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Jerryand Helen Young
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Why one couple divorced — then married each other again
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contents FEBRUARY 2020
®
Volume 14, Number 8 Publisher MS Christian Living, Inc.
Firefighter Rick May captured a young woman’s heart and showed her true love —in a way she never expected.
Editor Katie Eubanks katie@mschristianliving.com Associate Editor Suzanne Durfey Art/Graphic Design Sandra Goff Sales Charlotte Dicus, Suzanne Durfey, Ginger Gober
Angel and Craig Bailey married in 1988, divorced in 2001, and married each other again in 2002. Now, Craig says, “We’re not where we were.”
columns STEGALL IMAGERY
8 Mission Mississippi Moments
cover story 18 Jerry and Helen Young 40 years at New Hope Baptist Church
God qualifies the called
10 As I See It 5 lessons from a hopeless romantic
Cover Photography Stegall Imagery Distribution Assistants Avery Cahee, Kathryn Dyksterhouse, Randy Fortenberry, Walton Gresham, Rachel Schulte, Jerri Strickland, Bob Whatley
12 Health & Wellness Plan to exercise self-control
14 Modern Motherhood Open up and let the light in
16 This Is My Story
Mississippi Christian Living 622 Duling Avenue, Suite 220 Jackson, MS 39216 Phone 601.790.9076
mschristianliving.com
‘True love’ was not what I expected
feature
27 Food for Thought A perfect Valentine’s Day trio
24 Angel and Craig Bailey Why they divorced — then married each other again
28 Money Matters 7 habits that will improve your financial health
30 Christian Commerce Fit Revival Studio
32 Tough Questions with Barb When the honeymoon ends
in every issue Coming Next Month
MCL’s Christian Leaders of the Future scholarship finalists
6 33 34 34
Editor’s Letter Events Calendar Quips & Quotes Advertiser Index
CONNECT WITH US: twitter.com/MSChristLiving facebook.com/MSChristianLiving 4
Contributing Writers Libbo Crosswhite, Chris Fields, Dan Hall, Jan Schaefer Hedgepeth, Kara Kimbrough, Barbara Martin, Sarah McLaughlin, Carolyn McLemore, Kurt Vande Streek
FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
Mississippi Christian Living is committed to encouraging individuals in their daily lives by presenting the faith stories of others and by providing information that will point every person, at every stage of life, to a deeper, authentic, personal, and life-changing encounter with Jesus Christ. Views expressed in Mississippi Christian Living do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. Every effort has been made by the Mississippi Christian Living staff to insure accuracy of the publication contents. However, we do not guarantee the accuracy of all information nor the absence of errors and omissions; hence, no responsibility can be or is assumed. All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2020 by Mississippi Christian Living, Inc. Mississippi Christian Living is published monthly and is available for free at hightraffic locations throughout the tri-county area and central Mississippi. Subscriptions are $29 a year. POSTMASTER: Send change of address to Mississippi Christian Living, 622 Duling Ave., Suite 220, Jackson, MS 39216.
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➺editor’s letter God can use a whisper in a pew
I
n keeping with Valentine’s Day, several of our stories this month are about romantic relationships, which I love. But as a single person, I don’t have much “insight” to share in this regard. (I can tell you what I learned at age 11: If he shares his pizza with you, so far so good. But if he’s too scared to call you all summer, it’s too soon.) In all seriousness, this is one month I just want to write about how God has been nudging me in my life. Recently, I felt I had hit a sort of spiritual plateau. I was still reading my Bible regularly and praying. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized just how much I live for myself. I often spend more time thinking about celebrities and pop culture (rooting for Brad and Jen!), and what I want to do with my weekend, than about God’s calling on my life. Which is not to say we can’t have fun. God is far from a killjoy. But the more I get into the things of God, and the more I get of God Himself, the more I realize He is what I really want. All the stories our culture tells, all the things of this earth that give us joy, actually point us to Him in some way. Because He is the source of all good joy — and fulfills us in ways nothing and nobody else can. So anyway. I think I’m coming to the end of my little plateau phase, by the grace of God. On Wednesday nights, I go to my church’s college ministry. Which sounds weird, but I feel like I have a connection with college students. Senior year of college is when my childhood faith shattered, and a real faith slowly started peeking through. For that reason, college students are a demographic I feel like I could impact, personally. At the end of every Wednesday-night college service, we have “corporate prayer.” This is when the students divide into groups of two to five-ish people and pray for each other’s specific needs. Each week, a big part of me hopes the college pastor will forget to mention corporate prayer. Yet each week, it happens. I don’t know many of the students, and I’m usually not bold enough to approach them. Inevitably, though, one of them will approach me. It’s always awkward, but I’m always glad I said yes. Last week, a young woman asked if I wanted to pray with her and her friends, and I followed
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FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
them to the next pew over. We all shared similar concerns: that we weren’t where God wanted us to be, or that we might be struggling soon because certain people wouldn’t be there to walk alongside us. As one of the girls spoke, I realized I was looking at myself. Our struggles seemingly grew out of the same root. She felt what I had felt at her age (except she might’ve had more selfawareness). This. Girl. Was. Me. I prayed for all of us. This is why I’m here, I thought on my way home. At times I’ve wished for a bigger platform to share my testimony with these students. That desire often is one of self-promotion, with God as the means and not the end. Shame on me. If all I ever do on a Wednesday night is pray with college students and encourage them, I’ll be content, by the grace of God. Sometimes the biggest impact doesn’t come through a microphone or a book deal, but through a whisper in a pew — not because we pray particularly well, but because God puts us in that pew at the right time. And sometimes if you’re on a plateau, it helps to be reminded of the basics: Love the Lord your God with all you have. Love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30-31) This will bring you joy beyond all reason. Praise God! Must-reads: • February means not only Valentine’s Day but also Black History Month, and our cover story (page 18) celebrates both with Jerry and Helen Young, pastor and first lady at one of Jackson’s most respected African-American churches (where all are welcome, by the way). Their love story is quiet, but just look at that opening photo. • Angel and Craig Bailey got married, got divorced — and then married each other again (page 24). • God answered Jan Schaefer’s prayer for “true love,” but not how she expected (page 16).
Y
Katie Eubanks katie@mschristianliving.com
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➺mission mississippi moments by LIBBO CROSSWHITE
God qualifies the called “T
he pain of remaining the same must be more unbearable than the pain of change.”
Or at least that’s how I remember it. I might not remember the words verbatim, but I will never forget hearing Mission Mississippi President Neddie Winters speak in November 2018 and realizing that this quote was my life. Although I had a desire to live reconciled to those around me, what in the world was I doing about it? I left that Mission Mississippi banquet fired up and ready to have conversations about race relations in Mississippi. But as our sinful nature so often does, my insecurities and fears silenced me. “You don’t really know anything about living racially reconciled!” “What if you say the wrong thing and mess it up?” Those were the thoughts that continued to guide my narrative until September 2019. As Neddie Winters so eloquently does, he spoke to our high-school students at Madison-Ridgeland Academy about “gracism,” the idea that the grace of Jesus Christ is bigger than our worldly racism. Remembering his powerful words from the year before, I was eager to shake his hand and introduce myself. We had a pleasant conversation that led me to say, “Please let me know if I can ever do anything for such a great organization.” That conversation led to one of the more thrilling, and scary, moments of my life.
Through a series of events that only God could ordain, I got a call from Neddie shortly after his time at MRA to take me up on my offer. He needed me to step in and help facilitate the student forum at Mission Mississippi’s Living Reconciled event. As all of the reasons I wasn’t qualified flooded my mind, Neddie softly and confidently reminded me that the Qualifier had already made His decision. My experience, knowledge and communication skills did not qualify me to talk about living reconciled — my salvation experience did. God used Neddie to open my eyes to the truth: My reconciliation in Christ is what qualifies me to have a conversation about racial reconciliation.
“As all of the reasons I wasn’t qualified flooded my mind, Neddie softly and confidently reminded me that the Qualifier had already made His decision. My experience, knowledge and communication skills did not qualify me to talk about living reconciled — my salvation experience did.” The Living Reconciled student event was truly life-changing for me in so many ways. I saw some of my own students have meaningful conversations, but also met so many students and community members who share a passion for reconciliation in the state of Mississippi. Because of my relationship with Neddie and Mission Mississippi, I have been challenged to ask hard questions, both of myself and others. I have been challenged to teach my children the ways of reconciliation in Christ, but also reconciliation in our relationships with other believers — those who look like us and those who don’t. I’ve seen my students who attended the Living Reconciled conference changed by what they learned, and I have had the privilege of watching some of my students get to know Neddie Winters and Mission Mississippi on a deeper level, even interviewing him for their senior project and now volunteering at the organization. I am forever grateful for Neddie Winters’ continued impact on my life, and even more grateful to know that as he is reading this, he is shaking his head, thinking, “It’s not me — it’s God’s work within me.” It is my hope and prayer that we will live as a body of believers who believe in the truth of reconciliation and carry that message of hope in how we live, how we love and how we strive to see Mississippi become racially reconciled, one conversation at a time. Y Libbo Haskins Crosswhite and her husband, Clay, live in Madison and attend Pinelake. They have one daughter, Mary Thomas, who is 6 years old, and a son, Russell, who is 4 years old. She is the high school guidance counselor at Madison-Ridgeland Academy and can be emailed at lcrosswhite@mrapats.org.
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FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
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➺as i see it by DAN HALL
5 lessons from a hopeless romantic AS THE ADAGE GOES, “I CHASED MY WIFE UNTIL SHE CAUGHT ME.” Our families knew each other when we were children, but my wife’s family moved across the country when I was 11 and she was nine. When I saw her again 10 years later, she was no longer the stringy redheaded girl with cooties, but a hot little coed at Baylor University, sauntering into a Denny’s. As our relationship went from reacquaintance to friendship to infatuation to love interest, I pulled out all the stops to catch her attention. I sent her on a campus-wide scavenger hunt where I had strategically placed multiple birthday gifts. I wrote one love note on a repurposed Big Mac container (they used to come in cardboard boxes), and another one on an entire roll of toilet paper. I also wrote (in my mind) award-winning poems. The one, I think, that finally captured her heart was: My heart goes pitter patter like beaters mixing batter Like bread so gently rising, your love came so surprising I mean, really … Let me give you a minute to wipe your eyes. I give several pithy little statements to any couple that is about to get married. Probably the one that gets most quoted to me later is this: “When this thing (marriage) settles down to a fireside chat … And it will … That’s when you find true love.”
I am certainly no expert on marriage and love, but I have learned some important principles that have helped us survive and often thrive in over 32 years of marriage:
❤ ❤
❤
❤
❤
Forgive ASAP. I’m no fool to believe that forgiveness is easy. But I will say this: Forgiveness is absolutely imperative. Laughter is both a balm and a barometer. We learned to laugh early, and it has gotten us through difficult times. Conversely, I can tell how healthy a marriage is by how freely, frequently and authentically a couple laughs together. Intimacy is both a gift and a discipline. Intimacy is not about sex and romance, though both of those are important. It’s about purposely sharing the meaningful parts of our hearts. It’s a gift when my wife lets me see her heart; it’s a discipline for me to share mine. Acceptance is powerful. It is said that women marry thinking the man will change, and he doesn’t; men marry thinking the woman won’t change, and she does. Regardless, when one person embraces the other just as they are, the heart feels safe. Love is a commitment, not a feeling. Few men feel as romantically as I do. I am accused of having an ovary. But at the end of the day, I choose to love my
“I pulled out all the stops to catch her attention. I sent her on a campus-wide scavenger hunt where I had strategically placed multiple birthday gifts. I wrote one love note on a repurposed Big Mac container (they used to come in cardboard boxes), and another one on an entire roll of toilet paper.”
wife and she chooses to love me, not because of a feeling but because of a commitment. We are fortunate to enjoy a heavy dose of emotion in our marriage (and seasons without it!), but it flows from the commitment we have for each other, not vice versa. Now… Go love your spouse.
Y
Dan Hall is an executive and strategic coach to leaders and executive teams. He also works with organizations on team building, conflict resolution and communication skills. He and his wife, Hazel, have six children and four grandchildren.You can reach him at Dan@OnCourseSolutions.com.
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➺health &wellness by CHRIS FIELDS
Plan to exercise self-control
W
hen thinking on what to write for this month, self-control dropped into my spirit. Being at the top
of the new year, my wife and I were setting our goals, and practicing more self-control/discipline was at the top of our resolutions. We were good for about a week, and then we quickly found ourselves encapsulated by poor discipline/self-control again. Self-control/discipline is hard, and when we think about the fruits of the Spirit, self-control seems to be the least popular. We all want more love, patience, kindness, goodness, etc., but in order to practice any of the other fruits, self-control is a must. Self-control comes best served as surrendered control to Christ, which sounds contradictory because if we give up control then it’s not self-control. Right? Wrong. He is our self-control. Once we accept Jesus, His seeds of love, joy, peace, patience and self-control are implanted in us to be watered, nurtured and harvested until He calls us home. We are new creatures created in His image for His good work, and in order to gain true self-control in Him, we must surrender our control. Seeing that we all live different lives, true self-control looks different in all of us. For my wife and me, it looks like going to bed earlier so we can wake up earlier and devote more time to Christ. But if you are reading for tips on health and wellness, then it probably looks like doing what is required to live a healthier life.
We like to blame life for our inefficiencies and inconsistencies when the truth is, it’s poor planning, failed execution, or we still haven’t developed our only intrinsic motivation needed (see last month’s article). In order to be successful at anything, planning is required. If we fail to plan, we’ve planned to fail — and it takes proper planning, execution and motivation to stick with the plan. But with so much information at our disposal, without help, it’s hard to know exactly what we need to do. Here are some tips on picking a healthy lifestyle change that you can stick with for life:
TIP 1: Variety is key
When selecting a lifestyle change, it’s important to maintain variety. A lot of dietary plans encourage eliminating food groups. Everything we eat, with the exception of a few things (i.e. donuts), has some nutritional value that we need. There are some nutrients we need in larger quantities and some we need in smaller quantities. The same goes for selecting an exercise routine. Cardio is good and strength training is also. We all have heard that muscle weighs more than fat, so if we are trying to decrease those three digits on the scale, we tend to think we need to stay away from building muscle. Truth is, muscle does weigh more than fat, meaning five pounds of muscle takes up less space in our body than five pounds of fat. We burn fat and build muscle, and it takes months and months and months of strength/resistance training to build enough muscle naturally to tip the scales.
TIP 2: Set goals
When making healthy lifestyle changes, it’s important to set attainable goals, or goals that we know we can reach, so we don’t set ourselves up for failure. One to two pounds a week is healthy weight loss, and your body will trend that way. You might lose four pounds one week and zero pounds the next, but understand that you’ve still accomplished one to two pounds per week. It all balances out in the end. Another example is if you drink three to five sodas every day, it’s important to wean yourself off slowly in order to be successful, unless Jesus delivers you from sodas.
TIP 3: Develop self-control/discipline
Nothing is going to happen overnight. Nothing is going to happen in two weeks or maybe even two months. But consistency is key, and in order to stay consistent, we need discipline. Changes take place internally first and then externally. It takes discipline to set plans and goals and stick to those plans and goals. Jesus is our strength, and His plans are for us to prosper and be in good health, even as our soul prospers (3 John 1:2). Y Chris Fields is the founder and executive director of H.E.A.L. Mississippi and a graduate in kinesiology with advance studies in nutrition. He serves as a clinical exercise physiologist/CPT and is credentialed in Exercise Is Medicine through American College of Sports Medicine.
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FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
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➺modern motherhood by LIBBO CROSSWHITE
Open up and let the light in my favorite 18- to 25-year-olds at Passion 2020. I’m not sure I could have started this decade with more excitement, anticipation and outright joy than being surrounded by believers worshipping and declaring the goodness of the Lord. Ironically, it feels like it’s been a solid decade since January 1. The newness and the promise of a new start seem to have faded. When I think back to my time at the Passion Conference, I’m brought to the same place each time. As Kari Jobe led us in worship on the morning of January 1, the Mercedes Dome began to open up. There had been rumors that this would happen at some point — but there were also rumors that Kanye West or Justin Bieber would show up. The moment seemed unplanned and perfect at the same time. As she sang, “I’m longing for a fresh encounter … Your presence is my favorite place,” the wind began to blow. Light beamed in. It was as if the spiritual battle that we know is already won was being personified. These words rang true for me: “Your presence is my favorite place.” As a counselor, as a mom, but mainly as a human being, I see the darkness that so easily entangles and consumes us. Not just because I have seen it in others, but because I have seen it in me. As I have thought back to that moment at Passion and looked at the picture, God keeps revealing new parts to me: The only way the light could have come into the dome was if it opened up. 2020 will mark almost four years that I have been writing this column. It’s so much fun to write about my bumfuzzled motherhood but, as crazy as this sounds, I have a difficult time opening up to those closest to me about how I struggle not to allow my own darkness and thoughts to consume me. I’ve thought a lot about those 65,000 people under the dome. They almost look like specks in the picture. It’s hard to distinguish individuals. I was at a women’s conference back in the fall, and Jenni Allen spoke on the power of our thoughts. She told us (and Google confirms) that the average person thinks about 60,000 thoughts per day, and almost 85 percent of those are negative. 85 PERCENT. This is where I raise my hand. This is where I let the dome open up, and I look at that picture less as an Instagram post (yes, it was one of mine) and more as my life. Those specks are my thoughts that can devour me if I am not in the presence of Light. And it can’t be just a one-time thing. Letting the Light in must happen daily and, in the darkest of battles, more often than that. I have never been good at New Year’s resolutions. I decided one year in college that I was going to start running and, as I rounded campus by the street, my friends stopped their car and rolled down the window to check on me, because they knew something had to be wrong. I adopted the idea of a word of the year a few years back, and I’m not really good at that either. I think last year’s word was “queso,” maybe?
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FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
SARA CARSON HAILEY
2020 STARTED OFF with a literal bang as I watched fireworks fly off the top of the Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta. I celebrated the new year with 65,000 of
As Kari Jobe led us in worship at Passion on the morning of January 1, the Mercedes Dome began to open up. Of course, this was the only way the light could have come in.
This year, I’m going to try a sentence. I’m declaring it in the middle of January so there will be less pressure. “Your presence is my favorite place.” In God’s presence, in His word and in prayer — that’s where light comes in. It’s waiting outside as the sun was waiting to beam into the dome. We simply have to open up, accept it and let it shine through us. The hymn I hold most dearly to my heart puts it this way: Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim In the LIGHT of His glory and grace. PS: I know better than to use a high-schooler’s picture and not give them the proper photo creds. So thanks, Sara Carson Hailey, for the picture that has taught me so much about letting Light in. Y Libbo Haskins Crosswhite and her husband, Clay, live in Madison and attend Pinelake. They have one daughter, Mary Thomas, who is 6 years old, and a son, Russell, who is 4 years old. She is the high school guidance counselor at Madison-Ridgeland Academy and can be emailed at lcrosswhite@mrapats.org.
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➺this is my story by JAN SCHAEFER HEDGEPETH
From left, Schaefer, Kalli, Terry, Jan, Blake and Drew Hedgepeth.
‘True love’ was not what I expected
I
n high school, I knew Jesus, but I felt a void. Many of my friends were
he came back and read my homemade “I Love You” banner is still burned into my memory. He kissed me as he twirled me dating and seemed to be in love. I had around and begged me to say the words out dated but had not experienced love. So I knelt loud — again and again. I knew true love now, and prayed for what my heart most desired: and I was so grateful to God. true love. Months later, I woke from a bad dream and At the grocery store, I noticed a nicecalled Rick. Crying, I told him I’d dreamed he’d looking gentleman and kept running into him died in the line of duty. He assured me he was throughout the store and at checkout. We fine, but did say dying in the line of duty never spoke but loaded our vehicles was exactly how he’d want to go. and drove off at the same time. I Days later, I dropped Rick off glanced in the rearview mirror, for his shift and we kissed and I watched him follow my goodbye. It would be our last mom and me all the way kiss. I was at church when I home. He approached us received the news: Rick was humbly and respectfully. His on top of the firetruck as it name is Rick; he’s a fireman. pulled out. The heavy garage He felt God telling him not to door malfunctioned and let me get away without dropped in front of him, speaking. Normally I would’ve knocking him headfirst onto the been skeptical, but as he spoke, concrete floor. He would be in a God gave me peace. coma for three days before life Rick and I became Jan Schaefer and Rick support was removed. inseparable. We spent every free May in December 1984. Miles of people lined Rick’s second together — attending funeral route. Many shared church, praying and reading the Bible before stories of his kindness, including one story dates. That July 4, Rick took me to a nearby from a family that had been stranded on the lake. We lay on a blanket under the stars. As side of the road. Rick had seen them on his fireworks exploded, he kissed me and said way to work and stopped to help, even though those three magical words: He loved me! I felt it made him late. the same — but couldn’t say it yet. He wasn’t I struggled to finish classes that year. Why upset and said he would wait. Three months would God take away my true love? I pleaded later, we went on a picnic, and I sent Rick on a with Him: Tell me the why so maybe I could go walk while I set up. The look on his face when 16
FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
on. I was in a parking lot when a man stopped me. He said Rick had often witnessed to him about Jesus. The man had brushed the words aside until the day Rick died. What if he had died instead of Rick? The thought had sent him in search of the peace Rick had, and he had become a Christian. Wow! God had just given me the why! I knew Rick would have happily given his life for this man to know Christ. I now saw that God had a bigger plan. Then, this verse came to mind: “Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” Greater love … TRUER love. Rick’s death in the line of duty showed true love. The stories people shared at the funeral were about Rick laying down his life to help others. THAT is true love. God had answered my prayer to know “true love” in a way I never could have imagined. In His grace, God helped me find romantic love again. My husband, Terry, and I have been married for 27 years. When we were dating, he told me he didn’t want to replace Rick in my life — he just wanted me to make room in my heart for him too. I feel blessed to know true love — a journey that started with a prayer. Y
Jan and Terry Hedgepeth have four children: Schaefer (24), Blake (23), Kalli (19) and Drew (18). They live in Madison and attend First Baptist Church of Madison.
If you aren’t sure whether you have a relationship with God or where you’ll go when you die, please don’t put this magazine down until you’ve read the following:
✝ THE PROBLEM
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23 For the wages of sin is death… – Romans 6:23a The natural result and consequence of our sin is eternal death, or hell (Revelation 20:15), separated from God. This is because God is completely perfect and holy (Matthew 5:48), and His justice demands that sin be punished (Proverbs 11:21).
✝ THE SOLUTION
…but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 6:23b But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8 Jesus Christ died in our place on the cross and took on the punishment for all our sins (Isaiah 53:4-6). Then God raised Him from the dead (John 20)!
✝ HOW TO RECEIVE SALVATION
If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. – Romans 10:9
✝ IS IT FOR ANYONE?
Trust in what Jesus has done for you — His death for your sins and His resurrection — and trust Him as Lord.
✝ THE RESULTS
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. – Romans 10:13
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. – Romans 5:1 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39
✝ WHAT TO DO NEXT
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. – Romans 10:17
If you decided to trust in Jesus, grow in your faith by reading more of God’s Word in the Bible. We recommend the gospel of John (it comes just after Luke) as a good starting point — or Romans! Finding a church close to you that teaches faith in Christ is another important step. It’s crucial to spend time with other believers so we can encourage each other in our faith. If you have questions about anything on this page, please contact us at 601.896.1432, or send us a message on Facebook @MSChristianLiving, Instagram @mschristianmag or Twitter @MSChristLiving.
mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2020 17
Jerryand Helen Young 40 years at New Hope Baptist Church by KATIE EUBANKS
“T
he decision was made particularly during our senior year (of college),” says Dr. Jerry Young when telling the story of marrying his wife, Helen, in 1974.
“And the only question I had was whether she’d be comfortable in that role as a pastor’s wife. And that issue having been resolved, there were no more issues.” Despite Jerry’s almost businesslike talk of “resolving issues” and “making decisions,” his eyes twinkle when he hears his bride speak. He jokes with photographer Deryll Stegall about how much better Helen will look than Jerry himself in the photos. Truth be told, Helen is beautiful inside and out, and seems to have a river of confidence running under her quiet exterior. In April, Jerry and Helen will celebrate 40 years as pastor and first lady of New Hope Baptist Church in Jackson, where they also founded New Hope Christian School in 1982. Jerry is the school’s headmaster; Helen is the preschool director; their daughter Kelli is the
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elementary school principal; and four of the five grandchildren are students there. “We see each other every day, and that’s a big blessing to us,” Helen says. A big blessing, indeed. Of which there have been many.
From Rust to RTS Jerry didn’t start out wanting to be a pastor, despite the fact that his father was one, and despite God’s still small voice in his own ear. He wanted to make a difference as an attorney instead. He enrolled at Alcorn State University on a grant program — and the day before he was supposed to register for classes, he got a phone call telling him the funding had been cut. An angry Jerry got a job driving a bus, and was even prepared to move to Chicago for work. But
his high-school principal helped him find the one available spot at Coahoma Community College in Clarksdale, where his roommate was — guess what — a pastor. During Jerry’s freshman year, he attended a Baptist Student Union retreat in Prentiss and finally made a serious commitment to Christ. After two years at Coahoma, he enrolled at Mississippi Valley State University. Once again, the day before he was to register for classes, he got a phone call. The funding had been cut. And again, Jerry couldn’t understand what was happening. But this time a friend at Coahoma stepped in, and Jerry landed at Rust College in Holly Springs. Somehow in that process, he enrolled in a class he didn’t need for his sociology degree: economics. Freshman business major Helen Akins was one of his classmates. He borrowed an issue of Time magazine from her for an assignment. “That’s how the conversation (between us) started,” Helen says.
By that time, Jerry was pastoring a church. “It wasn’t in Greenville (where he’d spent his teen years), it was a little bitty church in his hometown of Lamont,” Helen says, pronouncing it “LAY-mount.” “La-MONT, please,” Jerry corrects her, and she laughs. Helen, a Starkville native, grew up in the United Methodist church, so she was comfortable in a church environment. “I always had had a sense of what ministry should be like,” she says. Her first date with Jerry was attending church. She also visited Mount Tenia Baptist, where he was pastoring, “so I got to see him in his domain,” she says. She’d never considered the good or bad that comes with marrying a pastor. “But I did know what I did and did not want in a mate.” How did Jerry fare? “He met all the criteria,” she says, and nods. Helen and Jerry graduated Rust together and got married a week later so their loved ones from out of state wouldn’t have to make another trip. The day after the wedding, Jerry was installed as a pastor again, at one of two Greenville churches he would pastor simultaneously: Pilgrim Rest Baptist and St. John Baptist. (One church met on the first and third Sunday, the other on the second and fourth.) A few years later, he applied and was accepted at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. But there was no married housing on campus. Helen wasn’t comfortable staying in the city alone with their new daughter, Jerlen, while Jerry went to class. So they lived in Greenville until the housing could open up the following semester. Meanwhile, Jerry accepted a job teaching sociology at Greenville High School. And the father of one of his students told him about Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson. Jerry hadn’t even known RTS existed. But in 1978, after visiting the school, he enrolled and moved his family from the Delta to Mississippi’s capital city.
Unity and a surprise sermon Not only was Jerry Young the first black student to enroll full time and live in the RTS community, he also represented the Baptist faith at a very Presbyterian institution. That wasn’t a problem, he says, because “God has shown so much favor. The professors there were sensitive to the fact that I was a Baptist pastor, and they allowed me to do direct study of Baptist polity, Baptist church history.” Naturally, RTS also introduced Jerry to Presbyterian beliefs, which “forced me to study a great deal more of why I was a Baptist.” But
Jerry and Helen Young talk with MCL Editor Katie Eubanks at New Hope Baptist Church in Jackson.
instead of distancing himself from his Presbyterian brothers in Christ, he befriended and respected them. “The late Dr. R.C. Sproul (a nationally known theologian, pastor and lecturer) was one of my professors and became a friend,” Jerry says. “To see men like that with that kind of knowledge — and to see how humble they were — that was revolutionary for me in my own thinking. The more you learn about Christ, the more humble you become.” For Jerry and the folks at RTS, navigating their theological differences was simple. Jerry
paraphrases a famous quote instructing the body of Christ: “In the things that are essential, have unity; in the non-essentials, have toleration; and in all matters, have love.” Jerry still preached at the two Greenville churches on Sundays while attending RTS. But one week, he had Sunday off. He wound up attending New Hope Baptist Church in Jackson. The pastor at the time, Dr. Burns, recognized him — and also, apparently, the gifts within him — and told the congregation Jerry would be giving the sermon. Reluctantly, he obeyed. Eight months later, New Hope voted Jerry in mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2020 19
“We see each other every day,” says Helen Young, far left, preschool director at New Hope Christian School, where four of her five grandchildren attend and her husband is headmaster.
Helen and Jerry Young react to a question from MCL Editor Katie Eubanks.
Jerry and Helen Young, center, with their family. Top row, from left: Matthew and Jerlen Canada, Jerry and Helen Young, Kelli and Benjamin Hart (holding Braxton Hart). Bottom row, from left: Linzee and Lauryn Nelson, Harper Hart, Benjamin Hart II.
as their new pastor. But he resisted this calling as he had resisted his calling to the ministry. He said no. It took a lot of conviction and even a car wreck (injury-free) to convince him God was tugging on his sleeve — but finally, he changed his mind. In 1980, he became New Hope’s seventh pastor.
Wisdom and knowledge at New Hope Two years later, under Jerry’s leadership, the church established what would become New Hope Christian School, which today has about 250 students from preschool through sixth grade. “A big blessing to me are parents who have children at our school,” Helen says. After nearly 20
FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
38 years, “a lot of (those parents) are former students (of ours). And it helps me to keep up with the kids in our church.” “Christian education is so important,” Jerry says. “C.S. Lewis said secular education, as good as it is, without Christian education, can create ‘clever devils.’ How can we educate kids in such a way that they embrace Christ and His principles? (We put) character before career, service before self, wisdom before knowledge.” But don’t worry, there’s plenty of knowledge. “When a 4-year-old takes a standardized test and scores anywhere from K5 to third grade — that points to the quality of the teachers,” Helen notes.
Challenges and blessings Over the years, the Youngs’ family has grown to include not only their daughters, Jerlen and Kelli, but sons-in-law and grandkids: Linzee, Lauryn, Benjamin Hart II, Harper Elizabeth and Braxton. During that time, Jerry and Helen have faced plenty of challenges, from parenting to leading a church and school, and even grand-parenting, which Helen says “takes you to a whole other level of ministry.” When asked to name their biggest trial as pastor and first lady, Helen recalls moving New Hope from west Jackson to north Jackson in 1981. “We had a lot of opposition,” she says. Jerry had not been pastor very long when the congregation voted on the move. The church had planned to build a larger facility in its existing location, but a local business owner wouldn’t sell the property needed for the expansion. “I followed the lead of the trustees and deacons, and the church voted almost unanimously (to buy property in north Jackson and move),” Jerry says. “But I was still uncomfortable, and I had them vote two more times.” Despite a thrice-approved plan, the move “got to be very challenging because there was an internal conflict — not because of anything I had done, but it got personal for some people. Family issues,” Jerry says. “I was accused of being a good pastor but not a good businessman. There was a big spread in the paper on Easter Sunday. (And) the church was sued, and I wouldn’t counter-sue. What they were doing was against the scripture. (The whole controversy) probably lasted a couple of years.” Jerry did his best to keep his head down and carry on. “All I need is kneeling room to pray and standing room to preach.” Compare that relocation to the one the church completed in summer 2018, to their
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Jerry loves to read, and Helen enjoys spa days, home décor and shopping with the “grand-girls.” She recently took them out to spend their Christmas gift cards. Jerry asks Harper Elizabeth: “Did you go over budget?” After a second, Harper says, “I did,” and nods, continuing to play. She knows she’s not in any kind of trouble.
‘Now unto Him … ‘
New Hope Baptist Church moved into its current facility on Beasley Road in summer 2018. The sanctuary holds enough seats for everybody in one service, which makes it easier for the entire church to fellowship together, Pastor Jerry Young said.
current facility on Beasley Road? “There is no comparison,” Jerry says. “One of the blessings of having longevity at a church is, people get to know you and trust you.” The new sanctuary holds enough seats for everybody at one Sunday service. Two services made it difficult for members to visit and get to know each other, he says. When asked to name the biggest blessing he’s received from New Hope, he says, “For me, it’s the quality of the people. Getting to know them on a personal level. So many people from all walks of life who enrich my life, our lives. The biggest blessing has come from the people who walk with us, pray for us.” Helen seconds that notion — “We couldn’t be among better or more caring people” — particularly in regard to the parents at the school. But the biggest blessing, she says, is seeing the children progress there. “They develop mentally, and socially, and to some regard spiritually — they understand the concept of God and who they should model after. They learn a verse for each letter of the alphabet during the school year. Some have had (their verses) framed. Some parents have asked for another set. “And when they come back and tell you how the school blessed them … “ Jerry has loved to see lives being shaped at New Hope: people who’ve left the church and come back; people who grew up at New Hope and now bring their own families; married couples who “decided they can no longer remain together, and to see God come in and turn that completely around, and not only do they remain together but their marriage (grows),” he says. 22
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And, certainly the sweetest blessing of all: “To be able to not only baptize my daughters but to baptize my grandkids. I baptized my oldest grandson (Benjamin) this past Sunday.”
Vacations and budgets In the midst of all the trials and triumphs, daily family life must occur. So what does a typical week look like for the Youngs? Jerry just laughs at the question for a few seconds. Keep in mind, he not only pastors the church and leads the school, but is also president of the National Baptist Convention (he started his second consecutive term last month). “Let’s just say it’s challenging — consistently and constantly,” he says. The Youngs work as a team to make sure they achieve a sort of “ministry-life” balance. “We don’t compromise on our family,” Helen says. “I keep certain things intact — how he eats. I get up earlier to make sure our meals are done.” “What she does is of paramount importance, because they’re things I don’t have to think about,” Jerry says. This helps him focus on his other tasks. The Youngs attend “a lot of conventions and congresses” to keep themselves engaged, he says. “It’s important to get with other preachers and pastors (and spouses) and keep the fire burning.” They also take “mini-vacations” as a family, Helen says. Jerry loves the Gaylord Opryland Resort in Nashville, and the grandkids love Disney World. (Granddaughter Harper Elizabeth, who’s been playing in the New Hope sanctuary during this interview, says her favorite vacation has been to “New Orleans, Louisiana.”)
Nobody gets to where the Youngs are today without the Lord’s guidance — and He often uses believers to share that guidance with each other. Jerry and Helen each name a parent as the biggest spiritual influence on their lives. Jerry says his father was “an extraordinary dad,” and Helen says her mother was “very timely.” “(She was) pretty quiet, but very intentional in training us. Momma was the one who would take us to church. (And) growing up in the United Methodist Church, the pastor’s wives, I was always amazed at them. They have always been influential in my life.” In addition to his father, Jerry cites a number of pastors who’ve blessed him in unusual ways — including two Southern Baptist men who are well known to many Jacksonians. “Jim Futral (formerly of Broadmoor Baptist Church) has been a friend for 35 years. He’s such an encouragement in my life. (The late) Frank Pollard (of First Baptist Jackson) was a tremendous preacher, tremendous person. He was such an inspiration for me, so encouraging.” Of course, the biggest way God leads his servants is through His Word. Helen’s favorite scripture is Proverbs 3:5-6 — “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Jerry initially says his favorite verse is Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But then he says it might be Ephesians 3:2021 instead, which says this: “Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.” “I say it so much, the church knows what I’m talking about if I just say, ‘Now unto Him … ‘“ For a family who’s experienced more of God’s blessings than they could have imagined, the passage fits. “Even now, when I say that verse,” Jerry says — “it reverberates.” Y
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➺feature by KATIE EUBANKS
Angel and Craig Bailey How God resurrected their marriage The Baileys’ advice for couples who are struggling ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼
Put God first. Pray together. Keep communication open. “Counsel is vital” and, ideally, should come from a wise believer who’s “been through something,” Craig says.
◼ Do not seek individual marital
counsel from a member of the opposite sex.
◼ “If it matters to me, it should Angel and Craig Bailey in Craig’s office at New Life Christian Fellowship in Pearl.
T
hey were “riding the block” in Magee, Mississippi. She was from Mendenhall; he was from Raleigh.
He was driving a red 1986 IROC Chevy Z28, the first one in town. She was riding with a friend in a parent’s car. And when Angel Smith saw Craig Bailey for the first time on February 28, 1986, she thought, “I don’t know how … but he’s going to be mine.” In less than two years, they were married. They soon had two children, and Craig followed a call to preach at Sumrall Holiness Church, later renamed Christian Praise and Worship, in Simpson County. Angel sang special songs with Craig’s brothers on Sundays. Craig prioritized the church ahead of his family. He thought that was putting God first. “That’s the erosion of the marriage,” he says now. “If you can’t minister to your family, you can’t minister to anyone else’s family.” But Angel, too, assumed Craig was doing the right thing. Neither of them had been taught to invest in marriage over ministry. They also didn’t communicate on a deep level. “I would try to talk to him (about a problem), and he’d say, ‘Just pray about it,’ ” Angel recalls. “It was like a pressure cooker,” Craig says. 24
FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
matter to him,” Angel says. “And if it matters to him, it should matter to me. Our goal is to see each other succeed.”
‘It was just an emptiness’
depressed, but I was still wearing a smile, and singing (at church),” Angel recalls. In fact, she didn’t realize just how depressed she was. People didn’t talk about mental health back then, either. On December 10, 2001, the judge asked them, “Do you want this divorce?” They said yes. Signed the papers. And then went to lunch at Ward’s in Raleigh, Mississippi. Together. With a couple of folks from church. “I felt like I was divorcing my best friend,” Craig says. “We were not bitter,” Angel says. “We were never ugly in front of the kids. We were never disrespectful.” Angel moved to Foley, Alabama, with their daughter, Kayla, who was 11. Their son, Jonathan, 13, stayed in Raleigh with Craig, who moved in with his parents. Craig and Angel talked on the phone regularly. On weekends, they would meet halfway to get the kids together. “It makes me emotional now because of the hurt of not being with my son, and not having Kayla and Jonathan together. It was just an emptiness,” Angel says.
In 2001, after 13 years of marriage and a few separations, the Baileys were headed for divorce. “I felt like it wasn’t affecting him,” Angel says — because Craig kept pastoring. He says he thought that was his calling. “But (when you’re getting a divorce) there are certain things you can’t preach on,” he says. “You can’t preach on unconditional love. You can’t preach on forgiveness if you can’t forgive your own spouse. “(I get) a call from a man whose wife has left him, and he needs prayer. I was encouraging him that God would restore his marriage. And I thought, ‘God, You sure have a sense of humor.’ ” (Yes, the man knew Craig’s marriage was ending!) The Baileys didn’t have anyone to talk to about their own marital problems. “People didn’t talk to each other (about those kinds of Angel had to borrow a things),” Craig says. friend’s dress for her first wedding to Craig in 1988. Meanwhile, “I was
‘I’m marrying your momma today’ A few months later, Angel told Craig she wanted to move back into their house, which was unoccupied. So she and Kayla moved back to Raleigh, and Jonathan moved in with them. Craig stayed with his mom and dad. Now, sitting on a couch with Angel for this interview, Craig recalls how they each grew spiritually while divorced. “You were reading your Bible,” he says to her. “You were fasting. You were praying.” One of the things he had to do was turn Angel over to God, he says. “I thought if I wasn’t in the picture, she wasn’t going to make it,” he says. “God began to tell me He could talk to her while she was in Alabama, California, Mexico … while she was not with me. “And then when I was by myself, God was working on me.”
He still thought his biggest responsibility was to keep Sumrall Holiness Church going. “I didn’t understand (that) it wasn’t my church. It’s God’s church,” he says. “God’s going to take care of God’s woman (His bride, the church). I’ve got to take care of mine.” “We continued to go to (Sumrall Holiness after moving back),” Angel says. “One of my prayers was this: God, if you’ll put my family back together, I’ll serve You all the days of my life.” In summer 2002, barely half a year after the divorce, Angel told Craig she wanted to marry him again. “I felt it was different this time around,” she says. “I felt the timing was good. I felt more at peace.” “I kind of paused,” Craig says, “because, in my mind, she had to make some changes. And in her mind, I had to make some changes. We both had to make some changes, and make sure we weren’t going to end up in that same place again. And in that pause, God spoke to me, and said, ‘Can’t you see the changes I’ve (already) made in her life?’” Craig wanted to start their new marriage fresh, not in Raleigh. So they kept their plans a secret and took the kids to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, one of the family’s favorite vacation spots. They secured a wedding chapel. They also invited two friends on the trip but didn’t tell them what was up. Angel brought all the family’s wedding clothes in a garment bag. Neither Jonathan nor Kayla bothered unzipping it. And on July 1, 2002, Craig woke the kids at the Smoky Mountain Lodge Resort in Pigeon Forge and said, “I’m marrying your momma today.” Kayla was Angel’s maid of honor, and Jonathan was Craig’s best man. Kayla cried.
On July 1, 2002, Craig woke the kids up and said, “I’m marrying your momma today.” Daughter Kayla and son Jonathan, far left and far right, served as maid of honor and best man.
‘My family’s dying’ The second wedding wasn’t the end of Angel and Craig’s difficulties. Angel still struggled with depression, mostly brought on by childhood trauma. “I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I kept it suppressed. We didn’t talk about it,” she says. In 2012, she’d had her colon removed and was in a lot of pain, in addition to feeling her emotional wounds. One night, she took a whole bottle of pills. “Having to process what happened to me as a child, plus physical pain … I didn’t want to do it anymore. I thought (my family would) be better off without me.” Craig got up the next morning for work and assumed she was only asleep. Not exactly — but she did wake up later that morning. When Craig got home, he saw the empty bottle that had been full the night before. For a few days, Angel was in a fog, and
neither Craig nor Kayla would leave her. “I told her she was not going to die,” he recalls. “Not on my watch.” Craig’s priorities started shifting. “Once again, you think, ‘Am I letting God down if I (take a break from ministry)?’ But my family’s dying,” he says. “I got to the place where I was ready to quit the church and take care of my family. It was a country church, no elaborate salary or anything, so I had to work (another job anyway). I was in construction, built steel buildings.” Craig attempted to resign from the church twice, but they didn’t want him to go. “I felt like God was telling him, ‘Hold on, I’ve got something for you,’ ” Angel says. Around that same time, the family started helping pastor Danny Sims, of New Life Christian Fellowship in Pearl, who’d become ill. New Life was wonderful, Angel says, but she
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felt neglected as Craig did double duty at the two churches. “I felt like I was spiritually dying. I just didn’t see any hope,” she says. “(And) I felt like Craig was going and doing everything for everybody else when I needed him the most. (But) he didn’t just up and leave (our) church. That’s not who he is.” In December 2012, Pastor Danny died.
‘Do it afraid’ In 2013, the Baileys’ lives started to change. Craig took the helm at New Life in January. Later that year, he handed the home church — by then renamed Christian Praise and Worship — over to Jonathan and a cousin. That same year, Angel could finally tell a difference in her husband. “I felt like we were more on the same team. We were there to support one another,” she says. “And I could voice my opinion, and it mattered.” Also in 2013, in the midst of her own healing, Angel founded New Life’s annual Fearless Women’s Conference. “I lived in fear through most of my childhood, and it affected me even into adulthood,” she says. “I had to go through a process of forgiving things and talking about it.” Angel established the conference in order
The Baileys’ second wedding took place at a chapel in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, one of their favorite vacation spots.
to use her experiences to help others — and to face her own fears, she says. “You may feel fear, but do it afraid. Even if your hand’s shaking.”
‘We’re not where we were’ Today the Baileys have found a better way
of living, both individually and as a couple. “He’s more caring (now),” Angel says of Craig, still the pastor at New Life. “He’s more aware of what’s going on with me. He cares.” In addition to leading worship at New Life, Angel continues to have input, from Sunday school to children’s church, Craig says. “She’s all up in it.” Every Monday morning, Angel sends an encouraging text message to a hundred people individually, including this writer. It’s just one message that she copies and pastes, but it takes time. “Monday mornings were really hard for me (when I was badly depressed). We’d have good services, and Monday mornings I would find myself crying. (I thought) ‘If I’m going through this, I know other people are,’ ” she recalls. She also posts her weekly messages on Facebook — where, Craig says, she encourages people daily. Meanwhile, Craig is writing a book about “gaining the church and losing your family.” Both he and Angel want others to learn from their experiences. “We still don’t have it all together,” he says. “We’re just not where we were. And we have the assurance from God that He’s in it.” Y
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➺
food for thought by KARA KIMBROUGH
A perfect Valentine’s Day trio elight your loved ones with a sweet treat on Valentine’s Day that will far surpass a box of store-bought chocolates. Few
D
foods speak of love like chocolate, cherries and strawberries — so use one or all three to spread the love. Y
VALENTINE’S DAY CHERRY AND CHOCOLATE SUPREME 1 ¾ ¾ 1 2 2 16
bag (12-ounce) frozen cherries cup sugar cup orange juice tablespoon cornstarch tablespoons water cups vanilla ice cream chocolate sandwich cookies, broken into pieces
In a heavy pan, combine cherries, sugar and orange juice; bring to a simmer over medium heat. In a small bowl, stir together cornstarch and water. Stir the combined ingredients into cherry mixture and simmer 1 to 2 minutes until it thickens. Let cool. To assemble, put a small scoop of ice cream in each of four parfait glasses. Top with a spoonful or two of the cherry mixture and some cookie pieces. Repeat layers to fill up the glass.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM DESSERT BERRY GOOD COOKIE COBBLER 2 bags (12-ounce) frozen mixed berries, thawed (can use only strawberries if you prefer) 1 can (21-ounce) apple pie filling ⅓ cup granulated sugar 1½ teaspoons ground cinnamon 1 package (18-ounce) refrigerated sugar cookie dough Vanilla ice cream for serving
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, combine berries, apple pie filling, sugar and cinnamon. Transfer fruit mixture to an 8x8inch baking dish. Crumble cookie dough over fruit, covering completely with a thick layer. Bake 45 minutes or until crust is golden and crisp and juices come to a robust bubble. Serve warm with ice cream.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
4 ½ 10 1 ⅓ 2 ½ 1
graham cracker sheets cup pecans tablespoons butter cup flour cup brown sugar egg whites cup sugar cup heavy whipping cream Juice from 1 lemon 4 ounces cream cheese, softened 2 cups coarsely chopped strawberries
Preheat oven to 325 degrees and prepare a 9x13-inch glass pan by spraying with cooking spray. Set aside. In a food processor, combine graham crackers and pecans until finely ground. Melt butter and combine with crumbs, flour and brown sugar. Spread mixture in the bottom of a separate parchment-lined pan and cook for 20 minutes, stirring halfway. Remove the crumb mixture and let cool. Using a mixer, beat egg whites and sugar on medium for 3 minutes. Add heavy cream and mix for 6 minutes. Add lemon juice and cream cheese; mix until creamy. Gently fold in chopped strawberries. Press half of the crumb mixture into the bottom of your 9x13-inch pan. Spread strawberries and cream mixture on top and sprinkle the rest of crumb mixture on top. Cover with aluminum foil and freeze at least 3 hours, but best if overnight. Let thaw 10 minutes or more before cutting.
mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2020 27
➺money matters
by CAROLYN MCLEMORE, CRPC®, and KURT VANDE STREEK
habits that will improve your financial health
7 B
e honest — how well are you sticking to your New Year’s resolutions? That’s okay, you are not alone. New Year’s
resolutions almost always fail because we do not create the required space to foster their success, or stick with them long enough to ensure a habit is formed. Earlier this decade, Charles Duhigg released his profound book on routines, titled “The Power of Habit.” His research reveals that habits emerge because our brain constantly looks for ways to save effort and, if left unchecked, will try to make almost any routine into a habit. Duhigg ultimately concludes the same thing Will Durant did in “The Story of Philosophy,” which is that we are what we repeatedly do. You may be thinking, “So what? How does this apply to me and money?” Here’s how: Your lifestyle routines — both conscious and subconscious — have a significant impact on your overall financial health. Let me explain. I (Kurt) really enjoy coffee. And let’s imagine that each day I stopped at the local Starbucks or Cups and purchased my favorite $5 drink. Chalk it up as a guilty pleasure, right? Perhaps, but let’s consider the real cost. Let’s imagine instead that I invested that $5 per day over the course of 35 years and earned an annualized return of 10 percent on it. Any guess what the value would be? Drumroll …
Join us for a special evening of appetizers, music, auction, dinner and inspiration to to support s su sup supp suppo suppor But B God Bu G Ministries Go M Mi Min Mini Minis Minist Ministr Ministri Ministrie Montessori M Mo Mon Mont Monte Montes Montess Montesso Montessor in i the t Mississippi th M Mi Mis Miss Missi Missis Mississ Mississi Mississip Mississipp Delta D De Del Delt a as w we wel well a as M Ma Mal Maln Malnu Malnut Malnutr Malnutri Malnutrit Malnutriti Malnutritio Malnutrition and a an M Medical Me Med Medi Medic Medica needs n ne nee need iin Haiti H Ha Hai Hait Haiti. Your donations feeds both the body and soul of children and literally saves lives.
EVENT DETAILS: May 7, 2020 2 20 Broadmoor Baptist Church “The Venue” Time: 6-8:30pm Visit: www.butgodministries.com/food-for-life to m ma mak make a donation, d do don dona donat donati donatio donation c co con cont contr contri contrib contribu contribut contribute o bid or b on bi o our o auction ou a au auc auct aucti auctio o buy or b tickets bu t ti tic tick ticke ticket f the fo for t event. th e ev eve even event
PR PRESENTE PRESENT PRESEN PRESE PRES PRE PRESENTED BY B BY: PL PLATINU PLATIN PLATI PLAT PLA PLATINUM SPONSORS: S SP SPO SPON SPONS SPONSO SPONSOR SPONSORS
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FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
GO GOL GOLD SPONSORS: S SP SPO SPON SPONS SPONSO SPONSOR SPONSORS
$585,817! I won’t speak for you, but that would be meaningful savings for me and my family. Are we recommending you give up coffee? No! However, we do suggest you consider the real cost of your lifestyle routines and develop those that foster healthy financial habits. Here are seven healthy financial habits to consider:
◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼
Create and track a budget monthly Start funding your emergency savings Develop a plan to eliminate your debt Automate your retirement savings Review your insurance needs annually Establish a comprehensive estate plan Talk with your family about money matters regularly
“Who needs YouTube TV, Hulu, Amazon Prime Video, ESPN+, Apple TV+, Disney+ and Netflix? Are we hitting on a controversial topic in your family? No need to start World War III over it. Simply create a safe environment (to find) budget-friendly solutions.” Let’s look at the first habit together. Do you know what we discovered after reviewing our recurring monthly expenses? We realized we spent money on things we didn’t even use! Take streaming services, for example. They are wonderful, but who really needs YouTube TV, Hulu, Amazon Prime Video, ESPN+, Apple TV+, Disney+ and Netflix? Are we hitting on a controversial topic in your family? No need to start World War III over it. Simply create a safe environment to begin working together to find sensible budget-friendly solutions. There are several easy budgeting calculators and resources available online to get you pointed in the right direction — Bankrate.com comes to mind, for example. Before implementing the suggestions above or any others that may come to mind, consider seeking counsel from an experienced financial professional. Our team at Trustmark Financial Services would be glad to come alongside you in this endeavor and can be reached at 769-209-4684. Y Carolyn McLemore is a financial consultant and first vice president with Trustmark Financial Services. She and her husband, Gary, live in Brandon and are active members of First Baptist Church of Fannin. Kurt Vande Streek is a financial consultant with Trustmark Financial Services. He and his wife, Mary Ellen, live in Jackson with their two children and are active members of Redeemer Church, PCA.
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sittersllc.com mschristianliving.com â?˜ FEBRUARY 2020 29
➺christian commerce by SARAH MCLAUGHLIN
Fit Revival Studio: Family, community, accountability
“G
rowing up, the majority of my memories were either church or sports,” says Laura Jane
Montgomery, and it seems only fitting that she would take those memories and make them into a present reality. After purchasing a Ridgeland studio space in 2015, Laura rebranded it and created Fit Revival Studio — a place where family, community and accountability are just as important as the fitness goals people are working toward. After being in the fitness industry for 10 years, Laura holds the belief that fitness is a way of living: “I want to encourage a lifestyle habit for people to attain, and not just a short-term goal. I want people to say, ‘This is the way we live; this is who we are,’ and not, ‘Let’s fix ourselves for a short season.’ ” Since fitness is a way of living, Laura seeks to bring spiritual and physical health together in her classes. At Fit Revival, faith and spirituality are the foundations for physical health, and the classes encourage everyone to be active while pursuing the abundant life God has blessed them with. 30
FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
For some, going to the gym might seem intimidating, but Fit Revival offers something different. The classes are varied, and everything from personal training to group exercise classes are offered, all in a positive Christian environment. In the group classes, four to eight people work together toward personal fitness goals under the supervision of a trainer. In this dynamic, Laura says, “We keep (the class size where it is) so that it’s exciting and fun and you really get the community feel, but yet it’s small enough so the trainer can modify each exercise personally.” The heart of the studio is meeting every client’s personal needs and goals with Christianity as a guide. Laura and all the trainers at Fit Revival truly seek to make sure everyone is on track. The studio focuses on small, incremental improvements so that clients can take the next, best step toward meeting their fitness goal. “It’s a journey — regardless of what it is,” Laura says, explaining how she encourages people to see that when they succeed
physically, they begin to realize they can succeed in other areas. This belief comes through even in the studio’s name — Revival. Laura hopes that everyone who takes classes at her studio can truly revive and become active again — that people can take care of the body God has blessed them with and serve the Lord by restoring themselves physically. Another beautiful part of the studio is the relationship aspect — so many people develop friendships extending beyond the studio, which adds a layer of community and accountability. As Laura prays with clients, sending them Christian podcast recommendations, recipes, and workout routines, she hopes she can encourage everyone to walk out their faith and meet their personal goals, whatever they may be. Y
Sarah McLaughlin is a junior at Mississippi College, and plans to graduate with a B.A. in English education. She attends Pinehaven Presbyterian Church in Clinton. You’ll often find her reading, listening to vinyl records, and drinking coffee.
Welcome Dr. Farrah Newman EyeCare Professionals is pleased to welcome Dr. Farrah Newman. Dr. Newman is a board certified ophthalmologist specializing in all areas of vision correction, including diseases of the eye and cataract surgery. Dr. Newman also offers medical and cosmetic Botox injections.
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mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2020 31
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32
FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
After my honeymoon, I don’t feel all that great about being married. Is this normal?
M
ost of us seek a deep fulfillment in marriage. I wanted my husband
to be intermingled with me in a wonderful place of mutual support, shared dreams, and a deep bond of tenderness and compassion. The wedding seemed to be the promise of enduring happiness, and most of us reveled in the anticipation of it all. Here is the sadness, though: The wedding, at times, rather than the relationship, represents the high point of the marriage. Once the ceremony is over, couples can begin a slow slide into disappointment and mediocrity. Disenchantment, the “end of the honeymoon,” is common. But the depth of this disenchantment in our time is increasing. There is this belief that, if we find our soulmate, everything wrong with us will be healed. In essence, we are making our lover into God, and no human alive can live up to that. In most modern relationships, people are looking for a spouse who will make their life more interesting and help them attain their goals. Marriage used to be about “us,” but it is now more about “me.” When this happens, there is an unrealistic expectation that can be crushing for a couple entering marriage. Here is an interesting truth: God hasn’t designed marriage to meet our personal needs. Your perfect spouse will not complete you. I remember the euphoria I felt anticipating my wedding and honeymoon, but then my husband and I came home, and the reality of life was mundane. Getting up in the morning, drinking coffee, going to work, coming home, making dinner, trying to visit after dinner, and then going to bed, only to do the same thing the next day. My love for my husband became a bit more difficult. The saying that “love shouldn’t be this hard; it should come more naturally” became true for me. The man I’d married, at times, seemed like a stranger. I was having to make changes in life that I didn’t want to make, and so was he. Duke University professor Stanley Hauer said, “We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it awhile and he or she will change. For marriage, being the enormous thing it is means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is … learning how to love
and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.” Ephesians 5:31-32 says, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a profound mystery…” What is this mystery? Paul goes on to say, “I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Earlier, in verse 25, Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her.” Jesus gave Himself up for us. He became a servant. He gave up His own interests and looked to our needs instead. In his book “The Meaning of Marriage,” Tim Keller says, “So what do you need to make a marriage work? You need to know the secret, the gospel, and how it gives you both the power and the pattern for your marriage. On the one hand, the experience of marriage will unveil the beauty and depths of the gospel to you. It will drive you further into the reliance on it. On the other hand, a greater understanding of the gospel will help you experience deeper and deeper union with each other as the years go on.” Your hopes of an enduring union are not futile; your dreams of an increasing marital bond are not beyond the realm of possibility. Marriage can be rewarding, but it will take work and commitment. The hard times of marriage can drive us to experience more of God. If we allow the gospel to become real to us, it can free us to see our spouse’s sins and flaws, not cover them over. To speak of them, yet still fully love and accept our spouse. There can be deep issues that impact a marriage, even soon after the honeymoon. There are ways to deal with these issues that will sometimes involve difficult work. But if habits of sacrificial love can be established, the “secret” of the gospel can come to life in your marriage. Y
Barbara Martin, LPC, LMFT, is an adjunct professor at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson and the emotional care consultant for Mission to North America, a branch of the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA). She has a private practice in Ridgeland, has been married to Hal for 45 years, and has three sons and five grandchildren.
➺
events calendar BRANDON February 22 Join Pro-Life Mississippi and Voices for the Voiceless for the pre-kickoff prayer service for 40 Days for Life, from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Grace Baptist Church, 1013 MS Hwy 471. Guest speaker: Voices for the Voiceless founder Elvira Craig. Free admission. prolifemississippi.org
JACKSON February 6–12 Visit the Mississippi Coliseum for the Dixie National Rodeo and see champion cowboys from all over the world compete in events like bull riding, calf roping and more. Tickets $25. mdac.ms.gov or 601.961.4000
February 8 Join the Diabetes Foundation of Mississippi for the annual Bacchus Ball fundraiser, featuring live and silent auctions and live music by Dr. Zarr’s Amazing Funk Monster, at the Country Club of Jackson from 6:30-11 p.m. Tickets $125. msdiabetes.org or 601.957.7878
February 21 Join First Baptist Church at 7 p.m. for An Evening with Anne Graham Lotz and The Gettys, featuring a message from Lotz and worship with Keith and Kristyn Getty. Tickets $40 for preferred seating, $25 general admission. firstbaptistjackson.org or 800.965.9324
February 22 Join Central Mississippi Realtors for their second annual Kaleidoscope 5k Colorthon at 9:15 a.m. (check-in and onsite registration from 88:50) at Fondren Church (3327 Old Canton Road). All proceeds benefit St. Dominic’s Cancer Center. Registration $25-$30. Visit raceroster.com to register.
February 13 The seventh annual Art Lover’s Soiree will take place from 5 to 8 p.m. at the Dickie’s Warehouse downtown (736 S. President St.). Artists featured include Blair Hobbs, Lee Barber, Jerrod Partridge, Sadako Lewis, Alison Kelly, sculpture by Robert Crowell and the design team of Mary Sanders Ferriss & Co. 601.291.9115
The beloved musical “Cats” is on tour across
February 8 The Madison Marketplace gift shop (961 Madison Ave.) will host a Valentine’s Day Open House featuring food, petit fours and beverages from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. In addition, author Brooks Eason will sign copies of his book “Fortunate Son” starting at noon, and read excerpts starting at 1 p.m. 769.300.8040
RIDGELAND February 25 Join Friends of Children’s Hospital for their first Mardi Gras 0.5k — A Run for Everyone at The Township at Colony Park, from 5:45–8 p.m. There will be a costume contest, with winners for best dressed adult, child and pet! Tickets $5-$30. friendsofch.org Y
“The Greatest Love Story Ever Told!” February 22 Visit Thalia Mara Hall for the Mississippi Symphony Orchestra’s Bravo IV: Best and Brightest, a piano showcase featuring Beethoven’s 5th piano concerto and Antonin Dvořák 8th symphony, at 7:30 p.m. Doors open at 6:45. Tickets $27. msorchestra.com or 601.960.1565
February 29 The 13th Annual Mississippi Blues Marathon features live music before, during and after the marathon and offers a marathon, half-marathon, 10k and 5k option. Race begins at 7 a.m. at Mississippi Museum of Art. Online registration available. Registration $30190. msbluesmarathon.com
February 29 February 13–14
MADISON
A LAWYER’S TRUE THRILLER ABOUT
February 11–16 The 55th Annual Dixie National Quarter Horse Show will take place at the State Fairgrounds and features the largest breed show in the South! Visit dnqhs.org for a full schedule of events.
includes Dr. Seuss-themed crafts, cooking and activities. Admission included with $10 general museum admission. Free to members. mschildrensmuseum.org or 601.981.5469
FEBRUARY 2020
North America and stops at Thalia Mara Hall at 8 p.m. Tickets $60-125. thaliamarahall.net or 601.960.1537
Everyone is invited to Dr. Seuss’ Silly Birthday Celebration at the Mississippi Children’s Museum from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Celebration
No other set of books, except the Bible, will prepare the reader for an abundant life NOW and for a glorious ETERNITY better than Hallelujah, Love & War and The Sound of Glorious Marriage Music. These books can be reviewed and purchased at amazon.com. Select Books and type in by Joe Ragland.
ATTY JOE RAGLAND, J.D., LL.M., LL.D. Personal Injury Trial Attorney/Workplace Injuries Tel. 601-969-5050 • Info: www.raglandministries.org Click CONTACT to subscribe to Ragland Newsletters mschristianliving.com ❘ FEBRUARY 2020 33
➺quips & quotes ✂
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CUT OUT THE SCRIPTURES AND QUOTES AND PLACE THEM AROUND YOUR HOME FOR DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT!
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Assisting Angels ...............................11
IF OUR LOVE IS ONLY A CHOICE, IT IS NOT YET WHAT IT OUGHT TO BE. ~ John Piper
Let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. ~ 1 JOHN 4:7-8
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Do not give what you would like to be getting. Give what God commands you to give. Husbands, love. Wives, respect. Remember that God commands to your weakness, and God commands what your spouse needs more than anything else in the world.
~ EPHESIANS 5:33
~ Doug Wilson, “On Loving Her, On Respecting Him”
I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.
C Spire Health.....................................3 Castlewoods Place ...........................13 Covenant Caregivers..........................7 Ellison Landscape & Irrigation .........32 EyeCare Professionals ......................31
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
H.E.A.L. Mississippi ..........................12
~ 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7
Only God satisfies the hungry heart. Marriage is but one of the channels He uses to enable us to taste how deeply satisfying His thirst-quenching grace can be. ~ Sinclair B. Ferguson
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. ~ Martin Luther
WHEN I HAVE LEARNT TO LOVE GOD BETTER THAN MY EARTHLY DEAREST, I SHALL LOVE MY EARTHLY DEAREST BETTER THAN I DO NOW.
Fit Revival Studio..............................31
Joe Ragland......................................33 Lifeline Children’s Services...............26 Mascagni Wealth Management.......36 Miskelly Furniture ...............................5 New Hope Baptist Church ...............21 New Hope Christian School.............21 Pine Grove Treatment Center ............9
In sharp contrast with our culture, the Bible teaches that the essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. That means that love is more fundamentally action than emotion. ~ Tim Keller
~ C.S. Lewis
~ 1 PETER 4:8
But God Ministries............................28
Fireplace Chimney Sweep Solutions.........................................32
~ C.S. Lewis
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Berry’s Seafood & Catfish House.....25
IN CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, LOVE IS NOT AN OPTION. IT IS A DUTY. ~R.C. Sproul
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Do not waste time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did.
Belhaven University ............................2
When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world — no matter how imperfect —becomes rich and beautiful, it consists solely of opportunities for love.
Love is that condition in the healing spirit so profound that it allows us to forgive. ~ Maya Angelou
Primos Bake Shop ............................15 Reformed Theological Seminary......23 Ridgeland Place................................13 Sitters, LLC........................................29 Soft European Traditions, LLC .........26 Southern Farm Bureau Life Insurance Company .......................29 St. Dominic’s .....................................35 Stegall Imagery...................................8 Sunnybrook Estates..........................10 Twin Lakes.........................................15
~ Søren Kierkegaard
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FEBRUARY 2020 ❘ Mississippi Christian Living
Two Mississippi Museums......................23
Bobby Griffing Brandon, MS
“God was working through the doctors and nurses, and now my heart is functioning the way it should.” A year into his retirement, Bobby Griffing started experiencing shortness of breath. He came to St. Dominic’s and found his heart needed major repair. Thanks to the amazing care he received at St. Dominic’s Mississippi Heart and Vascular Institute he has fully recovered after
Mississippi Heart and Vascular Institute
undergoing double bypass surgery. Bobby has finished his physical therapy at St. Dominic’s and is back to enjoying his retirement again.
For more information about St. Dominic’s Mississippi Heart and Vascular Institute, call 601-200-8000 or visit www.stdom.com.
MASCAGNI WEALTH MANAGEMENT, INC. IS A REGISTERED INVESTMENT ADVISER REGISTERED WITH THE UNITED STATES SECURITIES AND EXCHANGE COMMISSION.