Meaning and Experience, Part 1
Michael Bolerjack
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; and I am greatly pleased with my inheritance. Psalm 16: 6
I dedicated
I believed: Therefore
Myself to God though I did
I spoke: Tell all the truth but
Delay: Lord forgive.
Tell it slant: in this
I dedicate this
I could tell all my
Work to the priests I have known
Truth and nothing but the Truth:
And to another:
As you helped me God.
This book is for a
Texts are woven things:
Teacher: A sister in God:
This was a coat of many
Paula Jean Miller.
Colors: as given.
In the end I did
So be thankful for
Not avoid the truth you taught
The colors given and His
And you still believe.
Light by which we see.
Pure mind and pure heart:
Interpretations
An old man limping laughing
Always miss the mark; always
Sees the tree at dusk.
Miss experience.
Four sisters and I
The fact of the light:
Standing in the lake alone:
More than words can say: empties
What is covenant?
Me of self and sense.
Neither monk nor lay
Silence and meaning
A man went this way living
Are not part of a system
Life in His presence.
But are not opposed.
Flowers drooping heads
The mystic moment
In dryness await the rain
Misunderstood passed me by
Without meaning to.
As I read a book.
Meaning is absent
[envois] and heavy [envois]
But experience is known
Men in cities avoid truth
By presence itself.
In their neighbors’ eyes.
The experience
Around the table
And the meaning come apart
We discussed meaning and life
In silence not known.
Despite our heartbeats.
The pain of living
Without knowing how
And the joy of finding out
And without meaning to know
Push and pull again.
Yet life too chose me.
I could not keep it
Under stars without
But silence knew what to do
I stood and pointed to one
And this bubbled up.
Inventing meaning.
No reconstruction
The reinvention
As I stand beneath the sky:
That happens naturally
Just the light in air.
Is the best of all.
No birds trace the way:
Supernatural
Trackless expanse of Heaven
The battle for the faith:
Unstained and unfeigned.
Wrinkles in my flesh.
Quiet nights and peace:
Look over and see
Afternoons playing at sums:
Beyond yonder wall the man
Balance in my hand.
Who died just to be.
Young men chase each thing
Gracious and godly
Across the green yard of life:
The opening in me yawned
Feeling faces lit.
But did not swallow.
They gauge the outcome
Separate from me
But all matter is a way
Reality dwells apart
To experience.
But within me yet.
Without leaving: still
Men and women cross
The distant married lands came
Themselves in hope of finding
And shone silent love.
A child between them.
The tree itself void
The mountain abides
Of meaning offers endless views
Yet there is peace in the vale
For watching sunset.
And heights cause a fall.
At night without art
Stumbling level ground:
Without catching a thing I
Step after step following:
Turn to you in sleep.
The walker crosses.
The leaf seeks not ground
Neither height nor depth
Nor attachment to the tree branch
Nor any other thing stands
But simply abides.
Between You and I.
Who am i? I ask
Behind us nothing:
Not knowing the master plan:
Between us everything else:
The really Real.
We communicate.
Summer Autumn Spring
Simply breathing air
All delight but bare Winter
Is what he did: also this:
Lies secret within.
Some rose and some fell.
The emptiness here
The impossible
Where I once was: now not I
Is the only thing worth our
But peace perfect peace.
Attempt: Yes we can.
If you choose or not
Forget all structure
Yet you are chosen: Abide
Because form is not the One:
In Him and be It.
When you as you are.
To be free of this:
If the tree could see
To this be free here and now:
He would see not light but the
There is no secret.
Other trees nearby.
Words about words fail
Lacking sight not light
But the peace of light reaches
The blindness of men is this:
Filling the darkness.
They looked away.
Light itself empties
They say peace someday:
Yet fills all things not knowing
But I say peace if you will:
And without intent.
Be yourself right now.
Shadows do not hide
Almost out of breath
But we hide in them because
I ran to meet you smiling
We want to forget.
With disheveled hair.
When you awake
Cross yourself again
Everything is beautiful:
And find your directions in
Even homely words.
The silent imprint.
Too much instruction:
Neither cold nor wet
We sign and we sign without
I am yet the hungry dog
Our feet on the ground.
Standing at your door.
Universities
I met you at church
Created the meaning but
And what we became was more
For a mundane love.
Than that: Life itself.
If you could touch me
Yesterday I drank
I would neither indicate
And you filled me with travel
Nor express meaning.
Taking me away.
After the heart breaks
In joyful wisdom
We learn to sing the blues out
Neither rational nor not:
Yet the wound remains.
Whiskey and Women.
If music were words
If I care too much
It would lose its emptiness
I will not let you ascend
And begin to mean.
To where you must be.
The heart must empty
He showed me the way
Before it can fill with blood:
And we placed our crosses
In rhythms we live.
In Jerusalem.
Crossing the river
A city I see
I saw an island in mist
Unlike any other one:
Without being there.
If only love builds.
The dry: The empty:
Remember me then
The desert full of wisdom:
Once or twice in the wake
The place of testing.
Till we meet again.
It doesn’t matter
Not understanding
What color her eyes or skin:
I loved I knew not what yet
But can she forget?
Love itself was true.
If I stayed longer
I loved you without
It would be to love you more:
Concepts ideas or things
Without fear or care.
But in the living.
Meaningful research
To carry something
Does not combine others’ words
For somebody: Charity
In new arrangements.
Brings unending Grace.
My father appeared:
What is past is past
Traveled everywhere he went:
And yet without forgetting
In ashes he blew.
We invent our life.
My wife came so far:
In discovery
So far from her home seeking
Without searching or meaning
For something somewhere.
We will love again.
Our city ruined
Too much straitening
We rebuilt with trowel and
Causes order to structure
Sword: our two arms full.
Chaos completely.
I always loved you
If I could sing you
For you were with me before
Without words or intention
In the dream I had.
Then you would love me.
Only yesterday
Lived experience
I had a glimpse of life and knew
Escapes meaning giving thanks
Without meaning.
Morning and evening.
Lovers and deamers
If I try to be
And madmen like I speak
I am not: but sitting still
No image: one Word.
He found me alone.
Without cognition:
A dark night ordeal
To be the substance itself
I could not count the [envois] so
Is finding Truth.
Black in my own mind.
Without losing hope
Salvation saw me
Yet without expectation:
Sitting still beneath a tree
Wait and wait again.
And He called to me.
Nothing behind us:
He empties Himself
Nothing is what it seems and
And shows a way that cannot
You already are.
Make sense to the world.
I fell into Grace
He sang his own song
The only way I knew how:
Yet given from above In-
By being broken.
Comprehensible.
Light absolutely
Touch me in pity:
Breaks and scatters the darkness
Find a heart beneath my mind:
We are despite love.
Now: without passion.
In breathing I am
I learned despite not
In all things respiring in
Knowing and I gained more than
Him and He in me.
An education.
When not if He comes
After I was shot
He will find faith in cities
It took 20 years to die
That we did not burn.
But now I can live.
When not if He comes
A man all in black
Only His words will matter:
Said very well and fine but
Not our constructions.
What do you do now?
When not if He comes
The compass caught north
Every Buddha will clap hands
And despite direction lost
While sinners rejoice.
The future beyond.
Mindful without thought
Put your right shoe on
Children play and old men dream:
First and the rest will follow
Life itself goes on.
Of its own accord.
Victory is not
She found the water
Simple assertion and yet
Without a bucket or well:
It must be disclosed.
Life itself happened.
He said keep dancing
Women O Women:
To your own drummer so
You and you and you: without
I went on my way.
Your knowing I died.
If you can’t sit still
Keep alive the dream
You must run until you walk:
Especially while awake:
Then you will allow.
Let your feet not stray.
Allowance found me
Will your love survive
Alone on my bed without
Without understanding why?
Expecting a thing.
I say better yet.
I lived on sheer faith
The double-edge sword
Climbing the cliff face without
Cuts this way and that slicing
Any skill but hope.
The knot of knowledge.
O little children
If I could be you
If I could only free you:
I would still be me only
But you must free yourselves.
Without the desire.
O men of eighty
Language fails because
If I could restore your life:
It means too much: the Truth is
You would not let me.
Still and in stillness.
I had a feeling
The light that breaks us
There was literature here
Is more than we could have hoped:
But could not find it.
Every knee will bend.
Without a purpose
I have spent more time
The tradition is taught you
I have wasted more money
While you inform it.
Than [envois].
Educationless
Forgive me for this
To the nth degree I read
It is not to be allowed:
Life backwards fading.
I almost told you.
Some people work in
Out of the depths cry
The Church while others pray for
Words that indicate without
A Kingdom to come.
Expressing the truth.
I will come with you:
All we can do is
Wherever you go I will
All we can do and not much:
Be there before you.
Will it be enough?
Without certainty
With fear and trembling
Universities will fail:
And in joy and hope we live:
Yet You are the Truth.
With what will we die?
Is bad love better
The sun will come up
Than no love at all? It seems
On us tomorrow always:
That time of season.
God willing it so.
I was always wrong
I saw an old friend
But turning left one more time
And exclaimed at the species:
I arrived at peace.
One in a million.
Vain is all seeking
All are lost but so
And yet when He finds you then
That all may be found: we are
You are truly found.
One in salvation.
Look not here nor there
Good and evil were
Still less within: if He knocks
My limits but without them
Do not be afraid.
I reached out to you.
Stranger in the night
Without meaning to
Announced again and again:
Means I cannot make a claim:
Still He surprised me.
I am what I am.
Pierced to the marrow:
I intend no thing:
My heart was ready for death
Neither play nor purpose nor
And even for Him.
Approximation.
Becoming simpler
Pure mind and pure heart:
Is not simple but involves
To forget yourself for love:
A winding detour.
How necessary.
In our labyrinths
Unbecoming mind:
In our selves we lose the way
Mindfulness without grasping:
Till it shows itself.
Hard the narrow way.
The Revelation
My wife and I climbed
Who God is and who you are:
Kilimanjaro today
Inseparable.
And touched butterflies.
Nobody knows why
After the poem
But we stumble trip fall and
Has been interpreted what
Find it anyway.
Remains of silence?
Felix culpa is
Structurality
The great truth of life because
Must be grounded in something
Humility is.
Autrement: Freedom.
Pure mind and pure heart:
Meaning plus music
To love the Good without guile:
Allows freedom that mere play
How simple: How hard:
Can never afford.
The deconstruction
Writers write: fish swim:
Cannot deconstruct silence:
Some people cook their food and
Mystic effraction.
Some eat their food raw.
Circular meanings
To get at the thing
Implicate endlessly but
You must uncover it and
The silence escapes.
In this words can help.
Neither expression
The blue butterfly
Nor indication: music
(for instance) in his pathless
And silence vibrate.
Flight lit on my hand.
The crisis passes:
I eternally hold
Minds allow each other more
A hand at no striving [envois]
Than bodies can know.
And yet it happens.
Without conventions:
It did not mean to
Neither seize nor know the day:
And I did not know meaning
Simply release it.
Itself afterwards.
Poets cannot know
Angela the saint
Anything but write their verses
Suffered me in the holy
Any way to live.
Creativity.
To be there with it
Dharma way also
Beneath sky-high waterfalls
Is Christian: Buddha made no
Was without meaning.
Claim against the Truth.
But it had event
One way all [envois]
Written in it and a hand
But no one is the actor:
Greeting not grasping.
Deny yourself: Yes.
Explanation
He did not mean you
Will not do and description
Must suffer but meant you must
Never tells the truth.
Die: Unless a seed…
Alain Badiou
But we suffer though
Wrote the truth is like saying
We need not: because of love.
“Keep going forward!”
Compassionate One!
To adequate Christ
Christ nailed to the tree:
And Buddha: Empty within:
Buddha meditating on
Everything is grace.
Suffering beneath.
The way is of Christ
Both take on and put
And we all walk on that way
Off perishibility:
Though some walk away.
Both arise awake.
Buddha in glory:
What is not present
Jesus ran His race well:
Cannot be shown to you in
In both completion.
Representations.
Resurrection is:
Representations
I must decrease: He is here:
Are not: images are not:
No actor: All: All.
You and I are not.
God is all in all
God is all in all:
So He had to die to be
Without structure or being:
Completed in us.
He is this movement.
Not that God Himself
It is a hard thing
Needed to be completed:
To deny yourself for Him:
It was for our sakes.
Yes: He is: not I.
Subjectless without
I am not I AM:
Object there is no is-ness
I am does not anymore:
But simply presence.
He abundantly.
I am not present
The cross is in this:
Nor can I be shown in your
Realization consists
Representations.
Of denying self.
I mean that I am:
Meaning always means
Experience is other:
I am but in self denied
I AM does not mean.
Experience is.
Meaningful research
The cleavage is real:
Into self reveals nothing
Paradoxically real:
At bottom but God.
Reality IS.
I am illusion:
God is not only
Whatever depends is not:
The Most Real but the only
He is in my hand.
One Who IS: despite:
I cannot be me
Despite language games:
But there is nothing else but
Philosophizing reasons:
To be me here now.
Desires: Lusts: Pleasures.
What is here and how
Sense is not non-sense:
In denying self empties
Reality exceeds both:
Itself into Him.
The absolute IS.
Neither I am nor
Awareness is real:
That thou art: but even less
Jesus as man felt the pain
Solipsistic sense.
For our pain was His.
He was at the point
Find the beginning:
And broke through all suffering
Where I end is where He is:
In contradiction.
I must decrease.
Buddhas in ascent:
Words are not yet Him
Christ descended into hell:
And writers neither lose Him nor
All is redemption.
Find His meaning.
The teacher instructs
The writer seeks not
By various ways and means
Meaning not expression but
To light up our minds.
An experience.
Lamps unto our feet
The trap of writing
Guides to our paths: meaningful
Is that it is illusion
To the moral faith.
And does not mirror.
But experience
Referring to self
Of Buddha and Christ is not
It fails: but we are not it:
Found in their meanings.
The Lord uses us.
God is undefined:
On the battleground
No propositions in God:
Minds are lost and won and more
De-limit the mind.
Won in the losing.
When you fail you know:
He did not tell us
You know you do not know and
Repeat after me but this:
Must stop trying to.
Deny: and: Follow.
Desks are poor things full
Following does not
Of papers and ambition:
Mean anything: it is the
Here I sit not-I.
Act of walking with.
Old boy what seek ye?
In walking with Him
Truth is not illusion but
We have sympathy and in
Knowing is just that.
This is understanding.
Truth cannot be known:
Many have told us
Truth is then when I am not:
What He meant: What did He do?
How can it be known?
He emptied Himself.
I allow (let’s say)
Vessels of light are
By emptiness a space for
Not full but empty so that
Truth to emerge in.
The light may fill them.
Detached: dismantled:
The blind do not know
Words are the last delusion:
The light despite accurate
He did not SAY it.
Explanation: Because:
The experience
Reconcile yourself
Of light itself acts like light:
To Him in forgetting that
Light has no meaning.
Once I was I AM.
What makes meaning is
HE WHO IS is that
The thing that is like the sun:
Absolutely: vanity
Was Derrida right?
To replace His place.
Poverty dumbstruck:
Literature is
Meaninglessness rather than
Still the tower of babble:
All these useless words.
Brick on brick on brick.
Abide: dwell: silent:
God did not do it:
Avoid speaking vanity
He does not but is beyond
Of all the vain things.
Our little towers.
We are: already:
Not analogy:
Useful words are words that use
But He will substantiate:
Themselves for climbing.
Transcendent in us.
Do not rebuild it:
Not even being:
Let it lie: release it; Gone:
That is interpretation:
Lovers: in love forgetting.
Withdrawal of self.
Meaning is order:
I meant nothing: say
To experience again
It was not my intention:
My meaninglessness.
Say something happened.
However much I
It was as she wished:
I seem to persist: My will
We went somewhere and we did
Meaning intention.
Something: yet did not.
At some point the thing
We believe all things:
Approaches in silent notes
We rejoice in the day of
And music happens.
The Lord: we are glad.
We walked up and down:
That night I awoke:
We roamed the butterfly fields
I said there is something that
At the mountain’s edge.
Is outside of me.
The butterflies seem
[envois]
Erratic: wandering: not Lost: but Bliss is Bliss.
No point than to live:
There is something there
Till then my hand there appeared:
Outside of me and allowing
Another moment.
Myself the stillness.
The butterfly IS:
We too with Buddhas
A hand was extended and
In glory and Christ in light
Then something happened.
To resound in song.
What? I cannot say
God sings Himself in
Because it cannot be said
Us: through us: for us: and we
Without a meaning.
Give Him instruments.
If I seem to say
Truth asks nothing more
It is only an illusion:
Than that it be sung: I say
I have not said IT.
Even these stones sing.
Buddha and Jesus
Even my mountain
Lived IT: said words to be heard
Cries out and will not let still:
More real by witness.
Harmony allows.
Light and all shadow
Allow Jesus to
Approximate the seasons:
Sing His song in you: never
Jesus died in Spring.
A song of myself.
I trust in this fact:
In absolute peace
The Promise: He will come take
The greatest songs are silent:
Us soon to Heaven.
Becoming seemless.
Jesus died in Spring:
A billion writers
Look at the flowers around
With their streaming meanings still
And see Him growing.
Cannot make you fly.
Without deception
If you do you will
Following butterflies
Do so by your love: a
Will also lead you.
Love without knowing.
They sing the same song
Neither hand will know
Without words without knowing
The exchange of self for God
Without notation.
Or when you took flight.
The meaning (again)
The dignity of
Impose suppose interpret:
Us is in our willing not
The butterfly IS.
Our own but others.
It is we who mean
To take flight cannot
And we who sing but not the
Mean anything until you
Butterflies who fly.
Fly: less even then.
Each blue dash and dart
Stable but shifting:
Simply was and I was not:
The words mean something but a
And yet I may be.
Butterfly wants more.
Simple clarity
All I have is yours:
And words about what happened:
When you give yourself to Him
Discernment required.
How can you remain?
The paradox IS:
Neither “I and I”
We efface ourselves when we
Nor “Every Other” even
Realize ourselves.
But beyond all that.
Never imitate:
I will never know:
Don’t just sit there and stare at Him:
When I know I will then cease
See the truth: He IS.
To exist as I.
Never imitate:
No mystery: Then
Be: when you are yourselves then
Why so few reach for knowledge
You no longer are.
Knowing they will cease.
One above behind
We will destruction
Us all behind all signs and
Of the world rather than this:
Things makes us: Believe.
Let God be you now.
In belief hearts are
And we would rather
In sacrifice of self torn
Speak a streaming discourse:
That we give the gift.
I: than not be I.
Yet I will not be:
Talk now less and less
Why not now? Why not by Him?
As monks learn to teach an all
We say by His grace.
Through whelming silence.
Even without [envois]
Poor butterflies: rich
Or effort at the right time
In poverty taking no
It simply happens.
Thing but simple flight.
Though trials there to be
I saw them make love:
And the fight of ceaseless war
In natural attraction
The peace is: still IS.
With us by their side.
And the war is won
But they (who can say
Not by surrender but [envois]
Why) flew away leaving us
By coming onslaught.
To interpret them.
Just be the peace and
Butterfly lovers:
See: no will: no mind: no one:
Us and them: in all we are:
Radiant presence.
And in love finding.
Still dismantle me
For compassion IS:
As talk continues to be:
To give a home and blessing:
Continues to see.
To find the right time.
To not dwell alone:
He the essential:
Neither dwell without meaning:
I the passing: memories
We finding outside.
Will not be mounting.
When I am not-I
On the one mountain
Then suddenly there is THIS:
There is but glory alone:
A world surrounding.
Let it be: enough.
Jacques said the context
Versification
Is the meaning: Nothing can
Is the conversion of I
Carry it: but be.
Into the not-I.
We absent ourselves
Experience is
[envois]
Not this: Experience is
Until transformation.
Forgetting to mean.
Stepping outward bound
Buddha on his side
We are almost are that Glory:
And Jesus on the cross died:
Yet not us alone.
Yet they did not die.
Glory means nothing
Buddha’s mindfulness
If I glorify myself:
And Christian suffering are
Give glory to God!
Not polarities.
Experience first
Neither description
After suffering before
Nor explanation will do:
Teaching us the way.
I am not an “I�.
Experience last
If language distorts:
Through suffering in order
Vehicles of metaphor:
To teach us the way.
Words are not useless.
Truth is the only
Convey your belief:
Thing left to see: Whatever
We are separate and so
Is not is not real.
We still try to say.
Life is a vector
Just this separateness
Moving in a direction
Falls into the signs of what
Without [envois].
Plato called the Gap.
Associations:
Between the ideal
Come together fall apart:
And the real is the shadow
Particularly words.
Which cannot be said.
Mirrors of the real
We lovers till then:
They are not real but seem:
Love us by separation:
True propositions.
To jump the abyss.
Love is our meaning
What IS simply IS:
Yet in our experience
When you become you will be:
We find what love is.
But we always wait.
Not only feeling
The kingdom is now:
But in the ground of being:
When we realize it we
Love creates our need.
Show ourselves kingship.
Pounding out the hours
He is still within:
We would set sail out of love:
Find after your “I am” the
For love: toward love.
I AM THAT I AM.
And we stand still
I am not: He IS:
Stranded on the shore waiting
My “I am” is an echo
For better relief.
Of the great I AM.
There is one to come
Imagination
And He wipes away all tears
Is the fool of time [envois]
In our dark sainthood.
To good and evil.
And we climb the steps:
Knowledge must be: Yet
We shake off the need of pride
In the Phantasm we know
For the one virtue.
Nothing but ourselves.
Don’t let me be proud:
Yet God’s gifts and His
Lord make me an instrument
Call are irrevocable:
Steady in your hand.
He did not let me.
Death will not hold us
These shards of meaning
If we submit to Your will:
Professing experience
Lord make me humble.
Miss the mark of Him.
God is my shepherd:
He is the Most High:
I have wanted nothing but
Where others thought ideas
Needed discipline.
Of infinity:
My Lord and My God!
Indefinitely
I did it all for God and
Exposing the word to their
For her: for she IS.
Criticism-shame.
For God and for her:
The truth about that thing
For in perfect wisdom the
Called deconstruction is the
Virgins know God best.
Fact men loved a lie.
In my unknowing
They loved a lie and
I wandered from the way and
Worshipped themselves rather than
Almost lost my faith.
The creator God.
Glory is but sight
Buddha walked a lot
Cleansed of what I cannot be:
As did Christ to His crossing:
The “I” I am not.
Their words still travel.
In perfect vision
By example they
Behold the man where He stands
Set out the better truths like
Bleeding in judgment.
Plato immortal.
Then He gave glory:
On one above we
Crucified and Glorified:
Depend: return to the source:
Him who died for you.
Be not dismantled.
Overcome evil with
For surely He comes:
Good in peace with great patience:
Be neither afraid nor doubt
Despite the mind’s thoughts.
His voice calling you.
Do not be afraid:
Once again build up:
All beings attend on you:
Let yourself in uprightness
Salvation is near.
Bow low before Him.
He saved me drowning:
When you came apart
Some rise and some fall: amazed
You still saw the meanings that
The abyss buoys.
Were meant to save you.
They were not words to
Stay on the path and
The deaf but eyesight to the
Walk more surely than before
Blind in His Blessing.
And gospel yourself.
[envois]
They once said that we Un do: let go: that truth is Always already.
Both stand in the truth:
But I say hold on
One speaks IT the other IS:
And never give up nor yet
Christ thy name is Love.
Give in to release.
I am not my own
Atonement is not
Light and I cannot see you
Imagination which
Without Him my lamp.
Is but I the Fool.
If we could see Him
If I had known the
In one another how could
Truth sooner I would have must
We cease believing?
Have written elsewhere.
There are directions
The really Real can
And if you follow them you
Be seen in the weather: But
Will not fall away.
Experience Him.
Find the one you know
Pages of marvel
Who opens the clouds without
That turn to ash easily:
Any force but light.
Yet His words remain.
Buddha said look past
[envois]
Me: but Pilate said Behold The Man: Jesus Christ.
Truth will never stray:
Persist! Then: Persist!
Truth returns to the place of
There is no happiness but
Illumination.
In overcoming.
There is but one light:
Since He opened you
We all see by that one fire:
You cannot close again but
We all shine with it.
Sometimes you still try.
Words take on the dark:
God is the one who
But how white the pages and
Teaches: His reign is rain: Soak
Smooth their reception.
Me with all Your Truth.
You must be that page:
Once I sat still and
Allow the inscrutable
Waited on the arrival:
To inscribe itself.
It seemed forever.
More! More butterflies!
Let yourself shine then:
More mountains to climb! Without
By the light: not in a dark
Memory to see them.
Night of this writing
Words are more and less
But in the dark night
And the truth is in meaning
Of the soul embraced by God
But we lack the means.
Who is your Author.
Or do we? He gives
You are not the thing
His Word unfailing and He
Itself and cannot know it:
Must be spoken through.
But it has always
Do not see me write:
Known you and me in
Do not imagine the scene:
Our medicine and artless:
You already write.
Our pretty sinning.
You are my event
Alone to alone:
And I am your pretext for
But never alone I heard
Good criticism.
Him call me by name.
Dissolution is
Relationship is
The acid word of the man
Not false in itself because
Who deconstructs you.
We are all in Him.
Did you think that you
The gift of presence
Could lose yourself without then
Simply is experience:
Losing Him as well?
The meaning of life.
Mortal blindness! Fool!
For instance I say:
I am that very man that
Birds sing despite our sighing
You are without Him.
And do not let up.
Once I did seem real
After your heart breaks
But got over it after
You must still sing like the birds:
The enlightenment.
Never letting up.
Enlightenment is
There is no middle
Without a doubt and yet
Way but a narrow one that
Not what people think.
Hurts: still you must sing!
Patience (the great thing)
I once sang a song
Means only you hold what you
Knowing not what but it was
Have been given: Gifts
Noise and weariness.
From above because
What you are you are
Despite what you have been told:
But do not ignore the law
You cannot save you.
Written “thou shall not.�
Know thyself it’s said
Jesus went into
And it is still good to learn:
The desert in order to
But only in Him.
Be tempted! And win!
After descent to
You have been given
Your vilest depth look up and
Temptations in order to
See Christ in Glory.
Secure victory.
Only by knowing
Not for fun nor for
The difference will I know
Punishment are you tempted
The truth of my world.
But to overcome.
There is an ancient
The experience
Enemy without and one
Or meaning of the “waste land”
Within: Guard yourself!
Is not metaphor.
I was never for
You must live it for
Hire and did not earn a day’s
Yourself if you will conquer
Wage: may God forgive.
The evil and sin.
I hope: I hope He
As well as that of
Will forgive my ignorance
Living without the knowledge
Thinking that I knew.
Of the truth He is.
Like anyone else
Abandon ourselves
I must climb from ignorance
To God and we will not fail
To understanding.
To arrive on time.
I must learn to fight:
It was not in vain
Myself and all that stands in
I once read of the Buddha
The way of my goal.
Because [envois].
If the world writes me
My journey to the
Badly I will rewrite the
East was over and I came
Script and improvise.
Around to my truth.
Truth is His stillness
Do not mistake the
But also truth calls to me
Finger pointing at the moon
From the very storm.
For the moon itself.
Truth does not cease in
But neither should i
Pursuit of me though I still
Fail to read the signs of the
Run the other way.
Times I am living.
It is a good thing
There is something loose
God loves us so much and that
In the world the world does not
He never gives up.
Know: the antichrist.
We think we know it
But only Francis
But we have no idea of
And a few others loved Her;
What it means to do.
Lady Poverty.
I said it once
The kingdom is not
And I will say it again:
Of meaning nor is it a
Yet Christ will abide.
Senselessness: it IS.
If I may return:
The word means more than
The argument of the text
Meaning as a concept contains;
Is: just simply be.
A Sheer Abundance
Coming to be and
That chose poverty
Passing away are the truth
Instead in order to be
Buddha would escape.
With us forever.
Do not fight your own
To live as we live:
Suffering but do not look
To take our meaninglessness
Away to avoid.
And give us what IS.
In poverty I
But we stick with a
Found meaning did not mean to:
Meaning that amounts to our
I am not empty.
Own deconstruction.
There is more to say
Waterfall above:
But what IS always takes time:
Butterfly at hand: You stood
Even the eternal.
Too: essentially ajar.
I won’t look into
Neither this nor that
The abyss too long since
Life is not [envois]
I looked into you.
Nor is it a thing itself.
The book lay open:
To descry meaning
No one there to read the signs:
Once more in the name of life
The means fell away.
Is simply senseless.
Trees grow toward light
The scatter pattern:
But find in the black earth the
Butterflies and the little
Other half of life.
Flower remind me.
I grew toward Him
Is enlightenment
Out of sinful soil and love
Life without meaning or the
For the Autrement.
Experience of
But turning away
Meaninglessness that
From my bad beginning, I
Is still a reason to believe
Look toward what I found.
Despite the nonsense?
God still gives to us
Anticipation
Meanings never lost again
And His fullness may yet be
But asks our catching.
My own completion.
If I look for that
The Buddha said he
I will never find that:
Was always at beginning
Thou art not That when
And so too am I
That is the lie of
He would save the worlds
Eden: that you are Gods and
From suffering by killing
That I made myself.
Passions and desires.
Through enlightenment
Whether there is an
The darkest deconstruction!
End to suffering or not
Am I the measure?
Is not the issue:
I think I will yet
I risk pain for love:
Empty myself of conceit
I must affirm life as IS
And write for the Lord.
And love it anyway.
Then without knowing:
The experience
With a hand trained to obey
Of pain may not have meaning
Discover His truth.
But accessing love.
An experience
Perhaps so I might
Buddha thought was meaningless
Someday understand when I
Is the means to love.
Have learned how to love.
Christ chose it Himself
I suffer to love
Out of love, not to buy back,
And almost love to suffer
But drink it all down.
As priests tell us to.
And to show me how
Forget not Buddha
I can love too both because
Neither Christ nor what was their
And despite the pain.
One experience:
Even though the Buddha
Complete emptiness:
Did not die and stopped the wheel
The way up and the way down
Yet the world still turns.
Are one and the same.
And churches come and
The obedience
Churches go in the name of Christ
Of love is greater than faith
But no kingdom come.
And love can also
They did not live in
Empty you of self:
Vain but their lives are not yet
Only empty of self can I
Understood by me.
Carry the abyss.
If I could love you
For freedom is not
I would find in you the way
The one thing necessary:
To experience.
So then why not love?
And yes: the meaning:
Judgment in the way
The one word of harmony:
Of the way we would love to:
My reason to be.
Choice desire indicts.
Something more I see
All religions are
In the truth of the person
One: to choose between them is
That you are likely:
Admission of guilt.
Another Buddha,
Guilty of the lack
Beneath the tree: or asking
Of love based on judging truth
Christ the cross relieve
Without acceptance.
Our sins so we may love
Do not choose what to
To forget our meaningless
Believe: election requires
Lived experience.
Your being chosen.
I think I too thirst
Just try not to hurt
Like Christ though I am no saint
People on the way to where
And need not freedom:
You are going to.
Am I bothersome?
Meaning is judgment
I am too full of advice:
But experience beauty
But I think I know.
Without copula.
The impossible
If you have much to
God does the impossible:
Give then give it all away
Made me so poor rich.
From exuberance.
That I would give Him:
May God help me speak
Paying attention is my
Without judgment though I think
Way to pray in thanks.
I have seen the worst.
To write the meaning
Let no false love nor
Of meaninglessness is
Parody of Catholic
To exemplify.
Theology reign.
In paradox I write:
I wrote poetry
For I cannot say what the
Thinking I was in [envois]
Butterfly would say:
But love was not yet there
If wings were words and
For otherwise why
She traced sentences in the
Not stay on the mountain with
Air instead of beauty.
The blue butterfly?
Searching: possessing
Missing the meaning
Lies I thought were truth I was
I held to experience
Leading her away.
Trapped in my own self.
I could not say I
Contradictions are
Experimented with her
Sometimes true but why did I
Beauty as Nietzsche
Make it my arche?
Did with the old truths:
I was but a text
And at least experience
And caught in my own writing
Called out a warning.
Effortlessly drowned.
The life is passing:
Until He called halt!
For a moment it is there and
I turned and became aware
then it is forever:
Of what I was not.
Gone: a memory:
Which is simply put
Is that what butterflies are
Everything: everything else:
To become for you?
The world I am not.
But I did not know how
My dream of something
To love the blue butterfly:
Outside of me was just the
She could have been God.
Leading vision seen.
Oh to write truly
The clever boy is
Of the plainest things I once
Obscured by the brilliance that
Did not care about
Others meant to say.
And not lose His love
Another boy would
In self-absorbed exhaustion
Wait and not forget: patient
And in the ceaseless
Longing yet without
Search to say what I
Rushing past the signs
Could never say any way I
Of love which all have meaning
Might have tried: that is:
To Him who made them.
Let me not feign a
God is good: God alone
Meaning while at the same time
Is good: what does this mean now
Saying there is none.
Seen from another
Why not become Light?
Point of view? It means:
There is only one story:
At least I can say this much:
It is not about me.
I know God is Good.
The clever boy is
To know something is
Lost in the meaning of his
Different from not knowing:
Meaning not knowing.
I said I did not
And I really did
The light is glory:
Not: but I thought that I did:
The very thing called into
I was a burden.
Question by darkness.
I am not the light
I did not know how
That I must experience
Complicit was my blindness
In order to know.
With what I held true.
I said light does not
The glory of God:
Mean anything and yet by
Deconstruction and roman
It we know all things.
Deconsecration seek
But I know that light
Their own glory in
Is good: I know it: that light
An anticipation of
Is the light of men.
Antichrists to come.
The darkness cannot
They will use any
Comprehend it and I was
Means to erase meaning: the
In complete darkness
Simulation of.
Yet I was writing
I did not see that
Of my own enlightenment:
Meaning and experience
Could I be more wrong?
Are not opposed but
Complement: they are
He was a signal:
Not absence against presence
A messenger: the way that
But ways of knowing
God said “I love you.�
Truth: by their fruits you
I turned his sign of
Shall know them: the meaning
Love inside-out and said it
Of experience
Had no meaning as such:
For a catholic
That the event did
Is simply the sacraments:
Not respire with a meaning
But does God need them?
Because there is none:
Who benefits from the
No meaning as such
Catholic economy?
But that the butterfly IS
Only Catholics.
And to be is not
I loved that little
To mean but to be
Blue butterfly that landed
Another kind of higher
On my fingertip
Emptiness: the Void.
And had the very
And now the Roman
Experience in itself
Church is to be made void and
But missed the meaning.
With it the world too.
Both of these abysses
But no more worlds to
Of the deconstruction and
Follow: more void than Buddha’s
The deconsecration
Realm: kingdom undone.
Are places that light will
So I look back on
Not reach: deepest darkest
The world of the time I touched
Hell: black but on fire.
The blue butterfly.
These terrible things
How much I did not
Still mean something: they are rich:
Know of things to come when that
Because they ruin truth.
World would seem a dream
Without truth there will
And dwell with the God
Be no more spiritual
In unapproachable light:
World, and without it:
While the context of
No more world of the
The blue butterfly
Material either: for
That gives to experience
[envois]
The meaning divine
Not just the world that
Was to be torn in
Followed the deconstruction
Two and beauty truth love all
And deconsecration:
Lost in delusion.
I had thought my own
Call me in the queue:
Error so damnable in
Call me edge of seventeen:
Not giving meaning:
Continuum called
But they do far worse:
Q: as a question:
They will say the fine thing but
As a philosophical
They will not mean it.
Response to dogma.
Neither Buddha nor
Independence is
The catholic line satisfies
Not in error because the
But the Christ alone.
Pope isn’t honest.
Seventeen in a
More catholic than
Stanza stands in the Q and
The Pope is the church of Q:
Strikes against antichrist.
Sans benediction.
A spanner in the
The independent
Works between the sixteen and
Thinker in freedom and in
The eighteen so that
Isolation from
John Paul II and his
The one and only
False prophet cannot connect
Lie that hinders salvation:
The magic number.
The papal blessing.
He has not any
And judgment the tare
Idea of God: but the
To be torn: leave them not till
Person of God is
The end but remove:
True and the Pope may
Remove: tear judgment
Not even know what he is
Up by its roots and let it
In compensation:
Begin in Peter.
For in the spirit
The wolves and the sheep:
Of psychology the mind
Meaning and experience:
Contains both sides of
The wheat and the tares:
The coin: Icons
Buddha and the Christ:
Of Christ and the debased on
Benighted Benedict
The dark side of Him:
Blesses in reverse.
Benedict in His
Let Shostakovitch
Shadow completes the Christ but
Lead my quartet by a string
Woe to the man who
From peace to war and
Misunderstands Him:
Back again: to the
Who chooses judgment when love
Time of the blue butterfly:
Was the wheat to find:
Neither bought nor sold.
I said (for instance)
Use your illusion:
That truth is spoken despite
Yet you are that though: to be:
Us: yet it is said.
Weary spectacles:
In irony our
And so on and so
Words echo back to us as
Forth: we are witnesses to
Derrida’s laughter.
The truth not against:
I will offend then
Yet truth must be the
A selection of the work
Thing against itself to be
In question below:
True to itself: so:
No gain: ever lose:
The pope (God bless him):
Further fall: flower she fell:
Benighted Benedict:
[envois]
Enlightened no one:
They would have us turn
And over him rose
To chase it up ahead or
The thorn of contradiction:
Look into the past:
The nobody rose:
Do neither: be here:
O care of the soul:
Discern: in the timeliness:
Benediction petrified:
A temporal shut:
Peter’s blessing stone:
To the prophecy
However oblique
Of Celan and in dialogue
In approach: even from the
With Derrida and
Envois on he came
Two infinities:
To re veal the lamb
That the poet saw the pope
Not quite as serious as
And the end of him.
The pope: for the text
Rams: beasts: petrified:
Would ever contain
He would raise the rock to strike
The evil which was the real
The flock and scatter:
Reason for writing.
Uninterrupted:
As the mind in two
Derrida too foresaw the
The janus faced coin of an
One to come but hidden in
Exergue to come:
His text were the keys
Psyche and spirit:
Of the abyss: as always
Inseparable: heaven
Already he said:
Is in your mind and
Such is the law of
The simulacrum
The text: to hide the hest from
Of the text is a way to
Every first comer:
Decontaminate.
My life will therefore
Into basest coin:
Have been a scandal to them
Defaced the icons: profaned
Who judge it to be:
The sanctuary:
But Christ himself was
If life is Christ then
So and a sign to contradict
Sacramental grace is here
The acting pope said.
When we truly live:
The acting pope of
Sacraments give life:
The coup, as the church rolled dice
Presence: God amid His Church:
At the foot of the
Now surely elsewhere:
Cross and gambled for His
Where grace is lasting:
Vestments and investiture:
Arise: trust in the Lord: take
Antinomians.
Up your mat and walk:
And in mystic fashion
Your faith will save you:
Described fascist projection:
Leave the church and sin no more:
A transmutation
Do not look back but
Of the sacred to
Carry light salt seed
The transubstantiation
In order to scatter the
Of the golden Christ
Others in: to God.
Late have I left thee
She will always be
O Ecclesia: but not
Further than the East, like
Too late I still pray.
Sins flung far away:
One startling serene
He knows me better
Still one remained just for me
But she could not help but sign
Among the roses.
The blank I left blank:
She I say but one:
I waited and she
No other: neither word nor
Came: out of time: without the
Fragment: She: Woman:
Least direction: straight:
Say untouched by time
A rebel though she
Until a small voice whispered
Knew it not and ready to
Get and go: See.
Build back the torn down.
Destiny in it:
Almost not quite just
She went and me she continued
Barely yonder: the way come
In what we didn’t say.
Passing over all:
If they say she wore
When you find me say
Black and I wore red they’d be
He did not know his way yet
Half-right: we revolt.
Arrived after all.
In the dialectic
The weird news is this:
Of fascism are three moments:
Closure is trying to take
Nietzsche: Hitler: and
Place: with only Q
Joseph Ratzinger:
Between: the hated
His name says it all: O rats!
Number of Pythagoras:
The Thesis of the
The most random one:
Nietzschean seemed to
Between the added
Reach fruition in the reich:
Two of the beast and the false
But antithesis
Prophet’s sixteen stands
Is never enough:
The seventeenth to
The synthetic matrix in
Keep closure from occurring
Deconsecration
As Ulysses said:
Suspends the body
For the point is yet:
Of Christ in an illusion
And indicated: where? Here:
Of the pious fraud:
Just before MB
And Jewish rapture
And the nightlong song
Left behind only the Church
That may yet end in a Yes:
Militant to blame.
Yet not affirmation:
For after the yes
To be said: a new
What took place in the text of
Direction when I spoke of
Joyce but the wake that
Augustine: Arrive.
Is the funeral
The circle as such
Of the world: in the text mind
Cannot arrive as it is
You: every word counts:
Forever turning:
Ultrastructure is:
But if it closes
And there is nothing else but:
It will trap those in it in an
The Ultrastructure.
Economic Hell.
The Q if you would
Effraction is now.
Describes a circle effracted:
Disclosure of the fact is
A line laid across:
Enough in theory:
The economy
Symbolic therefore
Must be broken: the meaning
Real: the ideality
Of the catholic
of literature:
Church exposed inside
The line being laid
And out for revelation:
Against the antichrist ties
It will be released.
The sovereignties.
To save the Church will
By crossing his orb
Require true discernment for
With a line of reference
This we pray O Lord.
I shatter the globe:
I broke the Church
The impossible:
Open and exposed its heart:
If the pope refuses to stand
Now let me repair:
In the queue like the
Let is not be dashed
Rest of us, then he
Against the cornerstone but
Will find certain Q and A:
Built upon the rock:
A question for the
A new and better
Antichrist: Answer:
Than Peter is in ruins
Where are the miracles Ben?
Of a truth I loved.
Are they yet hidden?
O Christ you are true
Something in the bread
And faithful and so I write
And wine? Show me miracles
The line that must be
Benedict: Show me.
The sole arbiter
A church without truth:
Of meaning: my fixed point of
A church without miracles:
Reference: my all.
So a line is laid.
For it knows of me
Truth stands in the Q:
And what I am doing since
Bataille’s “story of rats” and
The archive has no
Deconsecration:
Corner in which to
The impossible:
Hide: so: if the circle of
God works in mysterious
circular letters:
Ways: The text abides.
The encyclical
Heraclitus said
Of the Marian Dogma
The most beautiful thing is
Has been prevented
Just this pile of junk.
By prevenient
Peter opposed
Grace: the circle at eighteen
His hierarchy to it:
Is inachevee:
But Peter will fall:
The antichrist is
To democracy:
Incomplete: on the other
To the freedom of the text:
Hand he may force it:
To the witnesses:
And attempt closure
Only by keeping
At any rate: But truth stands
Everything out of his pure
In the way of it.
Fraud could he succeed.
Even denying
Types and symbols of
The words of the Lord by
Eternity: as we cross
Interpretation.
The circle and break
The salt has lost its
The chain that would bind
Savor though: and the savior
The sovereignties:
Tramples under foot.
All moving as one.
The secret archive
We are already past
Of the Vatican opens
The point of the watershed:
To disclose nothing.
Down the mountain then:
Ashes to ashes
For she awaits us:
And dust to dust: they forged the
Shall I say Jerusalem?
Claim: Usurpation.
She is no Roman:
They cannot forge the
We will all descend
Blue butterfly or take the
Together now to the vale
Hand I held away.
Of the decision:
For there is in the
Armagiddeon
Chance occurrence a sign of
Time is not told by the clock
The one mind; One Face:
But tolled in a text.