North Shore Children & Families August 2012 by Michael Mascolo

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Special Focus On: Bullying Problems with Bullying Laws Bullying the Bus Monitor What Is Bullying? Why Do We Bully? Don't Just Blame the Bullies Preventing Bullying Community Calendar Enjoy the Rest of Your Summer!

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AUGUST 2012

2 North Shore Children & Families

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Bullying: Can’t We All Just Respect One Another & Get Along? by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher Bullying entered my young life in the schoolyard. There were always one or two kids in each grade who “invited” classmates to “meet me after school in the schoolyard!”- more like a threat and a challenge than an actual invitation. My father always had the best advice: “Just ignore them…they’ll go away.” And 40 years ago, this was a valid option for those of us who chose not to accept the invitation to fight. He would further explain that bullies are looking for attention – a reaction – and if you do not give them what they want – they will move on to someone else. This made sense to me back then, yet I worried about “someone else” – perhaps someone not as smart and strong as me. He also explained that bullies often act out because they are hurting – perhaps things are not so great at home – and he reminded me to appreciate my safe home,

while teaching me compassion for others who may not be as lucky as me. These conversations still resonate with me today. Perhaps today is the day that you’ll discuss bullying with your children? While ignoring bullies may have worked in my schoolyard 40 years ago, this strategy no longer works. Bullies are no longer just found in the schoolyard. Bullies are in our homes – at the playground – on our social media screens – and blatantly found on our school buses, which you’ll read more about in this issue. Whose responsibility is it to identify, punish, teach and hold accountable these bullies? The answer? It’s up to all of us. We invite you to join in the conversation in our efforts to wipe out bullying everywhere. Check out our new advertisers this month! Beverly Children’s Learning Center (see ad on this page!) offers early childhood education and childcare; now enrolling for fall! Also on page 2, we

welcome SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports and St. John the Evangelist School in Beverly. On page 3, Peace, Groove & Happiness Studio celebrates their Grand Re-Opening on August 19! Located in Georgetown, this celebration features sample classes, raffles, prizes, face painting, crafts & games and fun for the whole family! Classes are offered for all ages – from yoga to Zumba® to ballet and more traditional dance classes. Upcoming deadlines for our September “Back to School” issue: If you would like to advertise in our September issue, and if you require our ad production assistance, please contact me (suzanne@northshorefamilies.com) by noon, Wed., August 15, to confirm your ad size and to submit your ad materials. If you will be submitting a completed ad, based on our sizes and production specifications, simply secure your ad size by noon, Fri., August 17 – then submit your completed ad by Tues., August 21.

Calendar listings for September events are due by Tues., August 21; please submit all listings via our website (see page 13 for more information). We print and distribute 20,000 publications each month, 10x per year, at over 425 mom-frequented, family-friendly North Shore locations, including most of the independent schools. Each current issue (and more) is available online at www.northshorefamilies.com. If you need to reach more North Shore parents with children of all ages, interests and needs – we can help you! We’ve got the North Shore covered – since 2007! As we enjoy the final weeks of summer, please remember to drive and play safely – and take an active role in preventing bullying before the new school year begins. We hope you enjoy this issue – and thanks for spending some time with us again this month. Until next time – Suzanne

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Letter from the Editor

The Problems with Bullying (Laws) and What to Do About Them by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D.

weapons in the schools, drug and alcohol abuse, and so forth.

The problem of bullying recently leaped into public consciousness with the suicide of 15 year old Phoebe Prince from South Hadley, MA, in January of 2010. Prince was taunted and humiliated online by her fellow students. Her suicide surprised and horrified the public. Six students were charged with felonies.

Bullying – like sexual harassment, weapons in the schools and drug and alcohol abuse – is a serious problem that requires a serious solution. It is necessary to mobilize the public and to ensure that all constituencies – schools, teachers, parents, children, government and citizens in general – assume individual and collective responsibility for addressing these issues. My concerns arise from our over-reliance upon legal means to address these issues.

Until now, I have not yet written on the issue of bullying. Something has been bothering me about the way in which we, as a society, are responding to the issue of bullying. It follows a typical pattern: A tragic incident occurs. People become legitimately outraged. A collective call is made to do something about the problem. Laws are passed that criminalize the offensive behavior. Because the behavior is outrageous, officials want to make sure that they take a definitive stance against the issue. A zero-tolerance policy is promulgated. Programs are put into place. Schools become mandated to report offensive incidents through a fixed chain of command. Punitive actions are automatically activated when the offensive behavior comes to the attention of officials. This pattern has occurred repeatedly over the years. Similar patterns have been used to address issues such as sexual harassment, regulating

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Suzanne M. Provencher Publisher/Co-Founder/Managing Partner suzanne@northshorefamilies.com Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Editor/Co-Founder/Partner michael@northshorefamilies.com Designed by Group One Graphics Printed by Seacoast Media Group Please see our Calendar in this issue for our upcoming deadlines. Published and distributed monthly throughout the North Shore, 10x per year, and always online. All articles are written by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD unless otherwise credited. Information contained in NSC&F is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. Individual readers are responsible for their use of any information provided. NSC&F is not liable or responsible for the effects of use of information contained in NSC&F. Established 2007.

Legal Solutions Change the Way We Think About Children and Development Legislation is a crude and inflexible means for solving social problems like bullying. When we think about bullying as a legal issue, we immediately divide the world into perpetrators and victims, predators and prey, criminals and targets. Perpetrators, predators and criminals are bad. Because they could have and should have acted differently, we punish them in order to hold them responsible for their crimes. As a society, we punish for three basic reasons: to stop the perpetrator from repeating the behavior again; to protect the innocent from further wrongdoing; and to give

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I do not wish to suggest that legal approaches are irrelevant to addressing these issues; they are relevant, perhaps even essential. Instead, I worry that we, as a collective, tend to rely upon legislation to fix problems that require more complex and nuanced solutions.

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In April 2010, Massachusetts passed groundbreaking anti-bullying legislation. The law requires teachers and other school staff to report bullying to a principal or other administrators. The law mandates yearly training for teachers and staff related to preventing and intervening in situations involving bullying. It also calls for anti-bullying instruction for all students as part of the school curriculum.

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Letter from the Editor Continued from page 3

the criminal his or her just deserts. To think of children as perpetrators, predators or criminals leads us to want to treat them as perpetrators, predators and criminals. We demand punishment for their crimes out of the belief that punishment will deter repeated offenses; protect the innocent; and give children their just deserts. However, children are not adults. We hold adults to different standards of responsibility than we do for children. This is because of our awareness that children are still in the process of being formed. Children are less able to regulate their actions than are adults. It is the job of adults to monitor, socialize, teach and guide children so that, over time, they can be held to high standards of responsibility. To be sure, we must hold children to high standards of responsibility from the start – however, the level of responsibility must be developmentally appropriate. Our response to rule violation must, first and foremost, be to find ways to teach, socialize and even compel correct behavior. The problem is that punishment is a very poor way to achieve this goal. We hear a lot about making sure that children who break the rules receive consequences for their actions. Consequences are indeed essential. But not all consequences are created equal. There are effective consequences and ineffective consequences. To dole out punishment may make us feel as though we are holding children to high standards. More often than not, however, punishment tends to perpetuate problems rather than solve them. We need other more effective ways to hold children to high standards. In this issue, we’ll explore some of those ways. Legal Solutions Disempower Decision Makers There is another problem with legal solutions to complex social problems –

especially as they pertain to children. Passing laws requires that we try to draw fixed boundaries around legal and illegal behavior. (We never really achieve this in practice, but this concept guides the formation of laws and jurisprudence.) The drawing of fixed boundaries causes a great deal of problems for those who work with children. First, they leave little room for judgment and interpretation in an area where judgment and interpretation are most important (dealing with children). Second, rules that we use to regulate adult behavior become used to pass judgment over children’s behavior. Third, in our litigious society, the fear of lawsuits acts as a powerful force that drives behavior. Schools, teachers, parents and other organizations fear that if they do not “toe the line” they will be sued. As a result, they are forced to follow the letter of the law, even when common sense suggests an inapplicability of law. What does it mean, for example, to say that a six year old has committed an act of sexual harassment? Here are some examples of legal solutions that, when applied to children, have resulted in developmentally absurd reactions from authorities: • In April 2012, 6-year-old D’Avonte Meadows, a first grader at the Sable Elementary School in Aurora Colorado, was accused of sexual harassment. The child was given a three day suspension after he said “I’m sexy and I know it” to a girl. The words were a line from a popular song (ABC News, May 4, 2012). • In August 2011, a 9-year-old child appeared in court for his role as a participant in a scuffle on a school bus. In Texas, it is not uncommon for police to issue tickets to children, who can receive Class C misdemeanor citations for offensive language, disrupting class or fighting. Such acts can bring fines of up to $500 (Washington Post, August 12, 2011). • In April 2012, 6-year-old Salecia Johnson was handcuffed and arrested at the Elementary School in Milledgeville, Georgia after having a temper tantrum (Washington Post, April 18, 2012). • In April 2012, a 6-year-old student was arrested on April 18 at Hendricks

Elementary School in Shelbyville, a suburb of Indianapolis, Illinois, and charged with battery and intimidation after kicking and “threatening” the school principal (Reuters, April 25, 2012). • According to a 2009 report, From Out to Hard Time, every year approximately 80 children age 13 and younger are judicially transferred to an adult court, many for relatively minor crimes (e.g., property crimes). These are simply the most egregious cases. The list goes on – including some examples in our own local community. Special Programs Detract Attention from Broader Problems A frequent solution to social problems involves devising programs to teach target skills. Programs tend to take the form of allocating specific periods of time to explicit teaching and training to address the target issue (e.g., low test scores; drug and alcohol abuse; teenage pregnancy, bullying and so forth). Programs require time, effort and resources to develop, instantiate and monitor. Quite often, even the highest quality programs produce limited success. Further, as new social problems arise, specially designed programs begin to proliferate. Each new program takes away time, energy and resources from other programs. (There are only so many hours in a day to allocate to special programs.) The result is a hodgepodge of multiple programs that target different social problems in a piecemeal fashion. One of the reasons why special programs have only marginal success is that they occur outside of the context of everyday life. The real learning in life occurs in the middle of everything. When we learn a skill outside of the context of its use, we have the added problem of having to import that skill into everyday life in order to use it. It is like teaching tennis by talking about how to play tennis rather than actually playing tennis on a tennis court. Programs that work are those that are comprehensive and integrated. They have tentacles that reach out to everyday life. Programs that work are those based on richly shared community values in which everyone holds everyone else to public standards of accountability.

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Programs that work are not those that are isolated from everyday life, but are instead part of the broader values, morals and expectations that we live by. I would like to argue that the key to reducing bullying is indeed a zero-tolerance policy – but a zero-tolerance policy of a very different type. Our current approach to “zero-tolerance” tends to equate “zero-tolerance” with punishment for wrongdoing – one strike and you’re out; if you bully, you get punished. This may make us feel good, but it is unlikely to be effective. A better way is to re-invent the broad-based sharing of community standards about certain issues, where not tolerating means taking immediate action to correct the behavior, and not simply punish it. Punishment is a poor teacher. As agents of socialization, we need to hold ourselves to higher standards than that. We need to teach our children not only what not to do (e.g., we don’t use our power to get what we want; to harass; to hurt; to humiliate), but also what to do as well (e.g., when someone is weaker than we are, we help, we protect them, we prop them up). We have a tendency to think of our children as having individual rights. And they do. However, it is not nearly enough to simply say, “You have rights, but your rights end where someone else’s nose begins”. Instead, we must teach our children that in addition to their rights, they have responsibilities and even obligations and duties to other people. And we must promote and enforce such responsibilities across the board – in every minute of every day in everything that we do. Special programs can only take us so far. Unless we change our values and hold ourselves and each other to consistently higher standards of behavior, such programs are bound to have limited success. The key is to teach and enforce values and virtues in everything we do. Bullying 101 may or may not help, but it is not the answer. Piecemeal solutions don’t work. Instead, putting moral values into everything we do is the only real answer to bullying and our other social problems. And by “we”, I mean everyone – government, schools, teachers, businesses, mentors, families and individual adults and children.

6 North Shore Children & Families

Bullying

Bullying the Bus Monitor The event was cruel and humiliating. It is difficult to watch. It is even difficult to read about. By now you have certainly heard the case (or watched the video) of four 7th grade students in Greece, New York, taunting 68-year-old bus monitor Karen Klein with an unrelenting slew of humiliating profanity and name calling. The case created a national reaction. (For those who have not watched the YouTube video, we have provided a partial transcription of the first minutes of the incident in this issue. The transcript contains language that may be offensive to readers.) As a result of their actions, the students were suspended from school for one year. When I first learned of the year-long suspension, my response was one of dismay. It seemed to me that the district had adopted a simple punish-theoffenders and throw-away-the-key approach to the problem. Happily, after a bit of research, it appears that this was not the case, despite the headlines in the popular press. The students were indeed suspended from the Athena Middle School for one

Partial Transcript of Bullying Incident between Students and Ms. Klein Warning: This passage contains explicit language that may be offensive to some readers. Students: Are you/ You sweat just from you talking you fat ass./Oh my god you’re so fat…/Yo yo yo/(cross talk)/Why do you have —/_uckin fat ass/Ya, you’re fat/You’re so fat, you take up the whole entire seat/Oh my god, your glasses are all foggy from your friggin sweat/ Fat ass/Dude – put those glasses back on. Can’t stand looking at your face/If you look into our eyes we’re gonna turn into stone/Put those sunglasses back on you friggin looking like a troll/ You _uckin fat ass/Look at all this flab over here (student grabs Karen’s shirt)/ What size are your shirts? Klein: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Students: Why don’t you shut the _uck up!/(cross talk)/- I know/Look at her _uckin ugly ass ears. _uckin – (laughs)/(cross talk) (inaudible)/Wanna/funny/You can _uckin see the sweat dripping down her face/I know/Fat ass./Karen are you sweating?/Karen?/Karen?/Oh my god look at that– that’s _uckin gross./Karen are you sweating?/Why’s there water on your face? Klein: I’m crying. Students: Your crying over your head/Your crying right here. Klein: I’m crying all over. Students: Ya she probably misses her box of Twinkies/It’s true/It’s true/Karen do you miss your Twinkies?/Karen! Do you miss your Twinkies?/Do you miss your Twinkies?/She probably shoves her Twinkies up her ass. (laughs)/whip cream/You guys are getting/Sucks/Such a fat ass. Klein: But why wouldn’t you let me look at the book? Continued on page 8

full year. However, they were also required to perform 50 hours of community service for elderly people in their community, and ordered to participate in a formal program designed to prevent bullying and promote respect and responsibility. Because public policy mandates that communities must provide a quality education to all students, students could be formally removed from school. As a result, they will participate in an alternative education program at the district’s Reengagement Center. The students may not use the school bus to travel to and from the Reengagement Center. After 30 weeks into the school year, if students have completed the disciplinary requirements and remain in good standing in the Reengagement Center, they will be allowed to apply for re-admission to the Athena Middle School. Published material indicates that the program is designed not only to prevent bullying, but also to teach respect and responsibility. This is an important point. In addressing any social problem, it is not only important to teach children how to inhibit problem behaviors, it is also essential to teach children proper and correct ways to behave. Optimally, such programs should contain intensive intervention designed to cultivate empathy, perspective taking and social problem solving. They must be able to understand and take responsibility for the effects that their actions have had on others. I do not know the specifics of how this program operates in the Greece school system, nor can I vouch for its quality. However, the emphasis on cultivating respect and responsibility is a major plus. The most important part of the students’ disciplinary action involved the provision that allows the students to apply for readmission to the middle school after 30 weeks of progress and good standing in the Reengagement School. Why is this so important? Punishment is an ineffective teacher. When we punish someone for wrongdoing – which would have occurred if the school district simply decided to suspend the students for the year – the person being punished learns very little. The

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student may learn, “If I do that again, I’ll be in trouble”. However, punishment alone does nothing to teach students the social and emotional skills needed to inhibit anti-social behavior and promote pro-social behavior. By giving the students the opportunity to re-enter their middle school contingent upon progress and good standing, the school district has increased the likelihood that meaningful skill development can occur in these students. Transition to the Reengagement School is unlikely to be pleasant for the students. If they were simply relegated to the school without pro-social skill training and the opportunity for re-entry into the Middle School, the most likely outcome would be resentment, hopelessness and perhaps even the perpetuation of an anti-social demeanor. However, making re-entry to the Middle school contingent upon genuine progress provides the conditions for motivating the students to buy into the bully prevention program. In this way, students are not only held to high standards, they are also provided with the direction needed so that they can rise to those standards. The devil, of course, is in the details. In the absence of knowledge about the specific operation of the bullying prevention program or the re-engagement curriculum, it is difficult to make predictions about how these boys will develop. However, this sort of comprehensive approach is part of the process of truly holding students responsible for their actions.

8 North Shore Children & Families

Bullying

Continued from page 6

Students: You wanna look at it?/ We don’t want you to touch our books you fat ass/You just touched your friggin sweat you dumb ass. Klein: (inaudible) Students: Shut the hell up – old/Josh has a year book. Klein: Why don’t you guys… Students: Here’s this – you want this too bad. (laughs)/Fat ass/Your reflexes are so slow. Fat ass/You have reflexes like an elephant/Maybe she is an elephant/She’s like a BPPPPHHHHHHHHHH/She – she probably sweat – sweat from that/I don’t want her to friggin touch my year book she’s gonna friggin get sweat all over it/She’s probably gonna get grease stains all over it/I know/Ahhh – all the way down/She gonna pick out which kid she’s gonna rape next. (laughs)/Karen wants smush smush./Karen wants herpie/Oh wait already got one. Karen you/ears over (appears that Bully touches Karen’s ear)/get a hearing aide. Klein: I’ll make sure I don’t get you guys again… Students: At your house. Klein: Get somebody Students:– at your house/.– at a _uckin trailer/I know/What do you – what do you want Karen? ,What’s your address?/Like what neighborhood?/ What neighborhood?/What’s your address? Klein: Oh ya right – oh ya right Students: What neighborhood?/Where do you live by? Just – I don’t Klein: I will never tell you that! Students: What’s your address so can piss all over your door Continues for a total of 10+ minutes.

What is Bullying? Bullying refers to the use of one’s greater power to intimidate, hurt, harm, humiliate or coerce another person. We tend to speak of bullying when the offended behavior is repeated over time. In school aged children, bullying can take many forms. These include acts such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically, attacking others verbally, excluding others from a group and so forth. We tend to speak of bullying when a person with greater power or strength purposefully attempts to harm someone who is weaker or who has less power. Cyber bullying refers to acts of bullying that occur using electronic technology. Examples of cyber bullying include repeated demeaning or hurtful text messages or emails; rumors sent by email or posted on social networking sites such as MySpace or Facebook; and posting embarrassing or otherwise unwanted pictures, videos or messages on electronic forums. Not all definitions of bullying stress the importance of an imbalance of power. For example, the definition of bullying used by the Department of Education in Massachusetts refers only to “severe or repeated” actions (see insert). This is a potentially important issue. The common meaning of “bullying” generally includes connotations of some sort of imbalance of power. It is possible, of course, to think of bullying as something that occurs between equals. But this way of thinking comes with the risk of overextending the idea of bullying. Imagine that Josh and Jerry had an ongoing conflict about whether or not to

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include a friend in afterschool play. If the pair was to get into frequent arguments about this issue at school, one or both of them might be accused of being a “bully”.

Why Do Children (and Adults) Bully? There are many reasons why people engage in bullying behavior. People sometimes express shock and outrage when they encounter bullying in children. While bullying is an unacceptable violation of rule for moral social action, we should not be overly surprised when it occurs! Interpersonal conflict is an inherent part of being human – and certainly a central part of childhood! It is not unusual for children (and adults) to be egocentric – that is, to focus only on what the self wants, thinks or feels rather than what others want, think or feel. Not all children are naturally empathic. When conflicts arise, acting out in an aggressive attempt to pursue one’s interest is often the rule rather than the exception, at least in very young children. Children who learn that they can use their power to get what they want from people who are weaker can, unless taught otherwise, develop a tendency toward bullying. What is more perplexing and disturbing are incidents of children who seem to bully others for no apparent reason – other than to express their power or dominance. Why would children engage in such behaviors? Like adults, children tend to want some basic things. They want to feel good about themselves; they seek status – they want to be liked, respected and held in high esteem. As children get older, they want to see themselves as likeable,

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popular and sexually attractive. Research suggests children can use bullying as an attempt to increase their status and sense of power. In general, children and adults are selective in who they bully. Their victims tend to have a lower sense of self-worth; to be socially awkward; or otherwise lack power or strength. Children who bully often do so out of an attempt to increase their sense of status, respect or power over such victims. The evidence is mixed about whether or not children who bully tend to have low self-esteem. Some studies say yes; others suggest that there is no relation. However, there is some evidence that suggests that children who bully may be more susceptible to feelings of shame. Such children may feel inferior or diminished if Bobby does better at math or if Peter is more popular. Bullying or picking on someone who is weaker may seem to raise their status – at least in their own eyes. There is a good deal of evidence showing that children who bully tend to believe that bullying is an acceptable thing to do. In fact, there is some Continued on page 10

Massachusetts Definition of Bullying The severe or repeated use by one or more students of a written, verbal, or electronic expression, or a physical act or gesture, or any combination thereof, directed at another student that has the effect of: (i) causing physical or emotional harm to the other student or damage to the other student’s property; (ii) placing the other student in reasonable fear of harm to himself or of damage to his property; (iii) creating a hostile environment at school for the other student; (iv) infringing on the rights of the other student at school; or (v) materially and substantially disrupting the education process or the orderly operation of a school.

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10 North Shore Children & Families Why Do Children Bully? Continued from page 9

consensus among children that some degree of bullying is just a natural part of peer culture. Children who bully may have stronger beliefs about the normative value of bullying than others. Bullying Extends Beyond the Bully

We often think of bullying as an individual thing – a property of individual children rather than of groups. However, it is not the case. First, children who bully tend to select victims who are weaker than they are in some way. Such children, who may have a less strong sense of self, are less able to assert or stand up for themselves. In this way, the bully and the victim play off each other. This does not mean that the victim is to blame for the bully’s behavior; it simply means that if we want to understand why children bully, we can’t look at the behavior of bullies in isolation. Research also suggests that bullying varies depending upon the emotional climate of the school. Some school contexts are more congenial to bullies than others.

Don’t Just Blame the Bullies (We Are Their Accomplices) People go to the Thomason Zoo to see the lion families. They get to see baby lion cubs grow into full grown lions. Thomason Zoo, like other zoos, is financially strapped. They’ve had to cut back on a lot of

services. When their lion keeper retired, they took the opportunity to hire a lion keeper at a much lower salary than they had paid their senior level expert. The new trainer was doing quite fine with the sweet and cuddly cubs. However, as the cubs got older, they became more rambunctious. One day, the inexperienced lion keeper was injured as he lost control over the cubs during a feeding session. Who is at fault here? The cubs? The lion keeper? Or the management of the Thomason Zoo? Or perhaps it’s the financial woes that are at fault? The story is fiction. But it’s not too far afield from the incident involving the bullying of the bus monitor. Although we must be careful not to blame the bus monitor for the boys’ behavior, it is important to understand the role of the bus monitor (and even the school district) in enabling the bullying to occur. The bus monitor was ill equipped to counter the taunts of these middle school boys. In this way, she functioned like a typical victim – she was an easy target because the ways in which the boys viewed her appearance and because of her inability to regulate the boys. The task of regulating the children was her primary role as bus monitor. To the extent that she was unable to perform this job, her own actions played a role in the escalation of the boys’ bullying behavior. This is an important point. A major source of bullying prevention is the successful monitoring and regulating of children in contexts in which bullying is most likely to occur. It would be easy to think that the boys taunting Ms. Klein were simply bad kids, delinquents or even monsters. We’d like to convince ourselves that our own children are not capable of such cruel behavior; that the behavior of these boys somehow goes so far beyond the pale that they cease in some way to be children. However, while these children clearly are not model citizens, they are nonetheless children. Their behavior suggests that

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And here is where the school district itself must share culpability for the events that led to Ms. Klein’s bullying. Why was Ms. Klein assigned to a task that she was ill-prepared to perform? Did the district simply make a mistake? Perhaps. More likely, the district – like many in the nation – is experiencing financial woes that make it difficult to compensate and recruit people who are more prepared to perform this sort of work. In this way, the school district – and the stresses upon it – also played a role in establishing the circumstances in which the boys’ bullying was permitted to escalate out of control.

What Works in Preventing Bullying (and Promoting Pro-Social Behavior) There has been a good deal of research in recent years about the types of programs that are effective in preventing bullying and promoting pro-social behavior. The most effective programs are those that: • Articulate clear policies identifying the nature of behaviors that will not be tolerated • Employ clear and consistent disciplinary methods for responding to bullying behavior • Provide supervision in the playground and other areas that involve unstructured activity • Engage parents in the process of bullying prevention • Provide information to parents about bullying

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• Engage parents when problems arise • Articulate clear rules about appropriate classroom behavior • Enforce classroom rules with clear classroom management techniques Research shows that the number, duration and intensity of these features matter. The greater the number of program elements employed throughout a school district, the lower the rates of bullying. More intensive and extensive programs are also associated with decreased rates of bullying. Programs that reduce the degree of victimization (children who are the recipients of bullying behavior) include those that: Continued on page 12

12 North Shore Children & Families What Works in Preventing Bullying Continued from page 11

• Employ clear and consistent disciplinary methods • Use video as an aid to promoting strategies to avoid victimization • Involve children in high levels of cooperative group work • Seek out parent participation In general, effective anti-bullying programs tend to reduce levels of bullying by about 20%. Research shows that anti-bullying programs tend to be more effective in Europe than in the United States. What Works? Teaching and Enforcing Correct Action as a Part of Everyday Life When we think about anti-bullying programs, we tend to think of providing students with special training – about how to avoid being a victim; about the need to report incidents of bullying; about the consequences of bullying actions, and so forth. Perhaps the most important thing that we can learn about “what works” in an anti-bullying program is that “what works” is not the simple result of special training that occurs outside of the normal curriculum. Instead, what seems to “work” is the application of the principles contained in such training throughout all aspects of the child’s schooling and home life. In other words, we don’t learn how not to be bullies, victims or bystanders in special training classes. Instead, we learn to inhibit anti-social behavior and engage in pro-social behavior during the thousands of interactions that take place between and among teachers, students and parents every moment of every day. It occurs when a community of teachers, learners and parents come

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2012 PUBLISHING SCHEDULE Issue

Ad Space Deadline

Ads Due

September October November

Fri., Aug. 17 Fri., Sept. 14 Fri., Oct. 19

Tues., Aug. 21 Tues., Sept. 18 Tues., Oct. 23

To explore your advertising options or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. To learn more, please visit www.northshorefamilies.com.

together and agree on the types of behaviors that will not be tolerated and commit themselves to actively teaching alternatives to bullying behavior. This occurs in the cafeteria when a teacher directs children to help the classmate who just dropped her lunch tray, and not applaud over the child’s misfortune. It occurs during class when teachers instruct children in how to perform group work and resolve interpersonal conflicts. It occurs on the playground when professionals draw children’s attention to what it feels like for a particular child to be rejected and excluded from play. In short, it occurs when we are not afraid to put our moral beliefs into action by actively instructing children on how to be helpful rather than hurtful; how to include rather than exclude; how to negotiate rather than simply take; how to act with compassion rather than selfishness; how to feel good about oneself without bringing others down. These are not simply nice-sounding phrases. If we are to take bullying seriously, these statements must be social and moral imperatives. We cannot be afraid to hold children to a standard beyond simply not bullying; instead, we must teach children how to assert their own needs while at the same time seeking to respect and even meet the legitimate needs of others.

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978-666-4906 We want to help your business. No matter how big or small you may be. We offer the following services: • IT Consulting, IT Managed Services, Assessments • Networking, Backup Solutions, Cloud Technology, Server/Workstation Repairs

Community Calendar To Submit to our Community Calendar: Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website. From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our form will open for you to complete and submit your listings. While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space is limited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted by our advertising partners & sponsors. Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submitted through our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne to advertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines. To advertise, please contact Suzanne at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569.

For complete listing accuracy, we recommend that you call ahead or check the websites listed. Featured listings do not constitute an endorsement from this publisher and we encourage our readers to always do their own research.

Personalized poems as gifts, clever verses for invitations, speeches, toasts, roasts and poignant eulogies. See ad on page 13! SAVE NOW:

APARTMENT for RENT: 2 bedrooms, 1.5 baths apartment available in Nahant! There’s still time for summer fun and island living! See ad on page 14! UNIQUE GIFT IDEA/WORDS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS: Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne – the perfect words to enhance any special occasion.

Enroll at Boston School of Ballet North Shore Studio by Sept. 4 – save $50! For ages 15 mos. – adult; see ad on back cover! Pay for College Without Going Broke, Clear View Wealth Advisors can help you & your family! See ad on page 11; free download at CollegeCashPro.com. SIGN UP TODAY:

North Shore Children & Families Call 978.927.1936; for parents/caregivers with children ages 10 months – 3.5 years (in Sept.). At Cape Ann Waldorf School, Moraine Farm, Rte. 97, Beverly. “Morning Glory” & “Bachelor’s Button” classes feature a community of parents and children enjoying play, bread making, circle games, snack and conversation. Space is limited so call to register today! See ad on page 9. www.capeannwaldorf.org Early Education & Childcare at Beverly Children’s Learning Center; for infants, toddlers, preschool & pre-K. Kid-Fit classes coming this fall! NAEYC accredited; affordable, sliding scale. See ad on page 2. At 600 Cummings Center, Beverly. www.bclckids.org SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports, a fun & engaging physical development program using games & activities based around soccer. For girls & boys 18 months to 6 years; see ad on page 2. www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF

Openings for Infants, Toddlers & School Age Children at Miss Wendy’s Childcare, Salem. See ad on page 10. ENROLL NOW: Most of our schools, early childhood educators and daycares are enrolling NOW for fall 2012! See specific ad for more info. & sign up today! FREE: Call today to schedule a FREE introductory class at The Little Gym! Danvers: 978.777.7977; Woburn: 781.933.3388. Prime IT Solutions is offering a FREE consultation – see ad on page 12! Call them for help with IT consulting, managed services, assessments, networking, backup solutions, computer repairs & more. GET TICKETS: Tickets available Sept. 1: Brookwood School’s 4 to 14 Speaker Series: Parenting Elementary School Kids, featuring

Parent & Child Program, Fall 2012 Registration is Open!

Continued on page 14

SEPTEMBER ISSUE DEADLINES!

The North Shore Party Planner To advertise, please contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.

The

Bayside of Nahant

Oceanfront Splendor... Magnificent Views... Elegant & Affordable North Shore's best kept secret & the perfect location for: • Weddings,

Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne For Gifts A Personalized Poem Makes a Perfect Gift for Any Special Occasion

For Invitations

Showers Sweet 16s • Bar/Bat Mitzvahs • Anniversaries • All Special Occasions • Wedding & Function Packages • Many Menus to Choose From

Speeches, Toasts & Roasts

781.592.3080

781.584.4569

• Birthdays,

One Range Road, Nahant

www.baysidefunctions.com

Clever, Custom Verses for Your Invitations & Thank You Notes

For Events

suzanne @northshorefamilies.com

Have an Awesome Birthday Bash at The Little Gym! · Private party – clean, safe, beautiful facility all to yourselves. · Instructor led – great age-appropriate games and activities. · Stress-free for The Little Gym of Danvers parents…we take 978.777.7977 care of EVERYTHING! www.tlgdanversma.com Call for details.

The Little Gym of Woburn 781.933.3388 • www.tlgwoburnma.com

Birthday Party on Roller Skates! Roller World, Saugus 781.233.9507 Party Line

BOOST Your PARTY Business HERE! Secure your ad space by August 15 to appear here in our Sept. issue!

If you need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Wed., Aug. 15 If you do not need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Noon, Fri., Aug. 17 Sept. Calendar Listings Due By August 21 Please submit your listings directly through our website.

To secure your ad space:

suzanne@ northshorefamilies.com

781.584.4569

14 North Shore Children & Families Community Calendar

WEDNESDAYS:

Continued from page 13

Afternoons in the Children’s Garden, every Wed. through Aug. 22, 3:30-4:30pm; members are free, non-members pay $5/family. For parents/caregivers with children ages 6 and under at the Children’s Garden at Long Hill, 572 Essex St., Beverly. www.thetrustees.org

award-winning journalist & bestselling author Ashley Merryman on Oct. 9 at 7pm; $10 per person ($15 for 2-event series), limited seating available. See ad on page 7. www.brookwood.edu North Shore Music Theatre, Beverly, presents musicals, concerts and kids’ shows! See ad on page 4 – get tickets at www.nsmt.org today! August 14-26: Joyce DeWitt in All Shook Up. Theresa Caputo: Long Island Medium, Sept. 8; Dennis Miller Live, Oct. 25, at Lowell Auditorium. Tickets at box office or at www.lowellauditorium.com. MONDAY – FRIDAY IN AUGUST: Visit our August Open Houses, Monday through Friday throughout August. At Next Generation Children’s Centers, 516 So. Main St., Andover and 232 Essex St., Beverly. www.ngccenters.com

Available Now!

APARTMENT for RENT

2 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths apartment located in Nahant – across the street from the ocean! New paint & flooring throughout. Parking, fireplace, washer & dryer in unit, fully applianced eat-in kitchen, many large closets. Owner occupied 2-family. $1,350/mo. for 1; $1,450/mo. for 2; $1,550/mo. for 3 + util. Located 11 miles North of Boston, convenient to NSCC/Lynn campus, Marian Court & Salem State. Near golf course, beaches, parks and bus line to commuter rail. Great community for biking, fishing, hiking and water sports!

Please call 781.598.8025.

FRIDAYS: CLASS (Centerboard Literacy and Scholastic Support) Read Aloud on Friday Mornings, 910am, 6 locations in Lynn; through Aug. 24. At 16 City Hall Square, Congregation Ahabat Sholom, East Coast International Church, Lynn Museum, Lynn Public Library & Grace United Methodist Church. Free; bring your children (parent must stay) & listen to stories together or read a chapter for your summer reading. For info., email Jplourde@thecenterboard.org or call 339.883.1387. Stargazing at the Gilliland Observatory, free, every Friday 8:30-10pm, weather permitting; at Museum of Science, Boston. Call 617.589.0267 – updated every Fri. at 5:30pm, with info. about that night’s observing session. www.mos.org SATURDAYS: Bring your bottles & cans to Stone Zoo, Stoneham! 10am2:30pm, parking lot. Help the environment and a worthy cause – held the 2nd Saturday of each month through October. All proceeds benefit conservation efforts supported by Zoo New England. www.stonezoo.org AUGUST 2-4: Old Fashioned Sidewalk Sales, Downtown Newburyport; all ages welcome. Enjoy old fashioned, outdoor shopping throughout downtown Newburyport, The Tannery & Port Plaza. A great opportunity to support unique local merchants, shop for some great deals and enjoy Newburyport during the Yankee Homecoming Celebration! http://business.newburyportchamber.org/events

AUGUST 8:

AUGUST 17 (NOON):

Bubbleology! At Hamilton-Wenham Public Library, 6:30-7:30pm, free for families. See HUGE bubbles & explore the mysteries, science & art of creating bubble sculptures.

AD DEADLINE: FINAL Advertising Space Reservation DEADLINE at NOON for ALL ADS in our SEPTEMBER issue! To advertise, contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com! If you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by Wed., August 15 at noon! You can see our regular display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com.

AUGUST 11: Essex Board of Health presents 4th Annual Essex Youth Triathlon, 9:30am; $25 per person w/$50 family cap. For ages 5-15 at Centennial Grove Road, Essex. Because this is a USAT sanctioned event, all participants must be USAT members. The Deadline for registration is noon, August 9, or when capacity is reached. Register online at www.active.com. www.essexma.org AUGUST 15 (NOON): AD DEADLINE: If you need to advertise in our SEPTEMBER issue, and if you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by NOON TODAY! You can see our display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com or contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.

AUGUST 19: Grand Reopening, 10am-3pm, at Peace, Groove & Happiness Studio, 52 Central St. (Georgetown Marketplace), Georgetown (at intersection of Routes 97 & 133); free for all ages. Featuring free sample classes (every 15 min.), raffles, prizes, face painting, crafts & games! Sign up now for fall classes, with newly expanded programming; see ad on page 3. Visit www.pghstudio.com for a complete schedule of this event and to see all of the classes they offer for children and adults of all ages! AUGUST 20:

Happy Birthday to my niece, Lauren! Love you, Lala!

Remembering Nanna Roderick.

AUGUST 16:

Community Calendar listings’ DEADLINE at NOON for our September issue! Please submit your listings for September events directly through our website (see beg. of this Calendar for details).

Lullaby Concert, 7-8pm; free, all ages welcome (pajamas welcome, too!). Space is limited – call 978.927.1936 to reserve a spot for your family. Performed by the Cape Ann Waldorf School Faculty & Parent Chorus. At the school’s new location at Moraine Farm, 701 Cabot St./Rte. 97, Beverly; see our ad on page 9. www.capeannwaldorf.org North Shore Amateur Astronomy Club Star Party, at HamiltonWenham Public Library, 8:15-9:30pm, free for all ages. Sign up to attend at the reference desk. Cruisin’ the 50s celebration, free for all ages, Market Square, Newburyport. Features special events, 50s pricing, music of the era, classic car display on State, Pleasant & Inn Sts. Concert by Lee Lewis & the Doo Wop All Stars, Market Square, 7:30pm. http://business.newburyportchamber.org/events

AUGUST 21:

AUGUST 23: World Class Frisbee Show, at Hamilton-Wenham Public Library, 23pm; free for families. Join Todd Brodeur, 2 time World Freestyle Frisbee Champion, as he demonstrates & teaches Frisbee tricks! SEPTEMBER 4: Boston Ballet School North Shore Studio Open House, 5:30-7pm, free for all ages. At 40 Leggs Hill Rd., Marblehead (Lynch/van Otterloo YMCA). Register for fall classes, try a children’s class (ages 4-7), 5:45pm; meet faculty, tour facility, purchase dress code items, learn to make a bun, contest to win a ballerina birthday party, take an Adult Intro to Ballet class, 6:30pm; see ad on back cover. Open House also at Newton Studio (5-6:30pm) and Boston Studio (4:306pm). www.bostonballet.org/school

Service Directory APARTMENT FOR RENT

FUN & FITNESS

Fall in Love with Nahant! 2 bdrm. apartment available in Nahant – across from ocean! See ad on page 14!

Aztec Soccer/SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF See ad on page 2!

CHILDCARE Miss Wendy’s Childcare Salem 978.745.6728 See ad on page 10! COLLEGE SAVINGS PLANS Clear View Wealth Advisors, LLC Several North Shore locations 978.388.0020 www.collegecashpro.com DANCE INSTRUCTION Boston Ballet School/NS Studio Marblehead 781.456.6333 www.bostonballet.org/school DENTAL CARE Generations Dental Center Pediatric & Adult Dentistry in Beverly 978.921.7575 www.generationsdentalcenter.com EARLY EDUCATION

The Little Gym Danvers and Woburn www.tlgdanversma.com www.tlgwoburnma.com Peace, Groove & Happiness Studio Georgetown 978.352.9642 wwwpghstudio.com See ad on page 3! Roller World Skating Center Saugus 781.231.1111 www.roller-world.com GIFTS/SPECIAL OCCASIONS Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne Speeches, eulogies, gifts, verses for invitations, etc. See ad on page 13! IT SERVICES/COMPUTER HELP Prime IT Solutions Serving the North Shore 978.666.4906 See ad on page 12!

Beverly Children’s Learning Center Beverly • 978.927.1269 www.bclckids.org See ad on page 2!

To advertise, contact Suzanne today!

Next Generation Children’s Centers Locations include Andover & Beverly 866.711.NGCC www.ngccenters.com

suzanne@northshore families.com

ENTERTAINMENT North Shore Music Theatre Beverly 978.232.7200 www.nsmt.org See ad on page 4!

September issue ad space reservation deadline is Aug. 15!

North Shore Children & Families

SCHOOLS

Schools are enrolling NOW for Fall! Austin Preparatory School Reading 781.944.4900 www.austinprepschool.org

Plumfield Academy Danvers 978.304.0273 www.plumfieldacademy.org

Brookwood School Manchester 978.526.4500 www.brookwood.edu

Shore Country Day School Beverly 978.927.1700 www.shoreschool.org

Cape Ann Waldorf School Beverly 978.927.1936 www.capeannwaldorf.org

Sparhawk School Amesbury 978.388.5354 www.sparhawkschool.com

Clark School Danvers 978.777.4699 www.clarkschool.com

St. John the Evangelist School Beverly 978.922.0048 www.sjsbeverly.org See ad on page 2!

Covenant Christian Academy West Peabody 978.535.7100 www.covenantchristianacademy.org Glen Urquhart School Beverly Farms 978.927.1064 www.gus.org Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School Beverly 978.922.1008 www.harborlightmontessori.org

Please Support Our Advertisers, Who Sponsor this Publication for You & Your Family!

Tower School Marblehead 781.631.5800 www.towerschool.org Waring School Beverly 978.927.8793 www.waringschool.org

Enjoy the Rest of Your Summer!