The Marriage Issue
on laughter, trials, and prayer
● 20 questions for engaged couples
● How the mission field tested my marriage
cover interview with (from left) Felix and Rashida Walker and Peppi and Joel (not pictured) Sims. See page
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Editor Katie Ginn takes a peek at Joe Ellis’ photos from the cover shoot.
PHOTO BY JOE ELLIS
PHOTO BY ANSLEY CLAIRE STRONG
Why I’m memorizing Psalm 25
Sitting at a red light, I pull up the Bible app on my phone and start reading Psalm 25: “Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee.” I say the second part in a sing-song rhythm: O my God, I trust in thee.
Let me tell you why I’m memorizing this scripture.
Wednesday, June 5 marked the 14-year anniversary of me choosing Jesus after about a year of struggling with obsessive questions. The day after marking this 14year milestone, I drove to a writing conference where I pitched a devotional book idea based on my year of struggle.
Back home two days later, I cried on the couch as I told Stephen that I was obsessing yet again. Sometimes, thinking about my “former” problems (even in the context of writing a devotional!) can pull them right back to the surface. Was I really saved? Was salvation really by faith alone? Was repentance part of faith, or vice versa, or did they go together automatically? And why did Jesus make a few statements that sounded like works-based salvation when He knew my brain would fixate on those and forget all the times He said salvation came by faith?
Don’t bother emailing me your biblical answers. See, I hope it’s not this way for you, but I have obsessive compulsive thought patterns sometimes — and when I’m in that mindset, I can’t get out of it by answering my questions. When I try that, my brain either argues or comes up with another question. It never ends.
However, as my Christian counselor once said, the less often you feed a stray, the less often it comes around. So instead of “feeding” my obsessive questions by answering them as they arise, I’ve got to go through the process she presented to me over a decade ago:
1. I acknowledge that I have a question about (insert topic here).
2. I tell myself I’m not going to try to answer it (even if I know the answer).
3. I sit in the tension of whatever I feel about that for a few seconds (anxiety, fear, irritation).
4. I move on and do something else. I hate step 3, but it’s crucial. It trains me to stop “trying to figure stuff out” even when I’m scared to stop. Even when I feel all the feelings.
During step 4, sometimes I physically turn my head to signal a shift in focus. It helps to repeat a Bible verse or a solid biblical truth at that point — not to “meditate” on it or fixate on trying to believe it, but just to say it, out loud if possible.
Here’s the (not) fun part: My obsessive compulsive tendencies, or satan (I don’t give him the dignity of capitalization), or both, cause me to question this whole process sometimes. Is this really God’s will? It came from a counselor, not a pastor, even if she is a Christian. What if she’s wrong? What if I’m wrong?
Crying on my husband’s shoulder that Sunday, I said, “I think I’ve just gotta keep doing what I’ve been doing.” In other words, keep doing the thing that’s helped me trust and obey God for 14 years, instead of feeding into the questions that paralyze my spiritual walk.
But man, what if I’m wrong??
That’s where Psalm 25 comes in. I’m memorizing it because our pastor preached on it a week after I confessed my fretting to Stephen, and I know that psalm was addressed “To Katie, from God.” Here are the first two verses:
“Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.”
In other words, “God, I’m trusting You. Please be trustworthy.” God, I’m trusting You with all these questions I can’t answer. I’m trusting You the same way I was taught to trust You 14 years ago. If I’ve done that wrongly somehow, You’ve got to fix it, because I can’t. Please be trustworthy.
After the sermon, Josh prayed something like, “Lord, I hope this scripture was as timely for others as it was for me.” Prayer answered!
Oh, and the verse I repeat when I complete step 4 and turn away from my questions? It’s 1 John 5:11, shortened and simplified as a prayer: “You have given me eternal life, and this life is in Your Son.”
May we all receive that gift and keep our trust in the Giver. Y
Katie Ginn katie@mschristianliving.com
Full circle moment with MCL founder Marilyn Tinnin at this year’s Southern Christian Writers Conference!
How to protect your marriage so you can be good parents
“Be completely humble and gentle: be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:2-3
In last year’s Marriage Issue, I wrote about the importance of putting your marriage first above parenting. This year let’s discuss several steps to ensure we are doing that.
“Eight steps to a Lifelong Marriage” by
Adam Robichaud
1. Build and maintain a solid foundation in Christ.
2. Spend regular time in prayer as a couple.
3. Speak highly of each other.
4. Enjoy regular time together.
5. Forge an unrelenting commitment to each other.
6. Keep strong boundaries.
7. Humbly serve each other.
8. Own your struggles and get help.
To me, this is an amazing list for couples. As Christians, we are strong in some of these areas but not all. If you are achieving all eight of these consistently, you can probably say your marriage has no problems. Let’s dive deeper. When both have a solid
foundation in Christ, there is usually no question of “when and if” we tithe … attend a small Bible study … go to church … or serve. When there is not a strong foundation, it is a struggle to be on the same page. As a couple, it is important to discuss and create boundaries of what a solid foundation looks like. As a married couple, it is difficult to stay strong in a world that is so against Christian values. Husbands and wives should be in a small group studying the Word, putting church gathering first (no excuses), serving together, and tithing (since it is part of worshiping Him).
attacking our families, so be cautious and protect your marriage.
Another issue I hear about in today’s marriages and even in our churches is that social boundaries are not being set. In my opinion, we should never be alone with the opposite sex. That includes business trips, lunches, dinners, in Sunday school rooms, offices … It’s just not a good idea. I know there are times when it is unavoidable, but we should not make it a habit, especially repeatedly with the same person. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. He is
Praying together is an amazing idea, but I realize that can be difficult if you were not raised in a home with open prayer. I feel it’s a bond that is necessary for a strong trusting relationship. If you would like to start but don’t know how, start small. Dedicate time daily to hold hands, say a silent prayer for one another, and share what you prayed. Another idea could be to choose a scripture to read aloud, then pray silently for one another. It will become easier as you pray, and eventually one of you will want to pray aloud. It doesn’t have to be long and fancy — just pray together. Y
Dr. Teena Welborn is a retired educator and author of “Raising Whosoevers to Be the Heart of Our Schools.” Dr. Welborn and her husband of 37 years, Cliff, live in Florence, Mississippi, where they raised their three boys. They are members of First Baptist Florence. She can be contacted at tlmwelborn13@gmail.com.
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5 ways to support your spouse in their fitness goals
By God’s design, there is no better support system than your spouse. Here are five ways you can support your spouse in their health and fitness goals:
● Communicate your goals to one another, genuinely hearing and respecting them. In this stage it’s more about feeling heard, seen, and valued than about the goal itself. Be gentle and attentive as you share your goals.
● PRAY. Pray for your spouse daily and ask God to give them strength, motivation, and discipline.
● Speak words of affirmation. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Send your spouse a text or make a positive comment when you see their efforts. Words of affirmation from my husband empower me more than anyone else’s. Likewise, wives, support your husbands, as this is God’s calling on our lives.
● Offer accountability. Help your spouse set realistic goals and track their progress, and provide gentle, loving reminders when they need a little push. By doing this, you can help them stay on track and reach their goals with confidence!
● Lead by example. Show them that you value your own health and fitness by making healthy choices. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” When we toil with our spouses, the reward becomes less about the goal itself and more about our bond that strengthens as we toil together.
I recently reached out to a woman I have mentored in her goals,
because her mindset had shifted from dread to motivation and consistency. Where had her new energy come from? She said:
“My husband is finally on board with me!! As a married couple I believe it is very important for your spouse to be on board with a common health and fitness goal. If you are not in sync in that area it can cause friction between you. I know for me each time I have tried and tried to better myself in my nutrition and exercise, without my husband on board and him actively trying as well … I FAILED … With him being on board now and each of us encouraging each other we have been able to stay the course! Whereas when I was doing it alone I was totally burnt out by month 3 because I was so exhausted mentally and physically. Now we are in month 4 and have no end in sight with our goals. Together, we have goals and with the Lord’s help in sustaining us we will continue.” – Ashley Miller
What a beautiful example of toiling together for a common good and God’s glory! So I challenge you: Toil through this with your spouse. Above all, remember to show love and compassion toward each other. Offer grace when your spouse has setbacks, celebrate their victories, and remind them you are there for them. By supporting your spouse in their goals, you are not only strengthening your relationship but honoring God by caring for the temple of the Holy Spirit. Y
Jade Whitehurst is a wife, mom, fitness coach, and eighth-grade science teacher. You can follow her on Instagram @jadewhitehurst_thefaithfitmom.
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How overseas missions tested my marriage
Patsy and Michael Holeyfield served as missionaries in Russia for 23 years — with their four children! — until Russia invaded Ukraine in 2022. Here, Patsy shares her story of how the mission field tested her and Michael’s marriage and why it was worth it.
When did God call you to missions?
In the mid-’90s, a revival in our church, along with the murder of my brother, Keith, caused us to reflect on whether we were truly being obedient in fulfilling God’s plan for us. In years past, I had sensed a call to ministry, but when I had mentioned it to Michael through the first 10 years of marriage, he’d never felt the same way.
I began a prayer journal to pour my heart out to God. How could Michael and I be one in the flesh but not in service? I didn’t understand. After confessing and asking Him for forgiveness for discontentment that Michael didn’t have the same burden, I asked Him to take the burden from me or give it to him. Though I never shared this with Michael or anyone else, two weeks later, God answered those prayers. He spoke and Michael listened in February 1996. He said yes to whatever and wherever God was calling us.
After an appointmentsending service at First Baptist Jackson in December 1997, it became clear God was asking us to serve Him overseas as missionaries. We continued to serve in our church, teaching and Michael preaching, working full time, while doing seminary by extension. Finally, we contacted the International Mission Board in 1998 and were appointed in May 1999 to serve as IMB missionaries in Russia. We celebrated our 14th anniversary the day we sold our house and went for missionary training in July 1999.
How did the mission field challenge your marriage?
First, it was challenging in general. We went from high-functioning, independent adults from Brandon, Mississippi, with about 25,000 people, to Moscow, Russia, a
children and in Russia. Another challenge was that we went from a 2,200-square-foot home to a few footlockers and a 700square-foot apartment.
The Lord taught us so much about our marriage, because it was evident that our family was on the front lines of lostness and Satan’s terrain, which taught us that we are not each other’s enemy, and the battles are the Lord’s. We don’t feel like our marriage would be as strong and dependent on Him had we never been obedient.
“ Almost as soon as we left Mississippi and missionary training in Virginia, the halos and wings were stripped away to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly in our marriage. We felt like we were right back to the early years, learning how to live with one another, except with four children and in Russia.”
mega-city of more than 14 million, and not being able to do the simplest tasks, like buying toilet paper for our family of six.
Almost as soon as we left Mississippi and five weeks’ training in Virginia, the halos and wings were stripped away to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly in our marriage. We felt like we were right back to the early years, learning how to live with one another, except with four
On a personal level, there were things in our hearts like bitterness, jealousy and anger that had not yet been tested. Living overseas was sanctifying for all of us. When everything in our lives was shaken, we found that our identity in Christ is all that remains and all that really matters. We learned how to not look to each other for all unmet needs in our marriage, but to point each other to the One who is our all in all.
It was a lot of adjusting, as we were used
Michael and Patsy Holeyfield in Russia, where they served as missionaries for 23 years.
to me being in charge of children and home — and then all of a sudden he was all up in my business! Sometimes I would just say, “Don’t you have somewhere to go?” Ha!
We just aren’t allowed to quit — not on each other, not on our calling, and not on our kids. We even joked many times after a challenging day, “Did you quit today?” “Nope, I’m good.” “OK, then I quit.” We just couldn’t quit on the same day!
Never once did we ever walk alone! God strengthens and sustains through the hardest of times.
How did you manage parenting?
When God called us to be missionaries, we understood that He was calling our family. Each of the children felt that calling. We were intentional in serving together as a family before going overseas, and we wanted that to be our goal overseas. Our lives on the mission field were not segmented with Dad doing this, Mama that, and the kids something else.
We also had a clear understanding that
our children are our mission field. What good would it do to go overseas to share Jesus with others and neglect the ones He gave us? The time our children are with us is short. We desired that they always say yes to Jesus.
When He called us to missions, our children were 12, 10, 6 and 2. We were already established and unified in our parenting. We did notice differences in the parenting styles of the people we served with and those we were serving among, but we kept our family values the same — not saying they were better or without fault, but we didn’t want to compromise in unhealthy ways just because we moved overseas.
As we look back, we see that at times we were impatient, provoking, and overbearing. When we look at our children today, raising their own children, we are so blessed and proud of them. Everything good we did was Jesus and His Spirit in us, and everything questionable was us in the flesh. We desired that our home be our children’s refuge and safe haven, and we hope they grew up feeling that way.
We also wanted them to see us trusting Him in everything. Living overseas, learning a new language, going from homeschool to mission school to Russian public school put a lot of strain on us as a family. We didn’t always react to these changes positively, and we are sure we missed some signs of stress and culture shock in ourselves and our children.
Parenting isn’t for cowards in any place, but living overseas takes it to another level. There were unexpected illnesses, pains and struggles that we would’ve done anything to avoid; but we trust His sovereignty. We know He is faithful to complete the work He began in each of us. He loves our children more than we do and can be trusted in each of our lives.
How did you prioritize your marriage?
We set times to talk, strict bedtimes so we’d have time at the end of a long day — and don’t go to bed angry. Stay up all night and fight. We read a lot of marriage books. Keep reading the Word together, keep
The Holeyfield family in 1999, the year they answered God’s call to missions in Russia. From left: Michael (holding 2-year-old Caleb), Patsy, Grace (6), Reagan (12), and Bryan (10).
praying together. Marriage and parenting are not about our happiness. It is His design for us to trust, obey and worship and lead others to do the same.
We cannot stress enough the importance of being trustworthy, loyal, committed and pure to one another. We work hard on these traits within our marriage and keep our marriage bed undefiled.
What scriptures were your go-to’s?
Zechariah 4:6, James 1:5, Philippians 1:6, Romans 10:14-15, Hebrews 10:23, 2 Thessalonians 3:3, Romans 15:20, and Ephesians 3:20-21.
What made it worth it?
The ways that living on the mission field stripped, molded and trained us to live servant lives of sacrifice and obedience, causing us to love Him and others more fully, will always be treasured in our hearts. We pray that the seeds planted in the hearts of our children, and the people He gave us over those 23 years, will produce much fruit. Jesus is worthy to be worshiped
in our marriage, in our family, in Russia and in the world. He is worth it!
What would you say to a couple who is experiencing marital challenges?
Get on your knees. Never quit. Keep your fights centered on fighting for your marriage to be God’s best marriage — not fighting against each other, for your rights, or to be right. Whenever you are tempted to say you didn’t sign up for this, remind yourselves that that is a lie. You signed up for whatever challenges the Lord allows, so allow Him to bring about change.
Don’t compare your marriage with others’, but with God’s Word about what marriage is.
Be transparent and accountable with one another. He can do above and beyond what you can hope or imagine. Strive and pray for unity and oneness. Remember you are one in the flesh. Practice grace and forgiveness with one another as Christ does with us.
Keep the marriage bed undefiled. Our intimacy is a gift from God. Fight and guard
against anything or any thought or anyone that comes against that precious gift. Learn or go back to the basics of the “why” of biblical marriage. Your marriage is to glorify God; do small things daily to make that happen. Remember that love is not a feeling but an action. Keep acting in loving ways, whether you feel like it or not, and before you know it, you will feel it — and if not, that’s OK. Put the interests of each other and others first.
Spend time on your knees in prayer for and with each other. Read and study the Word together. Forgive quickly and ask forgiveness quickly. Don’t be bitter, hold grudges, go silent, or withhold any kind of love, respect, or affection out of spite. Y
Patsy and Michael Holeyfield are members of Park Place Baptist Church in Pearl, where Michael serves as the Minister of Missions and Discipleship. Since retiring from the mission field, Patsy cares for her mother and enjoys the loving company of her four children and their beautiful families. Pasty also leads women’s Bible studies at Park Place.
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If you aren’t sure whether you have a relationship with God or where you’ll go when you die, please don’t put this magazine down until you’ve read the following:
✝ THE PROBLEM
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23
For the wages of sin is death … – Romans 6:23a
The natural result and consequence of our sin is eternal death, or hell (Revelation 20:15), separated from God. This is because God is completely perfect and holy (Matthew 5:48), and His justice demands that sin be punished (Proverbs 11:21).
✝ THE SOLUTION
… but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 6:23b
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8
Jesus Christ died in our place on the cross and took on the punishment for all our sins (Isaiah 53:4-6). Then God raised Him from the dead (John 20)!
✝ HOW TO RECEIVE SALVATION
If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. – Romans 10:9
Trust in what Jesus has done for you — His death for your sins and His resurrection — and trust Him as Lord.
✝ IS IT FOR ANYONE?
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. – Romans 10:13
✝ THE RESULTS
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. – Romans 5:1
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39
✝ WHAT TO DO NEXT
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. – Romans 10:17
If you decided to trust in Jesus, grow in your faith by reading more of God’s Word in the Bible. We recommend the gospel of John (it comes just after Luke) as a good starting point — or Romans!
Finding a church close to you that teaches faith in Christ is another important step. It’s crucial to spend time with other believers so we can encourage each other in our faith.
If you have questions about anything on this page, please contact us at 601.896.1432, or send us a message on Facebook @MSChristianLiving, Instagram @mschristianmag or Twitter @MSChristLiving.
2 couples on laughter,
For our Cover Story, Katie interviewed two wise and witty power couples: Felix and Rashida Walker, broker and realtor at W Real Estate, and Joel and Peppi Sims, senior pastors of Word of Life Church. This was one of our most fun interviews ever, and we had to cut a LOT for space!
To hear the full interview, listen to MCL’s “A Closer Walk” podcast by searching for “Mississippi Christian Living” on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
BY
PHOTO
JOE ELLIS PHOTOGRAPHY
trials, and prayer
Katie Ginn: I’d like to hear from each couple, how did you meet your spouse?
Peppi Sims: I was living in Birmingham … and (his mom, who went to my church) set us up on a blind date. He was living in Jackson, so he drove over. It was a train wreck. (laughs) We were certain we would never see each other again. We were on a date with his parents, amazing people, but …
Joel Sims: This was not my idea.
PS: And his sister and her husband … But two days later, we went to Cracker Barrel, just the two of us, and three months later, we were married.
KG: Joel, how did your family wind up on the date?
JS: My mom (suggested) I come up for my brother-in-law’s birthday, we’ll do a little birthday party, and then we’ll all go to the house. So they’re supposed to be my wing-men and women. And my sister the whole time is giving (Peppi) the snake eye because she’s so protective of me. … Then my stepfather was (talking) about the Rapture, the return of Jesus — all the things you would talk about on a first date … (laughs)
(Afterward) they’re like, ‘Are you going to call her back?’ And I’m like, ‘No, I’m not going to call her back!’ And then I start correcting all of them on what they were doing.
The next morning, I woke up, and I was doing a one-year Biblereading plan. … My passages for that day were the story of Isaac
From left: Felix and Rashida Walker and Peppi and Joel Sims.
and Rebekah. I could not find my Bible. All I had was my mom’s. I kid you not, the only thing highlighted on that page was, ‘They called her to see what she would do, and she became his wife.’
JS: I (called and left Peppi) a voicemail and put the ball in her court. By God’s grace, she called back, and when we went out just the two of us, it was obvious we were made for each other. Our personalities just clicked.
Felix Walker: How old were y’all when you got married?
JS: I was 21.
PS: I was 18.
Rashida Walker: Wow.
PS: I always wanted to get married at 18, I’d said it since I was little, because my sister had gotten married at 18, and she was my idol.
RW: That is amazing. Well, our story is a little bit different. (laughs) I was very shy … I knew of Felix when we were 13. (He) was kind of the elite of the school. … So I didn’t pay much attention to him, other than the fact that he was just so popular.
(When we were 16) we were set up on a blind date with his cousin. His cousin was dating my best friend ... And I couldn’t get my look right — I was just so overwhelmed. I remember having the biggest butterflies.
Back in the day, Char (restaurant) used to be Shoney’s. So we went to the buffet (and) I probably ate everything on that buffet. A couple days passed by, and he called me, and this was back in the day when they would call you and say, ‘Will you go with me?’ And I was like, ‘Yes!’
Felix Walker: She saved my life, literally, God bringing her into my life at that time — because I was really, really, really wild … not that I came from a bad home, because I came from a very good, structured home. We sat down and ate dinner on Sundays, and I would invite her over. She really helped me to slow down.
RW: Because I was the oldest of four children, and my mom was a single parent. She was a fantastic mother. I was always a nurturer.
FW: We got married at 21.
He was not a part of our day-to-day marriage.
FW: Learning each other and learning the needs ... (because) my interpretation of loving my wife was providing. If I’m doing that, then you should feel loved. But later I would find out that that’s not necessarily the case.
JS: Like y’all were saying, you’re young and having to figure things out … Six months into marriage, (Peppi’s) pregnant. … How do you budget?
“We had no money, and my mother put together a beautiful wedding,”
RW: We had no money, and my mother put together a beautiful wedding.
KG: So you all got married young. What were y’all least prepared for in marriage?
RW: We had to learn to communicate really well, and just the art of marriage itself. (Also) we had a relationship with God … but
This is a funny story: I had a credit card. I think the monthly limit was $750. So I said, we’ll just put all the bills (and groceries) on this. Then one month I noticed there’s all this stuff in the house, and I go, ‘What’s going on?’ and she’s like, ‘It hasn’t hit the limit yet.’ OK, just keep going … Then I get the bill, and they had raised our credit limit! By a lot of money!
PS: I sobbed when he told me.
KG: Word of Life has four campuses, and W Real Estate is doing really well. What was the biggest challenge for each of you as a couple before you were this ‘successful,’ and what’s your biggest challenge now?
JS: Our biggest challenge before … (So) many young couples are operating at 40 percent because they never get any rest, and they think that’s them. I need to give (Peppi) space to recharge. And (she needs) to see, oh, he’s tired. A lot of young couples would say, he’s angry. … We’ve been married now 19 years. (We’re) better at reading each other.
Now, our biggest challenge is … we have this myth of balance, and this myth that in all these things (marriage, family, work), I’ll be perfect every time. As I get older, I see that that’s not true. I have to sit down with the Holy Spirit and say, this week, what am I not going to give myself to? (If) one of my kids needs more of me this week .… I’ll make it up (to the other kids) next week.
RW: We’re just going to let them talk and just get ministered to while we’re here. (laughs) Probably 15 or so years ago … we were going to divorce. (Our) pastor was out of town with convention, and my (uncle’s) pastor agreed to meet with us immediately ... We met with him once a week for probably eight weeks. We discovered so much in that.
(Then) at the very minute that our marriage was getting back on track and God was restoring the marriage …. we were in real estate, and the market crashed. This was in 2008 or 2009. We went through a severe, when I say wilderness period, for seven full years — where you lived solely by the grace that God gave you every single day. … He got our attention so vividly, we surrendered to His will.
Joel and Peppi wed just three months after a hilariously bad first date.
Rashida recalls.
Today, we operate so different … The challenges we have today are just normal challenges. Making time for each other. (God taught us) to prioritize each other. We had never been taught that it’s God, (then) us, (then) children, then everything else.
FW: And it took (marital and financial struggles) to get us here. Because just one thing happening, that wouldn’t have been enough. We were raised in the church and would run to the church when something bad happened, throw $500 at the Lord
and say, ‘There You go!’ We didn’t understand the relationship Now, it’s a relationship I insist on not ever losing.
KG: What’s it like working together as spouses?
PS: I (was) a stay-at-home mom our whole marriage until three years ago. We had a need on our staff (for his) assistant. That’s an area that you really want someone safe.
Our personalities actually meet up very well. He’s (very) strong, opinionated, (and) I actually love to kind of be behind the scenes.
Back, from left: Joel, Peppi, and Boston Sims. Front, from left: Reece and Ben Sims.
From left: Jaeda, Jessica (holding Havyn), Kalani Grace, Brooklyn, Felix and Rashida Walker, and grandson Legend in front.
“ (Our first date) was a train wreck. (laughs) We were certain we would never see each other again. We were on a date with his parents (and) his sister and her husband … But two days later, we went to Cracker Barrel, just the two of us, and three months later, we were married.”
– Peppi Sims
We were actually good until, there was this one night I had made a mistake, and he talked to me as a boss, which was so fair.
JS: We were meeting a missionary (for dinner). I said, I’ll get Pep to contact your wife … So they picked Aplos. Well, (Peppi) meant the one that just opened here in Ridgeland, (and they went to) the other one. … I said, ‘Maybe when we tell them the restaurant, if there are two, we really clarify which one.’ And she’s like, ‘You don’t think I thought of that?’
PS: I took that too personally. That night, he was like, I will never let the work, the ministry, come between us. So by the next day, we had rearranged some things so that —
JS: You are no longer my assistant. (laughs)
(But) now we do work together. (When) I’m preaching, I can’t see what’s going on in other areas and departments, but she can. And she sees it through the lens that I would see it with, and she can come back and speak to those things. And ministering to the ladies, she’s got a gift for it.
FW: (Working together) works for us because we have the same goal. So if she’s working a deal and it’s 9 o’clock at night, you get a little (concerned), but then you’re like, well, OK, it’s fine. But you’ve got to feel each other out with that. (But working together) works because we have the same goal, and we have the same drive.
RW: If you’re unequal in that (drive), someone might get resentful, because ‘You’re doing so much more than me.’ (But) we always try to operate out of oneness. I tell people all the time, it’s hard to be mad at each other if you start the day off in prayer together.
But you also have to have boundaries. I’ve always been a workhorse. (Felix) used to say, ‘Rashida is like an old lawnmower. If you get her crunk, she’ll cut grass all day.’ (laughs)
FW: Might take her awhile to get crunk — but once she gets going …
RW: (And) years ago, if he (worked late), that was our normal course. But when (our youngest daughter) Brooklyn went off to school and I found myself by myself (if he worked late and I didn’t) … we had to sit down and go, OK, here’s some boundaries for our business.
And he gets up very early in the morning. He’s got 15 questions ready (when I get up). And he’ll say, ‘Honey, is it time for me to ask a few questions?’ (laughs) Sometimes I’ll say no, and he respects that, and he’ll call back later.
But one thing that I think makes us successful in business is, we don’t take ourselves seriously. (Even) on our way here today, (Felix) said, ‘That hair on your head is going to be 15 times this size by the time they take that picture. You need your umbrella.’
KG: What’s the biggest way God has grown each of you individually through marriage?
PS: How to forgive and live a life of love. It’s through the way (Joel has) treated me and how well it works. Early on … each of us would handle disagreement or confrontation differently. He’s
(Interview continues on
“ He gets up very early in the morning. He’s got 15 questions ready (when I get up). And he’ll say, ‘Honey, is it time for me to ask a few questions?’ (laughs) Sometimes I’ll say no, and he respects that, and he’ll call me later.”
– Rashida Walker
one of those people who wants to talk through it right that second. (But) I want to come to a place of peace in my mind (first). So we actually learned how to have the conversation right now …. with respect and love.
JS: For me — my father died when I was 17. (Then) I started preaching at 18, and pastoring at 19. And my life just became serious. … When we got married, I didn’t own a pair of shorts or blue jeans (because) I never wanted to walk into a grocery store and have anyone be ashamed to introduce me as their pastor.
Peppi has this magnetic joy and life and energy. So she would make fun of my clothes, remind me I was 21, we went and bought blue jeans — she showed me how to laugh.
We had family movie night every Friday night. (It) was always cartoons. So at the end of every one of these cartoons, there’s music (over) the credits … (and Peppi) would always make every member of the family get up and dance. I am every bit as white as I look. (raucous laughter all around) Watching her laugh at me, and watching my kids laugh at me, made me learn to laugh at myself.
RW: I agree with Peppi … I have learned the true meaning of forgiveness. … I was raised in a single-parent house, so going into marriage, I put a lot of that baggage (from my absent father) on Felix that he didn’t deserve. (That) was something I had to deal with.
I was always seeking love and validation from my father that I never got. (But) before he died, I had forgiven him truly. (When) I forgave my dad, it’s as if (God) pulled us out of the wilderness. Like He was waiting for me to take that step.
FW: For me, it would be my marriage to Him — being in relationship with Christ. That allows me to love her, to forgive her when she’s acting out. (laughter all around)
By being in relationship with God, I’ve gotten so many good attributes, like patience. (And) the Holy Spirit allows me to listen and know, OK, she’s going through something.
KG: Biggest piece of advice for newlyweds?
FW: If both parties are seeking Him, you’ll meet there. If you don’t have an individual relationship with Christ, it’s going to be hard.
Ten years in, we were going to file for divorce. … I would say, ‘God, can I trust her?’ and God would say, ‘You need to trust Me.’ (Now) we’re 27 years in.
RW: Don’t go to bed mad … Division in a marriage gives the enemy an opening to destroy your territory. (Sometimes) you’ve just got to call a truce. Maybe you’re still mad, but you say, I’m going to pray about this … Then you wake up the next morning and fight for your marriage.
PS: Close the gaps in your marriage. Unforgiveness, having two different visions for the future … Be a gap closer. (And) learn how the other one wants to be loved. I know the love languages are overcommunicated, but I don’t think they’re overdone.
JS: Pray with each other. You get a heart for Who you pray to, and you get a heart for who you pray with. If you’re not praying for your spouse, you’ll never get a heart for them. Y
BY JOE ELLIS
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Pastor Joel’s 20 questions for ENGAGED COUPLES
The following are questions that Pastor Joel Sims (featured in this month’s Cover Story) shares with engaged couples, for them to ask each other before marriage (not necessarily in front of him). Feel free to tear out this page and hand it to an engaged couple you know!
In Joel’s words: “Hear me: You are in love. That’s AWESOME. But take the time to prepare. Problems worked on NOW will be so much more helpful than dealing with them LATER.”
◼ What chores do you expect the other to do around the house?
◼ Who does the laundry?
◼ What are your expectations for how clean the spouse will keep the house?
◼ What will your budget be?
◼ How much money do you need for your emergency fund?
◼ Complete this sentence: What scares me about our relationship is __________.
◼ Complete this sentence: I feel most loved when you _______________.
◼ Do you feel safe sharing your feelings with me?
◼ Whose career would take precedence if it became necessary to pick?
◼ Are you committed to counseling if a problem arises?
◼ Are there any major secrets you need to share with me before marriage?
◼ What do our next five years look like?
◼ When exactly do you think we will start a family?
◼ What are your financial goals, and how will you achieve them?
◼ Why did your past relationships end? Not just a quick answer. Seriously… why?
◼ What role will sex play in our marriage?
◼ What does romance look like to you?
◼ Who will make the biggest decisions in the marriage?
◼ What will holidays look like?
◼ What are your deal-breakers? i.e., if this happens, it would bring out the worst in me. Y
PHOTO
JOE ELLIS PHOTOGRAPHY
Joel (right) and Peppi Sims at our Cover Story interview (see page 16).
TEACHING
Wedding vendors’ advice for your big day
We asked Mississippi wedding vendors, “What’s the biggest piece of advice you would offer your clients?” Their answers provide lots of helpful hints that will make the big day go more smoothly — and even some good advice for the marriage itself.
The Chapel at Livingston
Since opening the Chapel at Livingston as a wedding venue in 2017, we have had many brides seeking advice. Given the fact that the venue is typically the first stop on bookings for weddings, I am often asked this question: “What do I do next?”
I would say my biggest piece of advice has consistently been to find a coordinator for the wedding day. Having a wedding planner is ideal, but even just hiring a day-of
coordinator is key. I have watched so many weddings where the mother of the bride or an aunt or friend is frantically running around trying to direct all the moving parts of the wedding day, and it ends in an exhausted person who missed the joy of the day. Brides and their loved ones should not have to miss out on the sweet moments that happen throughout the day. Hiring a coordinator is my best piece of advice to help ensure that the day runs smoothly and that the bride, her
friends and her family get to experience it all! Throughout our years as a venue, we have formed relationships with many wonderful wedding coordinators. They bring a sense of peace to the whole experience.
The other greatest piece of advice we might add is to “just go with it” as unforeseen things happen. The main goal is to marry the person with whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your days. One of my fondest memories of this being put into
A couple kisses at The Mill at MSU.
play happened when, on a stormy wedding day, a bride’s mother sweetly took a jar and captured rain water in it. She then told everyone that this water would one day be used to christen the bride and groom’s children. She turned the bad into the beautiful and focused on the true reason for the wedding … love!
Cypress Point Resort
Embarking on the journey of choosing the perfect wedding venue can feel overwhelming, but our advice is to start the venue search early and ask yourself a couple of key questions. This gives you a better chance of finding a place that meets your needs and is available on your desired dates. Good communication that conveys information clearly and efficiently between the venue and the client is imperative. Here are a couple of key questions to consider. What is your wedding theme? Ensure that the venue aligns with your chosen theme. Nestled amidst lush greenery and a beautiful lake, Cypress Point Resort offers a captivating backdrop for your wedding. Boasting elegant architecture and stunning
A wedding ceremony at the Chapel at Livingston.
A couple steals a kiss at Cypress Point Resort.
landscapes, our resort exudes a sense of timeless charm and sophistication.
How many guests will be attending the wedding? Avoid choosing a venue that is too large for a smaller guest list, as it may feel empty, and likewise, avoid overcrowding by exceeding the venue’s capacity. Having an estimate of your guest count helps with table arrangements and optimizing available space. At Cypress Point Resort, our versatile event spaces accommodate any size wedding, ensuring your vision comes to life. From intimate ceremonies to grand celebrations, we can meet your needs.
What does the surrounding area have to offer? Think about the venue’s location overall. Having airports and accommodations nearby is important for out-of-town guests. Cypress Point Resort has just opened beautiful new accommodations for guests and the wedding party to enjoy a wonderful stay onsite. Our main cabin and individual guest rooms feature new and comfortable luxury amenities.
Do you need additional amenities? Factors such as catering options, parking availability, event coordination, and whether they provide tables, chairs, and linens all need to be communicated between the couple and the venue. Let our catering and design professionals help create a uniquely memorable experience by handling everything from hors d’oeuvres and meal to cakes and party favors.
Can you come for a viewing of the venue and amenities? Yes! Our impeccable services, breathtaking views, and attention to detail make Cypress Point Resort the place to say “I do” and begin your happily ever after. Be sure to take photos at the viewing!
What have other couples experienced at this wedding venue? By reading online reviews and talking to other couples who’ve utilized the venue, you might find information about aspects of the venue you hadn’t even thought to consider. Visit the venue’s website and Facebook page, and read magazines where they advertise. You will get a better insight into their reputation and professionalism. Readers in the 2024 Hometown Rankin Magazine Red Carpet Best of the Best named Cypress Point Resort their Best Event Venue.
Strong communication between the couple about to get married and the venue
is the key to success. The only wrong question is the one not asked. Trust your instincts and select a venue where you can envision celebrating your special day with joy and happiness. Cypress Point Resort is located in the picturesque city of Brandon, Mississippi, providing the perfect setting for your special day. We would be honored to help your dreams become reality.
Contact Cypress Point at 601-829-1101, ext. 4, or visit CypressPointMS.com.
Elle James Bridal
Elle James Bridal knows that with anticipation and excitement come stress. Our suggestion is to eliminate the stress of finding the perfect wedding dress by booking an appointment with us – early. We recommend you begin looking for your wedding dress a minimum of eight months before your wedding to allow plenty of time for alterations.
Before you come in for your appointment, you will chat with one of our bridal stylists about your wedding day vision. This allows us to pull dresses just for you that fit your style, body type, and budget. Once we get to meet you, you and your loved ones will have an appointment room and dressing room all to yourselves. Your personal bridal stylist will begin pulling dresses, and then the magic begins!
To make your wedding day look unique to you, your stylist will help you accessorize everything from a veil and jewelry to a sash, garter, and shoes. We invite you to bring any heirloom items to your appointment if you think you would like to wear them at your wedding.
Our intimate space is by appointment only because we intentionally have only two dressing rooms. We want all eyes to be on you while keeping the atmosphere comfortable and relaxing. Often, once a bride is headed out the door, we hear, “Well that was easy!” And every time, we smile from ear to ear, because that is why we created Elle James Bridal. Our stylists pour their heart and soul into each bride so your experience will be stress-free and filled with love.
Gina Diamond’s Flower Co.
At Gina Diamond’s Flower Co., we love working with couples as well as their family and friends, whether it be helping them with their bridal registry, small weddings, showers, engagement parties, rehearsal
dinners or receptions. Our biggest piece of advice in planning a wedding would be to research the professionals you will be working with, whether it be a florist, a caterer, a photographer or a bakery. Often we see people nervous about ordering flowers, and we believe all professionals want to put you at ease.
In conducting research, there are several things to look for, including reviewing their website, reading their reviews, following them on social media, and getting an idea of the type of work they do. In addition, you can schedule a meeting and order something small to see how the order is carried to fruition. If you are inspired by their work, they have great reviews, and they are easy to work with, they could be a great fit. If you are unsure about any of the above, it may be time for you to move on.
Elle James Bridal is located in Olde Towne Ridgeland.
Confidence in the professionals you hire will give you peace of mind and allow you to relax and enjoy the process. If you have chosen the right professional, it is their job to make your dreams come true.
Being prepared to meet with the professional can help greatly. Ideally, by the time you begin scheduling meetings, you will have an idea of the size of your wedding, a color scheme, and some examples of things you like. All of this will be a great starting point. Allow the professionals to guide you. It is important to remember that they work in their industry each day and their guidance is an invaluable tool for you.
Your wedding day should be one of the most wonderful days of your life. By this day, all of your planning will be complete, and this will be the magical time that your wedding turns into your marriage. While we at Gina Diamond’s Flower Co. do not profess to be experts in marriage, collectively, we have hundreds of years of marital success. Upon asking some of our team members the best advice they would give a couple getting married, we received a mixture of serious as well as comical quips,
including: Keep God first, always be humble and kind, apologize and compromise, never go to bed angry, have separate TVs, nobody
is perfect, pray together, have separate bathrooms, and finally, respect and communicate with each other.
Gina Diamond’s Flower Co. specializes in flowers and gifts.
Honeysuckle Hollow Events by Design
Honeysuckle Hollow Events by Design is a wedding planning company based in Brandon. Boasting years of experience, this team of skilled professionals will ensure every aspect of your big day is perfect, down to the last detail. They’ll relieve your stress and make your planning process as easy, laidback and enjoyable as possible.
One of the biggest pieces of advice this team likes to offer is the structured focus on budgeting details. Budgeting plays the largest role in your wedding planning. Hiring a planner or coordinator who can assist with budgeting and decision-making will keep your wedding on track. These professionals know all the ins and outs of the process of providing guidance without sacrificing the integrity of your wedding. There is much more to budgeting than numbers on a spreadsheet.
To find out more about their services, contact Honeysuckle Hollow today!
The Mill at MSU
Book your venue ASAP. Saying yes to your fiancé is the first task in this season of life. After enjoying the excitement of your engagement, one of the biggest decisions you will make is saying “yes” to your wedding venue. Your choice of location can determine so many factors, including your wedding date, dress, budget, and size of your guest list.
Choosing the right venue can set the tone for your special day. Once a wedding location is selected, you can narrow your task list and eliminate the stress of many decisions based on the venue. By setting the stage for your wedding, you can start planning one of
the most significant days of your life. At The Mill at MSU in Starkville, we offer multiple event spaces to meet your needs. The historic 90,000-square-foot building can accommodate anywhere from 10 to 1,000 people. Our dedicated event staff is here to help plan and organize everything, from ceremonies to showers and wedding receptions. Call us today and allow us to coordinate your special events. Let us remove the stress of planning from your to-do list so you can focus on making this one of the most enjoyable events you will ever attend!
More info: Themillatmsu.com| 662.325.0355 Y
Free conference for single moms
Betty Hodge, a director at the Center for Pregnancy Choices Metro Area, has for years felt a burden to provide more support for local single mothers. When she started noticing the lack of support, she started a single moms’ ministry at The Pointe Church of Brandon.
“I see that single mothers need a place, a group, and support from local churches,” Betty said. Knowing the desperate need for a community for single mothers, Betty had a vision for a single moms’ conference where women would receive free meals, childcare, and free admission to the two-day conference. With the support of her family, friends and church, Betty hosted the first She is Chosen, Too! conference in 2021. On July 19 and 20 of this year, she will be hosting the fourth annual conference at The Pointe.
She is Chosen, Too! has provided women from all over Mississippi and surrounding states with a place of community and connection to God. Part of the beautiful work that God does through this ministry is uniting women who may not share similar backgrounds or lifestyles. The women who attend come from different regions and all walks of life. While most participants are from the Jackson metro area, single mothers drive from as far as Louisiana and north Mississippi to be part of this life-changing event. Attendees even include women from trustee and recovery programs. Regardless of who they are, all of these women come to support one another and grow closer to God.
This year’s conference will delve into the theme of Belonging. Betty, along with keynote speaker Jennifer Maggio, leader of The Life of a Single Mom, will share powerful messages on identity in Christ. One of the reasons Betty chose this message is to encourage women to get fully connected to a local church where they can cultivate their relationship with God and other believers.
As part of Betty’s mission to get women involved in church, she is also helping churches prepare to take single moms into their congregation. Many churches do not provide groups specifically targeted to single mothers, so she is providing a training for pastors and leaders where Jennifer Maggio will teach the importance of this type of ministry. With the increasing number of fatherless kids in America, it is vital for churches to be equipped to minister to single moms and their families. The free training is on July 20 at 8:30 a.m. and includes breakfast. The registration information is provided below.
Betty’s team hopes to host 200 women at this year’s conference and can only do this through financial sponsorships, gift donations for prizes, and volunteers. If you would like to join her efforts for She is Chosen, Too!, contact Betty at Betty@cpcmetro.org. Y
Registration for the conference can be found at The Pointe Church Life Groups at thepointebrandon.com. Registration for the single mothers’ ministry training can be found at https://allevents.in/brandon/200026451720401?ref=sharer.
Courtney Buzek is community relations coordinator for the CPC Metro Area. She lives in Star, Mississippi with her husband, Jonathan, and their two kids, and has been a faithful member of Restoration Church in Florence for more than 20 years.
WellsFest celebrates 40 years
WellsFest, one of Mississippi’s most family-friendly events, offers something for everyone this year.
Organized by Wells United Methodist Church in Jackson, WellsFest is one of Jackson’s premier outdoor music and children’s festivals, providing a day of music, food, games, arts and crafts, a pet parade, and a silent auction. WellsFest is an alcohol- and drugfree festival with free admission and free parking.
This year’s WellsFest will be held on Saturday, September 28, at Jamie Fowler Boyll Park on Lakeland Drive.
“Wells Church’s motto is ‘Loving, Caring, and Sharing,” said the Rev. Susannah Grubbs Carr, Wells’ pastor. “That’s the gift of love from WellsFest and its volunteers to the community. We invite you to come enjoy good music, good food, and family fun at what is considered Jackson’s original music festival.”
This is the 40th anniversary for WellsFest, which has grown from a small park gathering to a major community festival with hundreds of volunteers that supports nonprofits. All net proceeds are given to a beneficiary that is selected each year.
Funds raised at this year’s WellsFest will go to support a new nonprofit, WellsFest CARES, an emergency fund with the Community Foundation of Mississippi for musicians who need assistance with medical or other life issues.
“WellsFest will be helping many of the local musicians who have made WellsFest possible over four decades by donating and sharing their talents at the festival,” said Rev. Carr.
Over the years, WellsFest has raised more than $1.5 million for local nonprofits.
For more information, call 601-353-0658 or visit wellsfest.org. Y
Christian Leaders of the Year
Is there a godly person in your life who leads by example? A coworker, mentor or friend? They could be honored in Mississippi Christian Living as part of our Christian Leaders of the Year!
Our Christian Leaders of the Year story will highlight Christ followers in Mississippi who have exemplified the character and servant leadership of Jesus in their lives. Judges will score candidates based on nominations received, and the top-scoring candidates will be featured in the December issue of Mississippi Christian Living
Scan the code, visit bit.ly/CLY2024, or email katie@mschristianliving.com to nominate a Christian Leader of the Year Nominations are due Wednesday, July 31, 2024
Vasti Jackson (center) interacts with fans at a recent WellsFest.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
~ GENESIS 2:24, ESV
“He
who finds a
wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”
~ PROVERBS 18:22, ESV
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
~ HEBREWS 13:4, ESV
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
~ MATTHEW 19:6, NIV
“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is begotten of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.”
~1 JOHN 4:7-8, ASV
“… with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
~ EPHESIANS 4:2-3, KJV
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
~ GENESIS 2:18, KJV
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
~ 1 PETER 3:7, NIV
“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.”
~ EPHESIANS 5:22-24, NLT
“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.”
~ EPHESIANS 5:25-26, NLT
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
~ 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7, NLT
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-toback and conquer.”
~ ECCLESIASTES 4:9-12A, NLT
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