Body confidence

I’m not perfect

& how I have grown to be okay with that.

By Nicky Price

Creative Director - Rainbow after the storm

My body has changed to something I no longer recognise, my mind which was once sharp and focused struggles to remember the thoughts that moments before had seemed so important.

Due to several factors, menopause being the most noticeable, it’s difficult to exercise without feelings of pain and exhaustion or to be able to choose healthier foods without thinking - I just don’t have the energy to cook anything anymore. Meanwhile, I carry around the burden of guilt.

I am so far away from the images that we are bombarded with of perfection. Just catching myself in the mirror was enough to set up feelings of disgust, anger at me for not taking more care of me, or just sitting in tears on the bedroom floor.

I know from the job that I do that negative self-talk is not good for my well-being. For years (all my life) I have allowed pictures and images of perfection to be something I must strive towards.

I turn 50 this year and no longer see a person I even vaguely recognise. So, I decided this is the year that this cycle of striving, setting unachievable goals and feelings of guilt stop. I decided this is the year that I am going to love the person I am today. How would I do this? With kindness, lots of self-care and compassion. I have a beautiful trans-daughter who is reminding me that being your true self, showing your inner colours and beauty, is a gift not only to ourselves but to others and the world.

Inspired by her bravery and courage, she wears the most beautiful dresses and colourful makeup, I took on the challenge that when we meet for our weekly lunch date, I would make an effort to get dressed up.

I’ve recently ordered a couple of new dresses that suit my new body shape. I find it empowering and calming to start each day with clothes that suit and lift my mood. Nothing sends me spiralling more than having to decide what fits me in the morning!

Each week I post a full-length photo of myself on my social media pages, even writing this now makes me need to take a deep breath. All those worries about what other people’s judgements will be, all that self-hate about certain areas of my body there in one photo! But I have received nothing but love! You see the world doesn’t see the negativity that lives in your head or the things that your head tells you. Yes, I’m fully aware that those negative voices are out there and I’m sure that my views could divide opinions on how I look and how I should look, but NOW none of those voices are mine.

That weight of expectation of looking perfect is no longer mine to carry. Do I want to lose weight, get fitter, and feel healthier? Absolutely and I have started to take small steps in that direction. But for now, I am feeling calmer in my world. I have now found that inner peace, respect and love for me, for the person who I am on this journey and in my life.

I am a different person turning 50 than I was at 18, 21 & 30 – of course, I am. I was a different person at each step, but my plan for turning 50 is to be the best I can be for myself.

My 5 five steps to self-acceptance

Remember you are AMAZING!

1Don‘t compare yourself to anyone else, even the younger version of you. You are unique, be yourself and shine bright.

2Be proud of who you are and what you have achieved. Send gratitude and kindness to your body and mind for what it is going through.

3Learn to smile about yourself. It can become a habit to stop smiling, especially at ourselves, give it a go! One smile at a time. 4Speak to yourself as you would a best friend, with love, compassion and kindness. Acknowledge the negative feelings you may hold towards yourself but do not believe them. These are often words and opinions from other people’s judgements or of how we feel we are expected to live our lives.

5Finally dig deep in that wardrobe and find things that make you feel good and wear them now, don‘t save things for best. The best is right now!.