North Shore Children & Families August 2011 by Michael Mascolo

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Extortion in Health Insurance The Reading Conundrum Making History Un-Boring Giving In is Out! Manners for Social Success in Pre-Teens Debates Over the Arts How to Read a Painting Community Calendar Enter to Win! More contests inside!

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AUGUST 2011

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Extortion in Health Insurance & Other Government Excesses (And a solution to cutting some fat in Washington!) by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher Extortion (noun): 1. An act or instance of extorting; 2.The crime of obtaining money or some other thing of value by the abuse of one’s office or authority; 3. Oppressive or illegal exaction, as of excessive price or interest: the extortions of usurers (or in this case, insurers!). Hello again, dear readers! I hope you don’t mind, but I need to get something off my chest. And it’s regarding an issue we are all facing – and will continue to face as we try to figure out how to fix our health insurance system (and a few other major, catastrophic problems) in this country. Just yesterday (July 18), I received a large envelope from Blue Cross Blue Shield of MA. The cover letter was dated July 5,

so either they sent it out really late or my suspicion that the U.S. postal service is not delivering mail every day or on time anymore is fact. It says that I have until July 31 to make a decision about my health insurance plan – or I will get a 29% increase in my monthly cost and I will not be able to change it again until 2012. That gives me just under two weeks to do some major, timeconsuming research, figure things out – and make a decision – all while I am trying to finish this issue… It’s important to know that I am a healthy woman, not on medications and I have a single subscriber plan. I routinely go the doctor once each year for an annual physical – along with the annual tests that are recommended for women my age. I also go to a dermatologist

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once each year for a mole scan, as many do. I consider myself to be a very low maintenance patient. So imagine my surprise when I received this letter, two weeks after it was dated, advising me of my new rate that will take effect on my anniversary date in September. My monthly rate for a basic HMO Plan is going from $548, which I thought was already too high, to an unacceptable $707 per month. This is a 29% increase in one year! My rate has nearly doubled in the past 3 years – and I’ve already downgraded my policy once to save some money. So I posted this dilemma on Facebook to see if my friends had any suggestions, since I surely can’t be in this sinking ship all by myself. And I can’t help but feel that this annual increase is extortion,

plain and simple. And it’s just not right. One friend suggested a family plan through one vendor that is only $700, figuring that my sole subscriber plan would be less. How can I be paying as much for one person as a family does??? Another suggested a “Catastrophic” policy – that only kicks in under dire circumstances. It may sound scary – but it might work for me? Another admitted to having to go without health insurance for 12 years because she couldn’t afford the rates given to small business owners who are sole proprietors. And the government will further penalize you if you don’t have health insurance…which is a huge joke for those who can’t afford either the policy or the penalty. Let’s really kick them when they are down. On second thought – don’t kick us – we might not have insurance coverage… In a time when insurance boards of directors are still getting million dollar plus bonuses – we, the worker bees, continue to get stung. While the state and federal governments are trying to step in and regulate this and other poor practices in the insurance industry – the truth is that the problem is bigger than anyone can even imagine or wrap their brains around. The insurance industry has made things so difficult to understand that we surrender and send in our checks because we don’t know what else to do – and we are further insulted by government threats to comply or face penalties. So if the government thinks that Medicare and Medicaid are their biggest health insurance problems, think again. If insurance companies are allowed to continually raise their rates by nearly 30% or more each and every year – when does it stop? And at what price? And how long before we are all looking for assistance – because 30% increases in a time when no one is getting a raise and hasn’t for years (never mind retirement support!) is unacceptable any way you look at it. Continued on page 18

North Shore Children & Families

Letter from the Editor

Good Taste: A Frog in Hot Water? by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD You’ve heard the parable about the frog in hot water. You drop a frog in boiling water and it jumps out. But if you place the frog in warm water and gradually heat the water one degree at a time, the frog will stay put and eventually meet its demise. A similar situation exists when it comes to shared standards of good taste. In this case, it’s more a matter of declining by degrees. Oh, stop making such a fuss. It’s not that big a deal. It’s just a little bit of fun. Maybe it’s a little risqué, but there’s no real harm done. They see more on TV than they do at the July 4th Salem Horribles Parade. Well, I disagree. On July 4th, Salem puts on its Horribles Parade. It’s not called the Independence Day Parade or the Fourth of July Parade. The undercurrent of the parade is to critique, lampoon or otherwise satire local happenings and other issues of the day. Is there a link to Independence Day? Well yes, there is. Some make reference to the First Amendment’s Freedom of Speech clause. Attempts to satirize local and national political events are protected by the Free Speech clause. And so, the Horribles give homage to our cherished right to free speech. Or perhaps not. As we all know, the Declaration of Independence was penned by Thomas

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Suzanne M. Provencher Publisher/Co-Founder/Managing Partner suzanne@northshorefamilies.com Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Editor/Co-Founder/Partner michael@northshorefamilies.com

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This is especially problematic because of the presence of children at the Horribles Parade. People who choose to participate in the Horribles parade have a particular responsibility to younger viewers. Here are some examples of the blurring of the line between freedom and license at the parade. We’ll move from less offensive to most offensive. You have no doubt heard of the tragic case of the Fall River woman who Continued on page 17

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With freedom comes responsibility. This is as true of freedom of speech as it is for any of our cherished freedoms. Some of the floats that participate in the Horribles Parade are dangerously close to crossing the line between freedom and license. At the very least, these floats are in bad taste – which, as I will argue below, should be sufficient to prompt a change in behavior on the part of Horribles Parade participants.

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Jefferson. Jefferson was influenced by Enlightenment figure John Locke’s thinking on government and freedom. Locke was an advocate for individual freedom. But Locke made an important distinction between freedom (liberty) and license. Liberty refers to our freedom to choose our own course of actions without government constraint as long as those actions do not harm others. License is the condition in which people are “free” to do what they want without regard for the effect their actions have on others.

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Summer Fun & Learning

The Reading Conundrum

Three solid months of NO SCHOOL!! Three months of leisurely reading what you wanted to read. In my case, “Penrod” for the fifth or sixth time; all the Sherlock Holmes stories, again; both Tom and Huck; all books on Japan and Indians and magic. And Nancy Drew. I doubt that any of my male friends or I would admit to one another that last-named item, but there it is. Sound intimidating? Or how about this: At a recent public lecture, Dr. Theoharis Theoharis (yes, that’s right), Professor of English at the Harvard Extension School, confessed to having read Melville’s Moby Dick six times before the end of high school. Upon hearing the professor’s avowal, an attendee exclaimed (something like), “Whatever possessed you to read this book six times?” She was probably intimidated too. I know I was. Summer is a time of fun, leisure and even mischief. When it comes to summer reading – or any voluntary reading – we often want our children to choose to read simply for the love of reading. We are frustrated when our children choose to play videogames, surf the net or watch TV instead of choosing to read a good book. We might even think, why can’t my child be even a bit more like a Theoharis or a Cavett?

Ah, the joys of summer reading! In a recent column (New York Times, July 8, 2011), Dick Cavett, the witty talk show host from the 1970s, talks about how he felt about summers growing up as a child:

The answer is rather simple: Not everyone takes to reading in the same way. The Theoharises and Cavetts of the world – those who take to the full range of reading with a voracious appetite – are the exceptions rather than the rule.

Some people simply take to reading with more vigor than others.

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The Conundrum This leaves us with a question: What about the children who are not dispositionally biased toward reading? How do we cultivate a love of reading in them? There are several different ways of thinking about this problem. The laissez-faire approach. From the standpoint of the laissez-faire philosophy, reading is viewed as a naturally pleasurable activity. To promote reading in children, the best thing to do is to let them alone and to provide children with books and other interesting, grade-level reading materials. Let them choose what to read and how often to read. If children are free to choose their own reading materials, their own intrinsic interests in reading will take over. They’ll learn to love reading. This approach might work for some children – most likely, the Theoharises and Cavetts of the world. But it is unlikely to work for children who are not so inclined for reading. For many children, reading takes effort, and the joys of reading are to be found only after a child acquires the hard-won skills for reading comprehension. Second, this view proceeds from the idea that the alternative to allowing children to choose to read for themselves is to force children to read. Forcing children to read is viewed as something that will inhibit the intrinsic desire to read. (Cavett implies this when he says, “Three months of leisurely reading what you wanted to read.”) Reading-for-rewards. A second approach proceeds from recognizing the problem of the laissez-fair approach. “My child won’t read for pleasure! How can I motivate reading?” And so the idea of rewarding children for reading is born. If a child reads X books in Y weeks or months, she can earn a prize. The prize could be an object, a wanted experience or hard cash. While this approach can be effective in motivating children to read, many parents and educators object to the idea on the grounds that rewarding

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ORTHODONTICS FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS

children for reading trains children to read for the wrong reasons. If we reward our children for reading, children will read in order to gain the rewards; they will not read for the pleasure of it. The act of rewarding reading thus backfires – it undercuts the very goal of fostering a love of reading in children. Still further, if children read for the rewards, how well are they actually reading? There is always the goal-defeating temptation to “get through” books in order to simply gain the reward. There are two basic replies to criticisms of the reading-for-rewards approach. The first says, “By rewarding reading, I will get my child to read more than he would without the rewards.” The second counter-argument takes this one step further – as my child reads more and more, his reading skills will improve, and he will come upon a greater love for learning. Although most parents find it difficult to maintain reward systems for the length of time that it takes to foster such a love, there may be something to this line of thinking, at least for some children. Fostering a family culture of reading. The problem with both the laissezfaire and reading-for-rewards approach is that, at least for most children, they are based on a false premise. They suggest that a love of reading has its origins either from within the child himself (the laissez-faire approach) or from the environment outside the child (the rewards approach). However, for most children, love of reading comes neither from the “inside out” nor from the “outside in”; instead, it comes from between: It comes from what happens between the child and his parents; between the reader and her teacher; between the child and the family. Left to their own devices, many children simply will not read. Rewarding children to read most likely results in short-term results and thus fails to foster Continued on page 13

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Making History Un-Boring History is boring! How often have you heard youngsters say that? Okay, how often have you heard adults say that? There is a reason why people say that history is boring. It’s because the way in which history is taught is usually, well, boring. History books are generally, well, boring. It’s just one boring thing after another. It shouldn’t be that way and it doesn’t have to be. Our reliance upon teaching history using big, boring books is not the only way to teach history. In fact, it’s probably peculiar to our time and place. There is a more traditional way of teaching history that is pretty radical! It’s sometimes called the “classical” approach to teaching history. The classical approach differs from our current approach in two main ways: First, history instruction begins much earlier than is the current custom; second, it does not rely upon huge, boring, encyclopedic tomes. According to the classical approach, there are three basic stages in teaching history. These stages correspond to different ways in which history is best taught and learned at different developmental periods in childhood. They consist of the storied, relational and analytical stages. 1. The Storied Stage: Simple Concrete Stories and Sayings

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The storied stage begins around age six. Stories are one of our most basic ways of thinking about the world. Stories about particular events are the most concrete and intuitive ways that we have of understanding the world. Children begin to be able to comprehend stories between ages two and three. At age six, children are able to understand simple stories, quips, sayings and the like. It follows that children can certainly learn something significant about history by being told stories – even very short stories or sayings – about historical events. These stories (or even “storylets”) can include such fare as: In Fourteen-Hundred and Ninety-two Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue If we simply focus on the revolutionary war era, parents can tell simple stories about the Boston Tea Party, Paul Revere’s Ride, “the shot heard ‘round the world”, how George Washington became our first President, and so forth. The stories need not be long or involved; they need not and perhaps should not be filled with dates and long lists of particulars. They should be real stories. What’s so special about stories?

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• Stories are exciting: a good story is interesting and filled with emotion. Why? Because it’s about people trying to deal with some sort of trouble or conflict! Why are stories effective as the starting point for teaching and learning history? Because we are most able to remember things that are concrete, emotionally exciting and track how people deal with challenge and difficult events.

2. The Relational Stage: Connecting Stories and Events Together Beginning around age 10 or 11, after a long period of hearing many different stories, quips, quotes and sayings about historic events, children begin to gain the capacity to connect those stories quips, quotes and sayings together. They can begin to relate the more or less isolated stories and sayings that they have learned about during their younger years. The relations can start simple and move to the more complex. 3. The Analytical Stage: Logical Argument and Analysis As children enter high school, they become capable of reflecting upon what they have learned in order to analyze historical events and make logical arguments about them. They are able to recount different historical events (e.g., that the colonists lost more battles than they won) and make generalizations about them (e.g., “The colonists were poorly trained in comparison to the British army”), to make inferences about events (e.g., “It is likely that colonists were losing faith in General Washington after so many lost battles”), and begin to imagine different possibilities (e.g., What would happen if the British had won the Revolutionary War?).

History for Youngsters We need not wait until later in development to begin to teach history to children. In fact, it’s best if we do not wait. But starting early doesn’t mean giving children long and boring lectures about historical events. That doesn’t work with either older children or adults; it certainly won’t work with young children. The place to start in teaching and learning about history – regardless of one’s age – is with story; and the more concrete and exciting the better. And if concrete stories are compelling, what better place to tell a story than at an actual historical site – at the place at which the event really happened! At the Old North Church, at Breeds Hill, at the bridge in Concord, or at the Longfellow House in Cambridge (which once functioned as Washington’s headquarters during the revolutionary war). Note: There is no need to turn family excursions into a long history lecture. A few stories will do just fine.

North Shore Children & Families

Reader Contribution: Parenting

Giving In is Out! by Jean Hamburg, LISCW In the puzzling world of parenting, wouldn’t it be a dream come true if kids of all ages decided to cooperate with what they were being asked or told to do? Wouldn’t it be a dream come true if they decided to cooperate 20% of the time or 40% of the time? What about 90% of the time? Dreams do come true, sometimes. Adults encourage kids to dream big, ask for help, and cheer the kids on, even when there is a tough problem. In parent land, even though we dream big, don’t give up. Ask for help, and truly believe that problem-solving is alive and well. Often the big questions remain: What to do about this, what to do about that? Meanwhile, tantrums, backtalk, refusals, school scenes, bedtime blues, morning madness, sibling stuff and aggression are likely to pop up in the daily life of every family. Many parenting programs involve attendance at multiple meetings and having to learn enough information to become rocket scientists, while the difficult everyday life dilemmas continue, often in full swing! Why won’t the kids just behave? All we asked our 3-year-old to do was to put on her shoes, and we even offered to help. All we asked our 8-year-old was to talk in a nicer tone. All we asked our 10-year-old was to turn off the video game. All we asked our 15-year-old was to come in on time. And all we asked everybody to do was to get some teeth brushed. Yikes! Amazing but True FACT: Any longed for changes in the world of families means there need to be adjustments by the adults. Having a respectful, predictable system for discipline and praise, solidly in place, is vital. FACT: Kids often have an advantage over the adults. They are cuter, smarter, and while they are a joy, they can also reduce us to a state of exasperation. FACT: Kids often switch, automatically, into trying to get their own way. They don’t even have to think about it. They can be highly creative, even ingenious! FACT: Age doesn’t matter. Little babies can do it—getting adults to give in, that is. The adults I am referring to are educated or not, experienced with kids, even very, very experienced with kids – or not. FACT: Kids are often the ones who train the adults, and we let them do it by giving in. Adults are quickly put in the position of not knowing what to do, often within seconds. Aren’t kids amazing? FACT: To start the process of attempting to get what they want, all kids need to do is beg, whine, tease, plead sweetly or non-sweetly, look sad, cry, scream, be silent, etc. Some, not just the younger ones, throw in rolling around, wailing, throwing things at home or even in public! In the blink of an eye, adults are often rendered helpless and end up yelling at the kids to stop it, calm down (and other ineffective phrases), calling for help from someone who is tall and who might have some influence, etc.

FACT: There are parental traps at every turn. Favorite kid trap phrases include: “No matter what you say, I’m not listening!” “You’re mean.” “Whatever!” “I don’t care!” FACT: During a “consequence” (see below), kids often try to loudly convince adults that they are near death. The death part is simply not true. The loud part? True, at home and in public! Getting the Kids’ Attention Can be as Simple as One,Two,Three! There are many questions about what to do when the kids “just won’t”. But what are the answers? Here are some simple solutions for complicated situations. I recommend a system that uses only a few basic strategies, scripts and phrases. These include Time Warnings, Counting to Three,Work-Offs of Threes (consequences of choosing threes) and Visible Praise. These strategies build upon Dr. Thomas Phelan’s popular 1-2-3 Magic series for managing children’s behavior. Getting the Kids’ Attention:The “Counting to Three” strategy. It is important to get your child’s attention, but in a respectful way. This is vital but tricky. Jeff is asked to turn off the TV. It is only fair to let the children know when adults are serious, but without yelling, bribing, threatening, lecturing, nagging and punishing. One alternative is to use the Counting to Three strategy. Give a time warning about turning off the TV. Then, “It’s almost time.” and a few seconds later, “Now it’s time. TV off, please.” Use as few words as possible and no more talk other than counting clues. If Jeff decides not to turn off the TV, say only “That’s one. TV off, please”. “One” signals that the adult is serious, and also means that the decision of whether or not to cooperate is now in the child’s court. Power struggles are ugly. An effective way to avoid them is to say, “That’s one.” It is now Jeff’s responsibility to make a decision: Am I going to cooperate or not? However, an automatic three is given when there are violent or risky behaviors. All decisions, of course, have consequences. There are consequences for deciding to cooperate, and a different kind of consequence for deciding not to do so. Let’s explore some of them. When a Child Decides Not to Cooperate: Working Off a “Three”: If a child decides to cooperate by the count of “one” or “two”, he will have avoided a poor choice consequence, which is a work-off of a three. If a child chooses to get to “three” – I call this the “Sad Three”– then that “three” “belongs” to the adult, is recorded on a 3’s chart, and will need to be “worked off” at a time when something is really important, like missing time from being with a friend or maybe even not being able to be with that friend at all, missing time from going somewhere special, like going to dinner but not the sleep-over party or a birthday party or even waiting for a freeze pop. The work-off is not to be confused with a chore, it needs to be important and will, or won’t, happen no matter what the child says or does. Punishment? No! Consequence? Yes! Work-offs are assigned empathetically by the adults. One advantage of doing a work-off after the poor choice event is that the adults can remain calm. No bad-guy ‘punishment hat’ is anywhere in sight. When the work-off is done, it is done. Move on and let go of lectures. Good-bye threes, hello friend! Continued on page 10

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Add a few details so that star choices can be read and admired at another time.

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Adapting the Steps for Toddlers and Teens

Giving In is Out!

Toddlers: Getting Their Attention by Effectively Removing Yours

Continued from page 9

In my own work, I suggest using a chart such as the one below: DATE

PROBLEM

WORK-OFF

7-11-11

Didn’t turn off theTV

Waited 20 minutes to go to Ted’s

7-12-11

Didn’t brush teeth

Waited to get a freeze pop

Rewarding a Child’s Decisions to Cooperate: Reaching for the Stars. If Jada chooses to turn off the TV before the parent gets to ‘that’s three’, she may be in line for a ‘turning off the TV’ star. Ten stars equal something special— a treat of some kind. In general, a punishment is not an effective motivation for good behavior choices, praise and encouragement are. One way to encourage cooperative behavior is to set up a visible way to notice positive choices. Ordinary compliments quickly disappear into distant memory but one way to avoid that disappearance is to document them on a star chart. DATE

COOPERATION

7-11-11

Turned off the TV

7-12-11

Completed Homework

✯ ✯

Focus on any area that you would love to see improved. For example: cleaned room without being asked, came in from outside nicely, took space when mad at Tommy, math homework done without a fuss, great job in the car on the way to Walgreens, in the car on time, let your brother go first in card game, etc.

Even very young children, who may not know much about numbers, learn quickly that “that’s three” equals time-out. An effective time-out, in my view, means taking a break for the adults as well as for the kids. Teens: Time warnings, counting clues, work-offs of threes and visible praise can all be adapted easily. Vocabulary can be adjusted to “first warning”, etc. Workoffs could be the same all the time: losing cell phone minutes, keys to the car, texting, etc. This way, the adults are out of power struggles and the kids are in charge of their own fate! Shifting Gears:Turning Around Tough Times, Adults Hold the Keys to Success In the world of computers, many of us spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out how to send a large file without crashing the recipient’s system. In the world of parenting, there are many similarities. When effective, consistent discipline as well as enthusiastic, visible praise is in place, then there is ‘space’ to think. Whether or not a child decides to cooperate turns into a win-win situation. Safety First! Adults always tell the kids, “Before you cross the street, stop, look both ways, and then decide if it is safe to cross”. As it turns out, this advice applies to parenting as well. When thoughtful parenting replaces impulsive parenting, everyone benefits. Jean Hamburg is a licensed social worker with a private practice in Marblehead and the author of Cooperation Counts! www.cooperationcounts.com.

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Parenting

Manners for Social Success in Pre-Teens

The task of fostering manners begins early. Even children in the second year of life can begin to learn the rudiments of manners. Toddlers can learn simple “social scripts” that they enact when cued. For example, a toddler can learn to say “thank you” (or the equivalent in toddler talk) when cued with “And what do we say?” I once observed an infant “shake hands” by offering her outstretched hand to others as her parents encouraged her with “can you shake hands?” Of course, such young children don’t understand what they are doing. They are just learning routines and following scripts. By the time that children are about ten years old, there are many acts of polite society that children can be expected to be able to perform well and with understanding. Here are four basic categories of polite gestures that are within the capacity for ten year olds to enact habitually – as long as they have been taught and know that these behaviors are expected from them. Social Graces First, of course, are the social graces. “Please” when making a request; “thank-you” when being the recipient of a kindness from another. Although all children (and even adults) will forget from time to time, by ten years of age, children are fully capable of saying “please” and “thank you” without

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needing constant cuing or reminding. Children should be able to refrain from interrupting others when they are speaking, and to be able to use polite ways of entering a conversation if absolutely needed. Ten year olds can be expected to be able to break into conversations with “excuse me”, or “pardon me”, or “I’m sorry for interrupting, but…”. They can be expected to take responsibility for a wrongdoing with a simple and heartfelt “I’m sorry”. These types of social graces extend to the little white lies that we tell from time to time. Although some would argue that it is never appropriate to lie, many of us would agree that telling Aunt Polly that we liked her rhubarbspinach pie is preferable to the truth. At the very least, ten year olds can be expected to withhold expressions of dislike about Aunt Polly’s pie. Consider explaining why social graces such as “please”, “may I please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, and so forth are important. Sensitive Asserting Socially successful children are those who are able to balance their own social needs with those of others. This requires sensitivity to others both in asserting one’s own needs as well as in inhibiting one’s own needs in order to accommodate to the needs of others. We all need to make requests of others. Quite often, however, other people are likely to be inconvenienced by our requests. Meredith needs a Continued on page 12

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North Shore Children & Families

Manners Continued from page 11

ride to soccer practice, but that means that Dad will have to delay his trip to the supermarket. Bill forgot to tell Mom that he will need a vest for the school play; this means that Mom is going to have to scramble to obtain one. These situations call for more than the simple “please”. They require some type of acknowledgement of the inconvenience that our requests place on others. For example, “Dad, I know that you are off to the market, but would it be possible to take me to soccer practice first?” Or, “I’m really sorry that I forgot to tell you last week, but I will need a brown vest for the play this week.” Sensitive asserting means understanding and acknowledging when one’s requests cause hardship for those who are asked to provide for us.

Accommodating to the Needs of Others In addition to successful assertion, socially successful children know when and how to accommodate to the needs of others. This is actually a rather sophisticated skill. It requires having a sense of what others are thinking and feeling in a given context and being willing and able to put one’s own needs on hold. This is a skill that continues to develop over the lifespan. One way to help children to develop this skill is to use “the method of projection”. In any given situation, ask your child what it is that he or she wants in that situation. Then, ask your child to put him or herself in the place of others and imagine what the other person might want. The first step to imagining this is to project one’s own thoughts, feelings and wishes onto the other. “If I want X, might not Sally also want X? If not, what might Sally want?”

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You might have a discussion like this with your ten year old: “As I’m sure you know, people generally don’t like it when others are selfish and think only of themselves. Remember last week when you were with Duane and you said that he only thinks about himself? Is that the way you want people to think of you?” “Here’s a way to try to be thoughtful towards others instead of selfish. Let’s imagine that you are out for pizza with friends. Everyone has had a piece of pizza, and there is only one piece left. You want that piece of pizza.” “Now, ask yourself: ‘If I want that piece of pizza, what might Bobby want?’ As a first step, you might guess that he might want the same thing as you do! If you just take the piece of pizza – or even if you ask for the last piece of pizza – you aren’t thinking of what Bobby might want. What can you do in this situation?”

This type of discussion is well within the range of a ten year old child. It is through discussions like this that children come to understand how to balance their own needs with those of others. Humility Okay. We have to face this one. We live in an “entitlement” or “mefocused” culture. It’s all about me, me, me. As parents, we often unknowingly encourage this type of thing. We give gifts but don’t always hold children to high standards when it comes to gratitude and humility. We are often told to heap praise upon children when they do well, but we don’t always require that children acknowledge the role of others who have helped them succeed. In many ways, humility is the opposite of entitlement. When do we feel humble? Humility is the emotion we feel when we realize that we could not be who we are without the gift of other’s support. Imagine that you were bestowed a great honor – you

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have been promoted to a position of great responsibility. You feel humbled. Why? It’s because you know that people have put confidence in you when they did not have to do so. You might even be a bit afraid that you will not be able to live up to their expectations. You are humbled because, in a sense, you feel you don’t necessarily deserve to have this confidence; you are aware of the role of others in elevating you to this position. In our “entitlement” culture, we can all use a bit of humility. You can help your ten year old show humility in many ways. When a child receives a gift, explain what it means to give and receive a gift. Explain how no one is obligated to give someone a gift. As a result, when someone receives a gift, it is generally the result of a voluntary act of kindness and thoughtfulness on the part of the giver. No one is entitled to receive a gift; you would not have this gift if it were not for the other person and the care and perhaps even sacrifice that the other

provided. A ten year old is capable of understanding this concept. Similarly, in many ways, humility is the opposite of hubris. We use the term hubris when someone is boastful and overly confident. Hubris refers to feeling that I am alone responsible for my successes and am thus deserving of high praise and adulation. Hubris is a kind of arrogance, the experience that one knows best and is superior to others. However, regardless of one’s success, no one ever really achieves anything by him or herself. A person always has teachers, parents, coaches, mentors or others whose efforts support achievement. A ten year old can be taught and expected to express humility by “playing down” his or her accomplishments and acknowledging the role of others in one’s success: “Congratulations, Emma! You won the race! It was awesome how you came from behind to win!” “Thanks Tom. I appreciate that! I

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Reading Continued from page 5

the love of reading parents crave. A better approach involves cultivating a culture of reading in the home. Reading is simply what we do. We do it as a family, and we do it by ourselves. We don’t simply leave it up to the child to read: No, in fact, we expect you to read; that’s simply what we do. We’ll not only read, but we’ll talk about what we should read. Maybe we’ll read aloud together; maybe we’ll read the same book, but separately. Sometimes you’ll choose the book; sometimes I will. Regardless of who chooses, we’ll talk about the book as you are reading and after you are reading. As parents, we will be

life. You will be surprised at how appreciative people will be when you use good manners. Using manners means that you care enough about others to treat them well!

active in trying to point out the subtleties of the book that the child might have missed. And the joy of reading will develop slowly as the child is guided through the process of learning to read for joy and meaning. When does the joy of skilled activities begin to occur? It doesn’t occur right away. No one experiences joy from suffering the falls and bruises of learning to ride a bicycle. And few people learn to ride a bicycle all by themselves. No, the joy of skilled activities – and reading is a skilled activity – occurs after some degree of competence in the skill has developed. And this competence develops under the nurturing guidance of others (and some training wheels).

North Shore Children & Families

The Arts

What’s at Risk in Debates over the Arts? Are the arts important? Yes. But for reasons in addition to what you might be thinking. To cultivate an appreciation for art is to cultivate the art of imagination. To learn to appreciate art is to cultivate a sense of what is beautiful rather than ugly, meaningful rather than trite, sublime rather than banal. To acquire the capacity for artistic appreciation is akin to learning what is good and important in life.

important parts of life. But there is more to life than work and play. If life is just work and play, we are missing something very big. Part of that something involves an appreciation for the arts.

Our Entertainment Culture

Imagine a beautiful piece of art in your mind. It could be a painting, a sculpture, a design on a vase, a story, a novel, a poem, a film or what have you. What is the purpose of that piece of art? What can you do with it? What is its value? What interest does it serve for you?

We often see or hear the word “art” along with the term “entertainment”. We speak of “arts and entertainment”; there is even a television station called “Arts and Entertainment”. However, while related, art is quite different from entertainment. We live in an entertainment culture. We like to be entertained. As a nation, our children spend many hours in front of the television, using video games, watching movies and using social media. We might even think that the main goal of our lives is to be entertained. After a long day’s work, we tend to think that we’ve earned some time for ourselves. We want to be entertained. If my life is divided into work and play, play is what I do for enjoyment. And much of what I do to enjoy myself involves entertainment. Now there’s nothing wrong with play, fun and entertainment, which are all

The Difference between Art and Entertainment What is the difference between art and entertainment?

The answer? The piece of art has no purpose – other than itself. Although we may put a price on a piece of art, the monetary price of a piece of art is not the same as its value to us. The value is something that we bestow upon the object; the object has value (its beauty, its meaning, its message) in and of itself. Bestowing value on an object as art is not like appraising the value of a house or a car. We are interested in the piece of art as an object of contemplation – not for what it can do for us, but instead of what it is in and of itself. Thus, our interest in art is “disinterested”. That is, we are not interested in art as a means for some larger end or goal. We appreciate art as an end unto itself. We value art for what it is, and not what it can do for us.

Fantasy and Imagination

North Shore Children & Families

To truly understand the difference between art and entertainment, it is important to understand the difference between fantasy and imagination. Here is one way to think of the distinction. When I am appreciating something as a work of art, I am interested in the work as an object of contemplation or appreciation. I am interested in the value, meaning or beauty of the work itself. However, when I am being entertained, I am not so much interested in the work itself, but instead in the emotional effects of the work on me. When a movie entertains me, I’m having fun. When I regard a movie as beautiful (even as I enjoy it), my interest is focused on the movie itself. After a movie, when I ask “Did you enjoy the movie? Did you like it?”, I’m essentially asking if you were entertained by it. However, if I ask you, “What did you appreciate about the movie? Was this a good movie, a movie that is good in and of itself?”, I am asking a question about the movie’s artistic value. Genuine art feeds the imagination; entertainment is more the stuff of fantasy. When I watch a movie and identify with the main character, I am engaging in a kind of fantasy. In my fantasy, I experience the emotions of the character on the screen; in a sense, I am living vicariously through that character. While I know the fantasy is not real, in the hyper-reality of today’s movies, every detail of the fantasy is realized in front of me. As the fantasy is realistically acted out for me, I enjoy the effects of the movie on my emotions. I am entertained. In contrast, art appeals to the imagination. As art, a painting, sculpture, poem, novel or movie is not a realistic depicting of real life; instead, it is a representation of the world – a version or depiction of the world as seen through the eyes of the artist. To experience something as art is to view it as an object of contemplation. It sparks the imagination. It asks us questions: What is communicated in this art? What is the meaning of this piece of art? Is this the

way the world is? Is this the way that the world should be? What would it be like if the world were this way? Don’t Mistake What’s at Stake The debate about the place of art in our lives, in our culture and in our schools, is not simply about whether or not children should have the opportunity to paint, draw, write poetry, act, sing or play music, although these activities are foundational to the development of an appreciation of the arts. It’s not simply about whether children will be given the opportunity to spark their creative juices by immersing themselves in these activities. Yes, it involves that but it is more than that. If art involves the appreciation of a work as an object of contemplation, as an object that has value and meaning in and of itself, then fostering artistic appreciation is tantamount to teaching our children what is worth appreciating in life. Appreciating art is not the same as simply “liking” it. Artistic appreciation is not the same as expressing a personal preference; it’s like preferring vanilla to chocolate ice cream. You like vanilla and I like chocolate; we can each like what we like! In contrast, appreciating art involves cultivating a sense of discriminating the good from the bad, the beautiful from the ugly, the meaningful from the trite. It is a matter of cultivating good taste – a sense of what is good, worthy and valuable in life. What’s at stake in the debate about the arts? The very souls of our children and ourselves. This article draws on arguments found in Scruton, R. (2009). Beauty. Oxford University Press.

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North Shore Children & Families

The Arts

How to Read a Painting Many people feel intimidated by art. We look at a painting or sculpture, read a poem (especially a poem), listen to a piece of music and ask, “What am I supposed to be getting from this?” Not knowing how to answer the question, viewing art can sometimes make us feel stupid. Appreciating art is a skill. Like any skill, it takes time to develop. The best way to gain an appreciation of art is to give yourself the time to develop your skill. How can you develop your skill? Look at paintings, as many as you can. However like any skill, learning the basics is not all that difficult. And you can teach your child the basics even if you feel a bit intimidated by the process. Here are a few quick and easy steps that you can use to foster an appreciation of art in your child (or in yourself!). We’ll use painting as our artistic mode, but with minor tweaks, we can be talking about virtually any art form. Let’s go through these steps, using two famous paintings as our guide. The first is Jan Vermeer’s Girl with a Pearl Earring; the second is Vincent Van Gogh’s The Starry Night. Look at the painting. It’s that simple. Start by looking. Let your eye wander over the painting as you look. Take in the colors, the shapes, the foreground, the background. Just look. And then look some more. Let’s start with Girl with a Pearl Earring. What catches your eye? What do you notice? How does the painting make you feel? What is the subject of the painting? Clearly, the subject of the painting is,

well, the girl with the earring. There is not much more to this painting than the girl. She is centered on the canvass and looking straight at the viewer. Now, how about The Starry Night? Here the scene is bit more complex. We are treated to a night sky, with sparkling colors and swirls filling the sky. The sky is dominant in the painting and dwarfs the city depicted below it. We see what appears to be a mountain on the left, lifting from the earth far into the sky. What seems distinctive, interesting or even odd about the painting? What is distinctive about Girl with a Pearl Earring? Although it is a picture of a girl, it is not quite a portrait; the girl is not depicted in ways that are typical of a portrait. Instead, we are struck first with the girl’s expression. She looks innocently over her shoulder; her mouth is slightly open. The painting captures the mood of the girl. And the girl’s mood affects our mood. How does this lovely depiction of the girl’s mood make you feel? Why did the painter call this work Girl with a Pearl Earring? Why not Girl with a Blue Head Scarf? How does the earring fit into the picture? How does it set off the girl’s eyes? The Starry Night provides a striking contrast to the Girl. Here we see much that is jarringly distinctive – even unusual. When we think of a night sky, we think of twinkling whiteness against a black background. But what do we see here? The sky is blue, not black. And not simply blue, but a vibrant, bright blue. The moon and stars are yellow and exude a shimmering glow about them. More than anything, we see the sky made up of a series of moving contours and shapes. The shapes in the night sky are vibrant; they seem to move on the flat canvass.

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They seem to jump off the page. How do the vibrant and jarring shapes, contrasts and apparent movements make you feel? How did the artist create the effects you see? This is a question about technique. The technique used by Vermeer in the Girl with a Pearl Earring is very different than that used by Van Gogh. One can see the brush strokes in Van Gogh’s painting; the effects are made by a series of strokes that take form when looked at as a whole. In contrast,Vermeer’s Girl looks more realistic. The brushstrokes are not obvious. One sees seamless contours of shape, color and shadow. How is this done?

children focus their attention on different aspects of the painting. And note that none of these questions requires that either you or your child have a degree in art or art history! These are simple questions, but look at how much meaning we have extracted through a casual comparison of these two paintings! To be sure, there is much more to appreciating art than is revealed in these four questions. To gain a more developed sense of a piece of art, it is important to know a bit about the

These simple questions can get you started. Children of virtually any age can begin to answer these questions for themselves, although younger children will need some help. Help

North Shore Children & Families artistic period within which each painter was working. Vermeer painted the Girl in 1665-1666 during the Baroque period; Van Gogh painted The Starry Night in 1889 during the post-impressionist period. What are the concerns, techniques and philosophies associated with these periods? Further, it is helpful to know about the artist’s personal and social circumstances. It is important to know, for example, that Vermeer, a Dutch painter, was formally trained by a student of Rembrandt’s; Van Gogh suffered from depression and epilepsy and painted The Starry Night from the Saint-Rémy Asylum in France. But this more detailed learning and appreciation is for another time. To get the ball rolling, simply ask your child questions that will prompt reflection on the look, content and feel of the painting. Start young, and with a bit of help you’ll be surprised at the power of even young children to read quite a lot into a painting.

Good Taste Continued from page 3

drowned in a public pool and was not found for several days. Is this event worthy of satire? Well, yes. A good argument can be made that many someones were not doing their jobs – from lifeguards to those responsible for inspecting the pools at the end of the day to supervisors. Public criticism of this sort of negligence is the stuff that the First Amendment was made to protect. But the float crossed the line. We are treated to a float depicting a pool. Negligent lifeguards were depicted as fishing a dummy of a drowned individual from the pool and leaving it dripping on the road. Is the presumed negligence of the pool personnel appropriate for public criticism? Absolutely. But the line gets crossed with the drowned dummy. How would you feel if the drowning victim were your wife, daughter, mother or friend? The depiction of the drowning Continued on page 18

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18 North Shore Children & Families depicted. Good Taste Continued from page 17

victim was in bad taste. The second, more egregious example, consists of a float dedicated to lampooning Congressman Weiner’s resignation as a result of his sexual improprieties. Again, is this an appropriate topic for satire? Of course. However, we are treated to a float of a large Oscar-Meyer-like wiener (the hot dog) which functioned as an obvious depiction of male genitalia. Captions of the float read, “You Tube My Space and I’ll Google Your Yahoo”. We were treated to a middle aged male who raised a (covered) erection by pulling a string. The third and most egregious example also draws on the Weiner affair. This float was manned by males with stuffed bathing suits and a male in drag who danced to music whose lyrics explicitly announced the singer’s desire to have sex. One male held up a phallic-like tube on which the phrase “The Sperminator” was clearly

Individuals on the float threw water balloons depicting sperm cells. From where I was watching, the recipients of the water balloons were, of course, children. The captions on the float included, “Tony Weiner’s PixO-Dix”, “Weiner’s Wieners” and related slogans. The float pulled a trailer of teenagers; the trailer depicted similar signs. And so we have a blurring of the line between liberty and license. Do the promoters of these floats have the right to flaunt these kinds of tasteless images in public? Perhaps. But what responsibility do those who create and consume these floats have to the larger community – and particularly to the children of the community? These attempts at humor are in bad taste. It is interesting to reflect upon the use of the word taste. The concept of taste used to be a moral concept. To say that something was in good taste or bad taste was to make a comment about its moral value or status. However, over the years, the

concept of taste has devolved into something that is closer to “preference”. The concept of “taste” has all but lost its moral connotations. Now, taste is simply a matter of preference – the equivalent of preferring chocolate to vanilla ice cream: To each his or her own! Moral concepts degenerate into matters of personal preference. When this happens, objecting to an action on the basis of its being in bad taste carries no moral weight. Who cares if you like chocolate and I like vanilla? The devolution of the concept of good taste is harmful to social life. We are now living in a society where many people seem to accept tasteless depictions of sexuality and of related sensitive issues as non-controversial. Have we actually accepted “The Sperminator” as a normative part of our communal celebration of Independence Day? Shouldn’t such depictions prompt us to stop and reflect on just how much we are willing to relax the moral boundaries of public discourse?

Family & Friends Continued from page 2

The middle class is disappearing fast. There are now really, really well-off people – and the rest of us who are struggling to make ends meet – to pay our bills on time – who never get to take a real vacation. By most measures, I am a successful businesswoman – but with extortion like this, I feel pushed back two steps. I have to work twice as hard to get where I used to be, nevermind to get ahead. I will watch from the sidelines as my two-income, couple friends renovate and vacation and dine out – as I am reassured that “things will get better”, “your turn will come” – but they don’t and it hasn’t. I’m not jealous or bitter, I’m just terrified, tired and broke. I am further incensed by the frivolous benefits that government workers receive – from excellent health insurance – to weeks and weeks of paid vacation (when most of us max out at 2 or 3 weeks these days) – to free mobile phones, whether they are needed for their job or not – to free commuting perks (parking and train passes!) – and early retirement plans with huge pensions that are long out-dated and

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not fair in today’s world and this country’s economic situation. Instead of cutting benefits of the truly poor, elderly and sick – why can’t we cut out the excesses in our own government? If you make around $80K per year (as a single person with no children) – can’t you afford your own mobile phone and Charlie Card (monthly train pass)??? If I can’t even afford health insurance – why should I be expected to help pay for these frivolous extras that have been long gone in the private sector? If I can’t have these things – why should you continue to get them at my expense? I work just as hard as you do – yet I don’t get the benefit of these perks and I no longer want to pay for them for you. The U.S. Depart of Labor’s web site states that there are 2 million civilian employees in the Federal Government, excluding the Postal Service, making it the nation’s largest employer. It further states that 85% of federal employees work outside of the Washington, DC metropolitan area, which leaves about 300,000 in DC. So if 300,000 federal employees in DC are all getting mobile phones and transportation-to-work benefits – let’s average these out to $300 a month – that means each employee that gets a phone and commuting costs is getting $3,600 per year X 300,000 employees = $1,080,000,000 – that’s over 1 billion dollars per year! This is occurring while single mothers and others everywhere pay for their own Charlie Card to get to work each day – without the benefit of a “free” mobile phone to protect them or as a way to reach their children. Doesn’t anyone else see that by cutting these ridiculous and frivolous federal and state employee benefits – we might free up some substantial money so we don’t have to cut Social Security and Medicare/Medicaid benefits so much? And the kicker? My friend who works in DC – her job does not really warrant a mobile phone, near as I can tell. In fact, she often doesn’t turn it on and she doesn’t use the voicemail (or even know how to!), so her mailbox is always full. She is a manager of her department – which consists of herself – and she has a desk job with minimal travel. So as she plans her latest leisure trip to Thailand – or buys a 3rd vacation home – we pick up her mobile phone tab and her daily commuting to work costs. When I asked her why the government pays for her train pass – she said it was to cut down on the terrible traffic in DC!!! Are you kidding me? Have you been to

Boston or Atlanta or LA or Chicago or Route 128 or even downtown Salem – or any other major metro at rush hour??? So now we get to be late, frustrated and broke… And if that’s not enough – she can retire in another year or two – at age 50 – making nearly 80% of her current salary, or about $68K per year. If you ask me, this is what is wrong with this country. The people in Washington want to cut everything for all of us who pay for everything – but heaven forbid we cut their excessive perks. I will probably end up working until the day I die, which is not a complaint – just a simple fact of how unfair life has become in the good old U.S.A. So if we start by trimming this fat (cutting out the big, fancy parties and conventions at exotic locations is not enough!) – it’s a good start. And then if we can get rid of the abuse of other government sponsored programs – from free mobile phones for people who hide income and facts so that they “qualify” to get them (and then have the nerve to brag about this and how they pulled one over on Uncle Sam!) – to those who abuse welfare and other programs, which takes away resources from those who really need it – that would further help. Everything needs to be put under a microscope now more than ever, because the abuses and excesses are abundant and everywhere. Perhaps we’d even create new jobs if we put investigators in place to identify and get rid of these abuses? Who the heck is actually minding this store anyway?

North Shore Children & Families or full time, you get 100% health insurance coverage! And they cover your commuting-to-work costs, too – whether you come in from NH or the North Shore – they pay for it – and they are hiring!” This man knew nothing of me or my article, yet I somehow felt our meeting was meant to be. He initiated this part of the conversation without prompting or questions from me, all the while further validating my suspicions about the excessive perks and benefits for government employees. I glanced at my friend, who had read my article, and we both shared a look of “can you believe this?!”. First my article – and then more validation that found me! So I took a deep breath and politely told him about my article. And the funny thing? He actually agreed with me. Imagine my surprise – and my growing frustration that the proof is all around me: we need to cut back on the frivolous benefits bestowed upon government employees – like commuting costs to work and 100% health insurance coverage and mobile phones for non-necessary positions. If I

have to pay for my own gas, tolls and parking to get to work – and my own mobile phone – and 100% of my health insurance – and fund most of my retirement if I can ever even retire – then why shouldn’t these government workers have to pay for theirs, or at least for some of the cost? This is excessive and wasteful spending at its finest, considering the financial mess this country is in. It is an outdated model that has run its course and one that is not fair or feasible in today’s world. Seniors need health insurance, we all do. Retirees need Social Security. Government employees who make a decent salary do not also need commuting-to-work costs, mobile phones and 100% health insurance coverage. And retiring at 50 with a huge pension is unacceptable to those of us who will probably never be able to retire. If you agree, please write your local, state and federal representatives. Tell them that you, too, are tired of paying for frivolous benefits while the rest of us go without or pay too high a price. Continued on page 22

Bring this coupon to our NEW store before August 31, 2011 to receiver your FREE $5 Store Credit.*

The party is over – or it should be. We need to cut the fat where the fat is thick – and stop cutting from the poor, ill and elderly. Enough is enough. My plan? That tropical island is sounding pretty good right about now – and there are worse things than carving coconuts for a living. Addendum: A few days after I wrote this article, I met some people at the pool at my friend’s condominium complex. We chatted about a variety of topics, including the “Where are you from?” “What do you do for work?” questions that invariably come up when meeting someone new. The man worked at Logan Airport for the TSA. He made his earlier career at a big telecommunication services company, but went to work for the TSA after he retired – for the full health benefits. “Whether you work part time

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North Shore Children & Families

Community Calendar To Submit to our Community Calendar: Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website. From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our form will open for you to complete and submit your listings. While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space is limited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted by our advertising partners & sponsors. Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submitted through our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne to advertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines. To advertise, please contact Suzanne at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569.

For complete listing accuracy, we recommend that you call ahead or check the websites listed. Featured listings do not constitute an endorsement from this publisher and we encourage our readers to always do their own research.

AUGUST IS THE MONTH FOR:Admit You’re Happy, Family Fun, Catfish, Eye Exams, Golf, Peaches, Romance Awareness, Water Quality, Picnics, American Artist Appreciation, Foot Health, Home Businesses, Inventors

Week 1: Simplify Your Life Week, Clown Week;Week 2: Smile Week, Elvis Week, Apple Week;Week 3: Friendship Week, Air Conditioning Appreciation Week, American Dance Week;Week 4: Be Kind to Humankind Week FREE CLASSES: Call today to schedule a FREE introductory class at The Little Gym! Danvers (978.777.7977); Woburn (781.933.3388).

SEPTEMBER ISSUE DEADLINES!

September Calendar Listings Due By Tues., Aug. 23 Please submit your listings directly through our website.

To secure your ad space:

suzanne@ northshorefamilies.com

781.584.4569

Save $5 with the ad on page 19 – at Children’s Orchard, Danvers! New location at 75 High St., Danvers. They buy & sell gently worn items. www.childrensorchard.com Just in time for warmer weather and summer fun in your own backyard – check out the ads on pages 6 & 11 – with lots of great coupons & offers from Gibraltar Pools & Spas, Route 1,Topsfield! Save $45 when you enroll by August 31 for fall dance classes at Boston Ballet School’s Marblehead studio! See the ad on page 8 to learn more. www.bostonballet.org/school You’ll smile when you see the special offers from Malden Family Dental – see ad on page 13! www.malden-familydental.com SIGN UP TODAY: Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program by Mass General/NSMC! – Register today – see back cover for details!

Summer Adventures at The Phoenix School, Salem. See ad on page 12 for August schedule. www.phoenixschool.org Join Funny Bones Party Store’s e-club online – and get a FREE gift!!! See ad on page 14. www.gofunnybones.com Andover/No. Andover YMCA is now registering for fall child care, full-day & afterschool; swimming lessons included. www.mvymca.org Music Together has a special offer for families – see page 18 for locations & more info.; take a free trial class! WEDNESDAYS: Open School Wednesdays, 9-11am, at Harborlight Montessori School, Beverly. www.harborlightmontessori.org 2nd WEDNESDAY OF EACH MONTH: La Leche League of Beverly & Peabody meets on the 2nd Wed. of each month at 10am at St. John’s Lutheran Church, 32 Ellsworth Rd., Peabody (corner of Ellsworth and King St.). All breastfeeding mothers & mothers-to-be are welcome for help & info.

The North Shore Party Planner To advertise, please contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.

Ad Space Closes Fri., Aug. 19 All Ads Due/Done By Tues., Aug. 23

Check out the special offers from Northside Dental Care in Peabody on page 2! www.northside-dentalcare.com

Full Time Infant Openings at Miss Wendy’s Child Care, Salem, MA. Space is limited for toddlers, school age & after school care. See ad on page 3.

The

Bayside of Nahant

Oceanfront Splendor... Magnificent Views... Elegant & Affordable North Shore's best kept secret & the perfect location for: • Weddings,

Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne For Gifts

A Personalized Poem Makes a Perfect Gift for Any Special Occasion

Speeches, Toasts & Roasts

781.592.3080

781.584.4569

www.baysidefunctions.com

· Private party – clean, safe, beautiful facility all to yourselves. · Instructor led – great age-appropriate games and activities. · Stress-free for The Little Gym of Danvers parents…we take 978.777.7977 care of EVERYTHING! www.tlgdanversma.com Call for details.

The Little Gym of Woburn 781.933.3388 • www.tlgwoburnma.com

For Invitations

Showers • Birthdays, Sweet 16s • Bar/Bat Mitzvahs • Anniversaries • All Special Occasions • Wedding & Function Packages • Many Menus to Choose From One Range Road, Nahant

Have an Awesome Birthday Bash at The Little Gym!

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Birthday Party on Roller Skates! Roller World, Saugus 781.233.3255 Party Line

A COOL PARTY STORE!

Route 110, Salisbury

1.855.45.PARTY www.gofunnybones.com See our ad on page 14!

Ages 5 & Under Birthday Parties at

www.malltots.com 978.777.6411

FRIDAYS, SATURDAYS & SUNDAYS: Guided Kayak Tours, ages 10+, memb. $35, non-memb. $45. Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays – 2-4:30pm – through Sept. 25. Crane Beach education staff, in assoc. w/Essex River Basin Adventures, will guide you on a kayak tour of Essex Bay & the Crane Wildlife Refuge. Registration required: 978.380.4319 or www.thetrustees.org/things-to-do. ATTENTION SCHOOLS, FAIRS & EVENTS: Green Infusion presents In Small Steps, an environmental presentation. Listen to original songs, sing along, learn to help the environment and discover your green heart. Contact info@green-infusion.com or 978.744.9124. See ad on page 3. GET TICKETS NOW FOR: North Shore Music Theatre box office is now open for individual show tickets for all musicals, concerts and kids’ shows! Musicals: Footloose, Aug. 16-28; The King and I, Sept. 27-Oct. 9; Legally Blonde, Nov. 1-13; A Christmas Carol, Dec. 2-23. Concerts/Events: Harvey Robbins’ Royalty of Doo-Wopp, Aug. 6; Debbie Gibson & Tiffany, Aug. 7; Marie Osmond, Aug. 29;

Creedence Clearwater Revisited, Aug. 31; B.B. King, Sept. 1; Steve Tyrell, Sept. 10; Kenny Rogers, Sept. 17; Harvey Robbins’ Royalty of Rock ‘N Roll, Oct. 22; Children’s Shows: Cinderella’s Wedding, Aug. 5; Little Red Riding Hood, Aug. 26. For tix & info.: www.nsmt.org or 978.232.7200. AUGUST 1: Happy 31st Anniversary, Nancy & John M.! Respect for Parents’ Day/ Sports’ Day Teen Movie, 2-4pm, at Malden Public Library/Maccario Room, free for students entering grades 6-12. Film is rated PG and is a popular animated film featuring a chameleon. No registration required. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org Crafts from around the world at Amesbury Public Library, 10:30am/Children’s Room. Travel to a different continent each week & create native crafts; free, all ages. No registration required. www.amesburylibrary.org AUGUST 2: Happy Birthday, Liz! National Ice Cream Sandwich Day Summertime Story Hour at Cape Ann Waldorf School’s new location

North Shore Children & Families at Moraine Farm, 701 Cabot St./route 97, Beverly; 9:30-10:30am. Free for children 3-7 w/adult; no RSVP necessary. Explore our kindergarten playground, a healthy snack & story or puppet show in one of our early childhood classrooms. For info.: 978.927.1936 or www.capeannwaldorf.org. Game on! Video gaming 4 teens at Malden Public Library/Maccario Room, 2-4pm; free for students entering grades 6-12. Stop by for Wii, PS2 games; no registration required. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org AUGUST 3: National Watermelon Day Teen Board Games at Malden Public Library/Program Room, 3-5pm; free for students entering grades 6-12. Join us for chess, checkers, Monopoly, Jenga, Uno, etc.; no registration required. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org Lunch ‘n Read Storytime & Picnic at Amesbury Public Library, noon; please bring your own picnic lunch to enjoy during the story. Free for all ages. www.amesburylibrary.org

Live Australian Animals, 6:30pm, at Amesbury Cultural Center @ Carriage Hill Rd. in the Upper Millyard. With Creature Teachers, best for ages 5-12, no registration required. www.amesburylibrary.org AUGUST 3 – 14: Steven Dietz’s romantic comedy, Shooting Star, at Salem Theatre Co.; www.salemtheatre.com. AUGUST 4: U.S. Coast Guard Day/National Chocolate Chip Day Manga Workshop, 2-3:30pm, at Malden Public Library/Maccario Room; free for students entering grades 6-12. Learn how to draw your favorite manga character w/special guest artist Peter Simeti; registration IS required. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org AUGUST 4 – 6: Old Fashioned Sidewalk Sales, downtown Newburyport. www.newburyportchamber.org/sidewalk_sales AUGUST 5: Work Like a Dog Day Continued on page 22

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Attention Advertisers: Ask us about our … … “Try Us!” program for new advertisers … Annual advertising frequency programs … The Annual Planner for Schools program … The North Shore Party Planner program … Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase series … Service Directory Target your message to North Shore parents. We’ve got the North Shore covered!

2011 PUBLISHING SCHEDULE Issue

Ad Space Deadline

Ads Due

September October November

Fri., Aug. 19 Fri., Sept. 16 Fri., Oct. 14

Tues., Aug. 23 Tues., Sept. 20 Tues., Oct. 18

To explore your advertising options or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. To learn more, please visit www.northshorefamilies.com.

ENTER TODAY!

2 tickets to any musical

NORTH SHORE MUSIC THEATRE!

$50 Gift Certificate to

$100 Gift Certificate to

FUNNY BONES PARTY STORE!

GIBRALTAR POOLS & SPAS!

All prizes are awarded courtesy of North Shore Children & Families, and in partnership with select sponsors.

DEADLINE TO ENTER IS AUGUST 31! Please enter online at www.northshorefamilies.com. On our Home Page, simply click on the buttons for the contests you wish to enter! Enter one contest or all 3, but only one entry per person per contest, please. Several winners will be selected.

North Shore Children & Families

Community Calendar Continued from page 21

AUGUST 5: Teen Craft & Snack, 2-4pm, at Malden Public Library/Program Room; free for students entering grades 6-12. No registration required. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org Mother Goose on the Loose Babytimes, 9:45am, free for 0-24 months w/caregiver at Amesbury Public Library. Reg. is not required, but attendance is on a 1st come basis due to space. www.amesburylibrary.org AUGUST 5 + 6: Beauty and the Beast, 8/5 at 7pm and 8/6 at 2pm & 7pm; $8, all ages. Presented by The Children’s Theatre Workshop of Wilmington; at Wilmington Middle School, 25 Carter Lane. www.ctwkids.org

Day/International Forgiveness Day/National Lighthouse Day/Sisters’ Day/Sea Serpent Day AUGUST 8: Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day

Presidential Joke Day/Son & Daughter Day/Play in the Sand Day

Crafts from around the world at Amesbury Public Library, 10:30am/Children’s Room. Travel to a different continent each week & create native crafts; free, all ages. No registration required. www.amesburylibrary.org

AUGUST 12:

AUGUST 9: Book Lovers’ Day

Happy 11th Birthday, Carson B.!

AUGUST 10:

AUGUST 7: American Family Day/Friendship

AUGUST 11:

Aussie Funk Jam Workshop, 1-2pm, at Malden Public Library/Maccario Room; free for students entering grades 6-12. Learn how to play the didgeridoo; registration IS required. Also Teen Bake Sale, 2-5pm, main library entrance on Park St. Proceeds benefit fun & educational teen programs. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org

AUGUST 6: Chinese Valentine’s Day/Daughters’ Day/Wiggle Your Toes Day

Book discussion & lunch, 1-2:30pm, at Malden Public Library/Maccario Room; free for students entering grades 6-12. Please read “Bamboo People” by Mitali Perkins before this event; pick up your copy at the Young Adult Desk. No registration required. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org

Thinking of Brandon on his birthday. Lazy Day/National S’mores Day

Teen End-of-Summer Reading Ice Cream Party, at Malden Public Library/Maccario Room, 2-5pm; free for students entering grades 6-12 who participated in the summer reading program. www.maldenpubliclibrary.org Middle Child’s Day/IBM PC Announced in 1981 AUGUST 13:

AUGUST 22: Happy 3rd Anniversary, Jen & Eric! Be An Angel Day/National Tooth Fairy Day AUGUST 23:

Community Calendar listings’ deadline for SEPTEMBER issue! Please submit your listings for SEPTEMBER events directly through our website (see beginning of this Calendar for details). AUGUST 24: Happy Sweet 16, Seth B.! AUGUST 26: National Dog Day/ Women’s Equality Day AUGUST 27: Global Forgiveness Day/ Just Because Day

Happy Birthday to my niece, Lauren aka: Lala! xo

Enjoy an evening of Jazz standards with Just the Two of Us (and growing!), featuring Marc Maccini, Al Whitney, John Fugarino, Scott Sheehan & others! Appearing at Trattoria Bella Mia, 218 Cabot St. in Beverly, on Sat., 8/27 (7-10pm). Featuring songs you know & love, accompanied by guitar, keyboards, horns, bass & rich vocals.

World Youth Day/Relaxation Day

AUGUST 31:

AUGUST 16:

Deadline to enter to win our August contests – 3 to enter! See page 21!

Left Handers’ Day/National Filet Mignon Day/Full Moon AUGUST 14: Happy 1st Anniversary, Anna & Rich! AUGUST 15:

Happy Anniversary to my brother, David & Christine – and to my cousins Peter & Cindy! National Tell A Joke Day/Roller Coaster Day AUGUST 19:

Advertising Space Reservation DEADLINE for ALL ADS for our SEPTEMBER issue! To advertise, contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com! AUGUST 20: Thinking of my Nanna Roderick, 12/22/06-8/20/91. Has it really been 20 years? Missing you…xo International Homeless Animals’ Day AUGUST 21: Senior Citizens’ Day North Shore Rugby Football Club 3 Mile Footrace & Walk, 10am, $15, all ages welcome. Register or donate at www.runraceregister.com. Starts & finishes at Kelley Greens Golf Course, 1 Willow Rd., Nahant. Fundraiser for NSRFC & Nahant schools.

Family & Friends Continued from page 19

It’s time that we are all treated and valued more equally and fairly. And it’s time for us to stop paying for all of these excessive perks. Please understand I don’t begrudge those with amazing benefits – I’m just tired of paying for them, and this issue goes far beyond money. We need a balance so we all have the chance to work hard and play hard, without some of us paying the lion’s share and struggling to make do with less and less or even going without. If we make some productive noise, perhaps we can also make a positive difference that will create a better balance – and a better life for all of us. If you’d like to chime in with your thoughts, ideas, suggestions or your own challenges, please email me at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.

Service Directory ART INSTRUCTION

DEVELOPMENTAL LEARNING

TheArtRoom Topsfield 978.887.8809 www.theartroomstudio.com

Brain Balance Achievement Centers Danvers 978.705.9570 www.brainbalancecenters.com

CHILDREN’S CLOTHING & MORE! Children’s Orchard new location! 75 High St., Danvers 978.777.3355 www.childrensorchard.com CHILD DAY CARE Andover/No. Andover YMCA Child Day Care 978.685.3541 www.mvymca.org

EARLY EDUCATION Little Sprouts Several North Shore Locations 877.977.7688 www.littlesprouts.com Next Generation Children’s Centers Locations include Andover & Beverly 866.711.NGCC www.ngccenters.com

DANCE INSTRUCTION Boston Ballet School/NS Studio Marblehead 781.456.6380 www.bostonballet.org/school

Green Infusion An environmental presentation for schools, fairs & events! www.green-infusion.com

FAMILY FUN DENTAL CARE Andover Pediatric Dentistry Andover & Lawrence Locations www.andoverpediatricdentistry.com Malden Family Dental Malden 781.388.0900 www.malden-familydental.com

Boston Duck Tours Boston 617.450.0068 www.bostonducktours.com Gibraltar Pools & Spas Topsfield 978.887.2424 www.usaswim.com

The Little Gym Danvers and Woburn www.tlgdanversma.com www.tlgwoburnma.com

Covenant Christian Academy West Peabody 978.535.7100 www.covenantchristianacademy.org

HEALTH & WELLNESS

Harborlight Montessori Beverly 978.922.1008 www.harborlightmontessori.org

Mass General/North Shore Center for Outpatient Care, Danvers & NSMC Union Hospital, Lynn www.nsmcfamilyresourcecenter.org See back cover! MUSIC INSTRUCTION Music Together See our ad on page 18! www.joyfulmusic.com www.musictogethersalem.com

Funny Bones Party Store Salisbury 855.45.PARTY www.gofunnybones.com

Brookwood School Manchester 978.526.4500 www.brookwood.edu Cape Ann Waldorf School Beverly 978.927.1936 www.capeannwaldorf.org Clark School Danvers 978.777.4699 www.clarkschool.com

The Phoenix School Salem 978.741.0870 www.phoenixschool.org Plumfield Academy Danvers 978.304.0273 www.plumfieldacademy.org Shore Country Day School Beverly 978.927.1700 www.shoreschool.org Sparhawk School Amesbury & Salisbury 978.388.5354 www.sparhawkschool.com Tower School Marblehead 781.631.5800 www.towerschool.org TUTORING A+ Reading Center Reading Tutor/Individual Lessons

Serving the North Shore 781.799.2598 mperkins@aplusreadingcenter.com

Cohen Hillel Academy Marblehead 781.639.2880 www.cohenhillel.org

Drs. Merle, Zicherman & Associates Peabody & Lynn www.mzdental.com Northside Dental Care Peabody 978.535.8244 www.northside-dentalcare.com

SCHOOLS

SCHOOLS North Shore Music Theatre Beverly 978.232.7200 www.nsmt.org

FUN & FITNESS

PARTY SUPPLIES ENTERTAINMENT

Miss Wendy’s Childcare Salem F/T infant openings! See ad on page 3!

North Shore Children & Families

To advertise, contact Suzanne today! suzanne@northshorefamilies.com ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR SUMMER!

September issue ad space reservation deadline is 8/19!

North Shore Children & Families