SPRING 2013
mentalfitnessmagazine.com
INSPIRATION DEFICIT DISORDER DR. JONATHAN ELLERBY’S ( DRUG FREE PRESCRIPTION WHAT DOES YOUR SELF ESTEEM LOOK LIKE? TAKE THE TEST
HELP GUIDE WELCOME TO MENTAL FITNESS MAGAZINE.™ ALLOW US TO SHOW YOU HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF OUR DIGITAL EDITION. YOU CAN TAP, SWIPE AND PINCH THROUGH OUR MAGAZINE
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THINK WE ALL AGREE THAT A SUCCESSFUL LIFE IS A LIFE LIVED FULLY. Defining what success means to YOU, is essential to the journey to a happy and fulfilled life. Completing the sentence: I feel successful when…or I know I am successful when…on a piece of paper several times will generally bring out what’s most important to you. It’s a very powerful exercise. I wonder, have you ever pondered on the fact that there is no one in the world that is exactly like you? That there is not a single thumbprint or iris like yours? Never has been and never will be? What a miracle! Recognizing that you are “One of a Kind” brings with it a tremendous opportunity or maybe even responsibility to make the very best with the life and body you have been given and to examine the possibilities with introspection, confidence, sense of purpose and curiosity. It might re-orient your approach to life and help you reach levels of personal and professional excellence and mastery you never thought possible. Along the way you discover not only your untapped potential but also the internal and external barriers that are holding you back or impeding your growth. Our uniqueness is a cause to celebrate who we are and to spend time reflecting on what this could mean to us. It could mean that we could safely start to love ourselves, which will lead to practicing self-care, extending our boundaries and developing a healthy dose of self-esteem. A human being does not come with an owner’s manual, like our cars, appliances and gadgets. That means taking ownership and enhancing our understanding and expanding our knowledge about what we are all about, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I’d like to welcome you whole-heartedly to the first issue of Mental Fitness Magazine™. The magazine is all about YOU! Presenting you with features ranging from mental health trends to taboo topics, scientific research findings to practical wellness techniques, and interviews with internationally renowned authors and medical practitioners to personal stories of survival. It is our intent to provide you with tools and insights on making life easier, less stressful and awaken you to the fact that a successful life is a life lived fully. Mentally Fit!
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Defining what success means to YOU, is essential to the journey to a happy and fulfilled life.
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Publisher Ute Lawrence | Art Director Cathy Morin | Digital Production Artist Sergio Matos Regular Contributors Pat Newson, Alexandra Lopez-Pacheco, Dr. Larry Ohlhauser, Suzanne Harrill, Sue Hunter, Lynda Britton, Dr. Ruth Lanius, Coach Dave Buck | Copy Editor Natalie Williams GENERAL INQUIRIES info@mentalfitnessmagazine.com ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITIES advertise@mentalfitnessmagazine.com Published quarterly by the Performance Enhancement Center Ltd. 93 Dufferin Avenue, Ste. 206 London, ON Canada. CopyrightŠ 2013 by Performance Enhancement Center Ltd. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited. Because everyone is different, the ideas expressed and the information provided is not a substitute for professional advice. A healthcare professional can best guide you.
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CONTRIBUTORS
PATRICIA NEWSON is a Ryerson University journalism graduate and has worked with a variety of national media. More recently Patricia provides writing and marketing & communications services to private and public sector clients including: Agriculture and Agri-Foods Canada, Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade, Health Canada, Indian and Northern Affairs Canada, Limited Edition Magazine, Office of the Commissioner for Federal Judicial Affairs, …among others. She is off to Nigeria for a year-long assignment focused on the crippling issue of youth unemployment.
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ALEXANDRA LOPEZ-PACHECO is a freelance journalist who is a regular contributor to the National Post, Canadian Retailer Magazine, CIM Magazine, Words & Music Magazine and ThirdQuarter.ca. Professionally, over the years, she has researched and published articles on a wide variety of subjects with a strong focus on business and entrepreneurship.
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CONTRIBUTORS
DR. OHLHAUSER was named one of the top 100 Physicians of the century by the College of Physicians and Surgeons and the Alberta Medical Association. He received the Alberta Centennial Medal in recognition of outstanding service to the people and province of Alberta, Canada. He was named the top Canadian TEC speaker for 2007 and 2010. As the President and CEO of Ohlhauser & Associates, Dr. Ohlhauser consults in healthcare strategy and management for large multinational corporations and government institutions. He urges everyone to “Be the CEO of their health” and shows people how to slow down and recognize the importance of the physical, and mental wellness in their lives. He is also the author of the book “The Healthy CEO”.
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SUZANNE E. HARRILL M.Ed., LPC, is committed to communication and caring. She has been inspiring people for over 30 years to love and accept themselves while discovering their spiritual essence. A natural teacher who lives her truth, Suzanne encourages self-inquiry and inner work to overcome past conditioning in order to create a rich life with deep meaning and purpose. By knowing Self, one is empowered to heal limiting patterns and beliefs to build a solid foundation of self-esteem, to create rich, satisfying relationships, and to live with spiritual purpose. www.innerworkspublishing.com
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SUSAN M. HUNTER 20+ years experience writing in a diverse range of industries: health care, financial institutions, corporations, trade associations, government agencies, consumer shows, nonprofits, and both secondary and higher education. In multiple forms: branding programs, marketing campaigns, annual reports, executive profiles, newsletters, magazines, books, websites, advertising. On dual platforms: print, online. Previous to freelance writing, Sue was director of creative services for Stein Communications, and before Stein, president of a regional publishing company producing corporate and educational collaterals. Sue earned her BA from Vassar College, MA from American University, and completed her doctoral coursework at Emory University. www.suehunterwrites.com
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CONTRIBUTORS
LYNDA BRITTON is an advanced practitioner of Feng Shui, consulting for people who want to live their best life. She helps her clients with their personal wellbeing by applying the principles of Feng Shui, Reiki and other healing modalities, which has been her focus for the past 15 years. Lynda has acquired her knowledge from teachers all over the world and continues to practice from her home in Peru. In 2008 Lynda sold most of her possessions, paid off all of her debts and got off the “North American treadmill�. Being totally free and independent she travelled to many ancient spiritual sites around the world to gain wisdom from other cultures.
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CONTRIBUTORS
RUTH LANIUS MD, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry is the director of the posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) research unit at the University of Western Ontario. She established the Traumatic Stress Service and the Traumatic Stress Service Workplace Program, services that specialize in the treatment and research of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and related comorbid disorders. She currently holds the Harris-Woodman Chair in Mind-Body Medicine at the Schulich School of Medicine & Dentistry at the University of Western Ontario. Her research interests focus on studying the neurobiology of PTSD and treatment outcome research examining various pharmacological and psychotherapeutic methods. She has authored more than 100 published papers and chapters in the field of traumatic stress and is currently funded by several federal funding agencies. She regularly lectures on the topic of PTSD nationally and internationally. She has recently published a book ‘The Impact of Early Life Trauma on Health and Disease’ with Eric Vermetten and Clare Pain.
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CONTRIBUTORS
COACH DAVE BUCK, MCC, MBA Master Certified Coach and CEO of CoachVille’s quest is to teach the world how to Coach. “Our vision is that EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE with the courage to play BIG in life, has a GREAT Coach”. In the year 2000 Dave collaborated with Thomas Leonard, to found CoachVille and has delivered coach-training programs to thousands of professionals. He began his business/ life coaching career in 1997 and has logged over 10,000 hours of Coaching. Dave is a Founding Member of the Transformational Leadership Council; a group founded by Jack Canfield for leaders of the personal growth movement including Stephen Covey, John Gray, Marci Shimoff and Joe Vitale.
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ASK AN EXPERT
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My therapist told me at the end of my last session with him that I need work on improving my posture to feel better about myself. I have never heard of that. Is there some merit in what he said?
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Our bed in the Master Bedroom faces North and that’s the only place it can be. Is that the right direction? The headboard is on the wall next to the bedroom door. I just read that according to Feng Shui principles the bed should be facing the door, now what?
A. Good posture affects both your physical body and can have a significant effect on your emotional and mental wellbeing. Having good posture has many benefits. Posture also has an effect on how you are perceived by others. Good posture exudes confidence. I would encourage that you experiment with how different postures (e.g., head dropped and shoulders slouched forward versus sitting up straight with the head raised) can affect your emotional state. Increasing awareness about the relationship between posture and it’s effects on one’s emotional state can be an important factor in emotional healing. Also, just try changing your facial muscles so you begin to smile. You will notice that as you change the state of certain facial muscles, you will feel the emotion associated with that expression. Alternatively, try frowning and see what happens? – Dr. Ruth Lanius
A. The bedroom is the most important room in the house. This is where your immune system re-generates so it is important that the energy is as calm and balanced as possible. It is the most significant room regarding relationship and health. We spend one third of our lives sleeping, that translates to being in our bedroom one third of our lives. When we are in the sleep state our bodies are very susceptible to the energy around it. The bedroom is essentially the healing room. To answer your first question, “Is that the right direction?” North is generally a good direction. Your head pointing to the north usually means you will have a good sleep. It is best if the bed faces the door and is not in line with the door. – Lynda Britton
NEED ADVICE FROM AN EXPERT? e-mail us at ask@mentalfitnessmagazine.com
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UMOSITY IS THE LEADING ONLINE BRAIN TRAINING PROGRAM that improves core cognitive abilities such as memory, attention and intelligence. Based on the emerging science of neuroplasticity, and personalized for each user, training with Lumosity enables users to remember more, think faster, and perform better at work, school and in everyday life.
SCIENCE BEHIND LUMOSITY Lumosity’s exercises are based on the latest findings in neuroscience, with continuing independent third-party studies being conducted by researchers at Harvard, Stanford, UC Berkeley, and other academic institutions. BRAIN HEALTH BENEFITS On average, users experienced greater than 10% improvement in working memory and greater than 20% improvement in divided attention after 10 hours of training with Lumosity brain exercises. Lumosity and third party studies have shown the brain exercise program to improve: • Memory and attention • Brain function • Information recall, speed and accuracy • Fluid intelligence • Ability to process visual information and recall visual patterns. Lumosity is available at Lumosity.com and on the App Store.
LUMOSITY USERS HAVE ALSO REPORTED • Increased alertness and energy • Improved ability to remember names and numbers • Elevated mood • Better concentration • Improved sense of direction • Improved quantitative skills • Improved ability to avoid distraction and increase work productivity.
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REFLECTIONS ”If you have built castles in the sky Let not your dreams go to waste; Just build the foundations under them.” – Henry David Thoreau
”Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe.” – Robert Service
”The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating.” – John Schaar ”Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” – Corrie Ten Boom ”If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius Antoninus “Whatever you can do or dream, begin it.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Always remember words are like butterflies. They have Life!” – Daryl Erickson
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– Rabbi Hillel
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“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when?”
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INSPIRATION DEFICIT DISORDER By Pat Newson
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ONATHAN ELLERBY PHD IS A BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED EXPERT ON HOLISTIC HEALTH AND WELL-BEING. Drawing from his travels around the world, and experiences with healers from more than 40 cultural traditions, he focuses on what works to bring balance and inspiration to everyday life. Jonathan’s book, Inspiration Deficit Disorder is about losing vitality and purpose. It looks at the cost of being disconnected and unaware of your own unique talents, needs and destiny, explores a life of reaction (driven from the inside out), examines the difficulties of communicating with others and offers ways to find a sense of calm. In his book, Jonathan introduces a concept he calls The Wall of Wounding. He explains that a basic unavoidable fact of life is that each of us has some personal history to deal with. One might call it skeletons in the closet. The trouble with these wounding experiences, he says, is that they create an emotional energy that becomes rooted in the body and manifests as a story or idea of how the world works. This story lives on in our mind. It unknowingly integrates into who we think we are, and how we think our life should unfold, and creates beliefs or patterns that can affect various aspects of our life.
inspiration deficit disorder
“Behind any idea that’s difficult to give up – whether it’s imbedded in a bad habit, old story, or reaction – are emotions and energies that keep you stuck. When you try to change,” he writes, “the unresolved issues show up and make you resort to old ways of thinking and behaving… Depending on history and experience, some people have massive walls that are heavily secured and others have thinner ones that seem less formidable.” Mental Fitness spoke to Jonathan at Tao Inspired Living taoinspiredliving.com – an event centre and wellness-focused residential community in the Riviera Maya of Mexico where he now resides – to find out more about the bricks and mortar of life.
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To think that each of us builds a wall of wounding throughout our lives, brick-by-brick, is a powerful image and a profoundly unsettling notion. How does Inspiration Deficit Disorder address this? A. It doesn’t matter how old the pain is or when it was first put into place. When that part of your wall is triggered it feels as real and powerful as the day it showed up. To address this you can focus on the cause, on what happened. Or, you can look at what it has disconnected you from, namely how it has disconnected you from your true self. When you’re experiencing a reaction relating to a past incident you can use exercises to ground yourself. Rituals are one method. Reconnecting with people who remind you of who you are is another. The stronger your sense of self,the stronger your sense of wholeness,the stronger your sense of connection to something that transcends life’s experiences – to realize that there is something greater within you than anything that has been said or done to you – the more you’re able to cope with the painful elements of life. Inspiration Deficit Disorder emphasizes how important it is to continuously reorient with your life, and the indestructible true nature of self, and provides practices that connect you to your true self.
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An esoteric, warm-and-fuzzy approach to health and well-being may resonate with people who are seekers on a path or who are being supported by those of that holistic mindset. How do you communicate these insights to those of us who are suffering but won’t, or can’t, get beyond the stigma attached to mental fragility? Those of us who have too much pride? Those of us who are afraid to show our vulnerability? A. There are two layers to who you are: the real you, and the outer, or social, you that you’re busy maintaining every day. Part of what happens is that the real you becomes more guarded, more protected, and sometimes, more distant from the version of the self you show the outer world. All your colleagues and friends may see you as strong, resourceful and capable, and may be unaware that on the inside you’re having another experience. You may have talents, or feelings of hurt and vulnerability, that you don’t show. What’s important when facing the legacy of emotional disturbances is to try to shorten the distance between who we feel we are on the inside and who we seem to be on the outside. We need to own our difficult feelings. Paint them. Sing them. Acknowledge the truth of who we are. Amazingly, the
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more our inner and outer world match, the more resilient we feel. The struggle for each of us – whether it’s the grief of divorce, loss of a loved one, job loss or coping with the monumental impact of childhood abuse or war – is managing the very intense energy of disconnect between who you are on the inside and what you show on the outside. For many facing the moment of the experience is not as difficult as facing the shame and the burden of self-judgement that follows for months, and years and sometimes decades after. The story we create around an experience is actually greater than the incident itself. It’s the aftermath that gets us. Whether it’s a chronic stress disorder, or the normal struggles of everyday life, the way we react to pain, to loss, is universal. Everyone’s experience is deeply personal but not as unique as we’d like to think. Bereavement and addiction groups work because people find out that what they’re going through is very normal, very universal. It’s part of the human experience. Knowing this helps address the stigma and diminish the sense of shame, isolation and self-judgement.
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The concepts and solutions shared in your book are vast and varied. What is your fundamental prescription for reducing a sense of self-imposed isolation and reconnecting with the true self? A. In general, remember there is a part of who you are that is far greater than anything that has ever been said or done to you. Realize that part is the real you – your true self – and no one can take that away. Realize too that the real you is behind your special interests and talents and passions; anything you do to feed those qualities will help you overcome the feelings of brokenness or division within you. Conventional western care digs right at the sources or points of a breakdown. When were you hurt? What was said or done? Who did it? WHAT INSPIRATIONAL DEFICIT DISORDER PRESCRIBES ARE FIVE FUNDAMENTAL STEPS THAT WORK TOGETHER IN TANDEM:
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Continue to do any therapeutic and healing activity that you can that feels constructive even though it may be difficult or uncomfortable. Maintain your conventional approaches to healing.
Ensure you get enough productive rest. Minimize daily stress. Protecting your down time is extremely significant in the process. What happens during times of healing is that you tend to push yourself and become overwrought by this stress. A lack of rest compounds what you’re going through. The body can be on alert for a long time keeping you awake. Make sure you address your sleeping habits. Work at your bedtime rituals; drink herbal tea, take a warm bath.
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Have some kind of recreation or pleasurable pastime that you engage in every week for at least an hour. Something you find enjoyable; gardening, listening to music, sketching, stretching or golfing. Something that just reminds you of who you are. By finding and enjoying pleasurable activities you also find and relate to people from a place that’s not broken. People just know you as you in that activity. It helps to build identity beyond the wound.
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inspiration deficit disorder
Exercise to the best of your ability. This means moving, whether you take a walk or go to the gym. Being in your body is health-affirming. A lot of stress starts as something psychological and becomes physiological manifesting as mood swings, struggles with energy, not eating or sleeping well. It’s very much an energy issue – the energy gets stuck. Exercise will get you out of your head and moving your energy.
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Cultivate inner peace. Select an activity that you can do every single day for five to 15 minutes that will simply help you to slow down, feel calm and reconnect with a peaceful perspective. You might chose to learn a breathing technique, study a meditation practise, spend some time in nature, spend some time journaling, experiment with prayer or reflect on what makes you grateful. Remember these five things should be done together or there can be an imbalance. This is a prescription and, like any prescription, needs to be followed as prescribed.
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Check out this video to hear more from Dr. Jonathan Ellerby:
CREATE YOUR OWN INSPIRED-LIVING PRESCRIPTION USING DR. ELLERBY’S “TOP-TEN TIPS CHECKLIST” Keep this handy. Consider making a copy of this checklist so that you can fill it out and refer to it often. Some people like to tack this up on a wall in their bedroom, bathroom, or office. By doing so, you can easily evaluate how you’re doing on a weekly basis. MONITOR YOUR PROGRESS
Rate your performance of each tip on a scale from 1 to 5: 5 = You’re exceeding your expectations 4 = You’re fulfilling your commitments 3 = You’re making an effort regularly, but it’s not consistent 2 = You may have good intentions, but they’re rarely acted upon 1 = You’ve abandoned your commitment entirely REVIEW AND REFINE
I suggest that you mark the first day of each month on your calendar for the next six months as a reminder to sit down and review and refine your answers. It’s okay to create new answers. Keep in mind that the ranking process is to help you see your progress and give yourself valuable feedback; it’s not a tool for self-judgment or blame. ( ) Have a vision: I have a written vision that inspires me and keeps me motivated and on track. ( ) Make inspired decisions: I’m making a daily effort to be aware of how I make decisions and to pay more attention to my energy, sense of connection, and feelings of compassion. I trust my intuition. ( ) Adopt inspired communication: I communicate with clarity, integrity, courage, and compassion. ( ) Allow time for fun: I take time each week to _____________________________ just for the fun of it. ( ) Keep learning; be curious: Right now, I’m interested in ______________________________, and i’m taking the following steps to learn more: __________________. ( ) Help out: I give back to my world and community by _______________________________. ( ) Spend more time in nature: I’ve identified my favorite way to be in nature, which is_________________________. I make time to do this ______ times a month. ( ) Build community: I feel loved, supported, and encouraged by _______________________________. I connect with them regularly. ( ) Develop a spiritual practice: Every day I slow down by __________________________ . Each week I find a deeper peace and connection by _______________. ( ) Respect your body: I’ve had a recent checkup, and I’m confident in my wellness plan, which includes: _______________________________. Excerpt from Inspiration Deficit Disorder: the no-pill prescription to end high stress, low energy and bad habits, Jonathan H. Ellerby, PhD. Hay House, USA, 2010, p189-190.
FEATURE ( healing from child abuse
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EMPOWERMENT & HEALING (POST CHILD ABUSE)
By Alexandra Lopez-Pacheco
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WAS AROUND 12 YEARS OLD standing in the hallway of my family’s home. My mother looked at me smiling and said how happy I must be that my father was away at a conference because now I could sleep with her in bed. Frozen, frightened, a distant voice inside me cried out “NO!” Although I have flashbacks of my mother sexually abusing me until the age of eight, I cannot break the fortress around the memory of what happened that night. I do know, however, that shortly after my mother dragged me to the doctor because I was experiencing severe anxiety and insomnia. He prescribed anxiety and sleeping pills. I took them but they made me feel as if I was losing control of my mind and body. I spent the night fighting their effects, walking up and down the stairs and hallways to stay awake. Afterwards, I hid my anxiety from my mother. Everything was fine. I was fine. Life was great. Today, trauma researchers know that anxiety is among the myriad psychological and physiological injuries caused my childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse. However, many frontline caregivers, much of the media and the public don’t realize this. As a result survivors of childhood abuse experience a variation of what I did at 12. The abuse they suffered is erased. If they seek help for depression or anxiety, for example, the symptoms are diagnosed as the ailment. Without the trauma identified, and treated, survivors continue to suffer.
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“The biggest impediment to improvement is non-recognition of the problems, no matter what sort of wonderful treatment might exist,” says Dr. Vincent J. Felitti, one of the world’s top experts on the effects on mental and physical health of childhood trauma and Co-Principal Investigator of the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. “That is totally secondary because if non-recognition is the number one issue then whatever treatment is available potentially becomes irrelevant.” The abuse isn’t erased by society alone. The flashbacks I had were of blatant sexual abuse by my mother, yet it wasn’t until my 40s that I was able to see this. Instead, I would push the memories away in self-disgust. “Many patients will tell me a story that a stone would understand [involves abuse] but they are oblivious to the connections,” says Dr. Felitti. “In part that’s because of heavy-duty social denial. All of this is lost in time. It is then further protected by shame and secrecy and social taboos against exploring certain realms of human experience.” For all the denial, in the last 15 years, trauma researchers using brain scan technology have confirmed that childhood abuse results Childhood in physiological changes to the brain that affect everything from abuse results in emotional self-regulation to the ability to focus, learn, process memories and even feel physical and emotional pain. physiological “Clearly child abuse and neglect has to affect one’s brain, which is changes to the operating system for everything that goes in your life,” says Dr. the brain Felitti. “The brain is a neurochemical machine. Whatever happens is going to be the result of neurochemical changes but those are intermediary mechanisms. That’s totally different from basic causes which tend to be life experiences and lead to neurochemical changes. What we’re looking at with brain scans is the depiction of the conversion of life experience into neuroanatomy.” But neuroscientists have also discovered the human brain has the capacity to continue changing itself throughout our lives. This neuroplasticity means that it is possible to heal the injuries and build healthier brain circuitry. EMBRACE THE JOURNEY For survivors of childhood abuse simply recognizing many of the effects of abuse are physical with the potential for healing can be an empowering mind shift. There is hope! It’s no longer about having been a victim, damaged for life, who simply has to learn how to better manage and cope with their chemical imbalances or disorders. It’s about reclaiming their minds and bodies from the abuse – quite literally. But serious psychological trauma, just as with severe physical injuries, requires persistence, willpower and the determination to heal. Think of it as physiotherapy for a person who has sustained injuries that force them to have to relearn how to walk. Reality is, no matter how much help they receive, no one can walk for them. They have to take those steps, do the exercises and learn to walk again – step by step. It’s exactly the same for child abuse survivors.
healing from child abuse
NORMAL REACTIONS “Childhood abuse has a huge effect on your sense of self. People who have been treated poorly throughout most of their lives can perceive themselves very negatively; they feel they are a bad person, have tremendous self-hatred and sometimes feel very scattered and fragmented,” says Dr. Ruth Lanius, Associate Professor of Psychiatry and the Director of the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) research unit at the University of Western University of Canada, who conducts leading edge research using functional magnetic resonance imaging. “They think they are the only ones experiencing these types of problems and that they are going nuts. As soon as they know that no, it’s part of what they’ve experienced, a normal reaction to abnormal experiences, it helps to settle them.” STRENGTHENING YOUR BRAIN FOR EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE A child who grows up in a physically, emotionally or sexually abused environment is living in a constant state of threat and fear. As a result, their amygdala – the part of the brain associated with the fight, flight or freeze response – is on constant overdrive, resulting in a long-term enlargement and over activation of their amygdala. Childhood abuse shrinks another part of the brain, the hippocampus, with is involved in emotional regulation, as well as long-term memory and spatial navigation. These and other changes leave the survivor in a constant hyper-vigilant, high-stress state. Any additional daily stress for them is akin to just a few drops of water poured into a cup already full to the rim. The stress overflows in anxiety and panic attacks. “There are changes in the sizes of some areas of the brain but also in brain activity,” says Dr. Lanius. “The frontal part of the brain, which is often referred to as the more rational part of the brain, goes offline, and that’s the part that regulates lower, emotional centres of the brain, including the amygdala, so often the emotional responses take over, and people aren’t able to reflect on what’s happening and what they’re experiencing. If those rational centres aren’t online, it becomes an automatic response.” But survivors can leverage their brain’s plasticity to build up the emotional regulating parts of the brain and improve how the various parts connect for more resilient, well connected and nimble brain circuitry. A holistic mind/body approach is essential because many survivors disconnect from their bodies, says Dr. Lanius. “If you’re being raped repeatedly or being hit repeatedly, you can’t fight back,” says Dr. Lanius. “Action gets inhibited over time so people cut off from their emotional state – the natural process gets very disrupted.” Talk therapies can help the survivor regain the connection between their “rational brain” and their internal emotional and physical states, says Dr. Lanius. “That’s something you have to re-establish through therapy first by getting people in touch with their internal emotional state and then practicing getting the process of emotions and what actions they lead to working again.” Instead of numbing or pushing away emotions in a state of helplessness survivors can learn to understand what emotions they are feeling, connect with them, process them and take the necessary action which, in turn, heads them away from the circuitry and vicious, anxious, circles of helplessness from the past and puts them in the here and now with empowerment and self-awareness. “One of the things we do is help people come into the present in terms of their environment using
healing from child abuse
their five senses,” says Dr. Lanius. “For example, what do I see right now? Hear right now? Feel right now? Smell? But it’s also important to reconnect with your body. What do I feel in my legs? Arms? Head?” In a complete reversal of what they experienced as children, survivors can reconnect with their bodies with selfrespect, nurturing and confidence. That means proper nutrition and exercise, but it also means learning to improve their posture from that of a hunched-over victim to one of confidence as well as practicing assertive body language. Simply improving one’s posture, says Dr. Lanius, can lead to better moods and confidence. FREE YOURSELF When a survivor of childhood abuse begins changing the operating system of everything that goes into their life, to quote Dr. Felitti, not only are they able to improve many of the symptoms, they’re also able to have the potential for better, new, life experiences that, in turn, positively affect the brain. For example, good emotional regulation alone frees the mind and body from the constant state of stress, which then fees the survivor to deal with challenges more effectively and enjoy the pleasures of life and good times with greater calm and clarity. It’s not easy learning to build those mind muscles and recover but the journey is one of empowerment, self-discovery and learning – far more rewarding than suffering through life in a state of helplessness and disconnect dictated by the neuroanatomy of child abuse.
THE IMPACT OF CHILDHOOD ABUSE Note: if, as you read the list below, you recognize the symptoms and struggles, you may have the initial reaction of despair. Childhood abuse can indeed affect just about every aspect of your life. But remember, you can build your sense of self worth, strengthen your “mind muscles,” learn new ways of relating to others, yourself and life. DIFFICULTIES REGULATING EMOTIONS
• Depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, panic attacks, explosive or repressed anger, or conversely, emotional numbing and avoidance. • Living as if in a perpetual state of helplessness and threat. As a result, difficulties coping with stress. To cope, survivors often turn to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, or selfmutilation and harm. AN ALTERED SENSE OF SELF
• Low self-esteem, selfloathing, a sense of being damaged and inferior. • Self-blame and shame. • A sense of unreality and feeling fragmented and disconnected from oneself and others. • Lack of self-confidence and assertiveness. DIFFICULTIES IN RELATIONSHIPS
• Lack of self-worth, self-trust and trust in others can make relationships volatile and difficult. • Without learning healthy boundaries in childhood, survivors often relive the dynamics of their childhood abuse in their adult relationships. ALTERED CONSCIOUSNESS
• Memory gaps, including entire periods of one’s childhood, or specific traumatic events. In some cases, people experience “missing moments” in the present.
• Reliving traumatic events. • Dissociative symptoms such as feeling detached and fragmented. • Difficulties with shortterm memory, focusing and frequent “zoning out.” BEHAVIOURAL ISSUES
• Delinquency and aggression, low academic achievement, sexual risk taking and teen pregnancy are common among adolescent survivors. • High incidence of revictimization throughout life. • Difficulties setting and achieving goals, often including underemployment and unemployment INCREASED RISK OF PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS
• Researchers have linked childhood abuse to a wide array of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety disorders, attentiondeficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, personality disorders, obsessivecompulsive disorder, psychosis, schizophrenia and even sociopathy. • The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study has found a much higher risk for survivors of such physical conditions as obesity, autoimmune disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, Ischemic heart disease and liver disease, alcoholism and drug addictions, among others.
(BUSINESS COACH DAVE BUCK
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FIND YOUR GAME
YOU WERE BORN TO PLAY. YOU WERE TRAINED TO WORK. WHAT’S NEXT? IS THERE A PLACE FOR PLAY IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE OF WORK? If you grew up in the 20th Century you were taught that you could play when your work was finished. You were taught that work is serious and play is a frivolous reward. But have you noticed that your work is never done? Have you noticed that working on everything all the time is getting pretty stressful and pretty dreary? Do you find yourself living for the weekend but then often continuing to work on the weekend? What if I told you that there was a MUCH better way to live? What if I told you that the “Work Hard” approach to life was actually stifling your success NOT contributing to it! There is a powerful and joyful new way to live and it starts with Finding Your Game! When you “Find Your Game” you experience life every day as a fun, exciting and challenging adventure to contribute to the lives of others and create your life on your own terms. It’s like having that “summer vacation” feeling we had as children, every day for the rest of your life! It is the ULTIMATE experience in mental fitness!
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WILL SERIOUS PLAY CHANGE YOUR LIFE? With all of this talk about play and games you may be freaking out right now. Or you may be getting ready to flip to the next article because this is not serious enough for you. I assure you that finding your game is When you seriously important! combine the We start with the power of the “Spirit of Play” which is an essential Zen of Work part of your human nature. You were born to play. All humans play. In fact, all mammals play. When we play we are creative, joyful, with the resourceful and most importantly ENGAGED! This is important Spirit of Play because every organization and every community is clamoring for you get the answer to this question: how do we engage people? The answer is buried in the spirit of play. SERIOUS PLAY I say buried because, we must acknowledge that play got a bad reputation in the 20th Century as something frivolous. Frivolous play is when you play just for the sake of playing with no real intent for anything to happen. But you can also engage in serious play which is to PLAY WITH INTENT; meaning, you play to make something happen in the world. Serious play is what we see in all high performing individuals. Next we have to explore the nature of work which also has two sides. There is the powerful aspect of work that we call the “Zen of work”; which is your purpose in the world, your craft and your contribution to the lives of others. Sadly, this way of life almost disappeared in the 20th Century - The Industrial Age - where work came to mean labor. The idea was to show up for work, do what you are told, do it right, don’t make any mistakes, collect a paycheck and then use the money to blindly consume the stuff made by other workers in other companies. Live for the weekend! UGH! When you combine the Zen of Work with the Spirit of Play you get SERIOUS PLAY. This is the very best of what we humans are here to do: to be creative and resourceful in our quest to contribute to the lives of others in a fulfilling and meaningful way. This is what it means to “Find Your Game”. HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS? This often challenging question is the starting point to finding your game. Success starts with GIVING who you are! Add MAXIMUM VALUE to the lives of others by fully EXPRESSING your talents and gifts in a way that BRINGS joy, fulfillment and WEALTH to yourself and your community! Each and every one of us is born with a “YOUnique” combination of gifts and talents. Then we each have a YOUnique path of life experiences that challenge us to hone our gifts and prepare us to share them with the people of the world. The best thing about playing life this way is that it is REALLY challenging!
find your game
ARE YOU READY FOR A CHALLENGE? If success was easy, then it wouldn’t be a game worth playing. While we are learning to share our gifts, we also learn how to HIDE THEM. We learn how to fit in, to be like everyone else. Comments like: “Who do you think you are?” and “what makes you think you are so special?” are thrown in our direction. We learn how to play small in order stay safe. Believe it or not, this is PART OF THE GAME! Without these comments, and the people in our lives who make them, life would be an absolute BORE! Hopefully you still have access to these folks so that - after reading this article - you can connect with them and genuinely thank them for challenging you and introducing you to the Ultimate LIFE Game. CAN YOU EMBRACE THE BEAUTIFUL CONFLICT? The ULTIMATE Life game is played like this... Deep inside of each and every human lives a beautiful conflict between the human imperative to survive by playing safe and the human desire to contribute to the world by playing big. You are born with BOTH inside of you. And they are BOTH good. They BOTH serve an important purpose in our lives. Every day this beautiful conflict plays out in each and every one of our lives. Will you play BIG and make that important phone call? Or will you play SAFE and wait until tomorrow. Will you play BIG and go to the event to meet people? Or will you stay home, play SAFE and go to the next one? When you get on the phone or go to the event, will you boldly express who you are and what you have to offer? Or will you play safe and simply say: “It was nice to talk with you”. It does not matter how BIG you get or how successful you are, this same beautiful conflict plays out at higher and higher levels for everyone, everywhere. The game is always on. The game never ends. Every day is a new opportunity to wake up excited to play again.
WHAT IF THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SELF SABOTAGE ? TAP TO READ PART II NOW
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THE ENERGY OF HEALTHY DESIGN How designing your space at home and office can influence your energy and emotional state.
By Lynda Britton
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ROM OUR ENVIRONMENTS SUCH AS OUR HOME OR WORKPLACE, OUR SPACE AND THE THINGS IN IT MATTER TO US A LOT MORE THAN WE REALIZE. They affect our emotional and mental well-being. Think about it. Whether it’s the living room, kitchen, office or the bedroom, our environments go a long way in determining our happiness and emotional state. Many of us are in the live to work mode rather than work to live. As we get caught up on what society says how we “should” live our lives, we lose our connection to the earth. The earth gives us life. We build upon her without respect and forget that she is the source of all that is. We are so focused on things like making a living, success, living up to the expectations of others that we forget to just connect to the earth. It can be as simple as stepping onto the grass bare foot and feeling the grass between our toes. Open the window and take a deep breath...yes, stop and smell the roses. You will feel better for it I guarantee it. EVERYTHING IS ENERGY Imagine that everything you own, from the car in your driveway to the ring on your finger to the books on your shelf, you are attached to by fine strands of energy. The more things you have the heavier you will feel both mentally and physically. Your emotional state is highly influenced by your environment and everything in it.
feng shui
Right now just take a minute and look around the room that you are in. Focus on an object, it can be anything ...the clock on the wall, a painting, a piece of furniture, anything. Now close your eyes and FEEL your emotions as you focus on the object. Does the object make you feel happy, sad, annoyed, joyful? You will feel happier if you surround yourself with more things that bring you joy and less of the things that don’t. (As I write these words a little sparrow is sitting on the avocado tree outside my window singing a beautiful song. My heart is filled with joy and my vibration rises.) Sometimes we have things in our space that are there just filling space. Sometimes we have things on display just because it was a gift and feel obliged to display the item so as not to hurt the person’s feelings. In your environment your feelings are more important. As you do this exercise ask yourself; are there things here that I can live without, are there things in my environment that don’t bring me joy? If they don’t bring you joy perhaps you could give them away, pass them on to someone else, donate them to charity. Try to surround yourself with only the things that bring you joy. BALANCING THE ELEMENTS In Feng Shui we have 5 basic elements, Metal, Water, Wood, Fire and Earth. Everything is represented by at least one of these elements. For example, a table may be wood, a picture frame may be metal, the bathroom is a strong water element, plants and the colour brown are earth element and a picture of the sun or the colour red represent the fire element. When these elements are present and balanced in your environment you can expect to feel better. Have a look at this diagram, you will see there are supporting and opposing elements. Let’s say you have a lot of wood in your home, you can balance that by introducing the opposing element, which is metal. You could put metal accessories such as curtain rods, metal hooks etc. in order to “cut” the wood element.
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Supporting Cycle
FIRE feeds EARTH EARTH becomes METAL METAL adds minerals to WATER WATER feeds WOOD WOOD fuels FIRE
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Opposing Cycle
FIRE melts METAL METAL cuts WOOD WOOD takes from EARTH EARTH blocks WATER WATER puts out FIRE
Remember you are part of your environment not separate from it.
By Ute Lawrence
CLEARING THE WAY TO A NEW YOU
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LUTTER IS A FUNNY THING. It has a life of its own and seriously zaps your energy. It is demanding and persistent. When you leave the house or office it comes along. It travels with you. It could be the stuff you have not looked at in years – clothes that are not in mint condition, no longer fit or don’t look good on you but they still crowd your closet. Books in the basement that haven’t been picked up or looked at in years taking up precious space, equipment that has not worked for ages, poor lighting that has never been fixed. The list goes on and on. I cannot stress this enough. You can’t function to your full potential when you are inundated with your own clutter. You can’t attract anything new if your spaces at home and the office are filled with irrelevant clutter. It crowds out the positive and it must go. You must make room for the new. There is grave risk in changing yourself inside and not changing your personal environment. You can fool yourself when you are away at a seminar or conference or vacation (an uncluttered space) and you return home (a cluttered space). You are ready to start anew, but nothing has changed at your old setting and you can slip back into old patterns and dilute the progress you have made. Believe me, if nothing changes at home, you will continue to come back to your own messes and they will affect you in a negative way. They can take you down. Once you are aware of the fact that clutter in our physical environment creates a cluttered mind it’s time to get started. This will not be easy. Expect the cleanup to be hard, physically daunting—but know it is also a critical and courageous act of life change. It is as significant as making a move to a new house or cleaning out the home of a deceased relative. In effect, you are honoring the new you that needs more space to expand and grow. I’d like to share the steps I took to rid myself of the unnecessary stuff in my physical environment.
clearing the way to a new you
ONE STEP AT A TIME • Go through your house, room-to-room, basement, garage, etc., twice at each level. The first time through throw out all items that are of no value to anyone and are broken. The second time, pull the items that have some value, but no longer to you. Donate these to your favorite charity. Repeat this process until there is nothing around that you do not need. • Go through the same process at your office. Take a look at your files. Files have to be well organized for fast retrieval. In this fast moving world, you can’t afford to get frustrated and overwhelmed, disorganized documentation impedes progress and de-motivates. • Free yourself of the frustration of broken equipment at home and the office. Are your appliances, machinery, equipment, car working well? Notice immediately when something is in less than good order. Repair or replace it right away or have an expert do it for you. • Upgrade your computer, your tools and equipment on a regular basis (within budget). • Examine the lighting at your home and office. Good lighting plays an important role for your wellbeing especially for people who suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the winter months. • Now, take a look at your clothes. Do they fit, are they out-of-date, are they in good repair and most of all do they make YOU look terrific? Take your time! Look at this process for what it is – a positive move to simplify your life. Address whichever area is most important to you right now. Success with one single area will already help you feel more complete and you’ll be eager to address the other areas. Then you’ll have the clarity to arrange the contents in your home and office the way it suits YOU. You will begin to have more and more energy, which will open the door to ridding your other environments of the less than perfect aspects. One of the cardinal rules is to keep it simple. Clutter will inevitably come again. Like a weed, it always grows back. Periodic cleaning is not only a physical action, but also sound, mental health maintenance.* GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES Too many people are burdened by financial commitments and lifestyles they hang on to for the wrong reasons. If you lose sleep over financial worries, a time-out is required to get them in a state of repair, or at least develop a plan to do so. Worries about money take up an inordinate amount of time and emotional energy. You cannot have a clear mind and good health with extreme stress about monetary concerns. Once you have a plan, follow through. The purpose of having a plan is to learn to manage your money instead of letting money manage you. The first step is to pay attention. How healthy is your financial environment? Don’t know? Hmmm . . . maybe it’s time for a close look.
clearing the way to a new you
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There is power in knowing the details. This means knowing exactly how much money you earn and how much you spend. You might find out your life is consumed by your lifestyle or that things are better than you thought. The late Thomas Leonard, who is considered to be the father of coaching, posed the question in his book, The Portable Coach, “How much energy does your lifestyle consume? Is your lifestyle too big? What amount of time and money do you need to sustain it?” If “living large” has become a driving force, it is standing between you and the life you want. Simplify. There is nothing wrong with having a lifestyle, as long as you make sure it does not have you. Choosing lifestyle over life is about having more rather than becoming more – You can have a and being glorified for the role you’re playing, not for who you are. really big life and To get a life means there is room to enjoy. You can have a really a big lifestyle, but big life and a big lifestyle, but only if the lifestyle is not costing you excessively in time, emotion, space, risk, pressure, adrenaline. And only if the lifestyle that’s how more becomes less. is not costing It’s really amazing how more and more people I talk to are no longer you excessively willing to uphold a lifestyle that is driven mainly by material possessions, objects that are used to validate their success. They realize that most of in time, emotion, their pleasures in life come from the simple things, such as watching a space, risk, pressunset and being with family and friends – real friends, the ones who hang out with you because of who you really are. sure, adrenaline. To create a financial environment that will support, not drain your energy, several things need to happen. Write down, to the penny, how much you earn, how much you spend every month and what you are spending it on. Just knowing is very liberating. Then take an honest look at your scenario, since this will determine if you are living within your means. Ask yourself, “Do I need to cut expenses?” Start with the big-ticket items. If you have debts, make a plan immediately to reduce them. Hire a financial coach to help you, if necessary. Use credit cards only as a substitute for carrying cash, not as a substitute for having the cash in the first place. Most important of all, the result of knowing your true financial status will allow you to take the appropriate actions to build up the financial side of your life, either by increasing your income or decreasing your expenses, or both.You can then start building a reserve. Enough to pay for emergencies, a couple of months (or more) living expense or take a trip on the spur of the moment. When that’s in place you’ll find a huge cloud lifting off your shoulders. On I lighter note, I recently read a quote by Will Rogers who claims: “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.” Something to think about!!! *Excerpt from the book “The Power of Trauma”, Conquering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by Ute Lawrence | www.poweroftrauma.com
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PRINCIPLES By Dr. Larry Ohlhauser
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of CHANGE
CHANGE, IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY. Dissatisfied with the status quo? Are you looking for something challenging, but too resistant to change? The very thought of change makes you tired and fear you can’t handle more demands on your time and you feel you haven’t anything left to offer? Change means leaving the place you know and going some where that’s new, strange. There is safety and comfort in what you know, even if it’s not the best place for you to be. Change can be frightening because there is no guarantee that the new territory- or the new you- will really be worth the effort or that you can even make it happen in the first place. To some degree, all change is a leap of faith. Why change? Most people do not think of change until forced to do so by circumstances in their lives, job loss, divorce, or economic hardship. Choose to take responsibility for the change and focus your energies from moving away from the current situation to advancing to a preferred future. Not all change has something to do with being unsatisfied with the status quo. Personal awareness and growth can lead to creating a strategy for your life. Rather than life happening to you, you can plan the life you really want and the result can be personal and professional satisfaction.
principles of change
When you have a positive past experience with change, new territory is less daunting. Change can be very good: changing a diaper, changing a light bulb or changing your oil. We’re pretty convinced before we make those changes that positive gains lay on the other side. Tremendous benefits do lay on the other side of the deliberate and positive changes you make in your lifestyle. The way you approach change can make it much less daunting and much more appealing – very much like and adventure! The very process of change, not only the outcome, can be extremely rewarding. First, let’s see how you can actually create change. Here are the essential ingredients for real and lasting change, in business and in every other area of your life. KNOWLEDGE | ATTITUDE | PREPARATION | ACTION | EVALUATION
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KNOWLEDGE Knowledge is the first key to change because you change only what you recognize needs improving. The knowledge may come actively or passively. You discover how well your life is working through “Change is deliberate observation or through untimely, often very emotional the law of life. wake-up calls. Once you recognize that change is necessary, gathering accurate and relevant information helps you decide how And those who best to produce results. Do I understand what the real problem is? look only to the Is there more than one problem? What’s the best solution? Do I past or present know what I have to do? What will be the benefits of making this change? are certain to miss We’ve all heard, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” the future.” The truth is it’s both. Information and insights are gained in three primary ways. Personal experience, the experience and knowledge – John F. Kennedy of others and reading or research. Knowledge gives you insight into where change is needed, informs how best to progress through this process and provides the necessary incentive to commit. Knowledge has power.
ATTITUDE Literally, attitude is an outlook, a mindset or way of thinking. Your attitude is your stand point, viewpoint or stance. Ask yourself “where do I stand?” It is critical to knowwhat you stand for and why. Some things are your responsibility and others are not. When you identify a problem, you must honestly determine if it is yours to solve or if it is someone else’s responsibility. You are the only one with the power to alter your circumstances, lead your life and take yourself where you really want to go. If you don’t assume 100 % responsibility- you won’t get anywhere, and you will have no one to blame but yourself.
principles of change
Fundamental to any change that counts is framing it within a larger, life sized “why.” This kind of “why” has to do with quality of life, personal satisfaction and principles of life purpose. It’s important to get to the deeper reasons for making changes. PREPARATION Good preparation becomes the difference between life and death. Only a fool would try to climb Mount Everest without first preparing carefully and adequately, it’s also the difference between success and failure. How many times have you gone into an important meeting – one where contracts, your job status, your reputation or serious dollars were on the line without preparing adequately? You probably did your homework diligently and carefully first. The more there is at stake, the more important preparation becomes.
Real change is possible. You have the power to make it happen. But you must take the lead.
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EVALUATION When you go on a long journey through unfamiliar territory, you check from time to time to make sure you’re on course and still have everything you need. Evaluating your progress at regular intervals is essential and keeps you on the right track. Don’t be afraid to revisit your goals and make adjustments. Tweaking the process is much better than just giving up. Flexibility allows you to adapt, refuel and keep moving.
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ACTION While research and planning are necessary to achieve any goal, if you never get started, or if you never implement your strategies, they are useless. Now you need to take action. Your course of action should be clear if you’ve made good goals. You’ll be able to actualize your plan by taking individual, calculated steps toward your chosen destination. Each deliberate, well thought out step is vital to reaching your goal. Resist the temptation to procrastinate, quit or take shortcuts; keep going no matter what.
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THE POWER OF PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST
By Ute Lawrence
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LOT OF US HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE WORDING EXTREME SELF-CARE. To some, it means an act of self-centeredness, being self- serving, in short being a jerk, always looking out for number one. However, what it really means is that in order to be more helpful and compassionate toward others we need to be strong ourselves. When we are flying, we are told that in case of an emergency we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. Extreme Self-care is about looking at every aspect of YOU and making stepby-step improvements until you reach your own goals in the areas that need your attention. Self Care is about making choices on how you work best and living by what you treasure. Self-care is about aligning your value system with your internal and external environments. Buy yourself a journal to start the journey. Write down how you feel, what your concerns are and express your emotions. Take time to write down the areas you want to improve and then keep track of your progress. Be gentle on yourself. Journaling is highly therapeutic and a great discipline. Ask yourself every morning, what is the one thing I can do for myself today that will bring me closer to achieving my goals. Do you need to reduce your stress level? Neurological research shows that people who practice mindful breathing and other meditation techniques tend to heal faster, sleep better and have lower blood pressure. Through meditation, we can tap into resources we didn’t know we had;
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the practice also helps to bring us into the moment and gets you in touch with your inner highest self. That’s where all your answers lie. The easiest way to get started is to take a yoga class or simply buying a breathing and meditation CD. Dr. Andrew Weil has a wonderful series, available in most bookstores. Too much stress can be harmful, if not deadly. It needs to be eliminated or drastically reduced. If weight control is an issue, make a commitment to yourself to start walking 30 minutes a day, every day. Start slowly, then speed up as you become more energetic, and eventually get up to accumulating 60 minutes a day, every day. If you would rather swim, run, row etc. just Other aspects do what you enjoy most. Join a gym, if you need to be around other of self-care people. Hire a trainer to get you started. If you are more comfortable include learning working out by yourself dumbbells, a bench and some sturdy running shoes are a good investment. The motivation to honor your to say no, commitment to a healthy lifestyle has to come from you and you when you feel alone. The benefits of physical exercise are enormous. It helps you its right for you. manage stress, aids weight loss or weight control, and enhances selfesteem, cognition and a person’s sex life. It improves sleep, posture and increases your immune response – not to mention the fact that your clothes will look so much better on you. Make use of all the professional advice that’s available. Have annual medical check- ups and ask your doctor to refer you to have all the necessary blood work or tests that are appropriate for your age or circumstance. If you have unresolved issues from the past ask your doctor to refer you to the right therapist. What about your appearance? Is your hair, color and cut exactly the way you like it? Is your skin the way you want it to be? Are your clothes the way you want them? Jot down in your journal what you would like to change and then find the right people to help you. Are you constantly exposing yourself to the violence of wars, the devastation and grief caused by natural disasters, terrorism and all the other bad news that’s on television and the newspapers? All these negatives when compounded by personal and professional stresses have a huge effect on our physical and emotional well-being. Human beings are not wired to handle all this. Reduce your exposure to bad news. Take a news fast. Use that time to meditate, read a book get in touch with nature, and tap into your own creativity. Stan, my husband and I decided we would take a complete break from newspapers and television on a recent trip to Arizona. We could not believe how much positive time we suddenly had on our hands. Other aspects of self-care include learning to say no, when you feel its right for you. Spend more quality time with yourself and the people you love and most of all ask yourself; what are my real needs and are they being met? Then communicate your needs and have them met once and for all.
RELATIONSHIPS ( healing from child abuse
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IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO BUILD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP
By Suzanne E. Harrill
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HOOSE ONE PERSON with whom you’d like to have a better relationship. It can be your husband, wife, teenager, adult child, parent, sibling, boss, business partner, or ex-spouse. The information presented applies to any important relationship in your life that has room for improvement or a relationship you cannot directly work on with the other person at this time. All relationships are co-created and it takes two people to make them work. It is impossible to force a relationship when one person does not choose to be involved. You can, however, choose to heal your part in the relationship, which is the only part you have control over in reality. With a troubled relationship it is important to change the focus from what is not working in the relationship and what is wrong with the other to reviewing your own life. It is beneficial to look at your own patterns of thinking and behaving in regard to the other person, your history together, and what you are seeking in a relationship with this person. As you examine yourself, you can grow to a new place of understanding and acceptance. Then, you will be ready when an opening occurs in the other person to build a mutually satisfying relationship for both of you. We will discuss ways to help you improve your part of the equation regardless of whether the other person changes or not. It will take some work on your part and journal writing is recommended to help you in your self-discovery process. Get ready to answer a lot of useful questions to build self-awareness.
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To begin healing an injured relationship it is helpful to define your concept of a good relationship. Examine your desires, visions, wishes, hopes and dreams for this relationship, and at the same time keep in mind that this is exactly what they are – the goals and potential of the relationship from your point of view. Answer the following questions honestly as you observe the relationship and delve into healing your part. Do you have realistic expectations and goals for this relationship? Are you able to let go of control and attachments to certain results? Notice values, maturity level, developmental stage in life, and awareness level of each of you; how well do you match up? What about honoring physical and emotional boundaries of the other, do you respect or disrespect boundaries? Do you have strong or weak boundaries for yourself with this person? Think about your history together, notice when problems began and what worked and did not work between you. Write about each of your personalities and communication “What counts style. How are you alike and different? Do you understand the in making a happy difference between your needs and the needs of the other? The relationship is not answers may not come immediately, so take your time. Ponder these questions and more. Your answers may change over time. so much how Love and forgiveness are keys to creating a positive relationship. compatible you Both heal a relationship. The highest love is unconditional love where you accept the other as they are without trying to change them. Most are, but how people love conditionally and put pressure on others to change and be you deal with to their liking or are continually hurt and disappointed in the other. incompatibility.” Subtle pressure is usually done through shame, blame, and pulling away emotionally to control the other. It is important to understand – Daniel Goleman the difference between like and love. When you like someone there is an emotional response that feels good. It is easier to be around someone you like, usually meaning the other acts and thinks the way you want them to and they match up with your values, priorities, and beliefs. Unconditional love is a choice on the other hand and is not based on what another thinks or does. It is much harder to love and accept a person as they are without pressuring them to change and be different when you do not like aspects of their personality, beliefs, values, behaviors, etc. You may find it is actually healthy for you to limit time with those whom you find difficult to be around and have difficulty accepting the way they are. You can love from afar even when you find it challenging to be around someone. Some relationships are not good for you. Do you need to practice forgiveness towards the other or yourself ? If you are self-critical and judging yourself for earlier behaviors, beliefs, habits, or style of communication, you may need to forgive yourself and release shame and guilt for mistakes you feel you made in your unaware past. Remorse and regret are healthy responses, because you do want to own your mistakes and not repeat them. Beating up on yourself with shame and guilt are unhealthy and keep you
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stuck. Making amends and apologizing to another goes a long way in healing a rupture in a relationship. As you forgive yourself it positively affects the relationship. It boosts your esteem to take responsibility for things you did that you would not do today that were below your awareness level at the earlier time. When you forgive another you actually release yourself from the bondage to them. You are free to let them go and do their life as they see fit, knowing not to take personally the things that were said or done. This can take a very long time, so I do not mean to make light of being a victim in the past and forgiving abusive or hurtful actions of another. It is still healing to you to begin this process. In this short article I am giving a plan of action to improve a relationship, not a time frame of how long the processes will take. Outside help may be needed from a counselor, coach, or you may need to read or listen to CD’s from teachers and experts in the area in which you need help. An interesting paradox happens many times when we stop trying to change another and instead change our own patterns of response, expectations, attitudes, and tone of voice. It does have an affect What can on the other person when we speak and act differently. She or he many times will change as a result. Again it does not work be done if to set out ahead of time to change the relationship by changing you choose the other person. This paradoxical type of change is the result of to stay in a changing bad patterns and habits with self while turning loose of expectations for the relationship. Change your dance steps in a relationship relationship and a new dance is created, however. that does not What can be done if you choose to stay in a relationship that match up with does not match up with what you want? As you work on your own issues and build awareness, it will be necessary to find appropriate what you want? ways to meet most of your needs, thus releasing the other from being responsible for you. You may have to grieve and deal with your disappointment, anger, and depression about the relationship not being to your liking or not having the potential you want. Your ultimate happiness must not depend on the other person meeting your needs or making you happy. It can be very freeing to take full responsibility for yourself and to accept the current reality as it is. Over time you may find the other person goes through their own transformation and moves in your direction, or you may feel complete and no longer need the relationship, or you may limit time with this person. In conclusion, it is possible to experience inner peace and enjoyment of your own life, regardless of a troubled relationship. A big step, yes. Of paramount importance is to remember often that the only person you have control over is yourself. Consider learning to accept your current reality as it is today, do the inner work necessary to transform your own life, and at the same time put out your visions for a better relationship. It is never too late to have a good relationship. Begin with yourself.
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NEURONUTRITION FOR A HEALTHIER BRAIN & BODY By Alexandra Lopez-Pacheco
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EOPLE ROUTINELY GO ON DIETS TO LOSE WEIGHT, build muscle or feel more energetic but few think of nutrition for a healthier and fitter brain despite the fact that the brain is the most important organ in the human body. Here’s some good news: a healthy neuronutrition diet is good for your mind and your body. With good neuronutrition, which is based on a holistic and healthy common sense diet of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, nuts and seeds and spices and herbs--nature’s basket of flavours, colours and textures--you can improve your moods and cognitive function, help reduce the risks of cognitive decline due to ageing and provide healthy nutrients to the rest of your body. Healthy neuronutrition can help improve your brain’s neuroplasticity (its ability to change) as well as neurogenesis (its ability to create new neurons). The most critical nutrient to fuel a healthy mind is glucose. “The brain uses glucose as its primary source of fuel, more so than other tissues in the body. Glucose is the preferred source of fuel for the brain in any state except for starvation, when it is forced to burn fat for fuel,” says Lisa Powell, MS, RD, Director of Nutrition at Canyon Ranch, a multi-award-winning health resort, renowned for its innovative approach to health, wellness and holistic and integrative care. And what is the healthiest source of glucose? Complex carbohydrates, which are found in unprocessed foods that come from plants. “Your body breaks down carbohydrates into glucose,” says Powell. “The closer the carbohydrate is to its natural form, the better. So that means a wide
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variety of veggies and fruit and beans and nuts and seeds and whole grain products.” But the brain doesn’t just need a good supply of glucose. It needs a steady, balanced supply. This is critical not just for brain function, but also for appetite and mood regulation. Without enough glucose, the brain’s ability to produce neurotransmitters is hampered and that can lead to mood swings--which is why people often get very irritable when they are hungry. Conversely, rapid spikes of glucose to the brain also lead to mood swings. “Anything that stabilizes blood sugar tends to help balance moods,” says Powell. “If your blood sugar spikes and drops, your mood will tend to do the same. But if your blood sugar is balanced by having meals spaced fairly evenly, and eating every three to four hours, choosing unrefined carbs and balancing those meals with protein and fat, which are great balancers as they help delay the absorption of the glucose into the bloodstream, then you can help that keep your blood sugar level even for both mood stability and appetite control.” Bleached grains contribute to blood sugar spikes and drops because, says Powell, for all practical purposes much of the “digestion” has already taken place in the manufacturing plant. “All that is left for your body to do is the final breakdown, so the glucose is absorbed quickly, your blood sugar spikes quickly, and you’re off on that rollercoaster pattern with the blood sugar,” says Powell. “With whole grains, your body has to accomplish the breakdown and digestion before you can absorb that glucose so it slows down the absorption and balances it out.” Healthy neuronutrition also helps to balance inflammation, which “Anything that some researchers have linked to depression. “The brain is such an stabilizes blood active organ, there is glucose flowing, a lot of oxygen flowing, it’s a tissue that is hard working. Like any tissue in the body, the brain can sugar tends to be potentially inflamed,” says Powell. “It’s not that you don’t want help balance any inflammation, that’s how your body defends itself from things moods” such as viruses, but you want to balance the inflammation. Western diets lean towards foods that are pro-inflammatory.” Animal meats, hydrogenated oils, and many of the chemical and preservatives in processed foods all have inflammatory qualities. In fact, most people in western societies consume up to 20 times more pro-inflammatory omega-6 fat than anti-inflammatory omega-3. “To create a balance, you can shift towards more anti-inflammatory foods, such as omega 3-rich fish three times a week, flax seed, sour cherries and berries, apples, pear, pomegranate, use extra-virgin olive oil for salads and cooking and anti-inflammatory spices such as ginger, rosemary, turmeric, oregano, curry, cinnamon, and eat probiotics, which are found in yogurt, kefir and sauerkraut, as well as supplements,” says Powell. The best thing about healthy neuronutrition is that it is rich with wholesome, natural and varied foods and when combined with relaxation and exercise, it leads to a fitter body as well as mind. It’s about enjoying different flavours and textures, absorbing its nutrients and enjoying life more fully with a clear and energized mind.
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REINFORCING OUR CONNECTION WITH NATURE
By Ute Lawrence
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RECENTLY RETURNED FROM A WEEK’S HIATUS AT CANYON RANCH IN TUCSON, ARIZONA. I travel there year after year with the intention of learning what it takes to live a healthier, happier life. The ranch offers the kind of environment that inspires learning and soul searching. The property’s vibrant dessert flowers and immense stone sculptures draw me back time after time. The panoramic view of the mountains and the mysterious silence they exude are truly awe-inspiring. During one of my visits I participated in the life enhancement program, which is an organized and in-depth approach to healthy living. It takes place in the nurturing environment of the Life Enhancement Centre on the Canyon Ranch grounds.The Centre gives guests the opportunity to interact with fellow participants within the framework of scheduled workshops, hands-on classes and group discussions. I was introduced to many new practices, which I incorporated into my daily life after I came home. I participated in some of the hikes and walks that are designed to connect guests physically, mentally and spiritually to their surroundings.The walks made me realize how crucial it is for us, as humans, to connect with nature on a consistent basis. It’s important not only for our survival, but also as a constant source of inspiration...for making us feel alive.
SPA & FACILITIES
The climate controlled, 80,000-squarefoot Spa complex includes six gymnasiums, a spacious Pilates and Gyrotonic studio, exercise and weight training rooms, squash and racquetball courts, a yoga/meditation dome, and men’s and women’s locker rooms with sauna, steam and inhalation rooms, whirlpools, private sunbathing areas, a comfortable relaxation lounge and fully-equipped vanities. Also in the Spa are skin care and beauty salons and massage and body treatment rooms. Additional facilities include seven lighted tennis courts, basketball court and three outdoor pools. The biking and hiking programs use resort property as well as nearby mountain and canyon trails. High Ropes Challenge Course, an adventure for anyone seeking thrills during their stay. The course includes a climbing wall and high-flying Zipline. Canyon Ranch’s Golf Performance Center has professional staff and equipment for golf instruction and fitness training. The 3,400-square-foot facility includes strength-training equipment, practice areas and computer technology for swing analysis and video feedback. The 11,000-squarefoot Aquatic Center features three Watsu pools, a cross-training pool with conditioning equipment, an aquatic therapy pool and a whirlpool. Aqua exercise classes are offered daily. Visit canyonranch.com/tucson
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Walking relieves stress, improves our sense of focus and enhances our connection to the larger world. We can’t help but benefit from being attuned to nature. We also feel more in sync with family, friends and clients. Great emphasis is placed on meditation and breathing at the beginning of the life enhancement program. Meditation calms the mind and emotions while refining an awareness of the mind-body-nature connection. Decades of neurological research show that when we practice meditative techniques, we can tap into resources we did not know we had, lower our blood pressure, sleep better, and heal faster. The ranch offers continuous yoga, tai chi and Qi Gong classes throughout the day. I usually followed up with a massage, which gave me a feeling of being as close to heaven as it’s humanly possible. When it was time to go home, I couldn’t help but ask myself: “Will I be able to sustain this feeling of well-being?” Fortunately, take-home planning was offered at the end of the program. What an amazing tool at the end of a vacation, guests sit down and make a plan that outlines what they will do to extend the “shelf life” of their well being. I learned that to reinforce our connection to nature at home, we need to set aside a block of time every day for reflection, breathing, meditation and some kind of exercise. Taking a daily walk in the neighborhood or a nearby park is easy exercise for most people; listen to the sounds and touch the flowers, hug a tree and let your bare feet feel the moist grass and the energy that comes from mother earth.
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WHERE’S YOUR SELF ESTEEM TODAY? “Self-esteem is a powerful human need. It is a basic human need that makes an essential contribution to the life process; it is indispensable to normal and healthy development; it has survival value. Lacking positive self-esteem, our psychological growth is stunted. Positive selfesteem operates as, in effect, the immune system of consciousness, providing resistance, strength, and a capacity for regeneration. When self-esteem is low, our resilience in the face of life’s adversities is diminished and we crumble. We tend be more influenced by the desire to avoid pain than to experience joy. Negatives have more power over us than positives.” – Nathaniel Branden, PH.D
THE HARRILL SELF ESTEEM INVENTORY by Suzanne Harrill
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WHAT DOES YOUR SELF ESTEEM LOOK LIKE? TAKE THE TEST NOW
HE SELF-ESTEEM AWARENESS INVENTORY is not really a test or a precise measure of self-esteem. Instead, it identifies beliefs, feelings, and behaviors that contribute to your self-esteem. The 25 statements can be used to update beliefs that have limited your self-esteem. Use the statements as affirmations, positive statements, to change and improve how you talk to yourself. Repeat the statements to yourself often, emphasizing your low scoring answers. Over time improving your self-talk will help change old, outdated beliefs that keep you stuck in low self-esteem. It is unwise to compare your answers with anyone else’s, that is, unless sharing opens healthy discussion between the two of you. Save your answers and date it. Answer the questions again every few months to notice your progress and the areas you still need to emphasize. Be mindful of not judging the speed of your progress. Grow and expand your awareness at your own rate. If many of your answers are low, you will notice quick improvement by working with these 25 statements and applying the information in this inventory. All of the parts of you are interdependent so a gain in one area strengthens your entire self. A side benefit in working with the inventory is to notice where other people have self-esteem issues. You can grow in compassion as you learn to identify when another is struggling with selfesteem issues. This makes it a little easier to forgive negative attitudes and behaviors in others as well.