North Shore
Children IN THIS ISSUE
& Families FREE!
The online and print forum promoting the development of children, families and the parents who care for them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Vulnerability: A Part of Development A Form of Weakness? The Three Bears of Emotional Development Don't Be Shameless! Getting Children to Pitch In Community Calendar Education Feature: Waring School Enter to Win Tickets to Boston Ballet's
The Nutcracker!
www.northshorefamilies.com
NOVEMBER 2012
2 North Shore Children & Families
Family & Friends
Giving Thanks ~ Enter to Win ~ More Open Houses Winter Issue Alert ~ New Advertiser Specials by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher Hello again, dear readers! I’ll keep things short and sweet this month by first sharing my gratitude at this time of year as we give thanks. So thank you to all of our sponsors and readers! I am so thankful that you are part of our North Shore family. Don’t miss our contest ad on page 19, where you can enter online to win tickets to Boston Ballet’s The Nutcracker (a brand new version)! The deadline to enter is November 25 – and please, only one entry per person. To purchase tickets (also a great gift idea!), please see Boston Ballet’s ad on page 19.
If you are considering any of the independent schools in the area for your children – check out all of the Open Houses in this issue! Many schools offer tours, visits with students and faculty, fun activities for children, financial aid assistance and more. This is the season to explore your options! Our next issue is our Winter issue, and it covers 2 months – December AND January. Our regular distribution begins in early December – and we will go back out to restock some of our busiest distribution locations in early January. If you are an advertiser who needs to promote something in
December and/or January, please contact me by November 14 (noon) to secure your advertising space in our 2-month Winter issue, which has a bonus printing to cover both months for our regular rates! We do not have a separate January issue, so please plan ahead if you have something to promote and share with our readers in December and/or January! We will resume our regular monthly publishing schedule with our February issue. And for new advertisers, check out the special offers we have for you on page 2! If you need to effectively
and efficiently reach North Shore parents with children of all ages and interests and needs – local families and households and adults with interests and needs – I hope you will “Try Us!” and save! I welcome the opportunity to work with and for you and your school or business. Thanks so much for engaging with us again – I hope you enjoy this and every issue – and a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and your North Shore family! Until next time ~ Suzanne
Winter Advertising Specials For New Display Advertisers:
Buy One - Get One 15% Off! Buy a display ad in our Winter (Dec./Jan.) issue at open rate –
$ave 15% off your February ad! Or - "Try Us!" in 3 consecutive issues –
and $ave 10% off all 3 display ads! Our Winter issue covers 2 months (Dec. AND Jan.) – and has a bonus printing to cover both months, for our regular rates.
Winter issue ad space reservation deadline is Wed., Nov. 14! To secure your ad space and $ave – contact Suzanne by Nov. 14: 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. To see our current issue, advertising rates, sizes & more, please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com.
"Try Us!" – You'll LOVE Us!
North Shore Children & Families
3
Letter from the Editor
What TED Said
of exposure, she disrobed in front of the audience. (Don’t worry – she was dressed in a leotard beneath her clothes). The point was to perform an act of self-exposure that required that she work through her fear of being rejected by the audience.
by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Have you ever watched a TED talk? TED talks are short videos of talks given by many of today’s leading leaders, innovators and intellectuals. The talks are consistently engaging and inspiring. You can find talks on virtually any issue that interests you. The talks are informative – but not just informative. They usually offer a novel and intriguing twist on an idea that we generally assume that we know about. We think we know, and then we listen and are enlightened. There is real wisdom in so many of these talks. To view a TED talk, simply visit www.ted.com. This issue was inspired by a series of TED talks. Two were given by Brené Brown of the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work (The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame). These wonderful talks take two concepts that are difficult to talk about – vulnerability and shame – and reveal why we need to encourage talking about them more often. Brown makes the point that vulnerability is not the same as weakness, and that it is only by embracing our vulnerabilities and working through them that we develop in life. In another (admittedly somewhat odd) talk, a somewhat overweight woman performed a display of vulnerability and courage on the stage in front of a live audience (and the enormous audience of TED viewers). In a quintessential act
North Shore Children & Families
www.northshorefamilies.com P.O. Box 150 Nahant, MA 01908-0150 781.584.4569 A publication of North Shore Ink, LLC © 2012. All rights reserved. Reproduction in full or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.
Suzanne M. Provencher Publisher/Co-Founder/Managing Partner suzanne@northshorefamilies.com Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Editor/Co-Founder/Partner michael@northshorefamilies.com Designed by Group One Graphics Printed by Seacoast Media Group Please see our Calendar in this issue for our upcoming deadlines. Published and distributed monthly throughout the North Shore, 10x per year, and always online. All articles are written by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD unless otherwise credited. Information contained in NSC&F is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. Individual readers are responsible for their use of any information provided. NSC&F is not liable or responsible for the effects of use of information contained in NSC&F. Established 2007.
In Smart Failure for a Fast-Changing World, Eddie Obeng talks about the need to embrace failure – but smart failure. Our world is changing so fast that we simply do not and cannot have ready-made solutions to the problems that arise from those changes. Failure is not something to be avoided, but something from which we can and must learn. Finally, another series of talks included those delivered by psychologist Barry Schwartz of Swarthmore College (Our Loss of Wisdom and Using Practical Wisdom). In these talks, Schwartz talks about the need to get our priorities straight in life. Rather than simply following the rules or pursuing the mighty dollar, it is instead important to live our lives wisely based on clear and compelling values. That is not always easy. It is difficult to put one’s values into action. Wisdom and the courage to act go hand in hand. In this issue, we explore our attitudes toward vulnerability, failure and shame in child and adult development. We explore the need to muster the courage to work through our fear of failure en route to personal development. We examine how to help children (and adults) learn to regulate their emotions in order to work through their vulnerabilities in order to develop into their best selves.
We Help North Shore Schools! BOOST YOUR ENROLLMENTS! PROMOTE YOUR: • OPEN HOUSES • COMMUNITY ENRICHMENT PROGRAMS • SPECIAL EVENTS & FUNDRAISERS • SEASONAL PROGRAMS • SCHOOL PRODUCTIONS
Gold Advocacy
North Shore Children & Families presents
The Annual Planner – for North Shore Schools! Commit to 6 display ads in the coming year – save 15%!
Laura B. Gold Special Education Attorney Parent Advocate
(Reg. frequency discount for 6x/year is 10%.)
Commit to 10 display ads in the coming year – one in every issue – save 20%! (Reg. frequency discount for 10x/year is 15%.)
Ask about our 10x/every issue, 1/4 page+ program – which earns a full page, editorial feature bonus ($1,700 value) for schools! To secure your Annual Planner Advertising Program and save, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.
Dedicated to offering families legal support and advocacy in all special education matters.
617.780.7753 Reading goldadvocacy@comcast.net
4
North Shore Children & Families
Emotions and Development
Vulnerability is a Necessary Part of Development Three-year-old Betsy is playing with her toys in the middle of the living room. The doorbell rings. Bob from next door has come by to show off his new Chihuahua. Betsy’s mom lets Bob in, and the little dog begins to run towards Betsy. Betsy shrieks in fear. Betsy’s mom immediately picks her up to protect her from the harmless but boisterous puppy. Children are vulnerable beings. When infants come into the world, they are entirely dependent upon their caregivers. Their emotions are revealed in their every action, in each pout, cry or expression of joy. One of our most important responsibilities as caregivers is the need to challenge and spur children to new heights,
while simultaneously being sensitive to their vulnerabilities. What does it mean to be vulnerable? It means that our physical and emotional needs are exposed to others. Emotions and their expression exist for a reason. One of the reasons that emotional expressions exist is that they alert
other people to our needs. When we are fearful, sad, anxious, embarrassed or the like, others become aware of our personal plights.
sensitive to our vulnerabilities can then come to our aid and support us in our attempt to cope with difficult events in our lives.
However, having our needs exposed is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, to be vulnerable implies risk. When we are exposed, we can easily be hurt. This is one reason why, over the course of development, we learn to hide our vulnerabilities. We put up shields to protect ourselves from people and experiences that might hurt us. On the other hand, being vulnerable implies that we are at our growing edge. We are vulnerable because we are needy in some way, and often cannot move forward without the support of others. Others who are
Approaching Children’s Vulnerabilities How we deal with children’s vulnerabilities plays an important role in their development. In the situation described at the beginning of this article, three-year-old Betsy was frightened by the neighbor’s Chihuahua. Her shriek immediately alerted Betsy’s mother to her vulnerability. Betsy’s mother picked her up in order to protect her child. In picking her up, holding her close and keeping her a safe distance from
OPEN HOUSES: Nov. 15, 6-8pm - Beverly & Lynn Nov. 27, 9-11:30am - Marblehead PreK
North Shore Children & Families
Caregiver as Secure Base
Overprotection Removing Challenging Circumstances
Underprotection Failure to Intervene or Modify Circumstances
the dog, Betsy’s mother succeeded in reducing her child’s fear. But now what? What, if anything, should Betsy’s mother do now?
the risk of overprotecting a child. If our singular goal is simply to protect the child from a threatening or emotionally difficult situation, over the long term, a child will not have the opportunity to learn to manage his or her emotions effectively during times of stress, challenge and vulnerability. On the other hand, armed with this knowledge, a parent may see it as her goal to encourage the child to manage
In situations like this, it is possible to err in two opposite directions. This is shown in the figure above. On the one hand, sensing a child’s fear and vulnerability, a parent may see it as his job simply to make the child’s fear and other bad feelings go away. This runs
Continued on page 6
Open House EXPERIENCE THE ADVANTAGE OF ALL-GIRLS
Thursday, November 8 - 5:30-7:30pm Choosing the right high school is the first step in starting a young woman’s future. We invite you to join us at the Nazareth Academy Open House & experience how we transform today’s young women into tomorrow’s leaders.
• Tour our school • Hear from members of the Nazareth Academy community • Speak to current students, faculty and administration • Book your Shadow Day to see Nazareth Academy in action
Nazareth Academy Spend the day with us. Register for your Shadow Day today!
Contact Nicole Trudeau, Director of Admissions P: 781.246.7600 trudeaun@nazacademy.org 27 Cordis Street, Wakefield, MA 01880 • www.nazacademy.org
5
6 North Shore Children & Families
Vulnerability Continued from page 5
FALL ENTRANCE EXAMS & REGISTRATION DEADLINES Fall Entrance Exam Dates Saturday, November 17, 2012 8:30am Saturday, December 8, 2012 8:30am Registration Deadlines: November Exam – Thursday, November 15, 2012 December Exam – Thursday, December 6, 2012 Registration Online! Application Deadline: Applications should be Postmarked no later than Friday, December 21, 2012.
strong emotions by him or herself. For example, a parent might, believing that Bob’s Chihuahua poses no real threat, encourage Betsy to approach the harmless dog on her own. In the long run, this approach runs the risk of under-protecting the child. What would Betsy learn in these two different situations? If Betsy’s mother adopts the strategy of consistently removing events that cause strong emotion, Betsy will learn that her mother will be available to calm her when Betsy experiences challenging and strong emotions. However, while this sounds like a good thing, Betsy is also likely to learn that challenging and difficult situations are something simply to be avoided. Betsy may come to believe that other people are responsible for the task of managing her emotions. She will be unable to manage the challenge of difficult situations herself. In contrast, if Betsy’s mother has a tendency to simply let Betsy fend for herself in stressful situations, Betsy is likely to see her mother as unavailable and unhelpful. Lacking her mother’s support, she may be more likely to try to manage challenging situations on her own. If she does, however, she is unlikely to be successful; she is unlikely to develop either the practical or the emotional skills necessary to learn to manage peppy puppies or other threatening situations. Teaching Children to Manage their Emotions Hundreds of studies in child development have shown that children of parents who are sensitive to their vulnerabilities and emotional needs grow up to be emotionally secure children and adults who are able to muster the confidence and skill necessary to cope with life’s challenges. Sensitive parents neither over-protect nor under-protect their
children. Instead, they act as a kind of secure base for their children. When a child is in a state of stress or distress, sensitive parents are able to identify those emotions in their children and reduce the child’s stress to a manageable level. As a result, the child learns to trust the parent as someone who is available during times of stress. It is important to see, however, that being sensitive to a child’s needs and vulnerabilities does not mean that a parent simply removes or eliminates situations that are challenging for a child. A sensitive parent is one who is aware of his child’s emotional needs and vulnerabilities so that he can better take the child’s emotional needs into account in order to teach children how best to manage stressful and difficult situations. For example, in the case of Betsy and the Chihuahua, after removing Betsy from the situation and calming her, Betsy’s mother might choose to slowly approach the dog with her child, showing Betsy that she can approach the dog without fear. Keeping the dog (and Betsy!) under control, Betsy’s mother might be able to slowly coax Betsy to pet the dog. In so doing, Betsy not only learns how to approach the animated pup, but she also learns how to manage her emotions while approaching the dog. This is not something that Betsy will ordinarily be able to do for herself. She needs the help of a supportive and guiding parent. Over time, Betsy will come to see and use her mother as a secure base. When she feels vulnerable, Betsy will voluntarily seek out her mother for assistance – emotional or otherwise. When she is feeling strong, she will voluntarily venture forward into the world to see what it has to offer. The sensitive parent’s job is to neither eliminate nor exploit a child’s vulnerabilities. Instead, it is to nurture and support a child through her vulnerabilities.
Emotions and Development
Is Vulnerability a Form of Weakness? What is your Achilles heel? According to the ancient Greek myth, the warrior Achilles was destined to die in battle. His mother, the Goddess Thetis, dipped him in the River Styx, which produced powers of invincibility. However, in order to dip Achilles into the river, she had to hold him by his heel. As a result, the heel was unprotected, and Achilles later died in battle from an arrow to his heel. When we are vulnerable, we are open to being wounded. And so, in one sense, our vulnerable spot is our weak spot. Interpersonal relationships are founded upon intimacy. To become intimate with another person, we must have the opportunity to come to know him or her. We also, however, must be open to having the other person know us. To be open to being known, of course, is to be vulnerable. It requires that we show our weak spots. However, while our weak spots may make us vulnerable, the capacity to expose our vulnerability to someone else is no weakness. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is a form of strength. It requires courage. What is courage? When we think of someone who is courageous, we tend to think of someone who is fearless. Many of us tend to imagine a “brave” warrior going into battle without fear of the consequences. It doesn’t take long to figure out, however, that someone who has no fear cannot be courageous! It takes no courage to act boldly if one genuinely has no fear! We can only call someone brave or courageous who acts in spite of fear. The courageous person is not fearless; the person with courage is courageous because she faces her fear and perseveres through it. Being vulnerable is scary. If I’m vulnerable to you – if I reveal my secrets, my insecurities, my fears and worries – I am open to being hurt. I am afraid. Vulnerability and the Courage to Persevere What would you like to do that you have not done before? What would you like to learn? To be? I want to start a new career. I want to lose weight. I want to improve my relationship with my partner. I want to learn a new language. I want to be a tight rope walker. I want to go back to college. What stops us from doing these things? To be sure, practicality is usually the first obstacle. Jessica wants to go back to college, but she has two children and her husband just started an entry-level job. Terrance wants to start a new career, but he doesn’t have money for the training. Alicia wants to lean a new language, but her life is already so full that she simply cannot find the time. Logistics are often the first problem. But the great obstacle is often the unstated one: fear. What happens if I fail? I will be humiliated and ashamed. I will have invested much with nothing to show. To put oneself out there – to say, “I want this and I’m going to go after it” – is difficult. I am exposed; I am vulnerable. Continued on page 8
North Shore Children & Families
7
8 North Shore Children & Families
A Form of Weakness? Continued from page 7
There are at least two antidotes to facing the fear of vulnerability. The first is knowledge. We need knowledge in order to figure out practical and logistical issues. What do I have to do in order to go back to college? Can I find a way to fund it? What will have to change in my life and in the life of my family in order to make this happen? We need knowledge to ensure that we are acting wisely and not foolishly. Is this relationship a safe one? Am I ready to open up and be vulnerable? What will happen if I tell my partner my true feelings? Will I be safe? Courage without knowledge is blind. The second antidote to fear, of course, is courage. It takes courage to face the fear of failure and move through it. Once we decide to go back to college, it will take courage to act in the face of our fear that we may fail. It will also take courage to act in the face of the many small failures that will inevitably occur en route to ultimate success. Which comes first – knowledge or courage? Do we first figure out if our passions and desires are reasonable and then muster the courage to act? Certainly not! The mere thought of opening ourselves up to failure or hurt can be frightening. It takes courage to even contemplate exposing ourselves to failure. It takes courage to seek out the knowledge that we need to test the feasibility of contemplating a new life project. And so courage and knowledge go hand in hand. Cultivating Courage So where do we get the courage to act? Where do we get the courage to conquer our fears? There is no manual, no booklet, no set of instructions. We gain courage by resolving to act through our fears. The courage to be vulnerable comes from our decision to open ourselves up to the possibility of failure. Courage develops through action. The capacity for courageous action develops each time a person acts in the face of fear. Perseverance breeds courage. This is true for both adults and children. It is possible and highly necessary to cultivate courage in children as well. Courage develops every time that a parent supports a doubtful child through her homework; encourages an insecure adolescent to ask for the date; pushes a child to persevere through those difficult piano lessons. Adults are generally in a better place to muster courage for themselves. However, we rarely if ever encounter novel challenges completely on our own. We often need others to support and encourage us. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. No, that’s not true. Ask for help even if you are afraid to do so.
North Shore Children & Families
9
Education Feature What aspects of Waring School are most notable to you?
Learning & Being An interview with Waring’s new Head of School, Melville S. Brown Mel Brown is the third Head of School at Waring School, now celebrating its 40th year. He comes to Waring from 300-year-old Trinity School in New York City where he held a number of roles, most recently Director of Performing Arts. Mel holds a B.A. from Duke University, M.Mus. from the Juilliard School, and M.A. from Columbia University.To learn more about Mel Brown and Waring School, please visit www.waringschool.org.
Waring is unusual in that it sets a high intellectual bar while allowing space for experiences that ensure personal growth. Waring offers a highly demanding college preparatory program, yet Waring students also routinely live with French families, perform major works of music and theatre, win athletic championships, and share their personal dreams around the campfire. Academic programs at every grade level offer student travel to enlarge the context of their studies, and co-curricular opportunities to explore their talents and passions. Most strikingly, the school fosters learning through multi-age groupings wherein older students model skills and behaviors that they pass down to younger students. Finally, I would add that Waring inspires extraordinary loyalty among its families and alumni, and I attribute this to the school’s tremendous success in finding the right balance between educating for individualism and social responsibility. How does multi-age grouping work at Waring School? The two clearest examples are the Tutorial and the Teaching Assistant program. A Waring Tutorial is a weekly advising group made up of students of all grades with a faculty tutor. In a Waring Tutorial, a sixth grader and an eighth grader will become friends with juniors and seniors, who in turn are big brothers and sisters to the younger students. These relationships enable new students to feel at home with the entire community and more willing to reach out to new experiences As Teaching Assistants, the older students also have the option of instructing their peers under the guidance of faculty. Waring provides many places in the curriculum for these leadership opportunities, and the students rave about the experience. In addition, many classes combine students in two grades, forming an academic mini-cluster system within the larger school community. Waring School, 35 Standley St., Beverly, MA 01915 • 978-927-8793
www.waringschool.org Waring School at a Glance How does Waring School prepare students from grades 6 to 12 for a happy, healthy, and successful future? The short answer is that students are successful if they are able to do what they enjoy doing. Therefore, happiness, health, and success are three sides of the same triangle. At Waring, students aren’t asked to make choices before they’re ready to do so; rather, they try new things together and are made to feel safe in their choices. At Waring, Grades 6 and 7 are combined in a program called CORE designed to help students transition from elementary school skills to discover the competencies they will need in the upper grades. Because a student spends two years in CORE, that student can develop at his or her own pace. In the upper grades at Waring (grades 8-12), students continue the discovery process as they take on more challenging academics balanced with developing their unique talents. This discovery process, which suffuses the entire program, makes learning exciting and enables young people to understand themselves better. The Waring habit of self-examination and exploration ultimately leads them to find situations that they enjoy and are successful at as adults. Novelists, musicians, doctors, software developers and even organic farmers may be counted among Waring’s alumni.
Location: Beverly, Massachusetts, Boston's North Shore, 25 miles north of the city Campus size: 32 acres of fields (3 athletic fields) pine woods, pond, stream, and marshland School: Co-educational day school, grades 6-12 Founded: 1972 by Philip and Josée Waring Curriculum: Interdisciplinary Humanities course; four years' math and science requirement; comprehensive music and arts instruction; French immersion, cultural exchange programs and trips abroad; individually tailored course placements; multi-age advising groups; Endterm experiential projects and service opportunities. Average class size: 10 to 16 National Merit Scholars: As of June 2012, 29 Waring Graduates have been named National Merit Scholarship Finalists or Semifinalists, 59 have been named Commended Students. Standardized Testing: English Literature and Composition, Calculus AB, and Calculus BC, Advanced Placement in French Language; SAT Science Test Preparation Elective. Interscholastic sports: soccer, basketball, lacrosse, cross-country Graduates (as of 2012): 502 Student enrollment: 164 Student/teacher ratio: 5.5/1
The information contained in this education feature was submitted by Waring School, and published in partnership with North Shore Children & Families; www.northshorefamilies.com.
10 North Shore Children & Families
Emotions and Development
Getting it “Just Right”: The Three Bears of Emotional Development We all know what Goldilocks was looking for as she sampled the three bowls of porridge made by Mother Bear: Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. Like anything, when helping our children adjust to emotional situations, getting it “just right” is easier said than done. Happily, we don’t have to get it “just right” all the time. Instead, we simply need to get it “just right” most of the time. Happier still, giving “just the right” emotional guidance is more a matter of getting to the “right range” than finding any single fixed point. Carmen is doing her math homework. It’s hard. In frustration, she repeats, “I can’t do it! This is stupid! I can’t do it.” She throws her pencil down. “I’m never gonna be able to do this! Why do I need to know this?” Carmen is in a vulnerable state. What is at stake is her developing sense of self. How do we respond to her? Just like Goldilocks, we want to avoid the extremes of pushing too much or not pushing enough. We want to get it just right. But how do we know what’s just right? This can be very difficult. A good place to start is with your child’s emotions. If we want children to be able to manage their own emotions, we have to start by modulating and managing their emotions for them, and then gradually, as they become more
emotionally competent, turning the task of emotional management over to the children themselves. Supporting Children through Moderate Levels of Challenge Like all of us, children cannot learn well under conditions of intense, strong or overwhelming emotion. However, the opposite is also true: Children cannot learn if they are not emotionally aroused enough. Children learn best – including learning how to cope with their own emotions – in contexts in which adults provide and support children through moderate levels of challenge. This idea is shown in the figure on the next page. This shows what happens to children’s capacity to learn under conditions of increasing levels of emotional
challenge. As shown in the figure, if the level of challenge provided to a child is too high, they will experience a range of negative emotions such as frustration, anger, sadness, embarrassment, shame and so forth. If the child’s emotion is genuine, this is a signal to reduce the level of challenge and stimulation provided to the child. However, under such circumstances, it is not helpful to reduce the level of challenge to zero! In order to learn, children must be emotionally aroused and engaged. If we reduce the level of challenge and stimulation too much, the child will become bored, apathetic, disinterested or perhaps even disrespectful or nonchalant! This is not a formula for learning or for emotional development. If the child’s level of emotional engagement in a task is too low, it may become necessary to increase the challenge and level of stimulation given to the child. The key is to find a moderate level of challenge and stimulation – not too much, not too little – but just right for the task at hand in the situation at hand. When children are provided with moderate challenge, they become more alert, engaged, interested and curious. When you are able to consistently provide children with moderate levels of challenge, children learn that you will be sensitive to their emotional needs. However, they will also learn that you mean business: When something is difficult, we don’t just crawl in a corner and pout. We face it – initially with support, and thereafter increasingly on our own – in an attempt to learn from the situation.
Optimal Challenge teach motivation & effortful engagement increase stimulation
acknowledge emotion teach courage & mental toughness decrease stimulation
Level of Emotional Stress boredom apathy disinterest
interest curiosity engagement
fear anxiety overwhelmed
Teaching Emotional Management through Moderate Challenge If Carmen is experiencing difficulty with her math, she will be frustrated, angry and perhaps demoralized. In this situation, she is not going to be able to learn. Again, the goal of the adult in such a situation is to modulate the level of challenge in the situation to make it more intellectually and emotionally manageable for the child. Once Carmen’s emotions have been brought to a more manageable state, it is time to start teaching – not just the math, but also about emotional management. We learn what we do – not simply what we are told – and particularly what we do under the guidance of others. Thus, when you break down the math problem for the child; hold the child to attainable standards of perseverance; manage the child’s frustration en route to success and so forth, you are teaching not only the practical skill in question (e.g., math), but also the essential skill of managing emotions. If the child’s level of motivation and emotional engagement begin to wane, the adult has to make a judgment. Is the child getting too tired? If so, it may be time to stop and revisit the issue later on. If not, it may be time to provide guidance and instruction on the need to increase one’s level of alertness, Continued on page 12
North Shore Children & Families
11
12 North Shore Children & Families Getting it “Just Right” Continued from page 11
attention and effort in the task. Is the child getting overwhelmed? If so, perhaps it’s time to take a break. But what if the adult makes the judgment that the child is capable of more, but simply has not yet built skills to manage frustration or difficult emotion? If that is so, it might be necessary to set the bar a bit higher. An adult might choose to offer guidance and instruction about the need for “mental toughness” or even “courage” in the process of working through difficult tasks. After all, to encourage is to foster “courage” (i.e., “en-courage”) as one deals with difficult tasks and events. It is not always easy to make judgments about a child’s emotional capacity. Such judgments are more art than science, and are heavily dependent on how well an adult knows a child, their relationship history and the adult’s values. What’s
more, a child’s capacity to manage emotion in difficult situations will change not only as he or she develops, but will also be different in different tasks and situations, even at different times of the day! However, we don’t have to get it right every time. As long as we make consistent, good faith efforts to strike the delicate balance between emotional nurturance and emotional challenge, we almost can’t help but to get it “just right” more often than not.
Attention Advertisers! If you have anything to promote in December and/or January – please plan ahead and secure your ad space in our 2-month Winter issue, which covers December AND January! Bonus distribution issue – for our regular rates!
See our new advertiser specials on page 2! See our Annual Planner Programs for Schools on page 3! Secure your Winter issue ad space by: Wed., Nov. 14, if you require ad production assistance! Noon, Fri., Nov. 16, if you will be submitting a completed ad by Nov. 20!
Plan ahead and beat the holiday week!
North Shore Children & Families
Emotions and Development
13
Don’t be Shameless! We tend to have ambivalent feelings about shame. On the one hand, no one likes shame. Shame is among the most painful emotions we can experience. We tend to think that shame is a harmful emotion. As a result, many parents try to protect their children from feelings of shame. Shame is so painful that we even shy away from talking about it. On the other hand, shame is a moral emotion. Feelings of shame help shape the moral behavior of children and adults. Our desire to avoid the painful experience of shame is one of the many things that motivates us to try to be moral persons. What is shame? Shame is often compared with guilt, its cousin emotion. Guilt is the awareness that we have performed a wrongdoing. In guilt, we feel as if we are carrying a heavy burden. In guilt, we are motivated to correct the wrongdoing. We can do this by confessing, apologizing, trying to fix the situation or by making reparations. Shame is different from guilt. In shame, we view ourselves from the eyes of others, and we realize that we are bad, horrible or unworthy, and cannot be otherwise. In shame, we feel small, as if we are shrinking. In shame, we are motivated to hide ourselves from the view of others. Guilt is about behavior – it’s about something that we did. In contrast, shame is about who we are. In the incisive words of shame researcher Brené Brown,in guilt, I made a mistake; in shame, I am a mistake. I am unworthy, dishonorable or horrible in your eyes. Since I am a bad person, there is little I can do to change the situation. As a result, I run and hide. In guilt, even though I did a bad thing, I’m not a bad person. I can change my plight by trying to fix the situation and asking for your forgiveness. A person can feel guilt and/or shame about the same action. The difference is whether the person focuses on his
immoral act or his unworthy self. For example, imagine that Todd broke into an elderly woman’s apartment and stole jewelry given to her by her late husband. Todd would feel guilty if he focused on the effects of his act on the woman. He may be able to make amends by returning the jewelry or trying to make reparations of some sort. However, imagine that Todd is caught and his misdeed is reported in the newspapers. Todd will feel shame when he realizes that he is a horrible thief in the eyes of others and cannot be otherwise.
Terri’s Little Pumpkins Teaching
Learning
Playing
Age appropriate curriculum focused on whole child development
1-888-FOUR-TLP
No wonder why shame is such a painful emotion. It does not simply call our behavior into question, it casts a shadow on who we are as persons. No wonder that we work so hard to protect our children from feeling shame! But wait – even though we are loathe to shame our children, would you want your child to be someone who feels no shame? Someone who is shameless? Is it Possible to be a Good Person without Shame? You might think, “What an odd question! What does shame have to do with being a good person?” The answer becomes clear when we think again about the difference between guilt and shame. In guilt, I did a bad thing; in shame, I am a bad person. Shame is the emotion that alerts us to our failure to live up to the ideals that define us as good, moral and worthy persons. Some psychologists and sociologists call shame the “master emotion”. This is because in most social contexts, we are highly sensitive to how we appear to others as persons. It is not simply that we want others to like us or even to approve of us; we want to be able to see ourselves as worthy persons, both in our own eyes and in the eyes of others. When we fail to do so, we experience a variety of shame-related emotions: Shame, humiliation, disgrace, Continued on page 14
TLP services children ages 6 weeks to 7 years of age. Monday thru Friday 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Convenient locations in Winthrop, Medford, Chelsea, Revere (2) Squire Road & Point of Pines CACFP approved Breakfast, Lunch and Snack served at no additional fee.
www.terrislittlepumpkins.com We also offer transportation through:
TLP Transportation All vans equipped with GPS tracking devices. Know where your children are at all times!
617.846.2645 Now accepting credit cards and state vouchers.
14
North Shore Children & Families
Don’t be Shameless! Continued from page 13
embarrassment, dishonor, loss of face, loss of self-esteem and so forth. The mere fact that we try so hard to avoid experiencing these emotions is evidence of their importance in our lives. In this way, shame allows us to see ourselves through the eyes of others, and tells us that we are not being who we want to be. A shameful self is thus the opposite of a worthy self. The same standards that make us good persons when we live up to them make us bad persons when we fail to live up to them. And so a good person cannot be shameless. Like it or not (probably not!), we cannot be good persons without some sense of the possibility of shame. Don’t Be Shameless! Shame can be a debilitating condition. This is because shame doesn’t give people an “out”. Either I’m horrible
and I must hide my horrible self, or else I lash out in rage against those who I feel have shamed me. Either way, the outcome is not pretty. But we still must face the fact that, as uncomfortable as it may make us feel to say it, shame plays an important role in our moral lives. How can we use this ugly emotion constructively and avoid its debilitating effects? The trick, of course, is to provide people with a constructive way out of shame. In our society, we tend to experience shame as an indictment on our whole self. I am a horrible person in your eyes and cannot be otherwise. Our sense of shame is based on the idea that we, as persons, are fixed things. If I am a fixed thing, and if I do something shameful, then I am a horrible person and have no way out of shame. However, what happens if we think of
ourselves not as fixed things but as processes that are always under development? What would happen if we were to think of ourselves as works in progress rather than as fixed personalities? Imagine that instead of thinking of yourself as either “good” or “bad”, that you thought of yourself as always striving to become better? This is the way “out” of shame. This is how to turn the situations involving feelings of shame into more constructive experiences. The key is not so much to protect children from feelings of shame as it is to help them find a path out of shame. “I understand that you may feel ashamed of yourself for pushing your sister down. You should feel ashamed of yourself! This is not how good brothers act toward their sisters! A good brother takes care of his younger sister, even if she…” The prevailing wisdom in the world of parenting is that a child should never be made to feel bad about him or herself. But that simply cannot be so. There are situations in which we want
our children to feel bad about themselves. We don’t want our children to be shameless! The trick is to realize that there are destructive and constructive experiences of shame. Shame is destructive when it offers us no escape. Shame can be constructive when we are shown the way out. When children fail to live up to the standards that we set for who they ought to be, showing them how to achieve those standards can turn shame into virtue. In the old days, grandma might have said to us “shame on you!” But by saying this, she certainly didn’t mean, “You are a horrible and unworthy person!” What she meant was more like, “Right now, you are acting like a bad person. But if you change your behavior, you can become a good person”. Grandma was giving us an “out”. She was not so much saying, “You are a disgrace and cannot be otherwise” as much as she was saying, “Don’t be without shame! When you feel shame, use it for the purpose of self-improvement! Learn to be a good person”.
North Shore Children & Families
15
Around the House
Getting Children to Pitch In Mom: “Paul, please bring those dishes into the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher.” Paul: “They’re not mine.” Mom: “You live in this house, right? So you have to pitch in.” Paul: “But it’s not my responsibility.” Mom: “Just do it, Paul.” Paul: “Okay, but I don’t see why I have to…” Sound familiar? You are not alone. It’s often very difficult to motivate children to “pitch in” and help with everyday family chores. One way that children try to get out of “pitching in” is by claiming that household chores are outside of the range of their personal responsibilities. Why do children do this? Well, they come by it honestly. As parents, we appropriately teach children that they are supposed to assume responsibility for their own affairs. They have to clean their own messes; complete their own homework; be respectful of others and so forth. Children generally have no difficulty understanding the concept of personal responsibility when it comes to dealing with their own affairs. But how can we motivate our children to assume responsibility for activities that do not fall within the area of their personal concerns? How can we motivate a child to
participate in the process of bringing not only his dish to the kitchen after a meal, but helping to bring all of the dishes to the kitchen? How can we get our children to engage in such activities without resentment or complaints? The strategy described in the earlier dialogue, while familiar, is unlikely to be of much help. It’s easy for a child or adolescent to appreciate why she should take her own dish to the sink. It’s less easy for a child or teen to appreciate why he should participate in an activity that has no direct benefit to the self. Statements that children should pitch in “because you live here, too”, “because you are part of a family” or “because we do things for you” are unlikely to be compelling reasons for children. They are too abstract and too disconnected Continued on page 16
16
North Shore Children & Families
adults participate together in the act of cleaning up the toys.
Getting Children to Pitch In Continued from page 15
from children’s concrete experience. What’s in it for me? Happily, there is an easy way to motivate children to invest in collective family responsibilities (e.g., cleaning the table, performing household chores or even family movie night). In many daycare centers, for example, when playtime is done, the teacher will sing a little song: Clean up, clean up Everybody do your share Clean up, clean up Soon the mess will not be there Now you certainly don’t have to sing this song! But the idea behind this simple song is a powerful one: When we are done playing, we all clean up together. It’s simply what we do as a group. There are two parts to this idea: Each individual in the group is responsible for completing the group task (cleaning up); but it’s something that we all do to help each other out. All of the children and the
It’s very easy for children to identify with and appreciate this process. Why? Because it’s not just the individual child who is responsible for the task, and it’s not just the children together who are responsible for the task. Instead, it’s all of the children and all of the adults. Children can thus see themselves as participants in a larger group task where no one is exempt. This is very different for a child than feeling as if he or she alone has to “pick up after someone else” or that the children have to “do something for the adults”. Group activities can motivate behavior in a variety of different settings. Families can have “family chore hour” in which everyone in the family contributes to the task of cleaning the house. A list of tasks can be posted and everyone continues to complete the tasks until all the chores have been completed. It is possible to schedule “take out the trash time”, “family cooking time” or one of any number of other shared tasks. Therefore, it is helpful to distinguish between at least two types of children’s responsibilities: Personal responsibilities and group responsibilities. Group responsibilities are a great way to teach children how to cooperate, perform household tasks, assume responsibility for each other and make decisions together.
Pay for College Without Going Broke Saving for College Isn’t Enough… You Need a Plan! It’s never too late … or too early. What if you could save thousands on the cost of college and Paying for College – a Retirement Problem… have more left for your retirement? Don’t just save or borrow! Make a plan! Free Download at CollegeCashPro.com: Insider Secrets to Reducing Your College Costs
Lower the cost and avoid mistakes that may cost you thousands in aid, scholarships and taxes! Limited Time Offer: $200 OFF Consulting Fee! Call to start saving today!
CLEAR VIEW WEALTH ADVISORS, LLC Plan Well. Invest Smart. Live Better. 978-388-0020 or CollegeCashPro.com Steve Stanganelli, CFP® Several convenient North Shore locations to serve you and your family.
NOW E N R O LLI N G !
North Shore Children & Families
17
Reader Contribution
How to Hold a Baby by James Lucchese When I was in elementary school, our gym glass prepared for gymnastics night. I remember working very hard to learn all of the gymnastic moves. The hardest was the one in which you perch your knees on your forearms and balance yourself on your hands. The night of the big show arrives. The gymnastics performance was a success! But I remember fearing what my mother’s reaction would be. What would it be this time? Oh, I see, I was talking during the performance. “Why can’t you be like…?” Growing up was not a great experience for me. My home was hermetically sealed. No one came in. No one went out. Everyone on the outside was bad. I gradually came to
realize that not all people on the outside were bad. One of the earliest occasions for this insight came on Halloween. I was quite young. My dad was bringing me on the rounds. I was alone. There are so many houses. There’s only one with the light on though. I remember thinking, in the cruel and stupid way that kids think, “It’s the retarded kid’s house. I don’t want to go to the retarded kid’s house.” The child had Down’s Syndrome, and that meant that his house was bad. I go in. A wonderful woman answers the door. Big smile. She invites me in. “Ah! You’re a clown. Who’s underneath that clown costume?” She is friendly. I feel so comfortable, as if she actually wanted to talk to me. I
eye an expensive organ on the next landing. She sees me. “Do you play the organ?” “Yes”, I said. (No, I didn’t.) “Come up and play with me!” I follow her. We sit together. She asks me to play. She turns on the organ recorder. (Organs have tape recorders? Wow. This is some house!) She plays with me as I stumble through some pretense of playing a song. She sings the song as she guides my fingers, hand-over-hand, over the keyboard. The attention feels good. I allow myself to feel good. I remember thinking what an odd feeling it was to feel that good. No, growing up was not such a happy scene. My family did not communicate very well. We didn’t really do things together. Actually, we did, but it was mainly pretend. We would “go out together”, but only to places where the rules were fixed. If you go to a movie, for example, it’s all structured.
You go in, you pay, you sit and watch. You don’t have to talk. Then you leave. You ask whether the movie was good. You say yes or no. It was funny. Or perhaps there wasn’t enough action. There was not much by way of meaningful communication. And my mother controlled everything. I often wondered what made her such a frightened and controlling person. Like I said, we would go to the movies a lot. Mother would call all of the shots. We would get in the car, go to the movie theater and wait in the car for the movie to start. It would be another hour and a half before the movie would start. We were waiting because mother wouldn’t check the movie times before we left. It was too threatening, I think. After all, if you knew the times, then you would have to make a plan about when you were going to the movie. And then what Continued on page 18
18 North Shore Children & Families How to Hold a Baby Continued from page 17
such a situation. If someone trespasses on your territory, then you have the right to tell ‘em off. And since this is within the rules, she can yell and scream with immunity! She tells the guy off. Except, of course, the rules are illusory; they only exist in her mind. The guy in the car doesn’t play by her rules. He comes right back at her. “What are you so angry about lady? There’s no damage to your precious car. Why don’t you climb back into the sorry hole you came from?”
were you going to do with all that time that wasn’t planned?
My thoughts were both heretical and emancipating: “You got just what you deserved.” My father says nothing. He just watches, seeming to know that the guy was right.
One day, we were sitting in the car waiting for the movie to start. A guy pulls in next to us. His kid opens the door, which taps the door of our car. Mother sees an opportunity. You see, there are rules for what happens in
It didn’t take me long to realize that things in my home were not so great. It didn’t take long to realize that not everyone on the outside was bad. In fact, there are actually some good folks out there! But even as I learned
this new and wonderful insight, I also realized that I was entirely unprepared to interact with other people. I simply didn’t know the rules. For example, in college, I worked at an Italian restaurant. I waited on tables there. I am Italian, but remember, my home was hermetically sealed. I didn’t know how the Italians acted in this place. I didn’t know the rules. The chefs trade barbs. They cast a barb or two my way. Did they just invite me to barb back? I’m not sure. Even if they did, I couldn’t barb back. I don’t know what passes for wit in this place. So I pass on the opportunity. They learn to ignore me. After college, I continued to venture out on my own. Because I didn’t know the rules, to venture out is kind of risky. I tried to fit in and learn the rules that will make a person fit in. I caught on slowly. Slowly I began to make connections with people. Slowly I began to learn how to be with people. But it was only after being in relationships with people who taught me how to appreciate risks and
rewards of intimacy. I was lucky enough to meet a woman who made me feel wanted, who made me feel as if I mattered, who was always there for me, who made me feel, well, held. Did you ever wonder why lovers call each other “baby”? I mean, you’re not actually a baby. A baby is helpless, dependent and needy. You have to change a baby’s diapers. A baby cries and keeps you up at night. However, through all the mewling and excreting, the baby is still adored. Innocent, needy and dependent, the baby is an object of universal admiration. She is protected, loved and held as if she were a precious treasure. That’s why romantic partners call each other “baby”. They feel held by each other, like a baby feels adoringly held by a mother or father. A baby grows up to feel secure and lovable because she has been held, both literally and metaphorically. Hold your baby like a precious treasure. There are long-term consequences for not doing so.
JLC ADVOCACY Special Education Consultant Advocate
Jody L. Crowther 6 Perkins Lane, Lynnfield, MA 01940
Tel: 781-334-4363
Free Phone Consultation!
Helping parents navigate the IEP process for children with special education needs.
An exceptional K-12 education for $12,950* Open Classroom Nov. 15 from 9-10:30 487 Locust Street Danvers, MA 978-777-4699 *2012-2013 School year
www.facebook.com/ClarkSchoolDanvers
From Our North Shore Family to Yours, We Wish you Happy Thanksgiving!
North Shore Children & Families • www.northshorefamilies.com
Attention Advertisers: Don't Miss Our 2-Month Winter Issue!
North Shore Children & Families INVITES YOU TO
ENTER TO WIN TICKETS TO
Bonus distribution for our regular rates! Winter issue covers December AND January so plan ahead if you have something to promote in Dec. and/or Jan. as we do not have a separate January issue! Contact Suzanne by Nov. 14 (noon) to secure your ad space! suzanne@northshorefamilies.com
DEADLINE TO ENTER IS NOVEMBER 25! Please enter online at www.northshorefamilies.com. All prizes are awarded courtesy of North Shore Children & Families, and in partnership with select sponsors. Please – only one entry per person. Several winners will be selected.
North Shore Children & Families
19
SIGN UP TODAY:
20 North Shore Children & Families
Community Calendar To Submit to our Community Calendar: Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website. From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our form will open for you to complete and submit your listings. While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space is limited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted by our advertising partners & sponsors. Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submitted through our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne to advertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines. To advertise, please contact Suzanne at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569.
UNIQUE GIFT IDEA/WORDS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS: Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne – the perfect words to enhance any special occasion. Personalized poems as gifts (holidays, birthdays, weddings, retirements, showers, etc.); clever verses for invitations, speeches, toasts, roasts and poignant eulogies. See ad on page 22!
SAVE NOW: New Advertisers: Try a display ad in our 2-month Winter
issue (Dec./Jan.) at our open rate – then save 15% off your February ad! Or “Try Us!” in 3 consecutive issues and save 10% off all 3 ads! Secure your Winter issue (covers Dec. AND Jan.!) ad size and submit your ad materials by noon, Wed., Nov. 14! See ad on page 2! $200 Off – limited time offer! Pay for College Without Going Broke, Clear View Wealth Advisors can help you & your family! See ad on page 16; free download at CollegeCashPro.com.
WINTER ISSUE DEADLINES! (Our Winter Issue covers 2 months, Dec. AND Jan.; there is NO separate Jan. Issue.) If you need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Wed., Nov. 14 If you do not need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Noon, Fri., Nov. 16 Dec. & Jan. Calendar Listings Due By November 20! Please submit your listings directly through our website.
To secure your ad space:
suzanne@ northshorefamilies.com
781.584.4569
Parent-Child Playgroups at Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School, 243 Essex St., Beverly; 9-10:30am on Nov. 3 & 17 and Dec. 8 & 15. Toddler group for 15 mos.-3 yrs.; preschool group for 3-5 yrs. Free and open to all, but space is limited; RSVP to 978.922.1008. Parent & Child Program for parents/caregivers with children ages 10 months – 3.5 years; at Cape Ann Waldorf School, Moraine Farm, Rte. 97, Beverly. “Morning Glory” & “Bachelor’s Button” classes feature a community of parents and children enjoying play, bread making, circle games, snack and conversation. Space is limited; call 978.927.1936 to register. Starting in November! Free monthly Enrichment Saturday Programs for 3-7 year olds at The Phoenix School, Salem. Call for details & to sign up: 978.741.0870. Music Discovery Class for Infants & Preschool Children with Parent/Caregiver at HarborlightStoneridge Montessori School, Beverly; Tuesdays through Dec. 4, 9:3010:05am. Open to all, space is limited; RSVP to 978.922.1008.
SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports, a fun & engaging physical development program using games & activities based around soccer. For girls & boys 18 months to 6 years; see ad on page 18. www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF GET TICKETS NOW: Boston Ballet’s The Nutcracker, Nov. 23 – Dec. 30; new production! See ad on page 19! www.bostonballet.org A Christmas Carol at North Shore Music Theatre, Dec. 7 – 23; 12 shows only! See ad on page 8! www.nsmt.org Roger Hodgson, the legendary voice of Supertramp, Nov. 4; The Imperial Acrobats of China, Nov. 11; Get the LED Out!, Nov. 16; Kenny Rogers, Dec. 22. At Lynn Auditorium: www.lynnauditorium.com. See ad on page 2! Shakespeare’s Timon of Athens, Nov. 1; Chris Botti, Nov. 3; Arlo Guthrie, Nov. 9; The Tempest, Nov. 10; Berklee World Strings, Nov. 18; Holiday Community Sing (free/all ages), Dec. 15; A Christmas Celtic Sojourn, Dec. 17. At Shalin Liu Performance Center, Rockport. www.rockportmusic.org
The North Shore Party Planner To advertise, please contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.
The
Bayside of Nahant
Oceanfront Splendor... Magnificent Views... Elegant & Affordable North Shore's best kept secret & the perfect location for: • Weddings,
Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne For Gifts A Personalized Poem Makes a Perfect Gift for Any Special Occasion
For Invitations
Showers Sweet 16s • Bar/Bat Mitzvahs • Anniversaries • All Special Occasions • Wedding & Function Packages • Many Menus to Choose From
Speeches, Toasts & Roasts
781.592.3080
781.584.4569
• Birthdays,
One Range Road, Nahant
www.baysidefunctions.com
Clever, Custom Verses for Your Invitations & Thank You Notes
For Events
suzanne @northshorefamilies.com
Have an Awesome Birthday Bash at The Little Gym! · Private party – clean, safe, beautiful facility all to yourselves. · Instructor led – great age-appropriate games and activities.
Celebrate your birthday with Boston Ballet! Parties for up to 30 children include a ballet class, dress up station, craft activity and more! Birthdayparty@bostonballet.org
· Stress-free for The Little Gym of Danvers parents…we take 978.777.7977 care of EVERYTHING! www.tlgdanversma.com Call for details.
The Little Gym of Woburn 781.933.3388 • www.tlgwoburnma.com
Birthday Party on Roller Skates! Roller World, Saugus 781.233.9507 Party Line
BOOST Your PARTY Business HERE!
Hansel and Gretel, at Doherty Middle School, Andover; Nov. 2 at 7pm & Nov. 3 at 2pm. www.treblechorusne.org The Neighborhoods and Robin Lane, Nov. 3; The Amazing Kreskin, Nov. 11; Jodie Cunningham & Fried Cactus, Nov. 21; NRBQ, Nov. 23; The Fools, Nov. 24; Gary Hoey’s Ho Ho Hoey Christmas, Nov. 30. At Blue Ocean Music Hall, Salisbury. www.blueoceanhall.com REO Speedwagon, Nov. 15; Martina McBride, Dec. 15; America’s Got Talent Live, March 7; Ron White, March 8. At Lowell Auditorium. www.lowellauditorium.com The Nutcracker, Dec. 15 & 16 at 2pm; $20, all ages. At Veterans’ Middle School Performing Arts Center, Marblehead. Performed by New England Ballet Ensemble. Tickets: 781.639.4424. NOVEMBER 3: “Citizen Science” Sustainability Fair, 10am-2pm at Brookwood School, Manchester. Free & open to the public; featuring educational projects, innovations in science & technology, local farms, sustainable crafts, MIT demonstrations & student displays.
Snacks & lunch available for purchase. See ad on page 5! Annual Phoenix School (Salem) Auction, 6:30pm, at the Church of Saint Andrew in Marblehead. Call 978.741.0870 for details. www.phoenixschool.org Annual Used Toy Fair, 9am-1pm, free for all ages; at Topsfield Fairgrounds. Proceeds support Community Giving Tree’s mission to provide baby gear & clothing to North Shore families in need. www.communitygivingtree.org NOVEMBER 4: Daylight Savings Time Ends; set clocks back one hour at 2am. Open House at The Pike School, Andover, 1-3pm. www.pikeschool.org Roger Hodgson, the legendary voice of Supertramp, at Lynn Auditorium: www.lynnauditorium.com. NOVEMBER 5: Open House at Plumfield Academy, Danvers, 10am-noon & 5-7pm. NOVEMBER 6: Election Day
North Shore Children & Families Open House at HarborlightStoneridge Montessori School, 9-11am, 243 Essex St., Beverly. www.h-sms.org NOVEMBER 8: Open House at Nazareth Academy, Wakefield, 5:30-7:30pm. www.nazacademy.org NOVEMBER 10: Holiday Craft Market, free/all ages; Centerville School, Beverly. www.holidaycraftmarket.com Open House – Cape Ann Skating Club, 12-2pm (and 11/13, 6-7pm); free/all ages. At Dorothy Talbot Rink at O’Maley Middle School, Gloucester. NOVEMBER 11: Veterans’ Day The Imperial Acrobats of China, at Lynn Auditorium: www.lynnauditorium.com. NOVEMBER 13:
21
Open House at Brookwood School, Manchester, 8:45am. www.brookwood.edu NOVEMBER 14 (NOON):
AD DEADLINE: If you need to advertise in our 2-month WINTER issue (covers Dec. AND Jan.!), and if you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by NOON TODAY! You can see our display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com or contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. NOVEMBER 14: Open House at HarborlightStoneridge Montessori School, 9-11am, 290 Hale St., Beverly. www.h-sms.org Open House at Tower School, Marblehead, 6-8pm. www.towerschool.org
World Kindness Day Continued on page 22
North Shore Children & Families is available for free each month at over 450 familyfrequented locations throughout the North Shore!
Attention Advertisers: Ask us about our … … “Try Us!” program for new advertisers … Annual advertising frequency programs … The Annual Planner for Schools program … The North Shore Party Planner program … Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase series … Service Directory Target your message to North Shore parents. We’ve got the North Shore covered!
2012 PUBLISHING SCHEDULE Issue
Ad Space Deadline
Ads Due
Winter (Dec./Jan.) February 2013 March 2013
Fri., Nov. 16 Fri., Jan 18 Fri., Feb. 15
Tues., Nov. 20 Tues., Jan. 22 Tues., Feb. 19
To explore your advertising options or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. To learn more, please visit www.northshorefamilies.com.
22 North Shore Children & Families Open House at Glen Urquhart Community Calendar Continued from page 21
School, Beverly, 9-11am. www.gus.org
NOVEMBER 14:
Open House at North Shore Christian School, Beverly & Lynn Campuses, 6-8pm. www.nschristian.org
Open House at Shore Country Day School, Beverly. www.shoreschool.org Museum Enrichment Series for Adults at Lynn Museum, 2nd Wed. of each month at noon (11/14), through Dec.; free for adults. Bring your lunch – features guest speakers, authors, films, discussions & more. Call 781.581.6200 to reserve your space; coffee & soft drinks provided. www.lynnmuseum.org NOVEMBER 15: Open House at Tower School, Marblehead, 9-11am. www.towerschool.org Registration deadline for Fall Entrance Exam at Austin Preparatory School, Reading. Register online at www.austinprepschool.org; test date is Nov. 17. See ad on page 6. Open House at HarborlightStoneridge Montessori School, 9-11am, 243 Essex St., Beverly. www.h-sms.org
Open House at Clark School, Danvers, 9-10:30am. www.clarkschool.com NOVEMBER 16 (NOON):
AD DEADLINE: FINAL Advertising Space Reservation DEADLINE at NOON for ALL ADS in our 2month WINTER issue (covers Dec. AND Jan.)! To advertise, contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com! If you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by noon, Wed., November 14! You can see our regular display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com. Get the LED Out!, Nov. 16, at Lynn Auditorium: www.lynnauditorium.com.
Attn. Stay at Home Moms & Dads, Students & Others:
WE NEED ONLINE TECHNICAL HELP! We are looking for an online professional who has experience in: • Website development & maintenance • Search engine optimization • Social media skills • Online ad production • Tracking visitors We have a unique, highly desired and informative print product with a loyal following of readers and advertisers for over 5 years. We would consider working with a college intern, an independent contractor or working on a trade partnership arrangement. This is a perfect opportunity to work from home if you have the online technical skill set we need and the knowledge and can-do attitude to get the job done!
Interested and qualified applicants, please email a letter of interest, along with your resume, to Suzanne Provencher, Publisher of North Shore Children & Families: suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.
NOVEMBER 17:
5th Annual Gabe’s Run; benefits the Gabriel Pacione Memorial Scholarships; at Patton Park, Hamilton. www.gabesrun.org
World Peace Day Fall Entrance Exam at Austin Preparatory School, Reading, 8:30am (must register by Nov. 15; register online). See ad on page 6. www.austinprepschool.org
NOVEMBER 24: Happy 50th Birthday, Debbie Spencer! NOVEMBER 27: Happy 70th Birthday, Nancy McNicholas!
NOVEMBER 18: Open House at Glen Urquhart School, Beverly 2-4pm. www.gus.org NOVEMBER 20 (NOON):
Community Calendar listings’ DEADLINE at NOON for our 2-month WINTER issue (covers Dec. AND Jan.)! Please submit your listings for December AND January events directly through our website (see beg. of this Calendar for details).
Open House at North Shore Christian School, Marblehead/PreK, 9-11:30am. www.nschristian.org DECEMBER 4: Open House at Brookwood School, Manchester, 6:30pm. www.brookwood.edu DECEMBER 6:
NOVEMBER 22:
Registration deadline for Fall Entrance Exam at Austin Preparatory School, Reading. Register online at www.austinprepschool.org; test date is Dec. 8. See ad on page 6.
Happy Thanksgiving!
DECEMBER 7:
NOVEMBER 23:
A Christmas Carol opens at North Shore Music Theatre, Dec. 7 – 23; 12 shows only! See ad on page 8! www.nsmt.org
Boston Ballet’s The Nutcracker opens, Nov. 23 – Dec. 30; new production! See ad on page 19! www.bostonballet.org
Wish you could give the person who has everything something they don't have?
Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne The perfect gift to enhance any special occasion. Clever verses for your invitations and thank you notes. Speeches, toasts and roasts. Birthdays • Graduations • Showers Weddings • Anniversaries • Births • Retirements • Holidays All Special Occasions
Life Celebrations specializing in poignant, personalized eulogies – available in prose and in verse. Celebrate your loved one's life and share their story. Your guests will leave with smiles, fond memories and lots to talk about.
781.584.4569
or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com Samples available.
Service Directory
North Shore Children & Families
23
CHILDCARE
ENTERTAINMENT
SCHOOLS
SCHOOLS
Miss Wendy’s Childcare Salem 978.745.6728
Lynn Auditorium Lynn 781.581.2971 www.lynnauditorium.com
Austin Preparatory School Reading 781.944.4900 www.austinprepschool.org
The Pike School Andover 978.475.1197 www.pikeschool.org
Terri’s Little Pumpkins Winthrop, Medford, Chelsea, Revere (Squire Rd. & Point of Pines) 1.888.FOUR.TLP www.terrislittlepumpkins.com
North Shore Music Theatre Beverly 978.232.7200 www.nsmt.org
Brookwood School Manchester 978.526.4500 www.brookwood.edu
Plumfield Academy Danvers 978.304.0273 www.plumfieldacademy.org
COLLEGE SAVINGS PLANS
FUN & FITNESS
Clear View Wealth Advisors, LLC Several North Shore locations 978.388.0020 www.collegecashpro.com
Aztec Soccer/SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF See ad on page 18!
Cape Ann Waldorf School Beverly 978.927.1936 www.capeannwaldorf.org
Shore Country Day School Beverly 978.927.1700 www.shoreschool.org
DANCE INSTRUCTION
The Little Gym Danvers and Woburn www.tlgdanversma.com www.tlgwoburnma.com
Clark School Danvers 978.777.4699 www.clarkschool.com
Tower School Marblehead 781.631.5800 www.towerschool.org
Covenant Christian Academy West Peabody 978.535.7100 www.covenantchristianacademy.org
Waring School Beverly 978.927.8793 www.waringschool.org
Glen Urquhart School Beverly 978.927.1064 www.gus.org
SPECIAL ED. ADVOCACY
Boston Ballet School/NS Studio Marblehead 781.456.6333 www.bostonballet.org/school DEVELOPMENTAL LEARNING
GIFTS/SPECIAL OCCASIONS
Brain Balance Centers Danvers 978.705.9570 www.brainbalanceboston.com
Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne Speeches, eulogies, gifts, verses for invitations, etc. See ad on page 22!
EARLY EDUCATION
IT SERVICES/COMPUTER HELP
Next Generation Children’s Centers Locations include Andover & Beverly 866.711.NGCC www.ngccenters.com
Prime IT Solutions Serving the North Shore 978.666.4906
To advertise in our 2-month WINTER issue, which covers Dec. AND Jan., please contact
Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School Beverly 978.927.0700 www.h-sms.org Nazareth Academy Wakefield 781.246.7600 www.nazacademy.org
by Wed., Nov. 14 to secure your ad space.
North Shore Christian School Beverly, Lynn, Marblehead 781.599.2040/Lynn 978.921.2888/Beverly www.nschristian.org
If you need to advertise in December and/or January – you must plan ahead to make our Winter issue!
The Phoenix School Salem 978.741.0870 www.phoenixschool.org
suzanne@northshorefamilies.com
Gold Advocacy Laura B. Gold, Esq. 617.780.7753 See ad on page 3! JLC Advocacy Lynnfield 781.334.4363 See ad on page 18!
ENTER TO WIN TICKETS! See page 19!