Messiah Cancels Easter Bunny Event

WRITTEN BY ETHAN DYRLI

tired of containing their longing. “3,2,1, go!” was met with freakish screams and a forward force of the crowd reminiscent of the running of the bulls.

Smith has since retired from Messiah, citing “creative differences” and “medical leave.”

Following the event, student journalists caught up with Harold Cunningham, one of the students involved in the hysteria. Cunningham, a self-described “free-thinker,” isn’t quite sure how the event turned so ugly.

“One minute I was scrolling through Instagram looking for more information about the Bunny Hunt, then the next thing I knew I woke up mid-sprint on the green space with a handful of duct tape, jelly beans, and plastic grass,” Cunningham said.

It’s important to note that smirch can also be used to describe the tarnishing of one’s character. For example: “The public health crisis caused by last year’s Easter Bunny Hunt will ‘smirch’ the school’s reputation in the community for years to come.”

“We apologize for our spelling mistake,” said Messiah in an official statement the following morning. “Regardless, we take no responsibility for unruly behavior that took place yesterday. In the future, we plan to both install riot-ready Safety officers at all events, as well as invest in a premium Grammarly account.”

Administration has since denounced the event and those students in attendance, sending each member of the crowd an email placing them on “disciplinary pronation.”