FFL 20th Anniversary Guide

20 Anniversary TH

Guide 1996 - 2014

The FFL DeBerg Bowl Championship Trophy “This trophy is more important than everything in your life.”

- Kathy Detter (probably)

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Table of Contents HISTORY OF THE FFL

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ALL-TIME STANDINGS

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YEAR-BY-YEAR

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ALL -TIME RECORDS

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PAST OWNERS

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CURRENT OWNERS

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Y R O T S HI E H T F O sometimes look back to the way this league began and ponder all the things that could have buried it before it even started.

I

I can’t even start to measure the hours I’ve spent on the FFL over the years, not to mention the joy and pain it has brought me (MC Rob Base would be proud). And to state the obvious, I like to think I’m not alone in those sentiments. In the beginning, if Biv and I hadn’t pulled off the miracle of getting this thing off the ground, the FFL and all that it encompasses never exists. Thank God I was blessed with the natural high-pressure sales tactics normally reserved for the showroom floor

of your local discount furniture wholesaler, because without them, we’d have four or five eager owners trying to start a league that would envy the shelf life of the USFL. In 1996, Biv and I were doing what most underage college kids were doing – going to school, scrounging for beer - and money for beer – and, of course, trying to find girls who were willing to take their clothes off and lay down with us. Living off campus that year, we didn’t know many people outside of our employers – Biv was a waiter at the Iowa River Power Company, an upscale restaurant on the edge of Iowa City and Coralville, while I worked part-time at an AM/FM radio conglomerate – AM 800 KXIC and 100.7 KKRQ, the Fox. As football season approached and we imagined life without hot, sizzling fantasy football action, we decided to take the bull by the horns and create our own league. The first call was easy – our close pal Kyle Phillips wasn’t local, but that certainly wasn’t a requirement. You could be serving life at Riker’s and manage a team in our league if you happened to have phone privileges on draft day. So KP was in it to win it, which gave us a solid three. FX’s The League many years later would teach us that “12-team leagues are where it’s at”, but at this juncture, we knew we’d be lucky to get half that. The next call was pretty obvious as I may have been living on my own, but a lifetime spent as a mama’s boy had taught me there was nary a problem my mom couldn’t solve. Sure, Milt wasn’t going to be interested in playing - he had never played fantasy football and trying new things has never been his sweet spot – and for that matter, my mom’s football knowledge wasn’t vast – though she did know enough to call Broncos draft bust Jeff Lewis a “dildo.”

But when the formality of Milt declining the invitation had taken place, the promise of getting to do something together with her family was easily enough to get Kathy to pull the trigger and grant life to the Amana Armadillos, a franchise still operating today as Milt’s NPTY (if you know the meaning of the acronym, you can quickly see its origin).

This is where things began to get dicey as finding some semblance of a local ownership core was considered a must, and an immediate hurdle to clear. Scott Kauzlarich was the Production Manager for both radio stations and was a married man with a penchant for talking trash and who possessed a higher opinion of his skill set than was actually the case. A quick jab at his beloved Minnesota Vikings and a play on his ego and the FFL had its first villain - “The Kauz” (picture The Boz without the cool hair and talent). Next, we turned to Heather Willard, an on-air personality for The Fox. As you can read in further detail in her bio, Heather was alleged to have housed some NFL penis years prior and was our natural next target. Also a rabid fan of the Vikings, Heather excelled at and loved to be one of the guys, so she was an easy add. This was a strong addition for other reasons as she became a steady source of Busch Light in our Seville Apartments fridge that year. With six owners in the fold, Biv and I could smell the finish line, needing only to add one more pair for a serviceable circuit.

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KKRQ DJ Stacy Kutzbach in the famed Fox Studios.

Don Russom was a lot of things…a talented DJ, a solid guy, an unofficial comedian, but an NFL wiz he was not. Going by the on-air moniker of Don Juan DeMarco, Don was slated to spin the hits on The Fox the night of the draft, which he used as his reason for declining. Years later, I’m able to admit to a bit of a man crush on Don, and thus, he was a must-have for our maiden ownership group. Promising to help him as he selected his team by phone – land line, of course – this sweetened the pot enough for us to land our seventh owner. Don’s draft was memorable in that it was his only one before he moved away from Iowa City following the season, but also because each pick was made by virtue of Biv or I calling the KKRQ studio line on our Sports Illustrated-issued Denver Broncos football phone, which made us feel pretty gosh damn legitimate.

Lastly, after all other options were exhausted, we found a hidden gem in the person of someone who has never been able to tell me no on a consistent basis. It took all four steps of overcoming objections, but after much persuasion and groveling, my big sister rounded out the initial eight. Karma Collins, 20 years later, is still in the league (despite a brief three-year hiatus) and has always provided a unique element to the circuit. When her Cali-Blitz started the ’96 FFL season with a 1-10 record, it sure seemed like her decision to join was a disastrous one.

But the Blitz went on to win three straight games to close the season, including a 182-point effort in the final contest – a number that has only been topped twice in 19 years.

There are many memories from that draft, and the first season in general, including Scott Kauz and Biv naming their teams off of posters in our apartment – Kauz’s unit became the Jenny McCarthies due to the poster of the blond vixen hanging, logically,

The most Jackass GM of them all – Mark Allen, talking on the draft phone.

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in our dining room. For Biv, he more classically turned to the George Carlin poster of euphemisms hanging in our bathroom to tab his club the Vomiting Cobras. Following the first week of our season, I made a decision that would affect my life dramatically and possibly for the rest of my life. On the first Monday night, I decided to forgo studying in favor of writing a report on that week’s games, complete with league leaders, standings, and game recaps. Sure, 12 people – AT MOST – would read this, but it sure as hell beat thumbing through my Tech and Society textbook. 303 weeks of fantasy football later, I can say I’ve missed fewer than 30 reports in our 19 seasons. Little did I know that first Monday night that the act of childishly recapping each fantasy

KP and the famed Jenny McCarthy poster in ‘96.

football game would become a Monday night staple.

When the 1996 season had come to a close, my Parlay had pulled off a miraculous victory in DeBerg Bowl I, famously holding off Don’s Ass Kickers when RB Thurman Thomas was stuffed at the goal line on Monday Night Football, giving us our first champion. But more importantly, we knew we had something. It wasn’t just another league where a group of guys got together for a couple beers on draft night – we were unique. Of course, we had no idea at that time just how unique we would eventually become, but this was a hell of a start.

In the years following the shaky first campaign, a few one-year wonders would come and go, but the league began to gain stability, and along with it, quite a few memories. The 1998 draft brought with it a subtle upgrade that would lend an air of legitimacy to a circuit that was beginning to stand out above its peers. With my future wife, Heather, manning her post at the Heartland Inn on 1st Avenue in Iowa City, we managed to weasel our way into a conference room free of charge – an important detail in those days – where we would hold the next five drafts. This locale was not exotic – merely a mundane setting divided in half by a retractable wall – but it was the site for some of our early landmark moments. It was likely the 2000 draft that saw Paul Imming fire a full can of Bud Light, narrowly missing the head of Bill Williamson, after

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The Box Score from the first ever DeBerg Bowl.

Paul Imming at the Triple Deuce adorned in his Chrebet gear.

The 2000 FFL Draft Board.

Billy made the mistake of selecting Paulie’s all-time favorite player, Wayne Chrebet. During that same ’00 draft, The Kauz showed up to the draft armed with enough ego to sink a battleship and a pair of homemade tinfoil trophies in the likeness of the NFL’s famous Lombardi Trophy, hoisting his role as FFL heel to the next level.

During these formative years, the FFL began to rack up and accumulate pivotal relationships that would continue to pay off for years, most of whom remain in the league today. In years two and three, long time stalwarts and current owners Bill Williamson and Scott McGill respectively joined the circuit, both of whom having come from the ownership fountain that was KXIC and KKRQ. The summer before the 1998

The 2000 Draft with Paul Imming, Chad Leistikow (in hat), Greg Detter, Bill Williamson, Scott McGill, and Scott Kauzlarich.

season, a blip on the FFL’s radar led to a pair of crucial introductions that remain a part of the league today. News anchor Chris Baker introduced me to the Iowa City Newsholes – the official men’s league softball team of the Iowa City Press Citizen. This club was managed by utility man Scott Norris and was anchored by the lightning quick outfielder Chad Leistikow. I quickly became friends with this duo, despite the legendary cries of “Got Room! Got Room!” by Chad as I ran full speed into the left field fence chasing a home run ball. Scott Norris entered the league in 1999 and became a constant threat in nearly every fantasy sport, but none more so than in the FFL where he is a two-time DeBerg Bowl winner and the current defending champion. Chad’s initial run in the FFL was very brief, but nothing short of legendary. After a first round playoff exit in his first season (’99), his second year brought a DeBerg Bowl defeat at the hands of Norris himself, but not until he put together what was likely the greatest team of all-time. The 2000 Rahde’s Revenge went 12-2 and posted an FFL record 132.7 points per game, before falling to a team that averaged 23 points per game fewer than they in the title tilt. The following season - Rahde’s Revenge’s last season before coming back in 2015 – they returned to the big game, this time besting the Parlay for the championship, capping one of the greatest runs in league history. In three FFL campaigns, Chad’s crew set the FFL mark for highest winning percentage at .738, made the playoffs in each year, and appeared in two championship games. When discussing the history of the FFL, one would be remiss to gloss over the wonderfully awful 2000 Draft – the disaster theretofore referred to as “The Meltdown”. And to regale the masses with a tale like this one, I’m going to go third person and ask you to imagine the narrator from The Big Lebowski reading it to you. It completes the experience.

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With Karma and Kyle in town for the big weekend, a group of roughly 15 booze-fueled FFL’ers and a few friends visited It’s Brothers – a perpetually packed downtown drinking establishment. As the evening wore on, Brothers’ trademark “Swamp Waters” rapidly vanished down the gullets of the group and the earlier jovial attitude yielded to feisty, and ultimately violent. The night began to unravel when Greg nearly came to blows with Gen Fogerty, a friend of the group - and was escorted brusquely from the premises.

[

This brought forth the following hilarious exchange:

Karma: Wait! Where is he going?

Bouncer: He’s getting kicked out of here!

Karma: But wait! He’s my brother!

Bouncer: I don’t care if he’s your fucking grandma…he’s out of here!

]

The ultra-quick and unplanned exit caused the evening to mercifully wrap up early - or so it seemed - as the group headed back to their Coralville home. It was during the cab ride that the group collectively noticed the ongoing absence of Eric Solomon, their roommate, FFL owner, and future homosexual. Upon arriving home, Eric was again nowhere to be found and the worst was

assumed. After all, having seen a precisely similar situation four years earlier reveal an arrested Kyle Phillips sitting in the Johnson County Jail, this was actually the most realistic assumption; Eric was never one to go home with a coed. When a call to the Sheriff’s Department brought them no closer to locating their chum, Biv and Greg made a final quest to find Eric, flinging open his bedroom door to find “Sol-Dog” laying happily nude and on the business end of fellatio from Kate Marsh-Hofeldt, a co-worker of Kathy Detter and Biv’s then-current crush. The fact that Eric would two years later exit the closet and reveal his homosexuality to the world makes this scenario all the more bizarre, but at the time, it wasn’t even given a fleeting thought. Laced with testosterone from the earlier brush with violence, Greg defended his close friend Biv in the only way that made sense to him at the moment, and much in the same way a bull would tend to customers in a china shop. During the moment of shock to be caught shining a gay man’s proverbial dome, the poor girl pulled away from Eric’s erection – which should be noted may have been sized in relation to the hulking 6’4, 250 pound Eric’s body – thus giving Greg the needed window to wreak havoc. Applying a Kung Fu grip to the meaty ankle of Eric, Greg – in his own mind, heroically, yanked Eric off the bed and drug him all the way down the hall, proceeding to verbally unleash on his roommate for violating the ages-old adage “bro’s before hoes,” believed to be coined by Aristotle himself. The verbal altercation quickly escalated to wrestling, which resulted in Eric’s body making an ever-lasting indention and ultimately, an hideous break, of the hallway’s drywall.

When the wackiness of the situation had descended, Eric and Biv each retreated angrily to their respective bedrooms while Karma and Greg stood in the kitchen, repeatedly replaying the absurd scene over and over. With normality seeming to set in, it’s hard to believe after all this time, but the craziness had really just begun. Karma and Greg’s hushed conversation was interrupted when Biv emerged in the kitchen, armed with an unopened liter of Crown Royal – a late night terror from which both Karma and Greg felt the need to protect their friend.

The ensuing wrestling match resulted in the bottle shattering on the kitchen floor, Biv being bear-hugged to the linoleum, and Karma’s big toe being fractured in the struggle. When Biv appeared to be settled and fully restrained, the siblings

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Eric Solomon with the girl who started the Meltdown, and Karma Collins.

allowed him to go to his room, satisfied that the unnecessary alcohol wouldn’t be consumed as it was currently coating the kitchen floor. Yet moments later, the front door opened and quickly closed – the escape allowing Biv an exit to his Ford pick-up truck, which was blocked in by other cars in the driveway. Having come this far, the excruciatingly intoxicated Biv wasn’t to be denied and drove across the lawn to get to the street in order to purchase the Crown Royal’s replacement. Eric used to say that God looked out for idiots, which was essential to keeping us all alive over the years. Perhaps it was this theory that enabled Biv to somehow avoid death, dismemberment, incarceration, and further conflict in drinking himself all the way into a stupor.

How does this affect the FFL, you ask? Bear with me, because I’m getting there. The following morning, after yet another recanting of the previous night’s events, Greg and Kyle went to the locked door of Biv’s bedroom and called out for him to emerge as the draft was an hour away. Repeated attempts to enact the “Binge drinker’s code”, which allowed all fuzzy infractions to be forgotten the next day, proved fruitless and the group ultimately left for the Heartland Inn without Biv – just the third and final draft he would ever miss. Images captured of that day’s draft board show his team – drafted by Scott McGill – only as “Meltdown”. Not wanting to soil the Vomiting Cobras moniker, Biv later tabbed this team “The Insane Clown Posse” as they struggled to a 3-11 mark and 83.8 average. Tying the weekend’s events together perfectly, Biv finally cracked that bedroom door for the first time at roughly seven o’clock that evening. It was at that time that Greg, Kyle, and Eric were finally wrapping up yet another drinking binge and one that nearly cost Greg everything. He had lied to his girlfriend Heather, who had months earlier made a romantic reservation for a whirlpool suite at The Canterbury Inn. Instead of spending the night with his dime piece girlfriend, Greg falsely alleged that he had locked his keys in his car and went on to pound mixed drinks for the better part of eight hours. Years later, it’s pretty clear that this was not the ideal move…but again, God tends to take care of idiots. Greg’s kids can thank the Lord for not justly making their dad pay for these iniquities.

In the FFL’s first few years, the weekly report was printed out every Monday night, some copies were distributed in radio station mailboxes while still others were actually stuffed into an envelope and mailed to out of town owners. While this practice eventually died when e-mailing attachments became commonplace, another subtle change took place in 2001, which would prove to be a gateway into the digital age and Biv’s new role with the league. Originally picking up the name “Webmaster”, Biv created a hideous, graphic-free website within the annals of his personal site – BivCentral.com. The original site was a lot like the girl you found at 2 AM – not much to look at and really good for only one thing, but it was all we had and got the job done. A few years later, however, with his career in IT (and finance) taking off, Biv used his burgeoning expertise to take our technology to the next level. It was at this point that he was promoted from Webmaster to VP of Digital Technology, thanks to the addition of an attractive, thorough, and complete website, which included a message board. The FFL had gone from the 2 AM slumpbuster with bad skin to the beautiful lady to whom you give your ATM pin number and introduce to your parents.

The message board’s emergence came in 2004 – technically the year before the new website and while it was somewhat short-lived in its usefulness, it had an incredible four or five year run as a feature component of our league. Those first few years, as many as nine or ten of our owners would routinely visit the message board and talk about their teams and the NFL, but more regularly, the message board was used for funny stories, debates – many of which would mature into full-on arguments - and R-Rated conversation.

The message board, for Tyler Gall, was well-timed. Just a couple years after Tyler had shown up on the day of his first draft in a Bears home Dez White jersey, the message board had given him a forum to reveal to the league his true personality. And as I’ve always said of Tyler Gall – the man is a genius. An excellent and intelligent writer, Gall possesses – and in those days, displayed to the league – a unique ability to tell an otherwise mundane story and turn it into a knee-slapping, thought-provoking and re-tellable yarn. And while it was clear during these times that many of us were stars on the message board, Tyler was the star. One indelible image was recanted on the same day in which he was nearly in a fracas with a random stranger on a Clinton Street in Iowa City. With Tyler coming to the aid of a bullied bystander, sparks were about to fly when Tyler famously quipped: “Do you want me to put my bag down?” The query provided a line in the sand to the tough guy villain, who merely frowned, considered the consequences, and retreated with nary a fist thrown. The lack of action in a tale that would live on for years to come displays just how much Tyler Gall excelled on the message board. *(You can find the complete message board post in the appendix of this chapter.)

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A well-spoken, articulate man with no willingness to back down from a challenge, Tyler was an ideal competitor for JYD, who had a well-known sharp tongue of his own, but an infamous short fuse and the typing skills of a wild animal. When what seemed like a harmless and innocent disagreement began to escalate in 2006, one could sense a mismatch in a war of words. As Tyler began to carve up his counterpart, blood began to boil and then spill over, ultimately with the two planning to actually meet at the 2007 draft in order to exchange blows. With both owners positively certain that they would prevail in the pending fisticuffs, feelings were hurt and rage ensued. The storied battle managed to escalate from hilarious tiff to potentially damaging battle that had to be broken up by the commissioner, and which finally led to JYD’s temporary expulsion from the league.

The FFL Draft has always revolved around good times, ample libations, and a lot of dudes, but in 2006, “FFL Weekend” took on a life of its own. When my wife and I bought our first St. Louis area home in Kirkwood earlier that year, it provided the ideal locale for a gathering of as many owners as were willing to attend. The 2006 draft weekend kicked off the memorable annual experiences with a Wiffle Ball game that ended on a walk-off homer by your trusted commish and the hilarious – and to be truthful – frightening clash with a group of area bikers. With the hulking Leif Peterson on our side, we felt confident, but the opposition featured a tough guy biker who looked to be more at home in a straitjacket. Luckily, cooler heads prevailed and what could have been disastrous became nothing more than a story to tell. Of course, the story wouldn’t be what it is without the impassioned plea from the biker to “Come to Eat Rite” – apparently the happening place for fisticuffs in the Kirkwood area. Of course, as the years added up, more and more stories accumulated, often embellished, and retold again and again.

Going into the 2009 season, with the annual weekend extravaganza so popular and visited by nearly as many guys who were not in the FFL as guys who were, the FFL made the unheard of decision to expand into a sub-league – FFL Europe. While not quite equipped with all of the FFL’s amenities, the junior circuit gave twelve friends of the league a purpose for spending an entire weekend away from their families in a house full of dudes. And while FFL Europe started merely for something for everyone else to do while we drafted, it has developed a history of its own after six years and has seen two of its champions promoted to the FFL. FFL Weekends have become famous for a few things, not the least among them the heroic and awe-inspiring amount of beer consumed over the course of the three days. Each year has had one or two long-remembered occurrences – a few of which were injuries to yours truly – and others were tales told only in hushed tones and never in mixed company. Only a select group of people know

The 2011 Draft Room with FFL and FFL Europe.

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the full story that was Kyle’s “The Polish,” which can only happen in a setting like this, while “Chipper Jones” makes sense to just a handful of us. There were years where our group was the bane of the Bar Louie bartenders and bouncers because of our penchant for loudly chanting the Braves/Chiefs/Seminoles Tomahawk Chop at our table, and of course, one of those years led to our forced and immediate exit because of a load of fecal matter that had been dropped into a urinal. This may, or may not, have been the movement of a member of FFL Europe. The 2008 draft saw an impromptu wrestling match that appeared to be on the verge of an upset as I was toppling “a live bear” – Leif – until he decided to turn on his strength and slammed me to the carpet, snapping my labrum like a twig. Leif would later go on to wrestle Jase Thompson in 2011 – a State Champion wrestler better than 100 pounds lighter – resulting in a wild draw. On the night of the last draft in the Kirkwood home in 2010, a group of us were running to the house, seeking shelter from a driving rain when the traction on my Old Navy flip flop abandoned me and caused me to slam into a concrete step, leading to a gruesome abrasion on my right shin. With the swelling increasing by the hour, FFL Europe owners Ben Daves, Paco Guyton, and I took a trip to Mercy Hospital in Fenton for x-rays. As Paco later described, the visit was originally a little frightening, but turned into a fun and hilarious encounter with the nurses in the brand new hospital positively tickled by the three intoxicated dummies

The injured Greg was all smiles.

in their ER. As an aside, the nurse who spent most of her time chatting with our trio was named something akin to “Ariel”, but in my mind, was “Azreal”, and eventually “Gargamel’s Cat”. That moniker ended up as Paco’s team name that year, and as history will tell it, the title of FFL Europe’s first ever champion.

As the drafts have piled up, we’ve assembled every single year to select our teams. While most of the great memories in the last decade took place in my house (my poor, poor house), there have been a few other locations that are worth mentioning. There was, of course, the 2002 draft, which took place in the Quad Cities, and of course, the following year’s wacky venture through a four-day monsoon at a Hilton Garden Inn in Kansas City, KS. That weekend was notable for a number of things, but the memory that will always stick with me was the insanely hungover group doing their best to garner enough sobriety to draft a team at 9 AM, mere hours after the previous night’s blowout had concluded…and yet Biv, likely adorned in a Sylvester Morris Chiefs jersey calmly cracked open a beer – the sound of which caused more than a few dry heaves in the draft room.

Years later, we’d take our first league voyage to Las Vegas, where a muscular cowgirl would wait on our private group, using her mannish guns to bring countless beers from the tap at Gilly’s, a country western establishment inside the Treasure Island Casino.

The conclusion of that draft will always be remembered for the donnybrook between Leif and yours truly over the confusion The Limo Ride to Gilly’s for the Vegas Draft.

Kyle Phillips, Leif Peterson, and Biv

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surrounding the drafting of fantasy football powerhouse Jacob Tamme. While Leif and I patched things up in the weeks to come, the hurt feelings were severe enough to keep us from talking the rest of the weekend. Because nobody takes the TE2 for granted.

As one of my closing tales, I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least mention the five year run of the annual FFL tradition that is the fuzzball tournament. And in the interest of avoiding a slew of angry cat-calls, I’ll keep it brief. Going into the 2009 draft, we scheduled our first fuzzball tournament with the teams being randomly chosen with the guideline of each player’s skill level meant to keep it fair.

Over the six years that the tournament was played, one team won all five championships and only once did they lose a game. Ryan Dobson, Nick Thompson, and myself formed the Majestic Lions – a nearly unbeatable crew named after a Las Vegas slot machine, and the finest crew of fuzzballers the FFL has ever seen.

To be quite honest, the memories are far too numerous to even begin to recount them all. There have been so many laughs, a bevy of arguments, countless injuries, and enough stories to keep us all from running for office; but for me, it all boils down to one thing: the family that this league has become. Regardless of where our travels

The Majestic Lions celebrating their fourth title.

take us and what curveballs life throws our way, I know that every August, this crazy league will bring us all together in some capacity. I can honestly say that I can’t count the people in the FFL family that I truly love on two hands…and without the FFL, who knows where some of those relationships would be. And before I close, I want to take the opportunity to remember fondly one more time the FFL owner that I love the most…my mom, Kathy Detter.

The 2012 season was a very difficult one for me as the bulk of the first four weeks was spent at Mercy Hospital in St. Louis, watching the league mom pass away from pancreatic cancer. But as time has passed, while she’ll never be forgotten, I have begun to enjoy remembering how much Kathy meant to the FFL. A charter member, she would show up at every draft, armed with snacks and Milt’s famous salsa, and would hug all her “boys” before sitting down. It didn’t take much to be Kathy’s boy – just a smile, a hug, and to be a friend of mine…and she died with the love and respect of so many members of our FFL family. This league will never be the same for me now that she’s passed, but when Scott McGill initiated the annual toast and moment of silence for Kathy, I knew we’ll always be able to honor her in some way. Here’s to you, Mom, and here’s to you, FFL. I love you both…

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The Detters – Greg, Kathy, Milt, and Karma Collins before a Broncos/Chiefs game at Mile High in 1993.

*Tyler’s post from 2004: I almost got in a fight with a guy on the way to work today... quite a moment. Took back a ways, back to my drinking life (for those of you that don’t know, I’m working a program here 4 years).

Let me set the sceneI was walking down Clinton street at approx 1225 this afternoon, on my way to work, in a tie, carrying a backpack, looking solid and really, not very approachable. This guy, maybe 21 or so came walking out of door leading from the rich kid apartments by boneheads (formerly Mondo’s) and he was a punk douche, looked like he was from Illinois and was talking on a cell phone. He walked directly in the path of an older woman, forcing her to walk around him and then stared at her like she was the bitch of this situation and laughed at her. I, being the champeen of the people, looked at him like you would have expected me to; clearly letting him know that I did not approve. He returned the look in true punk fashion. Then, he turned his whole body to stare at me... (I assume hoping I would look away and continue on to work) I stopped, asked him if he \”wanted me to put my bag down\” and somehow... intinctually grabbed crotch, officially reaching the point of no returen when it comes to initiating a fight. He appeared to look a little surprised and then said something like \”You’re one lucky faggot\” and about how he had somewhere to be. Then, it was over as soon as it started. He got in his Jeep Cherokee an drove off. *sigh* Men are really something.

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E M I T ALL S G N I D N A T S

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Franchise Name

Owner

Wins

Losses Win% TotalAvg TotalPts

PlayoffW PlayoffL

Titles Won

Rahde’s Revenge

Chad Leistikow

31

11

.738

110.2

4,630

3

2

West Nile Blitz

Tyler Gall/K. Collins

10

4

.714

109.7

1,536

0

1

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

182

83

.687

111.2

29,465

17

10

Ass Whupers

Heather Willard

9

5

.643

112.4

1,574

0

1

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

94

60

.610

109.4

16,845

7

5

I’mnotgonnalietoya

Andy Landgrebe

17

11

.607

93.5

2,619

0

0

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

143

108

.570

102.9

25,830

2

8

Ass Kickers

Don Russom

8

6

.571

93.5

1,309

1

1

Chrebet’s Cretins

Paul Imming

103

79

.566

106.0

19,283

2

4

2012

Carmen Electra

Scott Kauz

38

31

.551

99.0

6,832

4

0

1997, 1998

Big Audio Dynamite

Scott Norris

112

98

.533

104.1

21,870

5

3

2000, 2014

Milt’s NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

139

126

.525

101.5

26,904

4

5

2011, 2013

Res Ipsa Loquisor

Shawn Gibbs

7

7

.500

102.1

1,429

0

0

Marco Estrada

Y-Matt Halvorson

75

79

.487

100.8

15,516

5

3

2006

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

114

124

.479

99.9

23,769

3

6

1999

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

121

144

.457

100.6

26,657

1

3

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

50

62

.446

92.7

10,382

1

1

Stab Master Arson

Matt Probst

12

15

.444

89.7

2,422

0

0

Duck Sauce

Josh Makaruk

12

16

.429

92.5

2,591

0

1

Farm Boys

Oliver Stoutner

6

8

.429

86.8

1,215

0

0

Beezus Blitz

Karma Collins

86

123

.411

97.1

20,286

1

2

Anal Summer Sizzle

Dr. Nick Thompson

28

42

.400

98.2

6,871

0

0

Rich Beem

Eric Solomon

31

52

.373

93.9

7,795

1

1

Mr. Winnebago

Kyle Phillips

67

128

.344

92.3

17,997

0

0

Harvey Specters

Jeff Jungers

35

77

.313

93.8

10,511

0

0

Sunday Assassins

Mark Allen

4

9

.308

70.8

920

0

0

Army Of Darkness

Chris Baker

4

10

.286

97.2

1,361

0

0

Missing Links

Brian Gaul

4

10

.286

75.8

1,061

0

0

Gargamel’s Cat

Paco Guyton

7

21

.250

90.4

2,530

0

0

2001

1996, 2002, 2003, 2009, 2010

2004, 2007, 2008

2005

.15

.16

Y B R A YE YEAR

.17

1996 he FFL’s inaugural campaign was the sole season in which only eight teams participated; and of those four, only three have remained in the league uninterrupted since that time. Fittingly, however, two of the first playoff teams are among those still kicking in today’s FFL: the Amana Armadillos – now known as Milt’s NPTY, and the commissioner’s Parlay Quick-6. And while the Parlay will forever be known as the first ever FFL champion, it was a pair of Asses that grabbed the headlines for most of the season.

Heather Willard’s Ass Whupers finished second in the Ring-Worm to the Armadillos, but brought a team to the playoffs with three All-FFL performers and the second highest scoring percentage in the league. Don Russom’s Ass Kickers, meanwhile, averaged nearly 20 points per game fewer than the rest of the playoff teams, but managed to snare the final wild card spot at 8-6. As a bit of a foreshadower for the many years to come, the playoffs started with an upset as the Kickers knocked off the Whupers to reach DeBerg Bowl I. In the other first round tilt, the Parlay played the Dillos in the first of several postseason battles the two teams would have over the years, with the younger Detter coming out on top. DeBerg Bowl I was decided, as history has retold a number of times, on one of the most famous plays in league history. With the Parlay clinging to a slim lead late in the Monday Night contest, Miami LB John Offerdahl stuffed Ass Kickers RB Thurman Thomas at the goal line to seal the Parlay title. Greg Detter won the first of 11 GM of the Year Awards, while the Armadillos’ Terrell Davis was the league MVP. Interestingly, the Parlay’s selection of current felon Lawrence Phillips won the FFL’s first ever Worst Draft Pick Award.

T

.18

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Amana Armadillos

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

11

3

111.2

Ass Whupers

Heather Willard

Ring-Worm

9

5

112.4

Ass Kickers

Don Russom

Ring-Worm

8

6

93.5

Jenny McCarthies

Scott Kauz

Ring-Worm

4

10

87.9

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

10

4

113.3

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Tape-Worm

6

8

100.5

Cali-Blitz / Major Burns' MASH Unit

Karma Collins

Tape-Worm

4

10

106.0

The Taxi

Kyle Phillips

Tape-Worm

4

10

89.8

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Scott Kauzlarich

Jenny McCarthies

FFL MVP

Terrell Davis

Amana Armadillos (Detters)

Top Free Agent

Eddie George/Irving Fryar

Cali Blitz (KC)/Amana Armadillos (Detters)

Top Draft Pick

Mark Brunell

Vomiting Cobras (Biv)

Worst Draft Pick

Lawrence Phillips

Parlay Quick-6 (Detter)

Best Trade

Chmura, T.Allen, Bills, Steelers for Packers

Ass Kickers (D.Russom)

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Ass Kickers

Amana Armadillos

Parlay Quick-6

Ass Whupers

DEBERG BOWL Parlay Quick-6

Ass Kickers

.19

1997 f the 1996 season foreshadowed the trend of post-season upsets, 1997 was a flashing neon billboard for the top seeds getting their hearts ripped out of their chest by lesser teams. After losing the first game of the season, the defending champion Parlay Quick-6 set a league record by reeling off 12 consecutive victories to finish 12-1 with another Tape Worm title and the number one seed. In the Ring Worm Division, it was again the Armadillos rolling to a division title and the number two seed as they began to build on a resume of heart ache that would only grow for years to come. That season saw the emergence of two new playoff teams that would loom large in history. Biv’s Vomiting Cobras snuck in with a 7-6 record and the four seed, while public enemy Scott Kauzlarich saw his Carmen Electra club go 8-5 for the three seed in their first year in the league. Kauz’s team had the league’s best QB in Brett Favre and RB Jerome Bettis, but not much more beyond those two and the sharpest tongue in the league. Yet, after dispatching the John Elway-led Dillos in the first round, they squared off against the Parlay who boasted four First Team All-FFL performers amidst a seemingly unbeatable lineup. But as has held true over the years, the best team rarely wins, and the loud and brazen Kauzlarich proved the validity of a great line from the movie Spaceballs: “Now you know that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.” While the Parlay suffered the heartbreak that would shake the commish to the core, Detter landed his second straight GM of the Year Award and Terrell Davis was again the MVP. Making nearly a clean sweep for G. Detter, he was also the winner of the Best Trade Award, which ironically brought Davis to the team as well as the Top Draft Pick Award in Rod Smith.

I

.20

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Amana Armadillos

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

9

4

99.3

Carmen Electra

Scott Kauz

Ring-Worm

8

5

104.4

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

7

6

106.5

Stab Master Arson

Matt Probst

Ring-Worm

7

6

96.4

Sunday Assassins

Mark Allen

Ring-Worm

4

9

70.8

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

12

1

112.8

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Tape-Worm

5

8

96.3

Georgia Blitz

Karma Collins

Tape-Worm

5

8

94.0

Monsters Of The Midway

Eric Solomon

Tape-Worm

4

9

98.9

KC Hustle

Kyle Phillips

Tape-Worm

4

9

90.4

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Mark Allen

Sunday Assassins

FFL MVP

Terrell Davis

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Free Agent

Terrell Owens

Amana Armadillos (Detters)

Top Draft Pick

Rod Smith

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Worst Draft Pick

Kordell Stewart

Sunday Assassins (M.Allen)

Best Trade

T.Davis for K.Abdul Jabbar and 3 back-ups

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

Vomiting Cobras

Carmen Electra

Amana Armadillos

DEBERG BOWL Carmen Electra

Parlay Quick-6

.21

1998 he 1998 season didn’t feature a long winning streak, nor did the Amana Armadillos win their third straight Ring Worm Division. But beyond that, it was pretty similar to the ’97 campaign. Winning his third straight GM of the Year Award behind his second straight Best Trade, which again was the acquisition of Terrell Davis, the commissioner streaked to a 12-2 mark, the top seed, and the highest scoring average in the league, anchored of course by Davis, who won his third FFL MVP in a row. After one season each of eight teams and ten teams, the ’98 year was the first FFL campaign with 12 teams, where it would remain. Scott Kauz’s defending champion Carmen Electra went 11-3 and snagged the first ever Heart Worm title and the number two seed, while Bill Williamson and Karma Collins tasted the playoffs for the first time as Bill’s Clockwork Orange won the Ring Worm in their second year in the league and Karma’s Dallas Blitz took home the Wild Card. If you thought the 1997 season wasn’t fair, note the post-season scores in ’98. With the Wild Card Blitz knocking off the top seeded Parlay 130-101, Carmen Electra was gifted with an 88-70 win over Clockwork to set up DeBerg Bowl III. Completing the first ever back-to-back championships, Kauz’s team rolled to a 146-106 win for their second title, thus fanning the flames for the league’s most active trash talker.

T

.22

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Ring-Worm

9

5

98.1

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Ring-Worm

6

8

92.1

Amana Armadillos

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

5

9

94.1

Monsters Of The Gridiron

Eric Solomon

Ring-Worm

4

10

88.6

Carmen Electra

Scott Kauz

Heart-Worm

11

3

98.4

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Heart-Worm

8

6

95.3

Farm Boys

Oliver Stoutner

Heart-Worm

6

8

86.8

Vandelay Vandals

Kyle Phillips

Heart-Worm

5

9

90.6

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

12

2

116.2

Dallas Blitz

Karma Collins

Tape-Worm

9

5

96.4

Stab Master Arson

Matt Probst

Tape-Worm

5

9

83.5

Army Of Darkness

Chris Baker

Tape-Worm

4

10

97.2

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Kyle Phillips

Vandelay Vandals (K.Phillips)

FFL MVP

Terrell Davis

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Free Agent

Doug Flutie

Carmen Electra (S.Kauzlarich)

Top Draft Pick

Randy Moss

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Worst Draft Pick

Andre Rison

Vomiting Cobras (Biv)

Best Trade

Terrell Davis for Jeff George

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Newcomer

Chris Baker

Army of Darkness

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Carmen Electra

88

Clockwork Orange

70

Dallas Blitz

130

Parlay Quick-6

101

DEBERG BOWL Carmen Electra

146

Dallas Blitz

106

.23

1999 he 1999 season was a great one and no accomplishments should be over-shadowed, but this year shall always be remembered as the time when our national nightmare finally ended. With Kauzlarich running his mouth like a pasty white Muhammad Ali, the league was relieved to see his team narrowly miss the playoffs despite a respectable 8-6 mark and become the only team in FFL history to be over .500 but still win the Jackass GM of the Year Award. This season marked the debut of two FFL owners still in the league today – Paul Imming and Chad Leistikow, but it was the second campaign for the man who did everything right that season – Scott McGill. McGill’s Southpark Cartmans figured to be paced by top pick RB Edgerrin James – and they were – but it was the little known gunslinger quarterbacking the Rams that really made this team. Kurt Warner was the FFL MVP – snapping Terrell Davis’ streak like his own ACL that year – as well as the Top Draft Pick, which easily helped give McGill the nod as GM of the Year. The Ring Worm and the top seed went to Paul’s Cretins, while Chad’s Rahde’s Revenge hauled in the Tape Worm, the Cartmans landed the Heart Worm, and Eric Solomon’s The Program snapped up the Wild Card. As Solomon gave the Cretins the first of three straight first round defeats after Ring Worm titles, the Cartmans crushed Rahde’s to set the scene for DeBerg Bowl IV. The week between the playoff round and the championship was one of the more interesting in league history as Solomon and McGill waged a humorous and friendly trash-talking war that featured notes left in the KXIC and KKRQ studios and included the now famous “Hippie FM type” label given to McGill by Solomon. But once the game started, it was over quickly as the Cartmans did to the Program what they had done all year in cruising to a 130-92 win.

T

.24

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Ring-Worm

11

3

106.7

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

7

7

91.9

Donkey Punch

Kyle Phillips

Ring-Worm

6

8

93.7

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Ring-Worm

3

11

84.3

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Heart-Worm

10

4

101.3

The Program

Eric Solomon

Heart-Worm

9

5

103.4

Carmen Electra

Scott Kauz

Heart-Worm

8

6

97.9

Lunatic Fringe

Scott Norris

Heart-Worm

4

10

95.7

Rahde's Revenge

Chad Leistikow

Tape-Worm

10

4

97.9

Amana Armadillos

Kathy & Steve Detter

Tape-Worm

7

7

98.3

Parlay Salute

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

5

9

97.8

Plano Blitz

Karma Collins

Tape-Worm

4

10

86.1

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Scott McGill

Southpark Cartmans

Jackass GM of the Year

Scott Kauzlarich

Carmen Electra

FFL MVP

Kurt Warner

Southpark Cartmans (S.McGill)

Top Free Agent

Tyrone Wheatley

Amana Armadillos (Detters)

Top Draft Pick

Kurt Warner

Southpark Cartmans (S.McGill)

Worst Draft Pick

Joey Galloway

Plano Blitz (KC)

Best Trade

Pickens/Dudley/Gannon for Favre

Plano Blitz (KC)

Top Newcomer

Paul Imming

Chrebet's Cretins

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE The Program

Chrebet's Cretins

Southpark Cartmans

Rahde's Revenge

DEBERG BOWL Southpark Cartmans

130

The Program

92

.25

2000 he 2000 season was a year that saw one of the worst teams in FFL history, and conversely, the single greatest regular season team ever. Kyle Phillips, a charter member to never once make the playoffs, has been known for a slew of putrid teams, but his 2000 Red Bats may have been the worst. Going 3-11 with a league worst 79.7 scoring average, the Red Bats were one of three teams to average fewer than 86 points per tilt. While scoring was way down for a handful of teams, it’s likely more a case of a lack of parity rather than a dead ball era, so to speak. Because Chad Leistikow’s Rahde’s Revenge bounced back from the disappointing 1999 playoffs to post an absurd 132.7 scoring average – a record that still stands today. But as is fitting with the way the history of the league has unfolded, Chad had to settle for his second straight Tape Worm Championship and a disappointing loss in the DeBerg Bowl – a game that set a record of its own. The title tilt, featuring Scott Norris’ Lunatic Fringe and Rahde’s Revenge represented the highest difference in scoring averages in DeBerg Bowl history. Norris’ 109 points per game were 23.7 points fewer than their foe…and of course, Goliath fell.

Scott Norris, a happy go lucky, rarely dissatisfied gentleman had begun to show signs of why his demeanor was so easy going. His debatably lucky win in the championship game was rather representative of the way things had pretty much always gone for “the Funny Man”, who could also be called “the Lucky Man.” Chad’s Ravens’ Defense became the first defensive unit to win the MVP award that season, though the most notable transaction of the year was his absolute theft of WR Tim Brown from Karma Collins, which was tabbed the trade of the year.

Commissioner Detter’s 12-2 record was worthy of another GM of the Year award, but was overshadowed by the historic Rahde’s performance.

T

.26

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Ring-Worm

9

5

113.1

Lunatic Fringe

Scott Norris

Ring-Worm

8

6

109.0

Carmen Electra

Scott Kauz

Ring-Worm

7

7

106.8

The Program

Eric Solomon

Ring-Worm

3

11

85.4

Rahde's Revenge

Chad Leistikow

Tape-Worm

12

2

132.7

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Tape-Worm

8

6

103.9

Amana Armadillos

Kathy & Steve Detter

Tape-Worm

6

8

104.7

Insane Clown Posse

Biv

Tape-Worm

3

11

83.8

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Heart-Worm

12

2

111.6

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Heart-Worm

7

7

104.7

Denver Blitz

Karma Collins

Heart-Worm

6

8

97.6

Red Bats

Kyle Phillips

Heart-Worm

3

11

79.7

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Kyle Phillips

Red Bats

FFL MVP

Ravens' Defense

Rahde's Revenge (C.Leistikow)

Top Free Agent

Mike Anderson

Parlay Quick-6 (Detter)

Top Draft Pick

Jeff Garcia

Rahde's Revenge (C.Leistikow)

Worst Draft Pick

Curtis Enis

The Program (E.Solomon)

Best Trade

K.Collins, I.Bruce for T.Glenn, T.Brown

Rahde's Revenge (C.Leistikow)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Rahde's Revenge

Chrebet's Cretins

Lunatic Fringe

Parlay Quick-6

DEBERG BOWL Lunatic Fringe

Rahde's Revenge

.27

2001 n a vacuum, the 2001 campaign looks like yet another case of FFL injustice as the league’s clear cut best team was knocked off in the title tilt once again. However, the sixth lowest scoring team in the league that pulled off the upset was none other than Chad Leistikow’s Rahde’s Revenge – the dominant team from the previous two seasons who had been robbed of championships on both occasions. It was a textbook regular season of dominance by the Parlay as they had a whopping SIX starters on the All FFL teams, with Detter easily cruising to his fifth GM of the Year Award. Amazingly, the champion Rahde’s Revenge had only a head coach on the third team All FFL. Speaking of futility, another mark was set in 2001 that will likely never be broken – Brian Gaul’s incredible 16-point game. Gaul, in his one season in the league, forgot to change his lineup, resulting in a team without a starting QB or defense. The impotent showing fit right in with the entire Missing Links career as they managed just 75.8 points per game. RB Marshall Faulk was the league MVP for Karma’s Prevent Defense, while the flash in the pan RB Anthony Thomas was the top Free Agent for Eric Solomon’s Infinite Justice.

I

.28

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses Average

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Ring-Worm

7

7

92.3

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Ring-Worm

7

7

99.9

Amana Armadillos

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

4

10

92.4

Missing Links

Brian Gaul

Ring-Worm

4

10

75.8

Rahde's Revenge

Chad Leistikow

Tape-Worm

9

5

100.1

Solon's Finest

Andy Landgrebe

Tape-Worm

8

6

97.5

Infinite Justice

Eric Solomon

Tape-Worm

7

7

106.6

Lunatic Fringe

Scott Norris

Tape-Worm

5

9

92.5

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Heart-Worm

11

3

113.8

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Heart-Worm

9

5

100.9

Prevent Defense

Karma Collins

Heart-Worm

8

6

101.5

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Heart-Worm

5

9

103.6

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Brian Gaul

Missing Links

FFL MVP

Marshall Faulk

Prevent Defense (KC)

Top Free Agent

Anthony Thomas

Infinite Justice (E.Solomon)

Top Draft Pick

Steelers' Defense

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Worst Draft Pick

Trent Green

Prevent Defense (KC)

Best Trade

A.Green for T.Barber, E.McCaffrey

Solon's Finest (A.Landgrebe)

Top Newcomer

Andy Landgrebe

Solon's Finest (A.Landgrebe)

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

112

Chrebet's Cretins

62

Rahde's Revenge

113

Southpark Cartmans

93

DEBERG BOWL Rahde's Revenge

Parlay Quick-6

.29

2002 002 is notable for a couple reasons. First, it rivals Chad Leistikow’s injustice in 2000 as one of the most unfair non-champions we’ve ever seen…and in a related note, the victim of this unjust was a first year owner who pulled off what is widely known as greatest draft in the history of the league. Y-Matt Halvorson, who was the FFL’s best owner for the first few years his Marco Estrada was in the league, was forced to do almost nothing following the draft en route to a 12-2 mark and the league’s top seed. Not only was Estrada beautifully constructed, but their starters didn’t miss a single non-bye week game the entire year, allowing Matt to make only a single transaction the whole season. Fittingly, that transaction was named the Free Agent of the Year – the acquisition of QB Tommy Maddox. In fact, save for the bye week substitutions, Marco Estrada’s lineup was the exact same every week, from Week 1 all the way to their crushing defeat in the DeBerg Bowl. And while the loss by the 123.6 scoring Marco Estrada was certainly not fair, the previous season’s injustice to the Parlay was repaid as they won the first of back-to-back titles, despite a pedestrian 9-5 mark that was enough for the Heart Worm title, but only a three seed. Thanks to a bevy of transactions, including the league’s best trade, Detter kept his team afloat and won not only the Parlay’s second title, but also another GM of the Year award.

2

.30

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Ring-Worm

11

3

112.0

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Ring-Worm

9

5

106.4

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Ring-Worm

5

9

89.9

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

4

10

87.9

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Heart-Worm

9

5

111.2

DOGNation

Karma Collins

Heart-Worm

6

8

90.9

Rich Beem

Eric Solomon

Heart-Worm

4

10

80.9

Slept At Pizza Hut

Kyle Phillips

Heart-Worm

3

11

90.2

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Tape-Worm

12

2

123.6

I'mnotgonnalietoya

Andy Landgrebe

Tape-Worm

9

5

89.6

Res Ipsa Loquisor

Shawn Gibbs

Tape-Worm

7

7

102.1

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Tape-Worm

5

9

90.6

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Kyle Phillips

Slept at Pizza Hut

FFL MVP

Priest Holmes

Marco Estrada (Y-Matt)

Top Free Agent

Tommy Maddox

Marco Estrada (Y-Matt)

Top Draft Pick

Priest Holmes

Marco Estrada (Y-Matt)

Worst Draft Pick

Mike Ditka

Rich Beem (E.Solomon)

Best Trade

Staley for Bledsoe

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Newcomer

Y-Matt

Marco Estrada

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

156

Clockwork Orange

108

Marco Estrada

141

Southpark Cartmans

112

DEBERG BOWL Parlay Quick-6

93

Marco Estrada

79

.31

2003 his was a year with quite a few memorable tidbits. First and most important was the Parlay becoming the second team in FFL history to win back-to-back titles, but beyond that, it was the oh-so-rare number one seed prevailing in the championship – the first time it had ever happened.

On the flip side of that story was a rare turd laid by Scott McGill’s Southpark Cartmans, who posted the worst record the FFL has ever seen – a mark that has only been equaled once and never beaten – a 1-13 mark despite a semi-respectable 86.9 scoring average. All that said, the most historically impactful occurrence of the 2003 season came about somewhat subtly with the addition of Sioux Falls Canaries Food and Beverage intern Leif Peterson. Leif – nicknamed “The Meast” by Commissioner Detter – had never played fantasy sports and his lack of experience showed during the draft as he brought a peculiar strategy to the table. The learning curve, however, was clearly not steep for Leif as his Punch Your Balls Off team went 8-6 and won the Ring Worm title, a harbinger of what was to come over the next 11 seasons. During that time, Leif’s team – later named Johnny Detroit – would post the second highest winning percentage among teams with at least five seasons of action, would reach the playoffs eight times among a whopping three championships. Detter’s third title and another GM of the Year award came thanks in large part to FFL MVP Priest Holmes and was almost an afterthought in a highly memorable season.

T

.32

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Punch Your Balls Off

Leif Peterson

Ring-Worm

8

6

99.9

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Ring-Worm

7

7

93.1

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Ring-Worm

5

9

91.6

Donkey Punch

Jeff Jungers

Ring-Worm

4

10

91.4

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Heart-Worm

11

3

106.1

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Heart-Worm

8

6

108.1

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Heart-Worm

6

8

89.9

Rushin' 3

Karma Collins

Heart-Worm

6

8

88.7

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Tape-Worm

10

4

106.5

OTASLOG

Josh Makaruk

Tape-Worm

9

5

107.1

Flock Of Seagulls

Scott Norris

Tape-Worm

9

5

99.2

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

1

13

86.9

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

JYD

Donkey Punch

FFL MVP

Priest Holmes

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Free Agent

Domanick Davis

Clockwork Orange (B.Williamson)

Top Draft Pick

Marc Bulger

Donkey Punch (JYD)

Worst Draft Pick

Duce Staley

Donkey Punch (JYD)

Best Trade

R.Moss, C.Johnson,D.McAllister for LT, etc.

Marco Estrada (Y-Matt)

Top Newcomer

Leif Peterson, Josh Makaruk

Punch Your Balls Off / OTASLOG

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

111

OTASLOG

100

Marco Estrada

124

PYBO

78

DEBERG BOWL Parlay Quick-6

124

Marco Estrada

111

.33

2004 f previous low scoring seasons had given an indication of a dead ball era, 2004 quickly erased all those memories with what is likely the highest scoring season in league history. The league champion Johnny Detroit – in Leif’s second season – averaged a stellar 118.8 points per game, a number good enough to set the pace in most seasons. In 2004, however, 118.8 was the worst among all playoff teams as the three other playoff squads all managed at least 119.3, including the Parlay’s 131.4 – a number that remains second all-time only to the 2000 Rahde’s Revenge. Scott Norris’ Oingo Boingo averaged an excellent 111.7 points, which was good only for an 8-6 mark and a seat at home for the post-season. Tyler Gall’s West Nile Rangoon went 12-2 and landed the top seed with a 119.6 scoring average – a mark overshadowed by the Parlay and the Southpark Cartmans’ 124.6 en route to the Wild Card. In the end, it was Johnny Detroit who knocked off Gall’s WNR team to give Leif the first of his three championships. This season also had one other incredible statistical oddity. A year after the Vomiting Cobra’s RB Clinton Portis set the record for most points in a game by a RB with 54, Portis scored that exact amount again, this time for the Parlay – this number remains atop the record book 11 years later. The Parlay was led not only by Portis, but also by a young QB named Peyton Manning, who won the first FFL MVP of his young career.

I

.34

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Ring-Worm

9

5

118.8

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

7

7

106.6

Flop The Nuts

Jeff Jungers

Ring-Worm

3

11

90.9

Seth Blitz

Karma Collins

Ring-Worm

3

11

82.7

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Heart-Worm

11

3

131.4

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Heart-Worm

11

3

124.6

Oingo Boingo

Scott Norris

Heart-Worm

8

6

111.7

Life After Rick James / Duck Sauce

Josh Makaruk

Heart-Worm

3

11

78.0

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Tape-Worm

12

2

119.3

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Tape-Worm

6

8

101.6

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Tape-Worm

7

7

94.5

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Tape-Worm

4

10

91.4

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Josh Makaruk

Duck Sauce

FFL MVP

Peyton Manning

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Free Agent

Reuben Droughns

Milt's NPTY (Detters)

Top Draft Pick

Antonio Gates

Marco Estrada (Y-Matt)

Worst Draft Pick

Travis Henry

Flop the Nuts (JYD)

Best Trade

T.Holt for Q.Griffin

Johnny Detroit (L.Peterson)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE West Nile Rangoon

Southpark Cartmans

Johnny Detroit

Parlay Quick-6

DEBERG BOWL Johnny Detroit

West Nile Rangoon

.35

2005 005 represented a bit of a coming out party for Biv, a charter member who had been unable to get over the hump prior to this year. And despite his GM of the Year victory, a 12-2 record, and a league best 121.8 scoring average, the Cobras were again extremely unlucky and remained without a playoff win, let alone a title. After the great regular season, the Cobras managed to top their scoring average in the first round playoff game with 123 points, but a 142-point Marco Estrada explosion gave them the shot at the DeBerg Bowl while yet another top seed fell victim. On the other side of the bracket, Bill Williamson’s Clockwork Orange had won the Tape Worm Division and ran up a 118.4 scoring average, but was overshadowed by the Cobras. However, as is seemingly the theme every year, it’s the team that gets hot at the right time that brings home the trophy, and this season, it was Clockwork. After scoring an obscene 156 points in the first round – a record 92-point win over Norris’ The Clash – Clockwork brought home the title a week later. Despite nine playoff appearances in 18 years, the 2005 campaign remains Clockwork’s only FFL Championship year. This season, RB LaDainian Tomlinson began his run of dominance, winning the first of back-to-back FFL MVPs for Grand’s Gridiron, the second iteration of the Steve and Kathy Detter franchise.

2

.36

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

12

2

121.8

The Clash

Scott Norris

Ring-Worm

8

6

97.1

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Ring-Worm

7

7

101.6

Thin & Chiseled Blitz

Karma Collins

Ring-Worm

6

8

104.7

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Heart-Worm

9

5

111.4

Grand's Gridiron

Kathy & Steve Detter

Heart-Worm

8

6

98.6

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Heart-Worm

7

7

86.6

Mantooth's Marauders

Paul Imming

Heart-Worm

5

9

94.4

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Tape-Worm

10

4

118.7

Flop The Nuts

Jeff Jungers

Tape-Worm

5

9

91.1

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

4

10

94.6

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Tape-Worm

3

11

78.9

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Biv

Vomiting Cobras

Jackass GM of the Year

Tyler Gall

West Nile Rangoon

FFL MVP

LaDainian Tomlinson

Grand's Gridiron (Detters)

Top Free Agent

Neil Rackers

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Draft Pick

Bears' Defense

Johnny Detroit (L.Peterson)

Worst Draft Pick

Jamal Lewis

West Nile Rangoon (T.Gall)

Best Trade

C.Johnson for S.Davis, Bears' Defense

Marco Estrada (Y-Matt)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Marco Estrada

142

Vomiting Cobras

123

Clockwork Orange

156

The Clash

64

DEBERG BOWL Clockwork Orange

Marco Estrada

.37

2006 he 2006 playoffs featured a handful of teams who dominated that era of the FFL. Marco Estrada and Johnny Detroit met in DeBerg Bowl XI – the fifth straight post-season that featured at least one of these teams. In order to get there, Leif and Y-Matt’s teams had to beat two teams pretty familiar with the playoffs – Williamson’s Clockwork Orange and Norris’ Dad’s Team respectively. And while Marco Estrada won the championship by a razor thin one point margin, most memorable was the fan favorite that was Dad’s Team. During the season that saw Norris’ crew go 12-2 with the second highest scoring average ever – 132.4 – Scott suffered the loss of his father, who passed away down the stretch. With a heavy heart, Scott renamed his team and gained the favor of the entire league, perhaps including even those in the playoffs. But as an indicator that God may not care about fantasy football, the feel good story ended the way most number one seeds end their seasons – with unlucky and heartbreaking defeat. Needing only 103 points to knock off Marco Estrada, Dad’s Team scored 40 points below their season average and was just another notch on the FFL’s scorecard of upsets. Norris won the GM of the Year Award thanks in large part to the Top Free Agent and Top Draft Pick – WR Marques Colston and QB Drew Brees respectively. While Y-Matt will always treasure his only FFL title, this will likely go down as one of the most unfair losses in league history.

T

.38

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Dad's Team

Scott Norris

Ring-Worm

12

2

132.3

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Ring-Worm

9

5

105.4

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

4

10

96.2

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Ring-Worm

2

12

89.4

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Heart-Worm

8

6

99.1

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Heart-Worm

8

6

96.3

Blitz8

Karma Collins

Heart-Worm

6

8

97.6

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Heart-Worm

2

12

86.1

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Tape-Worm

12

2

107.0

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Tape-Worm

9

5

104.6

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

6

8

100.6

Mickey's Rascals

Jeff Jungers

Tape-Worm

6

8

95.1

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Scott Norris

Dad's Team

Jackass GM of the Year

Scott McGill

Southpark Cartmans

FFL MVP

LaDainian Tomlinson

Johnny Detroit (L.Peterson)

Top Free Agent

Marques Colston

Dad's Team (Norris)

Top Draft Pick

Drew Brees

Dad's Team (Norris)

Worst Draft Pick

Ron Dayne

Johnny Detroit (L.Peterson)

Best Trade

Frank Gore and Donald Driver

Chrebet's Cretins (Imming)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Marco Estrada

102

Dad's Team

91

Johnny Detroit

122

Clockwork Orange

62

DEBERG BOWL Marco Estrada

95

Johnny Detroit

94

.39

2007 ans of the NFL remember 2007 as the Year of the Patriots (if not for David Tyree, at least), and so it stands to reason that the team with QB Tom Brady would be difficult to defeat. Leif’s Johnny Detroit was just that as they rode the FFL and NFL MVP Brady to a then-record 37.2 points per game on their way to their second FFL Championship and the first of back-to-back titles (Peyton Manning’s 38.2 average in 2013 is the only number to ever top Brady’s mark). And just like nearly every other year around this time, the post-season brought with it a fair amount of bad luck as the Parlay – the playoff team with easily the lowest scoring average at 104.6 – pulled off a colossal upset in round one, besting Karma’s Foote’s Blitz – you guessed it…the league’s top seed with an 11-3 record and 131.6 scoring average. Detroit, meanwhile, knocked off Milt’s NPTY, who was one of the best Wild Card teams of all time, going 11-3 with a 118.9 scoring average. Karma won the GM of the Year award this season, while the sad and precipitous fall by Y-Matt began as he was named Jackass GM of the Year for the first time. After going 46-24 their first five seasons, Estrada went 3-11 with a 75.4 average, signaling the beginning of a brutal stretch that would ultimately end with Estrada’s demotion to FFL Europe in 2013.

F

.40

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Ring-Worm

10

4

104.6

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Ring-Worm

9

5

106.9

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

6

8

94.1

The Clash

Scott Norris

Ring-Worm

3

11

85.5

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Heart-Worm

10

4

125.3

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Heart-Worm

8

6

97.8

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Heart-Worm

5

9

85.5

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Heart-Worm

3

11

75.4

Foote's Blitz

Karma Collins

Tape-Worm

11

3

131.6

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Tape-Worm

11

3

118.9

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Tape-Worm

5

9

87.9

Cat's Meow

Kyle Phillips

Tape-Worm

3

11

76.9

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Karma Collins

Foote's Blitz

Jackass GM of the Year

Y.Matt Halvorson

Marco Estrada

FFL MVP

Tom Brady

Johnny Detroit (L.Peterson)

Top Free Agent

Derek Anderson

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Top Draft Pick

Adrian Peterson

Milt's NPTY (Detters)

Worst Draft Pick

Shaun Alexander

Vomiting Cobras (Biv)

Best Trade

Plaxico Burress and GB Packers

Southpark Cartmans (McGill)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

118

Foote's Blitz

116

Johnny Detroit

104

Milt's NPTY

100

DEBERG BOWL Johnny Detroit

99

Parlay Quick-6

88

.41

2008 his was a campaign that belonged to the defending champion Johnny Detroit from start to finish, and somewhat of an aberration in that the best team actually won it all. Leif’s crew outscored every team by nearly five points per contest and at 12-2, won the Heart Worm Division by four games and led all FFL teams by at least three games. RB Clinton Portis was the lone First Team All FFL performer for Johnny Detroit, but he led a total of five All FFL Johny Detroiters. After winning his first GM of the Year Award, Leif’s team rolled through the post-season, blasting Milt’s NPTY by 26 points in the first round before walloping the Southpark Cartmans in DeBerg Bowl XIII by 29. The title game loss was the Southpark Cartmans’ fifth post-season loss since their championship in 1999. While Leif was cementing his dynasty and place atop the FFL’s Mount Rushmore, a once proud owner was furthering a disastrous slide. After the amazing five year run to start his FFL career, Y-Matt claimed his second straight Jackass GM of the Year award after posting a 3-11 record – an identical mark to the one he posted the year prior. Interestingly, QB Kurt Warner was the FFL MVP and the Top Draft Pick – made by Bill Williamson – the same pair of honors the gunslinger won nine years prior. The gap between MVP awards is easily the most the FFL has ever seen.

T

.42

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

9

5

99.4

Sack-o-Suds

Kyle Phillips

Ring-Worm

6

8

94.1

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Ring-Worm

5

9

85.8

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Ring-Worm

4

10

96.2

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Heart-Worm

12

2

111.4

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Heart-Worm

8

6

106.6

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Heart-Worm

8

6

94.4

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Heart-Worm

3

11

93.6

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

9

5

105.0

The Clash

Scott Norris

Tape-Worm

8

6

104.2

B-Girl Blitz

Karma Collins

Tape-Worm

6

8

99.4

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Tape-Worm

6

8

97.7

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Leif Peterson

Johnny Detroit

Jackass GM of the Year

Y.Matt Halvorson

Marco Estrada

FFL MVP

Kurt Warner

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Top Free Agent

Eddie Royal

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Draft Pick

Kurt Warner

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Worst Draft Pick

Larry Johnson

Sack-o-Suds (Phillips)

Best Trade

Moss and Forte for four others

Vomiting Cobras (Biv)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Southpark Cartmans

136

Clockwork Orange

101

Johnny Detroit

103

Milt's NPTY

77

DEBERG BOWL Johnny Detroit

112

Southpark Cartmans

83

.43

2009 hen it comes to FFL dynasties, there have certainly been a few candidates over the years.

Leif’s run in the 2000’s is right up there, along with Chad Leistikow’s three-year span at the beginning of the 21st century, as well as Y-Matt’s impressive bout of domination in his first five years. But you can’t have a conversation about dynasties without mentioning the Parlay Quick-6 – the winningest FFL team in history and the only squad to win back-to-back titles twice. And while there are a few notable occasions where the Parlay was among the league’s most dominant teams, 2009 started an unprecedented run that may never again be matched. After a 10-4 regular season and a scoring average that was at least 8 points higher than any other team, Commissioner Detter won the GM of the Year Award for the ninth time, but the first time since 2004. After lambasting Johnny Detroit by 29 in the first round, the Parlay sank Big Audio Dynamite in the championship game 122-112 – the first of two times these teams would meet in the DeBerg Bowl. The title marked the first of an amazing SIX consecutive DeBerg Bowl appearances for the Parlay - a streak that still stands – and the first of back-to-back titles. The Parlay had the FFL MVP in QB Drew Brees as well as the best free agent – QB Brett Favre, who was then traded to Scott Norris’ B.A.D. team. Sadly, a disconnected Tyler Gall began a momentary fall from grace with his first Jackass GM of the Year award.

W

.44

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Ring-Worm

10

4

115.4

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Ring-Worm

8

6

104.3

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Ring-Worm

7

7

104.4

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

6

8

100.6

Big Audio Dynamite

Scott Norris

Heart-Worm

8

6

107.1

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Heart-Worm

8

6

105.5

Bone Yard

Kyle Phillips

Heart-Worm

7

7

102.0

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Heart-Worm

5

9

106.0

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

9

5

94.8

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Tape-Worm

6

8

106.5

Estados Unidos Blitz

Karma Collins

Tape-Worm

5

9

105.7

West Nile Rangoon

Tyler Gall

Tape-Worm

5

9

91.5

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Tyler Gall

West Nile Rangoon

FFL MVP

Drew Brees

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Free Agent

Brett Favre

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Draft Pick

Ray Rice

Johnny Detroit (L.Peterson)

Worst Draft Pick

Jay Cutler

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Best Trade

Warner, R.Rice, MSW for three others

Southpark Cartmans (McGill)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Big Audio Dynamite

115

Southpark Cartmans

90

Parlay Quick-6

112

Johnny Detroit

83

DEBERG BOWL Parlay Quick-6

122

Big Audio Dynamite

112

.45

2010 ver the years, Bill Williamson has garnered the reputation for being one of, if not the most unlucky owners in the league. If you need an illustration of this, just check out 2010. The year belonged to Clockwork Orange as Bill assembled easily the most dominant team in the league. Going 11-3, Clockwork outscored every other team by at least 8 points per game, including the second seeded Parlay Quick-6, who went 10-4 and won the Ring Worm. Bill won the GM of the Year Award going away and also was honored with the Top Draft Pick in RB Arian Foster - who also won the MVP - and Top Trade, which brought QB Philip Rivers and RB Ahmad Bradshaw to town. And yet, when the playoffs rolled around and Clockwork was squared off against a fellow unlucky team, the Vomiting Cobras, it all fell apart for Bill’s team. Scoring just 94 points, they were beaten by 23 by the Wild Card Cobras, while the Parlay clipped Johnny Detroit by two points to earn the trip to DeBerg Bowl XV. Despite the first round flee from ill fortune, the Cobras were unable to get over the hump as they managed just 76 points in the championship game, and the Parlay had their fifth FFL Championship. For the third time in four years, Y-Matt was the Jackass GM of the Year despite a strong team, thanks to perhaps his poorest effort of all.

O

.46

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Ring-Worm

10

4

109.0

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

9

5

107.2

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Ring-Worm

9

5

98.9

Beezus Blitz

Karma Collins

Ring-Worm

1

13

72.8

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Heart-Worm

11

3

117.1

Anal Summer Sizzle

Dr. Nick Thompson

Heart-Worm

8

6

101.9

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Heart-Worm

6

8

103.2

Big Audio Dynamite

Scott Norris

Heart-Worm

6

8

96.5

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Tape-Worm

8

6

100.6

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Tape-Worm

7

7

94.2

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

5

9

91.7

Mr. Winnebago

Kyle Phillips

Tape-Worm

4

10

91.7

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Bill Williamson

Clockwork Orange

Jackass GM of the Year

Y.Matt Halvorson

Marco Estrada

FFL MVP

Arian Foster

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Top Free Agent

Peyton Hillis

Parlay Quick-6 (G.Detter)

Top Draft Pick

Arian Foster

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Worst Draft Pick

Randy Moss

Beezus Blitz (Collins)

Best Trade

Rivers, Bradshaw for Rice

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Vomiting Cobras

117

Clockwork Orange

94

Parlay Quick-6

119

Johnny Detroit

111

DEBERG BOWL Parlay Quick-6

93

Vomiting Cobras

76

.47

2011 t has been said that the favorite season of our commissioner is one in which his Parlay team did not win the championship. That season is 2011. The last full season of Kathy Detter’s life has a bit of a feel good story to it from an FFL perspective as everything broke the way of Milt and Kathy. In the previous 14 seasons, the team formerly known as the Amana Armadillos had reached the postseason on four occasions, but had never reached the title tilt. Not only was 2011 the year that Milt and Kathy broke through with a playoff win, but they hoisted their first FFL Championship Trophy and took home the GM of the Year hardware to boot. Despite having just the third highest scoring average and tying with the Parlay Quick-6 atop the Ring-Worm, Milt’s NPTY swept their son in the regular season and nabbed the number one seed behind a slew of skill position studs that included RB Adrian Peterson and Top Free Agent WR Victor Cruz. The first round of the playoffs brought another intriguing story and perhaps the worst luck of all for Bill Williamson and his Clockwork Orange. With the Parlay crushing the Southpark Cartmans on the other side of the bracket, the Milt’s/Clockwork game made history as the first ever playoff game to be decided by tie-breaker. That tie-breaker, mind you, was only one point difference as Milt’s Matt Ryan bested Clockwork’s Michael Vick 29-28 and with that, the FFL had its first ever all Detter DeBerg Bowl. After scoring just 87 in the first round, Milt’s NPTY broke out in the championship game to knock off the Parlay and Milt’s NPTY were FFL Champions.

I

.48

Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

10

4

112.4

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Ring-Worm

10

4

114.6

Big Audio Dynamite

Scott Norris

Ring-Worm

8

6

107.3

Hot Route Red 7

Jeff Jungers

Ring-Worm

6

8

95.6

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Heart-Worm

9

5

108.9

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Heart-Worm

8

6

114.1

Mr. Winnebago

Kyle Phillips

Heart-Worm

6

8

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Heart-Worm

3

11

99.6

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

9

5

107.7

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Tape-Worm

7

7

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Tape-Worm

5

9

103.8

Anal Summer Sizzle

Dr. Nick Thompson

Tape-Worm

3

11

87.0

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Steve and Kathy Detter

Milt's NPTY

Jackass GM of the Year

Dr. Nick Thompson

Anal Summer Sizzle

FFL MVP

Aaron Rodgers

Big Audio Dynamite (Norris)

Top Free Agent

Victor Cruz

Milt's NPTY (Detters)

Top Draft Pick

Cam Newton

Johnny Detroit (Peterson)

Worst Draft Pick

Peyton Manning

Vomiting Cobras (Biv)

Best Trade

Graham, Murray for Brees, Celek

Parlay Quick-6 (Parlay)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

152

Southpark Cartmans

78

Milt's NPTY

87

Clockwork Orange

87

Michael Vick)

DEBERG BOWL Milt's NPTY

104

Parlay Quick-6

* Won tie-breaker on 29-28 tie-breaker (Matt Ryan over

98

.49

2012 hen Milt’s NPTY brought home the title in 2011, it was probably the grandest breakthrough of them all. That said, the breakthrough in 2012 was not too shabby, either. Paul Imming’s Chrebet’s Cretins had been to the playoffs the first three years they were in the FFL, but thanks to a three-year hiatus and some otherwise rough seasons, hadn’t appeared since that time. In 2012, three of the four playoff teams from the year prior made it back to the playoffs, with only Paulie’s Cretins replacing the Cartmans from the year before. The Cretins went only 9-5 despite having the highest scoring average in the league and had to settle for the wild card, which is really the ideal spot when it comes to the FFL postseason. With the Cretins blasting the defending champ Milt’s NPTY on one side, the Parlay returned to their big game for the fourth straight season and only added to the agony of poor Clockwork Orange. A season removed from the heart-wrenching tie-breaker defeat in the first round, this time it was a narrow two point defeat to the Parlay that had Billy doubled over in agony. And just as it was the year before, a week after doling out the pain, the Parlay was the recipient in the DeBerg Bowl, dropping their second straight title game as the Cretins finally were champs. While the Parlay’s RB Adrian Peterson walked to the MVP, it was the Cretins’ QB Drew Brees who helped lead his team to the title. In addition to Brees, Paulie landed the Top Free Agent in WR Josh Gordon, cementing his GM of the Year Award and a place in FFL history.

W

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Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Milt's NPTY

Kathy & Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

9

5

106.5

Mr. Winnebago

Kyle Phillips

Ring-Worm

7

7

98.4

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

4

10

98.2

Hot Route Red 7

Jeff Jungers

Ring-Worm

3

11

94.1

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

9

5

114.6

Big Audio Dynamite

Scott Norris

Tape-Worm

7

7

107.6

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

7

7

103.9

Anal Summer Sizzle

Dr. Nick Thompson

Tape-Worm

6

8

101.4

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Heart-Worm

10

4

100.6

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Heart-Worm

9

5

116.4

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Heart-Worm

7

7

107.4

Marco Estrada

Y.Matt Halvorson

Heart-Worm

6

8

94.4

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Steve and Kathy Detter

Milt's NPTY

Jackass GM of the Year

Y.Matt Halvorson

Marco Estrada

FFL MVP

Adrian Peterson

Parlay Quick-6 (Parlay)

Top Free Agent

Alfred Morris

Milt's NPTY (Detters)

Top Draft Pick

Adrian Peterson

Parlay Quick-6 (Parlay)

Worst Draft Pick

Roy Helu

Milt's NPTY (Detters)

Best Trade

Roethlisberger, Leshoure, Martin for Stafford and Turner

Top Newcomer

Anal Summer Sizzle (Thompson)

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

108

Clockwork Orange

106

Chrebet's Cretins

117

Milt's NPTY

87

DEBERG BOWL Chrebet's Cretins

132

Parlay Quick-6

114

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2013 oing into the 2013 draft without Kathy, it was joked that Milt had to play this year, contrary to the NPTY’s indication. Walking into FFL Headquarters by himself for the first time since 1996 when Kathy wasn’t allowed at the draft on the grounds that booze might be present, Milt more than held his own. Two seasons removed from a DeBerg Bowl win over the Parlay Quick-6, not only did Milt push all the right buttons all season long, but his team also got every conceivable break along the way. While Greg was the Detter to take home the GM of the Year award along with the best record of all-time at 13-1, Milt’s grabbed RB Knowshon Moreno as the Free Agent of the Year – a move that worked just as well as nearly every other move he made. Behind record setting QB Peyton Manning, Paulie’s Cretins finished four games behind the Parlay, but landed the Wild Card in defense of their title. The Cretins squared off with Milt’s in the first round and saw Manning – coming off a league record 38.2 scoring average in the regular season – lay his first egg of the season as the Cretins posted a season worst 72 points. While Milt’s NPTY only managed 92, it was more than enough to reach DeBerg Bowl XVIII. On the other side, it was the Parlay setting records as they rode RB Jamaal Charles, an All-FFL First Team performer, to a 170-point showing, much more than enough to top Johnny Detroit, who scored 121 points of their own, but still lost by 49. Coming off that performance, the Parlay looked like the decided favorite in their fifth straight championship game, but Milt’s NPTY did what they had to do once again, coming alive for 143 points to win their second title in three years.

G

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Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Milt's NPTY

Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

10

4

115.1

Big Audio Dynamite

Scott Norris

Ring-Worm

9

5

107.5

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Ring-Worm

5

9

102.9

Harvey Specters

Jeff Jungers

Ring-Worm

5

9

99.2

Johnny Detroit

Leif Peterson

Heart-Worm

9

5

113.4

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Heart-Worm

7

7

106.0

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Heart-Worm

5

9

99.2

Mr. Winnebago

Kyle Phillips

Heart-Worm

5

9

96.8

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

13

1

121.1

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Tape-Worm

9

5

110.6

Anal Summer Sizzle

Dr. Nick Thompson

Tape-Worm

5

9

94.7

Gargamel's Cat

Paco Guyton

Tape-Worm

2

12

88.8

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter

Parlay Quick-6

Jackass GM of the Year

Paco Guyton

Gargamel's Cat

FFL MVP

Peyton Manning

Chrebet's Cretins (Imming)

Top Free Agent

Knowshon Moreno

Milt's NPTY (Detters)

Top Draft Pick

Julius Thomas

Parlay Quick-6 (Parlay)

Worst Draft Pick

Trent Richardson

Mr. Winnebago (Phillips)

Best Trade

Brees and Thompkins for Kaepernick and Blackmon

Clockwork Orange (Williamson)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

170

Johnny Detroit

121

Milt's NPTY

92

Chrebet's Cretins

72

DEBERG BOWL Milt's NPTY

143

Parlay Quick-6

103

.53

2014 he early 2010’s may heretofore be remembered as the era when a long-time FFL competitor would have their dream season after many difficult ones, face the Parlay in the championship, and break either a career drought or a multi-year spell to win the title. It happened every year from 2010 to 2013 and 2014 would prove to be no different. With two weeks remaining in the regular season, the Parlay had clinched the Tape Worm en route to the fifth highest scoring average of all-time at 128.1. Meanwhile, Scott Norris’ Big Audio Dynamite was in the back of a very tight pack in the Wild Card chase. With just the two remaining games on the schedule, it would take nothing short of a miracle for B.A.D. to land the final playoff ticket, but they don’t call him the Lucky Man for no reason. Everything broke perfectly for B.A.D. as they stole the Wild Card from Milt’s NPTY in the Monday Night game of Week 14, setting up a first round battle with Clockwork Orange. When lucky meets unlucky, you know what’s going to happen, and that was exactly the case as the top seeded Clockwork dropped their sixth consecutive playoff game in the last eight seasons. The Parlay, meanwhile, ruined the FFL return that was the amalgamation of Karma’s Blitz and Tyler Gall’s West Nile franchise – knocking off West Nile Blitz 122-67. DeBerg Bowl XIX was a rematch of the 2009 championship – the game that started the Parlay run of six straight DeBerg Bowl appearances – but this time, the result was entirely different. Scott Norris needed a little luck one more time as they managed 106 points, which was 23 fewer than the Parlay’s averaged, but 20 more than Detter’s team turned in when it mattered most. The B.A.D. victory brought Norris his first FFL Championship in 14 years. WNB’s QB Andrew Luck won the FFL MVP, seemingly representing a changing of the guard among FFL leaders.

T

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Annual Records Team

Owner

Division

Wins

Losses

Average

Clockwork Orange

Bill Williamson

Ring-Worm

11

3

109.6

Milt's NPTY

Steve Detter

Ring-Worm

8

6

108.9

Vomiting Cobras

Biv

Ring-Worm

7

7

99.1

Harvey Specters

Jeff Jungers

Ring-Worm

3

11

86.9

West Nile Blitz

Tyler Gall/Karma Collins

Heart-Worm

10

4

109.7

Big Audio Dynamite

Scott Norris

Heart-Worm

9

5

105.6

Anal Summer Sizzle

Dr. Nick Thompson

Heart-Worm

6

8

103.2

Gargamel's Cat

Paco Guyton

Heart-Worm

5

9

91.9

Parlay Quick-6

Greg Detter

Tape-Worm

10

4

128.1

Chrebet's Cretins

Paul Imming

Tape-Worm

8

6

104.4

Mr. Winnebago

Kyle Phillips

Tape-Worm

4

10

94.0

Southpark Cartmans

Scott McGill

Tape-Worm

3

11

87.3

Award Winners Player

Owner

GM of the Year

Greg Detter/Bill Williamson

Parlay Quick-6/Clockwork Orange

Jackass GM of the Year

Jeff Jungers

Harvey Specters

FFL MVP

Andrew Luck

West Nile Blitz (Gall/Collins)

Top Free Agent

Justin Forsett

Anal Summer Sizzle (Thompson)

Top Draft Pick

Andrew Luck

West Nile Blitz (Gall/Collins)

Worst Draft Pick

Doug Martin

Gargamel's Cat (Guyton)

Best Trade

Brady and Gronkowski for Rivers and Ertz

Parlay Quick-6 (Parlay)

Top Newcomer

---

---

Playoff Outcomes ROUND ONE Parlay Quick-6

122

West Nile Blitz

67

Big Audio Dynamite

121

Clockwork Orange

118

DEBERG BOWL Big Audio Dynamite

106

Parlay Quick-6

86

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E M I T ALL S D R O REC

.56

Owner Records

ALL-TIME Most games won, career 182, Parlay Quick-6 Most games lost, career 143, Vomiting Cobras

SINGLE-GAME Most points, game 194, Johnny Detroit, Week 14, 2007 Fewest points, game 16, Missing Links, 2001 Most points, playoff game 170, Parlay Quick-6, vs. Johnny Detroit, 2013 Fewest points, playoff game 62, Chrebet’s Cretins, vs. Parlay Quick-6, 2001 62, Clockwork Orange vs. Johnny Detroit, 2006 Most points, DeBerg Bowl game 146, Carmen Electra, vs. Dallas Blitz, 1998 Fewest points, DeBerg Bowl game 76, Vomiting Cobras, vs. Parlay Quick-6, 2010

SINGLE-SEASON Highest scoring average, season 132.7, Rahde’s Revenge, 2000 Lowest scoring average, season 70.8, Sunday Assassins, 1997

STREAKS Most consecutive wins 13, Parlay Quick-6, 1997 Most consecutive losses 11, Beezus Blitz, 2010 Most consecutive playoff berths 6, Parlay Quick-6, 2009Most consecutive DeBerg Bowl appearances 6, Parlay Quick-6, 2009Most consecutive DeBerg Bowl wins 2, Carmen Electra, 1997-98 2, Parlay Quick-6, 2002-03 2, Johnny Detroit, 2007-08 2, Parlay Quick-6, 2009-10 Most consecutive DeBerg Bowl losses 4, Parlay Quick-6, 2011-

Highest winning percentage, career .738, Rahde’s Revenge Lowest winning percentage, career .143, Gargamel’s Cat Most playoff games won, career 17, Parlay Quick-6 Most playoff games lost, career 10, Parlay Quick-6 Most playoff berths, career 15, Parlay Quick-6 Highest playoff winning percentage, career 1.000, Carmen Electra Lowest playoff winning percentage, career .000, three teams Most DeBerg Bowls won, career 5, Parlay Quick-6 Most DeBerg Bowls lost, career 7, Parlay Quick-6 Most DeBerg Bowl berths, career 12, Parlay Quick-6 Highest DeBerg Bowl winning percentage, career 1.000, Carmen Electra, Milt’s NPTY, Chrebet’s Cretins Lowest DeBerg Bowl winning percentage, career .000, seven teams

Most points scored, career 29,465, Parlay Quick-6 Fewest points scored, career 920, Sunday Assassins Highest scoring average, career 111.2, Parlay Quick-6 Lowest scoring average, career 70.8, Sunday Assassins

AWARDS Most GM of the Year Awards won 11, Greg Detter Most Jackass GM of the Year Awards won 4, Y-Matt Halvorson Most Top Newcomer Awards won 1, five times Most Top Free Agents signed, career 7, Steve and Kathy Detter Most Top Draft Picks chosen, career 5, Greg Detter Most Worst Draft Picks chosen, career 3, Biv Most Top Trades made, career 5, Greg Detter

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Individual Player Records

AWARDS Most All-FFL appearances, all positions, first team 5, Terrell Owens 5, Tony Gonzalez 5, Antonio Gates Most All-FFL appearances, all positions, total 11, Peyton Manning

SINGLE-GAME Most points, QB, game 65, Peyton Manning, Chrebet’s Cretins, 2013 Most points, RB, game 54, Clinton Portis, Vomiting Cobras, 2003 Clinton Portis, Parlay Quick-6, 2004 Most points, WR, game 47, Jimmy Smith, ________, 2000 Most points, TE, game 36, Shannon Sharpe, Parlay Quick-6, 1996 Most points, K, game 28, Rob Bironas, S’park Cartmans, 2007 Most points, DEF, game 71, Seattle Seahawks, Chrebet’s Cretins 2012 Most points, HC, game 3, many times

SINGLE-SEASON Highest scoring average, QB, season* 38.2, Peyton Manning, Chrebet’s Cretins, 2013 Highest scoring average, RB, season* 28.1, LaDainian Tomlinson, Johnny Detroit, 2006 Highest scoring average, WR, season* 18.0, Randy Moss, Marco Estrada, 2007 Highest scoring average, TE, season* 14.8, Rob Gronkowski, Johnny Detroit, 2011 Highest scoring average, K, season* 11.2, David Akers, Clockwork Orange, 2011 Highest scoring average, DEF, season* 37.5, Baltimore Ravens, Rahde’s Revenge, 2000 Most points, HC, season 39, Tony Dungy, West Nile Rangoon, 2005 39, Bill Belichick, Parlay Quick-6, 2007

Most All-Disappointment appearances, all positions 3, Randy Moss Most All-FFL appearances, QB, first team 4, Kurt Warner Most All-FFL appearances, QB, total 11, Peyton Manning Most All-FFL appearances, RB, first team 4, Adrian Peterson Most All-FFL appearances, RB, total 7, Adrian Peterson Most All-FFL appearances, WR, first team 5, Terrell Owens Most All-FFL appearances, WR, total 7, Terrell Owens Most All-FFL appearances, TE, first team 5, Tony Gonzalez 5, Antonio Gates Most All-FFL appearances, TE, total 10, Tony Gonzalez Most All-FFL appearances, K, first team 3, David Akers Most All-FFL appearances, K, total 8, David Akers Most All-FFL appearances, DEF, first team 4, Pittsburgh Steelers Most All-FFL appearances, DEF, total 6, Baltimore Ravens Most All-FFL appearances, HC, first team 3, Mike Shanahan Most All-FFL appearances, HC, total 6, Tony Dungy Most leading scorer appearances, any position, total 5, Terrell Owens 5, Tony Gonzalez Most leader board appearances, any position, total 12, Peyton Manning Most leading scorer appearances, QB 4, Drew Brees Most leader board appearances, QB 13, Peyton Manning

.58

* denotes minimum of six games started

Most leading scorer appearances, RB 3, Terrell Davis 3, Priest Holmes Most leader board appearances, RB 6, LaDainian Tomlinson 6, Adrian Peterson Most leading scorer appearances, WR 5, Terrell Owens Most leader board appearances, WR 7, Terrell Owens Most leading scorer appearances, TE 5, Tony Gonzalez 5,Antonio Gates Most leader board appearances, TE 11, Tony Gonzalez Most leading scorer appearances, K 4, David Akers Most leader board appearances, K 8, David Akers Most leading scorer appearances, DEF 4, Pittsburgh Steelers Most leader board appearances, DEF 7, Baltimore Ravens Most leading scorer appearances, HC 3, Mike Shanahan Most leader board appearances, HC 7, Mike Shanahan

STREAKS Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL, any position 4, Tony Gonzalez, 2000-03 Antonio Gates, 2004-2007 Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, any position 7, Antonio Gates, 2004-2010 7, Adrian Peterson, 2007Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL appearances, QB 3, Kurt Warner, 1999-2001 Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, QB 6, Drew Brees, 2008Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL appearances, RB 3, Terrell Davis, 1996-98 Priest Holmes, 2002-04 Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, RB 7, Adrian Peterson, 2007Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL appearances, WR 3, Terrell Owens, 2000-02 3, Calvin Johnson, 2011Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, WR 4, Marvin Harrison, 2001-04 4, Calvin Johnson, 2010-

Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL appearances, TE 4, Tony Gonzalez, 2000-03 4, Antonio Gates, 2004-2007 Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, TE 7, Antonio Gates, 2004-2010 Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL appearances, K 2, Jason Elam, 1997-98 2, David Akers, 2010-2011 Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, K 4, David Akers, 2001-04 4, David Akers 2008Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL appearances, DEF 3, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2002-04 Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, DEF 3, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2002-04 Most consecutive First-Team All-FFL appearances, HC 3, Mike Shanahan, 1996-98 Most consecutive All-FFL appearances, HC 6, Tony Dungy, 2002-2007 Most consecutive All-Disappointment appearances 2, Randy Moss, 2001-02 Jamal Lewis, 2004-05 Daunte Culpepper, 2005-06 Bears Defense, 2007-2008 Andy Reid, 2011Most consecutive leading scorers, any position, total 4, Tony Gonzalez, 2000-03 Antonio Gates, 2004-2007 Most consecutive leader board appearances, total 7, Antonio Gates, 2004-2010 Most consecutive leading scorers, QB 3, Kurt Warner, 1999-2001 Drew Brees, 2008-2010 Most consecutive leader board appearances, QB 5, Peyton Manning, 2003-2007 Most consecutive leading scorers, RB 3, Terrell Davis, 1996-98 Priest Holmes, 2002-04 Most consecutive leader board appearances, RB 6, LaDainian Tomlinson, 2002-2007 Most consecutive leading scorers, WR 2, Terrell Owens, 2004-05 Most consecutive leader board appearances, WR 3, Terrell Owens, 2000-02 Marvin Harrison, 2001-03 Calvin Johnson, 2010Most consecutive leading scorers, TE 4, Tony Gonzalez, 2000-03 Antonio Gates, 2004-2007 Most consecutive leader board appearances, TE 7, Antonio Gates, 2004-2010 Most consecutive leading scorers, K 2, Jason Elam, 1997-98 David Akers, 2010-

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Most consecutive leader board appearances, K 4, David Akers, 2001-04 David Akers, 2008Most consecutive leading scorers, DEF 3, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2002-04 Most consecutive leader board appearances, DEF 3, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2002-04 Most consecutive leading scorers, HC 3, Mike Shanahan, 1996-98 Most consecutive leader board appearances, HC 6, Tony Dungy, 2002-2007

HIGHEST GAME SCORES 1. Johnny Detroit, Week 14, 2007 194 2. Johnny Detroit, Week 3, 2007 185 3. Cali-Blitz, Week 14, 1996 182 4. Parlay Quick-6, Week 10, 2014 180 5. Milt’s NPTY, Week 2, 2011 179 6t. Foote’s Blitz, Week 6, 2007 177 6t. Parlay Quick-6, Week 12, 2014 177 8. Mr. Winnebago, Week 5, 2013 176 9. Chrebet’s Cretins, Week 8, 2014 175 10t. Foote’s Blitz, Week 1, 2007 172 10t. Parlay Quick-6, Week 10, 2012 172 12t. Cali-Blitz, Week 13, 1996 171 12t. Foote’s Blitz, Week 11, 2007 171

.60

T S A P S R E N OW

.61

Mark Allen

Chris Baker

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 1 (1997)

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 1 (1998)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 4-9

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 4-10 (.286)

POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0

POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0

TITLES WON: None

TITLES WON: None

THE HISTORY: Mark Allen was a pretty major player in the life of the

THE HISTORY: Chris’s time in the FFL really can’t be recalled for what

commissioner before and after his time in the league, but he is perhaps

his team did, obviously, as he is the owner of the 2nd lowest winning

best known by long-time league members for his one year as an owner. If

percentage. But Chris brought ample memories to the league, which

you’re at all familiar with Allen’s 1997 FFL campaign, you know that’s not

include but are not limited to his ownership of colossal hands the size

a good thing. Not only did his team possess a putrid 4-9 mark, but he may

and shape of pillows, the regular smoking of weed at the strangest

have set the all-time standard for worst draft pick when he drafted Kordell

of times, and his role as AM News anchor at KXIC, the home of many

Stewart in the first round. Later that season, Allen fired a shot at the

league-related FFL activities over the course of Commissioner Detter’s

league office, referring to the commissioner’s “baby doc” ways after

seven years at the station. Chris was also responsible for Detter’s

being tabbed front-runner for the Jackass GM of the Year Award, thus

introduction to the Iowa City Newsholes Softball team and fellow

setting off an entertaining, albeit brief, war of words that marked his first

current owners Chad Leistikow and Scott Norris.

and only season.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Chris and his wife vanished into the thin air, WHERE IS HE NOW: Mark and his wife Emily live in Des Moines, Iowa with

moving to Minneapolis many years ago. Reports are that an unnamed

their five kids. He splits his time between his role on the Van and Bonnie

league member ran into the Bakers in the Mall of America where they

morning show on AM 1040 WHO and his capacity as a financial advisor for

pretended not to see or recognize said person. He is suspected to be

Edward Jones.

living ham-fisted in the northern part of the United States.

.62

Brian Gaul

Shawn Gibbs

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 1 (2001)

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 1 (2002)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 4-10 (.286)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 7-7 (.500)

POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0

POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0

TITLES WON: None

TITLES WON: None

THE HISTORY: The “Bri-Guy” – truly one of the nicer gentlemen you’ll

THE HISTORY: As far as FFL careers go, Shawn’s was as unremarkable as

ever meet – will never be remembered in league history for any of the

any. His résumé includes one .500 season, nary a memory from the cam-

right reasons, if at all. Not only did his Missing Links go 4-10 in their only

paign, and a solid, yet unspectacular scoring average of 102.1. That said,

season in the league, but they set the seemingly unbreakable record for

Shawn was a part of the FFL family for much longer than the numbers

the lowest single game total of 16. Their .286 career winning percentage is

indicate. A college roommate of Greg, Biv, Paul Imming, and Eric Solomon

the second lowest in FFL history (Guyton - .250), while their career scoring

for a couple years and a good friend for much longer, Shawn was regularly

average of 75.8 is the second lowest (Allen – 70.8).

a part of the madness that surrounded draft weekends.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Once an avid fan of Strat-O-Matic Baseball games,

WHERE IS HE NOW: Shawn is the Associate General Counsel for Nestle’s

Brian gave that up in 2010 to focus on his career as a pharmacist.

Gerber Infant Formula Division in New Jersey. Shawn is the father to his

Formerly a sports writer for the Iowa City Press-Citizen, Brian lives in

5-year-old son, Henry, a dashing young man with a strong likelihood of

Dyersville, Iowa.

Hawkeye fandom and fantasy sports addiction.

.63

Y-Matt Halvorson YEARS IN LEAGUE: 11 (2002-2012) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 75-79 (.487) POST-SEASON RECORD: 3-3 (.500) TITLES WON: 2006 THE HISTORY: Throughout his time in the league, “Y-Matt” was a bit of a paradox. The first several years he was in the league, his Marco Estrada team was annually among the best, but then his formidable skills suddenly vanished. YM compiled an astounding 46-24 mark over the first five years he was in the league, including what is widely considered the greatest draft in league history. In 2002, Estrada went 12-2 without making a single transaction all season and never making a lineup change, except to accommodate bye weeks. While they were beaten by the Parlay Quick-6 in DeBerg Bowl VII, it is still thought to be one of the best teams to ever exist, averaging 123.6 points per game. Following the 2006 season, Matt lost his edge and fell to 3-11 in 2007, never again making the playoffs and going 29-55 the next six seasons. Y-Matt was demoted to FFL Europe in 2013 where he has continued his losing ways with back-to-back last place finishes.

Y-Matt has also been a part of some legendary draft weekend hilarities. On the morning of the 2003 draft in Kansas City, Matt and Greg scrambled to Matt’s dad’s pick-up truck, navigated only a few blocks, and pulled over for fear of an accident and/or incarceration. While the truck didn’t move from that spot, both Y-Matt and Greg made it to the draft spot, thus proving once again that the FFL Draft is possibly the most important event of the year. On another occasion, Y-Matt and FFL Europe alum Fashion Dave Tomello had joined Biv and JYD at the Vero Beach, FL home of Greg and Karma for draft weekend. Dave famously caroused about town with Vero Beach Dodgers Manager Scott Little, while Matt’s forearm was caked in ketchup from a late night Denny’s visit. Late in the evening, the former MLBer Little pushed Dave through Greg, Heather, and Karma’s living room window in an effort to sidestep the locked front door.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Y-Matt and his long-time girlfriend Lindsay live in Seattle – roughly 15 miles from Biv’s current residence. In 2013, Matt and Lindsay welcomed his first child, Ezekiel.

.64

JYD in 1998 with his famed ‘I’m in Iowa’ routine.

Kauz with Bill Williamson and Greg showing off his two trophies.

Jeff “JYD” Jungers

Scott Kauzlarich

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 8 (2003-2006, 2011-2014)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 38-31 (.551)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 35-77 (.313) POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0 TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: Arguably the worst franchise in league history, JYD’s squad never made the playoffs over eight NFL seasons and he’s likely best remembered for his inability to ever turn in a lineup in the ideal format.

Always a big part of the fun and high jinks in his early years, JYD was more remembered for his disdain for the Majestic Lions – FFL Weekend’s fivetime defending fuzzball champions – as well as his infamous spite pick of Cam Newton in the 2014 draft.

WHERE IS HE NOW: JYD walked away from the FFL following the 2014 season, declining an invitation to FFL Europe. He and his wife Kathy live with their beautiful 8-year-old daughter Eva in Smyrna, Georgia where he slings golf carts for Yamaha. When on the green, JYD always expects a call from his buddy “Hully” – NHL Hall of Famer, Brett Hull – or even rap star Chingy.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 5 (1996-2000) POST-SEASON RECORD: 4-0 TITLES WON: 2 (1997, 1998) THE HISTORY: The FFL’s version of the WWF’s Iron Sheik, “Kauz” was both an ideal heel and very successful. After winning back-to-back titles in ’97 and ’98, he fashioned a pair of aluminum foil championship trophies (in the time before our FFL Championship Trophy) and brought them to the 1999 draft. The former Production Director for KXIC and The Fox (KKRQ), Kauz then launched a legendary trash-talking campaign directed at the entire league, which earned him a reputation befitting of NFL legend Al Davis. Sadly, Kauz was soon after estranged from his wife, ultimately divorced, and chose to leave the league.

Kauz’s teams were named after famous sex vixens of that day – first Jenny McCarthy and later Carmen Electra. As much as these monikers may seem to reveal Kauz’s bonerific tendencies, they are rather a display of his lack of creativity. Unable to come up with a team name during the 1996 draft, Kauz’s gaze danced about the living room of Biv and Greg’s apartment where a poster featuring Jenny McCarthy graced the wall. As McCarthy’s sexual fame yielded to that of Carmen Electra, Kauz made the switch to the latter before the 1998 season.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Scott is a “Professional Educator” at Ellsworth Community College in Iowa Falls, Iowa and has one teenage daughter, Patience.

.65

Solon Boy between Heather and Greg Detter.

Andy “Solon Boy” Landgrebe

Josh Makaruk

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 2 (2001-2002)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 12-16

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 17-11 POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0 TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: “Solon Boy’s” team infamously holds the mark for highest career winning percentage without a playoff berth. In fact, they are the only team in league history to compile a career mark over .500 yet never make the post-season. Andy was a key player in the lives of the Iowa City boys for a few seasons, even standing in Greg’s Jamaica wedding. One time during his FFL career, Andy tapped out after being choked by Biv, and later that same evening after a rowdy poker night, he was lifted into the air and dropped painfully onto Coralville’s 13th street pavement by Greg himself.

On another occasion, Solon Boy was infamously implored to “launch it, Solon Boy” on a wide receiver Hail Mary pass before halftime of an intramural flag football game – a fateful heave that landed in the hands of Greg for a hilarious touchdown. Shortly after that play, this self-professed football savant had to be instructed on the nuances of a double move by Biv. WHERE IS HE NOW: After a few years living in his Graceland – Chicago’s Wrigleyville – Andy returned to Iowa City where he holds a sales role for his father’s company, Landgrebe Enterprises. He continues to dabble as an amateur comedian in his spare time, and is sure to point out instances where the money is, in fact, in the hills.

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YEARS IN LEAGUE: 2 (2003-2004) POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-1 (.000) TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: A former late-college roommate of Biv, Josh Makaruk was one odd cat. Known in fantasy circles for annoyingly naming his team exceedingly lengthy acronyms (O.T.A.S.L.O.G., for example) or condiments like Duck Sauce. Josh’s initial foray into the league netted a stellar 9-5 regular season campaign and a first round playoff exit, while his second and final year was the opposite – a dreadful 3-11 year.

WHERE IS HE NOW: After departing the FFL, Josh studied abroad in Scotland and married his college sweetheart Meryl. After living in Australia for a few years, the happy couple has since relocated to Leicester, East Midlands in the United Kingdom where Josh works for the energy conglomerate British Gas.

The Meast at the 2006 draft in Kirkwood.

Leif Peterson

Magic Matt slinging pizza for the Godfather.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 11 (2003-2013)

“Magic” Matt Probst

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 94-60 (.610)

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 2 (2002)

POST-SEASON RECORD: 6-4 TITLES WON: 2004, 2007-2008 THE HISTORY: When Leif made the decision to step away from the FFL after an illustrious 11-year career, it was widely considered the greatest ownership loss the league had ever seen. Consistently dominant, it can be said that the PYBO/Johnny Detroit franchise was among the top 3 teams in league history. Leif’s team made the playoffs in 7 of 11 seasons, won three titles, and made an annual habit of starting slow, being written off, and then charging hard into the playoffs. In addition to the in-game excellence, Leif was a stalwart in FFL Weekends, frequently manning the grill, acting the bear in a match against a 125-pound Iowa wrestling State Champion, destroying the Czar’s labrum in a separate grapple, and famously throwing Brent Huccaby through Greg’s basement wall in 2011.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Having lost the love for fantasy football and the sport in general, the former college football player is an avid fan of his hometown Kansas City Royals. He lives with his beautiful family in Overland Park, Kansas. He and his wife Cara are parents to two gorgeous girls, Avery (5) and Nora (1).

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 12-15 (.444) POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0 TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: The memories of Magic Matt are many, but few – if any – are from a fantasy football perspective. A truly likeable, funny, and unique individual, Matt met the league constituents when he was a contributor to Mark Allen’s morning show on The Fox (KKRQ). The memories revolve around him hilariously delivering a pizza to “The Dresden” – league headquarters – during his brief time as a Godfather’s employee, as well as his uncanny and spot-on impersonation of Seinfeld’s David Puddy.

Following the 1998 season and his graduation from the University of Iowa, Matt disappeared for over a decade before suddenly resurfacing thanks to the aid of Facebook. He spent two seasons in FFL Europe in 2009 and 2010 upon his return.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Perhaps the most interesting of all the “Where are they Nows”, Matt is working his magic in Hollywood where he is a producer for Dickhouse Entertainment and formerly a producer for CBS TV’s The Doctors. He and his wife JoAnna have one young son.

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Don Russom

aka Don Juan DeMarco YEARS IN LEAGUE: 1 (1996) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 1-1 (.571) POST-SEASON RECORD: 1-1 (.500)

Eric Solomon YEARS IN LEAGUE: 6 (1997-2002) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: -31-52 (.373) POST-SEASON RECORD: -1-1 (.500) TITLES WON: None

TITLES WON: None

THE HISTORY: Eric’s time in the FFL was short, relatively speaking, but despite

THE HISTORY: If the FFL saw color, you could say Don was the league’s first

of fellatio by a scandalous lady on the eve of the 2000 draft set into motion

minority (if Biv has some ethnicity to him, he might disagree). Don was

the FFL’s Great Meltdown, which included Biv spending that year’s draft in

genuinely one of the most fun, likeable, and hilarious dudes our league ever

his Coralville bedroom and subsequently naming his 2000 team the “Insane

saw. Like many other former owners, he was a DJ on The Fox (KKRQ) radio

Clown Posse”. During the great Meltdown, Greg and Eric grappled in a narrow

station and a friend of Greg and Biv. Don was a part of two long-standing

Coralville hallway, destroying a block of drywall outside their bathroom…and

memories…the first of which was DeBerg Bowl I where his Ass Kicker’s trailed

later, Biv, Karma, and Greg engaged in a separate battle, resulting in Karma’s

the Parlay Quick-6 by just a few points late in the MNF game with Thurman

broken toe – and perhaps more tragic – a shattered bottle of Crown Royal.

Thomas primed to give them the victory. However, just as Thomas was about

The fact that everyone remained intact, free from hand cuffs, and not a single

to plunge into the end zone and seal the Kickers’ victory, he was stuffed by

friendship dissolved was a miracle in and of itself.

Miami’s John Offerdahl, never tallying another point, and thus, Don’s only

Eric’s The Program was an upstart tale in 2000, eventually falling to Scott

season ended in disappointment. The second memory was the famous “out and up” connection between Biv and Greg that same summer. Greg had bet Don that he could score in three plays of a one-on-one football game with Biv at QB and Greg at WR. On the first play, Don bit on a pump fake and Biv delivered a strike to Greg for an easy touchdown. The two roommates profited on the score with the spoils - a week of free play on Don’s Playstation – a rare commodity in those days.

his woeful career record, he definitely made his mark on the league. His receipt

McGill’s Southpark Cartmans in DeBerg Bowl V, but not before one of the more humorous bouts of trash talking in league history, referring to McGill as a “longhaired FM type” in a pre-game salvo.

As fun-loving of a guy as you’ve ever known, Eric was a constant source of laughs and consistently a riot during FFL Weekends. It may not have been during the draft extravaganza, but Eric was once photographed while masturbating, wearing a Dante Bichette jersey tee.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Sadly, Don’s stay in Iowa City wasn’t a lengthy one and like

WHERE IS HE NOW: Eric is the Mobility Manager, running the Veterans

Heather Willard, he followed a job out of town, never to be heard from again.

Transportation Service and Beneficiary Travel Department at the VA Hospital in Iowa City. He also manages the LGBT Program Manager. Eric lives with his boo

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Christian in Iowa City.

Oliver Stoutner

Heather Willard

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 1 (1998)

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 1 (1996)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 6-8 (.429)

REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 9-5 (.643)

POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0

POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-1

TITLES WON: None

TITLES WON: None

THE HISTORY: In all likelihood, only the most astute followers of the FFL would remember Oliver’s cup of coffee in the circuit. A producer on KKRQ’s Morning Show that included Mark Allen and Scott McGill, “Ollie” was rarely seen without a smile. A dead ringer for actor Matthew Modine, Ollie’s stint was unspectacular, but he was a true talent and a fun guy.

THE HISTORY: Heather’s tenure in our fair league was very brief, but it’s safe to say she made her mark. One of the three emergency squads added to the fold desperately on the eve of our first draft, Heather was granted admittance on the grounds that she had once taken dong from former Hawkeye and NFL receiver Danan Hughes. Never shy about her sexual interest, prowess, and frequent exploration, this fiery red-head was one of a kind. Heather also, on multiple occasions, graciously met the deputy commissioner at southern Linn County convenience stores to procure cases of Busch Light for underage Iowa students. After posting a scoring average of 112.4 in her first and only campaign, her Ass Whupers were unceremoniously dumped from the first round of the playoffs and she was never seen again.

WHERE IS HE NOW: Sadly, Oliver is one of a few former owners who has drifted from the lives of league members. A cursory Facebook search reveals him as a “Visiting Assistant Professor at Wright State University,” so he’s got that going for him…which is nice.

WHERE IS SHE NOW: A talented DJ on the Fox (KKRQ FM), Heather followed a career opportunity to another state and was heard from briefly years later, only to again disappear.

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T N E R CUR S R E N OW

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Biv

Biv with Greg after the Hawkeyes knocked off third ranked Penn State.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 19 (1996 -) TEAM NAME: Vomiting Cobras FORMER TEAM NAMES: Insane Clown Posse (2000) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 121-144 (.457) POST-SEASON RECORD: 1-3 TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: Biv’s Vomiting Cobras franchise was born where countless good ideas have been conceived – a toilet in a meager Iowa City apartment. Above this particular commode – which was in the apartment that Greg and Biv shared that also served as the birthplace of the FFL itself – Greg had installed a poster from comedic genius George Carlin featuring 2,443 filthy words and phrases. Whenever guests would visit the apartment, each person using the latrine was required to come out with a phrase that hadn’t been used previously. One night during a particularly long standing session, Biv spotted the erectile euphemism that has graced the league standings ever since.

In the two decades since, Biv has become the Bill Fitch of FFL competition. Leading a long tenure of mediocrity, the Cobras have the most losses in FFL history, have reached double-digits in the win column only once, and have finished at or within a game of .500 in ten separate seasons. And much like longtime NBA-coach Fitch, Biv’s inconsistent success has been experienced nationwide with the franchise hailing from Iowa City, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Dallas, and now the Pacific Northwest. After his team’s deep run to the DeBerg Bowl in 2010, Biv has been particularly stymied by drafting injured players and slow starts.

Off the field, Biv has embraced his role as FFL Vice President of Digital Technology. What started as a Word document that had to be printed and even mailed to some owners in the league’s fledgling days is now an archive of content available online at ffl.bivcentral.com thanks to Biv’s wizardry. While the great Cobras’ name doesn’t grace the trophy, Biv’s impact on this league has been immeasurable.

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BEST SEASON: While the aforementioned 2010 squad is Biv’s only team to reach the DeBerg Bowl, the Cobras best season was unquestionably 2005 when All-FFL first teamers Carson Palmer and Steve Smith led the way to a league best 12-2 record and a 121.8 scoring average. Four other Cobras – Edgerrin James, Lamont Jordan, Hines Ward, and Lawrence Tynes – made All-FFL second team. Memorably, this year’s draft was a) just days after the Commissioner’s first son was born, and b) interrupted by weather multiple times, as the power went out at Greg’s Ballwin, MO townhouse…and then again at a West County Fairfield Inn where Biv and the Detters attempted to salvage the draft. But despite posting 124 points in the semifinal game, the Cobras were bested by juggernaut Marco Estrada led by the vaunted Bears defense (who also won Y-Matt that year’s Best Trade Award).

PERSONAL: Biv and his wife Jacqueline reside in Seattle, Washington where he works as the IT Director for a diversified manufacturer of plumbing and pet care products.

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT BIV: “Biv might just be the smartest guy in the league…and his intelligence is constantly warring with his incredibly bad luck. And no matter how smart you are, bad luck can trump all. It’s just a matter of time before he breaks through.” – Greg Detter “I can honestly say that I do not know anyone with as much sports knowledge as Biv. The man is a walking sports almanac.” – Paco Guyton “Biv teases too much. Great draft, great moves. He should win more. And I think he will.” – Scott McGill “By virtue of being in the league for 20 years and never winning a championship, and in spite of his extensive knowledge of all things NFL, Biv has to be the most unlucky FFL player in league history. However, I am confident that I am building up enough of a resume to soon compete for the title.”

– Nick Thompson “My partner on two glorious websites: fuckaroundflex.com and fiercecumbeast.com. Neither have any content as of now, but we have owned them for years just in case. The Vomiting Cobras is one of the best fantasy names ever.” – Kyle Phillips

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1996

6-8

100.5

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

1997

7-6

106.5

0-1

3rd place in Ring Worm Division and Wild Card berth – lost to Parlay Quick-6 in semifinal

1998

8-6

95.3

N/A

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

1999

7-7

91.9

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

2000

3-11

83.8

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2001

5-9

103.6

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2002

4-10

87.9

N/A

Last place in Ring Worm Division

2003

8-6

108.1

N/A

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

2004

7-7

106.6

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

2005

12-2

121.8

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to Marco Estrada in semifinal

2006

4-10

96.2

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

2007

6-8

94.1

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

2008

8-6

94.4

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

2009

6-8

106.5

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

2010

9-5

107.2

1-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to Parlay Quick-6 in DeBerg Bowl XV

2011

5-9

103.8

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2012

5-9

98.2

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

2013

5-9

99.2

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

2014

7-7

99.1

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

CAREER

121-144

100.2

1-3

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Karma Collins on the night of the Meltdown.

Karma Collins and Tyler Gall YEARS IN LEAGUE: 15 for Collins (1996-2010); 8 for Gall (2002-2009); 1 Together (2014) TEAM NAME: West Nile Blitz FORMER TEAM NAMES: Cali Blitz (1996), Major Burns MASH Unit (1996), Georgia Blitz (1997), Dallas Blitz (1998), Plano Blitz (1999), Denver Blitz (2000), Prevent Defense (2001), D.O.G. Nation (2002), Rushin’ 3 (2003), Seth Blitz (2004), Thin & Chiseled Blitz (2005), Blitz 8 (2006), Foote’s Blitz (2007), B-Girl Blitz (2008), Estados Unidos Blitz (2009), Beezus Blitz (2010, all of the above owned by Collins); West Nile Rangoon (2002-2009, owned by Gall) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 10-4 together; 86-123 (.411) Collins; 50-62 (.446) Gall POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-1 together; 1-2 (.333) Collins; 1-1 (.500) Gall TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: When these two unique individuals brought their combined 23 years of FFL service together after 7 combined years away, it represented a wealth of history and good stories joining forces. Karma, the sister of Commissioner Detter, was all but forced to join the league in its inaugural league as warm bodies were hard to come by. After her 1996 Cali Blitz squad started 0-9, they set the league record with 182 points in the final week – a record that stood for 11 years and has only been bested twice. Closing out the first season with three straight wins, Karma’s crew built on the momentum, swatting the heavily favored Parlay in the first round of the 1998 playoffs before dropping a heart-breaker in DeBerg Bowl III. Tyler’s initial eight seasons were not remarkable for their success as the savvy owner won but one playoff contest, but he brought us so much more than victories. Tyler was one of the finest – if not the premier – message board poster during its days on BivCentral.com, the owner of the only Dez White Bears jersey in world history, and the author of the forever famous “Do I have to put my bag down” line. His comical near-fight with JYD in 2007 made everyone’s day as well.

BEST SEASON: The 2007 Foote’s Blitz was the fourth highest scoring team in FFL history, amassing 131.6 points per game en route to an 11-3 mark.

The dream season, however, ended with a 118-116 barn burner defeat to the Parlay in the first round.

West Nile Rangoon’s finest season was phenomenal, but unfortunately, came with the dreaded #1 seed when they went 12-2 with a 119.3 scoring average and a Tape Worm Division title in 2004. WNR made their only DeBerg Bowl appearance after a first round win over the Southpark Cartmans – a loss to Johnny Detroit in DeBerg Bowl IX. Together, the West Nile Blitz has spent only one season and a brilliant campaign it was. They squandered a 10-4 mark and a Heart Worm Division championship with a 67 point showing in a round 1 loss to the Parlay.

PERSONAL: Tyler, a brilliant writer and wordsmith lives in Wisconsin and is never quite gleeful about it. Karma was wed during the 2014 season to Joel Couch and lives in Temecula, CA with her law-enforcing beau.

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WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT KARMA AND TYLER: “The FFL is a brighter place with these two in it, and if you were going to pair any two owners, there would be no finer duo than Karma and Tyler.

They’re both brilliant, funny, and know their shit.” – Greg Detter “I’m super pumped about this duo. I, myself, was fired/asked to leave the league in 2002 when the attention required to compete wasn’t available. I love it when owners return and come back stronger than ever. I look forward to this franchise being in headlines for years to come.” – Kyle Phillips “I’ve never been more relieved to have a successful season than the one most recent. When your Co-Owner is such an intimidating, gun-toting, conservative force there was some concern that I may be shot if it were a failure. She grants me a great deal of lenient mercy considering my somewhat liberal world-view... I’m not sure, despite our universally positive and enjoyable interactions, that a complete failure as General Manager wouldn’t have gotten me executed. Karma is a wonderful lass for a great deal of reasons, granted none of those reasons matter at all because boobs, but it’s just important that everyone know that they exist despite how irrelevant reason one makes them. Great owner and a fine madam.” – Tyler Gall “That guy (Tyler) kept me in the league despite my meager effort. He has kept the Blitz dream alive. I need him in my life.” – Karma Collins “I’m a nostalgic sort, so having Karma and Tyler return to success in the FFL is awesome. It’s a marvelous combination of brains and brawn – and I’ll let them decide amongst themselves which is which.” – Biv KARMA YEAR-BY-YEAR

Year

Record

Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1996

4-10

106.0

N/A

3rd Place in Tape Worm Division

1997

5-8

94.0

N/A

3rd Place in Tape Worm Division

1998

9-5

96.4

1-1

Wild Card/2nd in Tape Worm – lost to Jenny Macs in DeBerg Bowl III

1999

4-10

86.1

N/A

Last Place in Tape Worm Division

2000

6-8

97.6

N/A

3rd Place in Heart Worm Division

2001

8-6

101.5

N/A

3rd Place in Heart Worm Division

2002

6-8

90.9

N/A

2nd Place in Heart Worm Division

2003

6-8

88.7

N/A

Last Place in Heart Worm Division

2004

3-11

82.7

N/A

Last Place in Ring Worm Division

2005

6-8

104.7

N/A

Last Place in Ring Worm Division

2006

6-8

97.6

N/A

3rd Place in Heart Worm Division

2007

11-3

131.6

0-1

Tape Worm Champs/Lost in 1st Round to Parlay Quick-6

2008

6-8

99.4

N/A

3rd Place in Tape Worm Division

2009

5-9

105.7

N/A

3rd Place in Tape Worm Division

2010

1-13

72.8

N/A

Last Place in Ring Worm Division

CAREER

86-123

97.1

1-2

TYLER YEAR-BY-YEAR

Year

Record

Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

2002

5-9

89.9

N/A

3rd Place in Ring Worm Division

2003

7-7

93.1

N/A

2nd Place in Ring Worm Division

2004

12-2

119.3

1-1

Tape Worm Champs/Lost to Johnny Detroit in DeBerg Bowl IX

2005

3-11

78.9

N/A

Last Place in Tape Worm Division

2006

8-6

96.3

N/A

2nd Place in Heart Worm Division

2007

5-9

85.5

N/A

3rd Place in Heart Worm Division

2008

5-9

85.8

N/A

3rd Place in Ring Worm Division

2009

5-9

91.5

N/A

Last Place in Tape Worm Division

CAREER

50-62

92.7

1-1

COMBINED YEAR-BY-YEAR

Year

Record

Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

2014

10-4

109.7

0-1

Heart Worm Champs/Lost in first round to Parlay

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Greg Detter

Greg with Ryan Dobson and Nick Thompson, celebrating Fuzzball Championship number two in 2010.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 19 (1996 -) TEAM NAME: Parlay Quick-6 FORMER TEAM NAMES: Parlay Salute (1999) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 182-83 (.687) POST-SEASON RECORD: 17-10 TITLES WON: 5 (1996, 2002, 2003, 2009, 2010) THE HISTORY: The league’s all-time winningest owner, the “Commish” started the FFL as a University of Iowa sophomore and roommate of Biv. Together, the two have been the heart and soul of the league for 20 years, constantly pushing the circuit to new heights. Detter tabbed his team the Parlay Quick-6 as a reference to his love of sports gambling, only changing the moniker for the disastrous 1999 season that saw the “Parlay Salute” go 5-9 (not to mention the beginning of the end for Detter’s beloved Broncos and Terrell Davis). The Parlay franchise has made the playoffs in 15 of 19 seasons and holds myriad league records including championships (5), wins (182), playoff wins (17), DeBerg Bowl appearances (12), DeBerg Bowl losses (7), and consecutive DeBerg Bowl appearances (6). Entering the FFL’s 20th season, the Parlay has appeared in 6 consecutive DeBerg Bowls, losing four consecutive.

During the first seven seasons of the FFL, Detter worked as a news and sports broadcaster for KXIC Radio, a sister station of KKRQ, 100.7 the Fox. 13 of the FFL’s all-time owners worked for one of these stations at some point, while several others were relationships that spawned as a result of Detter’s role with KXIC. In fact, while Detter and Biv began to fashion the FFL, they obviously had no idea that the circuit would turn into what it has become, but also likely wouldn’t have been able to field enough owners without employees of these Iowa City radio stations.

BEST SEASON: The FFL’s historical paradox of the best teams not winning the championship is not more plainly evident anywhere than with the Parlay. They have posted at least 11 wins in a season five times and have only won one title in those campaigns, including the two best records in league history – 12-1 in 1997 and 13-1 in 2013, both of which resulted in a DeBerg Bowl loss. The 2009 Parlay club was likely their best championship team, going 11-4 with a 115.6 scoring average, culminating in two 10 point-plus victories in the post-season, including a 122-112 win over Big Audio Dynamite in DeBerg Bowl XIV.

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PERSONAL: Greg had not yet met his college sweetheart, Heather Dunn, when the FFL began. A year and a half later, they began dating (off and on) and the two were married before the 2002 season. They have three kids – Dyson (9), Aleka (6), and Quinn (2) and reside in St. Louis, MO where Greg is a Regional Director for Creative Circle.

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GREG: “My favorite all-time Greg memory is easily the infamous 2011 (or maybe it was 2012) hospital visit. What started out a bit scary turned into one of the best times I’ve ever had in my life.” – Paco Guyton “Greg eats Now & Laters with the best of ‘em. I have had many years of practice saying bad things about him. I suppose just this once I should say that I am very thankful for all the work he puts into this league. He’s made it much better than all the others, which never could keep my attention very long. It’s probably just because Egg knows that victory, victory, victory is sweet.” – Karma Collins “Greg Detter has somehow become a valuable friend and sounding board. That’s weird because I don’t like it when people get more attention than I do.

He’s on a very short list of people I choose not to initiate a contentious engagement on their home turf. I would call him my best friend that which I do not know whether or not I am taller, which one of us would get odds on a battle of wits to the death, nor whom is more likely to use an oxford comma improperly. Great owner and a fine sir.” – Tyler Gall “The glue that holds us all together. Without Greg, this league isn’t possible. It all started in 1996, and somehow everything has gone smoothly without the aid of a big fantasy site. Juggling a career, family and children activities is impossible for us all, but GD still manages to author several sentences on every match-up weekly during the season. I know I’m not the only owner who waits for their email to update at the end of MNF so they can see the newsletter, which is sometimes after midnight. Oh, and sorry about pooping on your floor/property that time or times. I’m happy to call Greg a very close chum, and I wear the friendship with honor. #vegas2012” – Kyle Phillips “Playing Greg sucks. Inevitably, a trade I made with him three weeks previously comes back to haunt me.” – Scott McGill “It just amazes me how Greg churns out winners every year, and all the energy he puts into making the FFL a unique and awesome thing. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to be along for the ride these past 20 years. That said, I’ll still never forgive him for knocking me off in DeBerg Bowl XV.” – Biv

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1996

10-4

113.3

2-0

FFL/Tape Worm Champ – defeated Ass Kickers in DeBerg Bowl I

1997

12-1

112.8

1-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Jenny McCarthies in DeBerg Bowl II

1998

12-2

116.8

0-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Dallas Blitz in first round

1999

5-9

97.8

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2000

12-2

111.6

0-1

Heart Worm Champ – lost to Lunatic Fringe in first round

2001

11-3

113.8

1-1

Heart Worm Champ – lost to Rahde’s Revenge in DeBerg Bowl VI

2002

9-5

111.2

2-0

FFL/Heart Worm Champ – defeated Marco Estrada in DeBerg Bowl VII

2003

11-3

106.1

2-0

FFL/Heart Worm Champ – defeated Marco Estrada in DeBerg Bowl VIII

2004

11-3

131.4

0-1

Heart Worm Champ – lost to Johnny Detroit in first round

2005

7-7

86.6

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

2006

6-8

100.6

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2007

10-4

104.6

1-1

Ring Worm Champ - lost to Johnny Detroit in DeBerg Bowl XII

2008

4-10

96.2

N/A

Last place in Ring Worm Division

2009

10-4

115.4

2-0

FFL/Ring Worm Champ – beat Big Audio Dynamite in DeBerg Bowl XIV

2010

10-4

109.0

2-0

FFL/Ring Worm Champ – beat Vomiting Cobras in DeBerg Bowl XV

2011

10-4

114.6

1-1

Wild Card/2nd Ring Worm – lost to Milt’s NPTY in DeBerg Bowl XVI

2012

9-5

114.6

1-1

Heart Worm Champ – lost to Chrebet’s Cretins in DeBerg Bowl XVII

2013

13-1

121.6

1-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Milt’s NPTY in DeBerg Bowl XVIII

2014

10-4

128.1

1-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Big Audio Dynamite in DeBerg Bowl XIX

CAREER

182-83

111.2

17-10

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Steve “Milt” Detter

Milt washing down some salsa at the 2011 draft.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 19 (1996 -) TEAM NAME: Milt’s NPTY FORMER TEAM NAMES: Amana Armadillos (1996-2001), Grand’s Gridiron (2005) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 139-126 (.525) POST-SEASON RECORD: 4-5 (.444) TITLES WON: 2011, 2013 THE HISTORY: Until the passing of FFL League Mom Kathy Detter in September of 2012, the Milt’s NPTY franchise was a co-ownership and the only husband/wife ownership duo the league has ever seen. Originally titled the Amana Armadillos, in honor of the Detters’ residence at the time of the league’s inception, they became Grand’s Gridiron in 2005 after the birth of Kathy’s first grandchild – Commissioner Detter’s son Dyson – only to eventually settle on Milt’s NPTY, which means “Milt is not playing this year”. The acronym was a long-standing inside joke relating to the phenomenon of how quickly and easily Milt would become frustrated with their team and thus, deciding he wouldn’t be playing this year.

After winning each of the first two Ring Worm Championships, Milt and Kathy became known for their perpetual bad luck, Kathy’s smile at the draft, and Milt’s world famous salsa, which remains a staple on draft day after all these years. Fittingly, during her last season on earth, Kathy and Milt celebrated their first championship in 2011, ending a 15-year title drought.

BEST SEASON: Milt’s NPTY has made the playoffs each of the last four straight seasons, but the fateful 2011 campaign can easily be identified as the best in franchise history. Their 10-4 record was good enough for a Ring Worm tie with the Parlay, but 2 of their 10 victories were against their divisional foe and thus, they were division champs. The first round playoff win over Clockwork Orange was historic in that it was the first – and to this day, only – playoff game decided by tie-breaker – which was also as close as can be. Milt’s NPTY QB Matt Ryan out-scored Clockwork’s Michael Vick 29-28. A week later, they knocked off the Parlay for the third time that year and hoisted the FFL Championship Trophy for the first time.

PERSONAL: Milt lives in the same Cedar Hill home where he and Kathy lived together for seven years. He is the National Sales Manager for Aegis Metal Framing and enjoys fishing, masculine type projects around the house, and his gaggle of grand-children.

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WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT MILT: “I obviously wish I was commenting on both owners of Milt’s NPTY, but alas, Milt is a cornerstone of this league. There have been a few draft days without his award winning salsa, and that is pretty BS.” – Greg Detter “‘I’m Milt. I make salsa. I will chase you down the street in my bathrobe, armed with a baseball bat.’” – Karma Collins “I will never tire of Milt’s salsa, nor his pained outbursts whenever Greg selects a Bronco ahead of him on draft day. Let’s make sure we start getting Cherry Bang for each draft as well.” – Biv “Since Kath’s passing in 2012, I always think about the drafts we would have during the playoffs with Kath and Milt having me on speaker-phone while they debated on who they should take as a head coach. I cherish those memories, but I don’t cherish the beating I normally take from NPTY. That draft day salsa rattles my central nervous system. It should be mass produced and sold at supermarkets across North America.” – Kyle Phillips “Bill used to be beatable, usually in a very close match up, and he’d lose by a point or two. Now he crushes people. Same could be said for Steve.”

– Scott McGill

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1996

11-3

111.2

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost in 1st round to the Ass Kickers

1997

9-4

99.3

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost in 1st round to Carmen Electra

1998

5-9

94.1

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

1999

7-7

98.3

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

2000

6-8

104.7

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2001

4-10

92.4

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

2002

5-9

90.6

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2003

6-8

89.9

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

2004

6-8

101.6

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

2005

8-6

98.6

N/A

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

2006

2-12

86.1

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2007

11-3

118.9

0-1

Wild Card/2nd in Tape Worm – lost in 1st round to J. Detroit

2008

9-5

99.4

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost in 1st round to Johnny Detroit

2009

6-8

100.6

N/A

Last place in Ring Worm Division

2010

7-7

94.2

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2011

10-4

112.4

2-0

FFL/Ring Worm Champs – Beat Parlay in DeBerg Bowl XVI

2012

9-5

106.5

0-1

Ring Worm Champs – lost in 1st round to Chrebet’s Cretins

2013

10-4

115.1

2-0

FFL/Ring Worm Champs – Beat Parlay in DeBerg Bowl XVIII

2014

8-6

108.9

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

CAREER

139-126

101.5

4-5

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Paco with KP in their annual Ghetto Blasters tradition.

Jeremy “Paco” Guyton YEARS IN LEAGUE: 2 (2013 - ) TEAM NAME: Gargamel’s Cat REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 7-21 (.250) POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0 TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: Few, if any, have ever entered the FFL with such bluster as Paco Guyton. And through the first two years of Gargamel’s Cat’s participation in the senior circuit, no one has ever been as unsuccessful as them. Coming off a pair of FFL Europe Championships in four seasons, Paco made clear his intentions of channeling his inner Bo Jackson and running roughshod over the rest of the league. And after wins in each of the first two weeks, Paco’s team set an FFL record for futility with 12 straight defeats to close the season at 2-12.

Paco became good friends with the commissioner in 2005, ultimately becoming a friend to all in relatively short order. A former co-worker of Greg, the two were professionally reunited in 2014. One of the finest FFL Weekend memories involving Paco is the one where he and Ben Daves drove Greg to the hospital after a nasty collision with a concrete step. The hilarious medical encounter led to the birth of the Gargamel’s Cat nickname.

BEST SEASON: When your two seasons in a league nets you a total of 7 wins, there really isn’t much to highlight, but coming off a two-win 2013, five wins in 2014 was a 250 percent increase and a landslide of victories.

PERSONAL: Paco’s 12-year-old daughter Morgan finally got the sibling she had hoped for when the Guyton family welcomed Evan during the 2014 season. Paco’s wife, Heather, and the kids live in O’Fallon, MO. He is the Manager of Internal Recruiting for Creative Circle.

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WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT PACO: “The birth of my children, getting married, the Broncos winning back-to-back Super Bowls, and beating Paco like a bass drum. What are my favorite things ever in life, Alex. That said, Paco is my dude…and I love him like a brother. Too bad for him, his team never comes close to matching his mouth.”

– Greg Detter “They say that records are meant to be broken, and Paco is well on his way to being an all-timer for FFL futility. Let’s see if he can make me eat these words by the time we reprint the 25th anniversary edition of this media guide.” – Biv “Paco isn’t much of a fantasy football owner, but his impersonations of date rape druggists are uncanny.” – Nick Thompson “I think the newcomers over the last few years have been punching bags. I like them.” – Scott McGill “A testimonial to how domination in Europe gets a call up to the senior circuit. I always get weird looks from the liquor store cashier when I place a bottle of Ten High and a 2 liter of Diet Sierra Mist on the counter so I can make a Ghetto Blaster. I’ve gotta tax policy that will break ya neck. BYAAAH!” – Kyle Phillips

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

2013

2-12

88.8

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2014

5-9

91.9

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

CAREER

7-21

90.4

N/A

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Paul Imming

Paulie being Paulie.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 13 (1999-2001, 2005 - ) TEAM NAME: Chrebet’s Cretins FORMER TEAM NAMES: Mantooth’s Marauders (2005) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 103-79 (.566) POST-SEASON RECORD: 2-4 TITLES WON: 1 (2012) THE HISTORY: Throughout FFL history, there have been a handful of connectors – people who would come and go, but not until they connected the league with a mainstay. Joe Winckler, among many other things, was a connector. And connector – in the case of ol’ “Ocean Blue” - is an overly-polite description. Joe, a roommate of Greg and Eric in 1998 and 1999, was many things – delinquent on rent, a criminal (the good folks at Columbia House knew him and his massive outstanding balance only as “C Vinckler”), a borderline sexual predator, and one of the more repulsive dudes you’ll ever meet. But he was the one that gave us Paul Imming.

Paul was quickly welcomed by the group, which was made easier when Joe was ultimately discarded, and his reputation as the Mississippi Valley Conference’s leading receiver aligned perfectly with the goals of the Keg Olympians Flag Football team. He immediately stepped in as a starting receiver and played a pivotal role in the “Keg-O’s” three year run of dominance. Beyond that, though, we realized that not only did we make a close friend and future roommate, but we had a fantasy stud on our hands. His Cretins have been one of the FFL’s top teams over the years, but Paulie has also been the head of fantasy dynamos in baseball, basketball, Strat, and more.

Paul’s Chrebet’s Cretins won the Ring Worm Division, but was unable to make it to the DeBerg Bowl, in each of its first three seasons. After a three-year hiatus from the league, and seven more years of playoff drought, Paul finally hit pay dirt in 2012. Through its tenure, the Cretins have been consistently successful – although Paul’s only double-digit win total was in his inaugural campaign in 1999, he’s also never been a 10-game loser.

BEST SEASON: In 2012, Chrebet’s Cretins had an epic run led by All-FFL QB Drew Brees, the league’s highest scoring defense in the Seattle Seahawks, a 1500-yard rusher in Jamaal Charles, and a young TE named Jimmy Graham. Despite the league’s highest regular season scoring average (116.4) the Cretins could only earn a wild-card berth, but Paul may have preferred not winning the division for once. After handling Milt’s NPTY a 30-point defeat in the semifinals, Brees again exploded for 40 points as the Cretins defeated Parlay Quick-6 in DeBerg Bowl XVII, 132-114.

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PERSONAL: Paul is one of the Hawkeye graduates who has remained in the Iowa City area, working in various roles for the UI Department of Chemistry over the past several years. Paul is also the father to two teenagers, Mya (17) and Dylan (14).

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT PAUL: “There just isn’t a fantasy sport in which Paulie can’t beat your ass. And he does it with that perpetual beautiful smile. If you don’t love Paulie, you are a dumb, stupid asshole.” – Greg Detter “It’s basically impossible for something to not be fun if Paul is involved, and playing fantasy sports with him is no exception. He’s one of my favorite people on the planet and it’s awesome that he’s an FFL champion.” – Biv “The only guy who can wear an NFL replica jersey from the 1990’s and everyone cheers. When I lose to Paul, I’m upset for a minute, but then think about him assaulting a fellow owner using a beer can as a weapon and smile. A big time rage is underneath that threadbare Chrebet jersey. You have to admire his intensity.” – Kyle Phillips

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1999

11-3

106.7

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to The Program in semifinal

2000

9-5

113.1

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to Lunatic Fringe in semifinal

2001

7-7

92.3

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to Parlay Quick-6 in semifinal

2002

DNP

2003

DNP

2004

DNP

2005

5-9

94.4

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2006

9-5

104.6

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

2007

9-5

106.9

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

2008

6-8

97.7

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2009

7-7

104.4

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

2010

6-8

103.2

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

2011

8-6

114.1

N/A

Wild Card berth and FFL Champ – defeated Parlay Quick-6 in DeBerg Bowl XVI

2012

9-5

116.4

2-0

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

2013

9-5

110.6

0-1

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

2014

8-6

104.4

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

CAREER

103-79

106.0

2-4

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Chad Leistikow

Chad at an early 2000’s draft.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 3 (1999-2001) TEAM NAME: Rahde’s Revenge REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 31-11 (.738) POST-SEASON RECORD: 3-2 TITLES WON: 1 (2001) THE HISTORY: Chad, like Scott Norris, never worked for the KXIC/KKRQ radio conglomerate, but still became friends with many of our league’s owners and subsequently entered the FFL because of the connection. When Chris Baker brought high profile free agent left fielder Greg Detter to the Newsholes – the Iowa City Press-Citizen’s men’s softball team – FFL history was shaped. In addition to team manager and utility man, Greg also became good friends with Chad and the two shared an outfield for the better part of a couple seasons. A sports writer for the likes of the Cedar Rapids Gazette, USA Today, the Press-Citizen and Des Moines Register, Chad not surprisingly put his high levels of sports savvy to good use in compiling the best winning percentage in league history. His 2000 team (see below) still holds the league record for highest scoring average (132.7).

BEST SEASON: The first FFL rule applied in 2000 when the 12-2 Rahde’s Revenge rolled through the regular season, but dropped the DeBerg Bowl to the 8-6 Lunatic Fringe – a team that averaged nearly 25 points per game less than them. Poetic justice was served the following year, however, when Chad’s crew averaged only 100.1 points per game – better than 32 points per game fewer than the previous year, but they bested the Parlay – the league’s number one seed.

PERSONAL: Chad and his wife Brianna, along with their two kids – Jack (4) and Gabriella (2) – live in Des Moines, Iowa where Chad covers Hawkeye sports for the Des Moines Register. They recently returned to Chad’s home state after a few years in Washington DC.

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WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT CHAD: “If the FFL was a tough league before, it’s a son of a bitch with the re-addition of Chad. I’m not sure this calculated fellow has ever made a bad decision in his life. Now we need to reduce that pristine career winning percentage.” – Greg Detter “Ah, what can I say about College/Glad/Bag that has not already been said by so many? Fact is, although he is seriously one of the best people I’ve ever known (and once wrote a great email detailing his moving day), I am still bitter about the time he screwed me in an FFL trade. I’m seriously angry.

Forgiveness is not in my plans.” – Karma Collins “Leistikow is too smart. Shouldn’t be allowed to play.” – Scott McGill “With all due respect to the Commissioner, Chad might be the toughest fantasy sports opponent I’ve ever encountered. There’s not a sport that he hasn’t kicked my ass in, and I’m genuinely excited to have him back in the FFL.” – Biv

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1999

11-3

106.7

0-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Southpark Cartmans in semifinal

2000

9-5

113.1

0-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Lunatic Fringe in DeBerg Bowl V

2001

7-7

92.3

0-1

FFL/Tape Worm Champ – defeated Parlay Quick-6 in DeBerg Bowl VI

CAREER

31-11

110.2

3-2

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Scott McGill

McGill (head down) with Shawn Gibbs (left) and Biv (right).

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 17 (1998 -) TEAM NAME: Southpark Cartmans REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 114-124 (.479) POST-SEASON RECORD: 3-6 TITLES WON: 1 (1999) THE HISTORY: As good of a guy, and as accomplished of a professional as Mark Allen is, his name tends to fetch more laughs than anything in FFL circles. His tenure in the league lasted but one campaign and the Jackass GM of the Year Award was once named after him. But more than the nearly two decades of chuckles at one of the worst fantasy players to ever walk the earth, Mark has a bit of an FFL family tree. See, for all the owners – past and present – that once roamed the halls at KXIC and the Fox, many of them are attached directly to Mark. None more so than FFL mainstay Scott McGill. During the early FFL years, Mark was half of the Fox’s morning show team, “Phil and Mark,” featuring a long-since forgotten DJ named Phil Maicke. When Phil left, he was replaced by another short-tenured host Bob Cady, who was wise enough to add to the fold big-name Iowa City DJ Cecily Gabel, stealing her away from another FM station, KRNA. Bob, Mark, and Cecily became one of the hotter morning teams in the Cedar Rapids and Iowa City area, but never really reached its full potential until Bob exited the revolving door and was replaced by none other than Cecily’s main squeeze himself…a handsome, goateed gent by the name of Scott McGill. A starting infielder for the slow pitch softball team Ross’s Buddies – a foe of the Newsholes, Scott meant as much to that morning show as he did the fantasy football league he soon after joined, which says a lot.

Like quite a few before and after him, Scott showed up to his first draft day in 1998 with nary an idea for what he’d call his team. Right in the heart of the Southpark craze, Scott was donning an Eric Cartman hat that day, giving birth to the Southpark Cartmans – one of the few long-time team names that never changed. Since that time, Scott’s teams have been up and down, but more often than not, you can count on the Cartmans to be competitive. They have reached the playoffs seven times, the DeBerg Bowl twice, and as you can see below, hoisted the crown at the end of the exceptionally memorable 1999 season.

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BEST SEASON: In those days, Scott and his wife Cecily were fans of the Iowa Barnstormers, an Arena League team playing its home games in Des Moines, Iowa. In fact, Cecily could sometimes be seen in the Fox studios adorned in a Barnstormers jersey with her name on the back. It was because of this, probably, that Scott took a flyer at the end of the 1999 draft on a little known free agent QB named Kurt Warner. Warner, of course, had come to the NFL by way of the Barnstormers and was meant to be a draft pick worth a chuckle. Instead, months later, the Cartmans had gone 11-3 and crushed The Program in DeBerg Bowl IV with Warner winning honors for FFL MVP and Best Draft Pick, and Scott landing GM of the Year. In a year in which scoring was way down – only one team averaged better than 103 ppg and the leading team managed just 106 – Warner teamed with Edgerrin James to make the Cartmans damn near unbeatable.

PERSONAL: Scott and Cecily now live in Des Moines where he is a financial planner for Edward Jones. They have three kids – Cooper (14), Drake (12), and Ven (7).

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT SCOTT: “Aside from the many obvious reasons, Scott is why I love the FFL. The league keeps us close and in constant contact with incredible people that may otherwise drift from your life. And a life without Scott McGill? No thank you.” – Greg Detter “I have never met Scott McGill. I’m not sure he is a real person. I have suspicions that he is actually Greg Detter and was invented by Greg to give himself twice chance of winning the FFL championship each year. Kind of like Stephen king and Richard Bachman.” – Nick Thompson “When this team name started, I was certain it would expire like the ‘Howdy Ho Kyle’ comments I would get during that era. Nope…still here today. Keep it going. That cartoon is glorious and so is this franchise.” – Kyle Phillips “The image of McGill coming to the draft in that Cartman hat is forever etched in my brain. And I’ll always be thankful for your contributions to Team Meltdown, Scott.” – Biv

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1998

6-8

92.1

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

1999

10-4

101.3

2-0

FFL/Heart Worm Champ – defeated The Program in DeBerg Bowl IV

2000

7-7

104.7

N/A

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

2001

9-5

100.9

0-1

Wild Card berth – lost to Rahde’s Revenge in semifinal

2002

9-5

106.4

0-1

Wild Card berth – lost to Marco Estrada in semifinal

2003

1-13

86.9

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division – first one-win team in FFL history

2004

11-3

124.6

0-1

Wild Card berth – lost to West Nile Rangoon in semifinal

2005

4-10

94.6

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2006

2-12

89.4

N/A

Last place in Ring Worm Division

2007

8-6

97.8

N/A

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

2008

9-5

105.0

1-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Johnny Detroit in DeBerg Bowl XIII

2009

9-5

94.8

0-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Big Audio Dynamite in semifinal

2010

5-9

91.7

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2011

9-5

107.7

0-1

Lost to Parlay Quick-6 in semifinal

2012

7-7

103.9

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2013

5-9

102.9

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

2014

3-11

87.3

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

CAREER

114-124

99.9

3-6

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Scott Norris

The Funny Man with his oldest child, Kyle.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 15 (1999-2001, 2003 - ) TEAM NAME: Big Audio Dynamite FORMER TEAM NAMES: Lunatic Fringe (1999-2001), Flock Of Seagulls (2003), Oingo Boingo (2004), The Clash (2005-2008), Dad’s Team (2006) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 112-98 (.533) POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0 TITLES WON: 2 (2000, 2014) THE HISTORY: Endearingly known to many as “The Funny Man,” Scott is another FFL owner who got his start while playing on the Iowa City Newsholes softball team. While Greg and Chad could always be found on the left side of the outfield, Norris was the Ben Zobrist of his day – playing any position, hitting for a high average, and was deceptively fast on the basepaths.

In fact, there is nobody in the league who loves all things baseball more than Norris does. He is the only person known to have finished watching the entire Ken Burns Baseball documentary in less than a Congressman’s term in office. He was the official scorer during Newsholes games, often using a Strat-O-Matic Baseball Form B score-pad. And the indelible image of Scott legging out a triple while losing his hat rounding second is burned into the brains of anybody who played with him.

The Funny Man is pretty good at fantasy football too. Then known as Lunatic Fringe, the Norris franchise got off to a schizophrenic start by sandwiching two lousy seasons around an FFL championship in 2000. Lunatic Fringe was the wild card team in that 2000 season, knocking off the FFL GM of the Year and the highest-scoring team in FFL history en route to the victory in DeBerg Bowl V. After a year away in 2002, a renamed Flock of Seagulls re-joined to the FFL in 2003 and no matter the team name, it’s been a good one. Norris is 22 games over .500 since returning to the league with only one down year (an 11-loss 2007), one incredible year (2006, with 12 wins and only 7 total points away from breaking the single-season scoring record), and one more wild card berth turned championship with a DeBerg Bowl XIX victory over Parlay Quick-6.

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BEST SEASON: While either of the two championship years seem like obvious choices, the aforementioned 2006 team is certainly the most memorable. Except at kicker and head coach, Scott’s lineup was filled with All-FFL team members at every position with QB Drew Brees, RB Larry Johnson, and WR Steve Smith making the first team. Clearly the league’s best squad in 2006, Dad’s Team got horribly unlucky in the semifinal game when the Patriots put up 50 points for eventual champion Marco Estrada.

PERSONAL: Already a successful photojournalist when he entered the league, Scott relocated from Iowa to Rochester, NY in 2001 where he now works as the Multimedia Editor for the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle. He and his wife Melinda are parents to Kyle (25), Kaylie (23), and upstart athlete Alec (15).

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT SCOTT: “It’s a shame that so many people in the league don’t know Scott. Unintentionally and intentionally, one of the funniest guys I’ve ever known. You don’t know true glee until you’ve watched ‘The Funny Man’ leg out an opposite field triple in softball. He’s definitely one of those guys who is simply good at everything he does. Jerk.” – Greg Detter “Unfortunately, I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting Norris, but know him though competing in various fantasy leagues throughout the years. When I finally meet him, I plan on buying him a beer because he seems like such a good dude.” – Paco Guyton “I’m overtly jealous of the good fortune that Scott enjoys in life and fantasy sports, but it’s clearly not just luck – the dude knows what he’s doing and he is a pleasure to compete against. If the FFL had an equivalent of the NHL’s Lady Byng trophy for sportsmanship and gentlemanly play, it would be named after Norris. But I guess a Norris trophy already exists, so that’s out.” – Biv “Since joining the baseball Strat league recently, I want to beat Scott more than ever. He seems to be a fantasy sports whisperer and always has everything figured out before everyone else. It’s a race to get free agents because I know Scott has his eye on the wire at all times.” – Kyle Phillips

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1999

4-10

95.7

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2000

8-6

109.0

2-0

Wild Card berth and FFL Champ – defeated Rahde’s Revenge in DeBerg Bowl V

2001

5-9

92.5

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2002

DNP

2003

9-5

99.2

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2004

8-6

111.7

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

2005

8-6

97.1

0-1

Wild Card berth – lost to Clockwork Orange in semifinal

2006

12-2

132.3

0-1

Wild Card berth – lost to Marco Estrada in semifinal

2007

3-11

85.5

N/A

Last place in Ring Worm Division

2008

8-6

104.2

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

2009

8-6

107.1

1-1

Heart Worm Champ – lost to Parlay Quick-6 in DeBerg Bowl XIV

2010

6-8

96.5

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2011

8-6

107.3

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

2012

7-7

107.6

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

2013

9-5

107.5

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

2014

9-5

105.6

2-0

Wild Card berth and FFL Champ – defeated Parlay Quick-6 in DeBerg Bowl XIX

CAREER

112-98

104.1

5-3

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Kyle Phillips

KP flanked by FFL Europeans, Ryan Dobson (left) and JYD (right).

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 14 (1996 – 2000, 2002, 2007 - ) TEAM NAME: Mr. Winnebago FORMER TEAM NAMES: The Taxi (1996), KC Hustle (1997), Vandelay Vandals (1998), Donkey Punch (1999), Red Bats (2000), Slept at Pizza Hut (2002), Cat’s Meow (2007), Sack-o-Suds (2008), Bone Yard (2009) REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 67-128 (.344) POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0 TITLES WON: None THE HISTORY: It’s not quite accurate to say that Kyle and the commissioner grew up together, but only because they didn’t meet until they were 12, and besides that, who can really say that these two clowns have ever actually grown up? In 1996, living in St. Joseph, MO where he was a sophomore at Missouri Western State College, Kyle was a no-brainer to participate in this upstart league. Over the first few seasons, Kyle was rarely in town for the draft, which one could blame for his epic struggles had they not consistently continued throughout his lengthy tenure in the league. After dropping off the map before the 2001 draft and subsequently taking a year off, Kyle put together the single worst effort in fantasy history in 2002.

Once again a no-show on draft day, a team was selected for Kyle and handed off to him the day after the draft. Throughout the next 14 weeks, his Slept at Pizza Hut team never once turned in a lineup or made a transaction, yet somehow won 3 games and averaged 90.2 points per tilt.

Since returning to the circuit in 2007, replacing JYD the first time around, Kyle has been a staple at FFL Draft Weekend, though his “It’s the Polish” routine has threatened to have him slapped with a lifetime ban. Only those in the know are privy to “The Polish,” though none of us will ever understand it. Despite his struggles on the field, Kyle will always be a part of the league and is a vital part of what makes this league what it is.

BEST SEASON: Trying to find a standout season in this franchise’s history is like mining for gold in the bottom of a port-a-potty. You could point to the one season where they topped a 100 point scoring average – 102.0 in 2007 – or the 7-7 second place finish in 2012. The Winnebago franchise has lost double digit games six times and has never threatened to make the playoffs. For the sanity of Kyle, let’s just say that their best season hasn’t happened yet.

PERSONAL: Kyle and his wife Amy live in St. Louis, MO and are the parents of two boys – Sam (6) and Max (2).

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WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT KYLE: “KP is my brother. We grew up together and we’ve done everything together. I’m glad to say our paths have split when it comes to FFL fortunes, but beyond that, I’m happy to be tied to him in most other facets of life.” – Greg Detter “I remember the first time I met Kyle Phillips, I absolutely could not stand the man. 7 years later, he is one of my favorite people on this earth. To me, he’s the funniest guy I know.” – Paco Guyton.

“Despite the harrowing ride in the trunk of my Honda Del Sol in the mid-90s, he grew up to be a decent fella. Although he doesn’t much like to win, he keeps the world interesting and fun. He’s neat.” – Karma Collins “The rich tapestry of FFL lore owes so much to all the stories that can be told about KP. And nothing but good things happen when he visits Iowa City, so I look forward to seeing what kind of team player he is for our 20th FFL draft.” – Biv

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1996

4-10

89.8

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

1997

4-9

90.4

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

1998

5-9

90.6

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

1999

6-8

93.7

N/A

Third place in Ring Worm Division

2000

3-11

79.7

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2001

DNP

2002

3-11

90.2

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2003

DNP

2004

DNP

2005

DNP

2006

DNP

2007

3-11

76.9

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2008

6-8

94.1

N/A

Second place in Ring Worm Division

2009

7-7

102.0

N/A

Third place in Heart Worm Division

2010

4-10

91.7

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2011

6-8

95.4

N/A

Third place in Heart Worm Division

2012

7-7

98.4

N/A

Second place in Ring Worm Division

2013

5-9

96.8

N/A

Last place in Heart Worm Division

2014

4-10

94.0

N/A

Third place in Tape Worm Division

CAREER

67-128

92.3

N/A

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Nick surrounded by

Nick Thompson, M.D.

fellow Majestic Lions Greg Detter and Ryan Dobson after their 5th straight title.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 5 (2010 - ) TEAM NAME: Anal Summer Sizzle REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 28-42 (.400) POST-SEASON RECORD: 0-0 TITLES WON: None

THE HISTORY: After winning the inaugural season of the FFL’s junior varsity brother, FFL Europe, by virtue of a tiebreaker in the 2009 championship game, Dr. Nick Thompson took his razor-thin victory with grace, humility, and a long-distance dedication. A direct quote:

[

I would like to dedicate this championship to Bivaldi Ayers, who, on draft day, made a special point of singling out my team as “Bullshit” and used his sage-like wisdom to predict that it had “no chance of winning a championship.” He was, however, right about Le’Ron McClain, who was terrible.

]

Nick did get one more thing right in that rant. It is the consensus of FFL historians that Le’Ron McClain is the worst RB2 ever drafted in two decades of this fine league.

The good doctor earned a promotion to the FFL the following year, and immediately earned the Mike Hargrove award at the 2010 draft, acting as the resident rain delay with nearly every pick. While his selection pace has improved in recent years, that unfortunately hasn’t led to better results in the standings, as Thompson has had only one winning season in his first five. Nevertheless, Nick holds many distinctions in the, ahem, annals of FFL lore.

His franchise’s hilarious name came thanks to a well-placed slotted-letter sign in front of a Kirkwood, MO lawn and garden shop. As a group of revelers were walking by said plant shop on the eve of 2009 draft, Nick re-purposed the available letters to advertise an ANAL SUMMER SIZZLE… and the sign stayed that way long enough for Nick to call the shop the next afternoon to inquire about their hot deals.

In addition, Nick went the longest amount of time between meeting the FFL’s principals and actually being admitted to the league. A one-time college roommate of Y-Matt Halvorson, Nick was not a big sports fan in the early 2000s and only casually followed the Minnesota Vikings. But Nick was always up for a good time, whether it was an Iowa football weekend, spending New Year’s Eve in a Lawrence, KS dive bar, games of caps, anyone’s bachelor party, or just a Vikings alarm clock. Over the years Nick became a true football fan and a great friend, and when he was ready to join the FFL fraternity it was a no-brainer.

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BEST SEASON: Anal Summer Sizzle finished 8-6 in 2010, good for 2nd place in the Heart Worm Division.

PERSONAL: Nick is now a partner in the finest anesthesiology practice in Des Moines, Iowa, sedating tens of people every day. He and his bride Amanda reside in West Des Moines and he is the proud owner of a luxurious foosball table, won masterfully in the 2015 Christ Community Lutheran School auction.

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT NICK: “No one else in the league walks into Draft Weekend better prepared than Nick. He is not a long-time veteran of fantasy sports, but he’s gaining on us.

He’s pretty close to being a terrible son of a bitch to contend with.” – Greg Detter “I’ll just come out and say it, Nick Thompson is the main reason for the success behind the Majestic Lions.” – Paco Guyton “I think the newcomers over the last few years have been punching bags. I like them.” – Scott McGill “I’ve given Nick a lot of shit for his fantasy football acumen over the years, but I sincerely enjoy having him in the varsity circuit now. Not only does he just make the FFL experience more fun, but I also love that we seem to pull off a fair trade every year now. I look forward to seeing if he can get his average draft pick time under five minutes this year.” – Biv

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

2010

8-6

101.9

N/A

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

2011

3-11

87.0

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2012

6-8

101.4

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2013

5-9

94.7

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2014

6-8

103.2

N/A

3rd place in Heart Worm Division

CAREER

28-42

98.2

N/A

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Bill Williamson

Bill with Greg and Kauz.

YEARS IN LEAGUE: 18 (1997 - ) TEAM NAME: Clockwork Orange REGULAR SEASON RECORD: 143-108 (.570) POST-SEASON RECORD: 2-8 TITLES WON: 1 (2005) THE HISTORY: If Ken Williamson had decided to procreate one year earlier, then there’s little doubt that his son Bill would have been a charter member of the FFL. Bill met the Commissioner in the same place that so many of the league’s owners came from in those fledgling years of the league when he became an intern for KXIC in the spring of 1997. Clearly a smart guy and knowledgeable football fan, Bill represented a decided upgrade over the departed Heather Willard and Don Russom when the 1997 draft commenced.

With most of the league experiencing changing ownership and/or owners moving all over the country, Bill has remained the steadiest presence over the FFL’s two decades. His Clockwork Orange franchise has never changed its name and has never played its home games outside the state of Iowa.

Williamson has a reputation as one of the unluckiest guys in the FFL, but most of his fellow owners would look at his regular season performance and gladly trade places with him. His Clockwork Orange franchise has won its division eight times, finished .500 or better in 13 seasons, is one of only two teams to hit double-digits in wins six different times, and hasn’t had a losing season since 2007. But it’s in the playoffs where Bill has been snake bit, making it to the postseason but failing to win a game on eight separate occasions, and six of the eight most recent seasons.

BEST SEASON: There was that one time that Clockwork Orange made the playoffs and earned themselves a trophy. In 2005, the playoff battle royale featured three teams averaging 111 ppg or better, but it was Clockwork who came out on top by defeating The Clash by 92 points, then topping Marco Estrada 149-127 in DeBerg Bowl X. The Orange averaged a massive 152.5 points in its two playoff games.

PERSONAL: While it’s not as sexy as being the heiress to the Oh! Henry candy bar fortune, Bill is the heir to the Carousel Motors auto dealership empire of Eastern Iowa. Bill can typically be found at his south Iowa City Mercedes-Benz / Audi / VW / Mazda store. He lives in Iowa City with his wife Kirsten and their two kids, Lachlan (6) and Kenley (4).

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WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT BILL: “Every time Bill and I square off, I think about the movie Clockwork Orange and the sex scene put to Symphony No. 9 by Ludwig Van. I even purchased it on iTunes so I can enjoy it whenever.” – Kyle Phillips “I don’t know how else to say it; I love me some B-Dub. Great dude. Probably the best owner in this league…and that’s saying something. Find me someone with more passion for the FFL and I’ll get you a strait jacket.” – Greg Detter “Bill Williamson made the decision last year to start soliciting my advice during the draft, and after drafting Adrian Peterson, hopefully he won’t make the same mistake going forward.” – Nick Thompson “I’ll never forget shuttling Bill to and from his parents’ home in Village Green for his first FFL Draft back in 1997, and it’s awesome that he’s been a stalwart presence and success in this league for nearly as long as the founding fathers. Not only is he a tough opponent and a generous guy, but every fantasy league needs its version of Ashley Shaffer, which Bill delivers.” – Biv “Bill used to be beatable, usually in a very close match up, and he’d lose by a point or two. Now he crushes people. Same could be said for Steve.”

– Scott McGill “Bill Williamson introduced me to this group; he is my best friend, a great owner and a great man. A man whose passion for fantasy football makes his longevity astonishing. Someone who lives with such a heavy emotional investment into chance events like these rarely sees any time beyond their twenties. He’s like the Gordon Ramsey of the FFL if you subtract the food and any sparsely peppered moments of reasonable human compassion and empathy. One of the most intense FFL games that ever happened was Clockwork vs -=WNR=- several years ago when I beat him on some really unfortunate shit on a Monday night and he smashed his phone on the door of his condo. It was the only time I’d been pulling so hard for another owner to beat me. Great owner and a fine sir.” – Tyler Gall

Year

Record Avg.

Playoffs

Finish

1997

5-8

96.3

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

1998

9-5

98.1

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to Carmen Electra in semifinal

1999

3-11

84.3

N/A

Last place in Ring Worm Division

2000

8-6

103.9

N/A

2nd place in Tape Worm Division

2001

7-7

99.9

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

2002

11-3

112.0

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to Parlay Quick-6 in semifinal

2003

5-9

91.6

N/A

3rd place in Ring Worm Division

2004

4-10

91.4

N/A

Last place in Tape Worm Division

2005

10-4

118.7

2-0

FFL/Tape Worm Champ – defeated Marco Estrada in DeBerg Bowl X

2006

12-2

107.0

0-1

Tape Worm Champ – lost to Johnny Detroit in semifinal

2007

5-9

87.9

N/A

3rd place in Tape Worm Division

2008

8-6

106.6

0-1

Wild Card berth – lost to Southpark Cartmans in semifinal

2009

8-6

104.3

N/A

2nd place in Ring Worm Division

2010

11-3

117.1

0-1

Heart Worm Champ – lost to Vomiting Cobras in semifinal

2011

9-5

108.9

0-1

2012

10-4

100.6

0-1

Heart Worm Champ – los to Parlay Quick-6 in semifinal

2013

7-7

106.0

N/A

2nd place in Heart Worm Division

2014

11-3

109.6

0-1

Ring Worm Champ – lost to Big Audio Dynamite in semifinal

CAREER

144-107

102.9

2-8

Heart Worm Champ – lost to Milt’s NPTY in semifinal by QB tiebreaker (Matt Ryan over Michael Vick, 29-28)

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The FFL would like to thank the donors that made this guide possible: Biv, Greg Detter, Steve Detter, Tyler Gall, Kyle Phillips, Nick Thompson, and Bill Williamson