TidBits of Preping my Own Wedding

THE TIDBITS OF A WEDDING PREP AS NARRATED BY VIOLET KIBAGENDI

I met my now husband when I was in Campus through a friend, two friends, actually. The plan was, we meet up but one of the two friends was a no show. We called her to follow up and she not only gave us her location, but she also invited us, and so we went, like the spontaneous campus girls we were. When we got there, there he was……

We celebrated our 9 th year anniversary on 11 th March.

Considering Kenya has always had tribal tension, Any superstitions you had in mind about dating another culture?

None. That never came up. The tribe of a person has got nothing to do with who they are. Good people are good people and bad people are just bad people. Their tribe/culture has got nothing to do with it. Believe it or not, it took over 6 months before Dave and I had the ‗BTW what tribe are you?„ kind of discussion, so I believe this was a non-issue for him as well. Kenya is a very culturally rich country and I find that to be beautiful, to be more…. We cannot possibly at this time and age be stuck on tribal/cultural Superstitions.

A kikuyu traditional attire

Was that when you knew he was the one?

The one? At that point I did not even know we would date. We became really good friends for a while before anything became serious and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I eventually fell in love with my best friend.

Love at first sight ?

As for love at first sight, it definitely wasn’t that for my case. I liked him when we first met, (I mean, he is very handsome and charming, who wouldn't) But I grew to care for and love Dave the more I got to know him. I don’t know about love at first sight. Actually, it May not exist in my books but I suppose we all perceive love differently and we have to acknowledge that the person(s) who coined the phrase ‗love at first sight„ must have experienced it.

Dating in campus may sometimes be very rocky for students. How did you two make it this far? How did you manage to stay faithful to each other in school?

We have had our ups and downs, broke up like 2 or 3 times in between but since we met, we have always been friends, even through the break ups. Our friendship and our 100% honesty policy has helped us a long way.

THE AFRICAN WEDDING

In our culture, we had two traditional weddings. The first traditional wedding enabled Dave's side of the family know where I come from and further, it was for negotiation and payment of dowry. The significance is in the traditional setting, I officially became Dave'swife.

The second was for my side of the family to get to know Dave's side better. It is called ‘itara’ which is Kikuyu for fireplace. It is at this function that I am given rights, in a way, showed around the kitchen and how stuff works…where finally I am given the key to his parents„ house. It signifies ―a sense of belonging…‖

Would you say you learnt the other culture better through this traditional process?

Yeah, in a sense, I got a better understanding. I still continue to learn though and it„s an exciting experience.

The fact that I got to play dress up, wore a traditional Kikuyu attire (of my husband‟s tribe), was my highlight of the traditional wedding. I thoroughly enjoyed it, we also met so many people, aunts, who, traditional, are supposed to teach new brides or “brides to be” on matters marriage. They gave us immense advice based on various experiences and simply celebrated life. We grew so much.

WEDDING

I was my Own Wedding Planner…

The proposal was in December. After we came back, we discussed our options and decided to follow through the wedding process, that being around February. The wedding was to be in December of the very year.

I started looking at various service providers and we made the first deposit in March….9 months before the wedding.

First off, our wedding was an ―Invites only‖ and explaining to family that they cannot bring the entire village was no mean task. This was hard considering we both came from big family relations.

Secondly, we all know that every girl wants a story book wedding…it was a real challenge separating my thoughts from that in order to have a budget friendly wedding which was accommodative to my friends„ and families„ views.

Then there was the sourcing of service providers. It was hectic but well, where there is a will, there must be a way, right?

Sourcing providers can be cumbersome. Considering you were still working full time.

Some of the service providers were people we had been working with, like the photographer, we also attended quite a number of functions where the band had performed…. The rest we sourced online and through referrals by friends.

Role of family and friends…Did your friends come through for you (considering most brides lose friends at this point)

Advice, moral support and financial support…that was the main role of friends and family. I was overwhelmed by the willingness exuded to help and support with whatever we needed.

Soundslike a lotof work. Why tire yourself with all this while you could hire?

Ha ha ha. I actually did most of the planning and execution because I enjoyed the process. For that reason, it was difficult to cross paths with my friends or even lose them. Also, my friends were willing to help and they called often just to check on me and the wedding progress…..it was a quite humbling experience. They also, surprised me as they threw me a bridal shower that I will live to remember…I could say our bond grewstronger through theexperience…

My MOST disappointing moment ….

My make-up started running out after I took the vows. My makeup artist, who was to come to the venue bailed. I almost broke down. Luckily, I had a friend who was good in ‗makeup things„ and fortunately enough, we had the same complexion. Thank heavens she had carried her kit. She re-did my make-up and I was good to go

If I were to do it all over again? What would I change?

Nothing. I loved every bit of it, even the make-up, (before it ran out)…*smiles

Advice to other young women on Wedding Planning…

I Love planning events, but from experience, it can be quite overwhelming for some. My advice would be, if planning isn't really your thing and you have the resources, hire a planner. However, with sufficient planning and strategizing, nothing cannot be effectively and successfully achieved! You are your ownlimit.

Become One‖

Forever Two Shall