Life after crisis

LIFE

After Crisis

How to Get Back “On Track” after a Crisis

By Vanessa Joy Walker

Author, Speaker, Advocate, and Adversity Coach Vanessa Joy Walker is an expert at navigating life after crisis. Her life experience includes; abandonment, betrayal, cancer, infertility, and grief.

Welcome to my life after crisis! This recurring column is all about moving through the bumpy parts of midlife, menopause, and more. So, let’s dig in!

Can you ever really get back on track after a crisis? Recently someone asked me how to get back on track after a crisis. I was bothered by this inquiry, but I couldn‘t figure out why. Certainly, getting back on track after a crisis is necessary, and one could argue that I‘ve had plenty of experience regrouping after devastating diagnoses and disappointments. So, why was I having trouble zeroing in on a genuine answer?

The “Aha” moment. I was driving back from the park with my dogdaughter, Pepper-Joy, when I stopped at a railroad crossing, and that‘s when it came to me. Right in front of me was a track designed to transport cargo to a predetermined fixed destination. As the train slowly rumbled past, I thought about what might happen if it derailed. I know that’s a bit of a downer, but once you‘ve experienced multiple crises, it‘s easy to imagine bad things happening. A crisis is like a train derailment. Crisis gives you emotional and spiritual whiplash; it will derail your dreams, professional goals, relationships, health, and security. It‘s sudden, unexpected, and disorienting. In a brief moment, the destination you were on track to discover is unreachable, and everything has abruptly halted. When you finally resurface after the impact, you realize there is no way for you to get back on the same track you were travelling along – at least not without help. Then, while you‘re looking for help, you think, do I still want to go in that direction?

You see a crisis changes your emotional D.N.A. How exactly are genetics, stress, and mental illness related? D.N.A. serves as instructions for cells and is broken up into functional units called genes. The interplay between D.N.A. and the environment is what makes each person unique. Environmental factors can cause D.N.A. to be temporarily modified. SIGN-Harvard University

Too often, after a crisis, we focus on getting back to normal. Newsflash: That is not possible. A crisis permanently alters your outlook and frame of reference. But listen, this doesn‘t have to be a negative side-effect.

Have you ever experienced a significant loss and gained a greater sense of gratitude, clarity, or inspiration because of the loss? Crisis wakes up dormant parts of us and inspires us to discover new tracks which are headed toward purposefilled destinations.

I take my coaching clients on a journey to F.L.O.W. forward after a crisis instead of ruminating on ways to get back on track. Here is an inside look at the framework I use.

F.L.O.W. FORWARD!

So, here‘s the challenge: Instead of thinking about getting back on track after difficulties disrupt your life, why not focus on flowing forward?

I invite you to learn more about this process in my free video resource - F.L.O.W Forward at www.vanessajoywalker.com

Have you ever experienced a significant loss and gained a greater sense of gratitude

F - BE FLEXIBLE

The routines, rituals, and traditions that worked before a crisis will not necessarily serve you after a crisis. And that‘s ok. Flexibility is the key to being present and enjoying the moments that you do have. Permitting yourself to switch things up, set new boundaries, and start new traditions is freeing.

L - LOVE YOURSELF

Loving yourself isn‘t always easy, especially when you‘ve experienced a failure, disappointment, disruption, or loss. There have been plenty of times in my life when I have felt unloved and disposable. I felt that way when my ex-husband left me and when I got cancer more than once and could not have biological children. For years I felt lonely and hard to love. But after plenty of therapy, I realised that I couldn‘t experience love from others until I started to accept and love my post-crisis self. The daily practice of loving yourself is an essential step to flowing forward.

O - OWN THE TRUTH

You can acknowledge the feelings, but you‘ve got to own the truth. Feelings are important. But feelings are not always facts. We can get so caught up in our feelings that we avoid the facts. Flowing forward after a crisis requires you to take ownership of the complications in your life. And that means sometimes things are messy.

W - WAKE UP TO WONDER

Wondering focuses on the opportunities and the possibilities instead of leaning into the problems. Now, I‘m not minimising what it‘s like to have a pile of difficulties. But when we lean too hard into the problems, we usually find ourselves worrying instead of making room for wonder. Navigating challenging circumstances equip you to give back to the world. So, if you are facing a difficult circumstance, why not give yourself permission to worry less and wonder how this challenge will transform into a greater purpose.