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Welcome Back to School! Discipline: From Compliance to Cooperation Authority is Not a Four Letter Word
BACK TO SCHOOL
Controlling the Conditions of Children's Choice Making Back to School: Saving Struggling Students Making Homework Real Community Calendar Education Feature: Austin Preparatory School Join Us at the North of Boston Secondary School Fair see back cover!
SEPTEMBER 2012 www.northshorefamilies.com
2 North Shore Children & Families
Family & Friends
Welcome Back to School! • Celebrating My Aunt Jean by Suzanne Provencher, Publisher Hello, dear readers – Happy September! I hope you all had a wonderful summer – and I hope you are fully prepared for another school year. As we return to our fall routines, schedules, activities and responsibilities – we send the very best wishes to all North Shore children, parents, teachers, bus drivers, crossing guards, cafeteria workers and school support staffs – and please remember to drive even more safely than usual as our streets return to school year status. I’d also like to take a moment to thank all of the independent schools and others who sponsor our North Shore family publication and make it possible. Whenever you can, please support our sponsors (and refer them to your friends and family!) and please thank them for bringing North Shore
Children & Families to you and your family each month. We could not do this without all of you – our valued advertisers and readers – and we truly appreciate your continued interest, engagement and valued support.
cost a thing to explore your options for your children, whether they will be entering high school next year or in a few years. It’s never too early to start planning for your child’s secondary school education!
NEXT ISSUE HAS A BONUS DISTRIBUTION – NORTH OF BOSTON SCHOOL FAIR!
Advertisers and prospective advertisers: If you’d like to advertise in our October issue and reach even MORE engaged, interested North Shore parents who are actively seeking information, you won’t want to miss our October issue deadline (Sept. 12 if you require our ad production assistance)! Our October issue will have a bonus printing and distribution at the North of Boston Secondary School Fair for our regular advertising rates – and this is your chance to be “AT” this event, whether you are already exhibiting (great way to reinforce your message and offerings in a trusted family
Our next issue (October 2012) will be available, along with yours truly and our hot off the presses October issue, at the North of Boston Secondary School Fair on September 26 at Austin Preparatory School in Reading! See our back cover for a list of participating schools and more event information. Parents – this is your chance to explore the offerings of and meet with over 60 private secondary schools in one evening – and admission is free! Financial aid is available, and it doesn’t
September 26, 2012 • 6:30-8pm at Austin Preparatory School in Reading See our back cover for a list of the participating schools! This is your chance to explore the offerings of over 60 secondary schools in one evening. It’s never too early to start planning! North Shore Children & Families www.northshorefamilies.com
We hope to see you there!
Aunt Jean is an amazing woman. She has often been more like a mother to me – Continued on page 13
North Shore Speech Therapy
Join Us & Over 60 Schools at the Annual
North of Boston Secondary School Fair!
publication!) or especially if you will not be there. Your ad in our October issue will go home with hundreds of information-seeking parents, so please contact me by noon Wednesday, September 12, to participate in our October issue. You can see our advertising rates, sizes, available discounts and more online – or contact me at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. I will be at this annual event, with our hot off the presses October issue – and a few other goodies to share. I hope you will join us! ************************************* I wanted to take a moment to tell you about my Aunt Jean, who is turning 80 this month. She is my mother’s older sister – the matriarch of our family now.
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North Shore Children & Families
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Letter from the Editor
Discipline: From Compliance to Cooperation by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD For some time, in these pages, I have worked to try to offer parents a series of tools for disciplining and socializing children. It’s not an easy thing to do (both the disciplining and the writing about discipline). Parenting is a nuanced activity. And there is so much out there – much of it conflicting and contradictory – about what we should and should not do as parents. All of it – including what you read in these pages – is biased. There is no such thing as a “scientific”, “expert” or “value-neutral” approach to how to raise children. That’s why talking about parenting can be such a dicey thing. My biggest challenge has been how to find a simple way to describe (at least my ideas) on parenting in a way that parents can find helpful, remember and use. The problem is that parenting is complex. Every time I seem to find what I think is a simple way
North Shore Children & Families
www.northshorefamilies.com P.O. Box 150 Nahant, MA 01908-0150 781.584.4569 A publication of North Shore Ink, LLC © 2012. All rights reserved. Reproduction in full or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.
Suzanne M. Provencher Publisher/Co-Founder/Managing Partner suzanne@northshorefamilies.com Michael F. Mascolo, PhD Editor/Co-Founder/Partner michael@northshorefamilies.com Designed by Group One Graphics Printed by Seacoast Media Group Please see our Calendar in this issue for our upcoming deadlines. Published and distributed monthly throughout the North Shore, 10x per year, and always online. All articles are written by Michael F. Mascolo, PhD unless otherwise credited. Information contained in NSC&F is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. Individual readers are responsible for their use of any information provided. NSC&F is not liable or responsible for the effects of use of information contained in NSC&F. Established 2007.
to describe the process, some exception creeps into the mix; some complexity rears its head. The answer always seems to be, “Well, it depends…” I tend to think about issues of discipline as having two basic “levels”. The first is the basic level of limit setting and behavioral regulation; the second is the more complex level of what I call guided collaborative problem solving. I think that the first “level” provides the foundation for the second level. On the surface, these two “levels” may seem contradictory. The first level is all about establishing effective ways to prompt children to comply with family rules; the second level is about how to guide the process of collaborating with children to solve the many different types of conflicts that arise between and among parents and children in everyday life. They seem different on the surface, but at their heart, they are the same. In this issue, I’ve tried again to clarify and simplify some ideas about basic limit setting and behavioral regulation. I’ve tried to simplify without being simplistic. In fact, I want to argue that much of our everyday thinking about parenting – the idea that rewards and punishments are effective disciplinary strategies – is far too simplistic. I have attempted to describe an alternative approach that shows the importance of focusing not simply on what children do (i.e., their behavior), but on why children do what they do (i.e., how children’s behavior is an expression of their interests – that is, their goals, motives and desires). Continued on page 4
Where to Find Us North Shore Children & Families is available at over 425 locations throughout the North Shore! Our free, monthly parenting publication is available at North Shore libraries, schools, pediatric doctor & dentist offices, hospitals, pre-schools, children & family support services, retailers that cater to parents, children & thriving families,YMCAs, children’s activity & instruction centers (dance, gymnastics, music, children’s gyms) and more! You can find us from route 93 in Woburn – north to the Andovers & NH border – east to Newburyport & Salisbury – south to Gloucester & Cape Ann – west to Malden & Medford and everywhere in between.
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North Shore Children & Families
Letter from the Editor Continued from page 3
The basic point is this: We cannot control our children’s behavior directly. We can (and should), however, control how we respond to our children. Children, like anyone else, act on the basis of their interests (i.e., what they want in a given situation). Although parents cannot control their children’s behavior directly, they can control the conditions under which their children are able to get what they want. A powerful strategy for obtaining compliance from children is simply to make getting what a child wants contingent on performing correct behavior. If you want to go out and play, first you have to clean your room. If you want me to attend to you, then you have to stop making those funny noises. This approach is powerful because it uses the child’s own interests to motivate compliance. When parents seize control over what children must do in order to advance their own interests, they find that there is no need for punishment and no need for the use of external rewards (e.g., stickers, prizes, money, etc.). Compliance and Co-operation In this issue, we will explain how to prompt compliance from children without the use of external rewards and punishments. Some people might object to the word “compliance”. Many people prefer the term “co-operation” to “compliance”. I share the goal of developing the capacity for “co-operation” in children. However, much of the time, people use the word “co-operation” when they really mean “compliance”. When someone says, “Eric never listens! He just won’t co-operate!”, they tend to mean, “Eric isn’t doing what I want him to do.” That is a problem of compliance, not co-operation. Co-operation is an interactive, two-way process. Co-operation means that two people are “operating” together. In order for two people to “operate
together”, they must both have a clear understanding of their respective roles and be able to carry out those roles with respect to each other. For example, when two people co-operate in making lunch, they are able to engage in the mutual give-and-take of negotiating and coordinating who will do what and when. Young children are simply not able to co-operate in this way. They don’t know the rules of the game yet. They must first learn to “comply” with the basic rules of social interaction before they are able to engage in the comparatively more complex process of cooperating with someone else. We tend to substitute the word “co-operation” when we really mean “compliance” because it is not presently fashionable to think that children should “comply” with parental rules. (This is one of the reasons why we so often hear parents say, “That’s not okay” rather than “That’s wrong” or even “That is a bad thing to do”.) However, we often have to learn to comply with basic rules before we are able to truly interact cooperatively with others. Compliance becomes a dirty word only when parents are insensitive to a child’s interests and needs during disciplinary encounters, or when parents fail to give their children a voice in decisions that are within their range of competence.
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Discipline
Authority is Not a Four-Letter Word Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt that Marley was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. Oh wait, that’s Dickens. I didn’t mean to channel Dickens! I meant to write about discipline! Then why Marley? Well, many of us are holding on to some well-intentioned but destructive ideas about parenting and discipline. Unless we kill those ideas, nothing good can come of the story that I am going to relate. Each of the following is a variation of the idea that we have to kill: • Parental authority is a bad thing. Who am I to impose my will on my child? • When I assert my power or authority, I trample on my child’s rights. • If I put too many demands on my child, it will stunt his/her initiative and creativity. • Allowing my child to make his/her own decisions will build autonomy and independence. • Making my child feel good is being nice. Making my child feel bad is being mean.
• My child’s needs are more important than my own. • Loving my child means giving him/her the best of everything. Each of these statements is an understandable and well-intentioned reaction against authoritarian parenting – the idea that the parent is the boss. Today, we properly recoil against “it’s my way or the highway” type of thinking. We are aware of the importance, for example, of considering the child’s perspective when we make decisions about children. However, in our quest not to be authoritarian, it is easy to forget that parental authority is not a bad thing! There is a difference between arbitrary and legitimate authority. Tyrants and dictators are authoritarian because their authority is arbitrary. They set the rules because, well, they set the rules. Legitimate authority is that which accrues from one person’s greater knowledge, responsibility, or (agreed-upon) status. A teacher has greater authority by virtue of her greater knowledge and her responsibility to teach that knowledge. A police officer gains his authority through agreed-upon laws and the consent of the governed. Parents have legitimate authority over their children not only because of their greater knowledge but also by virtue of their responsibility to prepare their children for effective participation in society. Thus, parents not only have the right but also the responsibility to place
limitations on their child’s behaviors. It is sometimes difficult for parents to put limits on their children’s actions. By definition, limit setting frustrates a child’s wants and desires and brings about negative emotions. Many parents, reluctant to cause negative feelings in their children, may shy away from setting limits.
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Perhaps the best argument for limit setting comes from understanding the self-defeating nature of the failure to set limits. Here are three lines of thinking that tend to undermine limit setting in parents: A good parent loves his/her children. When we love someone, we want to make that person happy. Limit setting frustrates children and makes them unhappy. Therefore, limit setting is bad. A good parent respects his/her children. To respect others is to honor their capacity to make choices for themselves. Limit setting involves imposing one person’s will onto another. Therefore, setting limits is bad. A good parent encourages a child’s natural autonomy and creativity. Autonomy means allowing people to make their own decisions. Limit setting restricts a child’s autonomy and creativity. Therefore, setting limits is bad. These arguments might seem to be convincing. However, each of them is one sided – they focus on the child’s needs at the expense of the needs of others! This is a formula for disaster. When we “give in” to unwarranted requests out of a fear of thwarting a child’s autonomy, we teach the child to privilege his or her own needs over those of others! When we indulge a child by trying to avoid making him or her feel bad, we rob the child of the need to learn how to delay gratification and manage difficult emotions. When children are allowed to exercise their autonomy without restraint, they are never given the opportunity to allow their autonomy to rub up against that of others (like the parent). The result is that our one-sided attempts to love, respect and promote autonomy fail to teach children to extend these same acts to others. A child without limits is an entitled, unregulated and unhappy child who is unable to put the needs of others behavior before his or her own. Nothing good can come of the well-intentioned but faulty quest to reduce the power differential between parents and children. It is time for this damaging idea to meet with its proper demise.
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8 North Shore Children & Families
Discipline
Controlling the Conditions of Children’s Choice Making What works and what doesn’t work when disciplining children? Perhaps the most common way of thinking about discipline is the old and clunky theory of reward and punishment. Reward the behavior that you want and punish the behavior that you don’t want. This approach to discipline is simple, common and just plain ineffective. We know that punishment doesn’t work, but it is so difficult to break out of the punishment pattern. Punishment only works in the short term – and then only when the punisher is present. If you take away Harry’s toys when he hits his sister, he may refrain from hitting her while you are standing there. However, the distant threat of losing his toys is unlikely to deter Harry the next time he becomes angry with Sally. We face the same problem when we use rewards to prompt children to do the things we want them to do. Yes, Mable might clean her messy room when she knows she’ll get a prize at the end. But take away the
prize, and her room is back to its typical untidy state. How do we prompt children to comply with parental rules? How do we stop them from doing the things we don’t want them to do? A Powerful Approach to Prompting Compliance in Your Children I want to describe some very powerful ways to prompt your child to comply with your rules and requests. I’m going to lay out these strategies, step by step, and show why they are far superior to the typical “reward and punishment” approach. If you take the time to learn and practice these strategies, you will find that you will have far fewer fights, struggles and intractable conflicts with your child. You will have a calmer and more regulated household that will allow you to engage in the types of loving interactions that you crave with your children. Let’s start with a series of truisms. Truism #1: You can’t control your child’s behavior. You can only control your own behavior. You can have a great deal of influence over your child by controlling how you respond to your child’s behavior. Truism #2: Children act on the basis of their interests. This is a very simple but profound point. If a child’s actions advance his/her interests, he/she will repeat those actions and build upon them. If a child’s actions do not Truism #1
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Education Feature
Austin Preparatory School private schools. The Austin Prep experience cultivates all facets of a student’s burgeoning self – moral, spiritual, social, physical and intellectual. Who We Are:
The Two Most Lasting Gifts: Roots and Wings, it is the cornerstone of how Austin Prep educates its students in grades 6 through 12. Founded in the traditions of the Augustinian Friars, a religious order founded in the 13th Century, Austin Prep still uses some of the earliest philosophical ideas brought forward from Augustine of Hippo, the Order’s Patron, who lived in the 4th century AD. One of the basic tenets of St. Augustine of Hippo, was “to lay first a solid foundation,” in order for a student to rise up and be educated, he or she must have a solid educational foundation. Austin begins working with students as they become adolescents, and as they begin to develop a more developed and full understanding of the importance of education. Augustine continued his thoughts on the education of young people by offering that young people needed to be fed, and nurtured to help them grow and become individuals able to think critically and act justly in their grown up lives; “If you have already taken on wings, let us nourish them. May these wings take to the heights to which you can fly.” With these two basic ideas, roots and wings, Austin Prep has set the course for the education of young people since its founding 50 years ago in 1961. Bringing Out the Best: Our educational programs are geared toward bringing about the best in college bound young men and young women starting in grade 6 and moving all the way through senior year and graduation day. We accomplish the task of nurturing our students through generous academic offerings made available in small classes, the average size class being 16 students. A student teacher ratio of 10:1 is unequalled by its Catholic school peers, and places Austin Prep solidly in the highly competitive pack of this region’s well known
Austin is a Catholic independent school in the Augustinian tradition. Our families have found that in partnering with Austin that the same values taught at home are reinforced and enhanced in our classes, daily activities, on the playing fields, in Chapel time and in our science labs. Austin reinforces the belief that it is not only a good thing to be smart, but it’s cool to be smart in school, to be a good kid, to try new things and to explore opportunities as they present themselves. Our 6th through 12th grade continuum allows us to stay connected to our students throughout the entirety of their adolescent development. Whether students enter Austin in the Middle School or join us in their High School years, Austin friendships are life lasting ones.
very own “black box” theatre, write an article for the Legend, our School newspaper, publish a poem in our literary magazine, volunteer at a soup kitchen or Headstart program in Lawrence or Lynn, match wits with peers in Academic Decathlon competition, learn how to make a delicious crème ^ brulée, take a hike up Mt. Monadnock, or send a rocket soaring above the football field. Students can bring a life-long love of a sport to one of our 17 inter-scholastic teams, or perhaps learn a new sport along the way. All of our programs, be they Middle or High School level, engage our students and meet them where they are and encourage and develop skills and enhance abilities. We especially understand the importance of athletics in the lives of young people, and at Austin, every student, whether an accomplished athlete or interested beginner, is invited and welcomed to participate in our inclusive and championship athletic program. What’s Next: Equipped with a solid high school experience, college is all that simpler! Our graduates continually tell us that their Austin studies thoroughly prepared them for college work, while the moral code and educational system grounded in value based learning prepared them to be able to make good decisions for themselves. Austin imparts a maturity of thought and demeanor that ushers our students into responsible adulthood.
Understanding Ourselves and the Great Commandment: Headmaster Paul J. Moran summed it up best at a recent Open House Program: “We try to help all of our students understand and appreciate their gifts and those of their classmates and teachers. Using the academic and extra-curricular programs, we try to inculcate self-confidence, respect, inter-dependence and a sense of moral purpose. Our ultimate goal is to help young people learn how to carry themselves as talented, purposeful, morally grounded people in a complex world. Really, it’s all about the relations among God, self and neighbor.” 3-90’s Each Day: Austin uses a simplified Block schedule, offering a core curriculum of 6 courses in a 6 day rotation. We offer 3 - 90 minute classes daily, adding in time for a 40 minute Activity Period, and a 25 minute lunch. Students can focus on 3 major classes and have optimal face to face time with their teachers. Small classes encourage students to engage with each other, to ask and answer questions, to offer ideas. With 90 minutes of teacher time, students know they will be challenged, and they come to class better prepared to face these daily challenges. They are more involved in their own education! Rounding Out the Experience: At Austin Prep our students can lift their voices in our Chorus, perform on stage in the Meelia Theatre, our
Join Us at the North of Boston Secondary School Fair – Sept. 26 – See Back Cover! For More Information: To learn more about this amazing experience and to become a part of our vibrant and growing community of learners, contact the Admission Office, 781-944-4900, ext. 834, or email Katie LeBlanc, assistant director of admission, kleblanc@austinprepschool.org. Austin invites candidates for Middle School and High School to contact us now through the early summer as we operate on a rolling admission basis. If you are intending to apply during the traditional admission season in the Fall of 2012, look for Austin Prep representatives at various School Fairs in the region in September and October, and plan to visit our Open House in October. The information contained in this education feature was submitted by Austin Preparatory School, and published in partnership with North Shore Children & Families; www.northshorefamilies.com.
10 North Shore Children & Families Controlling the Conditions Continued from page 8 Truism #2
advance his/her interests, he/she will seek other actions that will.
This truism is illustrated in Figures 2 and 3. In Figure 2, we see that Harry wants Sally’s toy. Harry’s interest is to get Sally’s toy. He finds that when he grabs the toy, he is able to get it from Sally. Because his actions were successful, he is likely to repeat this strategy in the future. In Figure 3, we see a different outcome. Again, Harry wants Sally’s toy. He grabs it from her. However, this time, for some reason (for example, Sally won’t let him have it; a parent intervenes, etc.), Harry is unable to get the toy from Sally. In this situation, Harry’s action is ineffective in advancing his interests. At this point, Harry is likely to be motivated to find some other way to advance his interests. However, while his failure to get the toy from Sally will motivate Harry to find another strategy to get the toy, he is unlikely to be able to create an effective strategy on his own. He will need some guidance and instruction about acceptable and unacceptable strategies for advancing his interests. Truism #3: Although you cannot control your child’s behavior, you can control the conditions and consequences of the choices that your child makes. Now here is where we often go wrong. We say to ourselves, “Okay, children act on the basis of their interests (their wants, desires and goals). So, if I give my child something he likes when he does what I want, he’ll
comply with my rules. If I give him something he doesn’t like when he violates a rule, he’ll stop doing what I don’t want him to do.”
Truism #3
This is not what I mean when I say that children act on the basis of their interests. Let’s say that Harry’s mom punished him by sending him to his room after he grabbed the toy from Sally. To be sure, Harry doesn’t like going to his room. But this unpleasant consequence – going to his room – is far removed from Harry’s interests in this situation. Harry wants the toy. Being sent to his room is only tangentially related, Truism #4 at best, to that which motivates Harry’s behavior – his desire to get the toy from Sally. Further, sending Harry to his room fails to teach Harry how he can appropriately seek to obtain the toy that Sally is playing with! To find out how to use your child’s own interests to motivate compliance, read on! Truism #4: To prompt compliance, make what your child wants in the situation contingent on doing the right thing. Continued on page 12
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Note that Truism #4 (controlling the conditions and consequences of your child’s actions) is not the same as giving children “rewards” for doing the right thing or “punishments” for doing the wrong thing. This is because “rewards” and “punishments” are external to your child’s primary interests in any given situation. They are only related remotely (if at all) to the interests that motivate your child’s actions. This is shown in Figures I and II. Imagine that Harry’s mother sends him to his room for grabbing the toy from his sister. Being sent to his room is related to Harry’s interests (that is, he doesn’t like being sent to his room), but it is related to interests that are very far removed from those that motivated him to grab the toy from his sister! Similarly, imagine that Harry’s mother wants him to clean up his room.
Harry hates to clean his room, and would much rather simply go out
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and play. Harry’s mother might be able to get him to clean his room by offering him a reward: “If you clean your room, you can get a candy bar.” However, this solution gives Harry control over the consequences of his choice of whether or not to clean his room. If he is willing to forgo the candy, Harry can simply decline to clean his room. Or worse – he might begin to bargain with his mom for a larger reward! Again, the promise of a reward is many steps removed from Harry’s primary interests in this situation. If Harry’s mother wants him to clean his room, the preferable strategy is to build upon Harry’s interests. What is Harry’s interest? To go out and play. The solution: “You can’t go out to play until your room is clean.” Harry learns a lot from this situation: He learns to put develops skills for cleaning his room; and business before pleasure; he he learns that mom means business.
12 North Shore Children & Families Controlling the Conditions Continued from page10
To prompt compliance, identify your child’s interests – that is, what he/she wants or doesn’t want – in the situation in question. Then, arrange the situation in such a way that your child only obtains what he or she wants (or avoid what he/she doesn’t want) when he/she complies with your demand. Teach your child how to obtain what he or she wants (or avoid what he/she doesn’t want) in an appropriate way. This truism is illustrated in Figure 4. For the purposes of this step, let’s change the situation just slightly. Let’s imagine that it was Harry’s Truism #5 mother who has the toy, and not Sally. So, in this example, Harry grabs the toy out of his mother’s hand, rather than from his sister. In Figure 4, when Harry grabs the toy, his mother does two things. First, she sees to it that Harry’s action does not advance his interests: She simply takes the toy away from him. She then explains the nature of the rule that Harry violated: “This is not the way to get what you want! I was holding the toy!
How would you feel if I grabbed the toy from you?” Second, Harry’s mother uses Harry’s interest to her advantage. Harry is in a highly motivated state: His mother has control over what he wants. At this point, the solution is simple: “If you want the toy, you must first apologize for grabbing it out of my hand. If you don’t apologize, you will not be able to play with the toy.” Then Harry’s mother says, “If you want the toy, you must say ‘please’ and ask me for it calmly. You won’t be allowed to play with the toy until you do this.” By making access to the toy contingent on these actions, Harry’s mother is teaching him about the effect of his behavior on others, about how to make reparations after a wrongdoing, and how to advance his interests in an appropriate way. What Do I Do If My Child Simply Refuses? Up until this point, we have focused on the “positive” – what Harry wants. We have said, “You can’t get what you want until you comply with the rule.” But what if Harry simply refuses? What if he says, “Okay, forget it! I don’t want the toy. I won’t apologize! I won’t say ‘please’!” What do we do then? Is now the time to punish? (If we’ve played our cards right, most of the time, we won’t get to this point. The child will have learned that it is in his or her best interest to comply with the stated rule. More importantly, the child will come to see that Mom and Dad are really not mean, old ogres, but instead are on their side. Mom and Dad are not there simply to deny or punish; Mom and Dad are not there simply to stop the child from getting what he/she wants. Whenever possible, Mom and Dad are there to help the child find appropriate ways to advance his or her interests.) But let’s say that we’ve got a power struggle on our hands. The key to solving such a problem is to understand that Harry’s interests do not simply include what he wants, but also what he doesn’t want. Harry wants the toy. But what
doesn’t he want? He doesn’t want many things. He doesn’t, for example, want to sit alone with nothing to do and be ignored. At this point, the solution becomes clear. It is shown in Figure 5. Harry needs to make a choice. He has the choice to either apologize and show that he can ask politely, or else to sit alone, with nothing to do, until he is willing to do so. Note the important difference between this strategy and the use of punishment. Harry’s mother would be punishing him by requiring that he sit for some period of time as a consequence of his behavior. In this situation, Harry is given the opportunity to escape from his unwanted circumstances. Produce the wanted behavior, and the unpleasant consequences go away. Punishment simply cannot motivate compliance in this way.
Broadway shows more times than I can count. She was with me the first time I Continued from page 2 saw my idol, Barbra Streisand, at and one of my best friends, and I have Madison Square Garden on opening relied on her love, guidance and support night of her first “come back” tour. We throughout my life. have walked the streets of Times Square Aunt Jean has struggled with her health – Central Park – Rockefeller Center and beyond – always making it a point to in recent years, and I wish I could help have lunch at Tavern on the Green – to take away her pain. She seldom shopping – museums – more shopping – complains – always has a smile and and always having so much fun together. hearty laugh to share (which sounds more and more like Nanna’s laugh as the When I was a college student – we saw years pass) – and she is always kind and “Dreamgirls” with Jennifer Holliday in generous. I learned this from her. I’m so Boston – during the pre-Broadway test run. We saw the original Effie, before it thankful for her. even hit Broadway – from the second We have travelled to New York to see row. We still laugh when we think about
My Aunt Jean
North Shore Children & Families how Jennifer spit all over us with her powerful rendition of “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”, as we had tears in our eyes. We knew this would be a huge hit. And a few Broadway runs and a major motion picture later, we were right! Throughout her life – she was always taking one or more of her many nieces and nephews out to eat – her treat. She was an active participant in our lives – and still is. She never missed a birthday or any other occasion. She was a constant at our holiday tables until her son had his own family. In the early years, we would camp together with my family at Eastern Slopes in New Hampshire. She never missed an opportunity to spoil us or spend time with us. And just a few years ago, Aunt Jean and Aunt Shirley shared a camp near my parents’ camp in Kennebunk, and until Shirley – who was Jean’s best friend and partner in crime – passed away suddenly a few years ago, creating a huge void in all of our lives. But especially in Aunt Jean’s. She is a very strong lady. She has endured and overcome many struggles along her way.
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And yet Jean still smiles. She is still happy and loving and kind. She is little and cute. And I love her very much. I cannot imagine my life without her. With tears in my eyes as I type – with a heart so full of gratitude and love and a multitude of wonderful memories that include her and that I have because of her – I say, “Thank you for everything, Aunt Jean – and a very Happy 80th Birthday to you – with a wish for many more to come”! You have been a great compass in my life, and a safety net along my way. You have showed me how to be an amazing Aunt – and a good person. As you reach your 80th year, we celebrate you and all that you mean to us. Dear readers, I hope you enjoy this issue – and the new school year! And if you have a special Aunt Jean in your life – I hope you will take a moment to tell her, even if she already knows. Until Next Month – Suzanne suzanne@northshorefamilies.com
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North Shore Children & Families
Back To School
Saving Struggling Students Struggling students need someone to whom they can be accountable. Let me tell you a story. I teach a seminar for college students who would not ordinarily have gained admission to school. The class is designed to teach students some of the basic skills that many of them lack – writing, reading comprehension, organizational skills and so forth, while at the same time engaging them in college level work. Barry was a student in my class. He was one of two African-American students in the program. He was raised by a flock of foster parents. As a ward of the state, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts paid Barry’s tuition so long as he maintained a minimal grade point average. A caseworker would
periodically check up on Barry’s progress. The second you met Barry, you knew that there was something there. Unlike many students, he was interested in ideas. Give this young man an idea and he’d play with it, wrestle with it and continue grappling until he molded it into something new. I would delight in the enthusiasm that gave life to his engagement with novel ideas. But it was his smile and his eyes that told the real story. I asked him to read aloud a passage from one of the greats. He read slowly with a rhythmic cadence, his right hand counting out each beat as if he were a conductor of the words on the page. When he reached the end of the passage, he smiled in contentment. His face relaxed. He sat back and said, “Wow, that’s amazing”, as if he had just seen the world in a new light. What could be more rewarding to a teacher?
Except Barry failed. He didn’t fail my class – he failed his first year of college. His grades were so low that he couldn’t remain in college. The funding was only there if he had met certain minimal requirements. He didn’t. It broke my heart. Struggling Students Need Someone to be Accountable To How could such a charismatic, silvertongued guy – someone who thrived in the theater – fail his first year of college when he had access to so many support systems? Well, one reason was because he was a charismatic, silver-tongued guy. I have a feeling that over the course of his education, many of his teachers gave him the benefit of the doubt and let him slip by. They could see his latent talent, I think, but felt that they were doing him a favor by pushing him forward. After all, he had come so far and had few advantages.
North Shore Children & Families
But therein lies the problem. Although Barry could talk his way through anything, he lacked some of the most basic skills – coming to class; dealing with difficult and even “boring” tasks; completing homework; scheduling time for study; showing up for the extra support services that were available to him. Barry didn’t have a strong work ethic. We can blame him for that if we wish, but I don’t think we should. I think that Barry’s failure was born of fear – a fear that even if he put forth the effort, he would fail anyway. He had a sense that what was being asked of him was simply too difficult, and he didn’t have the essential experiences of having someone show him how to work through his difficulties and reach concrete success. What does this mean? Personal responsibility is essential for success in any endeavor. However, what do we do when a person does not have the skills it takes to be personally responsible for a given task? What do we do with a student like Barry, who, out of fear, found the task of simply going to class overwhelming? The answer is not merely to say, “Assume responsibility! Overcome your fear!” You can’t fix something you don’t have the skills to fix, no matter how simple it seems. Instead, we not only have to demand that Barry rise to the occasion, but we also have to show him how. We are confronted with a seeming paradox: We do not learn to be
responsible for any given action all by ourselves. In development, we must first be accountable to others who guide, support, cajole, direct and even demand that we take the steps necessary to meet high expectations. It is only after we are successfully accountable to others that we can be responsible for performing those actions by and for ourselves. To be sure, Barry failed to take responsibility for his education. However, we also failed Barry. We failed Barry by treating him as a responsible adult when, in fact, he was not. We made a variety of supports available to Barry, but we did not require that he use them. Instead, we left Barry to his own (irresponsible) devices. These days, colleges tend to give students a great deal of freedom to choose or not to choose what is good for them. However, in treating Barry as a responsible adult, we gave Barry the freedom to fail. What should we have done? We should have set Barry up with a mentor with both the responsibility to monitor Barry’s progress and the power to hold Barry accountable to do whatever was needed to ensure success. I like to think of a good mentor as a wise and loving grandmother – with teeth. She is wise because she knows what needs to be done. She is loving because it is only through being understood and cared for that we develop. However, she has teeth in the sense that she has the power and will to come down hard on Barry whenever he steps out of line.
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North Shore Children & Families
Back To School
Making Homework Real We’re back in school and the homework wars are alive and well. Some people say our children are getting too much homework – that children are up late completing hours of homework every night. Many in this camp worry that the standards of achievement for our children have been ratcheted up too high. They worry that students are experiencing undue levels of stress as they work to gain entry into the best colleges. Others say that students are not provided with enough homework. These folks tend to believe that homework is necessary to supplement the limited amount of time that students spend in school. For these teachers and parents, homework is an essential part of the learning process.
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Still others complain of the quality of the homework that is given to children; they suggest that what students do at home amounts to so much busywork that contributes little to learning. There is great variability in both the amount and quality of homework that teachers assign. Of course, teachers tend to assign more homework within increasing grades. Beyond that, however, districts that serve wealthier and more educated families tend to assign more homework than do districts that serve poorer and less well-educated communities. In many less educated communities, teachers complain that many students ignore their homework or are otherwise unable to complete it. Many such
students often lack access to individuals who are able to assist them with homework or otherwise structure their out-of-school academic activities. Homework Should be an Integral Part of Learning “Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein Learning is not something that happens at prescribed times during the day. Schools are the primary setting for academic learning; but schools cannot do the job of educating children themselves. Learning must extend beyond the school to the home, to extra-curricular activities, and even to the community at large. Homework is an essential part of that process. However, the homework must be of high quality. Homework
for the sake of homework is a useless activity. But what is quality homework? Quality homework is homework that teaches. We often think that learning happens when a teacher talks and a student takes in what the teacher says. To an extent, this is true. But it is only the start. Genuine learning occurs by doing. We must actively put into practice what has been taught in class. It is only in the active doing that children are required to put together all of the parts and pieces of a task or skill. Quality homework consists of assignments that, when students perform them, force them to bring information, knowledge and skills together, in the completion of some task. Quality homework is work that is systematically tied to the themes and lessons that are being taught in
the classroom. It is not random or catch-as-catch-can. Quality homework involves tasks that teach or consolidate knowledge and skills that will be employed in some way in the classroom and beyond. Quality homework can include reading assignments (especially when students are provided with questions to answer that organize their understanding of a reading); projects that require integration of multiple sources of knowledge and skill; tasks that involve applying existing knowledge to novel problems and situations; and practice of existing skills. Practice of existing skills is an important form of homework. We never really learn anything without practice. This is true of any skill. A particularly clear example of how practice makes perfect occurs in mathematics. Of the most common errors children make when they begin to learn arithmetic involves skipping steps. Children often try to complete a problem in their heads without showing their work. When they do
this, they often forget steps and end up with the wrong answer. There is but one solution to this problem: Practice.
North Shore Children & Families
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Should Children Get Help Completing Their Homework? “It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” ~ Ann Landers Another controversy about homework involves whether or not parents should help children with their homework. Some might argue that homework is something that children should be able to do themselves. We learn what we do – and particularly what we do with others. When we work with other people, we typically perform at higher levels than we are capable of achieving when working alone. This makes sense. If someone is helping me perform a problem that I do not know how to do – say, by pointing out a step that I missed in a math problem – then I will
be able to solve a problem that I would not ordinarily be able to solve by myself. In this way, working with other people pulls us up. We become bigger than ourselves, and, as a result, we learn more. When we become “bigger than ourselves” with someone else, the other person is actually
helping us to grow into that bigger self. What good is homework that does not provide a challenge to a student? If it does not pose a challenge, it is not likely to be worthwhile. And if a task is challenging, chances are that the Continued on page 18
Kindergarten & Nursery Enrollment – Applications Available for Limited Spaces Parent & Child Registration Open for Fall Session
18 North Shore Children & Families Making Homework Real Continued from page17
student can benefit from assistance. The only possible exception to this rule occurs when children practice
Some people might worry that helping children with homework is dishonest. They may feel that helping a student means that the student has not produced his or her own work. But there are several reasons why this should not be a worry to parents. First, if we want to see what students can do by themselves, we give them a test. That is the purpose of a test. Homework is not – or at least should not ordinarily be – a test. Homework is work one does at home that supports learning. If learning is the goal, then assistance can never be bad.
homework and doing the homework for the child. Many well-intentioned parents fall into the trap of doing large parts of the homework for a child, especially when it comes to large projects. (I remember when my father – a master carpenter – built a beautifully crafted wooden playhouse for me as part of a school project for a social studies class. I was (and still am) proud of my father’s work on that house! But even then, I was acutely aware that there was more than a bit of pretense on everyone’s part when I passed in that work as my project.) Assisting a child with a project includes breaking the project into parts; brainstorming about what is needed and how to complete the project; pointing out places where improvement is required; and even providing instruction about how to do parts of the task. However, actually doing those parts for the child robs him or her of the learning experience that is the essence of quality homework.
Second, there is a world of difference between assisting a child with
When it comes to large projects, wellintentioned parents also fall into the
existing skills. But this is really not an exception. Practice is essential in consolidating our skills and making them automatic. Practice plays a key role in learning.
opposite trap – helping children by “doing too little”. Quite often, parents assume that because a given project is the responsibility of the student, that the student should be free to make all of the choices on the specifics of a project. For example, if the project is to select a book and write a book report, the parent might feel that the child should be free to pick whatever book he or she prefers and to write in any way that he or she sees fit. However, as we all know, many children will often choose the path of least resistance. A child might prefer to “read” a book that he or she has already read, or to read a simpler rather than more complex book. While we may wish to make the decision of what book to read jointly, insisting that a child perform tasks beyond his or her comfort zone is something that is in the repertoire of most good parents. Real homework is not busywork. Real homework teaches. If your child is not getting real homework, it is always in your prerogative to help make it real.
Beverly Children’s Learning Center Early Education & Childcare Infants • Toddlers • Pre-School • Pre-K Using the nationally acclaimed Creative Curriculum. Introducing Kid-Fit classes this fall! Center-based & family day care Accredited by
• Affordable • Sliding Scale Open 7 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Preparing children for success in kindergarten & beyond
600 Cummings Center, Beverly (978) 927-1269 www.bclckids.org
Community Calendar To Submit to our Community Calendar: Please visit us at www.northshorefamilies.com and submit your listings directly through our website. From our Home Page – click on Calendar – then click on Submit in the upper right corner and our form will open for you to complete and submit your listings. While we will make every attempt to post all appropriate listings in our Community Calendar, space is limited – and priority will be given to those events that are free and family-friendly – and those submitted by our advertising partners & sponsors. Calendar listings are generally due by the 15th of each month prior and must be submitted through our website. If you need to guarantee that your listing will be posted – please contact Suzanne to advertise. See our current Calendar for our upcoming issue deadlines. To advertise, please contact Suzanne at suzanne@northshorefamilies.com or 781.584.4569.
For complete listing accuracy, we recommend that you call ahead or check the websites listed. Featured listings do not constitute an endorsement from this publisher and we encourage our readers to always do their own research. Welcome Back to School! Please drive and play safely! September is the month for: Classical Music, Hispanic Heritage, Fall Hats, Courtesy, Pianos, Baby Safety, Little League, Honey, Self Improvement, Better Breakfasts
SAVE THE DATE! North of Boston Secondary School Fair will be held on September 26, 6:30-8pm; hosted by/at Austin Preparatory School in Reading. Over 60 private secondary schools will be represented! See ad on back cover! Meet Suzanne from NSC&F! UNIQUE GIFT IDEA/WORDS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS: Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne – the perfect words to enhance any special occasion. Personalized poems as gifts, clever
Cohen Hillel Academy The Jewish Day School of the North Shore
OPEN HOUSE
Sunday, October 21st 1 - 3 PM • Meet our new Head of School, Noah Hartman • Experience a vibrant Jewish Day School community • Learn about our dynamic Kindergarten through Grade 8 program
Cohen Hillel Academy Engaging minds • Inspiring for life 6 Community Road, Marblehead • www.cohenhillel.org • 781.639.2880
North Shore Children & Families verses for invitations, speeches, toasts, roasts and poignant eulogies. See ad on page 20! SAVE NOW: Enroll at Boston School of Ballet North Shore Studio by Sept. 4 – save $50! For ages 15 mos. – adult; see ad on page 5! 50% off initial registration fee (new registrations only) at Next Generation Children’s Centers, with locations in Beverly & Andover. See ad on page 16! www.ngccenters.com $200 Off – limited time offer! Pay for College Without Going Broke, Clear View Wealth Advisors can help you & your family! See ad on page 8; free download at CollegeCashPro.com. $25 off your first month of lessons or free registration – at DeAngelis School of Music and Dance, Haverhill. See ad with coupons on page 6; offers expire 9/30/12. www.dsrocks.com
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SIGN UP TODAY: Parent & Child Program, Fall 2012 Registration is Open! Call 978.927.1936; for parents/caregivers with children ages 10 months – 3.5 years (in Sept.). At Cape Ann Waldorf School, Moraine Farm, Rte. 97, Beverly. “Morning Glory” & “Bachelor’s Button” classes feature a community of parents and children enjoying play, bread making, circle games, snack and conversation. Space is limited so call to register today! www.capeannwaldorf.org Early Education & Childcare at Beverly Children’s Learning Center; for infants, toddlers, pre-school & pre-K. Kid-Fit classes coming this fall! NAEYC accredited; affordable, sliding scale. See ad on page 18. At 600 Cummings Center, Beverly. www.bclckids.org SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports, a fun & engaging physical development program using games & Continued on page 20
20 North Shore Children & Families Community Calendar
FUN & FITNESS/BIRTHDAY PARTIES:
Continued from page 19
activities based around soccer. For girls & boys 18 months to 6 years; see ad on page 2. www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF Openings for Infants,Toddlers & School Age Children at Miss Wendy’s Childcare, Salem. See ad on page 23! ENROLL NOW: Most of our schools, early childhood educators and daycares are enrolling NOW for fall 2012! See specific ad for more info. & sign up today! Check out all of the open houses we have coming up! Beverly Children’s Learning Center brings Kid-Fit to Beverly! Weekly exercise classes (6 week sessions) in its pre-school beg. this fall. See ad on page 18; www.bclckids.org. FREE: Call today to schedule a FREE introductory class at The Little Gym! Danvers: 978.777.7977; Woburn: 781.933.3388.
Check out the new and improved Roller World Skating Center, route 1, Saugus! Newly added kids’ bowling alleys, public skating, pro shop, birthday & school parties and more! See ad on page 8! www.roller-world.com Host your child’s next birthday party at Boston Ballet School, Marblehead! See North Shore Party Planner ad on page 20! The Little Gym, Danvers & Woburn – a great place to host your little ones next birthday! See North Shore Party Planner ad on page 20! GET TICKETS NOW: Tickets available Sept. 1: Brookwood School’s 4 to 14 Speaker Series: Parenting Elementary School Kids, featuring award-winning journalist & bestselling author Ashley Merryman on Oct. 9 at 7pm; $10 per person ($15 for 2-event series), limited seating available. See ad on page 12. www.brookwood.edu
OCTOBER ISSUE DEADLINES!
Oct. Calendar Listings Due By September 18 Please submit your listings directly through our website.
To secure your ad space:
suzanne@ northshorefamilies.com
781.584.4569
Up With People presents Voices, on Sept. 7 + 8, 7pm, at HamiltonWenham Regional High School, So. Hamilton. $20/adults/advance, $25/adults/at door; children/students/seniors $15/advance, $20 at door. Fun for all ages; for tix:. www.upwithpeople.org/hamilton or at Connolly’s Pharmacy/Hamilton, Wenham Teahouse or Henry’s Market/Beverly. Explosao Gospel, Sept. 1; Foreigner, Sept. 20; Iconos “El Tour”, Sept. 28; Prince Royce, Sept. 29; Jethro Tull’s Ian Anderson, Oct. 3; Jose Luis Perales, Oct. 21; Roger Hodgson, the legendary voice of Supertramp, Nov. 4; The Imperial Acrobats of China, Nov. 11; Get the LED Out!, Nov. 16; Kenny Rogers, Dec. 22. At Lynn Auditorium: www.lynnauditorium.com.
Theresa Caputo: Long Island Medium, Sept. 8; Dennis Miller Live, Oct. 25, at Lowell Auditorium. Tickets at www.lowellauditorium.com. The Art & Honor of Teaching Fundraiser Auction, Oct. 11, 69pm, at Prince Pizzeria/Giggles Comedy Club, route 1, Saugus. Tix are $30pp, available at www.playitforwardgc.org. WEDNESDAYS: Museum Enrichment Series for Adults at Lynn Museum, 2nd Wed. of each month at noon, Sept.-Dec.; free for adults. Bring your lunch – features guest speakers, authors, films, discussions & more. Call 781.581.6200 to reserve your space; coffee & soft drinks provided. www.lynnmuseum.org FRIDAYS: Stargazing at the Gilliland Observatory, free, every Friday 8:30-10pm, weather permitting; at Museum of Science, Boston. Call 617.589.0267 – updated every Fri. at 5:30pm, with info. about that night’s observing session. www.mos.org
Good Luck@School!
The North Shore Party Planner
If you need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Wed., Sept. 12 If you do not need ad production assistance Ad Space Closes Noon, Fri., Sept. 14
Children’s Friend & Family Services 175th Celebration, Sept. 13, 5:30-8pm; $50pp, for adults. At Hamilton Hall, Salem. For tix, to donate & for more info.: www.childrensfriend.net. Helping children & families on the North Shore and in Merrimack Valley for 175 years!
To advertise, please contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.
The
Bayside of Nahant
Oceanfront Splendor... Magnificent Views... Elegant & Affordable North Shore's best kept secret & the perfect location for: • Weddings,
Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne For Gifts A Personalized Poem Makes a Perfect Gift for Any Special Occasion
For Invitations
Showers • Birthdays, Sweet 16s • Bar/Bat Mitzvahs • Anniversaries • All Special Occasions • Wedding & Function Packages • Many Menus to Choose From
Speeches, Toasts & Roasts
781.592.3080
781.584.4569
One Range Road, Nahant
www.baysidefunctions.com
Clever, Custom Verses for Your Invitations & Thank You Notes
For Events
suzanne @northshorefamilies.com
Have an Awesome Birthday Bash at The Little Gym! · Private party – clean, safe, beautiful facility all to yourselves. · Instructor led – great age-appropriate games and activities.
Celebrate your birthday with Boston Ballet! Parties for up to 30 children include a ballet class, dress up station, craft activity and more! Birthdayparty@bostonballet.org
· Stress-free for The Little Gym of Danvers parents…we take 978.777.7977 care of EVERYTHING! www.tlgdanversma.com Call for details.
The Little Gym of Woburn 781.933.3388 • www.tlgwoburnma.com
Birthday Party on Roller Skates! Roller World, Saugus 781.233.9507 Party Line
BOOST Your PARTY Business HERE!
SEPTEMBER 3: Happy Labor Day! SEPTEMBER 4: To all North Shore students, parents, teachers & school staff – we send you the very best wishes for a wonderful school year! Newspaper Carrier Day Boston Ballet School North Shore Studio Open House, 5:30-7pm, free for all ages. At 40 Leggs Hill Rd., Marblehead (Lynch/van Otterloo YMCA). Register for fall classes, try a children’s class (ages 4-7), 5:45pm; meet faculty, tour facility, purchase dress code items, learn to make a bun, contest to win a ballerina birthday party, take an Adult Intro to Ballet class, 6:30pm; see ad on page 5. Open House also at Newton Studio (5-6:30pm) and Boston Studio (4:30-6pm). www.bostonballet.org/school SEPTEMBER 6: Read A Book Day SEPTEMBER 7 + 8: Up With People presents Voices, 7pm, at Hamilton-Wenham
Regional High School, So. Hamilton. $20/adults/advance, $25/adults/at door; children/students/seniors $15/advance, $20 at door. Fun for all ages; for tix:. www.upwithpeople.org/hamilton or at Connolly’s Pharmacy/Hamilton, Wenham Teahouse or Henry’s Market/Beverly. SEPTEMBER 8: International Literacy Day SEPTEMBER 9: Happy 50th Birthday, Laurie a/k/a Lorelei! Happy Grandparents’ Day! SEPTEMBER 10: Happy 18th Anniversary, Miss Wendy & Jim!
SEPTEMBER 12 (NOON): AD DEADLINE: If you need to advertise in our OCTOBER issue, and if you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by NOON TODAY!
North Shore Children & Families You can see our display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com or contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.
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SEPTEMBER 13:
To advertise, contact suzanne@northshorefamilies.com! If you need our ad production assistance, please confirm your ad size and submit your ad materials by Wed., September 12 at noon! You can see our regular display ad rates, sizes, available discounts & more at www.northshorefamilies.com.
Positive Thinking Day
Happy 80th Birthday, Aunt Jean!
Children’s Friend & Family Services 175th Celebration, 5:308pm; $50pp, for adults. At Hamilton Hall, Salem. For tix, to donate & for more info.: www.childrensfriend.net. Helping children & families on the North Shore and in Merrimack Valley for 175 years!
SEPTEMBER 15:
SEPTEMBER 14 (NOON):
SEPTEMBER 16:
AD DEADLINE: FINAL Advertising Space Reservation DEADLINE at NOON for ALL ADS in our OCTOBER issue!
Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown.
The Rainforest Reptile Show, 4:30pm, free for all ages; at 0 Lundt St., Byfield. www.newburylibrary.org
Double the Stuff Tag Sale (gently used children’s toys, clothing & equipment), 9:30am-12noon; $1, all ages. At 467 Main St., Wakefield. By No. Suburban Parents of Multiples: www.nspom.org/sale.
Step Family Day; National Women’s Friendship Day; Working Parents’ Day Continued on page 22
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North Shore Children & Families
Community Calendar Continued from page 21
SEPTEMBER 17: Constitution Day; Citizenship Day SEPTEMBER 18: Community Calendar listings’ DEADLINE at NOON for our OCTOBER issue! Please submit your listings for October events directly through our website (see beg. of this Calendar for details). Catholic High School Information Night, 6pm, free for middle school students & parents; at Malden Catholic High School, 99 Crystal St. www.maldencatholic.org SEPTEMBER 19: More Than a Number, Panel Discussion, time TBD; free for adults at Lynn Museum. Panel discussion with noted experts on the “Killing Fields” of Cambodia, including local survivors who make their home on the North Shore. www.lynnmuseum.org SEPTEMBER 21: International Peace Day; World Gratitude Day
Trails & Sails Tours at Lynn Museum, 1-2pm & 3-4pm; free for all ages. www.lynnmuseum.org SEPTEMBER 22: Autumnal Equinox; fall begins! Business Women’s Day; Oktoberfest begins Fall Sale of Gently Used Children’s Items by MA Mothers of Twins, 9:30am-1pm; $1pp, under 14 free. At 80 Skillings Rd., Winchester. www.mmotafounding.org SEPTEMBER 26:
North of Boston Secondary School Fair, 6:30-8pm, hosted by/at Austin Preparatory School in Reading. Over 60 private secondary schools will be represented! See ad on back cover! Meet Suzanne from NSC&F! SEPTEMBER 27: Happy Birthday to my Dad! You are the best father a girl could hope for! SEPTEMBER 28: National Good Neighbor Day
We Help North Shore Schools! BOOST YOUR ENROLLMENTS! PROMOTE YOUR: • OPEN HOUSES • COMMUNITY ENRICHMENT PROGRAMS • SPECIAL EVENTS & FUNDRAISERS • SEASONAL PROGRAMS • SCHOOL PRODUCTIONS North Shore Children & Families presents
The Annual Planner – for North Shore Schools! Commit to 6 display ads in the coming year – save 15%!
Topfield Fair begins; through Oct. 8. www.topsfieldfair.org Trails & Sails Tours at Lynn Museum, 1-2pm & 3-4pm; free for all ages. www.lynnmuseum.org SEPTEMBER 29: More Than a Number Cambodian Family Fest at Lynn Museum & Historical Society; 12-4pm. Free for all ages; features Cambodian culture, activities & more. www.lynnmuseum.org SEPTEMBER 30: Sukkot begins at sundown. Yom Kippur OCTOBER 9: Tickets available Sept. 1: Brookwood School’s 4 to 14 Speaker Series: Parenting Elementary School Kids, featuring award-winning journalist & bestselling author Ashley Merryman at 7pm; $10 per person ($15 for 2-event series), limited seating available. See ad on page 12. www.brookwood.edu OCTOBER 11: The Art & Honor of Teaching Fundraiser Auction, 6-9pm, at
(Reg. frequency discount for 10x/year is 15%.)
Ask about our 10x/every issue, 1/4 page+ program – which earns a full page, editorial feature bonus ($1,700 value) for schools! To secure your Annual Planner Advertising Program and save, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com.
OCTOBER 14: Fall Open House at Austin Preparatory School, Reading, 11am-3pm. www.austinprepschool.org OCTOBER 18: Open House at Clark School, Danvers, 9-10:30am. www.clarkschool.com OCTOBER 21: Open House at Cohen Hillel Academy, Marblehead, 1-3pm. www.cohenhillel.org OCTOBER 23: Open House at Covenant Christian Academy, West Peabody, 6-8pm. www.covenantchristianacademy.org Open House at Waring School, Beverly. www.waringschool.org OCTOBER 28: Open House at Malden Catholic High School, Malden. www.maldencatholic.org
North Shore Children & Families is available for free each month at over 425 familyfrequented locations throughout the North Shore!
Attention Advertisers: Ask us about our … … “Try Us!” program for new advertisers … Annual advertising frequency programs … The Annual Planner for Schools program … The North Shore Party Planner program … Annual Summer Camps & Programs Showcase series … Service Directory Target your message to North Shore parents. We’ve got the North Shore covered!
2012 PUBLISHING SCHEDULE
(Reg. frequency discount for 6x/year is 10%.)
Commit to 10 display ads in the coming year – one in every issue – save 20%!
Prince Pizzeria/Giggles Comedy Club, route 1, Saugus. Tix are $30pp, available at www.playitforwardgc.org.
Issue
Ad Space Deadline
Ads Due
October November Winter (Dec./Jan.)
Fri., Sept. 14 Fri., Oct. 19 Fri., Nov. 16
Tues., Sept. 18 Tues., Oct. 23 Tues., Nov. 20
To explore your advertising options or to secure your space, please contact Suzanne at 781.584.4569 or suzanne@northshorefamilies.com. To learn more, please visit www.northshorefamilies.com.
Service Directory
North Shore Children & Families
23
Welcome Back to School!
CHILDCARE
GIFTS/SPECIAL OCCASIONS
SCHOOLS
SPECIAL ED. ADVOCACY
Miss Wendy’s Childcare Salem 978.745.6728
Personalized Poems & Prose by Suzanne Speeches, eulogies, gifts, verses for invitations, etc. See ad on page 20!
Covenant Christian Academy West Peabody 978.535.7100 www.covenantchristianacademy.org
JLC Advocacy Lynnfield 781.334.4363 See ad on page 7!
Harborlight-Stoneridge Montessori School Beverly 978.927.0070 www.harborlightmontessori.org
SPEECH THERAPY
COLLEGE SAVINGS PLANS Clear View Wealth Advisors, LLC Several North Shore locations 978.388.0020 www.collegecashpro.com
IT SERVICES/COMPUTER HELP Prime IT Solutions Serving the North Shore 978.666.4906
DANCE INSTRUCTION Boston Ballet School/NS Studio Marblehead 781.456.6333 www.bostonballet.org/school EARLY EDUCATION Beverly Children’s Learning Center Beverly • 978.927.1269 www.bclckids.org See ad on page 18!
MUSIC & DANCE INSTR. DeAngelis School of Music and Dance Haverhill 978.374.5262 www.dsrocks.com See ad on page 6! SCHOOLS
Landmark School Prides Crossing 978.236.3000 www.landmarkschool.org Malden Catholic High School Malden 781.475.5293 www.maldencatholic.org
Austin Preparatory School Reading 781.944.4900 www.austinprepschool.org
North Shore Christian School Beverly, Lynn, Marblehead 781.599.2040/Lynn 978.921.2888/Beverly www.nschristian.org
Besant Hill School Ojai, CA 805.646.4343 www.besanthill.org
The Phoenix School Salem 978.741.0870 www.phoenixschool.org
FUN & FITNESS
Brookwood School Manchester 978.526.4500 www.brookwood.edu
Plumfield Academy Danvers 978.304.0273 www.plumfieldacademy.org
Aztec Soccer/SoccerTots at Danvers Indoor Sports www.aztecsoccer.com/TOTS_NSCF See ad on page 2!
Cape Ann Waldorf School Beverly 978.927.1936 www.capeannwaldorf.org
Shore Country Day School Beverly 978.927.1700 www.shoreschool.org
The Little Gym Danvers and Woburn www.tlgdanversma.com www.tlgwoburnma.com
Clark School Danvers 978.777.4699 www.clarkschool.com
Tower School Marblehead 781.631.5800 www.towerschool.org
Roller World Skating Center Saugus 781.231.1111 www.roller-world.com
Cohen Hillel Academy Marblehead 781.639.2880 www.cohenhillel.org
Waring School Beverly 978.927.8793 www.waringschool.org
Next Generation Children’s Centers Locations include Andover & Beverly 866.711.NGCC www.ngccenters.com ENTERTAINMENT North Shore Music Theatre Beverly 978.232.7200 www.nsmt.org
North Shore Speech Therapy Jeannette Kahn, MA, CCC-SLP 617.529.1573 www.northshorespeechtherapy.com SECONDARY SCHOOL FAIR! North of Boston Secondary School Fair Sept. 26, 2012 • 6:30-8pm at Austin Prep in Reading Visit with over 60 schools! See NSC&F there-see ad on back cover!
Please Support Our Advertisers, Who Sponsor this Publication for You & Your Family!
To advertise, contact Suzanne today! suzanne@northshore families.com October issue ad space reservation deadline is Sept. 12!
North of Boston Secondary School Fair Hosted by
Austin Preparatory School, Reading, MA
Wednesday, September 26, 2012 • 6:30-8pm Over 60 Private Secondary Schools Will Be Represented! If your child is currently a 6th, 7th or 8th grader and is considering applying to private school, this is a great opportunity to check out over 60 regional and local private, Catholic, Christian and Episcopal schools! Schools Attending: Academy of Notre Dame Arlington Catholic High School Austin Preparatory School Belmont Hill School Besant Hill School Bishop Fenwick High School Boston College High School Boston University Academy Bradford Christian Academy Brewster Academy Brooks School Buckingham, Brown & Nichols School Canterbury School Catholic Memorial High School Central Catholic High School Chapel Hill - Chauncy Hall School Cheshire Academy Clark School Commonwealth School Covenant Christian Academy Cushing Academy
Dana Hall School Deerfield Academy The Derryfield School The George School Governor’s Academy Groton School Hebron Academy High Mowing School The Hyde School Kents Hill School Landmark School Lawrence Academy Lexington Christian Academy Lowell Catholic High School Malden Catholic High School Marianapolis School Matignon High School Middlesex School Milton Academy Nazareth Academy New Hampton School
Newman School Noble & Greenough School Phillips Academy Phillips Exeter Academy Pingree School Pomfret School Pope John XXIII High School Presentation of Mary Academy St. Clement Parish Schools St. John’s Preparatory School St. Joseph Preparatory School St. Mary’s High School St. Paul’s School Sparhawk School Tilton School Waldorf High School White Mountain School Wilbraham and Monson School Williston Northampton School The Winchendon School Worcester Academy
Austin Preparatory School, 101 Willow Street, Reading For more info.: 781.944.4900 ext. 835 or www.austinprepschool.org.