CHAPTER 6: The Debrief

It will take time to learn to shrink your worry, and lots of practice. While you are building your own 3A Toolkit that helps you to do this, you will still have moments when your worry feels too big. You will have a very very hard time using the strategies you have learned when you are really worried and you have ‘flipped your lid’ and the downstairs brain is in charge. It is pretty normal to not always be able to use the strategies when you are worried, it takes lots of practice!

But, lots of learning can happens later, once you’re more calm. Once you’re more calm, you can think about the worry and wonder what you would do differently next time. This is called ‘The Debrief’. It’s really helpful to involve a supportive adult to help you with this also. How long it will take you to return to being calm and alert will be different for everyone, take as long as you need. When you feel like being close with other people, this lets you know you are likely ready to debrief a big worry. This is another reason why it can be really helpful to have someone help you with this process. It is also extra important that your supportive adult is also calm, you can only do a debrief when both of you are calm.

In a debrief, consider what you noticed (Awareness), generate a label (Assign a Label) and what you would do differently next time (Action) in terms of helpful thinking and body calming. After this, imagine that you rewind what happened back to when you first noticed being worried. Then go through the Awareness, Assign a Label, and Action phases, but this time with the new ending where you imagine you have successfully shrunk your worry. It is kind of like you get to write a new ending for your worry story, a new ending where you shrink your worry!

So, even if you are not able to always manage and shrink your worry as it is happening, you always have the chance to do a rewind and debrief later. Try and do a debrief often, this really is an excellent way to improve your ability to shrink your worry.

To start with, choose a worry that is not too big or upsetting for your first debrief practice. Just by remembering the of worry, you will sometimes feel like your worry is getting bigger. This is why it works so well to use the debrief to write a new ending and consider a different outcome for the worry and also why it is important to start with a small worry in the beginning.

Here are some tips for doing the debrief:

• Work through the 3 A’s either by drawing what happened, talking it through with someone, or thinking about it on your own.

Awareness

• What did you notice? o Thinking • Was it helpful?

o Body • What did you notice? • What is your level of activation (your volume)?

Assign A Label

• What were you feeling? • What label will you use for this?

Action

• What worked? o Helpful thinking o Body calming • What can you do differently next time? o Helpful thinking o Body calming

Let’s try out the debrief using the prompts above. Choose a recent experience when you felt anxious and consider the following:

Here is an example of what might be included in a debrief:

AWARENESS ASSIGN A LABEL ACTION

Thinking

• “This is going to be a disaster” • Your thoughts are jumbled and not helpful • Notice these thoughts are not helpful

Body

• Heart is racing, trouble catching your breath • Assess level of activation (your volume)

Label It

“That’s just my anxiety”

Helpful Thinking

• Messages of safety e.g. “This feeling will pass”, “I am safe”, “there are no tigers here” • Helpful thinking: e.g. “I prepared well for the presentation and will do the best I can”

Body Calming

For low to medium level of activation try using your breath to lengthen your exhale and slow your breathing down. For higher levels of activation, use slow movement such as walking

Once you have figured out what is important in the Awareness, Assign A Label, and Action categories for the debrief, rewind the worry in your mind and run through it again as if it was a movie. This time, use the new learning from your debrief to visualize how you would shrink your worry, like you have created a new ending.

Practice rewinding and replaying the worry with the new learning from your 3A Toolkit several times until it feels comfortable. You can use this 3A Toolkit approach for the debrief every time you feel like your worry is too big.

Some people find it helpful to draw what happened. If this is you, I have included a sample of a comic strip version of a debrief followed by an example of what this looks like when it is complete.

Try and practice the debrief as often as you can, the more you do this, the better you will get at shrinking your worry.

3A TOOLKIT COMIC DEBRIEF EXAMPLE

I know my worry is acting up when:

THOUGHTS & IMAGES Are they helpful? BODY What is my level of activation?

AWARENESS How do I know worry? Is too big?

I keep thinking something terrible will happen during my presentation and I will make a fool of myself. I feel nauseous and like my stomach is in knots. My heart is pounding and my hands are sweaty.

Then I said, “That’s just my worry.”

ASSIGN A LABEL What am I feeling? I feel worried (Name It to Tame It)

I know I can shrink my worry by :

ACTION How do I shrink worry? HELPFUL THINKING BODY CALMING

“I am safe” “My worry is making up stories again”

“I have practiced a lot and know the presentation material really well”

“I will do my best” “People want me to do well” “I will survive even if I make a mistake Deep breaths

Butterfl y hug

3A TOOLKIT COMIC DEBRIEF EXAMPLE

I know my____________________________________ is acting up when:

THOUGHTS & IMAGES Are they helpful? BODY What is my level of activation?

AWARENESS How do I know worry? Is too big?

Then I said, “That’s just my___________________________________”

ASSIGN A LABEL What am I feeling?

ACTION How do I shrink worry?

I know I can shrink my _______________________________ by :