Feelings of grief

Why the Menopause can provoke Feelings of Grief

By Maria Bailey

Founder of griefspecialists.org

You might be wondering what grief has to do with menopause, especially when grief tends to be associated with bereavement. However, feelings of grief can be linked to any kind of change or loss in our lives.

While menopause is a natural transition in our life, the symptoms can be severe and have a big impact, not only on our everyday life but also on the lives of those closest to us.

Menopause brings with it a number of losses, including health, fertility – especially if you’ve not been able to have children, youth, control over your body, what has been normal for you, and feeling a loss of attractiveness. It can also happen around the time when you become an ‘empty nester.’

You can experience a possible change in your relationship with your partner, bringing another layer of loss. Same-sex relationships where one or both of you are both going through menopause at the same time, perhaps with different symptoms, can be hard, too. Non-binary people or transgender males might feel an additional sense of loss or conflicting feelings around their identity during menopause.

Menopause can be a very isolating time, where you feel you’re going through it alone, with nobody who understands.

Feelings of grief can easily be misdiagnosed as feelings of depression. It’s easy to see how when you look at the shared symptoms: • Feeling down • Tiredness

•Loss of concentration

•Anger, irritability, or frustration • No interest in activities you once enjoyed • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much • Feeling isolated and removing yourself from social activities

•Undereating, overeating or craving unhealthy foods • Drinking too much • Anxiety, excessive worry, or guilt • Missing days or underperforming at work or school

•Suicidal thoughts • Headache, tummy ache or muscle pain • Loss of self-confidence/worth • Brain fog • Loss of control over your body that used to behave in a fairly predictable way • Significant emotional loss of feeling alone even with a loving family around you • Loss of ‘drive’ and enthusiasm for life.

The problem with these closely aligned symptoms is that when you talk to your GP, they can be mistaken for depression. Although grief and depression may both present similarly, they are different in important ways.

Depression may not have a direct cause. Although it can be triggered by a situation, it’s more of a chemical response in the brain. When levels of neurotransmitters (chemicals that help messages travel around the brain), and norepinephrine and serotonin (connected to mood) decrease, depression may occur. Your mood may remain consistently low for two weeks or more.

Grief is a direct response to loss. With grief, you may experience painful feelings in waves, perhaps mixed with good memories of the life you lead up until now. While you are grieving, you tend to maintain your feelings of self-worth.

Before heading to your GP, try talking about your feelings to someone you trust, who will just listen to how you’re feeling. (See the Spring issue for guidance on how to listen to someone who is grieving). Sometimes that acknowledgement of your feelings - both physically and mentally - can be the relief you need, rather than medication.

We’re all unique, as are our relationships with ourselves. All losses are felt at 100 per cent and your feelings are justified. You also don’t need to be strong or hide your feelings or be embarrassed. And please know you’re not alone. There is also professional help out there, such as talking therapy and menopause experts.

Feelings of grief can “ easily be misdiagnosed as feelings of depression“