the road. Absolutely. No question he saw a dog in the road.

Soon after the ensuing rearend collision, which is 100% the tailgater’s fault, the ambulance arrives to transport the innocent driver to the nearest emergency room. On the way, a phrase suddenly pops into his head. “One call, that’s all.”

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He heeds the call as soon as he can, which is a good thing, because he suffered debilitating whiplash that simply will not go away despite months of physical therapy. He also suffers much pain and anguish and mental distress. He’s almost afraid to leave the house anymore, his attorney tells the court. Not that he is physically able to do so. But if he was able. He can’t even look for work anymore in his condition, but with the size of the settlement, he really doesn’t need to. If he plays his cards right, he’s financially set for life. And he feels sure that his neck and back pain will get better any day now. It mainly hurts only in court anyway.

As for the pickup truck driver, he paid a huge fine for speeding and tailgating, lost his truck because he couldn’t afford the astronomical new insurance premiums (it cost his insurance company over $300,000 to close the case, so our hero is relegated to insurers of last resort), and he now drives a car that’s a lot like the one he rear-ended. Yes, every time someone tailgates, it’s like giving a total stranger a blank check good for all the money you currently have and a sizeable chunk of your future earnings too.

How trusting and generous of you! +

HUMAN BEHAVIOR

How neuroscience works in everyday life

THE CO-WORKER YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND

You work together in the same office day after day with this person who is just a nightmare, a bully, a gossip, and who gets under your skin every day. You look down the road and envision years of daily torture. Assuming you

don’t want to or can’t leave this job, how do you handle this?

First, take a deep breath, wipe down those sweaty palms, and calm down your heartbeat. Then ask: What’s the bigger goal here?

It’s to have the best workplace you possibly can. Here’s exactly how you can make that happen.

• Identify the problem. Start by tackling this like any other assignment at work. Figure out what’s really bothering you. Is this person abusive and bullying? Is this person the worst kind of malicious gossip? Or is this person just annoying?

• Don’t be surprised. Once you’ve identified what’s going on, don’t be surprised when the person acts that way. In other words, you know it’s going to happen—it’s inevitable. So don’t let yourself react emotionally (“I can’t believe he just did that!”) when, really, you kind of expect it.

• Come up with a plan. Keeping in mind your goal of having a great workplace, figure out what will get you there. Maybe it’s watching your coworkers and how they interact with that person: Can you mimic their style or get insight on conversation starters? Maybe it’s making sure your interactions are always limited by time, and aren’t open-ended. Or maybe, right now, it’s just simple avoidance, until you can get to a place where you can revisit how to make this relationship better. Just be careful of ignoring the situation altogether because that’s how emotions can start to fester, making it worse.

• Figure out what you want to say. If you decide that a heart-to-heart is the answer, think about exactly what you want to say so you can offer up solutions, in a tactful way. Your coworker might not react the way you want, so think about that too, and what you might say in response. Just stay professional, calm and tactful and remember that your goal is to make the workplace better. If it helps, write down what you want to say and practice beforehand. And don’t feel like you have to do this alone: You don’t have to make a formal complaint, but HR can give you tips on how to interact with this person.

• Don’t contribute to the problem. People always say this and you might hate hearing it, but you can control only your own actions. So make sure that you’re not making the situation worse. For example, don’t think that you have to win, like you have to make that snarky remark and hear your coworkers laugh in support. Because it’s really hard to change other people, but if you change how you react to them, guess what? Their behavior will likely also change.

• Stay calm. If you start feeling overwhelmed, give yourself a break: Take a sip of water, use positive self talk, and breathe. There’s actually huge value in a good yawn to draw in oxygen to your brain. Try it.

• Give positive criticism. As you communicate with the other person, remember that sometimes the person may not even realize they’re being rude or bullying. So instead of being defensive, you could try saying something like, “That was hurtful; I wish you had said that differently.” It’s easy to assume that you know why someone is acting a certain way (“Because they’re just a horrible person!”), but maybe it’s because they are dealing with a loved one who’s sick or they’re really insecure. When you react, maybe they think you are the one who’s coming across as nasty or aggressive.

• Get help. If none of this works, then it might be time to bring in HR in an official capacity. Sometimes, there’s only so much you can do on your own before you need help to make sure your workplace is a fulfilling and happy place to be. +

Jeremy Hertza, PsyD, is a neuropsychologist and the executive director of NeuroBehavioral Associates, LLC in Augusta