Empty nest syndrome

EMPTY

nest

syndrome

LIFE ONCE YOUR CHILDREN LEAVE HOME

By Mairead Molloy

Relationship Psychologist MBPsS

Worried about Empty Nest Syndrome? How an Empty Nest can affect parents, what you can do to prepare for the transition and how to cope.

Empty nest syndrome is a phenomenon in which parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home.

If your last child is all grown up and about to leave home, or he or she has already moved out, you might be experiencing some mixed emotions. Facing an empty nest can feel strange at first, what you will notice immediately is the quiet. Internally you may be feeling adrift, experiencing an overnight loss of identity similar to other life changes such as divorce or retirement. Although you might actively encourage your children to become independent, the experience of letting go can be difficult. You might find it difficult to suddenly have no children at home who need your care and you may miss being a part of your children’s daily lives as well as the constant comradery.

You may also worry about your children’s safety and whether they’ll be able to take care of themselves, or struggle with the transition if your last child leaves the nest a little earlier or later than you expected.

WHAT’S THE IMPACT OF EMPTY NEST SYNDROME?

The main characteristics are grief, fear and worry. Empty nesters can feel an emptiness and may even begin to experience the five stages of grief. Your life can suddenly feel ‘lost’ and you may be feeling uncertain and afraid of your life ahead.

In the past, research suggested that parents dealing with empty nest syndrome experienced a profound sense of loss that might make them vulnerable to depression, alcoholism, identity crisis and marital conflicts.

Recent studies suggest that an empty nest might reduce work and family conflicts and can provide parents with many other benefits. When the last child leaves home, parents have a new opportunity to reconnect with each other, improve the quality of their marriage and rekindle interests for which they previously might not have had the time for.

If your last child is about to leave home and you’re worried about empty nest syndrome,

plan ahead. Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life. Keeping busy and taking on new challenges at work or at home can help ease the sense of loss that your child’s departure might cause.

HOW CAN I COPE WITH EMPTY NEST SYNDROME?

If you’re experiencing feelings of loss due to empty nest syndrome, then consider doing the following: -

Accept the timing. Avoid comparing your child’s timetable to your own experience or expectations. Instead, focus on what you can do to help your child succeed when he or she does leave home.

Keep in touch. You can continue to be close to your children even when you live apart. Make an effort to maintain regular contact through visits, phone calls, emails, texts or video chats but be sure not to smother them.

Seek support. Share your feelings with loved ones and friends whose children have recently left home. If you feel depressed, consult your Doctor or seek the help of a psychologist.

Stay positive. Thinking about the extra time and energy you might have to devote to your marriage or personal interests after your last child leaves home might help you adapt to this major life change. Watch your diet and fluid intake. Not all parents experience emotional lows with Empty Nest Syndrome when their kids fly the nest. Some parents look forward to the day when their children are off on their own and they can reclaim their home for themselves.

For many parents, it is a mix of emotions. You look forward to more time for yourself and your interests. On the other hand, you will miss your children being around all the time.

Recognise that these varied emotions are normal. Know that the feelings of sadness and emotional angst will pass, but don’t count on it passing without some active change happening on your part.

Your children may need you less now that they are grown, but there is a whole world out there that needs you.

High on the list is to Rekindle Your Romance. There are so many stories of couples who divorce or separate after the children have grown and the youngest leaves the nest, of those that stay together for the children. Couples find that they have nothing in common with one another once the children are gone. This is a perfect opportunity to rekindle your romance and focus on your relationship. It is also an opportunity for you to find a shared interest together.

You may discover that you have nothing in common, and that is really normal. Find something that you can both mutually agree to do together. It doesn’t have to be a passion for both of you. Instead, it is something that you are both willing to do because you want to be together.

Rekindle your romance by sharing your life together. It could be something as simple as taking up cycling, yoga, cooking, book clubs etc. It could also be something more extravagant, like world travel.

You will feel invigorated by identifying new roles and interests for the next chapter in your lives together. Embrace it!