YOU WEREN’T TAUGHT ABOUT STAYING IN LOVE

By Ali Maggioncalda

xpectations are higher than they’ve ever been when it comes to love and relationships; today, regardless of whether we choose to get married or not, we want a partner and a teammate who makes us feel deeply understood, appreciated, and desired as we grow together over time. Unfortunately, we spend more time learning how to drive a car than how to cultivate fulfilling romantic relationships, so here are 3 simple tips to keep your relationship healthy, sexy, and fulfilling, all rooted in research:

Journal about the arguments you have, but not as yourself.

Yep, it sounds weird, but research suggests that journaling about a recent conflict in your relationship from the perspective of a neutral, third-party who wants the best for both you and your partner protects your relationship against decline. Now before you start thinking, “I don’t have time for something like this,” think again! Researchers asked couples to journal for just 7 minutes, 3 times a year – that’s basically 20 minutes a year to make a statistically significant difference to your relationship or marriage.

Make sure there’s an element of novelty or excitement on date night.

When researchers randomly assigned couples to “pleasant” vs. “exciting” date night activities, there was a significant increase in satisfaction for couples assigned to the exciting activities, and the suggestion that spending time together of any kind increases relationship satisfaction was not supported. So, find even the smallest ways to inject novelty or excitement into your dates! For instance, turn ordering in and watching something on TV into a “virtual travel date” by theming it to a certain city or country and using food, drink, music, and a movie or show filmed there to “expand” yourselves in a new way, together. If you need some inspiration, Lovewick is a free relationship app for couples with hundreds of curated date ideas!

Share your good news with your partner, no matter how small.

A lot of us, especially women, are worried about being “too much” or oversharing. Well, guess what: sharing positive personal events with your partner, also called “capitalization attempts” in research, is associated with higher relationship satisfaction, higher trust, and better mental health outcomes, not just for the person sharing, but also for the person on the other side listening and receiving it! So, next time there’s “good news” in your life, share it with your significant other, even if it feels irrelevant to them. For example, send a picture of that extra juicy tomato you found in your garden that you’re proud of, and give your partner an opportunity to share in your little moments and wins.

By implementing any one of these tips, much less all three, you make it significantly more likely that you’ll 1) be together next Valentine’s Day and 2) be more satisfied with the quality of your relationship… pretty powerful stuff!

With love(wick), Ali

Ali Maggioncalda is the founder of Lovewick, a free relationship wellness app with the internet’s largest library of intimacy-building questions, date ideas, and research-based tips to help couples love and be loved well. She has a degree in Human Behavioral Biology from Stanford and did her grad school Dissertation on the future of romantic love and technology. You can find more of her nerdy relationship advice across socials @withlovewick.

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