Guest Columnist: Nurse Learns Happiness Can Be Found, Even In the Darkest of Times

Labor and Delivery Nurse Learns Happiness Can Be Found, Even In the Darkest of Times

Nervous. Anxious. Scared. Sad. Flustered. All of that at the same time is what I was feeling when I found out I would be taking care of a patient who was there to be induced at 19 weeks because her baby no longer had a heartbeat. I think one of the most common misconceptions of labor and delivery is that it is the happy side of nursing. Don’t get me wrong, it is happy. It is such a privilege to be there while someone experiences one of the most important days of their life. But on this day, I learned the privilege and heartache associated with the dark side of labor and delivery. I remember walking into this room and seeing Devan covered in a Harry Potter blanket with The Office blaring over the TV. I remember vividly thinking to myself ‘ok, we have some talking points if it gets awkward.’ Awkward because what do you say to someone who just lost their baby? The baby they wanted so freaking badly. I just remember how sweet Shelton, Devan’s partner, was with her, making sure she had every single thing she needed. We went over our plan of care and a few hours into the shift she delivered Polly Elise and I cried with them. This is the part no one prepares you for. The cry that someone who just lost someone they love makes

is haunting. That cry never gets easier to hear. It rings in my ear to this day. I remember being so gentle getting hand and foot prints and thinking this is not enough. So, I went on the computer and printed a quote from Harry Potter. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light”. I tried to take the best care of them that I could while trying to internalize my feelings. I moved Devan and Shelton to their next room with Polly and they asked me to take a picture with her, which of course I did. Fast forward 10 months, I was just running our board seeing what was going on and I saw a last name that looked familiar. It was Devan’s hyphenated last name. I ran down the hallway to the room she was in. I didn’t even knock, I just walked in, and she looked at me and we both just started crying. She was like ‘I was just going to ask if you still worked here’. After we caught up a little bit and I helped her primary nurse get her settled as we were dealing with a preterm labor scare, she asked if she could add me on Facebook and if I would be their nurse when they came in to deliver their baby! She went on to tell me how they told their family I was their angel nurse and that Polly waited for me to arrive before she was born because she knew that Devan and Shelton needed this. They showed everyone my picture and they had the page with the quote and the footprints framed and on their mantel. I was touched. This was such a unique patient connection that we made that there was no way I could say no to delivering my first full circle rainbow baby. When she went into preterm labor again a few weeks later, I showed up to my night shift and took over her care. We moved and labored all night. With some of my best friends by my side helping me with position changes and then with pushing when it was time, we met Polly’s baby brother, Knox. We had Polly’s name on the delivery board and the room had the perfect ambiance. When I heard Devan and Shelton take that huge deep breath that had the sweetest relief that their baby made it safely this time, I could not help but to tear up, because that sound is also one I will never forget, but not in a haunting way but in a hopeful way. I knew in that moment that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. That this is where I need to be to grow and be great and I am so thankful that I gained a life-long friend, but I also learned so much about myself as a nurse. I remind myself that as hard as these shifts are for us, it is just a shift. This is the absolute worst day of some patients’ lives. And on this dark day, if I can even be the smallest bit of light for them I will do any and everything within my power to do so. I am so thankful to be able to do what I do every day.

Caylene Cortes, RN, Labor & Delivery Methodist Hospital

Caylene holding Polly shortly after collecting her handprints Footprints for a special Harry Potter themed memento for her parents