June 2012 Metro Christian Living

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JUNE 2012

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Things Fathers Need to Give Their Children Investing in Uncertain Economic Times

SIMPLE SUMMER RECIPES

The Story of ARF

(Animal Foundation of MS)

2 JUNE 2012 â?˜ Metro Christian Living

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contents JUNE 2012

metro ®

columns 10 The Way I See It Becoming a Man

12 HomeWorks Simple Summer Recipes

14 Modern Motherhood Father Knows Best

18 Our Daily Bread The Story of the Prodigal Father

20 Salt & Light Animal Rescue Foundation of Mississippi

22 Family Focus Your Dad’s Legacy

38 Outside In Off the Field Issues

39 Let’s Talk it Over The Gift of the Father’s Presence

features

24

41 Legal Advice My Children’s Names are On Everything. That’s Okay, Isn’t It?

Vince Gordon The Heart of a Father

42 Let’s Get Real 4 things Fathers Need to Give Their Children

departments 16 Money Matters Investing in Tough Economic Times

20

10

29 A View From You Comments from our website

30 Food For Thought Celebrate Dad

38

32 The Doctor is In Dentist – Catherine Sledge

34 Fresh Finds Gifts For You and Dad!

36 Welcome Home Ye Olde Lamp Design and Shades, Ltd. Creates Lamplight and Happy Spaces

40 Healthy Living

42

Making a Commitment to Wellness

44 Rave Reviews Books, movies and music

What’s Coming Next Month? 10 Year Anniversary Editon

4 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

in every issue 6 45 46 46

Editor’s Letter Event Calendar Quips & Quotes Ad Directory

Volume 6, Number 12 Publisher: MHS Publications, Inc., Member, M.I.P.A. Editor: Marilyn Tinnin marilyn@metrochristianliving.com Administrative Assistant: Carol Rodgers carol@metrochristianliving.com Art Direction/Graphic Design Sandra K. Goff Graphic Production Assistant Kate Thomas Sales Marilyn Tinnin and Kimberly Stephens Contributing Writers: Lydia Bolen, Dr. Charles Boudreaux, Mike and Susan Boyett, Rochelle Culp, Shawn Dean, Sara Claire Green, Barbara Hamilton, Cathy Haynie, William Howell, Read Meadows, Robin O’Bryant, Janie Pillow, Susan E. Richardson, Catherine Sledge, Martin E, Willoughby Cover Photo Deryll Stegall Distribution Assistants: Laura Blackledge, Randy Fortenberry, Carol Rodgers, Andrea Sabillion, Rachel Schulte, Jerri Strickland, Priscilla Sullivan, Tim Waldon, Bob Whatley

Metro Christian Living is committed to encouraging individuals in their daily lives by presenting the faith stories of others and by providing information that will point every person, at every stage of life, to a deeper, authentic, personal, and life changing encounter with Jesus Christ. Views expressed in Metro Christian Living do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. Every effort has been made by the Metro Christian Living staff to insure accuracy of the publication contents. However, we do not guarantee the accuracy of all information nor the absence of errors and omissions; hence, no responsibility can be or is assumed. All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2008 by Metro Christian Living, Inc. Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of International Bible Society.

Metro Christian Living is published monthly and is available at high traffic locations throughout the metropolitan area. Copies are also available by subscription, $29 for one year. Single issues available for $3 an issue. POSTMASTER: Send change of address to Metro Christian Living, 573 Highway 51 North, Suite C, Ridgeland, MS 39157, phone number 601-790-9076.

M I P A Mississippi Independent Publishers' Alliance

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©2011 Boston Scientific Corporation or its affiliates. All rights reserved. Printed in U.S.A.

➺editor’s letter

Defining DAD ’ve been clipping articles on fathers for months from growth and God’s grace to draw him into the precious relationship that numerous publications I regularly read. That would include is the birth right of every believer. everything from our local Clarion Ledger to the Wall Street Our contributing writers have presented several sides of fathers in Journal, World magazine, Newsweek and more. I’ve noticed we this month’s issue. Most fathers don’t sit down with a manual and say to have a real father crisis in our country these days. Our own state ranks their offspring, “This is lesson one. I’m going to teach you how to have number one in the nation when it comes to fatherless children. integrity.” Nevertheless, a father teaches every time he interacts with Statistics as predictors for the future quality of life for fatherless anyone because children are always watching and learning even the children paint a grim picture. As far back as the mid 1990’s studies by a lessons a father does not mean to teach! Martin Willoughby’s wide range of sociologists and intentional blueprint to guide pollsters concur. Virtually all his young son to manhood will major social pathologies have resonate with every father been linked to fatherlessness: figure who reads “The Way I violent crime, drug and alcohol See It.” A few of our readers abuse, truancy, teen pregnancy, have given their own tributes to suicide—all correlate more their fathers in our “Family strongly to fatherlessness than to Focus,” and Robin O’Bryant in any other single factor. The “Modern Motherhood” shares a majority of prisoners, juvenile memory of her dad and a detention inmates, high school teachable moment that was dropouts, pregnant teenagers, both practical and profound. adolescent murderers, and rapists Her dad sounds a whole lot like all come from fatherless homes. my own Dubb Hemphill. A recent Wall Street Journal Missionary Mike Boyett, in article entitled, “Are Dads the “Our Daily Bread” tells a true New Moms?” reported that there tale of reconciliation and is a growing trend in our ever forgiveness between an “evolving” rejection of traditional estranged father and son in marriage for men to want to Uganda. The setting may be on complete their education and find the other side of the world, but a stable job before they commit the dynamics of a dysfunctional A righteous man walks in his integrity – to marriage, but not necessarily relationship and the healing How blessed are his children after him. before they “commit” to power of Jesus Christ make this fatherhood. Say what? story a most inspiring and – Proverbs 20:7 There is no question that this comforting read. is not a simple political issue. Our “Salt and Light” column Fatherlessness is a symptom of a culture that seems to have lost its way. is for all animal lovers this month. It had to be a “God thing” that I had We need something bigger and a lot more effective than a a scheduled interview with Pippa Jackson of the Animal Rescue government program. We need a healing of supernatural proportions. Foundation of Mississippi one day after I had to unexpectedly put my The parable of the vine and the branches has never appeared to be beloved Daisy Dog to sleep. I can’t say I was in great shape that day more relevant. “I am the vine; you are the branches…for apart from me although I was probably more tuned in than ever to the plight of a you can do nothing.” (John 15:5). The powers that be, by sheer blunder, suffering animal. What ARF is doing on behalf of helpless neglected or illustrate the wisdom in those words every day in a million ways. If abused animals is every bit God’s work. Take a look at the “before” and “progress” is defined as “steady movement toward improvement,” then “after” photos of some of their rescues. What beautiful pictures of the it seems to me we are going in the opposite direction. word, “redemption.” I can definitely wrap my mind around the When Vince Gordon and I sat down to talk, he said that after he concept. gave his life to Christ and began this new relationship with God, he Recipes, Rave Reviews, Quips and Quotes – they are all here and could understand all the names of God except one - Father. Master, guarantee that you will enjoy our June issue as much as we have Creator God, Lord., Savior…those roles he could embrace. But he had enjoyed putting it together for you. no frame of reference for what a good father was like. It took time and Happy Father’s Day! Y

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6 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

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Marilyn H. Tinnin, Publisher and Editor marilyn@metrochristianliving.com

*!3 /$ % ,) !*0

-- 2089 Lakeland Dr., Jackson, Mississippi

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Picture Yourself in Clinton Evening Firefly Market

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Cruisin' Clinton Bike Ride &

Family Fireworks Extravaganza Traceway Park Wednesday, July 4th Celebrate Independence Day in Clinton with us beginning with a bike ride at Traceway Park from 7 a.m. until closing. Starting at 5:30 p.m., we'll provide lots of outdoor games and activities, picnic food, live music, fireworks display, and fun for the whole family! For more information, visit

www.clintonms.org 8 JUNE 2012 â?˜ Metro Christian Living

Things are Always Clicking in Clinton!

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➺the way i see it by MARTIN E. WILLOUGHBY, JR.

Becoming a MAN It seems we have a problem in our society today with “delayed manhood.” This phenomenon was depicted in the 2006 film Failure to Launch in which a 35 year old bachelor played by Matthew McConaughey is content to live with his parents and hang out with his buddies. I learned from a colleague who teaches young married couples that this problem of delayed manhood is also a big issue even for married men. They think they are still in their fraternity days and regularly are on the town with their friends or spending all of their time on video games. Proverbs 29:18 tells us that, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Just because you can grow a beard does not mean that you have become a man. Young men need guidance and vision of what it is to truly be a Godly man. In 1990, Bill McCartney, then the football coach for the University of Colorado, and Dave Wardell were inspired to begin an organization called Promise Keepers. During the 1990’s, Promise Keepers filled stadiums with tens of thousands of men who prayed together, worshiped together, and encouraged one another to be strong men of faith. I remember the powerful influence Promise Keepers and similar organizations like Patrick Morley’s Man in the Mirror had on me as a young man. Speakers like Steve Farrar challenged me to be a Godly husband and father and to create a spiritual legacy for my children. They provided vision for what it looks like to be a man of Christ. Even before I had children, I was inspired by Robert Lewis’ Raising a Modern Day Knight. Lewis did a great job of teaching how to develop a young boy into becoming a real man. My good friend Jay Harvill who lives in Memphis takes his role of raising a Godly man seriously. I recently had an incredible opportunity to spend a weekend with him and six other men to celebrate his son Kenton’s 10 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

13th birthday. Jay used this milestone birthday to speak into his son’s life and to cast a vision for manhood. Each man there was given a topic to spend some one on one time with Kenton discussing. The weekend was filled with fun and “manly” activities such as chopping wood and shooting skeet. Kenton fasted during the weekend and the celebration ended with a huge feast of all of his favorite foods. It was rare sight to table of chocolate doughnuts, macaroni cheese, and fried chicken all served up for a meal! While this type of event is probably not for every father and son, what struck all of us there was the intentionality and purpose that Jay has about raising a Godly young man. We were all inspired to go back home to our own families and be more purposeful! As followers of Christ, we are provided such a vivid example of manhood. Our Savior could wield a whip and run the moneychangers out of the Temple, but also tenderly care for children. He withstood the brutal scourging of the Roman soldiers, and yet showed compassion for his tormentors. We see in Him incredible strength and humility. Every generation of young men have to find their way to becoming real men of God. I am so thankful for the people and organizations that spoke into my life during my formative years. I hope that new leaders will continue to rise up and cast the vision for today’s youth about what it really means to be a man. However, as a father, I know ultimately it is my job to raise my son so that he has no confusion about what a Godly man looks like. On this Father’s Day, I hope we will show honor to those dads who had paved the way for all of us - they deserve it! Y Martin E. Willoughby, Jr. is Chief Operating Officer of Butler Snow Advisory Services, LLC located in Ridgeland. He and his wife Nicki have two children, Ally and Trey, and live in Madison.

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➺homeworks by CATHY HAYNIE

Prepare chicken strips as directed and cut into chunks. Assemble salads on plates by layering lettuce, tomato, avocado, corn, cheese, dressing, and chicken.

Simple Summer Recipes

TORTELLINI WITH SAUSAGE MARINARA Amazingly fast and good! 2 packages of refrigerated cheese tortellini (100% whole wheat available at Walmart) 1 jar commercial marinara or spaghetti sauce 1 package of Jimmy Dean turkey sausage crumbles Parmesan cheese

need a break, so why not try a few meals that take minutes to prepare. Here are 8 casual suppers that serve up nicely.

Cook tortellini according to package. Meanwhile, stir sausage into sauce and heat on stovetop. Serve over tortellini topped with Parmesan cheese.

TEX MEX RAVIOLI

FAST FAJITAS

Lazy days of summer? Probably not. Busy families do

This one has a longer cooking time but is fast to assemble. 16 oz. jar of mild salsa 10 oz. can of tomato puree 28 oz. bag of frozen cheese ravioli 2 cans black beans, rinsed and drained 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese

Combine first three ingredients. Pour half of the tomato mixture into a treated 2 quart/ 11x7 dish. Add ravioli, beans, remaining tomato mixture, then cheeses. Cover loosely with foil and bake 45 minutes at 350. Remove foil and bake 5 additional minutes. Let stand 5 minutes.

SHRIMP PO-BOYS Ever thought of serving this summer favorite at home? I recently found the old fashioned yellow and red plastic sandwich baskets for just such a meal. 2 small boxes frozen fried shrimp 4 Po-boy buns Lettuce, tomato, spicy brown mustard, and cocktail sauce

Prepare shrimp according to package directions. Add toppings to bread and divide hot shrimp among sandwiches. For a simple side, try a package of Cole Slaw mix prepared with Marzetti’s lite slaw dressing and a chopped apple

SOUP AND SANDWICH SUPPER This casual supper calls for soup, even in the summer. 12 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

1-2 packages of Pillsbury refrigerated crescent rolls Sliced ham Sliced or grated cheese Canned vegetable soup (or try broccoli cheddar)

Unroll crescent rolls and place ham and cheese on triangles to fit and roll as directed. Back according to package. Serve with soup.

SHRIMP FRIED RICE These ingredients are easy to keep on hand. 1 (2.5 pounds) bag of frozen cooked shrimp, peeled and without tails 2 bags Uncle Ben’s rice (90 second variety) try whole grain or whole grain chicken flavor 1 bag frozen peas 2 eggs 1 tsp. ground ginger 2 T Soy sauce

Thaw shrimp under running water. Cook rice and peas in the microwave according to the package. Meanwhile, cook eggs in an electric skillet (or large skillet). Add shrimp, ginger, and soy sauce, and sauté shrimp. Add shrimp and peas and heat through.

BUFFALO CHICKEN SALAD

Make this easy supper in the crockpot. Chicken tenders (1.5 pounds or more) 1 envelope fajita seasoning mix, such as Old El Paso or Taco Bell 1 sliced bell pepper 1 sliced onion Fajita favorites: flour tortillas, salsa, avocado, cheese, sour cream

Place chicken (frozen is fine) in crockpot with onion and bell pepper. Top with seasoning mix and cook about 5 hours on low. Serve with tortillas and favorite toppings.

BARBECUE CHICKEN SANDWICHES Set up the crockpot early in the day for a fast supper later. Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (1.5 pounds or more) 1 bottle of commercial barbecue sauce Sandwich buns

Place chicken (frozen is fine) in crockpot with sauce. Cook 6 hours or more on low. Shred with two forks, and serve on sandwich buns. Prepare frozen corn on the cob in the microwave for a fast side. Y

This salad is pretty on the plate. Frozen Buffalo-style chicken strips (note: a little spicy) 1-2 bags of salad greens Small tomatoes, chopped Avocado, sliced Can of corn, drained 1 cup Fiesta Blend cheese Ranch dressing

Cathy Haynie and her husband, Jack, have three children and live in Madison. Cathy is the Headmaster of Christ Covenant School in Ridgeland. She occasionally speaks to women’s groups on Honoring God in the Home and Balancing Work and Home. Contact her at chaynie@ccs.ms.

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➺modern motherhood by ROBIN O’BRYANT

Father Knows Best put on my left turn signal as I pulled up to the light outside the gate of my children’s school. In the midst of after school screams and carpool meltdowns, the act of flipping that blinker triggered a memory almost twenty years old.

I

I was clenching the steering wheel of my Dad’s 98 Oldsmobile so hard my knuckles were white. “Turn on your blinker,” he said as I merged into the left turn lane. My heart was beating in time with the blinker and I had to remember to breathe. I slammed on the breaks a little too hard and slinging my father forward in his seat. He braced himself on the dashboard and I released the steering wheel, letting blood rush back into my fingers and let out a sigh, “I hate this.” “Hate what? Driving?” He asked. “No, I like driving—I hate turning left across four lanes of traffic. It’s so scary. I’m always afraid I’m going to hit somebody.” It wasn’t my first time behind the wheel. My parents would take me to an abandoned airport and sit in the passenger sit with no cell phone to play on, no internet to surf and let me drive until I got bored. On Sundays after church I always ran to get in my dad’s car after church because I knew two things: 1) We would take the long way home, and 2) He would let me sit in his lap and drive. He’d pull over on the side of the road, back his seat up as far as it would go and I’d climb onto his lap. I’d drive his tank of a car while he worked the gas and the breaks. My legs weren’t long enough to reach the pedals until I was almost 13 years old. He wasn’t in a hurry to get home, we’d cruise down side streets and our long potholed driveway at a comfortable five miles per hour. But I finally had my learner’s permit and it was time to hit the open road. “Light’s green,” my dad prompted me. I hit the gas a little too hard and we screeched through the intersection, I flinched as other cars turned on my right hand side, certain that they would hit us. My shoulders relaxed and my grip on the steering wheel loosened as I straightened the wheel with relief. I was so glad that was over. We approached the next light. “Put on your blinker,” he instructed. “Huh? Why? Where are we going?”

“Put on your left blinker and get in the turn lane.” I was incredulous but did as I was told. After another left-hand turn I glanced at my father. He pushed his wire-rimmed glasses up on the bridge of his nose, “Do it again.” “DAD!!!!” “Left blinker.” He said. “Why are you doing this to me!? I told you I was scared of this!” “Exactly. Do it again.” With tears welling in my eyes I put my left blinker on and made the turn. At the next light I didn’t even wait for his instructions, I put on my left blinker, merged into the lane and turned. What was wrong with him? He was supposed to protect me and help me, not terrorize me by exploiting my greatest fear. We traveled around my hometown for hours that afternoon, one left-handed turn at a time. With each turn my anxiety decreased and by the time we got home I was more irritated at my father than I was afraid of driving. As a parent myself, I can now recognize the gift my daddy gave me that day. He made me face my biggest fear while he was sitting beside me talking me through each turn. He took the opportunity to stand with me while I conquered a fear instead of letting me face it alone. The sounds of my children in the back seat interrupt the rhythm of the blinker and my daydream. As I turn left across four lanes of traffic, I think of him sitting in the passenger seat determined that I could do anything without being afraid. Y Robin O’Bryant is mother to three daughters, wife to one husband, and debut author of Ketchup Is A Vegetable And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves, available November 2011. She shares the drama and hilarity of motherhood in her syndicated family humor column, “Robin’s Chicks” and on her blog by the same name. (www.robinschicks.com)

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metrochristianliving.com ❘ JUNE 2012 15

âžşmoney matters by READ MEADOWS

Investing in Uncertain Economic Times

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“We are suffering just now from a bad attack of economic pessimism. It is common to hear people say that the enormous economic progress which characterized the century is over; that the rapid improvement in the standard of life is now going to slow down; that a decline in prosperity is more likely than an improvement in the decade which lies ahead.� - John Maynard Keynes, 1930 s you may have noticed, that quote from the renowned British economist was penned in 1930 in his essay Economic Possibilities for our Grandchildren. Whether you agree with his economic theories or not, his statement seems eerily similar to investor sentiment in 2012. Will gas prices ever come down? Is the Euro zone going to collapse? How about our $15 trillion deficit and an ever widening political gap? All of these are valid questions when viewed through the prism of your hard earned savings and investments, which probably leaves you asking: “Why and how should I invest in a market like this?� To answer the “why� question, some obvious explanations are saving for retirement, education expenses, and to offset inflation. How much was a gallon of gas in 1970? 36 cents? A bottle of Coke? 10 cents? Inflation has been called “the great destroyer of wealth,� and it goes without saying that prices for daily goods have increased significantly over time. Historically, stock market returns have given investors the opportunity to beat the inflation rate, and increase purchasing power into the future. The answer to “how� is finding a prudent flexible investment strategy, and remaining highly disciplined while following it. The same is true regardless of age: whether you are young and saving, nearing retirement, or in retirement and living off of your investments. The problem is that individual investors (as opposed to professional money managers) are their own worst enemy. It has been repeatedly shown that investors let emotions get the best of them by ignoring the warning signs in the market, riding a stock market freefall to the bottom, only to finally give in and sell their positions. This is the worst possible scenario! Remember: “buy low, sell high.� As you invest, make sure your strategy is objective, systematic, and follows Benjamin Graham’s rule: “The essence of investment management is the management of RISKS, not the management of RETURNS.�

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A word on “risk:� the financial crisis in 2008 was the beginning of one of the worst recessions in U.S. history, and is the culprit for why we are discussing investing in uncertain economic times today. As damaging as its effects have been, we are reminded that stock market declines are nothing new. In the past 21 years, ten events have occurred that caused major pullbacks—most memorably, the credit crisis in 2008 and the tech bubble in 2000. There are two lessons to be learned in the wake of an event like the credit crisis, and are likened to Mark Twain’s quote, “A cat who sits on a hot stove will never sit on a hot stove again. But he won’t sit on a cold stove, either.� First, use common sense and do not make the same mistake twice. If you were using a buyand-hold (and hope) strategy that suffered large losses, develop a plan to limit downside risk. If you do not, I think you know where your portfolio’s fate may lie when the next crisis emerges. Second, if you exit the market, do not act like the cat and stay away. Since the market bottom in March of 2009, the S&P 500 is up nearly 100 percent! Investors who pulled their money from the stock market and went to “cash,� missed a great opportunity to recover most if not all of their losses. Our economy still faces significant headwinds of a dysfunctional government, high deficits, ongoing Europe problems, and high energy costs. I would urge you not to forget that despite these problems, opportunities exist in every type of market. If you stick to a prudent, flexible investment strategy and manage risk properly, you may find yourself in a position to protect and grow your wealth. Y Read Meadows is a Financial Advisor with Raymond James Financial Services located in Jackson. He and his wife Elizabeth live in Madison. To contact him, call 601-321-2090 or email Read.Meadows@RaymondJames.com. The information contained in this report does not purport to be a complete description of the securities, markets, or developments referred to in this material. Any information is not a complete summary or statement of all available data necessary for making an investment decision and does not constitute a recommendation. Any options are those of Read Meadows and not necessarily those of RJFS or Raymond James. Expressions of opinion are as of this date and are subject to change without notice. The S&P 500 is an unmanaged index of 500 widely held stocks that’s generally considered representative of the U.S. stock market. Keep in mind that individuals cannot invest directly in any index, and individual investor’s results will vary.

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Believing that children are a heritage of the Lord, the mission statement of First Presbyterian Day School is: Planting seeds of Christ-likeness in the hearts of children. Pursuing excellence in academics. Preparing students for future service in God’s kingdom in their homes, churches, and professions.

First Presbyterian Day School...where the heart of your child matters. 1390 North State Street Jackson, MS 39202 601.355.1731 s fpds.org metrochristianliving.com â?˜ JUNE 2012 17

➺our daily bread by MIKE AND SUSAN BOYETT

And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and children to their fathers. MALACHI 4:6.

The Story of the Prodigal Father Ever wonder just how powerful the Gospel really is? Not long ago we had a young pastor study-ing with us, Isaac. He was playful and always smiling. During class one day he began to weep. Though out of character, I didn’t think much of it because we were witnessing God work deeply and differently in many of the men’s lives. We happened to be discussing Romans 15:7, “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” After class Isaac asked if he could go back to his village and try to find his father. He didn’t elaborate much. He just said it was urgent, that God had shown him in that verse that he needed to find his father and forgive him for what he did to him when he was a boy. Knowing how abusive domestic life can be here in Uganda, I thought it best to let him go. We prayed together for the Lord to give him success in finding his father. A few days later he returned full of joy. He told us that after many years of hating his father and living as if he were dead, he didn’t know where to look. He finally found someone who knew his whereabouts and phone number. Because his father was now in a distant town, they were only able to talk on the phone. He told his father that he forgave him for what he had done. Deeply moved, his father said that he was happy that time and maturity had brought him to the place where he could forgive him. Isaac quickly told him that it was neither time nor maturity but the Gospel that enabled him to forgive him and even consider finding him. Later in the conversation his father repeated the “time and maturity” thing and Isaac once again told him that it is only because Jesus had welcomed him that he was now able to welcome his father back into his life. Below is a picture that Isaac drew of the stages of his life leading up to joining our program. I assigned this on the first day so that we could use it to get to know each other. One by one we told our stories. Providentially, 18 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

Isaac’s story was delayed until after he returned from his safari to locate & forgive his father. As he began to tell his story I began to weep and marvel at the power of the Gospel. The story begins with the boy in the center, fat and healthy, in a home with both parents. But his father decided to run off with the wife of his mother’s brother. As it goes here, the

father took the children with him. But as it also goes here, the step-children of the new wife suffer serious neglect and abuse. Knowing how her children were suffering, Isaac’s mother one day brought him a piece of soap and a small bit of food. His father found out and beat him to the brink of death. The picture of the boy hanging by his feet over a fire is apparently how it happened. The next picture is him on the ground left to die in his own blood. Over time he regained enough strength to run away to his mother who struggled to see him grow up and educated. The other pictures show that, by the grace of God through the love of his mother, Isaac became a music teacher, got married and they had a child (fruitful tree). Now remember that this assignment was given on the first day they arrived. So, the point at which this picture was drawn, his father was still dead to him. The whole left half of the drawing, with the fruitful tree (blessed life), is

Isaac’s life without his father...or without anything but hatred for his father. That program eventually ended and Isaac and his fellow students returned to their homes. Some months later, as I was bouncing along a red dusty road with a car full of happy, singing university students (14 actually ... a new record!), Isaac called. He told me that there was someone who wanted to speak to me. When the man introduced himself, he said he was Isaac’s father. Neither of us knew the other’s language, so we were unable to say much beyond the ritual greetings. But when the phone was passed back to Isaac, the sound of the joy in his voice said it all. The two were reunited! But what is more, they were together celebrating the birth of Isaac’s newborn son. The moment of that phone call was a bit surreal. In one ear was the beautiful singing of the students. In the other ear was the sound of joyful Isaac holding his son with his father standing beside him. I can’t help but wonder if the breathtaking harmony of the singing was God’s way of giving a glimpse of the joy in heaven at that moment. Three generations restored because the sovereign Spirit brought home, in a fresh way, the reality of how Christ had welcomed Isaac...which immediately awakened in him a desire and capacity to seek out and welcome his father as he had been welcomed. The Gospel alone has the power to do that.Y Mike and Susan Boyett of Ridgeland are missionaries to Uganda. The primary focus of their work is theological education and leadership development. You can contact them at mike.susanboyett@gmail.com or visit their blog at acrackedkettle@blogspot.com

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➺salt & light by MARILYN TINNIN

A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal…Proverbs 12:10a

Animal Rescue Foundation of Mississippi state occurs in Rankin County. ARF hoped that in becoming part of the community, they could provide a real service for the county as refused to let Pippa on because she was too small, she pitched such a fit well as provide much needed that the man offered her a goat if she would stop screaming! The goat spaying and neutering to reduce the went home with Pippa, and she has been rescuing strays of every kind burden of stray over-population. ever since. During the last four years, ARF has adopted more than 650 dogs and In 2005, after decades of picking up abandoned animals, paying their cats and has rescued more than 1,000. All of their animals receive vet bills, nursing them back to health, seeking adoptive homes, populating excellent emergency veterinary care, immunizations, and are spayed and her own home with quite a menagerie, and running up quite a tab every neutered. ARF has been able to build fences, structures, pens, and by the month, her husband Charles (also a soft heart), suggested they turn their sheer grace of God and the generosity of volunteers, they are able to avocation into a 501C3 non-profit, Animal Rescue Foundation of provide food and shelter for their ARF “family.” Mississippi—affectionately and appropriately called “ARF.” There was The late Miriam Wilson Weems, much loved Jackson artist, was a clearly a need for another shelter in the metro area. champion rescuer of strays and a loyal ARF supporter. The facility itself is In the course of rescuing animals, space was always an issue. There now named in her honor as the Miriam Wilson Weems Sanctuary. were only so many that The Rankin County Board of Supervisors has recently passed an she could bring home or ordinance with new stipulations regarding ARF’s facility. They have so many that like-minded given ARF a timeline of six months to meet all of the criteria. Because supporters could house. of funds, the time constraints, and the lack of community support in Invariably as Pippa called their present location, other shelters around the ARF has chosen to metro area, asking if they relocate. They have been could take a pet while she blessed to find property worked on finding a within the city of Jackson home, she was told that that is well suited, although they were full, conveniently located and they would be glad to can be retrofitted at a euthanize them upon reasonable cost. “With receipt. Pet overthe location under populations is significant, and it is a heartconsideration the wrenching issue—one that Pippa Jackson has awareness of our been called to help solve. organization and mission Soon after ARF was established, will grow,” says Pippa. Hurricane Katrina struck, and as Pippa “Our adoptions will explains, she was “baptized by fire” into what increase and the lives of the business of animal rescue was really like. animals will be changed Displaced families with their pets took refuge for the better thereby in Jackson, and the United Animal Nations’ Seeing is believing. Before and After Babies increasing our value Emergency Animal Rescue Service (EARS), within the community.” set up a temporary shelter at the fairgrounds. A capital fund drive is ongoing while day to day ARF’s volunteers work Pippa was volunteering and the representatives from EARS recognized tirelessly to provide care, adoption, and rescue to God’s helpless her natural skill and passion for rescue. They endorsed ARF and were creatures. Long range plans include increasing community involvement invaluable in teaching Pippa and her “army” how to run a shelter. with responsible pet ownership programs, behavior and obedience When the fairgrounds shelter closed in October 2005, ARF assumed training, and an ongoing education initiative on the necessity of spaying the care of approximately 35 unclaimed dogs and two birds that had come and neutering. from the Waveland shelter. But that was just the beginning. As I studied the photos of the before and after babies in ARF’s care, I In 2008, ARF was able to purchase 22 acres of industrial zoned land in was struck with the concept of redemption, which is at the very heart of Rankin County. The highest number of animal control pickups in the

E

lizabeth “Pippa” Jackson was about four years old when she rescued her first furry friend. Her grandfather had taken her and her older brothers to a county fair. When the operator of one of the most daring rides

20 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

, y t u D , r o n Ho eadership L

God’s relationship with humanity. In the same way God rescues us in our fallen state and sees potential despite our failings, so these heroes at ARF see the potential in these neglected creatures that, at first glance, look like they belong on the trash heap. ARF sees treasure where someone else saw trash. The commitment of ARF’s leadership is refreshing. There is heart and soul and a pure form of stewardship in their mission. Pippa recently posted on Face book: “Charles and I have not had a vacation in years. I am no longer blond nor have I had my hair professionally cut in years. I get desperate and grab the scissors in the bathroom. I don’t have cute shoes and we don’t have much of a life outside of dogs and cats. However, we are blessed beyond belief. The satisfaction of rescuing animals in despair and fear—placing them in wonderful homes, running a shelter that is not only a great place for them to be, but a place of joy and hope. That is so much better than what we don’t have any day.” Please visit ARF on Facebook www.facebook.com/arfms. Visit their website at www.arfms.com or e-mail them at arfms@comcast.net. Their needs are enormous. Donations of food, funds, and time are always welcome. 601 750 2740. Y

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➺family focus from OUR READERS

Father’s Day Tributes from our Readers Watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart. – Deuteronomy 4:9 Barbara Hamilton (Editor’s Note: Barbara Hamilton wrote this tribute to her father last year.) Sunday is Father’s Day, and I am standing in the drugstore searching for just the right card to express a daughter’s love, gratitude, and respect. Hundreds of cards line the display— some funny, some philosophical, some religious, some...just sweet. I read one then another but can’t find the one that captures my feelings for my dad. Then a thought leaps from my brain. Why am I reading someone else’s words, someone who doesn’t even know my dad? Oh, the thoughts are warm and the words lovely, but the specifics are missing—the moments, the memories that reflect the precious relationship, the enduring bond. My dad’s eyes need to read those words—my words; his heart needs to hear them. And I need to tell him... Dad, You were the first man I ever fell in love with. You were handsome, funny, smart, good-natured. Through the years, you taught me more than all the teachers I ever had. You taught me ...the need for patience on a sunny afternoon at the fishing hole, ...the importance of expressing love by deeply loving my mother, ...the respect for hard work by holding three jobs at the same time to provide for your family. You taught me ...how to accept responsibility by making sure I did my homework before watching t.v., ...how to laugh by making jokes when we were lost in L.A., ...how to love my country by sharing stories of serving in World War II and being grateful for the privilege to do so.

But the best part of your teaching was the example you set before me as a father, husband, worker, friend...and more important, a child of God. You not only taught me how to live; you showed me. And those are the lessons that burrow deep within the heart, impact the living of a life, and leave the most indelible imprint of all. And I hope one day, Dad, I’ll truly become the person you taught, encouraged, and inspired me to be. I love you. I respect you. I honor you. Barbara Hamilton is a Brandon resident and a member of First Baptist Church, Jackson, where she directs drama. Her father passed away in February, 2012.

Sara Claire Green Let me preface this by saying that I am a bonafide “daddy’s girl”...just ask my two brothers! I can’t remember a time that I couldn’t go to him with any problem, but I’m going to use this opportunity to tell you about my daddy and my son. My son, Matt, has special needs...he’s nonverbal, so it takes someone quite skilled in charades to sometimes understand what he’s saying. They’ve had a special bond from the very beginning. For the past 20 years he and my mother have gotten him every other weekend to give me a much needed break. He and PawPaw have their “routine” each Saturday: 10:00 the post office, 1:00 to the farm and a 4-wheeler ride, 5:00 a ride around town. Sunday begins with church and 1:00, back to the farm for one more ride before bringing him home to a now rested mama. As with all things, time has changed this for us. My son is 27 and my daddy will soon be 92...his health has declined considerably over the last 5 months. The “routine” has now changed, but the bond is stronger than ever. My father is my hero and more importantly, he’s my son’s best friend. Sara Claire Green is a single mom and full-time caregiver for her special needs son, Matt. She attends Broadmoor Baptist Church where Matt is involved in Grace Ministry. Y

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VINCE GORDON The Heart of a Father

ince Gordon, Area Director for Urban Young Life, really should have been a statistic. At the very least, his life could be a Lifetime movie! He faced all the obstacles that studies tell us plague broken young people who turn to drugs and crime and who end up in prison. He is the oldest of three siblings whose dad deserted the family when Vince was seven years old. It was a devastating blow for a little boy. Although Vince’s mother worked hard to provide for Vince, his younger brother and sister, he grieved the absence of a dad. Even then he made a vow that he would become the kind of father to his children one day that his father had never been to him. Fast forward to 2012. Vince kept that vow many times over. Not only has he been, according to his daughter, Tran, an “extraordinary hero” to her and her brother and sister, but he has filled the role of father figure to countless others through his work with Young Life. As Vince puts it, “My misery became my ministry.” But in the beginning, who would ever have thought?

V

Beginnings Vince’s mother had not finished high school when she became pregnant with Vince and married his father. The young couple left Jackson in 1964, lived in Minneapolis a while, came back to Jackson and eventually moved to Los Angeles hoping for a bright future.

24 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

After his father left, his mom, Queen Esther Gordon recognized the need for strong male role models in her sons’ lives. Vince showed promise as an athlete, had an outgoing personality and made good grades in school. She encouraged her son to join Cub Scouts and to play organized sports thinking the adults supervising these activities would help fill the void of an absent father. As a ten year old, Vince was approached by two adult leaders, who were later found to be child molesters. “I was fortunate,” says Vince, “in that I had a mother I could always talk to. I didn’t hesitate to tell her, and she removed me from those activities.” However, he says the incident made him question himself, and as he hit the teenage years, he felt a great need to prove to himself that he was not gay. He had an appetite for rebellion, for fast girls, fast cars, and a rough life-style. It was joining the band and playing high school sports that helped settle him down. Playing the drums in one of the finest high school marching bands in the entire country was a wholesome outlet and also an activity that took him on several amazing trips to places like the Rose Bowl, the Super Bowl, and a competition in Hawaii. Life was coming together for Vince, but his younger brother was starting to get involved with gang activity. It was at that point his mother said, “Enough.” She packed up her little family and moved back to Jackson, Mississippi. It was 1980, and Jackson was still a sort of sleepy little town with a predominance of

metrochristianliving.com â?˜ JUNE 2012 25

Dressed in their Sunday best, Vince and his little brother logged lots of childhood hours in church!

strong families, strong churches, and a healthy sense of community. Vince was crushed. There was not one thing he liked about Jackson. Despite the extended family all around, there was “absolutely nothing to do,” he says. He enrolled at Lanier High School and got a job at Popeye’s Chicken on Livingston Road where he worked for the remainder of his high school career. He did not want to join the band because Lanier’s band did not begin to compare with the band he had left behind in Los Angeles. In a half-hearted effort to find his niche in his new school, he went to a dance following a football game that fall. Vince explains that he had some dance moves that caught the attention of his classmates as well as his principal, Mr. L.B. Buckley. Mr. Buckley was so impressed that he bought Vince a brand new “Bulldog” costume and made Vince the first human mascot in the Jackson Public School System. He danced in front of the band at all the football games and parades. Vince began to enjoy school again.

Damascus Road Experience Vince’s senior portrait. He graduated from Lanier High School in 1982.

Like father, like son. Vince and son, Gabriel, a 2012 Lanier graduate pose in their letter jackets. Both were standouts on the Varsity baseball team.

26 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

Vince graduated from Lanier in 1982, enlisted in the Navy and headed off to San Diego for basic training. He spent seven years in Charleston, South Carolina where he was a cook on a submarine. Military pay was good, and he acquired a taste for partying, sports cars, and motorcycles. He also met Leila, who became his wife. Vince had always had an interest in law enforcement, so he jumped at the chance for a position as a military policeman in Yokosaka, Japan. He and Leila were young, footloose, and fancy free. They also thought they were rather invincible. It was in Japan that Vince encountered a group of rather “radical Christians,” as he describes them. They weren’t “churchy,” he says, “but they were relational.” They seemed to really care about others and talked about the Lord as though they had an ongoing relationship with Him. On the one hand, Vince was drawn to them and on the other hand, he wanted to get as far away from them as possible. He liked his fast lifestyle. He had a pretty wife who liked to party as much as he did and they had enough money to spend on most anything they wanted. Those Christians made him uncomfortable. He had gone to church fairly regularly his entire life – at least often enough to have a nodding acquaintance with God. “Fire insurance,” he laughs. “That’s what I had – just enough religion to keep me out of hell, but no real relationship with the Lord.” When a disgruntled co-worker accused Vince of gross misconduct and brought serious allegations against him, his attorney advised him to accept a plea bargain or risk significant prison time. The charges were completely false, and Vince refused to admit to something that he had not done. Still, it was a situation of his word against the coworker’s and there were no witnesses. Suddenly, all Vince could think about was finding those Christians he had thought were such fanatics and asking them to pray for him. He was on his knees day and night begging God to intervene. “God, if you are real,” he prayed, “Please help me and help me turn my life around.” Vince stood his ground and refused to plea bargain. Chances were slim and none that he would be able to prove his innocence. He

What Is Young Life? According to Younglife.org: “Young Life doesn’t start with a program. It starts with adults who are concerned enough about kids to go to them, on their turf and in their culture, building bridges of authentic friendship.Young Life leaders log many hours with kids — where they are, as they are. . Because their Young Life leader believes in them, they begin to see that their lives have great worth, meaning, and purpose. Kids’ lives are dramatically impacted when caring adults come alongside them, sharing God’s love with them. This is the first step of a lifelong journey; the choices they make today, based upon God’s love for them, will impact future decisions … careers chosen, marriages formed and families raised. All ripples from the time when a Young Life leader took time to reach out and enter their world.” Y

needed a miracle, and he got one. The trial began and a totally unexpected thing happened. His accuser was called to the stand and admitted under oath that the accusations were all lies. Vince was released. But he was not the same party animal he had been before. He knew God had intervened and Vince Gordon planned to spend the rest of his life serving Him.

God Opens New Doors Vince left the Navy with an honorable discharge and moved back to Jackson in 1992. Choosing Jackson was really not his idea…it was God’s. He had spent a lot of time praying about what God wanted him to do next, and he says it was only after a great inner struggle that he gave in to God’s clear call. There was something God had for him to do right here, but God was not in a big hurry to show him what it was! Vince and Leila were expecting their first child when they arrived with no job prospects and no place to live. They moved in with Vince’s mother who lived in a tiny two bedroom house, but Vince vowed that he would have a job and a house before their baby girl was born. “I’ve always been of the mindset that you do what you have to do, and I knew I had to work hard to provide for my wife and baby.” He got two jobs – one at Church’s Fried Chicken and one at a gas station. Vince bought his first house before Tranquility Gordon arrived on August 4, 1992. That house, Vince believes, was quite a God ordained gift in more ways than one. The house just happened to be down the street from Dr. John Perkins’ property. Dr. Perkins was often out walking in the early hours of the morning just about the time Vince was starting his prayer time. When Vince found out who that elderly gentleman was, he introduced himself and boldly asked Dr. Perkins if he might consider mentoring him because he was hungry to know God and the scriptures better.

Vince celebrates with daughter Joy and son Gabriel the coronation of daughter Tran as Miss Lanier High School in 2009.

Always trying to keep the family playing as well as praying together, the Gordons' took a martial arts class together!

metrochristianliving.com ❘ JUNE 2012 27

A relationship began that continues to this day. Vince meets Dr. Perkins at 5:30 a.m. one morning a week. “He is definitely a spiritual father to me,” Vince says. God brought other spiritual fathers his way in the next days and years. Bishop Ronnie Crudup of New Horizon Church has also taken Vince under his wing. Finding enough work was always a challenge, but Vince continued to believe that God had brought him back to Jackson with a specific job in mind. When a neighbor who ran an after school program approached Vince about driving a bus and picking up the children from school, he was glad for the opportunity. He was quickly attached to the children, many of whom reminded him of himself. Many did not have fathers, and he understood why they were so hungry for the attention he could give them. He found himself volunteering to do more than drive the bus. Vince discovered a real passion for working with kids and others recognized how the children responded to him. When his church, Abundant Life and Bible Fellowship, partnered with Parkway Baptist to do a Summer School Spectacular that year, they asked Vince to head it up. That job led to an interview with Jackson Public Schools as they were hiring instructors and liaisons in their Work Experience Training project, a grant-funded program assisting special needs juniors and seniors with job related skills and employment opportunities. Vince was in his best form. He loved the interaction with the students, and he loved watching the positive transformations that occurred through relationship and through matching a youth with a job that fit their interest and skill level. “It was a beautiful thing,” Vince says. Three years later Vince was put in charge of the entire project.

Discovering Young Life One Sunday as he was scouring the classifieds for potential employment opportunities for his JPS students, he noticed a notice for a “Youth Director.” On a whim, he circled it thinking he might be interested in checking it out for himself. He knew by then that working with kids was his passion and his calling. He shoved the paper in the back of his desk drawer and did not think about it again until he was cleaning out that drawer…a year later. Out of curiosity, he dialed the number. The voice on the other end answered, “Young Life.” “What is Young Life?” Vince asked and then mentioned the classified. “Is that job still open?” The cheery voice at the other end of the line connected Vince with Winston Ford who was, at that time, Director over the urban arm of Young Life in the metro area. He encouraged Vince to come volunteer at Lanier where they were in the beginning stages of a new club. Vince accepted the invitation. Again he was thrown with young

people who reminded him of himself. The kids without fathers gravitated to him, and he to them. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of these kids, and Young Life provided the perfect platform. When it came time to attend camp at Windy Gap, North Carolina that summer, Vince went along as a chaperone. It just happened (a God-thing?) that the Jim Dyson, Vice President of the Southern Division of Young Life was in attendance that week. One afternoon mid-week, he took Vince aside, told him he had been watching the way he got along with the boys in his group, how they respected him and listened to whatever he said to them. He offered him a position and the chance to go to Young Life training in Colorado Springs. Fifteen years have passed, and Vince’s enthusiasm for working with youth has not dimmed. If anything, he is more passionate than ever because he has grown rich in the experiences and the relationships and has story after story of kids who, like Vince, defied the odds largely because of the impact of Young Life.

Father and Friend Vince, who is “Dad” to Tranquility, 19, Gabriel, 17, and Joy, 13, delights in that role. But he delights, also, in being able to be a father figure to other people’s kids, too. “Not until I had a personal relationship with my heavenly father, did I understand what I was supposed to be like. I’m supposed to reflect him. I’m supposed to be a giver, a nurturer, help with dreams. As long as I stay focused on my heavenly father, I am a good earthly father to my own children and to the others God entrusts to me.” And he has gone the extra mile on numerous occasions to help a struggling kid who needed a dad. He has taught them to drive, helped raise funds to bury a family member, opened his home to the homeless, helped them find jobs…but mostly he has given them the foundation of knowing Christ and their heavenly father who is never going to leave them or forsake them. “When I first gave my life to Christ, it was easy for me to call him Master…Lord…Savior…but it was hard for me to call God, Father,” he says. As he continued to pray, continued to grow in his faith journey, he began to understand how vastly different this heavenly Father was from the earthly father he had known. And God’s grace provided other fathers – those mentors like Dr. Perkins and Bishop Crudup, who have modeled for him the attributes of “father.” “After all,” he points out. “When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, what was the first thing he said? When you pray, say, ‘Our Father.’ It’s a whole different relationship.Y

Each year Vince takes about 50 inner city kids to Young Life’s Windy Gap camp in North Carolina. For many, this is the first time they have been out of Mississippi.Vince spends a lot of time raising the bulk of the funds although he requires each one of his campers to raise $125 of their own fee.“I don’t believe in kids just being given everything. They need the satisfaction of earning something.” If you or your group is interested in helping sponsor a youth, contact Vince or the Young Life office. (601 209 0036 or 601 956 4990.

28 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

a view from you Comments this month from our website www.metrochristianliving.com “Thank you for the beautiful article on Celeste Zepponi. What a wonderful, joyful, loving, and talented person Celeste is. God’s precious gifts of the Spirit cannot be hidden in our Sister in Christ. Thanks be to GOD. How awesome is to have Celeste’s “walk” in print.” – Sheila E. Roberts

Q “What a delightful article! How encouraging to see how someone followed God’s call and His lead—and then arrived at this place of direction through much, much prayer! Thank you for the valuable instruction!” – Penny Frazer

Q “Your article captured the soul and depth of my friend Celeste’s love of and walk with our Lord.” – Maggie Tyner

On losing Daisy Dog www.metrochristian living.com/2012/columns/an-unexpected -goodbye/ “I am sitting here at my desk at work with a few tears in my eyes for your loss. I have a corgi too and they are the sweetest best little family members. I like the thought of your sweet chase rounding up those sheep. Thoughts and hugs from Illinois.” – Jessica

Q “Reminds me of the children’s book The 10 Good Things About Barney by the author who wrote Alexander and the Terrible No Good Very Bad Day, even though barney is a cat. You must read it if you haven’t! Make your list of your 10 things! And play Heavenly Day by Patty Griffin while you do! Love you!” – Cynthia Thomas

Q

“I am sitting in the garden center in Macon, GA bawling my eyes out waiting for my car to be done in automotive. My heart breaks for you! Corgi owner, lover. Friend of Betsy.” – Allison Estes

Q “A mutual friend of ours sent the link about your loss to me. I can truly empathize with you as I have had the privilege of loving and being “loved back” by 4 very special corgis and I am blessed to have my Tucker (one of my four) with me now. What healing these little enchanted creatures provide without even knowing it! And how comforting it must be to know that your sweet Daisy’s final resting place is on a “herding” farm. Corgis are indeed an entertaining, comical, loving, and intelligent breed who aspire to make us happy... all it takes at times is a look and a smile appears. Take care.” – Nancy McGuire

metrochristianliving.com ❘ JUNE 2012 29

➺food for thought

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of Him that sent me, and to finish His work.” – John 4:34

by LYDIA BOLEN

Celebra!te Dad

ather’s Day is June 14th this year. This is a celebration of loving Dads everywhere. What better way to honor your father than to prepare a scrumptious meal? In our family, shrimp dishes are the all time choices for special occasions. Last month I shared my shrimp salad. This month I have another of my husband’s favorite shrimp dishes. We found this recipe for Broiled Shrimp years ago in one of the River Road cookbooks. We have never tired of it or changed it! Serve this shrimp dish with Herbed Rice Pilaf for something different. Top off the meal with my Heath Bar Cheesecake. Delish! Have fun trying these recipes for your Dad!

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BROILED SHRIMP 2 pounds shrimp 1/2 cup salted butter 3 tablespoons lemon juice

2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 1 tablespoon Jamaican Choice Pickapeppa sauce 1/4 teaspoon red pepper

Wash, peel and devein shrimp. Melt butter in saucepan. Add lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, pepper sauce and red pepper. Let simmer 5 to 10 minutes. Pour over raw shrimp in 9 by 12 by 2 inch baking dish. Place on next to lowest rack in oven. Broil 20 minutes, turning shrimp every 5 minutes. Serve shrimp with the gravy and plenty of hot French bread for “dunking”. (I like to serve this dish in separate ramekins (the oblong size.) There will be room left on the plate for a side dish.) Serves 4.

HERBED RICE PILAF 3 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 small onion, chopped fine Salt 1 1/2 cups long grain rice 2 garlic cloves, minced

1 1 2 1/4 1/2 1/4

teaspoon minced fresh thyme bay leaf low-sodium chicken broth cup sliced almonds, toasted cup chopped fresh parsley

Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Cook onion and one half teaspoon salt until just softened, about 3 minutes. Add rice and cook, stirring frequently, until edges begin to turn translucent. Add garlic, thyme, and bay leaf and cook, stirring constantly. (about 30 seconds) Stir in broth and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat to low, and cook until liquid is absorbed and rice is tender. Remove from heat and let stand, covered for 10 minutes. Discard bay leaf and fluff rice with fork. Stir in almonds and parsley. Season with salt to taste. (Rice dish can be refrigerated in an airtight container for a day ahead.)

HEATH BAR CHEESECAKE FILLING 3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened 1 cup sugar 3 eggs 1 cup sour cream 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla 5 (1.2-ounce) Heath Bars, crushed

CRUST

1 3/4 cups vanilla wafer crumbs 2 tablespoons sugar 1/3 cup butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine crust ingredients, press into bottom 1- to1 1/2 inches up the side of 9-inch spring form pan. Refrigerate. In a large mixer bowl, beat cream cheese with sugar at medium speed until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in sour cream and vanilla; blend until smooth. Spoon half of filling over prepared crust. Sprinkle half of Heath Bars over filling; cover with remaining filling. Bake 1 hour or until cheesecake is just firm when pan is tapped gently. Cool completely in pan on wire rack. Sprinkle remaining Heath Bars over the top. Refrigerate until chilled. Y

Remember to make memories through the kitchen… “the heartbeat of the home” Go to my blog at lydiasapron.blogspot.com for more recipes, or email me at lbbolen@gmail for any questions. 30 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

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➺the doctor is in Tips for Teeth by DR. CATHERINE SLEDGE

Q: Tell me first how it is that you came to practice dentistry and with your dad as well? A: As a young child I always assumed I would go to medical school and be some type of physician or surgeon. As I entered college, I started shadowing physicians of different specialties, and my interest never really “clicked” with a particular field. Then, one summer in college, I worked for Dr. George May, an oral surgeon in town. I realized that year that this area of the body was really interesting--and then it just hit me that I had been staring my future profession in the face my whole life! I had grown up watching my Dad build his dental practice--loving his work, and yet able to be there for all the events in my, and my sibling’s, lives. I knew that I wanted to one day have a family, and to have a profession that would fit that lifestyle. Dentistry was the perfect fit! As I neared dental school graduation, it was only natural for me to want to go into practice with my dad and carry on what he has built.

Q: What is the number one thing you tell your patients to do for preventive dental care? A: Three things, actually--floss, floss, floss!!! One of my favorite things to tell a patient is “Only floss the teeth you want to keep.” And secondly, don’t forego regular dental checkups twice a year. Your dentist can catch problems practically before they start if you are seeing her or him every 6 months.

Q: What are the most common mistakes patients make in their dental care between visits to the dentist? A: Flossing really goes by the wayside for a lot of patients. In general, people seem to keep up fairly well with brushing twice a day, but flossing for some reason is hard for patients! But there are lots of options out there—flossers with different types of handles, as well as “air-flossers” that use air and water or mouthwash to accomplish the same goal that floss does.

Q: At what age should a child begin routine visits? A: I like to see kids beginning at age 2 or 3 for just a quick “get-toknow-you” visit. Ideally, the child will come with a parent or older sibling to watch them receive a regular cleaning and checkup. The main thing I want to accomplish with this first visit is a rapport with the child, so he or

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601.936.6781 32 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

Dr. Catherine Sledge practices general dentistry with her dad, Dr. Michael Carter at Carter and Sledge in Ridgeland.

she will know that coming to the dentist can be a fun experience and doesn’t have to be scary. We use child-friendly language to describe the instruments we use, and make sure to end each visit with a special treat or prize for the child.

Q: Do you recommend protective sealants on children’s teeth? A: I do. Of course every child is different, and not necessarily every one who comes in the door will need them, but more often than not, they are the best treatment for the child. Most of us have fairly deep grooves in our permanent teeth when they first erupt, and sealants serve as a protective barrier over those grooves, which are apt to develop decay before a child has established good oral hygiene habits.

Q: Are all toothpastes created equal? What should we know when choosing products that affect our teeth? A: All toothpastes are not created equal--but most of the ones you see in the grocery store or drugstore are good choices. One rule of thumb is to look for the ADA (American Dental Association) seal of approval. If a product has this stamp on it, you can rest assured that it has been sufficiently tested. You may be surprised to learn that it is actually your tooth brushing technique that matters more than the type of paste. The best way to brush is in a circular motion at a 45 degree angle, not simply back and forth. Some patients whose teeth are especially sensitive do require a higher level of fluoride than is found in over-the-counter toothpastes. Your dentist can prescribe these types of toothpastes for you if needed.

Q: Is sugar really as bad as we have always heard? A: Not exactly. Now, I’m not advocating that you go out and start eating lots of candy! But there is a misconception. When it comes to your teeth, it’s not necessarily the fact that we eat sugar (although yes, a diet low in refined sugars is preferable)—it’s the frequency with which we are consuming the sugar. I might have two patients who drink two Cokes a day. One drinks both with his lunch, while one sips hers all morning and all afternoon, throughout the day. Both are ingesting the same amount of sugar, but the second patient is essentially giving her teeth a “sugar bath” all day long. Y Dr. Catherine Sledge is a general and cosmetic dentist in Ridgeland.

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➺fresh finds Gift for you and Dad! 1 | THIMBLEPRESS Giclee print The Grove at the University of Mississippi in Oxford, MS (One of a series of eight Oxford prints) 11x17 in, $20 (also available in stationery online) Mississippi State University Stationery Set for $22. Set of 7 cards includes the Hump, Chapel of Memories, Left Field Lounge, the Junction, Drill Field, Old Main, and the Cowbell. (All available as prints online)

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Adonia Stemu tone body firming treatment $59; Adonia Leg tone serum 9-minute $89

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To purchase Jackson artist Kristen Ley’s work, visit www.thimblepress.etsy.com

4 | PLATO’S CLOSET Summer floral scarves $8 Coral and green earrings $8 Pink and yellow earrings $8

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5 | VILLAGE BEADS Turquoise ring $15; Amethyst necklace $15; Drusy quartz $20 Coral with crystal spacers bracelet $35 (Make your own jewelry like this)

6 | CIRCLE 7 Binoculars by Steiner in Germany Safari 231 pro $179.99; Safari 444 pro (with auto focus) $219.99

7 | CALLAWAY’S Blue bird bunkhouse birdhouse 79.99 Fathers day ultimate garden yard set. INCLUDES: Yard gloves $7.99, Tool seat $29.99, Trowel $9.99, Claw $8.99, Water wand $14.99 34 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

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➺welcome home by MARILYN TINNIN

Ye Olde Lamp Design and Shades, Ltd. Creates Lamplight and Happy Spaces

And God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. – GENESIS 1:3 egendary designer Albert Hadley said in a House Beautiful article years ago, “When we light a room our objective is to get rid of gloom, to have enough light to feel happy.” Most women who enjoy their “nests” know

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that instinctively. Margaret O’Beirne Williams, who has owned Ye Olde Lamp Design and Shades, Ltd. on I-55 north in Jackson for the past 32 years believes that lighting does play a major role in defining the character of a room. Even the finest art, the most expensive antiques and rugs fail to create an atmosphere of welcome if the lighting is not compatible. Changing out a lamp can “fluff” a whole room, but if new lamps are not in the budget, an updated lampshade and a new finial can totally transform the look. We tried three different shades on the Waterford lamp shown here. As Margaret pointed out, the bell shaped silk shade is more formal and traditional and would appeal to her grandmother. The drum shade is a little more 2012 and would appeal to her, and the square black box shade would fit right in her granddaughter’s contemporary sleek décor. Note, too, that the body of the lamps are 36 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

Lesley Atkinson, John Paul Williams, Margaret, Kevin Williams, and Taylor Williams.

We believe that every moment matters. Maybe that’s why so many families believe in us when it comes to choosing a hospice provider. For more information or to receive our free DVD, “Hospice and Your Loved One,� call 601-983-3193. gentiva.com/hospice 106 Riverview Drive / Flowood, MS 39232

phone 601-983-3193 / fax 601-983-3194 Gentiva accepts patients for care regardless of age, race, color national origin, religion, sex, disability, being a qualified disabled veteran, being a qualified disabled veteran of MKT3144 the Vietnam era, or any other category protected by law, or decisions regarding advance directives. Š 2011 Gentiva Health Services, Inc.

identical, but one has the original brass base and the other’s has been replaced with a new acrylic base so that the entire lamp appears to be crystal. Lamp “make-overs� are Margaret’s specialty. She has seen many fine oriental porcelain lamps come through the doors in recent years, and the young owners who have inherited them do not care for the heavy teakwood bases. Changing out the bases update the look and please the new owners. But Margaret laughs that she tells them to hang on to the heavy oriental bases because they can always have them changed back when their tastes “mature.� Finials are also a fun and inexpensive way to “spiff� up the appearance of your lamps. Available in brass, ceramic, crystal, stone, wood, and cast metal, they come in an infinite number of colors, shapes and sizes. A clever finial can make an inexpensive lamp look like it came from Horchow! One of the Ye Olde Lamp Shop’s specialties is original lamp design. Customers have been known to bring in assorted memorabilia – everything from Grandfather’s favorite shoes to a campground dinner bell—and ask if there is any way at all to make a lamp from such. Oh yes. If you can conceive of it, they can probably make it, and you will have a conversation piece and a personal treasure for years to come.

Y

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www.cartersledgedental.com metrochristianliving.com â?˜ JUNE 2012 37

➺outside in by SHAWN DEAN

OFF THE FIELD ISSUES erry Lester “Bubba”Watson, Jr. won his first Masters a few weeks ago. I’ve always been a fan of the guy but my interest in him escalated when I kept hearing the announcers comment on what a man of faith he was. I’m not on Twitter or Facebook, so I only assumed they

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meant that he had a relationship with Christ and when I looked him up, sure enough, he’s a believer. CBS apparently has a top ten list of words you never say on the air and Jesus is one of them. I’m glad I was by myself watching him weep on the shoulders of his friends after he made the putt on 10 to clinch it. He hugged his friends like he loved them. His good friends and fellow Christians, Ben Crane and Aaron Baddeley, wept with him. I had to hide my face when my wife walked through the room. I needed a hug. And maybe I’m reading too much into it but nothing about it was the glorification of himself. It was a great sports moment. What helped make it great was that Bubba’s just a good guy. “For me, it’s just showing the Light. There are people who want to put down Christians. I try to tell them Jesus loves you. It’s just a way to be strong in my faith.” Bubba Watson. Eldrick Tont “Tiger” Woods, nick named Tiger after his father’s good friend, Colonel Vuong Dang Phong, is presently and will probably go down in history as the greatest that ever lived. He’s formerly the highest paid athlete in the world coming in at 90.5 million in 2010. Some of his records are these: number one player in the world for the most consecutive weeks, ten time player of the year, nine time money list leader, fourteen majors with more wins than any active golfer. He set some other tour records but since this is a family magazine, I’ll just leave it at that. I had the displeasure of following him around the golf course at a couple of different venues, and the one consistent thing about Tiger other than his fantastic golf swing was his foul mouth. The words he used would make a good Southern woman cover her baby’s ears and say something like, “You need to watch your mouth young man.” He showed a total disregard for others. Tiger was quoted as saying that he “believes in Buddhism…not every aspect, but most of it.” After his tabloid divorce ended he said, “…Buddha teaches me to learn self-restraint. Obviously I lost track of what I was taught.” Yeah, obviously. Self-restraint…what a joke. Since when did self-restraint last in the ring against lust? I hope he’s come up 38 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

with another plan, like maybe becoming a eunuch, ‘cause that one ain’t it. Simultaneous to the Masters event was the news breaking of Bobby Petrino’s escapades on a motorcycle with a woman half his age that he helped find employment on his staff. She wasn’t his wife or the mother of his four children. Bobby called it an “inappropriate relationship”. I call it something else, but whatever. What that guy has done with a hoe hum Razorback football team has been amazing. It’s been pretty well documented that the guy can coach but it’s also equally documented that the guy has some moral inconsistencies. That’s as nice as I can put it. The thought that flushes through me at this moment is how the world desperately wants a man who can prove that it’s attainable to be the best at something, maintain unquestionable moral integrity and do all that without giving credit to Christ. Words like self-restraint, hard work, vision, genius, sheer determination are what the world wants to hear. In fact, many Christians would rather have a winning football team with a completely ungodly coach than have a losing season with a man who leads all his players to Jesus. We’d rather identify ourselves with a winner than a loser who knows Jesus. The other thought is how pitiful it looks when an elevated man comes crashing to the ground under the weight of poor behavior. When a fully confident and extremely gifted man who dominates others in his field becomes totally dominated by his off the field issues, it’s painful to watch. And, as we know, without Jesus, there is no repair. Nothing will keep him from that domination in the future. He’s nothing more than a helpless gifted man with the strong hands of sin around his neck and the world watches as he suffocates. I just can’t root for the success of ungodly men anymore. I want to root for Bubba Watson. I want to root for Tim Tebow and Jeremy Lin and Colton on American Idol. I want to root for Chris Paul and Jamie McMurray and Michael McDowell. I’ll take the men who want Christ glorified, the men who can claim authority over their off the field issues.

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Shawn Dean is Regional Sales Manager for Airflo Sales, Inc., located in Ridgeland, MS. He and his wife Laura Beth have three children, Isabelle, Ann Mabry and Mary Frances and live in Madison.

by DR. CHARLES BOUDREAUX

➺

let’s talk it over

The Gift of the

Father’s Presence aving had the experience of being the child of an emotionally absent and often physically absent father whose presence I feared, I recognize the blessing and the gift of the presence of a loving father in the lives of children. David Meece’s personal testimony

Sometimes at night I dream of a throne Of my loving God, calling me home And as I appear, He rises and smiles And reaches with love to welcome His child Never to cry, never to fear In His arms, safe and secure.

in song about the presence of the father is a powerful reminder to all of us as Dads to bless our children with the gift of our loving presence and to lead them into knowing Jesus as their Lord and Savior and through Him, having a personal relationship with our heavenly Father (Abba—DADDY) who is always present, listening, and loving. How awesome it is that we can approach His chair—the throne—without fear! “So do not fear, for I am with you...” (Isaiah 41:10a NIV). “You will fill me with joy in your presence “ (Psalm 16:11b NIV) May we bless our children this Father’s Day with the gift of our presence as we lead them into His presence, thanking Him for His eternal and loving presence! Happy Father’s Day!

CHORUS: My Father’s chair sits in a royal room My Father’s chair holds glory beyond the tomb My Father’s chair, my God is there And I am His eternal heir Someday I’ll share my Father’s chair. Y

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MY FATHER’S CHAIR by David Meece Sometimes at night I’d lie awake Longing inside for my father’s embrace Sometimes at night I’d wander downstairs And pray he’d returned, but no one was there. Oh, how I’d cry, a child all alone Waiting for him to come home. CHORUS: My father’s chair, sat in an empty room My father’s chair, covered with sheets of gloom My father’s chair through all the years And all the tears I cried in vain No one was there in my father’s chair. Sometimes at night I sit all alone Drifting asleep in a chair of my own When sweet sleepy eyes peer down from the hall Frightened by dreams they cannot recall I hold them close, calming their fears Praying they always will say, CHORUS: My father’s chair sits in a loving room My father’s chair, no matter what I do My father’s chair, through all the years And all the tears I need not fear Love’s always there in my father’s chair.

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KEPT SECRET in Brandon

We are a full-service salon, from color and cuts to our nice HOT tanning beds and our versa spa sunless tanning, you can find it all here! We carry children’s clothing including Mis TEE V US, Remember Nguyen, Sam and Sydney and much more at the best prices! We have womens clothing, Livi Lawson handmade jewelry, Liz Henry Jewelry and Simply Southern TShirts! We also have great gifts from picture frames handmade by Whyle, Mudpie Gifts and Katherine’s Candles.

COME BY AND MEET OUR WONDERFUL STYLISTS AS WELL! Dr. Charles A Boudreaux Associate Pastor of Counseling First Baptist Church Jackson Clinical Supervisor Summit Counseling.

Monday–Thursday: 9 am – 8 pm Friday: 9 am – 6 pm Saturday: 9 am – 2 pm 219 Commerce Drive • Brandon, MS 39042

601-591-2944

!

Connect WITH US ONLINE

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of First Baptist Church Jackson

Christian Counseling for Individuals, Couples and Families ◆ Anxiety ◆ Marital Issues ◆ Pre-marital Counseling ◆ Divorce Recovery ◆ Family Issues ◆ Addictions ◆ Support Groups Evening appointments Fees based on family income

Ron Mumbower, Ph.D. Director First Baptist Jackson ◆ 431 North State Street

601.949.1949 www.counselingministry.com

metrochristianliving.com ❘ JUNE 2012 39

➺healthy living by ROCHELLE CULP

Make a Commitment to

WELLNESS

here is a cliché that says “time flies when you are having fun”, I have found that to be true. I can’t believe that 20 years have passed since I made the decision to take charge of my health. That choice led me to a

T

100 plus pound weight loss and changed my life forever. As I try to age gracefully, each year I feel healthier, stronger, have more energy and always count my blessings. On occasions, I am asked how I sustain my willpower, stay motivated and maintain successful weight loss. Most people associate being healthy with weight losses and gains, exercising or being immobile, or bland and boring foods but they never consider developing a wellness plan for their lives. That is the key…that is what has worked for me. Below are some tips that have helped me maintain 20 years of healthy living. I hope they will help you be successful on your wellness journey! 1. Put God FIRST! 2. Make a plan. You’ll be more motivated if you give yourself goals to work towards.

3. Don’t diet! They don’t work! 4. Be accountable to yourself and/or get an accountability partner.

5. Keep a positive attitude. Surround yourself with like minded people.

6. Make water your drink of choice a minimum of 8 glasses a day. 7. Limit fast food, limit sugary and caffeinated beverages and limit junk food.

8. Eat a piece (s) of fresh fruit and a serving (s) of fresh vegetables each day.

9. Eat breakfast! Your mother was RIGHT! It is the most important meal of the day; there is research to prove it.

10. Add Yoga/Pilates in your workout for mental focus, clarity, balance and strength.

11. Play like a kid, make exercising fun, and stay young at heart. 12. Take up a sports related hobby. You will have the time of your life.

13. Challenge yourself physically. It will strengthen you mentally and change your life.

14. Don’t neglect your cardiovascular workout (3 to 5 times per week) and strength training regimen (at least 2 times per week).

15. Be thankful for where you are. 16. Enjoy healthy snacks (2 to 3 per day). Don’t skip meals. 17. Think prevention. Take vitamins - If you feel like you aren’t getting the nutrition you need from the foods you consume. Research your family’s health history. Don’t skip your yearly checkup. Discuss your wellness plan with your physician.

18. Include brain exercises and trainings in your wellness plan to prevent cognitive decline.

19. Get plenty of rest. The amount of sleep each person needs varies; most people need 6 to 8 hours to feel fully rested.

20. Indulge every once in a while. A little treat every now and then is a great way to reward yourself for making healthy choices.

21. Embrace change. It happens. 22. Manage stress. Stress can inhibit weight loss and sabotage your wellness plan.

23. Be patient and realistic. Change will come but be realistic about your goals.

24. Be consistent. Consistency is the key. Get off the start/stop roller-coaster.

25. Remember your body is a temple, paid for with a price (the blood of Christ). You are a gift! Y C. Rochelle Culp is a healthy living advocate; her passion for healthy living is her ministry. She is a fitness consultant, wellness coach, certified personal trainer and fitness instructor. Her weight loss success story is featured in the recently released book, Joy Fit Club: Cookbook, Diet Plan and Inspiration. Rochelle is available for speaking engagements and to facilitate workshops to discuss weight loss and exercise strategies. Contact: Ro-on-the-Go @ 601.832.9112. 40 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

legal advice by WILLIAM B. HOWELL

My Children’s Names are On Everything. That’s Okay, Isn’t It? any people do their estate planning using what has frequently been referred to as the “lazy man’s will.” That is, they designate a survivor owner in the ownership document (deed, CD, bank account, etc.) so that when one of the owners passes away, the other owner automatically has full and total rights in the asset to sell, spend or do whatever they want to with it. This happens without any kind of court proceeding, including probate. Sounds simple enough. The arrangement is referred to as JTWROS, which stands for “Joint Tenancy With Rights Of Survivorship”. This titling is common between spouses for their homestead property, and many people have the same designation on their investment accounts, CDs and similar financial instruments. It is quite clear that when the first of two joint owners passes away the other joint owner has, as stated above, the right to do with the property as he or she sees fit. While it sounds like a real good solution, in reality it can be quite a nightmare. What if the spouse as joint owner does not pass away, but becomes incapacitated? Then the other spouse will likely have a problem disposing of the asset (or borrowing money against it) unless other effective arrangements have been made. Sometimes people put their children’s names as survivor owners on things that the parent owns: the parent’s home, their bank account, and other assets. The effect at death is just as has already been stated, it goes to the other owner(s), but there is an additional wrinkle that parents don’t often consider: If your child as a joint owner should be sued and a judgment obtained against the joint owner, then your property (or a portion) can likely be seized by the creditor as the child’s asset. When you put the child’s name

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on an asset, the asset stopped being yours exclusively. Instead, the child has an actual ownership interest, and it can be reached by their creditors. It could be their divorce, it could be their bankruptcy, it could be a lawsuit as a result of a car wreck, or any of a number of other situations that cause the assets of the child to be placed at risk (and some of those may be your assets, too). There is one other situation to avoid. Many older persons have put a child on their bank account with the idea that the child can pay bills for them in case the parent becomes ill and can’t act for themselves. Let’s say the parent has three children and wants to divide the bank account and all other assets equally among the three, and that’s what they have written in their will. However, the will only controls property that goes through probate. A bank account with one child’s name on it (in other than a “signatory authority only” situation) will cause that child to be a co-owner and the child will own the entire bank account when you pass away to the total exclusion of his or her brothers and sisters. It does not matter what your will says. These and other complications are so easy to avoid. All it takes is a little good estate planning, and an understanding of the consequences of your actions. So many people create their own problems; they are not necessarily created for them. Most often a living trust is used to avoid these outcomes. Get some good advice. Solve these problems in advance for your family. Make things simple for them. It is truly a loving thing to do. Y William B. Howell is a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys and practices law in Ridgeland.

You have worked hard for it. WHY THROW IT AWAY? We are all living longer. But we are not all going to be in good health, or aware of our families, or both. Then what happens? Someone has to take over. The question is: Will this be someone you chose? And will it be outside of court or in court? The same with the distribution of your assets after you pass away: In court or out of court? The choice is yours. What about protecting your assets from lawsuits, or a child’s inheritance from a divorce? And will most of your hard-earned savings go to the nursing home? Or have you planned? Here are a few ideas for you to consider:

Living Trust – Allows the person you choose to take over for you in the event of your incapacity, without any court involvement. At your death the person you have chosen makes the distribution of your assets the way you have instructed in your Living Trust, and to do so promptly, inexpensively and privately, without going through probate in the court. Asset Protection – Lawsuits are filed every day. If you get sued, are your assets protected? They can be, and probably should be. Also, the divorce rate has never been higher than it is today. Will your child’s divorce cause them to lose half of what you leave them after you are gone? Not if you plan now. The level of protection (or not) is up to you.

Nursing Home Planning – Don’t qualify for long term care insurance, or can’t fit it in your budget? You don’t have to spend everything that you have in order to become eligible for nursing home benefits. There are legal and ethical ways for you to save well over half of your assets in most cases, even if you are already in the nursing home. Hear Mr. Howell on the radio

Tuesdays 8:35 am WJNT NewsTalk 1180

THE LAW FIRM OF

WILLIAM B. HOWELL, LTD. 406 Orchard Park • Ridgeland, Mississippi (601) 978-1700 or (800) 839-7857

National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys metrochristianliving.com ❘ JUNE 2012 41

➺let’s get real by JANIE PILLOW

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Things Fathers Need to Give Their Children

ast article we looked at the broad range of feelings that God has and has given to his image. Christ exhibited these emotions while he was on earth. We

are supposed to imitate Christ. Yet, what society now teaches, “to be real men” is in stark contrast to how God has created men. Society tells men they will be successful and happy human beings if they are: 1. Instrumental (Boys can kick the ball, Boys can make the money). 2. Insular (Boys should not be affected by their feelings). 3. Independent (Boys are not supposed to need people although the Bible says Christ could do nothing without his Heavenly Father). Not only do most fathers tune out and not express their emotions, they teach by modeling and direction their sons to do the same. Dr. Dobson has said the average father spends about seven minutes a WEEK in contact with his children. So, there is a deficit in fathers modeling emotions and the time they take to encourage relatedness in their children. How many of you know what the last two sentences of the Old Testament say? Malachi 4:5 “I will send Elijah…6. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of their children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” (Notice it does not say be afraid if you discipline your children, they won’t love you, or when they are good buy them a new car. What God says to fathers before he is silent for 400 years has to do with fathers and sons relationships). Many men teach sons to define power as control and love as intensity because of fear and pride. They can ONLY understand power as authority from God IF they feel loved, and loved by their fathers especially. They also need to see emotions demonstrated by their fathers in context of relationships. I want to address fathers today on several points of emotions and how 42 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

emotions not only make you emotionally healthy, they make you spiritual healthy person:

1. Flexibility.

Emotionally flexibility is the capacity to organize your feelings lots of ways. Some men have only two emotions - anger and apathy. They HAVE emotions because we are all created in God’s image, but they are limited in terms of interpreting and expressing feelings in relationships. In therapy I’m constantly saying, “OK, that is what you thought they meant. Now flip that over and see if there are other possibilities of what they might have meant; or better still ask the other person if you have interpreted correctly.” Scripture teaches in many places we live by faith not by sight.This is not only making a spiritual statement but a psychological one. We live by what we already believe, not by what we see or hear. We go around in life interpreting things by what we already believe. This is not humility because we might not be right; we may be interpreting only through our own inflexible grid that in some cases is dead wrong. If we have a limited capacity to interpret what that means, we also have a limited number of responses. Not all men are like our fathers and we need to learn that. Be flexible in order to make lots of meaning of our feelings and emotions in multiple ways. Pride often stands in the way.

2. Emotional Awareness.

This is the capacity to get under what we think or feel. We are feeling something and we not only need to know WHAT we feel but be able to get underneath that as to why we feel that. There are only nine primary emotions as described by Donaldson Nathenson who studies emotions: Anger, Fear, Sadness, Hurt, Surprise, Disgust, Shame, Love, Joy. There are many combinations of these nine. We need to get to the

primary emotions to navigate our feelings and emotions effectively. There are also secondary emotions. This means we have emotions that defend against primary ones. Anger is secondary with three main feelings that underlie anger: hurt, fear and frustration. The next time you get mad ask yourself, are you hurt, scared or frustrated. Being emotionally aware helps us communicate heart to heart, not from a defensive posture. Primary emotions help us express, not criticism, but what we long for. Jesus disciples were emotionally aware and that is what he used to change the world and spread the kingdom of God on earth. And that is what he will use today. “All men will know that you are my disciples, because you have love one for another” (John 13:35). Of all people on earth, Christians should be emotionally aware to help us be more spiritually aware.

3. Tolerance.

This is the capacity to experience someone else’s emotions as well as our own. Emotions are not good or bad, they are just information. God created us to have emotions and instructs us to use them to learn about relationships and the world around us. Jesus said a man’s heart determines his speech (Matthew 12:34). So fathers you had best know when you are feeling pain and joy, not just react to it. Fathers who are emotionally healthy teach their children to have the capacity to respond emotionally. hat is the purpose of emotions, so we have the capacity to respond heart to heart. Children feel closer to a father who has the capacity to disagree with them, but who can respond emotionally favorably even when they don’t agree. Our messages are heard in the context of relationships; therefore, the better the relationship the more room for tolerance.

4. Responsiveness.

We are not created to live in isolation. God said that about Adam. We are fundamentally relational people. When we hurt someone it causes disconnection. What heals that hurt and causes ability to connect, are healing responses from other people. Many fathers need to forgive their parents and also help their children to learn to forgive.

There are two levels of forgiveness. 1. The decision not to return wrong for wrong. God commands this one and we are just supposed to do it. 2. Reconciliation. It is a deeper process. It happens when the other person does the hard work of getting to the depth of pain he causes and responds to the depth of our hurt with empathy. Saying “I’m sorry” is not enough. Reconciliation requires a mutual understanding of the pain that was caused. Knowing how your children feel is still not enough.

Fathers need to do the hard work of being reconciled to their children. Emotional responsiveness completes the communication loop and connects us to God and man. This is the PURPOSE of God in giving us emotions. So what does this mean for fathers? It means more than just “not provoking your children to wrath” (Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21). It means, “Raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is older he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). According to Malachi, fathers are to desire blessings not curses for their children. This is hard work. Spiritual and emotional health happen in the same way as restored relationships. It means that your children need to see God the Father, Christ the Son and Holy Spirit in your life. God says in John 3:16 for “God so loved the world that he gave his son so that all might be saved.” God took the initiative to restore man’s relationship with him. It was costly and a process. Restoring relationships on a horizontal relationship means being restored to other people, God’s image. Fathers are to be emotionally healthy enough to take responsibility to restore the relationships with their children. It does not mean groveling or buying him a new car. It means fathers should get in touch with their own feelings by being emotionally aware. Fathers are to learn to be emotionally flexible, not have a narrow range of feelings. Fathers are to learn how to respond emotionally to their children as God did to us, in order to restore relationships. But, men, you can’t do that by being John Wayne. You must do that by being Christ like, setting an example for them to follow and then be emotionally open with them. I once worked with a family where the kids had real problems relating to and wanting to be disciplined by their father. In a solo session, I asked him what were the three most important things in his life. He responded God, family, and his church. After that I had a meeting with all of his children and asked them what they believed were the top three things in their father’s life. They all said Ole Miss, Prep football, and gold. Fathers, your kids don’t see you necessarily as you see yourself or even like you want them to see you. They have their own perspective based on what they see you do and say. Examine your hearts and ask God if you are raising your children to be emotionally healthy people and spiritually secure Christians. Y Janie Pillow is in private practice at Janie Pillow Counseling (601- 853-4788) She is also Co-founder of Third Millennium Ministries and has served since its inception as Chairman of the Board. (See www.ThirdMill.Org. “Seminary Education for the World for Free.”)

metrochristianliving.com ❘ JUNE 2012 43

➺rave reviews BOOK

A Traveler’s Guide to the Kingdom Reviewed by Susan E. Richardson

With A Traveler’s Guide to the Kingdom, author James Emery White creates an intriguing blend of travelogue and faith lessons. He roots each lesson in a specific location, beginning with the Eagle and Child pub in Oxford, England, and ending with the Dachau Concentration Camp in Germany, yet the book is not a travel guide. Sense of place is only the beginning. White then pulls out a central truth that corresponds with each locale. After introducing us to C.S. Lewis’ Oxford, the author discusses conversion, using Lewis as an example of full conversion, not just accepting Jesus as Savior but yielding to Him as Lord. Other chapters combine places like St. Catherine’s Monastery in Egypt with the theme “you can be led by God,” and the Billy Graham Library in Charlotte, North Carolina with “you have a calling.” From South Africa to France and Holland, places come alive and furnish rich material for contemplation. Expect the book to make you squirm occasionally. His words may challenge you to consider where you need to grow further into the image of Christ. Nor does White steer away from more sensitive subjects like racism and sexuality. In the end White himself gives the best overview of the book: “Through it all, I hope to give you a sense of what life in Christ means. Not a life that simply knows about Christ, but a life that is in Christ.” A Traveler’s Guide to the Kingdom provides a road map for the journey. Y Susan E. Richardson is a writer, critique reader, and former Christian retailer with a passion for meeting people’s needs through the written word. You can reach her through her website www.nextlevelcritiques.com.

44 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

DVD

The Genesis Code A college hockey player and a female journalism student struggle to find common ground with their spiritual faith and scientific study. The Genesis Code does not come down on the side of science or faith explaining exactly how creation happened. Instead, what it does is force both sides to look at new arguments, which demonstrate that faith can be, and is, a part of sound science It also takes head on the pseudo-religion that scientists have created. They are unwilling to consider for a second that there could be an intelligent design to the universe, while openly mocking religion. There’s also a very important point made here about academic freedom and the battle that conservative students fight with their liberal faculty members every single day on our nation’s college campuses. At the heart of the movie are two college students in crisis. One is a student named Kelsey pursuing a degree in science, who is told by her Academic Advisor that she is going to have a hard time getting into graduate school because she is a Christian and that her views are offensive. This happens in real life all the time. Right now, the University of Kentucky is being sued for refusing to hire a professor because he is a Christian. The other lead character is a star hockey played named Blake Truman whom Kelsey befriends. Blake’s mother is on life support and his grandparents want to disconnect her and let her die. As part of his search for answers to life’s bigger questions, the movie follows his fight to save her. The Genesis code explores how life began, why we are all here, and just as importantly, when life should end. Available on DVD nationwide. www.thegenesiscodemovie.com

Y

events calendar

parking lot located at 1242 Lynwood Drive. Everyone who walks receives a Walk 4 Life T-shirt and prizes will be awarded according to the money the walkers raise. For additional information call 601-956-8636.

JACKSON June 4-8 “Sky… Everything is possible with God” will be this year’s theme for Vacation Bible School at First Baptist Church Jackson. From 9 a.m. to noon children will be presented the gospel, make crafts, sing songs and enjoy fellowship. Children entering kindergarten through 6th grade are invited to attend. For additional information and sign up visit www.fbjc.org.

June 23 Hop out of bed and enjoy a delicious breakfast at the Jackson Zoo’s Breakfast with the Beavers and Otters from 7-9 a.m. Afterward, spend the day at the zoo and enjoy all that the zoo has to offer. For more information call 601-352-2580.

June 15 The Mississippi Museum of Art will play host to Look and Learn with Hoot – an educational opportunity that features hands-on art activity and story time. This month’s story is Curious George Flies a Kite with the fun beginning at 10:30 a.m. For more information call 601-960-1515. June 16 The 1st annual Father’s Day Walk 4 Life will begin at 7:00 a.m. at St. Richard’s

June 2 Summer is in the air and with that comes the grand opening of Canton’s Farmer’s Market. The Farmer’s Market will be open every Saturday from 9 a.m. – 12 p.m. through the end of harvest. Enjoy fresh produce while supporting our local farmers.

MADISON June 4-8 Grace Chapel Presbyterian Church, located at 307 New Mannsdale, will be hosting their VBS with the theme being SonRise National Park. Children ages 3 through just completing 5th grades are welcome. For additional information, call 601-856-7223 or email betsyberthelot@aol.com.

June 13 Lucky Duck Drawdown at Colonial Country Club. Draw Down Tickets $100 or $125 benefitting MS SIDS Alliance. Drinks, Dinner, Dancing and Silent Auction. Contact Cathy Files at cathyfiles@gmail.com. June 14 SIDS Alliance sponsors the annual Anna Clare Memorial Golf Tournament at Deerfield Country Club in Canton. Shotgun start in the morning and in the afternoon. $1000 per team and includes lunch. Contact Cathy Files at cathyfiles@gmail.com or Leslie Threadgill at lesliethreadgill@bellsouth.net.

CANTON

RIDGELAND June 18-22 (Teens camp) June 25-29 (Kids camp) The Viking Cooking School located at 1107 Highland Colony Parkway will host summer cooking camps for kids and teens. Summer Lovin’ From the Oven will be a fun way for your children to learn to prepare classic kid-friendly foods while learning valuable kitchen skills. To enroll online go to www.vikingcooking school.com or call 601-898-8345.

CLINTON June 9 The City of Clinton’s Olde Town Evening

June 5 The Mississippi Community Education Center will host the 1st Annual “Cooking For Our Kids” fundraiser benefitting the Children’s Advocacy Center of Madison and Rankin Counties. Tickets are $45 per person or $60 a couple. For additional information, go to www.mscec.org. Y metrochristianliving.com ❘ JUNE 2012 45

JUNE 2012

will play host to “Firefly” market from 4 p.m. – 8 p.m. Enjoy original art, gifts, fresh produce and homemade treats at this fun filled family event. For more information go to www.clintonms.org.

➺quips & quotes

ADVERTISING INDEX ADVERTISER

}

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Cut out the scriptures and quotes and place them around your home for daily encouragement!

✂

David also said to Solomon, his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you…”

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

– 1 Chronicles 28:20

– Charles Wadsworth

“Whatever you are be a good one.” – Abraham Lincoln

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.”

- Psalm 103:13

“Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!”

– Lydia M. Child

“My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.” - Psalm 131:1-2

The person who sows seeds of kindness enjoys a perpetual feast.” – Author unknown

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.” – Luke 1:46

NORTH STATE ANIMAL & BIRD HOSPITAL 5208 North State Street • Jackson, MS 39206

601-982-8261 Dr. Adrian Whittington Dr. Jeb Cade Dr. Melissa McLendon OFFICE HOURS: Monday-Friday: 7:30 am - 6:00 pm Saturday: 8:00 am - 12:00 pm Sunday: Boarding only 5:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Boarding & Grooming Services Available

46 JUNE 2012 ❘ Metro Christian Living

“A wise son maketh a glad father.” – Proverbs 10:1

PAGE

Apple Annie’s ......................................................33 Beautiful Image of Jackson..................................21 Belhaven Graduate...............................................44 Belhaven University ..............................................16 Biaggi’s..................................................................31 Boston Scientific .....................................................5 Callaway’s Yard & Garden ......................................2 Carter Sledge Family Dentistry............................37 Christ Covenant School........................................23 Circle Seven..........................................................22 City of Clinton .......................................................8 Covenant Caregivers............................................33 Dr. Donald C. Guild..............................................32 Dr. Phillip B. Ley......................................................9 Dr. Charles McMasters .........................................14 Energy Insulation ..................................................21 Environment Masters ...........................................13 Eye Care Professionals ...........................................8 First Presbyterian Day School ..............................17 Gentiva Hospice ...................................................37 Grantham Poole ...................................................23 Heiden & Garland, Inc..........................................31 Highland Village ...................................................19 Jackson Academy...................................................2 Jackson Heart .......................................................17 Jackson Prep ........................................................21 Joel Clark & Sons Jewelry....................................33 Lifeway Christian Stores .......................................23 M&F Bank .............................................................43 Metro Christian Living ......................37, 39, 40, 47 Mississippi Children’s Home Services..................15 North State Animal Hospital................................46 Novella Boutique & Salon....................................39 O’Mire Financial Services.....................................37 Page Kruger & Holland ........................................17 Persnickety............................................................10 Pennington & Trim Alarm Services, Inc. ..............11 Plato’s Closet ........................................................33 Remedy True Health.............................................13 River Oaks.............................................................48 SIDS.......................................................................15 Sitters, LLC............................................................33 Smiles by Design ..................................................17 Southern Farm Bureau .........................................19 Star 93.5................................................................47 St. Dominic’s ...........................................................3 Stegall Imagery.....................................................29 Summit Counseling ..............................................39 Sunnybrook Estates..............................................31 The Orchard..........................................................19 Tinnin Imports.........................................................7 Trustmark Bank .......................................................9 Twin Lakes Conference ........................................11 Two Men And A Truck..........................................23 Venable Glass Services.........................................33 The Veritas School................................................31 Village Beads ........................................................31 William B. Howell, Ltd..........................................41 Written in Stone ...................................................31 Wright & Ferguson Funeral Home ......................19 Ye Old Lamp Shoppe ...........................................15 For more information on our advertisers visit www.metrochristianliving.com

A Father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but always a guiding light whose love shows us the way.

Happy Father’s Day!

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Metro Christian Living has a new website (You are going to LOVE it) MetroChristianLiving.com Find us on Facebook! Real life stories from real life people who live and move in a world like yours. That is what Metro Christian Living Magazine is all about. metrochristianliving.com â?˜ JUNE 2012 47

This could be the start of something small.

I wanted to get control of my life.

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