The epidemic of lazy sampling

DEVIN ANKENEY OPINION EDITOR

You can’t make it an hour listening to your Spotify or the radio without running headfirst into a song that samples another song. It’s the big thing now.

Songs like “First Class” by Jack Harlow (samples “Glamorous” by Fergie) and “Freak” by Doja Cat (samples “Put Your Head On My Shoulder” by Paul Anka) use samples lazily. These are songs that seek to feed on your nostalgic bone until you’re numb.

They take popular elements of former pop songs and make them the basis of “new” songs. Ask yourself this the next time you listen to songs like these: Do you like the new song, or do you like the old song behind a new mask?

Even songs that have a basis in comedy, like Yung Gravy’s “Betty (Get Money)” (samples “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley), are profiting off the effort put in by artists of yesteryear, rather than Gravy’s own musical poise.

But people love this trait of some popular songs. Let’s face it; they’re popular for a reason, and not everyone cares whether a sample takes advantage of the listener or is genuinely used to make something cool, new or entertaining.

That’s a fair opinion. I might be looking too far into these current songs and judging them too harshly. However, my biggest fear is not what songs like “First Class” or “Freak” are doing right now to backdoor their way into enjoyment by listeners.

I’m worried about the future.

Songs like “Super Freaky Girl” by Nicki Minaj (samples “Super Freak” by Rick James) are just the beginning. These are songs that prey on our nostalgia and fail to use genuinely new elements simply to make it to the top of the Billboard charts.

But this attack on our deeper engagement with music in favor of lazy listening is paving the way for the future of lazy music creation that, I promise you, will hurt the art form as a whole.

It was only in November 2021 that Sting, legendary frontman of The Police, spoke of pop music in a similar way.

“In modern music, the bridge has disappeared,” Sting said in an interview.

This has been true for years now, but still rings importantly true. Sting is foreshadowing a deeper change based in artificial intelligence and laziness that takes advantage of the listener for profit.

First it was the loss of the bridge. Now, it’s the beginning of the loss of the original melody. After that, it will be AI-based music without any artist involved.

There’s a future in which popular music doesn’t require anything more than a prompt to a ChatGPT-esque service. “Savages,”, a song posted only last month, features Jay Z. Except … not really.

It’s an entirely AI-based song that would fool virtually anyone into believing Jay Z is the lead on the track. And, honestly, it doesn’t entirely suck.

Another song generated by AI, “by” Drake and The Weeknd, does suck but apparently was good enough to stay posted on Spotify for a while after garnering nearly 7 million views on Twitter alone.

We’re entering a dangerous period of art history in which the definition of art is shifting. Music is becoming less original to become more popular. Artists like Kygo are remixing popular songs to gain more popularity without bringing more than a few dial switches to the table.

There is still a glimmer of hope. Not all samples, obviously, are lazy attempts to poach listeners rather than creating something new and great. Some songs, like “Vegas” by Doja Cat from the movie “Elvis,” are simply fantastic. Using the context of the film and the original version of “Hound Dog” by Big Mama Thornton, Doja masterfully combines her expertise with the need to use the original song to make something genuinely worth listening to. On repeat.

There’s no reason we need to enter a brave new world of AI-generated, lazily sampled mu- sic that simply wants to profit instead of making new, original art. ankenedw@miamioh.edu

There’s no reason we can’t continue making original music that doesn’t cut corners.

We may be in an epidemic of lazy sampling paving the way toward a pandemic of artist-less music, but the world is not devoid of music made with genuine creativity and effort, with an interest in making art rather than content.

It’s not like we want our music to get simpler and less intricate.

Hell, “Bohemian Rhapsody” still goes hard no matter your age.

Family hurts in ‘Evil Dead Rise’

KASEY TURMAN STAFF WRITER

The Evil Dead franchise is alive and well. The characters can’t say the same.

The in-your-face action the franchise is known for continues in “Evil Dead Rise.” Just like past entries, brutal melee thrives in enclosed spaces, this time with the focus being a family trapped in a Los Angeles apartment.

Now, fighting a possessed mother hellbent on ending her family’s bloodline doesn’t sound easy. That’s because it’s not.

The “new” Necronomicon unleashes a type of deadite (the demonic enemy of the Evil Dead series) that is unseen so far in the series. The powers and motivation of Ellie, played by Alyssa Sutherland, are powered up compared to the original three movies. This deadite is closer to “Evil Dead” (2013) in its movements and thought process.

In another sense, nothing has changed. The deadite plays tricks on the survivors. Playing dead and changing into their non-possessed figure are staples of the franchise that continue in “Rise.”

Sutherland’s performance brings the whole movie together. In the past, the deadites mirrored the main protagonist in their actions and lines. In this installment, Sutherland changes the emotion of every scene for the better.

Her movements and delivery of her lines add to a creepiness that is already crafted through the film’s lighting and sound.

From the start of “Rise,” the audience knows that they’re back in the Evil Dead universe. The swinging following shots that ooze demonic possession are still a mainstay.

The technical shots that used to bend between trees now go from a city street to an apartment door, not a cabin. The new-to-the-franchise setting creates new unseen opportunities for both horror and environmental storytelling.

The best shot in the movie comes from a set perspective through a peephole that shows action removed from the viewer. Throughout the movie, the directing combines action both closeup and distanced from the viewer in a way that keeps the audience firmly placed in their seats, void of a few jumps and yelps.

The lighting in every room creates an almost claustrophobic setting. The darkness encompasses the viewer and pushes them into the action. Even in a moment that is driving the story or developing the characters, the setting screams terror and a soon-to-fail plan.

One of the key factors of the movie that allows it to be so great is its ability to stand alone. Yes, there are callbacks and references that are put in place for Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi fans. But director Lee Cronin makes it his own through his unique writing and directing.

One large difference in writing is the serious tone throughout the film. “Evil Dead” (2013) has a similar nature, but the campiness of the original trilogy is gone. There is no humor, but that’s not the point of this movie.

If you like horror or thriller, “Evil Dead Rise” is for you. The film combines amazing acting, makeup and set design to create an atmosphere to get scared in.

The one-and-a-half-hour-long movie packs itself with references and new nightmare material that welcome fans new and old.

Rating: 8/10 turmankd@miamioh.edu

SADIE CHILDS THE MIAMI STUDENT REAGAN RUDE CAMPUS & COMMUNITY EDITOR

As the spring semester comes to a close, a new addition has been made to GrubHub on the Miami University campus: Starbucks. The recent change has affected both the workers at the on-campus Starbucks and the students who frequent the coffee shop.

Further changes will be coming in the fall.

Miami’s dining services recently announced the reopening of Bell Tower dining hall in fall 2023. The new, nontypical dining hall will include a “ghost” Starbucks where students can place orders online or at a kiosk.

At the start of the academic year, students who wanted to purchase Starbucks had to wait in line and order in person at the Shiver Center location. Now, not only has another Starbucks location re-opened in Withrow Hall, but students can order ahead and pay with their declining dollars using the GrubHub app for either location.

Olivia Brello, a first-year political science major who frequents Starbucks almost every day, prefers ordering ahead using the app.

“If I’m going in the morning before class, I like to be able to kind of time out when I need to leave and then get there because it’ll tell you when it’s ready,” Brello said.

Although ordering ahead can make planning easier, the wait times presented on the app are sometimes unreliable. Brello said, “It’s hit or miss.”

Juan Moya, a sophomore mechanical engineering major who works at the Withrow Starbucks location, said the system is normally accurate but a little behind.

“The most I’ve seen people waiting is 30 minutes past the time that they had,” Moya said. The in-person wait times have been affected by the addition of GrubHub as well, as all the orders get put together at the Withrow Starbucks. If a customer orders in-person, their order will be put in the same place as a GrubHub order received at the same time.

However, the Shriver Center Star- bucks does not combine its online and in-person orders, creating two separate wait times for customers, due to the high volume of orders at that location.

Joe Suek, a junior economics and math major and barista at Shriver Center, said the in-person line and wait has gone down at Shriver, and ordering in-person is likely faster than other options.

“Your best bet for getting a drink quickly is probably in-person,” Suek said. “It is probably going to go a little bit faster just because we can print that and put it in line immediately. If you order online, you’re way behind it; everyone’s already ordered online.”

The change has also impacted how busy the stores are on a daily basis. Both workers and students said that although the physical lines have gone down, there always seems to be more orders coming in.

“I feel like we’ve picked up a little more,” Moya said. “It makes it a lot more busy in peak times. It’s kind of rough.”

The longer wait times may not be permanent, though, when Bell Tower’s Starbucks opens up next fall.

Amanda Casey, director of dining services, said in an email to The Miami Student that Bell will include a “ghost” Starbucks, where students place their orders through a kiosk or app, and the coffee is prepared the same way as at other Starbucks locations on campus. Casey also noted that the updated Bell Tower won’t be a “typical” dining hall, and a meal swipe won’t be required for entry.

“Orders will be placed through Grubhub kiosks or the Grubhub app, and the food will be prepared in the kitchen by our team,” Casey wrote. “Once ready, it will be picked up from a food locker.”

Miami’s dining services hope to shake up the on-campus dining experience with the revamped Bell Tower.

“It’s not just about meeting student demand, but also about bringing something truly innovative and exciting to campus,” Casey wrote. “We wanted to make a big splash with Bell Tower’s reopening, and what better way to do that than with an all-ghost kitchen dining hall, one of the first of its kind?”

Despite the opening of an additional store, Suek said he doesn’t think a third on-campus Starbucks will reduce traffic at the other locations.

“Shriver is always super busy like this,” Suek said. “I think if you’re looking at upperclassmen, that’s where you’re gonna go, you’re driving and stuff. It’s really convenient for you in that regard. And I don’t see you going into a dining hall for Starbucks.” childssb@miamioh.edu rudere@miamioh.edu

Kaitlin Mcdowell Food Editor

On April 25, Miami University’s dining services hosted what they called a “Plant Forward Picnic” at Western Dining Commons. This event was in an effort to promote the steps Miami is taking to serve more sustainable and plant-based foods.

In the true nature of a picnic, the chefs set up the buffet of options outside Western, along with many wooden tables for students to truly enjoy the food in nature. The dining staff also set up a picket fence around the event to give the illusion of being in a garden.

Upon walking outside the dining hall, students were given a tray — made of sustainable materials, of course — with enough spaces for each course offered.

The first food option was referred to as “crunchy bits.” These were cooked and seasoned edamame beans which were very tasty and a good plant-based protein option.

Next up on the menu were buffalo cauliflower wraps, marketed as “cigars” due to their shape. These were another good source of plant-based protein. My favorite part of the meal, though, had to be the cowboy caviar and watermelon salad.

Cowboy caviar is a bean salad made popular off TikTok that is composed of black beans, tomatoes, corn, edamame, red onion and avocado. This is one of my favorite things to make at home, so needless to say I was very excited to see it being served at the dining hall.

The watermelon salad was sim- ilar to the cowboy caviar but a little sweeter. It contained corn, watermelon, avocado, red onion and feta cheese with a little more dressing than the cowboy caviar. These two dips contrasted each other very well.

The main course was two bao buns filled with vegan chorizo and chicken. Bao buns are a popular Chinese dish made of flour, yeast, sugar, baking powder, milk and oil. These are rather sweet and definitely a switch up from a traditional college student’s diet.

The first Bao bun was filled with vegan chorizo and topped with cabbage. This one was good, but I felt that the sweetness of the Bao bun overpowered the flavor of what was inside, which was similar to spicy pork.

Next was the plant-based chicken topped with tortilla strips. I really liked this one as it tasted very similar to a taco, but the meat was a little spicy for my liking. I definitely couldn’t have had more than one.

At the end of this food line, students were met with a table filled with free succulents to take to promote this new plant-based and sustainable agenda from Miami’s dining halls.

Overall this was one of my favorite events Western has hosted. I love to see the dining halls offering healthier, and especially vegan options as many vegan-based students have struggled with finding good choices in the past, even finding meat in food options labeled vegetarian or vegan. I hope these efforts continue and we see meals like this more often in the dining halls next year.

Sophia Miller The Miami Student

Oxford residents and visitors can soon find themselves at Waffle House, enjoying breakfast, lunch, dinner and even a late-night snack. The restaurant chain has plans to open a new location at 5000 College Corner Pike, perhaps as soon as this fall.

Waffle House will be open 24 hours a day, providing the city with new, easily accessible food options. The restaurant is supposed to contribute to the city’s economic growth by increasing commerce and adding construction and food service jobs.

The Oxford City Council unanimously approved several variances to continue the Waffle House development at its March 21 meeting. Oxford’s Economic Development Specialist Seth Cropenbaker said variances like these are common.

“They’re in the breaking ground,” Cropenbaker said.

He couldn’t give a defined date for when the Waffle House will be open for business as the supply chain is still experiencing severe disruptions from the COVID-19 pandemic.

Despite near-uncontested approval by the city government, various members of the public have raised complaints.

Cathleen Zion, an active member of St. Mary Roman Catholic Parish, was one of the most vocal opponents in the development. Like many other members of the church, she had concerns about litter on Mount Olivet — the St. Mary’s-affiliated cemetery next to the Waffle House property. She continued that Waffle House has nearly 2,000 restaurants.

“They don’t need Oxford,” she said. As a restaurant chain, Waffle House does have a plethora of already-established locations. According to the Waffle House website, there are already 80 in Ohio.

Ethan Corey, a biology student at Miami University, was excited for the Waffle House development until he learned of its location.

“Waffle House is my favorite place to spontaneously go to,” he said, “but it’s hard to spontaneously go to a place I cannot walk to.”

Kinesiology student Garrett Perry said any of his stops at the new restaurant would be late at night when other establishments are closed, not during normal business hours.

“If it’s breakfast time, I’m going to Bob Evans,” he said.

However, several city members have made it clear the Waffle House development is completely reason- able, even if it wasn’t their first choice for a restaurant.

Mayor William Snavely said City Council doesn’t have the power to decide which businesses come to Oxford as long as they abide by established policies and zoning.

“For the public’s information, we don’t choose tenants,” Snavely said. “We don’t choose which restaurants come to town. So that’s why it’s not a Panera.”

Typically, City Council receives less opposition than the Waffle House development. Yet, the city does not find complaints from the public to be frustrating.

“You get to see the democratic process unfold at these meetings,” Cropenbaker said. “It is the right of members of the community to express their feelings, regardless of how anyone else in the room may feel about it.” mill2008@miamioh.edu

Journeying to gross places: Miami’s bathrooms, reviewed

Connor Oviatt Michael Pattee The Miami Student

Love and honor ’em, or hate ’em, we all have to use the public bathrooms that Miami University’s wonderful campus has to offer. But which ones should you go to often, and which ones should you stay away from? We went across campus to find the best (and scariest) latrines.

Most resembles a war bunker — King Library

This one is fairly self explanatory. The stall door looks like it could withstand a flame thrower. If a severe water balloon fight ever breaks out, I know where I’m headed.

Most likely to have an awkward bro moment — Irvin Hall

When nature calls, you want to make sure you have a nice, comfortable seat on the thinking stool. However, this toilet in Alumni Hall will make you repeatedly bump into the wall. Good luck getting to that toilet paper. Most likely to see something you can’t unsee — The Rec

Creepiest bathroom — Harrison Hall

Of course Farmer has the most bougie urinals the world has ever seen. Somehow, this bathroom is always spotless (finance majors don’t have the best aim). While intimidating for non-FSB students, we recommend giving this one a try. We just wouldn’t recommend going Number Two. Miami paid millions of dollars for this building but couldn’t set aside $10 for some two-ply toilet paper.

Honorable Mentions:

This one goes without saying. All of the homies can understand our pain with this one. Even after removing the urinal on the far left, it just ain’t right. Most awkward arrangement — Alumni Hall

If you haven’t had the pleasure of peeing with the cockroaches and avoiding the inward swinging bathroom doors of Harrison’s stalls, then you haven’t experienced true terror. Straight out of a horror movie, the poor lighting and lack of maneuverability create the perfect ambush spot for Helen Peabody and all the other Miami ghosts.

Most Professional — Farmer School of Business pattemj@miamioh.edu oviattcc@miamioh.edu

Most likely to have a toilet stolen — Dodds Did you hear about the urinal smashing that took place earlier this year?

Most likely to have pee on the floor — Brick It’s not if pee gets on the floor — it’s when.

We support the right of everyone to use the pool at the Rec, and have a place to do their business afterward. However, some of the people at the Rec don’t really understand boundaries. We’ll just leave it there.

Humor section rounds up what color the debt ceiling should be, 4/20 day and more have a jacket, take it off!” There’s always the dreaded, ‘Oh, this is your favorite bottle of shampoo? Too bad, it’s one milliliter over the legal travel limit. Throw it in the trash!” This poor, hungover-stricken woman had enough. With her head throbbing and holding in the vilest puke known to man, she finally snapped. At 5:55 a.m., she charged the TSA agents, sending three of them to the hospital. fective and useful efforts of DARE.

Now, agencies that help warn kids about the dangers of marijuana are under attack. Just last week, Hugh J. Blount, mayor of Stonesville, Colorado, threatened to close schools due to their involvement in DARE. Social media also continues to perpetuate lies.

Please, ensure that your kids aren’t being fed marijuana-related lies on TikTok. It is time we take the use of illicit drugs into our own hands.

Humor Staff

House to debate debt ceiling bill as GOP confronts last-minute holdouts

Yes, you read that right. Our House of Representatives currently is spending time debating the debt ceiling instead of debating issues that actually matter. Republicans want the ceiling to be painted pink and the Democrats want it to be painted brown.

Prominent GOP leader Mitch McConnell thinks the ceiling needs to be pink because it’s his favorite color.

“I am a huge fan of Princess Peach and all she stands for,” McConnell said. “The least the GOP can do for her is paint the ceiling pink in her honor.”

Chuck Schumer, Democratic Senate Majority Leader, says the ceiling needs to be brown because they can’t get shit done in Congress.

“The color of the ceiling needs to reflect the progress we are making in the House and Senate,” Schumer said. “If we were getting things done then the color could be a happy color like orange or yellow.”

Woman lets intrusive thoughts win; bravely does what everyone wishes they could

Authorities arrested a 19-year-old woman after attacking and injuring three TSA agents Wednesday morning. Reports claim they have no idea what provoked this woman’s attack, but allow us to paint you a picture.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to make it to the airport by 4 a.m. for your flight two hours later. Through your thick hangover, you get an Uber ride to the airport only to be shepherded into a security line snaking its way a mile from your gate. All the while, you are being yelled at to, “Take your shoes off! Get out your electronics! If you

To all 10 people reading this article, do not pretend you’ve never fantasized about giving the TSA a piece of your mind. This woman just gave them a piece of her fists. The most incredulous aspect of this article is that the woman was awake enough to take down three agents before 6 a.m. This really increases the confidence the American people should have in the TSA to defend us against terrorists. Sure, it takes more than three agents to take down a 19-year-old, but a terrorist shouldn’t take more than five agents. Right?

Hammond mayor celebrates

4/20 Day with on-air smoke, good news for other local pot users

Tragedy struck the town of Hammond, Indiana, when the mayor lit a blunt and died on camera.

Luke Blaze, 42 years old and zero months, was found deceased after livestreaming himself smoking marijuana to celebrate the popular internet holiday. Blaze is the 1,455,353th marijuana casualty in the United States since the beginning of 2023.

“We are extremely disappointed at the passing of Mayor Blaze,” Hammond City Council member Allison Jenkins said.

Blaze’s death serves as a solemn warning of the dangers of marijuana. Millions of Americans each year succumb to the dangerous drug, despite the incredibly ef-

Humor writers are unable to come up with funny articles; lazily fall back on a ‘Headline Dump’

TEDDY JOHNSON PATRICK SULLIVAN CO-HUMOR EDITORS

OPINION: Make It Miami kids would make me happy if they stopped judging me

Hula hoop competition between Greg Crawford and Elizabeth Mullenix breaks out in ASG pavilion, drawing crowd of hundreds Gatlinburg, Tennessee, officially changes name to Fratlinburg due to overabundance of frat formals in the Smoky Mountain tourist trap town

UP Magazine sued by Disney Studios for stealing name from Pixar film

Climate change deniers cite 40-degree weather in May as ‘evidence global warming doesn’t exist’

Mothers from around Ohio invited to VIP experience at Yung Gravy concert; Miami claims it is a second alumni weekend

Rising sophomores relieved to find out they no longer have to be the dumb first-years at New Bar

Brick Street announces plans to launch a daycare over the summer to draw in younger crowd

Miami’s acceptance rate rising to 100% next term making it impossible for students not to get in

The Miami Student Humor section no longer smallest active section; chaos ensues in publication

Graduating finance major who does not have a dad at J.P. Morgan now looking for openings at your local fast food chain john1595@miamioh.edu

Miami students skip classes to search for $25K rocks

This past week after loud sonic booms filled the air, a flaming meteor landed in Maine. A local museum, desperate to get its hands on this fantastically exceptional flaming fireball, has taken to bribing individuals $25K for pieces of the rock.

This has inspired thousands of Miami University students to skip classes to try their hand at rock hunting. After coming up empty handed, some Miami students have already returned from Maine because they only found “normal rocks.” patteemj@miamioh.edu john1595@miamioh.edu sulli293@miamioh.edu oviattcc@miamioh.edu finals week? Or my final week? stay tuned

Sorority sister Samantha Smith stated that she just wanted to find one of the rocks to get some apple juice money for her trips to Brick Street.

In response to the mass exodus of students, the Geology Department declared that the next week of classes will be open to all and will focus on how to identify space rocks. In response to this, Geology teachers are preparing for a 250% increase in class attendance.

This week, The Miami Student Humor Staff compiled a list of our favorite YikYaks, grammatical errors and all.

Miami housing at move in: we’ve given you all specific time and dates for when you should arrive to move in, along with bins and custodians to assist you.

Miami housing at move out: LISTEN TO ME,, IDGAF HOW OR WHEN BUT GTFO BY MAY 12 AT 7PM SHARP.

I couldn’t imagine growing up and thinking “I want to work in parking enforcement”.

I truly have 0 sympathy when teachers complain about grading. I hope you’re as miserable grading as I was doing the assignment

This has been the longest week of my life and it’s 2:23 on Monday i could never abuse substances. i love substances the judgement i feel walking past the make it miami parents omw to darty

Yelling at Make It Miami students means there will be less students in the future to take your spot for registration. Do your part.