4 Stages of
LIFE
INTRODUCTION As Mark Manson bluntly says, “life is a bitch. Then you die.” But as we know, there is a whole lot more to life than that. This book walks you through Mark Manson’s take on the four stages of life and how they contribute to our overall happiness and well being. Understanding that we are all in the same boat that is life makes it a bit easier for us to accept the stage that we are at.
WHAT IS
MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS Self Actualization Esteem Love & Affiliation Security Physiological
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs depicts stages in which we as humans try to reach. The idea is that once we reach the top of the hierarchy we have been successful in life and achieved happiness. This is a much different understanding of happiness compared to Mark Manson’s understanding of happiness as he describes through the four stages of life.
Morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving.
Self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect for self & others.
Friendship, family, sexual intimacy.
Security of body, employment, resources, health, property & the family.
Breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, excretion.
WE’RE TERRIBLE AT PERCEIVING OUR OWN HAPPINESS.
HAPPINESS. HAPPINESS. HAPPINESS.
HAPPINESS DOES NOT EQUAL PLEASURE. Good food, more time for TV, more sex, parties, cars, being popular. All great things, but they don’t lead to happiness.
HAPPINESS DOES NOT EQUAL POSITIVITY. “There are people out there who subscribe to ‘always be positive’ ideaology. These people should be avoided just as much as soneone who thinks the world is an endless pile of shit.”
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“IF YOU HAVE TO TRY TO BE COOL, YOU WILL NEVER BE COOL...
...IF YOU HAVE TO TRY TO BE HAPPY, YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.”
HAPPINESS IS THE PROCESS OF BECOMING YOUR IDEAL SELF Your ideal self is constantly changing, which may make it seem like happiness is always just out of reach. However, it’s not the end goal that you are trying to achieve, it’s the process of getting there.
Throughout life we have a lot of highs and lows. Moments of happiness and moments of unhappiness. Despite all these changes, we constantly go back to our baseline happiness. The good news is that our baseline happiness can change and improve over time, so we aren’t stuck at specific level of happiness for our entire lives. Our baseline happiness improves as we successfully move through the four stages of life, as described by Mark Manson.
Baseline.
4 Stages of
LIFE 1 Mimicry
by Mark Manson
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Self-Discovery
4 Legacy
3 Commitment
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STAGE ONE
Stage one generally lasts from birth to mid- to late-adolescence.
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WE ARE BORN HELPLESS When we are born, we aren’t very useful human beings. “We can’t walk, can’t talk, can’t feed ourselves, can’t even do our own damn taxes.”
WALK
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TAXES
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WE LEARN BY MIMICING OTHERS SO THAT WE FIT INTO SOCIETY First we learn physical things like walking and talking. Then as we get older, we start to learn social skills by mimicing our peers, following the rules and social norms.
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WE DEVELOP THE ABILITY TO ACT BY OURSELVES Stage one teaches us “how to function within society so that we can be autonomous, self-sufficient adults.� We learn how to be independent through guidance and support from the adults around us. The problem is many adults do not do a good job at encouraging independence and they never see people in late stage one as adults. Either that or people stuck in stage one never stop trying to please others and therefore never make decisions for themselves.
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STAGE TWO
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Stage two lasts from mid- to late-adolenscence to mid 20s/30s
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GO NEW PLACES MEET NEW PEOPLE Stage two is about discovering what makes us different and unique. We do this by going new places, meeting new people and trying things.
Routine
New Things
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SOME THINGS WE TRY GO WELL... OTHERS, NOT SO WELL Stage two is a trial and error process. Not all the new things we try will go well, but this is still an important process so that we may discover the things that go well. The goal is to stick to the things that go well.
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WE REALIZE THAT TIME IS LIMITED The trial and error nature of stage two helps us to realize our limitations. Discovering our limitations is not always an easy thing to accept, but it helps us to understand that our time is limited.
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FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS THE MOST Over time things that seemed great for a while behin to have diminishing returns. Knowing our limitations helps us to narrow in on what matters most in our lives. People who don’t accept their limitations get stuck in stage two because they never move on or settle down. They are constantly trying to push themselves by always trying new things.
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STAGE THREE
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Stage three lasts from around 30 years to retirement age (60ish)
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LET GO OF THE THINGS HOLDING YOU BACK Stage three is the time to let go of the things that stop you from focusing in on what matters most to you. This could be friends that are holding you back, the dimishing activities that you experienced in stage two, or old dreams that aren’t going to come true.
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PURSUE THINGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT This is when we focus in on what matters the most and actually do it. We commit to our life goals and do what needs to be done inorder to achieve them.
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MAXIMIZE OUR OWN POTENTIAL Stage three is where we build our legacy. We do this by maximizing our own potential through our accomplishments. Some people feel they have maximized their full potential when they become a successful business man, while others feel this sense of accomplishment by raising a loving family. It is different for everyone.
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STAGE FOUR
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Stage four lasts from retirement age to death
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LEAVING OUR MARK ON THE WORLD In stage three we work to build our legacy, while stage four is more about making sure the legacy we’ve worked our whole life to create actually lasts beyond death. We do this by passing our life’s work on to people who can carry it on. This may be our children, or and apprentice or protégé.
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MAKING MORATLITY BEARABLE By ensuring that our legacy will live on, our inevitable death becomes more bearable. This is pschologically important because we need our lives to mean something. To lose the meaning of your life is to “stare oblivion in the face and let it consume you willingly.�
GAINING CONTROL OVER OUR HAPPINESS As we progress through the stages of life, “happiness becomes based more on internal, controllable values and less on the externalities of the ever-changing outside world.
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We are wholly dependent on the approval and acceptance of others to make us happy.
Our happiness relies on external success. More reliable that peo-
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ple, but still unpredictable.
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Reliable relationships and worthwhile endeavors contribute and build our happiness.
Happiness comes from holding on to what we’ve already accomplished earlier in life.
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RE-SHUFFLE OUR LIFE PRIORITIES At each stage in life, we re-shuffle our life priorities. Major events such as traumas or divorse make us question our values and what matters most to us. At every stage we feel a sense of personal inadecqucy that makes us wonder what we’re doing with our lives. But this is what drives us forward. Once we accept our inadecquecies, we accept the fact that life goes on.