North Shore Children & Families February 2013 by Michael Mascolo

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The online and print forum promoting the development of children, families and the parents who care for them.

Helping Your Teen Forge an Identity Who Am I? Les MisĂŠrables: A Teachable Moment What is this Thing Called Love? Community Calendar Education Feature: Tower School Coming in March: Our 6th Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase Series Kicks Off! To advertise - see page 19! Enter to Win! See page 2!

Happy Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day www.northshorefamilies.com

FEBRUARY 2013

2 North Shore Children & Families

Family & Friends

It’s Almost Time for Summer Camps & Programs Enter to Win Tickets to Big Apple Circus! We Welcome You to Share Your Stories & Ideas by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher Hello again, dear readers! I hope you all enjoyed the holidays – and that 2013 is filled with blessings and all things good for you and your family.

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It’s time to start thinking about Summer Camps & Programs! Coming up in our March issue – we kick off our 6th Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase series for 2013 – the largest

camp showcase and familyfriendly resource in print and distributed throughout the North Shore! Whether you are a parent looking for information, ideas and options for your children this summer – or you have a summer camp or program that needs summer enrollments (and an effective and efficient way to reach local, North Shore parents) – you won’t want to miss our upcoming issues! In most cases, even one enrollment will cover the cost of your ad – and we have over 50,000 readers throughout the

North Shore, your target demographic audience (parents with children). Most of our camps have been advertising in our showcases since we started this popular feature in 2008, simply because we deliver results for their business each and every year. We welcome you to reach more North Shore parents and boost your summer enrollments with us this year! To advertise your summer camp or program beginning in our March issue, please see page 19 and

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♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ We are happy to share another reader contest with you this month, where you can win tickets to see Big Apple Circus: Legendarium – the all new show! This annual production returns to Boston’s City Hall Plaza in late March through May – and we are happy to partner with this familyfriendly production again this year. To enter for a chance to win tickets – please see page 2! To purchase tickets, please see their ad on page 12. If you are a producer of family-friendly shows (or shows for parents and adults who need a night out, too) and if you would like to explore a partnership with us, please contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. We love to give our readers the chance to see the many amazing productions that come to the Boston and North Shore areas each year. Check back again in our upcoming issues for more contests with more great prizes for you and your family, courtesy of North Shore Children & Families and in partnership with select sponsors.

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• Affordable Open M-F, 7 am to 6 pm

contact me by February 13 at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569.

DEADLINE TO ENTER IS FEBRUARY 28! Please enter online at www.northshorefamilies.com. All prizes are awarded courtesy of North Shore Children & Families, and in partnership with select sponsors. Please – only one entry per person. Several winners will be selected.

Do you have a funny story, clever ideas or your parenting experiences to share with other local parents and families? Your story could be published as a Reader Contribution in a future issue. Or do you have an idea or suggestion for us – something you would like to see covered in a future issue? Our content is custom and on the cutting edge of Continued on page 18

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Letter from the Editor

Sandy Hook’s Children Are All Our Children by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. The following appeared as an Opinion submission in The Salem News on December 20, 2012; republished here with permission. I am an alumnus of Sandy Hook Elementary School. While I have not lived in that little town for over thirty years, the shootings brought me back home. Like others, I have been swept over by feelings of overwhelming grief. Although I know no one related to the school, I experienced this event as if it were happening to me, to my community and to my friends and neighbors. It was not simply an abstraction occurring elsewhere. I can imagine the long driveway leading up to the school on the hill; the hallways through which I walked; the friendly feeling of this small, safe school. It was steps away from the volunteer Fire House, a neighborhood grocery and John’s Barber Shop, where John himself cut my hair. Previous acts of violence had left me angry, but not grief-stricken. It is with some shame that I recall, after the al-Qaeda attacks of September 11, 2001, saying to a colleague, “As a nation, we are so distraught; but this type of thing is happening all around the world. Our pain is not larger than that of others”. My colleague – infinitely more wise than I – replied, “But it’s different when it happens to you. This is our pain, and we must grieve.”

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www.northshorefamilies.com P.O. Box 150 Nahant, MA 01908-0150 781.584.4569 A publication of North Shore Ink, LLC © 2012. All rights reserved. Reproduction in full or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.

Suzanne M. Provencher Publisher/Co-Founder/Managing Partner suzanne@northshorefamilies.com Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Editor/Co-Founder/Partner michael@northshorefamilies.com Designed by Group One Graphics Printed by Seacoast Media Group

Those wise words contain seeds for addressing our cultural problem of violence: We will seek real solutions to our collective problems when we begin to take them personally. We must come to experience violence not as something happening to someone else, but as something happening to our community, to our children, to us. We must resurrect our individual and collective responsibilities to each other; we must work to see ourselves as each other’s keepers. How can we do this? First, we must become a more benevolent and compassionate people. We can do this by restoring a sense of public virtue to our culture. What are the qualities that we wish to cultivate in ourselves and in our children? Despite our differences, we should be able to agree that compassion, empathy, kindness, understanding and caring for others are virtues to which we should aspire. What would it be like if we taught our children to ask, “What can I do today to become a better person?”, rather than “What will bring me the most pleasure?” Second, violence has its origins in shame, humiliation, insult, fear and an inability to forge a socially worthy identity. If this is so, we must work to create space for all individuals to build a worthy social identity. This includes treating the problems of poverty, race, class, education, social identity and mental health

Where to Find Us North Shore Children & Families is available at over 450 locations throughout the North Shore! Our free, monthly parenting publication is available at North Shore libraries, schools, pediatric doctor & dentist offices, hospitals, pre-schools, children & family support services, retailers that cater to parents, children & thriving families,YMCAs, children’s activity & instruction centers (dance, gymnastics, music, children’s gyms) and more! You can find us from route 93 in Woburn – north to the Andovers & NH border – east to Newburyport & Salisbury – south to Gloucester & Cape Ann – west to Malden & Medford and everywhere in between.

We’ve got the North Shore covered! If you would like to be considered to host & distribute our free publication each month from your family-friendly, North Shore business location – or if you’re a reader who needs to find a location near you – please contact Suzanne:

Please see our Calendar in this issue for our upcoming deadlines.

suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569. Published and distributed monthly throughout the North Shore, 10x per year, and always online. All articles are written by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD unless otherwise credited. Information contained in NSC&F is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. Individual readers are responsible for their use of any information provided. NSC&F is not liable or responsible for the effects of use of information contained in NSC&F. Established 2007.

Continued on page 19

ATTN: SUMMER CAMPS & PROGRAMS! See page 19 and boost your summer enrollments with North Shore Children & Families! www.northshorefamilies.com

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Adolescent Identity

The Teen Challenge: Who Am I? The teen years are a time when things change. After puberty, a teen seems to turn into a different type of being. Teens face a series of difficult challenges. Social life takes on much greater importance than ever before. Adolescents must develop new skills for navigating the worlds of adolescent peer culture, friendship, romance, school, employment and more. Because social life becomes so important, teens must confront the lure of different types of risky behavior: drug and alcohol use and abuse, premature sexuality and rebellion. Over the teen years, adolescents gain newfound powers of thinking and feeling. Their entire inner world begins to expand. A central challenge for teens is to begin to develop a sense of identity. An identity is a person’s answer to the question, “Who am I?” I say that identities “begin to develop” during the teen years because identity is not something that stops developing at the end of adolescence. Our identities continue to develop over our lifetime, as we encounter new challenges and transitions, new projects and relationships, new responsibilities and the inevitable successes, failures and losses that occur over time.

What’s an Identity? Who am I? It seems like such a simple question. But, of course, it is not. One way to answer this question is simply to provide one’s name. I am Katarina Rodriguez, Oliver Smith or Cade Rogers. This is certainly part of what it means to have an identity. But this raises the further question, “Who is Katarina Rodriguez?” We might try to answer this question by pointing to our relationships: I am Katarina Rodriguez, daughter to Katherine and Manuel Rodriquez, sister to Marissa Rodriquez, granddaughter to Francis and Mary Gomez and so forth. Now, all of this is very relevant; it tells us more, but it still doesn’t give us quite the sense of what we mean by having an identity. Although there are many ways to think about identity, one good way is to think about it as a kind of stance or position. Imagine yourself adopting a physical stance. Imagine, for example, that you are about to dance with someone, to give a lecture, to duel. In each one of these activities, you are positioning your body in a way that defines how you intend to relate to another person. The dancer places her feet and holds out her arms

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to accept her partner. A boxer raises his arms in a defensive posture and is prepared to fight. In these situations, a person’s physical stance identifies his or her way of relating to you. An identity, of course, is not a person’s physical stance or position towards others. Instead, it is a kind of psychological, social and even moral stance. Have you ever heard someone say about another person, “That person has no self!”? What might this mean? It means that the person in question has no beliefs, no opinions, no sense of who he or she is. It means that the person doesn’t stand for anything; he has no stance! She has no clear position on anything. The Importance of Forming an Identity in Development So, to have an identity is to be able to take a stand, to have a position, to have a sense of purpose, a sense of who one is and what one believes. If this is true, then forging an identity is a very important developmental achievement. Why? Let’s go back to the various challenges that teens must face as they move through adolescence. They must begin to confront how they will position themselves with regard to issues related to school, achievement, peer culture, race and ethnicity, sexuality, friendship, romance, athletics, employment, family relations, peer pressure, drug and alcohol use, risky behavior and so forth. Adolescents must decide how they will position themselves with respect to these issues. These are all questions of identity. If I know who I am; If I know what my beliefs are; If I know where I stand, then when these issues come up – and they are inevitable – your son or daughter will be equipped to address them. A clearly articulated sense of identity or purpose will help put your teen in charge of herself. She will be better able to make decisions based upon clearly articulated values and beliefs; she’ll be less likely to simply follow the crowd. In many ways, helping a teen develop an answer to the complex question, “Who am I?” is among the most important things a parent can do.

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Adolescent Identity

Character Counts: Helping Your Teen Forge an Identity “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar Wilde “Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.” – Chuck Palahniuk

Uh oh. Quotations are interesting things. Alone, when considered by themselves, many seem true! But put one next to another, and they often contradict. Oscar Wilde admonishes us for following the crowd; Chuck Palahniuk tells us that he could not be who he is without the influence of others. Can they both be right? Each teen – each individual – must build an identity (one’s sense of “who I am”) for him or herself. But that doesn’t mean that teens must build their identities by themselves. The difference is crucial! As parents, we know that we cannot force-feed a child to be who we want them to be. Children and teens must create their own selves; they resist attempts to make them who they do not want to be. (It was, after all, Shakespeare who penned, “To thine own self be true”.) But this doesn’t mean that teens create their

identities by themselves; this is both impossible and undesirable. During the teen years, adolescents begin the process of seizing control of their own lives. However strange as it may seem, this doesn’t mean that they need

parents any less. Arguably, they may even need them more – although in a different way. How Parents Can Help Here are some things that parents can do to help children forge a sense of purpose and identity. 1. Stress the Importance of Building a Sense of “Who I Am” Don’t be afraid to address the issue head on. To be sure, a teen is unlikely to understand psychological sounding terms like “identity” or “self”. But they can understand questions like, “What type of a person do you want to be?” “Who do you want to be?” Because social relationships are so important to teens, they are often very sensitive to social comparisons. Teens are very responsive to questions like, “Who are your heroes?” Or “Who would you like to be like?” Still further, teens are very sensitive to both positive and negative comparisons to their peers. Teens have a keen sense of who is socially successful and who is not. Sensitive comparisons to others can be very helpful in this regard. “Did you see how Sarah avoided Tom after he interrupted her? Here’s how not to be like Tom…” 2. Talk about the Meaning of Challenges and Significant Events Teens build character through the way in which they face challenges in their lives. They build character as they struggle with a test in an important subject; as they try out for field hockey; when the girl or boy says “yes” to the date, and when the answer is “no”. Every event is a teaching moment – and particularly emotionally-charged moments. Although it is true that teens build character through their struggles and social interactions, simply going through those events is not sufficient to build character. It is important to help your child to reflect on the meaning of the struggles, challenges, successes and failures that your teen faces. It is often helpful to think that of any given situation as involving three phases: (1) Participating in the event itself. The first step is actually participating in a given significant event or activity (e.g., taking the test, running the race, going to the birthday party, interacting with a new person, etc.). (2) Reflecting together on the meaning of the event. After your teen participates in a significant activity or event, the next step is to discuss it. When we are actively involved in an event – when our attention is devoted to that event – it is difficult if not impossible to reflect on it. After the event has occurred, we can help our teens reflect on the events by asking a series of questions: How did you behave in this situation? What do you think is the best way to behave in or respond to this situation? What did you learn from this situation? What can you do in the future to become the person you want to be? Significant events can be virtually anything that is important to you or to your teen. Although there is likely to be a lot of overlap, things that are important to your teen may not always be the things that are important to you. It’s okay, of course, to address your own concerns about who your child is becoming and to identify your expectations for your child. Of course, how this is done makes all the difference. Continued on page 15

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Adolescent Identity

Les Misérables: Who am I? A Teachable Moment So, you’ve gone to a movie, seen a play or watched a drama on TV. What do you say to each other after the movie is over? Matt: Jess: Matt: Jess:

“Well, did you like it?” “Sure!” “What did you like about it?” “I liked the part when…”

Why do we read novels? Go to the theater? See a movie? Watch TV? To be sure, we engage in these activities because they bring us pleasure. They entertain. They give us a place to go to escape the realities of everyday life. And so, one of the first questions we ask is about the pleasure that comes from seeing a movie or reading a piece of literature. Movies, plays, short stories, novels and television programs are all different types of stories. While stories give us great pleasure, they provide much more than mere entertainment. It has often been said that literature is an attempt to answer three questions: “Who am I?” “How should I live my life?” “What does it mean to be human?”

If this is so, we can ask these questions for virtually any type of fictional story that we may encounter. Asking these questions can help us to find something to take away from our engagement with a movie, play or story. In this way, learning to appreciate stories can actually prompt the type of reflection that can help us live better lives. Les Misérables: “Who Am I?” Les Misérables is perfectly suited to teach teenagers how to begin to interpret and appreciate movies and other forms of storytelling using these three questions. In fact, one of its feature songs is entitled – appropriately enough – “Who Am I?” Here is a short introduction to the events that lead up to the song “Who Am I?” This synopsis is quite incomplete. It contains only what one needs to know to understand the significance of the song: The musical version of Les Misérables is based on a novel of the same name written by Victor Hugo in 1862. The musical tells the story of Jean Valjean, a destitute man who was imprisoned for 19 years of hard labor for stealing bread to feed his sister. (Yes, a bit heavy handed, I know.) He is released from prison, but, because he had tried to escape from prison, is identified as dangerous. As a result, he is placed on parole for the Continued on page 11

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Education Feature

Where you end up has a lot to do with where you start. At Tower School, teachers create a supportive environment where children are challenged to take risks and find their passion. Kids discover in themselves a sense of empowerment and the determination to succeed. Tower graduates possess the academic foundation and the character and confidence to excel anywhere. Tower provides a rich and innovative curriculum for its students while empowering its faculty to teach with passion and ingenuity. Tower’s outstanding program combines the best of traditional and contemporary practices. “Innovation is central to the excellence of the program at Tower and is consistent with the school’s longstanding commitment to deliver a program that imagines the future, and prepares students for it,” says Head of School Peter Philip. Educational Technology In 2011, Tower School served as a model to its educational peers by launching an innovative 1:1 iPad program for grades 3– 8, the first of its kind in Massachusetts. “Innovation is not new to Tower—it is a part of our institutional DNA,” notes Philip. “This has always been a school eager to embrace advances in pedagogy.” The iPad is a truly transformative teaching tool; the vast array of information it makes available to students is astounding. Tower’s iPad program ensures that students are technologically skilled in an era that requires new levels of creativity, collaboration, and flexibility. Contemporary teaching tools, such as the iPad program, provide the perfect complement to the traditional approaches to teaching, which remain at the heart of Tower’s program.

An eighth grade student observes an experiment in Tower School’s state-of-the-art science lab.

A Challenging, Inspiring Program With an enrollment of just under 300 students in grades pre-k through eight, Tower is an intentionally small school that encourages children to learn through meaningful, hands-on experiences. Learning isn’t a passive activity, and getting the right answer is meaningless if a child doesn’t comprehend the reasoning behind it. “Students retain information and make learning connections when they are engaged with the material,” says Philip. This is fostered by Tower’s low studentteacher ratio. “Students learn best when working with teachers they know and admire,” notes Philip. “We share our observations as to what motivates each student, what challenges him, what inspires her. We take the time to know our students well.” Skilled, passionate teachers form the backbone of Tower’s

accelerated program, and they have the freedom to present their lessons creatively. Teachers have flexibility to make adjustments to a lesson, based on the abilities of each child. They can determine whether a particular student needs guidance to solve a problem or would be better served by working independently.

A classroom “store” provides a hands-on lesson about

Students are excited to currency for first grade students at Tower School. come to school and immerse themselves into a diverse and opportunities to perform for an engaging school day. The curriculum audience—whether it’s a hand bell places an emphasis on math, language arts concert or a theatrical production. and written expression. Spanish classes Collaboration Counts begin in second grade. Science is integrated into the lessons as early as pre- In this 21st century world, the ability to work with others is an essential skill. At kindergarten. In Upper School, students Tower, teamwork extends beyond each learn strategies such as effective notetaking, research, and test preparation, that child’s classroom—students of different ages often work together. This winter, for enable them to thrive as students. example, third and eighth graders teamed Making Conscientious Leaders up on a project to create animal robots. Character education has long been In this situation, learning is a two-way central to a Tower education, and street: The younger students learn from students are held to the expectations of the “big kids,” and it’s an experience the Tower Code, which stresses respect, they’re likely to remember for years, while honesty and service to others. From an the older students gain confidence and early age, they learn the importance of develop mentoring and leadership skills. service. As students volunteer, they Planting the Seeds of Success discover that they’re not just giving to Throughout their years at Tower School, others, but gaining confidence in students develop effective strategies for themselves as contributors. Tower’s smalllearning—note-taking, research, selfschool culture enables each student to discipline and test preparation—that take on a leadership role, whether it’s enable them to approach learning with creating care packages for soldiers, confidence and independence. Tower’s preparing meals for My Brother’s Table, or students and alumni know how to juggle a spearheading a project which emphasizes substantial workload, organize their work, environmental stewardship. and self-advocate. They are collaborators, An Artful Approach critical thinkers and creative problem solvers. When she founded the school 100 years ago, Adeline Tower was committed to art as an essential component of elementary education. That commitment is still evident today. Throughout their years at Tower, students learn to express themselves creatively. In the art studios, students create a body of work ranging from papier-mâché animals to handcrafted guitars and furniture. In the music rooms and the Performing Arts Center, students learn to read music, play instruments, and experience the thrill of on-stage dramatic expression. They enjoy

Students at Tower possess the academic foundation and the confidence and character to excel anywhere—in high school, in college and in life.

To learn more about Tower, contact Libby Parker at 781.631.5800 or visit www.towerschool.org. The information contained in this education feature was submitted by Tower School, and published in partnership with North Shore Children & Families; www.northshorefamilies.com.

10 North Shore Children & Families Les MisĂŠrables Continued from page 8 (article continues on page 11)

remainder of his life. Unable to find work because of his stigma, he breaks parole. He seeks shelter in a church, where he is given food and a place to sleep. In the middle of the night, however, he decides to steal the church silver. He does not get far; he is immediately caught by the police. As Valjean claims that the silver was given to him by the Bishop, the police bring him back to the church to verify his story. The Bishop surprises both Valjean and the police by verifying Valjean’s alibi, and also offering him two additional silver candle sticks. As Valjean departs, the Bishop says: “Forget not, never forget that you have promised me to use this silver to become an honest man...Jean Valjean, my brother: you belong no longer to evil, but to good. It is your soul that I am buying for you. I withdraw it from dark thoughts and from the spirit of perdition, and I give it to God”. Valjean leaves, determined to become an honest man. And this he does. Under an alias (Monsieur Madeleine), he becomes the wealthy owner of a factory and mayor of the city. However, the police inspector Javert, a man committed to the law and Valjean’s former warden, has been relentlessly seeking Valjean since he broke parole. If Javert finds him, Valjean will be forced to return to prison. After years of evading Javert,Valjean learns that Javert has found a man who he falsely believes to be Valjean, and is currently planning to bring the innocent man before the court to be prosecuted and returned to prison. It is at this point that Valjean sings “Who Am I?” The lyrics of “Who Am I?” appear on page 10. Alongside of the lyrics, I have provided commentary that might help teens reflect upon the meaning of the passages, both in the musical itself, and in their own lives.

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12 North Shore Children & Families

Valentine’s Day

What is this Thing Called Love? February is for Valentine’s Day. In February, all thoughts turn to love. Of course Valentine’s Day is about the soda pop and fizzy feelings of romantic love. We exchange Valentines, send flowers, and take our sweethearts to a romantic dinner. This is all very nice. But what is this thing called love? Love is so much more than getting struck by Cupid’s arrow. Love is, as they say, a rose. It is beautiful. It grows over time, especially if it is watered and has plenty of sunlight. But beware of those thorns! And of course, a rose can die. But that’s the stuff of metaphors and fairy tales. What is love? And do parents have anything to do with

how children come to love others? The answer is “yes”, and in a big way! Love Develops The first love of a child is for his or her caregivers. Children love their mothers and fathers. But the love of a young child for a parent is, well, immature. Why does a child love the parent? Well, because of what the parent does for the child. The child’s love for the parent is, in many ways, dependent upon a caregiver’s loving interactions with the child. A loving parent holds her child. She nurses and nurtures the child. She responds when the child is hungry, thirsty or distressed. She is there for the child when the child is

another person (say, a spouse) primarily for what the other can do for him or her, then this is a problem! But this does indeed overwhelmed or frightened. In happen. It is not uncommon for short, the child depends upon the many people, when asked why they caregiver. The child’s early feelings of love their spouse, to talk about what love for the parent are born of this the spouse does for them: “I love dependency. I love mom because Mary because she is so good to me. she loves me, She is loving and cares for me and takes care of me. nurtures me. She is there when These are love’s I need her.” Now origins. Now, this there’s certainly is all perfectly nothing wrong understandable with that. But all and acceptable in by itself, this is still a child. But is this a rather immature sort of love a form of love! mature type of The Ideal Love love? No, this is What would a love based on more genuine dependence. If form of love look an adult loves

North Shore Children & Families piece of art, the painting is entirely useless. However, there is nothing more useful in life than the uselessness of art!

like? Well, let’s start with an analogy. Let’s imagine that there is a particularly beautiful painting that you love. No – the painting is not a person (things are more complicated with people!), but the example still reveals an important point. Why do you love the painting? Well, you love it because it is beautiful. You love its ornate design; the images and associations

that it brings up in you. Perhaps the painting has a message or a meaning that you particularly value. To love the painting is to bestow value upon it. And here is the important point: When you love the painting, your love is for the painting; it is not about you! The painting can’t do anything for you. It can’t take care of you; it can’t feed you; it can’t buy you candy. In fact, as a

Now, because you love the painting, you want to care for it. You want to protect it and make sure that nothing happens to it. Still further, because you love it, you want to have some association with it. You identify with it – that’s my painting! And because I treasure that wonderful painting, I want to take care of it. I want to protect it and make sure nothing bad happens to it. Genuine love for another person is very similar! When we love someone else, we bestow value on him or her as a person. That is, there is something we love about them; we don’t love them simply for what they can do for us. We love them for what we value in them. And because we care for the other

person, we want to take care of the other person. We want to nurture the other person and help him or her flourish. If I love you, I want what is best for you. But there’s more! When we love someone in a romantic way, we identify with that person. In a loving relationship, we actually want to form a “joint identity” – a “we” rather than simply a “you” and “me”. Because I love you, I want you to be mine! (“Be my Valentine.”) Of course, I don’t want you to be mine in the same way that I want a thing that I love to be mine. I want you as a fully human, conscious, feeling and choosing person. In wanting you to be mine, I want only what only you can freely give to me – your love in return. If I genuinely love you, I cannot and will not try to possess you as if you were a thing. That would be an immature and even aberrant form of love. If I do that, I Continued on page 14

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The second reason why genuine loving is hard, especially with our Continued from page 13 significant others, is that there is a use you for my own purposes; I do difference between loving another not act out of love for you. If I try person and being in a loving to possess you as a thing, I deny you relationship. When I act out of love of the “you” that is you – your for you, I act out of care; I take care power to choose, to give freely of of you; do things that will bring you yourself, to give yourself freely to happiness, and so forth. Acting out of me. love is not the same as being in a relationship with a loved one. This is Mature Love because an enduring relationship Genuine love – loving another with another person is not simply person for who they are rather than about love; it is about getting each for what they can do for me – exists. other’s needs met; building a family; It is something to strive for. fixing the finances; deciding where to However, it is not necessarily easy. go for dinner, and so forth. And so, There are at least two reasons for simply loving my partner is not this. First, well, life is messy! enough to ensure that we will have a Although we love our loved one, he good relationship together. A or she also does things that drive us relationship is built on give and take; crazy. And there may even be things mutuality; learning to know the about our loved ones that we don’t other (and one’s self); developing love at all! Life is messy, and so is together; respecting each other’s love. Nothing and no one is perfect. individuality; and hard work. We are imperfect beings loving Love is a rose. I love you! Ouch! other imperfect beings.

This Thing Called Love

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Character Counts

North Shore Children & Families

Continued from page 7

(3) Putting reflections into action. After discussing the meaning of the event for your child, encourage your child to put his or her newfound thinking into practice. Help him or her identify a similar situation that is coming up in the future. Encourage him or her to try out a new way of thinking about him or herself in that situation. If I was ungrateful when I received a gift, next time I can resolve to act more graciously by saying “Thank you”. If I were boastful after I won the race, next time I might resolve to congratulate my competitor. If I felt worthless when I was turned down on a date, I can resolve to have courage to approach someone else. 3. Put Your Child in the Driver’s Seat – But Put Your Hands on the Wheel! It’s not always easy to guide a teen. (It’s not always easy to guide anyone!) Your teen is trying to find his or her own way, and you come along trying to “help”. Anyone who is familiar with the adolescent one-word reply knows that many teens would rather simply keep to themselves, thank you. And so, having a dialogue with a teen is much more art than science. The trick is to show your teen (don’t just say it!) that you are on his side; that you care about his feelings and what he is going through; that you actually want to help your teen be successful – but that you want to help him do it in the right way. The trick is to grant your teen space to make decisions for himself, while fully preserving your prerogative to guide and

even direct and limit your teen when necessary. Think of the task as one of teaching your teen to drive. Your teen learns to drive by being guided as she drives. We teach a teen to drive in steps. We break down the task into small parts. Little by little, as the teen gains skill with each small part, we turn over larger and larger parts of the task to the child. As we allow the child to assume more and more responsibility (autonomy) in driving, we up the ante! We demand more from the child en route to her learning effective and safe driving. Helping children create a sense of identity is similar. Your teen will be heavily invested in creating a sense of self (just as she is heavily invested in learning to drive a car). Your teen will want to control the process (just as she will want to control the process of driving). At the same time, she will know that she can’t really pull it off by herself – that she needs you to help her – and that you do, in fact, have knowledge that she needs. So, in discussions of “Who I Am”, if you put your child in the driver’s seat, your child will come to see that you are really there to help and not hurt. By watching your child turn the wheel as she navigates her way through the process, you will know how much guidance to provide. You’ll also know when to take control of the wheel yourself to protect your child when she is in danger of making poor judgments. Don’t worry that your child may resent such maneuvers. If you are genuinely trying to teach her to navigate her own life, she will know it and be responsive to your support, your warnings and your need to place limitations when you judge them to be appropriate.

North Shore Children & Families

Education

My Homework is My Baby! During this first class, I explained to them that I would assign them a series of papers to write in drafts. After each draft, I would provide them with specific comments and instructions for improving the paper. I explained that students would be expected to revise their papers at least once, but that they were free to revise their work as many times as we had energy to devote to the task. At the end of the semester, students would turn in their best work. This not only would have the effect of teaching students how to improve their work, it would also result in higher grades. At this point in the discussion, I generally ask students to tell me about how they are feeling about this approach. Some students are excited (“I like writing!”); some students are relieved (“I don’t do well on tests!”); some students see it as a real opportunity to learn. Inevitably, some students will say, “I’m a little worried about being given just one grade at the end of the term!” It was the first day of school in my college classroom. I was explaining to the students why I don’t give them grades until the end of the course. In the conversation that ensued, one of the students summed up what I had said in a way that was better than I had ever done. I want to tell you the story of how this happened and what she said.

At this point, I explain my rationale. “Here’s the problem. Let’s be clear. Are grades important? Yes. You need good grades if you are going to get a good job, go on for more schooling and so forth. But grades are not the reason why you are here! Grades are supposed to provide you with feedback about the quality of your work. But that’s not how it generally works. Instead of using grades as feedback about work, we tend to simply use grades to indicate ‘how

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To advertise in our March issue, please contact Suzanne by Wed., Feb. 13! suzanne@northshorefamilies.com

well I’m doing’. And then, the student’s attention is focused on getting the highest grade I can, and improving my skills and producing the best possible work I can. There is a huge difference!” I go on: “How many of you, for example, have written a paper and saved it on your computer with a name like ‘Paper for Professor Jones’?” Virtually all of the hands go up. “Why do you do that?” I ask. “I would suggest that you do that because you see the paper as something that you are doing for your professor. It’s not your paper; it’s the professor’s paper! It is something you are doing for someone else in order to get a reward (the grade). You don’t see it as an example of your own work; you don’t see it as yours.” “How many of you have ever thought of your paper as your own work?” Two or three hands go up. “What would happen if you saw your work as your own?” “It Would be My Baby!” It was at this point that Lucy said, “If I saw the paper as mine, I would work harder on it. I would take good care of it. It would be my baby.” “Ah, yes. It would be your baby! Of course it would. And why would it be your baby?” “Because it’s mine!” “How would you treat it if it were your baby?” “I would nurture it. I’d take care of it!” “Why?” “I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to it. If I didn’t take care of it, well…” “Right. And why do you want to take care of it?” “Because I would love it.”

North Shore Children & Families

HELP WANTED: FAMILY PARTNER Apply your own life experience as a parent/caregiver of a child with behavioral and/or emotional difficulties to assist families with similar circumstances as part of a care team within our CSA Programs in either Lynn, MA or Lawrence, MA. As part of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts Children’s Behavioral Health Initiative (CBHI), a Community Service Agency (CSA) program employs a wraparound approach to care, which is a process that creates care plans that are a mix of provider and community-based services. Each plan is youth-guided, family-focused and culturally and linguistically competent for each individual family. Family Partners work collaboratively with families and professionals to develop individualized, targeted care plans that help guide parents by setting measurable, achievable goals and outcomes. The position requires individuals who are parents or caregivers of children with serious emotional difficulties or other disability who are able to apply their own life experience in order to help educate and support other families with similar circumstances by helping to find community resources, teaching parenting skills, navigating special education and mental health agencies, advocating for and empowering parents. Please be sure to include a description of your own life experience as a parent/caregiver of a child/ren with behavioral and/or emotional difficulties when responding with interest for this position. Competency in Spanish or other languages is highly desirable for all positions and a pay differential is offered for fluency in languages other than English that are relevant to our clients.

Please apply by using this link: https://home.eease.adp.com/recruit/?id=1457961 Or reply via fax at: 978.745.6751 For more information on Children’s Friend and Family Services, CBHI, and CSA, please visit our web site: www.childrensfriend.net. Prior to employment, candidates must pass a standard CORI/SORI check. Children’s Friend and Family Services is an Equal Opportunity Employer

“How many of you have every thought of your work as ‘your baby’ – as something that you love and want to nurture, take care of and make the very best you possibly can?” No hands went up this time. It seemed like such a foreign concept – the idea that my schoolwork is mine; it is an extension of me; it is my work…my baby. Fostering a Sense of Ownership for School Work What can we do to help our children come to see that their work is not something that they are doing for someone else, but that, as the fruit of their own labor, their work is their own? Part of the answer, at least for me, has been to remove grades as a source of immediate distraction. When a student receives clear and instructive feedback, complete with statements of what is good in the paper, of what progress has been made, and what is to be done to make the paper still better, the student’s attention becomes focused on the work, not on the grade. Yes, in the background, there is still some anxiety about the grade to come. However, when the teacher shows that he or she really cares about the evolving quality of the student’s work (and not simply a number), the work becomes the focus, and not the number. Now students have the opportunity, with guidance and support, to identify themselves with the process of becoming better over time.

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18 North Shore Children & Families Family & Friends Continued from page 2

development and we share vital information to help local families thrive and develop into all that they can be. Our content is not rehashed from other sources that you can find elsewhere. Our important content, primarily written by a PhD, college psychology educator and local North Shore parent, provides solid anchors for our ads, so that our readers spend time on all pages – giving your ad the best chance to be seen and acted upon. We never stack ads or clutter our pages just to make a buck, but rather we offer you an editorial environment that enhances your advertising experience and your results. We share “need to know” information each month – not just “fluff” that is “nice to know” and that you can get elsewhere. So if there is something special that you would like to see in a future issue, please let us know! Our mission is to help local

families thrive and grow into all that they can be, and your input is welcome. Everything we do is for you and your family, and we are happy to listen to your ideas and feedback so that we can continue to be an important part of your family each and every month. And whenever you can, please support our advertisers and make sure you tell them you saw them in our pages. This will help us to keep our advertisers happy and engaged with us, so we can continue to bring our free family publication to you and your family each month. Tell your friends and family about us, too! Thank you for your continued interest and for engaging with us – and for helping us to continue to share our very expensive to produce, free publication with you and other local families.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Do you have or know a business that could benefit from advertising in our pages? We welcome schools, camps,

Wish you could give the person who has everything something they don't have?

Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne The perfect gift to enhance any special occasion. Clever verses for your invitations and thank you notes. Speeches, toasts and roasts. Birthdays • Graduations • Showers Weddings • Anniversaries • Births • Retirements • Holidays All Special Occasions

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professional services that help local families, entertainment productions, instructors of all kinds (music, dance, sports, etc.), activities, events, attractions and all local businesses who need to reach local families – parents with children of all ages, interests and needs – who also have family and household needs. Your advertising dollar will go far and we will work very hard to be sure you have the best chances for success in North Shore Children & Families. We print and distribute 20K publications each month and distribute them at over 450 momfrequented, family –friendly, North Shore locations. You can find us from the Woburn area – north along route 93 to the NH border – east through the Merrimack Valley area and to Newburyport and Salisbury – south to Cape Ann – then back east along the shore as far as Chelsea – and everywhere in between. We’ve got the North Shore covered! And each current issue is also posted online for our readers who may not get a printed copy in time. Our papers are usually all taken by the middle of each month – so be sure to pick up your monthly issue early in the month at a location near you!

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assistance – or at noon on Fri., Feb. 15, if you will be submitting a completed ad, based on our sizes and ad production specifications, by noon, Tues., Feb. 19. Please contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com with any questions or to secure your regular display ad space and/or camp showcase ad space in our March issue. We welcome the opportunity to work with and for you and your school, camp or business!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ In closing, I urge you to share the love this Valentine’s Day – by calling or emailing or texting or Facebooking or even by sending an old-fashioned note or card to all of your family and friends – near and far. This is a perfect opportunity to tell them how much they mean to you. It’s not all about flowers and candy and cards and dinner at a fancy restaurant – or it shouldn’t be, in my opinion. It’s the time of year to remember those who love you and those you love – and the time to take advantage of this opportunity to reach out and touch them where it matters most. In our busy lives, we sometimes forget to say, “I love you” – and February 14 gives us that chance and reminds us to express love to the people who are most important to us.

Note to Our March Issue Advertisers (schools in particular): Our March issue deadlines fall the week before most schools enjoy their school vacation week – and many schools are closed on the President’s Day holiday (Feb. 18), which is the day before March ads are due. So before you head out for vacation week – please remember to submit your new ad(s) for March. The final deadline to submit completed ads (that do NOT require our production assistance) is Tues., Feb. 19. If you do require our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size by noon, Wed., Feb. 13 – and submit your ad materials and/or ad copy changes by this date, too, so we can finalize your ad by noon, Fri., Feb. 15. If you do not yet have March ad space reserved, space closes at noon on Wed., Feb. 13, if you require our ad production

Thanks so much for sharing some time with us again this month – and as always, we truly hope you enjoy this issue.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ❊ Happy Valentine’s Day from Our North Shore Family to Yours! Until next time –

♥ Suzanne

Letter from the Editor Continued from page 3

seriously. We do not know what motivated the young man to take arms against his mother and the teachers and children at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I would not be surprised to learn, however, that his problems had their origins in a sense of exclusion and marginalization, aided and abetted by psychological dysfunction. A benevolent society cannot eradicate psychopathology. However, it might be able to create space for such individuals to experience themselves as legitimate and worthy members of society. A third path toward a less violent society involves enacting sensible gun legislation. Such an approach would balance existing rights to own firearms with the responsibility to ensure public safety. Most gun owners are aware of their responsibilities. They store firearms appropriately and receive training in their proper use. We have little to fear from such individuals. We have much to fear from firearms – particularly sub-

automatic weapons – placed in the wrong hands. There is no contradiction between affirming the right to responsible gun ownership while simultaneously calling for strict licensing and registration; universal training; and severe restrictions on sub-automatic weapons. The right to bear arms brings both private and public responsibility. Although reducing the availability of firearms would diminish the number of gun related deaths in the US, we should not kid ourselves. Even if we passed strict gun laws tomorrow, gun violence would remain. It is easy to procure illegal firearms. Our relationship with firearms is a cultural problem that demands a cultural solution. Sensible gun regulation is part of that solution. Arthur Miller’s All My Sons tells the story of Joe Keller, a manufacturer who, faced with imminent bankruptcy, shipped defective plane engines for use in World War II. The defects resulted in the deaths of American pilots. Joe’s son, Larry, himself a pilot, soon became

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Ad Space Closes 2/13!

North Shore Children & Families MIA. Eventually, Joe learned that Larry’s death was an act of suicide, committed in shame over his father’s actions. Upon learning the true reason for Larry’s death, Joe realized, “Sure, he was my son. But I think to him they were all my sons. And I guess they were.”

The children and adults who met their deaths in Sandy Hook were someone’s sons and daughters. Our choice to take serious action against societal violence will occur when we realize that the sons and daughters of Sandy Hook were not just someone’s children; they were all our children.

Getting it Right (Correction): The Jewish Holidays The last (Winter – Dec. 2012/Jan. 2013) issue of North Shore Children & Families contained two errors in the article “Celebrating Holidays and Holy-Days”. I sincerely apologize for these mistakes. The first error concerns the Jewish holiday of Chanukah. I identified Chanukah as the commemoration of the Jewish people being freed from Egypt. This is incorrect. Passover is a holiday commemorating the freeing of the Jewish people from Egypt. Chanukah is the celebration of the victory of the Jewish people over the invading Syrian-Greek armies who had attempted to destroy the Jewish holy temple in 165 B.C.E. The term Chanukah in Hebrew means “dedication”, which recalls the re-dedication of the holy temple after this victory. The second error concerns the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. In the last issue, I had indicated that Yom Kippur – the Day of Atonement – falls on the Sabbath and is celebrated with a traditional Shabbat dinner. This is incorrect. The day of the week corresponding to the Day of Atonement is different each year, and is dependent upon the Jewish calendar. Yom Kippur ends not with a traditional Shabbat dinner, but instead with a light dairy meal, which differs substantially from the traditional Shabbat meal of chicken and blessings over wine and Challah bread.

North Shore Children & Families presents the 6th Annual

Summer Camps & Programs Showcase Series – 2013! CALLING ALL CAMPS & SUMMER PROGRAMS!

Secure your summer! ✔ Boost your summer enrollments & reach parents throughout the North Shore! ✔ Over 50,000 local readers - moms & dads with children of all ages & interests! ✔ Showcases run on bannered pages! ✔ Appears in print & online!

The largest camp showcases in print on the North Shore! ring DEADLINE FOR MARCH SHOWCASE ADS: Secure your ad space by noon, Wed., Feb. 13. If you Appea ur in o ril, require ad production assistance, your ad materials are also due by this deadline. All showcase ads , Ap MarchSummer are due or must be done by noon, Fri., Feb. 15. May & sues! is Special Showcase ad sizes and pricing are offered for this series. To learn more or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne: suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569.

UNIQUE GIFT IDEA/WORDS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS:

20 North Shore Children & Families

Community Calendar To Submit to our Community Calendar: Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website. From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our form will open for you to complete and submit your listings. While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space is limited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted by our advertising partners & sponsors. Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submitted through our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne to advertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines. To advertise, please contact Suzanne at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569.

For complete listing accuracy, we recommend that you call ahead or check the websites listed. Featured listings do not constitute an endorsement from this publisher and we encourage our readers to always do their own research. FEBRUARY is the month for: American Heart Month, Black History, Children’s Dental Health Month

ATTENTION SUMMER CAMPS & PROGRAMS: Secure your ad space in the largest summer camps & programs showcase series on the North Shore! See page 19; reserve your ad space by noon, Wed., Feb. 13, to appear in our March Showcase! Contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com for special rates, sizes, more info. & to secure your space.

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SCHEDULE A TOUR:

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Contact the independent schools in this issue to arrange for a tour! Many provide transportation and financial aid options. It’s never too early to explore your options!

MA Medical Society Physicians Target Youth Violence; free brochures on violence prevention & intervention are available for free at www.massmed.org/violence. The series includes 10 titles, featuring the prevention and intervention of sexual abuse, violence in the home, bullying, street violence, dating violence, gun injury, media violence, negative behavior and tips for parents.

SAVE NOW: Enroll online by March 31 – save 10% off your child’s summer program (for ages 3-16) at Boston Ballet School’s North Shore Studio! See ad on page 7! www.bostonballet.org/school

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To advertise, please contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.

March Calendar Listings Due By Tues., Feb 19!

To secure your ad space:

Call The Phoenix School, Salem, for details about a $50 application voucher: 978.741.0870.

The North Shore Party Planner

If you need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Noon, Wed., Feb. 13 If you do not need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Noon, Fri., Feb. 15

Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne – the perfect words to enhance any special occasion. Personalized poems as gifts (holidays, birthdays, weddings, retirements, showers, etc.); clever verses for invitations, speeches, toasts, roasts and poignant eulogies. See ad on page 18!

Only $75 for a 2-part comprehensive assessment for children ages 5-17 (reg. $295 – save 75%!) at Brain Balance Achievement Centers in Danvers! See ad on page 8 for more details; offer expires 2/25/13. www.brainbalanceboston.com

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• Birthdays,

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Have an Awesome Birthday Bash at The Little Gym! · Private party – clean, safe, beautiful facility all to yourselves. · Instructor led – great age-appropriate games and activities.

Celebrate your birthday with Boston Ballet! Parties for up to 30 children include a ballet class, dress up station, craft activity and more! Birthdayparty@bostonballet.org

· Stress-free for The Little Gym of Danvers parents…we take 978.777.7977 care of EVERYTHING! www.tlgdanversma.com Call for details.

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SIGN UP TODAY: Weekly Kid-Fit Exercise Classes at Beverly Children’s Learning Center! See ad on page 2; www.bclckids.org Parent-Child Playgroups at Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School, 243 Essex St., Beverly; 9-10:30am on Feb. 2, 9, 16; March 9, 16, 23, 30; April 6, 27; preschool group for children 3-5 yrs. w/caregiver. Free and open to all, but space is limited; RSVP to 978.922.1008. Parent & Child Program for parents/caregivers with children ages 10 months – 3.5 years; at Cape Ann Waldorf School, Moraine Farm, Rte. 97, Beverly. “Morning Glory” & “Bachelor’s Button” classes feature a community of parents and children enjoying play, bread making, circle games, snack and conversation. Space is limited; call 978.927.1936 to register. SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports, a fun & engaging physical development program using games & activities based around soccer. For girls & boys 18 months to 6 years; see ad on page 16. WINTER STORYTIMES (Toddlers, Pre-K): Join Amesbury Public Library (Children’s Room) for songs, activities, crafts & stories – through April 11th. Select your child’s age appropriate time (must attend w/caregiver): 2 year olds join us Tuesdays at 10:30am; 3-5 year olds join us Thursdays at 10:30am. Free program, no reg. required. www.amesburylibrary.org INTERACTIVE FUN (Infants): For babies 0-23 months with caregiver, join the Amesbury Public Library Mother Goose on the Loose Babytime. Features puppets, stories, songs, music and playtime. Current session runs on Fridays at 9:45am through Feb. 22. Space is limited, 1st come – 1st served; free, no reg. required. www.amesburylibrary.org

CREATIVE MOVEMENT (Pre-K): Free creative movement workshop for kids 3-5 years, with caregiver. Join Amesbury Public Library on Feb. 13 & 27, March 13 & 27. Space is limited, reg. is required: 978.388.8148 ext. 4/children’s room. www.amesburylibrary.org GET TICKETS NOW: Big Apple Circus presents Legendarium, all new show! March 26 – May 12 at City Hall Plaza, Boston. See page 12 to buy tickets; see page 2 to enter to win tickets, courtesy of this publication! Inspire, Inquire, Maintain Your Fire! The Legacy of Teaching Early Childhood Institute – Sat., March 9, at The Riverside School, Danvers. Presented by Play It Forward Giving Circle, a fund of the Essex County Community Foundation. www.playitforwardgc.org

North Shore Children & Families group/team/troop/class can help and to donate or for more info., please visit www.mahomeless.org/programs or contact Alycia Dell’Orfano at 781.595.7570 ext. 23. FEBRUARY 1 & 2: Movie screenings of Play Again; moving & humorous documentary follows 6 teens who, like most kids, spend 5-15 hours behind screens each day. Play Again unplugs these teens & takes them on their first wilderness adventure – no electricity, no cell. phones, no virtual reality. Leading experts investigate the consequences of a childhood removed from nature & encourages action for a sustainable future. At Cape Ann Waldorf School, Great Hall; 2 free screenings (2/1, 79pm; 2/2, 9am-noon; discussion follows 2/2 screening). For adults only, please. Seating is limited; RSVP to 978.927.8811. www.capeannwaldorf.org

FEBRUARY 2: Groundhog Day Parent-Child Playgroups at Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School, 243 Essex St., Beverly; 9-10:30am on Feb. 2, 9, 16; March 9, 16, 23, 30; April 6, 27; preschool group for 3-5 yrs. Free and open to all, but space is limited; RSVP to 978.922.1008. SummerScape 2013, at Glen Urquhart School, Beverly Farms; 12-3pm (snow date is Feb. 3). Admission is free; meet over 70 day & overnight camps & specialized enrichment programs for children ages 4-18. Musical duo, Just the Two of Us, at Laurie’s 9:09 Raw Bar & Steakhouse, 8:30-11:30pm, 33 Tuttle St., Wakefield. www.lauries909.com www.marcmaccini.com Continued on page 22

Winter concerts from Rockport Music at Shalin Liu Performance Center, Rockport: Feb. 2 at 8pm, Radius Ensemble; 2nd show added Feb. 8 at 8pm, Chelsea Berry; Feb. 10 at 3pm, free concert with Lev Mamuya & Christopher Staknys (cello & piano); Feb. 15 at 8pm,Yoko Miwa with Rebecca Parris; Feb. 16 at 12:55pm, Verdi’s Rigoletto; Feb. 16 pm, Sweet Honey in the Rock; Feb. 23 at 8pm, Jasper Quartet. www.rockportmusic.org Live Entertainment at Blue Ocean Music Hall, Salisbury Beach, MA: Feb. 2 at 8pm, comedian Paul D’Angelo; Feb. 11 at 8pm, 4th Annual New England Winter Blues Festival; Feb. 16 at 8pm, Tom Keifer of Cinderella. www.blueoceanhall.com HELPING LOCAL CHILDREN: The MA Coalition for the Homeless needs help for their “A Bed for Every Child” program. Help provide a mattress, box spring & linens to MA children who do not have a bed of their own. To see how you, your

North Shore Children & Families is available for free each month at over 450 familyfrequented locations throughout the North Shore!

Attention Advertisers: Ask us about our … … “Try Us!” program for new advertisers … Annual advertising frequency programs … The Annual Planner for Schools program … The North Shore Party Planner program … Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase series … Service Directory Target your message to North Shore parents. We’ve got the North Shore covered!

2013 PUBLISHING SCHEDULE Issue

Ad Space Deadline

Ads Due

March April May

Fri., Feb. 15 Fri., Mar. 15 Fri., April 19

Tues., Feb. 19 Tues., Mar. 19 Tues., April 23

To explore your advertising options or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. To learn more, please visit www.northshorefamilies.com.

North Shore Children & Families

Community Calendar Continued from page 21

FEBRUARY 3:

FEBRUARY 7: Curriculum Open House at Brookwood School, Manchester, 8:45am. www.brookwood.edu

Superbowl Sunday FEBRUARY 9: FEBRUARY 4: RSVP DEADLINE – Class (begins 2/20): Introduction to Sustainable Biodynamic Beekeeping at Cape Ann Waldorf School, Beverly. On Wed. evenings, 7-9pm, beginning 2/20; runs 6 weeks until 3/27. Space is limited, $50/person to cover supplies. No experience necessary. All participants will be prepared to establish their own beehive. RSVP by FEB. 4: dave.mansur@gmail.com

Parent-Child Playgroups at Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School, 243 Essex St., Beverly; 9-10:30am on Feb. 2, 9, 16; March 9, 16, 23, 30; April 6, 27; preschool group for 3-5 yrs. Free and open to all, but space is limited; RSVP to 978.922.1008. Free Enrichment Program: Be a deep sea diver! 10-11am at The Phoenix School, Salem. www.phoenixschool.org

FEBRUARY 5: Experience Waldorf Education in Action, 8:15-10:15am, at Cape Ann Waldorf School, Beverly. Tour school & classes in session, meet faculty. RSVP at 978.927.1936.

Sing Along Music Program at Amesbury Library/children’s room, 9:45am. Caregivers bring your babies, toddlers & preschoolers for some musical fun with Ross! Free, no reg. required. www.amesburylibrary.org

FEBRUARY 10:

FEBRUARY 14:

Chinese New Year

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Information Day at Next Generation Children’s Centers, with locations in Andover & Beverly! 1pm/Preschool, 1:30pm/Pre-K, 2pm/Kindergarten. RSVP today – see how on page 13! www.ngccenters.com/nsf

National Organ Donor Day

Open House at Clark School, Danvers, 1-3pm. www.clarkschool.com FEBRUARY 13: Ash Wednesday FEBRUARY 13 (NOON): AD DEADLINE: If you need to advertise in our MARCH issue (for regular display ads & camp/summer program showcase ads), and if you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by NOON TODAY! You can see our display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com or contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. Do you have a summer camp or program? Do you need more enrollments this year? See page 19 for more info. on our 6th Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase Series – the largest in print (also appears online) on the North Shore! Series kicks off in our March issue – reserve your space and reach more North Shore parents with children of all ages, interests and needs today! March showcase ad space must be reserved by noon, today. Contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com for camp showcase ad rates, sizes, available discounts & to secure your space! Admissions Open House, drop in 9-11am, at Covenant Christian Academy, West Peabody. www.covenantchristianacademy.org

Open House at Clark School, Danvers, 9-10:30am. www.clarkschool.com Valentine’s Night Dinner, featuring Marc Maccini – North Shore singer-songwriter and pianist, 6:30-9:30pm; at Bella Mia Trattoria, 218 Cabot St., Beverly. www.bellamiabeverly.com www.marcmaccini.com FEBRUARY 15 (NOON): AD DEADLINE: FINAL Advertising Space Reservation DEADLINE at NOON for ALL ADS in our MARCH issue! To advertise, contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.co m! If you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by noon, Wed., February 13! You can see our regular display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com. FEBRUARY 16: Parent-Child Playgroups at Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School, 243 Essex St., Beverly; 9-10:30am on Feb. 2, 9, 16; March 9, 16, 23, 30; April 6, 27; preschool group for 3-5 yrs. Free and open to all, but space is limited; RSVP to 978.922.1008. FEBRUARY 17: Random Acts of Kindness Day FEBRUARY 18: Presidents’ Day Happy Birthday, Ann! FEBRUARY 18 – 22: School vacation week for many North Shore Schools Vacation week programs at Amesbury Public Library: Feb. 19, 1:30pm, Altered Books (for ages 9-12;

reg. is required); Feb. 20, 1:30pm, PopUp Projects (for grades K-5; reg. is required); Feb. 21, 1:30pm, Origami Workshop (for grades 2 [w/caregiver] – 5; reg. is required; Feb. 22, 10amnoon, Lego Building & Paper Airplane Construction; drop in for everyone; registration is required for all programs.Visit www.amesburylibrary.org FEBRUARY 19 (NOON): Community Calendar listings’ DEADLINE at NOON for our MARCH issue! Please submit your listings for MARCH events directly through our website (see beg. of this Calendar for details).

Service Directory

Class: Introduction to Sustainable Biodynamic Beekeeping at Cape Ann Waldorf School, Beverly. On Wed. evenings, 7-9pm, beginning 2/20; runs 6 weeks until 3/27. Space is limited, $50 pp to cover supplies. No experience necessary. All participants will be prepared to establish their own beehive in accordance with biodynamic principles. RSVP by Feb. 4: dave.mansur@gmail.com FEBRUARY 21: Happy Birthday, Mom! Oochworld presents: Positive Spin, 2pm; free for kids in grades K-8. Join motivational speaker, Brett Outchcunis (Ooch) as he uses music, magic, imagination, yo-yos & dance to put a spin on the challenges of growing up. At Hamilton-Wenham Library; open to the public, so bring a friend! FEBRUARY 24: The Academy Awards – Oscar Night

SCHOOLS

Andover Pediatric Dentistry Offices in Andover & Lawrence See back cover!

Austin Preparatory School Reading 781.944.4900 www.austinprepschool.org

DANCE INSTRUCTION

North Shore Christian School Beverly, Lynn, Marblehead 781.599.2040/Lynn 978.921.2888/Beverly www.nschristian.org

Brookwood School Manchester 978.526.4500 www.brookwood.edu

Boston Ballet School/NS Studio Marblehead 617.456.6380 www.bostonballet.org/school

Brain Balance Centers Danvers 978.705.9570 www.brainbalanceboston.com

Cape Ann Waldorf School Beverly 978.927.1936 www.capeannwaldorf.org Clark School Danvers 978.777.4699 www.clarkschool.com

EARLY EDUCATION Beverly Children’s Learning Center Beverly 978.927.1269 www.bclckids.org Next Generation Children’s Centers Locations include Andover & Beverly 866.711.NGCC www.ngccenters.com/nsf ENTERTAINMENT Big Apple Circus Legendarium! March 26 - May 12 at City Hall Plaza, Boston! See ad on page 12! FUN & FITNESS

Aztec Soccer/SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF

FEBRUARY 28: DEADLINE to Enter to Win tickets to Big Apple Circus! See how to enter on page 2; to buy tickets, see page 12!

DENTAL CARE

DEVELOPMENTAL LEARNING FEBRUARY 20:

North Shore Children & Families

GIFTS/SPECIAL OCCASIONS Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne Speeches, eulogies, gifts, verses for invitations, etc. See ad on page 18!

Covenant Christian Academy West Peabody 978.535.7100 www.covenantchristianacademy.org Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School Beverly 978.927.0700 www.h-sms.org SPECIAL ED. ADVOCACY Gold Advocacy Laura B. Gold, Esq. 617.780.7753 See ad on page 16! JLC Advocacy Lynnfield 781.334.4363 See ad on page 16! SUMMER CAMPS & PROGRAMS Boost your enrollments in our 6th Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase Series! See page 19 to learn more! We’ve Got the North Shore Covered!

The Phoenix School Salem 978.741.0870 www.phoenixschool.org Plumfield Academy Danvers 978.304.0273 www.plumfieldacademy.org Shore Country Day School Beverly 978.927.1700 www.discovershore.org Tower School Marblehead 781.631.5800 www.towerschool.org Waring School Beverly 978.927.8793 www.waringschool.org

March Issue Ad Space Deadlines: To advertise in our March 2013 issue, please contact Suzanne by noon, Wed., Feb. 13, if you require our ad production assistance – or by noon Fri., Feb. 15, if you will be submitting a completed ad that does not require our production assistance. suzanne@northshorefamilies.com

781.584.4569

North Shore Children & Families

February is National Children's Dental Health Month Are Cavities Contagious? Did I Spread Cavities to My Baby? by Maritza Morell, DMD, MS, MPH As I examine many young children daily and discover dental decay present in multiple children, many parents ask me a very common question: “Are cavities contagious? Why is this happening?” I have parents sometimes tell me, “I have a lot on my mind, and brushing his teeth is an extra thing I didn’t think about at night…I did not know that I needed to brush his teeth and much less use toothpaste!” The number of preschoolers requiring extensive dental work suggests that many other parents make the same mistake. Many parents are frustrated and disappointed due to the findings of early childhood cavities in their children. I tell them these are common questions and concerns with complex answers. The truth is that research has shown that parents or caregivers with active tooth decay can pass cavity-causing bacteria via saliva. Therefore I tell caregivers not to share utensils with a child or “clean” a pacifier in their mouth, then give it to an infant. I even tell them to help prevent sharing cups between siblings that have had dental decay with those who haven’t. Dental cavities have declined significantly among school-aged children since the early 1970s. However, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention noted an increase in 2012, the first in 40 years, in the number of preschoolers with cavities in a study that began five years ago. Pediatric dentists nationwide say they are seeing more preschoolers at all income levels with 6 to 10 cavities or more. Due to the level of dental decay, many patients often get the recommendation of using general anesthesia to complete dental treatment, because young children are unlikely to sit through such extensive procedures while they are awake. The truth is that in

many occasions, such extensive procedures are largely preventable. At the department of Pediatric Dentistry at Children’s Hospital as well as in my dental offices, we have instituted a disease-management program to alter the habits of parents of children with cavities so some could avoid the operating room and extensive procedures. My advice includes eating snacks less frequently, eating healthy and the use of fluorides, anti-microbials, Xylitol gum and sealants. Thus, simple questions have complex answers! The method of treating patients through risk assessment and prevention is the future of dentistry. With these methods we have the hope to change the trends of tooth decay in the pre-school population. Dr. Morell’s Tips for Healthy Baby Teeth: • Take an infant to a dentist before the first birthday for an assessment of cavity risk, even if the child only has a few teeth.

• In general, brush the teeth of children 2 or younger with a bit of fluoride toothpaste twice a day. • At age 2, start to use a pea-size amount of toothpaste. • Reduce snacking. Eating any starchy or sugary food causes the pH level in the mouth to drop sharply, leaving teeth awash in an acid bath for 20 minutes until saliva normalizes the pH level. The frequency of exposure to acid is more important than the sugar content of food. • Do not share utensils with a child or “clean” a pacifier in your mouth, then give it to your infant. • Brush preschoolers’ teeth for them. They are not in a position to effectively brush their teeth until they are age 7 to 9. Dr. Morell maintains a private practice, Andover Pediatric Dentistry, with offices in Andover and Lawrence. She is a clinical faculty member at Boston Children’s Hospital and the Harvard School of Dental Medicine.