THE TALK ISSUE REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES
APRIL 2019
language
THE ALL KIDS NEED TO KNOW 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD TO YOUR CHILD
never say
unlock
YOUR CHILD'S GENIUS AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND
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REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES
contents
Jo in us
APRIL 2019
just for you
16 18
12 HOW TO GIVE PARENTING ADVICE WITHOUT GETTING HIT 24 ONE WORD AT A TIME The world needs a little less judgement and a lot more love. 30 WELLBEING WITH COLLETT Marriages that grow.
parenting
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30 10
PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.
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6 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR CHILDREN 16 THE LANGUAGE OF THE FUTURE The screentime activity your child needs to have. 18 UNLOCK YOUR CHILD’S GENIUS Why every kid is gifted—and how to encourage their potential. 26 REJECTION: HELPING YOUR CHILD TO COPE We can’t shield them from every heartache, but we can help them grow stronger. 32 BOOK CORNER
34 TOP PARENT-SHAMING TOPICS—AND WHY THEY (DON’T) MATTER
food & wellbeing
8 FAITH AND HEALTH IN TEENS The benefits of religious education in schools. 10 ASK THE EXPERTS
22 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE Avocado sushi; strawberry chia watermelon smoothie; Mexican salsa; easy satay sauce.
PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.
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VOLUME 3 NUMBER 4 The Talk Issue
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e r ' u o Y
from the
April
C
editor
oming from Singapore and with a Chinese background, I grew up trilingual. I conversed, read and wrote in both Mandarin and English for the best part of my school life. I also had to learn Hokkien (yes, it has the same origins as Hokkien noodles) in order to speak with and understand my grandmother, who I lived with when I was in primary school. The sad thing is that since moving to Australia some 15 years ago, I am no longer fluent in Mandarin and Hokkien through lack of use. It is a loss of skill I mourn, especially now that I am trying to raise Elliott with some knowledge of Mandarin. But when you live with an only-English-speaking husband and have a Mandarin vocabulary of a five-year-old yourself, trying to raise a bilingual child is rather challenging. I am happy to say that Elliott understands Mandarin, but unfortunately, he doesn’t really speak it. When he does occasionally say a Mandarin word— often within an English sentence, much to the confusion of others—the warmth and pride that bubbles through me is as if he has just solved a quantum physics equation. As mothers, I’m sure we understand the power of the things we say to our children. It not only helps to develop their communication skills, but forms the way they understand life and shapes their very being. It’s also why in this issue of Mums At The Table, themed “Talk”, Rachel Lemons Aitken, from our TV show, shares how we can talk to our children during their times of emotional turmoil (see page 26, “Rejection: Helping Your Child to Cope”). It’s a practical piece filled with advice and tips on how to strengthen the mental resilience of our kids. Speaking of advice, it’s one thing sharing it with kids and quite another with other parents. If you ever find yourself in the situation of needing to “talk” to another adult about how they raise their child, you may want to check out the article on page 12, “How to Give Parenting Advice Without Getting Hit”.
g m n i o r t hers! e w e mpo
Thanks to the partnership and support of generous mums like you, the Mums At The Table community is able to encourage and support mums all across Australia and New Zealand through their parenting journey. You can help inspire other mums too, go to mumsatthetable.com/donate. I can’t wait to read [your magazine]. Your show has helped me a lot as a new mum and at times [when] I’ve felt a bit isolated or unsure, you’ve always been there which is so nice. Thank you.
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I love the cooking and psychology segments [of your TV show]. Always simple, but so relevant and helpful. I love the honest group panel discussions and love that you also get to share boldly from a Christian value perspective. Honestly, I just love the show and find it really helpful as a mother of four boys, trying to navigate in this incredibly difficult, secular world. I don’t have any parents to draw from or mentors around me who understand, so I love the collective insight, experience and learning you ladies bring.
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10 things you
SHOULD NEVER SAY
“DON'T DO THAT!”
“WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER/SISTER?”
The subconscious part of most children’s brains does not hear the word don’t. You might say, “Don't run with scissors”, but your child will hear, “Run with scissors.” Say what you need to say in a positive way: “Remember, we walk when we are carrying scissors.” Tell them what you want from them, not what you don’t want.
Comparing one child unfavourably to another will make them believe that you love their sibling more than you love them. The result is that they may resent you, lose respect for you and emotionally move away from you. Alternatively, they may direct all their energy to trying to please or impress you so that you will love them more, to the detriment of their own development. It will also create resentment and animosity towards their sibling. Whatever you want to say, leave comparisons with other children out of it.
“YOU'RE CLUMSY/LAZY/STUPID/UNGRATEFUL/SELFISH . . . ” When you tell your child that you think poorly of them, they believe it: “If my mum thinks that, what does everybody else think about me?” We need to build our kids’ sense of self-worth, not destroy it. Make your comments about the action, not the child. For instance, instead of labelling them with a negative term, try saying, “That was a silly thing to do wasn't it?”
“YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT. LET ME HELP YOU.” They will believe you. You are telling them you have no faith in their ability. The logical consequence to them is that they can’t do anything. If they don’t get encouragement from you, they will look for it elsewhere, creating an emotional gap between you and your child. Let them do it. Let them fail. Let them learn and try again.
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By Andrew McLaren
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April 2019
PIJAMA61—GETTY IMAGES
to your children
“GOOD JOB. WELL DONE!”
“GIVE GRANDMA A BIG KISS!”
“DON’T BE SILLY. YOU DON’T NEED TO CRY.”
When you make children submit to unwanted physical contact, you are telling them that they do not have authority over their own body. Carrying this through into teenage years and beyond leads to trouble. Grandma can ask for a kiss and if the response is “No”, then this must be respected.
Children need to be allowed to feel and express their emotions. The result of suppressed feelings—in boys particularly—is well documented. Trivialising their feelings diminishes their sense of self-worth. What seems of little concern to you can be major to them. Validate their feelings.
“I TOLD YOU THAT WOULD HAPPEN.” They know already. “I told you so” is not going to help them, it only reinforces their beliefs that they are stupid. They need to know that their parents are there to pick up the pieces when things go wrong. They already feel embarrassed. What they need from you is to fix any harm they suffered from their curiosity and adventurousness. Always be aware of, and support, your child’s self-esteem.
It sounds supportive, but it’s not telling them anything. If you want to build their self-worth, then tell them what it is they have done well and the quality that made it good. If you don’t tell them what they did well, then it is empty praise. Also, praise them for what they have control over, rather than what they don’t. Instead of “You’re very clever”, say “You worked at it until you got it right.”
“YOUR DAD’S A FOOL.”
“WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER/MOTHER GETS HOME.”
Don’t say negative things about the other parent. It can be very confusing for your child and affects their sense of security. When children know that their parents are happy with each other, they also know they will be fed, sheltered and protected. Being demonstrative and loving to your partner also helps children learn how to be in a loving relationship. Openly and unreservedly love your partner.
Instilling a sense of fear for a parent, who they expect to protect them, will not serve your child well. A child who is afraid is not going to learn anything. Discipline with love, not fear. When you do say the wrong thing—and you will—don’t sweat it. Admit when you are wrong. Apologise when you hurt them or let them down. Don’t ruin a good apology with an excuse. Own up when you make a mistake. Be fun to be with. An adoptive father, single parent, step-father and biological father, Andrew McLaren is a family engagement consultant with Understanding Families.
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Faith
STUDIES LINK POSITIVE HEALTH AND WELLBEING OUTCOMES WITH: belief in a higher spiritual being, public and private prayer, meditation.
HEALTH
concepts of giving and generosity to others.
in teens
expressing gratitude.
values education.
Research has revealed religious education in schools can help improve the emotional and mental health of teenagers. By Murray Norman
A
s parents, we have to consider which activities will be of the greatest benefit and which activities will provide our child with the most positive outcomes. As mums and dads, we most certainly can all agree, we all want the very best for our children. With the new school year now well underway, both children and parents can begin to understand and appreciate there are core subjects available, but also a myriad of opt-in subjects such as sports, art and music. Parents have choices and one of the opportunities during school hours is religious education, called many
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different things in various states and countries, and labelled Special Religious Education (SRE) in New South Wales (NSW). Recently, in Sydney, a group of more than 400 guests, including government leaders and representatives from many different faith groups and volunteer SRE teachers from across the state, had the honour of sharing an evening at NSW Parliament House with world-renowned scholars, Professor Zehavit Gross and Emeritus Professor Suzanne Rutland. Professor Zehavit is from the Bar-Ilan University in Israel and is the UNESCO chair in education for human values, tolerance and peace, while Professor Suzanne is from the University of Sydney. In addition to being well-known and respected researchers and authors, they are both mothers and grandmothers. The parliamentary celebration of SRE in NSW was held to honour the contributions made by volunteers in making SRE, which has been offered since 1880, an important part of school life in the state. Both the NSW minister for education, Rob Stokes, and the shadow education minister, Jihad Dib, were invited to speak at the event. The event was also the public launch of a groundbreaking independent research report into SRE in NSW schools, authored by the two professors. Their report draws upon research from many sources, including Harvard University.
FATCAMERA—GETTY IMAGES, FREEPIC
SRE, as a form of religious education, fosters many of these attributes and can therefore strengthen child and adolescent health and wellbeing.
Their findings include: • SRE brings important psychological benefits to students’ mental health and wellbeing and reduces the risk of mental illness. It quoted a recent Harvard University study that found, “results suggest associations of frequent religious participation in adolescence with greater subsequent psychological wellbeing, character strengths, and lower risks of mental illness and several health behaviours”. • Faith and belief continue to be an integral part of contemporary Australian society and therefore need to be supported in the public arena. SRE creates safe places for students to explore deeper questions of faith and belief. • SRE strengthens the multicultural fabric of Australian schools, building an environment of trust and respect. The authors pointed out that religious education is consistent with the Australian government’s own National Framework for Values Education, which ensures schooling educates the whole child and must necessarily engage a student’s heart, mind and actions. The report also addressed criticism of SRE but found “much of the strong criticism of SRE lies in the essentialist approach used by many teachers. We recommend SRE teachers employ a more open-ended, constructivist approach in their classes. Research
shows that young people respond better to a more interactive and personalised learning approach.” It also emphasised the need for teaching practices to keep updated with coming generations. “Meaningfully engaging the next generation will require effective teaching and learning strategies. SRE facilitators need to be trained in the best practice approaches to religious education in order to provide a robust curriculum that understands and addresses the challenges facing contemporary society.” Our world is changing and the way we make sense of our context and what we value is increasingly being shaped by a more global perspective. The key forces that are shaping our future as a society include globalisation, digitisation, materialism, pluralism, individualism, secularisation and fundamentalism. SRE provides key benefits, including an effective values examination that empowers student decision-making, fosters student action and assigns real student responsibility.
Murray Norman and his wife Rachel have been married for more than 20 years and have four children. Murray is the CEO of Christian SRE in NSW. faithlifevalues.com.au.
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e h t k as experts
Q What should my baby’s first foods be? Natalie, via email
OUR PANEL:
KATHY FRAY MATERNITY EXPERT KATHYFRAY.COM
NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL
TRISH GUY KAREN HOLFORD ANDREW DARON PRATT NUTRITIONIST FAMILY COUNSELLOR PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN SANITARIUM HEALTH HEARTWORDS GP SEVENTH-DAY & WELLBEING SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC
This topic is complex but here is a brief summary: • No solid food under four months, preferably six. • Breastmilk or formula is all many babies need up until six months. • Signs a baby is ready for eating solids include: being able to sit well in a high chair, having good head control, starting to put things in their mouth and perhaps interest in watching other people eat or trying to grab others’ food. • My personal philosophy is to start with feeding veggies only, such as cooked and pureed pumpkin, carrot, zucchini and raw mashed avocado. • Once veggies are progressing well, then introduce fruit such as cooked and pureed apple, apricot, peach, pear, mango and ripe mashed banana. Tinned fruit in juice (not syrup) is fine for pureeing. • Due to infants’ limited ptyalin enzyme production in the saliva, starchy foods can cause mucous-thickening issues (such as asthma, ear infections and runny noses). So avoid things such as rice, baby rice cereal, bread, biscuits and potatoes until their molars (their starchgrinding teeth) are through. Stick to veggies, fruit and dairy. —Kathy
PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNAECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL
Q How do I get my kids to connect more with Jesus? Naomi, via our website
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Q My period hasn’t been the same since I had my baby. It used to last for almost a week, but it now only goes for four or five days. Is this normal? Beth, via email It’s not uncommon for your period pattern to have changed— longer or shorter, heavier or lighter—as your endometrial lining (what is shed during your period) has to remodel itself after a pregnancy. All of this is very normal. —Peter SASIISTOCK, MINKO, VIDI STUDIO—GETTY IMAGES
Prayer: Make prayer a part of your daily routine. Pray at mealtimes, in the car, before bed and more. Bible study: Read the Bible with your child along with a good Bible storybook. This is how they learn about Jesus in action and as they hear the stories, it helps them develop ways to connect with Jesus. Church involvement: The Sabbath needs to be a special day for many reasons, the most important being the opportunity to participate in a formal time to worship God and celebrate the life of Jesus. Service to others: As children serve alongside their parents, they catch a greater vision of who Jesus is and develop a deep heart connection with Him and for others. Service to others increases your child’s spirituality exponentially. Godly play: As children play and use their imaginations (especially in a spiritual setting), they experience Jesus in their own way. Powerful connections can be forged in this way. Nature nurture: Taking your child on a trip into the great outdoors, to the beach, camping, climbing a mountain or even to the zoo is a great way for your child to connect with the Creator. Another way is to watch the stars on a still clear night. Memory events: Camps, weeks of worship and other church-organised events are also excellent ways for your child to gain a sense of something bigger than themselves and to connect with Jesus in a powerful way. The key is to build these events into your child’s life regularly. They are connecting anchor points for the soul. —Daron
SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS Write to us at: editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
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FREE PRINTAB LE “DEVELO PIN PARENTIN G YOUR G VALUE S” AVAILAB LE FOR DOWNLO AD MumsAtT heTable.c om /freestuff
coping. If they are struggling with anxiety, depression or marriage problems, they may need professional help. If they are feeling overwhelmed, some practical help—a meal or some babysitting—might do more good for their parenting than any advice ever could.
GET TO KNOW WHAT DRIVES THEIR PARENTING When it comes to giving advice, our first impressions are not enough to go on: there is a big difference between a bad week and bad parenting! It’s only as we get to know someone that we can begin to understand why they relate to their children in a particular way. For example, I once knew a mum who found it really hard to let her pre-schooler experience any disappointment or discomfort—she was always quick to step in and fix things. But as I got to know her, she explained why: her son had been born very premature and she still tended to see him as fragile and in need of protection. My friend knew that her parenting was not ideal, but it was shaped by some strong—and very understandable— emotional forces.
How to give
HELP THEM CLARIFY THEIR VISION AND VALUES Most parenting problems arise because we let our immediate needs and desires override our long-term goals. We want some peace and quiet, so we just give in to the whining. We need to get something done, so we just turn on the flashing screen again. We want our kids to like us, so we don’t set any boundaries. When we notice bad habits forming (in our own family or someone else’s), it can help to stop and clarify our vision. We can ask questions such as: What kind of values do you want to characterise your family? What kind of adults are you seeking to raise? What are the most important lessons and skills you want your children to learn? At a time when we were struggling as parents, a wise friend suggested that we discuss and write down our family’s values. Looking back, I’m sure she could see the rookie errors we were making. But rather than simply telling us what to do, she gently empowered us to come to those conclusions ourselves.
E C I V D A G N I PARENT By Harriet Connor
without getting hit By Harriet Connor
MAKE OBSERVATIONS WITH EMPATHY
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needs to listen; but sometimes, we will be the one who needs to speak. So how can we offer parenting advice without laying a heavy burden on people? How can we give advice that builds others up rather than tearing them down?
CHECK YOUR MOTIVES Often, we want to give parenting advice because it makes us feel good. We feel wiser than our friend, because we can see the mistakes they are making. But good parenting advice springs
from a heart of love, not pride; it comes from a genuine desire to see our friend’s family flourish.
CHECK IF THEY ARE COPING JACKF—GETTY IMAGES
W
e’ve all been on the receiving end of unwanted parenting advice—when a casual comment lands like a brick on your already-tender conscience. But what happens when you’re on the other side—when you see someone you care about making parenting decisions you think they’ll come to regret? Often, we resort to a polite silence, because we don’t want to risk offending or hurting the other person. But the truth is that all of us need friends who are willing to ask us the hard questions and hold us accountable. Sometimes, we will be the one who
The way we parent can’t be separated from our overall wellbeing. If someone you care about is making poor parenting decisions, it could be a signal that all is not well. Health or relationship problems can drain off our emotional energy, leaving us running on empty when it comes to our kids. Before giving any advice, we need to find out if our friend is
When we are in the thick of raising children, it can be hard to see our situation objectively. Often we are just dragging ourselves through to bedtime each day. So it can be helpful when someone outside the family gives us some honest feedback. Often, the gentlest way to make these observations is by empathising with your friend’s dilemma. When we empathise, we make room for an honest conversation; when we judge, the other person raises their defences. For example, we could say things such as: “It breaks your heart to see them unhappy, doesn’t it?”, “It’s hard to be consistent when you’re tired, isn’t it?” or “It takes a lot of effort to teach kids to do chores, doesn’t it?” We can help our friend to see where their day-to-day
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We all come to parenthood with high ideals. Holding onto anger is like swallowing a poison pill and hoping the other person dies.
parenting decisions are undermining their long-term vision, without acting as if we’re above those kind of mistakes ourselves.
HELP THEM MAKE A PLAN Help your friend to decide on some concrete steps for realigning their parenting with their vision and values. We can make suggestions based on our own experiences and observations. When someone points out our parenting flaws—what we shouldn’t be doing—it can be disheartening. But when someone offers us a positive alternative—what we could be doing instead—it can be inspiring. A non-threatening way of making these suggestions is by asking the question, “Would you consider trying . . . ?” or “What do you think would happen if you . . . ?”
Everyone has a story about being treated unfairly. Learn how forgiveness can change your story and save your life.
•
We have a powerful heavenly Father who uses all things, even our parenting mistakes, for good. • Our children can learn from our imperfections: they learn how to be honest about sin, how to ask for forgiveness and how to persevere in God’s strength. • Our children can learn from an imperfect childhood: they learn to be resilient, patient and compassionate, they learn to forgive others. • It’s never too late to make a fresh start. Through humble and loving conversations about parenting, we can encourage one other in our mission to equip the next generation for a meaningful life in God’s world.
In this free series about forgiveness, learn about the ways anger and hurt affect your emotional and physical wellbeing. By understanding how and why to forgive, you can find healing from past hurts and experience true freedom. Visit forgivetolive.org.au to begin this free series online, or return this form by mail to receive your first booklet.
We also offer other FREE resources.
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VISIT hopechannel.com/learn for more information
Harriet Connor lives with her husband and three sons on the Central Coast of NSW. She is the author of Big Picture Parents: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Life and has degrees in languages and theology.
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We all come to parenthood with high ideals. As soon as we fall short, we can slide into despair, thinking that we are the worst parents in the world and our children will never recover. As we give and receive parenting advice, let’s encourage each other with these truths, derived from the Bible: • All human children have human parents. But God still entrusts them into our care. • We have a gracious heavenly Father who forgives us and fills us with His Spirit.
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The
E G A U LANG
We often talk about screentime as being a bad thing for children. There are however some vital computer skills kids need to learn.
of the
By Hayley Markham
SUPPLIED
B
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illionaire tech entrepreneur and co-founder of Tesla and PayPal Elon Musk created his first video game at age 12. While that sounds pretty impressive, he’s actually five years behind some kids in Australia. During the most recent school holidays, 5000 primary schoolaged kids across the country (some as young as seven) learned how to code their own games through Code Camp, a school holiday program that teaches children how to code in as little as three days. The program took kids behind the scenes of how computers work and taught them the coding language needed to “talk” with computers—essentially teaching them the language of the future. Being a mother of three daughters, I am passionate about making sure kids have the necessary skills to tackle the digital world. More and more jobs of the near future will involve digital design skills, with 80 per cent of jobs being in the technology sector. According to the World Economic Forum, 65 per cent of children who started primary school this year will be doing a job that doesn’t yet exist by the time they enter the workforce. I helped start Code Camp over four years ago as a fun way to engage kids in coding at a young age, allowing them to become digital storytellers. By learning to use code to design characters, build game levels, choose their baddies and create storylines, they are becoming creators of technology rather than mindlessly consuming it. The benefits of teaching children how to code are undeniable. It provides pathways to future employment, keeps them stimulated and offers a creative outlet. Coding is also a great way to direct screentime towards something productive. Children all across the nation are gaining sought-after entry skills that developers are learning in universities and advanced courses. With the advancement of technology on hyperdrive, artificial intelligence (AI) and robotics are set to replace around 10 per cent of jobs over the next decade alone, and experts predict major disruption to numerous careers and jobs for decades to come. We simply cannot ignore that the skill sets needed for our children to be employable are very different than when we were at school or preparing for a transition into the workforce. We might like to think that tech-driven millennials are a passing trend, but the reality is that they are just the tip of the iceberg of how future generations and our primary school kids of
today will conduct work and life when they approach adulthood. Their world will be a very different one in terms of technology— technology development and coding are said to be fundamental evergreen career paths. Unfortunately, despite technology and coding being a booming industry, the numbers of girls getting into it aren’t where they need to be. This is an area I’m focused on at Code Camp. According to Australia’s New South Wales Education Standards Authority, only 9 per cent of female students studied software and development for their senior high school certificate (HSC) in 2017. Adding to this is the current statistics on women in the Australian tech workforce, who make up just 30 per cent of the numbers. With Australia facing a labour shortage of 18 per cent by 2030, particularly in the IT sector, we really need to change these statistics. I’m keen to boost the attendance of girls at our camps so that they have the same skills as their male counterparts. The misconception that a girl enjoying coding must be nerdy and unpopular is outdated and we are on a mission to get our boy-girl ratio to an even split. I believe that if young girls can see it, they can be it, so I’ve focused on employing female teachers who are good role models for the young girls coming through our camps. As such, 60 per cent of our current teaching staff are female. At the same time, parents of young girls can help by encouraging their daughters to have a go at coding. Encouraging girls to learn coding in a fun and interactive way is the way forward and hopefully, with the support of families and government, we can start to turn these figures around. The soft skills we need to equip our children with are very different to what our generation needed when we were their age. Coding is where creativity and technology meet. While they might just be learning basic game or app development at Code Camp, these are the bedrock of career paths in this industry. Kids love it and it opens an all-important door for them.
Hayley Markham is a mother of three and co-founder and chief of operations of Code Camp, one of Australia’s fastest growing social impact businesses. codecamp.com.au.
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UNLOCK YOUR CHILD’S
genius One psychologist has the secret to unleashing the innate potential in kids.
I
f you watched SBS documentary series Child Genius last year, you would be led to believe the word genius describes only a gifted few. How many children do you know can spell sesquipedalian or otolaryngology—or even know what they mean? However, Melbourne-based clinical psychologist Dr Andrew Fuller wants to challenge our modern understanding of the concept. Specialising in brains, learning and resilience, he works “to create with people futures they can fall in love with”. In contrast to popular perception, Dr Andrew believes that everyone possesses genius—that is, natural talent—in different areas. His vision is for every child to have their individual strengths acknowledged and developed by the adults around
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them. A meaningful life comes from knowing who we are and what we’re here for—we need to have a sense that we and our unique contribution to the world are truly valued. Dr Andrew has a passion for young people and helps families, schools and communities to become places where every child has the opportunity to reach their full potential. He has seen firsthand what happens when children’s strengths aren’t acknowledged. “It’s a recipe for disaster,” he says. “They feel locked into other people’s expectations, especially their parents’, and can sometimes become anxious and depressed.” According to Dr Andrew, our modern schooling system makes the situation worse, because it ranks children based exclusively on
FATCAMERA—GETTY IMAGES
By Harriet Connor
their capacity in two areas: literacy and numeracy. “Some children feel like miserable failures because their strengths in other areas, such as music or sport, are not measured or acknowledged.” While schools and teachers have their part to play, it’s parents who are best placed to draw out a child’s true potential—and all it takes is to spend time talking to them. In his latest book, Unlocking Your Child’s Genius: How to Discover and Encourage Your Child’s Natural Talents, Dr Andrew writes, “The power of parents to ignite the blaze of brilliance becomes truly inspiring. Fortunately you have at your fingertips the best laboratory for unlocking your child’s genius—it’s called the world. By exploring, creating and playing in it, you can expand your child’s mind. By taking time with them to delight and wonder and be
curious, you ignite sparks that will flicker and flourish throughout their lives. What a gift to give.” The first step, according to Dr Andrew, is to get to know your child and identify their learning strengths. As parents, we will have to continue learning and “re-learning” about our children as they move through each new age and stage. Genius is not just about excelling in maths or spelling—Dr Andrew has identified 10 different kinds of “smart”. Every person possesses these learning strengths in differing proportions. For school-aged children, it’s important to share what we learn about our children with their teachers. In Dr Andrew’s words, “The adults in a child’s life should collaborate and agree on a process to get the best outcome for the child.”
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Quote . . . today’s quote quote children quote..... are “information rich, but experience poor”.
how to encourage the essential “genius” skills: concentrating, persevering, learning new things, analysing and organising information, and remembering what you learn. It is also important to establish family routines that support our children’s healthy development. This includes making time for rest and sleep, exercise and meaningful conversations; it includes providing healthy food and limiting screentime. Parents are their children’s most important teachers and role models, so what should we model? “Firstly, show your children that learning is great fun. Keep up your own curiosity about the world; delight in telling interesting stories and seeing the absurdities of life,” Dr Andrew suggests. “Secondly, model making mistakes. Kids need to know that mistakes are just what happens on the path to learning. Children can learn from us how to critique their experiences. Ask them, ‘How would you do things differently next time?’ Or ‘What did you do to make that a success?’ “Finally, be prepared to be amazed by your kids. And point out to them what amazes you. When you acknowledge what your children are doing well, it gives them a real lift.” Dr Andrew is inspiring a new generation of parents to release the spark of genius in their children. As he writes in his book, “Your child’s genius will only be unlocked when you take the time to plan, enrich, explore and help them discover their spark. In a world that requires children to study more and play less, we need to help them play more, reflect, consider and analyse more—and, most of all, dream bigger dreams.”
Harriet Connor lives with her husband and three sons on the Central Coast of NSW. She is the author of Big Picture Parents: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Life and has degrees in languages and theology.
NUMBER SMART
WORD SMART
Working with mathematics, numbers and calculations
WILPUNT—GETTY IMAGES, @ICONICBESTIARY—FREEPIK
When we have more than one child, Dr Andrew says it’s easy to fall into the trap of pushing our children towards different roles in the family. We label one child “the artistic one” and another “the mathematical one”. Dr Andrew cautions against this kind of pigeon-holing, because it blinds us to the ways that our children’s learning strengths may actually overlap. His advice is simple: “Take each child as they are.” Once we have mapped out our children’s learning strengths, it’s time to take them out into what Dr Andrew calls the “classroom of life”. This is important, he says, because today’s children are “information rich, but experience poor”. Parents can encourage their children’s natural curiosity by doing things together. Every chapter of Dr Andrew’s book ends with a list of enriching experiences for kids of every age. Even the simplest activities provide opportunities for our children to explore the world. Depending on their age, these could include: • Use all of the senses: encourage kids to touch, smell, see, hear and even taste a variety of things. • Read to them and with them. • Teach them to identify the letters of the alphabet, to tell the time, learn to count, draw circles and counter clockwise circles (important for writing); sing the alphabet and times tables with them. • Remind children that their brain is like a muscle that can get stronger and smarter as they use it. • Get them excited about learning. Help them to investigate ideas, plan and complete projects, and conduct experiments. • As well as continuing to photograph your child doing things, hand the camera over to them and ask them to take photographs or make short videos. According to Dr Andrew, parents are their children’s “neuroarchitects”—that is, we can have a real impact on how our children’s minds develop. Unlocking Your Child’s Genius shows parents
The 10 different kinds of “smart” Reading, writing and spelling
LOGIC SMART
PICTURE SMART
Thinking issues through and clearly coming to a conclusion
Art, design, construction and mechanics
TECHNOLOGY SMART
BODY SMART
Computers, using tools to create things and video-making
Fitness, health, strength, healing and acting
NATURE SMART
MUSIC SMART
Farming, caring for animals and looking after the environment
Playing, creating, listening to music and singing
PEOPLE SMART
SELF SMART
Understanding others, creating friendships, resolving differences, managing, inspiring and connecting with other people
Perhaps the most important smart of all: knowing yourself, your likes, dislikes, your areas of strength and interests
SOURCE: UNLOCKING YOUR CHILD’S GENIUS BY ANDREW FULLER IS AVAILABLE AT BADAPPLEPRESS.COM.AU.
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COOKING with Gia & Olive
AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND
Mexican salsa 5 MINUTES 5
Avocado sushi 45 MINUTES 2–3 INGREDIENTS 2 cups uncooked brown rice 4½ cups water 3 tbsp rice wine vinegar 1 tbsp coconut sugar 1 packet Nori sheets 1 large ripe avocado, cut in long strips Optional: 2 tbsp sesame seeds Soy sauce, to taste
METHOD 1. Submerge brown rice in water
and cook in a rice cooker or on
INGREDIENTS
the stove.
3 ripe tomatoes, deseeded to reduce juice 2 garlic cloves ¼ cup lime juice (about 1 lime) ¼ red onion 1 small red chili 2–3 stems fresh coriander ½ tsp salt
2. When rice is cooked, mix in rice wine vinegar and coconut sugar. Set aside to cool. 3. Place Nori sheet on a bamboo sushi rolling mat (or a flat surface) and spread the cooled rice evenly on top, leaving a space at the top edge.
METHOD 1. Pulse all ingredients in a food processor until salsa is coarsely chopped (or chop all ingredients by hand and mix together in a bowl). 2. Serve immediately with corn chips, add to bean burritos or tacos, or simply consume as a side salad. SOURCE: THE REVIVE CAFÉ COOKBOOK BY JEREMY DIXON
4. Add a strip of avocado to the middle of the sheet and roll it tightly. Using your finger, wet the top edge of the Nori sheet to securely seal the roll. 5. Slice into 1–2-cm slices and, if using, add sesame seeds on top. 6. Serve with soy sauce on the side.
Easy satay sauce
Strawberry Chia Watermelon Smoothie 10 MINUTES 2–3 INGREDIENTS 1½ cups fresh watermelon, cubed 1 cup frozen strawberries ½ banana, chopped and frozen ½ cup almond milk 1 lime, juiced 1 tbsp chia seeds
METHOD Blend all ingredients in a blender until creamy and smooth. Add more almond milk for a thinner consistency or more strawberries or ice to thicken. SOURCE: MINIMALISTBAKER.COM
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FOOD STYLED BY SHONA SOLOMON AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ADAM KAVANAGH
5 MINUTES 4–5 INGREDIENTS ½ cup natural peanut butter 2 tbsp soy sauce ¼ cup Thai red curry paste (or to taste) ½ cup coconut milk Optional: 1 tsp ginger, grated
METHOD Whisk ingredients together and serve.
GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy. Watch how quickly Gia and Olive can make these recipes on the Mums At The Table TV show. FOR MORE
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ONE
WORD
at a time By Megan Jaworski
BANANASTOCK—GETTY IMAGES
T
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he other day at my local shopping centre, my children were playing on a ride while I was secretly eating chocolate. I looked up and saw a lady walking towards us wearing a dark hoodie, her face sullen and hard, and her twin children running ahead towards the ride. I smiled at her and told my children to get off the ride so her children could get on. As her children were climbing onto the ride, I asked her questions about her twins and we started chatting about how she had to move south to be with her mother as the father of the children wasn’t a nice man. She shared how hard it had been and I remarked, “We’ve all had moments rocking back and forth in the corner crying.” She smiled and said, “That was me last night. It was all too much. You’ve done it too?” I reassured her that at some point in time I think all mothers have done that and screamed into their pillow. She smiled again, removed her hoodie and said that was her as well, and that she was really struggling being a single mum with twins, but she had to leave the father of her children as he “isn’t good at all”. I saw in her eyes the pain, mum guilt and the question, Am I really enough for this? And so I told her, “It’s so hard being a mum and I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. You’re doing such an amazing job. And what children need more than a mum and a
dad who is bad news, is a mother who loves them no matter what. And I can see that you’re that because your children are beautiful and happy. Look at them playing so nicely together. You’re doing an amazing job.” With tears in her eyes, she commented on how kind I was and that I was an angel. She thanked me for my words and said, “You don’t know how much that means to me. Thank you so much for being so kind to me. You’re a stranger, yet you said just what I needed. Thank you.” I smiled and reassured her that she was doing her best, and to always remember that. Our words and our actions of love break down barriers, heal wounds and connect us. When we see that God loves every single one of us and that we are all special in His eyes, we remove judgement, speak love, show love, encourage one another and become a light in someone’s darkness. The next time you see a mother who might be struggling or look like they’re having a rough time, speak love, show love and be love. We can change the world for the better—one encouraging word at a time.
Megan Jaworski is a mother of two toddler boys, a lover of ethical chocolate and fashion, a teacher and a mindset specialist coach at meganjaworski.com.
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REJECTION:
Talking to our children about their emotional pain is just as important as treating their physical pain.
HELPING YOUR CHILD TO COPE
By Rachel Lemons Aitken
T
o this day I remember when Tiffany, my kindergarten best friend, moved interstate. I felt a sense of loss even though I didn’t know what to call it. Years later in high school, against my parents’ wishes, I started a relationship that spanned nine years. Too young for such a long relationship, the breakup was devastating. I could clearly see pain on my mother’s face as she tried to comfort me. As parents, we never want to see our children hurt or cry. Yes, we want to raise resilient children, but we don’t want our kids to face pain unnecessarily. So how can we support our kids when they experience social loss or rejection? How do we talk to them about it? Social loss or rejection is more than suffering heartbreak from a teen romance and can impact our children from a young age. Our kids may experience it in the form of a best friend moving away, the end of a friendship after a fight or the breakup of a fledgling relationship. The effects of all of these are even stronger with the onset of social media, where the drama can be intensified by cruel comments, unlikes, unfollows and unfriending. In the face of our daily stress, we may be tempted to pass off what our children experience as insignificant or puppy love, but there are two reasons why we should treat their emotional pain as seriously as we would treat their physical pain.
LOSS AND REJECTION CAN BE LONG-LASTING Rebecca Fraser-Thill, a child development specialist and psychology lecturer at Bates College in the US, says, “While physical wounds heal rather quickly, the psychological pain of social rejection can be long-lasting. This occurs because psychological pain can feel fresh each time the rejection is mentally relived.”
TATYANA_TOMSICKOVA—GETTY IMAGES
IF IT MATTERS TO THEM, IT SHOULD MATTER TO US
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Author Catherine M Wallace aptly sums it up when she says, “Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” The pain our kids experience in these moments is real and they’re watching our reaction. In fact, the way we react can signal to them how they should react. And the way we respond cues to them whether or not they should trust us in the future to care about the “little things”. Most importantly, as we know from our own experiences
of loss and grief, rejection can leave us feeling vulnerable and powerless and as parents, it’s our job to empower our kids and give them tools to navigate their feelings after experiencing a social loss. Here are a few guidelines we can use as we help our kids wade through the murky waters of childhood friendships.
ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS BECAUSE THEY ARE REAL Some of the most basic human emotional needs are to feel seen, heard and understood. This is a moment when we can lean into our ability to confidently parent, without feeling the need for a psychology degree or the wisdom of a parenting book. In these moments, our kids simply want us to be present, listen, look them deeply in the eyes, acknowledge their feelings and empathise with them.
HELP THEM UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NOT OUR FEELINGS In her article “How to Talk to Kids about Big Feelings”, educator Jocelyn Greene of Child’s Play in Action suggests a good way to break the ice and prompt conversation about feelings is watching Pixar’s film Inside Out. The film cleverly follows the journey of a little girl who is battling all the emotions of moving away from the only home she has known. In the film, she experiences joy, fear, anger, disgust and sadness. The themes in the movie will naturally prompt conversation, whether you’re watching with your little one or an adolescent child. However, in discussing our feelings, we should help our children understand that “we are not our feelings. Emotions are controlled by the brain. By simply identifying feelings we can get some calm and happiness where otherwise we were anxious.”
HELP CHILDREN GAIN CONTROL OVER THEIR FEELINGS BY USING GAMES In the same article, Jocelyn suggests several games to engage kids in the idea of releasing and communicating emotions. For example, get your child to identify the big feeling they’re experiencing and give the emotion a call on their “body phone” using a hand, foot, arm or whatever body part is handy (pun intended). She provides a prompt such as “Hello Fear. What are you so worked up about?” or “Ring, ring. Hello excuse me, is Sadness there? I’d love to know what brought you out so loudly today.” Using a silly role-playing scenario can allow a child to detach
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GET
. . .Quote the concept quote quote of self-worth quote..... is built in by the value that Jesus Christ gives . . .
social find us @MumsAtTheTable
As parents, it can be scary to see our influence give way to that of our children’s friends. However, there is still a powerful way we can connect with our children and maintain a place of importance in their social circle. One of the best ways to help our children deal with rejection happens before it even occurs. Authors Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell of The 5 Love Languages of Children explain that “Every child has an emotional tank, a place of emotional strength that can fuel [them] through the challenging days of childhood and adolescence. Just as cars are powered by reserves in the gas tank, our children are fuelled from their emotional tanks. We must fill our children’s emotional tanks for them to operate as they should and reach their potential.” By instilling a healthy sense of self-esteem in our children, we can buffer them from the inevitable stings of social loss by giving them a firm sense of their value and their identity. Especially in the context of a Christian home, the concept of self-worth is built in by the value that Jesus Christ gives: that we are God’s heirs and unconditionally loved. This can never be taken away by the rejection of peers or the sneers of bullies. When this reassurance is consistently reinforced, it will last longer than the sting of rejection.
HELP THEM UNDERSTAND THE CYCLE OF FRIENDSHIP AND THE BALANCE OF POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS After years of experience as adults, we understand that friendships and relationships have cycles. Sometimes friendships are strong and sometimes they end. Though they are tough lessons to learn, we can turn the situation on its head and use it as an opportunity to teach our children in a healthy way about the cycle of relationships. Similarly, we can show our kids how every relationship is built
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WHAT'S ON OUR SHOW THIS MONTH? 7 APRIL
•
FIND MOMENTS FOR FUN AND PLAYFULNESS TO COUNTER THE EFFECTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA REACTION WITH REAL WORLD REACTION As adults who didn’t have the (dis)pleasure of growing up with social media, it can be hard to understand its impact. However, finding moments for fun and playfulness with your children can counter the effects of social media. In their book Growing Up Social, Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane suggest that “Every child is asking the question, ‘Do you like me?’ ”By limiting [their] social media, you will help your child find the answer in real people who can shower [them] with affection instead of an online community that can be fickle and cruel.” As we spend time with our kids, it should be filled with fun, laughter and playfulness that will counter any negative messages the world may throw at them when they’re outside of the safe cocoon of our homes. Although we never want to see our children hurt or cry, we know that social loss and rejection are inevitable. May we raise kids who are empathetic, sensitive and resilient to whatever life throws at them. And may we know when to step in, when to step back and when to stand confidently in the knowledge we have empowered our children with tools to navigate the murky waters of childhood friendships.
Rachel Lemons Aitken blogs on raisays.com and is a regular panellist on Mums At The Table TV show.
•
Does having a second child actually worsen your mental health? Tips for making exercise more effective.
14 APRIL
• •
Practical tips to make YouTube safe for your children to watch. What parents need to know about kids who are sexting.
21 APRIL
• •
Live performance by Chris Sebastian from The Voice. Hugging your kids can make them smarter.
28 APRIL
• •
Is having a ”cheat day” sending our girls the wrong message about food? The story behind a successful plant-based café in Auckland. ALEXA SUTER—UNSPLASH
BUILD THEIR SELF-ESTEEM BEFORE THE REJECTION HAPPENS
on a balance of power: a continuous cycle of giving and taking, pushing and pulling. Power in a relationship can come through giving your time, communication, emotion and yourself. At this time of social loss, help your child see that while they may feel vulnerable and powerless, they are in control of how much of their time, communication, emotion and themselves they continue or discontinue to give to the friendship. This will help them maintain a sense of respect for themselves and the other person while teaching them they don’t remain powerless in situations like this in the future.
PEOPLEIMAGES—GETTY IMAGES
from the emotions and express them without feeling as though they’re making themselves as vulnerable.
Want to know where real women go for real conversations about real issues? Come join in the discussions on our Mums At The Table Facebook group. It's an online mothers’ group where you can ask questions, receive support, make new friends and be part of the village it takes to raise a child.
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Content accurate at the time of printing but may be subject to change.
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WELLBEING with Collett MARRIAGES THAT GROW
F
or any organism to flourish it needs intentional care and attention. Nothing grows to be the best it can be through indifference or neglect—marriages are no different. However, we sometimes miss the fact that even exciting and new adventures create change, which can cause a relationship to need to adjust—each new baby, a new job, moving house. Change (even good ones) brings a level of stress that needs to be faced and readjusted to. The best way to face change is to carve out times in our busy schedules to communicate with each other. Communication is a vital investment in keeping relationships healthy and moving forward, but we sometimes think of communication as just talking. Much of good communication involves listening, so that each person feels heard and understood. A vital aspect is making time for meaningful connecting, before the talking part even happens. Relationships that continue to grow have the following habits in common:
Communication: • Make a specific time to communicate each week. • Actively listen. Drop everything you are doing, then sit or go for a walk together and pay full attention to each other, with
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KUPICOO—GETTY IMAGES
Connection: • Find a way/ways to stay connected through a shared activity. The physical proximity and shared experience help develop a sense of having something in common and something to talk about. • Every person needs to feel loved in a way that communicates love to them. Find out your partner’s Love Language (read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman) and try to connect in this way at least once a week. • Stay more than roommates. It’s the old cliché, but it is extremely important to create ways to keep the romance alive in your relationship. Sending daily love texts, phone calls to just say “hi”, occasionally buying favourite treats . . .
your face and your body language. Try to consider things from each other’s point of view. Allow each person to have time to speak without being interrupted. Each party needs to feel heard and not to simply withdraw to keep the peace. (Allowing things to go unresolved for too long just leads to festering issues within the relationship.) Then, repeat back what your partner has told you, to see if you have understood it correctly. This also allows the other party to clarify any misunderstandings. • When you talk, be polite and non-demanding in tone. Perhaps speak in the same way you would to a co-worker you were trying to resolve an issue with. • Even if you have been married for many years, don’t expect your partner to read your mind and know what you were expecting or thinking. Be specific about what you need and how you feel. Use “I” statements: “I felt . . . ”, “I would really appreciate . . . ” Put up reminder lists of weekly tasks or joint expectations if that helps. • Fight fair. Every couple will have a period where they are under strain and might struggle to communicate effectively, but during arguments, it is important that you constructively attack the problem and not destructively attack the person.
When we have been close with someone, we know their vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Stay away from those areas in arguments, as using them to hurt someone can cause scarring and create deep rifts in relationships. • Flourishing relationships work toward solutions together, rather than simply repeating the problem over and over. • Move forward. If something is resolved, apologise and agree not to bring the situation up in negative ways in future arguments.
COLLETT She’s an author, mum of three and psychologist. Watch Collett Smart share ways mums can look after their own wellbeing on the Mums At The Table TV show. FOR MORE
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You’ve survived one term of school lunchboxes but are you wondering what you’ll do for the rest of the year? These new-release recipe books may just be the answer.
PRIMARY
FOR MUMS PRESCHOOL
BOOK CORNER ONE HANDED COOKS: BOOSTING YOUR BASICS Allie Gaunt, Jess Beaton and Sarah Buckle Viking Australia | $39.99
Coming from the team behind popular baby and toddler food blog One Handed Cooks, you know this will be the perfect recipe book for any mum with young children. Featuring quick and simple recipes using easy-to-find ingredients, this book will help revitalise your cooking. Not only that, it offers strategies— and recipes—to cope with some common challenges related to feeding children: food jags, lunchboxes, nourishing sweet foods, a healthy party and, praiseworthily, even has a section dedicated to vegetarian family meals.
THE AUSTRALIAN WOMEN’S WEEKLY LUNCH BOX Bauer Media Books | $24.99
If you try each recipe in this book, you’ll have a lunchbox idea for just about two school terms. Every recipe (all 100 of them) has been designed to travel and stay fresh, and “triple tested for success every time”. A helpful feature is the variety of options available, including meatless recipes, nut-free recipes to adhere to school guidelines, gluten-free recipes for coeliacs and vegie-heavy recipes for maximum nutritional boost. Most recipes take about 30 minutes to prepare and cook, making them ideal for the busy mum.
WIN
10-A-DAY THE EASY WAY James Wong Mitchell Beazley | $35.00
PRESCHOOL
Set your children up for life by helping them develop a taste (and habit) for a diet that will help them avoid many of the lifestyle diseases that affect the Western world—one rich in fruit and vegetables. Filled with actual photos, this book shows you visually just how little—and therefore easy—it is to have 10 serves of fruit and vegetables a day. This is an educational book that teaches you how to properly cook and consume fruit and vegetables to optimise their full nutritional content. The recipes (some are vegetarian) work for lunchboxes and are fantastic for the evening family meal too.
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WHERE HAPPINESS LIVES
CINDERELLA (THE SOUND OF MAGIC)
Barry Timms & Greg Abbott Little Tiger Press $24.99
With flaps to lift and peep-through pages, this is a fun book for kids and adults alike. A great little story about envy and contentment, and discovering where happiness truly lives. Accompanied by cute illustrations and quality paper, this could possibly be a book your child will want to read again and again.
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April 2019
Sanna Mander Lincoln Children’s Books $27.99
WIN
The familiar story of Cinderella told with the help of a little magic: a cardboard “wand” that creates music when used to tap specific spots on certain pages. A novel and fun way to share a classic tale with your child.
FIRST CHILDREN’S DICTIONARY & VISUAL GUIDE TO GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION DK $19.99 each
The colourful photos in these two books make learning English words and grammar that much more enticing. With examples and explanations broken down into simple language, they’re great as a guide for parents who are either homeschooling or wanting to help their children academically. Works just as well if kids are interested enough to read the books by themselves!
FANTASTICALLY GREAT WOMEN WHO WORKED WONDERS
THE HOUSE ON THE MOUNTAIN Ella Holcombe & David Cox Allen & Unwin $24.99
Not an easy book to read because of its topic, but an important one nonetheless, to understand an event with quite a profound impact—many parents will remember the 2009 Black Saturday fires in Victoria, Australia, which this story is based on. It’s a beautiful albeit sombre story, and while it is suitable for primary-aged children, best processed with an adult.
WIN
ELIZABELLA MEETS HER MATCH
WIN
Another female-celebrating and empowering book by the author of the Great Women series. As before, the stories of women achieving success despite the odds are fascinating and inspiring. The illustrations make the pages fun to read, although they can also be a little busy, which is distracting and causes the text to be difficult to follow.
WINEN'S
Zoë Norton Lodge & Georgia Norton Lodge Walker Books $14.99 Just that little bit wacky, but filled with good-natured fun, humour and sweetness. While several storylines are interwoven within the main one, it is still easy to follow and provides depth to the novel and Elizabella’s (the main character) world. A novel to simply escape to, with a happy ending. Watch this space for more in the series.
Kate Pankhurst Bloomsbury Children’s Books $14.99
CHILDR S! BOOK WIN
g parentin on your ry if to s d l n a ence a person or experi e Submit a thoughts we’ll send you th , y e rn u jo , ry to ! s e g our n this pa we use y atured o books fe te to us at Wri le.com tTheTab MumsA l@ a ri o edit
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TOP G N I M A H S – T N E R PA TOPICS
MUMS AT THE TABLE MAGAZINE
— and why they (don’t) matter
REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES
By James Breakwell
F RE E*
Y MONTHL COPY!
Join the mums at The Table community today and enjoy: What it “Matters”
Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding
If your baby doesn’t gain enough weight, they might lose at baby sumo.
Co-sleeping
No idea. I slept through it.
Traditional name vs something unique
It’s up to you if you ever want anyone to spell your kid’s name right.
Sugar vs sugar-free
You may or may not be raising an ant.
Bedtimes
If your kid doesn’t get enough sleep at night, they might get tired and nap during the day. The horror.
Potty-training age
No-one wants a 30-year-old in nappies.
Helping your kid with their homework
Should your kid fail on their own or fail with your help?
As long as parents raise their kids in contrasting ways, they’ll lash out to prove their method is the right one. That’s why campaigns to end shaming are so misguided. If centuries of armed conflict have proven anything, it’s that human beings aren’t great at tolerating minor differences. Just be glad your argument over baby formula ended with parent shaming and not the Thirty Years’ War.
EXTRACTED FROM BARE MINIMUM PARENTING: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO NOT QUITE RUINING YOUR CHILD BY JAMES BREAKWELL PUBLISHED BY ATLANTIC BOOKS AT $19.99 © JAMES BREAKWELL, 2018.
James Breakwell is a professional comedy writer and amateur father of four girls, aged seven and under. He is best known for his family humour Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn, which boasts more than 1.1 million followers. He is one of the most popular dads on social media.
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