September 2011

Page 1

FREE

SEPTEMBER 2011

SCARY TIMES A to Z

Back to school organization

GOD’S CLOSED DOORS

Simple Suppers

2 SEPTEMBER 2011 â?˜ Metro Christian Living

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contents SEPTEMBER 2011 columns 11 The Way I see it Hold the Ropes

14 The Think Tank Scary Times

16 Living my Call Dr. Michael Lindsey

19 HomeWorks A to Z for a more organized life this school year

22 All in the Family Who are you sending “Back to School?”

28 Modern Motherhood Her Birthday, My Gift

29 Let’s Talk it Over Beware of Joy Stealers

features

34 Single Still, Single Again

24

36 Family Focus

God’s Closed Doors

Michael Oher

Identity Stealing

Setting the Record Straight

37 In Black & White Mission Mississippi

39 Legal Advice But That Was Promised to Me!

40 Salt & Light A Knitting Ministry: Knit, Purl, Love

departments

20

30

20 Food For Thought Simple Suppers

30 Welcome Home Fall planting days are here!

31 Our Daily Bread How do you keep the faith?

32 Christian Commerce Corner East Lakeland OB/GYN

33 Healthy Living 5 Tweaks to a Flatter Stomach

40

16

35 Fresh Finds Back to School

38 The Doctor Is In Tummy Pain

42 This is my Story How to Survive Your Husband’s Unemployment

What’s Coming Next Month? Maura Macintosh Walking by Faith

➺

6 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

44 Rave Reviews Books, movies and music

in every issue 8 45 46 46

Editor’s Letter Event Calendar Quips & Quotes Ad Directory

metro ®

Volume 6, Number 4 Publisher: MHS Publications, Inc., Member, M.I.P.A. Editor: Marilyn Tinnin marilyn@metrochristianliving.com Administrative Assistant: Carol Rodgers carol@metrochristianliving.com Art Direction/Graphic Design Sandra K. Goff Graphic Production Assistant Kate Thomas Sales Marilyn Tinnin, Shannon Collins Contributing Writers: Dan Armstrong, Lydia Bolen, Dr. John L. Cox, Susan Deaver, Cathy Haynie, William B. Howell, Katie Kilgore, Robin O’Bryant, Susan Richardson, Betsy Smith, Tammy Thomas, Dr. April Ulmer, Steve Ward, Martin E. Willoughby, Jr., Andy Wimberly, Neddie Winters, Susan Wolgamott Cover Photo Baltimore Ravens Distribution Assistants: Laura Blackledge, Kim Roberts, Carol Rodgers, Andrea Sabillion, Rachel Schulte, Jerri Strickland, Priscilla Sullivan, Tim Waldon, Bob Whatley

Metro Christian Living is committed to encouraging individuals in their daily lives by presenting the faith stories of others and by providing information that will point every person, at every stage of life, to a deeper, authentic, personal, and life changing encounter with Jesus Christ. Views expressed in Metro Christian Living do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. Every effort has been made by the Metro Christian Living staff to insure accuracy of the publication contents. However, we do not guarantee the accuracy of all information nor the absence of errors and omissions; hence, no responsibility can be or is assumed. All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2008 by Metro Christian Living, Inc. Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of International Bible Society.

Metro Christian Living is published monthly and is available at high traffic locations throughout the metropolitan area. Copies are also available by subscription, $29 for one year. Single issues available for $3 an issue. POSTMASTER: Send change of address to Metro Christian Living, 573 Highway 51 North, Suite C, Ridgeland, MS 39157, phone number 601-790-9076.

M I P A Mississippi Independent Publishers' Alliance

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➺editor’s letter Remembering to Remember

M

For I know the ❝ plans I have for you…

❞

– Jeremiah 29:11

8 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

emories are etched in my heart and my head at the moment. I missed the all time greatest high school reunion this summer. Indianola High School ceased to exist in 1970 but alumni recently held a reunion, not of one class, but of every graduate who wanted to come. Prior to that weekend, via Face book we connected and reminisced for months. I just completed a ten week Beth Moore study on the life of the apostle Paul. I confess that prior to this study, I had the idea that Paul, though one of the true heroes of the faith, would not have been on a short list of people I wanted to sit next to at dinner. He intimidated me and I thought he didn’t think so highly of us females. I was wrong as I often am. In fact I was so wrong that I have spent the better part of the last few days rereading my notes and making new ones on how I might better imitate his example. I marvel at his passion for Christ and his faithfulness in the face of prison, shipwreck, beatings, and sickness. In every circumstance, he was steadfast, focused on finishing the race (that would be life’s journey) with grace and strength. Reaching across the centuries, Paul has influenced me as much or more than any flesh and blood person I have ever admired. Despite decades of service for the cause of Christ, he still referred to himself as “chief of sinners.” He never forgot how zealously he had persecuted the church before Christ met him as a blinding light on the Road to Damascus. He was never impressed with himself because he kept remembering his past. I see that same trait—humility—often in interviewing those we feature in Metro Christian Living. It is always refreshing mostly because we live in a culture these days where narcissism reigns big time. And I notice, too that humility is so often connected to one’s recall of the past— where one was before the love of Christ softened a hard heart. The Hollywood version of the Michael Oher story (The Blind Side) garnered many awards and received much positive acclaim, but nowhere was there a mention of God’s role in setting in motion HIS plans for good, HIS ability to ignore the odds and not only to keep this little boy safe but put him in a place where his God-given talents and his God-given thirst for love would mesh to take him so much farther than his wildest dreams. We feature another Michael in this issue as well. Jackson native, Dr. Michael Lindsay, son of Susan Lindsay Head of School at Jackson Prep, has just assumed the presidency of Gordon College in Wenham, Massachusetts. His accomplishments in the twenty years between high school and the present would fill volumes, but what stands out to me the most about Michael is his downto-earth humility. He is not impressed with himself either—just grateful for the God-directed path. In encouraging you, dear reader, to remember your personal life stories, I remind you that we are about to mark one entire decade since September 11, 2001. Do you remember where you were when you saw the planes fly into the World Trade Center? I do. I had a son in Washington working as the senior legislative assistant for Georgia Congressman Charlie Norwood and several hours went by between the scary television coverage and his calling to tell me he was safe. I have not forgotten and hope I never will that in those hours I understood how fragile life is, that there are no guarantees of health, wealth and prosperity and that because of that truth, I do not want to ever face a day without being certain of my relationship with Jesus Christ. Remembering is a gift. It is a most wonderful thing God allows and for some reason, we don’t really understand how special it is until we get old and have a lot of them—I mean a lot of memories. But one more point—We remember…we remember all the good and tender, but we also remember the things we wish we could strike forever from our brain as well as from our resume— the times we weren’t kind, the times we failed, the times we can’t believe we actually did what we did. But the great news is that God’s word says,”For I will be merciful toward their iniquities (that would be the dumb things we wish we had not done) and I will remember their sins no more.” It occurs to me that although God says He remembers our sins no more, it is not half bad that we don’t forget them. It kind of keeps us on track to recall exactly why we so desperately need s Savior in good times and in bad. Y

Marilyn H. Tinnin, Publisher and Editor marilyn@metrochristianliving.com

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➺

the way i see it

HOLD THE

ROPES As I was getting a little exercise in the hotel gym, I was watching the morning news and they were reporting about an airplane crashing into one of the World Trade Center buildings. There were conflicting reports about what was going on, but as it became apparent this was a terrorist attack, I quickly got off my exercise bike and made my way back to my hotel room. I happened to be in Manhattan on business on 9/11, and I became increasingly concerned about the situation. In the next few hours, the scope of the attack became more apparent and rumors were flying about potential poison gas attacks as well. The authorities had locked down Manhattan and so I was not sure what to do. While getting a phone signal was difficult, I managed to get through to

Rope holders are people who work behind the scenes. They are not in it for the glory. To be a rope holder means that we invest ourselves in the lives of others. my wife Nicki. As we assessed the situation, she mentioned that one of my friends, Roger Davis, had called and knew I was in Manhattan. He said he was going to get in his car and come get me. While this did not ultimately prove necessary as I finally got off the island on a train, I reflect back on that event and his willingness to step into danger to help a friend. In Acts 9, we learn about Paul narrowly escaping harm in Damascus. He was a new Christian and had been boldly preaching the Gospel. The local officials were trying to kill him, but “the disciples took him by night, and let him down by the wall in a basket” (Acts 9:25). The Scriptures don’t tell us who these disciples were. All we know is that they probably risked their lives to faithfully help Paul escape

imminent danger. If they would have failed in their mission, Paul would have been killed and most of the New Testament would never have been written. The followers who helped Paul had no idea who Paul would go on to become; however, they answered the call for help. William Carey, considered the “Father of Modern Missions” was speaking with his friends about his willingness to go into the mine shaft to mine for heathen souls and he famously stated, “I will go down the mine, if you will all hold the ropes for me.” He ended up being a missionary to India where dedicated his life to winning lost souls for Christ. We all need people in our lives who will “hold the ropes” for us. We need people who will be there in good times and bad. These type people are the first to call or show up in times of trouble. These people are our encouragers and supporters. We also need to consider whom God has put in our “basket” that we are supposed to hold the ropes. Being a “rope holder” is not easy. It requires us to be trustworthy and to think of others over ourselves. In our fallen state, we are selfish people, but in Christ, we become focused on the needs of others. Rope holders are people who work behind the scenes. They are not in it for the glory. To be a rope holder means that we invest ourselves in the lives of others. Perhaps God has put a neighbor or co-worker in your basket. Maybe God is leading you to be a rope holder for a disadvantaged youth or elderly widow. Amidst our busy lives, we can be still and listen for whom God is directing us to help. When opportunity knocks, we will be ready to serve and be a “rope holder” for someone in a time of need. Y Martin E. Willoughby, Jr. is Chief Operating Officer of Butler Snow Advisory Services, LLC located in Ridgeland. He and his wife Nicki have two children, Ally and Trey, and live in Madison. metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 11

INDIVIDUAL Trauma Abuse Self-esteem

Attachment Issues Personality Disorders Identity

MARRIAGE Intimacy Enrichment Adultery Grown Apart

Divorce Recovery Communication Lack of Understanding Knowing Each Other

FAMILY Boundaries Listening Conflict

Children Issues Understanding Expressing

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metrochristianliving.com â?˜ SEPTEMBER 2011 13

➺the think tank by ANDY WIMBERLY

SCARY TIMES

T

wo years ago I wrote an article on scary times. Remembering how we all felt after September 11th, when we first heard of the plane crashing into the Twin Towers. Those were Scary Times. Remember 2009, severe economic problems, slumping sales in most all industries, high unemployment, Iraq, Afghanistan and on and on. Those were Scary Times too. How about now, September, 2011? High unemployment, little or no trust in our political system or our politicians, health care costs are out of sight, our country owes 14 TRILLION DOLLARS without the resources to ever pay it back. Our own government is “loaning” money to itself. And the stock market is moving up and down more than Lady Gaga, Elvis and Rihanna ever dreamed of doing. And GOD is nowhere close to being in the center of most of our lives. (an honest answer—HE might be in the top 10). No jobs, no trust, huge debt, financial volatility, not a lot of hope and no focus on GOD. SCARY TIMES? Yep, afraid so, and If we are not very careful scary times can trap us, depress us, bog us down and a put us in a big ole slump. Remember what Dr. Seuss said, “Once you’re in a slump you’re not in for much fun, because unslumping yourself is not easily done”. If you are in a slump, take heart, there is a way out. It might not be easy and it probably won’t happen overnight. What we need when we’re “slumped” is clarity, direction, confidence and opportunity.

Here are four new Unslumping Strategies for you to try:

1.

Forget about yourself and focus on others—fear can drive people into themselves, making them feel isolated and helpless. Instead go in the opposite direction, expanding your relationship with others— focus on helping them transform their negatives into positives. The more you do this, the less you will worry about your own situation. You become a source of confidence for everyone else.

4.

2.

If we hold the same opinions, develop no new habits, learn no new skills, undertake no new challenges, risk nothing new—then we are probably still trapped and slumped. Want to make a difference; for GOD, for your family, for your business, for your life? Try these four strategies for the next 21 days. Y

Forget about your complaints, focus on your gratitude—this is one of those times when each of us has to make a decision; to complain or to be grateful. Complaining only attracts negative thoughts and negative people; gratitude creates opportunities. Focus on everything that you are grateful for—communicate this to all around you—and watch the positive results.

3.

Forget about your losses, focus on your opportunities—the things you had, things you took for granted, may have diminished or even disappeared. Some people never get over this. They keep playing their same old games and expect different results. (Einstein called this insanity). A better strategy is to start a new game—using new ideas, new energies, new tools and new resources.

Develop a habit to spend time each day with GOD—pick a specific quiet location, and a specific time to read from your Bible. Even if you have never read the Bible before, start just with one chapter each day. Start in Matthew, John, or Proverbs then sit back and ponder what you read. Do this for 21 straight days and guess what? You’ve established the Habit! Then watch the results.

Wimberly and Associates are Financial and business/life coaches. Call 601982-8000 or contact Hilliary@thediscoveryprocess.com or Wendy@thediscoveryprocess.com Many thanks to Dan Sullivan of the Strategic Coach in Toronto for his teaching, coaching and insight; and for allowing me to use some of his Scary times ideas. Also to John Maxwell, author of many great books which I read daily.

O! How Cute Fall Favorites Gift Market

14 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

200 Riverwood Dr., #106 Pearl, MS 39208

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601-939-5082

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-- 2089 Lakeland Dr., Jackson, Mississippi

W W W.T I N N I N I M P O R T S .C O M

➺living my call by MARILYN TINNIN

Dr. Michael Lindsay

College President and Christian Leader

W

hen Michael Lindsay was a little boy he was fascinated with commercial aviation.

LCWE

LCWE

His ambition was to run an airline. And indeed, it was clear even then that Michael’s intellect and drive would take him to the top of whatever field he chose. In high school at Jackson Prep, he gravitated to academics instead of athletics, but he was always one to enjoy the social side of school—the activities, the clubs, the relationships with classmates and teachers. Michael has a winsome way about him and so his people skills helped open doors for him all along his journey. As a world-renowned scholar, author, educator and sought after authority on matters of faith, culture, and leadership, Michael Lindsay recently became the eighth President of Gordon College in Wenham, Massachusetts. Gordon is the only non-denominational Christian college in New England. Located 22 miles north of Boston, it was founded in 1889 and has an enrollment of 1500+. It is consistently named among the nation’s top Christian liberal arts schools. An article on the Gordon website says that the 39 year-old Lindsay “hit the ground listening” his first week on the job inviting groups of faculty and staff to engage with him about the daily workings on campus—”listening sessions” according to Michael. “In the early months of my presidency, my desire is to listen and learn from the various members of the college community. The collective wisdom gained from my colleagues’ responses to open-ended questions I posed in these sessions has provided valuable insight in how I can most effectively partner with them in shaping the future of the institution,” Michael explains. The student body will return in early August and Michael who considers mentoring among his favorite aspects of being an educator will likely be holding a few of his listening sessions with students as well. “Inspiring students is primary on my inaugural year agenda,” he says. “By creating a new narrative with them—a new chapter, if you will, that is both personal and institutional—we will help students imagine greater responses to daily and corporate challenges. By bridging academic insights with biblical wisdom, we will continue to

16 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

introduce them to the wonders of learning, the joys of creativity and innovation, and the immeasurable value of Christian character in an unpredictable world.” A Phi Beta Kappa and summa cum laude graduate of Baylor University, Lindsay earned a master of divinity degree and a Ph.D in Sociology from Princeton University where he also received the 2003 Outstanding Teaching Award for graduate student teaching. After Princeton, Michael worked briefly with the George H. Gallup International Institute where he directed several national surveys, co-authored two books with Gallup and became a frequent guest of the national media discussing matters of faith and culture. Gallup, who considers Michael “the clear standout” of all the students who worked with him over the past 50 years, says, “He is a man of solid character, highly knowledgeable, and an eager learner, with a rare humility.” Michael’s book Faith in the Halls of Power was published in 2007 and was nominated by Oxford University Press for the

Your kids are going places. LifeGreen Checking for Students can help them get there. Michael and Rebecca Lindsay with left to right Caroline, Emily and Elizabeth.

nonfiction Pulitzer Prize. The book began as his doctoral dissertation and morphed into something much bigger over a period of five years. Michael personally interviewed over 360 individuals who were leaders in their fields. There were CEOs of Fortune 500 companies like Halliburton and Chick-fil-A, entertainment icons like Kathie Lee Gifford and Stephen Baldwin, government leaders like George H. W. Bush and Jimmy Carter and professional athletes like David Robinson and Tony Dungy. The book serves as a treatise on evangelicals’ faith impacting every segment of culture. From 2006 until assuming the presidency at Gordon, Michael has been an assistant professor of sociology at Rice University, director of the Program for the Study of Leadership, a Rice scholar at the James A. Baker III Institute for “The message of Jesus Public Policy and a frequent lecturer all is not embraced by over the country. It is interesting to watch Michael everyone in higher handle an interview with the secular education, but I have media - confidence without arrogance, been blessed to be a respected and respectful. That is part of institutions Michael through and through. When where faith has a asked if he ever finds himself on the legitimate seat at the defensive because of his well intellectual table...” documented Christian worldview in a frequently hostile world he said, “The message of Jesus is not embraced by everyone in higher education, but I have been blessed to be a part of institutions where faith has a legitimate seat at the intellectual table, even at ‘secular’ institutions such as Princeton and Rice. More important than being offensive or defensive is the admonition to follow the exhortation in John 1 to be ‘full of grace and truth’ in everything.” In addition to adjusting to life as a college president, Michael is working on a new book on American leaders following an unprecedented 550 interviews with American leaders at the highest levels in non-profit, business, and government . “This book,” says Michael, will relate the results of this study and the remarkable stories of these leaders and their rise to the top.” Y

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metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 17

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❋ ❋❋

homeworks

A Z

by CATHY HAYNIE

TO for a more ORGANIZED life this school year F

reeze items for school lunches—ham and cream cheese tortilla wraps, PBJ sandwiches, even pasta for pasta salad all freeze for grab and go lunches.

the car on the way home, ask a few questions and pass out quarters for right answers, which will make for great discussion starters.

G

R S

ive careful thought to your ways. By stopping and thinking about the best way to do something, you can save yourself lots of time and frustration.

H

igh-Low game is a great connector for the dinner table. Everyone shares their high point of the day and their low point, which helps keep you in the know and keeps kids from over-focusing on the negative.

V

K

W

A

L

B

M

C

N O

D

P

on’t wake up to yesterday’s problems— go to bed with a clean kitchen and family room.

E

arly dinner decisions are a big help. Decide every morning by 8am or even the night before what you will serve for dinner.

ote bags for every activity is helpful to a child. Piano, ballet, and soccer all require certain items; keep things all together with activity bags.

J

eep a magnet pad on the frig to keep a running list of items you need from the store.

ouch potato time: take a few minutes at the end of the day to sit on the sofa and ask questions about your child’s day, go through backpacks, and call out spelling words.

T

U

ust three—that’s how many target areas (New Year’s Resolutions?) you can truly effectively work on at a time.

egin work time with the simple question, “what is the one thing I wish wasn’t on my list?” Do that first; the rest of your day will be great!

et-the table placemats involve little ones in chores. Trace a proper place setting on plastic mats, set the dishes on the table, and let them play a matching game!

I

ncluding a little note in a young child’s lunch box or in your husband’s suitcase is a thoughtful way to connect.

sk family and friends for the easiest recipe they make for supper for new but simple ideas.

emember that fun is not an activity, it is an attitude!

ay clothes out for tomorrow—do as much tonight as you can to ease the morning rush.

ake the bed as soon as your feet hit the floor. It takes up most of the room, so when it’s made, the room is mostly clean! eaten up drawers or your purse while you talk on the phone.

ne kind of white sock per family member is a big time saver. Divide clean socks by person but no more tedious matching! lug in the crock-pot! Afternoons and evenings are harder times of the day, so set it up in the morning (or the night before) and walk in the door to the aroma of dinner!

Q

uestions for a quarter is helpful for young children to listen in church. In

nder the bed boxes are great places to store linens for that room or for sorting toys for little ones. inyl shoe bags help you sort and see everything from craft supplies to Barbie dolls to hair products in the bathroom.

hat can I do for you today? A simple question to help you prioritize your marriage.

X

it off your list. Keeping to do items in your hand instead of in your head is freeing.

Y

our own personal style and level of organization is what you are looking for, not someone else’s. Let yourself off the hook a little and enjoy your day!

Z

one your space: set up loading zone by the back door, a homework zone, and a school lunch zone for packing lunches to name a few. Y Cathy Haynie and her husband, Jack, have three children and live in Madison. Cathy is the Headmaster of Christ Covenant School in Ridgeland. She occasionally speaks to women’s groups on Honoring God in the Home and Balancing Work and Home. Contact her at chaynie@ccs.ms metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 19

➺food for thought

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of Him that sent me, and to finish His work.”

by LYDIA BOLEN

– John 4:34

Simple Suppers I

can’t believe September is here! Families are back into

hectic routines. No time to plan a nutritious meal? I have three easy “supper recipes” that I consider quick and delicious. The meatball recipe is one of my new favorites. It comes from The Meatball Shop in NYC. You can prepare these a day ahead, or even freeze. If your

BEEF MEATBALLS 2 pounds 80% lean ground beef (I use ground sirloin) 2 teaspoons salt 1/4 teaspoon chili flakes 1/2 teaspoon ground fennel seed 1/2 cup breadcrumbs 1/4 cup chopped parsley 1 tablespoon chopped oregano 1 cup fresh ricotta cheese 2 eggs 2 tablespoons olive oil Preheat the oven to 450 (or you can drop to 425). Combine all of the ingredients except for the olive oil in a large mixing bowl and mix by hand until thoroughly incorporated. Drizzle the olive oil into a 9 x 12 baking dish, making sure to evenly coat the entire surface. Use your hand to help spread the oil. Roll the mixture into round, golf ball size meatballs, making sure to pack the meat firmly. I used the large Pampered Chef scoop. Place balls into the oiled baking dish so that all are lined up evenly in rows. Roast until firm and cooked through for about 20 minutes. Makes 24 meatballs. These can be made in advance. They freeze well also. The meatballs are good just alone, but if you prefer an addition of spaghetti sauce have on hand a good quality one. Our favorite go-to sauce is Mario Batali’s. Pair with your favorite pasta.

20 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

family likes pasta, Olive Garden’s Capellini Pomodoro is super quick and good. The chicken tender recipe is one I made up using ingredients and flavors my family likes. Add rice or potatoes, a veggie side, some Mary B’s frozen biscuits, and you have a sure winner!

CHICKEN TENDERS WRAPPED IN BACON

OLIVE GARDEN’S CAPELLINI POMODORO

10-12 Chicken tenders Thick cut bacon slices (cut each slice in half) Mozzarella cheese sticks (cut each stick into thirds) Mesquite seasoning (I use Grill Mates by McCormick) MARINADE: (mix together) 1/3 cup Italian dressing 1/8 cup low-sodium soy sauce 1/8 cup Lea & Perrins Increase amount of marinade sauce if preparing more than 12 tenders.

3 cloves garlic, minced 2 cans (14.5 ounces each) good quality diced tomatoes, or about 2 pounds fresh peeled and diced tomatoes 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 2 cups fresh chopped basil leaves (adjust this amount to personal taste) 1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese 12 ounces dry angel hair pasta, cooked

Wash tenders and dry. Place tenders in the marinade mixture for 15 to 20 minutes. After marinating, place 1/3 of a mozzarella stick in the center of each tender and roll up tightly. Wrap 1/2 piece of bacon around each tender. Sprinkle each tender with the mesquite seasoning. Place leftover marinade in the bottom of a baking dish. Cook uncovered for 30 minutes at 325 degrees. Then, lower temperature to 275 degrees and cook another 30 to 40 minutes. Servings: 2 or 3 tenders per person.

Heat olive oil and add garlic; cook until garlic is tender. Add tomatoes and pepper and heat through, stirring constantly; about 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from heat. Transfer hot cooked pasta to a large bowl. Toss pasta gently with tomato mixture, the fresh basil, and half of the Parmesan cheese. Serve immediately. Pass the remaining Parmesan. Serves 4. Y

Remember to make memories through the kitchen... “the heartbeat of the home”. You can go to my blog at www.lydiasapron.blogspot.com for more of my favorite recipes. Email me at lbbolen@gmail.com for any questions. Have fun with your little ones in the kitchen teaching them to cook; a valuable life skill!

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➺all in the family by DR JOHN L. COX

Who are you sending

“BACK TO SCHOOL”?

I

do a lot of parent consultation at my office, so obviously I believe that how we treat our kids is an important determiner of their personality and disposition. However, anyone who has had at least two children can attest to the fact that, though parenting is important, kids just come out of the womb different creatures from one another. Different kids have different dispositions, and therefore need different things from their parents. As we approach the back to school season, let’s look at three different types of kids and how we can best help them in the coming school year. Just for the sake of alliteration, let’s call them Feisty, Forgetful and Fearful.

Feisty Feisty is the child who tends to be your behavior problem at school. Something in you feels like you should warn his new teacher about what he is like, but trust me, you don’t. She’s already heard about him from last year’s teacher! Unlike many children, Feisty is excited about the coming school year. It’s fresh meat! It’s like getting to play a new venue in Vegas. “Thank you very much. The name is Biff and I’ll be playing here all year.” What Biff needs is Limits. In other words, the Feisty child will tend to be as out of control as you permit, so parents need to partner with teachers to (as my dad used to say) “put the quietus” on young Feisty. Feisty needs NON-ANGRY consequences to befall him if he acts up at school. Feisty loves a power struggle, and an angry parent or teacher, who is outraged that Feisty would behave this way, just fuels him. He needs someone to calmly tell him about all the unpleasant things that he will experience if he continues to disrupt things at school. Let the consequences “do the talkin.” They will speak much more clearly than your anger will. Forgetful Forgetful is your child who cannot even get ready in the morning, much less keep up with their homework. They probably could make good grades on that assignment…if it weren’t wadded up in the bowels of their backpack!! Every normal American parent feels like this is their cue to become naggier: “If only we stay on him, he will begin remembering his homework, or he will

22 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

get ready on time.” In case you haven’t tried this, this approach doesn’t work. It makes your child MORE dependent on external help to remember his work or to get ready; it doesn’t help him develop responsibility. The only thing that can help Forgetful learn to be responsible is Events!! Your words are your least powerful tool in helping him learn. What he needs is to experience NON-NAGGING consequences for his forgetfulness. He needs you to remind him what time you leave in the morning to drive carpool, and that he will be left if he isn’t ready on time. You won’t get angry. You won’t nag. You’ll just take the other kids to school and then kindly come back and get him. (Sure this will require a couple of extra trips at first, but that’s a small price to pay to help him learn long-term.) If he forgets his assignment, don’t get angry. He just gets an hour in time-out when school is over. When he EXPERIENCES the consequences to his forgetfulness, he will start THINKING. And that is what he needs to learn to do in order to become responsible.

Fearful The Fearful child is the one who is dreading school because they don’t feel strong enough to handle it. The other children scare them. The teachers scare them. At this point parents wring their hands, wondering what they did wrong to make this child so “insecure.” However, this is not necessarily a parenting problem. A lot of anxious kids are reluctant to see something: Their own their strength. These kids need “empowering.” They need a parent to help them see that, rather than needing rescuing or affirming, they need someone bigger than them to say, “I know you are scared, but I know that you are strong and smart, and can figure this out!!” Kids get their view of themselves from the eyes of their parents, and these kids need our eyes to be saying, “I see that you are strong and don’t need me to be all worried about you.” Pretty soon they will internalize this belief and begin seeing that they can handle their problems. As always, if the simple tricks don’t help your child get back on track, consult someone for a little insight. Sometimes a little emotional fine tuning can help a Feisty, Forgetful or Fearful child find their footing!! So don’t just say we are heading “Back to School.” Instead, ask the question, “WHO am I sending back to school?” and you will be better equipped to help your children through the coming school year. Y Dr John L. Cox is a clinical psychologist in practice here in Jackson. He works with adults, marriages and children. You can contact him at 601-352-7398

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metrochristianliving.com â?˜ SEPTEMBER 2011 23

Setting the Re

NFL Star Michael Oher Ope About His Real Life Journey

A ■ Favorite sport to watch Basketball and football

■ What do you love about the South? The southern hospitality and the cooking.

■ What’s your favorite meal? Shrimp and chicken alfredo

■ Do you have any pre-game rituals? Listening to music

■ The Blind Side is the highest grossing football movie and sports drama of all time domestically earning more than $255 million dollars.

24 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

sk any expert who devotes themselves to studying the game of professional football, and they’ll tell you the man who lines up on the offensive line at left tackle is the second most important player on the field because their job is to protect the quarterback. If you’re investing millions of dollars and ad campaigns in the face of the franchise who stands under center, then you better pay the man who is responsible for making sure that signal caller can still walk after 60 minutes of football every Sunday. Left tackles make a name for themselves at the expense of others, and for Michael Oher of the Baltimore Ravens, that same storyline has held true off the field. He’s living the “American Dream.” It’s just not the version you’ve probably seen on the silver screen. Oher is the young man at the center of the true story depicted in the Academy Award-winning 2009 film, The Blind Side, based on the New York Times bestselling book with the same title. The former Ole Miss All-American has truly become an inspiration to many, extending far beyond the borders of the Magnolia State. But the shy quiet man who morphs into an aggressive, attacking blocker on game day, is finally finding his voice outside the lines and telling his story for the first time in his own words with details only he knows in the release of his own book, I Beat

Included in Michael’s book is a final chapter of ways to get involved in the lives of kids like Michael who are trapped by the choices of parents who are not living responsible lives. He provides a resource of ministries and organizations where you can invest your time or your dollars and know that other Michaels are turning their lives around…against all odds.

ecord Straight

ens Up y to the Top

by CHRISTIAN T. STECKEL

The Odds: From Homelessness to The Blind Side and Beyond. “I started to get mail from people all over telling me how much of a role model I was and how I inspired them. I know The Blind Side told a little bit about my story, but I wanted to go into depth about what it was really like and open the door for so many other people like me,” Oher told MCL earlier this summer. Born to a drugaddicted mother in Memphis, the family struggled through poverty, and Oher grew up faster than most kids should ever be forced to. In his new book, Oher recounts in chilling fashion the day that Child Protective Services arrived to whisk him and his siblings away from their mother and placed them in state provided Foster Care, memories that served as the motivation for him to share his real story. “I never forget where I came from. I never forget the struggles. You can’t forget something like that. It wasn’t painful. I understood what I wanted to share.” Oher believes setting goals and having a dream helped him eventually break out of the cycle of poverty, addiction, and hopelessness that trapped his family for so long. Eventually, Oher found the game of football could be his ticket out of the madness, and worked hard to receive a scholarship to attend Ole Miss, before becoming a first-round draft pick of the Ravens in 2009. However, the goal of his new book stems from his desire to separate real-life

Peggy Noonan, columnist for the Wall Street Journal, wrote recently on the plight of broken young people who come from single parent families and who have no significant role models to help them grow up. “ In 2009, the last year for which census data are available, there were 74 million children under the age of 18. Of that number, 20 million live in single-parent families, often with only an overwhelmed mother or a beleaguered grandmother. Over 700,000 children under 18 have been the subject of reports of abuse. More than a quarter million are foster children. Some of these children become miracle children. In spite of the hand they were dealt, they learn to be constructive, successful givers to life. But many, we know, do not…What’s needed can’t be provided by government.”

metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 25

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fact from Hollywood fiction. “After the movie came out, there were a lot of people asking me if my life was exactly how it was shown on screen. Obviously, movie makers have to make artistic choices to tell the story in the best way but some of the details just aren’t true. Since so many people seem interested in these details, I hope that I can help to make a little sense out of it all for them.” To be clear, Oher says he had played organized football before being taken in by the now famous Tuohy family, who helped him enroll at Briarcrest Christian school in the suburbs of Memphis. Most of us fell in love with the scene in the movie where Lee Ann Tuohy, the character played by Sandra Bullock in an Oscar Winning role for Best Actress, interrupts practice and storms on to the field imploring him to protect his team like he protects their family. But Oher says, that never happened. “That part right there, it really got me because it was never like that. I’ve always known how to play the game of football. I’ve always had a passion for the game.” So while Hollywood added a few theatrical elements to his story, there’s no exaggerating his desire to help the nearly 500,000 children in America living in foster care, and the adults who give of their time and resources to help them. As Oher shares in his memoir, less than half of those kids will ever graduate from high school, and almost half of the boys will be “I never forget where imprisoned for violent crimes. “That’s the most important lesson I came from. I never I want people to take from my forget the struggles. book. You don’t have to get You can’t forget adopted by a rich family to make something like that. It it. You don’t have to get adopted by anyone at all. You just have to wasn’t painful. I have it set in your brain that you understood what I are going to make a better life wanted to share.” for yourself and you have to be committed to making that happen.” His desire to serve others began at an early age, even though he didn’t have much to give. Oher began attending church when he was seven years old at Grace Evangelical in Memphis, and to this day can be found there on Sunday mornings when he’s back home visiting friends and family. “Faith has always played a big part in my life. I pray a lot and I’ve always understood without the Lord I wouldn’t be here today.” When it comes to his beloved Rebels of Ole Miss, and the time he spent in Oxford during his college years, he’s quick to point out the meaning of the life-changing impact the University and people there had on him. “It means a lot, it’s why I went to school there. I’ll always be a part of it, it’s home, it’s family. I still have a lot of friends there. I keep up with the team.” As far as his outlook for the 2011 season, he believes the Rebels are ready for a rebound after a disappointing campaign a year ago. “They’re a young team and they have a lot of guys coming back and I think they’ll be a lot better.” Oher says the highlight of his career at Ole Miss was the Cotton Bowl victory over Texas Tech his senior year in the final game played on the historic Texas state fairgrounds. Later that year, he signed a 5year, $13.8 million dollar contract with Baltimore in the NFL. But thanks to his humble beginnings, and the challenges he found a way to overcome in his youth, you can rest assured that the 6-foot-4, 315 pound lineman won’t let fame and fortune go to his head. “Knowing what got you here, knowing where you came from. Not taking anything for granted and knowing it can all be taken away from you in a split second. That keeps me grounded.” Y

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➺modern motherhood by ROBIN O’BRYANT

Her Birthday, My Gift

O

On my oldest daughter’s 7th birthday, at approximately the same time I kissed her for the first time, I kissed her sweaty head as she slept in her bed. I had no idea what I was getting into

seven years ago. When you are about to be a new mother no one can prepare you for how your life will change. It would be like trying to explain sleep deprivation by saying, “You’re going to be really tired. Crazy tired.” Words don’t even BEGIN to cover the exhaustion, desperation and frustration you feel when you spend night after night breastfeeding a screaming baby. Even when she sleeps, you don’t. Instead, you wash vomit out of teeny tiny clothes and tip-toe into the nursery to make sure she is still breathing. You cannot explain the constancy of motherhood. Motherhood is like a street gang-- you get jumped in and there’s only one way out. Once you’re in, it changes how you do everything. You take a shower with the shower curtain wide open, water spraying directly onto your bathroom floor. Heaven forbid, you should take your eyes off of your infant for even a second. You are consumed with this new life, with preserving it and enriching it. You are A Mother, from that point on and for the rest of your life. Every second of every day. Forever. You worry about how much your child has eaten, how much they sleep, how often they poop. You lie in the bed at night, woken by the slight sound of shifting blankets coming over the baby monitor and wonder, “Does she need me?” You try to anticipate everything that could ever hurt them in hopes of preventing it. “Don’t touch that, it’s hot! Don’t run, you’ll fall down! Don’t stick your finger in the cage with that raccoon, he’ll chew it off!” (No? Just me??) Every second of every day, you nurture, you protect, you guide, you provide. You give yourself to the point of exhaustion and just when you begin to wonder if it’s worth it, if you are doing any good at all—you have a moment. A moment when the crazy slows down and your chunky toddler says, “I wub you, Momma,” for the first time. A moment when for no reason whatsoever your child bursts into giggles and your heart is flooded with joy. “You are so funny, Momma,”

she tells me. A moment when your child says something so profound that you are stunned into silence. Aubrey picked up a crumb off the kitchen table, “See this, Momma? This is like us. And the table? That’s how big God is.” No one can prepare you for the hard stuff—for sitting in the ER with a child burning up with fever and limp in your arms, for the hurt you feel when you child is made to feel less than spectacular by a peer, for the moment when you realize you’ve reacted in anger to your child and wish you could take it back. No one can adequately describe how hard those moments are, but no one can do justice to the good stuff either. I didn’t know my first born would make me love myself more. I didn’t realize that I would no longer worry about how wide my hips were or how flat my stomach was. My body had created and sustained life, forget about swimsuits. I didn’t realize her beauty would help me find some in myself. The freckles I loathed on my own face growing up are endearing on her button nose. The love and acceptance she shows to everyone around her convicts my heart and makes me want to be better. For her birthday this year, I don’t want to say, “Happy birthday.” I want to say, “Thanks.” Y Robin O’Bryant is a wife, stay-at-home-mother to three daughters, author, humor columnist and speaker. She thanks God for the days she is successfully able to multi-task. Read her blog at www.robinschicks.com or contact her via email at robinschicks@gmail.com.

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âžş

let’s talk it over

Beware of

Joy Stealers

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Although our joy will wane at times From worry, stress, and fear God keeps on working in our heart And tells us He is near. – D. De Haan

hy do many of us as Christians fail to experience real joy? I find that I often struggle with maintaining real joy in my life as it is described in Galatians 5:22. Life is full of ups and downs. One minute I am going full steam ahead, and then suddenly I come to a halt and realize my joy is gone. There are many situations or things that can rob us of our joy if we are not careful. Below I’ll list a few common things that can quickly steal our joy.

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Worry Worry is defined as a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems. It has also been defined as giving way to anxiety of unease and allowing one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles. Our mind is probably one of our greatest assets as humans, however, it can also be one of our greatest trouble makers. Allowing our minds to dwell on the negative or on uncontrollable situations can be very destructive to us not only emotionally and physically, but also spiritually.

Stress Stress is intense strain on a situation that we cannot change or control but will still spend much of our time trying to do so. Stress can be everywhere in our lives. However, the good news is that God is also everywhere in our lives and involved in every scene of our lives. He is with us everywhere and in every circumstance. Trying to change who we are or control where we are in our lives puts us under tremendous strain and ultimately keeps us from experiencing God for who He is.

Fear Fear has been described as a dreadful uneasiness over danger, evil or pain, whether the threat is real or imagined. Fear steals our courage and leaves us timid and scared. It also leaves us powerless and often times controlled by our circumstances. Fear robs us for the life that God wants us to live and experience. God reminds us over and over in Scripture, “fear not for I am with you.� How do we withstand these joy stealers? Chuck Swindoll says that joy is a positive attitude we choose to express. It is a matter of attitude that stems from your confidence in God- The belief that He is at work and in full control, and that He is in the midst of whatever has happened, is happening or will happen. Practically, we have to remind ourselves daily that not only is God at work and in control, but that God is aware of what is happening in our lives. He was there at the beginning, and He will bring everything that occurs to a conclusion that results in His greater glory in the end. It is in God’s hands. Phil 1:6-8, “And I am confident and sure of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.� Y Susan Wolgamott, MAMFT has been married for 11years and has three children. She lives in the Brandon area and attends First Baptist Church, Jackson

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➺welcome home by STEVE WARD

FALL

Planting Days are Here! We have had such a hot summer this year that like a lot of you, I stayed indoors as much as possible. My patio and yard are looking worse for my neglect as I am sure you can imagine. However, here in Mississippi and the rest of the South, autumn is one of our most pleasant times of year. We still have a lot of growing season left before frost and can enjoy beautiful fall color plants and fall vegetables. Callaway’s has gotten in new fresh shipments, and before you know it, it will be time to plant the bulbs for daffodils and tulips and other beautiful spring blooming bulbs. If your flower beds and pots look like mine, the first task is to pull up all the old foliage and debris from the spring plants that have given their all for the summer. Loosen the soil and add some fresh Callaway’s potting soil or Callaway’s bed builder to improve your soil. You may want to add some time release plant food to your soil as well. Our great sales associates at Callaway’s can help you select the right plant food for your specific needs. Now is the time to think about planting mums. They are so bright and colorful and they are hardy as well. Callaway’s will have fresh new shipments frequently beginning in September. It will be time to plant pansies in October and Callaway’s pansies will be here in plenty of time for your planting. Pansies and mums come in many colors so it is easy to pick something pretty for your garden. They will bloom all fall and then if kept watered during the winter, they’ll bloom again in early spring for a second shot of color. Some other pretty plants for our cooler fall are snapdragons and dianthus. These cheerful plants are also used in early spring. Our summers are usually too much for them but they love the cooler nights of fall. Ornamental cabbage and kale are also good items to plant in your fall beds and pots. They add texture and color and look great all winter. 30 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

It is so easy to refresh your yard and garden for one of our best seasons for outdoor living. Come by Callaway’s and we’ll show you how to make your fall weekends and evenings more beautiful and enjoyable. Fall vegetables are something you may not have thought about. Our growing season is long enough that we can plant a fall crop and have fresh vegetables until almost Thanksgiving. Cool weather vegetables such as broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower are so good for you too! Callaway’s has fresh shipments of fall vegetables so you can find what you are looking for! Tomatoes and other summer vegetables can also be planted to harvest in the fall, but they need to have their start by August. Something to plan for next year in case you didn’t think about it for this fall. I sure didn’t! Another aspect of fall planting (or winter planting in our area) is fall bulbs. Some of our most beautiful spring flowers are actually planted the season before as bulbs. Daffodils, tulips, hyacinth, crocus and more are some of these. They need to be planted in the early winter for us to enjoy them in the spring. Callaway’s spring blooming bulbs will be in stock this fall so that you may have the very best selection. Our helpful staff will give you recommendations on planting times for each type of bulb to ensure a beautiful blooming spring! Since we’ve been cooped up all summer or miserable in the heat, let’s all see how much we can enjoy the cooler and crisper days of fall. Let’s spruce up our outdoor living areas and enjoy early morning cups of coffee, a late afternoon visit, a dinner party on the deck …well I could go on and on. Come by Callaway’s and let’s get your fall off to a great start. Y Steve Ward is a manager with over 29 years of experience at Callaway’s Yard & Garden.

our daily bread

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” – Romans 12:10

by SUSAN DEAVER

How Do You Keep THE FAITH? T

his column is for sharing our faith with other readers. Sharing with and serving others changes us and reminds us that our time on earth is about much more than our own needs. To share your story or favorite scripture, please e-mail us at info@metrochristianliving.com.

Michel and David Dean Life is good! It is a blessing to live in this country and experience the wonderful opportunities freedom offers. Yet our freedom of choice has, at times, caused us to be overwhelmed. Recently, Michel and I decided to pursue our goal of becoming licensed ministers. Not only do we have full time jobs, we are also the parents of four wonderful children. During our seminary studies Michel was also a full-time student. One can only imagine the feelings of anxiety we experienced as we pursued our dreams. Philippians 4:13 became our motto; I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. While pursuing our goals ‘life’ continued to happen. Challenges seemed to arise on a daily basis. Yet, it is amazing how the word of God becomes alive when we seek direction and guidance. The word of God is relevant to each and every situation in our lives. We have truly experienced the peace of God that passes all understanding. It is in Christ that we live and move and have our being. We can assure you that weeping has endured for the night, yet joy always comes in the morning. During a mission trip in the Ukraine, God revealed his peace to us in a mighty way in the lives of the Ukrainian people. These people walked to church in 30 degree below zero weather. Their place of worship is a shack that has no heat or plumbing; the walls are made of old lumber that is covered in visqueen. Yet they are the most loving, kind and peaceful people we have ever

met. They exemplify the joy of the Lord and although they have nothing …they have everything in Christ Jesus. It has been said that when you get to the end of your rope you should tie a knot and hang on. We like to say that when we get to the end of our rope we know that the peace of God that passes all understanding shall keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. There is nothing like reading a bible verse that brings comfort to us in the midst of a storm or struggle. One of our favorite scriptures is found in John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” Michel and David Dean are both licensed ministers with the Church of God. They attend the Morton Church of God, where Michel is the Christian Education Director and David teaches Sunday School.

Y

metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 31

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➺christian commerce corner by EAST LAKELAND OB/GYN ASSOCIATES, P.A.

East Lakeland OB/Gyn Associates, P.A. Healthcare For Women By Women As a woman goes through life, her healthcare needs continually evolve. That is why it is so critical to have physicians who understand patient concerns and can administer care in a compassionate way along every phase of life, while also incorporating up-to-the-minute technologies. East Lakeland OB/GYN Associates, P.A. is a practice where patients can find just what they seek. Our seven doctors, ranging in age from 37 to 64, have the professional and personal experience to provide “healthcare for women by women” and live out our mission everyday for every patient. The practice is very family oriented. All seven physicians—Freda McKissic Bush, M.D; Donna Breeland, M.D.; Rhonda Sullivan-Ford, M.D.; Shani K. Meck, M.D.; Temeka L. Johnson, M.D.; Missy J. McMinn, M.D.; and Natasha N. Hardeman, M.D.—are married with children and empathize with working women, as well as stay-home moms and focus on the unique needs of each. All of our doctors are from the South and trained in the region, so we have quite a love for Mississippi and the entire Southeast. Our practice is complemented by nurse practitioners, Sharon Brown, CFNP, and Katie Sartin, CFNP, and 43 additional clinic staff. Together, we are committed to excellence in medical practice. Our physicians stay involved in continuing medical education and encourage the staff to do likewise in their own areas of expertise. We treat a diverse clientele from the Jackson metropolitan area and surrounding rural areas, including Louisiana and Alabama. Understanding the importance of women’s education and responsibility for their health from adolescence onward, East Lakeland’s physicians speak on abstinence at area high schools. We also speak on menopause and various women’s health issues at health fairs, churches, and community organizations. Activity on professional boards and in associations gives all of the physicians the opportunity to serve the profession and the public.

Range of Service Offerings Having seen more than 25,000 patients and delivering nearly 800 babies last year, East Lakeland may appear to focus only on the “basics” of obstetrics and gynecology; however, we have a range of specialty in-office services to offer. Among these services are infertility evaluation, 4-D ultrasound, fetal monitoring; colposcopy, diagnostic hysteroscopy, incontinence testing, bone density screening, 32 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

digital mammography, and menopausal management; cosmetic Laserscope vein removal, hair removal, and skincare; and Dermosonic cellulite procedures plus more. In addition, nutritional supplement counseling is available. While staying abreast of the latest techniques, our physicians at East Lakeland offer a new hysteroscopic surgical sterilization procedure. Robotic hysterectomies and Laparoscopic supracervical hysterectomies, minimally invasive urinary incontinence procedures, and endometrial ablative procedures for excessive uterine bleeding are other state-of-the-art procedures that have entered our repertoire. As continuing medical training is a critical part of our mission, the range of services offered expands as the field grows. All seven physicians are Board Certified by the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecologists.

Maintaining Our Mission What differentiates East Lakeland OB/GYN is our mission statement. East Lakeland is a Christian OB/Gyn medical clinic dedicated to the care of women and their reproductive health. This philosophy is carried out in our professional and personal lives. We strive to reflect His mercy and love in every aspect of this office practice. We commit ourselves to our patients and our employees. We will treat each person as a child of God, respecting their intrinsic dignity without regard to race, age, or socioeconomic status and recognize the great privilege God has given us by allowing us to be healthcare providers. We strive to uphold our mission in what we do daily hopefully making Mississippi a healthier and happier place for women and their families. For more information or to make an appointment, call 601-936-1400; or visit our website www.eastlakelandobgyn.com. Y

5TWEAKS

healthy living by TAMMY THOMAS

to a Flatter Stomach

If your stomach isn’t as flat as you’d like it to be, then you have come to the right place. Exercise alone will not get you a toned stomach—diet is a huge part of the equation. Below I have compiled 5 very easy tweaks to your eating habits that will dramatically flatten your abs.

■ DIET TWEAK #1: Don’t eat after 6 pm This is such a simple and effective way to lose fat. Late night eating is the most damaging to your waistline, so cut it out completely. ✓ Brush your teeth immediately following dinner. Once your teeth are brushed, you’ve put a period to the end of your consumption for the day. ✓ Change your evening routine. If you’ve always ended your day watching your favorite shows with your hand in the snack bowl, then now is the time to change things up. Find activities that don’t revolve around food and stick with those. ✓ Make it a habit. The first few weeks will be the hardest, but soon your new no-food-after-6 pm routine will feel normal.

Add protein to a large pile of greens for a guiltless meal. ✓ Make veggies a part of every meal. The benefits of eating more vegetables are too numerous to list, just know that your body will become healthier and leaner with each fibrous bite. ✓ Fruits are a delicious source of fiber. Incorporate fresh, seasonal fruits into your daily diet.

■ DIET TWEAK #4: Drink tons of water Drinking plenty of water is another extremely simple way to promote weight loss. Chronic dehydration leads to false hunger signals and unnecessary calorie consumption. ✓ Drink a large glass of water before each meal. This will prevent overeating. ✓ Choose water instead of sugar-filled sodas and juices. Sugar-filled drinks are a huge weight-gain trap. ✓ Carry a water bottle with you throughout your day. Keep water in the car and at your desk for constant hydration.

■ DIET TWEAK #2: Cut back on carbs

■ DIET TWEAK #5: Enjoy natural sweets

Notice I didn’t say to cut out all carbs, but rather to cut back on carbs. These diet tweaks are meant as lifestyle changes that you stick with long term. Cutting back on carbs is a realistic and very effective way to lose weight. ✓ Always choose whole grain bread and pasta over white. Whole grains are less likely to be stored as fat than processed grains. ✓ Eat half of the carbs you normally do. Eat your sandwich openfaced and reduce the size of your pasta serving. ✓ Avoid carb-filled snacks between meals. Instead of crackers or chips, have fresh fruit and veggies.

Traditional sugar-filled sweets will quickly add up around your waistline. Instead of going for sugary sweets, enjoy natural sweets. ✓ Fruit is nature’s candy. Reach for sweet, seasonal fruit for dessert. ✓ Avoid foods that contain white sugar or high fructose corn syrup. Consider these items ‘anti-flat-abs’. ✓ Use wholesome sweeteners such as pure maple syrup, brown rice syrup or dates in your recipes instead of white sugar. Eliminate white sugar from your kitchen. Eating right, coupled with challenging exercise, is the formula for a toned, lean body. Y

■ DIET TWEAK #3: Eat more fiber Most people simply do not get enough fiber in their diets. Fiber is essential when it comes to getting lean since it is low calorie while filling you up. ✓ Instead of seeing salad just as a side item, make salads into meals.

Tammy Thomas, owner of MS Fitness Pro, LLC in Ridgeland, is a certified personal trainer, boot camp instructor, and motivational speaker. Tammy has recently pioneered fitness adventure camps in Mississippi. Visit www.jacksonbootcamppros.com for more information

metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 33

➺single still, single again God’s Closed Doors by BETSY SMITH

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On June 25th, in the midst of a gazillion tea lights and after a dinner at the same restaurant where we had our first official date, he popped the question. On January 14th, 2012 we will be married. Betsy Smith becomes Betsy Bailey. Crazy stuff, huh? In the whirlwind of wedding planning, a few Bridezilla moments (no reason to lie) decisions on things I have no clue about, etc there are times I am so ecstatic about the present, my future and all the doors that have opened over the last eight months that I forgot to thank God for all the ones He shut in the past that got me to this place and to my fiancé. I am not a huge country music fan, but I do love Rascal Flatts. I remember when that song Bless the Broken Road first came out. It made me want to drink gasoline followed by lit bottle rockets. Not really—but I knew it probably took those guys a while to be able to look back on closed doors and broken roads and be thankful. If you had told me a year ago that I would be planning a wedding I would not have believed you. Not that I doubted Gods faithfulness, but I was pretty content with my life and vowed to never go on another blind date or date anyone long distance. I had career goals and I had decided I would focus on those for a bit. I could take another Christmas where my nieces asked “Where are your kids B.B.?” Little did I know that God had a pretty fabulous November planned for me. And my life would change forever. I will not bore you with our love story (lol- I started a website for that). I want to focus on the closed doors in our lives. To those of you that feel like doors are closing left and right in the relationship or dating department...be patient. Be glad. Maybe your last excitement over a blind date evaporated when “Mr. Perfect” turned out to wear pocket protectors, or you wanted to serve him a bar of soap for dessert because every other word was profane, or maybe his ego-head was so big you wondered if it would fit through the exit door. Maybe you who are dating someone and you know you are settling. He isn’t treating you like fine china, but you want a boyfriend so you will

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just hang out till you find “someone else”... Maybe you have a broken heart right now. It wasn’t a bad breakup and you are both great people, you just weren’t great people for each other. What I do know though is that you are facing a broken road; sit tight because God will bless it. I think He sometimes closes doors for the following reasons: God closes doors so you can change directions. If you have put yourself on the clearance rack instead of behind the glass case with all the diamond jewelry and Coach Purses and have allowed people to treat you with a lack of respect then get it together, sister and raise the bar. People will treat you a certain way as long as you allow it. God closes doors so we pray more. We are to pray in our darkest moments. Isn’t that when it is the hardest? Pray for your mate. God closes doors so we quit trusting in man. Ladies, no one is perfect Jesus Christ is the only one who will never leave or forsake us. A relationship with a human will never fill you like a relationship with Him will. I admit that I forget that sometimes. We are not perfect and we make mistakes. Jesus is all we need and he needs to be FIRST! God closes doors so you will wait on his time. If you asked my fiancé what my biggest strength is—he would not say patience. Eeeekk. I am a big planner. I like to boss people around and plan stuff. When I don’t have a plan or I don’t know what is going to happen next I get a little uneasy. Then I get annoying. Lol. Sometimes God says be still and wait. If He says that, girlfriend, you better listen or you are going to find yourself on a fifth date with a jerk you swore you would never talk to again following date one. Don’t get in a hurry. Let Him prepare the circumstances. God closes doors and keeps you behind them while he works out what is on the other side. When I was a little girl, I liked to put on plays and puppet shows. I had to make sure my Fisher Price record player and my Amy Grant “Unguarded” album were ready before I let anyone in. If I had let my mom in while I practiced and prepared she would have probably ruined the whole show because she would want to know why my Cabbage Patch had on her pearls and why my cat had a dress on. Keeping her behind closed doors allowed her to see the whole show. You are being molded and shaped so you can meet your destiny. Closed doors guard God’s preparation ground so that he can prepare the greatness he has in store for you. In his timing, which is perfect, he will open a door that no man can close (Revelation 3;8). So next time a door closes—rejoice and be thankful. And prepare yourself daily for the one He will open. It is better than anything you see on The Price is Right. Bob Barker and his prizes can’t compare with God’s plans for you. Y Betsy Smith lives in Birmingham, Alabama and is employed by Boston Scientific-Neuromodulation as a medical device representative.

freshfinds

1

2 1. PERSNICKETY Amy Butler Laptop Bag ln Passion Lily $144 Amy Butler Opal Fashion bag in Temple Tulips Turquoise $154 24-ounce Tervis tumblers to keep your drinks cool in one of your favorite Mississippi sports teams, $25

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2. FRESH-WAY Adirondack chairs with your Mississippi sports teams, $99 each

3. O HOW CUTE Collegiate frames, all schools, $31 Mens cap, all colleges, $21.95

metrochristianliving.com â?˜ SEPTEMBER 2011 35

➺family focus by DAN ARMSTRONG

Identity Theft Today

Is Your Family Safe?

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dentity Theft’s origin goes back in time to Genesis the 27th chapter, where Jacob stole Esau’s identity.

Esau did not have a social security number or credits cards, yet his identity was taken by his brother; causing him much agony. Today, the Federal Trade Commission along with other federal agencies classifies Identity Theft as the “Fastest Growing White-collar crime in America today”. When speaking at functions, I ask people to give me their definition of Identity Theft. Most will define it in terms of “credit cards and banking”. However, depending on the statistics you read, financial identity theft only makes up around 23-27% of the crime. In addition to financial, there are five other areas that furnish this crime: • Character /Criminal • Driver’s License • Social Security • Medical • Synthetic Identity Theft reminds me of cancer; hitting you from multiple angles. It could be a lost purse or billfold, stolen mail, someone going through your trash or stealing your personal information from your place of work. Overtime, I have picked up and studied several ID Theft products advertising “Identity Theft Protection,” but have yet to find a product on the market today that can protect a person from all levels of identity theft due to its many avenues of attack. A lady in Mississippi was stopped for speeding on I-55. When the trooper ran her driver’s license he came back and told her, “You’re under arrest for DUI evasion in San Diego.” Shocked she replied, “I’ve never been to San Diego.” The trooper said, “Yes Ma’am” and took her in accompanied by a warrant for her arrest. Would a monitoring product have helped her in this situation? I don’t think so, yet it said right on the cover, “Identity Theft Protection.” What she needed in this event was legal advice; not credit monitoring. I do believe that credit monitoring is important and I recommend a product with restoration benefits that has options for legal council.

Is your family safe? We as adults should be ever so cautious of our personal information and that of our children. Today, when a newborn child enters the world they in turn leave the hospital with a Social Security Number. According to 36 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

different statistics, children are 51 more times vulnerable to victimization than adults. Their identities are a hot commodity in the underground market for stolen IDs. In fact, a recent study by Debix, shows the number of young victims is steadily growing. Thieves have discovered that an unused social security number is particularly valuable. In a moment, they can choose any name or birthday they want to; making it incredibly flexible. The worst part is it can be years before the crime is ever detected. When a child turns 18, their risks get higher as they embark on a journey of firsts: Getting a job, applying for credit cards and student loans, and moving out on their own. The following startling scenarios have been mentioned in several articles in regards to stolen identities of children: In one case, a 17-year-old Arizona girl found herself $725,000 in debt with 42 open accounts including mortgages, car loans and credit cards. Her Social Security number was linked to eight suspects. In another, a 14-year-old Kentucky boy was found to have a credit report that went back 10 years that included a foreclosed mortgage.

So what can parents do? Children’s social sites, like Facebook and Twitter, should be monitored by a parent or adult. How much information should be put on Facebook? As little as possible. I guarantee you identity thieves are looking in any places they can gain personal information. There are several Red Flags that you can look for. If your children start getting credit card applications or magazine subscriptions, there’s a good possibility that their personal information has been compromised. If Parents notice any of the Red Flags or become suspicious they need to seek legal advice and not ignore it. Parents should safeguard their child’s personal information in as much as they would guard their own. The three exceptions for giving out your children’s social security number are healthcare, taxes, and school. There is no product or silver bullet that will protect you from all the levels Identity Theft. In my research, I have found several programs that I recommend. Y Dan Armstrong is certified by the Institute of Fraud Risk Management as a Certified Identity Theft Risk Management Specialist. You may contact him at dancarmstrong@aol.com.

by NEDDIE WATERS

➺

in black & white

MISSION MISSISSIPPI Racial Reconciliation

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ome years back Mission Mississippi designated October as Racial Reconciliation Month to highlight and emphasize Mission Mississippi. Mission Mississippi is a movement to encourage and demonstrate in the body of Christ across racial and denominational lines, so that communities throughout Mississippi can see practical evidence of the Gospel message. The goal was and still is to celebrate the positive changes in race relations in Mississippi and at the same time challenge us to go deeper in our relationship by praying, participating and supporting the movement. Annually, the governor and the current municipalities have been requested by Mission Mississippi to proclaim October as Racial Reconciliation Month. The governor and most of the municipalities have done so by encouraging the citizens throughout the state to participate with Mission Mississippi and their local communities in celebrating. This includes: joint worship services, pulpit exchanges, choir exchanges, combined choirs, “Grace is Greater than Race” rallies, joint picnics, meetings in homes, having a meal together, prayer gathering to pray for Mission Mississippi, special collections for Mission Mississippi, special celebration programs and

Let’s celebrate the opportunity of removing the pain of the past racial realities, the challenge of working together in the present to be reconciled, and the promise of the Father to make us ONE. many other activities across racial and denominational lines. Now people across the state are celebrating and taking the challenge to go deeper in our relationship to change Mississippi one relationship at a time. Joe Dove says, “This is something we need to do. Reconciliation should be person to person among the Body of Christ. I don’t know of any other organization that does that better or more sincerely than Mission Mississippi.” We decided in 2010 as a movement to

change our fundraising luncheon to a Reconciliation Celebration Banquet. This Reconciliation celebration Banquet became the climax of a month long celebration. A. La’Varne Edney said, “For me, the Reconciliation Celebration is an opportunity for us (black and white Christians) to celebrate our differences, yet our oneness in Christ. When we accept that we can be different (because we certainly are), and still love each other like God loves each of us, we will be the people God desires for His kingdom.” This year let’s just make it Racial Reconciliation Celebration Month in Mississippi. Let’s celebrate the opportunity of removing the pain of the past racial realities (Black Pain and Blind Privilege), the challenge of working together in the present to be reconciled, and the promise of the Father to make us ONE. Please join us for the month long celebration by praying with us, participating, and supporting programs and/or activities that would deepen racial relationships in Mississippi. We invite you to join us, Thursday, October 27, 2011 at 6:00 pm for a reception with the speaker and the banquet celebration being held at 7:00 pm. The location will be the Jackson Convention Complex 105 East Pascagoula Street, Jackson, MS 39201. Stay tuned for further details. Y

❋ Chapman’s FLORIST AT COLLEGE CROSSING

❋

3823 Hwy. 80 E., Suite 1000 • Pearl, MS 601.936.0391 • 1.800.326.0338

www.chapmansflorist.com You can find us on Facebook! metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 37

➺the doctor is in by DR. APRIL ULMER

Tummy Pain a Frequent Complaint During

BACK-TO-SCHOOL TIME auses of tummy pain in children are as numerous as the ABCs. As a Pediatric Gastroenterologist and a mother, I’ve

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seen my share of this anxiety-provoking complaint. I’ve been there with my own children and it can be enough to keep parents like us awake at night. This time of year, tummy aches become even more prevalent. After all, it’s “Back to School” time, met by families with both excitement and angst alike. With regard to tummy pain, caregivers often ask me, “Could it all be in his head?” In response, let me begin by explaining that tummy pain is relatively common in children. Ten to 15% of school-aged children report episodes of recurrent pain and another 15% experience pain but never see a doctor for it. Young schoolaged kids sometimes suffer from what is called “functional” abdominal pain. This is when there are no obvious physical causes and the pain, though real, is due to stress or psychological factors. During back-to-school time, functional pain most commonly occurs in relation to the first day of school or starting a new school. An example is an otherwise healthy child just starting school but refusing to go, complaining of a tummy ache. If you suspect this in your child, try finding out whether he is upset or concerned about something specifically school-related. Unfortunately, school-associated abdominal pain isn’t limited to the first days of school. It can occur at any time during the school year. At mid-year, your child may be finding learning difficult or may be worried about meeting your expectations in terms of his performance. Pain can also occur during anxiety-provoking times such as preparing for exams or in a child who is being bullied and therefore trying to avoid school. Bear this in mind when broaching the subject with your child and the

possibility that they may have difficulty telling you about it. A related entity seen in older children is called “chronic abdominal pain of childhood.” Again, the history, physical exam and diagnostic testing show no apparent reason for the persistent or recurring pain. These kids are often high functioning, straight-A students who put a lot of pressure on themselves. Sometimes they are over-scheduled with extracurricular activities. When asked about stress, they almost uniformly deny it. Because of the pain, children might withdraw from usual activities. They often complain of nausea, excessive gas, diarrhea, or constipation. Fortunately, despite the recurring pain, these children grow well and maintain general good health. The abdominal pain may be their body’s way of forcing them to slow down. Regardless of the age, patience and reassurance are the keys to treatment. Another question frequently asked by parents is, “Could the pain be anything serious?” Though “functional” abdominal pain is very common this time of year as explained above, it’s important to recognize that not all pain is benign or “functional.” Certain signs will help you distinguish potentially more serious causes of pain.

SEE YOUR DOCTOR IF: • The pain increases rapidly or is unrelenting • Pain prevents sitting, standing or walking • Pain hinders sleeping or awakens the child at night • Pain is in a specific location rather than a vague discomfort • There is high fever, vomiting, rectal bleeding or weight loss • OR, your child just doesn’t “look right.” Tummy aches are common in children. There are many different causes, both physical and nonphysical. It’s important to recognize ‘alarm symptoms’ that might indicate a serious problem. Most importantly, trust your instincts. Realize that no one knows your child as well as you. My professional mantra is, “If Mama (or Daddy) is worried, I’M worried.” As a physician, my job is to hold your hand and walk through diagnosis and treatment with you; to support you through the process, whatever may come. Don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor if something about your child’s symptoms just doesn’t “feel” right. Back-to-school time and year-round, we’re here to help! Y Dr. April Ulmer is a Pediatric Gastroenterologist with G.I. Associates.

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legal advice by WILLIAM B. HOWELL

But That Was Promised to Me! here was a popular song about 50 years ago that had the sentiment in its title that “Little Things Mean a Lot.” Never is that more true than when it comes to settling an estate. The largest fights are often over the smallest of things. The reason is not always because of the financial value, but rather due to the sentimental value of certain items. One of the most bitter disagreements witnessed by this writer occurred over an old regulator clock of very little monetary value, but it was what had lulled to sleep all 12 of the children in the family, and they all wanted that clock for their very own after the last of their parents had passed away. Since it could not be divided 12 ways, and since that clock was just about the only item of any value whatsoever that the family had owned, the amount of conniving and scheming by each of the siblings to get that clock before the other 11 could act was impressive, if disheartening. Obviously, one of the children managed to get the clock, but just barely ahead of several others. To this day the part of the family that didn’t get it doesn’t speak to the sibling who did (nor to his numerous offspring). An interesting sideline to this story is

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that each and every one of the children adamantly maintained that their father (the last surviving parent) had promised the clock to them individually. Did he really do that? Was it a real promise, or just an effort to quiet the importuning child at the time? We will never know. It really doesn’t matter what someone promised to give you at their passing if they neglected to put that promise in writing. Unless it is in writing, you are out of luck. But the writing also has to be in the proper form, or that will also fail. People get very angry, frequently with members of their own family. When a loved one has passed and there is an item that was promised to come to a certain person does not in fact wind up with them, but with someone else, tempers can flair. Families have been permanently divided and feelings have been terribly hurt simply because the person who thought they were doing such a wonderful thing by giving a particular item to a particular person did not complete the gift by memorializing it in some sort of written form that actually will work to convey that item.

The written direction for distribution can be done through a Will, and it can also be done through a Living Trust. In many instances the actual listing of personal items along with the named recipient is done through an attached list which is then combined as part of the Will or the Living Trust. However, the attachment must be specifically referenced in the Will or the Trust document in order for it to be effective. Merely attaching it to a Will document or to a Trust document that does not specifically reference the fact that the list of gifts is going to be attached will not work. Some people put names on particular items, sometimes using masking tape. Again, this will not act to transfer ownership of assets unless everyone agrees with no exceptions. If anyone disagrees, it will not work. Sometimes the quickest one to arrive at the house after the funeral gets the best choice. That often results again in hurt feelings and limitless anger. All of this is so easily avoided with just a little preparation and care. Y William B. Howell is a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys and practices law in Ridgeland.

You have worked hard for it. WHY THROW IT AWAY? We are all living longer. But we are not all going to be in good health, or aware of our families, or both. Then what happens? Someone has to take over. The question is: Will this be someone you chose? And will it be outside of court or in court? The same with the distribution of your assets after you pass away: In court or out of court? The choice is yours. What about protecting your assets from lawsuits, or a child’s inheritance from a divorce? And will most of your hard-earned savings go to the nursing home? Or have you planned? Here are a few ideas for you to consider:

Living Trust – Allows the person you choose to take over for you in the event of your incapacity, without any court involvement. At your death the person you have chosen makes the distribution of your assets the way you have instructed in your Living Trust, and to do so promptly, inexpensively and privately, without going through probate in the court.

Asset Protection – Lawsuits are filed every day. If you get sued, are your assets protected? They can be, and probably should be. Also, the divorce rate has never been higher than it is today. Will your child’s divorce cause them to lose half of what you leave them after you are gone? Not if you plan now. The level of protection (or not) is up to you. Nursing Home Planning – Don’t qualify for long term care insurance, or can’t fit it in your budget? You don’t have to spend everything that you have in order to become eligible for nursing home benefits. There are legal and ethical ways for you to save well over half of your assets in most cases, even if you are already in the nursing home. Hear Mr. Howell on the radio

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National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 39

➺salt & light by MARILYN TINNIN

A Knitting Ministry

KNIT, PURL, LOVE

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ive Delta ladies with diverse backgrounds would probably never have crossed paths had they not been brought together by a common hobby and a common desire to serve the Lord by serving His children. Elizabeth Thacker explains how the “Knit, Purl, Love” ministry got its start. “My sister, Anna Katherine and her husband Ron did a short term mission to Moldova in 2007 with New Hope International. They had planned to return there and work with orphans. I wanted to be able to participate in the mission. Since I was a new knitter I decided to knit some scarves and asked some friends to join me in knitting for orphans.” That first batch of 37 scarves were so well received that Elizabeth says it was clear from the start they had met a need. New Hope International contacted the orphanages again last Christmas to let them know they had scarves for the children and would like to come to deliver them. They were able to take their drama teams and programs and present the

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Gospel to the children. “Truly,” she says, “The scarves opened the door for the gospel.” Each scarf has a special label something like this: Handmade especially for you with love in the name of Jesus by Mattie Green from Indianola, Mississippi USA. “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.” (John 14:18). The ladies use many different bible verses and translators say the children have a lot of fun hearing their personal verses. Although word of Knit, Purl, Love has spread and there are now

over fifty women in four states who are part of the effort, the five original Delta ladies each have unique “knitting testimonies” to share! Elizabeth, whose husband is a Presbyterian minister, received hand knitted gifts for her premature triplets seven years ago. She had always wanted to “pay it forward” and bless others as she was blessed. Realizing how bitter the winters are in Moldava, the scarf ministry made sense to her. Mattie Green was adopted as a child, so the orphan ministry was very appealing to her. As a mother of five, she had been looking for a way to give back to children who were orphans. Natalie Peeler had been knitting for years, but when she was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, she decided to knit a scarf every time she went for chemo treatments. Each chemo treatment was about seven hours long and knitting made the time pass more quickly. She knitted scarves for all who cared for her during her illness. She is now cancer-free and loves the new venue of knitting for orphans. Eloise Smith has been knitting for over thirty years. A widow with many hobbies, she basically became a full time knitter for the scarf ministry last year. Ellen Clayton, a retired librarian, is left-handed, which made

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learning to knit a challenge in the beginning since there were few left-handed knitters to teach her. This grandmother of five who spent a long career as a children’s librarian likes being connected to children. It seems like a personal mission for her as well. The ladies will be sending another shipment to Moldova in December. Although they have already sent several hundred this year, they are hoping to have 8000 ready by the December date. “We are open to God’s plan,” says Elizabeth. ..”to see where He opens new doors. God has used this ministry to bless the knitters and the children who are in need of love. A handmade gift from America is of significant value to these children. They also help keep them warm in the cold Moldovan winters.” Knitters are always needed! For more information see http://www.viennapres.org/missions/volunteer/moldova Y

Summit Recovery Ministries INTENSIVE COUNSELING PROGRAMS (ICP) For individuals and families from a Christian perspective • • • • • • • • • •

Behavioral Problems Anger Management Depression/Dealing with Loss Self-Esteem Social & Life Skills/Problem-Solving Skills/Goal Setting/Communication Skills Family Dynamics/Emotional Healing Assertiveness Training Drug/Alcohol Abuse/Dependency Eating Disorders/Self Harm Pornography/Sexual Addiction/Sexual Identity

facebook.com/metrochristianliving www.metrochristianliving.com

601.949.1949 www.counselingministry.com metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 41

➺this is my story by KATIE KILGORE

HOW TO SURVIVE

I

was in the kitchen getting my 2 1/2 year-old a morning snack with my 6 month-old on my hip when I heard some sort of power tool-made racket coming from my husband’s home office. He’d been

unemployed for about a year then, and during that time had gotten carried away with a number of unfinished household projects. I poked my head in to see if a wave of inspiration had come over him and led him to work on converting the shallow closet into a bookshelf. It was a project we’d talked about a few weeks earlier but no ground had been broken. Instead, what I saw stretched from one side of the room to the other and screwed in with heavy metal bolts—a red and white checked hammock. Nothing says, “Don’t worry, baby, I’m going to get us out of this mess!” like a hammock hung in the middle of his office. As I’ve shared this and other stories from the last year and a half of my husband’s unemployment, I’ve learned that I’m not alone. There

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are so many women right now who find themselves suddenly with an unemployed husband at home and their testimonies all seem to parallel mine. The first few weeks bring with them some novelty—movies in the middle of the afternoon and whole family outings to the park. But once the honeymoon period is over, the days that follow test the very fibers that hold the relationship together. For us, that came in the shape of some very dark moments. We found the things that were once minor annoyances with each other were now in our faces around the clock. He felt my life should go on as usual caring for the kids and the house while his time was spent doing whatever he thought most pressing. And while resume writing, job hunting, and household projects had definite importance, it didn’t take long to feel like it wasn’t fair that he could accomplish things at his own pace and choice without the responsibility of bathing, feeding, diapering, and the whole nine. I work part-time, but when I’m home, I’m full-on wife, mother, and homemaker. Any projects I want to accomplish have to be done while playing those roles so why did he think he could haul away uninterrupted and set his own agenda? I’m sure he looked at me as not understanding, critical, ungrateful, rigid—all things that I’ve never associated with my character or personality—hence making me feel not myself, and worse yet loathed by my own husband. I wanted to be loved and wasn’t feeling it. And aside from whatever he might have wanted from me, he was primarily just depressed and wallowing in his own world of disappointment and frustration. It’s not hard to imagine how quickly the mind begins to wonder: What’s happening, God? Am I with the right person? Would it be better for the kids not to see us like this? Will it ever get better? If you’re anything like me, you know that God purposes to redeem not destroy marriages and that ultimately He is working to strengthen sharpen and prosper you, but it takes a lot of faith to walk in that truth. Sometimes I’ve just wished someone would give me some basic

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Unemployment survival guidelines—you know, hands on, practical stuff—to help us manage this impossible season. So here are some things I’d like to impart from the trenches that could help.

• Clue him into your routine. It’s worthwhile to actually write out what a typical day looks like on paper and share it with him—realizing that he probably has no idea how you spend your day. Emphasize the areas that are set in stone like kids meals and nap times. Otherwise he might think he’s helping when really he’s throwing off the day’s groove. It may even help for him to establish regular “office hours” at home when he is unavailable to you and the kids.

• Reduce your expectations. I once heard a speaker at a marriage conference define disappointment as the gap between reality and your expectations. The good news is, we have a lot more control over our own disappointment than we might realize. Expect that this is going to be a challenging time for both of you so that when those fights and frustrations come, you don’t let them devastate you. Realize that you’re not getting a full-time co-parent, handyman, and everavailable cuddler. The truth is you’re probably getting a restless, egodamaged man who’s trying to figure out what to do next while not letting his family down. • Build into your relationship. Since you know this time is going add some serious stress, do things that will also refresh your marriage. Read a marriage book. I highly recommend Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Attend a marriage seminar. One of the best we’ve been to is A Weekend To Remember, which takes place all over the country. (See FamilyLife.com.) Commit to daily devotions together at a regularly set time. Reinvent date night by having a friend or family member babysit and getting creative with your time out. Get cheap seats to a ball game or go to a local college’s play or musical. And you don’t have to wait until things get out of hand to see a counselor. We found it helpful to have someone process with us separately and together. • Save face in public. When people would ask how we were doing, I made the mistake early on of saying things like, “just trying to stay afloat.” I later found out this made my husband feel like I was saying he wasn’t being a good provider. Remember that so much a man’s identity comes from his work. When he meets another man, their first question is likely to be, “So, what do you do?” This may even make your husband dread going to social functions. • Trust God with your family. My father-in-law simply told me this in an email once during one of our rough bouts, and it really stuck with me. God is still in control. Trust that He knew what He was doing when he brought you together, and He knows what He’s doing now. He still has plans for you both during and after this season. Y

What people and our advertisers are saying about MCL… “MCL readers are trend-setters and that fits LifeWay Christian Stores perfectly! LifeWay shoppers are readers of MCL so advertising here makes sense. MCL provides our customers added access to shopping coupons and the hottest new products as soon as they become available!” Sheila G. Brown Local Store Marketing Coordinator LifeWay Christian Stores

‫ﱦﱤ‬ “I have advertised in Metro Christian Living since I started my business in 2001. They have be a great source for me. I have gotten more response from my ad in metro than any others I have. I have enjoyed working with Marilyn through the years. The magazine has great information and ideas.” Cindy Yelverton, Sitters, LLC

‫ﱦﱤ‬ “Persnickety advertises in all of the local magazines. But our ad in Metro Christian Living garnered us the largest response, ever! The phone rang off the hook and we saw a significant increase in our walk in traffic. We didn’t hesitate to sign a full year contract with Marilyn and her staff.” Sherry Hilton, Persnickety

‫ﱦﱤ‬ “Advertising in Metro Christian Living was a new thing for us in 2009 but we believe it has been one of our best moves. It’s nice to hear people comment that they saw our ads. We now appreciate how many people read Metro Christian Living magazine regularly.” Raymond Nalty, President Environment Masters

‫ﱦﱤ‬ “We have loved advertising in Metro Christian Living. It’s some of the best advertising dollars we could spend. We are constantly getting phone calls and hearing from people in the metro area who saw our ad in the magazine and want to know more about our store or about a product we sell. The reach is amazing!” Heather May, Monkey Charms Boutique

‫ﱦﱤ‬ “I consider it an honor and privilege to write articles for Metro Christian Living. The articles written and the publicity received from this have made a profound impact not just in our business, but our lives, both personally and spiritually. Marilyn and her staff have an amazing ability to attract the leaders of our city, state businesses and churches; and then she gets them to open up and tell their stories.” Andy Wimberly, Wimberly and Associates

You can keep up with author Katie Kilgore and her family during this journey on her husband’s popular blog, NathanKilgore.com metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 43

➺rave reviews BOOKS

Book Review

Editor’s Pick

by Susan E. Richardson

The Cord

Books for beginning readers can be challenging to find, especially for children who may be interested in nature rather than stories. In response, Zonderkidz has released new titles in their “I Can Read!” line. Each book in the “Made by God” series gives interesting information about God’s creation, allowing parents to reinforce spiritual values as well as natural history. Boys seem to be drawn to the unusual and gross, and so will be most likely to enjoy Spiders, Snakes, Bees, and Bats and Poisonous, Smelly, and Amazing Plants. The focus of each book is self-explanatory. For other readers, try Cats, Dogs, Hamsters, and Horses. The newest titles in the series give a similar set of choices. Each focuses on animals in a variety of places, from polar animals, through forest, jungle, and barnyard to Down Under. Multiple color photographs illustrate each book, expanding and complementing the text. Information moves just far enough beyond the basics for young readers for handle. Should your child be not quite ready for this series, Zonderkidz offers two earlier reading levels. Or if your child has moved beyond beginning reader books, you’ll find two more steps beyond these titles. With school beginning, keep these books in mind to encourage reading practice and learning, while continuing to reinforce the knowledge of God as Creator. Y Susan E. Richardson is a writer, critique reader, and former Christian retailer with a passion for meeting people’s needs through the written word. You can reach her through her website www.nextlevelcritiques.com.

44 SEPTEMBER 2011 ❘ Metro Christian Living

Reviewed by Marilyn Tinnin

The Cord, by Belhaven University English professor Cynthia Leavelle, is a compelling love story between Rahab, the Canaanite prostitute who protected the Israelite spies before the fall of Jericho, and Salmon, the Hebrew who took her as his wife. Woven into the fabric of the narrative is a wealth of explanation on how these ancient people God called his own, practiced their unique religion and the meaning behind the laws. There is a great contrast between Salmon’s careful adherence to following the rules to the letter of the law and Rahab’s passionate embrace of God’s character and person. This is a thoughtful and meaningful book, rich with lessons and insight. It is not just the love story between a very unlikely pair, but a love story between God and man. Beautifully written, it is a moving book, and one you will want to share with others. Available in hard back and in paperback through Amazon. Y

events calendar September 9-11 Celtic Fest is celebrating its 20th anniversary at the Mississippi Agricultural and Forestry Museum with foot stomping music, dance workshops and a Children’s Area for the little ones. Enjoy the best of Celtic culture in this fun filled family event. For more information call 601-7133365

September 11 Head down to the Jackson Zoo for a fun day to honor grandparents and visit the many attractions the Zoo has to offer. Grandparents are admitted for free! For more information, call 601-352-2580.

September 13 The International Arts Movement Interest Group, a collection of Christian artist of all disciplines, is holding a Discussion Café at Sneaky Beans coffee shop located on 2914 North State Street. Plan to be there at 6:30 p.m. For more information contact kathrynwiggins@gmail.com

September 17 The Jackson Heart Foundation is sponsoring Young At Heart Gala at the home of Dr. and Mrs. Harper Stone. Enjoy music by Meet the Press and great food by Fresh Cut Catering while helping support the fight against heart disease. To purchase tickets call 601-7185172.

September 20-21 Peter Pan, along with Wendy, Tinkerbell, and our favorite villain, Captain Hook, will be flying into town at Thalia Mara Hall for two magical performances. Tickets for this legendary adventure start at $25. For more information, call 601-981-1847.

September 24 The 28th WellsFest will be held at Jamie Fowler Boyll Park on Lakeland Drive with proceeds going to Mustard Seed, a nonprofit

that strives to help adults with developmental disabilities fulfill their potential. The festivities kick off at 8:00 a.m. with a 5-K run and walk followed by a one mile fun run. Pet parades, children’s games, live music, food booths and a silent auction are just a few of the activities to expect at this fun filled family event. Prizes and coffee mugs to be sold have been created by the Seedsters just for this event! Admission is free and for additional information call 601-353-0658.

CANTON

October 1

CRYSTAL SPRINGS

The inaugural Town Creek Arts Festival will be held at the Mississippi Museum of Art in Downtown Jackson beginning at 10 a.m. and lasting into the night. Children can enjoy hands on educational opportunities with art in a variety of forms while parents peruse local artist work. For additional information call 601-960-1515.

September 16 – 17 Let your creative side show at this year’s Arts on the Square. Enjoy a weekend filled with music, pottery, jewelry, demos and much more! For more information visit www.cantonmississippi.com

October 1 Rock the Park! 2011 featuring “Music with a Mission Tour” will be held at beautiful Chautauqua Park with gates opening at 4:15 p.m. and music beginning at 5:00 p.m. Seven bands, including Fireflight, Superchick and Mike’s Chair will be on stage along with speaker/painter Eric Samuel Timm. For more information visit www.rocktheparkcrystalsprings.com

Y

The Bottom Line for Kids Dinner The annual Bottom Line for Kids dinner will be held at the Country Club of Jackson on Thursday, September 15th at 6:00 p.m. The proceeds of the dinner will benefit the programs of Southern Christian Services for Children and Youth, Inc. Southern Christian Services for Children and Youth, Inc. is a faith-based organization that assists children and youth who have been abused, neglected, and abandoned. Services include Independent Living Preparation, Group Home Care, Adoption and Foster Care, and Training. The event will feature entertainment, a silent auction, a live auction, dinner and a presentation about Southern Christian Services. Audience favorite and well-known restaurateur, Jeff Good will be returning as master of ceremonies and Jim Wilkirson will be the auctioneer for the evening. The Hands of Providence Awards will be presented by Hank Holman and musical entertainment will be provided by Patrick Harkins. The signature painting, which will appear on the invitation and be offered during the Live Auction, has been donated by local artist, Don Meiners. The painting, “St. Marten Port”, is a beautiful 12x16 canvas, oil painting of St. Marten’s port in the Caribbean. Additional Live Auction items include two round trip tickets on Southwest Airlines, brunch for 20 prepared by Bravo Restaurant, a stay in a Manhattan condominium, Dinner for 8 at Walker’s Restaurant, and a week’s stay at a beach front condominium. Tickets for the Bottom Line for Kids dinner, which are $100 each, may be purchased by calling Callie Golden at SCSCY at 601-354-0983. Support of this event will help Southern Christian Services to continue rebuilding broken lives. metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 45

SEPTEMBER 2011

JACKSON

➺quips & quotes

ADVERTISING INDEX

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Cut out the scriptures and quotes and place them around your home for daily encouragement!

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

“If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.”

– Jeremiah 29:11

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” – Dereke Bruce

“But the LORD said to Samuel,“Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

– Lewis Grizzard

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Bombeck

“Then Jesus said to her,“Your sins are forgiven.” – Luke 7:48

– 1 Samuel 16:7 NIV

God is not silent. It is the nature of God to speak. The second person of the Holy Trinity is called “The Word.” – A.W. Tozer

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,“I am the light of the world.Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” – John 8:12

“In the infinite wisdom of the Lord of all the earth, each event falls with exact precision into its proper place in the unfolding of His divine plan. Nothing, however small, however strange, occurs without His ordering, or without its particular fitness for its place in the working out of His purpose; and the end of all shall be the manifestation of His glory, and the accumulation of His praise.” – B.B. Warfield

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Baptist Hospital............................................10 Belhaven Aspire..............................................7 Belhaven University......................................29 Biaggi’s .........................................................32 Brenda Travis Sitter Service .........................46 Callaway’s Lawn & Garden ..........................13 Chapman’s Florist.........................................37 Christ Covenant School ...............................26 Christian Leaders of the Future .....................4 CMMC ............................................................3 Community Bank..........................................23 Dr. Ley.............................................................2 Dr. McMasters ..............................................28 East Lakeland OBGYN.................................18 Energy Insulation..........................................40 Environment Masters ...................................47 Eye Care Professionals.................................48 FPDS .............................................................21 French Camp Academy ...............................23 Fresh-Way.....................................................27 Grace Christian Media .................................13 Grantham Poole CPAs .................................27 Habitat for Humanity ...................................23 Highland Village ...........................................21 Jackson Academy School ..............................2 Jackson Medical Mall.....................................5 Jackson Orthopedic.....................................21 Jackson Preparatory School...........................9 Janie Pillow Counseling ...............................12 Lifeway..........................................................21 Maine’s Best Kept Secret.............................38 Metro Christian Living..................................41 Newk’s ..........................................................33 North State Animal Hospital........................46 O! How Cute ................................................14 O’Mire....................................................34, 42 Odyssey Hospice..........................................38 Persnickety ...................................................11 Premier Medical ...........................................23 Regions Bank................................................17 Senior Transitions .........................................42 Sitters............................................................41 Southern Farm Bureau.................................27 Southern Christian Services .........................18 Star 93.5 .......................................................47 Stegall Imagery ............................................44 Summit Counseling......................................41 Sunnybrook Estates .....................................40 The Orchard .................................................27 Tinnin Imports ..............................................15 Venable Glass...............................................32 William B. Howell .........................................39 Woman’s Hospital ........................................12 Woodridge Capital.......................................31 Wright & Ferguson.......................................26 Written in Stone ...........................................37 For more information on our advertisers visit www.metrochristianliving.com

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You take pride in how it looks. We take pride in how it feels. Call us to keep it cozy this winter. Is your home heating system ready for fall’s chilly mornings and first frosts? Environment Masters, trusted by metro Jackson homeowners since 1957, can make sure you don’t lose a minute of comfort. Here’s how: • Comfort & safety furnace check – Priority One maintenance A close inspection for safe, efficient operation of your heating system. Plus cleaning and filter change. • A comfortable $1,000 discount and up to $500 tax credit on a new high-efficiency Lennox® system for lower energy costs and higher air quality.* • $500 to stock your pantry with comfort food for winter Visit us on Facebook for the opportunity to win a $ 500 Kroger® Gift Card FREE! ”Like” us at facebook.com/environmentmasters by September 30.** Real Savings. Real Comfort. Call 601.353.4681

Environment MASTERS Heating & Cooling • Plumbing 601.353.4681 • www.environmentmasters.com

**Contest runs 9/1/11 - 9/30/11 Winner will be announced 10/1/11 No purchase necessary to win

*Limited-time $1,000 discount; offer good Sept. 12 thru Dec. 2, 2011. Discount and 2011 federal tax credit available only on qualified Lennox® high-efficiency systems.

September 17th @ First Baptist Church of Brandon

$10 admission $7 inflatable pass optional

presented by...

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Star935

90210

to to receive concert info, bible verses, & more!

tion visit... a m r o f n i t e k c For ti www.star93fm.com metrochristianliving.com ❘ SEPTEMBER 2011 47

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