Good read

ILLUSTRATION: ESTHER CURTIS

WEBTROVERTS UNITE

SARA TASKER EXPLORES HOW ONLINE COMMUNITY COULD BE THE KEY TO EMBRACING VULNERABILITY AND DISCOVERING OUR BEST CREATIVE SELVES

Words: SARA TASKER WWW.MEANDORLA.CO.UK Illustration: ESTHER CURTIS WWW.ESTHERCURTISDESIGN.COM

Some of my best friends are people I met online. That hasn’t always been a palatable truth to share. In the early days I wove cover stories of connecting at concerts or in shops to protect myself from the suspicion at forming friendships this way. As social media and dating apps have spread into our daily lives though, this perception has gradually shifted. More than ever before, the internet offers opportunities for community that are increasingly absent. But how can we find it, and who should we really trust?

THE THIRD CATEGORY There’s a popular personality profiling tool that lumps us into one of two camps: those who thrive on social interaction and are energised by engaging with others are the extroverts; those who enjoy it but find it draining are the opposing introverts. Shy and socially awkward, by most definitions I fall under the latter –but with one notable exception. When I spend time online, nattering on Twitter, chatting in the comments on Instagram or a forum, I don’t suffer the same sense of social burnout. Let me loose on an internet forum with a glass of wine in hand and I’m the life and soul of the virtual party! I can show up, I can speak out, and I can have a great time. The more I’ve talked with others, the more common I’ve discovered this experience is. Communication via the internet removes the pressures of face-to-face interaction. Online, it’s fine to take a few moments before speaking, to sit in your scruffiest pyjamas, to keep your eyes on your knitting as you talk. Online we can let our guard down and enjoy the business of human connection unfettered. I’ve coined a third category for the personality analysts to consider: webtroverts. For a webtrovert, a tightly-knit toddler group at the local church hall might be a special kind of hell, but a message board full of other parents a welcome and supportive embrace. And while the press continue to peddle the notion that this social media self must be somehow inherently insincere, I’ve repeatedly found the opposite to be true.

AN HONEST REFLECTION In my work I help people express themselves creatively online. There’s a raft of self doubts that inevitably arise in the process –will I be good enough? Will anyone like what I do? But biggest of all is the fear of what our ‘real life’ connections will make of our work. I’m not talking about our partners or best friends here, although they can sometimes be part of the picture. But for most, it’s the people on the periphery: parents at the school gates, casual acquaintances, colleagues we only know in a professional sense. I’ve seen people press pause on all their creative ambitions, or craft convoluted workarounds to desperately protect themselves from being seen to try by these people. An anonymous audience of online strangers offers us the chance to own parts of ourselves that feel too vulnerable to share in our daily lives. To experiment with our creativity or making; to confess our wildest dreams or ambitions –and crucially, in return –to find a group of people who will accept us, safely and openly, for exactly who we are. With nearly a billion active monthly users on Instagram alone, it’s almost inevitable that for whatever you’re dealing with, there’ll be somebody out there to listen and talk. The internet isn’t making us more false or filtered and artificial: it’s giving us space to more thoroughly explore what it means to be wholly ourselves. Of course, this freedom of expression comes with its down sides too. The rise of extremist discourse online is dark and distressing, giving a home to unspeakable ideas and intolerance. But if it’s a double edged sword, then I know that the side of good and tolerance is far stronger. It is up to all of us to learn how to wield it together, by creating diverse community, by showing up as our whole, flawed, uncertain selves, and making space for everyone to feel safe to do the same. I’m reminded of a quote I recently stumbled across –where else but on Pinterest? –by Kurt Vonnegut last week: “What can young people do with their lives today? Many things obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured”. The community hubs have been lost in our cities and villages, but online there are no walls to confine or shut anybody out. Some of your best friends are waiting for you on the internet –and your most complete and creative self might be waiting there too.